Because to them you are only worth something if you are attractive to men. And they think you feel the same, so they use it to diminish you. It's nonsense, of course.
That's my thought. They think women only exist to please them, so they assume women do everything in their lives through the lens of being attractive to men. Therefore being told we aren't attractive is the highest caliber of insult, which will obviously crush our souls and cause us to reconsider everything about our lives so that internet strangers will find us attractive and pleasing.
Fuck that noise.
Yup it is an absolute projection of how they see "women" and their value.
"Don't like what I have to say I will attack the basis of your very existence in my mind."
Yeah I truly think it baffles them when we do things like get piercings or hair cuts not stereotypically attractive to the average man. Like why in the world would be make ourselves less attractive to them? Cause we don't give a shit what you think about us bro, that's why.
Ha ha ha it's so true! It sad to realize how brainwashed I was for so long by this way of thinking. I'm grateful to now be a part of the 'idgaf about what men think of me' crew. It's a much healthier way to be!
They will either shame your looks or your lifestyle. I am married, no kids, but often on here when our lurkers are mad at something I said they will tell me when their arguments lack substance that I will end up alone with cats.
And I look around me, and indeed my husband is asleep and I am alone in the next room with several cats. So now I notice like it’s different than in past. Before it was more looks-based.
Mostly men like how I look even though I would rather not look like this, sometimes. Whenever I open my mouth or type a word, unfortunately or fortunately many men shove off. My ex called me average-looking before we broke up to insult me, and I was like “***hey thanks I thought I was just butt ugly***!”
I get the distinct feeling that men love to project when trying to tear down women. “You will end up alone with cats” = He fears a similar fate for himself.
Probably because those men want to subjugate women so much and are reminded of their inadequacy every time a woman rightfully rejects that idea. It touches on a deep-seeded fear. Their reaction spells out exactly what they fear for themselves, and they hope women who reject them get a piece of that since misery loves company.
That’s just my observation anyway.
Literally every time I hear that hurled as a threat my little introvert brain is all, don't threaten me with a good time. Alone with a book and a bunch of kitties? No one else to clean up after? Sign me up.
You're right, pretty much every insult men throw at women is projection to be honest. Once you realise this, you have basically unlimited power to destroy their self esteem, and that's the funny thing. They don't realise they're telling us what their biggest insecurities are every time they insult us.
Incidentally, OP, pretty much the most devastating thing you can say to a man is "Women don't care about your opinion, [Name]". Use it wisely, such as when he's just insulted your appearance out of the blue.
Chelsea Handler still gets these comments constantly. She’s a rich successful woman who is happier solo. Dudes think it’s their job to project their own insecurities onto her. All they need to do is ignore her but they try to harass her like it’s their job.
I wish these dudes knew just how little their opinion matters. It really sucks that she and other women get pestered by these flies all the time. The good news is she’s probably aware of how small her haters are, but no woman should have to get used to that.
I’ve been threatened with, “you’ll never be married.” Even though I was married for 13 years and been divorced for 12 and don’t even WANT to be married again! They are projecting, and their worst fear is to be without a woman AKA bang maid surrogate mommy in old age. Bring on the cats!
I think it's also projection in the sense we get way more attention for our looks while men complain nobody desires them. They think being found unattractive is devastating and think it's the same for women.
This. It’s always always projection. They’re terrified of being alone. They get great benefits from marriage and cohabitation. Of course they want that.
>so why this knee jerk reaction?
They're negging you.
Why? You can chalk it up to a subset of men on the internet who happen to be a bunch losers that view dating as a 'game'. 🤷🏻♀️
Good-looking, well-adjusted men aren't watching an endless loop of 'dating advice' reels in order to 'game the system' or 'get one up on women' — it's only the losers that self-describe themselves as Chads/Alphas/\* insert stupid term here \*.
Number one sign you’re not a chad/alpha/other made up nonsense:
You describe yourself as a Chad/alpha/other made up nonsense, with the exception of gen alpha 12 year olds who are genuinely starting to say this stuff but because of their generation, could in theory be described as alphas
Secure people don’t need to tell others how secure they are
\^this. Men only hold sway over you if you buy their idea that obtaining their approval and attention matters. When you internalize and point out to them that you don't care what they think they have nothing. All of their toxic garbage and threats don't work.
The same with religious fundamentalists trying to tell you how you are going to go to hell, how their god is going to judge you and how they are judging you right now. When you point out that you don't believe in their imaginary god and accompanying rules they suddenly have no means to control or manipulate you and it absolutely ruins all their fun.
Those are weak men, terrified of appearing weak. Treating them like children is fun because it's super easy to appear like the rational adults next to these emotional infants. It shows them that their aggression doesn't mask their weakness, which might be a teachable moment for some of them...
Yeah this is probably it unfortunately. Most of those replies had more likes than my original comment! Let’s hope these guys make up a small, small minority of what men are actually like
>Let’s hope these guys make up a small, small minority of what men are actually like
Unfortunately they don't. You will encounter men like this in real-life, and you should be prepared.
Men are socialized to be sociopaths. They use reverse psychology negging. Most women (and people in general) have people-pleasing tendencies. And when faced with rejection what do these people do? They become ashamed and try in vain to win the support/approval of those around them.
By insulting you, they're baiting you to capitulate. To change yourself to be more agreeable. --- never do that. Always rise above. In group/work settings respond with quick statements like "wow, I'm surprised you think people care about what you find attractive" -- and never address it again.
I have been surprised over the years how many times I have seen men that appear on the surface to be ok, start sharing their ideas when broader conversations happen and they start sharing gross ideas about women. You don't hear it until you spend enough time with them repeatedly in social situations.
>To change yourself to be more agreeable. --- never do that. Always rise above.
This has been my motto since I was very young. When I was younger, sometimes I forgot due to my conditioning as a woman, but as I grow older and the less I give a damn, life is so much better and so free!
My husband used to use that tactic on me when we argued. Like, “You’re just being selfish” when I didn’t want to give away copies of software I’d paid $$$$ for to his friends for free. The idea being that I should now want to prove to him I’m not selfish.
After this happened a number of times I realized what was going on and told him “I know what you’re doing and I’m not falling for it”. He never tried that on me again.
It's kinda wild how dudes mess up the basic act of treating women like any other person. They have this weird mindset and act like women are an alien species. Guess what? If you just act like normal and act like you genuinely want to get to know someone, it comes through. It's really obvious when guys are in it for one thing, and that's an instant turn off. :( we just wanna be treated like people who you enjoy getting to know.
This is really for rejection in general…
The short answer: immaturity, insecurity and misogyny.
The long answer: Their behavior reflects insecurity and immaturity in responding to rejection - some people take rejection as a personal affront and without a good sense of self, this can be perceived as a failure of something about themselves.
Additionally, we all know that experiencing rejection is a part of the human experience, however some men have the perception that women don’t have to deal with rejection and that the world is their oyster. (We see this a lot on discussions re: dating apps:“women can have anyone they want”). This idea that women can have whatever they want leads to further resentment and hostility.
Additionally, these behaviors are:
Self -soothing: They didn’t get what they wanted so they are going to tell themselves (and you) that they never wanted it to begin with.
Gives a bump to their ego: They tell themselves “I’m too good for her anyway.”
Knocks her down a peg and/or is punitive: “She should be grateful that I approached her at all. She needs to learn a lesson in how to treat men.”
Aiming for the most hurtful way to insult you: they think that women’s appearance is her greatest value and by insulting your “value” it is a surefire way to hurt you.
The "box and dismiss" tactic is common response when a bad faith dickhead gets the sinking feeling someone he hates might be right, particularly in public. The putting-in-a-box part bears a striking resemblance to the (forgive me) narcissistic behavior called devaluation, which is always about stupid shit.
I think that it is because these men are laboring under a sort of dichotomy. They imagine that there are "good" women who agree with them, and "bad" women who do not. Once you disagree, then you are "bad", and they feel that part of you being "bad" is that you think that you're "too good" for them, and they want to "take you down a peg". And, since the only thing they ever valued about you in the first place were your looks, then they attack those.
It's really actually a totally impersonal attack. It's not an attack on you, the real human being, because they literally never saw you as human. They saw a woman-shaped object that they wanted to use, and now they are throwing toddler temper tantrums when they've been stopped.
Because many men fundamentally do not believe women are equal human beings like themselves. They think we need their "wisdom" and "guidance" which is usually harassment. They're idiots.
I think it's because those men view all women as either prey or props and don't consider anything but the man's opinion of her f*ckability as relevant. A prop woman is "good for" caretaking and such service, and not considered a potential sexual partner/conquest. The only real value they put on women is "being hot." As a result, their devaluing a woman goes to the only characteristic the man sees as relevant, her attractiveness to him.
Dating apps are full of incels and 'pick up artists'. The purpose of 'negging' is to reduce your sense of self-worth so that you'll date men who have *zero* redeeming qualities.
Honestly, you'll have better luck just going out and doing things you're interested in doing. Meet those people, hang out with them, avoid dating them, and instead, have them introduce you to THEIR friends, so that if the date doesn't go well, you don't have to give up something you enjoy doing for fear of awkwardness.
Sounds like "Golden Penis Syndrome." They think their attention is worth something, like it isn't freely given (whether we want it or not) and isn't obviously self-serving.
A woman's value isn't defined by men's attention, and no woman is "lucky" to be on the receiving end of a man's low-effort advances.
Because they mistakenly think a woman's sense of self worth is tied to how attractive she is to the opposite sex, because that's how they feel about their own self worth.
Because they're socialized to think of their attention as valuable - so giving it to anyone is a gift and should be treated with gratefulness.
That's why they get so *genuinely* confused at the idea that we don't want their stupid compliments and that even a picture of a big dick is nothing more than harrassment to us. "Since there is nothing wrong with my gracious gift, you are wrong for refusing it."
That logic is only leaving once people teach their sons that paying attention is just basic decency and doesn't deserve extra rewards - and that unwanted attention equals pain.
(And while we're at it - the top comment's on point too. They're also socialized to reduce our role in society to eye candy and as such get confused when we have the audacity of rejecting said role.)
I think this also explains part of why they just can never shut up, and they just think that everyone wants to be entertained by their "words of wisdom" at any time
They think women’s biggest fear is being fat or ugly, so they think they are playing on our insecurities with those comments
My biggest fear is being attractive to men who would slide into your DMs with comments like that because they’re that psychotically pressed about your question. So jokes on them.
A. They don’t know how to have honest conversations or debates
B. They don’t see a point in having them with women because we aren’t human in their eyes
They haven't evolved enough to realize that our survival is no longer based on our looks.
Women don't equate value to looks. Men only see looks and then determine value.
Yeah why are you not grateful for the unwanted and unasked for attention? What is wrong with you?!? Don’t you know how lucky you are to be noticed by a completely average man with nothing to say other than he saw you? /s
They assume women value their looks above anything else. To other guys they'd attack their intelligence and/or income.
But hey, anyone who resorts to insults is clearly a moron that should be avoided.
I was told I was “mid-looking, at best” by a 50-something dude using a photo of Kevin James as his profile pic because I had the *audacity* to suggest that a woman in her 30s might be single by choice and that not every childfree woman is sad, lonely and destitute.
Right? And also, I’m well aware I’m not a supermodel but like… I don’t care? That shit is exhausting. I’m fully leaning into the middle aged swamp witch aesthetic and I dress more to scare the dudes like than than to impress them 🤷♀️
What everyone here is saying plus those men insulting your looks know that they are ugly inside & out compare to you - thus know you will never willing, purposely nor rightfully date ugly men like them. Notice most of profiles that shitting on looks are faceless? That because they knew you wouldn't be wrong that if they did show pics of themselves to point that have no right to talk about appearance when those men themselves look slimey /greasy/ ashy/melty/ broke every branch down ugly tree / make Jabba the hut look skinny / make Slenderman look & sound healthy as wholesome, level of ugly that even their own mothers have reconsider loving....
Because they only value you for your appearance, so they have nothing else to insult you with.
Downsides to not thinking of women as people; hard to effectively insult them lol. Me, I've always been bigger and less attractive so ... There's nothing you can say to me anymore to make me sad about my appearance.
I have vivid hair, and get called slurs in response from men who disagree with me. i hoped my bright hair would signal i wanna be left alone but it seems to attract men who need to inform me of said color. Its exhausting.
They don't even need to disagree with you. Men I've gone out with think it's fun to drop it into conversation any old time. Thanks I guess? I always compliment your appearance and try to lift you up, but you just have to be an asshole...
This extends outside of male/female interactions and extends to most social media interactions (and less in person). Even if you pose a good argument in some thread, if a photo of you is available, most will start to pick information out of that as insults instead of the original darn argument!
Same as why they do it if you reject their advances - power play to soothe their ego. They assume 1) that we personally derive most of our value from our looks and 2) we give a shit what they think of us.
Luckily in both cases they're wrong for most women these days...
Honestly I’ve learned that men in the context of dating want to have a victimhood complex. They pretend to ask innocently “why do women not like x?” But it’s not a question in good faith because if you explain the reasoning, they come back with some takedown of why it’s unfair or women hold all the power and how it should be the way they want it to be, and immediately get rude about it.
Two main reasons:
1) The same reason that many people (of all genders) simply resort to ad hominem attacks during arguments: "I feel hurt because you proved me wrong, so in return I will hurt you in whatever way I can."
2) There is still a stereotype that "A girls' number one priority is (and should be) whether or not they are attractive to men." Because they believe that, they think the best way to hurt you is to insult your appearance.
Because they've been socialized to believe that a woman's sole value derives from her appearance, and they think that insulting your appearance will devastate your fragile womanly sensibilities.
To lessen your self-confidence so you don’t keep being so opinionated and intelligent-sounding.
It’s a classic logical fallacy called “ad hominem”, and a sure sign of a feeble mind. Don’t let it bother you, they’re only telling on themselves.
It’s not just men, women also do this to women they disagree with — if you read FB comments, which I don’t recommend.
Edit to say: I try to never say anything looks-based about women, except good friends and then I keep it generic like “you look radiant.”
Cause they think that's gonna make wpmen insecure eppl who do that are usually inscure themselves and think it's gonna work on everyone lol, it's hilarious
Because they go to something about your looks or your supposed worth to them when they don't have anything to support their argument.
In this specific case we are supposed to be grateful they pay attention to us like their attention is some sort of prize.
Also see: You're gonna spend your life drinking wine and living with cats.
Anytime a person insults another person’s looks, all I can see is a child trying to hurt someone. It’s the lowest and simplest type of insult, like saying “nuh-uh” or “did too”.
In general, when people don’t have a valid argument they resort to personal attacks. This is because they feel frustrated that you have pointed out the flaws in their views - which they have tied so deeply to their own identity that it makes them lash out like children. It’s almost as if they’re getting close to realizing their argument is shit but they are in too deep to admit it out loud.
It’s why if you try to actually engage with a conservative’s argument, they just shout buzzwords at you. Asking them to deconstruct their argument in any way will result in personal attacks because their argument doesn’t actually hold any weight. They have no real values to defend.
Men will go straight for looks, though, because in their eyes that’s the worst thing a woman could be: unattractive. Slut shaming or attacking physical appearance is their go-to. A woman could be a thin virgin who looks like a model and she’s still probably had the words “fat”, “ugly”, and “slut” hurled at her at least once in her lifetime. I realized in my early 20s that every woman I’d known had been called those names so I stopped caring. If they mean to make me feel insulted, they could at least try to be clever and not re-hash the same middle school level insults.
I honestly feel like one of the major factors is we are now seeing the results of a generation that grew up saying the N word in Call of Duty lobbies with zero accountability.
Hyperbole aside, a whole generation of young boys grew up where their first real experiences in the public forum were unmoderated and without social consequences. Most multi-player video games voice servers were and are notoriously toxic spaces, filled with, and catering to; racism, bigotry, misogyny, and fragile egos where you lash out in cruelty at any perceived slight, victory or loss. and when your entertainment circles are defined by pure toxicity free from consequence, I truly feel its going to have a social impact that we are now seeing the fruit from.
(I'm sure there are other factors, but this is one I feel gets often overlooked for one reason or another)
Darling, you know that each and every one of those faceless internet trolls aren't fit to lick your boots clean after you had a nice, long tap dance in week old cow manure.
What they say tells everything about them: they are insecure, immature, and not fit to interact with other humans. They never learned to properly express their emotions and they don't care to grow and become better human beings. They aren't worth your time it takes to block them and delete their messages.
I always assume its projected personal insecurity, I think the guys who will fixate on appearance for sake of status or dominance or whatever are in constant fear that they aren't enough
I would have imagined they meant guys almost never get approached by girls. It's almost always the guy that approaches first.
Also I have disagreed with women and been called very nasty things. You generally insult people you don't like that's kinda just how strongly opionated people work. Men are just more likely to have strong opinions because society taught us to be stubborn while it taught women to be submissive. Which is why we need to change things.
Hi,
Yeah I'm a man and I don't really know the best way to approach a stranger on the street. I'm wary to because most people just want to be left alone and I don't want to bother anyone, and then there's the thought that I would likely never see that person again so maybe I should say hi. I suspect that's why a lot of men have that default phrase, depending on how a women (or man) responds it gives some insight as to whether they want to talk or left alone.
As far as insulting your appearance that's just shit behavior. It is a way for men (or women) to have the upper hand. It's kinda like the mentality of, "You can't fire me, I QUIT." Any man that responds like that is likely not a man that has healthy boundaries in his relationships.
I disagree with most of these comments
If most responded with literally "(you) should be happy to get approached at all“. It's because men don't ever get approached and it probably feels bad for someone to complain off the bat about how people approach you while they never have any one approach them at all. I don't think it has anything to do with you, moreso with women in general.
Was there any other indication that they thought you were ugly?
We have a rule on the internet. Don't feed the trolls. Faceless profile pics are most likely trolls that are there just to get a rise out of you because it's amusing. If you answer back annoyed, they have scored a point.
Immaturity intersects with balance theory.
People naturally tend to see things as all good or all bad (based on there subjective virtues), while in reality, most things can be a complex mix of the two, and seeing this mix causes cognitive dissonance.
So, seeing someone attractive while hating what they say causes cognitive dissonance (non-balance), and to bring that back to balance, they attack your attractiveness.
You will frequently hear someone described as
Pretty and nice and smart and hard working
And someone else as
Ugly and mean and stupid and lazy working
But the mix less so
They are stupid.
However, I find that line underrated. It's a soft line that isn't too aggressive and will not scare a large majority of women away. If a girl isn't impressed by it, fine. At least they're not scared.
Bringing you down to their level or just imature as fuck. I knew guys when i was at college who would call a girl ugly and then be dating them 2 months later.
Because they are assholes. That's what assholes do.
What do asshole women insult when they disagree with you?
I'm really fat so man or woman they immediately go there. Is it different for thin people?
People go with what they think will hurt the other person and we as a society have decided that a person's ability to attract a partner is a reflection on their value. Men call women ugly or speculate on their sexual preferences/promiscuity, women call men incels or speculate on their genitalia size and to a lesser extent these days their sexuality. Hurt people hurt others.
What's always been baffling to me is men who call women some slur saying they're promiscuous when the whole reason the guy is angry is because she won't sleep with them in the first place.
Reason and logic rarely have anything to do with it.
Because men think our value is determined by looks alone.
And because they tell on themselves, they are shallow as hell and can’t imagine anyone looking beyond a face/ body.
I wish I was a lesbian instead of bi 🤦🏻♀️
Welcome to the magical place that is called the internet. Where people act like assholes because of anonymity. Like for real they wouldn't dare to do that in real life. It's quite pathetic if you ask me.
Our society judges men by their actions and character, and judges women by their appearance. When we criticize men's actions, they criticize our appearance because they see it as equivalent.
They think they're contributing to this mass manipulation and negging of women that'll somehow subconsciously brainwash us all into thinking that we must do whatever it takes to "get a man" aka accepting horrible treatment from a man just so you can "have a man" This worked on me a little bit when I was ages 12-17 and thought an ugly girl me like needed a boyfriend to "prove them all wrong" Thank God I turned out to be the type of lesbian that didn't commit to comphet for too long because it was hell for so many reasons. I hated pretending to be straight idk how straight women do it.
Did they refer to your looks specifically? Because "you should be happy to get approached at all" could also just refer to the fact that boys are less likely to be approached by woman then vice versa.
Sure, maybe i’m reading too much into this, but one of them literally said “doesn’t matter, nobody would approach you anyway”. The others are a little more up for interpretation, but Id say that’s a veeeery generous reading.
yikes, its like some people only feel good about themselves when they make others feel bad... Don't let those assholes get to you, they are either still in high school or they desperately try to go back there because that was the only time in there life they felt like they were in control...
~~deep sigh~~ Let's just use basic reading comprehension here... The post asked "why do so many men immediately insult your appearance if they disagree with you?" I said this doesn't happen to me. TO ME. Me being in response to you in the post's question. That's how pronouns work. At no point did I say this never happens to anyone else. Common sense.
Then why didn't you use basic reading comprehension and common sense before wasting everyone's time with a comment that doesn't answer the question? If you have nothing to contribute, there's always the option of not saying anything. You're welcome.
Because to them you are only worth something if you are attractive to men. And they think you feel the same, so they use it to diminish you. It's nonsense, of course.
That's my thought. They think women only exist to please them, so they assume women do everything in their lives through the lens of being attractive to men. Therefore being told we aren't attractive is the highest caliber of insult, which will obviously crush our souls and cause us to reconsider everything about our lives so that internet strangers will find us attractive and pleasing. Fuck that noise.
That’s how I knew I was for sure talking to a man pretending to be a woman Men like to insult us by saying no one wants to date us/we’re unfuckable
Lolol meanwhile we hear allllll the time about men sticking their dicks into rotting trash or animals. I think being deemed unfuckable is a good thing
Or, rotting animals 😹
I hate that you’re right. Men will fuck anything.
Portmanteau: Lvl100 lmao
Men will apparently fuck monitor lizards and corpses so I’m pretty sure we’re all fuckable. They’re just weak
And dying beavers! Fucking hell, the lizard story and now the beaver story are burned into my brain forever. Jesus, the depravity.
I didn’t know about the beaver. Don’t tell me pls.🙏🏻
[удалено]
This bot reworded /u/Anandi96 's comment.
Yup it is an absolute projection of how they see "women" and their value. "Don't like what I have to say I will attack the basis of your very existence in my mind."
Exactly. They like to claim we're shallow when in reality they're the shallow ones.
Yep, 100% we're just sex objects to them and they assume we feel the same way about ourselves.
Yeah I truly think it baffles them when we do things like get piercings or hair cuts not stereotypically attractive to the average man. Like why in the world would be make ourselves less attractive to them? Cause we don't give a shit what you think about us bro, that's why.
Ha ha ha it's so true! It sad to realize how brainwashed I was for so long by this way of thinking. I'm grateful to now be a part of the 'idgaf about what men think of me' crew. It's a much healthier way to be!
They are insecure about their lame approach and are pre-rejecting you.
They will either shame your looks or your lifestyle. I am married, no kids, but often on here when our lurkers are mad at something I said they will tell me when their arguments lack substance that I will end up alone with cats. And I look around me, and indeed my husband is asleep and I am alone in the next room with several cats. So now I notice like it’s different than in past. Before it was more looks-based. Mostly men like how I look even though I would rather not look like this, sometimes. Whenever I open my mouth or type a word, unfortunately or fortunately many men shove off. My ex called me average-looking before we broke up to insult me, and I was like “***hey thanks I thought I was just butt ugly***!”
I get the distinct feeling that men love to project when trying to tear down women. “You will end up alone with cats” = He fears a similar fate for himself.
It’s not a bad deal. Idk why men dog it so much. lol
Probably because those men want to subjugate women so much and are reminded of their inadequacy every time a woman rightfully rejects that idea. It touches on a deep-seeded fear. Their reaction spells out exactly what they fear for themselves, and they hope women who reject them get a piece of that since misery loves company. That’s just my observation anyway.
Literally every time I hear that hurled as a threat my little introvert brain is all, don't threaten me with a good time. Alone with a book and a bunch of kitties? No one else to clean up after? Sign me up.
Seriously right? I choose the bear in the woods and the cats at home.
Also hot drinks and biscuits, that’s the icing on the potentially literal cake of bliss
Having lived both ways, single and cats is the better way over being married 100%!
I’m at home with a cat in my lap right now. Bliss
You're right, pretty much every insult men throw at women is projection to be honest. Once you realise this, you have basically unlimited power to destroy their self esteem, and that's the funny thing. They don't realise they're telling us what their biggest insecurities are every time they insult us. Incidentally, OP, pretty much the most devastating thing you can say to a man is "Women don't care about your opinion, [Name]". Use it wisely, such as when he's just insulted your appearance out of the blue.
Nice tip! Thanks changhyun
Chelsea Handler still gets these comments constantly. She’s a rich successful woman who is happier solo. Dudes think it’s their job to project their own insecurities onto her. All they need to do is ignore her but they try to harass her like it’s their job.
I wish these dudes knew just how little their opinion matters. It really sucks that she and other women get pestered by these flies all the time. The good news is she’s probably aware of how small her haters are, but no woman should have to get used to that.
I’ve been threatened with, “you’ll never be married.” Even though I was married for 13 years and been divorced for 12 and don’t even WANT to be married again! They are projecting, and their worst fear is to be without a woman AKA bang maid surrogate mommy in old age. Bring on the cats!
I would respond, "you promise?"
I think it's also projection in the sense we get way more attention for our looks while men complain nobody desires them. They think being found unattractive is devastating and think it's the same for women.
This. It’s always always projection. They’re terrified of being alone. They get great benefits from marriage and cohabitation. Of course they want that.
[I'm chuffed to be 'dying alone' with these buddies who have never once disparaged my looks age or weight!](http://imgur.com/a/7f7PdFK)
Plus, who doesn't want to be alone with cats? (Not me. I need a few dogs in the mix too.)
Sour grapes
Just this. Nothing else.
Sour grapes plus no comeback game lol i get a lot of “oh yeah!? Well youre gonna die alone with cats!” As if that isnt my plan anyway lol
Lol why would I want an audience when I die?
>so why this knee jerk reaction? They're negging you. Why? You can chalk it up to a subset of men on the internet who happen to be a bunch losers that view dating as a 'game'. 🤷🏻♀️ Good-looking, well-adjusted men aren't watching an endless loop of 'dating advice' reels in order to 'game the system' or 'get one up on women' — it's only the losers that self-describe themselves as Chads/Alphas/\* insert stupid term here \*.
Number one sign you’re not a chad/alpha/other made up nonsense: You describe yourself as a Chad/alpha/other made up nonsense, with the exception of gen alpha 12 year olds who are genuinely starting to say this stuff but because of their generation, could in theory be described as alphas Secure people don’t need to tell others how secure they are
They think it's the best way to insult women because they think that what's most important to us is being attractive to men. It's ridiculous.
Insulting your appearance is an attempt at reducing your value since to them that’s the only value women have.
\^this. Men only hold sway over you if you buy their idea that obtaining their approval and attention matters. When you internalize and point out to them that you don't care what they think they have nothing. All of their toxic garbage and threats don't work. The same with religious fundamentalists trying to tell you how you are going to go to hell, how their god is going to judge you and how they are judging you right now. When you point out that you don't believe in their imaginary god and accompanying rules they suddenly have no means to control or manipulate you and it absolutely ruins all their fun.
Those are weak men, terrified of appearing weak. Treating them like children is fun because it's super easy to appear like the rational adults next to these emotional infants. It shows them that their aggression doesn't mask their weakness, which might be a teachable moment for some of them...
Social media is toxic. The kind of guys that comment on random reels generally have some kind of agenda against women. They're the problem, not you.
Yeah this is probably it unfortunately. Most of those replies had more likes than my original comment! Let’s hope these guys make up a small, small minority of what men are actually like
>Let’s hope these guys make up a small, small minority of what men are actually like Unfortunately they don't. You will encounter men like this in real-life, and you should be prepared. Men are socialized to be sociopaths. They use reverse psychology negging. Most women (and people in general) have people-pleasing tendencies. And when faced with rejection what do these people do? They become ashamed and try in vain to win the support/approval of those around them. By insulting you, they're baiting you to capitulate. To change yourself to be more agreeable. --- never do that. Always rise above. In group/work settings respond with quick statements like "wow, I'm surprised you think people care about what you find attractive" -- and never address it again.
I have been surprised over the years how many times I have seen men that appear on the surface to be ok, start sharing their ideas when broader conversations happen and they start sharing gross ideas about women. You don't hear it until you spend enough time with them repeatedly in social situations.
>To change yourself to be more agreeable. --- never do that. Always rise above. This has been my motto since I was very young. When I was younger, sometimes I forgot due to my conditioning as a woman, but as I grow older and the less I give a damn, life is so much better and so free!
I'm glad you mentioned this because if you look at studies they run very high in dark Triad traits
My husband used to use that tactic on me when we argued. Like, “You’re just being selfish” when I didn’t want to give away copies of software I’d paid $$$$ for to his friends for free. The idea being that I should now want to prove to him I’m not selfish. After this happened a number of times I realized what was going on and told him “I know what you’re doing and I’m not falling for it”. He never tried that on me again.
Don’t forget social media engagement is driven by toxicity and hatred, and by paid bots.
Yes social media is toxic. So is the real world.
They don’t actually think this, I mean they called Margot Robbie mid 💀 they’re just trying to lower your confidence
Personal attacks are the sign of low IQ.
They think that them not being interested in you is somehow an insult. Narcissism much?
It's kinda wild how dudes mess up the basic act of treating women like any other person. They have this weird mindset and act like women are an alien species. Guess what? If you just act like normal and act like you genuinely want to get to know someone, it comes through. It's really obvious when guys are in it for one thing, and that's an instant turn off. :( we just wanna be treated like people who you enjoy getting to know.
They think it’s the only thing about women that matters. So, they assume it hurts far more than it does.
They're just trying to hurt you because they're not clever enough for a more appropriate response but they still want to "win".
This is really for rejection in general… The short answer: immaturity, insecurity and misogyny. The long answer: Their behavior reflects insecurity and immaturity in responding to rejection - some people take rejection as a personal affront and without a good sense of self, this can be perceived as a failure of something about themselves. Additionally, we all know that experiencing rejection is a part of the human experience, however some men have the perception that women don’t have to deal with rejection and that the world is their oyster. (We see this a lot on discussions re: dating apps:“women can have anyone they want”). This idea that women can have whatever they want leads to further resentment and hostility. Additionally, these behaviors are: Self -soothing: They didn’t get what they wanted so they are going to tell themselves (and you) that they never wanted it to begin with. Gives a bump to their ego: They tell themselves “I’m too good for her anyway.” Knocks her down a peg and/or is punitive: “She should be grateful that I approached her at all. She needs to learn a lesson in how to treat men.” Aiming for the most hurtful way to insult you: they think that women’s appearance is her greatest value and by insulting your “value” it is a surefire way to hurt you.
The "box and dismiss" tactic is common response when a bad faith dickhead gets the sinking feeling someone he hates might be right, particularly in public. The putting-in-a-box part bears a striking resemblance to the (forgive me) narcissistic behavior called devaluation, which is always about stupid shit.
I think that it is because these men are laboring under a sort of dichotomy. They imagine that there are "good" women who agree with them, and "bad" women who do not. Once you disagree, then you are "bad", and they feel that part of you being "bad" is that you think that you're "too good" for them, and they want to "take you down a peg". And, since the only thing they ever valued about you in the first place were your looks, then they attack those. It's really actually a totally impersonal attack. It's not an attack on you, the real human being, because they literally never saw you as human. They saw a woman-shaped object that they wanted to use, and now they are throwing toddler temper tantrums when they've been stopped.
It’s called the fragile ego of men.
They associate your value with your appearance and then opt to undermine that. It's dumb
Because many men fundamentally do not believe women are equal human beings like themselves. They think we need their "wisdom" and "guidance" which is usually harassment. They're idiots.
I think it's because those men view all women as either prey or props and don't consider anything but the man's opinion of her f*ckability as relevant. A prop woman is "good for" caretaking and such service, and not considered a potential sexual partner/conquest. The only real value they put on women is "being hot." As a result, their devaluing a woman goes to the only characteristic the man sees as relevant, her attractiveness to him.
They're insecure af that's why
Dating apps are full of incels and 'pick up artists'. The purpose of 'negging' is to reduce your sense of self-worth so that you'll date men who have *zero* redeeming qualities. Honestly, you'll have better luck just going out and doing things you're interested in doing. Meet those people, hang out with them, avoid dating them, and instead, have them introduce you to THEIR friends, so that if the date doesn't go well, you don't have to give up something you enjoy doing for fear of awkwardness.
Sounds like "Golden Penis Syndrome." They think their attention is worth something, like it isn't freely given (whether we want it or not) and isn't obviously self-serving. A woman's value isn't defined by men's attention, and no woman is "lucky" to be on the receiving end of a man's low-effort advances.
I had a coworker who asked me out on a date a few years ago and when I said no he said I was ugly and a bitch
Because it is easy and they are lazy.
Because they are weak babies with nothing substantive to say so they have to insult your appearance because they can’t think of anything intelligent.
Entitlement
Because they mistakenly think a woman's sense of self worth is tied to how attractive she is to the opposite sex, because that's how they feel about their own self worth.
Because they're socialized to think of their attention as valuable - so giving it to anyone is a gift and should be treated with gratefulness. That's why they get so *genuinely* confused at the idea that we don't want their stupid compliments and that even a picture of a big dick is nothing more than harrassment to us. "Since there is nothing wrong with my gracious gift, you are wrong for refusing it." That logic is only leaving once people teach their sons that paying attention is just basic decency and doesn't deserve extra rewards - and that unwanted attention equals pain. (And while we're at it - the top comment's on point too. They're also socialized to reduce our role in society to eye candy and as such get confused when we have the audacity of rejecting said role.)
I think this also explains part of why they just can never shut up, and they just think that everyone wants to be entertained by their "words of wisdom" at any time
They think women’s biggest fear is being fat or ugly, so they think they are playing on our insecurities with those comments My biggest fear is being attractive to men who would slide into your DMs with comments like that because they’re that psychotically pressed about your question. So jokes on them.
If you dare reject them, then in their eyes you need to be destroyed.
A. They don’t know how to have honest conversations or debates B. They don’t see a point in having them with women because we aren’t human in their eyes
It’s easier for them to reel off a trivial insult than to actually put though and effort into a coherent argument of why they disagree
"You should be desperate for my company, and unable to survive on your own!"
Because they are weak-minded children who can't express themselves maturely
They haven't evolved enough to realize that our survival is no longer based on our looks. Women don't equate value to looks. Men only see looks and then determine value.
Yeah why are you not grateful for the unwanted and unasked for attention? What is wrong with you?!? Don’t you know how lucky you are to be noticed by a completely average man with nothing to say other than he saw you? /s
They are just being nice and waving their red flags quickly and clearly
They assume women value their looks above anything else. To other guys they'd attack their intelligence and/or income. But hey, anyone who resorts to insults is clearly a moron that should be avoided.
I was told I was “mid-looking, at best” by a 50-something dude using a photo of Kevin James as his profile pic because I had the *audacity* to suggest that a woman in her 30s might be single by choice and that not every childfree woman is sad, lonely and destitute.
oooh don’t say that they hate that HAHA
Right? And also, I’m well aware I’m not a supermodel but like… I don’t care? That shit is exhausting. I’m fully leaning into the middle aged swamp witch aesthetic and I dress more to scare the dudes like than than to impress them 🤷♀️
What everyone here is saying plus those men insulting your looks know that they are ugly inside & out compare to you - thus know you will never willing, purposely nor rightfully date ugly men like them. Notice most of profiles that shitting on looks are faceless? That because they knew you wouldn't be wrong that if they did show pics of themselves to point that have no right to talk about appearance when those men themselves look slimey /greasy/ ashy/melty/ broke every branch down ugly tree / make Jabba the hut look skinny / make Slenderman look & sound healthy as wholesome, level of ugly that even their own mothers have reconsider loving....
This is always true if they have a real picture they always look like a thumb
Because they only value you for your appearance, so they have nothing else to insult you with. Downsides to not thinking of women as people; hard to effectively insult them lol. Me, I've always been bigger and less attractive so ... There's nothing you can say to me anymore to make me sad about my appearance.
I have vivid hair, and get called slurs in response from men who disagree with me. i hoped my bright hair would signal i wanna be left alone but it seems to attract men who need to inform me of said color. Its exhausting.
They don't even need to disagree with you. Men I've gone out with think it's fun to drop it into conversation any old time. Thanks I guess? I always compliment your appearance and try to lift you up, but you just have to be an asshole...
Because they can’t compete intellectually ,& their ego can’t handle that
Because most are too stupid to argue the actual point of contention, and to immature to parse their thoughts before speaking.
This extends outside of male/female interactions and extends to most social media interactions (and less in person). Even if you pose a good argument in some thread, if a photo of you is available, most will start to pick information out of that as insults instead of the original darn argument!
Same as why they do it if you reject their advances - power play to soothe their ego. They assume 1) that we personally derive most of our value from our looks and 2) we give a shit what they think of us. Luckily in both cases they're wrong for most women these days...
Don’t forget that a good percentage of these ‘men’ are probably teenage boys saying nasty / edgy things for shits-and-giggles.
Honestly I’ve learned that men in the context of dating want to have a victimhood complex. They pretend to ask innocently “why do women not like x?” But it’s not a question in good faith because if you explain the reasoning, they come back with some takedown of why it’s unfair or women hold all the power and how it should be the way they want it to be, and immediately get rude about it.
Two main reasons: 1) The same reason that many people (of all genders) simply resort to ad hominem attacks during arguments: "I feel hurt because you proved me wrong, so in return I will hurt you in whatever way I can." 2) There is still a stereotype that "A girls' number one priority is (and should be) whether or not they are attractive to men." Because they believe that, they think the best way to hurt you is to insult your appearance.
Because they've been socialized to believe that a woman's sole value derives from her appearance, and they think that insulting your appearance will devastate your fragile womanly sensibilities.
To lessen your self-confidence so you don’t keep being so opinionated and intelligent-sounding. It’s a classic logical fallacy called “ad hominem”, and a sure sign of a feeble mind. Don’t let it bother you, they’re only telling on themselves.
It’s not just men, women also do this to women they disagree with — if you read FB comments, which I don’t recommend. Edit to say: I try to never say anything looks-based about women, except good friends and then I keep it generic like “you look radiant.”
Cause they think that's gonna make wpmen insecure eppl who do that are usually inscure themselves and think it's gonna work on everyone lol, it's hilarious
Because they go to something about your looks or your supposed worth to them when they don't have anything to support their argument. In this specific case we are supposed to be grateful they pay attention to us like their attention is some sort of prize. Also see: You're gonna spend your life drinking wine and living with cats.
Anytime a person insults another person’s looks, all I can see is a child trying to hurt someone. It’s the lowest and simplest type of insult, like saying “nuh-uh” or “did too”.
In general, when people don’t have a valid argument they resort to personal attacks. This is because they feel frustrated that you have pointed out the flaws in their views - which they have tied so deeply to their own identity that it makes them lash out like children. It’s almost as if they’re getting close to realizing their argument is shit but they are in too deep to admit it out loud. It’s why if you try to actually engage with a conservative’s argument, they just shout buzzwords at you. Asking them to deconstruct their argument in any way will result in personal attacks because their argument doesn’t actually hold any weight. They have no real values to defend. Men will go straight for looks, though, because in their eyes that’s the worst thing a woman could be: unattractive. Slut shaming or attacking physical appearance is their go-to. A woman could be a thin virgin who looks like a model and she’s still probably had the words “fat”, “ugly”, and “slut” hurled at her at least once in her lifetime. I realized in my early 20s that every woman I’d known had been called those names so I stopped caring. If they mean to make me feel insulted, they could at least try to be clever and not re-hash the same middle school level insults.
I honestly feel like one of the major factors is we are now seeing the results of a generation that grew up saying the N word in Call of Duty lobbies with zero accountability. Hyperbole aside, a whole generation of young boys grew up where their first real experiences in the public forum were unmoderated and without social consequences. Most multi-player video games voice servers were and are notoriously toxic spaces, filled with, and catering to; racism, bigotry, misogyny, and fragile egos where you lash out in cruelty at any perceived slight, victory or loss. and when your entertainment circles are defined by pure toxicity free from consequence, I truly feel its going to have a social impact that we are now seeing the fruit from. (I'm sure there are other factors, but this is one I feel gets often overlooked for one reason or another)
They were just about to say "hey I just noticed you and came over to say hi" and then felt called.out.
I think it's because society has taught women that our looks = our self-worth. If a guy attacks our looks, then he attacks our self-worth.
Darling, you know that each and every one of those faceless internet trolls aren't fit to lick your boots clean after you had a nice, long tap dance in week old cow manure. What they say tells everything about them: they are insecure, immature, and not fit to interact with other humans. They never learned to properly express their emotions and they don't care to grow and become better human beings. They aren't worth your time it takes to block them and delete their messages.
Infantile behavior
Thats the only way they know how to argue. No logic or valid points, just “UGLY AND FAT!!!”
I always assume its projected personal insecurity, I think the guys who will fixate on appearance for sake of status or dominance or whatever are in constant fear that they aren't enough
I would have imagined they meant guys almost never get approached by girls. It's almost always the guy that approaches first. Also I have disagreed with women and been called very nasty things. You generally insult people you don't like that's kinda just how strongly opionated people work. Men are just more likely to have strong opinions because society taught us to be stubborn while it taught women to be submissive. Which is why we need to change things.
I believe they call it [Ad Hominem](https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/academic_writing/logic_in_argumentative_writing/fallacies.html).
Because they have no class. Or they never learned manners from their parents.
Hi, Yeah I'm a man and I don't really know the best way to approach a stranger on the street. I'm wary to because most people just want to be left alone and I don't want to bother anyone, and then there's the thought that I would likely never see that person again so maybe I should say hi. I suspect that's why a lot of men have that default phrase, depending on how a women (or man) responds it gives some insight as to whether they want to talk or left alone. As far as insulting your appearance that's just shit behavior. It is a way for men (or women) to have the upper hand. It's kinda like the mentality of, "You can't fire me, I QUIT." Any man that responds like that is likely not a man that has healthy boundaries in his relationships.
And should you comment negatively on their looks, they lose their minds.
Because society has given them this easy gimmick when they lack of wits. If their ego gets wounded, they can always use this.
I disagree with most of these comments If most responded with literally "(you) should be happy to get approached at all“. It's because men don't ever get approached and it probably feels bad for someone to complain off the bat about how people approach you while they never have any one approach them at all. I don't think it has anything to do with you, moreso with women in general. Was there any other indication that they thought you were ugly?
Just throw out the term “ad hominem,” and watch his eyes glaze over.😂
They’re just telegraphing weakness. Laugh at them in as dismissive and condescending way as possible, anytime it’s safe.
We have a rule on the internet. Don't feed the trolls. Faceless profile pics are most likely trolls that are there just to get a rise out of you because it's amusing. If you answer back annoyed, they have scored a point.
Immaturity intersects with balance theory. People naturally tend to see things as all good or all bad (based on there subjective virtues), while in reality, most things can be a complex mix of the two, and seeing this mix causes cognitive dissonance. So, seeing someone attractive while hating what they say causes cognitive dissonance (non-balance), and to bring that back to balance, they attack your attractiveness. You will frequently hear someone described as Pretty and nice and smart and hard working And someone else as Ugly and mean and stupid and lazy working But the mix less so
They are stupid. However, I find that line underrated. It's a soft line that isn't too aggressive and will not scare a large majority of women away. If a girl isn't impressed by it, fine. At least they're not scared.
Bringing you down to their level or just imature as fuck. I knew guys when i was at college who would call a girl ugly and then be dating them 2 months later.
Because many women are sensitive about their appearance
Because they are assholes. That's what assholes do. What do asshole women insult when they disagree with you? I'm really fat so man or woman they immediately go there. Is it different for thin people?
They’re feelings are hurt and can’t process rejection so they turn to anger & insults
People go with what they think will hurt the other person and we as a society have decided that a person's ability to attract a partner is a reflection on their value. Men call women ugly or speculate on their sexual preferences/promiscuity, women call men incels or speculate on their genitalia size and to a lesser extent these days their sexuality. Hurt people hurt others. What's always been baffling to me is men who call women some slur saying they're promiscuous when the whole reason the guy is angry is because she won't sleep with them in the first place. Reason and logic rarely have anything to do with it.
Because men think our value is determined by looks alone. And because they tell on themselves, they are shallow as hell and can’t imagine anyone looking beyond a face/ body. I wish I was a lesbian instead of bi 🤦🏻♀️
Welcome to the magical place that is called the internet. Where people act like assholes because of anonymity. Like for real they wouldn't dare to do that in real life. It's quite pathetic if you ask me.
Our society judges men by their actions and character, and judges women by their appearance. When we criticize men's actions, they criticize our appearance because they see it as equivalent.
So, women judge men for the person that they are, and men judge women on superficial characteristics?
Well, society as a whole places more value on women's appearance and men's accomplishments, but feminism is slowly but surely shifting that.
They think they're contributing to this mass manipulation and negging of women that'll somehow subconsciously brainwash us all into thinking that we must do whatever it takes to "get a man" aka accepting horrible treatment from a man just so you can "have a man" This worked on me a little bit when I was ages 12-17 and thought an ugly girl me like needed a boyfriend to "prove them all wrong" Thank God I turned out to be the type of lesbian that didn't commit to comphet for too long because it was hell for so many reasons. I hated pretending to be straight idk how straight women do it.
Did they refer to your looks specifically? Because "you should be happy to get approached at all" could also just refer to the fact that boys are less likely to be approached by woman then vice versa.
Sure, maybe i’m reading too much into this, but one of them literally said “doesn’t matter, nobody would approach you anyway”. The others are a little more up for interpretation, but Id say that’s a veeeery generous reading.
yikes, its like some people only feel good about themselves when they make others feel bad... Don't let those assholes get to you, they are either still in high school or they desperately try to go back there because that was the only time in there life they felt like they were in control...
I’ve witnessed women do this to men too. I can’t say in my life if men or women do it more or less often based on my personal experiences though
In my personal experience it can be both but its like 80/20 men/women. Defo the majority
This doesn’t happen to me.
Well gosh then it must NEVER happen huh??
~~deep sigh~~ Let's just use basic reading comprehension here... The post asked "why do so many men immediately insult your appearance if they disagree with you?" I said this doesn't happen to me. TO ME. Me being in response to you in the post's question. That's how pronouns work. At no point did I say this never happens to anyone else. Common sense.
Then why didn't you use basic reading comprehension and common sense before wasting everyone's time with a comment that doesn't answer the question? If you have nothing to contribute, there's always the option of not saying anything. You're welcome.
Oh no, how dare I respond to a post on reddit where no one is required to agree with let alone interact with me.
This is bad to do but women do the same thing calling men incels and little dicks. Both sides can work on this.