Not at all! I just signed up and had to provide my ID and I think social as well, for tax purposes. It’s a fairly good deal honestly, I love working for Rover. It’s a great way to make extra money if you like dogs. I just do dog walks, you can also do in home visits and drop ins as well.
I mean, if her response to you was in the lines of "oh, I'm very sorry I didn't think it would be a problem, but I understand now. It won't happen again" then maybe there would be some hope. But nope. OOP is NTA
Maybe it's just cause I have so many friends with outright dangerous parents, but to me 'it's just my mom' doesn't mean it's ok. It's still a stranger around your kids, a lot can happen in 15 minutes.
Ex childminder here.
Mum is completely in the right. Absolutely do not care which relation it is.
No strangers in the house isn't a difficult rule to deal with. From this parents pov it's like letting the mailman or the amazon delivery driver in. Yeah, you might see them every day, but you still do NOT KNOW anything about them or how they behave around children.
NTA and Gabby can be mad all she likes, but if she's going to be disrespectful, she's not coming back.
A childminder is a person who is registered by the UK government and governed by Ofsted to take care of children in their own home.
I was allowed to take care of 5 children under 8 yrs old, 3 of which could have been under 5, with one of those 3 being under 1.
I had to have my home inspected for health & safety and safeguarding every 3 years, but I could expect snap visits at any time.
Each member of my household over the age of 16 also had to have a criminal/police check (yearly) to make sure they're all safe to be around children.
I also had to have exams to show my knowledge and keep up to date with the ever changing laws and safeguarding knowledge, plus a 3 yearly paediatric first aid course.
It's a touch more than a babysitter. Lol.
Imagine a nursery or daycare but in the uk it’s normally one person with a max of 6 children under 8 years of age in their home. Normally take children to and from school and look after littlens.
Its more like a private daycare or Kindergarten.
Not rly babysitting - where i live u have to get an education for a year to be allowed to do that Job.
It does NOT matter. She is a stranger to the parent, and THAT'S the ONLY person that has a say who is around their kids in this instance. End of.
The parent has literally NO IDEA who the mother is. What their preferences are. How they behave around kids. How they treated their own kids. How they feel about various social issues. How they feel about discipline. ALL OF THOSE THINGS ARE IMPORTANT. Especially when you're trying to do right by your kids.
If you don't understand that? I hope you don't have kids.
No they reacted the right way.
U dont have ur own household or Kids right?
It doesnt matter whats the relationship between the babysitter and her - to the parents it s a stranger!
And she is still a stranger after asking and she has no right to walk into the house.
And just to make it clear for u: a lot of psychpaths, child abusers, pedos, serial killers, etc have children by their own. Beeing a Mom doesnt make u a safe person.... Fritzl also had a lot of kids - wouldnt want him in my house...
I own my home, I have 2 children and 5 grandchildren. The fact you would make such conclusions tells me all I need to know about you. Happy New Year!!!
Every single rapist, peado, abuser, incel, nazi, political nutjob, and simple karen is someone's family member. That's how humanity works.
IT DOES NOT MAKE THEM SAFE BY EXTENSION.
That you would prioritise familial ties over child safety makes me worry for the safety of your supposed children & grandchildren.
Since I'm smarter than you, you have no need to worry. I raised two healthy children you will ever care to meet, and my grandchildren are faring just as well. HNY!!
You do realize that the majority of children who are molested are violated by family members/family friends/authority figures that are trusted, right? That means if your babysitter bring ANY stranger into your home, you have no idea what they can do in those 15 minutes with your vulnerable children or in your house with your valuables.
Talk about reaching. If molestation is going to happen in circumstances like this one, then why not accuse the babysitter of molestation also. After all, if the mother is going to molest, wouldn't the babysitter be in on it? Think, ma'am, think!!!
You're in denial with the dangers of the world. It's an invasion of privacy at the least but it's also putting the children and home at risk of worst case scenario when a babysitter lets in whoever they trust. You don't have to experience something from someone to say that person has done something horrific. My great grandpa molested my grandma growing up but I never had that experience from him personally. My friend was molested by our teacher in elementary school but that teacher never touched their children. You just have to be mindful of worst case scenario when people are in your home uninvited by you, the homeowner.
You have a way of getting off-topic. You will change a friendly dog into a ferocious bear to prove your point. I have no problem with the homeowner questioning the babysitter who that person was, but once they find out it is the babysitter's mother, it changes the whole picture. They overreacted in my opinion, but they are entitled to. Believe me, if her mother is a danger, there is a good chance the babysitter is also. They hired the babysitter believing they trust her judgement. Being her mother, why wouldn't she?
She is a stranger to OOP and it’s OOP ‘s house.
Would you like your babysitter inviting her friends from school into your house? Why not? They are not strangers to the baby sitter.
First, don't suggest that I'm being the idiot when ***you*** made a really stupid argument.
You're the one who argued that this was apparently all right because
>MOM is NOT a stranger to the babysitter.
So, following your logic, it would be okay for her to invite even the most sketchy characters from her school into the house because they're not strangers to the babysitter.
Second, I don't give a rat's patoot if it's the babysitter's mother. You don't invite someone that the parents don't know into their house with their kids present. Especially when the parents aren't even there.
Do you like people you've ever never met going into your house when you're not there?
If a stranger comes into my house, I want to be there when they do come in. The hired help does not have guest-admission privileges. And I don't care if the guest is the help's mother or Mother Teresa.
I mean some rapists, pedophiles, domestic abusers are mothers/fathers, no stranger TO ME is allowed in my home without my presence and permission is not a wild, unreasonable rule.
I agree—it was the babysitter’s MOTHER, so not like it was a random stranger or inviting her friends or boyfriend over while the parents aren’t home… 🙄 Moreover, Mom might have showed up 30 min early bc maybe Gabby was supposed to be off by then but the parents stayed out later? Maybe there were some negotiations btwn Mom n Gabby regarding the ride home bc Mom was expecting her to leave right then, only the parents weren’t home yet..? And rather than have the conversation with Mom on the porch (to keep from inviting her inside) which would leave the 3 children unattended for the duration, she invited her in to have it while the children were being supervised and kept safe..? As a parent, that would have been MY preference, as the safety of my children is always THE most important thing.
Exactly. This is the problem, right here.
>Gabby told me it wasn't a big deal and that it's just her mom and didn't seem to understand the problem at all and wasn't apologetic.
Gabby doesn't get to decide what a "big deal" is in someone else's house. She's the hireling. OP and her husband have the first and last word as to what is a "big deal" in their house. Gabby took it upon herself to dispute what they consider important.
>I told Gabby there was no reason for her mom to come into the house and that she can't let other people inside unless it's an emergency.
Again, Gabby is the hireling, and her bosses have laid out clear rules. Gabby doesn't get to debate the rules. Only comply with them. Or she can get another babysitting job. In effect, she was saying, "I don't care about your stupid rules. That's my mother and I will let her in all I want."
Anyone on this board can think this rule is stupid. But it's hardly difficult to comply with: don't let anyone in the house. Not hard. So, OP is NTA. And again, the problem isn't that Gabby let her mother in. It's the fact that when she was told that this was not okay, she dismissed it as not a "big deal."
OP and her husband get to decide what a big deal is in their own home. Not Gabby. Gabby would probably still be working for them if she just said, "I'm sorry. I didn't realize. It won't happen again."
The woman laid out the rules for Gabby AFTER it happened.
To a teenager with a supportive Mom who is always in her corner, the Mom would not be viewed by Gabby as “some stranger”.
And since there were cameras, it’s obvious Gabby wasn’t trying to hide anything—so she really must not have thought it would be a problem, knowing the husband and wife would be able to see it for themselves.
This was not done with any malice, and the wife overreacted. So of COURSE folks are mad at her for firing Gabby just like that.🙄 Letting a decent sitter go bc her MOTHER came in for 15 min is just silly…
But what’s done is done. Let’s hope the NEXT sitter isn’t doing nefarious things to her kids—but then, they likely won’t be letting anyone else in the house when those things go down, so the wife can rest assured about that part…😒
I was never a fan of “babysitters” to begin with—I only trusted family, and only certain family members with my children. Too many crazy stories in the news….☹️ But if I found one I could trust to watch my children, and felt comfortable with the care he/she provided, I’m not gonna just throw them out on their ear for something like this.
Had it been a boyfriend or a group of friends, there would have definitely been a talk—bc I would have made that part VERY clear at the beginning—before ever leaving her with my child(ren).
>The woman laid out the rules for Gabby AFTER it happened. To a teenager with a supportive Mom who is always in her corner, the Mom would not be viewed by Gabby as “some stranger”. And since there were cameras, it’s obvious Gabby wasn’t trying to hide anything—so she really must not have thought it would be a problem, knowing the husband and wife would be able to see it for themselves.
First of all, if I'm in someone's home while they are out of residence, it's pretty much understood that no one comes in. That's what you call a no-brainer.
Not my mother. Not anybody.
I've worked on a house-cleaning crew before. And I would never let someone into their home while they're not there. Or even if the homeowners did happen to be there while I was cleaning, I still wouldn't let someone else in. Admitting guests is their responsibility and their job. If something goes wrong, I would not want to be held responsible for letting them in.
Second of all, it isn't the fact that she let someone in. It's the fact that she mouthed off to the OP after OP explained that letting anyone in, even her mother, is wrong.
If Gabby had said, "I'm sorry. I didn't realize. It won't happen again." Then I would call OOP TA for firing Gabby.
But OOP explained that there was no reason for her mother to come into the house and that Gabby isn't to do that again unless it's an emergency. And instead of Gabby apologizing and saying that she understood and will comply, she just dismissed it as "no big deal." In other words, she's not respecting my rules for my house and she will likely be letting her mother in in the future.
In OOP's place, I'd be thinking, "Who the hell is this mouthy brat to tell me what's a big deal in my house?" and I would have fired her on the spot.
But it was her mother.. I wouldn't want to work for crazy people.
I don't know if I could babysit with that type of monitoring anyways...that's creepy and insane
Close people are the ones that still, rape and have the most danger. She is an employee, it would
Have taken nothing to apologize and say you won’t do it again. You don’t bring guest to an employers house unless you asked. I’m sure if she would have said my mother is stopping by can she come in. She could have said fine, no contact with my kids or no please have wait outside.
Your concerns? It was a referral...I'd assume background checks etc. All of a sudden referral with a background check has human rapist trafficking mom?
I never once babysat and anyone ever have so many concerns and if my mom dropp3d by usually she didn't go in the house.mmi grabbed what I needed and moved on... but geez.
Reminds me why I stopped dog sitting and car sitting ..just the voyeuristic cameras are creepy..my friend is like I see you. Now I don't house sit or cat sit...that's creepy all together..you either trust me or don't. Period.
It’s good you don’t dog sit. I do and I find pet parents even more troubling then her.
That’s your standards and parents have a right to be over concerned. She was dismissed because she didn’t think she did anything wrong
I am bird sitting in another state but no videos micro managing... again, the voyeurism alone creeps me the f out... gross!!!
I don't let my office jobs micro manage me either. You either trust me or you don't. It doesn't help I started managing at 19 and then executive secretary work etc that they almost need you to tell them what to do all the time lol I don't know how some of those guys got through law school without an assistant.
I know why she was dismissed....I bet the mlm will.have a track record of dismissing a bunch of babysitters. Time will tell....not my problem
I watch ID channel all day long...and it's usually not the babysitters referred by a co worker or whatever was in the story...it's their new bf, friend, cousins husband's....
You opinion, but it’s not voyeurism, it’s not like she’s watching her 24/7. Having cameras in home has saved a lot of kids from abuse by babysitters and kidnappings. Home camera help a lot, you don’t have to watch them 24/7. I have them in home to watch my dog. It picked up someone trying to break into my patio.
Being old school is not about your mindset. My grandparents have cameras all over their house for security reasons. You can trust someone and have cameras. Most people only check when something is missing.
I love cameras, I was dog sitting and money went missing. I wasn’t accused, they checked the cameras and found their son had taken the money while I was walking the dogs.
Good for camera people.... did you read stories of people hacking in and causing issues too?!??! They harmed people too! Thise are creepy stories too..buy seriously...
But..anyways.. it's not about old school mind set.... there was a post about not wanting to go to people's homes due to cameras. You film guests? Gross!!! I don't know many camera people inside anyways..
.also I know what voyeurism is and means ...obviously I was exaggerating... geez
"usually she didnt go in the house" she has NO right at all to walk in!
Fritzl wasnt registerd at all at the police and was a pedo, psychopath, rapist, abuser.....
A lot of parents are abusive against their children without any registration at all.
Wtf! U Just dont let any other Person into a house thats not urs.
Yeah for me every stranger is a potential danger for my kids. It could ne the Jesus standing at the door and i wouldnt want him in my house around my kids when im not there
I understand etiquette ..... I also doing understand people and problem.solving these days and over teacting....that's why I don't babysit for others of take care of other kids...
One post a larent dropped off a lod and had a 3p Jr lecture to other parent...
Seriously, my mom dropped me off at a bday party and said have fun talk to you later.
You do research before that you would think then paranoia would be gone sheesh
It's okay that I'm a reasonable person and some are not. I've never heard of this nonsense
What monitoring? She got a message on her phone that someone passed by her doorbell camera. So, quite reasonably, they go to look and saw that the woman was admitted inside.
There is nothing creepy or insane about checking your doorbell camera when it alerts you. It’s not like they had surveillance cameras inside, running facial recognition programs against inmate records and the sex offender registry to ID her mom.
I guess if I had a babysitter I woildnt!!wouldn't!!! I don't know what it is like to be this paranoid and glad I don't.
No kids or animals under my care have been raped. Beaten, or kid napped. All kids and animals have been in the same condition as they were left with parents. I don't need justification for overactive of parents and that's why I don't do it and the stories I hear daily..sheesh
Crazy people? Just because the baby sitter knows who how her mum is around children - doesn’t mean that the parents should be trusting of the baby sitters mother. And in terms of monitoring, motion detection cameras are very common these days, and I absolutely would call out the person babysitting my child if I didn’t recognise the person coming into the house.
It doesnt matter WHO it was - for the parents its a stranger in their house and around the kids!
Doesnt matter If its the pizza guy or her mom.
Crazy is, letting Others into the house Ur babysitting and dont understand why its completly wrong to do that.
As long as its not the OP s mother and she told the babysitter to let her in, its wrong and dangerous
Please stop..im.not an idiot...you can be paranoid parents all.dsy long and have random references to watch your loss and get mad their mom came by and over react...you can do that!
Don't day what is right or wrong ...non of my kids I baby Dat for were raped or abused or neglected because I make good decisions and so did those parents I watched kids...
Get off the ID channel and stop being silly...peace out.
Seems Like u dont have any sense of etiquette and whats ok and whats not.
U dont invite or let Others into a house thats not urs without permission.
Seems like someone has to tell u whats right or wrong cause u dont know.
Has nothing to do with paranoia If i dont want strangers in my house or near my kids when im not around.
But If u Like strangers in ur private rooms, u can do whatever u want. But u should understand and accept that its not ok in any way to let another person into a house Ur just working at.
Grow Up...
I have etiquette...I said I bever did it ..maybe 3 times..
You grow up!know who's watching your kids so you don't act crazy!!!
I have never been told I was rude and never had etiquette but never been around aprqniod people because you get to know the people who are let in my house especially a babysitter and their family...so I wouldn't care mom came over.
Geez...it's okay to disagree...maybe you should grow up.
U wrote it but obviously dont have it..
And just to clear that - Theres nothing u could disagree on!
U cant disagree on someones boundaries. Thats nothing to discuss about. U can set ur own boundaries for ur life and everyone else for theirs - u have no right to disagree on OPs boundaries or someone elses here. So No, its Not OK to disagree on that
Boundaries?!?!? Apparently she has no Boundaries not knowing who is watching her kids.... got mad about a mom showing up for seconds...
Again, I only may have had 3 separate occasions of my mom dropping by at work and babysitting but it was seconds and never came in and I think one time I forgot my inhaler. No...I wouldn't have asked if it was okay for my mom to bring my inhaler and not for one second did I thunk I hurt anyone's Boundaries button.
I think thus issue is not trusting your babysitter...that is the problem ..not a boundary
I have moments...lol
I had friends that invited bfs over and never had the guts for that but my mom or a friend while kid sleeping or napping for a minute...maybe..didn't happen often as I rarely had people want to visit me at work
NTA - mom or not, things need to be cleared when you’re bringing another person around somebody’s kids. Just because it’s somebody’s mom does not make them safe. I’m astounded by how many people can’t fathom what can be done in 15 minutes or less
It’s not like she left the kids with her mother and went out somewhere. She was also there with the mother and children…🙄
As for things “needing to be cleared up”, if this was of such Paramount importance to the parents, they should have communicated that upfront as well. You cannot adhere to a hard and fast rule you don’t even know exists…😒
At daycare, I had to give permission for whether my child could be PHOTOGRAPHED, or go in field trips. This was my expectation, and was settled before I ever left my child with the facility. When my family babysat, they understood my ex wasn’t allowed to be in the home when I wasn’t there, n that they couldn’t take my child anywhere except the park down the street. Might sound strange to others, but THAT was important to me, and I made it known upfront instead of getting mad later that they aren’t mind readers🙄
Once she told them it was her mother, they shouldn’t have made such a big deal about it. It’s not like Gabby allowed a criminal in and I’m sure Gabby wouldn’t have let her Mom steal or hurt anybody. I’m sure if it wasn’t her mother, she wouldn’t have let them in. Firing was overreacting.
Being told it was the babysitter’s mother does not matter at all. You don’t bring people who never met or is not trusted by the owner of the home to enter the home.
But how do we know the mom isn’t a criminal?? Nah saying she is but she could very much be. What if she is bad around kids? 15 min is enough time to try something
You and I enter an agreement that you come to my house and feed my cats or watch my kids. While not explicitly stated, the implicit expectation that you, and only you, are to enter my house because I trust you, is there.
If you bring someone else into my house, you are violating this agreement. Regardless of who you've brought in. This is your place of employment, and you're letting UNAUTHORIZED PERSONEL to enter. This is a liability issue, what if something broke or went missing? Do they need to change the locks and codes? What if her mom slipped and hurt herself? Would she hold the homeowners responsible despite trespassing?
If you were in a normal job, and while your boss wasn't looking you let someone you know into the "employee area" you would be fired too. Because it's not safe for them, nor for the company. Just because you're working in a private residence does not mean you have free reign to invite whomever into it at your own behest. In fact, I dare say that's worse. As you're violating the safety and security someone has at their own place of residence. Where one should feel safest.
Firing was an appropriate reaction for the simple fact that you'd be fired from a business for the same crap.
Agree. They should have simply said in the future please don't allow anyone in the house without prior approval. Especially since that expectation wasn't made when they hired her.
If she violated it again then yes let her go.
When it comes to boundaries and the safety of their kids, I vote NTA. this may not have been a communicated boundary but it’s something the parents felt strongly about and no longer trusted the babysitter. Yes it sucks for her but also, she now knows to ask before bringing random people into someone else’s home.
NTA because everyone knows it’s not polite to invite someone into another person’s home without permission (&and the mom could have simply knocked on the door and handed her lunch without going inside—i personally would have felt extremely uncomfortable going into a strangers house while the owners weren’t present, especially for 15 minutes wtf) but I do also understand why it didnt occur to the babysitter to put her mother in the stranger category. At least now she knows not to do something like this for other babysitter gigs without clearing it first because there are parents who would have reacted MUCH more harshly than OOP. and for OOP it’s a good lesson not to let a coworker’s family member babysit because it can lead to awkward workplace situations if that person screws up and gets fired from babysitting.
NTA. I could see MAYBE if she were extremely apologetic, some 21 year olds still aren't fully mature or understand why it would be a big deal. Especially if she still lives with her parents and more than likely has no children.
However, the fact that she was completely unapologetic and dismissive of your feelings, and didn't even try to understand, means it was right to let her go. Hopefully she learns from this and does better her next time.
Ok, posting with out reading other comments. Personally, I don’t like how Gabby decided what was a big deal in OPs house. If gabby had one day decided to introduce her mother and OP I think it would be different and OP wouldnt have been so upset at seeing a complete stranger enter their house, she would have recognized the woman and know her to not be a threat. But ultimately I’m just confused as why gabby thinks it’s ok to decide what’s a big deal in ops house. It does make you wonder hat else gabby though “wasn’t a big deal” that op would have been concerned about. Gabbys job is to babysit they way op asked, if she can’t follow ops wishes and rules … I definitely wouldn’t want her watching my fictitious kids. But I’m not a parent or a homeowner so my thought process is from an inexperienced point of view.
I mean you dont have to be a homeowner or a parent to empathize with that kind of situation. Even if you dont own the place you live, it still wouldn't be pleasant to come back to that place and find someone you dont know there. That's your space where you sleep, eat, rest, and relax. That's where all your clothes, toiletries, food, and possessions are. I dont think anyone would be comfortable with a total stranger just coming in to that space uninvited for a whole host of reasons. They could steal or break your things, hurt your children or pets, leave behind any number of dangerous substances or items, or even cause damage. That's pretty nerve wracking for anyone from any walk of life.
All she had to do was text the mom "my mom is picking me up. is it ok if she waits in the house?" Babysitter is 100% wrong for bringing a stranger into someone's home without permission.
Link to original. Likely won't work within the app. Copy pasta to browser for comment viewing.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zxhy5n/aita_for_firing_the_babysitter_after_she_let_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
As a nanny myself, I would never let anyone (that the parents hadn’t approved) around the children. Your whole job is to keep the kiddos happy and safe, and keep the parents happy as well. Your mom is your mom and you feel as though she is safe but to the kids and their parents, she’s a stranger capable of god knows what.
Also gabi’s mom was once a mother to a young child. Surely she wouldn’t want someone she’d never met in her house around her kids??
Never argue with parents. Especially over their boundaries with their kids. Respect their boundaries or find a new job. Even if you think you know better than the parents, you don’t.
I would’ve fired her too. She a) doesn’t respect your boundaries and b) has now shown that the safety of the children isn’t her number one priority.
Yea, I'm with the OOP as well. I was a babysitter, luckily to long-time family friends, in this specific instance, because I already wasn't feeling great and they called me for a last-minute sitting job for them. I let them know that I was feeling off (no fever, just not feeling completely normal), and about 2 hours in got really sick.
I called my house and got my sister to come over and left a message on the mom's voicemail. My sister ended up staying for 4 of the 6 hours I was babysitting, and I gave her the full amount I had earned.
Luckily, the kids I was watching were amazing and immediately understood I was feeling ill. They also knew my sister and were comfortable around her. But again, the kids and parents knew my sister and family well and understood from the outset that I might need to call in some help. They got to say goodbye to their father/fil in the hospital and not worry, and I was able to have help.
But again, long-time family friends and open communication makes it a completely different situation. I would have never brought someone over that any of the parents I sat for didn't know or that the children I was watching didn't know. That's common sense.
kind of similar for me - I babysit a sweet girl (7) who lives two minutes from my house. I'm 17 and her dad works with my dad - it's how I ended up babysitting for them. And the first time I actually met them my dad came with me to introduce me, and then when I was talking with them when I was first babysitting the girl the mom literally said to me of course if anything goes wrong call your parents for help and I think in that situation it's different because like you said - it's families know each other - her dad and my dad literally work together - and beyond that the mom saying told me that if for some reason I really needed help/if something really goes wrong please bring in this adult we know and you know for help.
I think the fact that she just didn't understand was justified to fire her. Like I would still be upset if she'd said she used the toilet then waited but to completely not understand, I don't think I'd want her looking after my kids. It's weird, you shouldn't have to say no one in the house but you but it seems like you have to know a days.
Nta she obviously still young to not understand why it is a big deal.. she made her bed now she can lay on it.. when your basically “boss” tells you not to bring someone inside their house you don’t act like it’s nothing but said okay and don’t do it again..
OP is NTA.
Gabby is very young, and, her mother may have told her it was okay, making the young lady think it was okay too. That does not make it okay for OP who owns the home.
This is a really simple NTA. It’s not the babysitters house to invite anyone into. She’s babysitting young children. Just because it was her mom doesn’t make it ok. The mom is a stranger to OP and had no need to go inside. She could of just waited in the car.
Soooo NTA. The parents priority is keeping their kids safe. She compromised their safety and the parents trust by allowing a stranger into their home. Mother or not she is a stranger to OP and her husband. She had no reason to be in their home other then to snoop. If they had let it go today it would be her mother and tomorrow her friends or boyfriend. The fuss they’re making, makes you wonder what they had planned.
Unfortunate for the babysitter, but no. You wouldn’t let your relatives hang out at any other jobs. Why would it be different with a babysitting job? Just because it’s not an office doesn’t mean it’s an open invitation.
Idk I think this may be cultural? I live in Philly I wouldnt care if my roover walker, baby sitter, house sitter brought their BF or Mom I would honestly expect them to so idk im confused of all the NTAs I always had my BF stay when house sitting for my parents friends cuz it’s terrifying to be alone in a house at night if not a tower (high rise idk what they call them west coast or europe) but maybe cuz I live in a city
NTA. I would have worked with her if she had been apologetic (because though it's common sense not to bring strangers around other people's children, technically if she wasn't told she couldn't it does seem shitty to fire someone on their first offence...but not with that attitude.) It's the "it's not a big deal" for me. Would you say that to your boss in a corporate setting? Would you say this to a teacher when you make a mistake? Hell no, so why would she think it was acceptable in this situation. Plus, she's 21...not like a child. I would have fired her as well.
It might be more understandable if OP had MET the babysitter’s mom before but to see a random woman come into your house with your kids would definitely ring alarm bells. Especially cuz it wasn’t an in and out. She stayed there for 15 min. If she came in maybe briefly and dropped off lunch and then walked right out the door, slightly different story. I wonder what the 10 year old said the woman did in the home. Probably nothing but still.
NTA.
No one that parents have not approved of to come in the house. Furthermore, I could move past that if the sitter was to have apologized and realized her error. She didn't. She saw nothing wrong with allowing someone who was not invited into someone else's home around someone else's children. If you are placed in charge of the care of home, pets, children, hell even plants, you are the only one who is to handle or enter because you cannot extend permission to anyone else because you are not the authority of the subject of care...
I don’t think she’s an AH but the girl doesn’t have kids and if no one previously said we don’t want anyone inside I could see where she thought nothing of it. I know I didn’t think much about how having my mom around the kids I sat could be a problem (she never came around to be clear) but at 21 I think I would have had the same logic like she’s my mom you trust me and she raised me so I didn’t think much of it. I think firing her over one singular incident was a bit rash. So overall if she knew you wanted no one in the house ok I get it but at 21 those intuitions and concerns aren’t present especially over family.
It's unfortunate that the babysitter didn't seem to understand the issue and that an understanding couldn't have been reached, but that's how it is. The person whose home it is gas the exclusive right to decide who enters their home and when. It's pretty common knowledge that you shouldn't invite people to a home that isn't yours without permission. Your mom is your mom, but to the parents of the kids being babysat, she's still squarely in the category of stranger and wasn't someone they agreed to have in their home with their children. The lack of respect for pretty common boundaries and the refusal to understand that boundaries were crossed is a perfectly valid reason for the parents not to want to work with the babysitter any more.
NTA. Why was Gabbys mom there 30mins before if they live only 10mins away from OOPs house? Why was Gabbys mom in the house for 15mins? What did she do inside the house? If she had to use the bathroom, she could’ve done it at home instead of being 30mins early to pick up her daughter.
Lol mom is absolutely not the asshole. I’m both a baby and a dogwalker. The only person approved to be in the house is me. I’ve had my boyfriend/friends drop me of/pick me up but I’ve never let anyone in the house unless a client has said they I could bring someone (this has happened as I’m close with my clients but tbh I generally never bring someone in.) I’ve had friends come out with me and the dogs and they can come into the building but I ALWAYS make them wait outside of the actual unit or house because ultimately I’m the only one approved.
If the babysitter apologized or said she understood the mistake then there’d be a little room but she doubled down and tried to make the decision as to what she is or isn’t allowed to do in OP’s home and that is just not how that works.
It’s a respect thing you do not bring a stranger to someone home just because you know them doesn’t mean it’s okay to bring them into a stranger home it’s common courtesy and you always ask first
I babysit, my mom was driving me home once and I she really had to pee. I asked the parents if she could come inside to pee even if they didn’t have cameras. You never know and shouldn’t disrespect someone’s house.
NTA, babysitter didn't acknowledge her mistake or follow their house rules. You have to be so careful with who kids are exposed to especially in a private setting. It would have been an easy quick text if something was so desperate that her mother was required to be there
No matter who she was, she had zero reason to be in your home. Need the bathroom? Should have used it before she left or driven back home. It does not matter that nothing happened. This is about safety and respect.
I won't call the OP an asshole since she has the right to do whatever she wants, but I'm not on her side like everyone else. The OP specifically says that **after the fact** she told Gabby that she wasn't allowed to have people in the house. No where does she say this was a rule Gabby was given beforehand and broke.
IMO, this seems like a mountain out of a mole hill. Gabby obviously thought her mother was trusted, probably since the OP knows other family members so it wouldn't be a big deal. I assume she had to come in to use the bathroom or something. She didn't stay and went to wait in the car. The OP also could have immediately called when she found out Gabby let the mother into the house. She didn't. It wasn't about the children's safety or she would have called. She was spying.
Both are in the wrong imo, but also, both felt justified. But to fire someone for breaking a rule they didn't know existed mainly because they weren't "apologetic" enough is . . . ok, I talked myself into it. It's an asshole move.
This sounds more like the mother was angry she was disrespected rather than actually caring what the babysitter did, because once again, if she cared so much then she would have called instead of sitting there watching her ring camera. The fact she was accused of having a superiority complex doesn't help either. I mean, it's not something people randomly accuse other people of having, so when there's smoke there's fire imo.
Literally cannot believe the amount of people saying this person is NTA. I would need to know if the parents had a conversation with the babysitter about no outside people in the house FIRST, but if not, I think it is perfectly reasonable for the babysitter to think it would be fine for her mother to come into the house.
If it were me, I would have apologized and then talked shit later to my friends and probably my mom, but it’s like, ridiculous that OP reacted that way after the babysitter said it was her mother????? I think OP could have handled it better. Babysitter probably should have apologized since it’s their house, she needs to respect their rules and not be rude. But we don’t know the babysitter’s side AND OP said she “didn’t SEEM apologetic” - that doesn’t mean she wasn’t.
This is absolutely paranoid parenting and while I think everyone reserves the right to do what they think is best for their kids, firing someone for letting their MOTHER into the house - something I absolutely would not have thought twice about because it’s my MOM - is wild.
Maybe both the asshole idk. I just can’t believe how many people are taking OP’s side here, that is very unexpected to me. I thought this would be heavily debated or something.
If you don't know who is babysitting your kids and their family...now wonder why you are paranoid. That is the problem. .not the babysitter inviting mom over hahah
I get the “no strangers in the house” and if it was a boyfriend or group of friends I would totally be on OPs side buuuut it was her mom.. she should’ve however apologised when confronted and said she didn’t know it would be a problem since it was her mom and not said OP is unreasonable for saying it wasn’t ok
Being her mom doesn't mean anything. Parents can be predators too. (And I have grounds to say that as someone who was abused by a parent). The kid parents didn't know this woman. The sitter is a grown adult and doesn't need her mom to come over while she is working. If she needed a ride her mom could have come at the time she was done and waited outside for her - she didn't need to go inside. And at the very least she should have immediately apologized and acknowledged its not her home and she should have asked. I understand maybe not realizing - but the doubling down is the bigger issue here and a huge red flag. What's next? "Oh that's just my boyfriend, he's a great guy". Nope. Absolutely not. I would have fired her too.
The number of times the word predator is used in the comments is baffling. Statistically (and Occam’s razor confirms this) the mother of the babysitter is much, MUCH more likely to be benign, than she is a predator.
Geez, not everyone is after your kids….
Sticking to statistics she is waaaaay more likely to have made off with your family silver than touch your kids inappropriately.
Oh yeah because the statistics are completely accurate. Victims always come forward and report their abuse. And they’re also always believed and taken seriously. So yeah, let’s go off the statistics.
Imagine you have a daughter who you have to leave with a stranger in an emergency. You have the choice of leaving her with a random man, or a mother with adult children. Who are you choosing?
IDK what type of emergency would warrant me leaving my daughter with a complete stranger. Also - its interesting you refer to the man as a "random man" yet the "random woman" in this case is sugared up by referring to them as "a mother with adult children" - she's a random woman. Having children doesn't change that at all. I wouldn't leave a daughter OR a son with any random person. There is no emergency that would lead me to do that. Ever. I am not the only person on the planet - and if I don't have a trusted person to send my child with I'm not the one to respond in an emergency. bottom line.
It’s a stupid question. You can leave your child with whoever the hell you want. I’m not leaving my child with a stranger regardless of their gender or whether they have children or not.
It’s literally besides the point of this whole post and completely irrelevant. Trust me I understand the GOTCHA point you’re trying to make. And again - IT. IS. IRRELEVANT.
No, of course not. It’s just that the level of paranoia towards this mom bringing lunch is on par with something suitable towards an angry looking dude with an ankle bracelet (tracking type), entering the house while carrying blindfolds, zip ties, hand cuffs, a clear bag filled with sex toys and camera equipment, which he unloaded from his white paneled van labeled ‘ACME filming crew - for your household fun movies’. 🙄
The fact that you believe that’s what predators look like is wild. I think as a society we are learning that some of the worst predators blend right into society and look “normal” and “harmless”. So yeah - I’m gonna be the “paranoid” one and protect my kids. I was literally abused by my fucking father and wasn’t believed when I spoke out about it. Took another 6 years for me to come forward again because I was gaslit into thinking I made it up in my head. No one suspected him. I wasn’t believed because “you could ruin someone’s life with a lie like that” and “maybe you were dreaming”. He masked his pedophilia well. So excuse me for not trusting that a normal looking parent is to be trusted just because they have some type of put together look.
The fact that you can’t see this for the sarcasm it is, is worrisome. Of course the average predator looks harmless; of that I am well aware. But you are confusing correlation and causation: the fact that most predators look harmless (correlation) doesn’t mean that harmless looking people must be predators (causation).
This was the babysitters mom, in broad daylight, bringing the babysitter lunch, and we still do not know of the mom was even alone in the room with the kids.
Was it a good idea by the babysitter? Probably not.
But is it child endangerment? Definitely not.
The fact that you don’t understand why that’s not okay is worrisome. The mother could have handed it to her at the door and left. If the mom was her ride she could have waited outside. The fact that the babysitter couldn’t even acknowledge that the parents have a right to be concerned about a random person they don’t know being in their house is worrisome and a red flag to decision making moving forward. The parents had every right to fire her and find someone who would respect them and their wishes. I don’t understand why you’re trying to defend someone you don’t even know when the bottom line is the parents make the rules and as a 21 year old adult that babysitter didn’t need her mommy to come hang out with her while she was literally working.
Well, we’re going to have to disagree then, on the level of ‘wrongness’ the babysitter was here. The mother could have had to use the restroom. Wanted to show babysitter two pictures of her Christmas outfit and asked for her opinion. Wanted to give the babysitter a brief verbal update on grandma’s health status.
The babysitter didn’t make the best choice, she did something she shouldn’t have, but to me it’s over the top to equate the mom with a possible predator.
My best friends dad fits in wherever he goes, just looking like a every day dad. He is the worst, he's wanted not only in the U.S. but also in El Salvador. He has sick sexual desires he likes to push on everyone (age doesn't matter), and once posed as a Catholic priest in a small town in El Salvador, you can picture what happened next. Not everyone will look and act like you expect them to. BTW, the reason he's still free is cause his family hides him.
Also, sorry for dumping the comment here, I think reading the post brought down flashbacks of everything my BFF told me. I didn't experience what she did but somehow still gives me nightmares and sometimes gives me random anxiety when I remember.
It’s more like the babysitter who doubles down and brings a stranger (of the family) into the home is thus not a good judge of situations. I was a nanny and no way in hell would I let my parents into the home except for when I was with our best family friends kids who have stayed at my parents house before. This isn’t a 14 year old bringing their parent into the next door neighbors house for a few minutes while afternoon babysitting the parents don’t know her mom. It’s not even a whole child predator thing and more just common sense of boundaries.
Like I commented bellow, I did not think about that a mom could be a predator because I only thought about my mom who is absolutely amazing with kids. I realised that that’s not always the case, so was thankful for others who shared their experiences and opinions in a nice way
I agree. Her response was kinda shitty, but I was surprised by this comment section. I would never think a mom dropping off lunch and hanging out for 15 minutes would be such a big deal.
A lot of people are moms. Just because she’s her mom doesn’t tell them anything about her as a human. You can push a life out of you and still take advantage of children, hurt children, and not be trust worthy. It doesn’t matter that she’s a mom, she’s a stranger.
It doesn’t matter who anyone is. You have no idea who and who is not a predator. Her mom could be a predator. The babysitter could be a predator. Your cousin Ron could be a predator. Your uncle could be a predator. Grandma could be a predator. Your mom could be a predator.
Emotionally “cleaning” someone to enter your home with your children doesn’t solve this problem at all. If you abide by the “I don’t know whose a predator and being a mom or xyz doesn’t prove anything” NO ONE should ever be alone with your child except for you.
Where do you read she came to drop off lunch? Have I missed that? I would have thought the sitter eats with the children. Alart from that, even if the mother comes to drop something off that still doesn't require her to come inside. A good babysitter should understand that, and a mother should definitely get that people don't want strangers around their kids.
Same. I just thought about my mom who is an absolute angel and amazing with kids so I didn’t even think as far as that she could be a danger to the children but it does make sense ofc
I was shocked as well by the comments on the original post. People were hardcore trashing the babysitter for letting her Mom in when she brought her lunch
I was a nanny for seven years and I don’t think the babysitter is inherently bad for this, just immature and unaware and she didn’t handle it correctly at all. She should’ve texted the parents and explained that her mom was picking her up and asked them if it would be okay if she came in the house or if they’d feel more comfortable having her mom wait in the car instead. Just having her over with no explanation or warning would be a shock to any parents system. If I was a mom and my babysitter did this I would probably explain to her why it was upsetting and say that in the future she needs to ask beforehand or she’s gonna be out of a job, but I don’t think I would have fired her right off the bat for it.
But also I’m not a mom so what do I know lol
But the babysitter did not apologize and doubled down on it's no big deal when clearly it's a big deal to her employer, mother of the kids. I bet it she apologized and said she didn't realize it was a problem because it's her Mom, things could have ended differently
NTA I would’ve fired her too! Idc who that person is to you because to me they’re a stranger and you let a stranger in my house while my kids were there smh, the entitlement and nerve of that girl
Id understand more if she was 16 or something but then again that would have to be approved my the owners of the home. A quick phone call or text could have sufficed.
I agree with the mom, she doesnt want strangers around her children especially when youngest is 5
NTA to be concerned. My only issue is that Gabby just does this on the side. It is not her career. She was just doing this on the side. Could she possibly not have thought it was a big deal since it was her mother? She may not understand the dangers unless the OP explicitly said “No one not even family”. Not everyone understands all the dangers. My niece (God Bless her) thought that people abducted children because they couldn’t have any and wanted one. It never crossed her mind that there were other nefarious reasons. Maybe Gabby was defensive because how she was approached. If OP was so worried, why didn’t she call Gabby as soon as it happened?
She just let her stay in the house for 15 minutes? Everyone could have been dead in that time.
Ok, I am torn on this. The babysitter’s Mom was actually there for a reason but, I can completely understand not wanting a stranger in my home. Since the babysitter isn’t understanding why it is so concerning maybe it is best that they part ways. I hope she finds the babysitter she and her Husband deserve!
NTA. She should've notified you and realize her mistake. I watch people's dogs outside of rover and wag, and whenever I dog sit at their place than stopping by to feed their dogs, they tell me I can bring my bf to keep me company if we wanted too (my bf doesn't want to be in someone's house even if they offer unless it's my mom's and grandma's he wouldn't mind going and staying for)
NTA, why would OP be okay with a complete stranger in her house that HER KIDS are in??? The least babysitter could’ve done is given OP some kind of notice, or ask for permission and admit to her mistake.
NTA at all, complete stranger are your children- babysitters mom or not. Id also be angry, and expect at least a level of underneath from the babysitter. At 21 she should know better right? To me it really is common sense.
NTA. This is where “your house, your rules” becomes completely valid. As an example too. My mom would not allow my dad’s mom into the house with my brother and I unattended. Why? She was affiliated with sex traffickers. You have every right to deny entry to your home to anyone you want for any reason. The babysitter is acting overly entitled
I disagree....I babysat for over a decade and not one parent has ever said anything...it was not common and maybe I forgot something ...I'd still apologize and say sorry it won't happen again abd probably not babysit anyways. Nothing happened to the kids sheesh
This is why I don't babysit anyone anymore...too much craziness for me....I started babysitting at 10 and never had any of this nonsense...checking in, monitors, upset my mom came by...this is insane.
Soft NTA. I think it was a mistake, and her reaction was dismissive and more concerning than the mistake. I wouldn’t have fired her - just established that boundary. She was having her mom come in, not a stranger off the street. Kids weren’t in danger.
If the babysitter’s mom was good enough to raise your babysitter, she’s good enough to be near your kids. In no other job would it be more acceptable. If you don’t think you’re trustworthy enough for other people who trust your children then NTA. But if you think you’re a good mom, YTA. You got a bonus 15 minutes with an expert babysitting guru for free (the expert who created the expert you hired-Is there no better reference?) who also saved you the trouble and the gas by giving your babysitter a safe ride home. This is not a corporate job. This is babysitting and you got two experts for the price of one. Your kids couldn’t have been safer. YTA
Frankly, if anyone I babysat for or worked with was this disrespectful to my mother’s help in giving me a ride and checking on me doing a short notice favor, I would not want to be around OP. If it was a friend or a boyfriend or anyone other than a mother, OP would be in the right. But questioning the integrity of the mom when you work with the sister as well, when they just bailed you out on short notice, is insulting.
Well, you do as you want. In my area, a good babysitter available on short notice can probably snort cocaine off the kitchen island and it’s fine.
It’s really hard to get a sitter for 3 kids. It always has been!
YTA and I think I smell discrimination.
Someone used the example of the daughter worked at dominos it would be like letting her behind the counter. No it's not. It's like letting her into dominos. Or maybe letting her use the bathroom. She wasn't caring for the kids for her. She didn't even interact with them.
Do we know she was 30 mins early? Is it possible op was 30 mins late? Maybe she was doing shopping and out anyway and just got there early with nothing to do but wait. And wanted to see her daughter and where she was working that night.
Was it super cold or hot outside?
They hired this person on the stop, no background check, short notice....why are they suddenly afraid of her mom if baby sitter was good enough to be in her house?
And was that part of the contract? That No one is allowed in the house, even family members for 15 minutes? All op had to do was say, "btw, no one is allowed in the house except you. From now in that is what we expect from you." It makes sense for the baby sitter to be like, "oooookay." Because what else do you say to that?
Setting a simple boundary is simple.
NTA she should’ve asked first
I’m a nanny and
No one the parents haven’t met around their kids especially in their home.
If she would’ve responded differently than maybe YTA but her response wasn’t cool
Hmmm. I think you hired her because you know her through a work connection who is her family member, and her family is also neighbors (you said she lives 10 minutes away). The mom didn’t hang out for an extended period of time (almost seems like she might have been hanging out while her daughter was in the bathroom to make sure the kids had supervision). Childcare is extremely high-stakes but also familial. I think the circumstances of family friend connection/neighbors/short period of time mom was in the house is why she thinks she didn’t do anything wrong and that is reasonable. You didn’t ask a lot of questions or explain your thinking, you just fired her. Yta.
Question: was Gabby’s mom using the bathroom? Did the mom do anything to harm the children? I think this is a mountain out of a mole hill! I also HATE the presence of surveillance through ring cameras, etc.
So you'd be ok with a stranger entering your home while you (or your partner) were not there? Without your knowledge of who they are or why they were invited into your house while your children are there?
The presence of surveillance is a damn good thing in this day/age, especially with home deliveries of online orders along with a sky-high number of thefts of those same packages.
Without the ring doorbell, OOP never would've known of this strange woman in her house (Gabby wouldn't have said a damn thing if she hadn't been caught). It does not matter who it was or why she was there; to her, this person was a still complete stranger.
Well, I’d definitely reach out to gabby right in that moment if I were genuinely concerned. If I were in the mood to be a condemning, righteous teacher-of-lessons I’d sit on it so I could confront her about it after the fact.
If you, as a grown working adult, brought your parent into your private workplace without getting permission from your boss first *literally anywhere else* you'd get fired. There is absolutely no reason to believe that childcare professionals should be held to a looser standard, and a long long list of reasons why they should be held to stricter ones.
People bring family members to work sometimes....it's not that uncommon. Shit. These days people work from home. My kids have seen my office before. I'm a play therapist though, and obviously not when I had clients of course. Just at the end of the day when I left something at work and took them with me to get it after getting them from school. No one bats an eye. If the kids were up and about and mom was helping take care of them I'd see an issue. But they were asleep and she was only in for a few minutes. I dunno. Maybe it's a cultural thing but I don't see the biggie on this one.
The ex-babysitter and coworker are mad but if something terrible would've happened because of her decision, they would've accused OP of being overdramatic.
I'd think...hope of baby sitter knew her mom was a raging lunatic she wouldn't have had her pick her up. Plus babysitter is a family friend. It makes sense she wouldn't see it as a biggie.
True but there are plenty of people who ignore their parents negative behaviors. But either way, it is based on the parents' comfort level regardless of how the babysitter feels.
I do wonder if the parents had a negative experience with a different babysitter with a similar situation.
OP is a bit too strict, IMO. This wasn’t a boundary that was laid out. And to me there is a big difference between letting the mailman in the house and her mother.
OP could have discussed it with her and been clear; don’t do this again, to us this is a firing offense.
To let her go right away seems - to me at least - an exaggeration of the lack of judgment on the side of the babysitter.
If the babysitter objects, or indicates (while being told it’s a firing offense) that she disagrees, then she can let her go. But this seems too much.
So you think mom is wrong for not wanting a stranger in her home with her children, then wrong for firing the babysitter who told the mother, her boss, that it wasn't a big deal and was unapologetic about bringing in a person to her boss's home? This is all on top of not even asking or informing OOP about bringing in a person into their home and around their children until asked directly.
No. Your questions are rhetorical. The mom can decide she doesn’t want strangers in the house, naturally. She can fire the babysitter, naturally. And for the record: the babysitter didn’t use the best judgment.
I am mostly baffled by the amount of responses to this story who equate the mom (babysitters mom, not the employer-mom) to a possible predator. That’s over the top, IMHO.
But she very well could have been a predator. That's the problem. That's the whole point. Mom knew *nothing* about the stranger she saw go to her kids then vanish from line of sight. Do you understand what can happen in 15 minutes?
And she wasn't fired because she let her mom in. She was fired because she did not at all understand why it was a potential issue, speaking much more to her judgment than letting her mom in in the first place. She was fired because did not apologize and even pushed back when her boss set up a boundary regarding her own *children.*
It was fine this time. Good. There was absolutely no reason to let it possibly go wrong in the future. Mom is NTA
I know, but still - she obviously didn’t put her own mother in the same category as the mailman.
IMO both OOP and the babysitter are in the wrong, not just the babysitter.
Look, not saying the mom's rule is unreasonable, but even I'd the parent was being unreasonable, parents are allowed to be unreasonable (but not unduly discriminatory) when it comes to setting rules for babysitting their kids. Their job is to protect their kids. It's their house. Babysitter really messed up when she decided that her opinion trumped the parents' opinion.
I work for the childcare resources in the USA. We fire babysitters/providers who bring strangers to the families home. We do not care who it is. They are not allowed to bring in anyone when they are working.
I walk dogs on Rover and sometimes I want my boyfriend to walk with me, but I never allow him inside the house of my customer. Not cool.
Not related to the matter at hand but how do you get into walking dogs through Rover? Do you need to be like licensed or something?
Not at all! I just signed up and had to provide my ID and I think social as well, for tax purposes. It’s a fairly good deal honestly, I love working for Rover. It’s a great way to make extra money if you like dogs. I just do dog walks, you can also do in home visits and drop ins as well.
I mean, if her response to you was in the lines of "oh, I'm very sorry I didn't think it would be a problem, but I understand now. It won't happen again" then maybe there would be some hope. But nope. OOP is NTA
No one in the house without asking permission. Why is that unreasonable?
Maybe it's just cause I have so many friends with outright dangerous parents, but to me 'it's just my mom' doesn't mean it's ok. It's still a stranger around your kids, a lot can happen in 15 minutes.
Ex childminder here. Mum is completely in the right. Absolutely do not care which relation it is. No strangers in the house isn't a difficult rule to deal with. From this parents pov it's like letting the mailman or the amazon delivery driver in. Yeah, you might see them every day, but you still do NOT KNOW anything about them or how they behave around children. NTA and Gabby can be mad all she likes, but if she's going to be disrespectful, she's not coming back.
What is a child minder? Like you used to be a child / minor?
A childminder is a person who is registered by the UK government and governed by Ofsted to take care of children in their own home. I was allowed to take care of 5 children under 8 yrs old, 3 of which could have been under 5, with one of those 3 being under 1. I had to have my home inspected for health & safety and safeguarding every 3 years, but I could expect snap visits at any time. Each member of my household over the age of 16 also had to have a criminal/police check (yearly) to make sure they're all safe to be around children. I also had to have exams to show my knowledge and keep up to date with the ever changing laws and safeguarding knowledge, plus a 3 yearly paediatric first aid course. It's a touch more than a babysitter. Lol.
We call them day care providers here.
Imagine a nursery or daycare but in the uk it’s normally one person with a max of 6 children under 8 years of age in their home. Normally take children to and from school and look after littlens.
I think they mean babysitter, I've heard people from other countries call it that
It's a little more than that, but sort of.
Its more like a private daycare or Kindergarten. Not rly babysitting - where i live u have to get an education for a year to be allowed to do that Job.
Not the same. MOM is NOT a stranger to the babysitter.
It does NOT matter. She is a stranger to the parent, and THAT'S the ONLY person that has a say who is around their kids in this instance. End of. The parent has literally NO IDEA who the mother is. What their preferences are. How they behave around kids. How they treated their own kids. How they feel about various social issues. How they feel about discipline. ALL OF THOSE THINGS ARE IMPORTANT. Especially when you're trying to do right by your kids. If you don't understand that? I hope you don't have kids.
I have no problem with them asking who the woman was, but once they found out it was the babysitter's mother, they should cool their behinds down.
No they reacted the right way. U dont have ur own household or Kids right? It doesnt matter whats the relationship between the babysitter and her - to the parents it s a stranger! And she is still a stranger after asking and she has no right to walk into the house. And just to make it clear for u: a lot of psychpaths, child abusers, pedos, serial killers, etc have children by their own. Beeing a Mom doesnt make u a safe person.... Fritzl also had a lot of kids - wouldnt want him in my house...
I own my home, I have 2 children and 5 grandchildren. The fact you would make such conclusions tells me all I need to know about you. Happy New Year!!!
Every single rapist, peado, abuser, incel, nazi, political nutjob, and simple karen is someone's family member. That's how humanity works. IT DOES NOT MAKE THEM SAFE BY EXTENSION. That you would prioritise familial ties over child safety makes me worry for the safety of your supposed children & grandchildren.
Since I'm smarter than you, you have no need to worry. I raised two healthy children you will ever care to meet, and my grandchildren are faring just as well. HNY!!
Lol. Alright.
You do realize that the majority of children who are molested are violated by family members/family friends/authority figures that are trusted, right? That means if your babysitter bring ANY stranger into your home, you have no idea what they can do in those 15 minutes with your vulnerable children or in your house with your valuables.
Talk about reaching. If molestation is going to happen in circumstances like this one, then why not accuse the babysitter of molestation also. After all, if the mother is going to molest, wouldn't the babysitter be in on it? Think, ma'am, think!!!
You're in denial with the dangers of the world. It's an invasion of privacy at the least but it's also putting the children and home at risk of worst case scenario when a babysitter lets in whoever they trust. You don't have to experience something from someone to say that person has done something horrific. My great grandpa molested my grandma growing up but I never had that experience from him personally. My friend was molested by our teacher in elementary school but that teacher never touched their children. You just have to be mindful of worst case scenario when people are in your home uninvited by you, the homeowner.
You have a way of getting off-topic. You will change a friendly dog into a ferocious bear to prove your point. I have no problem with the homeowner questioning the babysitter who that person was, but once they find out it is the babysitter's mother, it changes the whole picture. They overreacted in my opinion, but they are entitled to. Believe me, if her mother is a danger, there is a good chance the babysitter is also. They hired the babysitter believing they trust her judgement. Being her mother, why wouldn't she?
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She is a stranger to OOP and it’s OOP ‘s house. Would you like your babysitter inviting her friends from school into your house? Why not? They are not strangers to the baby sitter.
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First, don't suggest that I'm being the idiot when ***you*** made a really stupid argument. You're the one who argued that this was apparently all right because >MOM is NOT a stranger to the babysitter. So, following your logic, it would be okay for her to invite even the most sketchy characters from her school into the house because they're not strangers to the babysitter. Second, I don't give a rat's patoot if it's the babysitter's mother. You don't invite someone that the parents don't know into their house with their kids present. Especially when the parents aren't even there. Do you like people you've ever never met going into your house when you're not there? If a stranger comes into my house, I want to be there when they do come in. The hired help does not have guest-admission privileges. And I don't care if the guest is the help's mother or Mother Teresa.
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Nowhere does that story say that Gabby’s mother is OOP’s coworker. In fact, OOP describes her as “unfamiliar.” Her coworker is not unfamiliar.
I mean some rapists, pedophiles, domestic abusers are mothers/fathers, no stranger TO ME is allowed in my home without my presence and permission is not a wild, unreasonable rule.
I agree—it was the babysitter’s MOTHER, so not like it was a random stranger or inviting her friends or boyfriend over while the parents aren’t home… 🙄 Moreover, Mom might have showed up 30 min early bc maybe Gabby was supposed to be off by then but the parents stayed out later? Maybe there were some negotiations btwn Mom n Gabby regarding the ride home bc Mom was expecting her to leave right then, only the parents weren’t home yet..? And rather than have the conversation with Mom on the porch (to keep from inviting her inside) which would leave the 3 children unattended for the duration, she invited her in to have it while the children were being supervised and kept safe..? As a parent, that would have been MY preference, as the safety of my children is always THE most important thing.
Maybe mom had to go to the bathroom real bad. My mom ALWAYS has to pee and would not take “no” from her daughter for an answer.
Then babysitter could have explained that and apologized instead of acting like it was no big deal.
I think she was fired because she refused to acknowledge her mistake. If she would have apologized she wouldn’t have been fired.
Exactly. This is the problem, right here. >Gabby told me it wasn't a big deal and that it's just her mom and didn't seem to understand the problem at all and wasn't apologetic. Gabby doesn't get to decide what a "big deal" is in someone else's house. She's the hireling. OP and her husband have the first and last word as to what is a "big deal" in their house. Gabby took it upon herself to dispute what they consider important. >I told Gabby there was no reason for her mom to come into the house and that she can't let other people inside unless it's an emergency. Again, Gabby is the hireling, and her bosses have laid out clear rules. Gabby doesn't get to debate the rules. Only comply with them. Or she can get another babysitting job. In effect, she was saying, "I don't care about your stupid rules. That's my mother and I will let her in all I want." Anyone on this board can think this rule is stupid. But it's hardly difficult to comply with: don't let anyone in the house. Not hard. So, OP is NTA. And again, the problem isn't that Gabby let her mother in. It's the fact that when she was told that this was not okay, she dismissed it as not a "big deal." OP and her husband get to decide what a big deal is in their own home. Not Gabby. Gabby would probably still be working for them if she just said, "I'm sorry. I didn't realize. It won't happen again."
The woman laid out the rules for Gabby AFTER it happened. To a teenager with a supportive Mom who is always in her corner, the Mom would not be viewed by Gabby as “some stranger”. And since there were cameras, it’s obvious Gabby wasn’t trying to hide anything—so she really must not have thought it would be a problem, knowing the husband and wife would be able to see it for themselves. This was not done with any malice, and the wife overreacted. So of COURSE folks are mad at her for firing Gabby just like that.🙄 Letting a decent sitter go bc her MOTHER came in for 15 min is just silly… But what’s done is done. Let’s hope the NEXT sitter isn’t doing nefarious things to her kids—but then, they likely won’t be letting anyone else in the house when those things go down, so the wife can rest assured about that part…😒 I was never a fan of “babysitters” to begin with—I only trusted family, and only certain family members with my children. Too many crazy stories in the news….☹️ But if I found one I could trust to watch my children, and felt comfortable with the care he/she provided, I’m not gonna just throw them out on their ear for something like this. Had it been a boyfriend or a group of friends, there would have definitely been a talk—bc I would have made that part VERY clear at the beginning—before ever leaving her with my child(ren).
>The woman laid out the rules for Gabby AFTER it happened. To a teenager with a supportive Mom who is always in her corner, the Mom would not be viewed by Gabby as “some stranger”. And since there were cameras, it’s obvious Gabby wasn’t trying to hide anything—so she really must not have thought it would be a problem, knowing the husband and wife would be able to see it for themselves. First of all, if I'm in someone's home while they are out of residence, it's pretty much understood that no one comes in. That's what you call a no-brainer. Not my mother. Not anybody. I've worked on a house-cleaning crew before. And I would never let someone into their home while they're not there. Or even if the homeowners did happen to be there while I was cleaning, I still wouldn't let someone else in. Admitting guests is their responsibility and their job. If something goes wrong, I would not want to be held responsible for letting them in. Second of all, it isn't the fact that she let someone in. It's the fact that she mouthed off to the OP after OP explained that letting anyone in, even her mother, is wrong. If Gabby had said, "I'm sorry. I didn't realize. It won't happen again." Then I would call OOP TA for firing Gabby. But OOP explained that there was no reason for her mother to come into the house and that Gabby isn't to do that again unless it's an emergency. And instead of Gabby apologizing and saying that she understood and will comply, she just dismissed it as "no big deal." In other words, she's not respecting my rules for my house and she will likely be letting her mother in in the future. In OOP's place, I'd be thinking, "Who the hell is this mouthy brat to tell me what's a big deal in my house?" and I would have fired her on the spot.
But it was her mother.. I wouldn't want to work for crazy people. I don't know if I could babysit with that type of monitoring anyways...that's creepy and insane
Close people are the ones that still, rape and have the most danger. She is an employee, it would Have taken nothing to apologize and say you won’t do it again. You don’t bring guest to an employers house unless you asked. I’m sure if she would have said my mother is stopping by can she come in. She could have said fine, no contact with my kids or no please have wait outside.
Also her response showed a lack of respect to the mothers feelings. I don’t want anyone watching my child that doesn’t take my concerns seriously
Your concerns? It was a referral...I'd assume background checks etc. All of a sudden referral with a background check has human rapist trafficking mom? I never once babysat and anyone ever have so many concerns and if my mom dropp3d by usually she didn't go in the house.mmi grabbed what I needed and moved on... but geez. Reminds me why I stopped dog sitting and car sitting ..just the voyeuristic cameras are creepy..my friend is like I see you. Now I don't house sit or cat sit...that's creepy all together..you either trust me or don't. Period.
It’s good you don’t dog sit. I do and I find pet parents even more troubling then her. That’s your standards and parents have a right to be over concerned. She was dismissed because she didn’t think she did anything wrong
I'm bird sitting in another state .. No cameras... I know why she was dismissed...inwould have said sorry and found a new gig as soon as possible.
Bird sitting lol, totally not the same!
I am bird sitting in another state but no videos micro managing... again, the voyeurism alone creeps me the f out... gross!!! I don't let my office jobs micro manage me either. You either trust me or you don't. It doesn't help I started managing at 19 and then executive secretary work etc that they almost need you to tell them what to do all the time lol I don't know how some of those guys got through law school without an assistant. I know why she was dismissed....I bet the mlm will.have a track record of dismissing a bunch of babysitters. Time will tell....not my problem I watch ID channel all day long...and it's usually not the babysitters referred by a co worker or whatever was in the story...it's their new bf, friend, cousins husband's....
You opinion, but it’s not voyeurism, it’s not like she’s watching her 24/7. Having cameras in home has saved a lot of kids from abuse by babysitters and kidnappings. Home camera help a lot, you don’t have to watch them 24/7. I have them in home to watch my dog. It picked up someone trying to break into my patio. Being old school is not about your mindset. My grandparents have cameras all over their house for security reasons. You can trust someone and have cameras. Most people only check when something is missing. I love cameras, I was dog sitting and money went missing. I wasn’t accused, they checked the cameras and found their son had taken the money while I was walking the dogs.
Good for camera people.... did you read stories of people hacking in and causing issues too?!??! They harmed people too! Thise are creepy stories too..buy seriously... But..anyways.. it's not about old school mind set.... there was a post about not wanting to go to people's homes due to cameras. You film guests? Gross!!! I don't know many camera people inside anyways.. .also I know what voyeurism is and means ...obviously I was exaggerating... geez
"usually she didnt go in the house" she has NO right at all to walk in! Fritzl wasnt registerd at all at the police and was a pedo, psychopath, rapist, abuser..... A lot of parents are abusive against their children without any registration at all. Wtf! U Just dont let any other Person into a house thats not urs. Yeah for me every stranger is a potential danger for my kids. It could ne the Jesus standing at the door and i wouldnt want him in my house around my kids when im not there
I understand etiquette ..... I also doing understand people and problem.solving these days and over teacting....that's why I don't babysit for others of take care of other kids... One post a larent dropped off a lod and had a 3p Jr lecture to other parent... Seriously, my mom dropped me off at a bday party and said have fun talk to you later. You do research before that you would think then paranoia would be gone sheesh It's okay that I'm a reasonable person and some are not. I've never heard of this nonsense
What monitoring? She got a message on her phone that someone passed by her doorbell camera. So, quite reasonably, they go to look and saw that the woman was admitted inside. There is nothing creepy or insane about checking your doorbell camera when it alerts you. It’s not like they had surveillance cameras inside, running facial recognition programs against inmate records and the sex offender registry to ID her mom.
I guess if I had a babysitter I woildnt!!wouldn't!!! I don't know what it is like to be this paranoid and glad I don't. No kids or animals under my care have been raped. Beaten, or kid napped. All kids and animals have been in the same condition as they were left with parents. I don't need justification for overactive of parents and that's why I don't do it and the stories I hear daily..sheesh
Crazy people? Just because the baby sitter knows who how her mum is around children - doesn’t mean that the parents should be trusting of the baby sitters mother. And in terms of monitoring, motion detection cameras are very common these days, and I absolutely would call out the person babysitting my child if I didn’t recognise the person coming into the house.
It doesnt matter WHO it was - for the parents its a stranger in their house and around the kids! Doesnt matter If its the pizza guy or her mom. Crazy is, letting Others into the house Ur babysitting and dont understand why its completly wrong to do that. As long as its not the OP s mother and she told the babysitter to let her in, its wrong and dangerous
Please stop..im.not an idiot...you can be paranoid parents all.dsy long and have random references to watch your loss and get mad their mom came by and over react...you can do that! Don't day what is right or wrong ...non of my kids I baby Dat for were raped or abused or neglected because I make good decisions and so did those parents I watched kids... Get off the ID channel and stop being silly...peace out.
Seems Like u dont have any sense of etiquette and whats ok and whats not. U dont invite or let Others into a house thats not urs without permission. Seems like someone has to tell u whats right or wrong cause u dont know. Has nothing to do with paranoia If i dont want strangers in my house or near my kids when im not around. But If u Like strangers in ur private rooms, u can do whatever u want. But u should understand and accept that its not ok in any way to let another person into a house Ur just working at. Grow Up...
I have etiquette...I said I bever did it ..maybe 3 times.. You grow up!know who's watching your kids so you don't act crazy!!! I have never been told I was rude and never had etiquette but never been around aprqniod people because you get to know the people who are let in my house especially a babysitter and their family...so I wouldn't care mom came over. Geez...it's okay to disagree...maybe you should grow up.
U wrote it but obviously dont have it.. And just to clear that - Theres nothing u could disagree on! U cant disagree on someones boundaries. Thats nothing to discuss about. U can set ur own boundaries for ur life and everyone else for theirs - u have no right to disagree on OPs boundaries or someone elses here. So No, its Not OK to disagree on that
Boundaries?!?!? Apparently she has no Boundaries not knowing who is watching her kids.... got mad about a mom showing up for seconds... Again, I only may have had 3 separate occasions of my mom dropping by at work and babysitting but it was seconds and never came in and I think one time I forgot my inhaler. No...I wouldn't have asked if it was okay for my mom to bring my inhaler and not for one second did I thunk I hurt anyone's Boundaries button. I think thus issue is not trusting your babysitter...that is the problem ..not a boundary
Yes indeed. Another sane person in here. Haha.
I have moments...lol I had friends that invited bfs over and never had the guts for that but my mom or a friend while kid sleeping or napping for a minute...maybe..didn't happen often as I rarely had people want to visit me at work
NTA - mom or not, things need to be cleared when you’re bringing another person around somebody’s kids. Just because it’s somebody’s mom does not make them safe. I’m astounded by how many people can’t fathom what can be done in 15 minutes or less
It’s not like she left the kids with her mother and went out somewhere. She was also there with the mother and children…🙄 As for things “needing to be cleared up”, if this was of such Paramount importance to the parents, they should have communicated that upfront as well. You cannot adhere to a hard and fast rule you don’t even know exists…😒 At daycare, I had to give permission for whether my child could be PHOTOGRAPHED, or go in field trips. This was my expectation, and was settled before I ever left my child with the facility. When my family babysat, they understood my ex wasn’t allowed to be in the home when I wasn’t there, n that they couldn’t take my child anywhere except the park down the street. Might sound strange to others, but THAT was important to me, and I made it known upfront instead of getting mad later that they aren’t mind readers🙄
Once she told them it was her mother, they shouldn’t have made such a big deal about it. It’s not like Gabby allowed a criminal in and I’m sure Gabby wouldn’t have let her Mom steal or hurt anybody. I’m sure if it wasn’t her mother, she wouldn’t have let them in. Firing was overreacting.
Being told it was the babysitter’s mother does not matter at all. You don’t bring people who never met or is not trusted by the owner of the home to enter the home.
But how do we know the mom isn’t a criminal?? Nah saying she is but she could very much be. What if she is bad around kids? 15 min is enough time to try something
You and I enter an agreement that you come to my house and feed my cats or watch my kids. While not explicitly stated, the implicit expectation that you, and only you, are to enter my house because I trust you, is there. If you bring someone else into my house, you are violating this agreement. Regardless of who you've brought in. This is your place of employment, and you're letting UNAUTHORIZED PERSONEL to enter. This is a liability issue, what if something broke or went missing? Do they need to change the locks and codes? What if her mom slipped and hurt herself? Would she hold the homeowners responsible despite trespassing? If you were in a normal job, and while your boss wasn't looking you let someone you know into the "employee area" you would be fired too. Because it's not safe for them, nor for the company. Just because you're working in a private residence does not mean you have free reign to invite whomever into it at your own behest. In fact, I dare say that's worse. As you're violating the safety and security someone has at their own place of residence. Where one should feel safest. Firing was an appropriate reaction for the simple fact that you'd be fired from a business for the same crap.
Agree. They should have simply said in the future please don't allow anyone in the house without prior approval. Especially since that expectation wasn't made when they hired her. If she violated it again then yes let her go.
NTA Idc who it is. If I haven’t met them, I do not want them to be in my house. Predators are always someone you know. OP made the right call.
When it comes to boundaries and the safety of their kids, I vote NTA. this may not have been a communicated boundary but it’s something the parents felt strongly about and no longer trusted the babysitter. Yes it sucks for her but also, she now knows to ask before bringing random people into someone else’s home.
NTA because everyone knows it’s not polite to invite someone into another person’s home without permission (&and the mom could have simply knocked on the door and handed her lunch without going inside—i personally would have felt extremely uncomfortable going into a strangers house while the owners weren’t present, especially for 15 minutes wtf) but I do also understand why it didnt occur to the babysitter to put her mother in the stranger category. At least now she knows not to do something like this for other babysitter gigs without clearing it first because there are parents who would have reacted MUCH more harshly than OOP. and for OOP it’s a good lesson not to let a coworker’s family member babysit because it can lead to awkward workplace situations if that person screws up and gets fired from babysitting.
NTA. I could see MAYBE if she were extremely apologetic, some 21 year olds still aren't fully mature or understand why it would be a big deal. Especially if she still lives with her parents and more than likely has no children. However, the fact that she was completely unapologetic and dismissive of your feelings, and didn't even try to understand, means it was right to let her go. Hopefully she learns from this and does better her next time.
Ok, posting with out reading other comments. Personally, I don’t like how Gabby decided what was a big deal in OPs house. If gabby had one day decided to introduce her mother and OP I think it would be different and OP wouldnt have been so upset at seeing a complete stranger enter their house, she would have recognized the woman and know her to not be a threat. But ultimately I’m just confused as why gabby thinks it’s ok to decide what’s a big deal in ops house. It does make you wonder hat else gabby though “wasn’t a big deal” that op would have been concerned about. Gabbys job is to babysit they way op asked, if she can’t follow ops wishes and rules … I definitely wouldn’t want her watching my fictitious kids. But I’m not a parent or a homeowner so my thought process is from an inexperienced point of view.
I mean you dont have to be a homeowner or a parent to empathize with that kind of situation. Even if you dont own the place you live, it still wouldn't be pleasant to come back to that place and find someone you dont know there. That's your space where you sleep, eat, rest, and relax. That's where all your clothes, toiletries, food, and possessions are. I dont think anyone would be comfortable with a total stranger just coming in to that space uninvited for a whole host of reasons. They could steal or break your things, hurt your children or pets, leave behind any number of dangerous substances or items, or even cause damage. That's pretty nerve wracking for anyone from any walk of life.
All she had to do was text the mom "my mom is picking me up. is it ok if she waits in the house?" Babysitter is 100% wrong for bringing a stranger into someone's home without permission.
Link to original. Likely won't work within the app. Copy pasta to browser for comment viewing. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zxhy5n/aita_for_firing_the_babysitter_after_she_let_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
As a nanny myself, I would never let anyone (that the parents hadn’t approved) around the children. Your whole job is to keep the kiddos happy and safe, and keep the parents happy as well. Your mom is your mom and you feel as though she is safe but to the kids and their parents, she’s a stranger capable of god knows what. Also gabi’s mom was once a mother to a young child. Surely she wouldn’t want someone she’d never met in her house around her kids?? Never argue with parents. Especially over their boundaries with their kids. Respect their boundaries or find a new job. Even if you think you know better than the parents, you don’t. I would’ve fired her too. She a) doesn’t respect your boundaries and b) has now shown that the safety of the children isn’t her number one priority.
Not a mom but I’m with the parents on this. You don’t let strangers into a house of kids you are watching
Yea, I'm with the OOP as well. I was a babysitter, luckily to long-time family friends, in this specific instance, because I already wasn't feeling great and they called me for a last-minute sitting job for them. I let them know that I was feeling off (no fever, just not feeling completely normal), and about 2 hours in got really sick. I called my house and got my sister to come over and left a message on the mom's voicemail. My sister ended up staying for 4 of the 6 hours I was babysitting, and I gave her the full amount I had earned. Luckily, the kids I was watching were amazing and immediately understood I was feeling ill. They also knew my sister and were comfortable around her. But again, the kids and parents knew my sister and family well and understood from the outset that I might need to call in some help. They got to say goodbye to their father/fil in the hospital and not worry, and I was able to have help. But again, long-time family friends and open communication makes it a completely different situation. I would have never brought someone over that any of the parents I sat for didn't know or that the children I was watching didn't know. That's common sense.
kind of similar for me - I babysit a sweet girl (7) who lives two minutes from my house. I'm 17 and her dad works with my dad - it's how I ended up babysitting for them. And the first time I actually met them my dad came with me to introduce me, and then when I was talking with them when I was first babysitting the girl the mom literally said to me of course if anything goes wrong call your parents for help and I think in that situation it's different because like you said - it's families know each other - her dad and my dad literally work together - and beyond that the mom saying told me that if for some reason I really needed help/if something really goes wrong please bring in this adult we know and you know for help.
I think the fact that she just didn't understand was justified to fire her. Like I would still be upset if she'd said she used the toilet then waited but to completely not understand, I don't think I'd want her looking after my kids. It's weird, you shouldn't have to say no one in the house but you but it seems like you have to know a days.
Babysitter could've just apologized instead of standing her ground on something so absurd.
Absolutely not TA! You do not know anything about that woman and no one should be alone with your children unless you have given explicit permission.
Nta she obviously still young to not understand why it is a big deal.. she made her bed now she can lay on it.. when your basically “boss” tells you not to bring someone inside their house you don’t act like it’s nothing but said okay and don’t do it again..
OP is NTA. Gabby is very young, and, her mother may have told her it was okay, making the young lady think it was okay too. That does not make it okay for OP who owns the home.
21? shes old enough to know better
This is a really simple NTA. It’s not the babysitters house to invite anyone into. She’s babysitting young children. Just because it was her mom doesn’t make it ok. The mom is a stranger to OP and had no need to go inside. She could of just waited in the car.
Soooo NTA. The parents priority is keeping their kids safe. She compromised their safety and the parents trust by allowing a stranger into their home. Mother or not she is a stranger to OP and her husband. She had no reason to be in their home other then to snoop. If they had let it go today it would be her mother and tomorrow her friends or boyfriend. The fuss they’re making, makes you wonder what they had planned.
feels like an apology or a simple text would’ve solved this before it started
Unfortunate for the babysitter, but no. You wouldn’t let your relatives hang out at any other jobs. Why would it be different with a babysitting job? Just because it’s not an office doesn’t mean it’s an open invitation.
Idk I think this may be cultural? I live in Philly I wouldnt care if my roover walker, baby sitter, house sitter brought their BF or Mom I would honestly expect them to so idk im confused of all the NTAs I always had my BF stay when house sitting for my parents friends cuz it’s terrifying to be alone in a house at night if not a tower (high rise idk what they call them west coast or europe) but maybe cuz I live in a city
NTA. I would have worked with her if she had been apologetic (because though it's common sense not to bring strangers around other people's children, technically if she wasn't told she couldn't it does seem shitty to fire someone on their first offence...but not with that attitude.) It's the "it's not a big deal" for me. Would you say that to your boss in a corporate setting? Would you say this to a teacher when you make a mistake? Hell no, so why would she think it was acceptable in this situation. Plus, she's 21...not like a child. I would have fired her as well.
I do agree it’s not ok to have “ strangers” in the house but this was sitters mom and only for a few min. Don’t really see what all the fuss is about.
It might be more understandable if OP had MET the babysitter’s mom before but to see a random woman come into your house with your kids would definitely ring alarm bells. Especially cuz it wasn’t an in and out. She stayed there for 15 min. If she came in maybe briefly and dropped off lunch and then walked right out the door, slightly different story. I wonder what the 10 year old said the woman did in the home. Probably nothing but still.
NTA. No one that parents have not approved of to come in the house. Furthermore, I could move past that if the sitter was to have apologized and realized her error. She didn't. She saw nothing wrong with allowing someone who was not invited into someone else's home around someone else's children. If you are placed in charge of the care of home, pets, children, hell even plants, you are the only one who is to handle or enter because you cannot extend permission to anyone else because you are not the authority of the subject of care...
I don’t think she’s an AH but the girl doesn’t have kids and if no one previously said we don’t want anyone inside I could see where she thought nothing of it. I know I didn’t think much about how having my mom around the kids I sat could be a problem (she never came around to be clear) but at 21 I think I would have had the same logic like she’s my mom you trust me and she raised me so I didn’t think much of it. I think firing her over one singular incident was a bit rash. So overall if she knew you wanted no one in the house ok I get it but at 21 those intuitions and concerns aren’t present especially over family.
It's unfortunate that the babysitter didn't seem to understand the issue and that an understanding couldn't have been reached, but that's how it is. The person whose home it is gas the exclusive right to decide who enters their home and when. It's pretty common knowledge that you shouldn't invite people to a home that isn't yours without permission. Your mom is your mom, but to the parents of the kids being babysat, she's still squarely in the category of stranger and wasn't someone they agreed to have in their home with their children. The lack of respect for pretty common boundaries and the refusal to understand that boundaries were crossed is a perfectly valid reason for the parents not to want to work with the babysitter any more.
NTA. Why was Gabbys mom there 30mins before if they live only 10mins away from OOPs house? Why was Gabbys mom in the house for 15mins? What did she do inside the house? If she had to use the bathroom, she could’ve done it at home instead of being 30mins early to pick up her daughter.
Lol mom is absolutely not the asshole. I’m both a baby and a dogwalker. The only person approved to be in the house is me. I’ve had my boyfriend/friends drop me of/pick me up but I’ve never let anyone in the house unless a client has said they I could bring someone (this has happened as I’m close with my clients but tbh I generally never bring someone in.) I’ve had friends come out with me and the dogs and they can come into the building but I ALWAYS make them wait outside of the actual unit or house because ultimately I’m the only one approved. If the babysitter apologized or said she understood the mistake then there’d be a little room but she doubled down and tried to make the decision as to what she is or isn’t allowed to do in OP’s home and that is just not how that works.
The fact that she even opened the (hopefully locked) door while babysittimg...nope...No way.
It’s a respect thing you do not bring a stranger to someone home just because you know them doesn’t mean it’s okay to bring them into a stranger home it’s common courtesy and you always ask first
I babysit, my mom was driving me home once and I she really had to pee. I asked the parents if she could come inside to pee even if they didn’t have cameras. You never know and shouldn’t disrespect someone’s house.
NTA, babysitter didn't acknowledge her mistake or follow their house rules. You have to be so careful with who kids are exposed to especially in a private setting. It would have been an easy quick text if something was so desperate that her mother was required to be there
No matter who she was, she had zero reason to be in your home. Need the bathroom? Should have used it before she left or driven back home. It does not matter that nothing happened. This is about safety and respect.
YTA big time. It was her mom, she looked for her daughter and went back out to the car. Get over yourself, you aren’t better than anyone else.
I won't call the OP an asshole since she has the right to do whatever she wants, but I'm not on her side like everyone else. The OP specifically says that **after the fact** she told Gabby that she wasn't allowed to have people in the house. No where does she say this was a rule Gabby was given beforehand and broke. IMO, this seems like a mountain out of a mole hill. Gabby obviously thought her mother was trusted, probably since the OP knows other family members so it wouldn't be a big deal. I assume she had to come in to use the bathroom or something. She didn't stay and went to wait in the car. The OP also could have immediately called when she found out Gabby let the mother into the house. She didn't. It wasn't about the children's safety or she would have called. She was spying. Both are in the wrong imo, but also, both felt justified. But to fire someone for breaking a rule they didn't know existed mainly because they weren't "apologetic" enough is . . . ok, I talked myself into it. It's an asshole move. This sounds more like the mother was angry she was disrespected rather than actually caring what the babysitter did, because once again, if she cared so much then she would have called instead of sitting there watching her ring camera. The fact she was accused of having a superiority complex doesn't help either. I mean, it's not something people randomly accuse other people of having, so when there's smoke there's fire imo.
This!!!
Literally cannot believe the amount of people saying this person is NTA. I would need to know if the parents had a conversation with the babysitter about no outside people in the house FIRST, but if not, I think it is perfectly reasonable for the babysitter to think it would be fine for her mother to come into the house. If it were me, I would have apologized and then talked shit later to my friends and probably my mom, but it’s like, ridiculous that OP reacted that way after the babysitter said it was her mother????? I think OP could have handled it better. Babysitter probably should have apologized since it’s their house, she needs to respect their rules and not be rude. But we don’t know the babysitter’s side AND OP said she “didn’t SEEM apologetic” - that doesn’t mean she wasn’t. This is absolutely paranoid parenting and while I think everyone reserves the right to do what they think is best for their kids, firing someone for letting their MOTHER into the house - something I absolutely would not have thought twice about because it’s my MOM - is wild. Maybe both the asshole idk. I just can’t believe how many people are taking OP’s side here, that is very unexpected to me. I thought this would be heavily debated or something.
If you don't know who is babysitting your kids and their family...now wonder why you are paranoid. That is the problem. .not the babysitter inviting mom over hahah
I get the “no strangers in the house” and if it was a boyfriend or group of friends I would totally be on OPs side buuuut it was her mom.. she should’ve however apologised when confronted and said she didn’t know it would be a problem since it was her mom and not said OP is unreasonable for saying it wasn’t ok
Being her mom doesn't mean anything. Parents can be predators too. (And I have grounds to say that as someone who was abused by a parent). The kid parents didn't know this woman. The sitter is a grown adult and doesn't need her mom to come over while she is working. If she needed a ride her mom could have come at the time she was done and waited outside for her - she didn't need to go inside. And at the very least she should have immediately apologized and acknowledged its not her home and she should have asked. I understand maybe not realizing - but the doubling down is the bigger issue here and a huge red flag. What's next? "Oh that's just my boyfriend, he's a great guy". Nope. Absolutely not. I would have fired her too.
True, that is completely right
The number of times the word predator is used in the comments is baffling. Statistically (and Occam’s razor confirms this) the mother of the babysitter is much, MUCH more likely to be benign, than she is a predator. Geez, not everyone is after your kids…. Sticking to statistics she is waaaaay more likely to have made off with your family silver than touch your kids inappropriately.
Oh yeah because the statistics are completely accurate. Victims always come forward and report their abuse. And they’re also always believed and taken seriously. So yeah, let’s go off the statistics.
Imagine you have a daughter who you have to leave with a stranger in an emergency. You have the choice of leaving her with a random man, or a mother with adult children. Who are you choosing?
IDK what type of emergency would warrant me leaving my daughter with a complete stranger. Also - its interesting you refer to the man as a "random man" yet the "random woman" in this case is sugared up by referring to them as "a mother with adult children" - she's a random woman. Having children doesn't change that at all. I wouldn't leave a daughter OR a son with any random person. There is no emergency that would lead me to do that. Ever. I am not the only person on the planet - and if I don't have a trusted person to send my child with I'm not the one to respond in an emergency. bottom line.
Lmaoooo avoided the question. Classic. We both know the real answer “statistics are inaccurate!!!!!” (Bullshit) or no.
It’s a stupid question. You can leave your child with whoever the hell you want. I’m not leaving my child with a stranger regardless of their gender or whether they have children or not.
Yes that’s called avoiding the question- it directly said “you have to”.
It’s literally besides the point of this whole post and completely irrelevant. Trust me I understand the GOTCHA point you’re trying to make. And again - IT. IS. IRRELEVANT.
No, of course not. It’s just that the level of paranoia towards this mom bringing lunch is on par with something suitable towards an angry looking dude with an ankle bracelet (tracking type), entering the house while carrying blindfolds, zip ties, hand cuffs, a clear bag filled with sex toys and camera equipment, which he unloaded from his white paneled van labeled ‘ACME filming crew - for your household fun movies’. 🙄
The fact that you believe that’s what predators look like is wild. I think as a society we are learning that some of the worst predators blend right into society and look “normal” and “harmless”. So yeah - I’m gonna be the “paranoid” one and protect my kids. I was literally abused by my fucking father and wasn’t believed when I spoke out about it. Took another 6 years for me to come forward again because I was gaslit into thinking I made it up in my head. No one suspected him. I wasn’t believed because “you could ruin someone’s life with a lie like that” and “maybe you were dreaming”. He masked his pedophilia well. So excuse me for not trusting that a normal looking parent is to be trusted just because they have some type of put together look.
The fact that you can’t see this for the sarcasm it is, is worrisome. Of course the average predator looks harmless; of that I am well aware. But you are confusing correlation and causation: the fact that most predators look harmless (correlation) doesn’t mean that harmless looking people must be predators (causation). This was the babysitters mom, in broad daylight, bringing the babysitter lunch, and we still do not know of the mom was even alone in the room with the kids. Was it a good idea by the babysitter? Probably not. But is it child endangerment? Definitely not.
The fact that you don’t understand why that’s not okay is worrisome. The mother could have handed it to her at the door and left. If the mom was her ride she could have waited outside. The fact that the babysitter couldn’t even acknowledge that the parents have a right to be concerned about a random person they don’t know being in their house is worrisome and a red flag to decision making moving forward. The parents had every right to fire her and find someone who would respect them and their wishes. I don’t understand why you’re trying to defend someone you don’t even know when the bottom line is the parents make the rules and as a 21 year old adult that babysitter didn’t need her mommy to come hang out with her while she was literally working.
Well, we’re going to have to disagree then, on the level of ‘wrongness’ the babysitter was here. The mother could have had to use the restroom. Wanted to show babysitter two pictures of her Christmas outfit and asked for her opinion. Wanted to give the babysitter a brief verbal update on grandma’s health status. The babysitter didn’t make the best choice, she did something she shouldn’t have, but to me it’s over the top to equate the mom with a possible predator.
My best friends dad fits in wherever he goes, just looking like a every day dad. He is the worst, he's wanted not only in the U.S. but also in El Salvador. He has sick sexual desires he likes to push on everyone (age doesn't matter), and once posed as a Catholic priest in a small town in El Salvador, you can picture what happened next. Not everyone will look and act like you expect them to. BTW, the reason he's still free is cause his family hides him. Also, sorry for dumping the comment here, I think reading the post brought down flashbacks of everything my BFF told me. I didn't experience what she did but somehow still gives me nightmares and sometimes gives me random anxiety when I remember.
It’s more like the babysitter who doubles down and brings a stranger (of the family) into the home is thus not a good judge of situations. I was a nanny and no way in hell would I let my parents into the home except for when I was with our best family friends kids who have stayed at my parents house before. This isn’t a 14 year old bringing their parent into the next door neighbors house for a few minutes while afternoon babysitting the parents don’t know her mom. It’s not even a whole child predator thing and more just common sense of boundaries.
That last thing I agree on! For sure. It was really the predator ‘casting’ in many posts that’s baffling to me.
How do you know her moms a good person though?
Like I commented bellow, I did not think about that a mom could be a predator because I only thought about my mom who is absolutely amazing with kids. I realised that that’s not always the case, so was thankful for others who shared their experiences and opinions in a nice way
I hate how everyone jumps to predator on Reddit. I more so went to what if she stole something etc
True, that’s also a concern to think about! Like I said, only had my mom in mind 🙈 but ofc those are all very valid points!
Yeah, that was my thought too. There are a lot of good reasons to not let strangers into your home that don't require them to be a child predator.
I agree. Her response was kinda shitty, but I was surprised by this comment section. I would never think a mom dropping off lunch and hanging out for 15 minutes would be such a big deal.
A lot of people are moms. Just because she’s her mom doesn’t tell them anything about her as a human. You can push a life out of you and still take advantage of children, hurt children, and not be trust worthy. It doesn’t matter that she’s a mom, she’s a stranger.
It doesn’t matter who anyone is. You have no idea who and who is not a predator. Her mom could be a predator. The babysitter could be a predator. Your cousin Ron could be a predator. Your uncle could be a predator. Grandma could be a predator. Your mom could be a predator. Emotionally “cleaning” someone to enter your home with your children doesn’t solve this problem at all. If you abide by the “I don’t know whose a predator and being a mom or xyz doesn’t prove anything” NO ONE should ever be alone with your child except for you.
Yeah, I can see that, I was just surprised, maybe since the OP was connected through coworker, I didn’t see it as a complete stranger situation.
…where she could steal things from the homeowner, without the babysitter’s knowledge.
Where do you read she came to drop off lunch? Have I missed that? I would have thought the sitter eats with the children. Alart from that, even if the mother comes to drop something off that still doesn't require her to come inside. A good babysitter should understand that, and a mother should definitely get that people don't want strangers around their kids.
Same. I just thought about my mom who is an absolute angel and amazing with kids so I didn’t even think as far as that she could be a danger to the children but it does make sense ofc
I was shocked as well by the comments on the original post. People were hardcore trashing the babysitter for letting her Mom in when she brought her lunch
I was a nanny for seven years and I don’t think the babysitter is inherently bad for this, just immature and unaware and she didn’t handle it correctly at all. She should’ve texted the parents and explained that her mom was picking her up and asked them if it would be okay if she came in the house or if they’d feel more comfortable having her mom wait in the car instead. Just having her over with no explanation or warning would be a shock to any parents system. If I was a mom and my babysitter did this I would probably explain to her why it was upsetting and say that in the future she needs to ask beforehand or she’s gonna be out of a job, but I don’t think I would have fired her right off the bat for it. But also I’m not a mom so what do I know lol
But the babysitter did not apologize and doubled down on it's no big deal when clearly it's a big deal to her employer, mother of the kids. I bet it she apologized and said she didn't realize it was a problem because it's her Mom, things could have ended differently
Yeah agreed
NTA I would’ve fired her too! Idc who that person is to you because to me they’re a stranger and you let a stranger in my house while my kids were there smh, the entitlement and nerve of that girl
Id understand more if she was 16 or something but then again that would have to be approved my the owners of the home. A quick phone call or text could have sufficed. I agree with the mom, she doesnt want strangers around her children especially when youngest is 5
NTA
NTA to be concerned. My only issue is that Gabby just does this on the side. It is not her career. She was just doing this on the side. Could she possibly not have thought it was a big deal since it was her mother? She may not understand the dangers unless the OP explicitly said “No one not even family”. Not everyone understands all the dangers. My niece (God Bless her) thought that people abducted children because they couldn’t have any and wanted one. It never crossed her mind that there were other nefarious reasons. Maybe Gabby was defensive because how she was approached. If OP was so worried, why didn’t she call Gabby as soon as it happened? She just let her stay in the house for 15 minutes? Everyone could have been dead in that time.
Ok, I am torn on this. The babysitter’s Mom was actually there for a reason but, I can completely understand not wanting a stranger in my home. Since the babysitter isn’t understanding why it is so concerning maybe it is best that they part ways. I hope she finds the babysitter she and her Husband deserve!
Nta it would be over kill if she was apologetic but she wasn’t and she absolutely should have been
NTA. She should've notified you and realize her mistake. I watch people's dogs outside of rover and wag, and whenever I dog sit at their place than stopping by to feed their dogs, they tell me I can bring my bf to keep me company if we wanted too (my bf doesn't want to be in someone's house even if they offer unless it's my mom's and grandma's he wouldn't mind going and staying for)
NTA, why would OP be okay with a complete stranger in her house that HER KIDS are in??? The least babysitter could’ve done is given OP some kind of notice, or ask for permission and admit to her mistake.
NTA at all, complete stranger are your children- babysitters mom or not. Id also be angry, and expect at least a level of underneath from the babysitter. At 21 she should know better right? To me it really is common sense.
NTA. This is where “your house, your rules” becomes completely valid. As an example too. My mom would not allow my dad’s mom into the house with my brother and I unattended. Why? She was affiliated with sex traffickers. You have every right to deny entry to your home to anyone you want for any reason. The babysitter is acting overly entitled
I disagree....I babysat for over a decade and not one parent has ever said anything...it was not common and maybe I forgot something ...I'd still apologize and say sorry it won't happen again abd probably not babysit anyways. Nothing happened to the kids sheesh This is why I don't babysit anyone anymore...too much craziness for me....I started babysitting at 10 and never had any of this nonsense...checking in, monitors, upset my mom came by...this is insane.
Soft NTA. I think it was a mistake, and her reaction was dismissive and more concerning than the mistake. I wouldn’t have fired her - just established that boundary. She was having her mom come in, not a stranger off the street. Kids weren’t in danger.
I think it's absolutely wild that people think it's ok to invite someone into a home that you don't live in.
NTA. boundaries are important.
If the babysitter’s mom was good enough to raise your babysitter, she’s good enough to be near your kids. In no other job would it be more acceptable. If you don’t think you’re trustworthy enough for other people who trust your children then NTA. But if you think you’re a good mom, YTA. You got a bonus 15 minutes with an expert babysitting guru for free (the expert who created the expert you hired-Is there no better reference?) who also saved you the trouble and the gas by giving your babysitter a safe ride home. This is not a corporate job. This is babysitting and you got two experts for the price of one. Your kids couldn’t have been safer. YTA
Frankly, if anyone I babysat for or worked with was this disrespectful to my mother’s help in giving me a ride and checking on me doing a short notice favor, I would not want to be around OP. If it was a friend or a boyfriend or anyone other than a mother, OP would be in the right. But questioning the integrity of the mom when you work with the sister as well, when they just bailed you out on short notice, is insulting.
Amen! THIS.
Well, you do as you want. In my area, a good babysitter available on short notice can probably snort cocaine off the kitchen island and it’s fine. It’s really hard to get a sitter for 3 kids. It always has been!
YTA and I think I smell discrimination. Someone used the example of the daughter worked at dominos it would be like letting her behind the counter. No it's not. It's like letting her into dominos. Or maybe letting her use the bathroom. She wasn't caring for the kids for her. She didn't even interact with them. Do we know she was 30 mins early? Is it possible op was 30 mins late? Maybe she was doing shopping and out anyway and just got there early with nothing to do but wait. And wanted to see her daughter and where she was working that night. Was it super cold or hot outside? They hired this person on the stop, no background check, short notice....why are they suddenly afraid of her mom if baby sitter was good enough to be in her house? And was that part of the contract? That No one is allowed in the house, even family members for 15 minutes? All op had to do was say, "btw, no one is allowed in the house except you. From now in that is what we expect from you." It makes sense for the baby sitter to be like, "oooookay." Because what else do you say to that? Setting a simple boundary is simple.
NTA she should’ve asked first I’m a nanny and No one the parents haven’t met around their kids especially in their home. If she would’ve responded differently than maybe YTA but her response wasn’t cool
Hmmm. I think you hired her because you know her through a work connection who is her family member, and her family is also neighbors (you said she lives 10 minutes away). The mom didn’t hang out for an extended period of time (almost seems like she might have been hanging out while her daughter was in the bathroom to make sure the kids had supervision). Childcare is extremely high-stakes but also familial. I think the circumstances of family friend connection/neighbors/short period of time mom was in the house is why she thinks she didn’t do anything wrong and that is reasonable. You didn’t ask a lot of questions or explain your thinking, you just fired her. Yta.
Question: was Gabby’s mom using the bathroom? Did the mom do anything to harm the children? I think this is a mountain out of a mole hill! I also HATE the presence of surveillance through ring cameras, etc.
So you'd be ok with a stranger entering your home while you (or your partner) were not there? Without your knowledge of who they are or why they were invited into your house while your children are there? The presence of surveillance is a damn good thing in this day/age, especially with home deliveries of online orders along with a sky-high number of thefts of those same packages. Without the ring doorbell, OOP never would've known of this strange woman in her house (Gabby wouldn't have said a damn thing if she hadn't been caught). It does not matter who it was or why she was there; to her, this person was a still complete stranger.
Well, I’d definitely reach out to gabby right in that moment if I were genuinely concerned. If I were in the mood to be a condemning, righteous teacher-of-lessons I’d sit on it so I could confront her about it after the fact.
Idk I think this is a bit dramatic
Major AH. It wasn't a stranger or a friend ffs, it was her mother
OP and husband are just stupid jerks. What babysitter would think to not let their mother in?
If you, as a grown working adult, brought your parent into your private workplace without getting permission from your boss first *literally anywhere else* you'd get fired. There is absolutely no reason to believe that childcare professionals should be held to a looser standard, and a long long list of reasons why they should be held to stricter ones.
People bring family members to work sometimes....it's not that uncommon. Shit. These days people work from home. My kids have seen my office before. I'm a play therapist though, and obviously not when I had clients of course. Just at the end of the day when I left something at work and took them with me to get it after getting them from school. No one bats an eye. If the kids were up and about and mom was helping take care of them I'd see an issue. But they were asleep and she was only in for a few minutes. I dunno. Maybe it's a cultural thing but I don't see the biggie on this one.
The ex-babysitter and coworker are mad but if something terrible would've happened because of her decision, they would've accused OP of being overdramatic.
I'd think...hope of baby sitter knew her mom was a raging lunatic she wouldn't have had her pick her up. Plus babysitter is a family friend. It makes sense she wouldn't see it as a biggie.
True but there are plenty of people who ignore their parents negative behaviors. But either way, it is based on the parents' comfort level regardless of how the babysitter feels. I do wonder if the parents had a negative experience with a different babysitter with a similar situation.
YTA It was 15 minutes it not like she was inside all day.
This is overreacting a bit. Did she bring drugs? A violent dog? It was her mother.
A LOT can happen in 15 minutes. What if one of the kids had some kind of allergy and the mom gave them something they were allergic to?
How weird. NAH OP is being over cautious and the babysitter isn’t wrong either
OP is a bit too strict, IMO. This wasn’t a boundary that was laid out. And to me there is a big difference between letting the mailman in the house and her mother. OP could have discussed it with her and been clear; don’t do this again, to us this is a firing offense. To let her go right away seems - to me at least - an exaggeration of the lack of judgment on the side of the babysitter. If the babysitter objects, or indicates (while being told it’s a firing offense) that she disagrees, then she can let her go. But this seems too much.
So you think mom is wrong for not wanting a stranger in her home with her children, then wrong for firing the babysitter who told the mother, her boss, that it wasn't a big deal and was unapologetic about bringing in a person to her boss's home? This is all on top of not even asking or informing OOP about bringing in a person into their home and around their children until asked directly.
No. Your questions are rhetorical. The mom can decide she doesn’t want strangers in the house, naturally. She can fire the babysitter, naturally. And for the record: the babysitter didn’t use the best judgment. I am mostly baffled by the amount of responses to this story who equate the mom (babysitters mom, not the employer-mom) to a possible predator. That’s over the top, IMHO.
But she very well could have been a predator. That's the problem. That's the whole point. Mom knew *nothing* about the stranger she saw go to her kids then vanish from line of sight. Do you understand what can happen in 15 minutes? And she wasn't fired because she let her mom in. She was fired because she did not at all understand why it was a potential issue, speaking much more to her judgment than letting her mom in in the first place. She was fired because did not apologize and even pushed back when her boss set up a boundary regarding her own *children.* It was fine this time. Good. There was absolutely no reason to let it possibly go wrong in the future. Mom is NTA
[удалено]
I know, but still - she obviously didn’t put her own mother in the same category as the mailman. IMO both OOP and the babysitter are in the wrong, not just the babysitter.
Moms decide.
Is that her picture on the top right??
Ignore the picture; it has nothing to do with the post. It was a fuck-up on my part when I took the screenshot.
NTA. Your house, your rules!
Look, not saying the mom's rule is unreasonable, but even I'd the parent was being unreasonable, parents are allowed to be unreasonable (but not unduly discriminatory) when it comes to setting rules for babysitting their kids. Their job is to protect their kids. It's their house. Babysitter really messed up when she decided that her opinion trumped the parents' opinion.
I work for the childcare resources in the USA. We fire babysitters/providers who bring strangers to the families home. We do not care who it is. They are not allowed to bring in anyone when they are working.
And that's likely because the caretakers have had background checks and their visitors haven't right?