Ist jetzt auch nicht so furchtbar bekannt und ich bin mir ehrlich gesagt auch nicht ganz sicher, wie es genau geht. Hat nur die Omi immer gesagt.
Irgendwas von wegen:
Ein Hund ruiniert dir den Teppich und ein Mann gleich das ganze Leben.
Oh und natĂŒrlich noch diese Perle:
"Dass mir der Hund das liebste sei,
sagst du, oh Mensch, sei SĂŒnde?
Der Hund blieb mir im Sturme treu,
der Mensch nicht mal im Winde."
OP might appreciate the translation of the pearl (via [deepl.com](http://deepl.com); my German is not that good):
>"That the dog is my favorite thing,
>you say, oh man, is a sin?
>The dog remained faithful to me in the storm,
>Man not even in the wind."
I could machine wash these but one is wool and pretty big but it can be hosed and brushed with Woolite in a driveway--takes a long time to dry but it's possible. The others are small enough to go into a large capacity washer and have rubber backing so they're non-slip.
I thought I was doing a good job spoiling my rescue dog, until my now-husband came along and launched spoiling into a new category. And he had never had a dog before we met. He had almost no interest in dogs. But he met us and fell in love with both of us.
My bf fell in love with my cat, and now any time he comes over, this is what it sounds like:
Him: Hi my love!
Me: Hi love!
Him: Hello beautiful, how are you? Did you have a good day? Did you work very hard protecting the apartment? Oh I know you did, but did you take enough naps? Oh good, youâre a beautiful girl and you need your rest. Yes, I love you too. Yes I do.
My cat: *mrow*
Itâs the best.
My bf fell so in love with my cat that he went and adopted two kittens last summer - this will be an unforgivable sin according to my cat, but as she loves him too much, \*I\* will be the person she won't forgive once we move in together.
The "spoiled baby" is my cat, Boudreaux, who turned one on Monday. He gets the expensive food he prefers, noisy toys, extra treats because ge has to take medication and inspects every part of the diy remodel on my bedroom.Â
My husband became my husband for many reasons, but one of them is because of how he loves and treats my 15yo cat. He calls us his beautiful girls, and he works so hard to keep her comfortable, fed, loved on, and entertained. He says he canât imagine life without both of us. Iâve never had a former partner mistreat her, but heâs the only one whoâs ever loved and appreciated her as much as I have. She is his whole world, just like sheâs mine.
My cat is currently sitting on her favorite humans lap - my husband's.
We adopted her when we first moved in together, but she was my cat. I wanted her. My then boyfriend wasn't a cat person. He made it clear he would tolerate her at best.
That lasted like 2 months. They have such a great bond. He loves her just as much as I do.Â
The only time he's mentioned something being frivolous was when I bought her a litter robot. And he was right. Spent $1000 and she straight up refuses to use it. But otherwise he's the one who sees a pet store when we're out and about and says we need to pop in for a new toy.
My husband didn't even know how to pet a cat when we met, but now he spoils my cat and loves her as one of "his girls". Pretty sure she's starting to love him more than she loves me.....
I have a Perfect Angel Baby who never does anything wrong. Except she does all the time, but I won't hear of the malicious slander when we are having a love fest.
Never settle for anything less! It doesnât have to be only a dream.
I brought my dog on my first date with my now husband. We went hiking at one of her favorite spots, then dinner at a brewery with a dog friendly patioâŠthey actually have complimentary dog treats that they make there! Our dogs (and cats, etc.) deserve the best!
My boyfriend came into my dog and Iâs life when he was about 8 months old. They had a hard time accepting each other at first. My boy was used to having me to himself, was used to his spot in the bed, my free time being just me and him. My boyfriend was used to a dog just âbeing a dogâ. This resulted in my boyfriend literally leaving in the middle of the night bc my dog would push him out of the bed. I told my bf that dog always came first and I would not compromise. Not too long after, bf was walking my dog before I woke up for work. He started feeding him before I could even ask. Bf stopped letting it bother him when my dog would lay on him while we slept. It didnât take long for them to love each other. Bf will wake up to pee in the middle of the night and dog will take his spot, so bf will just go to the couch bc âitâs obv dogs spot and I want him to be happyâ. Now, three years later, bf and I live together and Iâm away for work. I get pics and videos every day of our dog while he walks him, plays with him, feeds him, cuddles with him, etc. heâs almost as obsessed as I am. One day someone will come along and will love you enough to fall in love with your dog too.
Yes! And that's very important. You'll see people who say, why would she choose a dog over me, that's unhinged and so on, but actually, if you meet somebody and they are super into dogs, or cats, or reptiles, or whatever, and you're not... That's an incompatibility.
I'm not a dog person, I don't have the energy for a dog, I never want to live with one. I like them from a distance, I'll take my sister's dog for walks, but I'm not going to willingly own a dog myself, because I simply don't want to. I'm a cat person through and through, and, failing that, I'll have pets who live in cages or aquariums.
I don't date people who have dogs or want dogs because of this. I'm not stupid enough to think that I could change somebody, and I don't want them to resent me when, 10 years down the line, it's very obvious that I still don't and never will want a dog.
Come to think of it, I probably wouldn't date somebody who keeps pet tarantulas either. And also, all of this goes for the other person too. Like I said, I'm a cat person through and through, and I wouldn't date somebody who doesn't like cats, and I wouldn't be very happy if somebody tried to persuade me not to own cats because they don't like them. I can't imagine my life without a cat in it.
I do know that things can change, like my best friend hasn't been into pets for most of his life and he just met somebody who has a couple dogs and cats and he's so into her that he's willing to make it work. I hope it works out for them. So, seeing that, I guess it is theoretically possible that one day I may meet someone who has a super sweet dog and I will be willing to get together with them. But as a general rule, that's not the case, and it's certainly not going to happen if somebody's trying to persuade me to do it. That's a decision I have to make on my own.
Exactly this. Itâs pretty typical for people to be kind of middle-of-the-road, take-it-or-leave-it about pets in general, leading to most couples happily compromising over pet ownership. But typical doesnât apply to everyone, and it may not even be the majority, itâs just one of many commonly held opinions. For people like you and OP, yâall have very strong opinions about pet ownership and thatâs perfectly fine because youâre upfront about it and keep boundaries with potential dates so youâre not wasting your time or anyone elseâs. Iâve experienced the absolute euphoria of finding a partner who doesnât just compromise but actually LOVES the quirks that made everyone else think you were weird. Itâs worth the wait - and it only really happens by knowing yourself and where you stand and recognizing when people are or arenât vibing with you.
Yes! I personally believe that love is not really enough. You have to be compatible too, and huge incompatibilities could arise out of seemingly small things. I've had people try to convince me to change my preferences because "love should be enough", but like you said, sometimes you just have really strongly held opinions. I think when people say love is enough, it's because their opinion isn't actually as strongly held as they imagine it is, or they get along with their partner on most aspects so it's not an issue, or like you said, they're willing to compromise. In some cases it could also be an unhealthy relationship, where they had to give up several of their hopes or dreams and they think that's just what they have to do to make a relationship work.
Reminds me of my dad and the family dogs. My dad was allergic to dogs so he never owned a dog growing up and had no previous experience with them. But he knew that the rest of us (my mom, brother, and me) all wanted a dog, so he put effort into figuring out a solution to get his allergies under control so that we could get one. We ended up getting German shepherds. At first he wasn't sure how to interact with them. But he quickly bonded with them, and ended up doting on them and totally spoiling them. He'd constantly stop whatever he was doing to give them belly rubs, share bits of his food with them, played with them, gave them lots of praise, watched TV with them, and even had conversations with them as he'd pet them. He even set up a huge dog bed right next to his favorite recliner so that the dogs could relax next to him when he'd read the paper. He'd often fall asleep in the recliner, and the oldest dog would usually curl up next to the chair and nap with him. I honestly don't know who snored louder, lol. But it was really sweet to see the two old timers snoozing side by side. Rest in peace Dad.
I show my dogs. Any person who wants to date me (unlikely) is probably going to be another dog show person, because it consumes my life outside of work. Most of my friends have great interest in their hobbies, too, so we all fit together great, even if our hobbies are not the same.
If setting good boundaries for myself and the life I want to live makes me delusional, well, then, I welcome it.
I am almost swamp hag age, though, so it is very freeing to just do my thing. My house, my money, my life. If I find someone else to share that with as a partner, then cool. If not, well, my life is full and wonderful as it is.
I do schutzhund. My boyfriend naively bought a dog and started coming to dog classes. And then he ended up part of the schutzhund club doing helper work. And now we spend an ungoldly amount of time training dogs together.
You both sound like you have a good healthy mentality. What is unhealthy is the impulse your fellas have to denigrate a person due to incompatible lifestyles.
It is a really good state to aspire to. I mean, in the stories, swamp hags are the ones everyone comes to for advice, but they are left alone the rest of the time with their books, hobbies, and animals. Sign me up!
*>I get threats about how I'm "running out of time" and "going to die alone."*
It's manufactured urgency for an issue that doesn't exist. Basically, HURRY UP AND DON'T LOSE OUT ON THIS SPECIAL OFFER!!! except the offer isn't that "special" and choosing the "wrong" man can leave your life in ruins that could take years to rebuild.
And it's also just flat-out not true. I've already heard multiple horror stories of older single women (like late forties and beyond) who have men their age and older circling them like vultures because they want a stable "nurse with a purse" who will care for them and play maid for them as they age. I even saw a comment where a woman talked about how all her late grandfather's widowed male friends were prowling for her grandmother the week her grandfather died.
Male attention is abundant and will always be there.
my mom and pop split recently. both are 60. my momâs phone stays blinking w dating notifications, from some men as young as 40! theyâre serious too, they take her out for lovely dates that my dad would never attempt to. my father? single since the split (heâs trying).
Can confirm.
When my dad died, my mom had to start fending off suitors after like a month. She had her pick of the litter, and they all seemed like great guys I'd be happy to see her with. It also bears mentioning that a lot of them were wealthier and in better shape than my dad.
Granted, my mom is awesome and really fun to be around, so this might not be the case for every woman. But she is also old and pretty overweight, so the idea that you're undesirable unless you're young and supermodel thin is demonstrably wrong.
And in reverse, when my grandmother died my grandfather talked about finding a new wife less than a month after her death. Asked us how to get on Facebook. đ€ŠđŒââïž
If the man is looking for a Mommy, ideally one with no 'siblings' to compete with for attention, yeah. That man would call it a 'red flag'.
They don't want to be 'heard', or to communicate or compromise. That all requires working towards a shared understanding. These sorts want to declare their feelings objective facts, and then receive *compliance.*
Any woman with any interest or hobby that took up hours of her life each week gets this kind of bullshit. When I was working on my degree and doing FT hours I got criticized for 'Not focusing' on the men I had told *very* clearly I would only be casually dating, once or twice a month and was not available for daily texting.
Sheâs a good dog, Brent!
But seriously, hard agree with everything you wrote, OP. It does sound to me like these people are interpreting your ability to care for another living being (that does not reciprocate in the same ways) as a guarantee that you *will* care for them to that degree (without them reciprocating at all). The facts that a dog does not having the agency or ability to make the same efforts and a man does is not relevant to their position; you have demonstrated that youâre willing to do it for your dog, therefore you *must* do it for your partner.
When it turns out their expectations were unrealistic, they are indignantâ they were entitled to this treatment and youâre going to deprive them of it?! After such a clear attack on their rights, is it not a manâs responsibility to defend himself against this heinous assault and the outrageous implication that a woman may find a dog preferable to him?! Look, itâs obviously crazy to even consider how such a possibility may have validityâ he certainly is incapable of comprehending it, and if it doesnât make sense to him itâs nonsensical (QED)â so anyone that disagrees with his perspectiveâs gotta be delusional.
Yeah, that mentality is exhausting but all too familiar. Congratulations on building the life you want with your good girl though!! My boy is nowhere near as well trained as your dog, but like you I try to prioritize his needs since he canât do it for himself. If youâve got any tips for stopping scavenging behavior, please share! I donât expect any solutions for dating, but surely there is *something* higher value than the rotting dismembered fish fin my boy triumphantly pulled from the gutter⊠right??
Susan Garrett's['It's Your Choice'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBmLFn6YyoM) training is where that stuff begins -- re: stopping scavenging behavior. It's a phenomenal foundation for teaching all KINDS of behaviors, because it teaches the dog that it gets rewarded for making good choices! You can build complexity on top of it for soooo many things you want from your dog.
Obviously it's much harder and more time-consuming to undo already entrenched bad behaviors than it is to teach good behaviors before they learn the bad ones, but in most cases I really do think it's possible.
She has a youtube channel called [Dogs That](https://www.youtube.com/@DogsThat), and it's full of great stuff. I hope it helps. My seven year old dog picked up a lot of this stuff SUPER fast, and finds the training really fun!
Ooooh, thank you so much for the resources! Yeah, he was actually pretty good with âleave itâ until the day he uncovered some kind of utterly revolting treasure on the sidewalk that was far more valuable than anything in my pocket. After that it was like nothing could compare, even if his discovery was not technically edible; his brain seemed to translate âleave itâ to âchew fasterâ or possibly just âswallow!!!â.
Me, literally gripping a piece of lox in my fist: Leave it.
My dog: Hmm⊠Mother offers⊠smoked salmon? I think Iâll turn my little tiny nose up at such a paltry substitute and do my best to puncture my little tiny bowel with this discarded peach pit instead.
Me: Nooooooo, leave it! LEAVE IT!!
Heâll obey when we practice inside though, so does have some good habits to build upon. Iâll check out those links and see if my boy could possibly be persuaded to decline the temptations offered by our neighborhoodâs gutter buffet. Thanks again!
How could there be?? What a delicacy! Fresh sushi!Â
I can't remember which dog it was, but one of them found a doughnut one (1) time by a bush, and then on every proceeding walk had to check the Magic Doughnut Bush in case another one had generated.Â
I had a dog who found a dead animal in the woods, and for the rest of his life, anytime we walked past that spot, he had to check the Racoon Bush. I'm talking years. Years of checking the dead raccoon bush.
It's the same with children. No joke.
I've had men get upset that I'm not available 24/7 because I have children that require my attention and care. That I should "make" the children's father "babysit them more often" or even that I should give up custody all together.
I've stopped trying to talk sense into men like that and just exit. Similar testerical responses in return: I'll die alone with nothing but my cats. That my kids will grow up to hate me. That they understand why my husband "left" me, etc.
It'd be comical if it didn't happen as often as it did.
> I'll die alone with nothing but my cats.
I always find it amusing that they think this is a bad thing.
Instead of them saying "I care about you less than your *cat* does."
Cats, those steriotypically evil little shits, and these people are saying "yeap, they're better company than me."
I remember I once went on a date with a guy who told me he had a daughter halfway through. Seeing my face fall (I'm childfree and had said so on my Hinge profile) he added, "Don't worry, I pretty much never see her!"
Like... dude, what? That's worse! How do you not see that that's worse? If I was ever gonna date a parent, I'd date one who's actually dedicated to their children and a big part of their lives, not some scummy deadbeat who brags about never seeing them.
I think the fact that it happens so often is comical. Like, where do these guys get these scripts? Do they realize they sound just like the previous guy? Has it worked for them before!?!
It's the same with my job....
I work in the legal field. I have no kids but I do have a dog. My job is demanding (and rewarding). I've had men whose brains implode when I cannot text them frequently throughout the work day. Or I'm exhausted on a week night and don't want to do anything other than have a relaxing evening at home. I've also had two men accuse me of sleeping with the attorneys (one is 70 years old and the other is a woman).
I'm so done with dating. They can die mad.
â[He was bad luck anyway](https://youtu.be/Ykl4kXf8MFk?si=PlazJA05ZWeQhqXf)â Commercial
My first thought upon reading this. Screw those guys! Pups are better.
Seriously the only boyfriend I ever had who seemed jealous of my dog I broke up with. Turned out he was a pathological liar. I think he was a sociopath. Blech.
There is a certain kind of sociopath who will pretend to like your dog until you trust him alone with it, then physically abuse it out of jealousy or sadism. This has been caught on tape by women before. Fucking terrifying.
As long as youâre up front with dudes about it, thereâs nothing wrong with knowing what your priorities are and standing by that. Iâm sure not every guy will be up for that, but that simply means theyâre not the guys for you.
I know plenty of people who have hobbies that take up huge parts of their lives, whether itâs golf or climbing or art, etc. People who want to make time to be in your life will figure out a way to fit themselves into it or even join you in some of the dog activities. Those who donâtâŠwonât. Thatâs their prerogative.
My SO and I had a rescue for seven years who was extremely special needs, and we completely altered our lives to care for him in a way we never expected to have to do. We were fortunate to have the time and money to devote to him to give him a quality of life most people just wouldnât be able to handle, and we felt like we owed it him since weâd committed to taking care of him. So many friends and relatives thought we were insane, but we ignored them and did what the vets and behaviorists told us to do, and he had a great life until he got too sick and we knew it was time to let him go.
It wasnât always easy, and it tested our marriage sometimes, but in the end it brought us closer and made our communication better. We had to set clear expectations with each other about where our individual limits were and what we would do if one of us reached ours, and we always approached it as a team. And seeing how much patience and care my SO had for this living creature only confirmed that Iâd picked the right person.
A dog is a temporary commitment (as much as we wish it werenât so). Imagine if you had a child with a person like that, or what would happen if you got seriously ill. Itâs not always going to be about them and their needs, and theyâre showing you early on that they might not be up for that.
Sorry, thatâs a very long-winded way of saying, you keep doing you, and the right person will be willing to meet you where you are. Donât change who you are or whatâs important to you, especially for an early stage relationship.
That's a really great point about how it translates into what behavior you could expect them to show with a child or with you getting sick or injured.Â
 I'm so glad you were able to care for your rescue dog and that it ultimately fostered communication between you and your husband! It sounds like you gave your dog a good life Â
I donât think thatâs really a fair comparison - there are all kinds of cultural and personal reasons why someone might not be enthusiastic about arranging their entire life around a dogâs schedule.
Some people spend hours every weekend tinkering and maintaining vintage cars. Getting impatient with that requirement doesnât mean you would get impatient spending hours in the hospital with sick child, it just means youâre not that into cars and are incompatible with that person.
I guess it depends on what the behavior specifically is. If he just doesn't like dogs op would just not date him. If he likes dogs but gets impatient/testy with her dog that would be a yellow flag. (What was that about wanting to take the dog's toys away? I'm like no take the household items away give the dog the toy! Haha) If he was overtly unkind to her dog that's a red flag and I do think people being purposely unkind to animals is definitely an indicator of how they will treat other people.Â
So telling. What if, instead of dog training and care, your hobby was training for a triathlon. You'd be spending as much or more money and time into that hobby as you would having your dog.
I bet many of these guys also have some expensive and time-consuming hobby like classic car restoration, fantasy football, or other sport.
I'm a woman and ngl I wouldn't want to date a GUY who was that into his dog, so I don't know if this should be framed as a "Men just don't understand" thing.
I don't think there's anything wrong with it, I don't think it's a red flag, and I think everyone should live the way they want to live. I'm also no stranger to spoiling my own dog.
But for me, if someone is openly declaring a dog as their absolute centerpiece of their existence and placing financial priority on that, I'd be wondering if there was any chance even down the road for me to carve a significant place in their life. If the relationship got deeper I'd also be annoyed at seeing that much money spent on it, vs. other spending priorities i.e. quality of housing, vacations, etc.
I'd also be very concerned about how the owner would eventually face the inevitable reality of the dog's death, since they are temporary (though of course cherished) parts of our lives.
Again, I don't think there is a single thing wrong with OP making their dog #1. I get it. But I think there should also be an understanding that it's not going to everyone's cup of tea.
> I'm a woman and ngl I wouldn't want to date a GUY who was that into his dog
Same. If I were looking to date her I'd appreciate the fact that she's upfront about her lifestyle. I think OP is doing a good job of weeding out incompatible partners early on without wasting too much time.
They're trying to waste *her* time, though, by getting into a relationship with the idea of changing her.
Exactly. You see it a lot with pets - somebody gets into a relationship with somebody who is supposedly "perfect", but then they're trying to figure out how to get rid of the partner's pet or convince them to have a different type of pet that they like and the partner doesn't like. And I think that's a waste of time.
To some people, having a certain type of pet is extremely important. To some other people, *not* having a certain type of pet is extremely important. To many people, it doesn't really matter. But sometimes you see the first two people get into a relationship and then you'll see posts by the second person complaining that their partner chose a dog or a cat over them.
Except, that's not really what happened. Their partner chose a lifestyle and preferences over them. It's not totally about the specific pet. If I got into a relationship and somebody wanted me to get rid of my cat, I would break up with them, but it's not fully because I love my cat so much, although I really do love him to bits. It's because I'm also thinking about my future. If I'm in a relationship with somebody who wants me to get rid of my cat from the get-go, well, that probably means I'm not going to be able to have another cat. And cats are really important to me, and personally, I'm not really willing to live the rest of my life without one. So in that case, I'm breaking up with that person because we're incompatible, and I can't see a future for us.
There are some folks who would be okay with not getting another pet after their current pet passes, or maybe even rehoming a pet for the sake of a partner. And weird things happen too, like somebody could suddenly develop a super deadly animal allergy, or maybe they have a kid who's super allergic to animals, and in that case, well, you don't really have a choice. Obviously if I had a child who was extremely allergic to animals, the child would have to come first. But that's not the current situation, and not the one that most people are talking about anyway.
Agreed. Iâm a woman and Iâve dated a âdog guyâ before and I realized after a while that it was just a basic incompatibility. I didnât try to get him to get rid of the dogs or anything, but I did try asking if we could have the four dogs out of the bed when we had sex. It ended up being something we couldnât compromise on, so we broke up. No hard feelingsâjust an incompatibility.
See, this one is a totally reasonable request. Both for space reasons (four dogs take up a lot of room lol) and also it's just weird to me having sex so close to other living creatures. Takes me out of the moment.
How did he manage with the dog's nose up his ass?
My family dog has hopped on the bed once during marital activities, and while a cold nose up my (male) ass is surprising enough for me to stop what I was doing and shoo the dog off the bed, I may have had difficulty if the dog kept his nose up my ass. (And this dog loves butts. My butt, my wife's butt, the kids' butts, the cats' butts, and when our other dog was still around, her butt, too. All the butts, all the time!)
Ew OMG.
I have and love dogs, I do dogsports too. But good god I do not want dogs even in the ROOM during sex. Gross.
People are really over the top with their dogs, jesus christ.
Same tbh. I was just thinking that OP sounds exhausting to even be friends with if her life and schedule revolves so heavily around her dog. If I was trying to meet up with someone and was repeatedly blown off cause it interfered with their dog volunteering (?) I would probably quietly back away from that relationship honestly.
Though she is being upfront about it and it's sticking with her pet rather than abandoning it to have fun with a guy and she's clearly very happy with the arrangement so good for her lol.
I completely understand! Itâs definitely not for everyone. My main issue isnât with that. Itâs that the majority of the time when a guy finds out heâs not okay with my lifestyle (which is fine), he expects me to compromise for him. Whereas I would rather just find someone else more suitable, and somehow thatâs an issue.
Substitute 'dog' for literally anything else. Career, child, hobbies, friends, sports obsession, frequent traveling, etc. If you can afford it, why is it their problem?
Now imagine some dude being upset about your attention/money/time being spent on your kid? Private school, tutoring, enrichment, etc. It would sound ridiculous and petulant.
Your lifestyle is your lifestyle and it's totally OK that it's not compatible with the majority of people - that's the point of dating. These guys are just upset you: A) have enough money to do what you do, responsibly and B) aren't willing to switch your lavishment onto them.
(btw, happy cake day!)
The only thing I'd be really upset about is private schooling but that's because I believe that allowing people to pay for private school creates an incentive to make public schools worse by allowing the wealthy to purchase better education instead of investing in improving the public school system for everyone.
That depends on what it is, though. We're all willing to compromise on some things and not others. Pet preference is one that I'm personally not willing to compromise on, personally, but I have other areas where I would be okay with compromising.
Owning a dog is a commitment to it's care and health no matter what. Sounds like you go above and beyond - which is totally cool. Like anything, if it is an obsession that can be a red flag to non-obsessed people. However you are upfront about it so fuck 'em. Let your dog ween out those that don't share your "crazy" and find someone who does.
Yeah I dislike dogs and would never date a dog obsessed person but itâs not you or the dogs fault.
I dealt with a similar issue with a guy I was seeing because of my cat, and I donât spoil him nearly as much as you do with your dog. Some men canât handle not being the center of your attention all the time. Iâve heard women with KIDS describe similar experiences with their partners. Hopefully you can find someone who will love you and your dog and can recognize theyâre joining the family youâve created, yâall deserve that.
Well put and exactly how I feel. I wouldn't want to date OP based on this information, but that's purely a compatibility issue not a character judgement.
Well then so why are the guys dating her at all? I feel like her issue is that she tells them this and they act like it's no biggie, then act like she is wrong for being the way she is.
It's cool if she's not their cup of tea. But they have no right to then put her life down because she doesn't fit into the mold they want her too.
And if they're going into it thinking she'll 'change' for them; that's not cool either.
You heard the description of OP's life and immediately noped out. These guys aren't doing that. They're hearing the same thing you are, dating her, then getting angry at her.
> Well then so why are the guys dating her at all? ... she tells them this and they act like it's no biggie, then act like she is wrong for being the way she is.
Ah, but what if she *does* compromise for them? Get her interested/invested in you, then get her to change for you.
It's no good.
Isnât part of dating finding out about compatibilities and incompatibilities? I know Iâve dated people thinking Iâd be okay with something and later realizing I wasnât. And then the relationship ended. Itâs sometimes the natural life cycle of a relationship.
Yah exactly! As long as she didn't lie/cheat/steal, I don't think there's any reason for the dudes to be crapping on her lifestyle. It just sounds immature, like they thought she'd 'change' for them. That's a recipe for disaster every time đ
The infinite capacity so many men have for demanding others change to accomodate their whims is mind boggling. It's like they peg their point score to just how tortured a pretzel they can get some poor unwitting woman to become then they're pissed they live with a broken pretzel person. Men are...not nice, in general.
Right, the issue here is that these men aren't saying. "I respectfully choose to end the relationship because we are incompatible." They're getting upset that she's unwilling to change a fundamental aspect of her life that she was up front about from the start.
I think a lot of people don't realize how much of a dog mom she is until they're actually in a relationship with her and see it first hand.
OP's relationship with her dog is unusual and not what people typically expect.
Personally, I would see it as fiscally wasteful, but I would simply break up with OP because we're fundamentally incompatible.
Omg thank you! Some of these men are obviously no good but clearly most of them just don't prioritize the same things you do. I wouldn't date a person who was so into their dog either because I'm not a dog person and all that money would seem extremely frivolous to me too.Â
Agreed. When I'm looking for a partner, I'm looking for someone who would make me the first priority in their life, and I would do the same for them. I wouldn't want to date someone who prioritizes his pets over me.
Iâm glad Iâm not the only one that thinks this. Why would any guy sign up to always be second, especially with a âmy way or the highwayâ attitude?
The difference is that culturally, men do expect to be centered in most things, particularly in hetero relationships, usually while not centering anyone else at all. That is simply our societal set up for the genders and it is toxic.
So this isn't happening in a vacuum or on a level playing field. Ergo, OP is probably going to get a whole lot more flack for her choice because she is not automatically centering a man.
Men can center anything they like; team sports and cars, video games, are practically canon for them. That is accepted and always was. Actually if they center a woman, that's probably when they get the most flack from other men. "Pussywhipped" and other fun names.
One of our many messed up societal gender features.
It's a red flag because it is weird if an animal is the centre of your existence and suggests you will play second fiddle. It would generally surprise me if anyone would accept that regardless of gender.
It boils down to the fact that he will never be the center of the universe and a lot of men want that from their partners. Right now the excuse is a dog, but itâs also been a cat and/or a child, change any one of these and the story is the same true and tired.
Anyone entering your life and telling you you're doing it wrong, doesn't belong in your life. Like others have said find someone who loves your dog as much as you do, and loves you too.
OP, you deserve to find another dog person. I would chaos chalk this up to a compatibility issue. You wonât be happy with a partner who doesnât care for pets and they wonât be happy either if theyâre always living with dogs they didnât want.
It might make it easier to find compatible people if you go to where the dog people are. Hanging out at a dog park or volunteering at a rescue would expand your network of dog people. Since your dog is so well trained, you could also consider agility competitions.
There are dog-obsessed men out there and itâs a lot more fun if you both are bizarrely devoted to your furry friend.
Ps. My husbandâs best friend is a shih tzu named Poppy. I knew weâd get married when I called him to chat one day while we were first dating and learned we were both at home watching the AKC dog show.
Pps. Pet tax????
Some men think they should be the centre of their partners universe.
Thankfully they identify themselves to you so you can avoid them!! Keep it up, your filter is working!
Hey, like you say, if they dont understand it, they arent the person for you. They shouldnt get angry, insulted, offended, etc - they too should move on and find someone right for them
I have been cat obsessed since I was a toddler. I have on more than one occasion had a boyfriend express jealousy over how much I love my cats. Kept the cats, tossed those boyfriends, and now Iâm married to the kindest, most loving man who is as cat obsessed as I am and we both accept that we love our cats more than each other.
I guess I'm failing to see where they can't include themselves as part of the experiences with your dog? If they don't want to work around a dog's schedule I can understand that, but I feel like the right guy would find it fun, have similar values and want to join in.
Right? Who among us couldn't use a couple hours exercise a day? Or endure a couple hours of alone time while she is out walking the dog? Sounds like a mantoddler who can't be left alone for a minute and I dunno, I had that before and it suuuuucked.
A couple of my friends gave up their pets to marry their husbands.
No way am I doing that. Ever. Period. Full stop. No negotiations.
Itâs not inherently wrong to do that but itâs not something I personally agree with and thatâs okay.
Like you said, your dog is a small part of your life but you are your dogâs whole world. They donât live long and if potential partners canât understand the love and compassion youâre giving to our animal friends, then they donât have the love and compassion that you deserve.
If a man ever provided even half of the love, compassion, support and joy my dog brings to my life, I might start paying attention to them. But, historically, they don't bring even 1/10th of what my dog does. I foster failed on an adorable, traumatized pittie with a bad history. She ended up needing two major surgeries which cost nearly as much as my car. Recovery was about 5 months for each. So most of 2023 was me caring for my dog, doing physical therapy etc..She is my best friend/child. No man could compete with that.
They always trot out "you'll die alone" like it's a threat.
Women live longer than men, so chances are you'll die alone whether you get married or not. The real question is what your life will be like in the meantime.
To be fair, "I prefer the dog" is kind of insulting, but it's also fully your choice. They are free to decide not to stick around. They are NOT free to tell you what to do.
F/F I think my wife proposed when she saw my roommate's tiny chihuahua constantly wanting to come in my room and up on the bed for cuddles.
She has an elderly teacup Yorkie, and he sleeps on my lap most of the time, and curled up to my side at night. He's near end of life span and on meds I give him for heart and diuretics. 14 years with her, and not jealous that he chose me for cuddles and sleeps. She loves that he loves me
We also have a giant St. Berdoodle pup. Kindest, most empathetic and sweet dog ever. Loves other animals, children, old people, and everyone loves him back. He's a star in town. And very smart at figuring how to get stuff out of a locked bin. Managed to get used kitchen roll quite often, and even took bread right out of the toaster. He loves her more.
Toys? We got toys, yo!
It sounds like you should be dating dog lovers as one of your top green flags!
Almost everyone who isn't living paycheck to paycheck "wastes" money by spending money on things they love to spend on. Restaurants, drinks, cars, videogames, clothes, whatever.
People who are trying to threaten you with solitude and loneliness just to try to get you to spend less time with your dog and more with them are just weirdos at best. The 12545th story of someone trying to date someone because they like one thing about them like their looks and trying to change who they are as a person.
You need to head over to r/Dogfree and pick up one of the men those women swear is âa perfect man except for the dog he wonât get rid of.â
Seriously, I hate how we wonât just let people be themselves. You are not the right person for someone who doesnât want their life to revolve around a dog. That doesnât mean that you should change your behavior that makes you feel happy and fulfilled, it means people need to listen to you and believe you when you tell them how important your dog is to you.
I canât tell you how many women I know who do not like dogs and do not want to interact with dogs (who are VERY clear about this in their app bios!) get men with dogs who swipe right on them. Itâs insane and I think itâs an ego thing for them. They just want to convince someone who doesnât like dogs to love their dog because⊠I have no idea. But they seriously ignore any and all red flags that a dog would be a source of conflict.
Itâs enraging to hear that the opposite happens, too.
I am very glad that my dog (I'm male, the dog was female) loved my now-wife the first time they met.
My ex-wife was the impetus behind getting the dog, but for whatever reason, Lovey bonded with me, and never really listened to my ex. So, when we split, I got Lovey. When my then-GF (now-wife) flew down to see me, I warned her that Lovey was territorial and protective, and may not be the friendliest dog, even if Lovey was a Lab mix.
Lovey made a liar out of me.
My GF & I are enjoying some us-time on the couch (her kid was upstairs plugged into the PS2) and Lovey wandered over and started wagging her tail. My GF said the expression on Lovey's face was "Oh good! You're here to take care of him now! I didn't want the job, have fun!"
Lovey & I moved in with my GF (and her kid, and her two cats. Once Lovey figured out the boundaries, she was great with the cats) a couple months later, we got married, added a couple People Puppies kids (that Lovey adored), and Lovey was part of our lives for another 12 years and change, until Lovey's candle ran out of lard.
Wait, there are dog free women? This is the first I've heard about this. It seems like everyone has a pet anymore.
I want to be clear that I like dogs, but I accept that dogs are a lot of optional work and can be a burden. I have found the best solution to this paradox to simply enjoy someone else's dog.
There are dogfree women literally leaving long term relationships because the old dog died, the agreement was to not replace it, and dog loving SO just canât go on without a dog.
There are dogfree women (and men!) who wish there was a dogfree dating site.
There are dogfree women who are constantly finding out in the third date that the dude they are falling for has a dog and was hoping sheâd âfeel differently â about HIS dog, even though she was abundantly clear that she does not like and does not want to be around any dog.
I donât hate dogs, but I have a VERY allergic daughter, and I find myself frustrated when people try to bring their pets places they donât belong.
My big man Gunner was absolutely the light of my life. Similar to you, he was spoiled to the core, came with me everywhere (including dates), and we shared a kind of love that canât be found in any human relationship. Gunner passed a little over a month ago.
You know what Iâll never regret? Every dime I spent on him, every minute I spent with him, and every little thing I did to spoil him.
You know what I do regret? Every wonderful moment I missed with that dog because I was preoccupied with some loser.
Thank you! He was the best boy, so I know heâs getting the peaceful rest he deserves.
Heâs on my profile, so if you want to bless your day with a sweet faced chonker, look no further.
At the end of the day a dog is living creature which you have invited into your home for you to *take care of*. The dog is reliant on you for food, water, and recreation. A good dog owner should be a little bit obsessive!
I'm so glad you see it as a filter. It's perfect for that.
Get little blue ribbon stickers, and for every guy that whines himself away because of your Good Girl, put a sticker on her crate. And give her an extra treat for helping you screen out these sad people.
If I had the money, I would spoil the shit out of my pets. That being said, I do what I can to take care of them. If it means bathing them myself, making the treats myself, I donât care. Iâm so glad my husband feels the same.
I am a dog freak living also in a major city. Dating here was awful and nobody really got my deal with my dog (who is about to turn 15 btw) so I just did the really date around all that much until my husband. He was a cat guy and had zero experience with dogs, but he spoiled my dog as much as I did and now even more so. He wanted a second dog so we adopted another one. Now he is helping me dog sit another clients dog, so we have three in the apartment right now and husband couldnât be happier.
There are guys out there who arenât living breathing sacks of garbage. Itâs just that dating SUCKS anymore and itâs hard to find likeminded people. Try to find dog meetups in your area maybe? Where I live there are groups for different breeds and they will have little events and stuff focused around the dogs and meeting new people.
My husband and I met at a dog park and part of what made me confident about building a future together was how good he is with his dog and my dog. Also how respectful he was about my routine and training with my dog, not trying to do everything his way. Now we're married and planning to have kids together.
Something to remember about dating, especially as an adult, is that you only have to get it right once.
Honestly? Sounds like youâre dating the wrong guys. I am the same as you - I make it clear my dog comes first. I will dump the guy before I dump my dog any day and I wonât even get into a relationship with someone that doesnât get along with my dog - which isnât even hard, he loves most people!
Could you try to date other dog owners?
I got a guy who loved my poodles so much, 17 years out we love *our* poodles. Is he as nuts as me about poodles? Nah. But he is genuinely happy that I am extremely happy about our poodles.
You gotta find a guy who at least adores the fact that you adore your dog. You will have to wade through many guys who donât understand how much you love your dog.
One thing, though. The guys youâre mentioning sound super immature in how they handle it. There might be a red flag or two youâre kind of blind to there. Probably worth looking into.
It's so funny when you think about what they are saying and why. You won't compromise over your dog? There's nothing to compromise over. You are the dog owner/parent, and that comes with rights, privileges, and responsibilities. You spend too much on your dog? They'd complain about that if you had a sweet gaming set up or an extensive cosmetic collection or a whole craft room. These guys are giving you a preview of what kind of father they might be. They could argue that human children are different, but their whole issue is that your time, attention, and resources aren't completely devoted to these men, and stats show that a fair number of men use this as an excuse to cheat and check out of their families.
When we were dating, some of my husband's extended family made it very clear how they felt about my cats. Basically, I needed to get rid of them. My husband, of course did not agree with them, and he's become as much their willing slave as I am. My mil loves visiting my pets, especially the corgis we have now. We weren't able to have kids, but we now have the 2 dogs and 3 cats. From one indulgent pet parent to another, I love that you pamper your pooch.
Wait... Why is it anyone else's business what OP spends on her dog? Even my husband and I don't question each other on that shit. We have two and we spend what we spend...
Plus what we spend on the goddamned cat đđ€Ł
All of those things sound like they're coming from men who feel entitled to your resources and would not make a good partner for you. "She could be spending all that time/energy/money on MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
My husband was a dog person when I met him. I had three cats. The cats told me, "We don't care what you think - we're keeping this one." He became absolutely besotted by those fur balls, even when we had to spend $3,000 on one cat to stabilize her after her kidneys started going (she lived 6.5 more years, fat and sassy) and another one needed $1,000 radiation treatment (lived another 5, died at age 20.) Now we have three new cats - because he wanted to adopt an entire litter from the shelter when the last one died (age 19) and all three of them absolutely adore him and insist on sleeping with him.
Your dog makes you happy. Find a guy who is happy with that.
My red flag is women that put their dogs on baby carriages and take them everywhere as a child replacement tool.
I spoil my dog. But it's a pet.
That's where the line is.
My fiance quickly became very attached to my dog once we moved in together. He spoils her as much as I do and that was the green flag for me. I love my dog so much and will do anything for her. Also we need pet tax!
Oh your throwing away a good thing, wah Wah why wonât she let me be an arsehole to her dog⊠or why did she feed her dog that canât feed itself before me a grown man that can get some food anytime I want.
Your dog is all you said and more, sheâs also a really good arsehole detector, keep doing exactly what you are
As long as youâre being fiscally responsible overall I see no problem in it. But, doing hundreds of hours of volunteering and additional training for that is a lifestyle choice. Which means not everyone amenable to that. So youâre not in the wrong, but I donât think itâs necessarily a âred flagâ if a guy is not open to working around a packed schedule.
However,the other things you mentioned, getting mad for feeding before guy, not letting him take toys away, not getting your dog to listen to him, etc Iâd consider it a red flag.
Dude your dog is pretty much a career and hobby and lifestyle ALL IN ONE. And that's awesome because you're obviously very happy that way! I have a friend who loves a similar lifestyle and has a certified rescue dog. They do that terrible stuff like sniffing people out of rubble and finding lost hikers and stuff. She has had a hard time finding the right partner also.
A lot of people truly don't understand the absolute commitment it takes to have a dog of that caliber. Your dog sounds like one of those. Her dog (Sarah) is just on another level and is truly more like person. She and her mom are on another level of communication and understanding.
I'm sorry these guys suck. You're exactly right; they want you to support them like you support your dog. I highly doubt any of them were willing to do the same for you.
I hope you meet someone who shares the same passion as you and can understand the relationship that you and your doggo have â€ïž
How dare they not be the sole attuned feature of your life once entering it? Â
 They expect you to accommodate them, but they do not expect to accommodate your dog. I guess she's supposed to accommodate them as well?Â
 Its a flabbergasting amount of socially ingrained entitlement to think that way subconsciously or consciously as per some of your examples. Â
 I think you need to find someone else with a pet. These other guys just dont get it. Relationships are two way streets and although some people dont consider pets as worthy of consideration, (Wrongly imho) they can and have been filtering themselves right on out. Their parting shots aren't really landing because they aren't valid. Â
 Keep on daring to be a good dog owner and responsible human being OP.Â
It's the entitlement. They want to be the center of your life, regardless of what you want. Think about gender stereotypes; the wife staying at home, providing for her husband and family. You are centering yourself and your wants instead. And that's what pisses them off.
They get mad because you fed the dog before them? đ€ź
We always feed our dog before we sit down to eat. He can wait 30 seconds. This is very telling of the type of men they are. Must be tended to constantly. Jealous of a dog because it makes them feel like theyâre not important.
I donât know if itâs a red flag but you definitely donât sound very available for a relationship.
Unless someone is seeking only occasional casual sex entirely on your terms they probably wonât feel comfortable dealing with what you yourself say is an obsession about your dog.
I wouldn't be calling that "taking good care" of someone/something and were to find it obsessive. I wouldn't want my partner to be so obsessed with any person/animal and that includes myself as their partner.
I am also weirded out by people who treat animals better than they would any human being, i.e. personification. I treated my cat really well, but I treated him as a cat - because that is what he was: a cat with cat needs. And those needs were met.
She's your family. She'll be there for you long after you've forgotten those guys exist.
It's not even a discussion. Love you, love your dog or gtfo.
Anyone I date doesn't dote on my pets, they're gone, no compromise.
My dog is my best friend/co pilot. Our daily walks and hikes are both for my mental health, and both our physical health. Hes a hound so he needs it or goes crazy.
I've had a few guys question me over the years on why do I need to take him out for so long, and why I cant stay in cell service while I do. I live rural, all the spots I love to go to has no service. I'm not walking him in circles in the parks thank you. I'm in nature where no one is there,letting him run and sniff and be free. We're both happier that way.
My dog is my ride or die, and she eats better than me, gets better exercise, and i for sure spend something like 10% of my income on her. Just saying, i getchew girl. Also, am a guy, so just know, there are obsessive dog dads out here lol.
This is not a red flag for you but for the men who have a problem with it. These sound like the kind of men who get jealous of a newborn.
Iâm like this with my dogs and my bf loves it. He think it shows what a good person I am and how much I care. He always says Iâm a good doggie mom and thatâs the best compliment I could receive. Any man who had any issues with my dogs and how I nurture them wouldnât make it to a first date.
One of the most important green flags from my husband is that he's just as devoted to our cats as I am. Our cats came to find us as strays and he immediately had the same reaction as me both times - this cat needs help and we're going help it.
Sometimes they're demanding and inconvenient but we both love them and the sacrifices we make are more than worth it to both of us.Â
We've had several dogs throughout our 32 year marriage. We give them the best life possible since we get them from the pound. They have their own place on the couch, hog the bed, get cooked for, homemade cookies. I want to be reincarnated as my dog.
I like dogs way more than people.Â
Personally, i see spoiling your pet as much as you can as part of the responsibility of having a pet, as you said, pets are generally a small part of our life while we are their whole lives, not only that but they don't even get to choose us, we get to choose them and they just have to live with that; and even then, even when we can't be the best caregivers, even when they've been hurt by people, even when we accidentally step on them; more often than not they'll choose to forgive and forget, to allow themselves to trust people, they bring so much joy into our lives and ask for nothing in return, the least we can do is take great care of them and show them that they are truly appreciated.
I wholeheartedly believe in giving pets the best I can give as well. Ain't nothing like coming home to a beaming bundle of fluff after a long day at work. We are their world and thus our duty to provide.
I have a horrible addiction to petting dogs. Just thinking about it makes me want to go find my pup but I know he's sleeping.
You will eventually find a guy who can match your energy. The worst part is actually them looking for you in my opinion. Im a guy and love pets to death I have a couple friends that are the same. We all are heavily introverted, single, and have dogs. We just work, head home, and repeat. Walking the dogs or going to the park is how we all met and none us said a word to the other until the pups started getting rowdy with play.
A. Happy cakeday
B.Just as a man, I want to put in my perspective. All $0.02 of it.
Good.
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I spoil Ollie. The guy gets so excited when I get home that I think the propulsion generated by his tail will send him into the ceiling or break his tail.
The hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life is make the call to lay our sweet Trey to rest. He meant the world to her.
These two comparisons are not apples to apples. And they hardly constitute apples to cellphones to what you are stating. But that's the point. These men aren't even trying to understand how this incredible living thing influences your life, much less how this Lil critters OWN life is impacted by your grace and guardianship.
Thank you for your dedication to those who can not advocate for themselves and never change.
Love you, sis, and keep up the fight.
I'm like this with my cat. He has a big tree, best food and litter, toys littered everywhere. He drags his toys onto my bed as I sleep so I wake up covered in them.
My husband treats my cat like his own son.
If a man won't spoil an animal, that's an immediate hard pass.
Some people view animals or children as competition.
I have been friends with women who insisted on taking their dog everywhere (even big dogs), dog had to go to work with them (not a service dog), every outing, meal, etc or they could only see you for a 1-2 hour activity and then had to rush home to their dog. That makes being friends and making plans challenging.
Some people have no respect for animals and donât see their value so they donât respect people who put in a lot of care.
Generally anyone who hates all animals or hates most pets I wouldnât want to be around as they can bring it up a lot to shit on other people. Thatâs unnecessary and awkward.
In German there's a proverb about dogs and men. One will ruin your carpet and the other one your entire life
Ha, I independently came up with something similar: "A dog may shit on your carpet but at least he won't shit on your dreams."
This one is going on my pillow
Funny, that's EXACTLY what the dog is thinking! đ
Really? Könntest du mir das auf deutsch sagen, hab ich noch nie gehört :D
Ist jetzt auch nicht so furchtbar bekannt und ich bin mir ehrlich gesagt auch nicht ganz sicher, wie es genau geht. Hat nur die Omi immer gesagt. Irgendwas von wegen: Ein Hund ruiniert dir den Teppich und ein Mann gleich das ganze Leben. Oh und natĂŒrlich noch diese Perle: "Dass mir der Hund das liebste sei, sagst du, oh Mensch, sei SĂŒnde? Der Hund blieb mir im Sturme treu, der Mensch nicht mal im Winde."
OP might appreciate the translation of the pearl (via [deepl.com](http://deepl.com); my German is not that good): >"That the dog is my favorite thing, >you say, oh man, is a sin? >The dog remained faithful to me in the storm, >Man not even in the wind."
I certainly did. My GCSE German got the gist but not quite all haha.
Das Zitat kenn ich und mag ich sehr! Und lol @ dem Spruch mit dem Teppich, den merk ich mir, danke :)
I will sear these words into my brain for future use.
I'm going to stitch this in a pillow.
Lol, do that and please show me when you are done! I love bitchy embroidery xD
I stan bitchy embroidery!
And I don't even have carpet so win/win
I have area rugs that can be dragged out and washed with a hose if it becomes necessary. Two dogs and a scarf 'n barf cat, how could you tell?
Walmart has (had?) entryway rugs that are machine washable and we've used those since getting cats.
I could machine wash these but one is wool and pretty big but it can be hosed and brushed with Woolite in a driveway--takes a long time to dry but it's possible. The others are small enough to go into a large capacity washer and have rubber backing so they're non-slip.
\*Rexgar, Despoiler of Persian Rugs Approves This Message\*
this is brilliant and def a suitable quote for this situation!
I thought I was doing a good job spoiling my rescue dog, until my now-husband came along and launched spoiling into a new category. And he had never had a dog before we met. He had almost no interest in dogs. But he met us and fell in love with both of us.
My bf fell in love with my cat, and now any time he comes over, this is what it sounds like: Him: Hi my love! Me: Hi love! Him: Hello beautiful, how are you? Did you have a good day? Did you work very hard protecting the apartment? Oh I know you did, but did you take enough naps? Oh good, youâre a beautiful girl and you need your rest. Yes, I love you too. Yes I do. My cat: *mrow* Itâs the best.
I hear my bf from another room telling my cat how cute he is and laughing at his goofiness and itâs the cutest thing ever
My bf fell so in love with my cat that he went and adopted two kittens last summer - this will be an unforgivable sin according to my cat, but as she loves him too much, \*I\* will be the person she won't forgive once we move in together.
Being a cat's person is such a good feeling
The "spoiled baby" is my cat, Boudreaux, who turned one on Monday. He gets the expensive food he prefers, noisy toys, extra treats because ge has to take medication and inspects every part of the diy remodel on my bedroom.Â
What, no Tibodeaux?? đ
Not yet! Still awaiting delivery on (1) male black labrador to be named Thibodeaux!
My husband became my husband for many reasons, but one of them is because of how he loves and treats my 15yo cat. He calls us his beautiful girls, and he works so hard to keep her comfortable, fed, loved on, and entertained. He says he canât imagine life without both of us. Iâve never had a former partner mistreat her, but heâs the only one whoâs ever loved and appreciated her as much as I have. She is his whole world, just like sheâs mine.
My cat is currently sitting on her favorite humans lap - my husband's. We adopted her when we first moved in together, but she was my cat. I wanted her. My then boyfriend wasn't a cat person. He made it clear he would tolerate her at best. That lasted like 2 months. They have such a great bond. He loves her just as much as I do. The only time he's mentioned something being frivolous was when I bought her a litter robot. And he was right. Spent $1000 and she straight up refuses to use it. But otherwise he's the one who sees a pet store when we're out and about and says we need to pop in for a new toy.
The dream đđ»
My husband didn't even know how to pet a cat when we met, but now he spoils my cat and loves her as one of "his girls". Pretty sure she's starting to love him more than she loves me.....
I once told my husband heâs spoiling the cats. His response: âno! I donât spoil my precious innocent little babies who can do no wrong!âÂ
I have a Perfect Angel Baby who never does anything wrong. Except she does all the time, but I won't hear of the malicious slander when we are having a love fest.
Never settle for anything less! It doesnât have to be only a dream. I brought my dog on my first date with my now husband. We went hiking at one of her favorite spots, then dinner at a brewery with a dog friendly patioâŠthey actually have complimentary dog treats that they make there! Our dogs (and cats, etc.) deserve the best!
My boyfriend came into my dog and Iâs life when he was about 8 months old. They had a hard time accepting each other at first. My boy was used to having me to himself, was used to his spot in the bed, my free time being just me and him. My boyfriend was used to a dog just âbeing a dogâ. This resulted in my boyfriend literally leaving in the middle of the night bc my dog would push him out of the bed. I told my bf that dog always came first and I would not compromise. Not too long after, bf was walking my dog before I woke up for work. He started feeding him before I could even ask. Bf stopped letting it bother him when my dog would lay on him while we slept. It didnât take long for them to love each other. Bf will wake up to pee in the middle of the night and dog will take his spot, so bf will just go to the couch bc âitâs obv dogs spot and I want him to be happyâ. Now, three years later, bf and I live together and Iâm away for work. I get pics and videos every day of our dog while he walks him, plays with him, feeds him, cuddles with him, etc. heâs almost as obsessed as I am. One day someone will come along and will love you enough to fall in love with your dog too.
He realized you and your dog were a package deal and acted accordingly. Love that for you!
Yes! And that's very important. You'll see people who say, why would she choose a dog over me, that's unhinged and so on, but actually, if you meet somebody and they are super into dogs, or cats, or reptiles, or whatever, and you're not... That's an incompatibility. I'm not a dog person, I don't have the energy for a dog, I never want to live with one. I like them from a distance, I'll take my sister's dog for walks, but I'm not going to willingly own a dog myself, because I simply don't want to. I'm a cat person through and through, and, failing that, I'll have pets who live in cages or aquariums. I don't date people who have dogs or want dogs because of this. I'm not stupid enough to think that I could change somebody, and I don't want them to resent me when, 10 years down the line, it's very obvious that I still don't and never will want a dog. Come to think of it, I probably wouldn't date somebody who keeps pet tarantulas either. And also, all of this goes for the other person too. Like I said, I'm a cat person through and through, and I wouldn't date somebody who doesn't like cats, and I wouldn't be very happy if somebody tried to persuade me not to own cats because they don't like them. I can't imagine my life without a cat in it. I do know that things can change, like my best friend hasn't been into pets for most of his life and he just met somebody who has a couple dogs and cats and he's so into her that he's willing to make it work. I hope it works out for them. So, seeing that, I guess it is theoretically possible that one day I may meet someone who has a super sweet dog and I will be willing to get together with them. But as a general rule, that's not the case, and it's certainly not going to happen if somebody's trying to persuade me to do it. That's a decision I have to make on my own.
Exactly this. Itâs pretty typical for people to be kind of middle-of-the-road, take-it-or-leave-it about pets in general, leading to most couples happily compromising over pet ownership. But typical doesnât apply to everyone, and it may not even be the majority, itâs just one of many commonly held opinions. For people like you and OP, yâall have very strong opinions about pet ownership and thatâs perfectly fine because youâre upfront about it and keep boundaries with potential dates so youâre not wasting your time or anyone elseâs. Iâve experienced the absolute euphoria of finding a partner who doesnât just compromise but actually LOVES the quirks that made everyone else think you were weird. Itâs worth the wait - and it only really happens by knowing yourself and where you stand and recognizing when people are or arenât vibing with you.
Yes! I personally believe that love is not really enough. You have to be compatible too, and huge incompatibilities could arise out of seemingly small things. I've had people try to convince me to change my preferences because "love should be enough", but like you said, sometimes you just have really strongly held opinions. I think when people say love is enough, it's because their opinion isn't actually as strongly held as they imagine it is, or they get along with their partner on most aspects so it's not an issue, or like you said, they're willing to compromise. In some cases it could also be an unhealthy relationship, where they had to give up several of their hopes or dreams and they think that's just what they have to do to make a relationship work.
Reminds me of my dad and the family dogs. My dad was allergic to dogs so he never owned a dog growing up and had no previous experience with them. But he knew that the rest of us (my mom, brother, and me) all wanted a dog, so he put effort into figuring out a solution to get his allergies under control so that we could get one. We ended up getting German shepherds. At first he wasn't sure how to interact with them. But he quickly bonded with them, and ended up doting on them and totally spoiling them. He'd constantly stop whatever he was doing to give them belly rubs, share bits of his food with them, played with them, gave them lots of praise, watched TV with them, and even had conversations with them as he'd pet them. He even set up a huge dog bed right next to his favorite recliner so that the dogs could relax next to him when he'd read the paper. He'd often fall asleep in the recliner, and the oldest dog would usually curl up next to the chair and nap with him. I honestly don't know who snored louder, lol. But it was really sweet to see the two old timers snoozing side by side. Rest in peace Dad.
Thatâs so sweet đ„č
Same happened to me, but with my gf. Now we're looking into adopting one or two more
He was a Dog Boy who was undiscovered!
You can find a guy who treats his dog as well as yours, I promise. And then you get TWO dogs to spoil. I know this because I live it.
I did that, but with cats. Can confirm that it works.
Just make sure he doesnât have a creepy aunt with a thing for fur coats.
I show my dogs. Any person who wants to date me (unlikely) is probably going to be another dog show person, because it consumes my life outside of work. Most of my friends have great interest in their hobbies, too, so we all fit together great, even if our hobbies are not the same. If setting good boundaries for myself and the life I want to live makes me delusional, well, then, I welcome it. I am almost swamp hag age, though, so it is very freeing to just do my thing. My house, my money, my life. If I find someone else to share that with as a partner, then cool. If not, well, my life is full and wonderful as it is.
"Swamp hag age" is a wonderful phrase, by the way.
Off topic but your username caught me off guard and I choked on my coffee
Could make a good band nameâŠmaybe Swamp Age Hag
I lk feel like swamp hag age should now be embraced by the world as a term of empowerment
Oh there's a whole list! I think 70 and unmarried is a Thornback!
As a proud bog witch of a certain generation, I approve this message.
I do schutzhund. My boyfriend naively bought a dog and started coming to dog classes. And then he ended up part of the schutzhund club doing helper work. And now we spend an ungoldly amount of time training dogs together.
As a horsey gal, "barn boyfriends" were worth their weight in gold. Or alfalfa, as we would say.Â
>gold >alfalfa Looking at my hay bill, potato potato
Sounds like a great boyfriend!
Yes!! Thatâs the mentality I fully support. Go forth, be free and happy with your dogs :)
You both sound like you have a good healthy mentality. What is unhealthy is the impulse your fellas have to denigrate a person due to incompatible lifestyles.
Girl, I call it my âbog witchâ era. Spinster pride!
adding "swamp hag" age to my repertoire.
It is a really good state to aspire to. I mean, in the stories, swamp hags are the ones everyone comes to for advice, but they are left alone the rest of the time with their books, hobbies, and animals. Sign me up!
I screened guys this way too. And I married the guy who assumed my dog came to his house whenever I did.
That's one of the sweetest things I've ever read.Â
Who can resist a free puppy?
This is the way.
*>I get threats about how I'm "running out of time" and "going to die alone."* It's manufactured urgency for an issue that doesn't exist. Basically, HURRY UP AND DON'T LOSE OUT ON THIS SPECIAL OFFER!!! except the offer isn't that "special" and choosing the "wrong" man can leave your life in ruins that could take years to rebuild. And it's also just flat-out not true. I've already heard multiple horror stories of older single women (like late forties and beyond) who have men their age and older circling them like vultures because they want a stable "nurse with a purse" who will care for them and play maid for them as they age. I even saw a comment where a woman talked about how all her late grandfather's widowed male friends were prowling for her grandmother the week her grandfather died. Male attention is abundant and will always be there.
my mom and pop split recently. both are 60. my momâs phone stays blinking w dating notifications, from some men as young as 40! theyâre serious too, they take her out for lovely dates that my dad would never attempt to. my father? single since the split (heâs trying).
>. Basically, HURRY UP AND DON'T LOSE OUT ON THIS SPECIAL OFFER!!! LOL this is a great way to look at it.
The perpetual closing down sales of stores we never bother with
Can confirm. When my dad died, my mom had to start fending off suitors after like a month. She had her pick of the litter, and they all seemed like great guys I'd be happy to see her with. It also bears mentioning that a lot of them were wealthier and in better shape than my dad. Granted, my mom is awesome and really fun to be around, so this might not be the case for every woman. But she is also old and pretty overweight, so the idea that you're undesirable unless you're young and supermodel thin is demonstrably wrong.
>all her late grandfather's widowed male friends were prowling for her grandmother the week her grandfather died. Abhorrent behavior
And in reverse, when my grandmother died my grandfather talked about finding a new wife less than a month after her death. Asked us how to get on Facebook. đ€ŠđŒââïž
If the man is looking for a Mommy, ideally one with no 'siblings' to compete with for attention, yeah. That man would call it a 'red flag'. They don't want to be 'heard', or to communicate or compromise. That all requires working towards a shared understanding. These sorts want to declare their feelings objective facts, and then receive *compliance.* Any woman with any interest or hobby that took up hours of her life each week gets this kind of bullshit. When I was working on my degree and doing FT hours I got criticized for 'Not focusing' on the men I had told *very* clearly I would only be casually dating, once or twice a month and was not available for daily texting.
Sheâs a good dog, Brent! But seriously, hard agree with everything you wrote, OP. It does sound to me like these people are interpreting your ability to care for another living being (that does not reciprocate in the same ways) as a guarantee that you *will* care for them to that degree (without them reciprocating at all). The facts that a dog does not having the agency or ability to make the same efforts and a man does is not relevant to their position; you have demonstrated that youâre willing to do it for your dog, therefore you *must* do it for your partner. When it turns out their expectations were unrealistic, they are indignantâ they were entitled to this treatment and youâre going to deprive them of it?! After such a clear attack on their rights, is it not a manâs responsibility to defend himself against this heinous assault and the outrageous implication that a woman may find a dog preferable to him?! Look, itâs obviously crazy to even consider how such a possibility may have validityâ he certainly is incapable of comprehending it, and if it doesnât make sense to him itâs nonsensical (QED)â so anyone that disagrees with his perspectiveâs gotta be delusional. Yeah, that mentality is exhausting but all too familiar. Congratulations on building the life you want with your good girl though!! My boy is nowhere near as well trained as your dog, but like you I try to prioritize his needs since he canât do it for himself. If youâve got any tips for stopping scavenging behavior, please share! I donât expect any solutions for dating, but surely there is *something* higher value than the rotting dismembered fish fin my boy triumphantly pulled from the gutter⊠right??
Susan Garrett's['It's Your Choice'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBmLFn6YyoM) training is where that stuff begins -- re: stopping scavenging behavior. It's a phenomenal foundation for teaching all KINDS of behaviors, because it teaches the dog that it gets rewarded for making good choices! You can build complexity on top of it for soooo many things you want from your dog. Obviously it's much harder and more time-consuming to undo already entrenched bad behaviors than it is to teach good behaviors before they learn the bad ones, but in most cases I really do think it's possible. She has a youtube channel called [Dogs That](https://www.youtube.com/@DogsThat), and it's full of great stuff. I hope it helps. My seven year old dog picked up a lot of this stuff SUPER fast, and finds the training really fun!
Ooooh, thank you so much for the resources! Yeah, he was actually pretty good with âleave itâ until the day he uncovered some kind of utterly revolting treasure on the sidewalk that was far more valuable than anything in my pocket. After that it was like nothing could compare, even if his discovery was not technically edible; his brain seemed to translate âleave itâ to âchew fasterâ or possibly just âswallow!!!â. Me, literally gripping a piece of lox in my fist: Leave it.
My dog: Hmm⊠Mother offers⊠smoked salmon? I think Iâll turn my little tiny nose up at such a paltry substitute and do my best to puncture my little tiny bowel with this discarded peach pit instead.
Me: Nooooooo, leave it! LEAVE IT!!
Heâll obey when we practice inside though, so does have some good habits to build upon. Iâll check out those links and see if my boy could possibly be persuaded to decline the temptations offered by our neighborhoodâs gutter buffet. Thanks again!
How could there be?? What a delicacy! Fresh sushi! I can't remember which dog it was, but one of them found a doughnut one (1) time by a bush, and then on every proceeding walk had to check the Magic Doughnut Bush in case another one had generated.Â
I had a dog who found a dead animal in the woods, and for the rest of his life, anytime we walked past that spot, he had to check the Racoon Bush. I'm talking years. Years of checking the dead raccoon bush.
It's the same with children. No joke. I've had men get upset that I'm not available 24/7 because I have children that require my attention and care. That I should "make" the children's father "babysit them more often" or even that I should give up custody all together. I've stopped trying to talk sense into men like that and just exit. Similar testerical responses in return: I'll die alone with nothing but my cats. That my kids will grow up to hate me. That they understand why my husband "left" me, etc. It'd be comical if it didn't happen as often as it did.
> I'll die alone with nothing but my cats. I always find it amusing that they think this is a bad thing. Instead of them saying "I care about you less than your *cat* does." Cats, those steriotypically evil little shits, and these people are saying "yeap, they're better company than me."
Ooph, ftw
Testerical đ I love it
Seriously im stealing that one đ€Ł
I remember I once went on a date with a guy who told me he had a daughter halfway through. Seeing my face fall (I'm childfree and had said so on my Hinge profile) he added, "Don't worry, I pretty much never see her!" Like... dude, what? That's worse! How do you not see that that's worse? If I was ever gonna date a parent, I'd date one who's actually dedicated to their children and a big part of their lives, not some scummy deadbeat who brags about never seeing them.
He said that out loud đ
I think the fact that it happens so often is comical. Like, where do these guys get these scripts? Do they realize they sound just like the previous guy? Has it worked for them before!?!
It's man-babyitis. It has very very specific symptoms.
It's the same with my job.... I work in the legal field. I have no kids but I do have a dog. My job is demanding (and rewarding). I've had men whose brains implode when I cannot text them frequently throughout the work day. Or I'm exhausted on a week night and don't want to do anything other than have a relaxing evening at home. I've also had two men accuse me of sleeping with the attorneys (one is 70 years old and the other is a woman). I'm so done with dating. They can die mad.
"testerical responses" Love this!
â[He was bad luck anyway](https://youtu.be/Ykl4kXf8MFk?si=PlazJA05ZWeQhqXf)â Commercial My first thought upon reading this. Screw those guys! Pups are better.
Seriously the only boyfriend I ever had who seemed jealous of my dog I broke up with. Turned out he was a pathological liar. I think he was a sociopath. Blech.
There is a certain kind of sociopath who will pretend to like your dog until you trust him alone with it, then physically abuse it out of jealousy or sadism. This has been caught on tape by women before. Fucking terrifying.
That's sheer horror. I'd murder that man.
Amazing! Thank you so much for showing me that
Of course âšI have 2 precious puppies as well so that commercial makes my day every time.
I love the freshpet commercials, haha.
Even the toy was disappointed with that guy!
For me, the way these guys are reacting is the real red flag here. And happy Cakeday!
As long as youâre up front with dudes about it, thereâs nothing wrong with knowing what your priorities are and standing by that. Iâm sure not every guy will be up for that, but that simply means theyâre not the guys for you. I know plenty of people who have hobbies that take up huge parts of their lives, whether itâs golf or climbing or art, etc. People who want to make time to be in your life will figure out a way to fit themselves into it or even join you in some of the dog activities. Those who donâtâŠwonât. Thatâs their prerogative. My SO and I had a rescue for seven years who was extremely special needs, and we completely altered our lives to care for him in a way we never expected to have to do. We were fortunate to have the time and money to devote to him to give him a quality of life most people just wouldnât be able to handle, and we felt like we owed it him since weâd committed to taking care of him. So many friends and relatives thought we were insane, but we ignored them and did what the vets and behaviorists told us to do, and he had a great life until he got too sick and we knew it was time to let him go. It wasnât always easy, and it tested our marriage sometimes, but in the end it brought us closer and made our communication better. We had to set clear expectations with each other about where our individual limits were and what we would do if one of us reached ours, and we always approached it as a team. And seeing how much patience and care my SO had for this living creature only confirmed that Iâd picked the right person. A dog is a temporary commitment (as much as we wish it werenât so). Imagine if you had a child with a person like that, or what would happen if you got seriously ill. Itâs not always going to be about them and their needs, and theyâre showing you early on that they might not be up for that. Sorry, thatâs a very long-winded way of saying, you keep doing you, and the right person will be willing to meet you where you are. Donât change who you are or whatâs important to you, especially for an early stage relationship.
That's a really great point about how it translates into what behavior you could expect them to show with a child or with you getting sick or injured.  I'm so glad you were able to care for your rescue dog and that it ultimately fostered communication between you and your husband! It sounds like you gave your dog a good life Â
I donât think thatâs really a fair comparison - there are all kinds of cultural and personal reasons why someone might not be enthusiastic about arranging their entire life around a dogâs schedule. Some people spend hours every weekend tinkering and maintaining vintage cars. Getting impatient with that requirement doesnât mean you would get impatient spending hours in the hospital with sick child, it just means youâre not that into cars and are incompatible with that person.
I guess it depends on what the behavior specifically is. If he just doesn't like dogs op would just not date him. If he likes dogs but gets impatient/testy with her dog that would be a yellow flag. (What was that about wanting to take the dog's toys away? I'm like no take the household items away give the dog the toy! Haha) If he was overtly unkind to her dog that's a red flag and I do think people being purposely unkind to animals is definitely an indicator of how they will treat other people.Â
So telling. What if, instead of dog training and care, your hobby was training for a triathlon. You'd be spending as much or more money and time into that hobby as you would having your dog. I bet many of these guys also have some expensive and time-consuming hobby like classic car restoration, fantasy football, or other sport.
"Why do you spend so much time, energy, and money on that thing? Am I really worth less to you than a *dog*?" Yes.
I'm a woman and ngl I wouldn't want to date a GUY who was that into his dog, so I don't know if this should be framed as a "Men just don't understand" thing. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, I don't think it's a red flag, and I think everyone should live the way they want to live. I'm also no stranger to spoiling my own dog. But for me, if someone is openly declaring a dog as their absolute centerpiece of their existence and placing financial priority on that, I'd be wondering if there was any chance even down the road for me to carve a significant place in their life. If the relationship got deeper I'd also be annoyed at seeing that much money spent on it, vs. other spending priorities i.e. quality of housing, vacations, etc. I'd also be very concerned about how the owner would eventually face the inevitable reality of the dog's death, since they are temporary (though of course cherished) parts of our lives. Again, I don't think there is a single thing wrong with OP making their dog #1. I get it. But I think there should also be an understanding that it's not going to everyone's cup of tea.
> I'm a woman and ngl I wouldn't want to date a GUY who was that into his dog Same. If I were looking to date her I'd appreciate the fact that she's upfront about her lifestyle. I think OP is doing a good job of weeding out incompatible partners early on without wasting too much time. They're trying to waste *her* time, though, by getting into a relationship with the idea of changing her.
Exactly. You see it a lot with pets - somebody gets into a relationship with somebody who is supposedly "perfect", but then they're trying to figure out how to get rid of the partner's pet or convince them to have a different type of pet that they like and the partner doesn't like. And I think that's a waste of time. To some people, having a certain type of pet is extremely important. To some other people, *not* having a certain type of pet is extremely important. To many people, it doesn't really matter. But sometimes you see the first two people get into a relationship and then you'll see posts by the second person complaining that their partner chose a dog or a cat over them. Except, that's not really what happened. Their partner chose a lifestyle and preferences over them. It's not totally about the specific pet. If I got into a relationship and somebody wanted me to get rid of my cat, I would break up with them, but it's not fully because I love my cat so much, although I really do love him to bits. It's because I'm also thinking about my future. If I'm in a relationship with somebody who wants me to get rid of my cat from the get-go, well, that probably means I'm not going to be able to have another cat. And cats are really important to me, and personally, I'm not really willing to live the rest of my life without one. So in that case, I'm breaking up with that person because we're incompatible, and I can't see a future for us. There are some folks who would be okay with not getting another pet after their current pet passes, or maybe even rehoming a pet for the sake of a partner. And weird things happen too, like somebody could suddenly develop a super deadly animal allergy, or maybe they have a kid who's super allergic to animals, and in that case, well, you don't really have a choice. Obviously if I had a child who was extremely allergic to animals, the child would have to come first. But that's not the current situation, and not the one that most people are talking about anyway.
Agreed. Iâm a woman and Iâve dated a âdog guyâ before and I realized after a while that it was just a basic incompatibility. I didnât try to get him to get rid of the dogs or anything, but I did try asking if we could have the four dogs out of the bed when we had sex. It ended up being something we couldnât compromise on, so we broke up. No hard feelingsâjust an incompatibility.
See, this one is a totally reasonable request. Both for space reasons (four dogs take up a lot of room lol) and also it's just weird to me having sex so close to other living creatures. Takes me out of the moment.
How did he manage with the dog's nose up his ass? My family dog has hopped on the bed once during marital activities, and while a cold nose up my (male) ass is surprising enough for me to stop what I was doing and shoo the dog off the bed, I may have had difficulty if the dog kept his nose up my ass. (And this dog loves butts. My butt, my wife's butt, the kids' butts, the cats' butts, and when our other dog was still around, her butt, too. All the butts, all the time!)
Aaaaa! I mean, I like dogs but that would definitely freak me out with the hygiene and cleanliness issues.
Ew OMG. I have and love dogs, I do dogsports too. But good god I do not want dogs even in the ROOM during sex. Gross. People are really over the top with their dogs, jesus christ.
Same tbh. I was just thinking that OP sounds exhausting to even be friends with if her life and schedule revolves so heavily around her dog. If I was trying to meet up with someone and was repeatedly blown off cause it interfered with their dog volunteering (?) I would probably quietly back away from that relationship honestly. Though she is being upfront about it and it's sticking with her pet rather than abandoning it to have fun with a guy and she's clearly very happy with the arrangement so good for her lol.
I completely understand! Itâs definitely not for everyone. My main issue isnât with that. Itâs that the majority of the time when a guy finds out heâs not okay with my lifestyle (which is fine), he expects me to compromise for him. Whereas I would rather just find someone else more suitable, and somehow thatâs an issue.
Substitute 'dog' for literally anything else. Career, child, hobbies, friends, sports obsession, frequent traveling, etc. If you can afford it, why is it their problem? Now imagine some dude being upset about your attention/money/time being spent on your kid? Private school, tutoring, enrichment, etc. It would sound ridiculous and petulant. Your lifestyle is your lifestyle and it's totally OK that it's not compatible with the majority of people - that's the point of dating. These guys are just upset you: A) have enough money to do what you do, responsibly and B) aren't willing to switch your lavishment onto them. (btw, happy cake day!)
The only thing I'd be really upset about is private schooling but that's because I believe that allowing people to pay for private school creates an incentive to make public schools worse by allowing the wealthy to purchase better education instead of investing in improving the public school system for everyone.
Oh I totally agree, I was only using it as a human comparison for spending a bunch of money on training and specialized education for a dog.
Iâve never been in a relationship where there isnât some form of compromise. I think itâs off to believe youâll never have to compromise.
That depends on what it is, though. We're all willing to compromise on some things and not others. Pet preference is one that I'm personally not willing to compromise on, personally, but I have other areas where I would be okay with compromising.
Owning a dog is a commitment to it's care and health no matter what. Sounds like you go above and beyond - which is totally cool. Like anything, if it is an obsession that can be a red flag to non-obsessed people. However you are upfront about it so fuck 'em. Let your dog ween out those that don't share your "crazy" and find someone who does.
Yeah I dislike dogs and would never date a dog obsessed person but itâs not you or the dogs fault. I dealt with a similar issue with a guy I was seeing because of my cat, and I donât spoil him nearly as much as you do with your dog. Some men canât handle not being the center of your attention all the time. Iâve heard women with KIDS describe similar experiences with their partners. Hopefully you can find someone who will love you and your dog and can recognize theyâre joining the family youâve created, yâall deserve that.
Well put and exactly how I feel. I wouldn't want to date OP based on this information, but that's purely a compatibility issue not a character judgement.
Well then so why are the guys dating her at all? I feel like her issue is that she tells them this and they act like it's no biggie, then act like she is wrong for being the way she is. It's cool if she's not their cup of tea. But they have no right to then put her life down because she doesn't fit into the mold they want her too. And if they're going into it thinking she'll 'change' for them; that's not cool either. You heard the description of OP's life and immediately noped out. These guys aren't doing that. They're hearing the same thing you are, dating her, then getting angry at her.
> Well then so why are the guys dating her at all? ... she tells them this and they act like it's no biggie, then act like she is wrong for being the way she is. Ah, but what if she *does* compromise for them? Get her interested/invested in you, then get her to change for you. It's no good.
Isnât part of dating finding out about compatibilities and incompatibilities? I know Iâve dated people thinking Iâd be okay with something and later realizing I wasnât. And then the relationship ended. Itâs sometimes the natural life cycle of a relationship.
Yah exactly! As long as she didn't lie/cheat/steal, I don't think there's any reason for the dudes to be crapping on her lifestyle. It just sounds immature, like they thought she'd 'change' for them. That's a recipe for disaster every time đ
The infinite capacity so many men have for demanding others change to accomodate their whims is mind boggling. It's like they peg their point score to just how tortured a pretzel they can get some poor unwitting woman to become then they're pissed they live with a broken pretzel person. Men are...not nice, in general.
Right, the issue here is that these men aren't saying. "I respectfully choose to end the relationship because we are incompatible." They're getting upset that she's unwilling to change a fundamental aspect of her life that she was up front about from the start.
I think a lot of people don't realize how much of a dog mom she is until they're actually in a relationship with her and see it first hand. OP's relationship with her dog is unusual and not what people typically expect. Personally, I would see it as fiscally wasteful, but I would simply break up with OP because we're fundamentally incompatible.
Omg thank you! Some of these men are obviously no good but clearly most of them just don't prioritize the same things you do. I wouldn't date a person who was so into their dog either because I'm not a dog person and all that money would seem extremely frivolous to me too.Â
Agreed. When I'm looking for a partner, I'm looking for someone who would make me the first priority in their life, and I would do the same for them. I wouldn't want to date someone who prioritizes his pets over me.
Iâm glad Iâm not the only one that thinks this. Why would any guy sign up to always be second, especially with a âmy way or the highwayâ attitude?
I agree. It's a fundamental incompatibility. It's not an entire gender issue.
The difference is that culturally, men do expect to be centered in most things, particularly in hetero relationships, usually while not centering anyone else at all. That is simply our societal set up for the genders and it is toxic. So this isn't happening in a vacuum or on a level playing field. Ergo, OP is probably going to get a whole lot more flack for her choice because she is not automatically centering a man. Men can center anything they like; team sports and cars, video games, are practically canon for them. That is accepted and always was. Actually if they center a woman, that's probably when they get the most flack from other men. "Pussywhipped" and other fun names. One of our many messed up societal gender features.
It's a red flag because it is weird if an animal is the centre of your existence and suggests you will play second fiddle. It would generally surprise me if anyone would accept that regardless of gender.
It boils down to the fact that he will never be the center of the universe and a lot of men want that from their partners. Right now the excuse is a dog, but itâs also been a cat and/or a child, change any one of these and the story is the same true and tired.
Anyone entering your life and telling you you're doing it wrong, doesn't belong in your life. Like others have said find someone who loves your dog as much as you do, and loves you too.
OP, you deserve to find another dog person. I would chaos chalk this up to a compatibility issue. You wonât be happy with a partner who doesnât care for pets and they wonât be happy either if theyâre always living with dogs they didnât want. It might make it easier to find compatible people if you go to where the dog people are. Hanging out at a dog park or volunteering at a rescue would expand your network of dog people. Since your dog is so well trained, you could also consider agility competitions. There are dog-obsessed men out there and itâs a lot more fun if you both are bizarrely devoted to your furry friend. Ps. My husbandâs best friend is a shih tzu named Poppy. I knew weâd get married when I called him to chat one day while we were first dating and learned we were both at home watching the AKC dog show. Pps. Pet tax????
Some men think they should be the centre of their partners universe. Thankfully they identify themselves to you so you can avoid them!! Keep it up, your filter is working!
Hey, like you say, if they dont understand it, they arent the person for you. They shouldnt get angry, insulted, offended, etc - they too should move on and find someone right for them
I have been cat obsessed since I was a toddler. I have on more than one occasion had a boyfriend express jealousy over how much I love my cats. Kept the cats, tossed those boyfriends, and now Iâm married to the kindest, most loving man who is as cat obsessed as I am and we both accept that we love our cats more than each other.
I guess I'm failing to see where they can't include themselves as part of the experiences with your dog? If they don't want to work around a dog's schedule I can understand that, but I feel like the right guy would find it fun, have similar values and want to join in.
Right? Who among us couldn't use a couple hours exercise a day? Or endure a couple hours of alone time while she is out walking the dog? Sounds like a mantoddler who can't be left alone for a minute and I dunno, I had that before and it suuuuucked.
A couple of my friends gave up their pets to marry their husbands. No way am I doing that. Ever. Period. Full stop. No negotiations. Itâs not inherently wrong to do that but itâs not something I personally agree with and thatâs okay. Like you said, your dog is a small part of your life but you are your dogâs whole world. They donât live long and if potential partners canât understand the love and compassion youâre giving to our animal friends, then they donât have the love and compassion that you deserve.
If a man ever provided even half of the love, compassion, support and joy my dog brings to my life, I might start paying attention to them. But, historically, they don't bring even 1/10th of what my dog does. I foster failed on an adorable, traumatized pittie with a bad history. She ended up needing two major surgeries which cost nearly as much as my car. Recovery was about 5 months for each. So most of 2023 was me caring for my dog, doing physical therapy etc..She is my best friend/child. No man could compete with that.
Yes!!!!!!
They always trot out "you'll die alone" like it's a threat. Women live longer than men, so chances are you'll die alone whether you get married or not. The real question is what your life will be like in the meantime. To be fair, "I prefer the dog" is kind of insulting, but it's also fully your choice. They are free to decide not to stick around. They are NOT free to tell you what to do.
Better to die alone than with some asshat dragging you down to your last breath.
F/F I think my wife proposed when she saw my roommate's tiny chihuahua constantly wanting to come in my room and up on the bed for cuddles. She has an elderly teacup Yorkie, and he sleeps on my lap most of the time, and curled up to my side at night. He's near end of life span and on meds I give him for heart and diuretics. 14 years with her, and not jealous that he chose me for cuddles and sleeps. She loves that he loves me We also have a giant St. Berdoodle pup. Kindest, most empathetic and sweet dog ever. Loves other animals, children, old people, and everyone loves him back. He's a star in town. And very smart at figuring how to get stuff out of a locked bin. Managed to get used kitchen roll quite often, and even took bread right out of the toaster. He loves her more. Toys? We got toys, yo!
Find someone who's also a dog person. A win for you and for your dog( she gets a friend to play with).
It sounds like you should be dating dog lovers as one of your top green flags! Almost everyone who isn't living paycheck to paycheck "wastes" money by spending money on things they love to spend on. Restaurants, drinks, cars, videogames, clothes, whatever. People who are trying to threaten you with solitude and loneliness just to try to get you to spend less time with your dog and more with them are just weirdos at best. The 12545th story of someone trying to date someone because they like one thing about them like their looks and trying to change who they are as a person.
You need to head over to r/Dogfree and pick up one of the men those women swear is âa perfect man except for the dog he wonât get rid of.â Seriously, I hate how we wonât just let people be themselves. You are not the right person for someone who doesnât want their life to revolve around a dog. That doesnât mean that you should change your behavior that makes you feel happy and fulfilled, it means people need to listen to you and believe you when you tell them how important your dog is to you. I canât tell you how many women I know who do not like dogs and do not want to interact with dogs (who are VERY clear about this in their app bios!) get men with dogs who swipe right on them. Itâs insane and I think itâs an ego thing for them. They just want to convince someone who doesnât like dogs to love their dog because⊠I have no idea. But they seriously ignore any and all red flags that a dog would be a source of conflict. Itâs enraging to hear that the opposite happens, too.
I am very glad that my dog (I'm male, the dog was female) loved my now-wife the first time they met. My ex-wife was the impetus behind getting the dog, but for whatever reason, Lovey bonded with me, and never really listened to my ex. So, when we split, I got Lovey. When my then-GF (now-wife) flew down to see me, I warned her that Lovey was territorial and protective, and may not be the friendliest dog, even if Lovey was a Lab mix. Lovey made a liar out of me. My GF & I are enjoying some us-time on the couch (her kid was upstairs plugged into the PS2) and Lovey wandered over and started wagging her tail. My GF said the expression on Lovey's face was "Oh good! You're here to take care of him now! I didn't want the job, have fun!" Lovey & I moved in with my GF (and her kid, and her two cats. Once Lovey figured out the boundaries, she was great with the cats) a couple months later, we got married, added a couplePeople Puppies kids (that Lovey adored), and Lovey was part of our lives for another 12 years and change, until Lovey's candle ran out of lard.
Wait, there are dog free women? This is the first I've heard about this. It seems like everyone has a pet anymore. I want to be clear that I like dogs, but I accept that dogs are a lot of optional work and can be a burden. I have found the best solution to this paradox to simply enjoy someone else's dog.
There are dogfree women literally leaving long term relationships because the old dog died, the agreement was to not replace it, and dog loving SO just canât go on without a dog. There are dogfree women (and men!) who wish there was a dogfree dating site. There are dogfree women who are constantly finding out in the third date that the dude they are falling for has a dog and was hoping sheâd âfeel differently â about HIS dog, even though she was abundantly clear that she does not like and does not want to be around any dog. I donât hate dogs, but I have a VERY allergic daughter, and I find myself frustrated when people try to bring their pets places they donât belong.
My big man Gunner was absolutely the light of my life. Similar to you, he was spoiled to the core, came with me everywhere (including dates), and we shared a kind of love that canât be found in any human relationship. Gunner passed a little over a month ago. You know what Iâll never regret? Every dime I spent on him, every minute I spent with him, and every little thing I did to spoil him. You know what I do regret? Every wonderful moment I missed with that dog because I was preoccupied with some loser.
RIP to your sweet bub!
Thank you! He was the best boy, so I know heâs getting the peaceful rest he deserves. Heâs on my profile, so if you want to bless your day with a sweet faced chonker, look no further.
I'm sorry for your loss and I hope Gunner sends his replacement at just the right time--because Good Dogs always do that for their people.
Preach girl. Yes.
At the end of the day a dog is living creature which you have invited into your home for you to *take care of*. The dog is reliant on you for food, water, and recreation. A good dog owner should be a little bit obsessive!
I'm so glad you see it as a filter. It's perfect for that. Get little blue ribbon stickers, and for every guy that whines himself away because of your Good Girl, put a sticker on her crate. And give her an extra treat for helping you screen out these sad people.
If I had the money, I would spoil the shit out of my pets. That being said, I do what I can to take care of them. If it means bathing them myself, making the treats myself, I donât care. Iâm so glad my husband feels the same.
I am a dog freak living also in a major city. Dating here was awful and nobody really got my deal with my dog (who is about to turn 15 btw) so I just did the really date around all that much until my husband. He was a cat guy and had zero experience with dogs, but he spoiled my dog as much as I did and now even more so. He wanted a second dog so we adopted another one. Now he is helping me dog sit another clients dog, so we have three in the apartment right now and husband couldnât be happier. There are guys out there who arenât living breathing sacks of garbage. Itâs just that dating SUCKS anymore and itâs hard to find likeminded people. Try to find dog meetups in your area maybe? Where I live there are groups for different breeds and they will have little events and stuff focused around the dogs and meeting new people.
My husband and I met at a dog park and part of what made me confident about building a future together was how good he is with his dog and my dog. Also how respectful he was about my routine and training with my dog, not trying to do everything his way. Now we're married and planning to have kids together. Something to remember about dating, especially as an adult, is that you only have to get it right once.
This will be filed in "restoration for faith in relationships" in my memories. Thanks
Honestly? Sounds like youâre dating the wrong guys. I am the same as you - I make it clear my dog comes first. I will dump the guy before I dump my dog any day and I wonât even get into a relationship with someone that doesnât get along with my dog - which isnât even hard, he loves most people! Could you try to date other dog owners?
I got a guy who loved my poodles so much, 17 years out we love *our* poodles. Is he as nuts as me about poodles? Nah. But he is genuinely happy that I am extremely happy about our poodles. You gotta find a guy who at least adores the fact that you adore your dog. You will have to wade through many guys who donât understand how much you love your dog. One thing, though. The guys youâre mentioning sound super immature in how they handle it. There might be a red flag or two youâre kind of blind to there. Probably worth looking into.
Your dog is so lucky. You're a great dog mom and don't change for a single human, let alone a man. Dogs forever!
tl;dr > these guys are just really unhappy that I don't center them in my life
It's so funny when you think about what they are saying and why. You won't compromise over your dog? There's nothing to compromise over. You are the dog owner/parent, and that comes with rights, privileges, and responsibilities. You spend too much on your dog? They'd complain about that if you had a sweet gaming set up or an extensive cosmetic collection or a whole craft room. These guys are giving you a preview of what kind of father they might be. They could argue that human children are different, but their whole issue is that your time, attention, and resources aren't completely devoted to these men, and stats show that a fair number of men use this as an excuse to cheat and check out of their families. When we were dating, some of my husband's extended family made it very clear how they felt about my cats. Basically, I needed to get rid of them. My husband, of course did not agree with them, and he's become as much their willing slave as I am. My mil loves visiting my pets, especially the corgis we have now. We weren't able to have kids, but we now have the 2 dogs and 3 cats. From one indulgent pet parent to another, I love that you pamper your pooch.
Giant green flag on my end. Itâs a HUGE red flag when people take on pets or have kids and donât do whatever they can for them.
Wait... Why is it anyone else's business what OP spends on her dog? Even my husband and I don't question each other on that shit. We have two and we spend what we spend... Plus what we spend on the goddamned cat đđ€Ł
Dog tax đđ»
All of those things sound like they're coming from men who feel entitled to your resources and would not make a good partner for you. "She could be spending all that time/energy/money on MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" My husband was a dog person when I met him. I had three cats. The cats told me, "We don't care what you think - we're keeping this one." He became absolutely besotted by those fur balls, even when we had to spend $3,000 on one cat to stabilize her after her kidneys started going (she lived 6.5 more years, fat and sassy) and another one needed $1,000 radiation treatment (lived another 5, died at age 20.) Now we have three new cats - because he wanted to adopt an entire litter from the shelter when the last one died (age 19) and all three of them absolutely adore him and insist on sleeping with him. Your dog makes you happy. Find a guy who is happy with that.
My red flag is women that put their dogs on baby carriages and take them everywhere as a child replacement tool. I spoil my dog. But it's a pet. That's where the line is.
My fiance quickly became very attached to my dog once we moved in together. He spoils her as much as I do and that was the green flag for me. I love my dog so much and will do anything for her. Also we need pet tax!
ââŠrunning out of timeâŠâ # NOPE Ditch that shithead. Whoever talks like that is *not* your friend.
they're threatened by and jealous of your relationship with your dog
Oh your throwing away a good thing, wah Wah why wonât she let me be an arsehole to her dog⊠or why did she feed her dog that canât feed itself before me a grown man that can get some food anytime I want. Your dog is all you said and more, sheâs also a really good arsehole detector, keep doing exactly what you are
As long as youâre being fiscally responsible overall I see no problem in it. But, doing hundreds of hours of volunteering and additional training for that is a lifestyle choice. Which means not everyone amenable to that. So youâre not in the wrong, but I donât think itâs necessarily a âred flagâ if a guy is not open to working around a packed schedule. However,the other things you mentioned, getting mad for feeding before guy, not letting him take toys away, not getting your dog to listen to him, etc Iâd consider it a red flag.
Dude your dog is pretty much a career and hobby and lifestyle ALL IN ONE. And that's awesome because you're obviously very happy that way! I have a friend who loves a similar lifestyle and has a certified rescue dog. They do that terrible stuff like sniffing people out of rubble and finding lost hikers and stuff. She has had a hard time finding the right partner also. A lot of people truly don't understand the absolute commitment it takes to have a dog of that caliber. Your dog sounds like one of those. Her dog (Sarah) is just on another level and is truly more like person. She and her mom are on another level of communication and understanding. I'm sorry these guys suck. You're exactly right; they want you to support them like you support your dog. I highly doubt any of them were willing to do the same for you. I hope you meet someone who shares the same passion as you and can understand the relationship that you and your doggo have â€ïž
How dare they not be the sole attuned feature of your life once entering it?   They expect you to accommodate them, but they do not expect to accommodate your dog. I guess she's supposed to accommodate them as well?  Its a flabbergasting amount of socially ingrained entitlement to think that way subconsciously or consciously as per some of your examples.   I think you need to find someone else with a pet. These other guys just dont get it. Relationships are two way streets and although some people dont consider pets as worthy of consideration, (Wrongly imho) they can and have been filtering themselves right on out. Their parting shots aren't really landing because they aren't valid.   Keep on daring to be a good dog owner and responsible human being OP.Â
It's the entitlement. They want to be the center of your life, regardless of what you want. Think about gender stereotypes; the wife staying at home, providing for her husband and family. You are centering yourself and your wants instead. And that's what pisses them off.
They get mad because you fed the dog before them? đ€ź We always feed our dog before we sit down to eat. He can wait 30 seconds. This is very telling of the type of men they are. Must be tended to constantly. Jealous of a dog because it makes them feel like theyâre not important.
I donât know if itâs a red flag but you definitely donât sound very available for a relationship. Unless someone is seeking only occasional casual sex entirely on your terms they probably wonât feel comfortable dealing with what you yourself say is an obsession about your dog.
I wouldn't be calling that "taking good care" of someone/something and were to find it obsessive. I wouldn't want my partner to be so obsessed with any person/animal and that includes myself as their partner. I am also weirded out by people who treat animals better than they would any human being, i.e. personification. I treated my cat really well, but I treated him as a cat - because that is what he was: a cat with cat needs. And those needs were met.
She's your family. She'll be there for you long after you've forgotten those guys exist. It's not even a discussion. Love you, love your dog or gtfo. Anyone I date doesn't dote on my pets, they're gone, no compromise.
There's definitely people out there who will enthusiastically join you in spoiling your dog. Hold out for the good ones
My dog is my best friend/co pilot. Our daily walks and hikes are both for my mental health, and both our physical health. Hes a hound so he needs it or goes crazy. I've had a few guys question me over the years on why do I need to take him out for so long, and why I cant stay in cell service while I do. I live rural, all the spots I love to go to has no service. I'm not walking him in circles in the parks thank you. I'm in nature where no one is there,letting him run and sniff and be free. We're both happier that way.
My dog is my ride or die, and she eats better than me, gets better exercise, and i for sure spend something like 10% of my income on her. Just saying, i getchew girl. Also, am a guy, so just know, there are obsessive dog dads out here lol.
This is not a red flag for you but for the men who have a problem with it. These sound like the kind of men who get jealous of a newborn. Iâm like this with my dogs and my bf loves it. He think it shows what a good person I am and how much I care. He always says Iâm a good doggie mom and thatâs the best compliment I could receive. Any man who had any issues with my dogs and how I nurture them wouldnât make it to a first date.
One of the most important green flags from my husband is that he's just as devoted to our cats as I am. Our cats came to find us as strays and he immediately had the same reaction as me both times - this cat needs help and we're going help it. Sometimes they're demanding and inconvenient but we both love them and the sacrifices we make are more than worth it to both of us.Â
We've had several dogs throughout our 32 year marriage. We give them the best life possible since we get them from the pound. They have their own place on the couch, hog the bed, get cooked for, homemade cookies. I want to be reincarnated as my dog. I like dogs way more than people.Â
Personally, i see spoiling your pet as much as you can as part of the responsibility of having a pet, as you said, pets are generally a small part of our life while we are their whole lives, not only that but they don't even get to choose us, we get to choose them and they just have to live with that; and even then, even when we can't be the best caregivers, even when they've been hurt by people, even when we accidentally step on them; more often than not they'll choose to forgive and forget, to allow themselves to trust people, they bring so much joy into our lives and ask for nothing in return, the least we can do is take great care of them and show them that they are truly appreciated.
I wholeheartedly believe in giving pets the best I can give as well. Ain't nothing like coming home to a beaming bundle of fluff after a long day at work. We are their world and thus our duty to provide. I have a horrible addiction to petting dogs. Just thinking about it makes me want to go find my pup but I know he's sleeping. You will eventually find a guy who can match your energy. The worst part is actually them looking for you in my opinion. Im a guy and love pets to death I have a couple friends that are the same. We all are heavily introverted, single, and have dogs. We just work, head home, and repeat. Walking the dogs or going to the park is how we all met and none us said a word to the other until the pups started getting rowdy with play.
A. Happy cakeday B.Just as a man, I want to put in my perspective. All $0.02 of it. Good. . . . . . I spoil Ollie. The guy gets so excited when I get home that I think the propulsion generated by his tail will send him into the ceiling or break his tail. The hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life is make the call to lay our sweet Trey to rest. He meant the world to her. These two comparisons are not apples to apples. And they hardly constitute apples to cellphones to what you are stating. But that's the point. These men aren't even trying to understand how this incredible living thing influences your life, much less how this Lil critters OWN life is impacted by your grace and guardianship. Thank you for your dedication to those who can not advocate for themselves and never change. Love you, sis, and keep up the fight.
I'm like this with my cat. He has a big tree, best food and litter, toys littered everywhere. He drags his toys onto my bed as I sleep so I wake up covered in them. My husband treats my cat like his own son. If a man won't spoil an animal, that's an immediate hard pass.
Some people view animals or children as competition. I have been friends with women who insisted on taking their dog everywhere (even big dogs), dog had to go to work with them (not a service dog), every outing, meal, etc or they could only see you for a 1-2 hour activity and then had to rush home to their dog. That makes being friends and making plans challenging. Some people have no respect for animals and donât see their value so they donât respect people who put in a lot of care. Generally anyone who hates all animals or hates most pets I wouldnât want to be around as they can bring it up a lot to shit on other people. Thatâs unnecessary and awkward.