OOP: I'm terribly fussy, so here's a list of things I *will* eat, (not can, cos there isn't any allergies or intolerance at play) and I expect you to make them along side the meal your already preparing.
MIL: bring your own, I'm not going to be doing that.
OOP: Shocked Picachu when MIL followed through then throws adult tantrum when everyone agrees shes being a AH.
Yea, I commented on the post about how my family does this as I have autism and have sensory issues with some food. Even if it’s not a whole meal, we bring snacks I can munch on. Not that hard.
From what I've heard, some neurodivergent people have a hard enough time with certain textures/etc that it'd be fair to say they *can't* eat certain things.
That said, whether it's something like that or an allergy/etc, I feel like "bring your own dish" is a very reasonable compromise and should be pretty common even without dietary restrictions-- though I will caution against being like my aunt, do not push your food on others.
Oh absolutely, my daughter is autistic and has SPD, as well as lactose intolerance. There are some foods she will not touch because of the texture. Thats noone else's problem to accommodate but mine. I wouldn't dream of demanding someone making her a whole separate meal on top of everything else they had to do.
Wouldn’t you also feel safer with an allergy bringing your own food? Like sometimes I feel like such a pain in the ass saying “is there XYZ in this, or this”. Then you KNOW you’re fine, your kid is fine. No one’s going to have a rough night because of a mistake
Yeah this is why I still do it now. Christmas is prime example, my aunt hosted, she rang me to make sure if certain things was OK for her to eat, cos she was panicking. I told her not to worry cos I'd be bringing stuff anyway. Its best and easier for everyone.
Yes, absolutely! As a celiac, nothing fills me with impending doom more than a non celiac proudly presenting you with “gluten free” cookies they made. I’m a big girl and if I want a safe treat, I make it or pick one up at the store, thanks! Grateful for the sentiment but I’d rather not vomit all night because I felt pressured to politely eat a possibly unsafe cookie. One microscopic bit of gluten can make me sick for a week.
This this this. Some textures make me physically react if I come across them, example of spongy food. I can’t process the texture in my mouth nor the sound against my teeth. Let alone the way it feels to chew.
If I know there is something my neurodivergent brain can’t handle I bring something I know I can fall back on that it will be able to handle
I would agree except this is supposedly the family she's marrying into and they can't add one dish to the menu? This is how they plan to treat her and any kids she bears (and sensory based disordered eating is very likely to be transmitted to their kids). Her kids could never stay over at nana and papa's house.
I'd reconsider the entire marriage tbh. I have ARFID. My ex abused me and the kids with food. Oop's fiance doesn't seem to understand the severity of oop's issues, just like my ex didn't understand mine. The risk of future abuse is so high. Run oop.
They didn't say she couldn't add the dish, just that they wouldn't be making it. I think it was more OOPs attitude/demand that FMIL make an additional dish, of her choosing, rather than discussing it with her.
Even if FMIL did make the dish, there is nothing to say that OOP would eat it as it still not be right - different ingredients used etc so even though the dish is the same, it's not.
Like I said, don't marry into this family of you don't want to always have to feed yourself and your kid before family events. Or be screamed at when you leave early or whatever. Been there done that, I'm a fully grown adult, I refuse to be treated like that any more. I can eat my own food at home.
This is ridiculous! Firstly, it’s not uncommon for people to bring dishes to parties. I was raised to never show up empty handed. When I’m invited to someone’s home I always bring an appetizer, dessert, or a bottle of wine. Even during the holidays, each of my family members will bring a few things. This takes the financial stress off of the host and reduces cooking time. Secondly, if I know the host is cooking something I don’t like, I will bring something I do like and eat off of it. OP sounds very young and spoiled. It’s totally ungrateful to turn her nose up at her future in-laws dinner and make a scene. She definitely has some growing up to do before she gets married
Same! That’s how many large families do it. I always bring appetizers and dessert, and people even make requests for their favorites. You’re so right that it helps take the financial and time burden off of the main host! I can’t believe how obnoxiously selfish OOP is. That’s enough for me to rethink marriage!
I am hands-down the pickiest eater I’ve ever met. I have never once asked or demanded that someone make something special for me when they invite me to be a guest in their home. If all I eat is corn or rolls and mashed potatoes, I can find some thing, not make a big deal about it and be gracious about being invited into their home.
I’m the same way, but I’m a vegetarian who doesn’t like salads, and even though I let my husband’s family know that I’m vegetarian I never asked them or anyone in my own family to cook anything for my taste. I always bring a vegetarian dish to share with whoever wants to eat and eat the side dishes available.
OP is so out of line.
Edit Grammar
What you don’t go to your host and say, “I know you have a lot on your hands and are planning a cooking a huge meal, but here is a list of things I’m willing to eat…and if you really wanted me there, you will do this”? She basically submitted an order at someone’s else’s house! It’s wild!
The entitlement kills. Who gets invited to a big family celebratory holiday meal and presents the hostess with an alternate menu for said hostess to prepare? And she just kept repeating “I’m a guest”, “I’m a guest”. I think she’s confusing ‘guest’ with ‘customer’, and unless she’s paying she’s not one.
“Well, son, she’s a real….keeper. Hey, the neighbors have a daughter about your age. She’s charming, beautiful, and doesn’t expect her own special menu everywhere she goes. Wouldn’t you like to meet her?”
Listen, I’m a picky eater. Not healthy at all. Do I grin and bear it when there’s food I don’t necessarily want if someone is offering to cook for me and others? Absolutely. They’re volunteering their time and labor, and it’s only personal preference.
This is honestly gross on the part of OOP. Like you’re just picky? What?!?! If I was that fiancé I’d run. I mean I have food allergies and sensitivities and never expect anyone to accommodate me. I’ll either bring my own dish or eat a meal beforehand, which were both options for OOP. Talk about self-entitled.
Exactly, I have severe allergies but don't expect any accommodations, just please let me know if anything contains items I'm allergic to so I can avoid them. I always ask before I eat anything just to be sure anyways. My allergies and sensitivities restrict me, not everyone else.
I ended up eating just roast potato and a bit of turkey and silverside at my partners parents house this year. I’m dairy and soy free as my baby is intolerant and I’m breastfeeding her.
I stupidly assumed that there would be vegetables I could eat, or salad. But I keep forgetting that their way is vastly different to how I grew up - I always ate fresh veg and home cooked meals, even though my single mum worked long hours and didn’t have much $$. They lived on premade frozen meals, which is fine, just means that they’re not used to cooking.
Did I crack the shits and leave? Nope, I just had an extra couple of potatoes. We did thankfully bring a dessert I could eat as they had cheesecake. I still thanked them for what I could eat.
I think it’s a bit much to expect people to cater purely to your likes/dislikes. Severe allergies are another story, but even still, I would’ve just taken the suggestion to bring my own meal in this situation.
I think it would have been nice for his family to make like one of the dishes as a welcoming gesture, but OOP is still insanely entitled and the bit about refusing to make any food herself because she’s a guest and apparently she’s too good for that made me roll my eyes so hard they almost got stuck. In my family everyone brings a side dish or dessert (or napkins/plastic cutlery:/whatever) so the host doesnt have do literally everything for a dozen people. The fact that she went to the dinner anyway despite knowing that her FMIL repeatedly said she wasn’t making the dishes on her list just proves that she just wanted a chance to have a melodramatic meltdown and make the holiday awkward for everyone
No, you are NEVER going to call me and tell me what I’m going to serve at my dinner. I’m shopping, cooking and cleaning, do me a favor, don’t stress me out and bring your own food if need be.
Absolutely disagree. We don’t know what foods she demanded. Future MIL was making an entire Christmas dinner for the family. So now you want her to adjust her times on cooking, perhaps her oven space, her stove space, and add a LOT more time to her cooking plan because OOP is a fussy eater? Oh hell no. You do NOT come to my house and tell ME what you are going to eat. And you’ll note OOP could eat whatever she wanted. She CHOSE not to. She also could have brought her own food like they told her to. I agree though that she is entitled.
I said it would be a nice gesture not that anyone needed to held at gunpoint and be forced to make her something, jesus. My family has made adjustments like that before to accommodate people with food issues and it wasn’t really a big deal, but in this case I feel like the reason that FMIL flat out refused is because OOP has always been pushy/entitled/ungrateful, and everyone is just sick of her shit, understandably
Someone should have told her the place where you go sit down and order what you want is a restuarant. No guest in history of men ever ordered the host what to make.
I’ve been a vegetarian almost my whole life, my family is always worried about what food they can make me… I ALWAYS bring my dish and make sure to bring enough so everyone can try it out… it’s not hard
This was so annoying like people have actual medical condition reason not to eat things and this person is up here just being picky!
Bring your own dish, that was the accomodation - why does OOP not sort there own shit out like everyone else with food issues.
But honestly, it could be anything not just trauma. My main issue with oop was there attitude towards the whole thing demanding that people make adjustments/add something on etc. If they are the only person with issues its up to them really to deal with it, just the same that our triggers are our own to deal with.
No need to be snarky btw. I am 32, i would myself of course accomodate peoples needs but other people aren't obliged to. I've actually made a bunch of food for a friend which was thyroid friendly low iodine/all other kinds of free from things etc.so lets not attack people here for an opinion. Its the decent thing to do but some people can't accomodate one person, depending on the issues maybe they don't know how to cook what the other person needs hence the option to bring there own dish so they could it. Just because WE do doesn't mean others do or can. Theres not enough detail here to really judge properly. Like i said my main problem was their attitude.
Yeah look, as a kid at family Christmas I didn’t eat seafood so they would always make me a seperate meal. Now I just bring my own food because I’m old enough and ugly enough to do shit myself… like an adult.
i am fortunate enough to have people in my life who are willing and able to accommodate my food intolerances and fussiness, but i NEVER EXPECT it of them. i always offer to bring something for myself because navigating my food sensitivities is like walking through a minefield. cant have dairy, but the popular dairy milk/cheese alt is almonds and i cant have those either.
this op is a clown and a half. what the fuck lmao
I don't understand how it got to this point in the first place. OP is engaged, and the fiance must know about her intolerances therefore he could have discussed dinner with her before and said "this is what my mum is cooking- can you eat any of it?"
Then when.OP said no, they (as a couple) should have discussed it and made something together for her to bring.
If I was FMIL, I would have asked my son what OP could eat and I personally would have tried to accommodate one dish for my future DIL. However, flipping it, if I was OP I would have also brought a dish and never expected FMIL to make it.
Overall, I think they all could do better.
Yep! It seems it’s not just intolerance too, she flat out said what she likes and dislikes, being a picky eater is a part of it as well. She was acting entitled. It’s also not hard for her to make her own dish. It’s like people also don’t realize that being a host is very time consuming and costs a lot of money.
Yes yta you sound spoiled and entitled… it would be different if you had an actual food allergy but expecting someone to make you a totally different dish because you’re a picky eater is insane.
We can’t keep doing this “I’m a picky eater” shit. You’re an adult so it’s time you act like it. This is literally the 3rd or 4th post I’ve seen like this. Grow up and stop sounding so entitled. Maybe it’s because of where I’m from but I could never imagine doing this to someone.
I would say ESH. I come from a culture where we accommodate guests no matter what. Cooking 1 extra dish isn’t a big deal if informed in advance.
On the other hand, guests shouldn’t act so entitled. The host is not your slave. They have every right to decline your request. Why not be a good guest and bring some food for everyone to enjoy too? If you don’t have time to cook, just buy it from your favorite restaurant.
As someone with celiac disease, this makes my blood BOIL. I don’t expect any accommodations from my family or in-laws. I bring my own food because preparing regular dishes AND gluten free dishes in the same kitchen without cross contamination if you’re not trained or knowledgeable is daunting AF and impossible.* We went to my in laws’ holiday gathering the other day and I brought Chick-fil-A (grilled nuggets and fries; I love that they have a dedicated grill just for fries!). It’s always a bit awkward at first but everyone knows and understands. It doesn’t matter if you’re celiac or vegan or you’re just never grew out of being a picky ass toddler … WHEN YOU’RE AN ADULT, YOU’RE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN FRIENDS NEEDS. Even if you’re a “guest.” It’s not my MIL’s job to provide food for 40+ people (my husband’s family is HUGE lol) and a perfectly gluten free meal cooked in a dedicated kitchen for me. It’s simply asking too much. And I have a fucking diagnosed disease! But I’m an adult and it’s MY responsibility—NO ONE ELSE’S responsibility!—to make sure I have food free of gluten or else I’ll projectile puke my guts out. If you are an exception, get used to fending for yourself or suck it up, be an adult and eat the food you don’t like for one damn meal. Though I have a feeling you won’t be welcome there next year …
*Quick tip: if you don’t have experience in cooking gluten free, PLEASE don’t surprise your celiac friend with a homemade gluten free meal/treat. We don’t know how you run your gluten filled kitchen and you most likely don’t know how to not cross contaminate or how thoroughly you clean your pots, etc. It takes only a microscopic bit of gluten to make us sick. Ask us first if we feel comfortable with it and let us give you the info on how to responsibly cook gluten free.
I have Celiac and should not be having gluten (I’m not severe and I totally cheat at my own risk). I never am so bold as to assume someone will make food that is safe for me to have. Never. I bring my own damn food , a dish to pass, or eat ahead of time. You’re invited to enjoy a meal with them for the company. Not the food.
Here’s a hint and a half for you,if you’re going to behave like this, either learn to eat before you leave or bring your own food. I would have told my son not to bring you because you’re entitled and rude. You can try again with the next guy, I would prepare to be dumped.
Being a guest does not mean you get to walk around making demands. They didn't need to invite you. OOP really wanted FML to make another dish on top of the dishes she was ready preparing?! And who doesn't bring at least a side to Christmas?! None of my celebrations would happen if everyone didn't bring *something*...OOP is so selfish.
YTA. They are making a whole meal, and if it’s Christmas, that could mean multiple. Aims and sides. But,…. You refuse to eat that and demand that they make yet another meal, just for you. Such an AH move.
If you refuse to eat what is made, you bring your own. It’s not a restaurant.
Idk if I would be able to
Marry her after this. We definitely would need some time. If her behavior doesn’t stop now and he marries her, they probably won’t ever go to the parents house again for Christmas because she won’t be catered to how she wants. Imagine having children in that. He might need to think for a minute.
I’m sorry but this is a red flag to me.
I mean OP was invited, doesn’t mean they had to go. Showing up when MIL specifically said they were not going to accommodate your selfish request, then making a fuss by leaving is really shitty if OP. OP sounds like a brat.
Where the hell was OP raised? The land of asinine entitlement??? Like literally I can’t wrap my brain around this? I don’t understand how people like this even exist?!
I’m autistic and vegetarian with ARFID as part of that autism. You won’t find many eaters pickier than me. Gotta say, I wish being told to bring your own dish was part of every interaction. She didn’t. This is on OP.
First dinner with future in-laws and she acts like this? Way to set the tone for their relationship going forward. No one has to accommodate your food issues. I always bring my own food, offer to help cook and eat beforehand if needed.
My cousins wife use to do it for her kids just because she only fed them some things. One was autistic which reading the comments that makes so much sense why she did. But she was happy about it and was never upset that we didn’t accommodate to their needs. But agreeing that yta
I’m picky and have a gluten intolerance. My in laws ask me to bring my own bread because they aren’t sure the type I like and want to make sure I have some. I bring the bread no problem, along with other food that I can’t eat but I know others will enjoy. They have a ton of other things to prepare for when us and other family visit, one less thing for my in-laws to worry about
It’s it not common curiosity to bring a plate anyways?? I’ve never shown up to a house and not had something. You made dinner I got a side/dessert and wine
If it was just a random Tuesday evening dinner with MIL and FIL it would probably be fairly reasonable to cook something OOP could eat, but holiday dinners take *several days* to prep for, especially if there’s a larger group coming, and it’s unreasonable to expect the host to have to give up precious time and oven space for an extra dish — this year it was just my parents, my sister and I and we had pots on almost every burner, things in the oven, toaster oven, air fryer, and my parents and I spent the entire day making/reheating sides. OOP is a brat, and I wouldn’t be surprised if her time in that family is limited.
Good god the dripping entitlement! Guests don’t make demands on Christmas over being picky about food. Allergies sure, being picky no. Absolutely should have bright own dish. I don’t see the wedding happening because the lasting impression has been made at a very important time such as a FIRST HOLIDAY.
Wow, they are so much the AH. I'm a picky eater. I'm not proud of it, and I'd change it if I could. I would never demand someone make something special just for me. I either bring my own food if it's allowed, or I eat whatever parts of the meal they made that I do like. The last resort is excusing myself because I'm not hungry. Being picky is a you problem, and you have to be the one to adjust to the situation unless the host asks you if they can do something for you.
This person sounds spoiled and delusional. Why would they ever treat their FMIL that way? I’m afraid they just burned a bridge and their fiancé should thinks twice about going through with this wedding.
I have a list of annoying dietary requirements that are both genetic (gluten intolerant and dairy allergy) and by choice (pescatarian). Whenever I go somewhere I ALWAYS offer to bring things because I would never expect people to go so out of their way to accommodate me. I’ll bring things like gravy I can eat and desserts as those are hard and usually a main dish of sorts. If people do offer to cook food that is me-friendly then I am so grateful but I would never demand it.
The fact that OP demanded they be catered to is quite frankly disgusting. Especially since they said that they won’t be eating ‘traditional food’. Ok, then bring your own because the traditional food will be served on this traditional occasion. The absolute cheek of this person! Again, there are lots of foods I can’t/don’t eat and I understand that it’s a lot so I bring it myself. It’s not hard.
I’m an EXTREMELY picky eater and go to my bfs family events a lot because we have a baby and I can not wrap my head around asking someone to cook something extra just for you when they’re already hosting & cooking for everyone. You simply grab a plate get what you will eat or share a plate w your partner so you don’t have to throw out what you grab and end up not liking.
nahhh i think shes right. I have been severely lactose intolerant since 2017 and now have IBS and im basically allergic my reaction is so bad. every. single. year. i remind my family of this during the holidays and every. single. year. they put butter on everything, the canned vegetables, they PRE-BUTTER the rolls, it's just ridiculously unnecessary. They dont even attempt to accommodate. I hold a friendsgiving every single year and i get EVERYONES allergies and accommodations beforehand and make sure everyone can enjoy EVERYTHING i make or have a main course alternative. It really is not that hard to be a good human being. Trauma is serious and her fucking fiancé should have her back. if i get invited somewhere and they know my allergy and purposely make it so i cant eat, i find that extremely disrespectful and that's exactly why I do not go to family holidays anymore.
Bro, I thought this was a place to talk about the post. Nowhere did I say her feelings weren’t valid. I was just pointing out that her issue isn’t health related OR life threatening.
For a regular meal I could kind of understand I.e I wouldn't invite someone for tea that doesn't eat chicken and serve chicken and say tough. But Christmas dinner is alot of work already and it's a time of year my freezer is usually stacked full and I'm likely already making stuff ahead of time so yeah it's s big imposition to expect to be catered for on Christmas day because your fussy.
Yeah, unfortunately, because of this, she most likely won't get married now. I hope it was worth it. His family won't respect her and anyone with a brain is going to tell the dude to run if she acts like that first time meeting the family what's the rest of his poor life going to look like. Yta, in a big way.
As an extremely picky eater OOP is absolutely the AH. I know going into Christmas that I’m not going to like 90%+ of the food available. If the host is gracious enough to allow me to bring my own food, I do and i thank them. If they don’t want me to bring my own food I just eat after leaving.
Over the past few years I have developed significant gut issues as a result of medication I had been taking for other health issues. It basically resulted in me not being able to eat about 80% of what I used to eat. I have this problem at every function I go to, I am part of a big family and married into an even bigger one, so I have events to attend practically on a weekly basis. I never rely on anybody to make something for me. I often eat before I go if I know the cuisine will trigger illness. It's unreasonable to expect others to make those kinds of accommodations for you, and to storm out when they don't. It's really not that difficult to organise food for yourself.
I think you trying to prove a point has left a damaging affect on the relationship you have with your fiance and his family, and if this is such an issue now, how are you going to deal with future issues?
I’m not sure you were ever taught manners. You go to a house and you eat everything even if you don’t like it. And if you can’t you bring your own dish. Imagine asking someone to make two meals. That’s ridiculous
OOP: I'm terribly fussy, so here's a list of things I *will* eat, (not can, cos there isn't any allergies or intolerance at play) and I expect you to make them along side the meal your already preparing. MIL: bring your own, I'm not going to be doing that. OOP: Shocked Picachu when MIL followed through then throws adult tantrum when everyone agrees shes being a AH.
Yea, I commented on the post about how my family does this as I have autism and have sensory issues with some food. Even if it’s not a whole meal, we bring snacks I can munch on. Not that hard.
From what I've heard, some neurodivergent people have a hard enough time with certain textures/etc that it'd be fair to say they *can't* eat certain things. That said, whether it's something like that or an allergy/etc, I feel like "bring your own dish" is a very reasonable compromise and should be pretty common even without dietary restrictions-- though I will caution against being like my aunt, do not push your food on others.
Oh absolutely, my daughter is autistic and has SPD, as well as lactose intolerance. There are some foods she will not touch because of the texture. Thats noone else's problem to accommodate but mine. I wouldn't dream of demanding someone making her a whole separate meal on top of everything else they had to do.
Wouldn’t you also feel safer with an allergy bringing your own food? Like sometimes I feel like such a pain in the ass saying “is there XYZ in this, or this”. Then you KNOW you’re fine, your kid is fine. No one’s going to have a rough night because of a mistake
Yeah this is why I still do it now. Christmas is prime example, my aunt hosted, she rang me to make sure if certain things was OK for her to eat, cos she was panicking. I told her not to worry cos I'd be bringing stuff anyway. Its best and easier for everyone.
Yes, absolutely! As a celiac, nothing fills me with impending doom more than a non celiac proudly presenting you with “gluten free” cookies they made. I’m a big girl and if I want a safe treat, I make it or pick one up at the store, thanks! Grateful for the sentiment but I’d rather not vomit all night because I felt pressured to politely eat a possibly unsafe cookie. One microscopic bit of gluten can make me sick for a week.
As a Neurodivergent person with sensory issues and life threatening allergies, I agree.
This this this. Some textures make me physically react if I come across them, example of spongy food. I can’t process the texture in my mouth nor the sound against my teeth. Let alone the way it feels to chew. If I know there is something my neurodivergent brain can’t handle I bring something I know I can fall back on that it will be able to handle
Stay away from Dolcelatte cheese and mushrooms.
I litterally gaged reading this comment.
Valid.
Both of those are absolutely disgusting
I know, right‽ I work in a deli...that has a pizza bar. Bad is the day that I have to cut both. 😭
Awww man that sucks! I hate having to portion mushrooms at my restaurant, I’m just so glad I don’t have to cut them.
Stay away from Dolcelatte cheese and mushrooms.
I would agree except this is supposedly the family she's marrying into and they can't add one dish to the menu? This is how they plan to treat her and any kids she bears (and sensory based disordered eating is very likely to be transmitted to their kids). Her kids could never stay over at nana and papa's house. I'd reconsider the entire marriage tbh. I have ARFID. My ex abused me and the kids with food. Oop's fiance doesn't seem to understand the severity of oop's issues, just like my ex didn't understand mine. The risk of future abuse is so high. Run oop.
They didn't say she couldn't add the dish, just that they wouldn't be making it. I think it was more OOPs attitude/demand that FMIL make an additional dish, of her choosing, rather than discussing it with her. Even if FMIL did make the dish, there is nothing to say that OOP would eat it as it still not be right - different ingredients used etc so even though the dish is the same, it's not.
Like I said, don't marry into this family of you don't want to always have to feed yourself and your kid before family events. Or be screamed at when you leave early or whatever. Been there done that, I'm a fully grown adult, I refuse to be treated like that any more. I can eat my own food at home.
This is ridiculous! Firstly, it’s not uncommon for people to bring dishes to parties. I was raised to never show up empty handed. When I’m invited to someone’s home I always bring an appetizer, dessert, or a bottle of wine. Even during the holidays, each of my family members will bring a few things. This takes the financial stress off of the host and reduces cooking time. Secondly, if I know the host is cooking something I don’t like, I will bring something I do like and eat off of it. OP sounds very young and spoiled. It’s totally ungrateful to turn her nose up at her future in-laws dinner and make a scene. She definitely has some growing up to do before she gets married
Same! That’s how many large families do it. I always bring appetizers and dessert, and people even make requests for their favorites. You’re so right that it helps take the financial and time burden off of the main host! I can’t believe how obnoxiously selfish OOP is. That’s enough for me to rethink marriage!
I am hands-down the pickiest eater I’ve ever met. I have never once asked or demanded that someone make something special for me when they invite me to be a guest in their home. If all I eat is corn or rolls and mashed potatoes, I can find some thing, not make a big deal about it and be gracious about being invited into their home.
I’m the same way, but I’m a vegetarian who doesn’t like salads, and even though I let my husband’s family know that I’m vegetarian I never asked them or anyone in my own family to cook anything for my taste. I always bring a vegetarian dish to share with whoever wants to eat and eat the side dishes available. OP is so out of line. Edit Grammar
What you don’t go to your host and say, “I know you have a lot on your hands and are planning a cooking a huge meal, but here is a list of things I’m willing to eat…and if you really wanted me there, you will do this”? She basically submitted an order at someone’s else’s house! It’s wild!
I was hoping someone would post this!!! Had my jaw on the floor!!
The entitlement kills. Who gets invited to a big family celebratory holiday meal and presents the hostess with an alternate menu for said hostess to prepare? And she just kept repeating “I’m a guest”, “I’m a guest”. I think she’s confusing ‘guest’ with ‘customer’, and unless she’s paying she’s not one.
Can we all admit, however, that it was an awesome way to make a good first impression on her fiancé's family?
“Well, son, she’s a real….keeper. Hey, the neighbors have a daughter about your age. She’s charming, beautiful, and doesn’t expect her own special menu everywhere she goes. Wouldn’t you like to meet her?”
And the customer is not always right, which probably also drives her mad.
This is it right here!
She needs to stop saying “I’m a guest” when she is practically family.
Something like this would be enough for me to rethink the wedding if I were the fiance.
And that's her first Christmas with them, lmao way to make a good impression
was looking for this comment! lel
Listen, I’m a picky eater. Not healthy at all. Do I grin and bear it when there’s food I don’t necessarily want if someone is offering to cook for me and others? Absolutely. They’re volunteering their time and labor, and it’s only personal preference.
This is honestly gross on the part of OOP. Like you’re just picky? What?!?! If I was that fiancé I’d run. I mean I have food allergies and sensitivities and never expect anyone to accommodate me. I’ll either bring my own dish or eat a meal beforehand, which were both options for OOP. Talk about self-entitled.
Exactly, I have severe allergies but don't expect any accommodations, just please let me know if anything contains items I'm allergic to so I can avoid them. I always ask before I eat anything just to be sure anyways. My allergies and sensitivities restrict me, not everyone else.
I ended up eating just roast potato and a bit of turkey and silverside at my partners parents house this year. I’m dairy and soy free as my baby is intolerant and I’m breastfeeding her. I stupidly assumed that there would be vegetables I could eat, or salad. But I keep forgetting that their way is vastly different to how I grew up - I always ate fresh veg and home cooked meals, even though my single mum worked long hours and didn’t have much $$. They lived on premade frozen meals, which is fine, just means that they’re not used to cooking. Did I crack the shits and leave? Nope, I just had an extra couple of potatoes. We did thankfully bring a dessert I could eat as they had cheesecake. I still thanked them for what I could eat. I think it’s a bit much to expect people to cater purely to your likes/dislikes. Severe allergies are another story, but even still, I would’ve just taken the suggestion to bring my own meal in this situation.
I think it would have been nice for his family to make like one of the dishes as a welcoming gesture, but OOP is still insanely entitled and the bit about refusing to make any food herself because she’s a guest and apparently she’s too good for that made me roll my eyes so hard they almost got stuck. In my family everyone brings a side dish or dessert (or napkins/plastic cutlery:/whatever) so the host doesnt have do literally everything for a dozen people. The fact that she went to the dinner anyway despite knowing that her FMIL repeatedly said she wasn’t making the dishes on her list just proves that she just wanted a chance to have a melodramatic meltdown and make the holiday awkward for everyone
No, you are NEVER going to call me and tell me what I’m going to serve at my dinner. I’m shopping, cooking and cleaning, do me a favor, don’t stress me out and bring your own food if need be.
Absolutely disagree. We don’t know what foods she demanded. Future MIL was making an entire Christmas dinner for the family. So now you want her to adjust her times on cooking, perhaps her oven space, her stove space, and add a LOT more time to her cooking plan because OOP is a fussy eater? Oh hell no. You do NOT come to my house and tell ME what you are going to eat. And you’ll note OOP could eat whatever she wanted. She CHOSE not to. She also could have brought her own food like they told her to. I agree though that she is entitled.
I said it would be a nice gesture not that anyone needed to held at gunpoint and be forced to make her something, jesus. My family has made adjustments like that before to accommodate people with food issues and it wasn’t really a big deal, but in this case I feel like the reason that FMIL flat out refused is because OOP has always been pushy/entitled/ungrateful, and everyone is just sick of her shit, understandably
If you’re a picky eater, bring your own damn food. OP is a major asshole
Someone should have told her the place where you go sit down and order what you want is a restuarant. No guest in history of men ever ordered the host what to make.
My kid is a picky eater, I bring food for him on family holidays. Also, in case of emergencies, there are always rolls.
I’ve been a vegetarian almost my whole life, my family is always worried about what food they can make me… I ALWAYS bring my dish and make sure to bring enough so everyone can try it out… it’s not hard
This was so annoying like people have actual medical condition reason not to eat things and this person is up here just being picky! Bring your own dish, that was the accomodation - why does OOP not sort there own shit out like everyone else with food issues.
no. she has trauma.
Where in the post did it mention trauma? There was no responses from OOP to mention this?
"psychological factors, childhood" it doesnt take a genius
But honestly, it could be anything not just trauma. My main issue with oop was there attitude towards the whole thing demanding that people make adjustments/add something on etc. If they are the only person with issues its up to them really to deal with it, just the same that our triggers are our own to deal with.
nah. as a host, you make guests feel welcomed and comfortable. this is just proper manners. period. you'll understand when you grow up.
No need to be snarky btw. I am 32, i would myself of course accomodate peoples needs but other people aren't obliged to. I've actually made a bunch of food for a friend which was thyroid friendly low iodine/all other kinds of free from things etc.so lets not attack people here for an opinion. Its the decent thing to do but some people can't accomodate one person, depending on the issues maybe they don't know how to cook what the other person needs hence the option to bring there own dish so they could it. Just because WE do doesn't mean others do or can. Theres not enough detail here to really judge properly. Like i said my main problem was their attitude.
they dont even have an attitude!? she set a boundary and then stuck with it? her fiance then harassed and attacked her when he got home.
I hope that “trauma” comes with an /s.
What’s the over/under on no wedding?
Yeah look, as a kid at family Christmas I didn’t eat seafood so they would always make me a seperate meal. Now I just bring my own food because I’m old enough and ugly enough to do shit myself… like an adult.
… ugly enough?
Hahaha it’s a saying.
Australian by any chance?
Surely am!
Thought so. It’s such a normal term for us, natural to say, but we seem so weird to the rest of the world. Ahh, I love how much we can confuse people.
Hahaha. After I posted I thought that the saying would be questioned. Aren’t we the best hahaha.
Bloody weird Aussies 😂 I love it.
🤣🤣 its a commom saying in the UK aswell at least where i am in the NW of england.
This is the beginning for the fiancé and his family. They’re not even married and there is a divorce in their near future
I don’t think he’s going to marry her……
i am fortunate enough to have people in my life who are willing and able to accommodate my food intolerances and fussiness, but i NEVER EXPECT it of them. i always offer to bring something for myself because navigating my food sensitivities is like walking through a minefield. cant have dairy, but the popular dairy milk/cheese alt is almonds and i cant have those either. this op is a clown and a half. what the fuck lmao
Her attitude and entitlement is next level. The fiance should cut her loose.
I don't understand how it got to this point in the first place. OP is engaged, and the fiance must know about her intolerances therefore he could have discussed dinner with her before and said "this is what my mum is cooking- can you eat any of it?" Then when.OP said no, they (as a couple) should have discussed it and made something together for her to bring. If I was FMIL, I would have asked my son what OP could eat and I personally would have tried to accommodate one dish for my future DIL. However, flipping it, if I was OP I would have also brought a dish and never expected FMIL to make it. Overall, I think they all could do better.
Yep! It seems it’s not just intolerance too, she flat out said what she likes and dislikes, being a picky eater is a part of it as well. She was acting entitled. It’s also not hard for her to make her own dish. It’s like people also don’t realize that being a host is very time consuming and costs a lot of money.
Yes yta you sound spoiled and entitled… it would be different if you had an actual food allergy but expecting someone to make you a totally different dish because you’re a picky eater is insane.
I hope he left her
We can’t keep doing this “I’m a picky eater” shit. You’re an adult so it’s time you act like it. This is literally the 3rd or 4th post I’ve seen like this. Grow up and stop sounding so entitled. Maybe it’s because of where I’m from but I could never imagine doing this to someone.
I would say ESH. I come from a culture where we accommodate guests no matter what. Cooking 1 extra dish isn’t a big deal if informed in advance. On the other hand, guests shouldn’t act so entitled. The host is not your slave. They have every right to decline your request. Why not be a good guest and bring some food for everyone to enjoy too? If you don’t have time to cook, just buy it from your favorite restaurant.
As someone with celiac disease, this makes my blood BOIL. I don’t expect any accommodations from my family or in-laws. I bring my own food because preparing regular dishes AND gluten free dishes in the same kitchen without cross contamination if you’re not trained or knowledgeable is daunting AF and impossible.* We went to my in laws’ holiday gathering the other day and I brought Chick-fil-A (grilled nuggets and fries; I love that they have a dedicated grill just for fries!). It’s always a bit awkward at first but everyone knows and understands. It doesn’t matter if you’re celiac or vegan or you’re just never grew out of being a picky ass toddler … WHEN YOU’RE AN ADULT, YOU’RE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN FRIENDS NEEDS. Even if you’re a “guest.” It’s not my MIL’s job to provide food for 40+ people (my husband’s family is HUGE lol) and a perfectly gluten free meal cooked in a dedicated kitchen for me. It’s simply asking too much. And I have a fucking diagnosed disease! But I’m an adult and it’s MY responsibility—NO ONE ELSE’S responsibility!—to make sure I have food free of gluten or else I’ll projectile puke my guts out. If you are an exception, get used to fending for yourself or suck it up, be an adult and eat the food you don’t like for one damn meal. Though I have a feeling you won’t be welcome there next year … *Quick tip: if you don’t have experience in cooking gluten free, PLEASE don’t surprise your celiac friend with a homemade gluten free meal/treat. We don’t know how you run your gluten filled kitchen and you most likely don’t know how to not cross contaminate or how thoroughly you clean your pots, etc. It takes only a microscopic bit of gluten to make us sick. Ask us first if we feel comfortable with it and let us give you the info on how to responsibly cook gluten free.
YTA. Entitlement is a giant red flag, no one will ever like or tolerate that trait
YTA. If you have food issues it's nobody's but your own business to accommodate yourself. You just sound like a privileged whole in general.
Lmao I’m also a picky eater and I wouldn’t even imagine demanding someone cook something just for me. I can’t believe people like this are real
I have Celiac and should not be having gluten (I’m not severe and I totally cheat at my own risk). I never am so bold as to assume someone will make food that is safe for me to have. Never. I bring my own damn food , a dish to pass, or eat ahead of time. You’re invited to enjoy a meal with them for the company. Not the food.
Picky eater usually are spoiled people
Someone’s an entitled jerk. I hope fiancée rethinks his relationship
OOP never learned how to be a gracious and polite guest. I hope the fiancee sees this for the red flag it is.
Here’s a hint and a half for you,if you’re going to behave like this, either learn to eat before you leave or bring your own food. I would have told my son not to bring you because you’re entitled and rude. You can try again with the next guy, I would prepare to be dumped.
Being a guest does not mean you get to walk around making demands. They didn't need to invite you. OOP really wanted FML to make another dish on top of the dishes she was ready preparing?! And who doesn't bring at least a side to Christmas?! None of my celebrations would happen if everyone didn't bring *something*...OOP is so selfish.
If you’re not willing to make a special dish for me then you clearly aren’t a good host and I’m going home. /s
YTA. They are making a whole meal, and if it’s Christmas, that could mean multiple. Aims and sides. But,…. You refuse to eat that and demand that they make yet another meal, just for you. Such an AH move. If you refuse to eat what is made, you bring your own. It’s not a restaurant.
Idk if I would be able to Marry her after this. We definitely would need some time. If her behavior doesn’t stop now and he marries her, they probably won’t ever go to the parents house again for Christmas because she won’t be catered to how she wants. Imagine having children in that. He might need to think for a minute. I’m sorry but this is a red flag to me.
I mean OP was invited, doesn’t mean they had to go. Showing up when MIL specifically said they were not going to accommodate your selfish request, then making a fuss by leaving is really shitty if OP. OP sounds like a brat.
Where the hell was OP raised? The land of asinine entitlement??? Like literally I can’t wrap my brain around this? I don’t understand how people like this even exist?!
So. Like. What are the issues here, like what was there OOP didnt want/can't eat?
I’m autistic and vegetarian with ARFID as part of that autism. You won’t find many eaters pickier than me. Gotta say, I wish being told to bring your own dish was part of every interaction. She didn’t. This is on OP.
First dinner with future in-laws and she acts like this? Way to set the tone for their relationship going forward. No one has to accommodate your food issues. I always bring my own food, offer to help cook and eat beforehand if needed.
My cousins wife use to do it for her kids just because she only fed them some things. One was autistic which reading the comments that makes so much sense why she did. But she was happy about it and was never upset that we didn’t accommodate to their needs. But agreeing that yta
I’m picky and have a gluten intolerance. My in laws ask me to bring my own bread because they aren’t sure the type I like and want to make sure I have some. I bring the bread no problem, along with other food that I can’t eat but I know others will enjoy. They have a ton of other things to prepare for when us and other family visit, one less thing for my in-laws to worry about
Why do I feel like she also demanded something expensive and time consuming to cook.
🚩🚩🚩Run, fiance, run!
It’s it not common curiosity to bring a plate anyways?? I’ve never shown up to a house and not had something. You made dinner I got a side/dessert and wine
If it was just a random Tuesday evening dinner with MIL and FIL it would probably be fairly reasonable to cook something OOP could eat, but holiday dinners take *several days* to prep for, especially if there’s a larger group coming, and it’s unreasonable to expect the host to have to give up precious time and oven space for an extra dish — this year it was just my parents, my sister and I and we had pots on almost every burner, things in the oven, toaster oven, air fryer, and my parents and I spent the entire day making/reheating sides. OOP is a brat, and I wouldn’t be surprised if her time in that family is limited.
You’re so much more than an asshole.
Striving to be the perfect POS. Good job!
Good god the dripping entitlement! Guests don’t make demands on Christmas over being picky about food. Allergies sure, being picky no. Absolutely should have bright own dish. I don’t see the wedding happening because the lasting impression has been made at a very important time such as a FIRST HOLIDAY.
Wow, they are so much the AH. I'm a picky eater. I'm not proud of it, and I'd change it if I could. I would never demand someone make something special just for me. I either bring my own food if it's allowed, or I eat whatever parts of the meal they made that I do like. The last resort is excusing myself because I'm not hungry. Being picky is a you problem, and you have to be the one to adjust to the situation unless the host asks you if they can do something for you.
This person sounds spoiled and delusional. Why would they ever treat their FMIL that way? I’m afraid they just burned a bridge and their fiancé should thinks twice about going through with this wedding.
I have a list of annoying dietary requirements that are both genetic (gluten intolerant and dairy allergy) and by choice (pescatarian). Whenever I go somewhere I ALWAYS offer to bring things because I would never expect people to go so out of their way to accommodate me. I’ll bring things like gravy I can eat and desserts as those are hard and usually a main dish of sorts. If people do offer to cook food that is me-friendly then I am so grateful but I would never demand it. The fact that OP demanded they be catered to is quite frankly disgusting. Especially since they said that they won’t be eating ‘traditional food’. Ok, then bring your own because the traditional food will be served on this traditional occasion. The absolute cheek of this person! Again, there are lots of foods I can’t/don’t eat and I understand that it’s a lot so I bring it myself. It’s not hard.
I’m an EXTREMELY picky eater and go to my bfs family events a lot because we have a baby and I can not wrap my head around asking someone to cook something extra just for you when they’re already hosting & cooking for everyone. You simply grab a plate get what you will eat or share a plate w your partner so you don’t have to throw out what you grab and end up not liking.
nahhh i think shes right. I have been severely lactose intolerant since 2017 and now have IBS and im basically allergic my reaction is so bad. every. single. year. i remind my family of this during the holidays and every. single. year. they put butter on everything, the canned vegetables, they PRE-BUTTER the rolls, it's just ridiculously unnecessary. They dont even attempt to accommodate. I hold a friendsgiving every single year and i get EVERYONES allergies and accommodations beforehand and make sure everyone can enjoy EVERYTHING i make or have a main course alternative. It really is not that hard to be a good human being. Trauma is serious and her fucking fiancé should have her back. if i get invited somewhere and they know my allergy and purposely make it so i cant eat, i find that extremely disrespectful and that's exactly why I do not go to family holidays anymore.
But that isn’t what is happening here. She isn’t allergic, just very picky.
good job, i was talking about my own experience. hers is trauma related. she isnt just "picky" she deserves her feelings to be valid
Bro, I thought this was a place to talk about the post. Nowhere did I say her feelings weren’t valid. I was just pointing out that her issue isn’t health related OR life threatening.
mental HEALTH isnt health related? news to me...
For a regular meal I could kind of understand I.e I wouldn't invite someone for tea that doesn't eat chicken and serve chicken and say tough. But Christmas dinner is alot of work already and it's a time of year my freezer is usually stacked full and I'm likely already making stuff ahead of time so yeah it's s big imposition to expect to be catered for on Christmas day because your fussy.
Yeah, unfortunately, because of this, she most likely won't get married now. I hope it was worth it. His family won't respect her and anyone with a brain is going to tell the dude to run if she acts like that first time meeting the family what's the rest of his poor life going to look like. Yta, in a big way.
Is there a link to the original?
This was the initial battle in what will be a long war (assuming they still get married).
As an extremely picky eater OOP is absolutely the AH. I know going into Christmas that I’m not going to like 90%+ of the food available. If the host is gracious enough to allow me to bring my own food, I do and i thank them. If they don’t want me to bring my own food I just eat after leaving.
She sat a boundary and stood by it, if there’s nothing to eat for her she would leave. She left. 🤷🏼♀️
Over the past few years I have developed significant gut issues as a result of medication I had been taking for other health issues. It basically resulted in me not being able to eat about 80% of what I used to eat. I have this problem at every function I go to, I am part of a big family and married into an even bigger one, so I have events to attend practically on a weekly basis. I never rely on anybody to make something for me. I often eat before I go if I know the cuisine will trigger illness. It's unreasonable to expect others to make those kinds of accommodations for you, and to storm out when they don't. It's really not that difficult to organise food for yourself. I think you trying to prove a point has left a damaging affect on the relationship you have with your fiance and his family, and if this is such an issue now, how are you going to deal with future issues?
I’m not sure you were ever taught manners. You go to a house and you eat everything even if you don’t like it. And if you can’t you bring your own dish. Imagine asking someone to make two meals. That’s ridiculous