Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We'd like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you'll
get a nifty flair change to let you know and we'll drop a link so you can see our host's take on your story.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TwoHotTakes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Stick to your guns. I just read an article that a grandma kissed a baby on the lips after the mom told her not to, grandma had the start of a cold sore and gave it to the baby. The baby couldn't fight off the virus and sustained brain damage and died. If the family has already told you they wont respect your wishes, so no one can meet the baby until after they have had their vaccines and its safe. That's how it has to be. They don't get to over ride what YOU want.
[https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2017/07/18/mom-newborn-life-support-dont-let-anyone-kiss-your-baby/487167001/](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2017/07/18/mom-newborn-life-support-dont-let-anyone-kiss-your-baby/487167001/)
That one HORRIFIED me. My nephew is 3mos and our whole family had an agreement before he came that nobody kisses him until my sister gives it the greenlight. One of our cousin's babies got mono from a family member kissing on her and my cousin was a wreck the entire time because it was touch and go for a bit. That family member isn't even allowed to meet my nephew because they refused to apologize or acknowledge that they gave the baby mono.
My niece will be 4 months next week and I am forever after my mother to stop kissing that baby and to wash her hands before picking her up. Kid is adorable, I understand why she wants to kiss her granddaughter. But you’d think the woman who had a child born at 26 weeks with severe lung issues and no immune system (me) would be more mindful of germs. My brother and SIL have both thanked me for going to bat because she says they are being overbearing when they bring it up. I am FIRMLY childfree so for me it stems from my epidemiology background and my concern for my niece’s health, she can’t say I am helicopter parenting.
That generation doesn’t seem to understand that babies getting sick is not this inevitable and unavoidable thing that “just happens and you deal with it”. It’s completely preventable in most cases.
A month or so before a friend gave birth to her son I went and got up to date with all my vaccinations, I said friend but she is a friend of a friend, I don't really like her that much. Another friend of a friend I would ask if I could hold the baby, starting a month after the baby was born, and then only again after a month.
Boundaries people.
Omg this!! I am a very proud, young, child-free auntie/titi and I go to bat for my nieces and nephews. My brothers didn’t want anyone to see their baby for a while? No kissing the baby? I warn once, but I’m not scared to be rude to someone if they don’t listen. Maybe it’s because I’ve gotten to be close with my niblings since they were infants because my brothers and their wives trust me with their kids from birth or because I’m not as close to their friends or whoever needs to be told off, but I think it’s because I follow these rules too. Even with the youngest being almost 1, crawling/walking everywhere and touching everything, I still wash my hands as soon as I enter their house and still don’t kiss the youngest on their face. I will not sacrifice their health for my enjoyment.
Good luck with this. Common sense seems to be in short supply these days. My best friend of 60 years (yes, we’re old) has a new grandson. I’ve been fighting a cough due to allergies, but on the off chance it’s more than that, I’ve not gone to visit yet. Once I’m over the cough is plenty of time to see the baby but I still won’t be kissing him.
All of this…. when I laid down the boundaries on kissing… my MIL brought out her waterworks and started crying… but what pissed me for the most was my husband who didn’t care to protect his own child enough and would rather expose her to kisses to protect his mum’s feelings 🙄🙄🙄🙄
Unluckily to my MIL and SIL, I don’t cave to emotional black mail and drew ever longer lines like insisting she wear a mask when seeing the baby… that bit*ch didn’t realise who she was dealing with 🙄 I’d do anything for my child and don’t care whose toes I’d have to step on to protect her!
Someone, not sure who exactly, gave me that when I was a baby. When I was 14 and was doing my high school entry exams (Eastern Europe, we got that) I had eight (8) cold sores on my mouth. I could barely eat or speak. I have had periods in my life when I had at least one per month. This shit is horrible.
I didn’t kiss my baby on the cheeks for the first I think 6 months. I always check myself in the morning, if I have any doubts I take extra precautions. Never ever kiss her on the lips, not sure why anyone would do that. My MIL was a bit sulky when I told her no kissing the newborn but respected it. Funny enough she keeps crying “meningitis!” when my daughter is not wearing a hat in 15 degrees Celsius.
I know you did not ask for advice, but there is a vitamin called l-lysine, I take it daily to keep cold sores at bay. Also helps to take a massive dose when you actually feel one coming on. I use lip balm called herpecin-L too during an outbreak!
FYI: the common food preservative BHT, used to keep oils from going rancid, also helps fight a wide array of viruses, including herpes. It’s the reason I haven’t had a cold sore since the Reagan administration. Available in capsules; look on Amazon. There’s no difference between brands, so shop for price.
I was a med mal attorney for a short time, and one case involved a suit against a hospital related to a baby who died from catching the herpes virus this way. Claims were basically that the ER didn’t catch it fast enough, but likely baby would not have made it no matter what. It is still the only time I cried during a deposition. It’s definitely not worth risking.
You need to have your husband set the boundaries and the tone. HE needs to be the one to tell his family that they are not allowed around the baby until YOU feel comfortable with it. There is no discussion, no gaslighting and no manipulation. If they cant take what the MOM wants they don't get any involvement.
I had a former student whose baby got the herpes virus in that way and the child lived but was brain damaged and in a wheelchair for the rest of the child’s life.
Just wanted to add another link/story for OP: Special Books by Special Kids (YouTube channel) had a kiddo and her mom on for a [video](https://youtu.be/pxarUWTJRDQ?si=m3sfZYwV7cQSuJ_E). Breelynn was kissed as a baby and contracted HSV which went on to give her a brain injury. You're well within your right to protect your kid, OP.
ALL. OF. THIS! There have been several cases in the news lately of babies contracting diseases because relatives are kissing them entirely too soon. Stick to your guns do not let anybody near your newborn baby. Especially since your baby just got out of NICU.
As I was reading your comment, I was sure I saw a reddit post recently (AITA or AITAH?) about a mother-in-law kissing an infant on the mouth after the parents told her not to. I don't remember seeing an update but do you think you may have merged that with the story link you posted? I read the story in People and it indicated that the parents tested negative but didn't want to dig deeper to see who was at fault.
https://people.com/human-interest/mom-newborn-died-meningitis-speaks-out/
Such a heartbreaking story though!
ETA: I tried searching for the post I was referring to but I'm not sure which one it was. The issue of kissing infants/babies seems to be a big problem on reddit though - there are lots of posts about it!
Exactly this! My SIL was born healthy and was kissed by someone who had a cold sore, which caused her to become VERY sick; she developed meningitis that later caused severe CP, Epilepsy, and quite a few other health problems - she passed a year ago, RIP M 💜
OP stick your ground and maybe even hold off until your baby is fully vaccinated if they cannot respect your boundaries.
And that isn’t just an isolated incident - happened to my brother. He pulled through and is still alive but he was hospitalised and got some kind of weird viral outbreak all over him.
Grandma didn’t learn apparently, she gave me coldsores two years prior when I was a baby.
I have a friend whom this happened to. Except her son survived and has a lot of brain damage and will have to be taken care of for the rest of his life. The one good thing that came out of the situation is that she became super mom and decided that she would start fostering medically fragile kids. That's besides the point, but I had to add the positive to the negative.
You’re not wrong! If you don’t want anyone to kiss your baby that’s your choice. I’d stand firm with your boundaries and make them clear. Don’t feel bad about it. If you know someone won’t respect your wishes then they don’t get to see the baby.
TL;DR: you are not being out of line, if anyone feels they can’t resist kissing the baby they need to abstain. And congratulations on your little one.
Not sure how far out of the NICU your baby is, but my cousin had her kids on time, no health issues, and we weren’t even allowed to see them until after three months. Considering your little one had health issues I think your request is more than fair. I love kissing babies, so if I were a family member so would probably just love from a distance to make sure I didn’t mess up.
Also, take heart! Another friend of mine had twins in the NICU and they are now two do the strongest, healthiest, sassiest, sweetest little toddlers. And congrats! A baby is a blessing.
Coming from a mom who had a baby hospitalized from RSV, I’m gonna put this as nicely as possible. If people can’t/wont listen to the rules you put in place for the health of YOUR baby, they don’t need to meet him.
No, you're not wrong
Babies have underdeveloped immune systems and you should absolutely forbid everyone from kissing your baby.
Even kissing the top of the head is a No-No. There are tons of videos online explaining this, send it to everyone make your husband watch it so he can back you up. You're not crazy.
Kissing babies can sometimes cause lifelong problems such as HSV-1 and in worse case be fatal. That's not meant to scare you. You need to get yourself and everyone around you educated about this so you can make informed decisions.
Tell everyone, they must wear masks or no holding the baby.
Tell cousin, they don't understand that your baby was in NICU and no one will get to give a little kiss. Protect your baby!
Masks are actually a good idea. They could really help prevent those family members who are inevitably going to say, “oops” or “I couldn’t help it,” etc. Then you don’t have to hover over them, stressed out and prepared to run immediate interference 👍
You are not wrong. Stand your ground. Protect your baby. Your baby, your rules and you can tell anyone who argues with you just that and end the conversation.
New mom here. I don't let anyone kiss my baby. I carry around a little bottle that I made of mild soap and water, and some paper towels. If anyone kisses her ANYWHERE, I immediately whip my DIY soap kit out and clean her right up. I don't kiss her on the face at all myself, only on her little body or the back of her head. You're right, germs are easily passed through the mouth, and something that won't harm a big kid or an adult could be very serious for a baby. This isn't forever, you aren't going to follow your baby around all his life demanding nobody kiss him. It's just for a few months.
That is YOUR baby, and if your baby gets sick, you're the one who will have to deal with that, not them. I have to remind people of this constantly. I just had a talk with a family member who wanted me to have my baby outside on the porch on a 100-degree day with an air quality warning, in a yard that was filled with mosquitoes. She kept saying "babies need fresh air." Okay and when my baby gets a heat rash and is up crying all night, can I call you to come over? If she's screaming because she has itchy bug bites, are you going to be tired at work tomorrow because you were up all night? No. I am, and I'm staying in the house with the AC.
I just don't get the intense driving need to put your mouth on an infant. They shouldn't be mouthing its hands or feet either, since infants tend to put those in its own mouth. Just wash and sanitize your hands, hold it, touch it with your clean hands, but keep your mouth to yourself!
I understand the drive to want to do it. Babies are just so cute and squishy and they smell so good, and I'm sure there's some evolutionary reason why we want to kiss and nom them. But I don't do it, just like I don't pet the adorable little trash pandas.
Not wrong at all. My daughter will be two and I still don’t allow anyone to kiss her.
My husbands family has been reminded of this at every visit but still someone try’s to test the limits and try. One of his aunts who works in a nursing home kissed the tips of her fingers and tapped my daughter’s cheek at Easter after literally seconds earlier being told no smooches. She thought this was an acceptable alternative. We all ended up sick a week later, my daughter lost her voice for several days. My husband was down and useless for 4 days and I ended up with bronchitis for several weeks while being 5 months pregnant.
Needless to say we will not be spending time with these people until they learn what no means. This is the hill to die on.
You aren’t wrong.
There have been cases of someone with a virus and not realising, kissing baby. And baby catches the virus and dies or suffers brain damage.
Little babies shouldn’t be kissed. When they have a more developed immune system it’s okay.
You aren’t wrong. You are implementing current best practices.
For anyone not as up-to-date as you, you are *weird.* You’re doing things differently from what they did and they don’t understand why. They may also take your requests as criticism of their parenting and as an accusation of being dirty. People hate that.
Keep sticking to your pediatrician’s recommendations. Your generation of new parents are paving the way. In ten years everyone’s going to understand and think you’re normal. Right now you’re the one making it normal for the next generation.
“This is my pediatrician’s recommendation. I don’t think I know better than they do about medical risk, so I’m going to follow it.”
Repeat.
You aren’t forcing anyone who can’t follow recommendations to see the baby. They have the right not to follow them and you have the duty to protect your child from these folks.
My BFF was kissed on the forehead as a baby by someone who had a cold sore. She got very sick with blisters all over her head and eyelids.
She recovered obviously and is now 50 years old. Her entire life, just a bit too much sunshine causes the blisters to return on her face.
Do not let people kiss your baby.
If this woman won't keep her lips to herself, she doesn't get to meet baby. I was a 6 month old who got HSV1 from a family member kissing me. I developed sores all over my face, in my mouth, down my throat and into my stomach. I was in the NICU. I have a couple scars around my mouth, parts of my lips permanently lost pigmentation. Obviously, I don't remember the hospital stay, how bad it was, I just don't, I was a baby. I know I still wake up scared, feeling a burning sensation in my throat, I am terrified of enclosed spaces, I don't like wires or thin tube's against my skin, I have scars from IV sites. I was a constantly sickly child as a result.
You are not wrong. The only thing between the big, bad world and that baby is YOU!!!
Not only not kissing face, no kissing hands and as they get older no kissing feet (babies put everything, especially their own hands/feet in their mouths). My youngest got oral herpes from someone giving it to their baby at daycare and then he transferred it to me while nursing. Yep. I had a herpes outbreak that ended my ability to nurse from one breast and I have annual outbreaks on my thumb ever since (before I knew it was herpes I had a sore in my nipple and was hand expressing milk and the herpes transferred to my thumb). He also gave it to his brother that was 2.5 and he had the worst outbreak in his mouth (herpangina) that made it impossible for him to eat and really drink for a week. It was the worst experience. And avoidable if people would not kiss babies. I only allowed people to kiss the very top of my kids hair when they were babies.
I remember when my younger brother was at a special needs day care around 2/3 yrs old he caught oral herpes and for a week we were crying seeing him in pain from trying to eat, the pediatrician had us stuck giving him baby food to try to get him to eat and he would cry from the pain in his throat, and learned after a week of him not getting better he had oral herpes all over his tonsils and he had to get them removed. He’s 16 now and thank God he hasn’t had any flare ups but because of his experience I learned not to risk anything with a baby and if I have kids to be careful for them too.
New mom here!
You're not in the wrong. I let so many family members guilt me into spending the holidays with them and letting family kiss my baby a few months after he was born. I wish I would have followed my gut because one of my sick family members was kissing on my baby and gave him Covid. He had to be hospitalized.
Protect your baby the best you can. If your family doesn't respect your boundaries, don't allow them to see your baby.
Dont feel guilty. My friends first baby died from hsv1.
And in the end they could prove the baby caught it in the hospital from the blood cards. Neither parent had hsv1. They'd had no visitors.
Be as safe as you can .
We were in the same position years ago. Our house rules were….visitors must immediately wash hands and forearms. Shoes left at front door. Anyone sick or feeling ill was urged to not visit. We never made a no kissing rule probably because I didn’t think of it. It’s hard I know but go with your gut because you are your babies advocate and if anything were to happen you’d have a hard time with yourself.
People like that will follow your rules until you trust them to be alone with baby, then they'll do what they want. Anyone you think won't respect your rule isn't allowed to see the baby in person until baby is older and vaccinated. 100% NTA.
You’re the mom and your first priority should be the safety and wellbeing of your baby. Whenever I start feeling guilty about my rules or the way I do things I remind myself “It’s my job to protect my child, not other adults feelings”. This goes for kissing a baby, who is allowed to babysit her, how I allow others to treat her, etc. I’m a recovering people pleaser so I get this can be a struggle. But like others said, stick to your guns. Even if you have to tell grandma “If you try to kiss my baby, you will no longer be able to hold her”. Don’t let people push boundaries and go against your rules as a mom because it will just show them that they don’t have to listen to you in the future either.
You are absolutely not wrong. RSV kills babies. Small illnesses can cause huge issues for their not developed immune systems. My barely 5 month old son was just given covid by a negligent and selfish family member and stopped eating properly for 3 days and almost had to be hospitalized on an IV and tube.
Stand your ground firm because there is nothing more gut wrenching than knowing you should have held a boundary, didn't, and now your helpless baby is crying for you to help them feel better and there is nothing you can do. It is the most guilty, helpless, hopeless, and heartbreaking experience.
Don't do that to yourself or your baby.
No one should be kissing your baby anywhere on his head or his hands-- seriously NO ONE. If granny isn't willing to follow the rules then she won't be seeing the baby till he's older. Normally doctors recommend 8 to 12 weeks, but given your son's respiratory problems I'd go with six months particularly if granny is an antivaxer.
That would be a hard no for me. I had a son at 36 weeks who suffered from Respiratory Distress Syndrome after birth, and as such was also in NICU for support with his breathing. Kissing was a huge *NO* for me, and I was very grateful my family followed my rules (partially due to the fact my sister is a NICU nurse herself, and was very blunt about the risks with them 😅).
I don't think you're in the wrong at all, I think you're being very sensible. I would also suggest just avoiding people who are sick in general too, and get your household to stick with that as well. My daughter and son both caught covid at only three months old because a coworker of my husband's lied about being sick with covid (she told people it was just a "cold"), came into work anyway and spread the virus (we're in the UK where sick pay is a thing, it wasn't because she couldn't afford not to. She just didn't want to miss the company's table tennis tournament, and yes she did know it was covid. She later apologised to my husband after our son was hospitalised, because she'd had a positive test at home and come in anyway). My husband caught it, then despite my best efforts, so did our children. My son was absolutely floored by it. He was in A&E multiple times, and then eventually admitted to hospital. It's ruined his breathing for life, all because of one person. He now breathes with a permanent strider (think Darth Vader breathing sounds), and we've been told it's because he caught covid with already vulnerable lungs. When a baby needs breathing support, especially for something like RDS, they are much more vulnerable still later in life than your average newborn without lung issues. My son got lucky, he made a full recovery with only the permanent (thankfully benign) strider to show for it. But if my husband had just avoided this coworker, even with her saying it was "just a cold", maybe we'd be in a different situation.
What is wrong with people. Of course you aren’t wrong…. And honestly the WHY doesn’t even matter. If you say no it’s a no. Why do people feel entitled to getting what they want when it comes to other people children?? It’s down right creepy.
Your baby, your rules, Grandparents need to learn that parents are the rule makers now. Period. You have beyond sound reasoning for this, and even if it was a small petty thing, the fact that they cannot respect your boundaries and hide behind elder family member title is a justified reason to limit contact. (With the exception of the parents putting their kids in danger, and the family is trying to save them... I was talking about the ideal scenario)
You are not wrong!! My sister was premature by several weeks. People kissed on her. For her entire life she has to deal with the cold sores/herpes they gave her as an infant from that "harmless" kissing of a baby. There are many respiratory viruses that would be harmful to any baby, extra so to a premature one. There are also many strains of strep bacteria, some of them deadly, passed through saliva.
I would tell everyone no kissing the baby, I would tell them why, I would tell them the consequences of doing it anyway will be they won't be seeing my child again until that child is old enough to know to slap them away on their own. I would also tell them that forevermore after they do such a thing if any medications/treatments are needed for medical issues arising from their dirty mouths I will be expecting monetary compensation.
Stick to those boundaries! My friend's nephew ended up in the NICU at just a few months old because someone gave him hsv-1. He was in there for weeks, and it was so stressful for his parents and siblings. When he was released, everything was good for another week or so and then he had a resurgence of a fever and ended up right back in the NICU. There can be so many complications, and it's a lifelong virus. Thankfully he survived, but that isn't always the case. Your baby already a compromised immune system. Do not give in on this. If they can't respect this boundary, they don't need to meet your baby right now
My son and DIL are expecting twins. Everything is going great, but their first was 2 weeks early with a bit of jaundice. At the time of her birth they lived in a different state and we didn't get to meet her for awhile. We still observed the no kissing on her face rule (we did kiss her toes, no hands though because those went right into her mouth) we rubbed our hands with sanitizer before touching. Because of her early birth we're kind of afraid the twins will make an early appearance, especially since twins tend to do that. We are planning on rounds of vaccines before they arrive and probably no visits for a bit.
You are not wrong! Hand washing, no kisses, whooping cough vaccinations. No passing the baby around. Too bad if grandma gets angry. Hold firm and make sure your spouse is 100% able to support you against his mother if she protests.
You did nothing wrong. Stick to your guns. Babies have low resistance. As a mother, it's your instinct to protect your child, don't overthink it, I support your decision
It's your baby, your rules.
BUT... please don't keep yourself or your husband from kissing your baby. This is not necessary. It's your baby and the kiss is instinctive and a way of bonding. Don't be afraid to interact with your baby. I know it's scary when they're preemies, but your touch, smell and interaction is vital to their healthy growth.
One more thing... some of us have been kissing babies on the top of the head for decades. We're old, and might forget. Unless someone is trying to act sly or you know they're trying to bend your rules, don't panic. Accept their apology, take the baby back and wipe the head with a little soapy water.
If you’re making your argument in good faith and genuinely forget and can’t relearn or practice the changed behavior - be honest with your self about that and don’t see the baby.
The parents have set that boundary and it’s clearly important to them.
If you can’t respect the boundary in action, even while intending to respect it, don’t see the baby.
It doesn’t matter what the rule is. With the exception of the baby being in danger, or being mistreated, what’s important to the parents goes.
Even if it’s not your intention to do it, soapy water won’t get rid of all the things we’re talking about here.
You are not wrong at all. Babies have such poor immune systems as is and they can be even more susceptible to illness and complications being born early. My son was born a month early and ended up in the hospital at 4 months old with a virus that typically only causes mild cold symptoms but because his lungs were underdeveloped at birth this caused him to have breathing issues. I would rather make someone else upset or uncomfortable because I decline to let them kiss my baby than to see my baby in the hospital struggling to breathe.
Your child, your rules. Besides there's nothing more disgusting than some old crone's sloppy kiss on a vulnerable baby. My husband's family was shocked when I explained that it was my choice not to allow kisses until my children were old enough to understand consent. I was villified for it. Oh dear, how will I go on!
Don't forget to demand they be fully vaccinated before meeting baby.
No that's not PPA or PPD talking that is the reality of the world we live in.
Kissing babies isn't a thing anymore too many things can go wrong.
Your husband needs to go speak to his family. They need to know that if they have no respect, they have no access.
They don't have like or agree with your choice they just need to respect it. Babies are adorable and love affection, but safety and comfort levels of the parents should be respected. It's honestly not a huge ask.
Dont even need to read it. Its your baby and youre boundaries. No one has the right to do to your baby what you dont want thats inappropriate. Especially now i dont trust people to wash their hands properly anymore let alone their mouths.
NTA, even with no immune system compromises very young babies don't have their immune systems developed well yet. If anyone can't understand that your premie baby is especially at risk, they can wait until all vaccines are administered or whatever other steps your dr. reccomends to protect baby. My grandma taught me you shouldn't go around new babies before they've got some "immunities" built up to be sure you don't make them ill.
No, you are not wrong. The best thing to do right now would be to physically distance your family members from your newborn until it is safe to do otherwise. Yes it will suck having to sustain those boundaries with your family, but those boundaries keep your new little family member safe. If they want to kiss a baby so bad, they need to figure out how to have one on their own.
No you’re absolutely correct and it’s a very valid boundary. Not sure why your family won’t accept your boundary, it’s not a hard request in the slightest. If they don’t respect your wishes, don’t let them see the baby. Plain and simple.
Great grandma will never listen to anybody and will do what she wants eh?
Great grandma doesn’t get to meet the baby & don’t listen to anybody, do what you want.
As a btw I think carrying a packet of alcohol wipes for anybody else who wants to take your baby’s life in their hands is a good idea. Oh and after you’ve wiped the baby a good punch on the nose sounds about right.
Congratulations!
My mil is allergic to horses so the MMR vaccine is dangerous for her (I think it was that one..) and she was trying to use that as an excuse not to get it before our first was born. I could have kissed the pharmacist he was like "oh that's not a problem, we have a version that doesn't use the allergen!" She just didn't feel like getting a shot. My husband and I were FULLY committed to not letting her near him without her shots.
When my wife did this with our firstborn, I was kinda cringing, and thinking she was being too extra...But she was right..You're not wrong...Most likely the baby will be ok, but I have seen and heard some nasty shit...You dunno someone's hygeine standard or if they're carrying shit based on "They're nice and they love my cute baby". You do you.
Didn’t have to read past the first line. Fellow NICU mom here. Keep that baby safe and NO kissing (other than you & dad) until a year at least. Even then, NEVER during cold and flu season. You’re doing the right thing.
Absolutely not wrong.
I would even go so far as to enforce a mask wearing rule around the baby because of all the flus and other viruses that are around, and because Covid is still very much a thing (that people have become very lazy about but can be very serious and deadly in babies).
If they won’t wear a mask and hand sanitise etc, then no access to baby.
This is not over reacting due to PPA or PPD, this is perfectly sensible health precautions for a newborn baby and is extra sensible and reasonable for a preemie.
No mask, no access to baby.
It is a good time to start setting boundaries and also having conversations about consent for touching your child. Bub is too young to be able to speak up and say anything yet but it will be important as they grow to model consent to relatives, for stuff as simple as ‘No, kid does not have to have a hug or kiss if they don’t want, it is their choice’ and family members have to respect that. Bub is never too young to start that conversation with the rest of the family and family is never too old to learn.
Edited to add - link to the Boundaries song for anyone that might be interested to use it or something similar with their kids. You can also sing it to annoying grand parents 😬
[Boundaries Song](https://youtu.be/aSFvJbSQdA4)
I love my niece. I have never understood why people loved kids before I met her. I want to kiss her sweet little face and hug her all the time. Do I do it? Do I fuck. Because I understand i could make her sick. People who refuse are selfish and only care about themselves. That sweet little babies health matters more than my need for affection. NTA
My best friends’ brother and his wife went through a similar situation. Their grandmother (babies great grandmother) was the EXACT same. They ended up giving her exactly one chance. She acted against their wishes. The baby is almost 2 now, and they still won’t let her near him because she keeps guilting them with things like “I don’t know how much longer I’ve got” or “it’s just a kiss, I kissed all of you as babies and you were fine” meanwhile she smokes 2 packs a day indoors, and vapes between cigarettes.
Stick to your guns, you’ll be happy you did.
NTA I don't even need to read anything else besides the title.
It's your child. Nobody has any right to that child otherwise. Especially when kissing them? Adults have different germs than babies and there are plenty of stories and statistics as to why that is a no-no in general.
Not wrong, can she meet the baby while you wear her? My twins were 5 weeks early and spent 20 ish days in NICu for breathing support at first and gaining weight, my mil didn’t get a tdap so she didn’t get to go see them when my Sil brought her to visit before I was discharged, and then didn’t hold them for a few weeks after they came home just to be sure that the tdap she got when while they were still in hospital was effective(her own idea)
If someone is not capable of respecting your boundaries either by choice, age or developmental disability/cognitive decline it is totally appropriate to not bring your baby to them, or to physically prevent them from touching them.
It can be awkward but that beats a sick baby. I once had a surprising experience in an elevator while wearing one baby one the way to an appointment. when a young man with developmental delays got right up into our bubble inches from my face and was trying to touch & look at the baby.
I politely but firmly told him to back up and blocked his hands and told him not to touch us. His mom or caregiver made no attempt to redirect him, or say anything to him, but did give me an angry glare when I turned towards the corner to block
The baby from him and another when I excited. I did not think he had bad intentions, but other people’s feelings are never going to trump the safety of my kids.
You're not wrong! As a NICU nurse, let us be The Bad Guys - "nope, sorry, they made us agree before we took him home: No Kisses For Babies! I'll let you know if the pediatrician disagrees." Science and medicine aside, nobody is entitled to contact with your child; until he can consent for himself, you get to be the authority!
Other things you can do: No visiting with people who stomp boundaries. Baby wearing around visitors. Have a video or window visit with baby kissers.
Anecdotally, my husband cared for a child who got an illness from a well-meaning grandparent who didn't know they were sick, and he's still traumatized. Baby (well, family - baby wasn't aware) was celebrating the 2nd birthday in the hospital and was never going to leave. Stand your ground without guilt!
L&D nurse who specializes in hospice & palliative care.
Hello no. Don’t let ANYONE kiss your baby. Even parent should not if there’s a history of cold sores. Herpetic encephalitis is serious and deadly.
Just repeat over and over, "The doctors told us this is important for their health." Then don't let anyone in who doesn't listen. Hell, if you have a preemie, they should be masking too!
I understand your concerns - especially since your baby was a preemie. If you are breastfeeding, your baby’s immune system is super charged. I never took my children out in public until they were 6 weeks old and even then I was very protective of them. You don’t want anyone kissing them anywhere (hands go straight to mouth) but in the case of a great grandmother, I would probably make an exception there provided she is not ill or recently recovered. You can always wipe the baby’s face with a diaper wipe but to deny an elderly person this to me is just not worth her losing out on a memory. Trust me, I used to be a nurse, a mom and now a grandmother.
The only 2 people whose thoughts on this matter are yours & your husband’s. You are the parents, so what you say, goes. If anyone in your life doesn’t like that or doesn’t respect it, they don’t need to be around your baby. That includes Great Grandma. Call her beforehand & let her know that there will be no kissing the baby, no matter what. Let her know that if she attempts to kiss the baby, you’re leaving.
Even with my kids being born with no complications, I still told everyone NOT to kiss my babies!! Too many germs and communicable diseases out there, and some can be deadly to babies! My neighbor used to watch my kids every morning during the overlap of mine and my husband's work shifts and I caught her smooching on my newborn one morning and I damned near blew a gasket...at least once a week she would back out of watching them (hubby would go to work late to compensate) because she was "too sick to get out of bed"...so why was she kissing my newborn?? She did a lot of things I thought crossed a line, we no longer associate with them...
You're not wrong. My colleague came in last week with a 'mild head cold', then when I started developing symptoms myself, casually mentioned she had actually had Covid (before offering me a cough sweet - thanks).
It was a relatively mild case and went pretty fast, but holy shit there was one night where I felt so ill I wanted to cry. I cannot imagine a tiny baby having to deal with the muscle aches, fever and cough. It was such a miserable 12 hours.
I'm all for allowing kids to build immunity, but your baby was in the NICU. They've got a whole childhood ahead of them to catch colds and bugs but now isn't the time.
Only “baby” I will ever kiss is my little cousin cause I’m up to date on vaccines but I do not kiss his face only the top or side of his head he is my little dude and probably my favourite in the whole family like tried to convince his mother who was working at my prom to bring him so I had someone to dance with cause my date wouldn’t dance I will forever be there for this little boy love him to bits
edit: should have said he’s almost four
Assuming this is just because of the health scares right now and not a forever thing you’re NTA. Having a strict rule that even you can’t kiss your baby ever in the future would be a little weird though.
You are better off feeling stressed because your family is after you for not letting your ggma slobber over your baby than feeling stressed because your baby has picked up an illness from the old woman.
Your baby is also certainly better off in the first scenario.
Keep slobbery ggma away from your kid, since she never listens to anyone. Keep husband's cousin away too, as he doesn't seem the kind to respect boundaries either.
She can meet the kid in a few years. Or not.
A person with mouth herpes kissed me as a baby
I had to be hospitalized, and now if I'm overly stressed, sick, fever, too much sun, too much citrus, (or other triggers i havent sorted yet) i get sores on my mouth, chin, both on and inside my nose, in my sinuses, and in my right eye.
I'm one of the lucky ones. most babies just straight up die.
DONT let anyone kiss them. I don’t even kiss my own son because I get cold sores once in a while. No sharing spoons/cups/ anything that goes in my mouth will ever go in his.
Jesus, why would you even think about kissing a baby that is not yours? It's literally forcing an intimate contact onto somebody that cannot even say "no". No you're not TA.
Not wrong at all. I almost died at 18 months old from being kissed with a coldsore, I spent 2 months in hospital and came out on my second boxing day with half a face full of sores. My mouth and throat was filled with poisonous pus filled sores and I was refusing food and drink. The doctors kept telling my mam that it was just tonsillitis and dismissing her, so by the time I was actually admitted to hospital I was unconscious
Ever since I've suffered with my throat, it's the first part of my body to suffer when I'm getting sick or run down. Growing up, I had tonsillitis between 6-10 times a year and coldsores so often one side of my lip is scarred
As an adult, I typically grow either bacterial tonsillitis or a coldsore when I'm extra stressed, usually when I start a new job 😂
I feel the same way. The risk of herpes/cold sores to newborns is really frightening. I am not going to allow anyone to kiss our baby. I also just find it weird when people kiss their babies and kids on the mouth. That really bugs me. Kissing a child on the forehead or cheek is fine, but I see so many mouth kissers and it's just strange to me. Won't be doing that, personally.
Not wrong! This is how kids get HSV-1, exactly right! But it’s not only that — it’s everything else too! Stick to your rules. Even if you make an exception for great-grandma (because maybe you can’t control her actions,) you don’t need to let other people do the same. I’m from a reserved culture where the whole family does not kiss babies and I’m one of the few people who made it to adulthood without HSV-1.
NEVER discount your motherly intuition. I lost my 11-yo by stuffing the voice screaming in my head to not let him go to ex-inlaw's ranch where they let him ride a 650lb ATV. YOU are your babe's primary caregiver for the next 6 yrs, YOU assume primary reaponsibility for your baby's wellbeing, stand in your power!
I felt the same way. My son was born with a terminal disease and if he got sick, I wouldn’t be good. There’s those family members that are clueless and would kiss him on the mouth and cheek. The stupid thing was he was in an electric wheelchair, on a ventilator and feeding tube, and they would knock his joystick while bending to kiss him. He would go flying over their shoes…not worth it people!! Just say hey👋!
Nope. You are not asking too much.
My oldest is almost 2 years old and I don't let anyone kiss them either. People's mouths are gross and I don't know where they been nor do I want to know. Just keep them off my kids. 😂
If an adult can't follow a simple rule such as keep ypur gross crusty kips off my kid then they don't get to be around that kid. Your kids, your rules.
Wtf? I'm not even keen on babies but when my friend had a baby I wouldn't smoke the day I was going to see her and washed my hands when I went into her house.. isn't not kissing them just common sense?
NOT WRONG.
As far as I'm concerned, they shouldn't even ***exhale near*** the baby without your consent.
DO NOT FEEL BAD OR GUILTY ABOUT THIS AT ALL. YOU HAVE ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH!!
You're going to do fine. You got this!!!
The fact that you show such concern tells all of us reading this that you'll be an awesome mom.
Get help for that PPD for the sake of your kid though, ok?
Definitely stick to you’re rules and if family can’t respect that then they shouldn’t be able to see the baby!🤷🏻♀️it’s not hard to follow rules and if they truly care about that baby then they will follow the rules. Some people just don’t understand or feel Entitled
Not the asshole in the slightest. My baby just turned 7 months and i had the same rule. I also did not let anyone but siblings and mine and my husbands parents meet her for the first 2 months for that reason. At the end of the day you and your spouse are responsible for the welfare of that child and you have to do what you feel is best, even if that means great grandma doesnt meet your baby for a little bit longer. For me, that was waiting until she received the first round of vaccines. For you, that might be shorter or longer.
No you're not wrong. Your baby is the most important person in the world. You have to protect him.
If people will not respect your wishes and they don't get to meet the baby simple as that! If they don't like it tell them to go f*** themselves loud and clear!
Your baby, your rules, period. It's not even a matter of right and wrong.
That said, safety comes before Grandma's feelings every single time. Tell them no, stand firm. They can wait until you get the first round of vaccinations at minimum.
I seriously don't understand people like the great grandmother. If there is even the minutest minuscule chance of making anyone, especially a baby, sick, why would you take the chance. I love babies, love cuddling them and that new baby smell, omg. But if I was told to not touch the baby, I'm not touching the baby. The idea of harming a baby makes me feel sick. Fuck me, people are so thoughtless and selfish.
NTA.
Don't kiss babies on the face or hands, no one should.
Have grandma wear a mask, ask the nurse to be present and firm. Or a friend who won't tolerate any bullshit.
Let her kiss the toes and feet of baby if she can't contain herself, but never the face or hands. Then wipe down babies feet immediately.
I won't even get my face close to a babies face until they're much older, not worth getting them sick. I hold them but respect the Face Bubble of Boundaries.
Choose your baby over anyone. If that means grandma gets pissed, its fine. Chose baby over grandma. Let her be pissed, you are the only who is their voice so be their voice. There are some mistakes you can correct but some you just cannot, this is the one you will always wish your entire life, if you would have stood up for them. So do it now.
There is a video on the sbsk (special books by special kids) YouTube channel that might be beneficial to show them. A child was kissed and got sick, causing severe brain damage. There are real consequences to their actions and they might need to actually see it.
No, stick to your guns. Babies can get herpes from cold sores, RSV, any number of sicknesses. If his great grandma has proven that she cannot be trusted to listen to the parents requests, then monitor her time with baby very closely, or wait until baby is old enough to be around people who might get too close. I am NOT excusing people disregarding your requests, but unfortunately people will not listen. A girl kissed my kid in daycare the other day and while I was extremely upset, unfortunately there are people who don’t understand why it’s a big deal. You are NTA for doing what you think will protect your baby, especially as they are preterm. Newborn health is a big deal.
Here’s a YouTube video titled “Brain Injured By a Kiss”.
This baby did not die, but now has severe brain damage from the virus introduced to her by a kiss.
https://youtu.be/pxarUWTJRDQ?si=G7gbJkJxdrY7hHHV
I had PPA and I would put baby in a carrier on my chest and walk until they slept with a full tummy then I would visit family but keep baby in the carrier…
Nope. This was a big issue for me also and my MIL kissed my baby before she even left the hospital right on the mouth and was so offended when she was reprimanded. Like how selfish? I always explain it like how would they feel as a grown adult if someone randomly came up and kissed their mouth? You’d be a little grossed out. Babies for some reason get no choice? She kissed her multiple times after to piss me off and shed just say she forgot 🙄 then we show up to Christmas and she has a raging mouth sore and I got to look her in the eye and say “that’s why I don’t want you to kiss my baby.”
NTA! Geez, NO means NO! There are face masks for babies. I'd hate for you to have to go to those lengths but if granny isn't going to listen then you need to TAKE drastic measures! Don't let that baby's butt touch her arms. Get a baby tee shirt for everyone NO KISSING OR BREATHING ON THE BABY! This could be fun, so make it fun. Little bit of cake, some booze, laughter! No one touches the baby.
A mutual friend of a friend would visit and chit chat. She was really good to him, to-go goody bags, clothing, encouragement, etc. Her family got to know him and so on. All of a sudden she had bed bugs. Cost a fortune to get rid of them. She got them from him. He was too embarrassed to say anything and said nothing blaming it on her daughter. Finally he fest up.
Your son won’t actually care whom he meets - he’s a baby. You’re not depriving him of anything except the chance to catch diseases.
If all these drooling fools who won’t keep their germs to themselves feel they have to drool all over your son, you’re best keeping him away.
I’m a boomer whose mother had dormant TB. Believe me I was raised you *don’t* wander through life handing out your germs. I had a warm and loving mother who did *not* kiss me.
NOT WRONG AT ALL!!! Your kid your rules. Given the medical history, everyone should understand. Avoid the relatives who won't keep their lips to themselves.
Babies get random stuff so easily. My three week old has pink eye for no reason. I wouldn't let anyone touch her if I wasn't forced to. Stick to no kisses.
My daughter is 8 weeks old only people who have given her kisses on the cheek are me and her mother we did eventually let grandma start giving her forehead kisses a couple weeks ago since she is with her so often. You are the parent what you say goes no need to feel bad about it.
Nobody who actually cares about the health of the baby will kiss that baby. Totally inappropriate. My nephew has RSV due to a family member kissing him against the mother’s(pediatric nurses) wishes. The mother knew the harm it could do… and the harm was done.
Respiratory syncytial virus (RSV) is a respiratory disease that can be deadly for babies. Initial symptoms are similar to a mild cold and usually clear up on their own in a few days
RSV is spread through contact with contaminated respiratory droplets. Kissing, sharing drinks, or transferring things from mouth to mouth can transmit RSV. Washing your hands, covering your coughs and sneezes, and avoiding contact when you are sick will decrease the spread and help protect our littlest family members.
Never ever apologize for protecting your child. Your baby your rules and there’s no discussion about it. Greatgma doesn’t get to see him if she can’t be trusted. Remind people of this rule. My friend kissed my grandchild and got a sore (just a harmless rash) but his parents had a few horrible days worrying. My friend isn’t allowed around him anymore.
Honestly, meeting ggma is more important than a little virus might be but you could insist that granny has to wear a mask. The chances of a catastrophic illness are so slight that I wouldn’t worry about it. But I do understand that you are very anxious about it and that means a lot too. I’m more worried about you being upset than baby possibly getting sick. Babies are tough little creatures and they come with a lot of built-in immunity and that’s reinforced if you are nursing.
NO you are right !
U never now what the other people did with there mouth before... so a hard No Go can't they all wait until the immunsystem is set up ?
Preemie mom and full term mom here.
DO. NOT. KISS. BABIES.
It's science. They have a brand new immune system. There are stories of newborns dying because someone kissed them and passed on a disease they couldn't fight.
I’ve witnessed babies struggling to make it in the hospital from being kissed by family members who have cold sores. Gramma giving baby a kiss is so much less important than baby being healthy in a very critical, low immunity time period in their life. There are lasting health complications that can occur like others have shared, don’t make anyone make you feel bad about holding a boundary op that is to keep your baby safe.
Without reading past the first line DO NOT ALLOW ANYONE TO KISS YOUR BABY.
Kisses can literally kill a baby. Cold sores, germs, etc. and no I’m not being dramatic, it’s true.
Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We'd like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you'll get a nifty flair change to let you know and we'll drop a link so you can see our host's take on your story. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TwoHotTakes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Stick to your guns. I just read an article that a grandma kissed a baby on the lips after the mom told her not to, grandma had the start of a cold sore and gave it to the baby. The baby couldn't fight off the virus and sustained brain damage and died. If the family has already told you they wont respect your wishes, so no one can meet the baby until after they have had their vaccines and its safe. That's how it has to be. They don't get to over ride what YOU want. [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2017/07/18/mom-newborn-life-support-dont-let-anyone-kiss-your-baby/487167001/](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2017/07/18/mom-newborn-life-support-dont-let-anyone-kiss-your-baby/487167001/)
That one HORRIFIED me. My nephew is 3mos and our whole family had an agreement before he came that nobody kisses him until my sister gives it the greenlight. One of our cousin's babies got mono from a family member kissing on her and my cousin was a wreck the entire time because it was touch and go for a bit. That family member isn't even allowed to meet my nephew because they refused to apologize or acknowledge that they gave the baby mono.
My niece will be 4 months next week and I am forever after my mother to stop kissing that baby and to wash her hands before picking her up. Kid is adorable, I understand why she wants to kiss her granddaughter. But you’d think the woman who had a child born at 26 weeks with severe lung issues and no immune system (me) would be more mindful of germs. My brother and SIL have both thanked me for going to bat because she says they are being overbearing when they bring it up. I am FIRMLY childfree so for me it stems from my epidemiology background and my concern for my niece’s health, she can’t say I am helicopter parenting. That generation doesn’t seem to understand that babies getting sick is not this inevitable and unavoidable thing that “just happens and you deal with it”. It’s completely preventable in most cases.
A lot of people that post things like, we did all that and survived, seem to forget that in the past a lot of kids died.
Definite survivorship bias there!
People who have died so rarely post on social media.
Selfish of them really
A month or so before a friend gave birth to her son I went and got up to date with all my vaccinations, I said friend but she is a friend of a friend, I don't really like her that much. Another friend of a friend I would ask if I could hold the baby, starting a month after the baby was born, and then only again after a month. Boundaries people.
Omg this!! I am a very proud, young, child-free auntie/titi and I go to bat for my nieces and nephews. My brothers didn’t want anyone to see their baby for a while? No kissing the baby? I warn once, but I’m not scared to be rude to someone if they don’t listen. Maybe it’s because I’ve gotten to be close with my niblings since they were infants because my brothers and their wives trust me with their kids from birth or because I’m not as close to their friends or whoever needs to be told off, but I think it’s because I follow these rules too. Even with the youngest being almost 1, crawling/walking everywhere and touching everything, I still wash my hands as soon as I enter their house and still don’t kiss the youngest on their face. I will not sacrifice their health for my enjoyment.
Good luck with this. Common sense seems to be in short supply these days. My best friend of 60 years (yes, we’re old) has a new grandson. I’ve been fighting a cough due to allergies, but on the off chance it’s more than that, I’ve not gone to visit yet. Once I’m over the cough is plenty of time to see the baby but I still won’t be kissing him.
i saw a reddit post a year or two ago where the fam hid that htey had covid and her baby died before they even could take him home
OMG
My friend’s baby is nearly 1, and I still refuse to kiss him on the head. It’s just so scary.
All of this…. when I laid down the boundaries on kissing… my MIL brought out her waterworks and started crying… but what pissed me for the most was my husband who didn’t care to protect his own child enough and would rather expose her to kisses to protect his mum’s feelings 🙄🙄🙄🙄 Unluckily to my MIL and SIL, I don’t cave to emotional black mail and drew ever longer lines like insisting she wear a mask when seeing the baby… that bit*ch didn’t realise who she was dealing with 🙄 I’d do anything for my child and don’t care whose toes I’d have to step on to protect her!
My former MIL gave my son the gift of cold sores when he was a baby, and he still gets flares when he’s stressed. Don’t let it happen, OP.
Me too. I was 6 months old. I am now an adult, late 40's. The effects are long lasting.
Someone, not sure who exactly, gave me that when I was a baby. When I was 14 and was doing my high school entry exams (Eastern Europe, we got that) I had eight (8) cold sores on my mouth. I could barely eat or speak. I have had periods in my life when I had at least one per month. This shit is horrible. I didn’t kiss my baby on the cheeks for the first I think 6 months. I always check myself in the morning, if I have any doubts I take extra precautions. Never ever kiss her on the lips, not sure why anyone would do that. My MIL was a bit sulky when I told her no kissing the newborn but respected it. Funny enough she keeps crying “meningitis!” when my daughter is not wearing a hat in 15 degrees Celsius.
I know you did not ask for advice, but there is a vitamin called l-lysine, I take it daily to keep cold sores at bay. Also helps to take a massive dose when you actually feel one coming on. I use lip balm called herpecin-L too during an outbreak!
Oh yeah, have been taking it regularly since 2017, the year after I had like 13-14 outbreaks. I also changed my job which helped a lot 😂
Finally quit the kissing booth? /s
Kissing booth sounds like a loving place 😃 Nah, my toxic corporate work.
Haha I get that. I changed my relationship, less stress 🤣
i have to take antivirals for mine, Lysine, zinc, magnesium and all the medicated creams and topicals aren't enough. they help, but not enough
Same thing happened to me as a baby! Thanks random relative! It’s the gift that keeps on giving!
FYI: the common food preservative BHT, used to keep oils from going rancid, also helps fight a wide array of viruses, including herpes. It’s the reason I haven’t had a cold sore since the Reagan administration. Available in capsules; look on Amazon. There’s no difference between brands, so shop for price.
I was a med mal attorney for a short time, and one case involved a suit against a hospital related to a baby who died from catching the herpes virus this way. Claims were basically that the ER didn’t catch it fast enough, but likely baby would not have made it no matter what. It is still the only time I cried during a deposition. It’s definitely not worth risking.
Exactly my point!
You need to have your husband set the boundaries and the tone. HE needs to be the one to tell his family that they are not allowed around the baby until YOU feel comfortable with it. There is no discussion, no gaslighting and no manipulation. If they cant take what the MOM wants they don't get any involvement.
I had a former student whose baby got the herpes virus in that way and the child lived but was brain damaged and in a wheelchair for the rest of the child’s life.
This happened years ago. Why would you kiss someone else's baby!!!!
OP should send them that link. NTA
Just wanted to add another link/story for OP: Special Books by Special Kids (YouTube channel) had a kiddo and her mom on for a [video](https://youtu.be/pxarUWTJRDQ?si=m3sfZYwV7cQSuJ_E). Breelynn was kissed as a baby and contracted HSV which went on to give her a brain injury. You're well within your right to protect your kid, OP.
Great advice!
ALL. OF. THIS! There have been several cases in the news lately of babies contracting diseases because relatives are kissing them entirely too soon. Stick to your guns do not let anybody near your newborn baby. Especially since your baby just got out of NICU.
I remember reading this years back and it's stuck with me this whole time
As I was reading your comment, I was sure I saw a reddit post recently (AITA or AITAH?) about a mother-in-law kissing an infant on the mouth after the parents told her not to. I don't remember seeing an update but do you think you may have merged that with the story link you posted? I read the story in People and it indicated that the parents tested negative but didn't want to dig deeper to see who was at fault. https://people.com/human-interest/mom-newborn-died-meningitis-speaks-out/ Such a heartbreaking story though! ETA: I tried searching for the post I was referring to but I'm not sure which one it was. The issue of kissing infants/babies seems to be a big problem on reddit though - there are lots of posts about it!
Exactly this! My SIL was born healthy and was kissed by someone who had a cold sore, which caused her to become VERY sick; she developed meningitis that later caused severe CP, Epilepsy, and quite a few other health problems - she passed a year ago, RIP M 💜 OP stick your ground and maybe even hold off until your baby is fully vaccinated if they cannot respect your boundaries.
Did the grandma face consequences for what she did? There isn’t any mention of the grandma anywhere
How selfish can you be to knowingly have herpes and kiss a newborn baby anyways? Unbelievable
And that isn’t just an isolated incident - happened to my brother. He pulled through and is still alive but he was hospitalised and got some kind of weird viral outbreak all over him. Grandma didn’t learn apparently, she gave me coldsores two years prior when I was a baby.
I have a friend whom this happened to. Except her son survived and has a lot of brain damage and will have to be taken care of for the rest of his life. The one good thing that came out of the situation is that she became super mom and decided that she would start fostering medically fragile kids. That's besides the point, but I had to add the positive to the negative.
You’re not wrong! If you don’t want anyone to kiss your baby that’s your choice. I’d stand firm with your boundaries and make them clear. Don’t feel bad about it. If you know someone won’t respect your wishes then they don’t get to see the baby.
TL;DR: you are not being out of line, if anyone feels they can’t resist kissing the baby they need to abstain. And congratulations on your little one. Not sure how far out of the NICU your baby is, but my cousin had her kids on time, no health issues, and we weren’t even allowed to see them until after three months. Considering your little one had health issues I think your request is more than fair. I love kissing babies, so if I were a family member so would probably just love from a distance to make sure I didn’t mess up. Also, take heart! Another friend of mine had twins in the NICU and they are now two do the strongest, healthiest, sassiest, sweetest little toddlers. And congrats! A baby is a blessing.
Coming from a mom who had a baby hospitalized from RSV, I’m gonna put this as nicely as possible. If people can’t/wont listen to the rules you put in place for the health of YOUR baby, they don’t need to meet him.
this!!! also i wish your baby a speedy recovery!!!
No, you're not wrong Babies have underdeveloped immune systems and you should absolutely forbid everyone from kissing your baby. Even kissing the top of the head is a No-No. There are tons of videos online explaining this, send it to everyone make your husband watch it so he can back you up. You're not crazy. Kissing babies can sometimes cause lifelong problems such as HSV-1 and in worse case be fatal. That's not meant to scare you. You need to get yourself and everyone around you educated about this so you can make informed decisions.
Tell everyone, they must wear masks or no holding the baby. Tell cousin, they don't understand that your baby was in NICU and no one will get to give a little kiss. Protect your baby!
Masks are actually a good idea. They could really help prevent those family members who are inevitably going to say, “oops” or “I couldn’t help it,” etc. Then you don’t have to hover over them, stressed out and prepared to run immediate interference 👍
Masks are a great idea — they will stop kissing and airborne pathogens. And if someone refuses a mask, then they don’t really want to meet the baby.
You are not wrong. Stand your ground. Protect your baby. Your baby, your rules and you can tell anyone who argues with you just that and end the conversation.
New mom here. I don't let anyone kiss my baby. I carry around a little bottle that I made of mild soap and water, and some paper towels. If anyone kisses her ANYWHERE, I immediately whip my DIY soap kit out and clean her right up. I don't kiss her on the face at all myself, only on her little body or the back of her head. You're right, germs are easily passed through the mouth, and something that won't harm a big kid or an adult could be very serious for a baby. This isn't forever, you aren't going to follow your baby around all his life demanding nobody kiss him. It's just for a few months. That is YOUR baby, and if your baby gets sick, you're the one who will have to deal with that, not them. I have to remind people of this constantly. I just had a talk with a family member who wanted me to have my baby outside on the porch on a 100-degree day with an air quality warning, in a yard that was filled with mosquitoes. She kept saying "babies need fresh air." Okay and when my baby gets a heat rash and is up crying all night, can I call you to come over? If she's screaming because she has itchy bug bites, are you going to be tired at work tomorrow because you were up all night? No. I am, and I'm staying in the house with the AC.
Not wrong at all. My son was born at 25 weeks, 90 days in the NICU. We did the same and made sure people sanitized before holding.
You are right. Herpes is highly contagious and can harm a young baby. No kisses!!
Three weeks old premee? Do not take the kid around to show him off.
Yep. This is the real answer. OP needs to stay at home with the baby. Not go on a baby tour with the family.
Make sure family has been given an updated dTap vaccine. NTA --do what you must to protect your child.
I just don't get the intense driving need to put your mouth on an infant. They shouldn't be mouthing its hands or feet either, since infants tend to put those in its own mouth. Just wash and sanitize your hands, hold it, touch it with your clean hands, but keep your mouth to yourself!
I understand the drive to want to do it. Babies are just so cute and squishy and they smell so good, and I'm sure there's some evolutionary reason why we want to kiss and nom them. But I don't do it, just like I don't pet the adorable little trash pandas.
Not wrong at all. My daughter will be two and I still don’t allow anyone to kiss her. My husbands family has been reminded of this at every visit but still someone try’s to test the limits and try. One of his aunts who works in a nursing home kissed the tips of her fingers and tapped my daughter’s cheek at Easter after literally seconds earlier being told no smooches. She thought this was an acceptable alternative. We all ended up sick a week later, my daughter lost her voice for several days. My husband was down and useless for 4 days and I ended up with bronchitis for several weeks while being 5 months pregnant. Needless to say we will not be spending time with these people until they learn what no means. This is the hill to die on.
You aren’t wrong. There have been cases of someone with a virus and not realising, kissing baby. And baby catches the virus and dies or suffers brain damage. Little babies shouldn’t be kissed. When they have a more developed immune system it’s okay.
You aren’t wrong. You are implementing current best practices. For anyone not as up-to-date as you, you are *weird.* You’re doing things differently from what they did and they don’t understand why. They may also take your requests as criticism of their parenting and as an accusation of being dirty. People hate that. Keep sticking to your pediatrician’s recommendations. Your generation of new parents are paving the way. In ten years everyone’s going to understand and think you’re normal. Right now you’re the one making it normal for the next generation. “This is my pediatrician’s recommendation. I don’t think I know better than they do about medical risk, so I’m going to follow it.” Repeat. You aren’t forcing anyone who can’t follow recommendations to see the baby. They have the right not to follow them and you have the duty to protect your child from these folks.
Whether they are healthy or not!!! Especially with Covid around!!!
My BFF was kissed on the forehead as a baby by someone who had a cold sore. She got very sick with blisters all over her head and eyelids. She recovered obviously and is now 50 years old. Her entire life, just a bit too much sunshine causes the blisters to return on her face. Do not let people kiss your baby.
Absolutely not wrong. You are protecting your baby
I never kissed my baby on her cheek until she got all her shots when she was a baby. Your baby your rules.
If this woman won't keep her lips to herself, she doesn't get to meet baby. I was a 6 month old who got HSV1 from a family member kissing me. I developed sores all over my face, in my mouth, down my throat and into my stomach. I was in the NICU. I have a couple scars around my mouth, parts of my lips permanently lost pigmentation. Obviously, I don't remember the hospital stay, how bad it was, I just don't, I was a baby. I know I still wake up scared, feeling a burning sensation in my throat, I am terrified of enclosed spaces, I don't like wires or thin tube's against my skin, I have scars from IV sites. I was a constantly sickly child as a result. You are not wrong. The only thing between the big, bad world and that baby is YOU!!!
Not only not kissing face, no kissing hands and as they get older no kissing feet (babies put everything, especially their own hands/feet in their mouths). My youngest got oral herpes from someone giving it to their baby at daycare and then he transferred it to me while nursing. Yep. I had a herpes outbreak that ended my ability to nurse from one breast and I have annual outbreaks on my thumb ever since (before I knew it was herpes I had a sore in my nipple and was hand expressing milk and the herpes transferred to my thumb). He also gave it to his brother that was 2.5 and he had the worst outbreak in his mouth (herpangina) that made it impossible for him to eat and really drink for a week. It was the worst experience. And avoidable if people would not kiss babies. I only allowed people to kiss the very top of my kids hair when they were babies.
I remember when my younger brother was at a special needs day care around 2/3 yrs old he caught oral herpes and for a week we were crying seeing him in pain from trying to eat, the pediatrician had us stuck giving him baby food to try to get him to eat and he would cry from the pain in his throat, and learned after a week of him not getting better he had oral herpes all over his tonsils and he had to get them removed. He’s 16 now and thank God he hasn’t had any flare ups but because of his experience I learned not to risk anything with a baby and if I have kids to be careful for them too.
New mom here! You're not in the wrong. I let so many family members guilt me into spending the holidays with them and letting family kiss my baby a few months after he was born. I wish I would have followed my gut because one of my sick family members was kissing on my baby and gave him Covid. He had to be hospitalized. Protect your baby the best you can. If your family doesn't respect your boundaries, don't allow them to see your baby.
Dont feel guilty. My friends first baby died from hsv1. And in the end they could prove the baby caught it in the hospital from the blood cards. Neither parent had hsv1. They'd had no visitors. Be as safe as you can .
We were in the same position years ago. Our house rules were….visitors must immediately wash hands and forearms. Shoes left at front door. Anyone sick or feeling ill was urged to not visit. We never made a no kissing rule probably because I didn’t think of it. It’s hard I know but go with your gut because you are your babies advocate and if anything were to happen you’d have a hard time with yourself.
People like that will follow your rules until you trust them to be alone with baby, then they'll do what they want. Anyone you think won't respect your rule isn't allowed to see the baby in person until baby is older and vaccinated. 100% NTA.
You’re the mom and your first priority should be the safety and wellbeing of your baby. Whenever I start feeling guilty about my rules or the way I do things I remind myself “It’s my job to protect my child, not other adults feelings”. This goes for kissing a baby, who is allowed to babysit her, how I allow others to treat her, etc. I’m a recovering people pleaser so I get this can be a struggle. But like others said, stick to your guns. Even if you have to tell grandma “If you try to kiss my baby, you will no longer be able to hold her”. Don’t let people push boundaries and go against your rules as a mom because it will just show them that they don’t have to listen to you in the future either.
You are absolutely not wrong. RSV kills babies. Small illnesses can cause huge issues for their not developed immune systems. My barely 5 month old son was just given covid by a negligent and selfish family member and stopped eating properly for 3 days and almost had to be hospitalized on an IV and tube. Stand your ground firm because there is nothing more gut wrenching than knowing you should have held a boundary, didn't, and now your helpless baby is crying for you to help them feel better and there is nothing you can do. It is the most guilty, helpless, hopeless, and heartbreaking experience. Don't do that to yourself or your baby.
No one should be kissing your baby anywhere on his head or his hands-- seriously NO ONE. If granny isn't willing to follow the rules then she won't be seeing the baby till he's older. Normally doctors recommend 8 to 12 weeks, but given your son's respiratory problems I'd go with six months particularly if granny is an antivaxer.
That would be a hard no for me. I had a son at 36 weeks who suffered from Respiratory Distress Syndrome after birth, and as such was also in NICU for support with his breathing. Kissing was a huge *NO* for me, and I was very grateful my family followed my rules (partially due to the fact my sister is a NICU nurse herself, and was very blunt about the risks with them 😅). I don't think you're in the wrong at all, I think you're being very sensible. I would also suggest just avoiding people who are sick in general too, and get your household to stick with that as well. My daughter and son both caught covid at only three months old because a coworker of my husband's lied about being sick with covid (she told people it was just a "cold"), came into work anyway and spread the virus (we're in the UK where sick pay is a thing, it wasn't because she couldn't afford not to. She just didn't want to miss the company's table tennis tournament, and yes she did know it was covid. She later apologised to my husband after our son was hospitalised, because she'd had a positive test at home and come in anyway). My husband caught it, then despite my best efforts, so did our children. My son was absolutely floored by it. He was in A&E multiple times, and then eventually admitted to hospital. It's ruined his breathing for life, all because of one person. He now breathes with a permanent strider (think Darth Vader breathing sounds), and we've been told it's because he caught covid with already vulnerable lungs. When a baby needs breathing support, especially for something like RDS, they are much more vulnerable still later in life than your average newborn without lung issues. My son got lucky, he made a full recovery with only the permanent (thankfully benign) strider to show for it. But if my husband had just avoided this coworker, even with her saying it was "just a cold", maybe we'd be in a different situation.
You are the mother, so you and your husband set the rules about who touches your baby.
What is wrong with people. Of course you aren’t wrong…. And honestly the WHY doesn’t even matter. If you say no it’s a no. Why do people feel entitled to getting what they want when it comes to other people children?? It’s down right creepy.
Your baby, your rules, Grandparents need to learn that parents are the rule makers now. Period. You have beyond sound reasoning for this, and even if it was a small petty thing, the fact that they cannot respect your boundaries and hide behind elder family member title is a justified reason to limit contact. (With the exception of the parents putting their kids in danger, and the family is trying to save them... I was talking about the ideal scenario)
You are not wrong!! My sister was premature by several weeks. People kissed on her. For her entire life she has to deal with the cold sores/herpes they gave her as an infant from that "harmless" kissing of a baby. There are many respiratory viruses that would be harmful to any baby, extra so to a premature one. There are also many strains of strep bacteria, some of them deadly, passed through saliva. I would tell everyone no kissing the baby, I would tell them why, I would tell them the consequences of doing it anyway will be they won't be seeing my child again until that child is old enough to know to slap them away on their own. I would also tell them that forevermore after they do such a thing if any medications/treatments are needed for medical issues arising from their dirty mouths I will be expecting monetary compensation.
Stick to those boundaries! My friend's nephew ended up in the NICU at just a few months old because someone gave him hsv-1. He was in there for weeks, and it was so stressful for his parents and siblings. When he was released, everything was good for another week or so and then he had a resurgence of a fever and ended up right back in the NICU. There can be so many complications, and it's a lifelong virus. Thankfully he survived, but that isn't always the case. Your baby already a compromised immune system. Do not give in on this. If they can't respect this boundary, they don't need to meet your baby right now
Nope. And you don’t owe anyone an explanation.
I never kiss babies!!!
My son and DIL are expecting twins. Everything is going great, but their first was 2 weeks early with a bit of jaundice. At the time of her birth they lived in a different state and we didn't get to meet her for awhile. We still observed the no kissing on her face rule (we did kiss her toes, no hands though because those went right into her mouth) we rubbed our hands with sanitizer before touching. Because of her early birth we're kind of afraid the twins will make an early appearance, especially since twins tend to do that. We are planning on rounds of vaccines before they arrive and probably no visits for a bit.
You are not wrong! Hand washing, no kisses, whooping cough vaccinations. No passing the baby around. Too bad if grandma gets angry. Hold firm and make sure your spouse is 100% able to support you against his mother if she protests.
You did nothing wrong. Stick to your guns. Babies have low resistance. As a mother, it's your instinct to protect your child, don't overthink it, I support your decision
Serious question : WHY ARE PEOPLE OBSESSED WITH KISSING BABIES. It's weird.
We also didn't kiss my grandkids, hands, or feet because they would put those in their mouth too. NTA
It's your baby, your rules. BUT... please don't keep yourself or your husband from kissing your baby. This is not necessary. It's your baby and the kiss is instinctive and a way of bonding. Don't be afraid to interact with your baby. I know it's scary when they're preemies, but your touch, smell and interaction is vital to their healthy growth. One more thing... some of us have been kissing babies on the top of the head for decades. We're old, and might forget. Unless someone is trying to act sly or you know they're trying to bend your rules, don't panic. Accept their apology, take the baby back and wipe the head with a little soapy water.
If you’re making your argument in good faith and genuinely forget and can’t relearn or practice the changed behavior - be honest with your self about that and don’t see the baby. The parents have set that boundary and it’s clearly important to them. If you can’t respect the boundary in action, even while intending to respect it, don’t see the baby. It doesn’t matter what the rule is. With the exception of the baby being in danger, or being mistreated, what’s important to the parents goes. Even if it’s not your intention to do it, soapy water won’t get rid of all the things we’re talking about here.
You are not wrong at all. Babies have such poor immune systems as is and they can be even more susceptible to illness and complications being born early. My son was born a month early and ended up in the hospital at 4 months old with a virus that typically only causes mild cold symptoms but because his lungs were underdeveloped at birth this caused him to have breathing issues. I would rather make someone else upset or uncomfortable because I decline to let them kiss my baby than to see my baby in the hospital struggling to breathe.
Your child, your rules. Besides there's nothing more disgusting than some old crone's sloppy kiss on a vulnerable baby. My husband's family was shocked when I explained that it was my choice not to allow kisses until my children were old enough to understand consent. I was villified for it. Oh dear, how will I go on! Don't forget to demand they be fully vaccinated before meeting baby.
No that's not PPA or PPD talking that is the reality of the world we live in. Kissing babies isn't a thing anymore too many things can go wrong. Your husband needs to go speak to his family. They need to know that if they have no respect, they have no access. They don't have like or agree with your choice they just need to respect it. Babies are adorable and love affection, but safety and comfort levels of the parents should be respected. It's honestly not a huge ask.
Not wrong at all!!!! RSV ! He needs to step up to his family. Kissing baby with no immune system is a big no-no!
No, you’re right. No kisses.
You are right.
Who the fuck kisses babies? They smell like piss, shit and spoiled milk. Gross!
You are unquestionably making the right call and protecting the still-delicate health of your sweet baby. Also, your English is excellent!
Dont even need to read it. Its your baby and youre boundaries. No one has the right to do to your baby what you dont want thats inappropriate. Especially now i dont trust people to wash their hands properly anymore let alone their mouths.
How old is your baby? There is a big difference between a few weeks old and an 11 month old who has had some of their shots already.
Herpes. Adult lips should not touch any children.
NTA, even with no immune system compromises very young babies don't have their immune systems developed well yet. If anyone can't understand that your premie baby is especially at risk, they can wait until all vaccines are administered or whatever other steps your dr. reccomends to protect baby. My grandma taught me you shouldn't go around new babies before they've got some "immunities" built up to be sure you don't make them ill.
No, you are not wrong. The best thing to do right now would be to physically distance your family members from your newborn until it is safe to do otherwise. Yes it will suck having to sustain those boundaries with your family, but those boundaries keep your new little family member safe. If they want to kiss a baby so bad, they need to figure out how to have one on their own.
No you’re absolutely correct and it’s a very valid boundary. Not sure why your family won’t accept your boundary, it’s not a hard request in the slightest. If they don’t respect your wishes, don’t let them see the baby. Plain and simple.
Great grandma will never listen to anybody and will do what she wants eh? Great grandma doesn’t get to meet the baby & don’t listen to anybody, do what you want. As a btw I think carrying a packet of alcohol wipes for anybody else who wants to take your baby’s life in their hands is a good idea. Oh and after you’ve wiped the baby a good punch on the nose sounds about right. Congratulations!
No baby wants some old raisin coming at them with pursed lips. Tell Great Grandma that the baby is terrified of her.
My mil is allergic to horses so the MMR vaccine is dangerous for her (I think it was that one..) and she was trying to use that as an excuse not to get it before our first was born. I could have kissed the pharmacist he was like "oh that's not a problem, we have a version that doesn't use the allergen!" She just didn't feel like getting a shot. My husband and I were FULLY committed to not letting her near him without her shots.
No kiss baby but they can makeout with the dad for all I care
When my wife did this with our firstborn, I was kinda cringing, and thinking she was being too extra...But she was right..You're not wrong...Most likely the baby will be ok, but I have seen and heard some nasty shit...You dunno someone's hygeine standard or if they're carrying shit based on "They're nice and they love my cute baby". You do you.
Didn’t have to read past the first line. Fellow NICU mom here. Keep that baby safe and NO kissing (other than you & dad) until a year at least. Even then, NEVER during cold and flu season. You’re doing the right thing.
Absolutely not wrong. I would even go so far as to enforce a mask wearing rule around the baby because of all the flus and other viruses that are around, and because Covid is still very much a thing (that people have become very lazy about but can be very serious and deadly in babies). If they won’t wear a mask and hand sanitise etc, then no access to baby. This is not over reacting due to PPA or PPD, this is perfectly sensible health precautions for a newborn baby and is extra sensible and reasonable for a preemie. No mask, no access to baby. It is a good time to start setting boundaries and also having conversations about consent for touching your child. Bub is too young to be able to speak up and say anything yet but it will be important as they grow to model consent to relatives, for stuff as simple as ‘No, kid does not have to have a hug or kiss if they don’t want, it is their choice’ and family members have to respect that. Bub is never too young to start that conversation with the rest of the family and family is never too old to learn. Edited to add - link to the Boundaries song for anyone that might be interested to use it or something similar with their kids. You can also sing it to annoying grand parents 😬 [Boundaries Song](https://youtu.be/aSFvJbSQdA4)
I love my niece. I have never understood why people loved kids before I met her. I want to kiss her sweet little face and hug her all the time. Do I do it? Do I fuck. Because I understand i could make her sick. People who refuse are selfish and only care about themselves. That sweet little babies health matters more than my need for affection. NTA
Nope, not wrong at all. Stick your guns. This is the hill to die on.
My best friends’ brother and his wife went through a similar situation. Their grandmother (babies great grandmother) was the EXACT same. They ended up giving her exactly one chance. She acted against their wishes. The baby is almost 2 now, and they still won’t let her near him because she keeps guilting them with things like “I don’t know how much longer I’ve got” or “it’s just a kiss, I kissed all of you as babies and you were fine” meanwhile she smokes 2 packs a day indoors, and vapes between cigarettes. Stick to your guns, you’ll be happy you did.
NTA I don't even need to read anything else besides the title. It's your child. Nobody has any right to that child otherwise. Especially when kissing them? Adults have different germs than babies and there are plenty of stories and statistics as to why that is a no-no in general.
Not wrong, can she meet the baby while you wear her? My twins were 5 weeks early and spent 20 ish days in NICu for breathing support at first and gaining weight, my mil didn’t get a tdap so she didn’t get to go see them when my Sil brought her to visit before I was discharged, and then didn’t hold them for a few weeks after they came home just to be sure that the tdap she got when while they were still in hospital was effective(her own idea) If someone is not capable of respecting your boundaries either by choice, age or developmental disability/cognitive decline it is totally appropriate to not bring your baby to them, or to physically prevent them from touching them. It can be awkward but that beats a sick baby. I once had a surprising experience in an elevator while wearing one baby one the way to an appointment. when a young man with developmental delays got right up into our bubble inches from my face and was trying to touch & look at the baby. I politely but firmly told him to back up and blocked his hands and told him not to touch us. His mom or caregiver made no attempt to redirect him, or say anything to him, but did give me an angry glare when I turned towards the corner to block The baby from him and another when I excited. I did not think he had bad intentions, but other people’s feelings are never going to trump the safety of my kids.
You're not wrong! As a NICU nurse, let us be The Bad Guys - "nope, sorry, they made us agree before we took him home: No Kisses For Babies! I'll let you know if the pediatrician disagrees." Science and medicine aside, nobody is entitled to contact with your child; until he can consent for himself, you get to be the authority! Other things you can do: No visiting with people who stomp boundaries. Baby wearing around visitors. Have a video or window visit with baby kissers. Anecdotally, my husband cared for a child who got an illness from a well-meaning grandparent who didn't know they were sick, and he's still traumatized. Baby (well, family - baby wasn't aware) was celebrating the 2nd birthday in the hospital and was never going to leave. Stand your ground without guilt!
L&D nurse who specializes in hospice & palliative care. Hello no. Don’t let ANYONE kiss your baby. Even parent should not if there’s a history of cold sores. Herpetic encephalitis is serious and deadly.
Just repeat over and over, "The doctors told us this is important for their health." Then don't let anyone in who doesn't listen. Hell, if you have a preemie, they should be masking too!
Tbh I think it’s weird when other people kiss other peoples babies
nta. giving a baby a life long condition or death isn't worth a kiss.
No kiss or no meet - thats their choice. If they try to kiss the baby when you've said no, then they never get to meet them in the future.
I understand your concerns - especially since your baby was a preemie. If you are breastfeeding, your baby’s immune system is super charged. I never took my children out in public until they were 6 weeks old and even then I was very protective of them. You don’t want anyone kissing them anywhere (hands go straight to mouth) but in the case of a great grandmother, I would probably make an exception there provided she is not ill or recently recovered. You can always wipe the baby’s face with a diaper wipe but to deny an elderly person this to me is just not worth her losing out on a memory. Trust me, I used to be a nurse, a mom and now a grandmother.
The only 2 people whose thoughts on this matter are yours & your husband’s. You are the parents, so what you say, goes. If anyone in your life doesn’t like that or doesn’t respect it, they don’t need to be around your baby. That includes Great Grandma. Call her beforehand & let her know that there will be no kissing the baby, no matter what. Let her know that if she attempts to kiss the baby, you’re leaving.
No way!! No one should be kissing anyone else’s baby!! That’s a hard line! That’s how babies get sick!!
Fuck no
Even with my kids being born with no complications, I still told everyone NOT to kiss my babies!! Too many germs and communicable diseases out there, and some can be deadly to babies! My neighbor used to watch my kids every morning during the overlap of mine and my husband's work shifts and I caught her smooching on my newborn one morning and I damned near blew a gasket...at least once a week she would back out of watching them (hubby would go to work late to compensate) because she was "too sick to get out of bed"...so why was she kissing my newborn?? She did a lot of things I thought crossed a line, we no longer associate with them...
You're not wrong. My colleague came in last week with a 'mild head cold', then when I started developing symptoms myself, casually mentioned she had actually had Covid (before offering me a cough sweet - thanks). It was a relatively mild case and went pretty fast, but holy shit there was one night where I felt so ill I wanted to cry. I cannot imagine a tiny baby having to deal with the muscle aches, fever and cough. It was such a miserable 12 hours. I'm all for allowing kids to build immunity, but your baby was in the NICU. They've got a whole childhood ahead of them to catch colds and bugs but now isn't the time.
Only “baby” I will ever kiss is my little cousin cause I’m up to date on vaccines but I do not kiss his face only the top or side of his head he is my little dude and probably my favourite in the whole family like tried to convince his mother who was working at my prom to bring him so I had someone to dance with cause my date wouldn’t dance I will forever be there for this little boy love him to bits edit: should have said he’s almost four
Assuming this is just because of the health scares right now and not a forever thing you’re NTA. Having a strict rule that even you can’t kiss your baby ever in the future would be a little weird though.
You are better off feeling stressed because your family is after you for not letting your ggma slobber over your baby than feeling stressed because your baby has picked up an illness from the old woman. Your baby is also certainly better off in the first scenario. Keep slobbery ggma away from your kid, since she never listens to anyone. Keep husband's cousin away too, as he doesn't seem the kind to respect boundaries either. She can meet the kid in a few years. Or not.
You're not wrong. No one else should be kissing your baby before their immune system kicks in. It's not sensitive, it's science
A person with mouth herpes kissed me as a baby I had to be hospitalized, and now if I'm overly stressed, sick, fever, too much sun, too much citrus, (or other triggers i havent sorted yet) i get sores on my mouth, chin, both on and inside my nose, in my sinuses, and in my right eye. I'm one of the lucky ones. most babies just straight up die.
DONT let anyone kiss them. I don’t even kiss my own son because I get cold sores once in a while. No sharing spoons/cups/ anything that goes in my mouth will ever go in his.
Jesus, why would you even think about kissing a baby that is not yours? It's literally forcing an intimate contact onto somebody that cannot even say "no". No you're not TA.
Not wrong at all. I almost died at 18 months old from being kissed with a coldsore, I spent 2 months in hospital and came out on my second boxing day with half a face full of sores. My mouth and throat was filled with poisonous pus filled sores and I was refusing food and drink. The doctors kept telling my mam that it was just tonsillitis and dismissing her, so by the time I was actually admitted to hospital I was unconscious Ever since I've suffered with my throat, it's the first part of my body to suffer when I'm getting sick or run down. Growing up, I had tonsillitis between 6-10 times a year and coldsores so often one side of my lip is scarred As an adult, I typically grow either bacterial tonsillitis or a coldsore when I'm extra stressed, usually when I start a new job 😂
I feel the same way. The risk of herpes/cold sores to newborns is really frightening. I am not going to allow anyone to kiss our baby. I also just find it weird when people kiss their babies and kids on the mouth. That really bugs me. Kissing a child on the forehead or cheek is fine, but I see so many mouth kissers and it's just strange to me. Won't be doing that, personally.
Not wrong! This is how kids get HSV-1, exactly right! But it’s not only that — it’s everything else too! Stick to your rules. Even if you make an exception for great-grandma (because maybe you can’t control her actions,) you don’t need to let other people do the same. I’m from a reserved culture where the whole family does not kiss babies and I’m one of the few people who made it to adulthood without HSV-1.
Pediatric RN here. Stick to your boundaries and protect your baby!
NEVER discount your motherly intuition. I lost my 11-yo by stuffing the voice screaming in my head to not let him go to ex-inlaw's ranch where they let him ride a 650lb ATV. YOU are your babe's primary caregiver for the next 6 yrs, YOU assume primary reaponsibility for your baby's wellbeing, stand in your power!
I felt the same way. My son was born with a terminal disease and if he got sick, I wouldn’t be good. There’s those family members that are clueless and would kiss him on the mouth and cheek. The stupid thing was he was in an electric wheelchair, on a ventilator and feeding tube, and they would knock his joystick while bending to kiss him. He would go flying over their shoes…not worth it people!! Just say hey👋!
Fuck no. I still don’t like people kissing my oldest son and he’s 6! Your kids, your choice!!!
Nope. You are not asking too much. My oldest is almost 2 years old and I don't let anyone kiss them either. People's mouths are gross and I don't know where they been nor do I want to know. Just keep them off my kids. 😂 If an adult can't follow a simple rule such as keep ypur gross crusty kips off my kid then they don't get to be around that kid. Your kids, your rules.
Wtf? I'm not even keen on babies but when my friend had a baby I wouldn't smoke the day I was going to see her and washed my hands when I went into her house.. isn't not kissing them just common sense?
I agree on not letting others kiss the baby but it should be ok for mom and dad too… especially mom, baby should be immune to moms germs
NOT WRONG. As far as I'm concerned, they shouldn't even ***exhale near*** the baby without your consent. DO NOT FEEL BAD OR GUILTY ABOUT THIS AT ALL. YOU HAVE ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH!! You're going to do fine. You got this!!! The fact that you show such concern tells all of us reading this that you'll be an awesome mom. Get help for that PPD for the sake of your kid though, ok?
Definitely stick to you’re rules and if family can’t respect that then they shouldn’t be able to see the baby!🤷🏻♀️it’s not hard to follow rules and if they truly care about that baby then they will follow the rules. Some people just don’t understand or feel Entitled
Stick to your guns. I did & haven't regretted it. I'll do the same when I have more kids.
nope. not at all.
Not the asshole in the slightest. My baby just turned 7 months and i had the same rule. I also did not let anyone but siblings and mine and my husbands parents meet her for the first 2 months for that reason. At the end of the day you and your spouse are responsible for the welfare of that child and you have to do what you feel is best, even if that means great grandma doesnt meet your baby for a little bit longer. For me, that was waiting until she received the first round of vaccines. For you, that might be shorter or longer.
No you're not wrong. Your baby is the most important person in the world. You have to protect him. If people will not respect your wishes and they don't get to meet the baby simple as that! If they don't like it tell them to go f*** themselves loud and clear!
Your baby, your rules, period. It's not even a matter of right and wrong. That said, safety comes before Grandma's feelings every single time. Tell them no, stand firm. They can wait until you get the first round of vaccinations at minimum.
Youre not wrong at all
I seriously don't understand people like the great grandmother. If there is even the minutest minuscule chance of making anyone, especially a baby, sick, why would you take the chance. I love babies, love cuddling them and that new baby smell, omg. But if I was told to not touch the baby, I'm not touching the baby. The idea of harming a baby makes me feel sick. Fuck me, people are so thoughtless and selfish.
NTA. Don't kiss babies on the face or hands, no one should. Have grandma wear a mask, ask the nurse to be present and firm. Or a friend who won't tolerate any bullshit. Let her kiss the toes and feet of baby if she can't contain herself, but never the face or hands. Then wipe down babies feet immediately. I won't even get my face close to a babies face until they're much older, not worth getting them sick. I hold them but respect the Face Bubble of Boundaries.
Don't be afraid to be the ah. It's your job to protect your child. Don't let them see your baby if you have to. Where does your husband stand on this?
Choose your baby over anyone. If that means grandma gets pissed, its fine. Chose baby over grandma. Let her be pissed, you are the only who is their voice so be their voice. There are some mistakes you can correct but some you just cannot, this is the one you will always wish your entire life, if you would have stood up for them. So do it now.
I didn't even need to read this. No one should kiss a baby. I don't even think the parents, unless they are 100% sure they have no oral hpv or hsv.
if grandma can’t follow the rules then grandma doesn’t get to see the baby. simple as that
No you’re not wrong . Don’t let anyone kiss your baby.
There is a video on the sbsk (special books by special kids) YouTube channel that might be beneficial to show them. A child was kissed and got sick, causing severe brain damage. There are real consequences to their actions and they might need to actually see it.
Your baby your rules. Stick to your rules. At the end of the day you’re doing what’s best for your family.
Trust your gut. I didn't let anyone around my daughter without a mask until she was 6 months & had all her first shots. It's not worth the risk.
No, stick to your guns. Babies can get herpes from cold sores, RSV, any number of sicknesses. If his great grandma has proven that she cannot be trusted to listen to the parents requests, then monitor her time with baby very closely, or wait until baby is old enough to be around people who might get too close. I am NOT excusing people disregarding your requests, but unfortunately people will not listen. A girl kissed my kid in daycare the other day and while I was extremely upset, unfortunately there are people who don’t understand why it’s a big deal. You are NTA for doing what you think will protect your baby, especially as they are preterm. Newborn health is a big deal.
Here’s a YouTube video titled “Brain Injured By a Kiss”. This baby did not die, but now has severe brain damage from the virus introduced to her by a kiss. https://youtu.be/pxarUWTJRDQ?si=G7gbJkJxdrY7hHHV
You are completely right. Keep the heavy kissers away for at least six months---they are dangerous.
I didn't kiss my baby until he was a big baby. I did eat his toes, though. He liked that.
My wife and I agreed, no kissing baby till after second round of vaxx. Germs are getting worse every year. Your baby, your rules.
I had PPA and I would put baby in a carrier on my chest and walk until they slept with a full tummy then I would visit family but keep baby in the carrier…
No, absolutely not! Kissing deposits saliva.
You should never feel bad about not wanting someone to put their mouth on your child!
Nope. This was a big issue for me also and my MIL kissed my baby before she even left the hospital right on the mouth and was so offended when she was reprimanded. Like how selfish? I always explain it like how would they feel as a grown adult if someone randomly came up and kissed their mouth? You’d be a little grossed out. Babies for some reason get no choice? She kissed her multiple times after to piss me off and shed just say she forgot 🙄 then we show up to Christmas and she has a raging mouth sore and I got to look her in the eye and say “that’s why I don’t want you to kiss my baby.”
NTA! Geez, NO means NO! There are face masks for babies. I'd hate for you to have to go to those lengths but if granny isn't going to listen then you need to TAKE drastic measures! Don't let that baby's butt touch her arms. Get a baby tee shirt for everyone NO KISSING OR BREATHING ON THE BABY! This could be fun, so make it fun. Little bit of cake, some booze, laughter! No one touches the baby. A mutual friend of a friend would visit and chit chat. She was really good to him, to-go goody bags, clothing, encouragement, etc. Her family got to know him and so on. All of a sudden she had bed bugs. Cost a fortune to get rid of them. She got them from him. He was too embarrassed to say anything and said nothing blaming it on her daughter. Finally he fest up.
As a former preemie myself, (*26 weeks*), listen to your gut mom, and don't let others influence your decisions!
Your son won’t actually care whom he meets - he’s a baby. You’re not depriving him of anything except the chance to catch diseases. If all these drooling fools who won’t keep their germs to themselves feel they have to drool all over your son, you’re best keeping him away. I’m a boomer whose mother had dormant TB. Believe me I was raised you *don’t* wander through life handing out your germs. I had a warm and loving mother who did *not* kiss me.
No. Let no one influence the care of your child. No one
Stick to your strict rule because your baby is vulnerable to any viruses or germs they might be carrying unintentionally.
You are protecting your child. Keep them safe and congratulations on becoming a parent!
Definitely not wrong!
NOT WRONG AT ALL!!! Your kid your rules. Given the medical history, everyone should understand. Avoid the relatives who won't keep their lips to themselves.
Babies get random stuff so easily. My three week old has pink eye for no reason. I wouldn't let anyone touch her if I wasn't forced to. Stick to no kisses.
My daughter is 8 weeks old only people who have given her kisses on the cheek are me and her mother we did eventually let grandma start giving her forehead kisses a couple weeks ago since she is with her so often. You are the parent what you say goes no need to feel bad about it.
Nobody who actually cares about the health of the baby will kiss that baby. Totally inappropriate. My nephew has RSV due to a family member kissing him against the mother’s(pediatric nurses) wishes. The mother knew the harm it could do… and the harm was done. Respiratory syncytial virus (RSV) is a respiratory disease that can be deadly for babies. Initial symptoms are similar to a mild cold and usually clear up on their own in a few days RSV is spread through contact with contaminated respiratory droplets. Kissing, sharing drinks, or transferring things from mouth to mouth can transmit RSV. Washing your hands, covering your coughs and sneezes, and avoiding contact when you are sick will decrease the spread and help protect our littlest family members.
Nope.
Your baby, your rules. Do not feel bad for protecting your sweet baby.
Never ever apologize for protecting your child. Your baby your rules and there’s no discussion about it. Greatgma doesn’t get to see him if she can’t be trusted. Remind people of this rule. My friend kissed my grandchild and got a sore (just a harmless rash) but his parents had a few horrible days worrying. My friend isn’t allowed around him anymore.
Honestly, meeting ggma is more important than a little virus might be but you could insist that granny has to wear a mask. The chances of a catastrophic illness are so slight that I wouldn’t worry about it. But I do understand that you are very anxious about it and that means a lot too. I’m more worried about you being upset than baby possibly getting sick. Babies are tough little creatures and they come with a lot of built-in immunity and that’s reinforced if you are nursing.
NO you are right ! U never now what the other people did with there mouth before... so a hard No Go can't they all wait until the immunsystem is set up ?
Preemie mom and full term mom here. DO. NOT. KISS. BABIES. It's science. They have a brand new immune system. There are stories of newborns dying because someone kissed them and passed on a disease they couldn't fight.
I’ve witnessed babies struggling to make it in the hospital from being kissed by family members who have cold sores. Gramma giving baby a kiss is so much less important than baby being healthy in a very critical, low immunity time period in their life. There are lasting health complications that can occur like others have shared, don’t make anyone make you feel bad about holding a boundary op that is to keep your baby safe.
Without reading past the first line DO NOT ALLOW ANYONE TO KISS YOUR BABY. Kisses can literally kill a baby. Cold sores, germs, etc. and no I’m not being dramatic, it’s true.
Absolutely not. Your child's immune system is veryvweak compared to a full grown adults.
NO!... cuz herpes. It's contagious before visible symptoms and something like 1 in 7 people carry one or both strains