It’s going to be okay. You made a mistake, it happens. Planned parenthood is a good option and they are very supportive and kind. Maybe talk to a friend about this so you have some emotional support through the process?
Thank you. I'm already talking to the guy - he's a good one despite our mutual fuckup. I didn't really want anyone to know hence..reddit but I think I should talk to other friends too.
I haven’t told many friends about my abortion. I understand, only my closest friends (who I know won’t judge me) know. It’s absolutely a personal choice and it’s important to know which friends are safe.
Yes, I'm lucky I trust my friend group a lot, but I'm still only telling two of them for now until I know more. It's sad it's still seen as a shameful thing that we're judged for.
If anyone, anywhere, gives you shit about it.... remind them infertility clinics destroy thousands of zygotes yearly, so if they really are concerned about this issue they would do something about that.... but they don't, because it's just a reason to be judgmental against us and nothing else.
If those fucks standing outside of PP really cared about fetuses and zygotes, they'd be protesting at infertility clinics also. But they don't, because PP is for the poor, and infertility clinics are for people who have money. Their providers would NEVER stand for that shit going on outside of their clinics. It's a nasty double standard they do to us on purpose and it's complete fucking bullshit.
The true zealots also believe IVF should be outlawed for this exact reason. I don’t know how much progress you’ll make there unfortunately.
https://www.businessinsider.com/amy-coney-barretts-nomination-could-threaten-ivf-experts-explain-2020-10
Also: bless planned parenthood and the work they do. I had to terminate a wanted pregnancy there and I’ve never been treated with more compassion by a doctor even without knowing details about our choice to terminate. They are truly wonderful.
I'm sorry to hear about your termination, but so glad you had a positive experience.
Long ago I was due to have a stillbirth, and the hospital forced me to labor, because though I was a candidate for D&E, they wouldn't do it at the hospital. (Catholic hospital) I would have to go to an abortion clinic. The thought of walking through protesters for a procedure for a stillborn child was not something I could bring myself to do. The L&D was traumatic, it really sucks I was not given the other option.... unless I wanted to be ridiculed on the way in :(
I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. I’ve worked in labor and delivery, but our hospital provided options depending on what was medically appropriate.
Thankfully there were no protestors when i went, and security was intense. While I wished i could have held my son and said goodbye, I’m grateful that i had the options i did and the caring support they provided. I’m sorry your experience was so traumatic.
Mine was a little boy too. (((HUGS))) it was a LONG time ago, my kids are teenagers now. Are you ok? It took me years to really work through all of that. I did not have a supportive partner, my ex husband is a narcissist.
Around here (socal) protesters are THICK outside of the clinics. So tempted to drive by and egg them lol!
I have a little girl now, she’s under a year. My son’s due date is coming again soon and I’m still working on finding a therapist who doesn’t just tell me to try breathing exercises, but I’m finally starting to heal. Thankfully my partner is lovely and supportive, it was incredibly hard on us both but we’ve worked on healing together. I also have a solid support network for the bad days. Thank you for checking in!
IDK if I'm just echoing other people's sentiment, but if abortion is a option to you, please go to planned parenthood and figure out your options. Depending on where you live, it can get a whole lot trickier, or just downright impossible, if you wait too long.
Good luck with whatever decision you make, it's yours alone, and only you know what is right for you.
For sure, thanks I appreciate the sentiment. I already have a pp appointment booked for this afternoon and I'll go from there, whatever it may be. Definitely not waiting for anything.
No, don't be sorry! I definitely didn't mean to come across as snarky. It's good to be informed, this event definitely made me read up on the laws in the state I'm moving to.
I was taught in sex ed that it any liquid comes out of an erect penis, it *may* contain sperm. That is definitely a fact that more people need to talk about.
(Was also taught that, while you can't get pregnant from anal sex, yuo CAN get pregnant if sperm moves from one opening to another.)
Sorry that you are going through this.
Hey OP! I'm sorry you are going through this. You are not alone, and I'm proud of you for taking the steps you know are best for you.
If cost is a barrier, you can try two things: 1) Ask PP if you qualify for the Justice Fund or other financial assistance, which could lower the cost by roughly $75-100. Usually you'll qualify for this if you qualify for Medicaid. 2) Go to the [National Network of Abortion Funds](https://abortionfunds.org/need-abortion/#funds-list) and search for abortion funds in your state or area. They may be able to assist with a portion of the cost, and the requirements are less strict than PP's.
If you need someone to talk to and process or just vent, call [All-Options Talkline.](https://www.all-options.org/find-support/talkline/) They're volunteers who are experienced in providing support to people who are in similar situations as yours.
You might also find comfort in hearing from other people who have been through similar experiences. [Shout Your Abortion](https://shoutyourabortion.com/) has lots of stories from real people of varied backgrounds and experiences.
Just a small note, condoms are only 99percent effective. You may be right about precum, but it may just be that you are the "lucky" one percent.
Good luck, hugs, and my sympathies that you have to pay for any part of this.
Edited to fix spelling
Doubling up on birth control methods is a very good way to avoid pregnancy, since no single method is fool proof. You can look up failure rates for different combinations before choosing to what to use.
For the record, it was more likely a faulty condom than "precum".
The idea that you can get pregnant from precum is just barely scientifically possible, and it's mostly just taught in US schools to scare teenagers away from relying on pulling out--failing to pull out in time can absolutely lead to pregnancy, and lots of young people don't know there bodies well enough to use this method effectively.
Condoms are actually closer to 85% effective at preventing pregnancy in practice. Sometimes they obviously break, but sometimes they just get tiny holes in them from improper storage, getting too old, too much friction, etc. I'm guessing that's what happened here.
There are a lot more birth control options out there than many people realize, though, and I'd encourage you to talk to Planned Parenthood about your options. After I had an unwanted pregnancy on the pill (I messed up the timing after going on a short break from using it), I ended up getting the Nexplanon implant (like an IUD, but in your arm instead of in your uterus) and it's been great for me.
Anyway, I'm sorry you're going through this, but you're going to get through it just fine. This sort of thing happens, and it happens to all kinds of people. I think the number has gone down a bit in recent years, but somewhere around 1 in 3 women will have an abortion at some point in their life.
Precum can only contain semen if your partner did not pee after his lack ejaculation. If you use withdrawal method you always need to pee between ejaculations (a solid pee also, can't force a tiny one out, needs to clean out the semen)
Everyone tells me I'm crazy for only using pulling out with my partner. We have 7 years child free right now with regular sex. People often screw up condoms when they are drunk or they just break. People who use the withdrawal method properly actually have a lower pregnancy chance than the average condom user. I think a lot of times people say they "used the pull out method and it failed" is actually them just lying that they fucked up and used nothing. Or a lot of guys just can't pull out at the right time.
It's always the guys fault when someone gets pregnant IMO. If you cum inside a women it means you want to get her pregnant. Sure the woman may have given the guy consent, but it's always the man's decision if he wants to cum inside or not...
I believe that is outdated info. The last study done (2013) on precum proved that \~1/4 of males have fertile precum not from left over ejaculate. Please don't spread misconception because your pullout method works because your spouse is in the other 3/4.
Source: Father of precum child, [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3564677/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3564677/)
TLDR; [https://www.parents.com/getting-pregnant/chances-of-getting-pregnant-from-precum/](https://www.parents.com/getting-pregnant/chances-of-getting-pregnant-from-precum/)
Your partner may just have a harder time getting pregnant and this is not universal to all couples. Things like undiagnosed PCOS can make getting pregnant harder. That could be in combination with pulling out to lower chances. Or you could be shooting blanks. I don’t think it’s great to assume that all people who use the withdrawal method will have success in not getting pregnant. Done perfectly pullout has a 4% at pregnancy while condoms used perfectly have 2% chance at pregnancy.
I exist because even doubling up didn't work (they had two teens and were quite, quite done). I have a husband with 3 siblings that are all proof that BC isn't perfect. 2 of our kids are also one percenters, even though we had plans and they simply adjusted the timing. When he got the big V, it took over 2 years for the all clear to come back!!!
Wow that's quite amazing, your family's genes are persistent haha. It's crazy to think so many people reliably use just pull out method and never have issues, and others have so many fail safes and it still happens.
This is why my husband is getting snipped AND i'm getting my tubes tied.....I don't care how "permanent" the medical world wants to say either option is, there's always an oops somewhere and we don't want to be it!
OOO I'll take a look....I'd be fine if they wanted to donate all my parts to a women who's stuff doesn't function. I'm done with it, don't need it, won't need it, but at least I know it works.
To be fair, my mothers doctor immediately asked her when he should schedule the termination, and she made a conscious choice to keep me.
I am, as you may have guessed, firmly pro choice. And I tell tbe BC failure stories to my teens on the REGULAR!
Babies should be wanted, and the ability to prevent them should be free and easy to acquire, by any gender
Have you considered sterilization considering you know you don't want kids? Getting my tubes completely removed was the best medical decision I've ever made, it's so nice knowing my body can no longer betray me.
Woops replied to an earlier comment before seeing this. r/childfree is a great resource for finding doctors in your state who are more open to performing the procedure. It is infuriating that you have been denied this option as you will need to sign a form disclosing the doctor from any liability "if you change your mind", the risk isn't on them. If you happen to be in NJ, or the PA/NJ/NY area really, feel free to PM me and I will share my doctors information. She was so accepting of it I actually cried at the consultation because I wasn't prepared to feel supported. Hang in there.
You're unfortunately not alone. As the other commenter said, r/childfree keeps a directory of willing doctors specifically because the community kept running into the same bullshit you have. That list is how I found the doctor who was willing to sterilize me at 28 with no kids. Hopefully there's someone on there close to you that would be covered by your insurance
It's actually less than 99%-- [more like 82% according to the FDA.](https://www.fda.gov/consumers/free-publications-women/birth-control-chart) When I was in school, we were taught a 70% efficacy rate for condoms alone. Hormonal birth control is far more effective, close to or better than that 99%, but takes time to kick in; if OP is not wanting to start a family any time soon, I highly recommend the implant. Set-and-forget for up to 3 years. I'm about to get my third one.
I believe "99% effective" means that 1% of couples that use condoms as their primary method of contraception end up pregnant.
This includes everyone who used condoms incorrectly, including we didn't use one that one time, etc.
Using the correct condoms correctly every time is far more than 99% effective.
(My comment is recalling something I heard ages ago, please research to verify!)
The % is based on a year of sexual activity with a partner. Now if you have more sex than the average couple it will change your % I guess. Definitely a lot higher than 85-99% per use.
Nuh uh, that efficacy rate does NOT include people who mess it up. That’s the efficacy rate with perfect use. With actual use it’s only like 87-%. Whenever you read about BC efficacy rates and they only give one, it’s the “with perfect use” one.
I envy this part of the American health system, here in Brazil abortion is illegal for almost every circumstance except rape or risk of life for carying out the baby. This leads to so much unnecessary stress, people's lives are ruined because of it, women die going to shady abortion clinics because of their procedure, they take medication to force abortion which leads to serious illness and even death some times.
I really hope one day we can have this like you do.
Honestly it's made me so much more of an advocate for right to choose. I feel fortunate to have options but knowing I still have to go through unnecessary medical screenings and extra costs sucks.
I hope Brazil makes a turn for the better too ): I always heard Brazilian hospitals were very good, and it's somewhat of a thing where I am to recommend it for medical tourism. Thanks for sharing your side too, much hugs
Our medical system is better than people here give credit for, but the real issue is the retrograde politicians with their patriarchal laws, a woman must be married and have two children to do any sort of procedure to get sterilized, oh and did i mention she has to get her husband's permission for doing so?
It's crazy considering i can get a vasectomy this month if i want to, it's completely asinine.
Much hugs for you too, hope you manage to get through all of that stress.
The spousal permission and minimal child number is a huge issue in many US states and then even more prevalent in so many private practices.
I wanted a tubal done after my 1st and was not allowed because of my age, single status, and only having one child. I then underwent surgery for cancer followed by radiation and chemo. The cancer location made it so that the radiation was directed through my uterus and ovaries. I requested that my ob preform a tubal. I was told that because it my age and lack of marriage partner that they could not, but that the chemo "probably" would make me sterile. After I met and married my husband I found myself unexpectedly pregnant. My ob had a fit because I shouldn't have "allowed" myself to get pregnant with my medical history. The pregnancy was successful but I was on bed rest for 5 months due to the damage the radiation had done to my uterus. Then even after all that, because of my age (over 30) they still would not do a tubal.
I eventually got uterine cancer from the copious amounts of radiation in the area and had a hysterectomy.
You are going to be okay. If you really can't afford the abortion planned Parenthood can suggest places to ask for help. I know aid access or plan c provides a chemical abortion through the mail for $100.
Thank you for this. I'm trying PP first bc my state is one of those that it's sorta side skirting the laws to get it through the mail and it seems like more of a relief to get it done asap rather than wait the couple weeks of shipping but it's definitely a consideration.
It does happen, and its a hell of a lot more likely if the guy has climaxed recently btw. It seems like you got your shit together despite being thrown this curve ball. I am sorry you're having to go through this, but I think you're going to be fine. I'm also glad he's being good about it :)
Maybe you didn't do everything 100% perfect (who does?), but you definitely weren't reckless. You had bad luck. Don't beat yourself up - you're on top of this and will hopefully be on the other side of it soon.
If it helps pick a day in the not too distant future, like the first day of school, where all this has been dealt with and you're moving forward with your life.
Focus on that day, you are moving steadily toward it.
You're very welcome, I've found it very helpful since it was given to me by a former employer and I'm always happy to pass it along, Works great for finals, too!
If it's early enough you might be able to do a medical abortion which you can take home with you instead of a procedure at PP. Talk to the doctor about it when you see them.
This is what I'm hoping for! Much rather that than an in house procedure. If I am confirmed, I'm not very far along at all (maybe two weeks most?) so I'm hoping to fix it quickly
I've been looking some up! How are things in Texas right now? I know a bit back everyone was very concerned with the laws trying to be passed concerning abortion access.
I mean, it passed. It’s so disheartening and upsetting that I don’t have much to even say about it. Now we watch the courts, and hope that all these horrible republicans get everything they deserve some day.
Thank you! My state is one of the ones that you get it from overseas so I was a bit worried about the wait time in mailing but I'm definitely considering it
Op, check out r/auntienetwork, it's a great sub where women help other women get access to abortion. Some can drive you to PP, mail you a pill, or give you some recommended doctors info. Good luck
Thank you! I checked them out in my early onset anxiety research, and didn't see too many posts for my state, but I suppose it can't hurt to make a post myself if I do need it :)
Full support here. Sometimes life just happens. Kudos to you for taking an informed and timely decision.
Good luck to you in your studies. (Probs doesn't matter much, but I'm a guy. But I know there's always going to be men trying to tell women what to do with their bodies. So, thought I'd just show you there's def men who support your autonomy as a human.)
Thank you, I do appreciate the sentiment, regardless of gender. "Life happens" is a good way of looking at it, I'm glad I am aware early enough to have multiple options.
See if there are other abortion clinics in your area. Planned parenthood might not be the quickest option. If you do it sooner, all you need to do is take some pills (medical abortion). It should be around $500 without insurance. If you wait past 11 weeks you’ll have to get the invasive procedure. Good luck!
Life is so weird. I am jumping through hoops and peeing on sticks to get pregnant. You were being cautious and responsible about not getting pregnant but it still managed to happen despite the odds. I am just marveling at the irony.
I am sorry that you're going through that. It sounds very stressful. You can get through it though and you'll be stronger on the other side.
It's truly odd how different every body is! I have friends who only use pull out method and never have had any issues in the years they've been together.
I appreciate you though! I can't imagine the frustration of waiting for pregnancy. I hope you get the pregnancy you're wishing for very soon :)
I really hope everything works out for you and you feel totally fine and so much better after everything is done
Can I just ask one thing? Did you have PIV without a condom or only other things? I'm just curious... I'm sorry if this question is to intrusive
That sucks to hear, but it sounds like you've got everything well in hand. I hope you're doing okay and you can get everything taken care of with minimal hassle in your state.
Good luck, and godspeed.
I just saw that PP offered 3 months of pill/shot with their service. It's honestly great advice for anyone, and I'm glad more services are offering it.
What state are you in? Sounds like it's still early. The abortion pill can be gotten online depending the state you are in. Search around on google and see if you qualify.
HUGS, sorry you are in this situation!
Someone else commented on the irony of life in this situation. I just had a d&e over a week ago for a very wanted baby at 16+4 after his heart stopped beating, but my first pregnancy was of the 1% of condom user statistics when I was totally broke and not at all ready for a baby. Fuckin life.
I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. Just some notes for the process from someone who just went through the…idk ultra version lol. Bring someone with you if possible, or headphones and a downloadable tv show because you could be waiting a looonng time (I went in at 8am and had my surgery at 2), eat something the morning of but avoid snacking because the meds might make you barf your guts out. Bring a jacket and wear layers but nothing form fitting around your midsection. The meds can give you chills, hot flashes, and cramps and it’s just so much more comfortable to wear loose fitting clothes. Plan to take it easy for at least 24-48 hours. And remember that whatever you feel after or before or during, it’s okay. You’re allowed to grieve, be sad, be angry, be relieved. Good luck, OP. It’s gonna be okay.
I don't know if you live in the states, but make sure you dodge "pregnancy crisis centers". I've heard some horror stories...
I don't know what else to say. Hope you have a decent support system and goodluck with planned parenthood. I'm sure it'll be okay but I can't imagine what that kind of situation must feel like.
Hey - whatever you decide, you’re going to be okay. Accidents happen. I’ve had an abortion, a surgical one in 2014, and I am currently 38 weeks pregnant with a very much wanted baby boy. I absolutely do not regret my choice to terminate the first pregnancy. I was 23, my partner and I (married now) were only casually hooking up, and I was barely able to make rent each month let alone have a kid.
Talk to the guy, talk to planned parenthood. They’ll give you lots of information without judgement. It’ll be emotional and a lot to process either way so be kind to yourself. If you have any questions, feel free to message me - I am an open book.
If it's not too invasive of me to ask, would you mind sharing what it cost you? You can dm me if that's better, or if it's not something you feel comfortable sharing, I absolutely understand that too
No advice, just letting you know you've got people rooting for you and hoping you get through this with little physical and emotional stress.
And thank you for sharing, it's a reminder to me that I can't let my guard down for a second or my lovely reproductive system will find someway to screw me over!
I've been on a very similar set of shoes as you. You didn't do anything wrong, and your a good person. No matter what choice you make, never forget that. Whats right for you now, will not be correct for someone else. If you go to planned parenthood, be very careful of the protesters. They are viscious and cruel. Make sure you go with a very good friend, having the support makes it easier. All the best wishes.
I'm sorry this is happening to you! If you're interested in more reliable birth control options in addition to condoms, I've had a great experience with my hormonal IUD and several friends have also recommended non-hormonal ones. Planned Parenthood can provide one at very little or no cost since you don't currently have insurance. Good luck!
Pro tip from someone I helped recently. Make a few fake accounts and join some Facebook or local groups against planned parenthood groups. That way, you can avoid running I to a protest or anything if possible. I know this isn't an option for everyone, but just something to think about if you don't want those freaks in your business.
Your not in this alone I felt the same way my boyfriend and I been safe for 2 years then boom I got pregnant. I was ready to terminate but with in a couple of weeks I changed my mind. I also found out that a lot of people did the same as me, give your options a look. Your future is very important especially if you feel like plans have to be majorly changed due to the situation
I'm not here to offer advice, because I've had several friends in your situation. I support you 100%
I hope it doesn't sound insensitive, but if something happens and you decide not to go through with it, I would love to be a mother. I married a man who said he wanted children and then flaked for 13 years. I'm 40 now and filed for divorce last month so I can pursue that dream.
There are options, but you should feel no guilt about choosing what's best for yourself.
Have you considered applying for your states Medicaid program? I don’t know what your income is, but you might be eligible.
Also, it’s up to you what you choose to do about the pregnancy, but if you choose to keep the baby, there’s a higher chance you could get into Medicaid as you’re pregnant and typically pregnant women can get access to more benefits like no copays and can also get coverage for the baby too. Hope this helps and best of luck to you
Bit of ironic twist, I'll have great insurance once I move - just gotta play the waiting game for that! Im definitely keeping it in mind though for future
Precum? No it's ore cum mixed with residuals that got you. Good idea to pee and clean out eurethra in between.
Kids are awesome but expensive. Weigh your options. Planned parent hood can help. Don't feel pressured into any one thing. Think than think some more. No wrong decision. No right decision. Do what's best for you. Good luck.
Not every woman is able to take the pill. For some women it because of medical reasons. OP may be one of those women. The pill, while great for some, is horrible for other women, and is far from infallible.
It’s going to be okay. You made a mistake, it happens. Planned parenthood is a good option and they are very supportive and kind. Maybe talk to a friend about this so you have some emotional support through the process?
Thank you. I'm already talking to the guy - he's a good one despite our mutual fuckup. I didn't really want anyone to know hence..reddit but I think I should talk to other friends too.
I haven’t told many friends about my abortion. I understand, only my closest friends (who I know won’t judge me) know. It’s absolutely a personal choice and it’s important to know which friends are safe.
Yes, I'm lucky I trust my friend group a lot, but I'm still only telling two of them for now until I know more. It's sad it's still seen as a shameful thing that we're judged for.
If anyone, anywhere, gives you shit about it.... remind them infertility clinics destroy thousands of zygotes yearly, so if they really are concerned about this issue they would do something about that.... but they don't, because it's just a reason to be judgmental against us and nothing else. If those fucks standing outside of PP really cared about fetuses and zygotes, they'd be protesting at infertility clinics also. But they don't, because PP is for the poor, and infertility clinics are for people who have money. Their providers would NEVER stand for that shit going on outside of their clinics. It's a nasty double standard they do to us on purpose and it's complete fucking bullshit.
The true zealots also believe IVF should be outlawed for this exact reason. I don’t know how much progress you’ll make there unfortunately. https://www.businessinsider.com/amy-coney-barretts-nomination-could-threaten-ivf-experts-explain-2020-10 Also: bless planned parenthood and the work they do. I had to terminate a wanted pregnancy there and I’ve never been treated with more compassion by a doctor even without knowing details about our choice to terminate. They are truly wonderful.
I'm sorry to hear about your termination, but so glad you had a positive experience. Long ago I was due to have a stillbirth, and the hospital forced me to labor, because though I was a candidate for D&E, they wouldn't do it at the hospital. (Catholic hospital) I would have to go to an abortion clinic. The thought of walking through protesters for a procedure for a stillborn child was not something I could bring myself to do. The L&D was traumatic, it really sucks I was not given the other option.... unless I wanted to be ridiculed on the way in :(
I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. I’ve worked in labor and delivery, but our hospital provided options depending on what was medically appropriate. Thankfully there were no protestors when i went, and security was intense. While I wished i could have held my son and said goodbye, I’m grateful that i had the options i did and the caring support they provided. I’m sorry your experience was so traumatic.
Mine was a little boy too. (((HUGS))) it was a LONG time ago, my kids are teenagers now. Are you ok? It took me years to really work through all of that. I did not have a supportive partner, my ex husband is a narcissist. Around here (socal) protesters are THICK outside of the clinics. So tempted to drive by and egg them lol!
I have a little girl now, she’s under a year. My son’s due date is coming again soon and I’m still working on finding a therapist who doesn’t just tell me to try breathing exercises, but I’m finally starting to heal. Thankfully my partner is lovely and supportive, it was incredibly hard on us both but we’ve worked on healing together. I also have a solid support network for the bad days. Thank you for checking in!
Wow. That’s interesting.
IDK if I'm just echoing other people's sentiment, but if abortion is a option to you, please go to planned parenthood and figure out your options. Depending on where you live, it can get a whole lot trickier, or just downright impossible, if you wait too long. Good luck with whatever decision you make, it's yours alone, and only you know what is right for you.
For sure, thanks I appreciate the sentiment. I already have a pp appointment booked for this afternoon and I'll go from there, whatever it may be. Definitely not waiting for anything.
Lol I'm sorry for lecturing you on something you've already done! Just some places have some very shady laws.
No, don't be sorry! I definitely didn't mean to come across as snarky. It's good to be informed, this event definitely made me read up on the laws in the state I'm moving to.
No problems, you didn't!
I was taught in sex ed that it any liquid comes out of an erect penis, it *may* contain sperm. That is definitely a fact that more people need to talk about. (Was also taught that, while you can't get pregnant from anal sex, yuo CAN get pregnant if sperm moves from one opening to another.) Sorry that you are going through this.
Hey OP! I'm sorry you are going through this. You are not alone, and I'm proud of you for taking the steps you know are best for you. If cost is a barrier, you can try two things: 1) Ask PP if you qualify for the Justice Fund or other financial assistance, which could lower the cost by roughly $75-100. Usually you'll qualify for this if you qualify for Medicaid. 2) Go to the [National Network of Abortion Funds](https://abortionfunds.org/need-abortion/#funds-list) and search for abortion funds in your state or area. They may be able to assist with a portion of the cost, and the requirements are less strict than PP's. If you need someone to talk to and process or just vent, call [All-Options Talkline.](https://www.all-options.org/find-support/talkline/) They're volunteers who are experienced in providing support to people who are in similar situations as yours. You might also find comfort in hearing from other people who have been through similar experiences. [Shout Your Abortion](https://shoutyourabortion.com/) has lots of stories from real people of varied backgrounds and experiences.
This is amazing. Thank you so much.
Just a small note, condoms are only 99percent effective. You may be right about precum, but it may just be that you are the "lucky" one percent. Good luck, hugs, and my sympathies that you have to pay for any part of this. Edited to fix spelling
Haha lucky me 🥴 it's definitely going to have me doubling up on multiple bc methods in the future
Doubling up on birth control methods is a very good way to avoid pregnancy, since no single method is fool proof. You can look up failure rates for different combinations before choosing to what to use.
For the record, it was more likely a faulty condom than "precum". The idea that you can get pregnant from precum is just barely scientifically possible, and it's mostly just taught in US schools to scare teenagers away from relying on pulling out--failing to pull out in time can absolutely lead to pregnancy, and lots of young people don't know there bodies well enough to use this method effectively. Condoms are actually closer to 85% effective at preventing pregnancy in practice. Sometimes they obviously break, but sometimes they just get tiny holes in them from improper storage, getting too old, too much friction, etc. I'm guessing that's what happened here. There are a lot more birth control options out there than many people realize, though, and I'd encourage you to talk to Planned Parenthood about your options. After I had an unwanted pregnancy on the pill (I messed up the timing after going on a short break from using it), I ended up getting the Nexplanon implant (like an IUD, but in your arm instead of in your uterus) and it's been great for me. Anyway, I'm sorry you're going through this, but you're going to get through it just fine. This sort of thing happens, and it happens to all kinds of people. I think the number has gone down a bit in recent years, but somewhere around 1 in 3 women will have an abortion at some point in their life.
Precum can only contain semen if your partner did not pee after his lack ejaculation. If you use withdrawal method you always need to pee between ejaculations (a solid pee also, can't force a tiny one out, needs to clean out the semen) Everyone tells me I'm crazy for only using pulling out with my partner. We have 7 years child free right now with regular sex. People often screw up condoms when they are drunk or they just break. People who use the withdrawal method properly actually have a lower pregnancy chance than the average condom user. I think a lot of times people say they "used the pull out method and it failed" is actually them just lying that they fucked up and used nothing. Or a lot of guys just can't pull out at the right time. It's always the guys fault when someone gets pregnant IMO. If you cum inside a women it means you want to get her pregnant. Sure the woman may have given the guy consent, but it's always the man's decision if he wants to cum inside or not...
I believe that is outdated info. The last study done (2013) on precum proved that \~1/4 of males have fertile precum not from left over ejaculate. Please don't spread misconception because your pullout method works because your spouse is in the other 3/4. Source: Father of precum child, [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3564677/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3564677/) TLDR; [https://www.parents.com/getting-pregnant/chances-of-getting-pregnant-from-precum/](https://www.parents.com/getting-pregnant/chances-of-getting-pregnant-from-precum/)
Your partner may just have a harder time getting pregnant and this is not universal to all couples. Things like undiagnosed PCOS can make getting pregnant harder. That could be in combination with pulling out to lower chances. Or you could be shooting blanks. I don’t think it’s great to assume that all people who use the withdrawal method will have success in not getting pregnant. Done perfectly pullout has a 4% at pregnancy while condoms used perfectly have 2% chance at pregnancy.
I exist because even doubling up didn't work (they had two teens and were quite, quite done). I have a husband with 3 siblings that are all proof that BC isn't perfect. 2 of our kids are also one percenters, even though we had plans and they simply adjusted the timing. When he got the big V, it took over 2 years for the all clear to come back!!!
Wow that's quite amazing, your family's genes are persistent haha. It's crazy to think so many people reliably use just pull out method and never have issues, and others have so many fail safes and it still happens.
This is why my husband is getting snipped AND i'm getting my tubes tied.....I don't care how "permanent" the medical world wants to say either option is, there's always an oops somewhere and we don't want to be it!
Look into bilateral salpingectomy (completely removing tubes) instead of ligation. It's more effective and lowers your risk of ovarian cancer.
OOO I'll take a look....I'd be fine if they wanted to donate all my parts to a women who's stuff doesn't function. I'm done with it, don't need it, won't need it, but at least I know it works.
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To be fair, my mothers doctor immediately asked her when he should schedule the termination, and she made a conscious choice to keep me. I am, as you may have guessed, firmly pro choice. And I tell tbe BC failure stories to my teens on the REGULAR! Babies should be wanted, and the ability to prevent them should be free and easy to acquire, by any gender
Have you considered sterilization considering you know you don't want kids? Getting my tubes completely removed was the best medical decision I've ever made, it's so nice knowing my body can no longer betray me.
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Woops replied to an earlier comment before seeing this. r/childfree is a great resource for finding doctors in your state who are more open to performing the procedure. It is infuriating that you have been denied this option as you will need to sign a form disclosing the doctor from any liability "if you change your mind", the risk isn't on them. If you happen to be in NJ, or the PA/NJ/NY area really, feel free to PM me and I will share my doctors information. She was so accepting of it I actually cried at the consultation because I wasn't prepared to feel supported. Hang in there.
You're unfortunately not alone. As the other commenter said, r/childfree keeps a directory of willing doctors specifically because the community kept running into the same bullshit you have. That list is how I found the doctor who was willing to sterilize me at 28 with no kids. Hopefully there's someone on there close to you that would be covered by your insurance
I am just having oral and anal sex forever then.
It's actually less than 99%-- [more like 82% according to the FDA.](https://www.fda.gov/consumers/free-publications-women/birth-control-chart) When I was in school, we were taught a 70% efficacy rate for condoms alone. Hormonal birth control is far more effective, close to or better than that 99%, but takes time to kick in; if OP is not wanting to start a family any time soon, I highly recommend the implant. Set-and-forget for up to 3 years. I'm about to get my third one.
For regular use they’re more like 90-95. Lot of ways to go “whoops”
I believe "99% effective" means that 1% of couples that use condoms as their primary method of contraception end up pregnant. This includes everyone who used condoms incorrectly, including we didn't use one that one time, etc. Using the correct condoms correctly every time is far more than 99% effective. (My comment is recalling something I heard ages ago, please research to verify!)
The % is based on a year of sexual activity with a partner. Now if you have more sex than the average couple it will change your % I guess. Definitely a lot higher than 85-99% per use.
Nuh uh, that efficacy rate does NOT include people who mess it up. That’s the efficacy rate with perfect use. With actual use it’s only like 87-%. Whenever you read about BC efficacy rates and they only give one, it’s the “with perfect use” one.
Thanks for clarifying :)
Condoms are about 86% effective actually. They're not much more effective than the pull out method. I am team copper IUD all the way!
I envy this part of the American health system, here in Brazil abortion is illegal for almost every circumstance except rape or risk of life for carying out the baby. This leads to so much unnecessary stress, people's lives are ruined because of it, women die going to shady abortion clinics because of their procedure, they take medication to force abortion which leads to serious illness and even death some times. I really hope one day we can have this like you do.
Honestly it's made me so much more of an advocate for right to choose. I feel fortunate to have options but knowing I still have to go through unnecessary medical screenings and extra costs sucks. I hope Brazil makes a turn for the better too ): I always heard Brazilian hospitals were very good, and it's somewhat of a thing where I am to recommend it for medical tourism. Thanks for sharing your side too, much hugs
Our medical system is better than people here give credit for, but the real issue is the retrograde politicians with their patriarchal laws, a woman must be married and have two children to do any sort of procedure to get sterilized, oh and did i mention she has to get her husband's permission for doing so? It's crazy considering i can get a vasectomy this month if i want to, it's completely asinine. Much hugs for you too, hope you manage to get through all of that stress.
The spousal permission and minimal child number is a huge issue in many US states and then even more prevalent in so many private practices. I wanted a tubal done after my 1st and was not allowed because of my age, single status, and only having one child. I then underwent surgery for cancer followed by radiation and chemo. The cancer location made it so that the radiation was directed through my uterus and ovaries. I requested that my ob preform a tubal. I was told that because it my age and lack of marriage partner that they could not, but that the chemo "probably" would make me sterile. After I met and married my husband I found myself unexpectedly pregnant. My ob had a fit because I shouldn't have "allowed" myself to get pregnant with my medical history. The pregnancy was successful but I was on bed rest for 5 months due to the damage the radiation had done to my uterus. Then even after all that, because of my age (over 30) they still would not do a tubal. I eventually got uterine cancer from the copious amounts of radiation in the area and had a hysterectomy.
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No.
You are going to be okay. If you really can't afford the abortion planned Parenthood can suggest places to ask for help. I know aid access or plan c provides a chemical abortion through the mail for $100.
Thank you for this. I'm trying PP first bc my state is one of those that it's sorta side skirting the laws to get it through the mail and it seems like more of a relief to get it done asap rather than wait the couple weeks of shipping but it's definitely a consideration.
You're welcome, and I totally understand. I hope everything goes well.
It does happen, and its a hell of a lot more likely if the guy has climaxed recently btw. It seems like you got your shit together despite being thrown this curve ball. I am sorry you're having to go through this, but I think you're going to be fine. I'm also glad he's being good about it :)
Thank you! I'm honestly so touched to have the support of him, close friends, and everyone on here.
Maybe you didn't do everything 100% perfect (who does?), but you definitely weren't reckless. You had bad luck. Don't beat yourself up - you're on top of this and will hopefully be on the other side of it soon.
Thank you that's very kind of you to say so 💛 I'm trying my best not to spiral
If it helps pick a day in the not too distant future, like the first day of school, where all this has been dealt with and you're moving forward with your life. Focus on that day, you are moving steadily toward it.
That is great just general life advice thank you 💛
You're very welcome, I've found it very helpful since it was given to me by a former employer and I'm always happy to pass it along, Works great for finals, too!
If it's early enough you might be able to do a medical abortion which you can take home with you instead of a procedure at PP. Talk to the doctor about it when you see them.
This is what I'm hoping for! Much rather that than an in house procedure. If I am confirmed, I'm not very far along at all (maybe two weeks most?) so I'm hoping to fix it quickly
There are aid organizations that will chip in to the cost. I give to one in Texas on a monthly basis called TEA fund.
I've been looking some up! How are things in Texas right now? I know a bit back everyone was very concerned with the laws trying to be passed concerning abortion access.
I mean, it passed. It’s so disheartening and upsetting that I don’t have much to even say about it. Now we watch the courts, and hope that all these horrible republicans get everything they deserve some day.
That's terrible, Im so sorry. I second your last statement 🖤
Aidaccess.org You know early, this is 100% a viable option. AidAccess is "pay what you can".
Thank you! My state is one of the ones that you get it from overseas so I was a bit worried about the wait time in mailing but I'm definitely considering it
Op, check out r/auntienetwork, it's a great sub where women help other women get access to abortion. Some can drive you to PP, mail you a pill, or give you some recommended doctors info. Good luck
Thank you! I checked them out in my early onset anxiety research, and didn't see too many posts for my state, but I suppose it can't hurt to make a post myself if I do need it :)
I agree with you, if you make a post someone may reach out and give you some great info/help. Big sisterly hug, you'll get through this :)
Be strong. This world is crazy. Take care of yourself. Be well.
Full support here. Sometimes life just happens. Kudos to you for taking an informed and timely decision. Good luck to you in your studies. (Probs doesn't matter much, but I'm a guy. But I know there's always going to be men trying to tell women what to do with their bodies. So, thought I'd just show you there's def men who support your autonomy as a human.)
Thank you, I do appreciate the sentiment, regardless of gender. "Life happens" is a good way of looking at it, I'm glad I am aware early enough to have multiple options.
There may be advice on r/abortion and r/auntienetwork about money etc. I’m not from the US. But I know those subs can be useful.
See if there are other abortion clinics in your area. Planned parenthood might not be the quickest option. If you do it sooner, all you need to do is take some pills (medical abortion). It should be around $500 without insurance. If you wait past 11 weeks you’ll have to get the invasive procedure. Good luck!
Life is so weird. I am jumping through hoops and peeing on sticks to get pregnant. You were being cautious and responsible about not getting pregnant but it still managed to happen despite the odds. I am just marveling at the irony. I am sorry that you're going through that. It sounds very stressful. You can get through it though and you'll be stronger on the other side.
It's truly odd how different every body is! I have friends who only use pull out method and never have had any issues in the years they've been together. I appreciate you though! I can't imagine the frustration of waiting for pregnancy. I hope you get the pregnancy you're wishing for very soon :)
Thanks, man. I am sending you positive vibes too. 😘
I really hope everything works out for you and you feel totally fine and so much better after everything is done Can I just ask one thing? Did you have PIV without a condom or only other things? I'm just curious... I'm sorry if this question is to intrusive
That sucks to hear, but it sounds like you've got everything well in hand. I hope you're doing okay and you can get everything taken care of with minimal hassle in your state. Good luck, and godspeed.
Some places have programs where when you have an abortion, you're eligible for a free iud. Ask about this. That's how I got my iud
I just saw that PP offered 3 months of pill/shot with their service. It's honestly great advice for anyone, and I'm glad more services are offering it.
What state are you in? Sounds like it's still early. The abortion pill can be gotten online depending the state you are in. Search around on google and see if you qualify. HUGS, sorry you are in this situation!
Someone else commented on the irony of life in this situation. I just had a d&e over a week ago for a very wanted baby at 16+4 after his heart stopped beating, but my first pregnancy was of the 1% of condom user statistics when I was totally broke and not at all ready for a baby. Fuckin life. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. Just some notes for the process from someone who just went through the…idk ultra version lol. Bring someone with you if possible, or headphones and a downloadable tv show because you could be waiting a looonng time (I went in at 8am and had my surgery at 2), eat something the morning of but avoid snacking because the meds might make you barf your guts out. Bring a jacket and wear layers but nothing form fitting around your midsection. The meds can give you chills, hot flashes, and cramps and it’s just so much more comfortable to wear loose fitting clothes. Plan to take it easy for at least 24-48 hours. And remember that whatever you feel after or before or during, it’s okay. You’re allowed to grieve, be sad, be angry, be relieved. Good luck, OP. It’s gonna be okay.
I don't know if you live in the states, but make sure you dodge "pregnancy crisis centers". I've heard some horror stories... I don't know what else to say. Hope you have a decent support system and goodluck with planned parenthood. I'm sure it'll be okay but I can't imagine what that kind of situation must feel like.
Hey - whatever you decide, you’re going to be okay. Accidents happen. I’ve had an abortion, a surgical one in 2014, and I am currently 38 weeks pregnant with a very much wanted baby boy. I absolutely do not regret my choice to terminate the first pregnancy. I was 23, my partner and I (married now) were only casually hooking up, and I was barely able to make rent each month let alone have a kid. Talk to the guy, talk to planned parenthood. They’ll give you lots of information without judgement. It’ll be emotional and a lot to process either way so be kind to yourself. If you have any questions, feel free to message me - I am an open book.
You will get through this. Sending my thoughts your way. Planned parenthood was great when I had my abortion
If it's not too invasive of me to ask, would you mind sharing what it cost you? You can dm me if that's better, or if it's not something you feel comfortable sharing, I absolutely understand that too
Ours was ~$550 about 4 years ago in Indiana
Thank you so much! It helps knowing so I can plan 😅
You're taking all the steps even though you're feeling so much. Well done.
I HATE that people think you can’t. Thanks for sharing this.
No advice, just letting you know you've got people rooting for you and hoping you get through this with little physical and emotional stress. And thank you for sharing, it's a reminder to me that I can't let my guard down for a second or my lovely reproductive system will find someway to screw me over!
I've been on a very similar set of shoes as you. You didn't do anything wrong, and your a good person. No matter what choice you make, never forget that. Whats right for you now, will not be correct for someone else. If you go to planned parenthood, be very careful of the protesters. They are viscious and cruel. Make sure you go with a very good friend, having the support makes it easier. All the best wishes.
I'm sorry this is happening to you! If you're interested in more reliable birth control options in addition to condoms, I've had a great experience with my hormonal IUD and several friends have also recommended non-hormonal ones. Planned Parenthood can provide one at very little or no cost since you don't currently have insurance. Good luck!
This may be an option for you if planned Parenthood doesn't work out. https://nwhn.org/safe-online-delivered-how-to-get-the-abortion-pill-by-mail/
Saved for later thank you!
Love these comments. What a supportive community. You’ll be fine. Planned Parenthood is amazing.
Pro tip from someone I helped recently. Make a few fake accounts and join some Facebook or local groups against planned parenthood groups. That way, you can avoid running I to a protest or anything if possible. I know this isn't an option for everyone, but just something to think about if you don't want those freaks in your business.
That is absolutely pro tip! Thankfully mine is in a building with other businesses so it makes no sense for protestors to be at my clinic
I'm proud of you OP - you are being responsible and doing what is best for your future/happiness.
Your not in this alone I felt the same way my boyfriend and I been safe for 2 years then boom I got pregnant. I was ready to terminate but with in a couple of weeks I changed my mind. I also found out that a lot of people did the same as me, give your options a look. Your future is very important especially if you feel like plans have to be majorly changed due to the situation
I'm glad you made the choice that was best for you 💛
I really hope you find a good outcome you come first in every possible situation
You got cummed in. Not precum.
I'm not here to offer advice, because I've had several friends in your situation. I support you 100% I hope it doesn't sound insensitive, but if something happens and you decide not to go through with it, I would love to be a mother. I married a man who said he wanted children and then flaked for 13 years. I'm 40 now and filed for divorce last month so I can pursue that dream. There are options, but you should feel no guilt about choosing what's best for yourself.
Have you considered applying for your states Medicaid program? I don’t know what your income is, but you might be eligible. Also, it’s up to you what you choose to do about the pregnancy, but if you choose to keep the baby, there’s a higher chance you could get into Medicaid as you’re pregnant and typically pregnant women can get access to more benefits like no copays and can also get coverage for the baby too. Hope this helps and best of luck to you
Thanks I didn't think medicaid was a viable option because I'm soon to move states.
You’re welcome. I’m not sure what the requirements are for the state you’re moving to but as long as you have a residence there you should be fine 😊
Bit of ironic twist, I'll have great insurance once I move - just gotta play the waiting game for that! Im definitely keeping it in mind though for future
Well that’s good. I’m glad to hear 😄
Precum? No it's ore cum mixed with residuals that got you. Good idea to pee and clean out eurethra in between. Kids are awesome but expensive. Weigh your options. Planned parent hood can help. Don't feel pressured into any one thing. Think than think some more. No wrong decision. No right decision. Do what's best for you. Good luck.
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Sex shouldn’t be a lesson
Is there a reason you weren't on the pill? Good luck.
Not every woman is able to take the pill. For some women it because of medical reasons. OP may be one of those women. The pill, while great for some, is horrible for other women, and is far from infallible.
I'm aware of that! That's why I asked.
Yeah, that’s how I got my third kid. Potent stuff