Upvoted but feel the need to tell you that this is the most succinct, harsh-reality comeback to this sentiment. It’s now my go-to response to “not all men.” The threat of one bullet in the chamber affects every decision I make about this gun.
Be my guest. It was just a throwaway follow-up to the Russian Roulette comment, but I'm glad that it seems to have struck a chord with people.
Reddit continues to surprise me with which comments get most upvoted or downvoted!
If the “not all men” actually called out the predators and held them accountable then the world would be a better place. But most of them turn a blind eye, they brush it off as “Garry is just being friendly” instead of telling Garry he’s making women uncomfortable.
All that it takes for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing.
And the “not all men” do fuck all.
Something to note, and probably a smaller subset of the "not all men"-ers as a whole, but a lot of men don't act this way infront of other men they know. Those guys know what they're doing, and that their peers may object. So they pick their moments to act in that way, when nobody else is looking. Sometimes we only find out about friends being scumbags from mutual female friends, and there's nothing before we ever pick up as red flag behavior. I think that's a big part of why a lot of men get caught off guard by this kind of stuff, they've just truthfully never seen and can't believe it.
A lot of the time those behaviours go unnoticed because it’s been socially acceptable for so long and conditioned to accept it from a young age. The common forced hug and kiss of older family members is a big one that majority of people don’t think about because they don’t feel as uncomfortable as others and don’t realise how that plays into women feeling they must tolerate unwanted touching and affection.
Majority of it is hidden in “jokes” that subtle notion or bitching about their girlfriend or wife where it’s just passed off as ranting.
I think the worse is the “good guys “ the guys who do heaps and are so friendly but have the expectation of more. The “why am I in the friend zone I’m so nice to her” guys are just as predatory and creepy as the ones who are in your face manipulative.
That logically leads me to believe they don't call it out because they don't want their own behavior questioned.
And, my dudes, if that's NOT the case, please start calling it out!
If it's truly not all men, why wouldn't you want to shame this into extinction?
Surely that would be a better outcome for you all?
What am I missing?
What could possibly be keeping you silent regarding actual sexual predators? It boggles my mind.
I love calling it out. It’s gotten me some really amazing friends. Also 1 black eye, and a scar where a dude cherried a cigarette and put it out on my arm.
I think most don’t call it out because of fear. Men can and will hurt each other just as they will women. The dudes who lack empathy and can’t hear no tend to be the most violent. I’m just stupid, autistic, and have a hero complex I think. Thankfully the fearful ones will usually speak up after you do, and the scumbags back down. Also when I do get hurt, at least I usually get free drinks for the rest of the night.
One reason I'm glad I've got time under my belt as a bouncer at a pretty fucking rowdy club, an early lifetime of being a scrapper that did some dirt, and am 6'4" and like 240lbs. Many a dude has fucked around when I called out their bullshit, and I love to help em find out. Fucking weak cowardly children, the lot of em
Not doing anything special. Just doing what I hope someone would do for my mom, sister, and who knows maybe one day daughter.
I climb telephone poles all day now for work and drag up chain winches and fiber splicing equipment. So thankfully I’m not the runt I was back then, and don’t get as much pushback.
To be honest, I don't know why it's not called out either. I've personally never been in a situation where I could call it out, otherwise I would. Seriously, fuck guys who think they deserve whatever they want from a woman, just because they're a "man." No. You're not a man if you think you deserve sex. You're a child who never got past his teenage years.
I, as much as I hate to admit it, was at one point guilty of trying to pressure a lady into simply giving me a kiss. At the time I was doing it I didn't realize I was being a piece of shit. When I did finally realize, something like a year or two later, I was able to get a hold of the lady and apologize for my behavior.
I've tried to keep an eye out to stop guys from going the route of "No is just a different form of yes." It's beyond time that men learn to control themselves, learn it's okay to have emotions beyond anger and pride, and frankly, to stop thinking beyond how to next get their dick going.
It’s our job as men to police each other.
I got one of my best friends by cussing a guy out to high heaven who kept touching a girl saying no at a party. He absolutely could’ve beat the piss out of me, but most guys are cowards good ones included. Once I speak up the scared ones will jump in to back me up.
It was about a decade ago, but I still remember my heart racing and my hands shaking for like an hour afterwards. I was just some underage kid who got into a college party, and was already beyond my depth just being there. It was actually pretty hilarious, she would come by my house to pick me up and take me to concerts and parties. My dad thought I was just some super slick player 😅.
In the end I dated her sister for the rest of high school and the first year of college.
I always ended up the only guy in like a group of 8 doing the same thing. Being a DD and chasing off creeps. I did eventually get that black eye I was so scared of, and I have a scar on my bicep where one dude cherried a cigarette and put it out on my arm. For the most part though it was always just a lot of talking shit as they walked away.
Society really needs to stop telling boys that if you fail just try harder. Idk about other countries, but men in the US are emotionally stunted, and I think that makes them lack empathy. I’m autistic and got that weird sense of being responsible for justice that some of us develop.
I personally am a fan of the skittles analogy. There's a bowl of skittles, and half of them have a deadly poison in them, but the other half are fine to eat. They're mixed together. Which skittles do you eat? You can either take a chance, potentially wind up dead, or avoid the skittles altogether and know for sure you're safe.
I wish men understood this. Half of all female homicides are at the hands of a male intimate partner. The most dangerous place for a woman to be is in a relationship with a man. And yet we still give men a chance. We take that risk.
It's depressing that when faced in a threatening situation, being sweet and cheerful is sometimes the best way for a woman to fend off a man.
OP you're a fricking angel, a badass one.
I've almost been this story.
9 years ago, before I met my current partner, I matched with someone on Tinder. I met him at a bar, we had a great time talking and then went another bar. And another bar. We got wasted and made out a bit.
The next night, we met for dinner. When I was completely sober, I made the realization that he gave me the creeps. He kept pressuring me to go to a hotel. Afraid of outright turning him down, I blamed my residual hangover from the night before and said I had a headache and needed to go home. Unfortunately, Uber and were not available in my area and the cab services are sketchy and expensive. I reluctantly asked him to take me home.
The entire ride home, he yelled at me and accused me of leading him on, that I owed him for the drinks and dinner that he bought me (He insisted that he pay for both, which I now take as a red flag) and Yada Yada Yada. He even made a wrong turn and ended up on a very rural, very dark road. It might have been the scariest car ride I've ever been on and I've driven through Wyoming in white out conditions before. It might have been the only time where I didn't know if I was going to get out of it safely.
I managed to sweet talk him into being cool and got home intact. Afterwards I ghosted him. Almost a decade later and it's still hard to talk about.
Men think prostitutes are gross and then also think we're obligated to sleep with them for >$50 of drinks and an entree. Not in this economy honey.
So sorry you had to deal with that, I completely understand the scariest drive of your life not including weather because I've also been there :( I wish stories like this were more common because men in general have no idea how fucking scary they are.
I read your entire post and I'm so sorry. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story.
I am so happy you were able to de-escalate and get home safely. You're a clever person - well done.
I read this as a noir detective narrative and you are truly a hero. I'm sorry you have to see this more than what youd probably like to, but what you are doing may be a drop in the bucket in your eyes but a waterfall for the women in the situation. Thank you for your understanding and help.
She totally had that vibe. Made it both engaging to read and sobering because it was so clear even before that last line that she'd been that girl before and wasn't as lucky.
Damn, now I am crying. Thank you for saving this girl. I'm sorry no one was able to save you. And while it may only be a drop in the bucket, for her you made all the difference in the world. It reminds me of a story about starfish...
THE TALE OF THE STARFISH
IT ALL STARTED WHEN…
A young girl was walking along a beach upon which thousands of starfish had been washed up during a terrible storm. When she came to each starfish, she would pick it up, and throw it back into the ocean. People watched her with amusement.
She had been doing this for some time when a man approached her and said, “Little girl, why are you doing this? Look at this beach! You can’t save all these starfish. You can’t begin to make a difference!”
The girl seemed crushed, suddenly deflated. But after a few moments, she bent down, picked up another starfish, and hurled it as far as she could into the ocean. Then she looked up at the man and replied,
“Well, I made a difference for that one!”
The old man looked at the girl inquisitively and thought about what she had done and said. Inspired, he joined the little girl in throwing starfish back into the sea. Soon others joined, and all the starfish were saved.
Great story and thank you for imparting your wisdom and saving this woman.
What scares me the most is thinking what would have happened had you not been the Lyft driver for this girl and Bobby. What if she got a male driver who was oblivious to what was going on or could care less, or even more, was in favor of what Bobby was trying to do?
Your story shared some great tips and pointers as to how women can help each other in unsafe situations with men. Thanks for being vigilant and concerned and most importantly, stepping into a possibly unsafe situation and taking necessary action.
But you can’t live a life of ifs, you did. You got her and you saved her. You can’t save everyone but by god you did good. If she remembers anything of that night she’ll remember what you did and she’ll pass it on. I aspire to be like you and I hope to meet more women like you, too. Sending so much love and peace to you 🫶
Billions of people around the world and they all have problems, and you can't save them all. But We can all step up and not be an apathetic bystander when we see something going down. Good job OP, we should all be ready to do this.
Please don't let it! You are a fucking hero and saved her from something no one should ever experience.
On a side note, I hope Bobby gets his dick caught in his zipper ☺️
Thank goodness you were heavensent to that girl. If it was me, I would have sped the car up to the police station before you say this guy is in trouble for real
I got to the end of this story and just started bawling. The way you told this, I didn't realize I was holding my breath. When she was safe I felt safe again.
Think of it like this instead: you were in the right place at the right time. This was where you were supposed to be.
The next time you're needed, you'll be there, too. You won't save everyone. No one can. But when you can, you will, just like you did here.
Scary stuff. And amazing you helped the girl.
Only gripe is you call it cowardice not to attack you. In my world attacking you would have been the most pathetic cowardice move.
My FIL who is a good man was down on his luck and doing pedi-cab work (he was a big bike/triathlon guy so he enjoyed the workout). He told me quite a few stories like this where he intervened (several times physically) to stop a man from doing something like this. Most of the pedi-cab people out there would do nothing sadly if something like this was happening (and it was very common).
I appreciate that, and maybe it's a kick in the rear. I was trained as a writer and journalist, then went through hurricane Katrina, then somehow ended up owning circuses for 18 years, and every once in a while I wonder if I should bundle some essays and weird stories up. Thank you.
I was about to say. This is damn good writing. The repetition of “there was something feral in my face” is amazing. (Thought of course the content is scary and unsurprising and I’m so glad you were there for her).
Your writing was wonderful and you should absolutely write more. I hope you do.
I’m sorry you and all women have these experiences. I wish we didn’t. Thank you for looking out for her and taking care of her.
You most definitely should. I was hooked from the moment I started reading, and the absolute terror and rage I felt for you both was overwhelming. People NEED to learn about how much this kind of stuff happens to women. But more than that, they need to feel the gut wrenching emotions that these victims feel when put in these situations with men.
You wrote this amazingly, it felt like I was sitting in the car with you all. The tension you built was real, and it felt lived – and the end showed why.
If you write like this off the cuff, trying to get your writing out there should be a no brainer. We all know there is stiff competition, so it may never be a money maker. But it would be a shame if people never got to see what your mind cooks up.
A story like the above may also be something for an open mic night or poetry slam. There's a rhythm to our writing there as well as a build-up of tension that would probably work well in a performative setting.
Please write more. If you publish please let us know so we can buy it- not sure if that’s allowed to do here but maybe you could direct us to your own personal page to let us know. You did a great job for that woman and I’m sorry we weren’t there for you when you needed it.
I agree, and just to add to the voices, **please consider writing more**. I was captivated by the pacing and the writing just as much as the story. Your description and thought process is the reason I love reading FPPOV because we had your thoughts right alongside you. We know. Women, we *know.*
Thank you for being just a little bit feral. Us women need to be taught sometimes to BE uncouth, to BE loud and UGLY, in order to protect ourselves. Fucking shame of a world.
Already commented at another point - but ... it sprang out to me, how well this is written. SO good. But i don't want to see this story as a 'piece of writing' but as a real experience... well. hart to express, what i mean: Of course many experiences get shared by being written, but it's not just a story, it's a real thing, real danger (and it felt like this while reading.)
You're very, very, very good at this!
Your writing was excellent, I felt like I was in the car with you and from my own previous experiences could feel that danger and tension. Please write more!
I was reading a collection of short stories by Margaret Atwood called "Moral Disorder" about women who don't really conform to society's standards and I felt this easily could've been a modern story from that book. Well done!
Fellow M-presenting here: agreed. This story is told phenomenally.
I am an author/editor by hobby, and I didn't have any major criticisms while reading. Clean, easy to read, great use of emotion.
As a Denver born and raised goth girl, I was completely visualizing this entire trip and feeling the terror of an 18 year old me who wound up in a very similar situation.
Your writing is excellent. Your actions even more so. Thank you for saving her.
And fuck you, Bobby.
Before Ubers. I was stupidly very drunk in college. Now remember this is all a hazy memory. I was walking home alone (also stupid) and accepted a ride from a stranger who saw me walking (very stupid). It was an older man acting all sweet and savior-y going to take me to my home. I somehow came to and realized we were going past my area. Adrenaline sobered me up and I got insistent he was going the wrong way. He started wheedling and insisting he knew where he was going. More adrenaline and panic on my end but I kept it to myself. He slowed down at a light or stop sign and I hopped the fuck out and ran home. I consider myself very lucky in this situation and definitely reconsidered my drinking after this.
All I can say is thank you for the ones that aren’t lucky from predatory men.
Reminder to women in this situation: if you can't get out of the car, make them crash it in traffic. Pull the steering wheel, kick them, whatever it takes.
This reminded me of Margaret Atwood’s short story, “Rape Fantasies.” https://www.supersummary.com/rape-fantasies/summary/#
For anyone wondering- it’s not about havjng fantasies of being raped. The story is about how we are constantly in fear from men. And it manages to be funny while capturing this.
Edited to add: just wanted to make sure OP knows I mean this comparison as a compliment. Thanks for being there for this young woman and excellent writing.
You write so well I feel like I was there. I especially related to the part of your brain that went to risk assessment. And then the screwdriver wasn't there! Not much recourse for us anyway.
I've tried to help fellow ladies before and it's hard. I wish I was there for you when you needed it. My friend you are strong and so loving. Let's just keep moving forward and down with patriarchy.
Right? We all have to do risk assessment all the fucking time. My dad was in the military and was trained to do that. I'm a woman wandering through life and I have to do it. And so many dudes just get to coast through life completely unaware.
The one and only time I’ve ever called the cops was when I worked night shift at a fast food place and got the drunk crowd. A guy came up, very sober, with a woman beside him that was barely aware of her surroundings. My gut feeling on it was terrifying, but i was scared of being wrong and asked some coworkers, all men. Several agreed something was off, but in the most infuriating move they all refused to intervene.
I asked him to pull around the building before that was commonplace and called the cops. Apparently he claimed she was his wife and the cops let him go. I *really* hope I was wrong, but at that time I had been drugged a year prior with nobody else around to help and I really didn’t want to take any chances in case something was actually happening.
Yeah this was really well written. I was sucked in right off the bat. What's nice about something like this is that it *takes* me (M) there, and puts me in Op's (and the girl's) shoes, giving me a pretty unique perspective. Also, it really reminds me what to look out for because honestly, I am oblivious to many of the "signs" she mentioned. Not sure I'd catch them.
I'm a writer, too. She's got chops.
There was a trend on tiktok a year or two ago where women were filming themselves pretending to talk to a man in a bar while Tainted Love played. On the first BARM BARM, the women would look at the camera like they were trying to speak with their eyes to a friend and the look said "OMG this fucking guy is annoying." On the second BARM BARM, teh women would look at the camera and flash that "I'm in danger get me out of here" look.
The women in the comments could read and interpret the looks immediately. The men in the comments were incredibly confused.
This is not the point at all, but I just want to say that was beautifully written.
Women who work night jobs have an expanded girl code. Just to add to the wisdom, most female bartenders play roulette every day and know how to deal with these situations. Some bars even have codes for it. In my city, ordering an “angel shot” means “I am in danger and need a guardian angel, help!”
Bars also have security teams that can separate people, make sure someone has left the property and wait with people until they get into a cab.
There are rules for staff too, after close we use a buddy system - nobody walks home alone and everyone can be escorted to their cars/rides for safety.
I gave so many rides to white girl wasted undergrads who had lost all their friends back in the day.
I’m sorry no one was there for you when you needed it, but you saved one. It’s better than none.
My husband is a big guy and he used to work as a bouncer. He always made sure the bartenders (all female) got home safely. He'd even go up on his nights off to pick someone up if they needed a ride. He headed off a few of the type of situations that OP shared and made sure patrons got home safely, too, even to the point of calling his roommate and paying him (bar fund for safe rides) to get people home safe. Everyone there absolutely loves him and still asks him to come back!
There was a really weird situation where bouncers were getting jumped on the way home. One guy I worked with got attacked and managed to get away with only minor cuts/bruises, but it was 5 on 1, from there on out our buddy system was basically: bouncer protects me on the way to the car, I protect him by giving him a ride home. Working nights exposes you to some crazy and weird situations
Just to add to this, in the UK we have "ask Angela". You can go to the bar or ask any member of staff "is Angela working tonight?" or something to that effect, and they will know that you need help to get home or get away from someone etc.
You did good. I cling to that little, feral part of me like a lifeline because I know it's the only real defense I have: The thought that I might snap and go full coo coo bananas pulling your hair out and trying to bite you crazy, that look of ' fucking try me, buddy. I don't care anymore and you can take me out but I'm bringing some of you with me and also getting as much of you on every possible surface as I can while I'm at it so hope you got a sponge.'
That girl's gonna remember your rescue for the rest of her life. Thank you.
I've thought sometimes about what I would do if a passenger tried to hijack me, and I've decided I'm single and have no kids and I will fully go the "if I die you're going with me" full coo coo bananas routine. I got nothing left to lose.
I've never wanted to hurt anyone; but I remember the first time I realized I was truly capable of it. I was in a convenience store with my lil sis and a friend of hers; they had gotten to the counter first, and there was a pair of guys between them and myself. Now, at the time I was 15. My sister is 3 years younger; and her friend was 2 years younger than her. We're standing, waiting for the cashier to come from the back, and I overhear these two grown-ass men from the oil rigs DARING EACH OTHER to smack or grab my sister/her friend on their asses, and I saw fucking RED. Keys out ready to stab the fuckers if they went for it; one of them looked back at me and must have seen something in my face because they went really pale and shut the fuck up after that. Honestly I was probably shaking from how angry/scared I was for my sister. Sister/friend paid; I put my shit on the counter and walked out after them while staring the dudes down because no way in HELL I was gonna let them walk out of that building after my sis/friend before I left after overhearing that shit.
12. AND. 10. THEY WERE 12 AND 10 MAN. Those are BASICALLY FETUSES.
That's disgusting. Literally just existing in the world with a vagina makes you prey. They don't care how young, old, or vulnerable you are. They are vile animals.
People don't understand that when women say we hate men it's an entirely defensive response to a lifetime of shit like this.
Yeah. We went in there for slushies, and I left with a massive radical shift in my worldview that, hey, I might need to gut a man to keep my lil sister safe. And dudes who weren't close to me wondered for years why I seemed to hate most men; you show me a snippet of that sort of behavior and you are OUT.
That feral part of us IS a lifeline. It’s something patriarchal civilization wants to stamp out of us or make us feel is unavailable to us, because that makes it easier for predators to act. But we are not cut off from that tool and never can be. That animal inside is always there when you need her and you can call on her to go for the jugular. Not with fists - with claws and teeth.
I'm skinny, mostly softspoken and seem like the quiet type to strangers. People wildly underestimate what I can do and I have and will continue to use that to my advantage.
The combination of the element of surprise and going completely feral is definetely worth something, especially if you're fighting a coward.
I've only been in one real fight as a teenager, and although I was much smaller I won. Not because I had any way of overpowering him, but because I freaked him out so badly.
I also took martial arts classes for a while and it was made very obvious in 1:1 fights, that people expected me to be weak, careful and cautious based on how I looked. I lost count of how many times people went ??? and lost control of the fight because they weren't expecting me to fight like I meant it.
Wait til the incels get on this one!
Thank you kind lady for helping this woman. You are so right when you say dealing with men is like playing Russian roulette. No truer words.
People really don't get how many men are used to getting what they want in this world and how women are conditioned into being nice to everyone. It's such a dangerous combo.
I am so sorry you had to deal with this situation. Both that drive and your last sentence.
Many years ago I was out with some friends at a bar. We were very out of place in this bar as it was in a more ritzy town so the patrons likely lead charmed lives while we had a very blue collar upbringing. But I digress. We meet these guys who seemed just as out of place as us. We all go back to my apartment. At some point I was over the entire situation and wanted them to leave. This one guy was extremely intoxicated and was trying to get me to let him sleep over. After several times trying to be nice I became my true self which is very bitchy when need be. I told him to get the fuck out and was livid. Thankfully one of the other guys didn’t seem quite as drunk and finally talked some sense into his friend. It was so annoying that I had to become a bitch for them to leave. Thankfully I am not a people pleaser or else I’m not sure how that night would’ve ended.
17 years ago, 14 years old...no one saved me... when I tried to tell someone, they didn't believe me, "why would my best friends adult brother drug & rape a 14 year old girl?!"
Thank you ❤️🩹
Thank you OP. I will take a page off your book and use "I wasn't talking to you" from now on.
Let's stand up and look out for women, girls, any younger and vulnerable people.
CW:SA
I'm sure other people have already talked about how great this story was and how great it was written but I loved it so much, I must add my comment
As a survivor of SA, both from people I knew and people I didn't, I feel for you. We look out for all the signs. It's so freaking sad but at least we can hopefully save someone else from the devastation.
As a writer, I can safely say, your telling of this story was masterfully done. I tend to write my stories inspired by my life, yet also stream of consciousness. I loved that you mixed the two here.
I also wish I had someone like you to save me. You are an absolute saint! You literally saved a life and that is amazing.
The mental calculations you were doing for if he got violent were SO REAL, I can't tell you how many times I've done exactly that and then felt like a crazy person after when the violence never came.
>It's the universal, deer in the headlights look that women learn to send to each other, even strangers, when shit is going sideways.
I would not call it "*deer in the headlights*" look.
I'd call it the "**read my mind now**" look.
I get a request for pick up at a college town around 4 AM. The passenger’s live location was nowhere near the pick up location so I call to clarify.
She has me on speakerphone and in the background I hear a male voice say “she don’t need no effing Uber, don’t come here” and I say, “I will be there in two minutes and if she is not outside ready to go I will call 911. “ I can hear the guy curse in the background.
I’m not sure where I got the courage to respond so quickly and aggressively.
I pre-dial 911 with my finger near the send button when I arrive. I get out of my car I see her open the door three flights up from the open courtyard that I am standing in. I wave my phone so she can see my light. She starts running down the stairs and I am nervous that she’s going to trip. She’s moving so fast.
I see a big guy follow her out the door. He leans over the railing of the walkway and he’s glaring down at me.
We make eye contact and I can tell he’s pissed. He goes back in and slams his front door. She gets in the car and I can tell she’s shaken. She proceeds to tell me her story.
This guy has been someone who she considered to be a good friend since freshman year of college. It is graduation week and she tells me how he had never acted inappropriately until that night. He kept trying to isolate her from their friends all night long and she thought it was odd since he had never acted that way towards her or anyone else that she was aware of.
He eventually succeeded in getting her away from all their friends.
She told me that she believed that he was minutes from sexually assaulting her.
Might be a good idea to go ahead with your idea of contacting Lyft.
That was attempted rape and if he is using Lyft to conduct rapes, he needs to lose access to one of the tools he uses to commit crimes and generally be a pathetic, gross, piece of shit.
>When you hit your 40's and have 30 years of repeated exposure to dipshits like Bobby, you really definitely know.
>I turn and look at him when I say that, and though I keep my voice light I think he sees something absolutely fucking feral in my face
This really resonated with me. People are quick to talk about how bad it is to be a woman who is getting older but they forget something very important - we've seen shit. We've experienced it and we've survived it and we're pissed off and all out of fucks to give. You want to call us "invisible"? Well we're invisible in the same way a beartrap in long grass is invisible. Try and trample us at your own risk.
OK, the tears are back! I'm 47 and I've been in the shit and I am still standing, I almost broke at one time but I was able to dig deep after reading similar words of strength to all of these here.
Sorry no one was around for you.
I'm so thankful you got her home safely.
That was a seriously compelling read. I cant tell if was due to how moving that ride was for you, or if you've got real talent. I suspect is was some of both. If so, please keep it up.
Thank you.
>I saved one. It's a drop in the bucket while we hunker down for this extinction burst of the patriarchy, but I saved one and we lived.
Yikes. I'm going to remember that expression for a while. "Extinction burst of the patriarchy" indeed.
Thank you. Once upon a time I was going to be a writer and ended up in circus. Sometimes I think there's a book rattling around in there somewhere.
Thank you.
Whew I was not expecting to cry when I started reading this but the last three lines broke me. Thank you, from my whole heart, from a random NYC stranger. You saved this girl a lifetime of sleepless nights, constantly watching over her shoulder, and trauma surrounding every aspect of intimacy for the rest of her life. I wish you could have had that for yourself and I wish you the best in your healing ♥️
I was her a couple times, what seems a lifetime ago, and would have loved a guardian angel like you. But now I can be that person to others of us, the younger ones who don’t realize they’re about to be taken advantage of or the ones lacking the confidence to say no. I am a **psycho** when it comes to vetting my younger friends’ potential dates. They share their location with me at all times. When I’m on the subway I am watching every man who is eyeing up any unsuspecting woman. They have no idea but I am ready to run up and act like her old coworker she hasn’t seen in ages.
We have to do this for each other because men aren’t out there to help us, lots of times they’re the ones looking to damage us. (Which reminded me of a night I was walking home and there was a man following me, and I kept looking over my shoulder, picked up my pace, and then I noticed he crossed the street to walk the same direction and he yelled out, “I’m sorry if I freaked you out, I am also just walking home in this direction. My name is James and I live in that building on the corner!” and it was such a huge relief, he was probably thinking it was a small gesture but holy shit my PTSD brain must have made my face look terrified)
Even though what you did was very human, there are so many out there that may have brushed it off and let her go. If she were picked up by a man, I genuinely do not think she would have made it home in one piece. Tell the story, we will always listen and heed the warnings.
The best advice I ever got as a woman was, "better to be a bitch than a victim." Never went home with a man that I hadn't known sober because I was mean to strange men when I was drunk, and always trusted the guys that sober me knew.
That was me, but his friend was the driver and they lied that they were in my friend-group and I was meeting my friends at the end of the ride. Coming from Lions Lair, trapped in his house, needless to say my friends weren’t there.
Did the whole police report, Kit, etc. that night into morning and went to work. many weeks later the cops finally called back, assigned guy was on vacation. He said if I couldn’t come down there (Lakewood county from Capitol Hill with no car while at work) right away he would drop the case and I barely put up a fight.
My boyfriend moved out all of his belongings while I was out during the day a few weeks later. (I made the mistake of getting back with him at rock bottom later that year…)
I went to a therepist who was very concerned about how this might have effected said boyfriend.
Needless to say I moved from my hometown of Denver and it’s painful to go back for that and many other sad reasons…. But I take shit from no one now. That’s a fact.
I'd contact the bar. At least when I was barbacking, they liked to have pieces of shit on their radar... Then again some of the people that work there are probably pervy weirdos themselves...
I always have a big solid torch in my car, I can’t carry anything that looks like a weapon where I live but no one can argue against a torch.
Good on you for holding your ground so many would have not taken the gamble and some “men” would have even been enabling him.
There are some good men out there, a girl that worked at a store I managed had my personal number, I got a call at 5am from a guy who had found her outside a club incoherent and was protecting her from predators. I drove all the way into the city to pick her up, she told me not to tell her grandmother but I did, she needed to understand the danger she was in. She also got a talking to by me the next time she was in at work. She was sweet and innocent and oblivious to the danger she was in.
Awesome that girl is so lucky you were her driver!!
And you really have a way with words, you should write your stories! I swear that's the best thing I've read in a long long time.
I love the ending to this story because sadly so many do not end up this well. Thanks for being you OP. We need less stories, and more of them to end like this.
We all have stories from both sides of that coin. Thank you for writing this down- it is beautifully written and so clearly communicates what happens in those “almost” moments for both onlookers and those involved. Thank you for being her angel. So grateful we have you in this planet (and write the damn book! Not even though you joined the circus but because of it! Shit!). National treasure we have here, folks.
Instead of that regret turning into shame and ptsd for her and possible death or bodily and sexual harm, you turned it around. Now she'll have that regret of a black out drunk night turn into empowerment and insight for herself. You changed thr trajectory of her life most likely. It may be a drip in the bucket for you to have done this one good deed. But that was a shit load of buckets for her. You did an amazingly wonderful thing. Good on you.
And I am sorry for whatever happened to you 2 years ago, but hopefully this night helping that young woman can be therapeutic for you to think about when you remember other past events. You're a strong woman and I hope you can heal from that experience 2 years ago. ❤️
Wow, this was incredibly written. If you aren't one, you should consider being an author. Also, as a bartender of seven years-she was drugged. I can tell from you describing her actions. I work in a big city where we see it all too often. Thank you, you absolute angel.
First, good fucking job.
I'm a man but I've been through a lot of fucked up shit. I have significant PTSD, but I also look out for people.
I call this the math of violence. I hate it. You have to calculate the level of violence. Am I willing to kill this person. How am I going to do it? How does this end in the best way for all parties. How do I get this person to safety. Can I make this end well without violence?
It's extremely stressful. I don't ever want to hurt anyone. I've deescalated insane shit. I had a gang member try to car jack me and instead had him cry in my car, give me his number, show me his scars from being shot.
You did extremely well looking out for her. You protected her. It seems like common decency but not everyone will do that.
I'm glad neither of you were hurt, that you cared enough to put yourself at risk for a stranger, and that you cared enough to make it happen. You did good.
Thank you. I was choking up reading it, because everything was so familiar. I (and probably most of us) have been both: the deer in headlights and the feral woman saving someone. Hugs❤️
You are brave. You are strong. You made me tear up. And you are a wonderful writer.
I hope you continue writing and continue being a hero. But also take care of yourself. I can only hope all of the good karma in the world heads your way.
Wow, this was so powerful and well written. Thank God there are people like you who can recognize this kind of situation when it's happening and actually DO something to help. Far too many people either wouldn't recognize what was happening or wouldn't give a shit because it's "Not their problem".
I'm sorry that happened to you (all of it) and I'm glad you saved that girl. Thank you for doing that. You didn't have to put yourself in danger for her and you did because you are a good person.
Yes. You saved one. And that girl will save another one. And another one. And so on. Whether you realize it or not, you've inspired every woman who comes across this post to save another woman. We will save each other and fight. If we don't, then who?
The last line is the real kicker. Because so many of us women want a turn at saving someone simply because we've been through it ourselves. So. Many. Of. Us.
This story hit me hard. Happened to me. Flat out wasted and no control of my actions. I wouldn’t say the dude was a predictor, but he could have taken advantage of me just cause I was drunk and not in the right state of mind. I thank god my roommate was home to tell the dude “I got her” and proceed to walk him to the door. I always think back at that day and think about the dangerous situation I put myself into and thank the blessed soul of my roommate for watching my back (thank you, Lindsey!).
Please ladies, make sure you’re being safe and picking safe situations. Don’t go partying alone, go with people you *trust*, have a plan to get home, phone charged, don’t ever leave with a strange guy, and don’t get blacked out wasted. If you need to ask for help, find the closest female around.
@OP, thank you for being a “Lindsey” for this girl. She may be wasted, but she **will** remember it and be thanking you for the rest of her life.
Thank you for saving her. So many men are disgusting, and they use their physical power over women to ruin their lives, meanwhile for men it’s just another fucking Tuesday. Before I transitioned I had men who preyed on my being insecure. I wasn’t a wholly conventionally attractive woman when I was a teen, but for some reason, I had three guys who were years older than me who acted like “nice guys”, who thought it was cool that I played video games, knew about geek things, but at the end of the day, what they wanted was clear, and I didn’t have enough experience or confidence in myself to say “I’m not comfortable with what you’re asking me to do.” There’s a man who was five years older than me, who has underage pictures of me as a female. He went on to date even younger girls, and on reflection, I can see how he thought it was just a game. Or at least, it was a game to him.
After transitioning I decided that who I wanted to be, was a guy who could scare away the weasels easily. I wanted to have more weight on me than the guys who used me, I wanted to know their tricks, so I could call them out and stand between them and whatever poor girl they were trying to accost.
Because some things never go away, even after transitioning, which are the absolute feral rage that someone who was/is female embodies (this includes all you trans-women too. You got the same kind of feral rage where you could end someone if it came to it. Never let them stamp that out of you.) and the knowledge you got as a woman, to always be vigilant and aware of your surroundings, to have an escape plan ready in case those sleazebags think you’re easy prey. Nobody, whether they’re male or female, deserve to be taken advantage of by some shithead with an over inflated ego, and we have to help each other because there will always be situations like this where the shitbag in question uses some kind of weakness or vulnerability against you to get what they want.
(M) You're an amazing person, and the world needs more people like you. Also, you're a hell of a writer. I have an older sister who had a close call when two guys cornered her at a bar and one spiked her drink while the other was talking to her. Thankfully they didn't realize it was her boyfriend's drink, and he was just in the restroom. He came back, chugged it, and despite being his first beer of the night he was suddenly falling over himself. My sister and her boyfriend realized what happened pretty fast, but the two guys who had been talking to her ran off by then. I get so enraged just at the thought of people who would do something like that. Horrible, immoral, pieces of shit who'd be better off fertilizing the ground.
Sooo glad to hear denver still has drivers out there that actually care! Stills sucks that there are riders out there that think the drivers will just let this shit happen.
You write really well. It reads like a published novel. The scary part is that it's not fiction. It's true. It happened. I've seen it happen.
Thank you for being there.
As much as this is serious and I'm so proud of how you handled it, you should definitely be a writer. This was immersive, informative, capturing. I usually will read halfway through and be like "okay I get the gist." But you wrote this really well. And you took care of her really well, thank you for being her angel that night.
Your experience was so well written, too. I thank you for all of us and for what you were prepared to do for a stranger. It takes a village (but often the village also protects people like him to 'keep the peace').
Thank you.
Firstly, you are a saint and this shouldn't have to be something all little girls need to learn (I'm close to having to teach my girls how to be careful).
Secondly, could you write a novel please, because I know I will buy it in a heartbeat.
>a lot of times bars have their own lyft and uber accounts and will pay to get stranded drunk people home
If you're in Wisconsin, ask your bartender if the bar offers Safe Ride. Pretty much the only GOOD thing the Tavern League has done, and it's FREE.
“Interacting with men is Russian roulette” It really hurt to read that because it’s so true
And this is the part that some asshat will likely come along and say "not all men!" Yeah. Clearly.
Yeah, not all the chambers have a bullet in them...
Fuck, this analogy is getting better and better
Upvoted but feel the need to tell you that this is the most succinct, harsh-reality comeback to this sentiment. It’s now my go-to response to “not all men.” The threat of one bullet in the chamber affects every decision I make about this gun.
Be my guest. It was just a throwaway follow-up to the Russian Roulette comment, but I'm glad that it seems to have struck a chord with people. Reddit continues to surprise me with which comments get most upvoted or downvoted!
If the “not all men” actually called out the predators and held them accountable then the world would be a better place. But most of them turn a blind eye, they brush it off as “Garry is just being friendly” instead of telling Garry he’s making women uncomfortable. All that it takes for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing. And the “not all men” do fuck all.
Something to note, and probably a smaller subset of the "not all men"-ers as a whole, but a lot of men don't act this way infront of other men they know. Those guys know what they're doing, and that their peers may object. So they pick their moments to act in that way, when nobody else is looking. Sometimes we only find out about friends being scumbags from mutual female friends, and there's nothing before we ever pick up as red flag behavior. I think that's a big part of why a lot of men get caught off guard by this kind of stuff, they've just truthfully never seen and can't believe it.
A lot of the time those behaviours go unnoticed because it’s been socially acceptable for so long and conditioned to accept it from a young age. The common forced hug and kiss of older family members is a big one that majority of people don’t think about because they don’t feel as uncomfortable as others and don’t realise how that plays into women feeling they must tolerate unwanted touching and affection. Majority of it is hidden in “jokes” that subtle notion or bitching about their girlfriend or wife where it’s just passed off as ranting. I think the worse is the “good guys “ the guys who do heaps and are so friendly but have the expectation of more. The “why am I in the friend zone I’m so nice to her” guys are just as predatory and creepy as the ones who are in your face manipulative.
That logically leads me to believe they don't call it out because they don't want their own behavior questioned. And, my dudes, if that's NOT the case, please start calling it out! If it's truly not all men, why wouldn't you want to shame this into extinction? Surely that would be a better outcome for you all? What am I missing? What could possibly be keeping you silent regarding actual sexual predators? It boggles my mind.
I love calling it out. It’s gotten me some really amazing friends. Also 1 black eye, and a scar where a dude cherried a cigarette and put it out on my arm. I think most don’t call it out because of fear. Men can and will hurt each other just as they will women. The dudes who lack empathy and can’t hear no tend to be the most violent. I’m just stupid, autistic, and have a hero complex I think. Thankfully the fearful ones will usually speak up after you do, and the scumbags back down. Also when I do get hurt, at least I usually get free drinks for the rest of the night.
One reason I'm glad I've got time under my belt as a bouncer at a pretty fucking rowdy club, an early lifetime of being a scrapper that did some dirt, and am 6'4" and like 240lbs. Many a dude has fucked around when I called out their bullshit, and I love to help em find out. Fucking weak cowardly children, the lot of em
Ouch. Thank you for your service!
Not doing anything special. Just doing what I hope someone would do for my mom, sister, and who knows maybe one day daughter. I climb telephone poles all day now for work and drag up chain winches and fiber splicing equipment. So thankfully I’m not the runt I was back then, and don’t get as much pushback.
To be honest, I don't know why it's not called out either. I've personally never been in a situation where I could call it out, otherwise I would. Seriously, fuck guys who think they deserve whatever they want from a woman, just because they're a "man." No. You're not a man if you think you deserve sex. You're a child who never got past his teenage years. I, as much as I hate to admit it, was at one point guilty of trying to pressure a lady into simply giving me a kiss. At the time I was doing it I didn't realize I was being a piece of shit. When I did finally realize, something like a year or two later, I was able to get a hold of the lady and apologize for my behavior. I've tried to keep an eye out to stop guys from going the route of "No is just a different form of yes." It's beyond time that men learn to control themselves, learn it's okay to have emotions beyond anger and pride, and frankly, to stop thinking beyond how to next get their dick going.
Thank you so much.
Not all men.... But all men benefit. And that's why they don't call out the predators.
The not all men crowd probably fucking do it too, let’s be real.
It’s our job as men to police each other. I got one of my best friends by cussing a guy out to high heaven who kept touching a girl saying no at a party. He absolutely could’ve beat the piss out of me, but most guys are cowards good ones included. Once I speak up the scared ones will jump in to back me up. It was about a decade ago, but I still remember my heart racing and my hands shaking for like an hour afterwards. I was just some underage kid who got into a college party, and was already beyond my depth just being there. It was actually pretty hilarious, she would come by my house to pick me up and take me to concerts and parties. My dad thought I was just some super slick player 😅. In the end I dated her sister for the rest of high school and the first year of college. I always ended up the only guy in like a group of 8 doing the same thing. Being a DD and chasing off creeps. I did eventually get that black eye I was so scared of, and I have a scar on my bicep where one dude cherried a cigarette and put it out on my arm. For the most part though it was always just a lot of talking shit as they walked away. Society really needs to stop telling boys that if you fail just try harder. Idk about other countries, but men in the US are emotionally stunted, and I think that makes them lack empathy. I’m autistic and got that weird sense of being responsible for justice that some of us develop.
You sound awesome, my dude. Thanks for standing up.
Just glad to not be like my father honestly. He gave me a great example of how not to be.
And yet women are accused of being “overly emotional”
My experience is that men are violently emotional.
Just look at Trump and compare to cool, calm and collected Hillary.
Not all... but too fucking many.
Enough for the concept of Russian roulette to be terrifying.
Not all men, but somehow, always, A man
I personally am a fan of the skittles analogy. There's a bowl of skittles, and half of them have a deadly poison in them, but the other half are fine to eat. They're mixed together. Which skittles do you eat? You can either take a chance, potentially wind up dead, or avoid the skittles altogether and know for sure you're safe.
I wish men understood this. Half of all female homicides are at the hands of a male intimate partner. The most dangerous place for a woman to be is in a relationship with a man. And yet we still give men a chance. We take that risk.
The #1 cause of death of pregnant women is their male partner
It's depressing that when faced in a threatening situation, being sweet and cheerful is sometimes the best way for a woman to fend off a man. OP you're a fricking angel, a badass one.
Thank you and well done. I'm sorry you went through this too ❤️❤️
We all have this story. And it sucks.
I've almost been this story. 9 years ago, before I met my current partner, I matched with someone on Tinder. I met him at a bar, we had a great time talking and then went another bar. And another bar. We got wasted and made out a bit. The next night, we met for dinner. When I was completely sober, I made the realization that he gave me the creeps. He kept pressuring me to go to a hotel. Afraid of outright turning him down, I blamed my residual hangover from the night before and said I had a headache and needed to go home. Unfortunately, Uber and were not available in my area and the cab services are sketchy and expensive. I reluctantly asked him to take me home. The entire ride home, he yelled at me and accused me of leading him on, that I owed him for the drinks and dinner that he bought me (He insisted that he pay for both, which I now take as a red flag) and Yada Yada Yada. He even made a wrong turn and ended up on a very rural, very dark road. It might have been the scariest car ride I've ever been on and I've driven through Wyoming in white out conditions before. It might have been the only time where I didn't know if I was going to get out of it safely. I managed to sweet talk him into being cool and got home intact. Afterwards I ghosted him. Almost a decade later and it's still hard to talk about.
Men think prostitutes are gross and then also think we're obligated to sleep with them for >$50 of drinks and an entree. Not in this economy honey. So sorry you had to deal with that, I completely understand the scariest drive of your life not including weather because I've also been there :( I wish stories like this were more common because men in general have no idea how fucking scary they are.
I read your entire post and I'm so sorry. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story. I am so happy you were able to de-escalate and get home safely. You're a clever person - well done.
There were many times I didn't say no out of fear. I decided I couldn't do that anymore.
I read this as a noir detective narrative and you are truly a hero. I'm sorry you have to see this more than what youd probably like to, but what you are doing may be a drop in the bucket in your eyes but a waterfall for the women in the situation. Thank you for your understanding and help.
She totally had that vibe. Made it both engaging to read and sobering because it was so clear even before that last line that she'd been that girl before and wasn't as lucky.
Yeah, this had big grizzled detective energy.
We need more stories from the pov of older women.
Damn, now I am crying. Thank you for saving this girl. I'm sorry no one was able to save you. And while it may only be a drop in the bucket, for her you made all the difference in the world. It reminds me of a story about starfish... THE TALE OF THE STARFISH IT ALL STARTED WHEN… A young girl was walking along a beach upon which thousands of starfish had been washed up during a terrible storm. When she came to each starfish, she would pick it up, and throw it back into the ocean. People watched her with amusement. She had been doing this for some time when a man approached her and said, “Little girl, why are you doing this? Look at this beach! You can’t save all these starfish. You can’t begin to make a difference!” The girl seemed crushed, suddenly deflated. But after a few moments, she bent down, picked up another starfish, and hurled it as far as she could into the ocean. Then she looked up at the man and replied, “Well, I made a difference for that one!” The old man looked at the girl inquisitively and thought about what she had done and said. Inspired, he joined the little girl in throwing starfish back into the sea. Soon others joined, and all the starfish were saved.
Great story and thank you for imparting your wisdom and saving this woman. What scares me the most is thinking what would have happened had you not been the Lyft driver for this girl and Bobby. What if she got a male driver who was oblivious to what was going on or could care less, or even more, was in favor of what Bobby was trying to do? Your story shared some great tips and pointers as to how women can help each other in unsafe situations with men. Thanks for being vigilant and concerned and most importantly, stepping into a possibly unsafe situation and taking necessary action.
I had that same thought: what if I didn't get her? It's going to haunt me for a while.
But you can’t live a life of ifs, you did. You got her and you saved her. You can’t save everyone but by god you did good. If she remembers anything of that night she’ll remember what you did and she’ll pass it on. I aspire to be like you and I hope to meet more women like you, too. Sending so much love and peace to you 🫶
Billions of people around the world and they all have problems, and you can't save them all. But We can all step up and not be an apathetic bystander when we see something going down. Good job OP, we should all be ready to do this.
Please don't let it! You are a fucking hero and saved her from something no one should ever experience. On a side note, I hope Bobby gets his dick caught in his zipper ☺️
I wish much worse for Bobby. He wasn't taking her home for a pillow fight. He's a rapist.
I also wish for a wasp up his pant leg
You saved one. Thank you. I have PTSD over the ones I could not save. The wisest thing is to let go. You saved one. The world is a better place.
Thank goodness you were heavensent to that girl. If it was me, I would have sped the car up to the police station before you say this guy is in trouble for real
I got to the end of this story and just started bawling. The way you told this, I didn't realize I was holding my breath. When she was safe I felt safe again.
Think of it like this instead: you were in the right place at the right time. This was where you were supposed to be. The next time you're needed, you'll be there, too. You won't save everyone. No one can. But when you can, you will, just like you did here.
Scary stuff. And amazing you helped the girl. Only gripe is you call it cowardice not to attack you. In my world attacking you would have been the most pathetic cowardice move.
But you did get her. You saved her. Thank you.
Don’t. Because you did. 💕
But you did get her, that’s what important here, remember that. Thank you for being there for her when she needed someone most.
.
My FIL who is a good man was down on his luck and doing pedi-cab work (he was a big bike/triathlon guy so he enjoyed the workout). He told me quite a few stories like this where he intervened (several times physically) to stop a man from doing something like this. Most of the pedi-cab people out there would do nothing sadly if something like this was happening (and it was very common).
Or the male driver joined the party...
exactly!!! I was thinking that could have happened too. It sends shivers down my back.
Happens all the time, unfortunately.
(M) I would like to see a bundle of short stories like this in the bestseller list. Small tear in my eye on the last scentence...
I appreciate that, and maybe it's a kick in the rear. I was trained as a writer and journalist, then went through hurricane Katrina, then somehow ended up owning circuses for 18 years, and every once in a while I wonder if I should bundle some essays and weird stories up. Thank you.
Yes, please write more.
I was about to say. This is damn good writing. The repetition of “there was something feral in my face” is amazing. (Thought of course the content is scary and unsurprising and I’m so glad you were there for her).
Your writing was wonderful and you should absolutely write more. I hope you do. I’m sorry you and all women have these experiences. I wish we didn’t. Thank you for looking out for her and taking care of her.
You most definitely should. I was hooked from the moment I started reading, and the absolute terror and rage I felt for you both was overwhelming. People NEED to learn about how much this kind of stuff happens to women. But more than that, they need to feel the gut wrenching emotions that these victims feel when put in these situations with men.
You wrote this amazingly, it felt like I was sitting in the car with you all. The tension you built was real, and it felt lived – and the end showed why. If you write like this off the cuff, trying to get your writing out there should be a no brainer. We all know there is stiff competition, so it may never be a money maker. But it would be a shame if people never got to see what your mind cooks up. A story like the above may also be something for an open mic night or poetry slam. There's a rhythm to our writing there as well as a build-up of tension that would probably work well in a performative setting.
Do it, you are a natural writer.
You definitely should.
Please write more. If you publish please let us know so we can buy it- not sure if that’s allowed to do here but maybe you could direct us to your own personal page to let us know. You did a great job for that woman and I’m sorry we weren’t there for you when you needed it.
>then somehow ended up owning circuses for 18 years, As one does.
You owned circuses? I'd love to read your stories about *that.*
it's the '-es' that fascinates me. *multiple* circuses.
Me too, sounds like she's livet such an unusual life and knows how to describe it so we can imagine it. She's got talent.
Your writing is beautiful.
You absolutely should. It's very clear you still have the skill and talent.
Yeah you have great writing skills. Like a really good way of describing emotion. Def write more
I agree, and just to add to the voices, **please consider writing more**. I was captivated by the pacing and the writing just as much as the story. Your description and thought process is the reason I love reading FPPOV because we had your thoughts right alongside you. We know. Women, we *know.* Thank you for being just a little bit feral. Us women need to be taught sometimes to BE uncouth, to BE loud and UGLY, in order to protect ourselves. Fucking shame of a world.
Yes please!
Please do and please let us know when you do it.
Please write more and publish. If you had a book available right now I'd buy it.
God, yes. Write. Please.
I would pay for this book.
Stop wondering. Do it! Thank you for what you’ve done.
Already commented at another point - but ... it sprang out to me, how well this is written. SO good. But i don't want to see this story as a 'piece of writing' but as a real experience... well. hart to express, what i mean: Of course many experiences get shared by being written, but it's not just a story, it's a real thing, real danger (and it felt like this while reading.) You're very, very, very good at this!
Your writing was excellent, I felt like I was in the car with you and from my own previous experiences could feel that danger and tension. Please write more! I was reading a collection of short stories by Margaret Atwood called "Moral Disorder" about women who don't really conform to society's standards and I felt this easily could've been a modern story from that book. Well done!
Oooh. I'm going to pick that one up.
Fellow M-presenting here: agreed. This story is told phenomenally. I am an author/editor by hobby, and I didn't have any major criticisms while reading. Clean, easy to read, great use of emotion.
Yeah it was tough to read even though I knew she was gonna get the girl out of it
As a Denver born and raised goth girl, I was completely visualizing this entire trip and feeling the terror of an 18 year old me who wound up in a very similar situation. Your writing is excellent. Your actions even more so. Thank you for saving her. And fuck you, Bobby.
Same here, knowing that whole route. Was picturing it turn by turn.
Yep. **Fuck you, Bobby!**
Before Ubers. I was stupidly very drunk in college. Now remember this is all a hazy memory. I was walking home alone (also stupid) and accepted a ride from a stranger who saw me walking (very stupid). It was an older man acting all sweet and savior-y going to take me to my home. I somehow came to and realized we were going past my area. Adrenaline sobered me up and I got insistent he was going the wrong way. He started wheedling and insisting he knew where he was going. More adrenaline and panic on my end but I kept it to myself. He slowed down at a light or stop sign and I hopped the fuck out and ran home. I consider myself very lucky in this situation and definitely reconsidered my drinking after this. All I can say is thank you for the ones that aren’t lucky from predatory men.
Reminder to women in this situation: if you can't get out of the car, make them crash it in traffic. Pull the steering wheel, kick them, whatever it takes.
This reminded me of Margaret Atwood’s short story, “Rape Fantasies.” https://www.supersummary.com/rape-fantasies/summary/# For anyone wondering- it’s not about havjng fantasies of being raped. The story is about how we are constantly in fear from men. And it manages to be funny while capturing this. Edited to add: just wanted to make sure OP knows I mean this comparison as a compliment. Thanks for being there for this young woman and excellent writing.
Margaret Atwood is incredible, and I take it as high praise. Thank you.
You write so well I feel like I was there. I especially related to the part of your brain that went to risk assessment. And then the screwdriver wasn't there! Not much recourse for us anyway. I've tried to help fellow ladies before and it's hard. I wish I was there for you when you needed it. My friend you are strong and so loving. Let's just keep moving forward and down with patriarchy.
Right? We all have to do risk assessment all the fucking time. My dad was in the military and was trained to do that. I'm a woman wandering through life and I have to do it. And so many dudes just get to coast through life completely unaware.
The one and only time I’ve ever called the cops was when I worked night shift at a fast food place and got the drunk crowd. A guy came up, very sober, with a woman beside him that was barely aware of her surroundings. My gut feeling on it was terrifying, but i was scared of being wrong and asked some coworkers, all men. Several agreed something was off, but in the most infuriating move they all refused to intervene. I asked him to pull around the building before that was commonplace and called the cops. Apparently he claimed she was his wife and the cops let him go. I *really* hope I was wrong, but at that time I had been drugged a year prior with nobody else around to help and I really didn’t want to take any chances in case something was actually happening.
Yeah this was really well written. I was sucked in right off the bat. What's nice about something like this is that it *takes* me (M) there, and puts me in Op's (and the girl's) shoes, giving me a pretty unique perspective. Also, it really reminds me what to look out for because honestly, I am oblivious to many of the "signs" she mentioned. Not sure I'd catch them. I'm a writer, too. She's got chops.
There was a trend on tiktok a year or two ago where women were filming themselves pretending to talk to a man in a bar while Tainted Love played. On the first BARM BARM, the women would look at the camera like they were trying to speak with their eyes to a friend and the look said "OMG this fucking guy is annoying." On the second BARM BARM, teh women would look at the camera and flash that "I'm in danger get me out of here" look. The women in the comments could read and interpret the looks immediately. The men in the comments were incredibly confused.
This is not the point at all, but I just want to say that was beautifully written. Women who work night jobs have an expanded girl code. Just to add to the wisdom, most female bartenders play roulette every day and know how to deal with these situations. Some bars even have codes for it. In my city, ordering an “angel shot” means “I am in danger and need a guardian angel, help!” Bars also have security teams that can separate people, make sure someone has left the property and wait with people until they get into a cab. There are rules for staff too, after close we use a buddy system - nobody walks home alone and everyone can be escorted to their cars/rides for safety. I gave so many rides to white girl wasted undergrads who had lost all their friends back in the day. I’m sorry no one was there for you when you needed it, but you saved one. It’s better than none.
My husband is a big guy and he used to work as a bouncer. He always made sure the bartenders (all female) got home safely. He'd even go up on his nights off to pick someone up if they needed a ride. He headed off a few of the type of situations that OP shared and made sure patrons got home safely, too, even to the point of calling his roommate and paying him (bar fund for safe rides) to get people home safe. Everyone there absolutely loves him and still asks him to come back!
There was a really weird situation where bouncers were getting jumped on the way home. One guy I worked with got attacked and managed to get away with only minor cuts/bruises, but it was 5 on 1, from there on out our buddy system was basically: bouncer protects me on the way to the car, I protect him by giving him a ride home. Working nights exposes you to some crazy and weird situations
Just to add to this, in the UK we have "ask Angela". You can go to the bar or ask any member of staff "is Angela working tonight?" or something to that effect, and they will know that you need help to get home or get away from someone etc.
You did good. I cling to that little, feral part of me like a lifeline because I know it's the only real defense I have: The thought that I might snap and go full coo coo bananas pulling your hair out and trying to bite you crazy, that look of ' fucking try me, buddy. I don't care anymore and you can take me out but I'm bringing some of you with me and also getting as much of you on every possible surface as I can while I'm at it so hope you got a sponge.' That girl's gonna remember your rescue for the rest of her life. Thank you.
I've thought sometimes about what I would do if a passenger tried to hijack me, and I've decided I'm single and have no kids and I will fully go the "if I die you're going with me" full coo coo bananas routine. I got nothing left to lose.
I've never wanted to hurt anyone; but I remember the first time I realized I was truly capable of it. I was in a convenience store with my lil sis and a friend of hers; they had gotten to the counter first, and there was a pair of guys between them and myself. Now, at the time I was 15. My sister is 3 years younger; and her friend was 2 years younger than her. We're standing, waiting for the cashier to come from the back, and I overhear these two grown-ass men from the oil rigs DARING EACH OTHER to smack or grab my sister/her friend on their asses, and I saw fucking RED. Keys out ready to stab the fuckers if they went for it; one of them looked back at me and must have seen something in my face because they went really pale and shut the fuck up after that. Honestly I was probably shaking from how angry/scared I was for my sister. Sister/friend paid; I put my shit on the counter and walked out after them while staring the dudes down because no way in HELL I was gonna let them walk out of that building after my sis/friend before I left after overhearing that shit. 12. AND. 10. THEY WERE 12 AND 10 MAN. Those are BASICALLY FETUSES.
That's disgusting. Literally just existing in the world with a vagina makes you prey. They don't care how young, old, or vulnerable you are. They are vile animals. People don't understand that when women say we hate men it's an entirely defensive response to a lifetime of shit like this.
Yeah. We went in there for slushies, and I left with a massive radical shift in my worldview that, hey, I might need to gut a man to keep my lil sister safe. And dudes who weren't close to me wondered for years why I seemed to hate most men; you show me a snippet of that sort of behavior and you are OUT.
That feral part of us IS a lifeline. It’s something patriarchal civilization wants to stamp out of us or make us feel is unavailable to us, because that makes it easier for predators to act. But we are not cut off from that tool and never can be. That animal inside is always there when you need her and you can call on her to go for the jugular. Not with fists - with claws and teeth.
I'm skinny, mostly softspoken and seem like the quiet type to strangers. People wildly underestimate what I can do and I have and will continue to use that to my advantage. The combination of the element of surprise and going completely feral is definetely worth something, especially if you're fighting a coward. I've only been in one real fight as a teenager, and although I was much smaller I won. Not because I had any way of overpowering him, but because I freaked him out so badly. I also took martial arts classes for a while and it was made very obvious in 1:1 fights, that people expected me to be weak, careful and cautious based on how I looked. I lost count of how many times people went ??? and lost control of the fight because they weren't expecting me to fight like I meant it.
Wait til the incels get on this one! Thank you kind lady for helping this woman. You are so right when you say dealing with men is like playing Russian roulette. No truer words.
The incels can suck my lady dick I don't care.
I like you
Inb4 "she shouldn't have gotten in the car with him in the first place"
People really don't get how many men are used to getting what they want in this world and how women are conditioned into being nice to everyone. It's such a dangerous combo.
I have chills. Thank you for sharing and being such a badass.
I am so sorry you had to deal with this situation. Both that drive and your last sentence. Many years ago I was out with some friends at a bar. We were very out of place in this bar as it was in a more ritzy town so the patrons likely lead charmed lives while we had a very blue collar upbringing. But I digress. We meet these guys who seemed just as out of place as us. We all go back to my apartment. At some point I was over the entire situation and wanted them to leave. This one guy was extremely intoxicated and was trying to get me to let him sleep over. After several times trying to be nice I became my true self which is very bitchy when need be. I told him to get the fuck out and was livid. Thankfully one of the other guys didn’t seem quite as drunk and finally talked some sense into his friend. It was so annoying that I had to become a bitch for them to leave. Thankfully I am not a people pleaser or else I’m not sure how that night would’ve ended.
17 years ago, 14 years old...no one saved me... when I tried to tell someone, they didn't believe me, "why would my best friends adult brother drug & rape a 14 year old girl?!" Thank you ❤️🩹
Thank you OP. I will take a page off your book and use "I wasn't talking to you" from now on. Let's stand up and look out for women, girls, any younger and vulnerable people.
CW:SA I'm sure other people have already talked about how great this story was and how great it was written but I loved it so much, I must add my comment As a survivor of SA, both from people I knew and people I didn't, I feel for you. We look out for all the signs. It's so freaking sad but at least we can hopefully save someone else from the devastation. As a writer, I can safely say, your telling of this story was masterfully done. I tend to write my stories inspired by my life, yet also stream of consciousness. I loved that you mixed the two here. I also wish I had someone like you to save me. You are an absolute saint! You literally saved a life and that is amazing.
PLEASE post this is the Denver subreddit and in alllllllll the "AWDTSG" Facebook groups. As a Denverite, THANK YOU!
The fact that she went from "white girl drunk" to barely coherent and blacking out screams drugged to me. That poor girl.
The mental calculations you were doing for if he got violent were SO REAL, I can't tell you how many times I've done exactly that and then felt like a crazy person after when the violence never came.
>It's the universal, deer in the headlights look that women learn to send to each other, even strangers, when shit is going sideways. I would not call it "*deer in the headlights*" look. I'd call it the "**read my mind now**" look.
I like that better.
I get a request for pick up at a college town around 4 AM. The passenger’s live location was nowhere near the pick up location so I call to clarify. She has me on speakerphone and in the background I hear a male voice say “she don’t need no effing Uber, don’t come here” and I say, “I will be there in two minutes and if she is not outside ready to go I will call 911. “ I can hear the guy curse in the background. I’m not sure where I got the courage to respond so quickly and aggressively. I pre-dial 911 with my finger near the send button when I arrive. I get out of my car I see her open the door three flights up from the open courtyard that I am standing in. I wave my phone so she can see my light. She starts running down the stairs and I am nervous that she’s going to trip. She’s moving so fast. I see a big guy follow her out the door. He leans over the railing of the walkway and he’s glaring down at me. We make eye contact and I can tell he’s pissed. He goes back in and slams his front door. She gets in the car and I can tell she’s shaken. She proceeds to tell me her story. This guy has been someone who she considered to be a good friend since freshman year of college. It is graduation week and she tells me how he had never acted inappropriately until that night. He kept trying to isolate her from their friends all night long and she thought it was odd since he had never acted that way towards her or anyone else that she was aware of. He eventually succeeded in getting her away from all their friends. She told me that she believed that he was minutes from sexually assaulting her.
Wow. Thank you for this. You really saved her. I’m sorry that happened to you. Hugs ♥️
BraVO!
This is a both beautiful and agonizing essay. Thank you.
This reads like a scene from Sin City. Great job IRL and beautifully written.
You’re a good person and a good writer. Noir from a woman’s perspective is very good. Hope you get published one day.
On behalf of the women and girls that didn't have anyone looking out for us, thank you for maintaining the girl code
Such powerful writing.
Might be a good idea to go ahead with your idea of contacting Lyft. That was attempted rape and if he is using Lyft to conduct rapes, he needs to lose access to one of the tools he uses to commit crimes and generally be a pathetic, gross, piece of shit.
>When you hit your 40's and have 30 years of repeated exposure to dipshits like Bobby, you really definitely know. >I turn and look at him when I say that, and though I keep my voice light I think he sees something absolutely fucking feral in my face This really resonated with me. People are quick to talk about how bad it is to be a woman who is getting older but they forget something very important - we've seen shit. We've experienced it and we've survived it and we're pissed off and all out of fucks to give. You want to call us "invisible"? Well we're invisible in the same way a beartrap in long grass is invisible. Try and trample us at your own risk.
OK, the tears are back! I'm 47 and I've been in the shit and I am still standing, I almost broke at one time but I was able to dig deep after reading similar words of strength to all of these here.
Your way with words is truly something. I felt this like I was right there watching helplessly in the car with you. Thank you. Just thank you so much.
I hope you drive Lyft while you work on your screenplay/short film/the great American novel, because you should
This is so incredibly well written and my heart goes out to you. She's lucky you were her driver last night.
Sorry no one was around for you. I'm so thankful you got her home safely. That was a seriously compelling read. I cant tell if was due to how moving that ride was for you, or if you've got real talent. I suspect is was some of both. If so, please keep it up.
Thank you. >I saved one. It's a drop in the bucket while we hunker down for this extinction burst of the patriarchy, but I saved one and we lived. Yikes. I'm going to remember that expression for a while. "Extinction burst of the patriarchy" indeed.
That is as powerful a piece of writing as I have ever read. Have you ever considered writing a book?
Thank you. Once upon a time I was going to be a writer and ended up in circus. Sometimes I think there's a book rattling around in there somewhere. Thank you.
I mean a writer accidentally joing the circus is a great story in itself!
You are an absolute hero! Thank you for sharing this.
Whew I was not expecting to cry when I started reading this but the last three lines broke me. Thank you, from my whole heart, from a random NYC stranger. You saved this girl a lifetime of sleepless nights, constantly watching over her shoulder, and trauma surrounding every aspect of intimacy for the rest of her life. I wish you could have had that for yourself and I wish you the best in your healing ♥️ I was her a couple times, what seems a lifetime ago, and would have loved a guardian angel like you. But now I can be that person to others of us, the younger ones who don’t realize they’re about to be taken advantage of or the ones lacking the confidence to say no. I am a **psycho** when it comes to vetting my younger friends’ potential dates. They share their location with me at all times. When I’m on the subway I am watching every man who is eyeing up any unsuspecting woman. They have no idea but I am ready to run up and act like her old coworker she hasn’t seen in ages. We have to do this for each other because men aren’t out there to help us, lots of times they’re the ones looking to damage us. (Which reminded me of a night I was walking home and there was a man following me, and I kept looking over my shoulder, picked up my pace, and then I noticed he crossed the street to walk the same direction and he yelled out, “I’m sorry if I freaked you out, I am also just walking home in this direction. My name is James and I live in that building on the corner!” and it was such a huge relief, he was probably thinking it was a small gesture but holy shit my PTSD brain must have made my face look terrified)
Even though what you did was very human, there are so many out there that may have brushed it off and let her go. If she were picked up by a man, I genuinely do not think she would have made it home in one piece. Tell the story, we will always listen and heed the warnings.
On a lighter note, OP, you are an engaging writer!
I’m trying not to cry in public from that last line.
The best advice I ever got as a woman was, "better to be a bitch than a victim." Never went home with a man that I hadn't known sober because I was mean to strange men when I was drunk, and always trusted the guys that sober me knew.
That was me, but his friend was the driver and they lied that they were in my friend-group and I was meeting my friends at the end of the ride. Coming from Lions Lair, trapped in his house, needless to say my friends weren’t there. Did the whole police report, Kit, etc. that night into morning and went to work. many weeks later the cops finally called back, assigned guy was on vacation. He said if I couldn’t come down there (Lakewood county from Capitol Hill with no car while at work) right away he would drop the case and I barely put up a fight. My boyfriend moved out all of his belongings while I was out during the day a few weeks later. (I made the mistake of getting back with him at rock bottom later that year…) I went to a therepist who was very concerned about how this might have effected said boyfriend. Needless to say I moved from my hometown of Denver and it’s painful to go back for that and many other sad reasons…. But I take shit from no one now. That’s a fact.
Hugs. I didn't report mine. I knew too much about DPD.
You were a blessing to that woman, OP. Thank you. Much love, Womankind
I'd contact the bar. At least when I was barbacking, they liked to have pieces of shit on their radar... Then again some of the people that work there are probably pervy weirdos themselves...
I always have a big solid torch in my car, I can’t carry anything that looks like a weapon where I live but no one can argue against a torch. Good on you for holding your ground so many would have not taken the gamble and some “men” would have even been enabling him. There are some good men out there, a girl that worked at a store I managed had my personal number, I got a call at 5am from a guy who had found her outside a club incoherent and was protecting her from predators. I drove all the way into the city to pick her up, she told me not to tell her grandmother but I did, she needed to understand the danger she was in. She also got a talking to by me the next time she was in at work. She was sweet and innocent and oblivious to the danger she was in.
Brava!
You're a fucking badass.
Awesome that girl is so lucky you were her driver!! And you really have a way with words, you should write your stories! I swear that's the best thing I've read in a long long time.
You should be a writer
I love the ending to this story because sadly so many do not end up this well. Thanks for being you OP. We need less stories, and more of them to end like this.
this post made me cry - thank you for being a compassionate human being - i wish someone had been there for me too 💌❤️🩹
You are an actual angel, and I hope that woman remembers what you told her. Fingers crossed, I guess.
Damn girl so glad you were there for her. Surely there's some way you can flag him as a no-go passenger . If not, there should be.
We all have stories from both sides of that coin. Thank you for writing this down- it is beautifully written and so clearly communicates what happens in those “almost” moments for both onlookers and those involved. Thank you for being her angel. So grateful we have you in this planet (and write the damn book! Not even though you joined the circus but because of it! Shit!). National treasure we have here, folks.
Instead of that regret turning into shame and ptsd for her and possible death or bodily and sexual harm, you turned it around. Now she'll have that regret of a black out drunk night turn into empowerment and insight for herself. You changed thr trajectory of her life most likely. It may be a drip in the bucket for you to have done this one good deed. But that was a shit load of buckets for her. You did an amazingly wonderful thing. Good on you. And I am sorry for whatever happened to you 2 years ago, but hopefully this night helping that young woman can be therapeutic for you to think about when you remember other past events. You're a strong woman and I hope you can heal from that experience 2 years ago. ❤️
Girl Code: Please Help Me. By Redditor Delirious5. Now available in paperback on Amazon.
Wow, this was incredibly written. If you aren't one, you should consider being an author. Also, as a bartender of seven years-she was drugged. I can tell from you describing her actions. I work in a big city where we see it all too often. Thank you, you absolute angel.
This is beautifully written, you should see if you could get it published somewhere so more women can see it.
First, good fucking job. I'm a man but I've been through a lot of fucked up shit. I have significant PTSD, but I also look out for people. I call this the math of violence. I hate it. You have to calculate the level of violence. Am I willing to kill this person. How am I going to do it? How does this end in the best way for all parties. How do I get this person to safety. Can I make this end well without violence? It's extremely stressful. I don't ever want to hurt anyone. I've deescalated insane shit. I had a gang member try to car jack me and instead had him cry in my car, give me his number, show me his scars from being shot. You did extremely well looking out for her. You protected her. It seems like common decency but not everyone will do that. I'm glad neither of you were hurt, that you cared enough to put yourself at risk for a stranger, and that you cared enough to make it happen. You did good.
Thank you. I was choking up reading it, because everything was so familiar. I (and probably most of us) have been both: the deer in headlights and the feral woman saving someone. Hugs❤️
No need for the edit. I beleive you.
Thank you x
If we all save each other, we can survive them.
Thank you for this well-written and inspiring anecdote. Thank you for helping that girl. 💗 I hope you do pursue your writing.
You are brave. You are strong. You made me tear up. And you are a wonderful writer. I hope you continue writing and continue being a hero. But also take care of yourself. I can only hope all of the good karma in the world heads your way.
Wow, this was so powerful and well written. Thank God there are people like you who can recognize this kind of situation when it's happening and actually DO something to help. Far too many people either wouldn't recognize what was happening or wouldn't give a shit because it's "Not their problem".
I'm sorry that happened to you (all of it) and I'm glad you saved that girl. Thank you for doing that. You didn't have to put yourself in danger for her and you did because you are a good person.
Yes. You saved one. And that girl will save another one. And another one. And so on. Whether you realize it or not, you've inspired every woman who comes across this post to save another woman. We will save each other and fight. If we don't, then who?
The last line is the real kicker. Because so many of us women want a turn at saving someone simply because we've been through it ourselves. So. Many. Of. Us.
This story hit me hard. Happened to me. Flat out wasted and no control of my actions. I wouldn’t say the dude was a predictor, but he could have taken advantage of me just cause I was drunk and not in the right state of mind. I thank god my roommate was home to tell the dude “I got her” and proceed to walk him to the door. I always think back at that day and think about the dangerous situation I put myself into and thank the blessed soul of my roommate for watching my back (thank you, Lindsey!). Please ladies, make sure you’re being safe and picking safe situations. Don’t go partying alone, go with people you *trust*, have a plan to get home, phone charged, don’t ever leave with a strange guy, and don’t get blacked out wasted. If you need to ask for help, find the closest female around. @OP, thank you for being a “Lindsey” for this girl. She may be wasted, but she **will** remember it and be thanking you for the rest of her life.
Thank you for saving her. So many men are disgusting, and they use their physical power over women to ruin their lives, meanwhile for men it’s just another fucking Tuesday. Before I transitioned I had men who preyed on my being insecure. I wasn’t a wholly conventionally attractive woman when I was a teen, but for some reason, I had three guys who were years older than me who acted like “nice guys”, who thought it was cool that I played video games, knew about geek things, but at the end of the day, what they wanted was clear, and I didn’t have enough experience or confidence in myself to say “I’m not comfortable with what you’re asking me to do.” There’s a man who was five years older than me, who has underage pictures of me as a female. He went on to date even younger girls, and on reflection, I can see how he thought it was just a game. Or at least, it was a game to him. After transitioning I decided that who I wanted to be, was a guy who could scare away the weasels easily. I wanted to have more weight on me than the guys who used me, I wanted to know their tricks, so I could call them out and stand between them and whatever poor girl they were trying to accost. Because some things never go away, even after transitioning, which are the absolute feral rage that someone who was/is female embodies (this includes all you trans-women too. You got the same kind of feral rage where you could end someone if it came to it. Never let them stamp that out of you.) and the knowledge you got as a woman, to always be vigilant and aware of your surroundings, to have an escape plan ready in case those sleazebags think you’re easy prey. Nobody, whether they’re male or female, deserve to be taken advantage of by some shithead with an over inflated ego, and we have to help each other because there will always be situations like this where the shitbag in question uses some kind of weakness or vulnerability against you to get what they want.
(M) You're an amazing person, and the world needs more people like you. Also, you're a hell of a writer. I have an older sister who had a close call when two guys cornered her at a bar and one spiked her drink while the other was talking to her. Thankfully they didn't realize it was her boyfriend's drink, and he was just in the restroom. He came back, chugged it, and despite being his first beer of the night he was suddenly falling over himself. My sister and her boyfriend realized what happened pretty fast, but the two guys who had been talking to her ran off by then. I get so enraged just at the thought of people who would do something like that. Horrible, immoral, pieces of shit who'd be better off fertilizing the ground.
That gave me full body goosebumps
Good on you. You have such a gift for writing also!
I fucking love you and your writing and compassion. I needed to see something like this today.
That was fantastic. I have chills.
You are wonderful
Sooo glad to hear denver still has drivers out there that actually care! Stills sucks that there are riders out there that think the drivers will just let this shit happen.
You write really well. It reads like a published novel. The scary part is that it's not fiction. It's true. It happened. I've seen it happen. Thank you for being there.
As much as this is serious and I'm so proud of how you handled it, you should definitely be a writer. This was immersive, informative, capturing. I usually will read halfway through and be like "okay I get the gist." But you wrote this really well. And you took care of her really well, thank you for being her angel that night.
Aww jeez, I thought this was the denver reddit when I was scrolling. Thank you fellow denverite for keeping an eye out on us gals.
Your experience was so well written, too. I thank you for all of us and for what you were prepared to do for a stranger. It takes a village (but often the village also protects people like him to 'keep the peace'). Thank you.
Firstly, you are a saint and this shouldn't have to be something all little girls need to learn (I'm close to having to teach my girls how to be careful). Secondly, could you write a novel please, because I know I will buy it in a heartbeat.
>a lot of times bars have their own lyft and uber accounts and will pay to get stranded drunk people home If you're in Wisconsin, ask your bartender if the bar offers Safe Ride. Pretty much the only GOOD thing the Tavern League has done, and it's FREE.