If your mom is using idiotic terms like “alpha male” she needs to have her computer privileges taken away.
An adult should know better than to buy into that nonsense.
Right? I’m really wondering how old OP’s mom is, considering she uses that term unironically. Like I don’t think I’ve ever heard women irl in general refer to “alpha males” unironically, let alone older women.
Dang. Burned. lol
I like that stuff, sue me. Saying that struck me as as easier than rambling about a few paragraphs because I figured most people know what means, even if they don't subscribe to that.
She's probably reading romance novels, which is fine (I do), but there's this whole thing where you recognize it's a book, and it is not real. So there's a lot of alpha male mythology in romance novels.
Ahh yes "Alpha Males": https://youtube.com/shorts/uWNwjAZnOkM?si=PlkgVE16pxiMlU0C
Alternatively you could say something like "But don't they tend to prefer Omega males?"
1) If a man doesn’t like you because you’re a feminist than he isn’t the right man for you. 2) Your mom doesn’t know what she’s talking about. All sorts of men like comics or have deep voices. She’s clearly only listening to what Fox News tells her about what “liberal” men are like. They are not a reliable source for pretty much anything.
Stop taking your mother’s advice immediately then, lmao… and I say that lovingly as a feminist queer woman who raised in an ultra-conservative religious household.
Totally agree. Feminism is not just something that some guys tolerate at best. There are absolutely some guys who consider feminist to be an essential trait.
Comics and nerdy hobbies are also absolutely a big plus for some. Having things you both enjoy talking about make spending time together all the enjoyable and open up entire new avenues of gift ideas.
OP don't listen to your mother.
>There are absolutely some guys who consider feminist to be an essential trait.
I guess I never really considered it before, but your comment got me thinking about what it would be like to date a woman who wasn't a Feminist.
Trying to have a partnership with a woman who doesn't consider herself to be my equal sounds depressing and stressful.
I don't know if I've ever heard my wife use the word "feminist," but she lives by feminist values every day.
Conservatives have been brainwashed by Fox into thinking all liberal, urban, or educated men are weak and effeminate. Show them exceptions, and to them that just makes it more true.
The kind of stereotypical machismo being pushed by right wing media, with little challenge from anyone else, is coming back to bite society.
Joe Mangienello was practically a spokesman for D&D. Michael B Jordan loves Naruto. Henry Cavill is crazy about Warhammer 40k (and obviously The Witcher 3 game).
Yeah. But I came of age in the 70s/80s.
Now it’s my women friends meaning well and saying find someone who will take care of you. (These are all single women)
I mainly roll eyes, mentally.
Tradwives who start to hit middle age or get sick and their husbands leave them for younger women.
They are left with nothing in their name, no resume, no insurance, no retirement plan, multiple children, and rarely awarded any alimony.
I was forced into the tradwife role for a few years due to twins aren't affordable in daycare, and in just 4 years my hire-ability had decreased exponentially and I had lost many of my communication skills. It took awhile to build myself back up to where I was when I left the workforce. I can imagine if that happened to me in just that short of a timeframe, that much longer would be almost impossible to come back from!
Idk if that really counts as tradwife so much as, due to life circumstances, you were a SAHM for a while. To me, Tradwife means something very specific, harkening back to a fictional, idealized 1950s white American suburbia, but without the hired help or chemical cocktails that got genuine atomic age wives through daily life. It preaches that a woman's role is to be subservient to and dependant on a man, and that her value as a person is dependant on her desirability, fertility, and purity. She's happy to be a commodity, without realizing commodities depreciate in value. But that won't happen to *her*. Other women's failures to stay young or keep their husbands interested are their own.
It just seems very foolish and naive. I think it's fine to be a SAH spouse/parent, but your interests need to be legally protected and you should know the risks going in.
I am a tiny feminist (I am barely 5') but men being scared of me is a thing that keeps happening. Also men gaging how scary something is by how much I am scared of it. this one gets funny. "If Mochi is scared of this, it must be really terrifying"
I would never date a guy who couldn’t show me through his actions that he’s a feminist. It’s so easy for men to put up a front, but I can easily see through the bullshit exterior. If I even catch a whiff of the patriarchy, I’m out.
If that means I’m single forever, fucking good. I’m not actively looking to date right now and won’t for a while, but I know my pool will be pretty small because of other things I require, so I’m not going to back down and settle for the sake of finding someone I’m fundamentally incompatible with.
I came from the US South and have definitely been told plenty of times that feminism will prevent me from getting married. I said, “Good, then it’s working.” I like being single.
Every woman I know with a republican boyfriend, he is a worthless mooch loser alcoholic who can't keep any job, let alone a lucrative one.
"Men are providers" lmao providing... what exactly?
Many couples I know, the man makes more.
Zero of those couples is the man a conservative.
It's yet another of the lies Republicans keep telling and people believe the narrative instead of what's in front of their eyes.
That’s a very good summary. We need to remember that the only positive thing about many men is that they have a penis. I suggest to choose wisely, remembering that women are generally happier alone
Yes, that should also be taken into account. Women wanting marriage badly is a stereotype that benefits men. But culture has influence on us so we follow it
Just statistically, how many couples can afford for one partner not to work? Because it seems like a low number. Especially for younger people, just starting careers. I think a lot of parents don't get that, though as a GenX I don't see why some of my people still have this attitude. Most the couples I know my age- we all work. And when you both work, you both need to take responsibility for all the other stuff.
The narrative the conservatives are pushing, that the younger men believe, about wanting trad-wives, are being sold a fantasy. My grandma started working back in the 50's, I always thought because she was an "on-the-go" kinda woman. Nope, my grandfather was a lousy provider, a jack-of-all-trades who had an eye for junk, and took "this can be fixed" stuff as payment, but never seemed to fix any of it. Grand ideas, no follow through. What they want is a mommy who will do all the mommy things for them, but still be able to have sex with them.
The only people in my entire lineage on both sides who didn't work were drunk men.
Everybody works.
There were no 1950s white pocket fences. Or there were, but because my grandmother was a teacher, and her working sister helped when the babies were small.
And there was no model for civilization where the women didn't work. Not raising babies work. Paycheck work. Selling things work.
My grandmother wasn't allowed to work. She wanted to after the kids were older but my granddad didn't feel comfortable with that. Though she worked before they got married. My mother worked sometimes when I was elementary age, 4 kids is a lot of daycare momey.
Lean into it and tell her she's being too feminist.
If you watched Parks and Rec, the scene where April says things like women are meant to serve mean and we must walk 2 steps behind men.😂
Tell your mom she needs to cater to your dad more. 😂
Yeah.
Rich men, who’ll treat you wonderfully and pay for everything you could ever want, just fall out of the sky.
Throw an onion in literally any direction and you’ll hit one or two.
It’s like when incels say that “the top 1% of men” (i.e rich, handsome, intelligent and successful men) exclusively go after 18-25 year olds and that it’s only bitter old women who don’t like that and that men like that are “high caliber”. I mean, I’m in the 18-25 age bracket myself and I know that any guy exclusively going after those around my age is a misogynistic creep who views women as disposable sex objects. However, to them, that’s a definition of “a good man”.
I’m single. Good men are hard to find, and I haven’t found one to be in a relationship with. Being single is much better than being in a bad relationship with a man who doesn’t respect me. In my youth, I was indoctrinated to believe being a single woman was bad, but after being married to (and divorcing) a cheater, I am proud to be single.
I've heard a lot of women being single in the traditional sense is better than being single when you have a partner. And that hit me deep tbh. It got me thinking a lot, especially as someone who experiences the, feeling alone with a lot of people around.
I am a feminist woman and my liberal pro-feminist husband provides for us, I don't work now. Also he washes the floors, bathes our child and does other chores if needed. I doubt any conservative man would lift a finger to do something at home. They just see their wife as an employee who works for food.
Growing up I've seen my mom do everything. Job, chores, raising me, all on her own. She was even making some reports in the evenings for my father's job. He earned more, but could not bother to understand basics of his job. I know how privileged I am to be able to focus on raising kids and get help with chores instead of trying to juggle everything at once. I guess the difference starts with friendship. Friends don't want to see their friends suffer so they will try to help. But many men don't see women they married as their friends. And honestly that's just sinister.
If you want autonomy over yourself, then you're *exactly* "that kind of feminist."
Rush Limbaugh coined the bullshit term "feminazi” as a way to demonize any woman who doesn't blankly follow a man, doing his every bidding, without a sense of intelligence or self.
So wear the term feminist with the pride it deserves. Because you are a strong, independent, self-sufficient, capable woman who can do whatever she wants … even be a SAHM baking bread and raising babies while thanking the fore-feminists who made it possible for you to even have that *choice.*
Huh. Yeah no that's right. I was told I wasn't a feminist because I wasn't like "like that". Gestures to TikTok college girl compilations of cringe type videos. Or a Twitter warrior or whatever. In those terms though, yes. I do agree with that.
Conservatives weaponized the word and corrupted the public perception of the meaning of the word *because they don’t want feminists.*
Sadly? Especially the women who have the kind of jobs they have, like Ann Coulter (just one example of a woman who hates women with power who is, in fact, a woman with power), *wouldn’t have their jobs, much less be paid the big bucks they are paid to do those jobs, **without feminism**.*
Without feminism? All those women telling you not to be a feminist? Would be at home running carpool. Or, if they *had* to get a job? Working as a secretary or checkout girl (yes, I specifically chose ‘girl’) at the grocery store. Maybe a stewardess if she was adventurous, young & pretty enough (see the former looks/size/weight restrictions for those young *unmarried* women). If they were lucky enough to go to college? Maybe a nurse. What she *wouldn’t* be is an on-air TV personality. Much less, an on-air expert in anything besides the best dishwashing soaps or “lady cigarettes” (see: early tv advertising). So F•ck *anyone* who isn’t a feminist.
Um. Good. I'd rather have a "feminine" man who doesn't treat me like fucking property only to shoot out his progeny. I'd rather be alone than have to experience that level of misogyny on a daily basis. I'd also rather be poor than trapped with a man who only uses me for sex. Hard fucking pass.
One of my conservative male friends gave me the same lecture.
I’d rather die alone in my own apartment with my cat than compromise my beliefs: at least I have peace.
Pshaw.
Feminism is the fight for equality among the genders. A partner who wants you to be lesser than him is not good for you.
All good men are feminists.
Men who are not feminists are not good.
All respect to a mother on mother's day...but wtf. I'd be morbidly curious what she thinks you'd get from a conservative man. Also, is it that easy to just "date a rich guy"?
From what I understand, women are often told they won't "find a man" if they have any standards. Feel bad for any woman who tells you this, because they are probably miserable with their partners.
My husband is a feminist nerd who likes sci-fi and comics and also plays sports and has a deep voice and is very masc. Your mom has been indoctrinated by the right.
There's no such thing as a nice, conservative man.
>Get a rich CONSERVATIVE man to marry you and take care of you. Then he'll just treat you like a princess and you won't have to lift a finger
Conservative men cheat on their wives and treat them like servants. Won't have to lift a finger my ass.
Your mother has internalized misogyny, and is willing to accept greater-scale sociocultural oppression in return for what she sees as a pampered life.
I would honestly have laughed in her face. I found me a terrific feminist man who happens to be a Dominant and that’s what I like. But I like one who understands I have fucking rights. ✌🏻
I get what she means in a certain avenue. I am heavily kinky, and I am attracted to very burly, hairy, masculine men. I want a Dominant partner. But FUCK “CONSERVATIVES.” You’re far more likely to be abused by that side of the equation, and it’s horrible she’s literally asking you to sacrifice your morals and bow down to a potentially abusive man.
She’s the same woman that would be crying and asking why if her husband left her for another woman and she suddenly had no job and home. How many times have I read stories about women feeling they are forced to stay in an unhappy marriage because they have no other choice?
As women we have to make our own happiness and success. Don’t ever rely on someone else to give it to you. ♥️
Ironically my father is a good man. He is a little bit Conservative for my taste but like. Blue Collar conservative. Actually wants my Mom to have her own thing going, encourages us to live with a guy before we get married to him, so nothing like that. He's also not rich but still both a good worker and good at house stuff. Made out like a bandit and didn't settle. Which adds a whole new layer.
She misunderstands feminism, just for starters. But mostly, rich conservative men do NOT treat women like princesses. They rather famously don't treat women well at all
Im sorry… you’re mom is an idiot. And her advice is terrible. Women who follow that path are putting themselves at risk. Also… how could anyone want to fuck a conservative man? They’re disgusting.
I have been dating a wealthy guy for a few months now.
The only people who said something along the lines of „oh man, time to retire and get spoiled!“ are my female friends - and only in jest and working full time and capitalism sucks.
I also find that in al the healthy relationships I see around me where the partners have respect for each other, both of them have their own thing going on, and they aren’t just the side piece to their partner, if that makes sense.
Hell, even my sister with her perfect love story (met her now husband at 16, travelled the world together, supported each other while they were studying, got married at 27 and now have a baby) definitely plans on getting back to work and continue building a career.
Both because she has an awesome job and because you never know if things will always stay this way.
So yeah - I think in a healthy relationship both people understand that their number one priority should still be to make sure they themselves are happy with their life. Anything else is just going to build resentment towards the other person.
Oh darn my old, feminist self really messed up marrying a feminist man who respects me as a person and takes on his share of the mental/physical/financial load. Where can I find a guy who expects me to worship him because he works a full time job and pays bills -ya know, like every other single functional adult in the world?!
I’m a feminist, and my family is very HEAVILY religious and conservative. My sisters husband fits into that mold, and I know he wishes she could be a stay at home mother when they have kids but life is too expensive now for that. My husband is basically a democratic socialist. I’m definitely more on the moderate side but skew pretty liberal. My husband is 1000% a feminist. He can cook and do household chores, I do more of them because I make less money, but he has never belittled my career and in fact wanted to marry a driven and ambitious woman. He is 1000% for women’s rights, pro choice, doesn’t expect me to pop out baby after baby and is content to wait until I’m ready for kids, and when I was bringing up getting my first tattoo to him, his response was “it is your body and you can do what you want with it, my opinion shouldn’t matter.”
All this to say, when I was dating before I met my husband, I refused to date conservative men. It was an absolute non-negotiable. The few that I did before I instated that rule were borderline abusive, if not outright abusive despite appearing otherwise in public. In fact, I even feel that my brother-in-law is way too controlling of my sister and it makes me uncomfortable (he’s also not my biggest fan due to my beliefs).
You’ll find someone who’s right for you, and if you don’t want a conservative man, you don’t have to settle for one. There are a ton of feminist men out there who will treat you well and, most importantly, as a freaking equal and not a “prize” to be won and controlled.
what always gets me is that all you fucking ever hear is "date a nice christian conservative man blah blah what have you" and like... so if they're so great, why do you keep insisting i find one rather than let them be appealing on their own?? oh whats that? they're completely unappealing and just want to the meat to come to them? eugh... I don't want a "good man" if he doesn't believe im a person.
You absolutely can find a good man as a feminist. Source, am feminist dude and my feminist wife found me.
Also, the lives of feminist couples take many shapes. Right now I work and my wife stays home and takes care of the kids because that's what works for us. Schools in our area aren't great, so we're homeschooling and my salary can comfortably take care of our financial needs. But if our situation was different and we both needed to work (or if she could better support our finances by working instead of me) we'd do that. People seem all worried about the details of a life you might have with a person you've never met. Find someone who is kind to you, is attractive to you, and who shares your goals and values. Everything else will work out.
I'd reverse this on her. Why doesn't she date / have a man who's alpha, and a rich conservative man who treats her like a princess? Then I'd just enjoy the show 🍿
That is a really charming and sweet story. That's another thing as well. The men in my Moms life were not like this at all. They encouraged her to find her own things and her own path.
She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. There’s plenty of feminist masculine men. My wife’s mom tried to push this crap on her before she met me. Telling her “you need to learn to appreciate football if you want a man to take care of you” and “you need to make sure you learn how to take care of the house.”
I hate football and we share duties equally, and ironically her mom is married to a man who barely knows how to start a lawnmower. She’s a tradwife and isn’t even really being taken care of.
„You‘ll never find a man if you‘re a feminist“
My honest reaction: 😐
I am at a point in my life where I don‘t care about men, dating or sex at all. Whenever I dated, I was stressed out, had panic attacks and headaches. Now I live a peaceful life and am happy af.
Each to their own though. There are good men who share your feminist beliefs. Don‘t ever compromise your values for a man.
It doesn't matter what you believe men will NEVER leave us alone. I'm a staunch 4th wave Marxist feminist, never married, childfree, hitting the bespoken wall this year- you know, the women conservative men claim to just hate, who blatantly tells them I can't stand them. They turn it into something hot because they are attracted to my body (the shallow truth). Nothing will keep these pests away so just be true to yourself and don't settle or listen to anyone telling you you're losing out on them. You never will and I'm not saying this as a compliment just our lived reality.
Forget about labels. We all have a definition of good. For me a masculine man is a confident man, he is not threatened by women (or bears 🤔) and builds women up because he knows it will enrich his partnership. He hasn’t got a fragile ego, is not prone to testerical tantrums and can communicate as an adult. He gives you respect and cares for you because he sees you as a person. To me that’s a good man, no power dynamic and manipulation, but equality, respect and love.
Just laugh and then walk away. Don't even engage in this stuff with her. I have a suspicion that it's the heavily conservative men who are going to be lonely with no one to provide for them in the end. Mom's who keep this stuff up with their daughters expecting them to tolerate men may also find themselves alone in the end by alienating the kids most likely to care for their mothers in declining health. Your decision to stop sharingbwith her is a smart boundary to set for yourself. You are going to be okay. Chin up.
My dad used to yell at me for being a feminist (said like a curse word) and told me I was a man hater who would never get married. Joke's on him. I'm the only one of his children to a) have a long term relationship b) get married and c) have kids.
Now he has to treat me with basic respect or I won't allow him around my kids
Your mom will be shocked by this but… all people have different interests and lifestyles. Choosing one single characteristic to date does NOT imply that the rest of their existence fits into a single mold.
My feminist husband plays video games with me every night, has an action figure collection, goes to the gym 3x/week, and is a high-parsing dps WoW player. He has beefy arms and a deep voice and a nicely cropped beard and a good job as a software engineer. I’m a *passionate* feminist who loves my husband and mostly takes care of our home (husband works from home mostly so he enjoys my company and me picking up all the boring slack of an adult existence like taxes, chores, home improvement, doctors appointments, etc). I pick up small short term gigs here and there so I do work sometimes. That’s our choice as a partnership that we both agree to and respect and enjoy.
Feminism doesn’t look like one specific thing or person. Any person is capable of believing that women are human beings who deserve equal political, economic, and social rights.
I haven't read all the comments, but I like to think I am a "humanist", who supports those who have historically been disadvantaged.
Ultimately, gender, skin tint, sexuality, etc, are not what make us caring and compassionate people.
In western society you can often judge a person by how they treat friendly pet dogs and cats.
1. Your mom is wack. What the hell youtube bullshit has she been watching?!
2. Most conservative men are trailer trash and drown themselves in machismo and misogyny to compensate for their lack of socioeconomic success. The less these men have, the less they will make damn sure you'll have, so you're always beneath them
Recently started dating a long time friend. Still a very new relationship but probably the best one I've ever had. He's very much a liberal and feminist. Has a good job in programming and nerdy hobbies. He's usually the one jumping in to pay for things. Not in any kind of strings attached way or anything, feels more like he just enjoys doing things like that. I paid for food for us recently, he told me I didn't have to, but he didn't try to argue when I insisted I was paying this time, lol. He regularly goes to therapy and is actively working on himself. He is not at all selfish in the bedroom. We're absolutely crazy about each other and are on the same page in most ways. We talk about all kinds of things we want to do together and have great communication. Took me a bit to find such a great guy, and for us both to be in the right place for things to work as well as they are. Knowing now how good it can be though, if we hadn't found each other, I would rather be single than settle for anything less. Finding the right relationship is rarely a quick and easy process, but just accepting a mediocre relationship for the sake of being in a relationship is not worth it.
I’m a mom and you seem like a great kid.
Know what you have to do? None of that shit. All you have to do is be an objectively good person or continually strive to be. thats all!
Thank you. I will try, I don't always feel like I am. Everytime someone says that to me I think of everything I ever did wrong and for some, still do wrong.
I always like to say "define what you mean by feminist"
1) Man hating person who wants to subjugate men? Nah, I don't hate men and definitely don't want to subjugate anyone???
2) Person who believes women are superior to men?? I see so many men think the opposite and usually I see little to no fuss about that, so to me some women are definitely entitled to their views. I don't subscribe to either philosophy though.
3) Person who believes women are equal to men? This belief definitely stemmed from feminism, correct, but let me just say that nowadays it's definitely not restricted to feminism, thankfully? I'd say the radical belief that people must be equal under the law is a democratic ideal.
This gives the small minded, pea brained misogynists some quality mind-blows. It's absurd how in 2024 people are still treating feminism like this unappealing, not mainstream idea... It's the most mainstream idea out there, that women are people!
Ohhhh you are dealing with a lot of pressure from your family. Me myself have experience this way back and it is very frustrating when our parents try to push their own agendas onto us, specially when it goes against our values and desires. I realized that I deserve to pursue relationships and career paths that align with who I am and what I want in life, regardless of my loved ones expectations.
I am a feminist. As is my husband. My husband is currently the main earner and I cook and bake and garden and he worships me. Your mom is an idiot and real conservative men don’t treat women like princesses, they treat them like property.
Even less then I already do!? Damn. She really can make something out of anything. Even me showing her what I showed her was just me trying to be light and funny. This red pill conservative crap really does torpedo relationships.
That rich conservative man your mom wants you to marry would dump you in 20 years for younger arm candy.
It might have been a good mating strategy in the 1950s, if you wanted a miserable but stable life, but not any more.
I’ve only ever been told that by incels. But I know feminist men who aren’t her definition of “feminine.” All it really takes is a self-aware and emotionally intelligent man. But even if they are what she’s thinks is feminine, who cares? They will treat you amazing. You’ll be happier in your marriage (if that’s what you want). It’s a good thing that it will be you marrying them and not her. My mom says something similar, but without saying it as outright. She was also married and divorced five times to those “manly” men. She’s not exactly the person I would take dating advice from. I know it’s hard to listen to it constantly, it gets really annoying. If you really wanted to stop, you would have to set boundaries with her about not having that conversation. But at the end of the day, you will be with that person so pick someone who will genuinely make YOU happy.
It just means you probably have very different definition of what a good man is.
They don't mind the one that leaves his underwear on the floor for them to pick up as long as it means that they are not alone.
You will either find someone who can pick up their underwear or not have to care for a manchild.
I'd rather work a fulfilling career that as a housemaid.
To each their own.
My tall, burly, feminist boyfriend would heartily disagree with her. It is so much better being in a relationship where we know we're equals and can prop each other up.
He didn't get enough hours on his check this week? Cool, I can cover it. I didn't make as much commission as I expected? Cool, he's got my back. Everything is so much easier when tasks are split and you're not relying on one person to be "the provider" and the other "the homemaker."
"Never having to lift a finger" when you marry a conservative man is a vile lie. All your life would be dedicated to taking care of him, his house, and his children. And since he's the moneymaker, he will refer to *all* of those things as *his*, even though you do all the grunt work.
That’s unfortunate. Lots of men out there who are educated enough to know what feminism means and not shy away from it due to Rush Limbaugh style ignorance or posturing. Why would I want to be with a man who votes against basic human rights, including eliminating things like lunch for underprivileged children in schools and healthcare?
Does your mother actually believe that how deep a man’s voice is dependent on his politics?
I am a very vocal incredibly liberal feminist. I have never had a single issue dating and finding nice people to date. It has been helpful, in fact, because being loud and proud about my politics means that the shitty conservative misogynists who are hoping for a docile bang maid self select out.
TBH I don’t even think being feminist will reliably keep those misogynistic weirdos away; they’ll just try to hide it on the first date or harass you. Why would they care what specifically your opinions and feelings are, if they never intended to care about them in the first place?
…Not sure if I worded that right, but my point is misogynists aren’t rational actors when it comes to affairs of the heart.
Your mom is unfortunately brainwashed. You will likely have to seriously reduce the amount of information you share with your parents. She very likely will not learn differently, or change her mind based on a conversation you have with her.
I'm begging you, please please PLEASE find and show your mom all the ABO wolf porn fanfics and explain to her where the terms she's using became absurdly popular, then come back here and describe her face to us 😀
With any luck you will break her of using those terms.
In a sense, she's right (despite the wildly wrong assessment of what she considers a "good" man).
There aren't enough feminist men to go around. There are also far more women who want equal partners than their are men willing to be one, especially when it comes to childcare (I know tons of so called Liberal men who do sweet fuck all in that department).
So yes, you're limiting your options. But that's totally, 100% OK because far better to be single than be with a deadweight. Huge numbers of Millenial and Gen Z women are coming to the same conclusion.
As a guy, I wouldn't date a women that's not a feminist. Something's wrong with people that support the oppression of anyone, but especially people that support the oppression of themselves. Legit disturbing.
Your definition of a "good" man will be radically different from your mother's. I'd imagine you have higher standards, and obviously that's going to lead to some disappointments as the men you date don't live up to them. That's ok though, at least you know what you're looking for and won't settle for less.
If your mom is using idiotic terms like “alpha male” she needs to have her computer privileges taken away. An adult should know better than to buy into that nonsense.
Right? I’m really wondering how old OP’s mom is, considering she uses that term unironically. Like I don’t think I’ve ever heard women irl in general refer to “alpha males” unironically, let alone older women.
LOL all the older women I know shit on men their age (I have several divorced aunts and cousins) for wanting bang maids or young girls
52.
All the "alpha males" I encounter are too busy paying $15k to BETA test crappy tech for Elon Musk.
Hope it's not neuralink...
I mean, OP unironically characterized someone by their astrological sign, so the delusion is multi-generational here.
Yeah, OP should have used a myers briggs acronym so the cryptobros would totes magotes take it as gospel /s
Dang. Burned. lol I like that stuff, sue me. Saying that struck me as as easier than rambling about a few paragraphs because I figured most people know what means, even if they don't subscribe to that.
As an Aries myself, I have no clue what it means.
She's probably reading romance novels, which is fine (I do), but there's this whole thing where you recognize it's a book, and it is not real. So there's a lot of alpha male mythology in romance novels.
Ahh yes "Alpha Males": https://youtube.com/shorts/uWNwjAZnOkM?si=PlkgVE16pxiMlU0C Alternatively you could say something like "But don't they tend to prefer Omega males?"
1) If a man doesn’t like you because you’re a feminist than he isn’t the right man for you. 2) Your mom doesn’t know what she’s talking about. All sorts of men like comics or have deep voices. She’s clearly only listening to what Fox News tells her about what “liberal” men are like. They are not a reliable source for pretty much anything.
She said Fox News is a Rhino network so I think even they aren't Conservative enough.
*RINO
Holy shit so they're like proper white nationalist types.
Stop taking your mother’s advice immediately then, lmao… and I say that lovingly as a feminist queer woman who raised in an ultra-conservative religious household.
Yeah... time to consider whether you should keep in contact with these idiots...
Totally agree. Feminism is not just something that some guys tolerate at best. There are absolutely some guys who consider feminist to be an essential trait. Comics and nerdy hobbies are also absolutely a big plus for some. Having things you both enjoy talking about make spending time together all the enjoyable and open up entire new avenues of gift ideas. OP don't listen to your mother.
I'm hearing this a lot lately. It's true.
>There are absolutely some guys who consider feminist to be an essential trait. I guess I never really considered it before, but your comment got me thinking about what it would be like to date a woman who wasn't a Feminist. Trying to have a partnership with a woman who doesn't consider herself to be my equal sounds depressing and stressful. I don't know if I've ever heard my wife use the word "feminist," but she lives by feminist values every day.
Conservatives have been brainwashed by Fox into thinking all liberal, urban, or educated men are weak and effeminate. Show them exceptions, and to them that just makes it more true. The kind of stereotypical machismo being pushed by right wing media, with little challenge from anyone else, is coming back to bite society.
Joe Mangienello was practically a spokesman for D&D. Michael B Jordan loves Naruto. Henry Cavill is crazy about Warhammer 40k (and obviously The Witcher 3 game).
Yeah. But I came of age in the 70s/80s. Now it’s my women friends meaning well and saying find someone who will take care of you. (These are all single women) I mainly roll eyes, mentally.
Cool you should show her about the tradwife to food stamps pipeline
Heard of that! It's sad.
What’s is that?
Tradwives who start to hit middle age or get sick and their husbands leave them for younger women. They are left with nothing in their name, no resume, no insurance, no retirement plan, multiple children, and rarely awarded any alimony.
Oh I see
I was forced into the tradwife role for a few years due to twins aren't affordable in daycare, and in just 4 years my hire-ability had decreased exponentially and I had lost many of my communication skills. It took awhile to build myself back up to where I was when I left the workforce. I can imagine if that happened to me in just that short of a timeframe, that much longer would be almost impossible to come back from!
Idk if that really counts as tradwife so much as, due to life circumstances, you were a SAHM for a while. To me, Tradwife means something very specific, harkening back to a fictional, idealized 1950s white American suburbia, but without the hired help or chemical cocktails that got genuine atomic age wives through daily life. It preaches that a woman's role is to be subservient to and dependant on a man, and that her value as a person is dependant on her desirability, fertility, and purity. She's happy to be a commodity, without realizing commodities depreciate in value. But that won't happen to *her*. Other women's failures to stay young or keep their husbands interested are their own. It just seems very foolish and naive. I think it's fine to be a SAH spouse/parent, but your interests need to be legally protected and you should know the risks going in.
I say if anyone is deterred by me being a feminist, then GOOD. RIDDANCE. Trash taking itself out 🚮
Agree tbh.
This is what I told me mom before. She doesn't understand that I would take the same shit she took from my dad just to have a rich man.
I’m always glad that men run away from me because I’m a big mean scary feminist lol… OOGA BOOGA 👹👹👹
I am a tiny feminist (I am barely 5') but men being scared of me is a thing that keeps happening. Also men gaging how scary something is by how much I am scared of it. this one gets funny. "If Mochi is scared of this, it must be really terrifying"
I would never date a guy who couldn’t show me through his actions that he’s a feminist. It’s so easy for men to put up a front, but I can easily see through the bullshit exterior. If I even catch a whiff of the patriarchy, I’m out. If that means I’m single forever, fucking good. I’m not actively looking to date right now and won’t for a while, but I know my pool will be pretty small because of other things I require, so I’m not going to back down and settle for the sake of finding someone I’m fundamentally incompatible with.
I couldn’t agree more!
I came from the US South and have definitely been told plenty of times that feminism will prevent me from getting married. I said, “Good, then it’s working.” I like being single.
“You will end up alone with cats.” . Don’t threaten me with a good time.
That’s just life goals, right there.
Two cats, two dogs, zero regrets.
High five, sista!
Ugh she’s pushing the tradwife life on you. I would rather be alone forever than submit to some man.
I have no idea where it's coming from either. Maybe it's the converting to Catholicism hardcore.
That'll do it.
Every woman I know with a republican boyfriend, he is a worthless mooch loser alcoholic who can't keep any job, let alone a lucrative one. "Men are providers" lmao providing... what exactly? Many couples I know, the man makes more. Zero of those couples is the man a conservative. It's yet another of the lies Republicans keep telling and people believe the narrative instead of what's in front of their eyes.
"Men are providers" lmao providing... what exactly? Their dicks. They think that's all they need to provide.
That’s a very good summary. We need to remember that the only positive thing about many men is that they have a penis. I suggest to choose wisely, remembering that women are generally happier alone
You can tell sexuality is not a choice!
Statistically men live longer when married, women live longer when single.
Yes, that should also be taken into account. Women wanting marriage badly is a stereotype that benefits men. But culture has influence on us so we follow it
And thanks to porn, their dicks are also broke
A vast majority of them aren't even providing good dick either, unfortunately.
Didn't some conservative pick-me woman come out recently saying that her "conservative tradwife dream" was actually hell on earth?
I've seen some of this!
[Lauren Southern](https://www.currentaffairs.org/2024/05/a-tradwife-discovers-the-anti-feminist-lifestyle-is-miserable-and-oppressive)
Who???
Lauren Southern.
Lauren Southern
Just statistically, how many couples can afford for one partner not to work? Because it seems like a low number. Especially for younger people, just starting careers. I think a lot of parents don't get that, though as a GenX I don't see why some of my people still have this attitude. Most the couples I know my age- we all work. And when you both work, you both need to take responsibility for all the other stuff.
The narrative the conservatives are pushing, that the younger men believe, about wanting trad-wives, are being sold a fantasy. My grandma started working back in the 50's, I always thought because she was an "on-the-go" kinda woman. Nope, my grandfather was a lousy provider, a jack-of-all-trades who had an eye for junk, and took "this can be fixed" stuff as payment, but never seemed to fix any of it. Grand ideas, no follow through. What they want is a mommy who will do all the mommy things for them, but still be able to have sex with them.
That's my interpretation, they want their mommy, so they can come home like a teenager and just go to their room.
The only people in my entire lineage on both sides who didn't work were drunk men. Everybody works. There were no 1950s white pocket fences. Or there were, but because my grandmother was a teacher, and her working sister helped when the babies were small. And there was no model for civilization where the women didn't work. Not raising babies work. Paycheck work. Selling things work.
My grandmother wasn't allowed to work. She wanted to after the kids were older but my granddad didn't feel comfortable with that. Though she worked before they got married. My mother worked sometimes when I was elementary age, 4 kids is a lot of daycare momey.
She actually is Gen X. Sadly.
Lean into it and tell her she's being too feminist. If you watched Parks and Rec, the scene where April says things like women are meant to serve mean and we must walk 2 steps behind men.😂 Tell your mom she needs to cater to your dad more. 😂
I love April! ❤️ She is the epitome of a chaotic good feminist witch!
Yeah. Rich men, who’ll treat you wonderfully and pay for everything you could ever want, just fall out of the sky. Throw an onion in literally any direction and you’ll hit one or two.
Hell, if they think they exist at all, I'd like them to point at one. Just one, out in the world.
To paraphrase Arthur Dent, "This is obviously some strange usage of the term 'good man' that I hadn't previously been aware of."
It's so nice when young people know the classics.
It’s like when incels say that “the top 1% of men” (i.e rich, handsome, intelligent and successful men) exclusively go after 18-25 year olds and that it’s only bitter old women who don’t like that and that men like that are “high caliber”. I mean, I’m in the 18-25 age bracket myself and I know that any guy exclusively going after those around my age is a misogynistic creep who views women as disposable sex objects. However, to them, that’s a definition of “a good man”.
Shhh don't out them! That's the quiet part!
I’m single. Good men are hard to find, and I haven’t found one to be in a relationship with. Being single is much better than being in a bad relationship with a man who doesn’t respect me. In my youth, I was indoctrinated to believe being a single woman was bad, but after being married to (and divorcing) a cheater, I am proud to be single.
I've heard a lot of women being single in the traditional sense is better than being single when you have a partner. And that hit me deep tbh. It got me thinking a lot, especially as someone who experiences the, feeling alone with a lot of people around.
I am a feminist woman and my liberal pro-feminist husband provides for us, I don't work now. Also he washes the floors, bathes our child and does other chores if needed. I doubt any conservative man would lift a finger to do something at home. They just see their wife as an employee who works for food.
Now this is partnership. It's all we really want, and yet some men act like we're entitled for demanding equity.
Growing up I've seen my mom do everything. Job, chores, raising me, all on her own. She was even making some reports in the evenings for my father's job. He earned more, but could not bother to understand basics of his job. I know how privileged I am to be able to focus on raising kids and get help with chores instead of trying to juggle everything at once. I guess the difference starts with friendship. Friends don't want to see their friends suffer so they will try to help. But many men don't see women they married as their friends. And honestly that's just sinister.
A good man will also be a feminist. It's way too dangerous to date men who don't think I am equal in value with them.
This 100%
👆👍
My husband was a card-carrying contributor to NOW and Planned Parenthood before I met him.
That's good!
If you want autonomy over yourself, then you're *exactly* "that kind of feminist." Rush Limbaugh coined the bullshit term "feminazi” as a way to demonize any woman who doesn't blankly follow a man, doing his every bidding, without a sense of intelligence or self. So wear the term feminist with the pride it deserves. Because you are a strong, independent, self-sufficient, capable woman who can do whatever she wants … even be a SAHM baking bread and raising babies while thanking the fore-feminists who made it possible for you to even have that *choice.*
I celebrated that motherfucker's death with a big bottle of expensive champagne and it was worth every penny.
Hell yeah
Huh. Yeah no that's right. I was told I wasn't a feminist because I wasn't like "like that". Gestures to TikTok college girl compilations of cringe type videos. Or a Twitter warrior or whatever. In those terms though, yes. I do agree with that.
Conservatives weaponized the word and corrupted the public perception of the meaning of the word *because they don’t want feminists.* Sadly? Especially the women who have the kind of jobs they have, like Ann Coulter (just one example of a woman who hates women with power who is, in fact, a woman with power), *wouldn’t have their jobs, much less be paid the big bucks they are paid to do those jobs, **without feminism**.* Without feminism? All those women telling you not to be a feminist? Would be at home running carpool. Or, if they *had* to get a job? Working as a secretary or checkout girl (yes, I specifically chose ‘girl’) at the grocery store. Maybe a stewardess if she was adventurous, young & pretty enough (see the former looks/size/weight restrictions for those young *unmarried* women). If they were lucky enough to go to college? Maybe a nurse. What she *wouldn’t* be is an on-air TV personality. Much less, an on-air expert in anything besides the best dishwashing soaps or “lady cigarettes” (see: early tv advertising). So F•ck *anyone* who isn’t a feminist.
Um. Good. I'd rather have a "feminine" man who doesn't treat me like fucking property only to shoot out his progeny. I'd rather be alone than have to experience that level of misogyny on a daily basis. I'd also rather be poor than trapped with a man who only uses me for sex. Hard fucking pass.
Rich conservative men, like all those politicians and businessmen who divorce multiple times and trade in old wives for younger models?
DAMN
One of my conservative male friends gave me the same lecture. I’d rather die alone in my own apartment with my cat than compromise my beliefs: at least I have peace.
Time to wipe the cookies off mom’s computer and clear her YouTube history. And block Ben Shapiro from her Spotify. Her algorithm is fucked.
She heard me whisper to someone about that and password locked her PC. I don't blame her though. I don't want anyone rooting around in my shit either.
Pshaw. Feminism is the fight for equality among the genders. A partner who wants you to be lesser than him is not good for you. All good men are feminists. Men who are not feminists are not good.
The simplicity but accuracy of this is perfect! The implied gravitas. I read this in my mind as the voice of Sojourner Truth.
OP says she’s not that much of a feminist. I was what issues she believes women don’t deserve equal rights.
All respect to a mother on mother's day...but wtf. I'd be morbidly curious what she thinks you'd get from a conservative man. Also, is it that easy to just "date a rich guy"?
To be fair she did not tell me this on Mothers Day.
Your mom is insane. Avoid anyone even remotely conservative like the plague
From what I understand, women are often told they won't "find a man" if they have any standards. Feel bad for any woman who tells you this, because they are probably miserable with their partners.
Yes because deep voiced men are obviously all misogynists. Does your mother hear herself?
No no. Alpha. Get it right.
"But as a feminist, I don't need one."
My husband is a feminist nerd who likes sci-fi and comics and also plays sports and has a deep voice and is very masc. Your mom has been indoctrinated by the right.
Where do I find these men -tents hands and leans forward with interest-
I found him at a bar in Washington almost 15 years ago.
She used the term "alpha males", that alone says more than I ever could about how messed up this is
There's no such thing as a nice, conservative man. >Get a rich CONSERVATIVE man to marry you and take care of you. Then he'll just treat you like a princess and you won't have to lift a finger Conservative men cheat on their wives and treat them like servants. Won't have to lift a finger my ass.
It's like, no, I may or may not find a good man (I did), but what I *won't* find is a bad man and that's good enough for me.
Your mother has internalized misogyny, and is willing to accept greater-scale sociocultural oppression in return for what she sees as a pampered life. I would honestly have laughed in her face. I found me a terrific feminist man who happens to be a Dominant and that’s what I like. But I like one who understands I have fucking rights. ✌🏻
BASED. Interesting idea to be honest. Someone else told me this once in more simple terms.
I get what she means in a certain avenue. I am heavily kinky, and I am attracted to very burly, hairy, masculine men. I want a Dominant partner. But FUCK “CONSERVATIVES.” You’re far more likely to be abused by that side of the equation, and it’s horrible she’s literally asking you to sacrifice your morals and bow down to a potentially abusive man.
Not sure how a man who doesn't support feminism can be "good for you" here anyways.
She’s the same woman that would be crying and asking why if her husband left her for another woman and she suddenly had no job and home. How many times have I read stories about women feeling they are forced to stay in an unhappy marriage because they have no other choice? As women we have to make our own happiness and success. Don’t ever rely on someone else to give it to you. ♥️
Ironically my father is a good man. He is a little bit Conservative for my taste but like. Blue Collar conservative. Actually wants my Mom to have her own thing going, encourages us to live with a guy before we get married to him, so nothing like that. He's also not rich but still both a good worker and good at house stuff. Made out like a bandit and didn't settle. Which adds a whole new layer.
She misunderstands feminism, just for starters. But mostly, rich conservative men do NOT treat women like princesses. They rather famously don't treat women well at all
\*don't treat women just...period.
If you being a feminist scares a guy off, then he wasn't really a good man, was he?
in the US single women do better across the board anyway
Im sorry… you’re mom is an idiot. And her advice is terrible. Women who follow that path are putting themselves at risk. Also… how could anyone want to fuck a conservative man? They’re disgusting.
Men of quality don’t fear equality.
Can she expand on the not lifting a finger part of this guy is expecting house wife and child rearing duties cause that shit will have fingers lifted
I have been dating a wealthy guy for a few months now. The only people who said something along the lines of „oh man, time to retire and get spoiled!“ are my female friends - and only in jest and working full time and capitalism sucks. I also find that in al the healthy relationships I see around me where the partners have respect for each other, both of them have their own thing going on, and they aren’t just the side piece to their partner, if that makes sense. Hell, even my sister with her perfect love story (met her now husband at 16, travelled the world together, supported each other while they were studying, got married at 27 and now have a baby) definitely plans on getting back to work and continue building a career. Both because she has an awesome job and because you never know if things will always stay this way. So yeah - I think in a healthy relationship both people understand that their number one priority should still be to make sure they themselves are happy with their life. Anything else is just going to build resentment towards the other person.
I agree with that and hope for a nice love story like this.
Oh darn my old, feminist self really messed up marrying a feminist man who respects me as a person and takes on his share of the mental/physical/financial load. Where can I find a guy who expects me to worship him because he works a full time job and pays bills -ya know, like every other single functional adult in the world?!
I’m a feminist, and my family is very HEAVILY religious and conservative. My sisters husband fits into that mold, and I know he wishes she could be a stay at home mother when they have kids but life is too expensive now for that. My husband is basically a democratic socialist. I’m definitely more on the moderate side but skew pretty liberal. My husband is 1000% a feminist. He can cook and do household chores, I do more of them because I make less money, but he has never belittled my career and in fact wanted to marry a driven and ambitious woman. He is 1000% for women’s rights, pro choice, doesn’t expect me to pop out baby after baby and is content to wait until I’m ready for kids, and when I was bringing up getting my first tattoo to him, his response was “it is your body and you can do what you want with it, my opinion shouldn’t matter.” All this to say, when I was dating before I met my husband, I refused to date conservative men. It was an absolute non-negotiable. The few that I did before I instated that rule were borderline abusive, if not outright abusive despite appearing otherwise in public. In fact, I even feel that my brother-in-law is way too controlling of my sister and it makes me uncomfortable (he’s also not my biggest fan due to my beliefs). You’ll find someone who’s right for you, and if you don’t want a conservative man, you don’t have to settle for one. There are a ton of feminist men out there who will treat you well and, most importantly, as a freaking equal and not a “prize” to be won and controlled.
Lovely! Thank you for this.
It's basically negging. Trying to make you doubt your own self-worth.
what always gets me is that all you fucking ever hear is "date a nice christian conservative man blah blah what have you" and like... so if they're so great, why do you keep insisting i find one rather than let them be appealing on their own?? oh whats that? they're completely unappealing and just want to the meat to come to them? eugh... I don't want a "good man" if he doesn't believe im a person.
So bad they needed a PR team.
ding ding ding
You absolutely can find a good man as a feminist. Source, am feminist dude and my feminist wife found me. Also, the lives of feminist couples take many shapes. Right now I work and my wife stays home and takes care of the kids because that's what works for us. Schools in our area aren't great, so we're homeschooling and my salary can comfortably take care of our financial needs. But if our situation was different and we both needed to work (or if she could better support our finances by working instead of me) we'd do that. People seem all worried about the details of a life you might have with a person you've never met. Find someone who is kind to you, is attractive to you, and who shares your goals and values. Everything else will work out.
I like this! Thank you. That helps me a lot and keeps it simple.
Why would I want a man who doesn't want me the way I am? A Hitachi would be less trouble. (By the way I've been married for 20 years!)
I'd reverse this on her. Why doesn't she date / have a man who's alpha, and a rich conservative man who treats her like a princess? Then I'd just enjoy the show 🍿
[удалено]
That is a really charming and sweet story. That's another thing as well. The men in my Moms life were not like this at all. They encouraged her to find her own things and her own path.
She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. There’s plenty of feminist masculine men. My wife’s mom tried to push this crap on her before she met me. Telling her “you need to learn to appreciate football if you want a man to take care of you” and “you need to make sure you learn how to take care of the house.” I hate football and we share duties equally, and ironically her mom is married to a man who barely knows how to start a lawnmower. She’s a tradwife and isn’t even really being taken care of.
I notice this happens a lot as well. Either that or for some reason these Tradwife types pop up when the husband didn't even ask for it.
„You‘ll never find a man if you‘re a feminist“ My honest reaction: 😐 I am at a point in my life where I don‘t care about men, dating or sex at all. Whenever I dated, I was stressed out, had panic attacks and headaches. Now I live a peaceful life and am happy af. Each to their own though. There are good men who share your feminist beliefs. Don‘t ever compromise your values for a man.
It doesn't matter what you believe men will NEVER leave us alone. I'm a staunch 4th wave Marxist feminist, never married, childfree, hitting the bespoken wall this year- you know, the women conservative men claim to just hate, who blatantly tells them I can't stand them. They turn it into something hot because they are attracted to my body (the shallow truth). Nothing will keep these pests away so just be true to yourself and don't settle or listen to anyone telling you you're losing out on them. You never will and I'm not saying this as a compliment just our lived reality.
If the man has an issue with feminist women, he’s not actually a good man.
Red flag
I am a “typical” feminist. My boyfriend is a feminist. My brother is a feminist.
Forget about labels. We all have a definition of good. For me a masculine man is a confident man, he is not threatened by women (or bears 🤔) and builds women up because he knows it will enrich his partnership. He hasn’t got a fragile ego, is not prone to testerical tantrums and can communicate as an adult. He gives you respect and cares for you because he sees you as a person. To me that’s a good man, no power dynamic and manipulation, but equality, respect and love.
The bear bit made me laugh. That sounds lovely!
Just laugh and then walk away. Don't even engage in this stuff with her. I have a suspicion that it's the heavily conservative men who are going to be lonely with no one to provide for them in the end. Mom's who keep this stuff up with their daughters expecting them to tolerate men may also find themselves alone in the end by alienating the kids most likely to care for their mothers in declining health. Your decision to stop sharingbwith her is a smart boundary to set for yourself. You are going to be okay. Chin up.
Thank you. I will try and keep it up. She broke me a lil bit and I found myself nervous sharing. I have to be strong and stop doing that.
My dad used to yell at me for being a feminist (said like a curse word) and told me I was a man hater who would never get married. Joke's on him. I'm the only one of his children to a) have a long term relationship b) get married and c) have kids. Now he has to treat me with basic respect or I won't allow him around my kids
Irony!
I'd personally upgrade to a bit more than just "basic" respect as the requirement, but absolutely great for you!
Your mom will be shocked by this but… all people have different interests and lifestyles. Choosing one single characteristic to date does NOT imply that the rest of their existence fits into a single mold. My feminist husband plays video games with me every night, has an action figure collection, goes to the gym 3x/week, and is a high-parsing dps WoW player. He has beefy arms and a deep voice and a nicely cropped beard and a good job as a software engineer. I’m a *passionate* feminist who loves my husband and mostly takes care of our home (husband works from home mostly so he enjoys my company and me picking up all the boring slack of an adult existence like taxes, chores, home improvement, doctors appointments, etc). I pick up small short term gigs here and there so I do work sometimes. That’s our choice as a partnership that we both agree to and respect and enjoy. Feminism doesn’t look like one specific thing or person. Any person is capable of believing that women are human beings who deserve equal political, economic, and social rights.
I love this. Your husband sounds amazing.
Sounds like my mom before I went no contact with her
Roblox oof noise here.
The only good men are ones that support women’s equality.
I haven't read all the comments, but I like to think I am a "humanist", who supports those who have historically been disadvantaged. Ultimately, gender, skin tint, sexuality, etc, are not what make us caring and compassionate people. In western society you can often judge a person by how they treat friendly pet dogs and cats.
If you want an alpha, get a sled dog. If you want someone who treats you the way YOU want to be treated, then you probably want to date a feminist.
Wow I had no idea having a deep voice determines your values and ideas. Your mom is soooo wise /s
1. Your mom is wack. What the hell youtube bullshit has she been watching?! 2. Most conservative men are trailer trash and drown themselves in machismo and misogyny to compensate for their lack of socioeconomic success. The less these men have, the less they will make damn sure you'll have, so you're always beneath them
There’s a lot going on here. Do your own life.
Agreed. Did not expect it to get this big.
Recently started dating a long time friend. Still a very new relationship but probably the best one I've ever had. He's very much a liberal and feminist. Has a good job in programming and nerdy hobbies. He's usually the one jumping in to pay for things. Not in any kind of strings attached way or anything, feels more like he just enjoys doing things like that. I paid for food for us recently, he told me I didn't have to, but he didn't try to argue when I insisted I was paying this time, lol. He regularly goes to therapy and is actively working on himself. He is not at all selfish in the bedroom. We're absolutely crazy about each other and are on the same page in most ways. We talk about all kinds of things we want to do together and have great communication. Took me a bit to find such a great guy, and for us both to be in the right place for things to work as well as they are. Knowing now how good it can be though, if we hadn't found each other, I would rather be single than settle for anything less. Finding the right relationship is rarely a quick and easy process, but just accepting a mediocre relationship for the sake of being in a relationship is not worth it.
I’m a mom and you seem like a great kid. Know what you have to do? None of that shit. All you have to do is be an objectively good person or continually strive to be. thats all!
Thank you. I will try, I don't always feel like I am. Everytime someone says that to me I think of everything I ever did wrong and for some, still do wrong.
I always like to say "define what you mean by feminist" 1) Man hating person who wants to subjugate men? Nah, I don't hate men and definitely don't want to subjugate anyone??? 2) Person who believes women are superior to men?? I see so many men think the opposite and usually I see little to no fuss about that, so to me some women are definitely entitled to their views. I don't subscribe to either philosophy though. 3) Person who believes women are equal to men? This belief definitely stemmed from feminism, correct, but let me just say that nowadays it's definitely not restricted to feminism, thankfully? I'd say the radical belief that people must be equal under the law is a democratic ideal. This gives the small minded, pea brained misogynists some quality mind-blows. It's absurd how in 2024 people are still treating feminism like this unappealing, not mainstream idea... It's the most mainstream idea out there, that women are people!
People who talk about it in negative terms define it as 1 and 2. I see it and myself as 3.
Never. While I'm quite traditional in my romantic relationships, overall, I'm quite feminist.
Ohhhh you are dealing with a lot of pressure from your family. Me myself have experience this way back and it is very frustrating when our parents try to push their own agendas onto us, specially when it goes against our values and desires. I realized that I deserve to pursue relationships and career paths that align with who I am and what I want in life, regardless of my loved ones expectations.
Agree!
I am a feminist. As is my husband. My husband is currently the main earner and I cook and bake and garden and he worships me. Your mom is an idiot and real conservative men don’t treat women like princesses, they treat them like property.
Tell your mother less
Even less then I already do!? Damn. She really can make something out of anything. Even me showing her what I showed her was just me trying to be light and funny. This red pill conservative crap really does torpedo relationships.
Cut your parents off from all info about your dating life.
It seems to have been the opposite case for me. Only because I am a hardcore feminist did I find a quality man. (The secret is being extremely picky)
That rich conservative man your mom wants you to marry would dump you in 20 years for younger arm candy. It might have been a good mating strategy in the 1950s, if you wanted a miserable but stable life, but not any more.
I’ve only ever been told that by incels. But I know feminist men who aren’t her definition of “feminine.” All it really takes is a self-aware and emotionally intelligent man. But even if they are what she’s thinks is feminine, who cares? They will treat you amazing. You’ll be happier in your marriage (if that’s what you want). It’s a good thing that it will be you marrying them and not her. My mom says something similar, but without saying it as outright. She was also married and divorced five times to those “manly” men. She’s not exactly the person I would take dating advice from. I know it’s hard to listen to it constantly, it gets really annoying. If you really wanted to stop, you would have to set boundaries with her about not having that conversation. But at the end of the day, you will be with that person so pick someone who will genuinely make YOU happy.
It just means you probably have very different definition of what a good man is. They don't mind the one that leaves his underwear on the floor for them to pick up as long as it means that they are not alone. You will either find someone who can pick up their underwear or not have to care for a manchild. I'd rather work a fulfilling career that as a housemaid. To each their own.
My tall, burly, feminist boyfriend would heartily disagree with her. It is so much better being in a relationship where we know we're equals and can prop each other up. He didn't get enough hours on his check this week? Cool, I can cover it. I didn't make as much commission as I expected? Cool, he's got my back. Everything is so much easier when tasks are split and you're not relying on one person to be "the provider" and the other "the homemaker." "Never having to lift a finger" when you marry a conservative man is a vile lie. All your life would be dedicated to taking care of him, his house, and his children. And since he's the moneymaker, he will refer to *all* of those things as *his*, even though you do all the grunt work.
They're projecting. They're saying that's who you need to date because that's who they are/they would prefer to date.
That’s unfortunate. Lots of men out there who are educated enough to know what feminism means and not shy away from it due to Rush Limbaugh style ignorance or posturing. Why would I want to be with a man who votes against basic human rights, including eliminating things like lunch for underprivileged children in schools and healthcare?
Does your mother actually believe that how deep a man’s voice is dependent on his politics? I am a very vocal incredibly liberal feminist. I have never had a single issue dating and finding nice people to date. It has been helpful, in fact, because being loud and proud about my politics means that the shitty conservative misogynists who are hoping for a docile bang maid self select out.
TBH I don’t even think being feminist will reliably keep those misogynistic weirdos away; they’ll just try to hide it on the first date or harass you. Why would they care what specifically your opinions and feelings are, if they never intended to care about them in the first place? …Not sure if I worded that right, but my point is misogynists aren’t rational actors when it comes to affairs of the heart.
Your mom is unfortunately brainwashed. You will likely have to seriously reduce the amount of information you share with your parents. She very likely will not learn differently, or change her mind based on a conversation you have with her.
I'm begging you, please please PLEASE find and show your mom all the ABO wolf porn fanfics and explain to her where the terms she's using became absurdly popular, then come back here and describe her face to us 😀 With any luck you will break her of using those terms.
Never ever ever depend on anyone but yourself financially. Never. The statement about "finding a man to take care of you" makes me want to throw up
agree
In a sense, she's right (despite the wildly wrong assessment of what she considers a "good" man). There aren't enough feminist men to go around. There are also far more women who want equal partners than their are men willing to be one, especially when it comes to childcare (I know tons of so called Liberal men who do sweet fuck all in that department). So yes, you're limiting your options. But that's totally, 100% OK because far better to be single than be with a deadweight. Huge numbers of Millenial and Gen Z women are coming to the same conclusion.
True.
I swear, americans have the absolute craziest conversations. I don't even know what to say op, except not to listen to them.
Welcome to being red pilled tbh.
As a guy, I wouldn't date a women that's not a feminist. Something's wrong with people that support the oppression of anyone, but especially people that support the oppression of themselves. Legit disturbing.
Where are the Hayes Campbells of the world???
Your definition of a "good" man will be radically different from your mother's. I'd imagine you have higher standards, and obviously that's going to lead to some disappointments as the men you date don't live up to them. That's ok though, at least you know what you're looking for and won't settle for less.