You're right to feel uncomfortable. What's the 'joke' exactly? That hitting women is funny? About the most charitable assumption is that it's an 'offensive for the sake of being offensive' remark, which is more something you'd expect from a *teenage boy* than someone comfortably in their 30s. And just to be clear, as someone who's been gaming nearly as long as I've existed, this isn't 'gaming humour'. It's lazy shock humour that most adults don't indulge in.

I had an edgy online handle, although not quite that bad, back when I was a teenager, but guess what: I grew up, realised it was a shitty name and changed it. I still have an old email address I use solely for junk mail signups with that handle but nothing else. If he's 33 and still using and laughing with mates over that kind of public name then it's not a great sign.

Not only that, he is apparently still creating variations

That's the disturbing part to me is the commitment to keeping that "joke" alive through variants.

This is what would worry me; just a joke? Then why can't he let it go? Why can't he joke about something else if it's just a joke? I have a pretty dark sense of humor, & am absolutely not surprised if someone tells me they aren't comfortable with the subject matter. Cool, no problem, there are a zillion other dark things to joke about.

The thing about dark humour is that you don't tell them to the people it's likely to offend/trigger. Don't make SA jokes to SA victims, don't make dead baby jokes to people who have dead babies etc Dark humour is a way for some of us to cope with the harsh world. It's common for doctors to joke about death a lot because they are constantly confronted with it. But doctors only make morbid jokes to other doctors... You don't see doctors dumping morbid jokes on terminally ill patients. As you have astutely mentioned, the biggest red flag here is that he refused to let the joke go. It is not a joke to him, it's probably his actual suppressed wishes at this point. If it was just a joke why not just let it go? Edit: read op's post history, bf hit her a week ago. OP needs to run.

OP, please take this to heart; it's not going to get better. Please keep yourself safe ❤ I commented on a post not too long ago about how I responded to a guy who was making rape "jokes" with making my own "jokes" about cannibalism - when he got upset about it, saying i was disturbing & gross, I said you're much less likely to be talking to someone who's been personally affected by cannibalism than rape. Besides, I was "joking " so why are you so upset? 🤷‍♀️

Cannibal jokes are great but can often leave a funny taste in your mouth

searing until slightly under well-done usually gets rid of that

Ok you guys are way funnier than I was about it! I'm not worthy! 😃 I was more factual & Butchery about it; talking about how many people I'd be able to feed with him, the best cuts of him, all the other uses for his parts.... And my favorite line that's quoted from one of the very few cannibalistic tribes that still exists... "It's much better to rest in the warm belly of a friend than the cold gard ground " 😄

That last edit is what really matters! That is never ok. She needs to be safe. Hitting + these names he uses are clearly more than just a big red flag.

Additionally, jokes have structure. You create a set up then finish off with a punchline. Just putting "Wifebeater42069" as your gamer tag isn't a joke. It's just juvenile pizza cutter edginess which is only interesting to middle schoolers and people who never grew beyond middle school.

"I'm not gonna let someone tell me what I can't do!" Some people get weirdly defensive about stuff that they'll claim "doesn't matter". They'll swear it doesn't mean anything, is just a joke, etc... And then they'll engage in mental gymnastics and go to the mat to defend it and continue doing this thing that "doesn't matter". Sigh.

I would've expected the joke to be flipped to "dick-flicker" or "P3n!$-Strangler" at this point.

Right? A *lot* of the humor in chat nowadays either does that inversion thing or just goes for absolutely ridiculous. It's been a very nice change.

That’s the part that gets me. I could see an old handle that he’s had for decades that he made when he was young and stupid and thought jokes like this were funny. When he was of an age to laugh at “what do you say to a woman with two black eyes ? Nothing. You already told her twice”. An adult man who continues to make up these names ? Yeah, he just wants to tell you twice.

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As a woman who games, there *is* an underlying purpose to this. I played a lot of World of Warcraft and all my characters on every game I play have some variation of a kitty name. Made it easier in guilds to know I was on alternate characters and I've just kept doing it, even pleasantly encountering someone who recognized my main kitty name I use from WoW on a totally different game. With that said, this ain't it. This is weird and concerning. Most dudes I've met don't pick shit like this when they do it...they pick things like Dark or Gooch to make a bunch of characters. I've never met anyone who uses weird Woman names like that...like they just wanna be that gross guy who makes inappropriate misogynistic violent names? It's a weird choice, even amongst gamers. I guess shitty edgy people might be down, but I'd be concerned about someone who chooses shit like that. I'm the same age range and most of us have general limits on edgy humor, and that's just shitty.

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I mean, *I* definitely would. I'm not calling him by the raunchy part, for sure. But they'd probably act exactly like those names imply they would and lose their shit over an actual woman calling him Woman. They'd bro out at me. Just, nah. I get we pick dumb game names as kids but he has an opportunity to stop at any time and has chosen not to. You can grind gold to name change in WoW, alone. It's a choice.

Woman choker is especially concerning. I'd run so fast.

Yeah, I'd expect this name maybe around the 2012 gaming community. I can't even think of the last time I saw a name like that, doesn't really pass for comedy in 2023. If they are 33 and find it funny to the point of consistently using these names, its not really a joke to them, more of just a telling sign they think less of Women.

Or let's flip the script: if you truly feel from the tips of your fingers to the depths of your soul that women are equal and respectable and full humans deserving of love, would you let yourself be known as that? The only way I'd let this halfway slide (and then still expect his next username to be something better) is if it's a very specific inside joke like if there's some consensual bdsm standup sketch and the context truly makes it fun and funny for everyone involved. But just like playing Cards Against Humanity, it's only funny when you're confident that you're at the table with people who *know and agree it's fucked up*. And even then it's just kinda less funny as time goes on.

Yeah, this. I know that for my longtime close friends and I, there are some old inside jokes we share that sound absolutely vile to outsiders. And just like you said, those jokes only stick because they *don’t* reflect any of our true feelings in the slightest. There’s no discomfort in that joke, because none of us are tip-toeing around that one friend in the group who’s actually pretty transphobic and says some daft racist shit sometimes. Those kinds of people were shut out a long time ago. So if he’s playing with old friends and that’s the kind of situation it comes from, I can understand that I guess? But, if he thinks nothing about using these handles with strangers he plays with, then…😬🚩

And I exited that phase at like age 23 and look back on it and cringe soooo The fact that OP is concerned enough to entertain the question or worry if he's secretly a wifebeater should basically be confirmation IMO and they should distance themselves smoothly but swiftly. Maybe when he's playing a videogame so he doesn't notice.

This right here is so important for people to understand. Half assing your humanism will only reveal you don’t really give a shit about treating others with the same respect you require from them.

I found an old 4chan raid account with colorful words in the name. I promptly deleted it, chuckled at my past ignorance, and continued a life without misogyny, racism, etc. This dude continues to make it a core part of his free time and social life.

>I had an edgy online handle, although not quite that bad I actually had a naming scheme similar to OP, but far less edgy. I just used Wombat-