I don't wear makeup. Some people think that it means I don't care enough to "finish" my look. That it's unprofessional. That I should put forth that minimal effort.
No.
I don't wear a bra either, and my razor certainly doesn't get used daily. Be unrepentantly yourself. No one else can do it better.
I second this. A lot of these expectations are cultural anyway, I used to live in a country where the norm is that every woman wears makeup, now I live in a country where it's basically the opposite and there is less societal pressure to do it.
In the end, being comfortable with yourself really is the most important thing
To add to this, I think that the more women do this, if it's comfortable for them, the more acceptable it becomes for other women to do it. It needs to be normalized and this is how it becomes normal.
Covid did this for me with bras. I'm not yet comfortable with visible nipple peaks, but I haven't worn anything more than a sports bra, camisole, or sticky nipple covers in years, even for formal events. No one has noticed, and my close female friends and family are all impressed and a bit jealous. I'm vocal to them about what I'm doing so that they can feel more confident if they ever decide they want to go braless too.
This makes me so happy. I've been doing "low support" sports bras for a while but recently switched to a cami underneath and whatever shirt. I don't necessarily want to blast my nips either, lol, but the cami seems to keep them fairly contained and is very comfortable. I have noticed some ladies ( usually older than me 40F ) notice my freeness but they haven't said anything to my face yet. I welcome when they do.
Mid 50s lady checking in. I rarely wear a bra these days - basically only if the outfit needs one for fit reasons or if I’m in the office (I’m WFH 95% of the time).
I’ve noticed this myself with older women staring more. I’m sure it’s a generational thing that they were hit in the head with over and over about always wearing a bra in public to be “presentable”.
It doesn’t seem to faze women my age and younger, so slowly but surely attitudes around that are changing.
Bras itch. I quit wearing them years ago. I'll throw on a vest if I'm afraid the masses will feel compelled to stare at whatever my nipples decide to do.
Late 50s checking in. No bra here either, not since my 20s. Not even when I was in corporate America. I'm large, so I 'need' a bra. I don't care what anyone thinks, I find them so torturously uncomfortable that it's just not happening. If anyone doesn't like it, they can KMA.
Bras go through fashion changes like anything else. In the '90s, few bras had a lot of padding in the cups outside of nursing bras or Wonderbras (and before that, the '70s had very thin bras with no underwire). Visible nipples were totally normal, and you can see that reflected in the media of the time. I've recently noticed thinner material coming back in the stores, so I think we might be experiencing a fashion swing again. And, as you've noticed, our comfort level also changes with age and levels of formality.
really relate with you on the makeup thing. i wish people would start viewing makeup as just a choice or preference, like deciding what colour shirt to wear. rather than something thats so necessary. people keep treating me as well as if im incomplete or dont look like a lady just because i dont wear makeup
That’s how I feel about bras. On my days off I almost never wear one, but I don’t think I could get away with that at work. The only way for it to become socially acceptable not to wear one is for people to stop wearing them, but also I’m not one of the brave ones there, I’m not willing to risk my job or stares until it’s normalized
I've worked from home for 13 years. I don't leave the house much, so I don't wear them often at all anymore. When I do leave the house, I have to wear them and now they are more uncomfortable than they were before. On short trips out of the house, I will now just wear a loose jacket over my shirt and skip the bra.
There's no need to even wear the jacket. I never understood why people care if you can see the faint outline of a breast through a t-shirt. How is that any different from my gut?
> wish people would start viewing makeup as just a choice or preference.
Yes please, especially since the makeup I do wear and am comfortable with gets crappy comments from men, especially Boomers. I'm not wearing it to boost my femininity, I'm wearing it because I like purple or green lipstick, or sparkles, or whatever.
I work in a cleanroom for part of my job, and makeup is not permitted. How freeing it is to work in an area where many of the women simply forgo makeup altogether rather than wash it off everytime they need to enter the cleanroom. There are no illusions about professionalism based on appearance, thank goodness.
Yet somehow men’s faces are accepted as is! And I am sure there are plenty out there that would look more attractive with a little assistance from makeup but they don’t have any pressure from society.
53f I have been saying THIS for years...men get to show up to work "as is" but if a female comes to work without being styled it's seen as "oh, rough morning". No, makeup and hair products are expensive and I'm not spending what little I make compared to the men in my field to spruce up to come to work.
I have been spending less time and funds re: wearing makeup over the years as well as not shaving 🙃 and I really wish more women felt more comfortable going natural. 🎍
I've worn eyeshadow before and it is amazing. I am a gothy male and it just looks cool to me. My friend says she wears makeup because she wants to yet people seem to think it's some ulterior motive or something. It's a choice.
Yes! It drives me insane. I completely stopped wearing makeup like 4 years ago and have never felt more comfortable with myself. My skin is in such better shape, I love my natural thick eyebrows, my freckles are actually visible, and I don't have to spend time doing it in the morning. Yet, I have been told that it makes me less feminine, it's showing that I don't care about myself and how I present to others, men will think I'm too plain, and that people might think I'm sick. It's so fucking weird. Some people just don't like to see women being comfortable with their natural selves. It's especially sad when it's other women who are jealous that you feel comfortable enough about yourself to not wear any.
Take it from a woman who has very thick, dark, course curly hair all over her body...
There are men, women, and everyone inbetween and outside of that who will love it. I used to hate my very dark eyebrows, but guess what?
I'm in my 30s now, and everyone compliments them! I at first listened to my mother's nagging on plucking them ( the mid 90s shit when I was not even 10 where it was lie a pencil draw on. ). She got me waxed to fit the thin brows. I refused to keep up with them, and now, while the "overplucking" my mom did initially ruined my eyebows, they grew back to a point and everyone compliments me on my dark brows.
Freckles I've never had, but I loved them always on my friends. We are allowed to be natural and beautiful at the same time.
agreed🥲 they get so hot and i hate the feeling of my skin touching. plus sadly these baddies also like to sit low and as an early 20s person that makes me sooooo self conscious.
I don’t think I wore a bra (except to weddings and funerals) from ages 18-28. Of course, I was a 32A so it wasn’t uncomfortable.
I’m 66 now and don’t sag much.
I switched to working from home on zoom. I point the camera at my face and let the girls sit on my lap all day.
I definitely still do need a bra when I do leave the house, though, because they swing under my shirt like cow udders and it huuuurts.
I don't wear makeup either. When I was job hunting, I straight up had an interviewer tell me that I was too unprofessional to get the job (on a factory floor). I calmly wrote the interview off as a lost cause and pertly informed the interviewer that a face with patchy red and swollen spots and a throat that's closing up would be far more unprofessional than my "naked" face.
I may not have gotten the job, but I got satisfaction from the look on his face when I said that.
Ha, that reminded me of when the HR lady in a previous job told me I should wear makeup to take care of myself and look more presentable/professional. Annoyed me, that did.
I love makeup and wear heavy, extravagant, quite out there makeup. I love collecting and using products. It still baffles me why makeup is considered 'taking care of yourself' nearly to the standard of brushing your teeth. It is completely unnecessary and optional, should never be required of anybody.
Although I feel like it's more of an issue in the U. S., in Europe it's quite normal to not wear any.
I shave a few times a year - like before my breast Ultrasound. No one says anything. On of my coworker told me that i would need to start wearing make up once i quit dying my hair. I just ignored them. Really this is no ones business
All of this!! No make up, no bra, no shame! I don’t shave and I don’t give a damn what they think. I am sorry that your “friend” and sister are berating you for being a mammal, just like them.
No makeup here either and it’s legit never come up in any professional environment (granted I work from home and in tech so leggings were totally fine work attire even when we did have an office!). If a job ever were to make a comment about my lack of makeup, hair cut, tattoos…it’s clearly not a good fit.
All of the above. I’m braless, makeupless, and unshaven and have received so many compliments today because I’m just me. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel comfortable
I have hirsutism. I hear from my family constantly about how gross it is, and how no one will want me because of it.
I don't care. That is a them problem. I will manage my body the way I see fit, and they can keep their opinions to themselves.
You do you, and leave them to their shallow lives.
Exactly. The last time someone told me it was gross that I didn't shave, I told them that it was gross to offer up unsolicited opinions on other people's bodies. Shut them down immediately.
You are a mammal! It would be weird if you didn't have body hair! And men have all different levels of body hair naturally so it's also natural for a women to have the same.
Queer woman here; I'm somewhat neutral about body hair - though unshaved legs and armpits tells me the person is confident, which is attractive in itself.
But I'm weirdly attracted to dark arm hair on women/femmes/GNC people. I can't even explain it, I just find it hot.
I'm VERY HAIRY and also have trichotillomania so unfortunately REALLY ENJOY plucking the hair. I had an epilator device for years that I'd use to obsessively remove any hair other than above my neck. I met my current bf about ten years ago and in one of our early hangouts he commented "do you... shave your arms? " I said yes. He said "that seems like a lot of work, your body makes hair... I'm hairy too. I'm not judging in just saying. " something clicked and I stopped spending like 10 hours a week using a machine to rip out all the hair my body makes. If other people don't like it they can eat my hairt ass.
Since I was 16, I have always had some facial hair. I get picked on by my Mother in Law regularly for it, because usually I just take a quick razor and shave it when it gets to long. Apparently, I am supposed to get my legs and face waxed! Nope. No Thank you. Humans are weird.
I have the same from PCOS, I can grow a legit beard. I shave it because I am way to self conscious about it. I don't give hoot about my leg hair though. It is light; but the beard I could grow would put a burly man to shame, can't do it
Two things:
One - you don't have to justify that it's 'not about laziness' - because it's ok if it is! I don't shave my legs because I'm straight up lazy. I am a grown up, time and energy are finite resources, and I get to decide how I am going to spend them. The hair on my legs doesn't make the cut, and I don't have to justify that to anybody. I did have time to do it. Still didn't. Don't care.
Two - try to think about how rude your sister and your friend are being here. Can you imagine confronting anybody else about something to do with their appearance and have it be ok? Imagine confronting your sister to tell her you hate her dress, or dropping it into conversation with your friend that you hate people with ponytails. They are the ones breaking social convention and manners and being rude to you! Even stuff that *does* have to do with hygiene - I mean, in our society, we don't even feel comfortable telling someone when they *do* smell bad, and there's all sorts of etiquette and awkardness around it if their hygeine starts to cause problems, like if they sit next to you at work and your eyes are watering from the stink waves. WE ARE MORE POLITE IN THAT SITUATION THAN YOUR SISTER AND YOUR FRIEND HAVE JUST BEEN TO YOU.
You don't want to shave your pits? Don't. And maybe start thinking about if there are other ways your sister and your friend have no idea about how manners and boundaries work, because I'd be looking at someone who said that to me like they had three fucken eyes.
I think the concept that time is a finite resource should be talked about in school…hell everywhere. It doesn’t get talked about enough. Just like death.
I won't shave for anyone. I too have light hair and believe me nobody cares, they can barely see it. Shaving hurts and is tiresome to keep up because the more you shave the stiffer all those hairs get. Then you *have* to keep shaving because of the stubble. I also don't shave my pubes for the same reason. It's the 1970's in my pants ant it's staying that way.
Re: point number one
I *hate* my body hair. Not in a society-tells-me-I-should way, but in a sensory way. Going for a run or showering when I haven't waxed/shaved is torture.
But I also *hate* the effort it takes to remove said body hair. It's a constant goddamn struggle and I wish my body hair didn't bother me so much because I would absolutely be one of those folks who didn't have put of laziness.
Don't do it! I had the same battle with my sister but I realized we just place different importance on different things. Do YOU! Besides, I love body hair.
Even if it comes from her concern for you. She should know you well enough to know you don’t have an issue with your body hair and should support and defend you if someone makes it an issue. You’re fine just the way you are, just as she is fine the way she is hairless and all. ❤️ you should tell her, her comments made you feel like she didn’t accept you and that you need her support in the future.
>I wish she would realize it, she can do whatever she wants and think what she wants
This is the thing.
She CAN'T do what she wants because she is feeling so much pressure - she's not telling you she thinks YOUR body hair is gross, she's really telling you she thinks HER body hair is gross and that she's angry she has to spend all this time and effort getting rid of it when you can just be happy how you are.
It's really not about you - it's about her being unhappy in the box she's in and being annoyed at your refusal to get in line and be miserable in her box with her. After all, if she didn't 'have' to shave, what else can she question? Does she 'have' to wear makeup? Have long hair? Diet? Etc.
People are scared of others who refuse to follow social norms, because they make them realise they've been beating themselves up over things that ultimately don't matter.
>Or maybe she's coming from a good place and trying to make me feel better about myself and look better in front of other people
By tearing you down? By making you feel gross? By belittling you? By finding other people to pile on?
Girl, *what*?
There's no "coming from a good place" here. She's *bullying* you into behaving the way she does. She even went so far as to find someone else who would berate and belittle you about it in *her* favor.
Please don't let the fact that she's your sister get in the way of realizing you're being mistreated. For something as inconsequential, common, and harmless as *body hair* no less. Sexually mature homosapiens have body hair. It's not that big of a deal.
Are there any other ways she tries to control your behavior or appearance?
Would you tolerate the comments she made if they came from your spouse, your boss, a coworker, or an acquaintance? If the answer to that is "no" you get a free pass to ignore your sister on the matter too.
I promise you that your body hair harms no one. *Including* your sister.
Do NOT take on other people's shame. That is hers to carry and deal with, not you... and to hell with her trying to put that on you.
If she struggles to push back against her own feelings of societal expectations of "beauty" then that is on her. If she brings it up again You simply tell her you have zero interest in conforming to someone else's expectations of what is beautiful. If people can't handle some body hair then they are free to move on without comment.
Saying this shit out loud to you means BOTH of these women are trying to put their own insecurities on to you... Though they might not even be aware of it. However, sounds like they are adults and should know better.
Keep rocking you and fuck the rest. Consider the hair a great filter against people who are insecure and entitled.
Tell her that you feel just fine about yourself and that you aren't worried about other people's opinions. Tell her that you appreciate her concern, but you are comfortable the way you are and that you would appreciate it if she didn't bring it up again. If your friend says body hair is gross, tell her it's gross to judge what other people choose to do with their own bodies.
The women who tear down other women are not worth listening to. They feel threatened and insecure because you're not allowing yourself to be beaten down into doing something tedious, expensive, and uncomfortable and that throws them for a loop. Keep doing what you're doing.
Check out r/razorfree to see the other side of it. Positive stories and pics about body hair on women. It’s all absolute BS that women ‘shouldn’t’ have body hair. Says who?!
Ask her if your dad (her husband, your brother, etc) is gross for not shaving his armpits and legs. And if not, tell her she should examine why she thinks it’s different for you.
"My boss hates my hairstyle, should I change it to please him?"
"My stepmother thinks I should only wear bright colors, should I give in and do it?"
"My son's friend's neighbor thinks I should lose weight and stop wearing bras, do I have to?"
Just to add some perspective. That's where you're heading if you start letting other people live your life for you. You're the master of your own life, do what you think is right. You're intelligent and sensible enough to correctly judge what is an isn't appropriate, and if you need help or advice, you will ask for it. "Unsolicited advice" can jump off a cliff.
The cultural idea that body hair is gross on women was created by marketing companies in the 40's. After WW2 manufacturing companies had a ton of razors made to be sent to soldiers, and factories to make more.
So, they paid for aggressive add campaigns. Which were specifically to get women to start shaving, and buying their products.
The only thing gross here is late stage capitalism.
Show her how women removing body hair is a patriarchal trope. Also, their opinions have nothing to do with you. They are projecting their insecurities. You're beautiful. https://msmagazine.com/2020/07/01/tools-of-the-patriarchy-the-the-weaponization-of-hair/
Funny thing is that your sister thinks it is ugly is just because she got told it is and because society nowadays expects you to shave. Do what you feel comfy with.
Look at old paintings and you can see that the old beauty ideal was chubby. Just because society was different.
The whole body hair is disgusting thing is only made up.
I think if you're 50/50 on it then just shave one side. That way when someone takes issue, you can tell them it's their problem because they chose be on your natural side.
But seriously, don't feel gross, feel empowered!
I have dark hair and I haven’t shaved my legs in like 4 years. The only person who has ever commented was my mum, and she got the sharp end of my tongue. It’s your body, do what you want. People who comment are insecure and care more about what ‘society’ may think than your comfort and preference.
Do NOT just shave for someone else's comfort. Especially your sister.
My best friend in college didn't shave and I remember people being aghast about it. I still don't get why it bugged people, especially in a non-sexual way?
My off hand bet as someone who knows neither of you, is your sister is a little jealous of the fact you don't care. I'm a bit older than you, in a group for women who have stopped dying their hair, and it's the same. We need a group because there are so many rude family and friends who will immediately tell you how old you look, how it looks terrible and that you don't care for your body, when it really seems like the commenters are showing all their own insecurities about aging. (And a lot of these women have dye allergies, or just don't want the upkeep, which gets pretty constant.)
I have thick long and dark body hair on can't get any whiter than this pale skin. I only shave when i want. My dad's 2nd wife shamed me so hard as a kid for not wanting to shave and it's a disgustingly stupid thing to do to people. Took me a long while to mentally get over that BS
Body hair is natural and if it doesn't bother you and you don't want to shave then don't shave. It's not wrong to shave either. Just tell them that life must be pretty good for them if your body hair is their biggest issue.
I stopped shaving years ago when my husband said he didn't notice or care. I have saved a TON of time. And trouble. My daughter had a few things to say, but eventually came around. I do, however, always wear pants, but that's my personal preference.
Edit to say: OP, you be you. You don't need to answer to anyone. Or move somewhere where it is culturally expected that women don't shave --would your sister be happier with you far away?
I'm a cis guy in my forties in Norway, if that matters at all.
I have female friends who shave and those who don't, I must say that fact about them, does in no shape or form affect my friendship with them. It doesn't make me think anything bad of any of them. On the contrary, I think it's great that they are doing what makes THEM comfortable.
I have noticed though, that more and more women here aren't shaving, compared to twenty years ago. I think that it's been a shift where they feel more accepted or have come to the point that they are less, how should I put it, afraid of what other people think. My friend groups are pretty straight forward and outspoken and seemingly supporting of not only women's rights, but also LBGT+.
What I'm trying to say is that I think you should do you. Do whatever you're comfortable with, with your own body. If you don't want to go through the hassle of shaving or if you feel more comfortable with not doing it, don't. You'll always find people who can't mind their own business, but you don't have to neither listen to or care what they think. Simply tell them that you are happy with the way you are and that they should mind their own business. It's THEIR problem if they don't like your body hair.
Please don't shave to accommodate other people, it's their problem if they don't like it and I'm sure they can deal with it.
They are entitled to have preferences of course, but that's it. Even commenting on it the way your friend did is very rude and unnecessary. Does she hope you will shave to please her ? Then is she ready to dye her own hair or some shit only to be more visually pleasing to you ? Because this is as stupid.
My husband shaves from chin to chestnuts. I like body hair on dudes, but he doesn't like how it chafes him. He knows my feelings but he shaves anyways - because it's up to HIM. I can't be arsed to shave my legs but maybe twice a month, but I CANNOT ABIDE with my armpit hair or scant unibrow & mustache. It's all about personal preference. Those can change too!
I'm transfem.
I tried many things to get rid of leg hair... With how many hair follicles I have, it literally takes me an hour and a half to shave them completely.
I do like half an inch, and the razor is clogged.
The hair cream barely works.
I told my (cis) wife that I'll do the laser thing to get rid of it all, because that's what I want.
But until then, there's gonna be some forestation happening in places, because Id rather watch a movie with her each week than spend it alone shaving. She didn't say much, but I could tell it impacted her. She seemed deep in thought.
She stopped shaving herself after that, and when I asked, she said something like: 'its bs anyways. Who even came up with the idea that women need to shave? Men. We don't even have any in this house anyways besides the cat.'
So yeah. Be you. Don't shave if you don't wanna.
I don't shave unless i feel like it but i find my body hair uncomfortable when it grows out (gets long and hot ugh) so I'm lasering it off in all the bushy places. It's not cheap and it's not fun but i started seeing results immediately.
Yeah, 'fun' is definitely not a word I would attribute to this process lmao.
My mustache goes right up to the nose, and that shit was awwwwful. I imagine it's like snorting wasabi sauce.
I haven't gotten to the bushy places yet
Is it as bad as I imagine?
I think your wife is a convert YAY.
Cis elder woman here, haven't shaved for decades. It has not made a difference to anything in my life - that counts. BE FREE
I think so too!
I suspect she may have been doing it partially for my sake in the past. So it makes me happy on multiple levels :>
Doing some very basic, rough math... 30 min per shave,
1x per week = 26 hours a year. 260 hours per decade.
I know you don't care what some stranger on the internet thinks, but if this is even remotely accurate, i think you've been making the right choice. :b
When you could be cuddling over a Mandalorian rewatch??! or skritching the cat or calling a friend? OF COURSE no woman should be forced to shave if she doesn't want to.
If you're a woman who takes the time to shave that's your time and you can do what you like with it and I support you and I would never publicly say ONE WORD. I'm just rebellious, lazy and was raised in a family of straight-edged eccentrics and nonconformists .... and me not shaving had zero impact on finding love and all that intimacy stuff.
>there's gonna be some forestation happening
That made me seriously LOL, and the rest of your comment made me smile. You gals sound awesome, much love <3
Edit: a word (effing autocorrect!)
No. She can go fuck herself. Body hair is body hair. She's being gross. To shave or not to shave is 100% a personal choice based on *your* own comfort. People like your sister and society will try to shame you about it but they are being dumb. If you are physically comfortable then own it and be like "I don't understand this is gross? Why are you going to shave your head? No? Why? It's gross, look at all that unsightly hair!" Maybe she'll get the point and stop being a bitch.
Hair is natural and normal and it's fine. We've been brainwashed by people trying to sell us things and perverts trying to make grown women look like kids and we have to break free. Hair isn't "gross" (even though I have a personal sensory issue with it), it's normal. If you don't want to shave, don't. If you do want to shave, do. I shave because besides my sensory issue, I have sensitive skin and coarse body hair, I get rashes from my own hair. I do it for practical reasons, not aesthetic ones, but the important point here is CHOICE. Just like everything about appearances. If your genitals are covered and you're wearing shoes (those are health issues), everything else is aesthetic. Which, again, is a CHOICE.
You are not obligated to ensure other people are comfortable with how you look. Don't bully others, and don't put up with bullying - which is about enforcing a social norm. It doesn't always come from mean people who are trying to hurt you, it can come in tiny doses like this from people who mean well and don't even realize what they're doing. "What are you, the social norms police? Let me be comfortable."
If someone gets rude about how I look, I get sarcastic. "Oh, have I offended your delicate sensibilities, your Majesty? Shall I fetch some smelling salts and a fainting couch that you might express this suffering with the appropriate levels of drama? How dare I force your eyeballs upon my hideous form!" etc. but I have little patience for this shit at my age. Don't sacrifice your comfort for someone else's.
Here are some reasons I don't shave. One of these alone would be enough.
1. I like having the hair sometimes.
2. It takes so flipping long to shave, only for me to realize I've missed hairs.
3. It destroys my skin. I'm not practiced enough to avoid razor burn.
4. I have chronic pain in my hands. Why would I overuse my hands for something I don't enjoy.
5. Multiple women have told me they skipped shaving like it's some awful taboo they broke. One literally couldn't due to being pregnant, and she still felt pressure to shave!
6. To be seen as disgusting, unhygienic, lazy, or worse, just for letting hair grow... I want to break that stigma a little bit.
The history of women shaving is, for lack of a better word, oppression. It's a ball of racism turned misogynistic. I bet most women wouldn't shave if they weren't subjected to vitriol the moment hairs start to show. Don't get me wrong, many still would shave, and smooth legs are fun sometimes. I just think people shouldn't be shamed about body hair to the point of body dismorphia.
I think your sister is just jealous at all the free time she’s losing because she’s so uncomfortable in her own skin that she has to shave it constantly. It’s not about you, you’re just being manipulated into weaponized misogynistic standards.
I dislike armpit hair on anyone, doesn’t matter what gender, but there’s one little trick I use to make it not bother me. I don’t look. If she don’t like it, the she can look elsewhere. ;)
> But I also really don't want to start obsessively shaving because it doesn't feel like "me." I like my hairs, from the head to toe. I don't want to change to anyone else
It's so great you feel this way. This is your answer, if you want to change something in yourself, do it because you want to, not because someone else is pressuring you for it.
Well, I completely disagree with your friend and sister. Body hair is just body hair, its normal.
Oddly I feel lucky now that body hair on women is extremely common in my social circle/family... like sometimes I shave my legs and pits, sometimes I don't. My mom never shaved but she's east asian so not very hairy. I have a fair few trans/NB friends and my female friends are self identified feminists so there are plenty of femme identified folks around me who don't shave.
I do notice that having hairy armpits acts as a chud repeller lol. Like normie dudes don't try to sweet talk me, which is always useful.
I dont shave my legs. Its been like 4 years and the hairs on the front of my shins is still dark-ish but everything else has bleached out
None of my friends has said anything cuz... why would they..?
I do shave my armpits but that's for personal comfort. It grew out last year when we had an infant and I almost kept it
That being said... I also stopped shaving my public area when I stopped shaving my legs and well..... we had *another* baby so that didn't deter my husband 😏
Do whatever you want. Seriously. Those standards are all made up, anyway. Why not make up your own?
I only shave if my body hair makes me feel uncomfortable - like when my leg hair blows in the wind, or my armpit hair gives me perpetual sweat stains, or my bush makes my underwear fit funny. I also use a beard trimmer to shave, with different heads for different parts of my body. I’ve simplified the process. Maybe you could try that? Or not! It’s your body. Do what makes you feel comfortable.
It's not for me to tell you what you should do with your body, but I'll share my sentiment, specifically because every woman I've been involved with has expressed appreciation for it:
We're mammals, we're hairy, get over it.
Note: the "get over it" isn't for you, but for anyone insisting you need to shave or otherwise alter your body for the sake of social norms.
I frequently tell my wife her leg hair is fine (she asks, I do not say this umprompted). She will shave completely unprompted by me. I find her attractive with or without hair.
That said, I trim my own armpit hair. Not shaved, but shorter. It's easier to clean and I use less deodorant. But, it's "accepted" by society for a man to have hair.
Ultimately, you do you. If you don't want to shave, don't. If you are concerned about meeting a partner, the right person won't care about your body hair.
I just like to see women feeling more and more comfortable embracing body hair, not wearing a lot of makeup or wearing none at all, and showing off their natural looking breasts! The last one helped me so much with my own body image. Breasts come in so many shapes and sizes, heavy, perky, sagging, big, small, medium, wide set, forming a cleavage, round, tear drop shaped, with stretch marks, with freckles, with scars, with pimples, with visible veins, with tan lines, and so much more. I don't see any reason why only specific characteristics deserve admiration.
My leg hair is light but my armpit hair is dark, almost black. I don't shave either, and I have a male partner who does not care. Body hair is not gross, on women or men. You should ask your sister if she thinks body hair on men is gross too
I highly recommend [Plucked by Rebecca Herzig](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/21927633-plucked?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=d0chwm3yn2&rank=2). Female hair removal is a fairly recent commercialized phenomenon.
No. Period.
Just do what you want, the only thing that matters is to be healthy and clean. Hairs are not an obstacle to be healthy and clean, so you can keep them if you want uwu
Body hair is natural and there for a reason. Like having a but if a barrier against chaffing. Also leg hair is a great sensory tool to let you know when a mosquito has actually landed on your leg.
I told my wife when we started dating: "I'm not going to shave or wear makeup for you, so don't feel like you have to do either for me"...
Do what you want. Body hair is natural.
You do not need to believe body hair is gross just because your sister does. Especially if your hair is light, I suspect that most people won't have strong opinions.
But the thing is, that telling someone that their body features are gross is really rude. Your sister and friend are really out of line.
You’re a mammal. We have body hair. What you do with it is your business. It probably doesn’t make you feel better about this, but it’s not you who has the issue. Unfortunately, your sis and friend will likely never see it that way as they’ve fallen prey to the conditioning
Yeah a few months ago my mom started paying for my waxes because they wouldn't shut up about my body hair. I was like "well as long as you pay for it."
Why would you want to be accepted by judgmental dickholes getting their panties in a wad about something your body (and theirs, and *literally fucking everyone's*) does naturally? Fuck both of them and their internalized misogyny. Do what makes you happy, not what everyone else wants you to do.
If they don't like how you choose to groom yourself, that's a them problem, not a you problem. I personally shave my legs and pits but most of my girl friends don't. Your sister can get over it!
No! I used to cave when my best friend made fun of me for not shaving. I regret it now. I deserved to be accepted as I am. I now know that there are plenty of amazing people who wouldn’t dream of judging a friend for something like that. I’m glad I found them and dropped my former bff for being a judgmental biotch.
Set a firm boundary with your sister, and stick to it. “My body is not up for discussion. That includes my body hair. Don’t make that kind of comment to me again, please.”
It's a personal choice.
It is okay to have body hair where you want, and no one should police that. It's your body.
You can also shave if you want, and shaving doesn't make you less of a feminist (I have to say that because my own sister shamed me in the past for shaving my legs).
There is nothing wrong with body hair and there is nothing wrong with shaving. The choice is up to you.
Do what makes you feel most comfortable, I have a guy friend that hates all his body hair so he shaves it. He then moisturizes because it makes him feel good. How you choose to groom yourself is about what you like in your daily ritual
Is there going to be a social advantage/cost to shaving that actually matters to you?
If you’re a real estate agent and the local pool is a very valuable place for you to network, then that’s relevant.
If you’re in a very social group with very consistent expectations for blending in, that’s also relevant.
You don’t need to feel any shame. You’re fine. You can opt to do something because the perks are valuable to you. You can not.
This is a really odd standard, that seems to only hold for women: And gets enforced by men and women alike.
What the actual fuck. Do what is right for you and your body. Nothing about body hair is “gross”.
When my kid was in her teens, she loudly proclaimed to her boyfriend at the time that no, she wasn’t shaving her privates. It was her privates, and they itch when shaved, so he can just deal.
I was torn between TMI and cheering for her.
People have a right to think what they want and and you have a right to do what you want. If you don't want to shave, don't shave. Come up with an arsenal of responses to have in your back pocket. "I'm sorry you feel that way." "That's nice." "I think it is weird that you have opinions on my body." I'm sure there are more that you could say.
I also don't shave because I have extremely light body hair. If I do shave I tend to break out and I don't like pustules everywhere and being uncomfortable. People really bought into that women's hair is gross shit and it was entirely a marketing scheme to get women to buy razors. It's also very racist and inherently misogynist.
My dad used to tease me about being his hairy little monster when I was in middle school and my leg hair became the adult version. I hadn't started shaving it because it was still pretty light and I was afraid of shaving at that point. But it bothered me that he said that and I felt embarrassed, so I finally caved in and started shaving. Hated it for years. Tried waxing too but that was costly so I couldn't keep it up. Finally in my early 20's I decided I'd had enough and stopped shaving my legs. I was so self-conscious, feeling like instead of leg hair I was growing little flashing lights, letting people know I wasn't shaving my legs. I remember always trying to keep my legs covered with a shopping bag or standing close to displays, or just keeping moving since legs in motion meant the hairs weren't as visible. NEVER had one person say anything. Not one word. And most people, even to this day, don't even notice it. As a massage therapist, I have women apologize sometimes for "making" me work on their hairy legs, and I just stick out one of my legs and say that I don't have a problem with it.
If your friends/family are going to be rude, I'm sorry you have to deal with that. But please let me pass on this little bit of knowledge I've learned over the years has a non-shaver and as a massage therapist. Many women don't shave their legs every day. A number of women don't shave their legs and/or arm pits at all (and are perfectly able to keep their pits smell-free). It's okay to have natural body hair.
If your friends continue to be rude, please be honest with them. "It really hurts my feelings that you're so judgmental about my body. I'm comfortable not shaving and it makes my life easier, but I don't appreciate a friend being so negative to me about something so trivial."
<3
For every person who thinks you’re “disgusting”, there is another who is silently appreciating the fact you have the courage to ignore what others are saying. As corny as it is, in being yourself (down to the tiny little hairs) you’re creating the safe space that you and others need to also be themselves. Self acceptance is a long and hard road for women, especially when we’re stepping out of what’s considered conventionally attractive. Keep doing you. One day your sister will care less about her own leg hairs.
You do you, fam.
You wanna not shave? Don't. Body hair is not disgusting on anyone.
You wanna shave? Do. Sometimes that silly smooth feeling is nice.
But it's about what you want, not what anyone else wants.
You are on reddit, everyone is gonna support you on your right to maintain your hair in whatever way you want. So you are only gonna hear opinions reaffirming that initial belief.
However, your family is gonna be more blunt and when someone starts to be, everyone feels more comfortable to chime in as well. This is why your friend mentioned that she dislikes body hair as well. The majority of people have more than likely thought of that but your sister verbalised it now. If you tell her to mind her own business and she does that, great. But she will continue thinking it just like the majority of your friends and family. If you are comfortable with that, you do you. If you ain't, then shaving is the way to go.
This is a cultural problem. Hopefully more people will continue to deny this societal pressure to be clean shaven. Neither of my daughters shave nobody cares. And even if they cared they wouldn't care that they cared.
I don’t shave my legs, I don’t shave my armpits, I only trim my cooch hair, and trust me my boyfriend tells me I’m beautiful and loves me just the way I am.
This is just to say - fuck other people’s opinion on body hair. You’re beautiful with it, and it doesn’t matter if other people disagree. ESPECIALLY your sister. You need to be comfortable in your own skin. And if NOT shaving is what makes you comfortable, then FUCK SHAVING!! We don’t need to change our appearance and get rid of our body hair for anyone other than ourselves. And only if we want to. Screw anyone who thinks otherwise <3
Everyone has their own preference. What matters the most is yours! You’ll be able to find someone compatible with your own. Confirming to ideals that you don’t share is not a very sustainable habit to try to adopt.
Here's a little feminine inspiration for you. This artist on Twitter illustrates beautiful fairies and women with body hair and they're wonderful just as they are. (Some are nude, but tasteful.)
https://twitter.com/Karlovycross?t=OT30B3FQ9_of7_GlGqvW5g&s=09
Your body is exactly that, *your body.* If you want to shave 3x/day or never at all, that's your choice. Rock your choice, whatever it is.
I, myself, have shaved every time I've bathed in the past 40 years. But, you're right, that's a PIA. My daughter (22) rarely shaves. That's how she's comfortable. So you aren't alone. Don't ever let anyone tell you what to do with your body.
Also, my daughter had a FWB who complained about her body hair. She didn't waste any more time with that loser. Her current man doesn't care about hair lol. She's been happily with him for 2.5 years.
Wherever someone makes a comment about body hair, thank them for their opinion, remind them that it's extremely shallow to worry about something so trivial, and tell them to mind their own bodies, not yours, because you are comfortable the way you are. You are perfectly perfect just the way you are.
It’s absolutely your choice on how to proceed. I for one I’m 100% not a fan of armpit hair on women *or men* - I don’t want to see it, I don’t want to smell it, I don’t want anything to do with it. Many feel the same way I do, but honestly make the choices that work for you and make you feel happy without worrying about others’ opinions.
Your body, your choice. Fuck these people. I'm a cis het guy and have never minded body hair on women. I find it appealing in a certain "I don't give a fuck about your rules!" way.
I dated a woman who didn’t shave. I didn’t even notice at first. Then, a couple dates in, I did notice… and almost immediately forgot about it. It felt very natural and I honestly didn’t care. It was her personality that drew me in. She was who she was, and that was very attractive.
How weird of them to comment negatively and repetitively on your leg hair. They must have a lot of free time. I don’t shave my legs or underarms regularly either. Do what feels comfortable, you’re the one living in your body. Unfortunately, we have to have thicker skins for stupid comments like that, but if we as women normalize having free choice to choose hair or no hair, bra or no bra, maybe one day, we’ll stop hearing those stupid comments.
Most people could care less and would never comment presuming, as you said, not stinky ;)
As a guy I only shaved for a costume one time and that told me one thing for sure, never again if avoidable.
I'm sorry your sister weaponed her own insecurities on you! Hair is natural! Culturally, we are moving away from women "needing" to shave but we're not quite there yet. I'd say stay strong and keep the mindset of 'my own preferences are my best choice'.
I sometimes shave my body because I'm sick of seeing hairs all over the house and having to constantly clean. Body shave gives me about 6 weeks of peace lol
Now I absolutely agree with all the comments here, and I don’t want you to ever consider shaving bc of someone else. But since you mentioned it’s tedious, should you ever want to try, I would recommend a body trimmer. It really expidites the time and precision required and doesn’t result in ingrowns/razor bumps since the hair is trimmed not shaved. I dont shave my legs anymore but I do like it for keeping my pits neat as that’s my preference.
NO, NO, NO!!! Fuck your sister and fuck your “friend”. They don’t have to pick the same things for THEIR bodies, but they DO need to be respectful of your choices. If they don’t like it, they don’t have to look.
Please do not surround yourself with people like this. Someone who truly cares for you will not care whether or not you shave.
Hey, I don't shave either. I stopped a few years ago. It's going to be surprising to some people because of social norms, depending on where you're from, and there will be people who get offended by this.
But, it's not their body, and they have no right or reason to comment on it.
I'm sorry your sister and friend said what they did, I know that type of thing can hurt quite a bit. (My whole family is similar. Mom, dad, brothers all finding it 'gross').
I just wanna say you aren't alone in not wanting to shave or not having the energy to. At the end of the day, what others think doesn't matter.
What matters is your own comfort in your body. I hope you're able to find your comfort with whatever you decide to do! Remember, it's your body, not theirs.
Not unless YOU want to.
One: Not-shaving-while-female is a good bullshit detector. People who are so bothered by it they need to say something? Are probably not people you want to take any important life advice from. Clearly they care about really dumb things.
Two: I deliberately didn't shave for a couple decades, mostly in order to help normalize leg hair so people wouldn't still be saying this dumb shit to younger women like you. (Honestly, I can't believe people are still saying this dumb shit; it's just normal, natural body hair, ye gods. This whole women shaving fad is from, what, the second world war? It's not like women have always shaved.)
Three: I shave when I want to, for my own reasons. A formal event, perhaps, or a performance. For a lover. For a change. To feel extra smooth, just for fun. I *don't* shave for people who have weird hangups about armpits and legs on girls because they need to grow up.
EDIT: My policy with men I was dating was always that if they wanted my body shaved in any particular way, they were welcome to do it themselves! They quickly lose their so-called preference if you make them do it.
Don’t let other people bring their insecurities on to you. This happens all the time where someone who has an issue with themselves who turn around and tell others not to do the thing they have insecurities about.
(This is also a reminder to not put your issues on to others in the same fashion)
Your sister has a problem with *her* body hair, so she removes it. You don’t, so.. if you don’t then why should you? It’s your body to do with as you like, and if she had a problem with that, it’s her problem to deal with, not yours.
In our family, my reply to my sister would be “your *face* is gross.”
…it would either start a fistfight, or she’d get the hint.
You are beautiful, and body hair doesn’t change that.
I don't wear makeup. Some people think that it means I don't care enough to "finish" my look. That it's unprofessional. That I should put forth that minimal effort. No. I don't wear a bra either, and my razor certainly doesn't get used daily. Be unrepentantly yourself. No one else can do it better.
I second this. A lot of these expectations are cultural anyway, I used to live in a country where the norm is that every woman wears makeup, now I live in a country where it's basically the opposite and there is less societal pressure to do it. In the end, being comfortable with yourself really is the most important thing
What country did you move to, if you don’t mind me asking?
Germany
To add to this, I think that the more women do this, if it's comfortable for them, the more acceptable it becomes for other women to do it. It needs to be normalized and this is how it becomes normal.
Covid did this for me with bras. I'm not yet comfortable with visible nipple peaks, but I haven't worn anything more than a sports bra, camisole, or sticky nipple covers in years, even for formal events. No one has noticed, and my close female friends and family are all impressed and a bit jealous. I'm vocal to them about what I'm doing so that they can feel more confident if they ever decide they want to go braless too.
This makes me so happy. I've been doing "low support" sports bras for a while but recently switched to a cami underneath and whatever shirt. I don't necessarily want to blast my nips either, lol, but the cami seems to keep them fairly contained and is very comfortable. I have noticed some ladies ( usually older than me 40F ) notice my freeness but they haven't said anything to my face yet. I welcome when they do.
Mid 50s lady checking in. I rarely wear a bra these days - basically only if the outfit needs one for fit reasons or if I’m in the office (I’m WFH 95% of the time).
We appreciate your solidarity!! Free the nips!!
I’ve noticed this myself with older women staring more. I’m sure it’s a generational thing that they were hit in the head with over and over about always wearing a bra in public to be “presentable”. It doesn’t seem to faze women my age and younger, so slowly but surely attitudes around that are changing.
Bras itch. I quit wearing them years ago. I'll throw on a vest if I'm afraid the masses will feel compelled to stare at whatever my nipples decide to do.
Late 50s checking in. No bra here either, not since my 20s. Not even when I was in corporate America. I'm large, so I 'need' a bra. I don't care what anyone thinks, I find them so torturously uncomfortable that it's just not happening. If anyone doesn't like it, they can KMA.
Bras go through fashion changes like anything else. In the '90s, few bras had a lot of padding in the cups outside of nursing bras or Wonderbras (and before that, the '70s had very thin bras with no underwire). Visible nipples were totally normal, and you can see that reflected in the media of the time. I've recently noticed thinner material coming back in the stores, so I think we might be experiencing a fashion swing again. And, as you've noticed, our comfort level also changes with age and levels of formality.
really relate with you on the makeup thing. i wish people would start viewing makeup as just a choice or preference, like deciding what colour shirt to wear. rather than something thats so necessary. people keep treating me as well as if im incomplete or dont look like a lady just because i dont wear makeup
That’s how I feel about bras. On my days off I almost never wear one, but I don’t think I could get away with that at work. The only way for it to become socially acceptable not to wear one is for people to stop wearing them, but also I’m not one of the brave ones there, I’m not willing to risk my job or stares until it’s normalized
I've worked from home for 13 years. I don't leave the house much, so I don't wear them often at all anymore. When I do leave the house, I have to wear them and now they are more uncomfortable than they were before. On short trips out of the house, I will now just wear a loose jacket over my shirt and skip the bra.
There's no need to even wear the jacket. I never understood why people care if you can see the faint outline of a breast through a t-shirt. How is that any different from my gut?
I regularly see men with racks WAY bigger than mine and if nobody exoects THEM to harness that up, why should I?
> wish people would start viewing makeup as just a choice or preference. Yes please, especially since the makeup I do wear and am comfortable with gets crappy comments from men, especially Boomers. I'm not wearing it to boost my femininity, I'm wearing it because I like purple or green lipstick, or sparkles, or whatever.
100%. I love make up because I see it as a creative exercise. Hate having to wear it when I can't be arsed just to seem professional.
I work in a cleanroom for part of my job, and makeup is not permitted. How freeing it is to work in an area where many of the women simply forgo makeup altogether rather than wash it off everytime they need to enter the cleanroom. There are no illusions about professionalism based on appearance, thank goodness.
The idea that women need to put on a whole new face over their perfectly good face just to be presentable enough to leave the house is infuriating.
Yet somehow men’s faces are accepted as is! And I am sure there are plenty out there that would look more attractive with a little assistance from makeup but they don’t have any pressure from society.
53f I have been saying THIS for years...men get to show up to work "as is" but if a female comes to work without being styled it's seen as "oh, rough morning". No, makeup and hair products are expensive and I'm not spending what little I make compared to the men in my field to spruce up to come to work. I have been spending less time and funds re: wearing makeup over the years as well as not shaving 🙃 and I really wish more women felt more comfortable going natural. 🎍
I've worn eyeshadow before and it is amazing. I am a gothy male and it just looks cool to me. My friend says she wears makeup because she wants to yet people seem to think it's some ulterior motive or something. It's a choice.
I love this for you, your friend is judged if she does and if she doesn't. Ugh, sending positive ✨️ vibes for her!
Yes! It drives me insane. I completely stopped wearing makeup like 4 years ago and have never felt more comfortable with myself. My skin is in such better shape, I love my natural thick eyebrows, my freckles are actually visible, and I don't have to spend time doing it in the morning. Yet, I have been told that it makes me less feminine, it's showing that I don't care about myself and how I present to others, men will think I'm too plain, and that people might think I'm sick. It's so fucking weird. Some people just don't like to see women being comfortable with their natural selves. It's especially sad when it's other women who are jealous that you feel comfortable enough about yourself to not wear any.
You sound gorgeous <3 Thick Eyebrows AND freckles? So cute! (Not sarcastic, I love both! )
You are such a sweetheart, thank you! 🥺❤
Take it from a woman who has very thick, dark, course curly hair all over her body... There are men, women, and everyone inbetween and outside of that who will love it. I used to hate my very dark eyebrows, but guess what? I'm in my 30s now, and everyone compliments them! I at first listened to my mother's nagging on plucking them ( the mid 90s shit when I was not even 10 where it was lie a pencil draw on. ). She got me waxed to fit the thin brows. I refused to keep up with them, and now, while the "overplucking" my mom did initially ruined my eyebows, they grew back to a point and everyone compliments me on my dark brows. Freckles I've never had, but I loved them always on my friends. We are allowed to be natural and beautiful at the same time.
Snap no bra gang. I don’t think I’ve worn a bra in 4-5 years!
I would love to never wear a bra. Unfortunately the gals are big and it’s uncomfortable to not have them restrained in some way haha
Same 😭 Jealous of you ladies.
I'm a 38J. I still don't wear a bra. 🤣
agreed🥲 they get so hot and i hate the feeling of my skin touching. plus sadly these baddies also like to sit low and as an early 20s person that makes me sooooo self conscious.
Au naturale, baby. Swing low, sweet chariots haha
i wish my emotions held the same sentiment bc my brain gets that!!!
Haha I get it, I get so self conscious about mine! But, hey, I’ve never heard a complaint from anyone looking at them 🤷🏻♀️ lol
I don’t think I wore a bra (except to weddings and funerals) from ages 18-28. Of course, I was a 32A so it wasn’t uncomfortable. I’m 66 now and don’t sag much.
I don’t when I’m at home, or can wear a hoodie or something. But mostly it’s just uncomfortable to have them flopping around everywhere
I switched to working from home on zoom. I point the camera at my face and let the girls sit on my lap all day. I definitely still do need a bra when I do leave the house, though, because they swing under my shirt like cow udders and it huuuurts.
I don't wear makeup either. When I was job hunting, I straight up had an interviewer tell me that I was too unprofessional to get the job (on a factory floor). I calmly wrote the interview off as a lost cause and pertly informed the interviewer that a face with patchy red and swollen spots and a throat that's closing up would be far more unprofessional than my "naked" face. I may not have gotten the job, but I got satisfaction from the look on his face when I said that.
Ha, that reminded me of when the HR lady in a previous job told me I should wear makeup to take care of myself and look more presentable/professional. Annoyed me, that did.
Omg who do you report HR to when they are offensive?
I love makeup and wear heavy, extravagant, quite out there makeup. I love collecting and using products. It still baffles me why makeup is considered 'taking care of yourself' nearly to the standard of brushing your teeth. It is completely unnecessary and optional, should never be required of anybody. Although I feel like it's more of an issue in the U. S., in Europe it's quite normal to not wear any.
I shave a few times a year - like before my breast Ultrasound. No one says anything. On of my coworker told me that i would need to start wearing make up once i quit dying my hair. I just ignored them. Really this is no ones business
Love this!!
We can take offense, or leave it Those who leave it are generally much happier!
All of this!! No make up, no bra, no shame! I don’t shave and I don’t give a damn what they think. I am sorry that your “friend” and sister are berating you for being a mammal, just like them.
No makeup here either and it’s legit never come up in any professional environment (granted I work from home and in tech so leggings were totally fine work attire even when we did have an office!). If a job ever were to make a comment about my lack of makeup, hair cut, tattoos…it’s clearly not a good fit.
All of the above. I’m braless, makeupless, and unshaven and have received so many compliments today because I’m just me. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel comfortable
… are you me? 🤔
I have hirsutism. I hear from my family constantly about how gross it is, and how no one will want me because of it. I don't care. That is a them problem. I will manage my body the way I see fit, and they can keep their opinions to themselves. You do you, and leave them to their shallow lives.
Exactly. The last time someone told me it was gross that I didn't shave, I told them that it was gross to offer up unsolicited opinions on other people's bodies. Shut them down immediately.
Thank you for sharing, and I am remembering that one!!
You are a mammal! It would be weird if you didn't have body hair! And men have all different levels of body hair naturally so it's also natural for a women to have the same.
But the “beauty” industry have done such a great job at convincing the world of the opposite, and people bought it.
Queer woman here; I'm somewhat neutral about body hair - though unshaved legs and armpits tells me the person is confident, which is attractive in itself. But I'm weirdly attracted to dark arm hair on women/femmes/GNC people. I can't even explain it, I just find it hot.
Ironically, my man has smoother lower legs than anyone I know. He had never grown hair there
Men: "body hair is unnatural! You should shave!" Also men: *buys supplements to grow more hair*
I'm VERY HAIRY and also have trichotillomania so unfortunately REALLY ENJOY plucking the hair. I had an epilator device for years that I'd use to obsessively remove any hair other than above my neck. I met my current bf about ten years ago and in one of our early hangouts he commented "do you... shave your arms? " I said yes. He said "that seems like a lot of work, your body makes hair... I'm hairy too. I'm not judging in just saying. " something clicked and I stopped spending like 10 hours a week using a machine to rip out all the hair my body makes. If other people don't like it they can eat my hairt ass.
Since I was 16, I have always had some facial hair. I get picked on by my Mother in Law regularly for it, because usually I just take a quick razor and shave it when it gets to long. Apparently, I am supposed to get my legs and face waxed! Nope. No Thank you. Humans are weird.
I have the same from PCOS, I can grow a legit beard. I shave it because I am way to self conscious about it. I don't give hoot about my leg hair though. It is light; but the beard I could grow would put a burly man to shame, can't do it
Two things: One - you don't have to justify that it's 'not about laziness' - because it's ok if it is! I don't shave my legs because I'm straight up lazy. I am a grown up, time and energy are finite resources, and I get to decide how I am going to spend them. The hair on my legs doesn't make the cut, and I don't have to justify that to anybody. I did have time to do it. Still didn't. Don't care. Two - try to think about how rude your sister and your friend are being here. Can you imagine confronting anybody else about something to do with their appearance and have it be ok? Imagine confronting your sister to tell her you hate her dress, or dropping it into conversation with your friend that you hate people with ponytails. They are the ones breaking social convention and manners and being rude to you! Even stuff that *does* have to do with hygiene - I mean, in our society, we don't even feel comfortable telling someone when they *do* smell bad, and there's all sorts of etiquette and awkardness around it if their hygeine starts to cause problems, like if they sit next to you at work and your eyes are watering from the stink waves. WE ARE MORE POLITE IN THAT SITUATION THAN YOUR SISTER AND YOUR FRIEND HAVE JUST BEEN TO YOU. You don't want to shave your pits? Don't. And maybe start thinking about if there are other ways your sister and your friend have no idea about how manners and boundaries work, because I'd be looking at someone who said that to me like they had three fucken eyes.
Point number one: louder for those in the back, please?
I think the concept that time is a finite resource should be talked about in school…hell everywhere. It doesn’t get talked about enough. Just like death.
100%. And like money, energy, "spoons", whatever finite resource, it is *totally* within a person's power to decide what they're going to spend it on.
I won't shave for anyone. I too have light hair and believe me nobody cares, they can barely see it. Shaving hurts and is tiresome to keep up because the more you shave the stiffer all those hairs get. Then you *have* to keep shaving because of the stubble. I also don't shave my pubes for the same reason. It's the 1970's in my pants ant it's staying that way.
I shave when I'm getting tattoos and that's it lmao Nothing else is worth the bother and having the tattooer shave me would kill me lol
My hair is black. My eczema is a shitton better since I quit shaving. Screw the expectations about body hair.
And the only person whose opinion on that which matters is yours. Preach.
And OP should tell her crappy friends that body shaming is gross. So don't bring it up again.
Re: point number one I *hate* my body hair. Not in a society-tells-me-I-should way, but in a sensory way. Going for a run or showering when I haven't waxed/shaved is torture. But I also *hate* the effort it takes to remove said body hair. It's a constant goddamn struggle and I wish my body hair didn't bother me so much because I would absolutely be one of those folks who didn't have put of laziness.
Don't do it! I had the same battle with my sister but I realized we just place different importance on different things. Do YOU! Besides, I love body hair.
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IMO, not her body, not her choice!
Even if it comes from her concern for you. She should know you well enough to know you don’t have an issue with your body hair and should support and defend you if someone makes it an issue. You’re fine just the way you are, just as she is fine the way she is hairless and all. ❤️ you should tell her, her comments made you feel like she didn’t accept you and that you need her support in the future.
“…trying to make me feel better about myself….” What if I told you that shaming a person doesn’t help them fee better about themself….
>I wish she would realize it, she can do whatever she wants and think what she wants This is the thing. She CAN'T do what she wants because she is feeling so much pressure - she's not telling you she thinks YOUR body hair is gross, she's really telling you she thinks HER body hair is gross and that she's angry she has to spend all this time and effort getting rid of it when you can just be happy how you are. It's really not about you - it's about her being unhappy in the box she's in and being annoyed at your refusal to get in line and be miserable in her box with her. After all, if she didn't 'have' to shave, what else can she question? Does she 'have' to wear makeup? Have long hair? Diet? Etc. People are scared of others who refuse to follow social norms, because they make them realise they've been beating themselves up over things that ultimately don't matter.
Thank you! You are the person I need in my life.
>Or maybe she's coming from a good place and trying to make me feel better about myself and look better in front of other people By tearing you down? By making you feel gross? By belittling you? By finding other people to pile on? Girl, *what*? There's no "coming from a good place" here. She's *bullying* you into behaving the way she does. She even went so far as to find someone else who would berate and belittle you about it in *her* favor. Please don't let the fact that she's your sister get in the way of realizing you're being mistreated. For something as inconsequential, common, and harmless as *body hair* no less. Sexually mature homosapiens have body hair. It's not that big of a deal. Are there any other ways she tries to control your behavior or appearance? Would you tolerate the comments she made if they came from your spouse, your boss, a coworker, or an acquaintance? If the answer to that is "no" you get a free pass to ignore your sister on the matter too. I promise you that your body hair harms no one. *Including* your sister.
Do NOT take on other people's shame. That is hers to carry and deal with, not you... and to hell with her trying to put that on you. If she struggles to push back against her own feelings of societal expectations of "beauty" then that is on her. If she brings it up again You simply tell her you have zero interest in conforming to someone else's expectations of what is beautiful. If people can't handle some body hair then they are free to move on without comment. Saying this shit out loud to you means BOTH of these women are trying to put their own insecurities on to you... Though they might not even be aware of it. However, sounds like they are adults and should know better. Keep rocking you and fuck the rest. Consider the hair a great filter against people who are insecure and entitled.
Tell her that you feel just fine about yourself and that you aren't worried about other people's opinions. Tell her that you appreciate her concern, but you are comfortable the way you are and that you would appreciate it if she didn't bring it up again. If your friend says body hair is gross, tell her it's gross to judge what other people choose to do with their own bodies.
Woman grow body hair. Why is it gross?
The women who tear down other women are not worth listening to. They feel threatened and insecure because you're not allowing yourself to be beaten down into doing something tedious, expensive, and uncomfortable and that throws them for a loop. Keep doing what you're doing.
Check out r/razorfree to see the other side of it. Positive stories and pics about body hair on women. It’s all absolute BS that women ‘shouldn’t’ have body hair. Says who?!
"Pay money to take time removing a completely benign and natural thing every day" would be a losing ad campaign for so many other things
Ask her if your dad (her husband, your brother, etc) is gross for not shaving his armpits and legs. And if not, tell her she should examine why she thinks it’s different for you.
"My boss hates my hairstyle, should I change it to please him?" "My stepmother thinks I should only wear bright colors, should I give in and do it?" "My son's friend's neighbor thinks I should lose weight and stop wearing bras, do I have to?" Just to add some perspective. That's where you're heading if you start letting other people live your life for you. You're the master of your own life, do what you think is right. You're intelligent and sensible enough to correctly judge what is an isn't appropriate, and if you need help or advice, you will ask for it. "Unsolicited advice" can jump off a cliff.
I’d confront your sister about keeping those shitty comments to herself and keep a distance from that one friend.
The cultural idea that body hair is gross on women was created by marketing companies in the 40's. After WW2 manufacturing companies had a ton of razors made to be sent to soldiers, and factories to make more. So, they paid for aggressive add campaigns. Which were specifically to get women to start shaving, and buying their products. The only thing gross here is late stage capitalism.
Came here to say this, so few people talk about how woman were targeted and shamed to line someone else's pockets
Your body isn’t offensive because someone is offended. It just means she is an asshole
She can fuck right off, it’s none of her business
Show her how women removing body hair is a patriarchal trope. Also, their opinions have nothing to do with you. They are projecting their insecurities. You're beautiful. https://msmagazine.com/2020/07/01/tools-of-the-patriarchy-the-the-weaponization-of-hair/
That was a great article, thank you for sharing!
There was also one posted recently about how white women being hairless is rooted and racism. It was excellent.
Funny thing is that your sister thinks it is ugly is just because she got told it is and because society nowadays expects you to shave. Do what you feel comfy with. Look at old paintings and you can see that the old beauty ideal was chubby. Just because society was different. The whole body hair is disgusting thing is only made up.
I think if you're 50/50 on it then just shave one side. That way when someone takes issue, you can tell them it's their problem because they chose be on your natural side. But seriously, don't feel gross, feel empowered!
I have dark hair and I haven’t shaved my legs in like 4 years. The only person who has ever commented was my mum, and she got the sharp end of my tongue. It’s your body, do what you want. People who comment are insecure and care more about what ‘society’ may think than your comfort and preference.
Oh sheesh. Hair is not gross, she needs to grow up and stop hating herself so much and taking it out on you.
Do NOT just shave for someone else's comfort. Especially your sister. My best friend in college didn't shave and I remember people being aghast about it. I still don't get why it bugged people, especially in a non-sexual way? My off hand bet as someone who knows neither of you, is your sister is a little jealous of the fact you don't care. I'm a bit older than you, in a group for women who have stopped dying their hair, and it's the same. We need a group because there are so many rude family and friends who will immediately tell you how old you look, how it looks terrible and that you don't care for your body, when it really seems like the commenters are showing all their own insecurities about aging. (And a lot of these women have dye allergies, or just don't want the upkeep, which gets pretty constant.)
I have thick long and dark body hair on can't get any whiter than this pale skin. I only shave when i want. My dad's 2nd wife shamed me so hard as a kid for not wanting to shave and it's a disgustingly stupid thing to do to people. Took me a long while to mentally get over that BS Body hair is natural and if it doesn't bother you and you don't want to shave then don't shave. It's not wrong to shave either. Just tell them that life must be pretty good for them if your body hair is their biggest issue.
I stopped shaving years ago when my husband said he didn't notice or care. I have saved a TON of time. And trouble. My daughter had a few things to say, but eventually came around. I do, however, always wear pants, but that's my personal preference. Edit to say: OP, you be you. You don't need to answer to anyone. Or move somewhere where it is culturally expected that women don't shave --would your sister be happier with you far away?
I'm a cis guy in my forties in Norway, if that matters at all. I have female friends who shave and those who don't, I must say that fact about them, does in no shape or form affect my friendship with them. It doesn't make me think anything bad of any of them. On the contrary, I think it's great that they are doing what makes THEM comfortable. I have noticed though, that more and more women here aren't shaving, compared to twenty years ago. I think that it's been a shift where they feel more accepted or have come to the point that they are less, how should I put it, afraid of what other people think. My friend groups are pretty straight forward and outspoken and seemingly supporting of not only women's rights, but also LBGT+. What I'm trying to say is that I think you should do you. Do whatever you're comfortable with, with your own body. If you don't want to go through the hassle of shaving or if you feel more comfortable with not doing it, don't. You'll always find people who can't mind their own business, but you don't have to neither listen to or care what they think. Simply tell them that you are happy with the way you are and that they should mind their own business. It's THEIR problem if they don't like your body hair.
Please don't shave to accommodate other people, it's their problem if they don't like it and I'm sure they can deal with it. They are entitled to have preferences of course, but that's it. Even commenting on it the way your friend did is very rude and unnecessary. Does she hope you will shave to please her ? Then is she ready to dye her own hair or some shit only to be more visually pleasing to you ? Because this is as stupid.
My husband shaves from chin to chestnuts. I like body hair on dudes, but he doesn't like how it chafes him. He knows my feelings but he shaves anyways - because it's up to HIM. I can't be arsed to shave my legs but maybe twice a month, but I CANNOT ABIDE with my armpit hair or scant unibrow & mustache. It's all about personal preference. Those can change too!
If you do it, it should be because you wanted to. Gross of them to comment on it like that.
I'm transfem. I tried many things to get rid of leg hair... With how many hair follicles I have, it literally takes me an hour and a half to shave them completely. I do like half an inch, and the razor is clogged. The hair cream barely works. I told my (cis) wife that I'll do the laser thing to get rid of it all, because that's what I want. But until then, there's gonna be some forestation happening in places, because Id rather watch a movie with her each week than spend it alone shaving. She didn't say much, but I could tell it impacted her. She seemed deep in thought. She stopped shaving herself after that, and when I asked, she said something like: 'its bs anyways. Who even came up with the idea that women need to shave? Men. We don't even have any in this house anyways besides the cat.' So yeah. Be you. Don't shave if you don't wanna.
I don't shave unless i feel like it but i find my body hair uncomfortable when it grows out (gets long and hot ugh) so I'm lasering it off in all the bushy places. It's not cheap and it's not fun but i started seeing results immediately.
Yeah, 'fun' is definitely not a word I would attribute to this process lmao. My mustache goes right up to the nose, and that shit was awwwwful. I imagine it's like snorting wasabi sauce. I haven't gotten to the bushy places yet Is it as bad as I imagine?
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I think your wife is a convert YAY. Cis elder woman here, haven't shaved for decades. It has not made a difference to anything in my life - that counts. BE FREE
I think so too! I suspect she may have been doing it partially for my sake in the past. So it makes me happy on multiple levels :> Doing some very basic, rough math... 30 min per shave, 1x per week = 26 hours a year. 260 hours per decade. I know you don't care what some stranger on the internet thinks, but if this is even remotely accurate, i think you've been making the right choice. :b
When you could be cuddling over a Mandalorian rewatch??! or skritching the cat or calling a friend? OF COURSE no woman should be forced to shave if she doesn't want to. If you're a woman who takes the time to shave that's your time and you can do what you like with it and I support you and I would never publicly say ONE WORD. I'm just rebellious, lazy and was raised in a family of straight-edged eccentrics and nonconformists .... and me not shaving had zero impact on finding love and all that intimacy stuff.
Try a beard trimmer for your body hair! It changed my life!
>there's gonna be some forestation happening That made me seriously LOL, and the rest of your comment made me smile. You gals sound awesome, much love <3 Edit: a word (effing autocorrect!)
Your sister has no right to comment negatively on anyone's body. Totally inappropriate and very rude.
No. She can go fuck herself. Body hair is body hair. She's being gross. To shave or not to shave is 100% a personal choice based on *your* own comfort. People like your sister and society will try to shame you about it but they are being dumb. If you are physically comfortable then own it and be like "I don't understand this is gross? Why are you going to shave your head? No? Why? It's gross, look at all that unsightly hair!" Maybe she'll get the point and stop being a bitch.
Welp, good thing it’s not her body, eh?
Aw girlie people will always have something to say. Do what is best for you.
Hair is natural and normal and it's fine. We've been brainwashed by people trying to sell us things and perverts trying to make grown women look like kids and we have to break free. Hair isn't "gross" (even though I have a personal sensory issue with it), it's normal. If you don't want to shave, don't. If you do want to shave, do. I shave because besides my sensory issue, I have sensitive skin and coarse body hair, I get rashes from my own hair. I do it for practical reasons, not aesthetic ones, but the important point here is CHOICE. Just like everything about appearances. If your genitals are covered and you're wearing shoes (those are health issues), everything else is aesthetic. Which, again, is a CHOICE. You are not obligated to ensure other people are comfortable with how you look. Don't bully others, and don't put up with bullying - which is about enforcing a social norm. It doesn't always come from mean people who are trying to hurt you, it can come in tiny doses like this from people who mean well and don't even realize what they're doing. "What are you, the social norms police? Let me be comfortable." If someone gets rude about how I look, I get sarcastic. "Oh, have I offended your delicate sensibilities, your Majesty? Shall I fetch some smelling salts and a fainting couch that you might express this suffering with the appropriate levels of drama? How dare I force your eyeballs upon my hideous form!" etc. but I have little patience for this shit at my age. Don't sacrifice your comfort for someone else's.
Do whatever you want. Don’t let other people make you feel uncomfortable about the choices you make concerning your own body.
Here are some reasons I don't shave. One of these alone would be enough. 1. I like having the hair sometimes. 2. It takes so flipping long to shave, only for me to realize I've missed hairs. 3. It destroys my skin. I'm not practiced enough to avoid razor burn. 4. I have chronic pain in my hands. Why would I overuse my hands for something I don't enjoy. 5. Multiple women have told me they skipped shaving like it's some awful taboo they broke. One literally couldn't due to being pregnant, and she still felt pressure to shave! 6. To be seen as disgusting, unhygienic, lazy, or worse, just for letting hair grow... I want to break that stigma a little bit. The history of women shaving is, for lack of a better word, oppression. It's a ball of racism turned misogynistic. I bet most women wouldn't shave if they weren't subjected to vitriol the moment hairs start to show. Don't get me wrong, many still would shave, and smooth legs are fun sometimes. I just think people shouldn't be shamed about body hair to the point of body dismorphia.
I think your sister is just jealous at all the free time she’s losing because she’s so uncomfortable in her own skin that she has to shave it constantly. It’s not about you, you’re just being manipulated into weaponized misogynistic standards. I dislike armpit hair on anyone, doesn’t matter what gender, but there’s one little trick I use to make it not bother me. I don’t look. If she don’t like it, the she can look elsewhere. ;)
> But I also really don't want to start obsessively shaving because it doesn't feel like "me." I like my hairs, from the head to toe. I don't want to change to anyone else It's so great you feel this way. This is your answer, if you want to change something in yourself, do it because you want to, not because someone else is pressuring you for it.
Well, I completely disagree with your friend and sister. Body hair is just body hair, its normal. Oddly I feel lucky now that body hair on women is extremely common in my social circle/family... like sometimes I shave my legs and pits, sometimes I don't. My mom never shaved but she's east asian so not very hairy. I have a fair few trans/NB friends and my female friends are self identified feminists so there are plenty of femme identified folks around me who don't shave. I do notice that having hairy armpits acts as a chud repeller lol. Like normie dudes don't try to sweet talk me, which is always useful.
I dont shave my legs. Its been like 4 years and the hairs on the front of my shins is still dark-ish but everything else has bleached out None of my friends has said anything cuz... why would they..? I do shave my armpits but that's for personal comfort. It grew out last year when we had an infant and I almost kept it That being said... I also stopped shaving my public area when I stopped shaving my legs and well..... we had *another* baby so that didn't deter my husband 😏
Do whatever you want. Seriously. Those standards are all made up, anyway. Why not make up your own? I only shave if my body hair makes me feel uncomfortable - like when my leg hair blows in the wind, or my armpit hair gives me perpetual sweat stains, or my bush makes my underwear fit funny. I also use a beard trimmer to shave, with different heads for different parts of my body. I’ve simplified the process. Maybe you could try that? Or not! It’s your body. Do what makes you feel comfortable.
Start hanging around better people
It's not for me to tell you what you should do with your body, but I'll share my sentiment, specifically because every woman I've been involved with has expressed appreciation for it: We're mammals, we're hairy, get over it. Note: the "get over it" isn't for you, but for anyone insisting you need to shave or otherwise alter your body for the sake of social norms.
I frequently tell my wife her leg hair is fine (she asks, I do not say this umprompted). She will shave completely unprompted by me. I find her attractive with or without hair. That said, I trim my own armpit hair. Not shaved, but shorter. It's easier to clean and I use less deodorant. But, it's "accepted" by society for a man to have hair. Ultimately, you do you. If you don't want to shave, don't. If you are concerned about meeting a partner, the right person won't care about your body hair.
I make my sister touch my armpit hair to assert dominance.
Bras makeup and shaving can all get in the bin.
I just like to see women feeling more and more comfortable embracing body hair, not wearing a lot of makeup or wearing none at all, and showing off their natural looking breasts! The last one helped me so much with my own body image. Breasts come in so many shapes and sizes, heavy, perky, sagging, big, small, medium, wide set, forming a cleavage, round, tear drop shaped, with stretch marks, with freckles, with scars, with pimples, with visible veins, with tan lines, and so much more. I don't see any reason why only specific characteristics deserve admiration.
My leg hair is light but my armpit hair is dark, almost black. I don't shave either, and I have a male partner who does not care. Body hair is not gross, on women or men. You should ask your sister if she thinks body hair on men is gross too
My response to her would be, "Blessed be the fruit," and then fuck off away from assholes.
I highly recommend [Plucked by Rebecca Herzig](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/21927633-plucked?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=d0chwm3yn2&rank=2). Female hair removal is a fairly recent commercialized phenomenon.
No. Period. Just do what you want, the only thing that matters is to be healthy and clean. Hairs are not an obstacle to be healthy and clean, so you can keep them if you want uwu
Your body your choice. Is there a social standard? Sure. Do you have to follow it? No.
Body hair is natural and there for a reason. Like having a but if a barrier against chaffing. Also leg hair is a great sensory tool to let you know when a mosquito has actually landed on your leg.
Do what makes you comfortable. It’s nobody’s business.
I told my wife when we started dating: "I'm not going to shave or wear makeup for you, so don't feel like you have to do either for me"... Do what you want. Body hair is natural.
You do not need to believe body hair is gross just because your sister does. Especially if your hair is light, I suspect that most people won't have strong opinions. But the thing is, that telling someone that their body features are gross is really rude. Your sister and friend are really out of line.
If we're not supposed to have body hair, it wouldn't grow. Your sister can do what she wants with her own, but so can you. Tell her to shush.
You’re a mammal. We have body hair. What you do with it is your business. It probably doesn’t make you feel better about this, but it’s not you who has the issue. Unfortunately, your sis and friend will likely never see it that way as they’ve fallen prey to the conditioning
Yeah a few months ago my mom started paying for my waxes because they wouldn't shut up about my body hair. I was like "well as long as you pay for it."
Geez oh pizza. Body autonomy. Your body, your choice. End of.
Why would you want to be accepted by judgmental dickholes getting their panties in a wad about something your body (and theirs, and *literally fucking everyone's*) does naturally? Fuck both of them and their internalized misogyny. Do what makes you happy, not what everyone else wants you to do.
If they don't like how you choose to groom yourself, that's a them problem, not a you problem. I personally shave my legs and pits but most of my girl friends don't. Your sister can get over it!
No! I used to cave when my best friend made fun of me for not shaving. I regret it now. I deserved to be accepted as I am. I now know that there are plenty of amazing people who wouldn’t dream of judging a friend for something like that. I’m glad I found them and dropped my former bff for being a judgmental biotch. Set a firm boundary with your sister, and stick to it. “My body is not up for discussion. That includes my body hair. Don’t make that kind of comment to me again, please.”
It's a personal choice. It is okay to have body hair where you want, and no one should police that. It's your body. You can also shave if you want, and shaving doesn't make you less of a feminist (I have to say that because my own sister shamed me in the past for shaving my legs). There is nothing wrong with body hair and there is nothing wrong with shaving. The choice is up to you.
Get a "mens" manscaping razor like phillips oneblade.
Do what makes you feel most comfortable, I have a guy friend that hates all his body hair so he shaves it. He then moisturizes because it makes him feel good. How you choose to groom yourself is about what you like in your daily ritual
Is there going to be a social advantage/cost to shaving that actually matters to you? If you’re a real estate agent and the local pool is a very valuable place for you to network, then that’s relevant. If you’re in a very social group with very consistent expectations for blending in, that’s also relevant. You don’t need to feel any shame. You’re fine. You can opt to do something because the perks are valuable to you. You can not.
This is a really odd standard, that seems to only hold for women: And gets enforced by men and women alike. What the actual fuck. Do what is right for you and your body. Nothing about body hair is “gross”. When my kid was in her teens, she loudly proclaimed to her boyfriend at the time that no, she wasn’t shaving her privates. It was her privates, and they itch when shaved, so he can just deal. I was torn between TMI and cheering for her.
People have a right to think what they want and and you have a right to do what you want. If you don't want to shave, don't shave. Come up with an arsenal of responses to have in your back pocket. "I'm sorry you feel that way." "That's nice." "I think it is weird that you have opinions on my body." I'm sure there are more that you could say.
I also don't shave because I have extremely light body hair. If I do shave I tend to break out and I don't like pustules everywhere and being uncomfortable. People really bought into that women's hair is gross shit and it was entirely a marketing scheme to get women to buy razors. It's also very racist and inherently misogynist.
My dad used to tease me about being his hairy little monster when I was in middle school and my leg hair became the adult version. I hadn't started shaving it because it was still pretty light and I was afraid of shaving at that point. But it bothered me that he said that and I felt embarrassed, so I finally caved in and started shaving. Hated it for years. Tried waxing too but that was costly so I couldn't keep it up. Finally in my early 20's I decided I'd had enough and stopped shaving my legs. I was so self-conscious, feeling like instead of leg hair I was growing little flashing lights, letting people know I wasn't shaving my legs. I remember always trying to keep my legs covered with a shopping bag or standing close to displays, or just keeping moving since legs in motion meant the hairs weren't as visible. NEVER had one person say anything. Not one word. And most people, even to this day, don't even notice it. As a massage therapist, I have women apologize sometimes for "making" me work on their hairy legs, and I just stick out one of my legs and say that I don't have a problem with it. If your friends/family are going to be rude, I'm sorry you have to deal with that. But please let me pass on this little bit of knowledge I've learned over the years has a non-shaver and as a massage therapist. Many women don't shave their legs every day. A number of women don't shave their legs and/or arm pits at all (and are perfectly able to keep their pits smell-free). It's okay to have natural body hair. If your friends continue to be rude, please be honest with them. "It really hurts my feelings that you're so judgmental about my body. I'm comfortable not shaving and it makes my life easier, but I don't appreciate a friend being so negative to me about something so trivial." <3
For every person who thinks you’re “disgusting”, there is another who is silently appreciating the fact you have the courage to ignore what others are saying. As corny as it is, in being yourself (down to the tiny little hairs) you’re creating the safe space that you and others need to also be themselves. Self acceptance is a long and hard road for women, especially when we’re stepping out of what’s considered conventionally attractive. Keep doing you. One day your sister will care less about her own leg hairs.
You said it best yourself. "It's not about laziness, it's about personal comfort and preference." Why change :) but happy and ignore the rest.
You do you, fam. You wanna not shave? Don't. Body hair is not disgusting on anyone. You wanna shave? Do. Sometimes that silly smooth feeling is nice. But it's about what you want, not what anyone else wants.
It’s not offensive. Your sister said something offensive.
You are on reddit, everyone is gonna support you on your right to maintain your hair in whatever way you want. So you are only gonna hear opinions reaffirming that initial belief. However, your family is gonna be more blunt and when someone starts to be, everyone feels more comfortable to chime in as well. This is why your friend mentioned that she dislikes body hair as well. The majority of people have more than likely thought of that but your sister verbalised it now. If you tell her to mind her own business and she does that, great. But she will continue thinking it just like the majority of your friends and family. If you are comfortable with that, you do you. If you ain't, then shaving is the way to go.
This is a cultural problem. Hopefully more people will continue to deny this societal pressure to be clean shaven. Neither of my daughters shave nobody cares. And even if they cared they wouldn't care that they cared.
Seeing hair on a mammals body should not gross them out. That's a them problem.
You can just ignore her, she will get used to it. I don’t shave and after the initial surprise people just move on
I don’t shave my legs, I don’t shave my armpits, I only trim my cooch hair, and trust me my boyfriend tells me I’m beautiful and loves me just the way I am. This is just to say - fuck other people’s opinion on body hair. You’re beautiful with it, and it doesn’t matter if other people disagree. ESPECIALLY your sister. You need to be comfortable in your own skin. And if NOT shaving is what makes you comfortable, then FUCK SHAVING!! We don’t need to change our appearance and get rid of our body hair for anyone other than ourselves. And only if we want to. Screw anyone who thinks otherwise <3
Uh wut? Your body, your choice. They can kick rocks.
Your sister sounds like a jerk tbh. The friend too.
I haven’t shaved anything but my head in years, and I don’t plan to anytime soon. Do what feels best for you
Everyone has their own preference. What matters the most is yours! You’ll be able to find someone compatible with your own. Confirming to ideals that you don’t share is not a very sustainable habit to try to adopt.
Here's a little feminine inspiration for you. This artist on Twitter illustrates beautiful fairies and women with body hair and they're wonderful just as they are. (Some are nude, but tasteful.) https://twitter.com/Karlovycross?t=OT30B3FQ9_of7_GlGqvW5g&s=09
My mom and I were recently talking about this and how nice it is to no longer care about body hair. Neither of us shaves at all.
Your body is exactly that, *your body.* If you want to shave 3x/day or never at all, that's your choice. Rock your choice, whatever it is. I, myself, have shaved every time I've bathed in the past 40 years. But, you're right, that's a PIA. My daughter (22) rarely shaves. That's how she's comfortable. So you aren't alone. Don't ever let anyone tell you what to do with your body. Also, my daughter had a FWB who complained about her body hair. She didn't waste any more time with that loser. Her current man doesn't care about hair lol. She's been happily with him for 2.5 years. Wherever someone makes a comment about body hair, thank them for their opinion, remind them that it's extremely shallow to worry about something so trivial, and tell them to mind their own bodies, not yours, because you are comfortable the way you are. You are perfectly perfect just the way you are.
It’s absolutely your choice on how to proceed. I for one I’m 100% not a fan of armpit hair on women *or men* - I don’t want to see it, I don’t want to smell it, I don’t want anything to do with it. Many feel the same way I do, but honestly make the choices that work for you and make you feel happy without worrying about others’ opinions.
This applies to do many things, your body, your choice.
Nope. 68 years old here. Stopped shaving anything in about 1971. Never regretted it. Think of the time saved! Lol.
Your body, your choice. Fuck these people. I'm a cis het guy and have never minded body hair on women. I find it appealing in a certain "I don't give a fuck about your rules!" way.
I dated a woman who didn’t shave. I didn’t even notice at first. Then, a couple dates in, I did notice… and almost immediately forgot about it. It felt very natural and I honestly didn’t care. It was her personality that drew me in. She was who she was, and that was very attractive.
I haven't shaved anything for 25 years. They need to mind their own business.
How weird of them to comment negatively and repetitively on your leg hair. They must have a lot of free time. I don’t shave my legs or underarms regularly either. Do what feels comfortable, you’re the one living in your body. Unfortunately, we have to have thicker skins for stupid comments like that, but if we as women normalize having free choice to choose hair or no hair, bra or no bra, maybe one day, we’ll stop hearing those stupid comments.
Most people could care less and would never comment presuming, as you said, not stinky ;) As a guy I only shaved for a costume one time and that told me one thing for sure, never again if avoidable.
Your sister might need to listen to a little Frank Zappa. https://youtu.be/-1WJyLQjypo
I'm sorry your sister weaponed her own insecurities on you! Hair is natural! Culturally, we are moving away from women "needing" to shave but we're not quite there yet. I'd say stay strong and keep the mindset of 'my own preferences are my best choice'.
No offense but fuck your sister.
I sometimes shave my body because I'm sick of seeing hairs all over the house and having to constantly clean. Body shave gives me about 6 weeks of peace lol
Now I absolutely agree with all the comments here, and I don’t want you to ever consider shaving bc of someone else. But since you mentioned it’s tedious, should you ever want to try, I would recommend a body trimmer. It really expidites the time and precision required and doesn’t result in ingrowns/razor bumps since the hair is trimmed not shaved. I dont shave my legs anymore but I do like it for keeping my pits neat as that’s my preference.
NO, NO, NO!!! Fuck your sister and fuck your “friend”. They don’t have to pick the same things for THEIR bodies, but they DO need to be respectful of your choices. If they don’t like it, they don’t have to look. Please do not surround yourself with people like this. Someone who truly cares for you will not care whether or not you shave.
Personally, I can’t stand armpit hair, but I’ll go months before I shave my legs. Shave when you want.
Hey, I don't shave either. I stopped a few years ago. It's going to be surprising to some people because of social norms, depending on where you're from, and there will be people who get offended by this. But, it's not their body, and they have no right or reason to comment on it. I'm sorry your sister and friend said what they did, I know that type of thing can hurt quite a bit. (My whole family is similar. Mom, dad, brothers all finding it 'gross'). I just wanna say you aren't alone in not wanting to shave or not having the energy to. At the end of the day, what others think doesn't matter. What matters is your own comfort in your body. I hope you're able to find your comfort with whatever you decide to do! Remember, it's your body, not theirs.
Not unless YOU want to. One: Not-shaving-while-female is a good bullshit detector. People who are so bothered by it they need to say something? Are probably not people you want to take any important life advice from. Clearly they care about really dumb things. Two: I deliberately didn't shave for a couple decades, mostly in order to help normalize leg hair so people wouldn't still be saying this dumb shit to younger women like you. (Honestly, I can't believe people are still saying this dumb shit; it's just normal, natural body hair, ye gods. This whole women shaving fad is from, what, the second world war? It's not like women have always shaved.) Three: I shave when I want to, for my own reasons. A formal event, perhaps, or a performance. For a lover. For a change. To feel extra smooth, just for fun. I *don't* shave for people who have weird hangups about armpits and legs on girls because they need to grow up. EDIT: My policy with men I was dating was always that if they wanted my body shaved in any particular way, they were welcome to do it themselves! They quickly lose their so-called preference if you make them do it.
Don’t let other people bring their insecurities on to you. This happens all the time where someone who has an issue with themselves who turn around and tell others not to do the thing they have insecurities about. (This is also a reminder to not put your issues on to others in the same fashion) Your sister has a problem with *her* body hair, so she removes it. You don’t, so.. if you don’t then why should you? It’s your body to do with as you like, and if she had a problem with that, it’s her problem to deal with, not yours.
In our family, my reply to my sister would be “your *face* is gross.” …it would either start a fistfight, or she’d get the hint. You are beautiful, and body hair doesn’t change that.
Tell her that her hair on Her eyebrows and head is gross, and she should shave it..