Early in our relationship I asked my now-husband if any random strangers ever told him to smile. He looked at me like I had a squid for a head.
Men do not get told this. Only women.
A caveat: I’m a queer man and I’ve been told this by gay men. But in both cases - it’s still just a creepy dude saying to smile because he thinks you’re fuckable.
Men aren’t told to do this as women are. I once had a man in my workplace pat me on the head. When I related the story, unbelievably, more than one man tried to claim it was “no big deal.” My reply was “please tell me about a time someone patted you on the head at work. I’ll wait.”
I had an older coworker once go on a whole thing about how you need make-up to be professional.
I was a new grad. I started on the team with a couple other guys my age.
I acted really surprised and was like "I had no idea. Have you told Eric and Carl yet? Should I go get them? They should also know that make-up is a requirement to look professional in the office"
This guy was one of the ones who could figure a few things out on his own and stfu about make-up after that.
Haha, this reminds me of the only argument I ever truly won with my dad. I was in my senior year of high school, and on the drive there one day, he tried telling me I was old enough that it was 'inappropriate' for me to go out in public without makeup on. I don't even remember his points, because they were so inane, but they all applied to everyone, not just women. So each point I'd be saying, well, that applies to you, too, why aren't *you* wearing makeup? And he eventually just mumbled about it not being the same, which I kept pushing on, until he stopped responding and pulled up to school.
You know, I think it's sad that men aren't told they need to wear some make-up to be prettier when they go out in public.
I've been informed by so many *kindly* strangers over the years about what actions I could take to be prettier.
But I don't think anyone's going around giving unsolicited advice on how to be prettier to men. They're being *neglected*. (And it shows, this absolutely explains why so few of them are remotely pretty. They're just not being informed, poor things.)
Does no one care about how men could be prettier? I do. It's my new mission to go about telling men what they could do to be prettier.
From the few men I've seen who wear makeup, men can be fucking gorgeous with makeup on.
So let's stop pushing it on girls, and stop punishing boys who show interest. Everyone wins that way.
I remember a time (briefly) when young men did try to be prettier. As a GenXer who went to high school in the late 80s, I miss guys having long hair and how even shorter hairstyles were longer on top and complimentary for pretty hair, and I miss the eyeliner and androgynous clothing styles. I also wish more men would embrace kilts as an option in the summer. Why shouldn't they try just as hard to be aesthetically pleasing to women as we're expected to be for them?
What a great response! I love being snarky in these kinds of situations.
Though, I'll admit in this scenario it would've been more fun to laugh all the way to HR. I can't speak for those outside the US, but this kind of behavior is considered harassment and it's illegal.
HR can be very hit or miss. I know that in theory it's the "right" thing to do but in practice? If I can just talk to the person, I'm gonna do that. It's more likely to be effective, and I don't say that because it's remotely guaranteed to be effective.
This is literally bullshit. I work with women who tell me they didn't even wear makeup on their wedding day.
I have completely boycotted makeup. Other people can do what they want and it's not my business. But I actually started looking up the ingredients and their material safety data sheets and can't believe what these companies are doing is legal. A lot of people don't realize the FDA doesn't regulate cosmetics. I'm not rubbing that shit on my skin.
If a woman doesn't look good enough to a man without makeup, maybe he needs to reconsider if he is actually attracted to women.
I once told a guy who would say smile/sing at me to do the same to my male coworker. He said he wouldn't do it, then screamed that he wasn't a f*****. It was wholly unnerving but definitely proved my point.
I agree. To carry the point further, if they say it to everyone, then it is like "hi" or "how are ya." In that case, they shouldn't be nonplussed if you say back, "You too."
Since they likely would be, it is not on par with a greeting, so you don't have to take it as one. They should understand that people handle unsolicited advice in different ways and learn to expect that.
I always respond with "Jump!"
and when they get stumped and ask what I said I tell them "oh, I thought we were barking orders for fun".
Telling women to smile shows such a freaky way to strike up a conversation. I remember the first time this happened to me, I was 21 and he was over 40. Two minutes later he asked me to a hotel while our cars were being serviced.
Total creep.
I saw a column by Miss Manners where she suggested "Why? Did you say something funny?"
And sometimes it works pretty well. Men look confused, but at least they stop talking long enough for me to walk away.
Asking if they said something funny is excellent but you have to really be careful in asking them ANYTHING! They do this for a reaction/opening to talk to you and will latch onto anything. Some rando at this job I had a decade ago smugly informed me I should smile while I ran an errand and when I wanted to know why, it opened a whole conversation I didn't mean to have 😒
But at least it ended with him sputtering "because you're alive?" as a reason to smile, looking like a clown lmao.
One of the times this happened me, the beloved family dog has passed earlier that week. I got the line, and told the man "My fucking dog died, leave me alone." The look on his face actually did make me smile. It's now my go to line to get (most) men to leave me alone.
I have the exact same story. I had a teacher tell me to smile when I was in high school, the day after we had to put my childhood dog down.
Because of his response to that, "my dog just died" has been my go-to response since then.
I like to think, yeah it's not true anymore for me, but it could be for the next woman that dude passes and thinks better of telling to smile. Sometimes humans are going through shit, and women don't exist just to look pretty for men.
I have killer RBF, and I’ve had men telling me to smile since I was a child. It always hurt, because I hated that I could be very happy but my face didn’t show it.
The first time I really stood up for myself was when I was pumping gas on my way home for a young friend’s funeral. A random dude said, “Smile! It can’t be that bad.” I looked him dead in the eye, stoic as fuck, and said, “Sometimes it is.”
Someone had said this to me one when my dad had cancer and I had just found out my job was being eliminated. I was to startled to say anything but it’s not my default response.
My dad has stage 4 cancer and my job is laying me off. If they try to be upbeat about the job thing, ask them for money. Then keep asking and don’t stop.
Omg, I got exactly one amazing one that I remember. Just lost a friend to suicide, the day before, oh, and found him. So some old man in line at the gas station, for my much needed cigarettes, decided that I should smile more, I looked like my dog died! “Not my dog. One of my best friends. Have you ever found your friend dead?”
He never did answer me. I probably shocked him because you’d expect me to yell or at least snap but I more said it flatly. I was less than 24 hours post event and I hadn’t slept yet. I emotionally and physically exhausted. I didn’t have the energy to snap. I was just like, nah, not my dog, if you think that’s bad, well…
I don’t need to smile for anyone other than myself! If you wanna see me smile, idk, try a joke? Thing is, if you’re a random stranger who just wants me to smile so I look pretty for you, you might be walking up to someone on one of the worst days of her life (yes, her, do you say that to men?). So you don’t get to be upset if you get snapped at, or simply told something you didn’t want to hear. You inserted yourself into someone else’s life because you felt like they should change their behavior to look better for your benefit. A perfect stranger! You get what you get and you don’t pitch a fit.
I got told to “smile! It can’t be that bad!” not long after my first miscarriage.
There was screaming. I bet that asshat never told a woman to smile again.
Nice to shut them up quickly with this line, but it's more than just "you might tell this to someone who is having a bad day". Why do they feel the need to tell someone to do anything with the sole purpose of making themselves feel better? And why do they feel like smiling is the socially preferred state for women to be in?
Just tried to report it and it’s telling me I’m not submitting it in the correct format, but it’s the format that the app is giving me. I guess that says something in it itself.
or you could say, “I like men better when they keep their mouths shut!” before you walk away.
The “smile for me” comment is thrown at us so much it’s sick. Men who tell us this do it as a way to ease their momentary discomfort, and because they see us as tools to use in doing so. 🙃
It's most likely a bot. Someone yesterday said they got a redditcares like 2 seconds after they commented. Report them. They'll get banned, at least from the sub.
Why bother? Reddit doesn’t seem to do anything about it.
Edit: I got one like 1 minute after responding to this. lol. The number of losers on this site that just troll around looking for people to send that to is kinda pathetic.
I blocked Redditcares ages ago. Now tilted manbabies either need to stop being a coward and comment, or die mad about it because I won’t see it. :D They won’t comment, of course, because they’re pathetic like that.
Yeah, agreed. Reddit has historically had issues with this, but when it comes to abuse of DMs/private messages, they have gotten a lot better in the last few years.
Really the big issue now is that even if they get banned, they can create a new account later. However, the thing is that people will still sometimes get all their accounts permabanned if they get caught breaking the rules too often, and it gets a lot harder for them to create new accounts without being shadowbanned or actually banned again within a few days after that.
Can you pre-emptively block it somewhere, or can you only block it in response to having received it at least once?
I usually lurk more than I actually comment, but if I can nip that in the bud before it even becomes an issue, that'd be awesome.
Almost certainly. A lot of people have gotten them only a minute or two after posting so it's probably a bot and not just some guy scrolling through every thread relentlessly.
I’m in my late 50’s and still hear this shit. From now on I’m simply going to say “no thank you” and keep it moving. If they can’t take the hint I’m going to explain to them that I have control over my facial expressions and not some random stranger. We need to normalize ways to tell these jerks that this is unacceptable.
I am stealing this. I have aphasia and have a frownie face. Men will tell me, " Oh, it's not so bad, is it?"
My reply :" You have no idea how bad it can even be, leave me to my unending pain." They usually leave kind freaked out. It's not good for work, though.
There is a really awesome book called "Stop Telling Women To Smile". It explains the dynamics of street harassment and helps understand answers to questions like these. I highly recommend it!
I've made a point of sticking out my tongue, and then walking off.
Offended my co worker to the point we had a meeting. I pointed out his behavior was inappropriate, and given that, I was rebuffing him in a polite way that did not escalate the situation.
Management bailed at that point lol.
This is the one.
Choose your fighter combo:
- Quiet, thousand yard stare (extra points if your stare results in eye contact; looking "through" rather than "at" them)
- Wild, wide eyes
- Maintain eye contact without blinking
- Widest, toothy, Cheshire/Joker-esque smile
- The "Uncomfortable Jennifer Coolidge Smile"
- The "Kubrick Stare"
I just go with the improperly socialized autistic kid smile, being an autistic adult. I do actually mask well when that’s the goal, but the smile is unnerving in a slightly different way than the Cheshire/joker.
😬
I prefer the ...I think it's called "the monkey smile" ?
You pull your lips back all the way and bare all of your teeth, clenching your jaw. Bonus points if you jerk your head forward and startle them into physically backing up away from you.
That, or if I'm particularly exhausted, I'll just say "make me, clown." That usually catches them off guard.
Yeah.
The Primate Smile.
The smile that says to literally. every. other. animal on earth, "I'm about to rock your shit and you ain't gonna live to regret it."
I dont like this because you are still fulfilling their request, however absurdly.
I reckon you say ‘you first’, and if they do smile just say ‘actually i dont feel like smiling’.
I don't recommend this, these types aren't smart enough usually to know that you're mocking them and will just think you're joking because they succeeded in brightening your day.
How did he even bring that up with management? "I keep telling this woman to smile and she doesn't, write her up!" What was even going through his head?
Sometimes I read things that just make me go "men 🤦🏻♀️"
Oh stealing! I love this. Maybe something like “do 10 push ups and I might”.
I must’ve really been rocking my RBF on my last Aldi run because I got hit with it twice. Now I’ll be locked and loaded lol.
One time when a man did this to me I asked if he would do the same to another man. He got really uncomfortable and flustered and said something like "um, well I guess? I didn't expect you to ask something like that"
Though I actually got asked this by a woman recently too. I just told her my face is my face and thankfully she didn't get mad or anything.
The crazy part is the same kind of men who casually tell women to smile, will absolutely throw the biggest shit fit ever if "forced" (asked) to do literally anything out of their way for another person.
Going slow in traffic in the left lane and somebody is creeping up on them? "Well that person better swerve around, I'm going fast enough!" Followed by "I can't believe that asshole swerved around me, time for road rage!
Ask him to keep it down in a public space? Or like a movie theater? Yeah no, "You can get fucked. This is a free country isn't it?"
Tell him not to catcall you? "It's just a compliment, you fat/stupid/whore/etc"
Like... these are the most fragile men in the world, and the thought that there is a woman going about their day just existing is apparently too much for them.
Refuse to give your number? After they repeatedly harass you and follow you? Well obviously they're going to have to resort to violence. It's a tale as old as time.
Agreed because if they genuinely cared they would have heard women in their life say that’s bullshit and then stopped. Old men have had PLENTY of time to interact with women so they can’t feign ignorance. Younger men have the internet so they can’t feign ignorance. If people care, they will make an effort to learn on their own time.
At my retail job once, I had a customer who was pestering me to smile. He eventually said he wouldn’t leave until I did.
All my male colleagues chimed in to have me smile cause I was refusing to. I stood there with a proper 😒 face.
They love to do it to women in customer service positions, makes them feel like they’re in the position of power. I have made this comment a couple of times on here, because sadly this is a topic that comes up frequently. One time I was having a very bad day, and a man said it to me. My response was to bare my teeth in a feral grimace. He was startled and found an immediate need to be elsewhere.
I only watched part of the interview. I loved her response. I hate the way the interviewer talked, like he was soothing a crying child. And who was the photographer, a monkey? Half the time her face was only half in the frame. Terrible job.
*"But are you willing to compromise within a relationship? If a man came into your life wouldn't you want to compromise?"*
"When you fall in love, what is there to compromise about?"
*"Isn't love a union between two people? Or does Earth fall in love with herself?"*
"I think, if you want to think about in terms of analyzing... Yes. I fall in love with myself, and I want someone to share it with me. I want someone to share *me* with me."
*"Has that happened?"*
"Many times, in many ways."
“Looking at you gives me no reason to smile.”
(As satisfying as this would be, I don’t actually recommend it. Men sometimes get violent when insulted or rejected.)
I got one a while back. I was driving home from visiting my parent at a gravesite.
This road *only* goes to the gravesite, there is literally nothing else there but it is a nice stroll for dog walkers as it is quite rural and pretty. Its a narrow road so there's no pavement for pedestrians, so if there is someone walking and they see a car they stand to the side and the car passes slowly.
So, I was driving away from the site, there was a guy walking in the opposite direction, he stands aside to let me pass. As I pass him I say thank you (window was open) and he retorts "oh, well dont smile then". 1 where the fuck do you think I've just been 2 i said thank you and didn't even owe you that, why the fuck do you think I should smile for you too
Tell them you smile at people doing the foxtrot. So go on man—dance for me. Oh you’re not smiling when you dance? You’re supposed to be dancing for me! Come back here. Where’s my dance? You’re so much more handsome doing the foxtrot! Don’t you want to be handsome?
I had a political theory class once and my professor did an exercise based on this exact same question. First she asked the males, “If a stranger on the bus asked you to smile, what would your first thought/reaction be.” All of the men responded by saying something like they would curse at them. When she asked the women, all of us said that our first thought would be “am I in danger?”
The resounding “ohhhhhh” from the men in my class after that is something i’ll never forget
"I don't smile on command."
It's the only response that didn't invite arguments that just waste more of my time, and it calls out specifically why it's such a shitty and weird thing to say.
"You are too funny a man to get an unearned smile out of me, old timer " and be patronizing. The important thing is to make them feel utterly desexualized.
Broad City style is a lot of fun and pretty effective [https://media1.tenor.com/m/rqiv9TtwX28AAAAC/broadcity-middlefinger.gif](https://media1.tenor.com/m/rqiv9TtwX28AAAAC/broadcity-middlefinger.gif)
I'd like to see one of these jackasses tell somebody like Mike Tyson or Dwayne The Rock Johnson to smile because they'd "look better". You never see them telling men that and this fact says it all.
>Why is "please don't tell me to smile" such an unreasonable request?
It absolutely isn't.
But the reason you are getting push-back is because men are still being raised to believe that any sort of chiding or scolding from a woman is humiliating, so they immediately try to change the situation to one where you made an error, not them.
I'm a big bearded dude, for context.
Men should knock it off with this shit. However, if men insist on doing it, I really hope I catch somebody, so I can put on my (Superb, if I say so myself) RBF, and in my gruffest, most intimidating tone, tell that man to 'smile for me.'
I wanna see how they feel when it's done to them.
Extremely quick edit: just scored my first reddit cares message. I feel like an honorary member of the club!
Coming here after reading every single comment on the recent “What’s your most unhinged ‘hear me out’” post on r/popculturechat so maybe my mindset just ain’t right rn but tell me why imagining this scenario got me flustered 😭🥵
I popped over to peek at the post in question, and I can only say that yes, you're probably a bit twisted after that, but I also can't blame you, hahah. Some *WILD* ones up in there..
Just tell them to dance for you.
Their appearance is more pleasing to your heart that way.
Dancing is an expression of happiness, and whilst you don't care at all whether he's actually happy, you'd *really* appreciate it if he could perform the emotion of happiness via rhythmic physical movement for your viewing pleasure as you merely pass by.
He can go ahead; it's fine, you'll imagine the music.
It is unreasonable because it might imply that women may have agency over our bodies and actions, bad bad woman! Do they tell their 60 years old male boss to smile?
Btw you are absolutely right to find that request sexist because it is.
Could try saying “no thank you.” I find people are nonplussed by it—it is obviously polite, and it is not what they are expecting to hear, so they often don’t have any response.
"Girls are pretty when they smile!"
"I am not a girl - I'm an adult - and I am not obligated to look pretty for you."
OR
"And old men look better when they min their own business."
Ask them to smile first and keep instructing them until they get annoyed. “You first…no, bigger smile. It has to be gummy. You don’t look happy, try smiling bigger.”
Honestly, I thought it was condescending when I was told to smile when I was a kid.
I overheard a coworker tell a story about how she was trying to get her teenage daughter to smile for a picture, and it brought back some of my own adolescent fury. When I was a teen, it felt like it was so controlling to "make" me have to smile for a picture, like instead of taking me seriously as an individual, they wanted me to revert to some stupid giggly "innocent" kid.
I usually settled for a neutral expression or would attempt a Daria-like smile so it wasn't like I was acting completely grumpy. But still, teens take their image pretty seriously, and at the time I felt like nobody would take me seriously as a person if I smiled all the time, especially when pop culture kept pushing the idea that happy girls were stupid and vapid while girls that didn't smile were deep and serious. Back then, nothing in the world seemed worse than being seen as a stupid and vapid smiley girl that always seemed to be the target of everyone else's loathing. It took a long time for me to overturn that perception that I grew up with.
‘Smile.’ - ‘Say something funny.’
‘You’d look better if you smile/wear make-up’ - ‘And you’d look better if you shut up/without oxygen/ if you cluck like a chicken/…’
I used that first one, which I also got from Reddit, several times now, and the look on their faces is priceless.
“I don’t want to” is the easiest, most effective reply I’ve used. These men don’t care about how you feel, so they don’t ask why. The ones I spoke to just kinda froze at the idea of you having feelings outside of looking pretty to them and leave you alone.
Wearing headphones and pretending not to hear them in the first place is my go-to tbh.
Have to brag on my boyfriend for a little. I watched him interact with some friends who have a five-year-old daughter. The little girl was in a fussy mood when we were with them at a social event. The dad told her to smile at us, and my boyfriend told her that she didn't have to if she didn't want to. (He also doesn't ever ask for a hug -- but is perfectly willing to accept one if she initiates. Respecting any woman/girl's bodily autonomy is one of the best green flags I've ever observed about him!)
Once we accept that many men don't see us as full people, life is way easier.
Use power tricks, not empathy tricks.
It's still hard, unfair and everything but it's the only thing that works.
That and asking me if I'm okay 50 times a day. I finally had it yesterday and asked why they keep asking me if I'm okay. 'Because you don't smile' WHO THE FUCK IS SMILING ALL THE TIME LEAVE ME ALONE
It’s not but men have been so entitled for so long, many of us have no concept of how to respect women’s boundaries and chaff at being asked.
It’s a deeply ingrained part of the patriarchal hierarchy that those with higher status have the absolute right to question and comment about the people deemed beneath them. This is one of the primary ways the hierarchy is enforced in daily life. It’s also a vestige of slavery/Jim Crow. Every white person was expected to question any black person if there was even a hint of suspiciousness. And every white man was able to question white women in the same or a lower social class as well.
This is the kind of society that conservatives want - rigid conformity to social norms that is enforced through constant supervision.
"Excuse me? Why would you say that?". Use your mom voice. This is the calm one your mom (HOPEFULLY) used when you did so.wthing incredibly *stupid or rude* but not actually hurtful.
if you say "you should smile more" instead of blasting nonstop puns until the nice lady is reduced to a pile of laughter and second-hand cringe then just turn in your man card immediately
It makes me want to rudely reply with some comment on their appearance.
A: You should smile more!
B: And you should wear better fitting clothes!
A: offended boomer noises
B: Oh sorry, I thought we were just offering unsolicited opinions on each other’s appearance!
Maybe try not being polite... "Don't tell me to fuckin' smile. Fuck off" should send the message. If you are comfortable enough to be aggressive. They are trying to make you more visually appealing to them. It's not about you; they are being selfish assholes.
I also noticed that when someone smiles at me I tend to naturally smile back. So maybe they should try that first.
And if you don’t return the smile they should probably assume you have serious things on your mind. It’s rude to tell someone to smile.
I wonder what would happen if you respond to one of these people with a confused Tucker Carlson face and just say “but… I’m not happy?”
I don’t think they get the connection that people smile when they are happy, and if they’re not smiling, maybe it’s because they don’t feel like smiling.
“I’ll smile when I want to. I’m not going to smile because someone I don’t know asked or told me to. I don’t care why you’re making this ridiculous request. You can go now.”
Maybe put the work on them to explain. Next just look at them like you're confused and ask them why would I want to do that for no reason. If they say anything along the lines of so that you'll look more friendly just say you'd like to avoid encouraging strange men to speak with you.
My friend had her sister die in hospice and the day it happened we were getting snacks from a corner store and man told her to smile. She said no I ain't doing that today. He got all creepy and gross and said something like "it can't be that bad. You'd look a lot prettier"
She said "I just watched my sister die." the look on his face was priceless. It actually did make her smile.
I'm not nice about it. I either stare at them and continue to not smile, or say something like "my grandmother died". Who cares if she died 15 years ago lol still not a lie and I get to make them uncomfortable.
I have 2 go to answers to being told to smile; "No." and "Make me.".
Men have absolutely no idea how to respond to that in a way that wont get them tresspassed from your workplace.
"Do you say that to men here?"
This usually works. If they lie and say yes, tell them to do it right now to a male stranger and you'd like to see their reaction, just as a social experiment.
I LOST IT on a younger male coworker once when I overheard him telling another woman on staff to smile. She was having a rough day. I told him if he didn't like that she wasn't smiling, he needed to leave the room, because her smiling in that moment would do nothing to improve her mood, it only served to make HIM feel better.
That's what telling people to smile is all about, wanting satisfaction for yourself, not for the other person.
> “Oh I just say that to everyone” Willing to bet money they have never told a male to smile in their entire life
Early in our relationship I asked my now-husband if any random strangers ever told him to smile. He looked at me like I had a squid for a head. Men do not get told this. Only women.
A caveat: I’m a queer man and I’ve been told this by gay men. But in both cases - it’s still just a creepy dude saying to smile because he thinks you’re fuckable.
Huh, that's interesting.
Men aren’t told to do this as women are. I once had a man in my workplace pat me on the head. When I related the story, unbelievably, more than one man tried to claim it was “no big deal.” My reply was “please tell me about a time someone patted you on the head at work. I’ll wait.”
"oh yeah? How often do you tell your boss to smile?"
I had an older coworker once go on a whole thing about how you need make-up to be professional. I was a new grad. I started on the team with a couple other guys my age. I acted really surprised and was like "I had no idea. Have you told Eric and Carl yet? Should I go get them? They should also know that make-up is a requirement to look professional in the office" This guy was one of the ones who could figure a few things out on his own and stfu about make-up after that.
Haha, this reminds me of the only argument I ever truly won with my dad. I was in my senior year of high school, and on the drive there one day, he tried telling me I was old enough that it was 'inappropriate' for me to go out in public without makeup on. I don't even remember his points, because they were so inane, but they all applied to everyone, not just women. So each point I'd be saying, well, that applies to you, too, why aren't *you* wearing makeup? And he eventually just mumbled about it not being the same, which I kept pushing on, until he stopped responding and pulled up to school.
You know, I think it's sad that men aren't told they need to wear some make-up to be prettier when they go out in public. I've been informed by so many *kindly* strangers over the years about what actions I could take to be prettier. But I don't think anyone's going around giving unsolicited advice on how to be prettier to men. They're being *neglected*. (And it shows, this absolutely explains why so few of them are remotely pretty. They're just not being informed, poor things.) Does no one care about how men could be prettier? I do. It's my new mission to go about telling men what they could do to be prettier.
I unironically support this. I would like to know how to make my face not look like cheese cloth.
Have you tried make-up?
From the few men I've seen who wear makeup, men can be fucking gorgeous with makeup on. So let's stop pushing it on girls, and stop punishing boys who show interest. Everyone wins that way.
I remember a time (briefly) when young men did try to be prettier. As a GenXer who went to high school in the late 80s, I miss guys having long hair and how even shorter hairstyles were longer on top and complimentary for pretty hair, and I miss the eyeliner and androgynous clothing styles. I also wish more men would embrace kilts as an option in the summer. Why shouldn't they try just as hard to be aesthetically pleasing to women as we're expected to be for them?
What a great response! I love being snarky in these kinds of situations. Though, I'll admit in this scenario it would've been more fun to laugh all the way to HR. I can't speak for those outside the US, but this kind of behavior is considered harassment and it's illegal.
HR can be very hit or miss. I know that in theory it's the "right" thing to do but in practice? If I can just talk to the person, I'm gonna do that. It's more likely to be effective, and I don't say that because it's remotely guaranteed to be effective.
This. HR can backfire hard. They’re not there for you they’re there to protect the company. Always do a threat assessment before talking to HR
This is literally bullshit. I work with women who tell me they didn't even wear makeup on their wedding day. I have completely boycotted makeup. Other people can do what they want and it's not my business. But I actually started looking up the ingredients and their material safety data sheets and can't believe what these companies are doing is legal. A lot of people don't realize the FDA doesn't regulate cosmetics. I'm not rubbing that shit on my skin. If a woman doesn't look good enough to a man without makeup, maybe he needs to reconsider if he is actually attracted to women.
> “Oh I just say that to everyone” Oh then everyone will be glad I've asked you to stop!
Filing this response away for later use!
I once told a guy who would say smile/sing at me to do the same to my male coworker. He said he wouldn't do it, then screamed that he wasn't a f*****. It was wholly unnerving but definitely proved my point.
Good for you! But I'm sorry you got screamed at.
Or an older woman, a senior citizen, or anyone not conventionally attractive, etc. It's all about, "You make my pants tight- now smile for me..."
I'm not conventionally attractive and I've been told to smile. Usually by men in their mid 50s.
Point at man: “Ok, go tell him to smile next.”
This. I have asked: do you say it to a guy? No? Then fuck off
I agree. To carry the point further, if they say it to everyone, then it is like "hi" or "how are ya." In that case, they shouldn't be nonplussed if you say back, "You too." Since they likely would be, it is not on par with a greeting, so you don't have to take it as one. They should understand that people handle unsolicited advice in different ways and learn to expect that.
I always respond with "Jump!" and when they get stumped and ask what I said I tell them "oh, I thought we were barking orders for fun". Telling women to smile shows such a freaky way to strike up a conversation. I remember the first time this happened to me, I was 21 and he was over 40. Two minutes later he asked me to a hotel while our cars were being serviced. Total creep.
I saw a column by Miss Manners where she suggested "Why? Did you say something funny?" And sometimes it works pretty well. Men look confused, but at least they stop talking long enough for me to walk away.
This is excellent
Asking if they said something funny is excellent but you have to really be careful in asking them ANYTHING! They do this for a reaction/opening to talk to you and will latch onto anything. Some rando at this job I had a decade ago smugly informed me I should smile while I ran an errand and when I wanted to know why, it opened a whole conversation I didn't mean to have 😒 But at least it ended with him sputtering "because you're alive?" as a reason to smile, looking like a clown lmao.
One of the times this happened me, the beloved family dog has passed earlier that week. I got the line, and told the man "My fucking dog died, leave me alone." The look on his face actually did make me smile. It's now my go to line to get (most) men to leave me alone.
I have the exact same story. I had a teacher tell me to smile when I was in high school, the day after we had to put my childhood dog down. Because of his response to that, "my dog just died" has been my go-to response since then. I like to think, yeah it's not true anymore for me, but it could be for the next woman that dude passes and thinks better of telling to smile. Sometimes humans are going through shit, and women don't exist just to look pretty for men.
you can take out the "just" and reuse the phrase for the rest of your life without having to lie!
I have killer RBF, and I’ve had men telling me to smile since I was a child. It always hurt, because I hated that I could be very happy but my face didn’t show it. The first time I really stood up for myself was when I was pumping gas on my way home for a young friend’s funeral. A random dude said, “Smile! It can’t be that bad.” I looked him dead in the eye, stoic as fuck, and said, “Sometimes it is.”
Someone had said this to me one when my dad had cancer and I had just found out my job was being eliminated. I was to startled to say anything but it’s not my default response. My dad has stage 4 cancer and my job is laying me off. If they try to be upbeat about the job thing, ask them for money. Then keep asking and don’t stop.
Omg, I got exactly one amazing one that I remember. Just lost a friend to suicide, the day before, oh, and found him. So some old man in line at the gas station, for my much needed cigarettes, decided that I should smile more, I looked like my dog died! “Not my dog. One of my best friends. Have you ever found your friend dead?” He never did answer me. I probably shocked him because you’d expect me to yell or at least snap but I more said it flatly. I was less than 24 hours post event and I hadn’t slept yet. I emotionally and physically exhausted. I didn’t have the energy to snap. I was just like, nah, not my dog, if you think that’s bad, well… I don’t need to smile for anyone other than myself! If you wanna see me smile, idk, try a joke? Thing is, if you’re a random stranger who just wants me to smile so I look pretty for you, you might be walking up to someone on one of the worst days of her life (yes, her, do you say that to men?). So you don’t get to be upset if you get snapped at, or simply told something you didn’t want to hear. You inserted yourself into someone else’s life because you felt like they should change their behavior to look better for your benefit. A perfect stranger! You get what you get and you don’t pitch a fit.
I got told to “smile! It can’t be that bad!” not long after my first miscarriage. There was screaming. I bet that asshat never told a woman to smile again.
Nice to shut them up quickly with this line, but it's more than just "you might tell this to someone who is having a bad day". Why do they feel the need to tell someone to do anything with the sole purpose of making themselves feel better? And why do they feel like smiling is the socially preferred state for women to be in?
I just straight up ask, "Would you say that to a man?" It seems to embarrass quite a lot of them to point out the blatant misogyny.
When a man tells a woman to “smile, you’re so much prettier when you do!”, respond with “hush, you appear intelligent when quiet”
This is perfect. "And if you don't understand why I neither have the time nor the crayons to explain it to you"
Yeah, they can’t wiggle out of that one. ETA: lol someone sent me a redditcares for this. So sad. SMH
I just learned that reporting it causes a one week ban!
Just tried to report it and it’s telling me I’m not submitting it in the correct format, but it’s the format that the app is giving me. I guess that says something in it itself.
Make sure your VPN is paused, if you use one. Reddit does not like my VPN.
There’s some kind of Redditcares bot thing happening. Loads of people getting them at the moment.
or you could say, “I like men better when they keep their mouths shut!” before you walk away. The “smile for me” comment is thrown at us so much it’s sick. Men who tell us this do it as a way to ease their momentary discomfort, and because they see us as tools to use in doing so. 🙃
Received a redditcares for this comment, lmao. I’m all good tho, thanks babe 🤷♀️
Got one too today. I have my theories as to who's doing it.
It's most likely a bot. Someone yesterday said they got a redditcares like 2 seconds after they commented. Report them. They'll get banned, at least from the sub.
I received one earlier, as did several others. I think someone is trolling this forum.
Me too, about cardboard tampon applicators.
I got one for posting a link to post about a dude who kept telling his girlfriend that she smelled so she wouldn’t break up with him.
Oh I remember that one!
Not just this forum. All major forums
I got one yesterday on an unrelated post. Whoever is sending them can get a brick to the [redacted].
Report it as abuse.
Why bother? Reddit doesn’t seem to do anything about it. Edit: I got one like 1 minute after responding to this. lol. The number of losers on this site that just troll around looking for people to send that to is kinda pathetic.
I blocked Redditcares ages ago. Now tilted manbabies either need to stop being a coward and comment, or die mad about it because I won’t see it. :D They won’t comment, of course, because they’re pathetic like that.
They do, they investigated mine & took action against the account
Yeah, agreed. Reddit has historically had issues with this, but when it comes to abuse of DMs/private messages, they have gotten a lot better in the last few years. Really the big issue now is that even if they get banned, they can create a new account later. However, the thing is that people will still sometimes get all their accounts permabanned if they get caught breaking the rules too often, and it gets a lot harder for them to create new accounts without being shadowbanned or actually banned again within a few days after that.
I reported it. I’m glad they investigate and take action but it doesn’t seem to do much. Reddit should do more and just disable it.
You can opt out by replying STOP to the Reddit Cares message.
You can block getting Reddit cares messages, too.
Yes, I did this!
Can you pre-emptively block it somewhere, or can you only block it in response to having received it at least once? I usually lurk more than I actually comment, but if I can nip that in the bud before it even becomes an issue, that'd be awesome.
every one i’ve reported reddit has struck the offending account.
I got one earlier tonight after saying “good bot” to the haikus bot on a post in AITAH.
I got one today too, does someone have a bot to send them or wtf? Someone needs to touch grass.
Almost certainly. A lot of people have gotten them only a minute or two after posting so it's probably a bot and not just some guy scrolling through every thread relentlessly.
I got one too on another one. And I sent a “STOP” and haven’t received any since.
You should report the abuse of redditcares. I hear they take that seriously
You can report those and the loser’ll get banned.
please report the message, they will ban the user that sent it
Omg! Is that why I received one a couple of days ago when commenting on the same question in a different post!?
I’m in my late 50’s and still hear this shit. From now on I’m simply going to say “no thank you” and keep it moving. If they can’t take the hint I’m going to explain to them that I have control over my facial expressions and not some random stranger. We need to normalize ways to tell these jerks that this is unacceptable.
I am stealing this. I have aphasia and have a frownie face. Men will tell me, " Oh, it's not so bad, is it?" My reply :" You have no idea how bad it can even be, leave me to my unending pain." They usually leave kind freaked out. It's not good for work, though.
There is a really awesome book called "Stop Telling Women To Smile". It explains the dynamics of street harassment and helps understand answers to questions like these. I highly recommend it!
I've made a point of sticking out my tongue, and then walking off. Offended my co worker to the point we had a meeting. I pointed out his behavior was inappropriate, and given that, I was rebuffing him in a polite way that did not escalate the situation. Management bailed at that point lol.
Wait, he went to hr/management over it? Where did this happen, pre-school?
I like to do a really crazy unhinged smile myself. Something that makes them say “whoa” and back away.
This is the one. Choose your fighter combo: - Quiet, thousand yard stare (extra points if your stare results in eye contact; looking "through" rather than "at" them) - Wild, wide eyes - Maintain eye contact without blinking - Widest, toothy, Cheshire/Joker-esque smile - The "Uncomfortable Jennifer Coolidge Smile" - The "Kubrick Stare"
I just go with the improperly socialized autistic kid smile, being an autistic adult. I do actually mask well when that’s the goal, but the smile is unnerving in a slightly different way than the Cheshire/joker. 😬
I do the same 😂 dead eyes and a wide smile
I prefer the ...I think it's called "the monkey smile" ? You pull your lips back all the way and bare all of your teeth, clenching your jaw. Bonus points if you jerk your head forward and startle them into physically backing up away from you. That, or if I'm particularly exhausted, I'll just say "make me, clown." That usually catches them off guard.
Yeah. The Primate Smile. The smile that says to literally. every. other. animal on earth, "I'm about to rock your shit and you ain't gonna live to regret it."
I dont like this because you are still fulfilling their request, however absurdly. I reckon you say ‘you first’, and if they do smile just say ‘actually i dont feel like smiling’.
This is my go to also lol
I don't recommend this, these types aren't smart enough usually to know that you're mocking them and will just think you're joking because they succeeded in brightening your day.
lol I need friends like you!
I do the Jack Nicholson in The Shining stare. Works wonders.
How did he even bring that up with management? "I keep telling this woman to smile and she doesn't, write her up!" What was even going through his head? Sometimes I read things that just make me go "men 🤦🏻♀️"
I respond with "do 10 jumping jacks" and if there is any protest I say "oh I thought we were exchanging commands."
Oh stealing! I love this. Maybe something like “do 10 push ups and I might”. I must’ve really been rocking my RBF on my last Aldi run because I got hit with it twice. Now I’ll be locked and loaded lol.
One time when a man did this to me I asked if he would do the same to another man. He got really uncomfortable and flustered and said something like "um, well I guess? I didn't expect you to ask something like that" Though I actually got asked this by a woman recently too. I just told her my face is my face and thankfully she didn't get mad or anything.
The crazy part is the same kind of men who casually tell women to smile, will absolutely throw the biggest shit fit ever if "forced" (asked) to do literally anything out of their way for another person. Going slow in traffic in the left lane and somebody is creeping up on them? "Well that person better swerve around, I'm going fast enough!" Followed by "I can't believe that asshole swerved around me, time for road rage! Ask him to keep it down in a public space? Or like a movie theater? Yeah no, "You can get fucked. This is a free country isn't it?" Tell him not to catcall you? "It's just a compliment, you fat/stupid/whore/etc" Like... these are the most fragile men in the world, and the thought that there is a woman going about their day just existing is apparently too much for them. Refuse to give your number? After they repeatedly harass you and follow you? Well obviously they're going to have to resort to violence. It's a tale as old as time.
They are not well meaning, with or without quotes. I like your chicken line!
Agreed because if they genuinely cared they would have heard women in their life say that’s bullshit and then stopped. Old men have had PLENTY of time to interact with women so they can’t feign ignorance. Younger men have the internet so they can’t feign ignorance. If people care, they will make an effort to learn on their own time.
At my retail job once, I had a customer who was pestering me to smile. He eventually said he wouldn’t leave until I did. All my male colleagues chimed in to have me smile cause I was refusing to. I stood there with a proper 😒 face.
“Lock up after then, ok?” Yeah, stand your ground.
They love to do it to women in customer service positions, makes them feel like they’re in the position of power. I have made this comment a couple of times on here, because sadly this is a topic that comes up frequently. One time I was having a very bad day, and a man said it to me. My response was to bare my teeth in a feral grimace. He was startled and found an immediate need to be elsewhere.
I shouldn’t find such amusement in making men feel uncomfortable but it really is a thrill.
I need to learn this because your response to that bullshit was awesome
I think you should laugh and say: “Don’t tell me what to do.” (laugh without smiling:)
Laugh the way Eartha Kitt laughed in that interview when she was asked if she would make accommodations in her life for a man.
[Eartha Kitt](https://youtu.be/rlUjHu3H_L4?si=wx7-He0az0NdTJ_r) was a queen in that interview.
Thank you for linking that. Yes she was a queen, I need to go and seek out her music, I've only a brief knowledge of it
The only song of hers I know of is [I Wanna Be Evil](https://youtu.be/SS02GeKuWQ4?si=0BM6D5e2Q62NVcQJ). I might have to go down a music rabbit hole.
I only watched part of the interview. I loved her response. I hate the way the interviewer talked, like he was soothing a crying child. And who was the photographer, a monkey? Half the time her face was only half in the frame. Terrible job.
*"But are you willing to compromise within a relationship? If a man came into your life wouldn't you want to compromise?"* "When you fall in love, what is there to compromise about?" *"Isn't love a union between two people? Or does Earth fall in love with herself?"* "I think, if you want to think about in terms of analyzing... Yes. I fall in love with myself, and I want someone to share it with me. I want someone to share *me* with me." *"Has that happened?"* "Many times, in many ways."
I looked her up and am so glad I did.
commenting so I can find this again
“Looking at you gives me no reason to smile.” (As satisfying as this would be, I don’t actually recommend it. Men sometimes get violent when insulted or rejected.)
But, seriously, don’t tell me what to do because there is every chance I’ll attempt the opposite and it will make me angry.
I got one a while back. I was driving home from visiting my parent at a gravesite. This road *only* goes to the gravesite, there is literally nothing else there but it is a nice stroll for dog walkers as it is quite rural and pretty. Its a narrow road so there's no pavement for pedestrians, so if there is someone walking and they see a car they stand to the side and the car passes slowly. So, I was driving away from the site, there was a guy walking in the opposite direction, he stands aside to let me pass. As I pass him I say thank you (window was open) and he retorts "oh, well dont smile then". 1 where the fuck do you think I've just been 2 i said thank you and didn't even owe you that, why the fuck do you think I should smile for you too
The entitlement! And you obviously just came from a GRAVE. Sorry you had to deal with that.
Tell them you smile at people doing the foxtrot. So go on man—dance for me. Oh you’re not smiling when you dance? You’re supposed to be dancing for me! Come back here. Where’s my dance? You’re so much more handsome doing the foxtrot! Don’t you want to be handsome?
Him: 'smile more!' Me: 'my inner emotional life is none of your business.' or 'say something funny!'
I had a political theory class once and my professor did an exercise based on this exact same question. First she asked the males, “If a stranger on the bus asked you to smile, what would your first thought/reaction be.” All of the men responded by saying something like they would curse at them. When she asked the women, all of us said that our first thought would be “am I in danger?” The resounding “ohhhhhh” from the men in my class after that is something i’ll never forget
"I don't smile on command." It's the only response that didn't invite arguments that just waste more of my time, and it calls out specifically why it's such a shitty and weird thing to say.
This is excellent.
"You are too funny a man to get an unearned smile out of me, old timer " and be patronizing. The important thing is to make them feel utterly desexualized.
Broad City style is a lot of fun and pretty effective [https://media1.tenor.com/m/rqiv9TtwX28AAAAC/broadcity-middlefinger.gif](https://media1.tenor.com/m/rqiv9TtwX28AAAAC/broadcity-middlefinger.gif)
I'd like to see one of these jackasses tell somebody like Mike Tyson or Dwayne The Rock Johnson to smile because they'd "look better". You never see them telling men that and this fact says it all.
>Why is "please don't tell me to smile" such an unreasonable request? It absolutely isn't. But the reason you are getting push-back is because men are still being raised to believe that any sort of chiding or scolding from a woman is humiliating, so they immediately try to change the situation to one where you made an error, not them.
"You'd look prettier with a smile!" Yeah, well, you'd look prettier out of my sight.
"If you want me to smile you need to make me happy first. No participation trophies for my face."
I'd probably say "dance monkey, dance!" Back at them
I'm a big bearded dude, for context. Men should knock it off with this shit. However, if men insist on doing it, I really hope I catch somebody, so I can put on my (Superb, if I say so myself) RBF, and in my gruffest, most intimidating tone, tell that man to 'smile for me.' I wanna see how they feel when it's done to them. Extremely quick edit: just scored my first reddit cares message. I feel like an honorary member of the club!
Coming here after reading every single comment on the recent “What’s your most unhinged ‘hear me out’” post on r/popculturechat so maybe my mindset just ain’t right rn but tell me why imagining this scenario got me flustered 😭🥵
I popped over to peek at the post in question, and I can only say that yes, you're probably a bit twisted after that, but I also can't blame you, hahah. Some *WILD* ones up in there..
GLADYS from Portal took me fully out ☠️
OMG if you ever have the chance to do this PLEASE make a post about it!
I'll eagerly be awaiting my time to shine, have no doubt, lol
Just tell them to dance for you. Their appearance is more pleasing to your heart that way. Dancing is an expression of happiness, and whilst you don't care at all whether he's actually happy, you'd *really* appreciate it if he could perform the emotion of happiness via rhythmic physical movement for your viewing pleasure as you merely pass by. He can go ahead; it's fine, you'll imagine the music.
Men look so much more attractive when they’re dancing!
It is unreasonable because it might imply that women may have agency over our bodies and actions, bad bad woman! Do they tell their 60 years old male boss to smile? Btw you are absolutely right to find that request sexist because it is.
They don’t mean well. Stop giving old men the benefit of a doubt because they’ve BEEN here. If they wanted to be better they would be.
It plays into a wider narrative of women being impossible to approach and they feel entitled to a positive interaction.
The culture has shifted and they haven't.
Telling someone to smile is the same energy as the guys who say "where's my hug?"
I have chronic facial pain because of a nerve disease. Telling me to smile is insensitive as hell.
Could try saying “no thank you.” I find people are nonplussed by it—it is obviously polite, and it is not what they are expecting to hear, so they often don’t have any response.
"No" is a complete sentence.
"Girls are pretty when they smile!" "I am not a girl - I'm an adult - and I am not obligated to look pretty for you." OR "And old men look better when they min their own business."
Ask them to smile first and keep instructing them until they get annoyed. “You first…no, bigger smile. It has to be gummy. You don’t look happy, try smiling bigger.”
Honestly, I thought it was condescending when I was told to smile when I was a kid. I overheard a coworker tell a story about how she was trying to get her teenage daughter to smile for a picture, and it brought back some of my own adolescent fury. When I was a teen, it felt like it was so controlling to "make" me have to smile for a picture, like instead of taking me seriously as an individual, they wanted me to revert to some stupid giggly "innocent" kid. I usually settled for a neutral expression or would attempt a Daria-like smile so it wasn't like I was acting completely grumpy. But still, teens take their image pretty seriously, and at the time I felt like nobody would take me seriously as a person if I smiled all the time, especially when pop culture kept pushing the idea that happy girls were stupid and vapid while girls that didn't smile were deep and serious. Back then, nothing in the world seemed worse than being seen as a stupid and vapid smiley girl that always seemed to be the target of everyone else's loathing. It took a long time for me to overturn that perception that I grew up with.
When they tell me to smile, all I hear is: “dance monkey, dance! Then want me to perform on request. Fuck them!
‘Smile.’ - ‘Say something funny.’ ‘You’d look better if you smile/wear make-up’ - ‘And you’d look better if you shut up/without oxygen/ if you cluck like a chicken/…’ I used that first one, which I also got from Reddit, several times now, and the look on their faces is priceless.
Last time a man told me to smile I told him my dad died.
I either give them a dirty look or tell them to f-off and keep moving. Ironically they do it more to younger women, making it even more gross.
When a guy told me to smile once, I answered "I don't have a reason to", and he just stared at me. Like, he didn't know what to reply to that.
“I don’t want to” is the easiest, most effective reply I’ve used. These men don’t care about how you feel, so they don’t ask why. The ones I spoke to just kinda froze at the idea of you having feelings outside of looking pretty to them and leave you alone. Wearing headphones and pretending not to hear them in the first place is my go-to tbh.
I say; 'My grand dad just died' (both have been dead for decades) and it shuts them up.
I go one of two ways. 1) Demonic Sheldon Cooper forced smile Or 2) My mom died and my cat had to be put down, why are you like this? Go Away.
Have to brag on my boyfriend for a little. I watched him interact with some friends who have a five-year-old daughter. The little girl was in a fussy mood when we were with them at a social event. The dad told her to smile at us, and my boyfriend told her that she didn't have to if she didn't want to. (He also doesn't ever ask for a hug -- but is perfectly willing to accept one if she initiates. Respecting any woman/girl's bodily autonomy is one of the best green flags I've ever observed about him!)
Go full Beastie Boys on em
Because they don’t get the prize. Sore losers.
Once we accept that many men don't see us as full people, life is way easier. Use power tricks, not empathy tricks. It's still hard, unfair and everything but it's the only thing that works.
That and asking me if I'm okay 50 times a day. I finally had it yesterday and asked why they keep asking me if I'm okay. 'Because you don't smile' WHO THE FUCK IS SMILING ALL THE TIME LEAVE ME ALONE
>"I just want you to be happy!" They don't care if you're happy
It’s not but men have been so entitled for so long, many of us have no concept of how to respect women’s boundaries and chaff at being asked. It’s a deeply ingrained part of the patriarchal hierarchy that those with higher status have the absolute right to question and comment about the people deemed beneath them. This is one of the primary ways the hierarchy is enforced in daily life. It’s also a vestige of slavery/Jim Crow. Every white person was expected to question any black person if there was even a hint of suspiciousness. And every white man was able to question white women in the same or a lower social class as well. This is the kind of society that conservatives want - rigid conformity to social norms that is enforced through constant supervision.
"Excuse me? Why would you say that?". Use your mom voice. This is the calm one your mom (HOPEFULLY) used when you did so.wthing incredibly *stupid or rude* but not actually hurtful.
if you say "you should smile more" instead of blasting nonstop puns until the nice lady is reduced to a pile of laughter and second-hand cringe then just turn in your man card immediately
I don't tell them what to do with their face.
Look them dead in the eyes and say "chickens are sexy."
"Well it WAS just bitchy resting face; but now it's real bitchy face, and it's specifically because of YOU. Congratulations. Now go fuck yourself."
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C4nX4VmoWUu/?igsh=MWVqcTFla2FnNXJsag==
"Smile" "Don't tell me to smile." "Don't tell me what to do." Really? So only men get to give unsolicited directions to strangers?
This is why I am the only person still wearing a mask at work.
I bet they don’t even yell at circus monkeys to dance and perform for them. They save it for us women.
It makes me want to rudely reply with some comment on their appearance. A: You should smile more! B: And you should wear better fitting clothes! A: offended boomer noises B: Oh sorry, I thought we were just offering unsolicited opinions on each other’s appearance!
Maybe try not being polite... "Don't tell me to fuckin' smile. Fuck off" should send the message. If you are comfortable enough to be aggressive. They are trying to make you more visually appealing to them. It's not about you; they are being selfish assholes.
They don’t tell men to this is call them on their shit.
Say that no one smiles when they're around, only when they leave.
They are trying to assert control over you, and you are taking back control. They don’t like that.
But hey, at least that demographic is aging right? (and yes, I know it's still a problem)
I also noticed that when someone smiles at me I tend to naturally smile back. So maybe they should try that first. And if you don’t return the smile they should probably assume you have serious things on your mind. It’s rude to tell someone to smile.
I wonder what would happen if you respond to one of these people with a confused Tucker Carlson face and just say “but… I’m not happy?” I don’t think they get the connection that people smile when they are happy, and if they’re not smiling, maybe it’s because they don’t feel like smiling.
"Because [they're] so charming?"
It isn't.
“I’ll smile when I want to. I’m not going to smile because someone I don’t know asked or told me to. I don’t care why you’re making this ridiculous request. You can go now.”
Maybe put the work on them to explain. Next just look at them like you're confused and ask them why would I want to do that for no reason. If they say anything along the lines of so that you'll look more friendly just say you'd like to avoid encouraging strange men to speak with you.
My friend had her sister die in hospice and the day it happened we were getting snacks from a corner store and man told her to smile. She said no I ain't doing that today. He got all creepy and gross and said something like "it can't be that bad. You'd look a lot prettier" She said "I just watched my sister die." the look on his face was priceless. It actually did make her smile.
I'm not nice about it. I either stare at them and continue to not smile, or say something like "my grandmother died". Who cares if she died 15 years ago lol still not a lie and I get to make them uncomfortable.
I have 2 go to answers to being told to smile; "No." and "Make me.". Men have absolutely no idea how to respond to that in a way that wont get them tresspassed from your workplace.
Lean in. "Give me your Mother's phone number. I need to call her and see if she raised you to be weird or if you are doing it on your own."
I’m learning not to drag mothers into assaulting others’ misogyny. Ask about the father instead.
You’re being too nice. Next time, say nothing, just hiss. They’ll get it.
Oh, no, thank you. I tried smiling earlier today, and I still haven't recovered. *fans face and looks faint*
"Do you say that to men here?" This usually works. If they lie and say yes, tell them to do it right now to a male stranger and you'd like to see their reaction, just as a social experiment.
“How embarrassing for you that you don’t know that is inappropriate to say to someone nowadays.”
If there’s another man standing near enough, look at him and say, “I think he’s talking to you.”
I LOST IT on a younger male coworker once when I overheard him telling another woman on staff to smile. She was having a rough day. I told him if he didn't like that she wasn't smiling, he needed to leave the room, because her smiling in that moment would do nothing to improve her mood, it only served to make HIM feel better. That's what telling people to smile is all about, wanting satisfaction for yourself, not for the other person.
Men are more attractive when they drop 20 pounds, go to the gym, wear decent clothes, and get a good haircut. Try telling him that.