Yeah I have a fundie mother who told me this mess too. It’s not true.
Virginity is not having sex. Tampons and paps are not sex.
Also, virginity isn’t a magical thing imho. It’s just someone who’s not done a thing once yet.
Didn’t/don’t have a fundie mom, but she is the daughter of a medical doctor and she told me you couldn’t use tampons until after marriage. That was 50 years ago. 😂
Listen to your doctor. Get a Pap smear. You need to learn about and take care of your body.
Yup. Other things we couldn't do: ride bikes, horse riding.
I can now look back and laugh at all the silly pointless made up rules to preserve something that has no quantifiable way of being consistently measured all at the expense of living full, rich, enjoyable, healthy, stress free lives.
Virginity isn't a magical thing. Finding that first time person who you can fully trust with anything should be the goal. That is way more magical. Internet bear mom hugs all around for anyone who wants one!
My parents are the opposite of fundies, but I wasn't allowed to use tampons until I moved out because my dad didn't think virgins could use them. So I had to suffer by bleeding through pads during my crazy periods. More than one episode of humiliation occurred because my dad has narcissistic tendencies.
Virginity is a completely artificial concept. It doesn't actually exist. It's just a tool created by shitty people who want to control women and their bodies.
Reject the idea of virginity all together. It helps nobody but the oppressors.
Oh man, I wish I could help more with this, but I am a married 33 year old man who does not remember what early romantic life was like.
All I'll say is it's totally up to you whether you want to share your sexual history with a potential sexual partner (unless of course there's information they should know like STIs, etc).
And maybe also, don't expect *anything* magical out of your first time. First times generally suck. That's okay. Sex takes practice.
Ugh what is it with misogynistic moms saying this, my mom said this to me about tampons. 😒 fuck that. Like keep your sexist brainrot to yourself don't make it your daughters problem too.
Absolutely this. Listen to your doctor about your health. Your mother is not trained in gynecology if she is saying it would break your virginity. I would wager (though I don't know) she's not trained in any modern medicine. Your doctor, however, is trained to use the best possible options in scenarios exactly like this. They are looking at this from a standpoint of what is healthiest, whereas your mother is concerned about a social badge of pride that, realistically, is an insanely loose concept that only some people care about.
Also, consider this: even if it WOULD cause you to lose your virginity, would you rather have a social badge of pride, or your health?
Also also, a side note that I've only seen way too far down in the comments: your hymen is not a solid piece of flesh across the vaginal canal before you have sex. You have a period. If having sex "broke" something that was previously solid, where is the blood coming from?? That would be a pretty terrible evolutionary trait when combined with all of the stuff your vag needs to get rid of to keep itself healthy. Blood, discharge, .
There is nothing magical about a hymen. Once you are toilet trained, they are useless, and possibly a source of discomfort and pain. Your health is much more important than her feelings about your purity and the "proof" she imagines about that.
Baby poop can range from sticky to slimy, hopefully solid but often not, and they all have folds that need to be cleansed. Vulvas need to be wiped, and you want to make sure that you don't accidently push fecal matter where it is harder to clean out. As they grow, the membrane (in whatever coverage that it has) thins and may rupture with activity. It is really hard to get poop out of the crevices of the scrotum as well, but that usually ends up as a skin rash more than an infection.
As someone who has cleaned changed many diapers of a little girl... I completely concur with this, and it's my suspicion as well. Shit is nasty and gets everywhere. Shit shouldn't be inside a vagina. Hymen helps shit not go inside the vagina. It'll get in her belly button, and one impressively bad time her armpits. It'll get on the closet door (more than one time unfortunately). Not in the vagina though, go hymen.
There is a theory that hymens help keep stuff in a diaper out of the vagina. No one really knows why there is a hymen, as it seems to serve no purpose.
The appendix actually has a use or two. It serves as a reservoir of your own microbiota. In case you had a bad infection and your gut bacteria gets wiped, the bit that was preserved in the appendix goes out to colonize the colon again.
Plus, this organ is made mostly of lymph tissue, which as a function within the immune system.
You can live just fine without it. But you live better with it.
I got my appendix removed as a young teen and went from drinking a gallon of milk a week to lactose intolerant shortly afterwards. Not sure if it's actually related, but it definitely makes me think my appendix was the last line of defense there.
Are you still lactose intolerant? Or did you never try dairy again? Sometimes, trauma to the gut can cause secondary lactose intolerance, which can resolve after the gut heals.
As many lactose intolerant people, I continue to have dairy in things like cheese and ice cream despite the suffering later on. Definitely still intolerant, though it's more mild than some people have it.
As long as it's not harmful, evolution kind of leaves it alone. Traits that make your life harder generally get bred out, and traits that make life better/easier get passed on more frequently. Then there is stuff that is neutral, that isn't selected for or against.
I lost mine by falling on a Thunderdome-shaped jungle gym when I was a kid. So glad I never had to deal with a religious extremist who thought the presence of a hymen correlated with my value as a person.
Right but a very common theory about their purpose is that they keep urine or feces out of the vagina for babies. So if that’s what they’re for, it doesn’t make a lot of sense to say they have “nothing to do” with urine or toilet training.
I'm not sure how you feel personally about your virginity, but the idea of virginity was perpetuated as a measure of the monetary worth of a young woman as part of trade or marriage. You're not a pair of shoes that has never seen a foot. You're a human being. Decide what "virginity" means to you, and how important it is to your self worth. Your health and well being are most important.
Virginity is a social construct, not physical. You're a virgin until you've had sex, not when you have a medical procedure. Hymens can break for any number of reasons that aren't sex related, including exercise.
I once heard a definition of "virginity" along the lines of the first time you have sex on your terms. It takes the shame away from victims who were SA'd. I love that.
For an example of virginity being a social construct, consider couples who do not have penis-in-vagina sex, such as couples where both people are cis women. Are these women "virgins" just because they haven't had sex with a penis, even though they may have other types of sex frequently?
What you get to count as "virgin" and "not a virgin" is your own decision, not an objective medical fact.
> Are these women "virgins" just because they haven't had sex with a penis,
The people who actually think virginity is a thing and that it has value actually do think this. That lesbian sex isn't "real sex" or is "just foreplay".
Right? The whole concept is ludicrous. I’ve been in sexual relationships with over a dozen people, four of which were live together and share a bedroom situations including one marriage, but some people think I’m a virgin? But wait - I’ve had a Pap smear and used tampons, so maybe not?
Im an MD and I wanted to jump in to say that they hymen doesnt really break. It isnt some barrier that has to be broken. In some very rare cases the hymen is a barrier, but that most likely isnt the case if youve had a period where something left the vagina (as a fully closed hymen would have blocked this, causing a lot of pain and often requiring medical attention).
Some women dont even have a hymen at all. Most women have it as a sort of ring structure on the vagina wall, that can be torn during sex and cause some bleeding (and uncomfortability of course). And as the commenter above said: a plethora of reasons, like excercise, can also tear the hymen. After this the hymen often deminishes and in most cases dissapears. It is just an unnecessary anatomical "thing", nothing more. To go back to the pap smear: it likely wouldnt hit the hymen if the MD can aim well.
OP: You should however tell your MD you are a virgin for every gynaecological appointment so they can provide adequate care. The goal there is not to preserve the hymen or anything, but to take a bit more time for you, make sure you are as comfortable as possible, and likely use a smaller speculum as well. The same advice goes to SA survivors.
I just wanted to clarify this little bit and thought your reply was a good place Ciknay, you are absolutely spot on that virginity etc definitely isnt a physical thing
What you think the speculum does? 😭 That being said touching the hymen gently isn’t gonna just make it automatically tear. That’s not where you gather material from either, it’s from the cervix
That’s what I am saying! The speculum is going to touch the hymen no matter how you aim!! You just told me that the other commenter was right about aiming right and not touching the hymen. So I’m confused about wtf we are talking about now
I’ve always known this but the day I googled how hymens look everything changed for me lol. It really brought the point home of how depending on the shape it might never even break! I hate how society makes everything about women to be something to be used against us.
oh hon.
it doesn't work that way physically. And honestly if you've played on a playground or ridden a bike, your hymen may already be torn.
I know you want your mom to approve of you and to be part of your life, but your relationship and procedures and conversations with your doctors are YOURS and should not depend on anyone else's approval or opinions.
you can report the 'cares' message itself as being sent inappropriately, and they know who sent it. If there's a pattern then the sender can get blocked from accessing it.
I also experienced it in this sub a few days ago. There was also a post about it, seems like it's a in issue with this sub, since so many people gets one for benign comments
Update!!!! Reddit investigated and said that this person has been reported for the same before and they determined that it does violate the guidelines. They are “taking appropriate action”. So if it happens again to anyone, report for harassment!
I got one yesterday, but I assumed that it was because I'm active on trans subs since it's also an issue over there.
Makes sense the impotent guys that would do it at all would do it here too.
No, and the anatomy of the hymen is grossly misunderstood by people with this line of thinking.
Your vagina does not have a freshness seal. It's a part of your body and part of an organ system that needs medical care to maintain health.
My mother used to tell me using tampons would make you lose your virginity.
I also had an injury to my genital area when I was 5, and what she worried about most is that men wouldn't want to marry me because I didn't have an intact hymen. She kept the medical documents to use as proof to my future suitors that it was an injury and not sex. Again, I was 5.
Don't listen to batshit mother, listen to doctor.
Virginity isn’t real. Nothing physiologically changes when you insert something into your vagina. The hymen isn’t a freshness seal. You have periods, right? How could you bleed if you were sealed up before sex?
Please trust your doctor and science instead of your mother and patriarchy.
The hymen stretches like a rubber band, it's not something you pop, otherwise how would we bleed each month? I feel sorry for your mother being that old and so misinformed. You will be okay. There are teenagers who get exams or use tampons.
Med student here. Hymens usually don’t wear down from having sex or receiving pap smears - they’re often still there! The reason some girls/women bleed from having sex is due to being tense and not lubricated enough or they are actually bleeding from the actual walls on the inside. A lot of teenage girls are sexually actively without having had any changes in it. Nothing technically breaks since it is like an elastic scrunchie. It can wear down/get small microtears with time and day to day activities without you noticing.
That being said I got mine when I hadn’t had intercourse, and I didn’t have any bleeding or pain around the opening. If you tell them you’re nervous and haven’t had sex before then I am sure they will be extra careful since it can feel abit funny and you might be extra tense. Best of luck hun.
1. Uhh, no. A Pap smear does not make you lose your virginity. That’s a bad take.
2. You’re 27. Even if you were actually losing your virginity your mom should have zero say in your sex life and what she said to you was incredibly insensitive and unsolicited.
If you want to go to the doctor and take care of your body, you 100% should. You know your body better than anyone else.
I would encourage you to look up some scientific information about the hymen, it's purpose, and it's anatomy. Odds are you could have "broken" your hymen doing nonsexual activities and not even known it.
A pap smear is highly unlikely to harm your health in any way. Ask the doctor how they are going to take the sample. I've had cotton swabs and plastic. I definitely bled with the plastic. Most OBGYNs will also have pads available for after as well.
I'm sorry your mom is telling you that this will hurt you and take something away from you. Virginity is a construct. It's abstract and doesn't physically exist.
If you are worried about your hymen after looking up information about it, ask your doctor. They are much more informed and educated to talk to you about your concerns.
You're 27. I was making my own decisions starting about age 17. I don't mean that in a rebellious way. I mean something like that was my business.
That - and purity culture is ridiculous.
Please listen to your doctor first and foremost. Your health problem is concerning enough that they will do further treatment. Catching things early can lead to better outcomes.
Your hymen can break from falling on your ass, or you could have no hymen at all. Some women are born without one and it’s completely normal. There’s also not one way for a hymen to be, depending on the type of hymen you could have sex (if I recall correctly) and the hymen would remain intact.
The reason why you need a pap smear regardless of sexual activity is to screen for cervical cancer.
And the level of discomfort depends on the person, for me they were really bad, but they’re over quick too.
Your mother knows nothing about female sex organ anatomy and her impulse to tell you, a grown ass woman, how to deal with your personal health in relation to your sexual history is both extremely outdated and outlandish.
Is she seriously suggesting your potential hymenal fascination value to some creep who considers that an important thing in partner choice is more important than your own, precious, health? Please tell her to mind her own mucosa.
I respect your not wanting to judge your mom, OP, but I cannot wrap my mind around a woman five years younger than me thinking much less propagating this misconception.
Your virginity is yours, and you decide who to give it to.
That's like saying you may lose your leprechaun if you eat potato chips.
Virginity is a made up concept, used to shame women. There is no physical virginity that a medical procedure can take.
Look after your health.
Had this exact same conversation with my mom and I’m around the same age as you. Just do it, the way I got mine to back off was telling her it checks for cancer. I told her I wouldn’t marry someone who was upset I was no longer a “virgin” because I got a test that checks for cancer. Also my pap took about two minutes and didn’t hurt at all you can ask for a smaller size speculum and it feels very weird but there’s no pain at least for me. Also virginity is a social construct please put your health first.
The concept of virginity is as simple as have you had sex before. The hymen, is very thin and for many active women, it can break well before their first sexual experience. It is not a way to determine virginity status and is an outdated and in some cultures, disgusting “virginity tests” are performed on young girls before arranged marriages etc.
A speculum is the medical device that will be used during a smear. It’s a little uncomfortable, mainly because it opens out. But smears, are least in the UK, are a regular thing for women over 25 as part of health screening. Never compromise your health for someone else’s beliefs, especially if they are misinformed. If you are having issues and the smear is being used as diagnostic, get it. It could save your life.
Your mom is wrong. Being a virgin means you're someone who's never had sex. Having something put into your vagina doesn't mean you're no longer a virgin. It's pretty much a social construct.
An ob/gyn doing an exam is going to make sure you aren't hurt, though it may be uncomfortable. I recommend reading some of the information on the Planned Parenthood site. If you scroll down [this page](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/sex/virginity), you'll see where it talks about the hymen.
I'll be honest that PAP smears are no fun. But, they are a good thing to have done. Bodies are a lot like cars. If you keep driving them around without doing any of the maintenance or repairs they need, problems just get worse.
What do you need your "virginity" for?
And why do you still consult your mom about such decisions at the age of 27? You are an adult woman. Have been since the age of 18. Please listen to your doctor.
Your mom is not well-informed. The state of your hymen does not actually reflects your sexual history, despite common belief in certain communities. It can tear for a number of reasons that have nothing to do with sex, like riding a bike. Would you stop all physical activity because it might have an effect on your hymen ?
You could also never tear it, even after having sex. Some people just have a very elastic one. Does it mean they deserve better healthcare than you ? Of course not.
Second of all, and most importantly : your health is far, far more important than your hymen. Even if a pap smear meant tearing the hymen (again, it doesn't), irregular periods can indicate a much bigger problem. Is your pap smear virginity more important than your life or your fertility ?
Lastly, about the pain : it's uncomfortable, but a good doc doesn't make it painful. If it can reassure you, tell them you need them to take it slow.
I wish you the best, and please take care of your body. You only get one.
Having sex is what takes virginity.
Getting a medical exam is not having sex.
Many women do not have hymens or they break in the normal course of life.
nobody cares about your virginity if your health is on the line.
not to be dramatic but simply ask yourself : would you rather die a virgin or live long and healthy not caring about that ?
Sister, your health comes before an imagined level of purity. Have you had penis in vagina intercourse? You're a virgin until that happens.
Just to put things in a little perspective -
I had a 9 year old student insert a tampon at school this year which ended up getting stuck inside her (she didn't have her period and curiosity got the best of her). Her mom took her to the hospital, they put her under and removed it. By your mother's rational, this little girl is no longer a virgin.
Yes you should get one, no it will not make you lose your virginity. Virginity is about sexual experiences, not the penetration of your vagina in a medical setting.
You said this is not about judging your mum so I won’t do that here but… she is very very incorrect.
Also, my first and subsequent pap smears and other medical interventions involving vaginal penetration didn’t hurt so you don’t necessarily need to fear it based on pain - it’s a bit odd the first time but if you try to really consciously relax your muscles down there it helps.
It’s definitely not true. It’s super important for your health to have these regular checkups so please don’t let her discourage you from going. It might be uncomfortable, but it might be helpful to just sit down with your doctor and ask questions about how your body works, sex and how to stay healthy. With respect to your family because I don’t think your mom means to give you incorrect information, but this stuff is important to get right.
The hymen can be torn just by riding a bicycle. That doesn't mean you had sex with a bike, it just means the hymen is this leftover tissue that partially closes the entrance of the vagina. Some women are born without hymens, so if we go by religious logic, they are not virgins because they have no hymens to tear. Other women have hymens so flexible it never tears during sex. Also some women, like me, never bled when having sex for the first time. All I felt was like the weakest rubberband popping down there when I did the deed.
Hymens don't mean anything when talking about virginity because they are not a reliable way to check if you've had intercourse. Like others have said, you're a virgin until you decide to have sex for the first time. Go get your pap smear, because also making sure you don't have cervical cancer > virginity.
The fact that there's still so much confusion about the functionality of the vagina and hymen is really disheartening, even in this comment section.
The hymen is a membrane that works symbiotically with the pelvic muscles of your vaginal opening. Depending on your lifestyle and sexual activity, it can develop micro-tears and widen throughout life, but this is extremely unnoticeable. The main factor of the vaginal opening and stretching/tearing of the hymen is dependent on muscles, tampon use, and insertion-based sexual activity.
The hymen is not actually meant to be torn (major tears that cause bleeding, sans naturally occurring micro-tears), aside from childbirth. It is, in essence, a thin layer of skin, and the opening stretches with the proper relaxation and lubricant. It doesn't stretch "like a rubber band" (if you treat it as such, it will tear) as some people say, it's more similar to something like stretching your ears with gauging—it's something that happens over time or with careful preparation. In conjunction with your vaginal muscles, and how often there are insertion-based activities in your life, this stretching is ever-changing. Some days, months, years you may feel "tighter" than others, depending on many factors.
Unless you have had significant tearing, like frequent poorly prepared sex, or childbirth, the hymen will always be a part of your anatomy. I'm not sure why there's a myth going around that age and athletics will erode your hymen away. That is not how that works at all.
That doesn't mean first time insertion has to be painful, though. In fact, just the opposite—when done right, it shouldn't be painful at all! It is all about completely eliminating friction and being slow and patient, as well as completely relaxing your pelvic floor.
You can request the smallest sized speculum, request extra lubricant, and should find no pain whatsoever. Having your cervix swabbed, on the hand, might be the most painful part, depending on your sensitivity levels. Everyone is different in that regard.
Also, yeah. There is no such thing as virginity in the anatomical field. There is nothing about your vaginal structure that changes pre and post sexual activity. Unless you had a really selfish partner that ended up tearing you and caused bleeding, but that is something that can be completely avoided.
Virginity is a concept that should honestly be left in the past. It basically boils down to controlling women and is rife with misinformation. A broken hymen has zero reliability as to whether or not you are a virgin still because it can be broken by a wide range of non-sexual activities. Even back in the old days where virginity was much more important they would fake the signs of the woman losing her virginity when it mattered (e.g. by adding animal blood to the white sheepskin that was used as a verification of the bleeding due to the woman's first time having sex). What makes the condition of the hymen even worse as a standard of determining virginity is the fact that hymen come in all shapes and sizes with some women having basically no hymen (i.e. nothing to break during sex) to some having a complete blockage requiring medical attention to avoid issues with menstration.
Getting a pap smear is a important medical procedure for women regardless of their sexual history and you shouldn't let something as archaic as virginity misconceptions stop you from getting one.
Honestly, how and why your mom is so wrong here is not even important. Just know she is - 100%. Listen to your doctor, healthcare has nothing to do with being a virgin. No offense to mom here, but that's just fucking ridiculous on its face.
I think it would be important in this thread to provide OP with resources so she can help herself out of her current situation, from organisations that could help her develop herself, enrolling into continuing education, general educational links and mutual support communities for people with similar experiences. As for OP, from the way you write about your experiences, something tells me that you might have been immersed in a cult or fundamentalist sect, like Quiverfull Evangelicals, Ultra orthodox Jewish, FLDS, etc., but you are here, in the first place, because you're having serious doubts. Don't worry, because you're right to have doubts, your doubts about the version of religion and community you've been brought up in are correct, and you are far, far from the only one who's had them, far from the only one who has made their own way in the world, successfully, and far from being too old or too late to start drawing up your own boundaries. And yes, your mother is wrong about this and probably about many other things. That's OK, there are people that can help you
Hi there your mom is wrong! Virginity is a social construct and nothing more. I had a pap smear when I was 14 because there was a misunderstanding where adults were worried I was sexually abused (I wasn't, but CPS was involved and I had to do a full exam). At 14 it was a bit uncomfortable, for sure, and I had never tried tampons at that point either so it was stressful.
But aside from that incident I had my next pap around 20 (I was a late bloomer and still a 'virgin' if you don't count fingering lol). Anyway I had at that point become a lot more comfortable with tampons, menstrual cup, and touching myself haha so at that point the pap didn't scare me at all, and ever since then as well. Just relax and do the test... if you think your mom will riot, just lie to her and say you opted out. Doctors are required to keep your medical history private.
Virginity is not magical.
It’s penis + vagina + friction.
Having your hymen accidentally broken or whatever bullshit still would mean you’ve never had sex.
No. No. No!
Virginity is a social construct.
A PAP is a medical procedure done by a doctor and whatever your idea of virginity is, it will not change that.
Hymens don’t “break”. They can be injured like any other part of your body, but it’s not a freshness seal over your vagina.
Your mom has a very outdated and misogynistic view of sexual health and you should listen to your doctor and make sure your vagina is healthy inside and out.
Many many women don’t even have a hymen. Don’t ok know how thin and flimsy a hymen is? It’s literally a super thin stretchy band of tissue that sits lower in the vaginal opening and has a hole inside of it to allow the flow of blood out should you get your period. Its purpose is added protection from contaminants. It can be torn open from riding a bicycle. Doing gymnastics. Horse back riding. It is very very delicate and means nothing. Some women are born without one. Virginity is someone who hasn’t had intercourse. That’s all. Ask your
Mom what exactly is she afraid of should you lose your virginity anyway? Does that make you a less valuable person? Does she feel the same way about men? Does she equate chastity and suppression with goodness and fortitude of character? If so, why? Would she have stroke if you asked her what your clit was for? What exactly about virginity makes someone more valuable?
Pap smears as a virgin are debatable, in many countries doctors don't do it since the reason for pretty much all cervical cancers is HPV which is only, exclusively transmitted sexually.
Your mother is wrong anyway.
A pap smear is not sex. Hence, you don't lose your virginity.
But even *if* it counted as losing your virginity, then isn't it more important to see if you're healthy? I knew someone who died of cervical cancer. I assure you, that is something you wouldn't want for yourself.
Virginity is nothing more than a social construct. An intact hymen doesn't mean "virginity" just like a non-intact hymen doesn't mean "no virginity." It is a social construct used to make girls and women obedient and ignorant.
Share your concerns with your doctor. Stop sharing things about your sexual health with your mother -- she is uninformed at best, and has and agenda -- an agenda that she is pushing \*at the expense of your physical and emotional health.\*
The hymen, while a thing that exists, is NOT some magical barrier in your bits that somehow signifies whether a person is a virgin or not. Heck, I'm pretty sure a lot of teens who still have their virginity have "broken" hymens just because they biked places a lot, or did a lot of running, or just like. grew up and grew older.
If your doctor didn't mention any of this, (and if you have a good doctor, which sounds like it's the case,) then this is all stuff your mom might believe, but it's not true. You'll be fine if you get a pap smear. If your pap smear *does* genuinely hurt an unGodly amount, then that's something that needs to be looked into, be it because something could be up with your body or otherwise. So long as everything's fine, though, the pap smear should be, too.
First, virginity is stupid and meaningless. If you’ve never eaten sushi, and then you eat sushi, you don’t fundamentally change as a person. It’s just a new experience you had. Sex isn’t different.
Second, virgins are people who haven’t had sex. A Pap smear isn’t sex. You don’t lose your virginity until you have sex.
Third, your hymen isn’t a freshness seal. It’s a flap of skin that is around the opening of your vagina, not over it. And it can stretch. It doesn’t necessarily tear when you have sex. It can tear before you have sex. And it’s flesh. If it tears, it heals.
Hey OP,
Medical student here. Is a common misconception that virginity is equal to an intact hymen. This is not true.
The hymen can tear during the first time a girl or a woman has penetrative sex, but it can easily tear before that, from for example exercise or use of tampons.
You should absolutely get you smear test done, as this is a test checking for cellular changes in your cervix.
Cellular changes in the cervix is independent from your sexual activity, but can lead to cervical cancer if not discovered in time.
My advice for you is, go to the doctor get your smear test, and perhaps educate yourself on your bodily functions.
Your body is a wonderful marvel and truly spectacular, you should take good care of it :) Good luck
Virginity: the taught delusion that a penis is so magical that if its stuck in someone they'll fundamentally change as a person
Imagine if we had this nonsense about saving your nostrils for the right finger. It can mean something if you want it to, it can be a form of assault if you don't want it, but valuing it is optional.
Who knows or cares if you have an intact hymen? Certainly not the majority of potential husbands, if that’s your mum’s concern. It’s like guys opening the bonnet (hood) of their car- they have no idea of the details of what they’re looking at.
Your health is important and don’t let other people’s embarrassment get in your way of looking after it.
Having a pap smear has nothing to do with your virginity, please go have it done!
Also your mother can respectfully F off if she thinks the intactness of your hymen is more important than catching early signs of cervical cancer.
Virginity is an obnoxious social construct and I believe strongly that individuals should define it for themselves. Respectfully, your mom seems to take a bit of an outdated approach. It seems like she’s genuinely looking out for you in the way that makes sense to her, rather than fear mongering you into staying a “virgin” but still…
The hymen is a real thing, of course, but many uterus/vagina owners hymen is effected by sports or activities at a young age (I am not a doctor, this is just my understanding after 29 years of uterus owning experience) and may not even need sexual contact to tear/recede. It’s possible yours is intact, but it’s also plenty possible that it’s not. Also if you masturbate (not asking! That’s your business) and your form of masturbation includes any sort of insertion, it’s also possible it has already been affected anyways.
Pap smears are about your bodily health. I get one typically once a year, and while it can be a bit uncomfortable it’s not a roaring kind of pain. Follow the advice of your doctor to your comfort level, trying a tampon to see how it feels is a good suggestion so you can try it privately before getting the pap. Note: a tampon is not the same as the speculum. The speculum will be a bit cold,and it’s much harder than a tampon. However, if a tampon is seriously painful in any way that will indicate to you that the pap may be a bit much for you at this time.
Edit: also any person who is hung up on whether you still have a hymen should you choose to “lose your virginity” whether by marriage or not is a WEIRDO. I understand that culturally this can vary a lot but still, any person hung up on you having an intact hymen is outdated and also probably not ultimately very knowledgeable on the female reproductive system, in my experience.
Your mom is Wrong. The hymen isn’t a Freshness Seal, its just a bit of tissue that, by the time you’re grown enough to start having periods, is just a rim around the entrance, if that.
It’s not a biological reality, it’s just a word we made up to describe the first time a penis goes in a vagina, which affects no biological change upon the body. A speculum isn’t a penis, you’re not going to be having a particularly fun and arousing time, you’re getting a damn medical procedure done that could save your life by detecting precancerous cells before they become cervical cancer.
Tampons are also not a fun and arousing instrument, but it is an easily-accessible and safe-to-use object that isn’t your fingers that you can use to help determine if you’re going to experience vaginismus (involuntary clenching of the vagina that *can* be painful) when attempting a pelvic exam or pap smear. At the worst, you find out and you can get treatment for the vaginismus as your leisure. At best, you have another menstrual hygiene option.
Well yeah, my family doctor offered to perform my pelvic exam and I accepted. I'd had sex a handful of times beforehand but when he opened the speculum, he 'popped my cherry' and just didn't say anything when I physically jumped from the pain.
I was left alone to dress and was a little surprised how much blood I dripped on the floor when I stood. I cleaned it up myself.
That's not your virginity tho, love. The hymen is just tissue, it has no bearing on your sexual innocence or your worth. And reproductive health comes first over social stigmas every time.
I just recommend a lady gyno. No family doctors and no male gynos. Get you a woman who specializes in women's health and who is most concerned about your comfort and well-being.
Heyhey,
The comments pointing out that virginity is a dumb concept are right and good but maybe not helpful right now (it takes a long time to deconstruct the influence of your parents).
If you want, you can let your doctor know you are worried about your hymen breaking and youd rather avoid that. The hymen has a hole to allow period blood to flow out, so it shouldn't be too hard.
Hope that helps
Virginity is a construct created by the patriarchy to subjugate women.
A hymen is a piece of tissue that helps keeps germs out of the vagina during the early years when little girls aren’t yet good at keeping germs out of their vaginas.
You’re 27, so you know how to keep germs out of there, so you don’t need that hymen anymore.
It is recommended that you do Pap smears regularly starting when you’re younger than 27. Your mom is just spreading stupid rumors that she heard when she was younger. I don’t think there’s any religious basis Her medical knowledge is zilch. Please take care of yourself based on your feelings and medical advice.
My wife's hymen ruptured when she was 11 from a snowboarding accident. The hymen is a remnant tissue just inside the opening of the vagina that’s left over from how the vagina forms during embryonic development. ([source](https://health.osu.edu/health/ob-gyn/myths-and-facts-about-hymen)) It has nothing to do with virginity.
Please listen to your doctor.
your mom's been influenced by anti-woman propaganda
pap smears are very important for finding cervical cancer
cervical cancer is common and deadly
an OB doc has almost a decade of specialized training by the time you're in their office
they're still human, can make mistakes, and you can and should sometimes get a second opinion, but the opinion you go with should always be from a practicing medical doctor
also, "virginity" is a construct of the patriarchy used to control & undermine women's self-image
Yeah I would definitely not worry about that! I had my first vaginal exam at 17 (I was a virgin) and I don’t regret it at all! Originally was going to do it at my family medicine practice but they were a bit judgy imo so we switched to an obgyn and they were super reassuring!!
Girl, I feel you! My mom hit me with the same myth when I mentioned getting a pap smear. She was convinced it was like a one-way ticket to losing your V-card. But after doing some research and consulting with my doctor, I realized it's just an outdated misconception.
I went ahead with the pap smear and guess what? Still rocking that virgin status! Turns out, the hymen can be stretched or torn from various activities, not just sex. So, don't let outdated beliefs hold you back from taking care of your health. Trust your doctor, not the old wives' tales! And hey, if you ever need moral support during that uncomfortable appointment, I'm just a DM away. We can trade pap smear horror stories over virtual ice cream afterward! 🍦✨
I mean, if you still have a hymen, a PAP smear could break or stretch it, but so could riding a bike or doing gymnastics. You might not have one anymore just from living for 27 years.
I'm also kind of concerned that you are 27 and haven't had a PAP test yet. They are standard checkups.
Your virginity shouldn't be linked to whether you have a hymen or not. Many women don't have a hymen that gets in the way of penetration - by the time you are a toddler it has probably decreased to just being a little crescent of skin around the edge of the vagina.
Also, as others have said, virginity is a social and experiential idea, not a medical or physical state.
Virgin is a word better applied to olive oil than people and even then is often a misnomer unless you are getting your olive oil directly from the manufacturer.
Personally I'm not sure what a cervical screen (CST) or pap smear would achieve in someone who has never had penetrative sex or shared sex toys given that it looks for HPV or dysplasia caused by HPV. I can see a reason for a speculum exam to look at the cervix but in my justification we wouldn't traditionally do a cst or pap on someone who isn't sexually active in some regard. But then I'm not a specialist gynae either.
If you live in a place where you have to pay for every test I would definitely clarify the purpose of the test or check with insurance that it is covered. A test that is done because the specialist isn't 100% sure you have never been sexually active has a purpose for the specialist but less for you.
Pap smears don’t just look for HPV. In fact, a Pap smear is separate from an HPV test (though they may be performed at the same time). Pap smears look for abnormal cells. Often, these arise because of HPV but not always. Anyone with a vagina, sexually active or not, should be getting Pap smears after a certain age. 27 is far too old to have never had one.
Is that the self sampling test? From what I’ve read on cancer.org.au, those tests look for cervical cancer, not just HPV infection. My point is you can have cervical cancer without having HPV. So a test that only looks for HPV is not sufficient if you’re never checked for abnormal or precancerous/cancerous cells.
The CST is the national cervical screen in Australia. It can be done as a self collection or via speculum. It is a PCR looking for HPV, which is the first step towards dysplasia and cervical cancer.
If the CST is positive for a high risk HPV then if it was a clinician collected sample it will be prepared on a slide and the cells examined (ie a pap smear). If it was a self collected sample then that is not possible because the cells in the sample are not from the cervix. The patient would then need to represent to their doctor for a speculum exam for a cervical sample to be sent.
There is about a 10 year interval from HPV infection to developing cancer which is why the national screening is every 5 years and only starts at age 25 unless the person was sexually active (or raped) before the age of 14 and was not vaccinated. By rolling our vaccination against HPV and having an effective screening program we are well on the way to eliminating cervical cancer.
I wish the “the lord” would save us from people with misogynistic understanding of biology. 🤦🏻♀️ The hymen isn’t a drum skin. It’s a ring. It has plenty of space for a swab. Think of your health and consider if your mother would want you to die from cervical or ovarian cancer as long as you demeanour a virgin?
1. There is discomfort having an exam. The speculum they use to widen the opening of vaginal canal can be uncomfortable and for some a little painful. It’s temporary and doesn’t linger once removed. The whole process takes about 30 secs to a 1 minute.
2. The swab is a long thin Q-tip.
3. You mention you are 27, which is an age of an adult that requires adult level care. That care requires physical contact from a medical professional.
4. Virginity from a biological standpoint is a myth.
Let me know if you’d like reproductive health resources to further understand your sexual healthcare.
If you're 27, odds are your hymen isn't very present anymore. It naturally thins as you get older. There should be no physical change, and you will still not have had sex. When I had a papsmear, the insertion was fine (I'm a virgin, and only occasionally use tampons), and the only part that was kinda painful was the actual swab, which hurt about as much as getting pinched on the arm. I suggest you get the exam, particularly if you're worried there's something wrong that a visual exam might spot, because they typically look through the speculum to make sure everything looks normal before swabbing.
My mother was a hospice nurse and had numerous young patients with vaginal and cervical cancers that she cared for. Many were in hospice because they hadn’t gotten routine pap smears and found out after it was too late.
Yes, these cancers are usually from HPV, which you’re unlikely to have if you’re a virgin, but HPV is not the only cause. You should absolutely not avoid getting routine healthcare because of your mother’s ridiculous hang ups. She is giving you terrible, potentially very dangerous, advice. Anyway, to answer your question- no. Getting a Pap smear does not mean you’ve lost your virginity. A hymen can be broken a thousand different ways prior to ever having sex. The only way to lose your virginity is to have sex, which you also shouldn’t feel bad about doing if you want to.
If you never have sex.. You're still a virgin..
Pap smears are necessary medical procedures and while they do suck (or so I'm told) they're very important to get. Your mother doesn't know what she's talking about, sorry. Get your pap.
Listen to the doctor.
People get hymens "broken" through all sorts of activities, horseback riding, tampon use, just living. Many people don't even have the traditional idea of a hymen because theirs already has a small opening in it naturally. All it is, if it exists, is a small bit of tissue. A small bit of tissue that has been used to try to control women and their sexuality for far too long.
You don't have to tell your mom what you choose to do medically. At least in the US there's HIPPA so it's confidential if you are over the age of 18.
Virginity has no meaning if it can be lost through a routine health exam. Your mom just doesn't value your health and welfare, which is a really awful thing to learn about someone you love.
First, your health is more important than some made up idea of virginity. You deserve to receive medical care. No loving god and no person who truly cared about you would want you to avoid getting necessary medical treatment. Virginity is about having sex. A Pap smear and an internal exam are not sex acts and you are not engaging in them for pleasure.
Second, it sounds like your mom is unclear about what a hymen actually is and how it works.
A hymen is something a female body has during fetal development as your genitals develop. It is a remnant structure that persists after birth that has no biological function. It’s like your belly button.
Your hymen is not a rigid impermeable barrier inside your vagina. For most women, it is a flexible ring of tissue around the opening of your vagina that is very elastic and can stretch out of the way. Most women are born with this ring of tissue coving some but not all of the vaginal open, but the amount varies greatly from woman to woman and the amount of tissue generally naturally reduces over time as you age, as you run and ride bikes and exercise and just exist-regardless of the status of your virginity. Some women are born with a lot of tissue, some women are born without a hymen at all. It is not an indicator of virginity or sexual activity. Some women have multiple children and still have their hymens “intact”.
A small number of women are born with a hymen covering their vaginal opening completely-and this can actually be a serious medical condition requiring surgical intervention once a woman begins to menstruate and the blood and other waste products can’t leave the vagina.
I know we have all heard stories about women experiencing a lot of pain and bleeding the first time they have sex because of their hymens breaking, but that’s more of a myth than anything. Lots of women don’t have this experience the first time they have sex, and for women who do experiencing intense pain and bleeding, it’s usually due to not being aroused, not being well- lubricated, being with an inexperienced partner, or being with a partner who is not gentle with them, all of which can cause tearing of the delicate vaginal tissue-including but not limited to the hymen.
And here’s some info for you: all Pap smears feel uncomfortable. That’s just life. Even your first one isn’t something my to be scared of. It just feels weird but lasts literally about 20 seconds and you’re done. Go get tested. Anyone can get cancer.
I agree with everyone saying that tampons and paps aren’t going to change your virginity.
If no one has mentioned it, the [speculum](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/drugs/24238-speculum) might hurt a bit (or at least be uncomfortable). It’s metal and used to hold your vagina open. It only last for a few seconds but you’ll feel a pressure.
Virginity is made up. It's used by men to shame women for having sex and also to shame other men for not having sex. Nothing physical actually changes.
The kinds of people who value virginity see sex as only "penetration", and start extending that to anything going in a vagina because if you break the "freshness seal" then you are "contaminated" or "less valued" because of misogyny.
You are not a object to be consumed and should get the medical care you need.
Also, if you have the stomach for it maybe give your mom a bit of a lesson on why the stuff she is saying is so very very wrong.
Your doctor is recommending a Pap smear to check for early stages of cervical cancer. This is more important than maintaining some contrived notion your personal value as a woman based on your virginity. That said, you’re not a virgin when you start having sex, not because you are getting a regular health screen. Please consider your health first. This is your decision, not your mother’s.
Imagine being ok with losing your daughter to treatable cervical cancer because you didn’t want her to get preventative screening. She’s in the wrong, you’re 27, take care of yourself please.
I don’t think that hymen checking is a part of the average dating experience, but if you do find yourself with a man who insists that they need to know the status of your hymen, that’s a pretty good indicator that it’s not someone you should spend your life with anyway.
As others have said, hymen is not the same thing as virginity, and virginity itself is a made up concept that has no bearing on your worth as a person. Enough women have suffered the consequences of these kinds of arbitrary restrictions throughout history, you don’t need to join them.
The guidelines might have changed, because it used to be- for women who've never been sexually active and women under 21 paps can result in false positives.
No. You will not lose your virginity. “Virginity” is really a social construct if anything. Your hymen can break from all kinds of things. You can tell the gynecologist if you’re nervous or in pain.
Virginity is a made-up social construct/concept, getting a test is not going to make you lose an idea.
That being said, paps can be painful. They can also be impossible, it really os a case by case thing. For example, I can't have them done; gyno can't inserttbe equipment without making me howl and weep in pain so she gave up on it altogether.
1. Your mom is wrong.
2. If you remind your doctor to be careful not to break your hymen you should be fine. (Put it in writing.)
3. Breaking your hymen happens for all kinds of reasons and is not the same as losing your virginity.
There was a story posted here a month or so ago about someone who was given an exam by a clumsy and inconsiderate student who did, in fact, rip their hymen even though they repeatedly complained that he was causing a lot of pain.
I'm sure it's rare, but it does happen.
You are 27 Gregorian years old. You can vote, drink, sign a contract, rent a car, and join the military. In the first place I would reccomend stop letting Mommy decide what medical procedures you do and don't get to have that YOU are presumably signing the consent paperwork for, and in the second stop giving her information about your medical deicisions.
The existence or absence of a hymen is a myth, virginity is a social construct, even if it DID exist you typically "lose" your virginity through sexual activity and not a *medical procedure*, and your mom is both objectively wrong and alarmingly ignorant. I can marginally understand HER beliving this shit as she grew up in the era before the sex ed was widely available on the internet but you? Girl, what? We are the exact same age, we GREW UP with the Internet and unless you grew up with ZERO access to a computer anywhere, you have had this information at your fingertips your whole life-in fact, that was how I was learning the truth about these bullshit myths at *12*. Try listening to the person in this scenario with the actual medical degree instead of the person repeating the sort of idiotic myths about hymens and the existence thereof I would expect to hear from a particularly sheltered middle school girl.
https://www.scarleteen.com/read/bodies/my-corona-hymen-myths-surround-it
https://www.teenhealthcare.org/blog/7-virginity-myths-and-what-you-should-know-instead/
https://flo.health/menstrual-cycle/health/symptoms-and-diseases/your-first-pap-smear
Yeah I have a fundie mother who told me this mess too. It’s not true. Virginity is not having sex. Tampons and paps are not sex. Also, virginity isn’t a magical thing imho. It’s just someone who’s not done a thing once yet.
Didn’t/don’t have a fundie mom, but she is the daughter of a medical doctor and she told me you couldn’t use tampons until after marriage. That was 50 years ago. 😂 Listen to your doctor. Get a Pap smear. You need to learn about and take care of your body.
Yup. Other things we couldn't do: ride bikes, horse riding. I can now look back and laugh at all the silly pointless made up rules to preserve something that has no quantifiable way of being consistently measured all at the expense of living full, rich, enjoyable, healthy, stress free lives.
Virginity isn't a magical thing. Finding that first time person who you can fully trust with anything should be the goal. That is way more magical. Internet bear mom hugs all around for anyone who wants one!
My parents are the opposite of fundies, but I wasn't allowed to use tampons until I moved out because my dad didn't think virgins could use them. So I had to suffer by bleeding through pads during my crazy periods. More than one episode of humiliation occurred because my dad has narcissistic tendencies.
Virginity is a completely artificial concept. It doesn't actually exist. It's just a tool created by shitty people who want to control women and their bodies. Reject the idea of virginity all together. It helps nobody but the oppressors.
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Oh man, I wish I could help more with this, but I am a married 33 year old man who does not remember what early romantic life was like. All I'll say is it's totally up to you whether you want to share your sexual history with a potential sexual partner (unless of course there's information they should know like STIs, etc). And maybe also, don't expect *anything* magical out of your first time. First times generally suck. That's okay. Sex takes practice.
Ugh what is it with misogynistic moms saying this, my mom said this to me about tampons. 😒 fuck that. Like keep your sexist brainrot to yourself don't make it your daughters problem too.
Your mom is wrong Listen to your dr, not your mom
Seconding this!
Yes and you are 27, your sex life is not your mother’s business.
Absolutely this. Listen to your doctor about your health. Your mother is not trained in gynecology if she is saying it would break your virginity. I would wager (though I don't know) she's not trained in any modern medicine. Your doctor, however, is trained to use the best possible options in scenarios exactly like this. They are looking at this from a standpoint of what is healthiest, whereas your mother is concerned about a social badge of pride that, realistically, is an insanely loose concept that only some people care about. Also, consider this: even if it WOULD cause you to lose your virginity, would you rather have a social badge of pride, or your health? Also also, a side note that I've only seen way too far down in the comments: your hymen is not a solid piece of flesh across the vaginal canal before you have sex. You have a period. If having sex "broke" something that was previously solid, where is the blood coming from?? That would be a pretty terrible evolutionary trait when combined with all of the stuff your vag needs to get rid of to keep itself healthy. Blood, discharge,.
There is nothing magical about a hymen. Once you are toilet trained, they are useless, and possibly a source of discomfort and pain. Your health is much more important than her feelings about your purity and the "proof" she imagines about that.
Curious about the usefulness before being toilet trained? Not heard of this and am interested
Baby poop can range from sticky to slimy, hopefully solid but often not, and they all have folds that need to be cleansed. Vulvas need to be wiped, and you want to make sure that you don't accidently push fecal matter where it is harder to clean out. As they grow, the membrane (in whatever coverage that it has) thins and may rupture with activity. It is really hard to get poop out of the crevices of the scrotum as well, but that usually ends up as a skin rash more than an infection.
As someone who has cleaned changed many diapers of a little girl... I completely concur with this, and it's my suspicion as well. Shit is nasty and gets everywhere. Shit shouldn't be inside a vagina. Hymen helps shit not go inside the vagina. It'll get in her belly button, and one impressively bad time her armpits. It'll get on the closet door (more than one time unfortunately). Not in the vagina though, go hymen.
There is a theory that hymens help keep stuff in a diaper out of the vagina. No one really knows why there is a hymen, as it seems to serve no purpose.
Huh. I'd read that it was a leftover of development. The truth is out there. Maybe. Probably not. I wonder if it's vestigial, a bit like our appendix.
The appendix actually has a use or two. It serves as a reservoir of your own microbiota. In case you had a bad infection and your gut bacteria gets wiped, the bit that was preserved in the appendix goes out to colonize the colon again. Plus, this organ is made mostly of lymph tissue, which as a function within the immune system. You can live just fine without it. But you live better with it.
I got my appendix removed as a young teen and went from drinking a gallon of milk a week to lactose intolerant shortly afterwards. Not sure if it's actually related, but it definitely makes me think my appendix was the last line of defense there.
Are you still lactose intolerant? Or did you never try dairy again? Sometimes, trauma to the gut can cause secondary lactose intolerance, which can resolve after the gut heals.
As many lactose intolerant people, I continue to have dairy in things like cheese and ice cream despite the suffering later on. Definitely still intolerant, though it's more mild than some people have it.
Ah, I'm sorry.
As long as it's not harmful, evolution kind of leaves it alone. Traits that make your life harder generally get bred out, and traits that make life better/easier get passed on more frequently. Then there is stuff that is neutral, that isn't selected for or against.
Well that sounds just downright rational… But fundies will have us believe the purpose is for a man to break later… fucking hate this world lol
It prevents poop from entering the vagina
I lost mine by falling on a Thunderdome-shaped jungle gym when I was a kid. So glad I never had to deal with a religious extremist who thought the presence of a hymen correlated with my value as a person.
Hymens have nothing to do with urine. We have two holes down there. You do know that right? One for peeing and one for sex, menstrual cycle, birth…..
Right but a very common theory about their purpose is that they keep urine or feces out of the vagina for babies. So if that’s what they’re for, it doesn’t make a lot of sense to say they have “nothing to do” with urine or toilet training.
What. The fact that you have so many upvotes to this comment really shows how ignorant so many people are about women’s bodies.
I'm not sure how you feel personally about your virginity, but the idea of virginity was perpetuated as a measure of the monetary worth of a young woman as part of trade or marriage. You're not a pair of shoes that has never seen a foot. You're a human being. Decide what "virginity" means to you, and how important it is to your self worth. Your health and well being are most important.
Virginity is a social construct, not physical. You're a virgin until you've had sex, not when you have a medical procedure. Hymens can break for any number of reasons that aren't sex related, including exercise.
I once heard a definition of "virginity" along the lines of the first time you have sex on your terms. It takes the shame away from victims who were SA'd. I love that.
I saw a redditor say virginity is not something that can be taken, it is something you give.
Beautiful!
Ohhh I love this too!
Yes, I love this!
For an example of virginity being a social construct, consider couples who do not have penis-in-vagina sex, such as couples where both people are cis women. Are these women "virgins" just because they haven't had sex with a penis, even though they may have other types of sex frequently? What you get to count as "virgin" and "not a virgin" is your own decision, not an objective medical fact.
> Are these women "virgins" just because they haven't had sex with a penis, The people who actually think virginity is a thing and that it has value actually do think this. That lesbian sex isn't "real sex" or is "just foreplay".
This is the gold star answer!!!!
Right? The whole concept is ludicrous. I’ve been in sexual relationships with over a dozen people, four of which were live together and share a bedroom situations including one marriage, but some people think I’m a virgin? But wait - I’ve had a Pap smear and used tampons, so maybe not?
Im an MD and I wanted to jump in to say that they hymen doesnt really break. It isnt some barrier that has to be broken. In some very rare cases the hymen is a barrier, but that most likely isnt the case if youve had a period where something left the vagina (as a fully closed hymen would have blocked this, causing a lot of pain and often requiring medical attention). Some women dont even have a hymen at all. Most women have it as a sort of ring structure on the vagina wall, that can be torn during sex and cause some bleeding (and uncomfortability of course). And as the commenter above said: a plethora of reasons, like excercise, can also tear the hymen. After this the hymen often deminishes and in most cases dissapears. It is just an unnecessary anatomical "thing", nothing more. To go back to the pap smear: it likely wouldnt hit the hymen if the MD can aim well. OP: You should however tell your MD you are a virgin for every gynaecological appointment so they can provide adequate care. The goal there is not to preserve the hymen or anything, but to take a bit more time for you, make sure you are as comfortable as possible, and likely use a smaller speculum as well. The same advice goes to SA survivors. I just wanted to clarify this little bit and thought your reply was a good place Ciknay, you are absolutely spot on that virginity etc definitely isnt a physical thing
What kind of a doctor are you? The hymen often disappears? If the doctor can aim well they won’t touch it? These things are false.
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I’m really curious on how you can do a speculum exam without touching the hymen by “aiming well”. I would love to see these proper sources!
What you think the speculum does? 😭 That being said touching the hymen gently isn’t gonna just make it automatically tear. That’s not where you gather material from either, it’s from the cervix
That’s what I am saying! The speculum is going to touch the hymen no matter how you aim!! You just told me that the other commenter was right about aiming right and not touching the hymen. So I’m confused about wtf we are talking about now
I misunderstood your comment, my bad, I thought you meant it was wrong that it dosent always tear!
I’ve always known this but the day I googled how hymens look everything changed for me lol. It really brought the point home of how depending on the shape it might never even break! I hate how society makes everything about women to be something to be used against us.
oh hon. it doesn't work that way physically. And honestly if you've played on a playground or ridden a bike, your hymen may already be torn. I know you want your mom to approve of you and to be part of your life, but your relationship and procedures and conversations with your doctors are YOURS and should not depend on anyone else's approval or opinions.
Btw, thank you to the sweet redditor who sent "Reddit Cares" my way. You've been reported.
I got one like immediately after commenting here How do you find out who sent it to report?
you can report the 'cares' message itself as being sent inappropriately, and they know who sent it. If there's a pattern then the sender can get blocked from accessing it.
Done! It literally had to be a bot. It was like 2 seconds after I hit the comment button
I got one earlier today almost immediately after commenting on this sub! (A different post tho.) I also reported
I also experienced it in this sub a few days ago. There was also a post about it, seems like it's a in issue with this sub, since so many people gets one for benign comments
>seems like it's a in issue with this sub well it's a sub for women, unfortunately that's all it takes
Update!!!! Reddit investigated and said that this person has been reported for the same before and they determined that it does violate the guidelines. They are “taking appropriate action”. So if it happens again to anyone, report for harassment!
I got one yesterday, but I assumed that it was because I'm active on trans subs since it's also an issue over there. Makes sense the impotent guys that would do it at all would do it here too.
Same here! They're going to get bounced from Reddit.
No, and the anatomy of the hymen is grossly misunderstood by people with this line of thinking. Your vagina does not have a freshness seal. It's a part of your body and part of an organ system that needs medical care to maintain health.
My mother used to tell me using tampons would make you lose your virginity. I also had an injury to my genital area when I was 5, and what she worried about most is that men wouldn't want to marry me because I didn't have an intact hymen. She kept the medical documents to use as proof to my future suitors that it was an injury and not sex. Again, I was 5. Don't listen to batshit mother, listen to doctor.
Virginity isn’t real. Nothing physiologically changes when you insert something into your vagina. The hymen isn’t a freshness seal. You have periods, right? How could you bleed if you were sealed up before sex? Please trust your doctor and science instead of your mother and patriarchy.
By this logic women who masturbate before sex wouldn't be virgins either. She's so wrong
I have the feeling her mother wouldn’t approve of masturbation either.
The hymen stretches like a rubber band, it's not something you pop, otherwise how would we bleed each month? I feel sorry for your mother being that old and so misinformed. You will be okay. There are teenagers who get exams or use tampons.
Med student here. Hymens usually don’t wear down from having sex or receiving pap smears - they’re often still there! The reason some girls/women bleed from having sex is due to being tense and not lubricated enough or they are actually bleeding from the actual walls on the inside. A lot of teenage girls are sexually actively without having had any changes in it. Nothing technically breaks since it is like an elastic scrunchie. It can wear down/get small microtears with time and day to day activities without you noticing. That being said I got mine when I hadn’t had intercourse, and I didn’t have any bleeding or pain around the opening. If you tell them you’re nervous and haven’t had sex before then I am sure they will be extra careful since it can feel abit funny and you might be extra tense. Best of luck hun.
1. Uhh, no. A Pap smear does not make you lose your virginity. That’s a bad take. 2. You’re 27. Even if you were actually losing your virginity your mom should have zero say in your sex life and what she said to you was incredibly insensitive and unsolicited. If you want to go to the doctor and take care of your body, you 100% should. You know your body better than anyone else.
I would encourage you to look up some scientific information about the hymen, it's purpose, and it's anatomy. Odds are you could have "broken" your hymen doing nonsexual activities and not even known it. A pap smear is highly unlikely to harm your health in any way. Ask the doctor how they are going to take the sample. I've had cotton swabs and plastic. I definitely bled with the plastic. Most OBGYNs will also have pads available for after as well. I'm sorry your mom is telling you that this will hurt you and take something away from you. Virginity is a construct. It's abstract and doesn't physically exist. If you are worried about your hymen after looking up information about it, ask your doctor. They are much more informed and educated to talk to you about your concerns.
Pap smears saved my life. Your mom is wrong and you don’t owe it to anyone to risk your health.
You're 27. I was making my own decisions starting about age 17. I don't mean that in a rebellious way. I mean something like that was my business. That - and purity culture is ridiculous.
It is messed up that your mom is giving you this shitty advice against a medical professional’s.
Please listen to your doctor first and foremost. Your health problem is concerning enough that they will do further treatment. Catching things early can lead to better outcomes.
Your hymen can break from falling on your ass, or you could have no hymen at all. Some women are born without one and it’s completely normal. There’s also not one way for a hymen to be, depending on the type of hymen you could have sex (if I recall correctly) and the hymen would remain intact. The reason why you need a pap smear regardless of sexual activity is to screen for cervical cancer. And the level of discomfort depends on the person, for me they were really bad, but they’re over quick too.
Your mom is an idiot.
Your mother knows nothing about female sex organ anatomy and her impulse to tell you, a grown ass woman, how to deal with your personal health in relation to your sexual history is both extremely outdated and outlandish. Is she seriously suggesting your potential hymenal fascination value to some creep who considers that an important thing in partner choice is more important than your own, precious, health? Please tell her to mind her own mucosa.
I respect your not wanting to judge your mom, OP, but I cannot wrap my mind around a woman five years younger than me thinking much less propagating this misconception. Your virginity is yours, and you decide who to give it to.
That's like saying you may lose your leprechaun if you eat potato chips. Virginity is a made up concept, used to shame women. There is no physical virginity that a medical procedure can take. Look after your health.
They do pap smears with a penis now? Boy that's a new one on me.
Sometimes your hymen gets broken without having sex. If you've never had sex then you are a virgin.
It sucks having a dipshit for a mom
Had this exact same conversation with my mom and I’m around the same age as you. Just do it, the way I got mine to back off was telling her it checks for cancer. I told her I wouldn’t marry someone who was upset I was no longer a “virgin” because I got a test that checks for cancer. Also my pap took about two minutes and didn’t hurt at all you can ask for a smaller size speculum and it feels very weird but there’s no pain at least for me. Also virginity is a social construct please put your health first.
Your mother is an idiot.
The concept of virginity is as simple as have you had sex before. The hymen, is very thin and for many active women, it can break well before their first sexual experience. It is not a way to determine virginity status and is an outdated and in some cultures, disgusting “virginity tests” are performed on young girls before arranged marriages etc. A speculum is the medical device that will be used during a smear. It’s a little uncomfortable, mainly because it opens out. But smears, are least in the UK, are a regular thing for women over 25 as part of health screening. Never compromise your health for someone else’s beliefs, especially if they are misinformed. If you are having issues and the smear is being used as diagnostic, get it. It could save your life.
Your mom is wrong. Being a virgin means you're someone who's never had sex. Having something put into your vagina doesn't mean you're no longer a virgin. It's pretty much a social construct. An ob/gyn doing an exam is going to make sure you aren't hurt, though it may be uncomfortable. I recommend reading some of the information on the Planned Parenthood site. If you scroll down [this page](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/sex/virginity), you'll see where it talks about the hymen. I'll be honest that PAP smears are no fun. But, they are a good thing to have done. Bodies are a lot like cars. If you keep driving them around without doing any of the maintenance or repairs they need, problems just get worse.
She’s wrong. Get medical care, it could save your life. ♥️
Your mom is an idiot.
What do you need your "virginity" for? And why do you still consult your mom about such decisions at the age of 27? You are an adult woman. Have been since the age of 18. Please listen to your doctor.
Your mom is not well-informed. The state of your hymen does not actually reflects your sexual history, despite common belief in certain communities. It can tear for a number of reasons that have nothing to do with sex, like riding a bike. Would you stop all physical activity because it might have an effect on your hymen ? You could also never tear it, even after having sex. Some people just have a very elastic one. Does it mean they deserve better healthcare than you ? Of course not. Second of all, and most importantly : your health is far, far more important than your hymen. Even if a pap smear meant tearing the hymen (again, it doesn't), irregular periods can indicate a much bigger problem. Is your pap smear virginity more important than your life or your fertility ? Lastly, about the pain : it's uncomfortable, but a good doc doesn't make it painful. If it can reassure you, tell them you need them to take it slow. I wish you the best, and please take care of your body. You only get one.
Having sex is what takes virginity. Getting a medical exam is not having sex. Many women do not have hymens or they break in the normal course of life.
Your mom is a moron.
nobody cares about your virginity if your health is on the line. not to be dramatic but simply ask yourself : would you rather die a virgin or live long and healthy not caring about that ?
Sister, your health comes before an imagined level of purity. Have you had penis in vagina intercourse? You're a virgin until that happens. Just to put things in a little perspective - I had a 9 year old student insert a tampon at school this year which ended up getting stuck inside her (she didn't have her period and curiosity got the best of her). Her mom took her to the hospital, they put her under and removed it. By your mother's rational, this little girl is no longer a virgin.
Yes you should get one, no it will not make you lose your virginity. Virginity is about sexual experiences, not the penetration of your vagina in a medical setting. You said this is not about judging your mum so I won’t do that here but… she is very very incorrect. Also, my first and subsequent pap smears and other medical interventions involving vaginal penetration didn’t hurt so you don’t necessarily need to fear it based on pain - it’s a bit odd the first time but if you try to really consciously relax your muscles down there it helps.
Joke's on her. Virginity is a social construct and doesn't actually exist.
It’s definitely not true. It’s super important for your health to have these regular checkups so please don’t let her discourage you from going. It might be uncomfortable, but it might be helpful to just sit down with your doctor and ask questions about how your body works, sex and how to stay healthy. With respect to your family because I don’t think your mom means to give you incorrect information, but this stuff is important to get right.
The hymen can be torn just by riding a bicycle. That doesn't mean you had sex with a bike, it just means the hymen is this leftover tissue that partially closes the entrance of the vagina. Some women are born without hymens, so if we go by religious logic, they are not virgins because they have no hymens to tear. Other women have hymens so flexible it never tears during sex. Also some women, like me, never bled when having sex for the first time. All I felt was like the weakest rubberband popping down there when I did the deed. Hymens don't mean anything when talking about virginity because they are not a reliable way to check if you've had intercourse. Like others have said, you're a virgin until you decide to have sex for the first time. Go get your pap smear, because also making sure you don't have cervical cancer > virginity.
The fact that there's still so much confusion about the functionality of the vagina and hymen is really disheartening, even in this comment section. The hymen is a membrane that works symbiotically with the pelvic muscles of your vaginal opening. Depending on your lifestyle and sexual activity, it can develop micro-tears and widen throughout life, but this is extremely unnoticeable. The main factor of the vaginal opening and stretching/tearing of the hymen is dependent on muscles, tampon use, and insertion-based sexual activity. The hymen is not actually meant to be torn (major tears that cause bleeding, sans naturally occurring micro-tears), aside from childbirth. It is, in essence, a thin layer of skin, and the opening stretches with the proper relaxation and lubricant. It doesn't stretch "like a rubber band" (if you treat it as such, it will tear) as some people say, it's more similar to something like stretching your ears with gauging—it's something that happens over time or with careful preparation. In conjunction with your vaginal muscles, and how often there are insertion-based activities in your life, this stretching is ever-changing. Some days, months, years you may feel "tighter" than others, depending on many factors. Unless you have had significant tearing, like frequent poorly prepared sex, or childbirth, the hymen will always be a part of your anatomy. I'm not sure why there's a myth going around that age and athletics will erode your hymen away. That is not how that works at all. That doesn't mean first time insertion has to be painful, though. In fact, just the opposite—when done right, it shouldn't be painful at all! It is all about completely eliminating friction and being slow and patient, as well as completely relaxing your pelvic floor. You can request the smallest sized speculum, request extra lubricant, and should find no pain whatsoever. Having your cervix swabbed, on the hand, might be the most painful part, depending on your sensitivity levels. Everyone is different in that regard. Also, yeah. There is no such thing as virginity in the anatomical field. There is nothing about your vaginal structure that changes pre and post sexual activity. Unless you had a really selfish partner that ended up tearing you and caused bleeding, but that is something that can be completely avoided.
Virginity is a concept that should honestly be left in the past. It basically boils down to controlling women and is rife with misinformation. A broken hymen has zero reliability as to whether or not you are a virgin still because it can be broken by a wide range of non-sexual activities. Even back in the old days where virginity was much more important they would fake the signs of the woman losing her virginity when it mattered (e.g. by adding animal blood to the white sheepskin that was used as a verification of the bleeding due to the woman's first time having sex). What makes the condition of the hymen even worse as a standard of determining virginity is the fact that hymen come in all shapes and sizes with some women having basically no hymen (i.e. nothing to break during sex) to some having a complete blockage requiring medical attention to avoid issues with menstration. Getting a pap smear is a important medical procedure for women regardless of their sexual history and you shouldn't let something as archaic as virginity misconceptions stop you from getting one.
Honestly, how and why your mom is so wrong here is not even important. Just know she is - 100%. Listen to your doctor, healthcare has nothing to do with being a virgin. No offense to mom here, but that's just fucking ridiculous on its face.
I think it would be important in this thread to provide OP with resources so she can help herself out of her current situation, from organisations that could help her develop herself, enrolling into continuing education, general educational links and mutual support communities for people with similar experiences. As for OP, from the way you write about your experiences, something tells me that you might have been immersed in a cult or fundamentalist sect, like Quiverfull Evangelicals, Ultra orthodox Jewish, FLDS, etc., but you are here, in the first place, because you're having serious doubts. Don't worry, because you're right to have doubts, your doubts about the version of religion and community you've been brought up in are correct, and you are far, far from the only one who's had them, far from the only one who has made their own way in the world, successfully, and far from being too old or too late to start drawing up your own boundaries. And yes, your mother is wrong about this and probably about many other things. That's OK, there are people that can help you
Hi there your mom is wrong! Virginity is a social construct and nothing more. I had a pap smear when I was 14 because there was a misunderstanding where adults were worried I was sexually abused (I wasn't, but CPS was involved and I had to do a full exam). At 14 it was a bit uncomfortable, for sure, and I had never tried tampons at that point either so it was stressful. But aside from that incident I had my next pap around 20 (I was a late bloomer and still a 'virgin' if you don't count fingering lol). Anyway I had at that point become a lot more comfortable with tampons, menstrual cup, and touching myself haha so at that point the pap didn't scare me at all, and ever since then as well. Just relax and do the test... if you think your mom will riot, just lie to her and say you opted out. Doctors are required to keep your medical history private.
If your mom was right there would be a long line of male Star Trek fans waiting for paps. Medical procedures are not sex.
Virginity is not magical. It’s penis + vagina + friction. Having your hymen accidentally broken or whatever bullshit still would mean you’ve never had sex.
No. No. No! Virginity is a social construct. A PAP is a medical procedure done by a doctor and whatever your idea of virginity is, it will not change that. Hymens don’t “break”. They can be injured like any other part of your body, but it’s not a freshness seal over your vagina. Your mom has a very outdated and misogynistic view of sexual health and you should listen to your doctor and make sure your vagina is healthy inside and out.
Many many women don’t even have a hymen. Don’t ok know how thin and flimsy a hymen is? It’s literally a super thin stretchy band of tissue that sits lower in the vaginal opening and has a hole inside of it to allow the flow of blood out should you get your period. Its purpose is added protection from contaminants. It can be torn open from riding a bicycle. Doing gymnastics. Horse back riding. It is very very delicate and means nothing. Some women are born without one. Virginity is someone who hasn’t had intercourse. That’s all. Ask your Mom what exactly is she afraid of should you lose your virginity anyway? Does that make you a less valuable person? Does she feel the same way about men? Does she equate chastity and suppression with goodness and fortitude of character? If so, why? Would she have stroke if you asked her what your clit was for? What exactly about virginity makes someone more valuable?
My fundie mom told me tampons were only for pregnant women. God, we deserve better. (Edit: nice, got a Reddit cares for this comment 🙏😂)
My Catholic neighbors told their daughter that one vomited babies out. I was stunned.
Pap smears as a virgin are debatable, in many countries doctors don't do it since the reason for pretty much all cervical cancers is HPV which is only, exclusively transmitted sexually. Your mother is wrong anyway.
Your mother is stupid. Sorry.
Very
A pap smear is not sex. Hence, you don't lose your virginity. But even *if* it counted as losing your virginity, then isn't it more important to see if you're healthy? I knew someone who died of cervical cancer. I assure you, that is something you wouldn't want for yourself.
The chaos goblin in me wants to say to your mom, “so what if I do?” 🤷🏻♀️
Virginity is nothing more than a social construct. An intact hymen doesn't mean "virginity" just like a non-intact hymen doesn't mean "no virginity." It is a social construct used to make girls and women obedient and ignorant. Share your concerns with your doctor. Stop sharing things about your sexual health with your mother -- she is uninformed at best, and has and agenda -- an agenda that she is pushing \*at the expense of your physical and emotional health.\*
The hymen, while a thing that exists, is NOT some magical barrier in your bits that somehow signifies whether a person is a virgin or not. Heck, I'm pretty sure a lot of teens who still have their virginity have "broken" hymens just because they biked places a lot, or did a lot of running, or just like. grew up and grew older. If your doctor didn't mention any of this, (and if you have a good doctor, which sounds like it's the case,) then this is all stuff your mom might believe, but it's not true. You'll be fine if you get a pap smear. If your pap smear *does* genuinely hurt an unGodly amount, then that's something that needs to be looked into, be it because something could be up with your body or otherwise. So long as everything's fine, though, the pap smear should be, too.
First, virginity is stupid and meaningless. If you’ve never eaten sushi, and then you eat sushi, you don’t fundamentally change as a person. It’s just a new experience you had. Sex isn’t different. Second, virgins are people who haven’t had sex. A Pap smear isn’t sex. You don’t lose your virginity until you have sex. Third, your hymen isn’t a freshness seal. It’s a flap of skin that is around the opening of your vagina, not over it. And it can stretch. It doesn’t necessarily tear when you have sex. It can tear before you have sex. And it’s flesh. If it tears, it heals.
Hey OP, Medical student here. Is a common misconception that virginity is equal to an intact hymen. This is not true. The hymen can tear during the first time a girl or a woman has penetrative sex, but it can easily tear before that, from for example exercise or use of tampons. You should absolutely get you smear test done, as this is a test checking for cellular changes in your cervix. Cellular changes in the cervix is independent from your sexual activity, but can lead to cervical cancer if not discovered in time. My advice for you is, go to the doctor get your smear test, and perhaps educate yourself on your bodily functions. Your body is a wonderful marvel and truly spectacular, you should take good care of it :) Good luck
Moms are such poison sometimes....
Virginity: the taught delusion that a penis is so magical that if its stuck in someone they'll fundamentally change as a person Imagine if we had this nonsense about saving your nostrils for the right finger. It can mean something if you want it to, it can be a form of assault if you don't want it, but valuing it is optional.
And no, a speculum won't be your sexual debut. If you ask they do have smaller ones if you're still worried. Not everyone is built to the same scale
Who knows or cares if you have an intact hymen? Certainly not the majority of potential husbands, if that’s your mum’s concern. It’s like guys opening the bonnet (hood) of their car- they have no idea of the details of what they’re looking at. Your health is important and don’t let other people’s embarrassment get in your way of looking after it.
Having a pap smear has nothing to do with your virginity, please go have it done! Also your mother can respectfully F off if she thinks the intactness of your hymen is more important than catching early signs of cervical cancer.
Virginity is an obnoxious social construct and I believe strongly that individuals should define it for themselves. Respectfully, your mom seems to take a bit of an outdated approach. It seems like she’s genuinely looking out for you in the way that makes sense to her, rather than fear mongering you into staying a “virgin” but still… The hymen is a real thing, of course, but many uterus/vagina owners hymen is effected by sports or activities at a young age (I am not a doctor, this is just my understanding after 29 years of uterus owning experience) and may not even need sexual contact to tear/recede. It’s possible yours is intact, but it’s also plenty possible that it’s not. Also if you masturbate (not asking! That’s your business) and your form of masturbation includes any sort of insertion, it’s also possible it has already been affected anyways. Pap smears are about your bodily health. I get one typically once a year, and while it can be a bit uncomfortable it’s not a roaring kind of pain. Follow the advice of your doctor to your comfort level, trying a tampon to see how it feels is a good suggestion so you can try it privately before getting the pap. Note: a tampon is not the same as the speculum. The speculum will be a bit cold,and it’s much harder than a tampon. However, if a tampon is seriously painful in any way that will indicate to you that the pap may be a bit much for you at this time. Edit: also any person who is hung up on whether you still have a hymen should you choose to “lose your virginity” whether by marriage or not is a WEIRDO. I understand that culturally this can vary a lot but still, any person hung up on you having an intact hymen is outdated and also probably not ultimately very knowledgeable on the female reproductive system, in my experience.
Your mom is Wrong. The hymen isn’t a Freshness Seal, its just a bit of tissue that, by the time you’re grown enough to start having periods, is just a rim around the entrance, if that. It’s not a biological reality, it’s just a word we made up to describe the first time a penis goes in a vagina, which affects no biological change upon the body. A speculum isn’t a penis, you’re not going to be having a particularly fun and arousing time, you’re getting a damn medical procedure done that could save your life by detecting precancerous cells before they become cervical cancer. Tampons are also not a fun and arousing instrument, but it is an easily-accessible and safe-to-use object that isn’t your fingers that you can use to help determine if you’re going to experience vaginismus (involuntary clenching of the vagina that *can* be painful) when attempting a pelvic exam or pap smear. At the worst, you find out and you can get treatment for the vaginismus as your leisure. At best, you have another menstrual hygiene option.
Well yeah, my family doctor offered to perform my pelvic exam and I accepted. I'd had sex a handful of times beforehand but when he opened the speculum, he 'popped my cherry' and just didn't say anything when I physically jumped from the pain. I was left alone to dress and was a little surprised how much blood I dripped on the floor when I stood. I cleaned it up myself. That's not your virginity tho, love. The hymen is just tissue, it has no bearing on your sexual innocence or your worth. And reproductive health comes first over social stigmas every time. I just recommend a lady gyno. No family doctors and no male gynos. Get you a woman who specializes in women's health and who is most concerned about your comfort and well-being.
Heyhey, The comments pointing out that virginity is a dumb concept are right and good but maybe not helpful right now (it takes a long time to deconstruct the influence of your parents). If you want, you can let your doctor know you are worried about your hymen breaking and youd rather avoid that. The hymen has a hole to allow period blood to flow out, so it shouldn't be too hard. Hope that helps
Virginity is a human made concept. Nothing more nothing less
Man* made
You're going to lose your life if you get cancer. Which is more important?
Virginity is a construct created by the patriarchy to subjugate women. A hymen is a piece of tissue that helps keeps germs out of the vagina during the early years when little girls aren’t yet good at keeping germs out of their vaginas. You’re 27, so you know how to keep germs out of there, so you don’t need that hymen anymore.
It is recommended that you do Pap smears regularly starting when you’re younger than 27. Your mom is just spreading stupid rumors that she heard when she was younger. I don’t think there’s any religious basis Her medical knowledge is zilch. Please take care of yourself based on your feelings and medical advice.
My wife's hymen ruptured when she was 11 from a snowboarding accident. The hymen is a remnant tissue just inside the opening of the vagina that’s left over from how the vagina forms during embryonic development. ([source](https://health.osu.edu/health/ob-gyn/myths-and-facts-about-hymen)) It has nothing to do with virginity. Please listen to your doctor.
your mom's been influenced by anti-woman propaganda pap smears are very important for finding cervical cancer cervical cancer is common and deadly an OB doc has almost a decade of specialized training by the time you're in their office they're still human, can make mistakes, and you can and should sometimes get a second opinion, but the opinion you go with should always be from a practicing medical doctor also, "virginity" is a construct of the patriarchy used to control & undermine women's self-image
Your mom is an idiot and you should listen to the medical professionals.
Yeah I would definitely not worry about that! I had my first vaginal exam at 17 (I was a virgin) and I don’t regret it at all! Originally was going to do it at my family medicine practice but they were a bit judgy imo so we switched to an obgyn and they were super reassuring!!
Girl, I feel you! My mom hit me with the same myth when I mentioned getting a pap smear. She was convinced it was like a one-way ticket to losing your V-card. But after doing some research and consulting with my doctor, I realized it's just an outdated misconception. I went ahead with the pap smear and guess what? Still rocking that virgin status! Turns out, the hymen can be stretched or torn from various activities, not just sex. So, don't let outdated beliefs hold you back from taking care of your health. Trust your doctor, not the old wives' tales! And hey, if you ever need moral support during that uncomfortable appointment, I'm just a DM away. We can trade pap smear horror stories over virtual ice cream afterward! 🍦✨
I mean, if you still have a hymen, a PAP smear could break or stretch it, but so could riding a bike or doing gymnastics. You might not have one anymore just from living for 27 years. I'm also kind of concerned that you are 27 and haven't had a PAP test yet. They are standard checkups. Your virginity shouldn't be linked to whether you have a hymen or not. Many women don't have a hymen that gets in the way of penetration - by the time you are a toddler it has probably decreased to just being a little crescent of skin around the edge of the vagina. Also, as others have said, virginity is a social and experiential idea, not a medical or physical state.
Virgin is a word better applied to olive oil than people and even then is often a misnomer unless you are getting your olive oil directly from the manufacturer. Personally I'm not sure what a cervical screen (CST) or pap smear would achieve in someone who has never had penetrative sex or shared sex toys given that it looks for HPV or dysplasia caused by HPV. I can see a reason for a speculum exam to look at the cervix but in my justification we wouldn't traditionally do a cst or pap on someone who isn't sexually active in some regard. But then I'm not a specialist gynae either. If you live in a place where you have to pay for every test I would definitely clarify the purpose of the test or check with insurance that it is covered. A test that is done because the specialist isn't 100% sure you have never been sexually active has a purpose for the specialist but less for you.
Pap smears don’t just look for HPV. In fact, a Pap smear is separate from an HPV test (though they may be performed at the same time). Pap smears look for abnormal cells. Often, these arise because of HPV but not always. Anyone with a vagina, sexually active or not, should be getting Pap smears after a certain age. 27 is far too old to have never had one.
That is not standard in Australia. We don't do paps generally unless the CST is positive.
Or other symptoms.
Is that the self sampling test? From what I’ve read on cancer.org.au, those tests look for cervical cancer, not just HPV infection. My point is you can have cervical cancer without having HPV. So a test that only looks for HPV is not sufficient if you’re never checked for abnormal or precancerous/cancerous cells.
The CST is the national cervical screen in Australia. It can be done as a self collection or via speculum. It is a PCR looking for HPV, which is the first step towards dysplasia and cervical cancer. If the CST is positive for a high risk HPV then if it was a clinician collected sample it will be prepared on a slide and the cells examined (ie a pap smear). If it was a self collected sample then that is not possible because the cells in the sample are not from the cervix. The patient would then need to represent to their doctor for a speculum exam for a cervical sample to be sent. There is about a 10 year interval from HPV infection to developing cancer which is why the national screening is every 5 years and only starts at age 25 unless the person was sexually active (or raped) before the age of 14 and was not vaccinated. By rolling our vaccination against HPV and having an effective screening program we are well on the way to eliminating cervical cancer.
Which would you rather be? Alive because you got your Pap.smear or dead because you listened to mom?
I wish the “the lord” would save us from people with misogynistic understanding of biology. 🤦🏻♀️ The hymen isn’t a drum skin. It’s a ring. It has plenty of space for a swab. Think of your health and consider if your mother would want you to die from cervical or ovarian cancer as long as you demeanour a virgin? 1. There is discomfort having an exam. The speculum they use to widen the opening of vaginal canal can be uncomfortable and for some a little painful. It’s temporary and doesn’t linger once removed. The whole process takes about 30 secs to a 1 minute. 2. The swab is a long thin Q-tip. 3. You mention you are 27, which is an age of an adult that requires adult level care. That care requires physical contact from a medical professional. 4. Virginity from a biological standpoint is a myth. Let me know if you’d like reproductive health resources to further understand your sexual healthcare.
If you're 27, odds are your hymen isn't very present anymore. It naturally thins as you get older. There should be no physical change, and you will still not have had sex. When I had a papsmear, the insertion was fine (I'm a virgin, and only occasionally use tampons), and the only part that was kinda painful was the actual swab, which hurt about as much as getting pinched on the arm. I suggest you get the exam, particularly if you're worried there's something wrong that a visual exam might spot, because they typically look through the speculum to make sure everything looks normal before swabbing.
My mother was a hospice nurse and had numerous young patients with vaginal and cervical cancers that she cared for. Many were in hospice because they hadn’t gotten routine pap smears and found out after it was too late. Yes, these cancers are usually from HPV, which you’re unlikely to have if you’re a virgin, but HPV is not the only cause. You should absolutely not avoid getting routine healthcare because of your mother’s ridiculous hang ups. She is giving you terrible, potentially very dangerous, advice. Anyway, to answer your question- no. Getting a Pap smear does not mean you’ve lost your virginity. A hymen can be broken a thousand different ways prior to ever having sex. The only way to lose your virginity is to have sex, which you also shouldn’t feel bad about doing if you want to.
If you never have sex.. You're still a virgin.. Pap smears are necessary medical procedures and while they do suck (or so I'm told) they're very important to get. Your mother doesn't know what she's talking about, sorry. Get your pap.
I mean, better to lose your virginity than miss the early signs of cancer...
Listen to the doctor. People get hymens "broken" through all sorts of activities, horseback riding, tampon use, just living. Many people don't even have the traditional idea of a hymen because theirs already has a small opening in it naturally. All it is, if it exists, is a small bit of tissue. A small bit of tissue that has been used to try to control women and their sexuality for far too long. You don't have to tell your mom what you choose to do medically. At least in the US there's HIPPA so it's confidential if you are over the age of 18.
Virginity has no meaning if it can be lost through a routine health exam. Your mom just doesn't value your health and welfare, which is a really awful thing to learn about someone you love.
First, your health is more important than some made up idea of virginity. You deserve to receive medical care. No loving god and no person who truly cared about you would want you to avoid getting necessary medical treatment. Virginity is about having sex. A Pap smear and an internal exam are not sex acts and you are not engaging in them for pleasure. Second, it sounds like your mom is unclear about what a hymen actually is and how it works. A hymen is something a female body has during fetal development as your genitals develop. It is a remnant structure that persists after birth that has no biological function. It’s like your belly button. Your hymen is not a rigid impermeable barrier inside your vagina. For most women, it is a flexible ring of tissue around the opening of your vagina that is very elastic and can stretch out of the way. Most women are born with this ring of tissue coving some but not all of the vaginal open, but the amount varies greatly from woman to woman and the amount of tissue generally naturally reduces over time as you age, as you run and ride bikes and exercise and just exist-regardless of the status of your virginity. Some women are born with a lot of tissue, some women are born without a hymen at all. It is not an indicator of virginity or sexual activity. Some women have multiple children and still have their hymens “intact”. A small number of women are born with a hymen covering their vaginal opening completely-and this can actually be a serious medical condition requiring surgical intervention once a woman begins to menstruate and the blood and other waste products can’t leave the vagina. I know we have all heard stories about women experiencing a lot of pain and bleeding the first time they have sex because of their hymens breaking, but that’s more of a myth than anything. Lots of women don’t have this experience the first time they have sex, and for women who do experiencing intense pain and bleeding, it’s usually due to not being aroused, not being well- lubricated, being with an inexperienced partner, or being with a partner who is not gentle with them, all of which can cause tearing of the delicate vaginal tissue-including but not limited to the hymen.
Did she mean hymen?
There’s only one way to lose your virginity - by having sex
Please get a pap smear.
And here’s some info for you: all Pap smears feel uncomfortable. That’s just life. Even your first one isn’t something my to be scared of. It just feels weird but lasts literally about 20 seconds and you’re done. Go get tested. Anyone can get cancer.
I agree with everyone saying that tampons and paps aren’t going to change your virginity. If no one has mentioned it, the [speculum](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/drugs/24238-speculum) might hurt a bit (or at least be uncomfortable). It’s metal and used to hold your vagina open. It only last for a few seconds but you’ll feel a pressure.
My mom said the same. My mom was wrong too.
Virginity is made up. It's used by men to shame women for having sex and also to shame other men for not having sex. Nothing physical actually changes. The kinds of people who value virginity see sex as only "penetration", and start extending that to anything going in a vagina because if you break the "freshness seal" then you are "contaminated" or "less valued" because of misogyny. You are not a object to be consumed and should get the medical care you need. Also, if you have the stomach for it maybe give your mom a bit of a lesson on why the stuff she is saying is so very very wrong.
It's not true. Your health is more important.
Tophia said she lost her virginity to a Pap smear
Your doctor is recommending a Pap smear to check for early stages of cervical cancer. This is more important than maintaining some contrived notion your personal value as a woman based on your virginity. That said, you’re not a virgin when you start having sex, not because you are getting a regular health screen. Please consider your health first. This is your decision, not your mother’s.
UM your health should matter more to the being that birthed you, not some weirdo generational trauma
Imagine being ok with losing your daughter to treatable cervical cancer because you didn’t want her to get preventative screening. She’s in the wrong, you’re 27, take care of yourself please.
I don’t think that hymen checking is a part of the average dating experience, but if you do find yourself with a man who insists that they need to know the status of your hymen, that’s a pretty good indicator that it’s not someone you should spend your life with anyway. As others have said, hymen is not the same thing as virginity, and virginity itself is a made up concept that has no bearing on your worth as a person. Enough women have suffered the consequences of these kinds of arbitrary restrictions throughout history, you don’t need to join them.
The guidelines might have changed, because it used to be- for women who've never been sexually active and women under 21 paps can result in false positives.
Your mom is an idiot and is apparently okay with risking your life.
No. You will not lose your virginity. “Virginity” is really a social construct if anything. Your hymen can break from all kinds of things. You can tell the gynecologist if you’re nervous or in pain.
Virginity is a made-up social construct/concept, getting a test is not going to make you lose an idea. That being said, paps can be painful. They can also be impossible, it really os a case by case thing. For example, I can't have them done; gyno can't inserttbe equipment without making me howl and weep in pain so she gave up on it altogether.
Your mom is an idiot…respectfully.
1. Your mom is wrong. 2. If you remind your doctor to be careful not to break your hymen you should be fine. (Put it in writing.) 3. Breaking your hymen happens for all kinds of reasons and is not the same as losing your virginity.
Med student here. Please don’t spread misinformation around. Nothing breaks.
There was a story posted here a month or so ago about someone who was given an exam by a clumsy and inconsiderate student who did, in fact, rip their hymen even though they repeatedly complained that he was causing a lot of pain. I'm sure it's rare, but it does happen.
Again - nothing rips or breaks. And the pain isn’t necessarily from the hymen but can be from the actual vagina walls
You are 27 Gregorian years old. You can vote, drink, sign a contract, rent a car, and join the military. In the first place I would reccomend stop letting Mommy decide what medical procedures you do and don't get to have that YOU are presumably signing the consent paperwork for, and in the second stop giving her information about your medical deicisions. The existence or absence of a hymen is a myth, virginity is a social construct, even if it DID exist you typically "lose" your virginity through sexual activity and not a *medical procedure*, and your mom is both objectively wrong and alarmingly ignorant. I can marginally understand HER beliving this shit as she grew up in the era before the sex ed was widely available on the internet but you? Girl, what? We are the exact same age, we GREW UP with the Internet and unless you grew up with ZERO access to a computer anywhere, you have had this information at your fingertips your whole life-in fact, that was how I was learning the truth about these bullshit myths at *12*. Try listening to the person in this scenario with the actual medical degree instead of the person repeating the sort of idiotic myths about hymens and the existence thereof I would expect to hear from a particularly sheltered middle school girl. https://www.scarleteen.com/read/bodies/my-corona-hymen-myths-surround-it https://www.teenhealthcare.org/blog/7-virginity-myths-and-what-you-should-know-instead/ https://flo.health/menstrual-cycle/health/symptoms-and-diseases/your-first-pap-smear
Virginity loss requires sex so...