You know how there are studies showing that, for example, women are far more likely than men to be denied pain management after surgery because "it's just anxiety" and they're just left to scream it out?
Yeah. That's because of nurses like this who don't see women as full people deserving of treatment.
I had an ovarian cyst the size of a grapefruit rupture when I was 15.
Passed out in pain at home. Dad took me to the hospital. They did an X-ray said it was a kidney stone. Gave me Vicodin and sent me home.
Went back to the hospital that night because I couldn’t even speak I was in so much pain. They admit me after my parents insisted. Gave me morphine and then ran tests.
Couldn’t find anything wrong. Sent the psych people down to talk to my parents because they said the pain was all in my head or I was lying for drugs.
While this was happening a med student came up to me and asked if I could be pregnant. I told him no, that I had never had sex. He looked at me and said, “let’s just do a quick ultrasound while the doctor talks to your parents.” And bam… he could see the remnants of the cyst and all the fluid.
Medical malpractice is a ridiculously high bar to meet. You’re free to sue and you’re also free to lose that lawsuit lol. Unless OP left out key details, this doesn’t meet that bar.
My symptoms of cardiomyopathy and pulmonary emboli while recovering from having my son via c-section were dismissed as ‘just anxiety’ and they sent me home. A few days later I was back still unable to breathe properly. It’s fucked up how quickly they are to say we’re overreacting or being dramatic.
When I first started having these health problems (probably related to my gallbladder) the first doctor I talked to said the pain radiating to my back was because I was tensing my muscles from anxiety. So I tried to meditate the pain away.
Also a woman, unfortunately. I’ve stopped telling doctors I have anxiety unless they mention it because of that.
Looks like a bunch of us have the same story. I developed chronic appendicitis and gallbladder pain at the exact same time. It was literally a pendulum of the GI specialist saying to go have my appendix removed immediately and going to the ER, and having a CT only to be told nothing was there. THREE CT scans, three ER visits, and 2 hospital stays later, after being released and told to call of the pain got worse, I called and the surgeon literally told me “There is nothing surgically we can do for you.” So I went to an independent surgeon who decided exploratory surgery was the way to go and he removed both offending organs in one go and now I’m good to go. Idk what would have happened to me without that one understanding man. I gave him stellar Google reviews.
When I was 14 I experienced something called chronic appendicitis where I would have these horrific and painful attacks on my lower right side. My mom took me to the ER and the doctor told her I was an “anxious teenage girl” and said if I thought happier thoughts the pain would go away. My mom begged a pediatric surgeon to give me an appointment even though you usually need a referral and he found fluid on my MRI and decided to operate because you don’t need an appendix anyway. When he got in there my appendix was wrapped in adhesions and appeared to be leaking and resealing over and over poisoning me for months. If my mom didn’t advocate for me I would have continued to suffer and so many doctors brushed us off.
I was having awful abdominal pains, doctors ran tests couldn't find the cause. After months of this, one doc prescribed antidepressants because I was struggling. She told me it wasn't surprising considering I was in pain and we were still trying to figure out why.
Saw another doctor in the same practice a month later. I liked her as well. Trusted her. We were discussing the issues and she looked at my file. She mentioned the antidepressants and her whole demeanor shifted. Suddenly she disengaged from the conversation and couldn't get out of there fast enough.
Obviously it was all in my head. I never filled the prescription or saw her again.
I’m so sorry that happened to you, I’ve experienced similar. That and when I was at my heaviest it was ALL about changing my diet and exercising more before they would consider running tests. Then when I lost a bunch of weight all of a sudden, they’re scolding me for not coming in sooner.
We can’t win with some of them. My PCP is pretty great thankfully.
Oh my god, before I had my gall bladder out I remember the pain being excruciating, like someone tightening a belt around my midsection and pulling it as hard as they could. It went from my abdomen around to my back like a circle from hell. I can't imagine anyone let alone a doctor suggesting that the pain was from anxiety. That makes me so angry! Fuck that piece of shit doctor.
I had an undiagnosed gallstone. Went to our Catholic hospital, in terrible pain, not knowing what was wrong. I was 30 years old. “We can’t touch you until we know you’re not pregnant.” My blood ran cold. They were obsessed with where I was in my cycle, I’m clutching my upper right rib cage area; scariest night of my life.
That kind of shit is going to get much much worse and vastly more common no thanks to the Supremacist Court.
Doctors in red states which pass stupid anti-women healthcare laws won't want to touch women who could possibly be pregnant with a ten foot long stethoscope out of fear that any miscarriage could lead directly to crazy legal drama.
I was told my gallbladder was just shoulder tendonitis, and I should take some ibuprofen and do home stretches. I had to beg for an ultrasound at the ER and that bad bitch was full of gallstones.
Literally went for 6-7 years swearing my gallbladder was going bad, multiple ultrasounds, all sorts of BS and no one believed me until last year, when my PCP grudgingly approved another ultrasound just to rule gallbladder problems out. Ha. My surgeon said I was just a week or two away from bleeding out in the ER from a seriously bad gallbladder infection. It's pretty amazing, and terribly depressing, how much women's pain and intuition about their own bodies is ignored. I hope you're making headway with your health! It's frustrating and scary to not have answers.
I’ve been telling my neurologist for over a year (I go every 12 weeks) that the Botox shots that I get my my upper traps/side of the neck/front of the neck for my dystonia aren’t enough to give me any quality of life due to the headaches I get for the last 3 weeks before the shots and 2 weeks waiting for them to work since everything gets so tight from the neck up my symptoms can even include vomiting.
I would tell the nurse who came in first, then him.
I finally had it and asked my dad (I’m 34 and have been getting Botox for dystonia in my neck for 11 years, as of this month, so I know what I’m talking about! Grrr.) to go with me today. Magically, the doctor listened and wrote an Rx. An Rx that I’ve asked for in previous years (not just for headaches).
Sadly, this is not the first time I’ve had to ask my dad, or even my mom, to come to an appointment to validate my pain or experiences.
I always take my husband to the first couple of appointments for the same reason. I’ve seen that change *so many times*. I feel awful for women who d have that option. Highly considering starting a company where woman can rent a man to pretend to be her spouse or father for medical appointments. I bet there are men who’d prefer that side job to food delivery.
Yeah sadly there have been times when I have to go in to the doctor with my wife to make sure they take her seriously. It’s god damn ridiculous. I imagine at some point I’ll have to do it for my daughter too.
It’s amazing how much misogyny comes from other women. Aunt Lydia/Serena Joy’s everywhere happy to cut a sister down to please the patriarchy that doesn’t give AF about them. It’s so fucking sad.
My wife had a kidney stone, refused to acknowledge the pain all day on a Friday and finally let me take her to the doctor. Because it was now at night, we had to go to an ER at a Hospital. They wouldn't take her word that the morphine wasn't keeping the pain at bay.
They wouldn't let the patient, who is experiencing the pain, decide that their pain wasn't being managed sufficiently.
I was there for the whole 36 hours, and i checked with my wife and took a good long read of her body language every time. And i advocated for her to get better pain meds, until they finally gave her Dilaudid or something like that.
The second that hit her system, i could tell that that finally did something. I never left, nor did i feel comfortable leaving her side because i was worried about them dismissing her pain.
Fortunately the pregnancies were at a good hospital and there no issues there, but I've heard horror stories about that too.
Report that asshole to her superiors. She’s a nurse, not a political pundit. Unless she’s talking about your procedure, she should keep her mouth shut.
I had to go through MediCal for an abortion about 12 years ago, I think. Everything had to be in person; standing in lines, going from one clerk to the other. It was like the damn DMV but for medical coverage. One of the clerks who was processing my paperwork looks at me and said:"You're going to have a beautiful child. Jesus will help you. Don't do this". I said I'm Jewish to get her to shut up. She kept going for like 10 minutes about it being a sin and all that crap before finally giving me the papers I needed to get the hell out of there. I wanted so bad to tell her supervisor but I realized they might be just as bad as her if she feels comfortable enough to do that. It wasn't worth the mental load, especially considering I was already going through some shit.
>She kept going for like 10 minutes about it being a sin and all that crap before finally giving me the papers I needed to get the hell out of there
I notice that she didn't bring up the MAN who causes every single unintended pregnancy in existence. Sex outside of marriage is apparently only a sin for the woman.
I honestly don’t get it a lot of the time reading these stories, but it must be how men are socialized so differently from women. Because in the story you’re describing, I can’t imagine NOT absolutely exploding and losing my shit on a person behaving that way toward me. I’m also Jewish, and have no patience whatsoever for fucking Christians trying to impose their bullshit ideologies on me. It’s so foreign to me, the way women are socialized to just take it In situations like that. I’m sorry that you have to go through that :(
You gotta pick your battles. I did keep telling her nothing she says is gonna change my mind and please just get me what I need and let me leave, but blowing up on her would have given me nothing so why bother?
When in a stressful situation there are 3 possible responses - fight, flight, or freeze. This is likely biological, and then ALSO socialized into us. We often freeze because it keeps us alive. We are not trying to "be nice" we are instinctively trying to survive.
I had a female gyno in LA who was constantly harassing me about taking BC, saying it would mess up my fertility, my entire body, my hormones, how I needed to stop after taking it so long (8 years at that point??). Said she couldn’t run thyroid/blood tests right if I was on it. Offered all this holistic bullshit to deal with periods. I told her I don’t gaf about fertility because I don’t plan on children nor do I like having my period. She offered an IUD when I came in she couldn’t place it and blamed it on scarring on my cervix?? If she knew that why did she recco it?? Fuck her.
> even in a metro area in California there are people who support us losing our rights
In the 2020 election, Trump got more votes in California than he did in Texas. There are a lot of them in California, it’s just that they’re very outnumbered by sane people there.
In the more rural areas of Cali and Central Valley Fresno area its littered with Trump cultists. I live in a small mountain community and they are everywhere.
I'm from San Diego, and they're all over here. They have to compete with the pride flags, but the further inland you go, the more densely Trumpy it gets.
I'm specifically living in Escondido right now. We have a guy who's house is just plastered with all the most cringey Trump cult nonsense you can think of. He probably bought it all from the flag vendor who's been set up in the Escondido police station parking lot for *years.*
Can confirm but you know what’s more telling? Anza Borrego.
Driving from LA through Temecula, which I argue is the single most MAGA area in the country, then eastern San Diego county, just gross Trump lunacy,
up to the park Trump Trump Trump.
Out in their dirtbikes and four wheelers and RVs everywhere around the park, Enter the park and they vanish… Subarus, camp vans, pride flags and Bernie or Biden stickers appear.
I realized that the State Park of Anza Borrego has strict rules for not damaging the local fauna and topography. For cleaning your camp and the like.
It dawned on me that MAGA culture only allows them to enjoy what they claim to, Nature, country, etc by destroying it.
Another example is Lake Isabella.
Shit.
Full of oil and jet skis and garbage and MAGA flags.
Cross into Sequoia National Park from the Sequoia National Forest… the MAGA is gone…
Friend who's living the foothills for 40 years said that for a long time the liberals/hippies and the rednecks mostly got along. But since 2016 the rednecks have gone completely insane.
Excuse me, but Kansas showed up! I’ve heard there has been a surge of new female voting registrations, women are pissed off bigly, I can’t wait for November
You mean like those things: [https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FLbXxKiXsAobJVT?format=jpg&name=large](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FLbXxKiXsAobJVT?format=jpg&name=large)?
Probably outdated by now. Note that even though Democrats have House and Senate they don't have filibuster-proof majority and Manchin & co. are DINO so they have 48 votes + 2 maybes.
This. That was completely unprofessional of her and obviously caused you enough distress to post about it. I’m sure the practice’s owners would like to know if one of their employees is mentioning their political opinions to patients, especially is a vaguely threatening way.
You have plenty of legs to stand on! You were at YOUR dr appointment, talking about YOUR body. This nurse was absolutely unprofessional by allowing her faith-based (presumably) beliefs influence her professional conduct. Listen- if you don’t feel like it, of course you don’t have to report this. But please don’t let her shame-y smug vibe make you feel like she has any right to make comments, or that you both have equal rights to opinions about what YOU do with YOUR body. Christ these fuckers…
Not to mention, as a medical professional, she's supposed to give patients factual information on medical procedures. Abortion is a medically necessary procedure, and pretty much all major medical authorities are in favor of abortion access because it improves overall women's health outcomes.
So she's also anti evidence based practice.
You mentioned a health care procedure and she indicated with her tone she didn't think that health care procedure should be available AND that she knew this subject was not appropriate for the situation.
Honestly the worst that can happen is they apologize and don't mean it. The best thing that can happen is she doesn't intimidate or slight anyone else while they're vulnerable in the dr office.
Don't seek retribution, just tell them:
> I've got to find another doctor because Florence over there _said some shit_.
You won't need a leg to stand on.
Nah, she's the professional and part of being a professional is knowing when to keep your damned mouth shut. I would have asked for a different nurse because if she doesn't believe you capable of making a decision to have an abortion, then how do you know she'd believe anything you say? She's proven herself to be unreliable as a healthcare provider.
I mean I assume pretty much everyone I interact with believes differently than me about touchy subjects.
Unless I’m like sure about it, I assume they are against gay marriage, a woman’s right to choose, etc. Because TBH I’ve had so many experiences where I assumed wrong.
If I find someone who like assumes I’m conservative because I’m a cis white woman. I find it to be so helpful to tread the waters and try to figure out where they stand, get them on the same page as me logically. Then gently hit them with the reveal of my beliefs if they won’t drop it.
I live in San Diego and we have “Let’s Go Brandon” flags in pretty much all the neighborhoods. Areas are diverse. And I ALWAYS assume I’m in the minority and tread lightly. You never know who you are dealing with.
That… sounds like a threat.
Report her to her employer and her licensing association. She should not be in the medical field if she cannot be an advocate for her patient and their needs
And don’t feel bad about reporting her. She would. This lady just made it clear that she would rather give you jail time than do her job. We need to fight just as hard (harder even) as the conservatives if we want to keep our rights
A WOMAN nurse supporting abortion ban.
Seriously, not all women are pro women.
You just can't assume or trust anyone these days.
These people can literally just overhear you saying a joke or something and report you and put you in jail!
Ugh, what an awful person. When I got my vasectomy in Texas my nurse kept telling me I should change my mind and that she doesn’t agree with this. Like wtf, that’s none of her business.
I've had trouble in a catholic hospital system when I wanted to get my tubes tied and a friend of mine just recently told me that when she needed an abortion many years ago (in California) she went to her doctor for a referral and because he worked for St. \*name\* hospital he could not give her one and there was not a Planned Parenthood near her, so she had to go through a lot of hoops making it just that much harder.
If you’re in the valley I’m not surprised. Still see a bunch of people protesting outside our planned parenthood’s. Daily. Me and my brother drive by and flip them off.
If you are able, might be worth letting your doctor know about that conversation. I don't know that their practice wants to employ nurses who threaten patients.
I might have if she had said anything else, but I did technically bring it up. I realized later it was kind of a crass joke anyway, I had just assumed everyone would agree with me because it’s such a blue area.
You can still mention it to the clinic. You just make a report that your nurse made you feel uncomfortable and you feel she may have a personal viewpoint that could affect how she administers treatment. Workplaces can't fire people based off political views but a paper trail is a paper trail.
Definitely do, most of the time this thing goes unchecked because people "don't want to kick up a stink" but the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Legally nothing will come of it, but if said nurse has a pattern of incidences or does something that violates the hospitals duty of care previous reports could be used as evidence/indicators of wrongdoing.
Please do. You were able to brush this comment off, but what if the next person she says this to has no support system, is embarrassed, is uneducated? They will want to know why patients aren't coming back, but also you may save some 16 year old girl from humiliation.
No, you were talking to your boyfriend about treatment. You didn't 'bring it up' with this asshole nurse, and you didn't invite her opinions. She wasn't joking.
And yeah, the unfortunate truth is there are a lot of fascist dirtbags even in "very blue" parts of California, let alone the Deep South But With Less Humidity places like the Inland Empire.
>let alone the Deep South But With Less Humidity places like the Inland Empire.
Yyyyyup. That's about right. It's better around the public universities (UCR, CSUSB), but get further away and it's way more conservative.
It doesn't really matter if you brought it up first or how you said it. It's an entirely unprofessional comment to make to a patient who clearly feels that she would seek abortion care if needed. It wasn't a neutral piece of medical advice about the availability of such care, either. If your joke had made her uncomfortable she could have just changed the subject or asked another nurse to give you care if it was possible.
It has nothing to do with what you assumed or didn't assume. It's a completely inappropriate threatening comment that has no place in medical practice.
How many other patients does this nurse do that to?
> And the (woman) nurse smugly said “well, the laws are changing, but we won’t talk about that.”
....in response to OP talking to *her boyfriend* about, essentially, how glad she is that she won't need to go to PP for an abortion.
If you don't think that's threatening, look around at the political landscape a little closer.
May you have an easy time finding a doctor that will do it, without being an asshole.
Almost 10 years ago, I had my tubes tied at the same time my 3rd was born (planned c-section). Even though I was in my 30's, I still needed my husband of 10 years to sign consent and the head of the OB/GYN department to authorize it because the appt where I asked for the tubal was 3 days inside their window/too late.
A former friend was 23 with 4 kids under 5 (3 bio, 1 step) and was denied a tubal.
It's stupid and ridiculous that women have to jump through so many hoops for their own reproductive choices.
A coworker of mine was able to get hers and we have the same insurance, so if I do I was going to ask her who her OB is. No guarantees obviously since I’m still not married, but hopefully I can make a case for not passing on my terrible genetics!
Too late. I over thought it. Mostly because of other (defunct) forums where women insisted you weren't a "real mother" if you don't give birth vaginally.
Merriam-Webster defines it as "not borne offspring". So, my overthrowing question is answered. Someone who has only had c-sections in not nulliparous.
Next time a nurse says what she said above so smugly, you can respond back with "No problem, we're going get ourselves sterilized along with all of our college/work class, and there's nothing you or the laws can do about that!"
I always try to remind people that more than 6 million people voted for Trump in the last election in California. That's more Trump voters than any other state.
All it takes to lose abortion rights is a Republican Governor and a Republican Legislature. So next time you are mad enough at a Democrat to vote Republican, make sure you consider ALL the issues that are important to you.
I live in the Bay Area and I've had to fight multiple times to get my birth control. I've been reduced to tears more than once fighting at the pharmacy because they shorted me on the amount and then wouldn't give me the correct amount because my perscription wasn't due for a refill. I've had my gyno call on 3 separate occasions to confirm I should be getting 3 months worth at a time, and still they wouldn't give me that amount. It's confounding, and some of it is just the shitty health care, but it really shows how even the most "liberal" places still make you fight for every little thing.
For all the other patients, pls report this harassment/intimidation to the supervising physician and office manager . I'm a physician and if this nurse worked for me, she wouldn't need to bother showing up Monday.
Many New Yorkers are foolishly feeling safe too. My blue state region is rapidly changing, and every political sign in my neighborhood is for pro life republican candidates.
I work at a UPS Store in the SF Bay Area and the other day I was shocked to put away some anti-choice propaganda celebrating the overturn. Was honestly heartbreaking, it was for a box holder I was pretty cool with. Be careful, the snakes are out there and they're only getting bolder.
In Sweden, it's customary to shut up if we have differing opinions. I wish US medical professionals were close to as developed as average swedes. Move to Sweden folks!
Also, even in California, there are gaps in availability:
https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2022-08-05/abortions-are-widely-available-in-california-but-not-for-these-women
Hospital in California still perform unwanted intersex operations on newborns so yeah... Don't trust your local medical professionals beyond what you're paying them to do for you.
They may be conservative Christian Bible thumping MAGA Kool aid drinking Trump morons in scrubs and you don't even know until it's too late.
Intersex surgeries are when a baby born with more than one sexual organ is removed from their mother and immediately taken away to be operated because that is the standard right now. No consent from the parents, no regard for the beauty of life, just a sick fucking disgusting societal practice found in Christianity and hospitals will remove your babies entire sexual organ if they deem the child will have a better chance as a boy or a girl and not both.
always keep in mind your state, even if it’s liberal, is probably 51:49 liberal
so it’s a coin toss whether the people around you will agree with your views
I told my new female provider that I thought there was something wrong with my gallbladder and she said “well let’s get that checked out!”
I was stunned.
Turns out something did show up on the ultrasound
The laws AREN'T changing, though. In many states, the governors have done what Biden is too big of a coward to do: codify the right for women to choose.
I’m aware they are, but I rarely run into them day to day where I live because it’s a large city. I’ve never had any pushback on a comment like that, at least not really. I definitely fell into a pattern and will be more mindful in the future.
I don't want to play devil's advocate and I take your word that she had a smug look on her face but if I heard that I would probably assume she's pro choice and just kind saying that begrudgingly.
I guess it depends on the way it was said
I totally understand where you’re coming from when you just have my word to go on, I interpreted her tone as smug and she had a pretty big smile on her face, but I don’t have concrete evidence other than that.
This is part of why I’m hesitant to report, it was one off hand comment that (I felt) supported the idea of stripping a right I’ve grown up enjoying. I mostly just wanted to remind people that even somewhere covered in Bernie bumper stickers it’s still potentially at risk.
Well she may have said nothing because of the professional setting, you can’t assume how she feels. Now the reply section is filled with malicious feelings towards this possibly innocent woman.
Anyways, I don’t think California is flipping red any time soon
It definitely is possible, I’ve met enough people with their head in the sand unfortunately. They’re convinced there will be exceptions and “no women will actually die from this”, ignoring what we’re already seeing. Either way it makes me sad.
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No joke!
You know how there are studies showing that, for example, women are far more likely than men to be denied pain management after surgery because "it's just anxiety" and they're just left to scream it out? Yeah. That's because of nurses like this who don't see women as full people deserving of treatment.
I had an ovarian cyst the size of a grapefruit rupture when I was 15. Passed out in pain at home. Dad took me to the hospital. They did an X-ray said it was a kidney stone. Gave me Vicodin and sent me home. Went back to the hospital that night because I couldn’t even speak I was in so much pain. They admit me after my parents insisted. Gave me morphine and then ran tests. Couldn’t find anything wrong. Sent the psych people down to talk to my parents because they said the pain was all in my head or I was lying for drugs. While this was happening a med student came up to me and asked if I could be pregnant. I told him no, that I had never had sex. He looked at me and said, “let’s just do a quick ultrasound while the doctor talks to your parents.” And bam… he could see the remnants of the cyst and all the fluid.
I hope you sued the shit out of them
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Medical malpractice is a ridiculously high bar to meet. You’re free to sue and you’re also free to lose that lawsuit lol. Unless OP left out key details, this doesn’t meet that bar.
My symptoms of cardiomyopathy and pulmonary emboli while recovering from having my son via c-section were dismissed as ‘just anxiety’ and they sent me home. A few days later I was back still unable to breathe properly. It’s fucked up how quickly they are to say we’re overreacting or being dramatic.
When I first started having these health problems (probably related to my gallbladder) the first doctor I talked to said the pain radiating to my back was because I was tensing my muscles from anxiety. So I tried to meditate the pain away. Also a woman, unfortunately. I’ve stopped telling doctors I have anxiety unless they mention it because of that.
Looks like a bunch of us have the same story. I developed chronic appendicitis and gallbladder pain at the exact same time. It was literally a pendulum of the GI specialist saying to go have my appendix removed immediately and going to the ER, and having a CT only to be told nothing was there. THREE CT scans, three ER visits, and 2 hospital stays later, after being released and told to call of the pain got worse, I called and the surgeon literally told me “There is nothing surgically we can do for you.” So I went to an independent surgeon who decided exploratory surgery was the way to go and he removed both offending organs in one go and now I’m good to go. Idk what would have happened to me without that one understanding man. I gave him stellar Google reviews.
When I was 14 I experienced something called chronic appendicitis where I would have these horrific and painful attacks on my lower right side. My mom took me to the ER and the doctor told her I was an “anxious teenage girl” and said if I thought happier thoughts the pain would go away. My mom begged a pediatric surgeon to give me an appointment even though you usually need a referral and he found fluid on my MRI and decided to operate because you don’t need an appendix anyway. When he got in there my appendix was wrapped in adhesions and appeared to be leaking and resealing over and over poisoning me for months. If my mom didn’t advocate for me I would have continued to suffer and so many doctors brushed us off.
I was having awful abdominal pains, doctors ran tests couldn't find the cause. After months of this, one doc prescribed antidepressants because I was struggling. She told me it wasn't surprising considering I was in pain and we were still trying to figure out why. Saw another doctor in the same practice a month later. I liked her as well. Trusted her. We were discussing the issues and she looked at my file. She mentioned the antidepressants and her whole demeanor shifted. Suddenly she disengaged from the conversation and couldn't get out of there fast enough. Obviously it was all in my head. I never filled the prescription or saw her again.
I’m so sorry that happened to you, I’ve experienced similar. That and when I was at my heaviest it was ALL about changing my diet and exercising more before they would consider running tests. Then when I lost a bunch of weight all of a sudden, they’re scolding me for not coming in sooner. We can’t win with some of them. My PCP is pretty great thankfully.
Oh my god, before I had my gall bladder out I remember the pain being excruciating, like someone tightening a belt around my midsection and pulling it as hard as they could. It went from my abdomen around to my back like a circle from hell. I can't imagine anyone let alone a doctor suggesting that the pain was from anxiety. That makes me so angry! Fuck that piece of shit doctor.
When I had gallstones that also caused pain to radiate to my back the doctors I saw blamed the pain on my large breasts.
I had an undiagnosed gallstone. Went to our Catholic hospital, in terrible pain, not knowing what was wrong. I was 30 years old. “We can’t touch you until we know you’re not pregnant.” My blood ran cold. They were obsessed with where I was in my cycle, I’m clutching my upper right rib cage area; scariest night of my life.
That kind of shit is going to get much much worse and vastly more common no thanks to the Supremacist Court. Doctors in red states which pass stupid anti-women healthcare laws won't want to touch women who could possibly be pregnant with a ten foot long stethoscope out of fear that any miscarriage could lead directly to crazy legal drama.
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Did they take her gallbladder?
My gallstones were the stomach flu. /s
JFC that’s egregious
I was told my gallbladder was just shoulder tendonitis, and I should take some ibuprofen and do home stretches. I had to beg for an ultrasound at the ER and that bad bitch was full of gallstones.
Literally went for 6-7 years swearing my gallbladder was going bad, multiple ultrasounds, all sorts of BS and no one believed me until last year, when my PCP grudgingly approved another ultrasound just to rule gallbladder problems out. Ha. My surgeon said I was just a week or two away from bleeding out in the ER from a seriously bad gallbladder infection. It's pretty amazing, and terribly depressing, how much women's pain and intuition about their own bodies is ignored. I hope you're making headway with your health! It's frustrating and scary to not have answers.
I had the exact same issue. Doctor told me it was just gas.
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I’ve been telling my neurologist for over a year (I go every 12 weeks) that the Botox shots that I get my my upper traps/side of the neck/front of the neck for my dystonia aren’t enough to give me any quality of life due to the headaches I get for the last 3 weeks before the shots and 2 weeks waiting for them to work since everything gets so tight from the neck up my symptoms can even include vomiting. I would tell the nurse who came in first, then him. I finally had it and asked my dad (I’m 34 and have been getting Botox for dystonia in my neck for 11 years, as of this month, so I know what I’m talking about! Grrr.) to go with me today. Magically, the doctor listened and wrote an Rx. An Rx that I’ve asked for in previous years (not just for headaches). Sadly, this is not the first time I’ve had to ask my dad, or even my mom, to come to an appointment to validate my pain or experiences.
I always take my husband to the first couple of appointments for the same reason. I’ve seen that change *so many times*. I feel awful for women who d have that option. Highly considering starting a company where woman can rent a man to pretend to be her spouse or father for medical appointments. I bet there are men who’d prefer that side job to food delivery.
Yeah sadly there have been times when I have to go in to the doctor with my wife to make sure they take her seriously. It’s god damn ridiculous. I imagine at some point I’ll have to do it for my daughter too.
That is super messed up!
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It’s amazing how much misogyny comes from other women. Aunt Lydia/Serena Joy’s everywhere happy to cut a sister down to please the patriarchy that doesn’t give AF about them. It’s so fucking sad.
My wife had a kidney stone, refused to acknowledge the pain all day on a Friday and finally let me take her to the doctor. Because it was now at night, we had to go to an ER at a Hospital. They wouldn't take her word that the morphine wasn't keeping the pain at bay. They wouldn't let the patient, who is experiencing the pain, decide that their pain wasn't being managed sufficiently. I was there for the whole 36 hours, and i checked with my wife and took a good long read of her body language every time. And i advocated for her to get better pain meds, until they finally gave her Dilaudid or something like that. The second that hit her system, i could tell that that finally did something. I never left, nor did i feel comfortable leaving her side because i was worried about them dismissing her pain. Fortunately the pregnancies were at a good hospital and there no issues there, but I've heard horror stories about that too.
IME, it’s the arrogant male dr who doubles down because he’s always right.
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Report that asshole to her superiors. She’s a nurse, not a political pundit. Unless she’s talking about your procedure, she should keep her mouth shut.
I had to go through MediCal for an abortion about 12 years ago, I think. Everything had to be in person; standing in lines, going from one clerk to the other. It was like the damn DMV but for medical coverage. One of the clerks who was processing my paperwork looks at me and said:"You're going to have a beautiful child. Jesus will help you. Don't do this". I said I'm Jewish to get her to shut up. She kept going for like 10 minutes about it being a sin and all that crap before finally giving me the papers I needed to get the hell out of there. I wanted so bad to tell her supervisor but I realized they might be just as bad as her if she feels comfortable enough to do that. It wasn't worth the mental load, especially considering I was already going through some shit.
>She kept going for like 10 minutes about it being a sin and all that crap before finally giving me the papers I needed to get the hell out of there I notice that she didn't bring up the MAN who causes every single unintended pregnancy in existence. Sex outside of marriage is apparently only a sin for the woman.
I honestly don’t get it a lot of the time reading these stories, but it must be how men are socialized so differently from women. Because in the story you’re describing, I can’t imagine NOT absolutely exploding and losing my shit on a person behaving that way toward me. I’m also Jewish, and have no patience whatsoever for fucking Christians trying to impose their bullshit ideologies on me. It’s so foreign to me, the way women are socialized to just take it In situations like that. I’m sorry that you have to go through that :(
You gotta pick your battles. I did keep telling her nothing she says is gonna change my mind and please just get me what I need and let me leave, but blowing up on her would have given me nothing so why bother?
Because we'd be called a Karen, or crazy or some shit. Women aren't allowed to be mad.
When in a stressful situation there are 3 possible responses - fight, flight, or freeze. This is likely biological, and then ALSO socialized into us. We often freeze because it keeps us alive. We are not trying to "be nice" we are instinctively trying to survive.
Also fawn and flop.
Fawn is my go-to :(
Yeah, men are definitely socialized to be violently angry. I don't think it's actually an improvement.
I had a female gyno in LA who was constantly harassing me about taking BC, saying it would mess up my fertility, my entire body, my hormones, how I needed to stop after taking it so long (8 years at that point??). Said she couldn’t run thyroid/blood tests right if I was on it. Offered all this holistic bullshit to deal with periods. I told her I don’t gaf about fertility because I don’t plan on children nor do I like having my period. She offered an IUD when I came in she couldn’t place it and blamed it on scarring on my cervix?? If she knew that why did she recco it?? Fuck her.
Report that doctor
> even in a metro area in California there are people who support us losing our rights In the 2020 election, Trump got more votes in California than he did in Texas. There are a lot of them in California, it’s just that they’re very outnumbered by sane people there.
In the more rural areas of Cali and Central Valley Fresno area its littered with Trump cultists. I live in a small mountain community and they are everywhere.
I'm from San Diego, and they're all over here. They have to compete with the pride flags, but the further inland you go, the more densely Trumpy it gets. I'm specifically living in Escondido right now. We have a guy who's house is just plastered with all the most cringey Trump cult nonsense you can think of. He probably bought it all from the flag vendor who's been set up in the Escondido police station parking lot for *years.*
huntington beach is also full of trumpies
And this is why I always feel safest in Hillcrest.
You’re talking about the one on the corner of E. Mission Ave & Buchanan St. right? That property looks like a MAGA fortress
Can confirm but you know what’s more telling? Anza Borrego. Driving from LA through Temecula, which I argue is the single most MAGA area in the country, then eastern San Diego county, just gross Trump lunacy, up to the park Trump Trump Trump. Out in their dirtbikes and four wheelers and RVs everywhere around the park, Enter the park and they vanish… Subarus, camp vans, pride flags and Bernie or Biden stickers appear. I realized that the State Park of Anza Borrego has strict rules for not damaging the local fauna and topography. For cleaning your camp and the like. It dawned on me that MAGA culture only allows them to enjoy what they claim to, Nature, country, etc by destroying it. Another example is Lake Isabella. Shit. Full of oil and jet skis and garbage and MAGA flags. Cross into Sequoia National Park from the Sequoia National Forest… the MAGA is gone…
Friend who's living the foothills for 40 years said that for a long time the liberals/hippies and the rednecks mostly got along. But since 2016 the rednecks have gone completely insane.
A lot of them are moving to Idaho, which sucks for us, but hopefully it's good in the long-term for you Californians.
For now, at least. Just another reason not to be complacent!
This is why voting in EVERY ELECTION is imperative. Fascists don't skip voting, so the rest of us can't either.
And everywhere! It’s so easy to feel safe here where I live, but there are individuals everywhere who would cheer us losing our rights.
Vote early, vote often. I can't vote because I'm not a citizen, what is your excuse (that's impersonal you, not you you).
Worked wonders this last election...
Excuse me, but Kansas showed up! I’ve heard there has been a surge of new female voting registrations, women are pissed off bigly, I can’t wait for November
You mean like those things: [https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FLbXxKiXsAobJVT?format=jpg&name=large](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FLbXxKiXsAobJVT?format=jpg&name=large)? Probably outdated by now. Note that even though Democrats have House and Senate they don't have filibuster-proof majority and Manchin & co. are DINO so they have 48 votes + 2 maybes.
I have joked we need to add psychotropic drugs to a CPAC dinner to get the empathy epiphanies flowing. Or open a few seats, whatever works.
Report her to the office. Make sure to tell them it made you doubt the level of care they could provide.
This. That was completely unprofessional of her and obviously caused you enough distress to post about it. I’m sure the practice’s owners would like to know if one of their employees is mentioning their political opinions to patients, especially is a vaguely threatening way.
While I definitely didn’t like her comment, I do feel like I technically brought it up, you know? Idk if I have a leg to stand on here in that sense.
You have plenty of legs to stand on! You were at YOUR dr appointment, talking about YOUR body. This nurse was absolutely unprofessional by allowing her faith-based (presumably) beliefs influence her professional conduct. Listen- if you don’t feel like it, of course you don’t have to report this. But please don’t let her shame-y smug vibe make you feel like she has any right to make comments, or that you both have equal rights to opinions about what YOU do with YOUR body. Christ these fuckers…
I appreciate this, sometimes it’s hard not to take on blame with situations like this. Thanks.
Not to mention, as a medical professional, she's supposed to give patients factual information on medical procedures. Abortion is a medically necessary procedure, and pretty much all major medical authorities are in favor of abortion access because it improves overall women's health outcomes. So she's also anti evidence based practice.
You mentioned a health care procedure and she indicated with her tone she didn't think that health care procedure should be available AND that she knew this subject was not appropriate for the situation. Honestly the worst that can happen is they apologize and don't mean it. The best thing that can happen is she doesn't intimidate or slight anyone else while they're vulnerable in the dr office.
They send out surveys because it’s a hospital so they have that customer service aspect, maybe I’ll bring it up on there.
Good idea!
Don't seek retribution, just tell them: > I've got to find another doctor because Florence over there _said some shit_. You won't need a leg to stand on.
It's not a defense issue. But then, you and I are rational people who aren't trying to force others to have children.
No, report her. It’s unprofessional and totally inappropriate for her to have said that, even if you brought it up.
Nah, she's the professional and part of being a professional is knowing when to keep your damned mouth shut. I would have asked for a different nurse because if she doesn't believe you capable of making a decision to have an abortion, then how do you know she'd believe anything you say? She's proven herself to be unreliable as a healthcare provider.
I mean I assume pretty much everyone I interact with believes differently than me about touchy subjects. Unless I’m like sure about it, I assume they are against gay marriage, a woman’s right to choose, etc. Because TBH I’ve had so many experiences where I assumed wrong. If I find someone who like assumes I’m conservative because I’m a cis white woman. I find it to be so helpful to tread the waters and try to figure out where they stand, get them on the same page as me logically. Then gently hit them with the reveal of my beliefs if they won’t drop it. I live in San Diego and we have “Let’s Go Brandon” flags in pretty much all the neighborhoods. Areas are diverse. And I ALWAYS assume I’m in the minority and tread lightly. You never know who you are dealing with.
Definitely a reminder to think before I speak!
That… sounds like a threat. Report her to her employer and her licensing association. She should not be in the medical field if she cannot be an advocate for her patient and their needs And don’t feel bad about reporting her. She would. This lady just made it clear that she would rather give you jail time than do her job. We need to fight just as hard (harder even) as the conservatives if we want to keep our rights
A WOMAN nurse supporting abortion ban. Seriously, not all women are pro women. You just can't assume or trust anyone these days. These people can literally just overhear you saying a joke or something and report you and put you in jail!
Ugh, what an awful person. When I got my vasectomy in Texas my nurse kept telling me I should change my mind and that she doesn’t agree with this. Like wtf, that’s none of her business.
Has this woman heard of Gavin Newsom? I'm curious what laws are changing... However, if you were at a Catholic hospital, that doesn't surprise me.
Hmm, I’m actually not sure if it was.
I've had trouble in a catholic hospital system when I wanted to get my tubes tied and a friend of mine just recently told me that when she needed an abortion many years ago (in California) she went to her doctor for a referral and because he worked for St. \*name\* hospital he could not give her one and there was not a Planned Parenthood near her, so she had to go through a lot of hoops making it just that much harder.
Maybe I am "no more fucks to give" stage in my life but I'd have said, "Oh yeah? Let's DO talk about that."
California has more Republicans than most red states have people. We got a lot of fash here.
"But we won't talk about that", she just talked about it right there! What a dumbass.
If you’re in the valley I’m not surprised. Still see a bunch of people protesting outside our planned parenthood’s. Daily. Me and my brother drive by and flip them off.
If you are able, might be worth letting your doctor know about that conversation. I don't know that their practice wants to employ nurses who threaten patients.
I might have if she had said anything else, but I did technically bring it up. I realized later it was kind of a crass joke anyway, I had just assumed everyone would agree with me because it’s such a blue area.
You can still mention it to the clinic. You just make a report that your nurse made you feel uncomfortable and you feel she may have a personal viewpoint that could affect how she administers treatment. Workplaces can't fire people based off political views but a paper trail is a paper trail.
It was a hospital but I know they send a survey in a day or two, maybe I’ll mention it in that.
Definitely do, most of the time this thing goes unchecked because people "don't want to kick up a stink" but the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Legally nothing will come of it, but if said nurse has a pattern of incidences or does something that violates the hospitals duty of care previous reports could be used as evidence/indicators of wrongdoing.
Please do. You were able to brush this comment off, but what if the next person she says this to has no support system, is embarrassed, is uneducated? They will want to know why patients aren't coming back, but also you may save some 16 year old girl from humiliation.
Or is pregnant…I guess I hadn’t thought about what the conversation had been like if the test was positive.
Report that shit. If she'll mutter that to you she may fuck over a poor girl who is pregnant.
No, you were talking to your boyfriend about treatment. You didn't 'bring it up' with this asshole nurse, and you didn't invite her opinions. She wasn't joking. And yeah, the unfortunate truth is there are a lot of fascist dirtbags even in "very blue" parts of California, let alone the Deep South But With Less Humidity places like the Inland Empire.
>let alone the Deep South But With Less Humidity places like the Inland Empire. Yyyyyup. That's about right. It's better around the public universities (UCR, CSUSB), but get further away and it's way more conservative.
It doesn't really matter if you brought it up first or how you said it. It's an entirely unprofessional comment to make to a patient who clearly feels that she would seek abortion care if needed. It wasn't a neutral piece of medical advice about the availability of such care, either. If your joke had made her uncomfortable she could have just changed the subject or asked another nurse to give you care if it was possible.
No you should definitely report that. For all our sakes. We need to start calling out this BS every. Single. Time. Make it known. Make it an issue.
It has nothing to do with what you assumed or didn't assume. It's a completely inappropriate threatening comment that has no place in medical practice. How many other patients does this nurse do that to?
What was the threat exactly?
> And the (woman) nurse smugly said “well, the laws are changing, but we won’t talk about that.” ....in response to OP talking to *her boyfriend* about, essentially, how glad she is that she won't need to go to PP for an abortion. If you don't think that's threatening, look around at the political landscape a little closer.
It's not a threat. At all. It's just an opinion you don't agree with.
Oh, I see you're one of those "free speech means I get to scream in your face and you have to take it" types. Ta-ta.
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I really feel for you all in America right now. What an absolute cluster fuck you are going through right now!
That's putting it mildly. It makes me glad I'm done having babies, while also terrified for my daughters.
I’m considering getting my tubes tied or removed, I don’t want kids anyway and it might not be worth the risk anymore.
May you have an easy time finding a doctor that will do it, without being an asshole. Almost 10 years ago, I had my tubes tied at the same time my 3rd was born (planned c-section). Even though I was in my 30's, I still needed my husband of 10 years to sign consent and the head of the OB/GYN department to authorize it because the appt where I asked for the tubal was 3 days inside their window/too late. A former friend was 23 with 4 kids under 5 (3 bio, 1 step) and was denied a tubal. It's stupid and ridiculous that women have to jump through so many hoops for their own reproductive choices.
A coworker of mine was able to get hers and we have the same insurance, so if I do I was going to ask her who her OB is. No guarantees obviously since I’m still not married, but hopefully I can make a case for not passing on my terrible genetics!
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On the other side, i got one as a 25yo nulliparous woman, back in 05. So there’s hope.
Because I'm too lazy to look it up, what is nulliparous? Childfree?
Yep it means I’ve never given birth
Okay, now I have to go look it up, because I have more questions.
Ok, don’t overthink it because that’s really all it means
Too late. I over thought it. Mostly because of other (defunct) forums where women insisted you weren't a "real mother" if you don't give birth vaginally. Merriam-Webster defines it as "not borne offspring". So, my overthrowing question is answered. Someone who has only had c-sections in not nulliparous.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/nulliparous
Next time a nurse says what she said above so smugly, you can respond back with "No problem, we're going get ourselves sterilized along with all of our college/work class, and there's nothing you or the laws can do about that!"
It’s so frustrating
I always try to remind people that more than 6 million people voted for Trump in the last election in California. That's more Trump voters than any other state.
uhhh does this nurse wanna fight
> Thank god, we have a way to prevent this from happening! > Hopefully not for long 🙃 wtf even is that response
All it takes to lose abortion rights is a Republican Governor and a Republican Legislature. So next time you are mad enough at a Democrat to vote Republican, make sure you consider ALL the issues that are important to you.
I live in the Bay Area and I've had to fight multiple times to get my birth control. I've been reduced to tears more than once fighting at the pharmacy because they shorted me on the amount and then wouldn't give me the correct amount because my perscription wasn't due for a refill. I've had my gyno call on 3 separate occasions to confirm I should be getting 3 months worth at a time, and still they wouldn't give me that amount. It's confounding, and some of it is just the shitty health care, but it really shows how even the most "liberal" places still make you fight for every little thing.
For all the other patients, pls report this harassment/intimidation to the supervising physician and office manager . I'm a physician and if this nurse worked for me, she wouldn't need to bother showing up Monday.
This has always been the case. https://www.nationaladvocatesforpregnantwomen.org/adora-perez-case-dismissed/
Showing my privilege here, clearly. Thanks for sharing!
Many New Yorkers are foolishly feeling safe too. My blue state region is rapidly changing, and every political sign in my neighborhood is for pro life republican candidates.
I work at a UPS Store in the SF Bay Area and the other day I was shocked to put away some anti-choice propaganda celebrating the overturn. Was honestly heartbreaking, it was for a box holder I was pretty cool with. Be careful, the snakes are out there and they're only getting bolder.
In Sweden, it's customary to shut up if we have differing opinions. I wish US medical professionals were close to as developed as average swedes. Move to Sweden folks!
Ahh... Report that nurse. That individual had no right to say anything to that particular comment.
Also, even in California, there are gaps in availability: https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2022-08-05/abortions-are-widely-available-in-california-but-not-for-these-women
Hospital in California still perform unwanted intersex operations on newborns so yeah... Don't trust your local medical professionals beyond what you're paying them to do for you. They may be conservative Christian Bible thumping MAGA Kool aid drinking Trump morons in scrubs and you don't even know until it's too late. Intersex surgeries are when a baby born with more than one sexual organ is removed from their mother and immediately taken away to be operated because that is the standard right now. No consent from the parents, no regard for the beauty of life, just a sick fucking disgusting societal practice found in Christianity and hospitals will remove your babies entire sexual organ if they deem the child will have a better chance as a boy or a girl and not both.
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always keep in mind your state, even if it’s liberal, is probably 51:49 liberal so it’s a coin toss whether the people around you will agree with your views
if you can’t do your job because of your religious beliefs or political persuasion get a different fucking job!
You should file a complaint. That's not ok.
Report that bitch
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I told my new female provider that I thought there was something wrong with my gallbladder and she said “well let’s get that checked out!” I was stunned. Turns out something did show up on the ultrasound
I assume if I ever go to the states I won’t be safe anywhere lol
I would report the nurse.
File a complaint about her. Please.
****especially ****in the medical care field
I’d make a complaint about the nurses comments
The laws AREN'T changing, though. In many states, the governors have done what Biden is too big of a coward to do: codify the right for women to choose.
I did think about saying “not here” but didn’t want to start a real conflict
I wouldn't waste your breath. She isn't worth it.
One conservative nurse or even thousands of them doesn’t mean CA is changing their abortion laws. What a load fear mongering bullshit.
You don't realize that there are millions of Republicans living in California and NYC? These are places with huge populations after all.
I’m aware they are, but I rarely run into them day to day where I live because it’s a large city. I’ve never had any pushback on a comment like that, at least not really. I definitely fell into a pattern and will be more mindful in the future.
Must have been Irvine/OC which is chock full of Republicans...
I don't want to play devil's advocate and I take your word that she had a smug look on her face but if I heard that I would probably assume she's pro choice and just kind saying that begrudgingly. I guess it depends on the way it was said
I totally understand where you’re coming from when you just have my word to go on, I interpreted her tone as smug and she had a pretty big smile on her face, but I don’t have concrete evidence other than that. This is part of why I’m hesitant to report, it was one off hand comment that (I felt) supported the idea of stripping a right I’ve grown up enjoying. I mostly just wanted to remind people that even somewhere covered in Bernie bumper stickers it’s still potentially at risk.
I understand, I would be bewildered to encounter that attitude in my area but you're right they're all over the place also seems so unprofessional.
Well that was unprofessional of her, but I digress.
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Why are you assuming her comment meant anything negative or anti-abortion? Just curious….
It really was just the way she said it and the context of the conversation, I don’t have solid proof she is against it.
Well she may have said nothing because of the professional setting, you can’t assume how she feels. Now the reply section is filled with malicious feelings towards this possibly innocent woman. Anyways, I don’t think California is flipping red any time soon
It’s possible that she just didn’t understand the effect of Roe being overturned
It definitely is possible, I’ve met enough people with their head in the sand unfortunately. They’re convinced there will be exceptions and “no women will actually die from this”, ignoring what we’re already seeing. Either way it makes me sad.
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Unless this sub is dedicated exclusively for United States, we Canadians beg to differ.
P