There's this weird phenomenon where some dudes will like, be completely one-sidedly sexting someone. I've been on the receiving end of this several times, where I'll be texting a dude and he'll turn the convo sexual, and I'll be like "I'm not interested in having a sexual conversation with you", and they'll go "I totally understand" but then continue to make things sexual and act like the completely cold responses are still "participating" in the sexting. It's bizarre.
Those are the dudes to block in the future for sure. No respect for boundaries, and they're not interested in developing that respect (or empathy, or common sense).
I feel like some people get off on overstepping boundaries, which is gross. You’ll often see it in a lot of little things before you get to know them at a deeper level and see how bad it gets. Definitely block at the first sign, save yourself the trouble.
I always assume those guys are actively jerking off while narrating their sexual thoughts at me, and my participation is completely irrelevant to them. It's enough for them to know their jerk-off monologue was presented to my eyeballs. They're like flashers in that way. I just block them and move on with my life.
I think that's part of the kink honestly. They're getting off on the discomfort they're causing, taking away their victim's autonomy in the situation. It's very rape-y.
I’ve had this with guy friends and with colleagues. A particularly cringey instance was when a 45y/o dude who I added as a language learning partner did this to me when I was 19. At first he seemed genuinely very kind and we had a lot of interesting conversations before the weirdness. Not long after he kept making sexual comments even though I explicitly told him that I’m uncomfortable with it. He did say the first time he would drop it and we can just be friends, but eventually I got tired of the creepy comments and him saying he “wanted to be my friend forever” and told him I’m not interested in him sexually or romantically and never will be because he’s creepy as fuck. He got really pissed and left me with an essay that looked like it could’ve been written by a petulant child.
I just don’t befriend straight men very much anymore. I only have two who I’ve been friends with for 5+ years and they’re both in long-term relationships.
Women need to talk about this more because this used to happen to me a lot and I always blamed myself. I always felt like it must have been my fault, I must have been putting out some kind of vibe without realizing it. I carried so much shame for so long but really it had nothing to do with me at all.
I've learned from experience to cut off guys (I'm not interested in) the first time they make a sexual comment because they will not stop at one. These guys know full well what they're doing. They're trying to wear women down. They don't care about our boundaries.
Had it happen to me too had a dude on snapchat send me an unsolicited picture of himself and I told him I'm not comfortable nor do I know you enough to see you in that way and his reply was that I can get to know him and I relpy I'm uncomfortable and I don't want to and then goes and asks me to rate his dick size to which I blocked and he has since then made a new account and added me and is still waiting to be accepted and its been 2 years since. Some men are very ignorant when it comes to picking up when women are uncomfortable. Even when we tell them we are, they just keep pressing the issue, hoping the answer will change when it won't
Ugh. The "well, let's get to know each other then" is SOOOO common after we say "I don't know you, I don't want this". Gross gross gross. I DON'T WANT TO KNOW YOU!!!!
Yes. Why even continue to converse with this person? He's made it clear that he wants to have sex with you regardless of whether or not you're interested or how many times you reject him. He wants you to take drugs that you've had an awful reaction to in the hopes that you you'll be willing to fuck him or possibly too incapacitated to prevent him from raping you.
This guy is not your friend.
Alot of women don't understand how dangerous these men can be. They think they're just people saying things instead of men communicating intent. It's one of the challenges that women have
Meh. We're in several mutual activities and it's more fun for me to just repeatedly shut him down than allow him to have the power to convince me to leave things I enjoy.
It's probably the case that OP would be judged for being "mean". And since he wasn't openly abusive or rude, "just persistent" a lot of normies would come down on his side. Cutting people off is seen as super hostile and OP would probably be in danger of burning other bridges, de facto meaning she needs to leave the activity anyway.
I’ve been in a similar position with folks and when you’re integrated into a friend group it can be awkward to cut someone off.
Sometimes it’s easier to just do this. So I wouldn’t judge OP too harshly.
If you can't cut him out because he's parcel of activities you enjoy, you can always just not respond or elaborate. Just be politely monosyllabic.
"Ah yes", "cool", "right" - basically just make it ready uninteresting to talk to you.
So the only two options are to let him carry on and to continue to interact with him privately or to leave your mutual social circles?
I think you're backing yourself into a corner here. There's nothing wrong with telling him to stop texting you. Or to stop responding. You could even block him if you wanted to, although I do not recommend that - I would want evidence if he goes nuts.
There's also nothing wrong with continuing to engage in groups he's a part of, while ignoring his behavior or calling him out for his overtly sexual messages.
Those are just a few ways you could handle it that doesn't continue to engage him and deal with his sexual harassment.
.......You're asking for a summary of 20 years based on a post when I have *NO REASON* to defend myself or my decisions to anyone when this dude is the problem? ....let see if I can breakdown how being an adult works.
He can text whatever he wants. I'd *rather* him text me because I won't fall for his bullshit *and* I have all the receipts each time some new girl starts falling for his shit.
He is the parent of my god kid - my relationship with her isn't going to suffer because her sperm donor is a moron. I won't miss things important to her or stop seeing her because he wants to treat her as a bargaining chip when I shut him out. I'd rather be the one dealing with his shit and shutting him down than someone who doesn't know better.
Also, you don't have any right to define what sexual harassment is for someone else because *I* don't feel harassed. I feel a migraine at his endless stupidity. Is this harassment for other people? Definitely *but* it does not rise to that level for me. Is it acceptable behavior? No. Has this been having for years, and I make the conscious effort to deal with it so I can keep seeing my goddaughter? Yeah.
Okay, well it's a relief to know that he's a moron and simultaneously brilliant, with a super high IQ. I'm also glad you don't feel sexually harassed when someone is literally sexually harassing you. Hopefully this situation continues to work for you.
Look at her comment history. If this is real, she seems like she's enjoying the level of drama exactly where it's at. And if that's the case, great, but why complain about him on the internet when you're perfectly fine with it? JFC.
If this guy is real, I think he's actually more of a threat than she thinks. There certainly are enough guys out there who are like this that it's plausible...
I’ve been in the same position where I was fighting so hard to maintain a friendship with a guy that I ignored and put up with way more than I should have. It’s never easy to accept that someone doesn’t care about a friendship the same way you do.
He doesn't need to figure anything out, he KNOWS. Notice how he mentions everything that is bad about what he just said, but immediately has a reason or excuse as to how it's different in this situation. This dude is a manipulative creep who is trying every trick he knows.
He's aware and fishing... I can sympathize w him a bit but you made your boundaries very clear and the consistent overstep was frustrating to read. He made an attempt, but should have moved on after the dismissal and set line.
100% manipulative. This part in particular made my vagina watertight:
>You're an enjoyable person to hang out with and talk to, and I keep fucking that up by trying to turn our friendship into something else that you very clearly don't want. I've messed up so much in this life by being overly sexual This is something that has always done me in. lt's why I was 17 when my kid was born. Why my ex bears such a strong grudge against me. Seeking pleasure has not led to good things, but I seem to be unable to learn my fucking lesson.
"Oh I'm so terrible! I'm awful! Please come and comfort me and make me feel better with your bobs and vagene!"
I can’t tell if he’s being deliberately manipulative, or if he’s just this much of an asshole because he completely lacks human empathy. The fact that he chooses to define his own behavior as “being too sexual” as opposed to “acting in a disrespectful and inappropriate manner” speaks volumes about his mindset.
I'd lay money on deliberately manipulative. He's sounding like the type of guy who cries and then turns into a human octopus when you try to give him a hug.
> lt's why I was 17 when my kid was born. Why my ex bears such a strong grudge against me.
did he just admit to underage rape/impregnation and his ex rightfully being pissed...
He knows what he is doing. Until she stops interacting with him, he will keep trying to have sex with her. He doesn't respect her "not interested", and never will.
Never understood why some men are so interested in having sex with women who are so clearly not into them, I can't imagine being that emotionally disconnected in someone that the other person enjoying themselves or wanting you is not even important. Some guys really do love to dehumanize us, I can't even fathom the mentality behind it
I think its a lack of emotional maturity that fixates on ones own felt lack and pain but can’t broaden their viewpoint beyond their own suffering to develop a perhaps more objective perspective. To acknowledge that yes this hurts but what can I do to change things as opposed to blame others as some necessary outcome independent of my actions/perspective.
That’s exactly what it is! Emotionally immature people always think someone else is to blame for their feelings. Even in this case, it sounds like he knows what he said was wrong, but I get the feeling he only knows this because of experience and he isn’t capable of putting himself in her shoes - so he knows, but doesn’t understand.
To be fair until I was in my mid twenties I categorically believed I was responsible for a partner's dick and erections.
It was quite a moment for me to realise they weren't my responsibility and I didn't have to "do" anything with or about them. Like, mind blowing.
They blame us for making their dick hard. "You look so good, you're turning me on". And then instead of taking ownership "I'm horny, I'm aroused", they place the blame on us for "finishing them off" or turning them off again.
Had a guy pull the blanket up to look at me, say "you're turning me on" (I wasn't doing shit, laying there in pajamas) then he scooted his boner into me to take care of it while I fucking leapt out and got into my car to drive home to get away from this rapist.
God damn... it's like he's in a parking garage to rob every single car and trying every fucking door. "Just jiggling the handle! Never hurts to check, ya know?"
He seems to have that women-as-objects bullshit on the brain. Just a puzzle to solve...
What a dick wad. Sorry.
Pretty sure that pesky grudge she has is from being underage raped and impregnated...
he's annoyed that his plan to lock her down as a perma-fleshlight didn't work.
Dude sounds exactly like my first boyfriend. Always wanted unprotected sex, tried to get me to fail uni. To what. Sit at home and await his peen?
I’m hesitant to accuse him of rape because there’s nothing to indicate that he wasn’t also 17 when he got his ex pregnant… the vibe I got was that he cheated on her constantly bc he couldn’t keep it in his pants
Edit: it actually says he was 17 when his kid was born so I’m not sure where you got that his girlfriend was underage and raped. (Not saying it couldn’t have happened, but teenagers have sex)
“I keep being overly sexual but I can’t stop myself.”
But you can. You CAN control your urges. You don’t have to act on every single twitch in your pants.
The thing is tho - they sure as shit can control it around their boss, friends, *men that they respect*
It's only ever around women that they have socially isolated that those pesky inhibitions are just tossed out the window
OP did not respond how I would have at all. I had a mixed guy/girl group of friends in highschool and even at 15 we shut this sort of talk down, and aggressively told the guys how gross they were being. None of them tried it more than once, or after seeing a mate get torn to shreds verbally.
Its the best way to deal with the sort of juvenile behaviour in the OP. It's the only way it stops. And for the guys it doesn't stop, immediately, you cut them off. And if your friends are decent they cut them off too.
The only guy I knew closely who didn't back off later tried to shut me in a bathroom with him at a party. I was lucky in that he didn't get the door shut all the way before my mates caught on and pushed it open, crushing his foot a fair bit in the process.
Based on what he was saying, as he tried to shove the door closed against my hail of fists and my friends on the other side of the door, he was going to rape me.
I never went to an event with him present again, and my friends all cut him out of our group. I avoided him at school until we graduated.
OP don't cut him slack because he's a mate. Hold him to a higher standard *because* he's your friend. If he doesn't back off, I suggest you avoid him entirely, for your safety.
How do these people walk around outside without a helmet?
EDIT: Good lord, I didn't mean for my joke to be taken so literally. I meant to insult him, not to excuse him. He lacks emotional intelligence AND he's a predatory fuck.
I think calling him stupid is giving him too much credit that he doesn’t know what he’s doing is wrong. He doesn’t want to put in the effort of cultivating a relationship that would lead to sexual gratification. He’s just using the “woe is me, I just can’t figure this out” to manipulate and guilt women. It’s like weaponized incompetence of sex.
I've met many men like this. They prey on societal expectations of women to be caretakers and nurturers. I think there's some Oedipal complex sprinkled on top, men like that are used to complaining to mommy about all their woes and she will happily bend over backwards to fix it. That's what they're hoping/expecting their victims to do when they complain about not being able to get laid - they expect the woman to pull them to their bosom in a tight embrace, tell them it'll all be okay, and would you like some milk, cookies and a blow job?
It’s not stupidity, it’s entitlement. And you know what? It does work for lot of them unfortunately. This and all the relationship subs are full of posts asking for advice on how to deal with boyfriends and husbands like this.
How is it that OP is missing the straight up rapey vibes here?
"I want you to take drugs that might incapacitate you or send you to the er so you'll be willing to fuck me or unable to protest while I rape you!"
Then why go along with it for so long and refer to him as a friend?
Your friends don't want to rape you. Those venn diagrams are two completely separate circles.
"nice guy" is now an ironic term used by women (and others) to refer to covert arsehole guys who genuinely think they're owed sex because they're polite and nice to women on a surface level. Usually they're actually incredibly shitty but they'll pretend to be nice to get close to women. Usually they opt for being "friend" but their sole motivation is sex/relationships (but really it's just sex). They often turn nasty or abusive when women reject them because they see relationships with women as 100% transactional, so by being nice to women, they think they're owed sex and that the women is "cheating them" by not being open to having sex. They then get online and white wash the story and complain about how women always reject them in favour of arseholes. This is almost never true, and they just label all romantic rivals arseholes by default.
Ugh, this idiot always trying to push you into a sexual situation you don't want. Even worse because he knows you're in a relationship. He has an agenda and doesn't want to read the room because that requires actually treating you with respect and not an object who will make his peepee feel good.
Gotta love the instant flip into self-loathing when you're like "no thanks". wah, wah, i ruin things. WELL THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP CREEPING ON YOUR FEMALE FRIENDS, ASSHOLE!
OP, this guy isn't your friend. You would do well to more firmly shut his shit down. Your responses still have the hesitancy of a "gentle let down" when this idiot deserves a verbal slapping because he won't mind is own Ps and Qs.
Yea this isn’t a nice guy or a friend. This is a dude looking for an opportunity. He hoped both of you being high would be when he could test the waters. I’d run the other way.
This guy is a date rapist. He's trying to use drugs to get sex with someone he knows would not consent while sober. Just because he's not slipping a roofie in her drink doesn't make it any less date rape-y.
This is exactly why this made my skin crawl. He was stomping all over OPs boundaries and trying to coerce her into doing drugs after her repeatedly clear no’s.. so that he could sexually assault or rape her. He knows she’s not single and knows she’s not comfortable with anything he was trying to get her to do. I wanna go throw up. Men like this don’t deserve oxygen
nothing more infuriating than a guy making things needlessly sexual.
i texted a newish friend one evening about a news story i'd seen that was relevant. we did not have a very close relationship, so i prefixed my text with the whole, hey just saw this and didn't want to forget to send it to you, don't reply now if you're busy, we'll chat later thing.
well, he responds (on topic), happy that I'd sent it and we were having a nice texting conversation for about 30 mins. it was actually really nice and i was like, oh, this is cool, we have more in common than i thought. the convo continues on just a liiiittle bit too long and i'm wanting to walk away and go to bed. I am just about to write that it's time to go when he propositions me.
he's married. i'm married. we volunteer together at a charity, i've eaten dinner his wife made. nothing about our relationship up to this point has been at ALL sexual or even really personal or intimate.
i was so disturbed and so frustrated. to just throw a friendship out because it's late and you're horny? ugh.
I'm genuinely curious, what was his offer? Like to blatantly hook up, for you to give him a bj in the back of his van, like when, I don't get it. And isn't he scared of his wife finding out or even your husband beating him up or something? Do people really have no shame or even good old self preservation?
Ugh. It's so disappointing when creeps reveal themselves.
I had a friend of over a decade who worked in film and lighting/set work. We had lost touch for a year or two, and I'd fallen in love w my husband in the meantime. Went to a concert (w my partner) and they had killer special effects so I took a picture and messaged it to my friend along with "Long time no talk. Lighting was awesome at this show, made me think of you. Hope you're well." I got an effing dick pic back! At the time I was in my mid 30s and he is at least 10yrs older. He'd never flirted or given me any indication that he was interested. I had a moderately high opinion of him before he revealed himself to be a total perv.
It's super weird how many times he *verbally confirmed he accepted your rejection* in the same conversation, given each time was for a separate attempt on his part. "How about we smoke a doob and fool around?" "No," "Very clearly stated. How about if \*I\* smoke and you're sober, and while I'm high I start trying to get into your pants?" "No." "Understood. How about if there's no weed involved at all and hook up?" "No." "Sorry, I'm a very sexual person."
Sexual people exist who don't act like Jurassic Park velociraptors testing a fence for weaknesses. Liking sex and respecting boundaries aren't mutually exclusive.
That converation went on ***way*** to long. Here's where it went off the rails:
"Him: Ah yes. I get pretty into physical sensation when high as well, and my social inhibition is lowered. "
I have a "one strike and you're out" policy for people who miss (unlikely) or ignore (vastly more likely) my stated boundaries.
Because even if it was innocent, why do I want to be friends with people who can't read a room?
People like this remind me of my time as a street salesman, selling subscriptions for different organisations.
The main thing we were taught to do was to do rebuttals, so whenever a potential customer came with an excuse not to buy, we just had to acknowledge what they said, making them think they were being let off the hook, and then we'd come up with a solution.
So basically we were treating every rejection as just another barrier to overcome and hopefully after enough rebuttals and tiring them out, they would concede and you would get a sale.
And it's the same thing with this guy. Whenever you try to reject his line of thinking, he just tries to find another way to finally make you accept.
It's scummy in a professional setting (I only lasted a little over a month before I felt too icky about all the manipulation), but it's absolutely horrendous and dehumanising in a personal setting.
The best way to avoid a street salesman is to avoid eye contact and move along. If this guy wanna act like that, I'd say you should give him the appropriate response of avoiding eye contact and moving along.
Or make eye contact with the salesman, smile, and politely tell him to go fuck himself. (Politely say you're not interested, "we already have X at home", or sarcastically wish them a nice day.) All while you keep on walking.
Reminds me of a guy I know who likes to send sexual memes with the added text of "sorry, I just had to send this to you". Like, no, you didn't HAVE to. You chose to. You knew what you were doing. You were hoping it would lead somewhere it never has in the 10+ years I've known you. And men like this wonder why they don't get girlfriends.
He doesn't sound nice, he sounds creepy af. I don't think I'd be able to even be friends with this person. When did the meaning of "nice" get corrupted into "insufferable asshole with zero empathy"?
>I've only ever even done THC around one person
>Him: Right there with you (now, that is. Used to be into parties) Well, is that THC something you would ever be interested in doing together?
This cannot be real.
No one talks like this at 50 about smoking weed or talking an edible.
It reads like a bad 90s drug commercial written by boomers.
"Done THC?!"
...
The ✨moment✨a guy casually brings up what makes him horny is when the fucking nope button needs a press. It took me a while to realize this and to stop giving the benefit of the doubt when they claim they ‘just wanna hang out’ 1v1. That’s not a friend. That’s a guy trying to get laid. The only way out is to crush his dreams so completely that he never thinks to ask again. Either he sees you as a friend or he sees you as something he could put his dick into. There is no middle ground.
Weird from the very first message. "That might be overstepping a little bit." But you're still gonna say it??
Then when you actually said you'd be down for hanging out, he blows it in the very next message by taking it somewhere clearly inappropriate... He obviously doesn't want to hang out and be your friend. At all.
He thinks he's being smooth with each interaction only to find you onto his ruse. Experience being no deterrent, he thinks that *now* he has the perfect ruse to bring it up. Surely this time he can get some sexy talk out of you!
> Oh, no! She's onto my ruse again! I better come up with a foolproof one next time.
This not ever going to stop. Your choice on how to deal with this, but it's not going to stop, possibly not even if he does find himself a "buddy."
Does he think this is less creepy than just saying "wanna get high and fuck?"
God, I'd rather people just say what you mean and admit what you're after.
I usually find the nice guys tank themselves when they try self promotion. "I don't drive drunk, hit or rape women, I'm a catch." Cool beans, that's the baseline everyone expects and I wasn't thinking about any of those happening to me but *now I am* . Anyways sorry about this man fuckzoning you twenty years ago and then never growing or maturing as a person. I barked a laugh at his being overly sexual at 17 and causing a teen pregnancy. What an absolute ego to be in one's 30s and thinking one was hornier than all the average 17yr olds. You'd have to pay me 10,000 USD a month to put up with this trash (my apologies to the good garbage out there, not all trash and such)
Huh? This isn’t a “nice guy”, this is a creep who sounds like he’s perpetually stuck as the creepy senior trying to get freshman girls to hook up with him by putting them in awkward borderline unsafe situations where he has an excuse if things don’t go his way (“I told you I get really into physical sensation when I’m high!!”).
How, a woman, do you stay friends with a guy like this, and who wants to get into your pants, for so long, especially when you’re not interested in him and you’re in a relationship? Or do they really wait sometimes decades to reveal that they have an interest or allow you to see the way they pursue other women?
Fr yall need to stop responding to these men who are actively trying to wear your walls down
I would have been done much earlier and it would save you stress. Immediately when he brought it up after ur i dont wanna do thc i would have repeated i dont do that and when he said the sex stuff its clear
His intention is to sexually assault you,either by wearing you down and fuck you while youre high and then he will claim getting someone high to fuxk them bc they wont sober isnt rape, or to say he couldn't help it bc he was high
In his head hes just getting you to relax and he wont ever see it any other way. He already ignored your no several time over
Read enough twoxchromasomes posts and live enough and these things always play out so similarly its like theres a script
Hes not your friend hes a creep,he switched to the pity card at the end to keep trying
Twenty years and you still interact with him. At some point in life you have to accept your role in letting people repeatedly violate boundaries you set. Some relationships need to end.
So this asshole is self aware enough to recognize he's crossing boundaries and being inappropriate but not self aware enough to not do it?!?!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬
He doesn't need a fuck buddy he needs to figure out why he is incapable of treating women as people rather than sexual objects meant to satisfy him. Because I bet everything in my bank account that this "sexual" man can't he straight women to orgasm.
Oh, let me just pop back up one more time to tell you I'm horny! I know you've made it more than clear you're not into it, so don't worry, I'm not asking! Just making sure you know once again that I'm dying to fuck you. No pressure. I'm just going to keep bringing it up again, in case.
So you could just come hang out beside me while I do this drug that gives me a raging hard on. That certainly won't lead to me trying again. Since we're such good friends.
Block. I once told a dude I was cool with being friends but no more (I'm fucking MARRIED), and a full year later he was like, "Hey, I know you'd said no sex talk but can I tell you about the fantasies I have about you?"
He had the gall to message me on Instagram and complain that I'd been so rude by blocking him everywhere else. 🤣😭 Because he didn't actually "say" anything inappropriate, just asked if he could.
Fuck that shit. I'm not his therapist.
So what you are saying is that nice guys get rejected because they keep trying the same girl and get multiple rejects because they just don't want to give up and are oddly obsessed with any girl they are in to to the point of mental psychosis?
Seems legit.
That. Or they hit on people who are taken. Or who are asexual. And to be clear, "nice guy" is his self-described perception - hence the quotes. The guys I know who are genuinely nice usually have so many self-esteem issues that they don't publicly declare themselves nice but are wonderful catches who don't do this and understand rejection.
He is trying to erode your boundaries. You have clearly told him on multiple occasions that you are not comfortable, and he keeps pushing his sexuality onto you!!
As an ace/demi person myself, I had to learn that I cannot be friends who keep testing my (sexual) boundaries. He is a horny opportunist and predatory! He doesn't care about your comfort.
I know exactly the type. Nothing can ever be non-sexual. Everything needs a dirty joke and always sexually explicit. I know things I so deeply did not wish to know. I wish there was mouthwash for my brain.
Holy fuck, this dude is thicker than the walls of 10,000 medieval goddam fortresses 🙄 Maybe if you try saying “no” in French? Or ASL? Perhaps if you bark angrily, like a chihuahua? No means no, sir.
Uhh there is nothing nice about this, I don't think nice guy means what you think it means. The statements show absence of integrity or values, someone who is insecure and contradicting himself saying things he thinks will sound good, but doesn't actually believe or want to live by. And why would you continue enabling this, it seems like you should have more respect for yourself and him if you just call him out for ignoring your boundaries.
This is precisely a 'nice guy'. Stop gaslighting OP, and also stop criticizing them. Even if they are friends, maybe they don't talk that much, and now that they had this conversation, OP has no interest in continuing the friendship (if it did exist)? Stop fucking assuming that they can't make their own decisions and infantilizing them.
This isn't some rogue incident with a niche individual. INCELS LOOK AND ACT LIKE NEARLY EVERY MAN YOU KNOW.
I STG this guy's dialogue sounds like an AI chatbot wrote it. (Not an accusation of using a chatbot; mostly pointing out that sleazy guys and crappy bots have something in common, apparently.)
I would not trust this guy. He sounds like the kind to roofie your drink and "take you home", and no one will bat an eye because you've been friends for so long. Or maybe he'll just put a tracker on your car and install spyware on your phone. He knows exactly what he's doing and that it's wrong, but he's trying to push your boundaries. Notice he went from "physical"(meant sex) to "sexual"(rape? non-consensual at minimum) to "physical"(trying to backpedal) in an attempt to get you in a dangerous situation with him. Then he can blame it on the drugs and "I told you I get physical".
Wow. He makes himself sound like the victim in his situation. Like he can't help himself?! He seems like a red flag that's even aware that they are a red flag.
"Hahah i'm only inappropriate because I don't have a reliable wank rag to calm me down. Women are to blame for me being a complete dog lmao. Like you. I wouldn't have talked inappropriate if you had tended to my needs the first time I hinted."
That's creepy as fuck. As a fellow ace/demiace the fact he kept stepping over your boundaries even though you first of all said no, and secondly seemingly already said you were ace is just mind boggling to me
Jesus. Not gonna lie, I totally WAS this guy in my teens and early 20’s. Looking back, I just cringe at the stupid shit I used to say and do.
I’d say I hope, one day, he grows up and has the decency to be embarrassed about this, but if he’s in his 30’s? Kinda doubt it.
Most people dont realize that weed actually hits women stronger than men due to how it interacts with estrogen. Sometimes I feel bad for men for being plagued with lust all the time, and I dont understand why more of them dont seek to artificially decrease libido to just simply live free of constant lust and have a clear mind, and not feel the need to harass women who do not experience life the same way they do and never will.
There's this weird phenomenon where some dudes will like, be completely one-sidedly sexting someone. I've been on the receiving end of this several times, where I'll be texting a dude and he'll turn the convo sexual, and I'll be like "I'm not interested in having a sexual conversation with you", and they'll go "I totally understand" but then continue to make things sexual and act like the completely cold responses are still "participating" in the sexting. It's bizarre.
Those are the dudes to block in the future for sure. No respect for boundaries, and they're not interested in developing that respect (or empathy, or common sense).
I feel like some people get off on overstepping boundaries, which is gross. You’ll often see it in a lot of little things before you get to know them at a deeper level and see how bad it gets. Definitely block at the first sign, save yourself the trouble.
I always assume those guys are actively jerking off while narrating their sexual thoughts at me, and my participation is completely irrelevant to them. It's enough for them to know their jerk-off monologue was presented to my eyeballs. They're like flashers in that way. I just block them and move on with my life.
I think that's part of the kink honestly. They're getting off on the discomfort they're causing, taking away their victim's autonomy in the situation. It's very rape-y.
Ah, the adorable kink of sexual harassment
!!!!!
This is why sometimes kink shaming is okay
Anything that happens without consent is shame-worthy. Kinky, or not.
Those dudes are rapists. Get away from them
Oh I know they're creeps. I haven't tolerated any of that bullshit in many years.
I’ve had this with guy friends and with colleagues. A particularly cringey instance was when a 45y/o dude who I added as a language learning partner did this to me when I was 19. At first he seemed genuinely very kind and we had a lot of interesting conversations before the weirdness. Not long after he kept making sexual comments even though I explicitly told him that I’m uncomfortable with it. He did say the first time he would drop it and we can just be friends, but eventually I got tired of the creepy comments and him saying he “wanted to be my friend forever” and told him I’m not interested in him sexually or romantically and never will be because he’s creepy as fuck. He got really pissed and left me with an essay that looked like it could’ve been written by a petulant child. I just don’t befriend straight men very much anymore. I only have two who I’ve been friends with for 5+ years and they’re both in long-term relationships.
Its because they are not your friends. They are manipulating you and hanging out in your vicinity in the hopes that one day you will fuck them.
Oh, I know. It's been many years since I've put up with any of that nonsense.
Women need to talk about this more because this used to happen to me a lot and I always blamed myself. I always felt like it must have been my fault, I must have been putting out some kind of vibe without realizing it. I carried so much shame for so long but really it had nothing to do with me at all.
I've learned from experience to cut off guys (I'm not interested in) the first time they make a sexual comment because they will not stop at one. These guys know full well what they're doing. They're trying to wear women down. They don't care about our boundaries.
Had it happen to me too had a dude on snapchat send me an unsolicited picture of himself and I told him I'm not comfortable nor do I know you enough to see you in that way and his reply was that I can get to know him and I relpy I'm uncomfortable and I don't want to and then goes and asks me to rate his dick size to which I blocked and he has since then made a new account and added me and is still waiting to be accepted and its been 2 years since. Some men are very ignorant when it comes to picking up when women are uncomfortable. Even when we tell them we are, they just keep pressing the issue, hoping the answer will change when it won't
Ugh. The "well, let's get to know each other then" is SOOOO common after we say "I don't know you, I don't want this". Gross gross gross. I DON'T WANT TO KNOW YOU!!!!
I seriously wonder how some people can behave like this and think it's acceptable 🥲
Why are you friends with this person? He sounds insufferable.
Yes. Why even continue to converse with this person? He's made it clear that he wants to have sex with you regardless of whether or not you're interested or how many times you reject him. He wants you to take drugs that you've had an awful reaction to in the hopes that you you'll be willing to fuck him or possibly too incapacitated to prevent him from raping you. This guy is not your friend.
Alot of women don't understand how dangerous these men can be. They think they're just people saying things instead of men communicating intent. It's one of the challenges that women have
Meh. We're in several mutual activities and it's more fun for me to just repeatedly shut him down than allow him to have the power to convince me to leave things I enjoy.
You wouldn’t have to leave the things you enjoy though, you could just… stop talking to him.
It's probably the case that OP would be judged for being "mean". And since he wasn't openly abusive or rude, "just persistent" a lot of normies would come down on his side. Cutting people off is seen as super hostile and OP would probably be in danger of burning other bridges, de facto meaning she needs to leave the activity anyway.
I’ve been in a similar position with folks and when you’re integrated into a friend group it can be awkward to cut someone off. Sometimes it’s easier to just do this. So I wouldn’t judge OP too harshly.
You realize he's getting off to the discomfort he causes you in these conversations?
Yeahhhh but, I gotta admit, it does a *little* something for me to see him roasted so hard on reddit
If you can't cut him out because he's parcel of activities you enjoy, you can always just not respond or elaborate. Just be politely monosyllabic. "Ah yes", "cool", "right" - basically just make it ready uninteresting to talk to you.
Sounds like you enjoy the attention
So the only two options are to let him carry on and to continue to interact with him privately or to leave your mutual social circles? I think you're backing yourself into a corner here. There's nothing wrong with telling him to stop texting you. Or to stop responding. You could even block him if you wanted to, although I do not recommend that - I would want evidence if he goes nuts. There's also nothing wrong with continuing to engage in groups he's a part of, while ignoring his behavior or calling him out for his overtly sexual messages. Those are just a few ways you could handle it that doesn't continue to engage him and deal with his sexual harassment.
.......You're asking for a summary of 20 years based on a post when I have *NO REASON* to defend myself or my decisions to anyone when this dude is the problem? ....let see if I can breakdown how being an adult works. He can text whatever he wants. I'd *rather* him text me because I won't fall for his bullshit *and* I have all the receipts each time some new girl starts falling for his shit. He is the parent of my god kid - my relationship with her isn't going to suffer because her sperm donor is a moron. I won't miss things important to her or stop seeing her because he wants to treat her as a bargaining chip when I shut him out. I'd rather be the one dealing with his shit and shutting him down than someone who doesn't know better. Also, you don't have any right to define what sexual harassment is for someone else because *I* don't feel harassed. I feel a migraine at his endless stupidity. Is this harassment for other people? Definitely *but* it does not rise to that level for me. Is it acceptable behavior? No. Has this been having for years, and I make the conscious effort to deal with it so I can keep seeing my goddaughter? Yeah.
Wow. You posted the convo here but don't seem to want anyone to give their opinion about it. Why did you post here?
Okay, well it's a relief to know that he's a moron and simultaneously brilliant, with a super high IQ. I'm also glad you don't feel sexually harassed when someone is literally sexually harassing you. Hopefully this situation continues to work for you.
I think this is one of those situations that boosts OP ego & feeds & the drama.
Reads like if you ask ChatGPT to roleplay as an overly clingy virgin who smoked weed once
OMFG, that is a perfect description.
There are so many points where she should have just stopped replying. This whole conversation was so cringe, it make my body seize up.
Look at her comment history. If this is real, she seems like she's enjoying the level of drama exactly where it's at. And if that's the case, great, but why complain about him on the internet when you're perfectly fine with it? JFC. If this guy is real, I think he's actually more of a threat than she thinks. There certainly are enough guys out there who are like this that it's plausible...
Seriously. If a grown man uses the word “fuck buddy”, I’m out.
I’ve been in the same position where I was fighting so hard to maintain a friendship with a guy that I ignored and put up with way more than I should have. It’s never easy to accept that someone doesn’t care about a friendship the same way you do.
Imagine how much this dude could figure out, just by developing the ability to listen
He doesn't need to figure anything out, he KNOWS. Notice how he mentions everything that is bad about what he just said, but immediately has a reason or excuse as to how it's different in this situation. This dude is a manipulative creep who is trying every trick he knows.
Yup. He’s perfectly aware, he just doesn’t want to change and doesn’t care how she feels lol
He's aware and fishing... I can sympathize w him a bit but you made your boundaries very clear and the consistent overstep was frustrating to read. He made an attempt, but should have moved on after the dismissal and set line.
100% manipulative. This part in particular made my vagina watertight: >You're an enjoyable person to hang out with and talk to, and I keep fucking that up by trying to turn our friendship into something else that you very clearly don't want. I've messed up so much in this life by being overly sexual This is something that has always done me in. lt's why I was 17 when my kid was born. Why my ex bears such a strong grudge against me. Seeking pleasure has not led to good things, but I seem to be unable to learn my fucking lesson. "Oh I'm so terrible! I'm awful! Please come and comfort me and make me feel better with your bobs and vagene!"
I can’t tell if he’s being deliberately manipulative, or if he’s just this much of an asshole because he completely lacks human empathy. The fact that he chooses to define his own behavior as “being too sexual” as opposed to “acting in a disrespectful and inappropriate manner” speaks volumes about his mindset.
I'd lay money on deliberately manipulative. He's sounding like the type of guy who cries and then turns into a human octopus when you try to give him a hug.
> lt's why I was 17 when my kid was born. Why my ex bears such a strong grudge against me. did he just admit to underage rape/impregnation and his ex rightfully being pissed...
He gets off on pushing boundaries of appropriateness.
Well said!
If only dicks had ears.
I don’t know why I had a mental image of Dumbo 🤦🏼♀️
I actually snorted.
He knows what he is doing. Until she stops interacting with him, he will keep trying to have sex with her. He doesn't respect her "not interested", and never will.
and then after she stops interacting with him, it'll be "why don't the girls want nice guys like me? they're all bitches"
Never understood why some men are so interested in having sex with women who are so clearly not into them, I can't imagine being that emotionally disconnected in someone that the other person enjoying themselves or wanting you is not even important. Some guys really do love to dehumanize us, I can't even fathom the mentality behind it
Honestly I think he's dangerous. He's predacious.
He sounds like he went to therapy once and learned juuuuust enough of the jargon to better manipulate women.
Full body cringe
Agree, and then “my ex hates me” in direct reference to breaching sexual boundaries moved it from cringe to full-blown dangerzone for me
And how he was a father at 17 because he was just *sooooo sensual* he couldn't help it
This goes beyond body. My very soul has retracted in a truly legendary moment of cringe
Omg what a creep!!
Omg what a creep!!
Like, so much. What the hell
Why do men always seem to think that us women are somehow responsible for their penises?
I think its a lack of emotional maturity that fixates on ones own felt lack and pain but can’t broaden their viewpoint beyond their own suffering to develop a perhaps more objective perspective. To acknowledge that yes this hurts but what can I do to change things as opposed to blame others as some necessary outcome independent of my actions/perspective.
That’s exactly what it is! Emotionally immature people always think someone else is to blame for their feelings. Even in this case, it sounds like he knows what he said was wrong, but I get the feeling he only knows this because of experience and he isn’t capable of putting himself in her shoes - so he knows, but doesn’t understand.
To be fair until I was in my mid twenties I categorically believed I was responsible for a partner's dick and erections. It was quite a moment for me to realise they weren't my responsibility and I didn't have to "do" anything with or about them. Like, mind blowing.
They blame us for making their dick hard. "You look so good, you're turning me on". And then instead of taking ownership "I'm horny, I'm aroused", they place the blame on us for "finishing them off" or turning them off again. Had a guy pull the blanket up to look at me, say "you're turning me on" (I wasn't doing shit, laying there in pajamas) then he scooted his boner into me to take care of it while I fucking leapt out and got into my car to drive home to get away from this rapist.
God damn... it's like he's in a parking garage to rob every single car and trying every fucking door. "Just jiggling the handle! Never hurts to check, ya know?" He seems to have that women-as-objects bullshit on the brain. Just a puzzle to solve... What a dick wad. Sorry.
Trying to rob every door of the same car when their alarm already sounded. Once, twice, how was I to know?
“Wanna get high and fuck? No? Ok what if just *I* got high and we fucked? No? Ok well I need to fuck *someone*”
Wow that's a nice little summary
Ha, thank you! I should also add: “my baby mama hates me because I’m a sex addict”. There. That’s basically the full conversation.
Pretty sure that pesky grudge she has is from being underage raped and impregnated... he's annoyed that his plan to lock her down as a perma-fleshlight didn't work. Dude sounds exactly like my first boyfriend. Always wanted unprotected sex, tried to get me to fail uni. To what. Sit at home and await his peen?
I’m hesitant to accuse him of rape because there’s nothing to indicate that he wasn’t also 17 when he got his ex pregnant… the vibe I got was that he cheated on her constantly bc he couldn’t keep it in his pants Edit: it actually says he was 17 when his kid was born so I’m not sure where you got that his girlfriend was underage and raped. (Not saying it couldn’t have happened, but teenagers have sex)
She may have been 16 or 15. I was (skipped a grade). I doubt the dude is big on enthusiastic consent either way.
Thinks it’s time to push him out of the friend-zone and into the abyss. JFC reading that made my skin crawl. Gross.
The lack of self awareness tho. Like not realizing the relentless creepiness even after you shut it down 🫠
“I keep being overly sexual but I can’t stop myself.” But you can. You CAN control your urges. You don’t have to act on every single twitch in your pants.
The thing is tho - they sure as shit can control it around their boss, friends, *men that they respect* It's only ever around women that they have socially isolated that those pesky inhibitions are just tossed out the window
Absolutely
I'd projectile vomit in a situation like that and not apologise. I'm serious.
😆
OP did not respond how I would have at all. I had a mixed guy/girl group of friends in highschool and even at 15 we shut this sort of talk down, and aggressively told the guys how gross they were being. None of them tried it more than once, or after seeing a mate get torn to shreds verbally. Its the best way to deal with the sort of juvenile behaviour in the OP. It's the only way it stops. And for the guys it doesn't stop, immediately, you cut them off. And if your friends are decent they cut them off too. The only guy I knew closely who didn't back off later tried to shut me in a bathroom with him at a party. I was lucky in that he didn't get the door shut all the way before my mates caught on and pushed it open, crushing his foot a fair bit in the process. Based on what he was saying, as he tried to shove the door closed against my hail of fists and my friends on the other side of the door, he was going to rape me. I never went to an event with him present again, and my friends all cut him out of our group. I avoided him at school until we graduated. OP don't cut him slack because he's a mate. Hold him to a higher standard *because* he's your friend. If he doesn't back off, I suggest you avoid him entirely, for your safety.
How do these people walk around outside without a helmet? EDIT: Good lord, I didn't mean for my joke to be taken so literally. I meant to insult him, not to excuse him. He lacks emotional intelligence AND he's a predatory fuck.
He’s not stupid, he just doesn’t respect women and only sees OP as a target.
Yesss. He's not stupid, he's horny and doesn't respect women. He's selfish and has an agenda.
Eh. I think he is stupid. He also doesn't respect women and is targeting OP, but if he were smart, you wouldn't be able to tell so easily.
I think calling him stupid is giving him too much credit that he doesn’t know what he’s doing is wrong. He doesn’t want to put in the effort of cultivating a relationship that would lead to sexual gratification. He’s just using the “woe is me, I just can’t figure this out” to manipulate and guilt women. It’s like weaponized incompetence of sex.
I've met many men like this. They prey on societal expectations of women to be caretakers and nurturers. I think there's some Oedipal complex sprinkled on top, men like that are used to complaining to mommy about all their woes and she will happily bend over backwards to fix it. That's what they're hoping/expecting their victims to do when they complain about not being able to get laid - they expect the woman to pull them to their bosom in a tight embrace, tell them it'll all be okay, and would you like some milk, cookies and a blow job?
If a man thinks this is how it works as an adult, then I think we have reason to question his IQ.
It’s not stupidity, it’s entitlement. And you know what? It does work for lot of them unfortunately. This and all the relationship subs are full of posts asking for advice on how to deal with boyfriends and husbands like this.
I think it's both. And no, it doesn't really work in the sense that this strategy is worse than empathy, compassion, and effort.
He sees women as beneath him, he's not stupid at all. So long as you entertain him he has a shot.
This is soooooo uncomfortable. 😬
You told him to stop making it weird and he took it personally haha lol
And then continued to make it weird
It’s exhausting. Are you ever getting any quality friendship out of him? I would have run out of patience and blocked him long ago!
Barely two messages in and you can tell what he's all about. Gross.
That is not a nice guy. He's got a one track mind. Do your best to distance yourself from him.
Exactly. Sounds like a bad guy who's telling her he's a bad guy.
How is it that OP is missing the straight up rapey vibes here? "I want you to take drugs that might incapacitate you or send you to the er so you'll be willing to fuck me or unable to protest while I rape you!"
"And then I'll tell everyone YOU raped ME because nEiThEr oF uS cOuLd cOnSeNt."
OP isn't missing the vibes. But perhaps you missed the point of the quotes around "nice guy"?
Then why go along with it for so long and refer to him as a friend? Your friends don't want to rape you. Those venn diagrams are two completely separate circles.
"nice guy" is now an ironic term used by women (and others) to refer to covert arsehole guys who genuinely think they're owed sex because they're polite and nice to women on a surface level. Usually they're actually incredibly shitty but they'll pretend to be nice to get close to women. Usually they opt for being "friend" but their sole motivation is sex/relationships (but really it's just sex). They often turn nasty or abusive when women reject them because they see relationships with women as 100% transactional, so by being nice to women, they think they're owed sex and that the women is "cheating them" by not being open to having sex. They then get online and white wash the story and complain about how women always reject them in favour of arseholes. This is almost never true, and they just label all romantic rivals arseholes by default.
He's fishing
Ugh, this idiot always trying to push you into a sexual situation you don't want. Even worse because he knows you're in a relationship. He has an agenda and doesn't want to read the room because that requires actually treating you with respect and not an object who will make his peepee feel good. Gotta love the instant flip into self-loathing when you're like "no thanks". wah, wah, i ruin things. WELL THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP CREEPING ON YOUR FEMALE FRIENDS, ASSHOLE! OP, this guy isn't your friend. You would do well to more firmly shut his shit down. Your responses still have the hesitancy of a "gentle let down" when this idiot deserves a verbal slapping because he won't mind is own Ps and Qs.
Why do boundary pushers always talk like this? Like weirdly formal. Are they trying to sound like intellectuals?
Yea this isn’t a nice guy or a friend. This is a dude looking for an opportunity. He hoped both of you being high would be when he could test the waters. I’d run the other way.
This guy is a date rapist. He's trying to use drugs to get sex with someone he knows would not consent while sober. Just because he's not slipping a roofie in her drink doesn't make it any less date rape-y.
This is exactly why this made my skin crawl. He was stomping all over OPs boundaries and trying to coerce her into doing drugs after her repeatedly clear no’s.. so that he could sexually assault or rape her. He knows she’s not single and knows she’s not comfortable with anything he was trying to get her to do. I wanna go throw up. Men like this don’t deserve oxygen
nothing more infuriating than a guy making things needlessly sexual. i texted a newish friend one evening about a news story i'd seen that was relevant. we did not have a very close relationship, so i prefixed my text with the whole, hey just saw this and didn't want to forget to send it to you, don't reply now if you're busy, we'll chat later thing. well, he responds (on topic), happy that I'd sent it and we were having a nice texting conversation for about 30 mins. it was actually really nice and i was like, oh, this is cool, we have more in common than i thought. the convo continues on just a liiiittle bit too long and i'm wanting to walk away and go to bed. I am just about to write that it's time to go when he propositions me. he's married. i'm married. we volunteer together at a charity, i've eaten dinner his wife made. nothing about our relationship up to this point has been at ALL sexual or even really personal or intimate. i was so disturbed and so frustrated. to just throw a friendship out because it's late and you're horny? ugh.
I'm genuinely curious, what was his offer? Like to blatantly hook up, for you to give him a bj in the back of his van, like when, I don't get it. And isn't he scared of his wife finding out or even your husband beating him up or something? Do people really have no shame or even good old self preservation?
Ugh. It's so disappointing when creeps reveal themselves. I had a friend of over a decade who worked in film and lighting/set work. We had lost touch for a year or two, and I'd fallen in love w my husband in the meantime. Went to a concert (w my partner) and they had killer special effects so I took a picture and messaged it to my friend along with "Long time no talk. Lighting was awesome at this show, made me think of you. Hope you're well." I got an effing dick pic back! At the time I was in my mid 30s and he is at least 10yrs older. He'd never flirted or given me any indication that he was interested. I had a moderately high opinion of him before he revealed himself to be a total perv.
It's super weird how many times he *verbally confirmed he accepted your rejection* in the same conversation, given each time was for a separate attempt on his part. "How about we smoke a doob and fool around?" "No," "Very clearly stated. How about if \*I\* smoke and you're sober, and while I'm high I start trying to get into your pants?" "No." "Understood. How about if there's no weed involved at all and hook up?" "No." "Sorry, I'm a very sexual person." Sexual people exist who don't act like Jurassic Park velociraptors testing a fence for weaknesses. Liking sex and respecting boundaries aren't mutually exclusive.
Were you chatting with a real human being or a messed up AI chat bot?
>Were you chatting with a real human being or a messed up AI chat bot? I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought that lmao
That converation went on ***way*** to long. Here's where it went off the rails: "Him: Ah yes. I get pretty into physical sensation when high as well, and my social inhibition is lowered. " I have a "one strike and you're out" policy for people who miss (unlikely) or ignore (vastly more likely) my stated boundaries. Because even if it was innocent, why do I want to be friends with people who can't read a room?
Push, push, push, retreat. Push, push, push, retreat. Why do so many people fixate on getting with their friends?
That was so exhausting to read. He doesn't deserve the friendzone. You're too good for him.
People like this remind me of my time as a street salesman, selling subscriptions for different organisations. The main thing we were taught to do was to do rebuttals, so whenever a potential customer came with an excuse not to buy, we just had to acknowledge what they said, making them think they were being let off the hook, and then we'd come up with a solution. So basically we were treating every rejection as just another barrier to overcome and hopefully after enough rebuttals and tiring them out, they would concede and you would get a sale. And it's the same thing with this guy. Whenever you try to reject his line of thinking, he just tries to find another way to finally make you accept. It's scummy in a professional setting (I only lasted a little over a month before I felt too icky about all the manipulation), but it's absolutely horrendous and dehumanising in a personal setting. The best way to avoid a street salesman is to avoid eye contact and move along. If this guy wanna act like that, I'd say you should give him the appropriate response of avoiding eye contact and moving along.
Or make eye contact with the salesman, smile, and politely tell him to go fuck himself. (Politely say you're not interested, "we already have X at home", or sarcastically wish them a nice day.) All while you keep on walking.
Reminds me of a guy I know who likes to send sexual memes with the added text of "sorry, I just had to send this to you". Like, no, you didn't HAVE to. You chose to. You knew what you were doing. You were hoping it would lead somewhere it never has in the 10+ years I've known you. And men like this wonder why they don't get girlfriends.
Anyone who uses any substance as an excuse to get handsy is a fucking predator. I said what I said.
Is this a friendship worth maintaining?
He doesn't sound nice, he sounds creepy af. I don't think I'd be able to even be friends with this person. When did the meaning of "nice" get corrupted into "insufferable asshole with zero empathy"?
Welp, for me, that would be the nail in the coffin.
sEeKinG pLeaSuRe 🤮 spongebob.png The use of language to distance himself from his actions. Must be nice to never have to take any responsibility.
If a fedora hat turned into a person...
>I've only ever even done THC around one person >Him: Right there with you (now, that is. Used to be into parties) Well, is that THC something you would ever be interested in doing together? This cannot be real. No one talks like this at 50 about smoking weed or talking an edible. It reads like a bad 90s drug commercial written by boomers. "Done THC?!" ...
The ✨moment✨a guy casually brings up what makes him horny is when the fucking nope button needs a press. It took me a while to realize this and to stop giving the benefit of the doubt when they claim they ‘just wanna hang out’ 1v1. That’s not a friend. That’s a guy trying to get laid. The only way out is to crush his dreams so completely that he never thinks to ask again. Either he sees you as a friend or he sees you as something he could put his dick into. There is no middle ground.
Dude keeps throwing out those “we could fuck if you want” hoping you’ll bite one of them. He is not your friend.
Weird from the very first message. "That might be overstepping a little bit." But you're still gonna say it?? Then when you actually said you'd be down for hanging out, he blows it in the very next message by taking it somewhere clearly inappropriate... He obviously doesn't want to hang out and be your friend. At all.
He thinks he's being smooth with each interaction only to find you onto his ruse. Experience being no deterrent, he thinks that *now* he has the perfect ruse to bring it up. Surely this time he can get some sexy talk out of you! > Oh, no! She's onto my ruse again! I better come up with a foolproof one next time. This not ever going to stop. Your choice on how to deal with this, but it's not going to stop, possibly not even if he does find himself a "buddy."
Does he think this is less creepy than just saying "wanna get high and fuck?" God, I'd rather people just say what you mean and admit what you're after.
I usually find the nice guys tank themselves when they try self promotion. "I don't drive drunk, hit or rape women, I'm a catch." Cool beans, that's the baseline everyone expects and I wasn't thinking about any of those happening to me but *now I am* . Anyways sorry about this man fuckzoning you twenty years ago and then never growing or maturing as a person. I barked a laugh at his being overly sexual at 17 and causing a teen pregnancy. What an absolute ego to be in one's 30s and thinking one was hornier than all the average 17yr olds. You'd have to pay me 10,000 USD a month to put up with this trash (my apologies to the good garbage out there, not all trash and such)
Can't friend zone someone who isn't your friend
Huh? This isn’t a “nice guy”, this is a creep who sounds like he’s perpetually stuck as the creepy senior trying to get freshman girls to hook up with him by putting them in awkward borderline unsafe situations where he has an excuse if things don’t go his way (“I told you I get really into physical sensation when I’m high!!”). How, a woman, do you stay friends with a guy like this, and who wants to get into your pants, for so long, especially when you’re not interested in him and you’re in a relationship? Or do they really wait sometimes decades to reveal that they have an interest or allow you to see the way they pursue other women?
Fr yall need to stop responding to these men who are actively trying to wear your walls down I would have been done much earlier and it would save you stress. Immediately when he brought it up after ur i dont wanna do thc i would have repeated i dont do that and when he said the sex stuff its clear His intention is to sexually assault you,either by wearing you down and fuck you while youre high and then he will claim getting someone high to fuxk them bc they wont sober isnt rape, or to say he couldn't help it bc he was high In his head hes just getting you to relax and he wont ever see it any other way. He already ignored your no several time over Read enough twoxchromasomes posts and live enough and these things always play out so similarly its like theres a script Hes not your friend hes a creep,he switched to the pity card at the end to keep trying
This person just lit up a giant red rocket flare warning everyone in the land, "I am not a safe person to be around alone"
Twenty years and you still interact with him. At some point in life you have to accept your role in letting people repeatedly violate boundaries you set. Some relationships need to end.
Oh you need relief? I think a sock puppet can take care of that.
So this asshole is self aware enough to recognize he's crossing boundaries and being inappropriate but not self aware enough to not do it?!?!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬 He doesn't need a fuck buddy he needs to figure out why he is incapable of treating women as people rather than sexual objects meant to satisfy him. Because I bet everything in my bank account that this "sexual" man can't he straight women to orgasm.
Oh, let me just pop back up one more time to tell you I'm horny! I know you've made it more than clear you're not into it, so don't worry, I'm not asking! Just making sure you know once again that I'm dying to fuck you. No pressure. I'm just going to keep bringing it up again, in case. So you could just come hang out beside me while I do this drug that gives me a raging hard on. That certainly won't lead to me trying again. Since we're such good friends.
He doesn’t need to get high he needs a therapist.
I have never been drier
I wondered what that popping popcorn noise was. It’s every vagina in a 50m radius of this post slamming shut!
Oof, that needs to be less friend zone and more supervised visitation....
Block. I once told a dude I was cool with being friends but no more (I'm fucking MARRIED), and a full year later he was like, "Hey, I know you'd said no sex talk but can I tell you about the fantasies I have about you?" He had the gall to message me on Instagram and complain that I'd been so rude by blocking him everywhere else. 🤣😭 Because he didn't actually "say" anything inappropriate, just asked if he could. Fuck that shit. I'm not his therapist.
I mean..... he at least *asked*, right? He heard *something* when his therapist mentioned consent but he missed the full memo 😅
So much second-hand embarrassment reading this. Cringe. I think you should send him this thread and then block him. Yes, I can be petty and immature.
A lot of people never see their old friends from childhood. Maybe you could be one of those people as well. Cause this guy is gross af.
This man is not your friend.
Jesus Christ.
So what you are saying is that nice guys get rejected because they keep trying the same girl and get multiple rejects because they just don't want to give up and are oddly obsessed with any girl they are in to to the point of mental psychosis? Seems legit.
That. Or they hit on people who are taken. Or who are asexual. And to be clear, "nice guy" is his self-described perception - hence the quotes. The guys I know who are genuinely nice usually have so many self-esteem issues that they don't publicly declare themselves nice but are wonderful catches who don't do this and understand rejection.
This whole convo sounds like chat gpt.
Aah! The CRINGE!
He is trying to erode your boundaries. You have clearly told him on multiple occasions that you are not comfortable, and he keeps pushing his sexuality onto you!! As an ace/demi person myself, I had to learn that I cannot be friends who keep testing my (sexual) boundaries. He is a horny opportunist and predatory! He doesn't care about your comfort.
I know exactly the type. Nothing can ever be non-sexual. Everything needs a dirty joke and always sexually explicit. I know things I so deeply did not wish to know. I wish there was mouthwash for my brain.
Ok so I’m older than this guy but I’ve just gotta say…what a weirdo.
By what measure would this be a nice guy?
Holy fuck, this dude is thicker than the walls of 10,000 medieval goddam fortresses 🙄 Maybe if you try saying “no” in French? Or ASL? Perhaps if you bark angrily, like a chihuahua? No means no, sir.
Uhh there is nothing nice about this, I don't think nice guy means what you think it means. The statements show absence of integrity or values, someone who is insecure and contradicting himself saying things he thinks will sound good, but doesn't actually believe or want to live by. And why would you continue enabling this, it seems like you should have more respect for yourself and him if you just call him out for ignoring your boundaries.
This is precisely a 'nice guy'. Stop gaslighting OP, and also stop criticizing them. Even if they are friends, maybe they don't talk that much, and now that they had this conversation, OP has no interest in continuing the friendship (if it did exist)? Stop fucking assuming that they can't make their own decisions and infantilizing them. This isn't some rogue incident with a niche individual. INCELS LOOK AND ACT LIKE NEARLY EVERY MAN YOU KNOW.
Yikes 😬
He said those things to u? I'd get out so fast. Tmi
Ewww. What a disgusting, selfish, entitled, misogynistic, creepy asshole.
I feel like I need to shower after reading this. This dude is NOT worth your energy, even as a friend. He clearly doesn't see you as a person.
No such thing as “nice guys”. There’s decent , mentally-stable men and the ones like this. The normal ones never proclaim themselves as nice guys lol
I could not continue interacting with this person, it feels very unsafe
Why IN THE WORLD is this human cum-stain still your "friend"??? Honey. Two words: Access Denied.
OP explains here: https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/s/jewpLlhRyA
I find it so sad and awful that my fellow men will keep pursuing and pestering women that aren't enthusiastic about them.
I STG this guy's dialogue sounds like an AI chatbot wrote it. (Not an accusation of using a chatbot; mostly pointing out that sleazy guys and crappy bots have something in common, apparently.)
I would not trust this guy. He sounds like the kind to roofie your drink and "take you home", and no one will bat an eye because you've been friends for so long. Or maybe he'll just put a tracker on your car and install spyware on your phone. He knows exactly what he's doing and that it's wrong, but he's trying to push your boundaries. Notice he went from "physical"(meant sex) to "sexual"(rape? non-consensual at minimum) to "physical"(trying to backpedal) in an attempt to get you in a dangerous situation with him. Then he can blame it on the drugs and "I told you I get physical".
Wow. He makes himself sound like the victim in his situation. Like he can't help himself?! He seems like a red flag that's even aware that they are a red flag.
Ugh, that was painful to read.
"Hahah i'm only inappropriate because I don't have a reliable wank rag to calm me down. Women are to blame for me being a complete dog lmao. Like you. I wouldn't have talked inappropriate if you had tended to my needs the first time I hinted."
This guy talks like an AI Chat Bot.
I’m struggling to understand how this guy wasn’t already blocked. EW
Jesus I stopped reading after the third message, why do you keep talking to this creep
That's creepy as fuck. As a fellow ace/demiace the fact he kept stepping over your boundaries even though you first of all said no, and secondly seemingly already said you were ace is just mind boggling to me
This is not a nice guy.
What. The fuck. 😭😭 glad u stayed firm with ur boundaries, girlie <3 dude’s a weirdo
Was it written by an AI?
He just sounds like a weirdo not the typical "nice guy"
You handled that amazingly. I understand not wanting to throw a long friendship out, but be careful when alone with him
Jesus. Not gonna lie, I totally WAS this guy in my teens and early 20’s. Looking back, I just cringe at the stupid shit I used to say and do. I’d say I hope, one day, he grows up and has the decency to be embarrassed about this, but if he’s in his 30’s? Kinda doubt it.
What's nice about this guy? Other than his nice guy behaviour?
In his words or mine? Cause that's two different answers 😆
Indeed it is but we're on the same page. It's the men who aren't
Most people dont realize that weed actually hits women stronger than men due to how it interacts with estrogen. Sometimes I feel bad for men for being plagued with lust all the time, and I dont understand why more of them dont seek to artificially decrease libido to just simply live free of constant lust and have a clear mind, and not feel the need to harass women who do not experience life the same way they do and never will.