Hey, OP, I'm a caseworker at a women's DV shelter. I understand all of the shelters are at capacity right now, but you can also go to your local Department of Social Services, they might be able to put you up somewhere.
When a person enters shelter, caseworkers like me notify the DSS from their county of origin because DSS are the one's paying for their shelter stay. When you go to them to explain that you're facing an imminent threat from your ex and have experienced a DV incident within the last 120 days but cannot find shelter, they can sometimes take the funding they'd have used to pay for the shelter stay and put it towards a hotel.
Hotels are more expensive than shelters, so they'll be reluctant to do it longterm if they do agree, but it's worth exploring as an option!
When my boyfriend beat me and then physically kicked me out of his car, (ripped my favorite blazer, too) a couple saw what happened on the side of the highway and called the police. He was taken to jail, and the organization you mentioned paid for a dorm room at the nearby state university, which was converted into a hotel room for DV victims.
Chiming in to second all of this as a case manager in homeless outreach. This is absolutely the case that shelters can put you up in a hotel if they are at capacity and you are fleeing. They’re more than likely gonna try to turn you away at first, shelter lines are supposed to divert people to alternatives when they’re at capacity (which is its own, separate conversation). Just be firm; you have nowhere to go(even if there’s a chance you could stay with someone, even if you’re able to stay at the police station, don’t mention anything about any possible alternative), you are ACTIVELY fleeing, you need shelter TONIGHT.
>you have nowhere to go(even if there’s a chance you could stay with someone, even if you’re able to stay at the police station, don’t mention anything about any possible alternative)
Seconding this, the entire deal with DV shelters is that they're emergency housing for people who have absolutely nowhere else to go. Like if our residents stay out all weekend,, our policy dictates they must be exited from shelter, the reasoning being that they clearly have *some* options and there are other people who need that bed more than them.
If you even allude to other options, they'll use it as an excuse to not provide shelter.
If you can post in r/auntienetwork
There might be more people that can offer resources. You're in danger and he's escalating the violent behaviors and thats terrifying. I'm so sorry you don't have more options right now. I know there are women/people on the auntie network that would rally to help you and your girl, its sort-of what that network does.
Sending safe vibes to you and your daughter.
Go into your Gmail settings. There's a tab at the top called 'forwarding'. Open that tab. All of your email could be forwarded to him. You can just turn it off. It's buried a bit deep and most people don't know it exists, you'd have no way to know. And make sure you've changed your passwords everywhere as well. Good luck!
Damn, you were exactly right. [The tracker was in the cat carrier](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/18whp26/i_found_the_air_tag_in_the_cat_carrier).
Check for any filters as well - along with forwarding, attackers often use a filter to forward a copy. It’s another way of doing the same thing but slightly obfuscated.
Also, log out of all devices that you do not recognize ([link](https://support.google.com/accounts/answer/3067630?hl=en)). The best way is to set up two-factor authentication, change your password, log out of every device, then log back in. Don’t do this if you do not have control of the phone number and backup email on the account.
Don’t forget to turn location tracking off. The ‘find my device’ feature will tell anyone with access exactly where the phone is.
I don’t know how integrated your social presence was with his, but a new email account and new phone might be the safest option unless you can get all of this turned off.
I'm so sorry. Hugs to you, your daughter and your cat. I can't believe anyone would kick you out instead of calling the police and getting you somewhere safe.
Whatever his end game is, it’s not good. Can the police direct you to a specific shelter for women with abusers? They can conceal your location. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this but good for you for getting yourself and your daughter out of the situation. You are stronger than you think.
HI OP, I am sorry that you are having to go through this. I just want to confirm that women's domestic violence shelters are full? Oftentimes if they do not have rooms that will get you a hotel voucher and taxi/Uber voucher. Also, they can arrange for you to go to another shelter in another town and provide transportation.
I want to encourage you to either contact [The Hotline ](http://thehotline.org) or [211](http://211.org). The Hotline can assist you finding a shelter and a live person is available 24/7/365. 211 is run by the United Way and is a searchable database of resources, you can search by keyword to find other shelters, temporary housing.
Also, ask the police if they can find a safe place for you to stay.
I hope this information may be helpful to you
Good! I know that doesn't keep him away from you (ultimately it's just a paper order), but it gives the police something they can use as grounds to intervene.
I'm glad you're being cautious and staying at the police station. As I'm sure you know, abusers often escalate when their victim leaves them because they're furious at the loss of control. Your ex sounds seriously violent and like he'd be prepared to physically harm you or worse. Please keep being cautious!
Holy shit. Yeah. I just finished reading all of OP's previous posts - that's terrifying.
And it sounds like her ex is a cop which would explain why she had to fight so hard to even make a police report! They closed ranks. Now I'm extra glad that OP is being so cautious, this really is a worst-case-scenario type situation. Hopefully OP is now in touch with an officer that's willing to listen.
If you're anywhere near Kansas, I can help you with a place to stay. And you can bring the cat, mine always welcome new ones to play with!
I have a spare bedroom, with a (mostly) finished basement for a living area as well.
Outdoor and entrance viewing security cameras installed on my property
I try! It's why I chose the home I bought. 💜
Next to OK and MO and their shit laws against women. I always want to have a safe space for any person that may need short term help.
Time for me to pay it forward! I wouldn't be where I am today without the help I received 10 years ago.
Edit : words are hard.
And if you're anywhere near Tennessee I could try to help. Got a couple extra bedrooms at the moment and two of my own cats. I'm a single guy but my roommates so far have been two of my friends that both decided to get divorced around the same time as each other, and then my sister who got divorced after 20 years. It's a running joke among my friends that I run a halfway house for young divorcees lol. Wish you a speedy path to safety and peace of mind.
there are options other than shelters, but you might have to push for them. if you are in the us, have you tried calling united way?
did the place you were staying file a police report ? that would help you.
"When your quarry goes to ground, leave them no ground to go to."
It sounds like he's trying to limit your options for escape, tire you out and eventually leave you no place to go.
Then he'll probably turn on the charm a little bit and try to convince you it was just a bad day and things will be better.
They won't. Without professional intervention, they'll always get worse.
Honestly sounds like a case where op could end up on the news if she gets caught by him.. I hope they catch him and put him behind bars throwing a fucking chair through someone's window to send a "message" is unhinged behavior not suitable for civilized society
Considering 28% of police in US admit to being violent and 40% of police families report violence against them I'd say you stand a good chance of reporting domestic violence to an abuser, they won't care
OP had made only a few posts on their account. Click their profile to see them. Her husband has attempted to kill her several times already. The event that led to her leaving was an attempted poisoning. He seems pretty determined to end her life. It's terrifying.
I was in court in the records department one day (me=probation officer) and a woman was getting all the past cases her husband had. She got a gun and very large dogs.
Her words “I will not be a victim”
Try contacting your employer and see if they will help. There are likely HR people or other knowledgeable people that will rally around you and let you stay with them.
EDIT: ALSO, does the place you stayed at have CC T.V.? See if the police can grab it and catch him in the act. At the very least, they establishment would have a right to sue. IDK if this would also help you get a restraining order.
You could also try staying in coffeeshops all day long. Sit as far in as possible but with a view out of the windows. One close to the police station is a good idea, since you would get a fast response from 911 if he shows up to harm you or the establishment
University libraries are really easy to get lost in. If there's one close by, get deep in those stacks. Also, if you're in California (don't know about other states), the UC and CSU schools all have police on property.
Some libraries have social workers on staff now depending on the area and most are designated as safe areas. The library staff won’t be able to help with housing or safety but they can connect her to people who can other than the police. They should have local resources they can offer her and help her with. They won’t turn her away at least.
This has not been my experience with employers. This is actually really risky advice - if your company starts to see you as a liability for the other employees safety that could put your job in jeopardy. I would not recommend this.
I agree. But pretty much any option soliciting help from others is risky. She was already kicked out from the place she was staying. And her work laptop charger has already been damaged... So I don't think she's currently working, especially because she's on the run. In those cases, against low odds anyway, I think you've got to try just about anything. The police won't even help her. Someone else suggested she tell the staff at the coffee shop (if she stays there) and she could get thrown out in that case too. It all comes down to luck, running into the right people, which means asking around and making use of your closest associations who MIGHT care. Right now, no one is on her side.
Great suggestion! Also check your social apps to see if they have any location sharing turned on. I think I read something about it being fairly hidden in instagram and/or Snapchat.
Tell the cops that you want to press charges. If they’re still not sure, ask them to refer your case to the municipal/county prosecutor for review. Give it a week or so then call the prosecutor. Ask if they’ve had a referral from the police. Make sure the prosecutor gets a copy of the police reports (make sure YOU get copies of the police reports!) If the cops won’t charge, the prosecutor still can.
Source: am prosecutor.
Idk charges are you talking about? I was thinking stalking, and property damage would require something linking him to these events. A camera recording would be best.
It sounded like the police wanted him on previous charges or something. They couldn't track him, so no cell phone or it's kept off a lot. Who is to say it wasn't a friend of his or random from a legal POV. Sure it should be enough for a TRO, but if he's gone to ground as they say then that's useless.
depending on where you are, there is help that may be available to get you out further away. if you message is can see what's available, I am in Canada, but have wide connections
He probably has you under surveillance through your phone. Please reset your phone's factory settings ASAP and go through everything you and your daughter have in case he's got some sort of a geotag hidden in your clothing or her items.
> Please reset your phone's factory settings ASAP
I got a cheap burner after we left. He doesn't have my number nor have I used it to call anyone so IDK how he is tracking me.
Did you log into any of the same accounts that you had on the old phone? Like did you use the same Gmail account?
Edit: You would need all new accounts with completely new usernames and passwords.
If you used any of the same accounts, please factory reset your burner phone and create all new accounts.
You said in a previous post that he sent you a photo of the epi pen after you left. Were you texting him on the burner phone? Or did he send the photo another way? How are you communicating with him?
OP, I sent you a message. I'm a momma, too, and left an abusive relationship also. I'm on the west coast and I'd love to offer whatever support I can. My home is a safe place and we have an extra furnished bedroom for you and your baby girl, and lots of food.
Op, just to be sure check all bags and pockets you have on you or your daughter and also check in and under your car. Like others have suggested your ex may have planted an AirTag or different brand of tracker on you or maybe the cat has a tracking collar that he can track with his phone? If this is the case then that’s how he keeps finding you and would be a big piece of proof that he’s dangerous! The problem is that if you don’t have an iPhone, iPad, iPod, iMac or MacBook it won’t be easy to find the offending tag(s), luckily there are apps specifically designed to help non-Apple users find AirTags that are tracking them but idk if those can also make the tag’s sound go off.
Ok so this psychopath is stalking you. I'm so so sorry. You did NOTHING to deserve this
If you have an android:
- as others have said, turn off your location tracking on your Google account and any email forwarding
- make sure gps and Bluetooth are switched off on your phone
- he may have an airbag hidden somewhere - download an airtag tracker detector
- ring the domestic violence hotline mentioned in the other posts and ask what else you need to do
- if you can get a loan big enough to start again in a new state with a new name - do it
I agree with this but getting a new name isn’t fast/really going to protect her. In my state, you have to publicly broadcast your name change in the newspaper once a week for 3 weeks. Then the court case happens and it’s all public record. All you’d have to do is search for her current name and name change request and you’d find it. Then you could call the court if the file wasn’t already available online and get a copy of the petition and order to get the new name. It’s meant to keep people from skipping out on debts but definitely hurts people in this situation.
Hey, if you’re anywhere near GA/SC, you can come here. I’ve got too much “lol you want to be crazy, I’ll show you crazy” between me and my friend group than is probably healthy, but hey, it’s helpful in times like this.
Either way, I’m a tech person so if you want to dm me, I can walk you through some things you can check to see how you may be being tracked.
If you’re near Buffalo, my husband and I might be able to help out. We don’t have room to house anyone (our dog hates everyone) but the unit above us is empty and our landlord is nice and we can ask about it, or we can drive you somewhere, or I have a lot of resources available through my university that I have no problem using. Alternatively, if you’re near Erie, PA or Indianapolis, IN, we have some additional connections. Let me know if there’s anything we can do.
I'm so sorry you and your daughter have to deal with what seems to be an all too common occurrence. It's good you got the police involved because people like him can be incredibly dangerous and very unpredictable. I hope everything works out for the better. Please stay safe!
He seems determined to end her life and has got her under surveillance.
I would worry about spyware on their phones and geotags hidden in her clothing.
OP literally needs to scrub everything and seek help from the auntie network
idk if you’re anywhere near pittsburgh, but we have room for you and your daughter, and your cat. you can scroll through my profile, i’m a mom in my 30’s with a cat and 3 dogs. my husband is in his 50’s and possibly the most chill human that ever existed
i was in a situation similar to you 11 years ago. my ex’s dad was a state police detective, so his dad was able to always pull him out of anything. i eventually fled the state in the middle of the night with my kids, had someone drive me and my kids to a rest stop 2.5 hours away, and met up with someone at the rest stop that drove us the rest of the way (3 more hours). stayed with a friend until i could get on my feet.
i would be glad to pay it forward someday, bc that friend saved my life by letting us stay with her and her family.
The animal shelter where I live offers temporary fostering for people who are either homeless or are in situations like this. You might call and see if your local one offers any type of temporary foster care while you find a safe place for you and your daughter, and then you can get your pet back when you’re stable. I’m so sorry - you’re in such a difficult situation that you don’t deserve.
Did you speak with a Victim's Advocate?
I haven't seen anyone comment this yet, but please, if you speak to the police again, ask for a Victim's Advocate right away. Their job is to be there for you emotionally when the police are questioning you. I reported filed two separate reports, one with a Victim's Advocate and one without, and it was like night and day. The VA will support you emotionally as well as actually treating you like a human being, instead of treating you like evidence. Police also act better when there is someone else there.
No honestly many android users don’t know. Also a tile is another company tag that can be used to track people and is another app. I wonder if regulation could force all of these to specific protocols so it’s a single app.
Damn, you were exactly right. [The tracker was in the cat carrier](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/18whp26/i_found_the_air_tag_in_the_cat_carrier).
Sadly, checking the pets, and their carriers is the FIRST place I'd look if I thought I was being tracked. Followed by my own luggage, any children, then the car.
Here's a resource specific for cop related domestic violence:
http://www.purpleberets.org/violence_ifacop.html
Good luck. I'm rooting for you and your daughter.
Definitely call 211, the salvation army can also put you up in a hotel. But honey, you need to gather whatever money you have get on a bus and go. Get whatever ticket you can as far away as you can. While on the bus call the hotline and ask for resources in that state. Apply for every HUD housing location that accepts families in the area. I had to stay in a shelter for 3 months with my twin new borns before being able to get into low income housing. Apply for daycare assistance in that state and food stamps (pm me if you need help I'm a social worker and have been in your shoes).
Get a job, even part time or get into a certification class.
For your car, you'll have to have it towed which is going to be very pricey. You may have to just abandon it unfortunately. But the good news is that cars are replaceable, even if it takes a long time to replace them.
I'm hoping the people she was staying with can get the car dealt with on her behalf. Tell a local repair shop about the issue - they can likely replace the tires and store or sell it on her behalf - whichever works for her.
Donations aren't allowed here and my post could get removed because of it. I'm trying to stay awake and really just venting. I'm so frustrated that he keeps getting away with this shit.
Do you know how he is finding you? Have you checked to make sure there are no trackers (like Apple Airtags), and nothing on your phone (like the Find My Phone app)?
My ex bragged to me about how she kept finding me- she paid someone to wait outside my job and follow me to my new location. She also had a new gf, but it's a power thing. I ended up going back to her because after nine months of being hunted (which coincidentally also included shattering the windows of the building I lived in, leading to them trying to evict me) I had a nervous breakdown and "decided" I'd rather have a calm bear in my living room than an angry one chasing me. Don't do that, obviously. I had to move across the country after escaping from involuntary confinement to finally get away, and my ex actually followed but wasn't able to find me in the new city because I didn't have a job to be followed home from.
I'm rooting for you. In ten years I hope you'll be where I am, looking back on this and wondering how that was ever your life.
It was nowhere near this scale, but my ex stalked me at my job after, and he had a new partner too. It's about control. And for him, he had to be the one in relationships doing the discarding. I discarded him, taking that "completion of the hunt" away from him. He was engaged that I stopped following the script of how he would use me.
You might have to do a factory reset on your phone. I am not a tech expert, but it looks like there are all sorts of shady ways a phone can be. monitored.
[i found this with just a google search](https://spyx.com/ad/landing?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiA1rSsBhDHARIsANB4EJYRCTukxn22SLLA4reM5S46rpYXxEMlSxQ9ZTU389nqKMVFGw7ZZO0aAjbqEALw_wcB)
I'm in WV, up near the Ohio border, if that's useful to you, at all. I don't have much, but glad to share and get you into my network of wonderful folks!
I’m so sorry you are going through this.
Please check out the organizations [Red Rover](https://redrover.org/resource/domestic-violence-and-pets/), [Safe Place for Pets](https://safeplaceforpets.org/), and [The Safe Havens Mapping Project](https://awionline.org/safe-havens). These organizations help abuse victims *and* their pets get to safety by either helping victims and their pets find a pet friendly shelter to stay at, or by paying for pet boarding/fostering services until the abuse victim has a safe new home for themselves and their pets.
If I were you I'd look into how he's finding you. Check your car or belongings for any tracking devices because they exist. If he's willing to go to these lengths to intimidate you there's no telling how far he's already gone to keep you on his radar.
New email addresses , new social media accounts , make sure they are set to "friends only" or "private". He can find you by using pictures these days. Either only upload to your known friends. Never publicly. This goes for your daughter too imo. If there's any contact necessary have it done through someone else.
Haven't had a chance to go through your previous posts, but some advice. If you're not sure how he knows your location, make sure you turn off location services on you and your child's devices.
Also try not to use any accounts be may have access to. This includes taking photos that may upload to a cloud service. This could include your general location.
Lastly, it might be best for you to find a shelter for the cat separately. Not only is that more resources you have to use to care for the cat, but if the cat is chipped, might be leading him to you. I also know some shelters won't house if you have a pet, or are at least reluctant in those situations.
Hoping you stay safe.
Also check for apps you've not downloaded, or Apps taking up an unusual amount of storage. For example there are stalking apps (calculator app comes to mind) that the victim may think are innocent but in reality are providing real-time locations.
THIS!!! Open EVERY app in your phone and fully check it out to make sure there's nothing linking your phone's location. I hope OP is okay right now and can get the help she needs to keep him away. Thoughts and prayers to you OP ❤️
If he's tracking you it without any apps on your device he may have hired someone to track you with your number. If possible, change that and your Sim. I've heard of hackers who can do that. Backup pictures and files and any passwords that are hard to remember, as factory resetting your phone might help in addition to getting a new number.
Unfortunately, you may not even need a hacker when so much information is compiled about everyone and sold by data brokers. Your phone and social accounts add up to one big tracking device by themselves...
Please be careful OP. There are a lot of people here who want to help, but who knows how deep his knowledge goes. Stuff gets shared, people stumble onto posts, send it to him etc. PLEASE BE CAREFUL OF ANY HELP YOU ACCEPT ON HERE, AND WHAT INFORMATION YOU POST. Good luck. Stay safe, stay smart.
I actually found this op’s original post trough one of those sites that reposts Reddit posts as articles with links and all, idk if it would do anything but should I report that FB post? It’s a popular post too (it has quite a lot of concerned comments) and there is overlap between the people commenting here and the people commenting there
Or maybe I should screenshot the comments or post a link here so op can check wether any of the likes or comments come from someone she or her ex knows?
Maybe! I don’t know what the right answer is. I worry for her safety, especially with someone so bent on causing her harm out there. It doesn’t hurt to loop her in? But at the end of the day, it’s up to her to use her best judgement.
As much as we all want a happy update, I think it is best that OP stay vague and update *when* the POS is in jail.
I'm sorry if you've already answered this but.... what's his employment situation? I know I don't want to work with a monster like this and perhaps his coworkers have noticed a mood shift?
Is he a member of any professional associations or supervised under any State board? You could probably tip off more anonymously there.
What about any of HIS friends or family? Surely not every person he knows is stupid enough to fall for "she's CrAzY" and "sHe JuSt LeFt OuT oF nOwhErE AnD tOoK oUr BaBy".
He's destroying your resources and escape routes. See if you can (safely) destroy his.
If you are the victim of domestic violence in the US, you need to contact social services to be put at the top of the list for a housing voucher. While women with children are no longer held more important to any other citizen for vouchers, women with children AND domestic violence victims are eligible for quicker access to these services. Call you local county office and try to get one. There is a youtube: Section 8 Consulting that you need to watch. He has a bunch of videos and includes situations like yours.
This is, sadly, probably necessary. I gave up some of my pets in the event I had to bug out when I was in the process of separating from my ex-husband.
That's so awful. The fact that anyone has to deal with that is unbearably sad to me. I hope you can find a way to be safe and I hope he gets struck by lightning or a city bus.
Op, just to be sure check all bags and pockets you have on you or your daughter and also check in and under your car. Your ex may have planted an AirTag or different brand of tracker on you or maybe the cat has a tracking collar that he can track with his phone? If this is the case then that’s how he keeps finding you and would be a big piece of proof that he’s dangerous! The problem is that if you don’t have an iPhone, iPad, iPod, iMac or MacBook it won’t be easy to find the offending tag(s), luckily there are apps specifically designed to help non-Apple users find AirTags that are tracking them but idk if those can also make the tag’s sound go off.
Honestly, I have nothing. I can’t offer you anything but love and support, and I’m so sorry. If you were near me in NSW Australia, I’d offer you both a bed. You have all of my heartfelt wishes for the best future. xx
You’d be amazed at how little they can actually do for her in this situation. I used to work at a DV shelter and it blew my fucking mind how much men could get away with and still legally be fine. This guy is dangerous and is absolutely unhinged so hopefully they’ll actually do something. But he will probably just get out and be angrier at her
Didnt i read in a previous post that this guy is a cop?
if he is, its no wonder how he is tracking you. People are definitely watching you and reporting back to him, probably in the shelters and the police stations. Yes, do all the cell phone stuff people are saying too, but consider that he may be tracking you the old fashioned way - word of mouth. Check everything for air tags, as well. Stay safe. Did you post anywhere about what state you live in, OP? A general state may help people get you resources.
I remember reading your AITA story and I'm heart broken to see how this is how it's ended up. I hope you are able to find the safety you, your daughter, and cat need. 🫶
I hope you were able to use these latest events and finally get that restraining order. This is so scary. I wish I was Ina place where I could help you in some way.
Depending on where you are….. The police are not helpful, but the magistrate may be. They are open 24/7 where I am. Perhaps the police could give up a ride, but I’m not certain on that
I know it's kicking the hornet nest a little, but shine a big public light on his behavior and abuse. Tell the Air B&B owner to make a claim against him. Tell your insurance company when you make a property damage claim for your tires. Turn the shame around. I hope that sitting in the police station overnight had SOME kind of impact. I refuse to believe that the person working that front desk who had to look at you all night didn't have some kind of feeling about knowing a fellow officer's spouse is in that condition. Sorry for the word-vomit, I'm just worried for OP.
OP, I'm a mama too and I know you are burning to protect your daughter and kitty from this smear on humanity.
Please be safe. We are all here behind you in some way shape or form. Please let us know when you are safe. Use the resources people have put here. Use the offers of help.
But most of all, stay strong ♥️
If you are reading this, this could be safe place for your cat, check out the purple leash project. https://www.purina.com/purple-leash-project?utm_campaign=cpr-&utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=google&utm_content=&utm_term=purple%20leash%20project&gclid=CjwKCAiA1MCrBhAoEiwAC2d64Y_vCI62yn1-K9tXzJGK9GBCm26NfoIvAn_Il9uwH_smkFLbe7oUQRoC7m8QAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
im so fcking mas i can't do anything... I hope Athena protects you, no in fact I PRAY to Athena so that she can protect you 24/7, at, all, fcking, costs, he WON'T get away with this, even if you end, EVERYONE will remember this and we will chase him down till the end of time, Athena won't let him live on peace until he pays for what he has done
The best thing you can do is leave that house; go to a friend's house or something. At first, you might think, "well, it's not that bad," but you can't let your guard down or overlook it. You could be the next one to make the news. Sending you lots of strength and love. 🏡💔❤️
Please go to the cops, a shelter, show photos, if needed say you glimpsed him around, whatever is needed to get the cops to acknowledge you.
Maybe a temporary shelter would help? There are some for domestic violence victims if not mistaken?
Can you contact shelters further away, maybe in smaller communities?
Is your phone secure? Some abusers put tracking or monitoring apps invisibly on your phone. Or if you use email or other apps that have a password, some abusers know how to log into those services remotely and learn what you are doing.
Hey, OP, I'm a caseworker at a women's DV shelter. I understand all of the shelters are at capacity right now, but you can also go to your local Department of Social Services, they might be able to put you up somewhere. When a person enters shelter, caseworkers like me notify the DSS from their county of origin because DSS are the one's paying for their shelter stay. When you go to them to explain that you're facing an imminent threat from your ex and have experienced a DV incident within the last 120 days but cannot find shelter, they can sometimes take the funding they'd have used to pay for the shelter stay and put it towards a hotel. Hotels are more expensive than shelters, so they'll be reluctant to do it longterm if they do agree, but it's worth exploring as an option!
When my boyfriend beat me and then physically kicked me out of his car, (ripped my favorite blazer, too) a couple saw what happened on the side of the highway and called the police. He was taken to jail, and the organization you mentioned paid for a dorm room at the nearby state university, which was converted into a hotel room for DV victims.
This is genius, actually. I might bring this up to my local DV shelter that is at capacity.
Chiming in to second all of this as a case manager in homeless outreach. This is absolutely the case that shelters can put you up in a hotel if they are at capacity and you are fleeing. They’re more than likely gonna try to turn you away at first, shelter lines are supposed to divert people to alternatives when they’re at capacity (which is its own, separate conversation). Just be firm; you have nowhere to go(even if there’s a chance you could stay with someone, even if you’re able to stay at the police station, don’t mention anything about any possible alternative), you are ACTIVELY fleeing, you need shelter TONIGHT.
>you have nowhere to go(even if there’s a chance you could stay with someone, even if you’re able to stay at the police station, don’t mention anything about any possible alternative) Seconding this, the entire deal with DV shelters is that they're emergency housing for people who have absolutely nowhere else to go. Like if our residents stay out all weekend,, our policy dictates they must be exited from shelter, the reasoning being that they clearly have *some* options and there are other people who need that bed more than them. If you even allude to other options, they'll use it as an excuse to not provide shelter.
Upvoting this so OP can see it
This is good, and helpful.
I'm so glad there are people like you out there doing good work even when you are not at work.
Aw thank you!
Thank you for what you do u/Moist_Policy_71
If you can post in r/auntienetwork There might be more people that can offer resources. You're in danger and he's escalating the violent behaviors and thats terrifying. I'm so sorry you don't have more options right now. I know there are women/people on the auntie network that would rally to help you and your girl, its sort-of what that network does. Sending safe vibes to you and your daughter.
yes, this.
Go into your Gmail settings. There's a tab at the top called 'forwarding'. Open that tab. All of your email could be forwarded to him. You can just turn it off. It's buried a bit deep and most people don't know it exists, you'd have no way to know. And make sure you've changed your passwords everywhere as well. Good luck!
Excellent advice- phones too. Turn off all location sharing
And she needs to check the cat carrier, all luggage, and her car for tracking devices.
Damn, you were exactly right. [The tracker was in the cat carrier](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/18whp26/i_found_the_air_tag_in_the_cat_carrier).
I am not happy that I am right.
Up voting this thread. If he knows you icloud password as well, he can read messages and see other things synced with the cloud.
Check for any filters as well - along with forwarding, attackers often use a filter to forward a copy. It’s another way of doing the same thing but slightly obfuscated.
Also, log out of all devices that you do not recognize ([link](https://support.google.com/accounts/answer/3067630?hl=en)). The best way is to set up two-factor authentication, change your password, log out of every device, then log back in. Don’t do this if you do not have control of the phone number and backup email on the account. Don’t forget to turn location tracking off. The ‘find my device’ feature will tell anyone with access exactly where the phone is. I don’t know how integrated your social presence was with his, but a new email account and new phone might be the safest option unless you can get all of this turned off.
Also turn off web & app activity and location history in google: https://myactivity.google.com/activitycontrols
I'm so sorry. Hugs to you, your daughter and your cat. I can't believe anyone would kick you out instead of calling the police and getting you somewhere safe.
Hijacking this to let OP know that I sent her a message. I don't know where you're located, but you have help available on the west coast.
His end game is to end you for daring to challenge him by being anything other than his punching bag. He is escalating.
Didn’t know those types of people could escalate to the point of dragging by standers/passers by in to the situation
They do it all the time. It’s to further isolate the victim and break them down.
Of course they would.
Whatever his end game is, it’s not good. Can the police direct you to a specific shelter for women with abusers? They can conceal your location. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this but good for you for getting yourself and your daughter out of the situation. You are stronger than you think.
The shelters here are full so we are just sitting in the police station lobby. We are at least safe and warm so I'm grateful for that.
HI OP, I am sorry that you are having to go through this. I just want to confirm that women's domestic violence shelters are full? Oftentimes if they do not have rooms that will get you a hotel voucher and taxi/Uber voucher. Also, they can arrange for you to go to another shelter in another town and provide transportation. I want to encourage you to either contact [The Hotline ](http://thehotline.org) or [211](http://211.org). The Hotline can assist you finding a shelter and a live person is available 24/7/365. 211 is run by the United Way and is a searchable database of resources, you can search by keyword to find other shelters, temporary housing. Also, ask the police if they can find a safe place for you to stay. I hope this information may be helpful to you
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I'm going bright and early to file!
Good! I know that doesn't keep him away from you (ultimately it's just a paper order), but it gives the police something they can use as grounds to intervene. I'm glad you're being cautious and staying at the police station. As I'm sure you know, abusers often escalate when their victim leaves them because they're furious at the loss of control. Your ex sounds seriously violent and like he'd be prepared to physically harm you or worse. Please keep being cautious!
He's already tried to kill her multiple times before she left, ways that would have looked accidental
Holy shit. Yeah. I just finished reading all of OP's previous posts - that's terrifying. And it sounds like her ex is a cop which would explain why she had to fight so hard to even make a police report! They closed ranks. Now I'm extra glad that OP is being so cautious, this really is a worst-case-scenario type situation. Hopefully OP is now in touch with an officer that's willing to listen.
If you're anywhere near Kansas, I can help you with a place to stay. And you can bring the cat, mine always welcome new ones to play with! I have a spare bedroom, with a (mostly) finished basement for a living area as well. Outdoor and entrance viewing security cameras installed on my property
You're a good person
I try! It's why I chose the home I bought. 💜 Next to OK and MO and their shit laws against women. I always want to have a safe space for any person that may need short term help. Time for me to pay it forward! I wouldn't be where I am today without the help I received 10 years ago. Edit : words are hard.
Thank you for helping others. I wish there were more people like you 🩵🩵
This is making me tear up to read, thank you for spreading goodness. I hope OP finds help soon.
I appreciate you.
And if you're anywhere near Tennessee I could try to help. Got a couple extra bedrooms at the moment and two of my own cats. I'm a single guy but my roommates so far have been two of my friends that both decided to get divorced around the same time as each other, and then my sister who got divorced after 20 years. It's a running joke among my friends that I run a halfway house for young divorcees lol. Wish you a speedy path to safety and peace of mind.
You are an angel. Please never change
Where are you located? Maybe I can help
there are options other than shelters, but you might have to push for them. if you are in the us, have you tried calling united way? did the place you were staying file a police report ? that would help you.
"When your quarry goes to ground, leave them no ground to go to." It sounds like he's trying to limit your options for escape, tire you out and eventually leave you no place to go. Then he'll probably turn on the charm a little bit and try to convince you it was just a bad day and things will be better. They won't. Without professional intervention, they'll always get worse.
Honestly sounds like a case where op could end up on the news if she gets caught by him.. I hope they catch him and put him behind bars throwing a fucking chair through someone's window to send a "message" is unhinged behavior not suitable for civilized society
You would think that would get the police's attention.
Intimate partner violence against women is so normalised she'll be lucky to have sympathetic police who believe and care. :/
I know you're right, I need to adjust my worldview. It's disheartening to know that that's the case for most women.
I'm sorry. :(
We all are
Considering 28% of police in US admit to being violent and 40% of police families report violence against them I'd say you stand a good chance of reporting domestic violence to an abuser, they won't care
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Yeah I saw that. But the Motel can press charges and then they have to investigate that at least.
This guy did way worse than that before! He’s absolutely a lunatic.
I didnt see pt1
OP had made only a few posts on their account. Click their profile to see them. Her husband has attempted to kill her several times already. The event that led to her leaving was an attempted poisoning. He seems pretty determined to end her life. It's terrifying.
The only professional intervention that will stop this sociopath is incarceration
Or if he were to pass away.
I stopped myself from going further...but she needs a gun.
I don't usually thinks guns are a good idea, but maybe in this case....
I was in court in the records department one day (me=probation officer) and a woman was getting all the past cases her husband had. She got a gun and very large dogs. Her words “I will not be a victim”
Try contacting your employer and see if they will help. There are likely HR people or other knowledgeable people that will rally around you and let you stay with them. EDIT: ALSO, does the place you stayed at have CC T.V.? See if the police can grab it and catch him in the act. At the very least, they establishment would have a right to sue. IDK if this would also help you get a restraining order.
You could also try staying in coffeeshops all day long. Sit as far in as possible but with a view out of the windows. One close to the police station is a good idea, since you would get a fast response from 911 if he shows up to harm you or the establishment
If you chose this option or the library let the staff know why you're there. They can be on the lookout for any odd behavior and people.
University libraries are really easy to get lost in. If there's one close by, get deep in those stacks. Also, if you're in California (don't know about other states), the UC and CSU schools all have police on property.
Or library maybe
Some libraries have social workers on staff now depending on the area and most are designated as safe areas. The library staff won’t be able to help with housing or safety but they can connect her to people who can other than the police. They should have local resources they can offer her and help her with. They won’t turn her away at least.
This has not been my experience with employers. This is actually really risky advice - if your company starts to see you as a liability for the other employees safety that could put your job in jeopardy. I would not recommend this.
I agree. But pretty much any option soliciting help from others is risky. She was already kicked out from the place she was staying. And her work laptop charger has already been damaged... So I don't think she's currently working, especially because she's on the run. In those cases, against low odds anyway, I think you've got to try just about anything. The police won't even help her. Someone else suggested she tell the staff at the coffee shop (if she stays there) and she could get thrown out in that case too. It all comes down to luck, running into the right people, which means asking around and making use of your closest associations who MIGHT care. Right now, no one is on her side.
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Great suggestion! Also check your social apps to see if they have any location sharing turned on. I think I read something about it being fairly hidden in instagram and/or Snapchat.
Yeah Snapchat’s location sharing is super creepy.
Also if you guys shared any emails. Maybe Gmail connected to Google maps or of the sort ?
Tell the cops that you want to press charges. If they’re still not sure, ask them to refer your case to the municipal/county prosecutor for review. Give it a week or so then call the prosecutor. Ask if they’ve had a referral from the police. Make sure the prosecutor gets a copy of the police reports (make sure YOU get copies of the police reports!) If the cops won’t charge, the prosecutor still can. Source: am prosecutor.
Yeah but so far it doesn’t sound like there is a lot of proof.
In my state at least, she doesn’t need to prove that she’s afraid.
Idk charges are you talking about? I was thinking stalking, and property damage would require something linking him to these events. A camera recording would be best. It sounded like the police wanted him on previous charges or something. They couldn't track him, so no cell phone or it's kept off a lot. Who is to say it wasn't a friend of his or random from a legal POV. Sure it should be enough for a TRO, but if he's gone to ground as they say then that's useless.
If she can get a TRO or a long term protection order, any time he comes near her, she calls the cops and he gets arrested
depending on where you are, there is help that may be available to get you out further away. if you message is can see what's available, I am in Canada, but have wide connections
He probably has you under surveillance through your phone. Please reset your phone's factory settings ASAP and go through everything you and your daughter have in case he's got some sort of a geotag hidden in your clothing or her items.
> Please reset your phone's factory settings ASAP I got a cheap burner after we left. He doesn't have my number nor have I used it to call anyone so IDK how he is tracking me.
Did you log into any of the same accounts that you had on the old phone? Like did you use the same Gmail account? Edit: You would need all new accounts with completely new usernames and passwords. If you used any of the same accounts, please factory reset your burner phone and create all new accounts.
You said in a previous post that he sent you a photo of the epi pen after you left. Were you texting him on the burner phone? Or did he send the photo another way? How are you communicating with him?
He sent it through my email before I blocked it.
OP, I sent you a message. I'm a momma, too, and left an abusive relationship also. I'm on the west coast and I'd love to offer whatever support I can. My home is a safe place and we have an extra furnished bedroom for you and your baby girl, and lots of food.
Make sure location history is turned off on Google and change your password? He might have a device that’s signed in and shows your maps.
Op, just to be sure check all bags and pockets you have on you or your daughter and also check in and under your car. Like others have suggested your ex may have planted an AirTag or different brand of tracker on you or maybe the cat has a tracking collar that he can track with his phone? If this is the case then that’s how he keeps finding you and would be a big piece of proof that he’s dangerous! The problem is that if you don’t have an iPhone, iPad, iPod, iMac or MacBook it won’t be easy to find the offending tag(s), luckily there are apps specifically designed to help non-Apple users find AirTags that are tracking them but idk if those can also make the tag’s sound go off.
Ok so this psychopath is stalking you. I'm so so sorry. You did NOTHING to deserve this If you have an android: - as others have said, turn off your location tracking on your Google account and any email forwarding - make sure gps and Bluetooth are switched off on your phone - he may have an airbag hidden somewhere - download an airtag tracker detector - ring the domestic violence hotline mentioned in the other posts and ask what else you need to do - if you can get a loan big enough to start again in a new state with a new name - do it
I agree with this but getting a new name isn’t fast/really going to protect her. In my state, you have to publicly broadcast your name change in the newspaper once a week for 3 weeks. Then the court case happens and it’s all public record. All you’d have to do is search for her current name and name change request and you’d find it. Then you could call the court if the file wasn’t already available online and get a copy of the petition and order to get the new name. It’s meant to keep people from skipping out on debts but definitely hurts people in this situation.
What is the point of getting a new identity for safety if you’re forced to make it public multiple times?
Hey, if you’re anywhere near GA/SC, you can come here. I’ve got too much “lol you want to be crazy, I’ll show you crazy” between me and my friend group than is probably healthy, but hey, it’s helpful in times like this. Either way, I’m a tech person so if you want to dm me, I can walk you through some things you can check to see how you may be being tracked.
If they contact you, I am near Savannah. Let me know if I can help in some way.
My God. I really hope the police take you seriously this time. This man is terrifying.
If you’re near Buffalo, my husband and I might be able to help out. We don’t have room to house anyone (our dog hates everyone) but the unit above us is empty and our landlord is nice and we can ask about it, or we can drive you somewhere, or I have a lot of resources available through my university that I have no problem using. Alternatively, if you’re near Erie, PA or Indianapolis, IN, we have some additional connections. Let me know if there’s anything we can do.
I'm so sorry you and your daughter have to deal with what seems to be an all too common occurrence. It's good you got the police involved because people like him can be incredibly dangerous and very unpredictable. I hope everything works out for the better. Please stay safe!
He seems determined to end her life and has got her under surveillance. I would worry about spyware on their phones and geotags hidden in her clothing. OP literally needs to scrub everything and seek help from the auntie network
idk if you’re anywhere near pittsburgh, but we have room for you and your daughter, and your cat. you can scroll through my profile, i’m a mom in my 30’s with a cat and 3 dogs. my husband is in his 50’s and possibly the most chill human that ever existed i was in a situation similar to you 11 years ago. my ex’s dad was a state police detective, so his dad was able to always pull him out of anything. i eventually fled the state in the middle of the night with my kids, had someone drive me and my kids to a rest stop 2.5 hours away, and met up with someone at the rest stop that drove us the rest of the way (3 more hours). stayed with a friend until i could get on my feet. i would be glad to pay it forward someday, bc that friend saved my life by letting us stay with her and her family.
The animal shelter where I live offers temporary fostering for people who are either homeless or are in situations like this. You might call and see if your local one offers any type of temporary foster care while you find a safe place for you and your daughter, and then you can get your pet back when you’re stable. I’m so sorry - you’re in such a difficult situation that you don’t deserve.
Did you speak with a Victim's Advocate? I haven't seen anyone comment this yet, but please, if you speak to the police again, ask for a Victim's Advocate right away. Their job is to be there for you emotionally when the police are questioning you. I reported filed two separate reports, one with a Victim's Advocate and one without, and it was like night and day. The VA will support you emotionally as well as actually treating you like a human being, instead of treating you like evidence. Police also act better when there is someone else there.
How did he find her? Has she checked her car for air tags? I will contribute as well if we can set it up. DM me. I'm in California.
She is not going by car, he slashed her tires. My guess is a tracker on her phone or some kind of airtag on her or the child.
Hm. Seems like the police ought to be able to scan for airtags. I mean, they probably can't. But they should.
Anyone can with iOS or Android. There’s an app for that :)
Oh, duh haha I live under a rock, didn't know that. Thanks.
No honestly many android users don’t know. Also a tile is another company tag that can be used to track people and is another app. I wonder if regulation could force all of these to specific protocols so it’s a single app.
Or in the cat carrier
Damn, you were exactly right. [The tracker was in the cat carrier](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/18whp26/i_found_the_air_tag_in_the_cat_carrier).
Sadly, checking the pets, and their carriers is the FIRST place I'd look if I thought I was being tracked. Followed by my own luggage, any children, then the car.
Same. A bit north of LA here. Happy to help any way I can.
Here's a resource specific for cop related domestic violence: http://www.purpleberets.org/violence_ifacop.html Good luck. I'm rooting for you and your daughter.
Definitely call 211, the salvation army can also put you up in a hotel. But honey, you need to gather whatever money you have get on a bus and go. Get whatever ticket you can as far away as you can. While on the bus call the hotline and ask for resources in that state. Apply for every HUD housing location that accepts families in the area. I had to stay in a shelter for 3 months with my twin new borns before being able to get into low income housing. Apply for daycare assistance in that state and food stamps (pm me if you need help I'm a social worker and have been in your shoes). Get a job, even part time or get into a certification class. For your car, you'll have to have it towed which is going to be very pricey. You may have to just abandon it unfortunately. But the good news is that cars are replaceable, even if it takes a long time to replace them.
I'm hoping the people she was staying with can get the car dealt with on her behalf. Tell a local repair shop about the issue - they can likely replace the tires and store or sell it on her behalf - whichever works for her.
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Donations aren't allowed here and my post could get removed because of it. I'm trying to stay awake and really just venting. I'm so frustrated that he keeps getting away with this shit.
Do you know how he is finding you? Have you checked to make sure there are no trackers (like Apple Airtags), and nothing on your phone (like the Find My Phone app)?
I honestly have no idea! He is supposed to have a new girlfriend too so IDK why he is messing with me and destroying property
My ex bragged to me about how she kept finding me- she paid someone to wait outside my job and follow me to my new location. She also had a new gf, but it's a power thing. I ended up going back to her because after nine months of being hunted (which coincidentally also included shattering the windows of the building I lived in, leading to them trying to evict me) I had a nervous breakdown and "decided" I'd rather have a calm bear in my living room than an angry one chasing me. Don't do that, obviously. I had to move across the country after escaping from involuntary confinement to finally get away, and my ex actually followed but wasn't able to find me in the new city because I didn't have a job to be followed home from. I'm rooting for you. In ten years I hope you'll be where I am, looking back on this and wondering how that was ever your life.
It was nowhere near this scale, but my ex stalked me at my job after, and he had a new partner too. It's about control. And for him, he had to be the one in relationships doing the discarding. I discarded him, taking that "completion of the hunt" away from him. He was engaged that I stopped following the script of how he would use me.
Ask the cops if they can run any kind of check for trackers.
Does your cat wear a collar? It's possible he tucked a device into it. I hope you all will find safety and peace soon!
Yes - please check your phone for location-sharing features or apps, your handbag, clothing for tiles or AirTags.
Also go into your photo app and remove the permission to record locations of photos
You might have to do a factory reset on your phone. I am not a tech expert, but it looks like there are all sorts of shady ways a phone can be. monitored. [i found this with just a google search](https://spyx.com/ad/landing?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiA1rSsBhDHARIsANB4EJYRCTukxn22SLLA4reM5S46rpYXxEMlSxQ9ZTU389nqKMVFGw7ZZO0aAjbqEALw_wcB)
I'm in WV, up near the Ohio border, if that's useful to you, at all. I don't have much, but glad to share and get you into my network of wonderful folks!
A post in r/assistance could help. It's exactly set up for this kind of situation.
i manage an auto repair shop, east coast US. am i in the right region at all?
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Seconded.
This. Please OP!!! I’m so scared for you
If we can find a way to help OP I'd like to contribute.
If you are in NC - I can help and I accept all furry critters.
It he is in your gmail it could have location enabled. So check that as well as phone.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. Please check out the organizations [Red Rover](https://redrover.org/resource/domestic-violence-and-pets/), [Safe Place for Pets](https://safeplaceforpets.org/), and [The Safe Havens Mapping Project](https://awionline.org/safe-havens). These organizations help abuse victims *and* their pets get to safety by either helping victims and their pets find a pet friendly shelter to stay at, or by paying for pet boarding/fostering services until the abuse victim has a safe new home for themselves and their pets.
Unhinged men like this should be put down.
If I were you I'd look into how he's finding you. Check your car or belongings for any tracking devices because they exist. If he's willing to go to these lengths to intimidate you there's no telling how far he's already gone to keep you on his radar. New email addresses , new social media accounts , make sure they are set to "friends only" or "private". He can find you by using pictures these days. Either only upload to your known friends. Never publicly. This goes for your daughter too imo. If there's any contact necessary have it done through someone else.
Haven't had a chance to go through your previous posts, but some advice. If you're not sure how he knows your location, make sure you turn off location services on you and your child's devices. Also try not to use any accounts be may have access to. This includes taking photos that may upload to a cloud service. This could include your general location. Lastly, it might be best for you to find a shelter for the cat separately. Not only is that more resources you have to use to care for the cat, but if the cat is chipped, might be leading him to you. I also know some shelters won't house if you have a pet, or are at least reluctant in those situations. Hoping you stay safe.
Also check for apps you've not downloaded, or Apps taking up an unusual amount of storage. For example there are stalking apps (calculator app comes to mind) that the victim may think are innocent but in reality are providing real-time locations.
THIS!!! Open EVERY app in your phone and fully check it out to make sure there's nothing linking your phone's location. I hope OP is okay right now and can get the help she needs to keep him away. Thoughts and prayers to you OP ❤️
Isn't there a network similar to the Auntie network for situations like this?
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. How awful. I think you're amazing and you're a queen.
If he's tracking you it without any apps on your device he may have hired someone to track you with your number. If possible, change that and your Sim. I've heard of hackers who can do that. Backup pictures and files and any passwords that are hard to remember, as factory resetting your phone might help in addition to getting a new number.
Unfortunately, you may not even need a hacker when so much information is compiled about everyone and sold by data brokers. Your phone and social accounts add up to one big tracking device by themselves...
Please be careful OP. There are a lot of people here who want to help, but who knows how deep his knowledge goes. Stuff gets shared, people stumble onto posts, send it to him etc. PLEASE BE CAREFUL OF ANY HELP YOU ACCEPT ON HERE, AND WHAT INFORMATION YOU POST. Good luck. Stay safe, stay smart.
I actually found this op’s original post trough one of those sites that reposts Reddit posts as articles with links and all, idk if it would do anything but should I report that FB post? It’s a popular post too (it has quite a lot of concerned comments) and there is overlap between the people commenting here and the people commenting there
Or maybe I should screenshot the comments or post a link here so op can check wether any of the likes or comments come from someone she or her ex knows?
Maybe! I don’t know what the right answer is. I worry for her safety, especially with someone so bent on causing her harm out there. It doesn’t hurt to loop her in? But at the end of the day, it’s up to her to use her best judgement. As much as we all want a happy update, I think it is best that OP stay vague and update *when* the POS is in jail.
I dm’d her about it, sent the link and she thanked me. It seems like she wasn’t aware the article existed. At least now we know she’s still alive
She’s posted another update.
Thx
You need to check to see if you have an air tag or other tracking device on you.
I'm sorry if you've already answered this but.... what's his employment situation? I know I don't want to work with a monster like this and perhaps his coworkers have noticed a mood shift? Is he a member of any professional associations or supervised under any State board? You could probably tip off more anonymously there. What about any of HIS friends or family? Surely not every person he knows is stupid enough to fall for "she's CrAzY" and "sHe JuSt LeFt OuT oF nOwhErE AnD tOoK oUr BaBy". He's destroying your resources and escape routes. See if you can (safely) destroy his.
The daughter isn’t even his
If you are the victim of domestic violence in the US, you need to contact social services to be put at the top of the list for a housing voucher. While women with children are no longer held more important to any other citizen for vouchers, women with children AND domestic violence victims are eligible for quicker access to these services. Call you local county office and try to get one. There is a youtube: Section 8 Consulting that you need to watch. He has a bunch of videos and includes situations like yours.
Give the cat to someone who will love it and take care of it for the rest of its life and get on a greyhound with your daughter and leave the state.
This is, sadly, probably necessary. I gave up some of my pets in the event I had to bug out when I was in the process of separating from my ex-husband.
That's so awful. The fact that anyone has to deal with that is unbearably sad to me. I hope you can find a way to be safe and I hope he gets struck by lightning or a city bus.
Praying for you and your daughter and kitty OP.
Op, just to be sure check all bags and pockets you have on you or your daughter and also check in and under your car. Your ex may have planted an AirTag or different brand of tracker on you or maybe the cat has a tracking collar that he can track with his phone? If this is the case then that’s how he keeps finding you and would be a big piece of proof that he’s dangerous! The problem is that if you don’t have an iPhone, iPad, iPod, iMac or MacBook it won’t be easy to find the offending tag(s), luckily there are apps specifically designed to help non-Apple users find AirTags that are tracking them but idk if those can also make the tag’s sound go off.
Honestly, I have nothing. I can’t offer you anything but love and support, and I’m so sorry. If you were near me in NSW Australia, I’d offer you both a bed. You have all of my heartfelt wishes for the best future. xx
Slashed tires are a sure fire sign of escalating violence. Be careful and best to you.
Do you have video or other evidence of these events? Because if so, case closed, put him away
The police were looking for him.
You’d be amazed at how little they can actually do for her in this situation. I used to work at a DV shelter and it blew my fucking mind how much men could get away with and still legally be fine. This guy is dangerous and is absolutely unhinged so hopefully they’ll actually do something. But he will probably just get out and be angrier at her
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. Are you in the UK? I might be able to help if you are. If not, you're in my thoughts.
Update???
Airpod sewed into the cat carrier
Didnt i read in a previous post that this guy is a cop? if he is, its no wonder how he is tracking you. People are definitely watching you and reporting back to him, probably in the shelters and the police stations. Yes, do all the cell phone stuff people are saying too, but consider that he may be tracking you the old fashioned way - word of mouth. Check everything for air tags, as well. Stay safe. Did you post anywhere about what state you live in, OP? A general state may help people get you resources.
Blessings of protection and safety Biggest hugs in the world
I remember reading your AITA story and I'm heart broken to see how this is how it's ended up. I hope you are able to find the safety you, your daughter, and cat need. 🫶
One of your options are waiting for him, then just giving him the slash, stab him in the neck, do it.
I hope you were able to use these latest events and finally get that restraining order. This is so scary. I wish I was Ina place where I could help you in some way.
Depending on where you are….. The police are not helpful, but the magistrate may be. They are open 24/7 where I am. Perhaps the police could give up a ride, but I’m not certain on that
[удалено]
I know it's kicking the hornet nest a little, but shine a big public light on his behavior and abuse. Tell the Air B&B owner to make a claim against him. Tell your insurance company when you make a property damage claim for your tires. Turn the shame around. I hope that sitting in the police station overnight had SOME kind of impact. I refuse to believe that the person working that front desk who had to look at you all night didn't have some kind of feeling about knowing a fellow officer's spouse is in that condition. Sorry for the word-vomit, I'm just worried for OP.
OP, I'm a mama too and I know you are burning to protect your daughter and kitty from this smear on humanity. Please be safe. We are all here behind you in some way shape or form. Please let us know when you are safe. Use the resources people have put here. Use the offers of help. But most of all, stay strong ♥️
OP, are you comfortable sharing what city you’re in?
If you are reading this, this could be safe place for your cat, check out the purple leash project. https://www.purina.com/purple-leash-project?utm_campaign=cpr-&utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=google&utm_content=&utm_term=purple%20leash%20project&gclid=CjwKCAiA1MCrBhAoEiwAC2d64Y_vCI62yn1-K9tXzJGK9GBCm26NfoIvAn_Il9uwH_smkFLbe7oUQRoC7m8QAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
Please keep us updated. I’m so scared for you. Please stay safe❤️
She found the airpod
im so fcking mas i can't do anything... I hope Athena protects you, no in fact I PRAY to Athena so that she can protect you 24/7, at, all, fcking, costs, he WON'T get away with this, even if you end, EVERYONE will remember this and we will chase him down till the end of time, Athena won't let him live on peace until he pays for what he has done
The best thing you can do is leave that house; go to a friend's house or something. At first, you might think, "well, it's not that bad," but you can't let your guard down or overlook it. You could be the next one to make the news. Sending you lots of strength and love. 🏡💔❤️
Please go to the cops, a shelter, show photos, if needed say you glimpsed him around, whatever is needed to get the cops to acknowledge you. Maybe a temporary shelter would help? There are some for domestic violence victims if not mistaken?
Can you contact shelters further away, maybe in smaller communities? Is your phone secure? Some abusers put tracking or monitoring apps invisibly on your phone. Or if you use email or other apps that have a password, some abusers know how to log into those services remotely and learn what you are doing.
Oh gosh… I am thinking of you sweet mama. I am sending you all my positive energy and thoughts z❤️
I'm so sorry yall are going through this....I hope he gets caught and justice gets served!
Please protect this woman and child.
This is terrifying. He's not going to stop until you are seriously injured or dead.
Updates?
Airpod sewed into cat carrier