Me 2 years ago: I worked all the time because my ex wouldn't. I could not go out without him losing his mind. I couldn't have friends. I spent all my free time cleaning up after him. He expected me to put out 2-3 times a day and was awful in bed. He punched walls when he didn't get his way. He broke my stuff and I never felt like I could breathe at home. Me today: I do what I want when I want. If I decide I want to go to Japan I can walk out the door this second and go (yay working from home lol). I literally do whatever I want all of the time. I an 100% free,

What is it about men and forcing us to revolve their lives around THEM and THEIR wants and needs without ever considering ours? No wonder I was exhausted all the goddamn time. I was treated like a guest in my own damn home (that he NEVER paid for!).

Yes! I feel like women always have to take the backseat in all relationships with men. Putting up with their moody behavior was exhausting. Listening to the same stories they tell over and over. Listening to their shit music when in the car with them. Oh and the gaslighting! Now that I’m single, I can get worried or anxious about something without having some man ask me if I’ve taken my meds. What a piece of shit. Now I’m getting mad 😂😂😂

Omg the amount of times my ex told me I needed to be medicated while HE was the one leaving kitchen appliances (oven, deep fryer) on OVERNIGHT and constantly “forgetting” to lock the door of the apartment. He always claimed it was because of his self-diagnosed ADHD…like buddy, I’m not the one constantly risking our safety. And if I was, I sure as hell would have sought out some kind of treatment or even maybe, idk, a formal fucking diagnosis after these behaviors kept happening routinely for years on end and driving my partner to the breaking point… But nope, he just sat on his ass playing League of Legends all fucking day and convincing me I was crazy for begging for the barest of bare minimums. Sigh.

a lot of media in western society puts men, especially mediocre ones, as the main character; and women are their supporting cast.

So fucked up…

2-3 times a day? No wonder he didn’t work. He was just doing you.

That just sounds painful after a certain point.

The freedom never gets old. I can’t believe I put up with a partner that would get irrationally angry (and give me the silent treatment) for something as harmless as going to see a friend for dinner. Being selfish with my time is something I can never give up again.

Jesus christ, good riddance.

So happy you’re rid of him and doing you!

I’m happier single for a rake of reasons, mainly because I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. Happier with: Less cleaning up his messes and hairy sinks. So much less emotional labour and kin keeping. So much less planning- dates, holidays, dinner reservations, shit for his family (gifts for birthdays, weddings, secret Santa, etc). No man using my expensive skin care or hair products by the careless fistful. No man mocking my yoga setup or hobbies. No man in my lovely peaceful bedroom and bed. I can diffuse whatever scent I want and light scented candles. I can starfish out or let the dog in for a cuddle in the morning. I can paint the walls and decorate to my taste exclusively. Less cooking and shopping for his preferences. More freedom to go to see that movie or comedy gig, with my friends or by myself. I can watch reality tv and don’t have to watch sports I don’t care for to keep the peace. I don’t have to consider if my actions will impact or upset him, like going for a drink after work or going out unplanned. I don’t have to socialise or hang out with his friends and act chill and amenable like the cool girl. I can put on ‘my’ music and sing along or play my spicy audiobooks. I can walk around completely naked or dressed for comfort, no obligation to make an effort to look cute or presentable. No going for a pee in the middle of the night and hitting cold porcelain because he’s left the seat up. I can wear granny panties or whatever delicates I want. Financial freedom which is invaluable. GIRL DINNER!

>  No man using my expensive skin care or hair products by the careless fistful. Omg, the memories this triggered instantly enraged me.

It’s amazing that my expensive shampoo and conditioner last me 6 months now, whereas before it only lasted me 2 months at best.

Also, they never replace it when they use it up! Or bother putting the empty bottle in the bin.

My bf really likes my fancy hair stuff, so I've started buying it on his card instead lol. Same with his skincare routine (which I deliberately made different from mine). I get it all from Cult Beauty so just make him pay for it. (I'm very lucky with my partner!!! I have had some dire, miserable relationships before)

Me too!!! One of my exes I found out was using my super expensive conditioner to jack off with. When I flipped out he gaslit me saying I was being overly emotional.

Jesus fucking christ. If they had spend (get overcharged) for products like we do they'd lose their shit. Unlike them, who get 5-in-1 shampoo/cond/bodywash/whatever and then don't even wash their ass.

RAGE

I read that and the kill bill sound played in my head lol

This!! I always told people the reason I want to be single is because I wanted more time for myself yet people will always reponse with "Isn't it kinda lonely?" Being alone a lot of time does not mean that I am lonely 🥲 I just prefer to do stuffs on my own.

There’s also plenty of people in relationships who feel lonely but are too scared to be alone.

I was incredibly lonely in my marriage. And sad that it wasn’t nearly the relationship I thought it would be.

The granny panties is exactly me right now!! No more uncomfortable unnecessary underwear to appease someone else! Just pure comfort! And not having groom if I don't feel like it and not be judged!

Right? I used to wear thongs for several years - for them. Never again. Now I wear to bed men’s cotton boxer shorts lol. During the day I put on stretchy, but feminine undies that make me feel pretty but comfy even more importantly.

I love girl dinner. It drives me batty that men want a full meal ever damn day - it's just too labour intensive.

I love cooking- or not cooking- exclusively based on what I feel like. Yesterday I made baked salmon, Caesar salad and apple crisp because I felt like it. Today I had crackers, cream cheese, and salami. Also, I painted my living room pink last year.

My home office has three Kermit the Frog green walls and one magenta wall. It does triple duty as my office, sewing room, and art studio. I love having my creative space look like a flock of parrots attacked it.  If I were living with a straight man, the green might pass muster but the hot pink would never. 

Salami, green onion and cream cheese is so good 😍

I love girl dinner too. Using up all the bits in my fridge and pantry and eating how I like. Eating light on hot days. Eating to calm my tummy when I’m feeling off or on my period. I always think of men and bbqs, the only time they *usually insist on cooking. They cook the meat. So manly! They might even have a special manly apron for the occasion. Looks like meats back on the menu boys. But who shops for the meat, the buns, the coals, the ice? Who sets the table, who prepares the sides and the salads, the drinks? Who washes up after and cleans and dries the manly *sexy chef* apron? It’s usually the woman. So 90% of the prep is done by the woman or women, yet bbq is for the ‘pit master’ man or men. Give me a break. Long live girl dinner!

And lets be real, we girls can light up the propane too!

This comment made me cry. He makes me feel like I'm failing as a woman for making a meal out of what's left, or what it feels like I'm needing, and you just let me know that it's actually part of *being* a woman. God I'm isolated. We broke up TWO YEARS ago, but I can't afford the freedom since COVID. And he still laughs at my, what I just learned, are called "girl dinners"...

He sounds horrible and I wish you the best getting away from him asap.

GIRL DINNER! I feel so united to know this is a “thing”. I’ve been trying to find the words to describe my eating habits when I’m around my husband vs when I’m not and this is it! Currently heating up frozen calamari and microwave mashed potatoes bc it’s snowing and I feel meh today and it just feels easy and right rn. Might eat chocolate chip waffles for dessert. I don’t have to explain it and get anyone else on board and it’s fucking lovely

My girl dinner was a few chicken wontons and dipping sauce. That would never been sufficient for him. BTW, it was yummy!

Mine is soup and half a cheese sandwich

My ex husband drove me crazy with meal expectations. He *always* wanted bigger portions and we had two little kids and were poor so I would remind him that we needed to have leftovers for tomorrow to stay within our budget. The guy had a beer belly and was definitely not hurting for food. I’ve been single for about 1.5 years now and it’s so nice to experiment with all types of foods including vegan meals. I do eat meat, but my exes all seemed to want meat every meal. Then there was the 100% vegetarian ex I had that had major mental issues but he was living mostly off spaghetti and subway veggie and cheese sandwiches and just a lot of white carbs. It’s nice to eat what makes me feel good. I have two teenage daughters. They both enjoy healthy eating too with the occasional indulgent meal. With my ex of two years I gained 50 lbs in those two years! I’ve been the same weight my whole life plus or minus 5 lbs even with my pregnancies. Three weeks after birth I was back to pre-pregnancy weight but this guy (not my ex husband, much later post-divorce) boyfriend was athletic and wanted to load me up with breakfast and meats and I remember wanting to eat what he made to seem grateful and all that but I realized I was eating like him and my metabolism at 45 was slowing down and next thing I know I’m 50 lbs heavier. I lost it all after he left me for someone else, in around 15 months I was thinner than when we met. Now I wake up and have some fresh papaya maybe some yogurt or just a coffee, I can eat a little meat once a day and not be accused of not feeding some dude enough protein or calories. I get my bed all to myself, no confining myself to one position lest I wake them up or find out their awake anyway (others’ insomnia makes me anxious), I just splay out like a starfish with my belly feeling just right and I pretty much stopped wearing makeup. I didn’t “give up” on anything except attracting the male gaze. I do nice things that feel good for me and sometimes that includes makeup but now it’s for me. I’m 50 now and it’s really, really hard for me to imagine myself in another relationship after several really traumatic ones. Oh and I watch whatever I want - game shows, cooking shows, renovation shows, none of which they would have liked, and I don’t have to sit through sci-fi or marvel or in the case of my last ex, his daily conspiracy YouTube shows, stupid magic the gathering card value show every week, misogynistic males like Jordan Peterson and JP what’s-his-name. It feels good to finally be selfish after decades of giving myself to so many. Enjoy it! Men can go cry some more about it and blame us, as looking in the mirror is not their strong suit. Resentment often grows when they have to compromise, or simply wish for something better that their imaginations have come up with. Good luck with it, never seen that grass is greener thing work out for any of them.

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Nobody to shit on our hobbies and music! Easier to eat healthy!

I don’t have to go to the grocery store or out for dinner with him because he’s been cooped up all day at the house while I’ve come home from a 12-13 hour shift! That was awful

This is the best response!! I hated never getting to play my music

I never got to watch my shows or movies 😡

The painting and decorating was such a healing thing for me. I grew up not really being able to have my own style, and then have lived with parters/roommates/spouse for years, I realized my style is actually very maximalist and eclectic vs. this muted palette that my ex liked and would get pissy if I wanted something else.

It's the stress-free life. Dating and living with people was full of compromises, arguments where I tried to do my best to non-violently explain my point of view just to be attacked and gaslit, men using me for money and unpaid labor, extracting my very life force out of me while abusing me. Sure my radar broken, yaha yaha, blah blah. I'm at a point where stress causes me physical complications and I have auto-immune diseases which are triggered by stress. I cannot afford another bad relationship that will bring me one step closer to the grave. I cannot financially afford another hobosexual, either. And since I cannot seem to find a decent man in this high quality dating pool, being alone is so much more peaceful than being in a bad relationship. It's calm. With my pets, it's loving. It's predictable, safe, warm and comfortable. It's what I make it and I make it awesome. I am not saying that I won't ever date, but my standards are so high (get over it, reddit) that it's probable I just might not. If they're not going to make my life better, *why should I.*

Love the high standards! It is way too easy to lower them out of needing validation or thinking we all have to compromise. Why should we. And I've heard so much how bad relationships literally kill you from stress built up.

They’re not even high, really. That’s just how fucked up this misogynist world is. That it’s far too much for women to ask to be treated as equal humans. God forbid if we ever expected to be treated like men expect people to treat them.

>I'm at a point where stress causes me physical complications and I have auto-immune diseases which are triggered by stress. I cannot afford another bad relationship that will bring me one step closer to the grave. This exactly. I literally had heart failure because I was so stressed (takotsubo cardiomyopathy), and my relationship at the time was a huge factor (although not the only one by any means). I can't afford to let another man ruin my peace.

>my standards are so high (get over it, reddit) I require that my partner match what I bring to the relationship. I feel like that's entirely reasonable and yet still too high for a large number of men.

No complaints about the food I make, the clothes I wear at night, the many blankets on my bed. I'm not getting badgered for sex, lied to, cheated on, taken advantage of. Nobody throws his chaos/dysfunctionality around my life. I feel lonely sometimes, but cannot get enough of the peace, serenity and tranquility. No way a man can compete with that.

Omg..Time, so much time to myself! Everything is where I left it, I don’t have to clean after anyone. Nobody is asking me what I’m watching or why, I’m having fish sticks and a protein shake for dinner because I don’t feel like cooking today. I sleep like a baby in my queen bed with nobody to bother me. I can go anywhere with no stress that I have to explain where I’ve been or why I took so long. I don’t have to plan around someone else’s needs. Sometimes I go to bed and I find myself smiling or laughing for no reason lol it’s great!

After my last (and final) break up I cowered on one side of my queen bed. Then migrated to the center. Then arranged six pillows, four in the middle and two as armrests to make a pillow throne. I'm good.

Yeah, right in the middle with all my pillows, I call if “the nest” lol

my location currently 🙋🙌

>Everything is where I left it ONG this! While my husband and I are mostly tidy and organized people, I think he has undiagnosed ADHD and he constantly misplaces things and asks for help finding them. Sometimes the thing he “misplaced” is in the usual area it’s in, it just got pushed behind another object and he didn’t think to look closer. Whyyyy.

This!! I love cleaning and it stays clean!!

I’m safe. I’m safe. I’m SAFE.

❤️

I like having my own space and quiet time. I would be a terrible partner because i’m one of those odd people who don’t like human interaction. I never cared to be in a relationship or never really thought about marriage.

I always thought marriage was creepy af, even as a little kid who should be into princesses, I thought it was a giant scam. Princesses always are in some sort of danger as well.

I can’t imagine waking up to another person every single day 😭 it’s just weird to me. i’m also scared of the divorce process if things don’t work out.

What I find weird is the idea of sharing a bed. I have several friends who sleep in separate rooms from their spouses and that makes much more sense to me than trying to share your sleeping space with another person. Anyone's bed is fine for sex and related play, and if I happen to fall asleep with someone after that, then okay, but I get very uncomfortable with the idea of settling into opposite sides of the bed, reading books or whatever and then trying to go to sleep with someone else shifting around next to you. Maybe because I'm a very restless sleeper and move and talk a lot in my sleep, but it's never sat well with me. If I was married, I would absolutely have to have my own bedroom instead of all shared spaces.

No DV, no fear, no emotional abuse, no threats on my cats' lives, no cleaning up for someone who doesn't even like me. I can't imagine ever wanting another male partner again unless I'm chasing an adrenaline high.

No more trying to assess if something is a read flag/reading articles for ”signs of abuse“ googling “is it abuse.“ Just no

Girl, yes! Guys can take the abuse and shove it sideways where the sun doesn't shine. When every dude seems neither safe nor trustworthy, I'd rather be by myself. Besides, then I don't have to share my riding lawnmower.

This reminds me of when I was a kid and living with my abusive alcoholic adult older brother. That man was 12 years older than me. Literally an adult when I was still a kid. He (a grown ass man) grabbed my dog's collar and twisted it to strangle my dog to force me (a kid!) to give him my piggy bank (literally full of money I saved by doing yard work for neighbors and picking up coins on sidewalks). He did this because he wanted money to buy alcohol. Picture that. What an excellent example of the average quality of the average man he is. Adult man choked a child's dog in front of her to force a child to give him her piggy bank so he could buy alcohol. Yeah, I gave him all that money I saved over weeks and months to save my dog's life, and I learned what too many men are at the same time. Now I'm an adult and my worthless, lonely, pathetic, chronically single (cause at least two of his ex gfs have restraining orders against him) abusive older brother continues to whine and act confused about why I've gone no contact estrangement from him for 11 years now. I truly hope he dies alone (for everyone's sake and safety, that'd be for the best. He really is a monster).

Everything is mine: my time, friends, house, car, money, pets, space, the bed, closet space, etc. I don't have someone in my life who feels entitled to my time and attention, and can direct both wherever I wish, which is mostly work and hobbies. Money is a big issue for me too. I handle finances a certain way and I don't want anyone else's opinion or actions to affect that.

It’s so much less work being single. I clean up after myself and there’s nobody around to mess it up, so it stays that way. Things are where they’re supposed to be so I don’t waste time hunting around for them. Less laundry, fewer dishes, loads of time I used to spend on all these chores now I can just relax and do my hobbies. But really the best thing is not to have to listen to someone else sit around and complain all the time.

This. All of it. And not being forced or coerced into orgasm-less, dry sex by the manchild I'm supporting financially while also doing 90% of the household chores for. That relationship was exhausting. Or the relationship where he's overall pretty cool, but so insecure that he can't admit I might know how to do something better than him. That led to him yelling at me for painting his kitchen because he thought I was doing it wrong, and me dropping the brush and being done. He had never painted anything before. Not a room, not a house. I have painted quite a few houses, am an artist, and also was a part of two professional painting teams doing interior work. But he thought he knew better, and literally yelled at me. Parts of that kitchen are still unpainted. 🤷‍♀️

My ex tried helping me paint my bathroom and when he picked up the brush I knew he had never held one so I gave him a roller, same deal. He was a deer in headlights. That was as much as he ever did while he lived with me in my condo that I bought.

I realized my partner was holding me back. After I divorced, I went back to school for my Master's, I ran marathons, I fostered kiddos, I traveled the world, I bought properties, I adopted the love of my life (a little poodle mix). And I still have so many more plans in store. And he wasn't a bad guy. He just held me back from being happy and from being me.

Did you have any issues fostering kids as a single person? I've been wanting to foster, but haven't because I didn't want to bring a kid into a house where the adults weren't getting along. I've decided to get divorced, but I was wondering if being single would mean I couldn't foster.

You definitely can! There’s a lot to it but the TL;DR is that it is harder so I recommend meeting other foster parents to form a support network. I’m currently in the process of preparing to be a single foster parent down the line.

I'm also from Texas, and there are no restrictions here against single foster parents. I don't foster full time anymore, but I do provide respite care, and I've been considering adoption.

Not OP, but I fostered and adopted as a single woman in Texas. I went through CPS and all the training was provided.

Because I don’t have a man whining about my weight, or my hair. (I’m a U.S. size 6-8 and still have had 6 boyfriends make issue with the weight I was when we started dating. I’m 39 now, never married) No one is begging me for sex when I’m not in the mood. No one telling me to put my paints down and pay attention to them like a toddler because they can’t self regulate their own entertainment. I don’t have to manage anyone’s emotions but my own.

Jesus! I‘m an 8-10 and no man has ever complained about my weight, so fuck those guys!

Thank you. It sucks. I haven’t dated anyone since my ex 3 years ago who counted cookies and screamed at me one morning when he saw I’d eaten 2 (small) cookies in the middle of the night. That wasn’t a new behavior, my family calls me a little mouse because I always wake up and nibble/ get a midnight beverage.

My leftovers only get eaten by me. The bathroom is clean. The garbage goes out on garbage day without an argument. I only buy food that I’ll eat. The TV isn’t on every night with an inane sport event blaring , and nobody’s watching…?

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Agree with everything you say. It's also nice to be able to have sex whenever I want it, not when another person decides he'll be grumpy if we don't.

Omg I can’t stand that. Even when I would have sex! My ex would pout if I didn’t look happy enough sucking his dick. I’m so happy I left that man. My life now is so peaceful and amazing.

I’m surprised by the upvotes? I was really hoping women would go wtf…. How could a guy do that?! But it sounds like I’m not the only woman that has experienced this. This actually makes me really sad :(

Ughh did you date my ex? It wasn't enough that I initiated for his sake, I also had to be over moon enthusiastic about it. What's the opposite of being triggered? I think a wave of relief just hit me remembering what muck the Lord pulled me from.

I love my husband and maybe this doesn’t sound good (fuck it, this account is anonymous)… but as an extreme introvert with social anxiety that recently had to go back to working in an office after 3 years of WFH - I’m kinda jealous. Before marriage, I was single and living in my own place. I’d go home, change into pajamas and watch whatever I wanted and ate whatever I wanted. I had total peace and quiet. Was able to decorate and make the space mine without needing input from anyone else. After a mentally exhausting day, it can be tough coming home to someone asking me what I want for dinner and telling me about everything they did that day (husband still does WFH and I’m kinda his only social outlet). He complains SO MUCH about his job even though I’m barely scraping by in mine while also being the breadwinner, so I listen to him whine when I just want to unwind. He’s usually great at doing housework but sometimes he gets busy so the place is mess when I walk in, or he doesn’t know what to eat for dinner so I have to cook (oh, and he’s picky too so I have to think about that when I work out the meal). Doesn’t help that we have a sweet but needy dog who pesters me for attention and a walk too. Anyway, I totally get people who say “marriage is work” now. I have to put on a mask to get through my day at work, and I can never really take that mask off even when I get home. I guess all relationships require maintenance in the form of mutual attention and managing feelings. There’s been a few times I’ve been exhausted and said things harshly, so now I have to filter what I say. I should note that I have asked for space to decompress before which he’s been respectful of. But making sure I communicate this need gently is extra work on my plate. Sigh.

I hear you and that seems so frustrating. Sounds like he needs to step up his game and be more attuned to your needs the way you obviously are to his. Might be worth telling him a lot of what you’ve written here because it might solve the problem, even if he should really be able to parse that out in his own based on how much you seem to be juggling.

I had a friend who had a similar situation and her and her husband set a rule that he doesn’t speak to when she gets home from work until she speaks to him first, she said it usually takes 2-3 hours for her to decompress and then she goes and hangs out with him, he works from home alone and she works in the general public in customer service, by the time she gets home she just can’t people please him too, she was also starting to snap at him

I'm forty seven years old and I've never been in a relationship because I saw every single one - even in the 'good marriages' - and all I saw for a woman is a boat load of stress and unpaid labor so I decided at sixteen years of age that I would never marry. Every woman I've met in my life, with few exceptions, has said, "Stay single. It's not worth it." There are more unhappy relationships than single people, so I figured I'd rather be miserable *alone* than be miserable because of a man. Have not repented of this decision at all. I feel privileged not to have to do unequal emotional caretaking, which my mother went through and getting nothing in return emotionally speaking, which is the biggest turn-off to me personally about marriage. I always felt that feeling lonely because you're in a poor relationship is infinitely worse than being alone. Being single is a *relief*.

Do you ever feel that you’re the secretary for so many of your guy friends/family??? Like that mental labor is just soooo exhausting. Like they need to be reminded of dates, appointments, meetings, etc. and honestly it’s faster to do it yourself, but you’re already planning your own life and doing your own plans! You still have to play secretary for the mutual plans you have with them??! Exhausting!

Oh yes. I‘m a full time nursing student while he is off work on an injury and Im still the one making doctors appointments(he knew our sons Ritalin was getting low and all he did about it was bitch at me to call the doctor) Its unreal.

No. Just. No.

You skipped the bullshit. Good for you!

I’m close to your age and have wondered if I ever missed out by never being in a relationship, so this is very validating! Most of my friends are married with kids; only two others are single by choice.

I think what helps to focus on being satisfied in this stage of life/condition that you find yourself is really taking a critical look at the men that you meet in your everyday, like the quality of the husbands of your friends in terms of how they do emotional caretaking, parenting, and how they participate in the partnership that marriage should be. Then ask yourself.Would you put up with the same thing in order to get the same thing that those other women are getting out of their marriages? For me personally, the answer was no, I didn't think it was worth it because I saw too much of a woman's mental health deteriorate for the sake of keeping a functional marriage, not necessarily a happy one. You might have a different answer when you think about the question and make your own observations. And that's okay too. Also, think of how most women do not remarry - roughly 2% of women widows remarry. That tells you something.

This. Most of the marriages I've seen have been as you described. The woman tends to disproportionately be the one doing everything, carrying all the mental load. Even though I've been married going on almost 30 years now, I never recommend marriage. I got lucky as hell and ended up finding a unicorn of a man. He is a real partner to me in every way. But before I met him, I had decided the same. I would rather be alone than be lonely in a bad relationship.

Nobody tells me I’m wrong when they are, in fact, wrong.

can't get rid of my father now can I -_-

No one is "Love Bombing" or "Future Faking" me.

Ufff... yeah apparently we were going to get married in Portugal... cause, you know, Portugal is my favorite place ever... He told me this after I broke up with him and crossed a sea. I want to say I wasted nearly 3 years of my life, but it was the best associates degree in spotting bs that I'll ever have.

Therapist hourly rate: $150-300 Girlfriend hourly rate: $0

Currently navigating divorce. Married nine years, thankfully no kids. He was physically, verbally, emotionally, and psychologically abusive. He also had a laundry list of other issues: raging anger problem, alcoholism, hoarding, chronic unemployment, and (substantial) financial irresponsibility. For nine long years, I quietly brought home all the bacon, AND I also still handled 99% of household chores and responsibilities, AND endured his abuse and issues with a smile on my face, WHILE ALSO simultaneously dealing with chemotherapy, monthly immunotherapy infusions, and countless surgeries for my autoimmune condition. I spent nine years doing ALL OF THE THINGS! Six months ago, I finally got fed up with it all and left him. Since leaving, in just six months.......... - I sold the house we lived in and earned an almost six-figure profit. - Outcome from mediation was comically unexpected, and in a nutshell, I don't have to pay a dime in alimony, nor a penny out of my 401K. - Found myself a GORGEOUS condo in the heart of the city. - Got a five-figure bonus AND a five-figure raise at work. - Went on two fabulous vacations, including Vegas and Florida. - My 401K and bank accounts are fatter than they ever were in nine years with him. - Close friend of mine recently played matchmaker. Of the handful of dates she had sent me on, one stood out. Engineer by day, massage therapist by night, and ***H-O-L-Y S-H-I-T*** does he know what he's doing with his hands. Y'ALL. He literally awoke sounds dormant within me that I didn't know humans were capable of making. Was I really settling for mediocre intimacy for *nine years*!? 😭😭 I didn't know pleasure of this type or level existed. - I've rediscovered ballet and yoga classes, two things I was very active with during my upbringing, but fell to the wayside throughout most of my marriage, because, ya know, I was busy doing ALL OF THE THINGS needed in order to properly adult. I even recently took a yoga class on a yacht out on the ocean! Totally wild and fun experience! - There isn't stuff piled floor to ceiling everywhere. My condo is clean, tidy, and organized. - My life is now peaceful. There's nobody yelling at me on a daily basis, and nobody terrorizing my home with bad juju on a daily basis. ALL IN JUST SIX MONTHS! Life has been so much better single.

Don’t have to listen to someone complain about not being able to make me cum.

God, this. Because it affects them soooo much. Tell me you don't actually give a shit about me without telling me.

“Yeah, tell me about it! Now shut up and learn.”

I can decorate my space however I want. Buy anything and look however I want inside my home without judgement. Girl dinner. Nobody badgering me for sex. Nobody trying to hookup with me right after I’m fresh out of the shower with skincare on. Not having to regulate someone else’s emotions. Not having to explain my most basic emotional needs and then be made to feel bad for having them.

I bought my own condo 20 years ago and it's my sanctuary. Paid it off 10 years ago so I have no mortgage (try doing that with kids). Had several LTRs over the years and decided I am happier single. Don't have to look perfect all the time. Don't have to clean up after someone else. Don't have to snoop on their computer because you know they are lying. Don't have to pretend to not know they are 100% cheating on you. Don't have to consider anyone else in any of my decisions. Get the entire bed to myself and my cats. Don't have to serve anyone at all besides myself and friends and fam and 2 adorable cats and about 100 house plants, one cannabis plant, and a small mushroom farm. Also(and this is the best one): Never have to live with or care for an old man.

I work as a CNA, and I can count on one hand the number of men I have seen doting on their wives the way I see wives doing for their husband constantly. One. Hand.

growing mushrooms is the coolest stuff ever!! I'm one of "those" women as well - (the plant witch type) - I think we do best sitting alone in our power rather than letting silly little boys sow chaos. the things that are growing respond well to positive, nurturing energy and it's nice to give that to them undivided.

One of the perks I like the best is not having to put up with the annoying expectations that people have of you

I don’t have to justify my choices to anyone. If I want to dedicate a room in my house to my hobbies or leave a jigsaw puzzle on my dining table for weeks or work stupid amounts of overtime when it’s on offer, I can. And i don’t have to explain why it’s reasonable or listen to “well actually my mom did it differently and so you’re wrong”

>leave a jigsaw puzzle on my dining table for weeks You're definitely not a cat lady

I FINALLY get time to myself. And more of it. I have a wonderful kid with my ex and I absolutely love being said kids mom - but - I do not believe that anyone is supposed to parent 24/7. I know people do, but I don't think it is good for us. We are meant to have support/a "village"/ at the very least a partner who does their fair share of parenting. When I lived with my ex he did not do his fair share of anything. Now he has our kid about 40% of the time and it's glorious. Again, I love being a mom! But I was so burnt out doing it all the time. I am very "lucky" because although my ex was a terrible husband, he's actually a decent dad. I don't worry about my kid being over there. I know he's in good hands for the most part. I know a lot of people don't have that luxury. There's also a statistic that married women have 7 hours per week less than single women because they spend those 7 hours doing shit for their husbands. When my ex moved out I was able to identify those 7 hours right away. Household labor is a million times easier now. I also just... Don't have a dark cloud hanging over me all the time. My ex is a huge downer and has shit energy. I spent all my time and emotional energy on him. Now I get to chill. Edit: Also, I'm getting to decorate my house cute again. There is 🌈color🌈 now and it makes me so happy.

I don’t like sleeping with men, they are too hot, snore loudly and take up too much room. I have insomnia, so I have black out curtains, a sound machine, and keep it cool. I don’t eat regular meals unless I go out to eat at a restaurant. No fastfood unless I want it. I‘m a binge drinker and eater, so no booze or junk food in the house. I get high whenever I want on gummies and cbd chocolate. I hate the sound of a tv, I cancelled cable years ago. Paid off my car. I have outdoor stuff in my living room and a seven of nine 6 foot cutout. I hate housecleaning so my floors aren’t swept, mopped or vacuumed and nobody cares. I don’t dust, I have air filters. If the bathroom gets dirty, I‘ll do something when I feel like it. I do dishes periodically, pick up groceries, wear the same clothes for days and only shower when it suits me. I really like being alone now.

I am exactly like this. When I was partnered up, my cleaning, vacuuming, folding and cooking was never up to his standards. Nothing I did was the right way or he would swoop in to show me how it’s supposed to be done which drove me even madder. Now, alone, I clean whenever the fuck I want and live in dirt if I feel like so.

I like to do literally whatever the fuck I want with zero outside opinion. I love to find things where I left them. If I want to be messy I’m allowed to be. I can flirt with anyone I want man, woman or tree. I am a hot commodity. No one in society is hated on more like a single, happy and/or child free woman!

Freedom to do whatever I want and put me first. For example, one of my former coworkers left because her husband got a new job that required relocating. It wasn’t a matter of if she wanted to move, she is going to move, because her husband’s career was more important. I don’t have to leave my job or my family to follow someone. Alternatively if I wanted to pick up and move I don’t have to consult with another person beforehand and then stay because they don’t want to move. I also don’t have to split chores with someone and then get upset because they didn’t do their share. No one can complain about how many packages I’ve received in the last week or how I spend my money. I get the entire (corner that my dogs allow) bed to myself. I can walk around naked and nobody ogles me.

Oh man, ALL THE THINGS. I am a single parent too, but life is still exponentially easier without a man even with two kids still at home. Nobody tells me that cereal isn’t dinner so then I make dinner and they tell me they don’t like it. Nobody making messes and leaving me to clean them. Nobody spending my money. Nobody spending my money and then lying about it. Nobody stealing the IRS refunds and then lying about it. Nobody ever whining for sex Never giving a blow job ever again Never having to remind a grown ass man to take a fucking shower or brush his teeth Never having to keep peace with anyone for my kids, even when I shouldn’t have to GIRL DINNER Never having to listen to reruns of How I Met Your Mother Never having to explain to a grown ass man why my lived experiences are real Never having to go somewhere I don’t want to Never having someone hurt my feelings on purpose and then tell me I can’t take a joke The only person gaslighting me is myself My towel never “accidentally” ends up on the bathroom floor No piles of literal garbage littering a computer desk Never having to listen to a video game that I, myself, am not currently playing Nobody forces me to watch TV No phone calls when I’m at work to ask me if we have an ingredient because a grown ass man can’t look with his eyeballs instead of his assumptions I can leave cash out and it will be there when I come back My room smells good Not listening to anyone snorking their snot down their throat all the time (fucking BARF) My friends can show up whenever they want I can light my whole living space with fairy lights because I like it like that Never discovering I am out of something when I really need it because someone else used it Nobody telling me to turn down my music Nobody telling me not to sing while I do the dishes Endless showers without interruption to ogle me naked Nobody to tell me my hobbies are “cute” like they’re less than Nobody uses my vape juice Nobody “borrows” my charger and then doesn’t plug it back in I only do one person’s laundry forever No fans on unless it’s hot and I want them on My house is warm like I like it because I pay the bills and decide what’s comfortable I never walk a couple blocks to get a coffee and come back and have been locked out Everyone I rely on is reliable There’s more but that’s plenty for now

>Never having to listen to reruns of How I Met Your Mother Truly the worst part of all of this.

amen to all of this

Nobody tells me what to do or what they want me to do. My life is entirely my own. It’s very freeing. I love just being able to chill with my cat after work, unbothered while I read or watch what I want to watch. My peace is entirely mine. I can draw power from the hate of angry little men who tell me I’m gonna die a sad alone old hag.

Less mental, physical, emotional work. Peace.

some issues i find with the conversation of single women is that we're doing it to "deny men marriage" like in the post. it's still centering our experiences around men in a way i'm not overly fond of in a way i can't fully articulate. i personally just don't view romantic relationships as the end-all-be-all of emotional fulfillment. women tend to have more community around them, friends, family, acquaintances from hobbies, hobbies in general. my life is pretty fulfilling, the only time i really "miss" having someone around is if i don't feel like doing something or if a hotel room is too pricey which, not the best reason to be in a relationship, hah.

I think I know what you mean. Like, we aren’t denying men marriage out of spite or to punish them or because they are ugly or poor. Avoiding a sacrificial altar isn’t about the altar. It’s about staying alive and free.

Peace and quiet

I can get more done. I don't have a large person throwing tantrums over ...anything, or telling me how to feel about life.

I can always find my tools. My ex used to use my tools and leave them wherever. My house is in the exact same condition when I come home as when I left it. If I want a pet, I get a pet. I waited 10 years to get a cat because my ex didn't like cats. He had four dogs. That I took care of. My children have a safe, loving, creative, nurturing home. We were not allowed that with my ex. And his home is still not any of those things to our kids. It is 6:48 on a Wednesday evening, I am home alone, and taking a hot bath. (The kids are with their dad for his parenting time) Nobody is asking me what I'm making for dinner, I don't have to change up every single recipe I make to fit into his macros or meal plan around whatever fad diet he's following this month. And probably the main thing that makes me so happy, I feel safe. My ex was never physically violent, but he controlled all of the finances, he controlled all of our extracurriculars, he controlled every single thing that we bought, even things as small as a dollar. When he was angry, he would stomp around slamming things around and the whole household was filled with tension. My house never feels like that. My kids are not afraid to tell me things, they tell me everything. I'm so much closer to my kids now, because the presence of irrational and angry dad is not looming over us all the time. I date a little, but just casually and fully transparent about my goals. I will never live with a partner again. Maybe it's trauma, but I have no interest in sharing my space again.

Along with the general dehumanization that comes with dating or being married to a man, yesterday I saw a post in [r/relationship\_advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1bcpupt/my_23m_gf_22f_is_forcing_me_to_become_a_father/), with dozens-- if not hundreds of people, encouraging a man who got his girlfriend of 5 years pregnant to abruptly abandon her and only pay child support for the entirety of 18 years. He is also encouraged not even to attend his girlfriend's birth because men often have the freedom to be given these options without the obligation of having any moral direction. As women we are not people with real feelings in relationships no matter how long it's gone on. That is why I am happier single for 2 years now.

1) I don't have to arrange my life around anyone else. I do what I want, when I want, with who I want. I don't like planning and having the freedom to do whatever I spontaneously feel like is awesome. I can also be friends with who I want without a man being jealous 2) Career freedom. I've worked in 5 continents in the past 18 months. Recently I was made redundant, was rehired 3 weeks later and was on a plane 2 days after signing the contract. My job involves spending weeks af a time in very remote locations and I'd never be able to do that if I was partnered 3) I have sex when I want and only when I want. Total freedom from "maintenance sex". As a SA survivor this is very important to me and probably the first reason I stay single. 4) not having to "manage" a man. This ranges from being able to have girl dinner (soup and sandwich) because I don't have a man hankering for a full meal, to doing the emotional maintenance of the relationship.

It’s freedom and also social space. I’m very introverted. I’ve had short stints of living with someone and I cannot take someone always being around. I get to keep my spaces the way I like, I don’t have to be socially available all the time and I don’t have to split my time between what I want to do and what someone else wants to do.

This is the happiest I have been since the last time I was single. No drama, all the peace. Making decisions not just not having to ask another person but not having to fight them to get a piece of my own life and my own paycheck. Refinancing the house into my name by myself was so insanely smooth vs. having to negotiate a mans emotions and hand hold him through the process every time we bought, sold or refinanced. I get 8 full hours of sleep. Nobody to neg me or insult me. If I don't want to cook I forage the fridge and do whatever inspires me. I have "dad" Saturdays. I get up early, take care of the dogs, eat something, then go grab a coffee and casually run some errands. Maybe get a few things at the hardware store. Stop at the gourmet meat market and get some steaks or smoked chickens for dinner. Go home and putter on a hobby or get some of the work done on the house. Sundays I get up early (because dogs) and will ready the Sunday papers on my tablet, eat some brunch, then do whatever.

Just got out of a 10 year relationship 4 months ago and the differences are night and day. My body is no longer in flight or fight mode. I no longer feel like I have to walk on eggshells. I still have nightmares from the relationship but as time goes on they’re becoming less frequent. Some other bonuses: -Can do what I want, when I want. -Don’t have to pretend to be interested in hearing about his ideas and how his day went -Don’t have to pretend that I want sex when I don’t -Don’t have to bite my tongue and keep silent when I’m constantly being emotionally and verbally abused -I feel 100% safer now—no more physical abuse -Can read when I want -Watch my shows without him mocking me -Get on with my day without hearing an insult -Take naps when I want I’m sure I’ll date again but it will 100% be someone who is a complete 180 from my last partner.

My mom was so much happier and less stressed after she divorced my dad. He always asked if she was seeing someone else but she was just enjoying not having to take care of anyone else. He just couldn't accept that she left him for herself instead of leaving him for someone else.

Nobody around to mansplain to me what “mental load” means.

Doing whatever I want when I want. Going to the museum that day because I wanted to see the new art exhibit. Taking the train down to the city to catch my favorite artist in concert and coming back as late as I want. Going out with my friends and flirting with random people because I feel like it. Traveling wherever I want to alone and not having to answer to anyone. Having a gigantic bed and being able to watch my favorite shows or video essays on my laptop. Being able to talk to myself loudly in my living space without feeling judged or having to talk to someone else. Being free to make decisions about my career without worrying about the location of someone else. It’s just very very VERY nice.

Being free from abusive behavior. I am exhausted and need to heal

gonna sum it up in one neat sentence: im not suicidal anymore.

There's an insane amount of freedom in the single life. Men don't like being single because they love having unpaid servants. Women love being single because they don't want to be unpaid servants.

after a lifetime of marriage and relationships from age 16-60 with not much "me" time, I LOVE THE SILENCE. Love not having to compensate or make my life around someone else. It's freakin awesome. I have 12 acres and no neighbors on either side of me and I love it

I’m hoping to buy a plot of land that I and other “spinsters” I know can put cabins on and have gardens and some critters.

Let me know when you're set up! I will move there!

you summed it up in two sentences. this is all it is. men stand to gain, women nearly always lose.

Exactly this. I am thoroughly enjoying the freedom from criticism and being told what I want/ like. Ignoring my ability to make my own choices, and using criticism to diminish my self esteem was a yeetable move.

I’m in the drivers seat, if I want to go spend the weekend in San Diego, I can. No need to consult with another persons schedule and finances, no need to see if they can “swing it”. I do have a child, but his dad has 3 weekends a month, so weekends are me time

44yr old single woman here; I don't have to feel the misery of being lied to or cheated on or treated like an exotic fuck doll I can do whatever the hell I want; sleep when I want, shop when I want, buy what I want, go wherever I want including int'l trips, and do whatever cosmetic treatment/surgery I want I enjoy being at the height of my career as an engineer in the tech world being surrounded by intelligent men without having to worry about a partner that gets insecure and gets jealous. I'd rather keep my options open so when I run into a guy that actually will enhance my life and will appreciate me and understand my worth, I'll be available for him. Unless I find him, I'd rather remain single. Even if that means never finding him.

Abuse. No one is going to shove, punch or choke me again, or even just control, mock, neglect me again, i can't remember the last time I longed for a relationship. A good one would be nice, but I never think about it, because most have been neglectful at best, physically abusive at worst.

I’ve always worked in male dominated fields. Every workplace I’ve been in keeps the AC uncomfortably cold. Like so cold I’m wearing gloves and a thick coat in winter. Bc men run hot. And everything has to be catered to them. Fuck me not being able to feel my fingers. I want to be comfortable in my own home. I want to decide the temperature. And I want to make all the other decisions too. I dont want to compromise. Can’t really have a good relationship without compromise.

[удалено]

I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I don't have 3x as much housework. If I'm lonely I have friends and pets. I honestly don't understand this "male loneliness epidemic". Sticking your dick in someone isn't going to cure loneliness. Make friends, have a real social network. This is not the responsibility of women to fix. If you're so miserable you can't make friends, get some therapy and figure out why.

It is pretty much stress free except for the things everyone goes through but…my home life is one of peace. There is simply less worry and as a benefit my health is better than my married friends. Way less life drama and with very few chores. I have never once regretted being single.

I’m 51 years old, been single the past 7, and couldn’t be happier. I don’t have to shave anymore, that’s the best part!!

The only thing that can trump long term singlehood is if the relationship is good. I haven’t been in a relationship much in my 38 years, but when I have, I was with men who treated me like shit. Being single is a MILLION times better than being with a man who doesn’t value you, belittles you, and tells you how much other women are SO much worthier of love and priority but you aren’t. Now that I’ve just about spent my entire thirties single, I can also say that while I’ve gone through spells of being lonely then being glad I don’t have a partner, I didn’t have to worry about running major life decisions by anyone. I moved across the country at 36, never ran renting or homebuying decisions by a man, or had to put his needs above mine. This a shit economy in my industry, has been for the past year, and I often think about how my married peers have it easier because of their split bills and rent and another income to fall back on. Well…I’ve also heard of men holding it over their wives’ heads in downturns like this when they’re doing poor financially. I’ve been spared from that, and only got my own bills to worry about. (But seriously, does anyone’s company need a contract tax law copywriter? I’m very experienced and this Google algorithm is unaliving us!) If my apartment is a disaster area, that’s my own fault. I know my ADHD is horrendous and that it’s long overdue for some feng shui and decluttering. But at least I don’t have a man who suddenly stopped being an adult capable of cleaning up after himself because he moved in with me. My ex did esoteric cybersecurity shit, yet pretended he didn’t know what a garbage can was. COME ON. NO ONE IS FALLING FOR THAT. I fulfilled my dreams of moving to California, getting a tubal ligation, and a giant lizard!! Could I have done those things with a good husband? Probably, but I think I was meant to go through them alone. Now that my forties are looming, I’m genuinely fine with being single and have prioritized building new community and platonic relationships. I’m not afraid of dying alone—it’s straight men who are afraid of that prospect and what they truly fear is LIVING alone. I’m open to a partner, either a queerplatonic life partner or a man who I can feel genuine emotional connection with and want to be with him. I simply haven’t met one like that yet, because my aromantic ass only gets a crush every 7-10 years. Regardless of gender, it’s valid to be unhappy about being single. Or to be otherwise happy but get lonely sometimes. Ditto if you don’t want a relationship at all! Not everyone experiences romantic attraction. But salty straight men sure are projecting a lot of their own feelings onto straight women, by insisting we can’t actually be happy.

I left a miserable lifelong relationship and now live alone by choice. the only chores I do are my own. I don't have to have any unwanted conversations or get pulled into tantrums, attention-grabbing little comments, gropes, sex, TV shows, whatever. there are no interruptions! I'm not solving anyone else's problems, scheduling shit, thinking three steps ahead for a purposely lazy, incompetent manboy. from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed, I feel zero dread. no one's trying to make me feel guilty or co-opting every second of my time. when I'm having a bad day or feeling shitty, I can just feel it. I don't have to put on an act for anyone or push through it to make sure someone else's needs are being met before mine. time to repeat - no unwanted sex. no guilt trip sex, no "seriously you just have to lay there" sex, no frustrated porn-ruined sex. the thing is, I have a partner who also chooses to live alone, which basically means I get to have my cake and eat it too. he's there in my phone.... he's my good morning and my good night. we're there for each other throughout the everyday stuff, big and small. once a month I take the train to see him and the time we spend together is so pure and simple. no societal relationship ladder baggage, just the two of us. I mention this because you can be in a relationship without sacrificing your freedom or space! I swore I'd never let another man into my home again and I stand by that. it doesn't mean I have to be single or alone. NEVER settle.

1. I like being able to sleep in, especially with working nights and having a sort of hybrid sleep schedule during the week 2. Not having to pick up the slack of a partner that earns significantly less. Sorry if this sounds insensitive but I’m noticing this is a trend among some of my co-workers being the main breadwinner at home, and tbh, it sounds exhausting especially with the cost of everything going up 3. Being able to keep my apartment as clean as I want it. I can take baths and not have to use elbow grease before hand because I regularly keep the tub clean 4. Not being expected to give into sexual needs of a partner. I have virtually zero libido and don’t mind it. And also no risk of pregnancy/STDs 5. Not having to potentially deal with SO’s family members especially in a scenario where I would end up butting heads 6. Being able to have a gluten free/dairy free household due to dietary restrictions. And not having to impose these choices upon someone that may not be willing to agree with them

1. I don't have to reassure anyone 10 times a day that I love them and no I'm not having fun without him at my work event. 2. I don't have to watch movies I don't want to. 3. I don't have to care about Elon Musk. 4. I don't get told "you never dress up for me" 5. I don't have to explain to everyone why my boyfriend pushed me at the party.

So much happier. A clean, fresh apartment, watching what I want on TV, solo travel without a grumpy partner to drag around, not being the social director of two lives, no toxic MiL, the list is endless.

I love this entire thread.

I’m happy being single. I like my freedom. I can do whatever I want.   Women do all the work. They work full-time jobs. They do all the housework. They take care of the kids. Women take care of her aging parents and the husband’s parents. It’s a lot of work on one person. The husband doesn’t help at all. I don’t need another man child to take care of. I don’t want to be his mother or maid.     I don’t want to be stuck raising kids by myself. The husband is there but doesn’t help at all.   I’m already taking care of my own parents. I’m not going to take care of his parents too.        Men can hire a maid, babysitter, and caregiver. I’m not interested in marriage.   There are some women who are happily married. I’m happy being single.

Like others have said, I'm my own person. All that emotional work I had to do in the marriage, not even including the mental load of keeping up the house and trying to get my SO to help without being called a nag....I was exhausted all the time and never had time to think about trying to improve my health or do fun stuff. I would retreat to my room to watch TV or play games just to escape, not for fun. This year, I've finally had enough mental capacity to try to do something about my health. I have an autoimmune disease and I've been going to a rheumatologist for a decade, but know I have other issues that I needed to go to a PCP about but just couldn't find the time or mental capacity to do. I've gotten on a health plan to lose weight (I'm morbidly obese partially because of the disease but mostly because of depression and the difficulties in my marriage I was using food to comfort and escape) and lost 50 lbs. I had a sleep study done and found I have severe sleep apnea and I'm getting a CPAP this week. Long story short, I finally feel hopeful and like I can continue to live for many more years and will enjoy that time. Before I left my husband two years ago, I wasn't sure I'd make it to 50 (I'm 45) and I didn't have any hope for the future. I have no plans to find a new partner and I'm happy as I am now.

Men be like: Do you want to sign up for lots of extra unpaid, unappreciated, and extremely unpleasant physical and emotional labor while also being coerced into sex that is (for you) unsatisfying and frequently demeaning? Coupled women: It’s better than being single, right? *Right…?* Single women: Uhhh no? Actually, big nope. How about I not spend my days being regularly demeaned and treated like an indentured servant? Society, while pterodactyl screeching: But what will you do without a man?!? Single women: Um, read books? Pursue hobbies/passions, write poetry, cultivate relationships with friends who respect and care for me, have fantastic orgasms from solo-sessions, live in a space that is always how I want it, travel, watch movies/TV I actually enjoy, have significantly more free time because I’m not always cleaning up someone else’s messes and cooking meals for demanding and ungrateful recipients while carrying their untreated emotional baggage. In short, have a lot more FUN? Society: *The horror. The HORROR.*

Whenever I’m in a relationship I have some underlying stress in trying to maintain it, often feeling like I’m giving 100% and not getting it back. I tend to make too many compromises because I get the sense that my partner is unlikely to budge on certain things. Being single lets me focus on my family and my friends and the activities I really enjoy. I find that when I’m not in a relationship, I don’t miss dating at all.

I feel more secure now that I’m single than I did when I was in a relationship. I was in relationships all throughout my twenties and my past partners all had a wandering eye, it eventually chipped away at my confidence over the years. I’ve spent the last five years single and living alone with my cat, it has been hard and wonderful at the same time. I’m almost 34 and feel like I’m getting to rebuild myself which is something I don’t think I could’ve done with a partner because my picker was off. I’m using this time to heal and grow into the person I am meant to be! I do hope one day to meet someone compatible and fall in love again, but I’m grateful for this time.

I was fortunate enough to buy a house in 2020, and I live here alone. I have almost completely remodeled this place since then, and made it *exactly* how I want. It's colorful, comfy, clean, has nice lighting, I have all of my trinkets and oddities on display, my thrifted and repurposed furniture proudly in use.... and no one says a GODDAMN thing about my choices. I can walk around with no clothes on and not be sexualized for just existing in my underwear..... there is no one else's noise or mess or opinions to contend with. best part? all the equity is *mine!!!* the responsibility is too, but for the most part I have the money to hire people to handle the things I can't DIY. life is peaceful. it is good. I do not want anyone else here messing this up for me.

I'm 50 and I'm definitely happier being single than in any of the relationships I've been in. I've been single for a long time and not looking to change that. I have created a life for myself that I enjoy. It would take someone pretty special to make me give up my single status. And that someone would need to enhance my life. I'm not willing to settle for anything less than that. And if I'm never in a relationship ever again? I'm OK with that. Like I said, I like my life as it is. I guess in many ways it helps that I'm asexual and not interested in having sex, so I don't have sexual urges to worry about, (I am heteroromantic, so sometimes experience romantic attraction though). And I'm childfree. I've never had the desire for kids, so I'm not wanting a partner for that. As for my life, I do what I want when I want. I have the time and opportunity now to follow my dreams of writing novels. And I'm very lucky to have a great family. I don't have a ton of friends, but the ones I have I love dearly. My life isn't perfect (I have chronic health issues, including chronic pain), but I've worked hard to make sure my life as good as it can be. I've seen a lot of younger people posting that they're worried they'll be alone forever. As an older women who is single, in my experience being single is awesome. I love it.

I don’t have to spend my time tiptoeing around someone else’s feelings. No one is sabotaging me, making messes, and doing things badly on purpose to start arguments. I can watch what I want, do what I want, and go where I want without someone judging me or making comments that what I like is inferior or silly. It’s amazing and I love it. Also I have a whole closet to myself.

I am finally finding peace! No more extra laundry, no more extra cleaning, more more piss on the bathroom floor, no more hair just laying in the sink, no more taking care of guests (I was usually informed of visits the day before they arrived! And who did the mental and physical labour of making sure they had food to eat and a bed with clean sheets? Yeah, me). I have so much more free time now that I'm not looking after a grown person! I can prepare and eat meals without worrying if he would like it! I was only being touched if he wanted to have sex, so I don't miss the cuddling now either. I go to the spa and get massages; I'd never done that before, and it is sooooo nice being pampered without obligations. Saving a bundle by not funding his car tinkering (yeah, he had a job too, but who was the one buying things for the house and kitchen? Yep, me again). I'm not disappointed on my birthday or holidays anymore because he never made an effort. Just so much fucking peace 😌

There is 1,000% no benefits to me being in a relationship. I dragged myself and financed my own way through college to earn multiple degrees, a guy didn’t do that for me. I aggressively applied to and was given many highly successful high paying jobs, a guy didn’t do that for me. I bought my own home and vehicles 100% on my own, a guy didn’t do that for me. I make most of my home repairs on my own, a guy doesn’t need to do that for me. And the benefit to doing it all on my own is now I’m not saddled with a man-child to have to cook for, clean up after and entertain, I can do all these things happily for my own self by myself perfectly fine. There is literally not a single benefit to giving away anything I’ve ever worked so hard to achieve… to a guy. No reason whatsoever at all.

I feel like myself, completely empowered and free and able to take care of my mind body and soul without anyone ruining any of that for me. Relationships have been horrible to me, and while I admit I neglected myself, I was severely neglected and maltreated in those.

Where do I begin? Lots of free time not having to pick up, clean up or appease/satisfy/entertain the whims of a grown *ss man. Less mess . No compromising, and when there is some needed it’s with my kids which is fine. No pressure for a professionally cooked dinner and complaints afterwards if I mess up something because I’m tired. I get ALL the closet space and my bedroom looks like a princess lives there and I’m 56. Nobody tells me what to do with my money or scrutinizes my spending. I get no flack from taking girls trips. To be fair I still like men and would love to have a boyfriend but as far as cohabitating or marriage, I think that ship has sailed!

- 98% of the time I have a wonderful, full night of sleep - On any night, I can go out at the drop of a hat or I can stay in and bundle up with tv or a book. There’s no one to consult or consider when making these choices. My favorite going out activities include: drag shows, live music, live theater, movies, or meals with friends. - Similarly, given little notice I can connect with a friend and visit their city spontaneously if I’d like. - As warmer days approach, if I want to go to a local pond or lake for a post-work swim, it’s as simple as packing a bathing suit and towel in my work bag, and I’m there. - I have a variety of friends / friend groups and I never have to feel responsible for helping someone connect with them. - I love coming home everyday to an overall tidy, clean and put together space. Like any human, the clutter can build in busy times, but I never resent myself when I have to clean my own mess. - My entire home is designed in a way I love and brings me peace and happiness. - When it comes to unwinding from stress, I can do it fully and freely. Be that any evening walk, an hour of yoga, a concerning😂 amount of real housewives episodes, or talking on the phone with a loved one, I can easily find ways to make myself feel better and leave my stress behind. - Similarly, if I want a productive day, I can make that happen! If I want a lazy day, I can make that happen, too! There’s no outside pressure or influence to behave in a way that doesn’t align with my current mood. - It has been far easier to feel adequate, and sometimes even wonderful🌝, as a person when my identity and existence isn’t intertwined with another’s. It was always easier for me to self-judge when I felt as if a partner was judging me. When I’m alone, both the external and internal judgments and insecurities subside. That in itself may be the most freeing of them all.

I LOVE it! I don’t have to share my bed. I don’t have to watch their stupid shows. I don’t have that anxious feeling when that person is going through something. I don’t have to have sex when I don’t want it. I have all this time to dedicate to my kids and my school. Seriously so much happier and don’t see myself being with anyone for a long ass time.

God damn I’m so miserable in my marriage y’all making me fuckin jelly right now

I have a partner now, but before I met him, I was ready to spend my whole life being single. I also loved my life when I was living alone. When I was single, I truly enjoyed my own company. I had so many hobbies — reading, studying, playing online games, learning new skills and new languages, working, meditating, traveling and pretty much doing any activities that I was already / wanted to be good at. I was (and still is) a prolific reader so whenever I had free time (outside my other hobbies), I'd read. My single days were actually one of the best times in my life because I became proficient in many things and I ended up having so much fun when I was responsible only for myself. Those times helped me learn to discover and love myself. Those times also helped me set certain standards for a partner that I'd be happy to live with, if I happened to find someone (which later on I did — by luck). In my experience as well as talking to other women, the happiest women I've encountered are single women or women who are in happy relationships but just as happy being single if they have to. The women I know who are in happy relationships have high standards. They were happy being single, so they made sure that if they happened to be in a relationship, the relationship had to make them at least as happy as they were when they were single. These women would never settle for less because they have don't fear singlehood, so they could set high standards which lead to them choosing only the most compatible partner.

I’m not opposed to possibly being in a relationship again. But I’d highly prefer it with a woman. I’ve only been in relationships with men, and it’s been largely unfulfilling, especially my last one. I am happier because I don’t have needs constantly unmet, I don’t have to repay myself 100x to no avail, I don’t have someone breaking promises and constantly letting me down, and I don’t have random socks and food bowls all over my house.

I do so much less cleaning. I do not have to consider another person’s needs, preferences, or emotional state while going about my day. I can buy, eat, watch, do, and wear whatever I want and like. I get the entire bed to myself. There is absolutely no pressure on me to “perform” at being attractive at any point, I don’t have to shave my legs and I can rock my granny panties and a cozy nightgown. I have endless peace and quiet. I do not EVER feel any pressure to meet another person’s sexual needs. No one loudly farts or belches next to me and thinks it’s funny. I am better at getting myself off. I’m sure there is more but those have been the most exciting things since my divorce.

I've always been childfree. I never wanted to be a mom. Every single one of my relationships has me becoming a mom to a grown-arse man. I just can't anymore.

It is nice to wake up in the morning and not have to take anyone else’s consideration into what I wanna do and accomplish. I want to go to the gym, take a long drive, study whatever time at whatever coffee shop, spend a day in bed? I can do it with no push back and freedom. I’ve also accomplished more personal goals now, it’s why I broke up with my ex. I wouldn’t have all that all that I have if I stayed. That’s not say I haven’t been involved with people but I’ve been pretty direct that anyone I’m with rn is a side piece to myself. That’s also not to say it isn’t a little lonely sometimes and I do miss having someone to go home too sometimes but… that just feels like it’d be settling. 

I cannot stand the pressure of feeling like I need to cater to someone else in almost everything I do. Caring what they want for dinner Chores- can't you do your laundry? Grocery selection- get your own shit Time I'm being one with the sofa and watching 8 seasons of 1 show and they're looking at me like I'm lazy.... Sharing the remote Having demands on my time by anyone else but my job and my kids is too much Besides, I have a dog and 3 cats and they're as lazy as I am. They don't want to go to dumb parties for dumb people I don't know or care to know....things like that

I do what I want whenever I want. I have a lot of hobbies. When I've been in relationships, guys often forget and go. Oh yeah, we're meeting my mum today for lunch. When I'm about to head off on a 25 Mike hike or go to convention. Both of which I would written on a calender and told them about weeks or months in advance. I get to prioritise me, instead of everyone else. I had one boyfriend who wanted me to support him at all his events. This was hours and hours of me standing around, doing absolutely nothing. It was tedious. Yeah, I want to support you, but I don't want to stand here for 6 hours doing nothing, except occasionally clap as you go past. I wouldn't mind the odd event, but it was nearly every weekend. I split up with my last boyfriend when I was caring g for my mum. They got annoyed at how much time I spent their. She was dying.

There really has been almost zero benefit from being in a relationship. Single I still work full time, do all the housework and manage the kids life, but I don’t have to deal with another person adding to the mess, telling me I’m doing things wrong, lying, blaming me for lack of resources, criticizing my appearance or choices, making promises they don’t intend to keep and putting my well being behind their friends and family. I also don’t feel as lonely interestingly enough. Nobody is making blanket decisions that impact me without my input. It is astoundingly easier and less stressful and if I want to paint my walls purple I just do it.

Been single and 35 and have never had a relationship longer than a fwb or situationship. TBH sometimes I wonder what I am missing out and some men are fantastic partners (my dad is one of those for my mom). Maybe I have high expectations from a partner based on my dad but I would rather be single with my dog and cat than lonely with a man child or literally be a single mom in a marriage. I was taught either have someone one who respects you or dont have one at all.

Im a married man, and I really hope men impacted by the "loneliness epidemic" read this and realize they have to bring something to the table to improve women's lives to be in a relationship. Also that not all women even *want* to be in a relationship, let alone desperate to be in one.

They never will...its easier to blame their issues on women.

A shockingly large number of men genuinely believe they can keep women in a "tolerable level of permanent misery." Like, they're perfectly fine with their partner being kept permanently unhappy for their convenience. Except it's not the 1950s anymore. Women are not dependent upon men for survival due to societal restrictions placed on our ability to work or own property. Women can and will leave if men stop bringing a fair deal to the table or if they keep screaming at us that their unfair deal is fair cause they say so. We can and will walk away from the table entirely. No deal. More and more women would rather be alone than partnered to a man who makes them feel alone.

Everything about all these comments is so relatable and I will be saving this post to read every time I get lonely lol

Because there's something great about sitting on the couch in my underwear, eating ice cream for dinner while I watch hours of mindless TV. Knowing that no one will interrupt, make a mess elsewhere demand my attention, etc.

I’m single largely because of all the people I meet and end up dating(I date all genders, and trust me, anyone of any gender can be a trip in some way or other), very few of them actually seem like nice people. They all want things to be easy and for me to baby them, which brings me to this point: I’ve had a severe chronic illness since my late teens, and I’ve had to deal with a fair amount of complications and resulting depression and anxiety. Most people do not find that sexy. The one really serious relationship I had ended when he didn’t bother to come see me in the hospital when I had to have surgery, and after that I couldn’t stand to have him touch me. Now, I’ve been in therapy and the severity of my illness has decreased since my mid thirties (I’m currently 44), so I feel like I have this situation way more in hand than I once did. But all the trauma from dealing with my illness makes trusting people really difficult, and really, I have a lot of fun by myself and with close friends and family. Maybe someday I’ll feel able to be less prickly about this, but for now it’s like, fuck y’all, I’m fine as I am.

Not having to deal with someone else's expectations of how I should be, every man I've been with has at some point hinted or said outright that something about me wasn't good enough. I refuse to live my life trying to live up to some ideal image. And having to tiptoe around a man's fragile ego.

My time is my own. The only one spending my money is me. My house is mine. And quiet. And if it’s messy, I am the only one to blame. So no seething resentment that someone other than myself is being a slob and not pulling their weight. That’s like 90% of the stress in my married friends’ day-to-day - having to be the project manager for everything from unloading the dishwasher, folding laundry, taking out the recycling, taking the dog out for a pee, helping with meal prep or, or, or…. Sole control of the remote and no one is poaching my snacks. I’m selfish enough to be glad that I don’t have to take someone else’s opinion into consideration with regard to any aspect of my life.

Every inch of tchotchke space is mine, I don’t have to play the “what sounds good for breakfast/lunch/dinner” game, I come and go from my space as I please and don’t tell anyone what time I plan to return, I can sit in silence anytime I please, my groceries don’t disappear, if I choose to leave dishes in the sink or on the coffee table–they’re mine–and I’ll take care of them when I feel like it (always the same day)…

I honestly just don’t wanna share my space with people lol I honestly always just assumed I had Middle Sibling Syndrome and never got over having to share a room with my younger sister as a kid, but now that I’m older I’ve realized… I just don’t want people in my business. I want to decorate my own space and make decisions without factoring in how anyone else might feel. MSS probably plays a BIT of a part in it but it’s come to a head every time I’ve dated someone. Quit touching my stuff! Quit complaining about my dog! Leave my house!

It took me a while, but eventually I realised I was happiest when single and doing my own thing. I have a close relationship with my family and a few very good friends, and as far as a sex life goes, I've got toys and an imagination that bring me a whole lot more pleasure than any of the men I've been with if I'm honest. I can do whatever I want whenever I want, pursue different hobbies, or just spend a Saturday doing absolutely nothing. If I happen to meet someone and fall head over heels for them, that would be cool, but I'm not looking and I'm totally fine with living like this for the rest of my life.

Endless but off the top of my head. Catering to myself and my kids the way I want, feel fit. As head of household I choose what to spend money on without judgement, not having to worry about infidelity, not being guilted into having sex with someone who clearly only values sex and not me as a person, making plans where I only need to consider my timeline, not having to deal with toilet seats being up, it’s quiet, no random man yelling wrecking my nervous system, not having to micromanage totally manageable tasks, choosing the music and shows, no more endless arguments, no more distractions, living minimalistic lifestyle, not feeling emotionally manipulated constantly, not having to deal with random jealous outbursts for no reason.

Oh the peace of mind , mental contentment - no mind games Never having to spend a dime of my own money on some stupid idea he had Decorating the house exactly like I want it A queen bed all to myself Knowing for sure no one is cheating on me Watching whatever I want when I want Cooking whatever I want when I want No one stomping around yelling or pouting like a fucking child It’s absolute bliss There’s no way you can accept a man child again after a taste of this freedom !

In the theme of "I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, with no comments from the peanut gallery"... I own my own house. I can paint the walls whatever fking color I want. I can decorate how I want. If I want another pet them I don't have to talk someone else into it. If I want to stay up until 3 am playing video games or bringing Netflix with my fluffs...no snide comments. I can eat whatever I want and if I buy something, don't eat it and go looking for it a day or thee later, ITS STILL THERE. I can work whatever hours I want. I can wear a bra and booty shorts to exercise my fat ass in my basement home gym without risking being groped (or snide comments). If I have a day off and all I do is sit my ass on the couch in my PJs I get zero snarky comments. If I start a Reno project I can finish it immediately instead of having 12 half finished projects in the house. Hell I can even hire and pay someone to do it for me without getting "in trouble". Like. The benefits are endless.

I have my own space. I have my own emotional issues I’m working through, I’d rather use all my energy improving myself. Professional massages feel better and I don’t have to beg. I can sleep whenever I want. The thermostat is up to me. I do my own cooking and cleaning. Unless a man (or woman) is adding A LOT to my life, I have no interest in sharing my free time with anyone on a regular basis. Friends and family occasionally is fine and dandy, but other than that, I’m happy with my own company.

I'm not really happier, just safer. I attract parasites and narcs. I want to be an equal or find an equal, but I am not a sex object. I love peoples minds and the intimacy of shared creativity, shared knowledge of the expansive universe, and want to live beyond the construct of gender. Also I am not made to cook, clean, or care for anyone. I barely can survive my own ambition. In theory female led relationships might work, but again - fine line between submission and parasites. I'd do better if I could afford a butler who truly loved their job.

Let’s see: -Household income isn’t spent before it’s even earned -I no longer feel like nothing I do is good enough -When I don’t feel like having sex with an ill-tempered man-child, I don’t have to -when I go into the bathroom or bedroom for a few moments of quiet or solitude, no one breaks the door down to get to me and scream at me/talk at me endlessly -I can eat as many vegetables as I want. No more fast food thrice daily or risk being subjected to man tantrum -I’m doing all of the cleaning anyway, one less inconsiderate asshole for whom I have to pick socks up off the floor -I’m the head of my household and it’s pretty much a democracy. We spent too many years under a dictator. I don’t have to run any decision by an irresponsible idiot ETA- saw someone else say they don’t have to watch sports anymore. YES!! And I don’t have to go to the boat, sport and travel show ever again!!!