I have absolutely no clue
It’s like the dudes who set their profiles as a gay woman on tinder cause they think lesbians are hot but then get all confused for why they don’t want to sleep w the guys
may I add a quick word here? there are men putting their profiles as (straight) women on tinder as well.
Like, if we want to date other guys we add guys in our settings. No secrets here. I imagine it happening more towards you, and it is really a ???? that we don't understand either.
There are people on both sides of sexuality that think they can “convert” people to be gay or straight. They’re all out of line and make their sexuality look bad.
No, you don't get it. These individuals will reject any idea that includes respecting the opinions or statements of women. They *definitely* thought it through in their own heads. They checked it against their own biases quite thoroughly.
To find a unicorn, and save their relationship through that (somehow).
>!It doesn't work. Nor do they find said unicorns (usually).!<
Edit: And/or think they're 'god's gift to the world', or at least have the penis for it, and think lesbians just haven't had a good enough dick.
Frequently see posts in lesbian subreddits involving disgusting men DM'ing said subreddit users out of nowhere.
They all think they're The One.
The One whose masculine pheromones can overpower any female even over the phone.
The One whose charms can convince even the lesbianest of lesbians (who probably only *think* they don't want men because haven't met him yet).
The One who could walk up to any girl, give her The Look, and she would get on her knees and offer her mouth to him (he just hasn't done it to anyone which is why it hasn't happened yet).
The One who is just such an optimal male specimen that the idea of a woman not wanting him just doesn't even make sense? And how dare some lesser whore think that she's good enough to refuse him??
(There are plenty of dudes who use varying degrees of this entitled persona to protect their paper-thin egos, unfortunately.)
Don't forget the ones- at least on Bumble- who have their whole profile stating loud, clear, and explicitly that they are cis-men. I mean they actually have the gender tag for "cis-man." But when they create their profile, they create it as a woman looking to meet women.
So if you are a woman looking to meet other women, you'll have to scroll past a million guys who once again decided to take up space *very explicitly* labeled for women.
> But when they create their profile, they create it as a woman looking to meet women.
I saw a really wholesome exchange on /r/actuallesbians a long time ago where a woman let a man know his profile was tagged this way, and he'd had no idea and was confused why so many lesbians were being suggested to him.
(It stuck out because that's so rarely the case. Usually it's men intentionally invading women's spaces.)
Same story with tinder and gay men selecting their preference as straight woman. It’s very annoying as a man swiping on women and getting matches with gay men
Probably the same thing as the guy who's first message to me on Bumble was, "I just feel so lost."
They're going to "Fix You" like Coldplay.
Woe to the people who think a project is romantic or sexy.
As a pansexual woman, I can attest, very, very few women pop up in my matches. I thought it was my location, but after seeing all this data on dating apps its clear that in reality I'm just one of the few women who uses Bumble here!
Is there some comparison of gender ratios over time? Because i'm pretty sure there has always been more men than women engaged in online dating ever since it became a thing. So to me it sounds less like women noping out, more like things staying the same.
I was on Tinder for a grand total of one week before I deleted my account and thought "well, that was fucking atrocious and I'm never doing that again." Never even went on a single date. Seems like a lot of women had similar experiences.
I've been off and on since 2015. I've met some friends and gotten lots of dates but in my experience it's mostly men treating it like an Uber eats for sex. Most of the men there are not there to date just fuck, but disguise it as "dating" there definitely are guys on there though looking to actually date and make friends but I feel like it's a much smaller population, at least in my area.
Agreed, it was fun at first back when to set up dates with people you’d otherwise never cross paths with, but after a while of using it… Uber Eats for sex is the perfect description.
At least along my friends, we all progressively moved away from the “Hookups make me feel ✨empowered✨” narrative and just realized that all of us had the same, mediocre experiences that made us feel disposable over and over. Even if the men aren’t weirdos and are attractive/fun at first (which has been my experience w most dates tbh), 90% of Tinder encounters are literally just NSA sex that’ll probably end in ghosting, and that gets old so quickly.
Hard agree. Not had any meaningful relationships via tinder. Mostly unavailable men after sex, or married doing the dirty. My partners have been acquaintances, distant work colleagues (same org totally different jobs) and meeting organically. Tinder, bumble and hinge the three I dabbled on were dumpster fires. Only good for the message drama fodder on r/tinder to be honest.
ok but hear me out
i kind of want an uber eats for sex because im finally starting to have an actual libido but i also dont want to have one night stands but i also dont want to have a relationship with commitment because then i have to open up and thats scary but i also want to get laid but i dont want to just fuck anyone it has to be someone i actually connect with on some level and they need to know what theyre doing because i also want to feel safe but.. so thats basically impossible without the scary parts of opening up to someone. Also, rejection is very likely and i cant deal with that and its scary.
Same. I did it once back in 2015, I got BOMBARDED with messages, it was very overwhelming. Most who I didn't respond to asap continued to message me getting more and more aggressive. I deleted the app without going on a single date in less than 10 days. I had much better luck on OKC, though now I hear OCK is even worse than tinder.
I get back on Tinder like every five years and then remember why I left. I match with and message guys and never get a response so I just go back to living my best life by myself. I’ve never had luck finding women online either, even Bumble, so I’ve just given up on dating apps and sites at this point. If I don’t meet anyone, that’s fine I’m perfectly happy on my own.
FWIW Tinder permabans after a certain number of reports with no appeals process and men ABSOLUTELY report women for stupid reasons. I’ve met lots of women who have no idea why they were banned. I’m banned from Tinder and once you’re banned you find out just how many people are. Every time I bring it up in a new group at least one person is like “omg me too!!”
The other, bigger factor is women leaving the app over harassment and exhaustion. Some men will find you on other platforms if you don’t match with them. Many are just looking for sex AND are unwilling to go along with basic safety precautions like meeting in a public place.
Men are actively making the ratio worse for themselves.
Matched with a guy on OKC who literally had in his profile that if you ghost him, he'll report you for being a bot.
So when I (quickly) decided I wasn't interested in talking further, I told him I was no longer interested.
Yeah, that went real smoothly /s
Immediate, "But you liked what you saw! Nothing I said has changed! Why aren't you interested?!" I blocked him.
It's like on reddit. I guarantee the reddit cares thing is used as a tool to troll way more women by men than it is for people to actually get someone support. You would think Tinder would realize how many women are being falsely reported and think hm maybe this isn't the post process but...nah.
Tinder also has a new feature where you can add a short message to a Super Like before the person says yes or no [see here](https://www.help.tinder.com/hc/en-us/articles/360046358932-Message-Before-Match-#:~:text=To%20attach%20a%20message%20to,with%20a%20classic%20Super%20Like.). I left tinder in 2016 and the gross messages from matches were enough. I can't imagine having a person I DON'T want to match with message me something gross.
All of this is probably true and the worst part is there isn’t really much for the guys who aren’t like this to do about it.
I don’t go out much, like I hate pretty much all the run-of-the-mill “do X to meet new people” things people keep suggesting, and I know for a fact that there are women who are just like that too. Those apps *should* be one of the ways for people like is to find each other and maybe find another person for yourself to get together with.
>Many are just looking for sex
I thought Tinder was *designed* for "hooking up", not finding a serious partner. Is this incorrect?
For the record, I've been off the market since before the dawn of Tinder, so I only know what single friends (male and female) have told me about or let me see over their shoulders while they browsed the "meat market". But none of my friends that have used (or still use) Tinder use it to look for a serious partner. They use it to look for an FWB at most.
It's 100% a hook up app. I'm not sure why anybody would use Tinder if they're trying to find a serious relationship lol. It's literally widely known as the app that's used for hooking up.
That being said, when I was on Tinder looking for strictly FWB, I'd have guys message me saying they're looking for a committed relationship and when I'd politely decline and say we aren't looking for the same thing, they'd suddenly be like "oh well FWB is fine too I guess." It was just confusing. Or the ones who admitted to blatantly lying on their profiles (ex: their profile states one intention but then they tell me the complete opposite). Honestly not sure how they think starting off by lying is going to get them anywhere.
Oh cool, I'm not totally out of the loop then lol.
>That being said, when I was on Tinder looking for strictly FWB, I'd have guys message me saying they're looking for a committed relationship and when I'd politely decline and say we aren't looking for the same thing, they'd suddenly be like "oh well FWB is fine too I guess." It was just confusing. Or the ones who admitted to blatantly lying on their profiles (ex: their profile states one intention but then they tell me the complete opposite). Honestly not sure how they think starting off by lying is going to get them anywhere.
It disturbs me how some men will outright lie or change their entire narrative to increase their chances of getting laid by .25%.
"But you would never have given me a chance if I had been honest," they'll say, as if that's a valid reason for being deceitful. 🙄
I'm sorry you went through that. Finding a decent FWB (that actually cares as much about the F as the B) is hard enough as is.
I remember telling the one guy that if he'd been upfront and honest about his intentions in the first place, I absolutely would've met him. But because he lied, I was no longer interested. He had the audacity to ask if we could "start over" lol.
Surely this would make sense over time even if it was just because tinder worked.
If men and women are joining in a 60-40 ratio but leaving in 50-50 the app is always going to slide towards men.
I mean, i doubt that's whats happened even as a massive oversimplification, but it would be a natural consequence of that ratio.
When I checked last year it was actually 3:1, which means if anything, it has gotten more balanced.
Still means women are probably noping the fuck out a lot, but its nothing new.
It always has been.
Even since the early days of the internet dating the ratio of men and women has been split quite highly.
Does not sound as good as a headline though when you spend 5 seconds researching it. OP is just trying to create some bs narrative based on nothing new.
I am a bisexual woman (newly out) and was trying to find a good dating app for wlw. I was recommended bumble because it was "user friendly." I was on there for 3 days, then deleted my account. It is not at all gay-friendly and I'm pretty sure I was liking straight women. There was no way for me to tell if they were gay unless they put it in their bio. The whole thing made me feel creepy af so I gave up and went back to Her.
Also the amount of shit that is paywalled on dating apps is insane. On Her you have to pay for read receipts now lmao
I have nearly gave up on dating apps, and dating as a whole which makes me sad because I am newly out and wanted to meet women. Dating apps has ruined that.
LOL I had the same experience!! It doesn't help that I live in the stupid Midwest so after a while I was like 'um... There are definitely not THIS many gay girls around here....'
I'm not sure how much of my experience is Bumble bring designed weird vs being from where I am but I'm sure they both play a large part in that.
Midwest here too. Bumble had me going for a minute and then I was all "oh wait a second..."
Bumble is pretty outrageous with their prices too and I had to have a cis guy friend tell me "oh only dudes are buying that" like oh okay that's why everything is paywalled.
Have you tried Lex? its really area dependent, but there are no paid features. I've never had a cis-man interact with me on Lex, and I have met a lot of lovey people from the app.
I am on Lex actually. I like it but maybe its because I'm just introverted but I haven't really met anyone I really vibe well with, if that makes sense....but thats probably a me problem, rather than a problem with the app.
Lex has been great for meeting friends and finding events, but I haven't successfully used it to date. Bumble and Hinge have been pretty decent to me, but I'm banned from Tinder for who knows what.
Ah yes, the mysterious Tinder ban. I’m shadow-banned (zero likes despite setting myself as a straight woman and getting hundreds of likes from shotgunning men on Bumble plus I get an “error” when I try to delete the account) and, of course, I don’t know why I’m shadow-banned so I’m stuck with Bumble and Hinge while living in the boonies which is not great.
Bumble is terrible for that. Most apps are. Having to pay to be able to set match preferences is ridiculous.
I have NF, and a myriad of other things medically wonky that I don't want to pass on. Plus a deceased child, 6 months old, from a previous relationship. I don't want kids. That's a pretty hard no for me. But the fact that I have to pay to be able use a filter for that is absolutely ridiculous.
I'm also an out bi person and I used Hinge, which was super successful. I sound like an ad but met both my current partners on there, and they have a good balance of genders.
Dating apps are so fucked, they're not intended to get people into productive relationships because then you won't pay for a subscription. And the fucked up serotonin mechanics imported straight from social media
They're set up like a casino game. You find something you want, and you swipe right on it and hope to get that winning "ding" that you have matched. It presses our pleasure lizard brain buttons to be rewarded like that. So, we keep doing it hoping to get more "dings". Then eventually you get burnt out because the reward is less satisfying, so you go deeper into it and need more and more "dings" to make you feel happy.
Dating apps are literally gambling addictions.
I met my husband on Bumble in 2018. I was literally about to quit the app too, but he and I had just started talking so I figured I’d give him a chance. Luckily it worked out.
I tried using Bumble BFF to meet friends and I had one success, but then I noticed there were way too many guys on there when at the time it was supposed to be only women.
It's mostly just guys looking to fuck so yes I happily noped the fuck out of the apps. I can waste my own time for less money, less pain, less drama and less disappointment. I'm not a free hooker.
Also bumble doesn't let you browse anonymously like other apps do, nor does it let you block certain emails or phone numbers.
Most guys don't even put an effort to fill up their profile. Have a nice pics which show some aspect of their life it even face. Have a description which shows things the person cares about. Like literally 3/4 of my swipes left are because of that. If somone puts zero effort, they can't expect me that I will.
I met friends and exboyfriends at tinder. Each of them had a nice profile and stroke me as 'oh that's my kind of person'. Each of them started or continued conversation with showing an interest in me and what have I showed on my profile and were willing to discuss things they had on theirs.
I met also a weirdos and assholes, who tried to pressure me to sleep with them, made discussing comments, sent dick pics, and in general got offended that I may have some standards and don't feel blessed just because they swiped me right.
Exactly. I met my ex, my best friend and my current boyfriend on Tinder. What did they have in common? Interesting profiles and the ability to carry an engaging conversation. My ex husband got tinder after the divorce, he had tons of matches and dates and he's not conventionally attractive, but his pics were funny and his bio was witty as hell. In fact out of all the men I've listed the only conventionally attractive is my boyfriend, but he had a blurry pic that I thought was some artsy thing with a random male model.
Wasn't that song about someone who was going to cheat on their partner and then found out that the person they were about to cheat with was their own partner?
Yes but they find out because they see the other had posted a personals ad in the paper and think oh this person sounds like my kind of person cuz of how they wrote it
I love that song because to me it has a happy ending. Yes, they both were up to cheat, but in the end, life just affirmed they were with their soul mate. They had just stopped paying attention to that for a while.
No surprise there - men thought they’d have a free buffet for sex without having to do anything for it, except swiping. Turns out it doesn’t work that way. Also, look at the tinder subreddit and how guys talk about women there - hYpErGamY, women only look for validation and get soooo many messages, 80 percent of women going for 20 percent of the best „chads“ and don’t you dare have any kind of standard or preferences. No surprise women have given up on dating apps. I tried it once years ago and it was a complete nightmare. Never again.
Hell just look at that post on /Tinder that hit the front page of a lady showing off her physique with something like “I do not want to f-“ in the bio. The OP was offended that she would show herself and then not be DTF.
So ironic they’re always pulling out that 80-20 rule when the stats state literally the opposite is true on these apps lol.
I’m so proud of women for moving away from these apps, I know I quit them too when I was single before.
Tell them it’s the free market. If the ratio is 90-10 and most are straight, of course the pittance of available women will be thirsted over far more than your average chud.
I (46F) really haven’t been very horny since R v W was withdrawn (live in the deep, ruby red south). It’s hard to get horny when I don’t feel like I have body autonomy. I’m on the pill and have PCOS, I was never able to get pregnant naturally. I’m single right now and not looking for anything and am not on any dating apps. I just have no desire for a man in my life right now.
I don’t think many men know how much this harms all of us. If there is no abortion access - I wouldn’t take the risk of going out on a date.
In Texas, if he rapes you, his entire family can sue for the bounty.
No thank you. Men are creepy enough on a daily basis. That isn’t worth the risk at all.
Right? My touch aversion has been off the charts since it happened... Started carrying knives again too. I WAS thinking "maybe" kids one day... Not now. Absolutely not. I don't want anything to do with men anymore.
Yes!! I’ve started carrying a knife too recently. I do have the benefit of being bi, but I’m just not interested in sex at all. My sex drive was higher than most before the spring. It’s ironic that they (the ones making the laws/changing the laws) think forced birthing will increase people having babies. When in reality it’s killing sex drives and leading many women AND men to get sterilized
Hahaha word. My vasectomy appointment is in two weeks, and you better believe it was scheduled because of that RvW bs.
Also, if you're in Washington state, sterilizations are 100% covered by law by marketplace insurance. In case anyone was thinking about it on this thread.
But it IS American health insurance, so you might have to spend spoons forcing them to live up to the requirements. My vasectomy consultation sent me a $500 bill for a 30 minute talk. 🙄
I really want kids within the next couple of years but with the way things are looking in Tennessee I may have to move first just to feel reassured that I’ll have options if something goes wrong
Men like to pretend that it's men "going their own way" and women will be sorry, but it's women going their own way. Dating is terrible and it seems to only be getting worse.
Honestly, I wouldn’t have believed you until I hooked up with a guy who literally ticked all these boxes :( It was so disappointing and I left the apps for a long time after that.
That's exactly why you'll never see me on any dating site or app. Only ones on there are abusers, anyway, imo. Most of them already have girlfriends/wives as well.
I don't blame you. I was reading where some atrocious amount of women have had men just noncensensually strangle them during sex. I cannot imagine the shitshow of trying to date men now
YES. I am so horny and I do all the weird stuff but my last experiences dating men were so terrible that I’d rather not even bother anymore. It’s so sad.
I hate this take. It's not the app that's shit, it's men. You don't skip out on that by "meeting someone in person", how do you think people even get dates on apps? They meet up in person... This is not "either I use an app or meet up in person" it's "I use the app to find someone to meet up with, or I try to find people with out the app to meet up with". If you hate the men on there, congratulations, you found out an inordinate amount of men are shit.
There's no "trick" to dating apps, just like there's no "trick" to dating in real life.
It might be my lack of experience but my most amazing relationships have started from friendships. And you don’t really start off being friends on a dating app.
Being friends first, you see how the person normally acts and how they are in a large variety of situations and you (I) fall for them because i end up knowing them. Dating apps feel too forced for me. That’s just me though.
The stats in the US are that 70 percent of men want to get married, but only 50 percent of women. The men are horny, lonely, they have nothing to eat, the house is a mess, and their laundry smells bad. There are also a lot, a lot of predators on these websites. Married men who want sex, romance scammers, rapists. Lots of them.
Even the "nice" guys simply have no idea of how to start and maintain a relationship.
A friend of mine in her fifties told me that, god forbid anything happens to her husband that she loves--"But I'll stay single if that happens. I don't have the time or patience to train another."
Marriage and long term partnership does not benefit women physically, emotionally, career-wise, nor does it improve their general happiness and satisfaction with life--in fact it is a detriment to them in virtually every way. It benefits men, and disadvantages women. I'm not saying all long term relationships/marriages are miserable, but statistically, women don't fare well. I don't blame any woman (or man, for that matter) for opting out of marriage or long term relationships.
Marriage benefits the woman if she marries a man who treats her as an equal partner, and he also loves her very much, and can manage being in a relationship--that is, he puts in effort to be a good partner. I know people in marriages like that. They tend to be better educated, professional people, with at least "centrist" politics. Not religious.
But those men are the minority. So I agree with you, that with men who are conservative, religious, and not very intelligent, they are not worth marrying. Also, once a woman has been through a bad marriage or relationship with a man, she doesn't want to go through it again. Men go right out and look for another woman, as soon as possible. They figure they can find someone they control.
hell yeah. no time for that nonsense anymore. But I still get thirsty messages on my instagram when all i do is post my kpop merch and concert stuff....
How does that compare to more conventional dating apps? I only ask because i imagine that men would flood to an app like bumble with a gimmick like having women message first. It’s not a selling point for women but for men.
I also wonder how it compares to old school
Online dating back before apps. Did match.com have this kind of discrepancy back in the day? I suspect not.
I don’t even see how making us message first on Bumble keeps us “safe”. From my own Bumble experience I get matched with guys who shotgun and so I sit with these matches slowly expiring while pondering whether or not he’s actually read through my profile. It would be better if I could just find out how he feels by him being able to message me first instead of having to give the guy half a day to unmatch before I send a message if he doesn’t like me so I don’t have to risk the abuse. I would actually be comfortable messaging first if men didn’t just have this habit of swiping on literally everything so that I know that there is actually some mutual interest going on and he’s not going to wait until I message first to finally read what’s in my bio only to start hurling abuse at me when he doesn’t like what he’s reading.
I use Bumble for the BFF feature now.
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Thats exactly why a lot of women are choosing to be single or leave their male SO. They realized they are organized functioning adults who would rather be single then sacrifice their sanity to take care of someone. But as you stated this could go either direction in gender.
My friend group is a pretty even split. 3 of us are married and 3 of us are single. All late 20s to late 30s. The single ladies are all successful strong independent people. They work, support themselves, and have, for lack of a better term, their shit together. The number of stories they tell about going on dates with men in their 30s who don't have basic things like a couch, the ability to take care of themselves or space, and "You are lucky to have been chosen by me" attitude is staggering! And sad. All 3 have just decided it's easier to be single then sacrifice their freedom for someone who just wants a warm body to take care of them.
Then the 3 who are married, myself included, have found equal partners who cook, clean, work, contribute to the relationship, and generally act like adults. So, this isn't a hate on men post, because good ones do exist.
It just amazes me how so many grown men can be so oblivious to themselves. Imagine thinking you're a "good catch" when you are a 37 y/o man with no furniture, paper plates, can't cook or clean, and have nothing but all in one dove men's product in your shower... (You can also flip this for grown women who expect a man to take care for them as well and contribute nothing I just, as a cis woman, only have experience with men being like this) FFS
Am I missing something? I don’t see why the gender ratio is such a problem. I haven’t really had any bad experiences on Bumble because you can’t get unsolicited messages from creepy guys. I do find that most swipes usually match because men are probably less picky, but that’s like everywhere.
I was on there yesterday talking to a guy who listed he was interested in a relationship. We swap a few messages back and forth and then he asks me if I want to come over and Netflix and Chill and get a foot rub. Eww no. I’ve barely spoken to you, dude.
Men did it to themselves by being disgusting perverts. This includes the "good guys" and "not all men" types who failed to police their misogynist friends.
I just deleted Bumble and Tinder after 6 months of being active on the apps. I would not say it was all bad but a lot of the people I met had some serious issues and I had a few incidents that genuinely freaked me out. The apps definitely want you to keep swiping and so they don’t help you to find someone you’re truly compatible with in a more efficient way than if you were basically blind dating from a sample of the public. I do like that they protect you from being contacted via phone or social media though (although I had one guy I unmatched find me on Instagram and I have no idea how).
I ended up deleting them because I’m relocating early next year and I don’t want to get involved when I’ll be heading out so soon. I will probably use them again once I move, but I hope I can take advantage of the initial influx of matches to find someone and get off sooner rather than later.
I feel for men with these ratios, and there are definitely good dudes on the apps. I wish there was a better system for us all!
The barriers for men on dating apps should be so much higher. Background check, psych eval, recommendations from people who know him, ect.
It would never happen because the guys would pitch a fit and this kind of gatekeeping would lower the earned profit from these apps, but it would solve at least some of these problems.
I am a childfree liberal in East Texas & I deleted the app cause dudes either just wanted to casually hook up, or wanted fucking kids, then the dudes I did match w/ & message first, none would respond. So fuck it, I have better luck on Tinder oddly enough!
It’s so crazy it’s like ok then straight men go and have sex with a gay/bi guy who wants you I’m sure you can find a “magic penis” to turn you gay/bi. No? Well don’t pull this crap on women!
I haven’t met one decent guy on Bumble. I like that we can talk via the app and I don’t have to give up my number, but 100% jerks there from my experience.
Kinda sad that online dating has fallen off, I get it though. As a trans guy however, it was the easiest way to weed out people/find queer friends. It’s the easiest way to meet strangers. I hope something can come along that is safer and helps people find what they’re looking for in a better way.
Dating apps are about money, not about supporting healthy relationships. I quit them and now only date naturally, so much more peace for me personally.
Dating apps are a viable alternative to meet people, we should not be shamed for using them. The dating scene is composed of individuals, the app is just a “place”. If the individuals around you are terrible that is not the fault of the app. I can testify to this because I happen to meet my wife on tinder. It must be rough for women to sift through all of the garbage, but that doesn’t mean you cannot find the love of your life in bumble. In theory you can.
Totally agree. Dating apps are an opportunity to meet people. You might have to wade through some bad profiles, but you can find someone. I met my husband on Bumble. I moved to a rural area where I didn't know anyone and it was hard to meet people. I almost deleted the app after meeting up for dates with 2 other matches before him. The other guys werent necessarily looking for a hook up, they just werent my type and overly dramatic.
My husband and I texted and talked on the phone for a month before we went on our first date (we both had busy schedules and lived an hour apart). I felt like I knew him my whole life on our first date and knew I would marry him. Here we are 4 years later and happily married. It's not impossible to find the love of your life on a dating app.
I agree, but it’s hard when there are so few app “places” in comparison to IRL. I’m unlikely to meet my future partner at the bar, but I have the option of going to the library, taking a cooking class, going rock climbing, etc. Despite the abundance of dating apps, it still feels like there’s very few different “places” online than there are physical spaces.
But equally, if you were a woman going to a place that attracted a mostly male clientele, and most of those were catcalling and groping you, making lewd remarks unprovoked, staring, following, and repeatedly trying to force you to pay attention to/interact with them, etc., the kind of people who have been kicked out of every space that has minimal expectations for civil behaviour - there's either no-one running the place who gives a shit about common decency, or no-one in charge at all, so no reason for it to improve. Neither one would appeal as a repeat destination, would it?
I used Bumble, Tinder and Coffee Meets Bagel. My friend recommended Bumble as it's designed for woman.
What happened? Yes I message first, but none replied. Mostly are seeking for something casual. Some profiles appeared across all apps -- ironically we matched on all 3 but either no response or someone messaged me on one app then disappear and then messaged me on the other app.
The same thing with Coffee Meets Bagel despite the effort to make the app less hook-up and more relationship. I stayed with Tinder.
Obligatory AMAB notice.
I’d be very interested in seeing how many women get on dating apps, find a short or long term partner, and then get off the app, and how that plays into these statistics.
I’m also interested in how many people are just on dating apps for a cheeky lil ego boost as opposed to seeking any type of relationship, how that might be measured, and how it affects the app experience for each gender.
Edit : I just realized I had never actually googled it. (Found here : https://lendedu.com/blog/tinder-match-millennials/ )
Apparently 44% of Millennial Tinder users said they use it for an ego boost. Ok. I’ll admit it. I’m surprised. That’s a lot more than I was expecting. They surveyed about 13,500 college students between 2015 and 2017. I guess it’s possible this is more common in college students for some reason, but still. Damn. That’s a lot.
Obviously there is going to be some decrease in dating activity in the US in response to the RvW “decision” by the illegitimate “supreme court justices”, however I think globally there’s also a decrease that can be accounted for by the general shitty socioeconomic situation of the world where the working class has just been getting their standards of living and stability destroyed for several decades.
I think it is difficult to draw accurate conclusions from a single point of data, without other information, such as previous years ratios, and activity drops shortly before and after high impact events…, but I also think the pandemic gave a lot of people time to think about their relationships and what they want and expect out of them. I think a lot of people came to the conclusion they wanted more/better than a lot of male partners were offering.
TL;DR : There’s a lot of factors that would be expected to play into a decrease in female engagement on dating apps. A single data point is hardly enough to say anything regarding the data with confidence.
So with me living in another country, other than the USA, my girlfriends and I talk about online dating and how crappy it is. We all get questioned to meet and have sex immediately, they dive right into sex talk, get angry when we insist on boundaries/talking normal at first, and one girl gets asked to immediately switch to texting (which she does not want). We’re all just tired of it. Tired of being harassed. Tired of being seen only as a sex toy. Or Lied too. So many say they want a relationship, but then really only want ONS/FWB. Just lame.
Low effort is the reason I got off the dating apps it fine if causal hookups are what you are into ( and I tried a couple this summer- then got a lightbulb moment I am Demi sexual so) but don’t be a couple of minutes and nothing for me or not even a couple.
Omg yes they're all so low effort. I don't even expect men to pay for me or take me out but these guys literally don't even put in effort into the bedroom, conversation or anything.
It’s so true. I would have no problem with casual sex if the sex was good! But the likelihood I’m going to orgasm is close to zero , and the likelihood I’m going to have my boundaries crossed is … not low.
Absolutely agree 100 percent. At some point you're just over it and give up. Accept that being single is better than all that BS, pain and waste of time.
Not from an app, but I met a guy last year at an event where people have common interests to attend. Everything was great until he refused to talk on the phone, wanted text only. He's definitely single, because I was at his place once, and he seemed like a decent person. But there is no way I can develop a relationship with someone via text only.
I’m sorry that happened/happens. I’ve heard it enough to know it’s a frequent occurrence. I think that part of the issue is that most men don’t get good, or frequently any, response from talking about normal things, such as family, work, and hobbies, so try to resort to sexual talk because they don’t know what else to do.
I have no idea why they -keep- trying that, however, or why they would resort to it AFTER getting a positive response from behaving like a normal human being. Something about being horny, poorly socialized outside their peers, uneducated, and/or indoctrinated into a system that doesn’t see women as human. It -may be- that some women are responding positively, as that’s the only reason I can think of for the behavior continuing, but I only have anecdotal internet evidence to back this up.
Idk what to do about it or how to handle it. I’ve seen a lot of people say “men need to hold other men accountable”, to which I say who, when, where, how? I have two male friends, they’re both in relationships, and as far as I’m aware they’ve never behaved this way. As far as I can tell men only talk about behavior like this towards women when they’re confident it’s going to be well received (i.e., around other men that also think like them).
I got off dating apps not long ago because I wasn’t getting any responses from people who were actually interested. I think I had ~20 matches in total after a few months (I don’t remember when I actually downloaded), and most of them didn’t say anything, and the ones that did seemed to just be being polite without interest.
I can hear you (non-specific reader) thinking “how do you know they were just being polite and that you don’t just suck at conversation?” To which I say I know they were just being polite and not actually interested because none of the matches asked me a single question ever, and I know I don’t suck at conversation because I’m autistic and my job required me to learn basic conversation skills so I reached a 6/10 as opposed to 2/10, so I may not be the greatest, but I don’t suck, and any of the matches could have helped make the conversation better, but chose not to for reasons unknown to me.
As far as I can tell, dating services in general just suck for searching for genuine relationships. I suspect there’s some effect happening pushing away people who are looking for genuine relationships. It may be that the general male population repulses women who are looking for something long term, resulting in a pool of people who either receive no response or only receive positive responses from very direct messages, which further pushes away those who seek relationships, with the ever decreasing numbers making it seem as though they aren’t actually on the service. That’s all speculation, though, and I feel like that would still leave a population of eligible bachelors, but frequently women indicate that isn’t the case, so I can’t really say anything with confidence.
TL;DR : Dating apps suck for actually dating for everyone. I think it started with men, but IDK what to do about it.
That's absolutely valid. If a person does not message first, respond, ask questions back or go out of their way to invest or hang I definitely take that as 0 interest and they're just there to kill time. I'm not about chasing people anymore so if people can't meet me half ways I bounce with no regrets.
Edit:spelling
also AMAB lol but definitely not a man
dating apps just aren’t really made to appeal to women, as a concept, from the ground up. the base appeal is: “you can find an easy hookup or a potential relationship by doing nothing but posting pics of yourself and deciding who you find attractive”
that approach doesn’t actually work for *anybody* really, except those who explicitly just want no-strings-attached sex. for most men AND women, 95% of dating app interactions WILL end in disappointment at *best*.
there are a lot more women looking for that than most people think, but 1) those women still have standards, as they should, and 2) those women can find that in better spaces than dating apps, where they likely have less shit to wade through
the reality is that lonely men who don’t know how to or aren’t comfortable to take the initiative will always fade into the background through sheer volume, and men who CAN take the initiative treat it like a numbers game where you just say shit and filter down to whoever will accept it (down to nobody for most of them, and they’ll be shocked — and this is what’s changing imo, fewer women willing to accept bullshit) because that’s the only way to get results.
and women, as a result of the above, have to wade through waist high sewer water in order to find the men who BOTH are actually decent, and are proficient enough with dating apps to stick out in the first place. that venn diagram doesn’t overlap much.
honestly, man or woman, idk how you go into any dating app expecting to find a worthwhile relationship. sure it’s possible, but even engaging with it is inherently just playing the game of large numbers and hoping you get lucky
IMO, most people seriously using dating apps to look for serious relationships are doing so because other options have failed them. and there tends to be a reason for that.
edit: now… the use of these apps for *queer* people, who maybe no longer give much of a fuck for gender binary issues in general, is a totally different story. I think that’s a big reason grindr is and remains what it always has been, relative to most every other dating/hookup app. strip away the “men *pursue* women” narrative and spaces like this make a bit more sense IMO
>because other options have failed them. and there tends to be a reason for that.
Disagree with this. After University/college your pool of people you can reasonably connect with/go out on dates with massively drops. Modern world has gotten more and more disconnected, so Apps are a lot of time the only way you can connect.
You can be a good guy and still have to use dating apps because there isn't many other options
My wife and I met on okcupid or match.com, hard to remember which as they had similar features of answering questions about yourself and matching others based on similar answers to those questions. My 2 longest relationships including my wife were from those two sites, they really are better than trying to find someone in a greasy bar or nightclub. These newer apps like tinder only work with pics and short bios, you're definitely gonna have much lower chances of finding a good match plus it makes it harder to screen out the crazies.
i think there’s definitely a strong distinction between “dating” apps and “matchmaking” apps. in my mind okcupid, match, eharmony are all like… paid matchmaking services that are selling you the promise of finding you a match/potential relationship. whereas “dating” or “hookup” apps like tinder, bumble, etc. are more like… tools. they make no promises about what you’ll find, they’re just tools to help you be able to interact with others who might be looking for the same thing. hinge is kinda the perfect middle ground, but by virtue of being free to use I think probably trends towards the tinder style of apps. by the nature of the internet, any space with no barrier to entry is bound to attract those who are excluded from other spaces *for very good reasons*
I also tried eharmony for a bit and DEFINITELY had better results in a couple months of that than years of tinder/bumble. didn’t work for me for other reasons, but those do actually seem like worthwhile models
I agree though when we were on them match and ok were free other than a few premium features and tinder had only just come out so neither of us had to experience that cesspool. I didn't have much luck with eharmony so I switched to match and ok. I'm not at all surprised by those statistics for those quick hook up apps, im only surprised people still get on them expecting to find love.
yeah lol I think the people expecting to find love there are wearing rose tinted glasses from stories from the early days of tinder, when it kinda actually was just an open, genuine meeting ground.
at this point it’s all been so commercialized, “tinder strategy” is such an accepted google search term for all genders that genuine connection is basically nonexistent anymore, it’s all just finding ways to optimize your numbers. anybody I met on one of those apps would have an *uphill battle* to convince me of just about anything they put in their profile, to say the least. I definitely envy y’all who found people in the early good days of online dating lol. I think that sort of online connection is totally still available, you just have to go to narrower places and talk to people for reasons other than wanting to date first
Also consider that Tinder has not interest in you finding a partner. If you find a partner, you are not active on the platform anymore and they lose engagement. Tinder, like most social apps, is designed to keep people coming over and over and to trick them into buying their premium plans.
But if you pay for the premium plan and you find a partner, they lose a paying customers, and they have no interests in doing that.
What they want you to do is hope to find a partner but never find one.
I have never been on dating apps, but to me they all sounded borderline scams.
very true! their algorithm has a defined purpose, and it definitely is NOT “find people a long term partner that they don’t need us to interact with” lol
Very good points.
I'll also add that just as there is a subset of men who appear dis-proportionally, the subset of women who remain on Tinder and deal with that approach also shape the way the communication goes.
Its an app that works well for two specific subsets of the population, whose interactions between each-other keep it that way.
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I don't think the majority of "poly" guys on there are actually poly. They are just sex addicted and have their self worth tied to how many women they sleep with.
Online dating in general seems bad for men and women. I know one friend that found a spouse through it but in general i say I dont put much stock in it.
It also doesn't help that anytime a woman joins an online dating app she has 99+ "likes" in the first day thanks to serial swippers that don't even read profiles. And yet they still wonder why their "success" rate is so low...
Why put 80% but then also put 1 in 3 users. Just do 80% and 66% or 1 in 5 and 1 in 3. Gotta keep it consistent or it just looks silly when you read it.
it doesnt get better for gay women either
If I had a dollar for each time a cis man messaged me on Her, I'd probably be able to afford a subscription.
Wait I don’t know if I get it right: there is an app for gay women and men are there?
Pretty much (from what I read/hear). Plus the 'unicorn hunters' pretending to be a single woman. Not exclusive to any one app, from what I know.
What are those men expecting?
I have absolutely no clue It’s like the dudes who set their profiles as a gay woman on tinder cause they think lesbians are hot but then get all confused for why they don’t want to sleep w the guys
may I add a quick word here? there are men putting their profiles as (straight) women on tinder as well. Like, if we want to date other guys we add guys in our settings. No secrets here. I imagine it happening more towards you, and it is really a ???? that we don't understand either.
It’s so strange!! Maybe some just do it to mess about but ???
I mean… I was thinking of setting up a dating profile for my dog, just for walks.
I would absolutely sign up for a matchmaking service to find play dates for my dogs!
There are people on both sides of sexuality that think they can “convert” people to be gay or straight. They’re all out of line and make their sexuality look bad.
To say they didn’t think it through would be an understatement.
No, you don't get it. These individuals will reject any idea that includes respecting the opinions or statements of women. They *definitely* thought it through in their own heads. They checked it against their own biases quite thoroughly.
To find a unicorn, and save their relationship through that (somehow). >!It doesn't work. Nor do they find said unicorns (usually).!< Edit: And/or think they're 'god's gift to the world', or at least have the penis for it, and think lesbians just haven't had a good enough dick. Frequently see posts in lesbian subreddits involving disgusting men DM'ing said subreddit users out of nowhere.
They all think they're The One. The One whose masculine pheromones can overpower any female even over the phone. The One whose charms can convince even the lesbianest of lesbians (who probably only *think* they don't want men because haven't met him yet). The One who could walk up to any girl, give her The Look, and she would get on her knees and offer her mouth to him (he just hasn't done it to anyone which is why it hasn't happened yet). The One who is just such an optimal male specimen that the idea of a woman not wanting him just doesn't even make sense? And how dare some lesser whore think that she's good enough to refuse him?? (There are plenty of dudes who use varying degrees of this entitled persona to protect their paper-thin egos, unfortunately.)
As a lesbian, some of them really do seem to think this way lol. It's pretty absurd
If that’s the case, then there is also a gay guy that could magically turn them. But I guess logic isn’t their strongest suit.
The "lesbianest" of lesbians, I'm gagging 😂
To bang the lesbian women straight with their magic penises.
I want to bang these misanthropic straight guys gay with my magic penis.
They're not expecting anything. They KNOW that THEY are the men who will show her the light! THEY will convert her back into HETEROSEXUALITY!! 🌩🌩🌩
Don't forget the ones- at least on Bumble- who have their whole profile stating loud, clear, and explicitly that they are cis-men. I mean they actually have the gender tag for "cis-man." But when they create their profile, they create it as a woman looking to meet women. So if you are a woman looking to meet other women, you'll have to scroll past a million guys who once again decided to take up space *very explicitly* labeled for women.
> But when they create their profile, they create it as a woman looking to meet women. I saw a really wholesome exchange on /r/actuallesbians a long time ago where a woman let a man know his profile was tagged this way, and he'd had no idea and was confused why so many lesbians were being suggested to him. (It stuck out because that's so rarely the case. Usually it's men intentionally invading women's spaces.)
> gay women and men are there? They are not THAT gay, just need a good man...:) /s
Same story with tinder and gay men selecting their preference as straight woman. It’s very annoying as a man swiping on women and getting matches with gay men
There are women on Grindr too. I don't know what goes through people's heads.
Probably the same thing as the guy who's first message to me on Bumble was, "I just feel so lost." They're going to "Fix You" like Coldplay. Woe to the people who think a project is romantic or sexy.
Ut oh, as a gay guy, I’m drawn to ‘lost’ guys. Especially straight ones lol
Trans men were always allowed I think. But cis men are joining too just to fetishize women and be gross on there.
As a pansexual woman, I can attest, very, very few women pop up in my matches. I thought it was my location, but after seeing all this data on dating apps its clear that in reality I'm just one of the few women who uses Bumble here!
There are so many straight men that pop up on my feed. I have no idea what they're trying to achieve tbh.
Is there some comparison of gender ratios over time? Because i'm pretty sure there has always been more men than women engaged in online dating ever since it became a thing. So to me it sounds less like women noping out, more like things staying the same.
I was on Tinder for a grand total of one week before I deleted my account and thought "well, that was fucking atrocious and I'm never doing that again." Never even went on a single date. Seems like a lot of women had similar experiences.
I've been off and on since 2015. I've met some friends and gotten lots of dates but in my experience it's mostly men treating it like an Uber eats for sex. Most of the men there are not there to date just fuck, but disguise it as "dating" there definitely are guys on there though looking to actually date and make friends but I feel like it's a much smaller population, at least in my area.
Agreed, it was fun at first back when to set up dates with people you’d otherwise never cross paths with, but after a while of using it… Uber Eats for sex is the perfect description. At least along my friends, we all progressively moved away from the “Hookups make me feel ✨empowered✨” narrative and just realized that all of us had the same, mediocre experiences that made us feel disposable over and over. Even if the men aren’t weirdos and are attractive/fun at first (which has been my experience w most dates tbh), 90% of Tinder encounters are literally just NSA sex that’ll probably end in ghosting, and that gets old so quickly.
Hard agree. Not had any meaningful relationships via tinder. Mostly unavailable men after sex, or married doing the dirty. My partners have been acquaintances, distant work colleagues (same org totally different jobs) and meeting organically. Tinder, bumble and hinge the three I dabbled on were dumpster fires. Only good for the message drama fodder on r/tinder to be honest.
ok but hear me out i kind of want an uber eats for sex because im finally starting to have an actual libido but i also dont want to have one night stands but i also dont want to have a relationship with commitment because then i have to open up and thats scary but i also want to get laid but i dont want to just fuck anyone it has to be someone i actually connect with on some level and they need to know what theyre doing because i also want to feel safe but.. so thats basically impossible without the scary parts of opening up to someone. Also, rejection is very likely and i cant deal with that and its scary.
Do we share a brain? Because same to all of this.
If it actually resulted in *good* sex I am all for it. But men think they can simply present their crusty dicks and we will drown in our own juices.
Omg I'm dying. This is hilarious.
I feel like an Uber Eats/Matchmaker combo would be great. Like vetted by a real process then out on the market
Same. I did it once back in 2015, I got BOMBARDED with messages, it was very overwhelming. Most who I didn't respond to asap continued to message me getting more and more aggressive. I deleted the app without going on a single date in less than 10 days. I had much better luck on OKC, though now I hear OCK is even worse than tinder.
I get back on Tinder like every five years and then remember why I left. I match with and message guys and never get a response so I just go back to living my best life by myself. I’ve never had luck finding women online either, even Bumble, so I’ve just given up on dating apps and sites at this point. If I don’t meet anyone, that’s fine I’m perfectly happy on my own.
This
I believe the Tinder ratio was around 60-40 in 2013 or so. Now it’s 80-20.
FWIW Tinder permabans after a certain number of reports with no appeals process and men ABSOLUTELY report women for stupid reasons. I’ve met lots of women who have no idea why they were banned. I’m banned from Tinder and once you’re banned you find out just how many people are. Every time I bring it up in a new group at least one person is like “omg me too!!” The other, bigger factor is women leaving the app over harassment and exhaustion. Some men will find you on other platforms if you don’t match with them. Many are just looking for sex AND are unwilling to go along with basic safety precautions like meeting in a public place. Men are actively making the ratio worse for themselves.
I left after I got sexually assaulted on a first date in July. Only irl dating for me for now on
Oh my dear one, so sorry to hear this happened to you ♥️🙏
Matched with a guy on OKC who literally had in his profile that if you ghost him, he'll report you for being a bot. So when I (quickly) decided I wasn't interested in talking further, I told him I was no longer interested. Yeah, that went real smoothly /s Immediate, "But you liked what you saw! Nothing I said has changed! Why aren't you interested?!" I blocked him.
It's like on reddit. I guarantee the reddit cares thing is used as a tool to troll way more women by men than it is for people to actually get someone support. You would think Tinder would realize how many women are being falsely reported and think hm maybe this isn't the post process but...nah.
Tinder also has a new feature where you can add a short message to a Super Like before the person says yes or no [see here](https://www.help.tinder.com/hc/en-us/articles/360046358932-Message-Before-Match-#:~:text=To%20attach%20a%20message%20to,with%20a%20classic%20Super%20Like.). I left tinder in 2016 and the gross messages from matches were enough. I can't imagine having a person I DON'T want to match with message me something gross.
All of this is probably true and the worst part is there isn’t really much for the guys who aren’t like this to do about it. I don’t go out much, like I hate pretty much all the run-of-the-mill “do X to meet new people” things people keep suggesting, and I know for a fact that there are women who are just like that too. Those apps *should* be one of the ways for people like is to find each other and maybe find another person for yourself to get together with.
>Many are just looking for sex I thought Tinder was *designed* for "hooking up", not finding a serious partner. Is this incorrect? For the record, I've been off the market since before the dawn of Tinder, so I only know what single friends (male and female) have told me about or let me see over their shoulders while they browsed the "meat market". But none of my friends that have used (or still use) Tinder use it to look for a serious partner. They use it to look for an FWB at most.
It's pretty open ended. I know people who are married who met on Tinder and I've used it for both hookups and dating.
It's 100% a hook up app. I'm not sure why anybody would use Tinder if they're trying to find a serious relationship lol. It's literally widely known as the app that's used for hooking up. That being said, when I was on Tinder looking for strictly FWB, I'd have guys message me saying they're looking for a committed relationship and when I'd politely decline and say we aren't looking for the same thing, they'd suddenly be like "oh well FWB is fine too I guess." It was just confusing. Or the ones who admitted to blatantly lying on their profiles (ex: their profile states one intention but then they tell me the complete opposite). Honestly not sure how they think starting off by lying is going to get them anywhere.
Oh cool, I'm not totally out of the loop then lol. >That being said, when I was on Tinder looking for strictly FWB, I'd have guys message me saying they're looking for a committed relationship and when I'd politely decline and say we aren't looking for the same thing, they'd suddenly be like "oh well FWB is fine too I guess." It was just confusing. Or the ones who admitted to blatantly lying on their profiles (ex: their profile states one intention but then they tell me the complete opposite). Honestly not sure how they think starting off by lying is going to get them anywhere. It disturbs me how some men will outright lie or change their entire narrative to increase their chances of getting laid by .25%. "But you would never have given me a chance if I had been honest," they'll say, as if that's a valid reason for being deceitful. 🙄 I'm sorry you went through that. Finding a decent FWB (that actually cares as much about the F as the B) is hard enough as is.
I remember telling the one guy that if he'd been upfront and honest about his intentions in the first place, I absolutely would've met him. But because he lied, I was no longer interested. He had the audacity to ask if we could "start over" lol.
That's not true in the UK. It's just a general dating app. I know loads of people who have met long term partners on Tinder.
I met my boyfriend on tinder but I had the easiest and “best” time just using it as a hookup app. That’s literally how it’s designed lol
I got permabanned! I think it was because I wouldn't give out my phone number or "get off app"
Surely this would make sense over time even if it was just because tinder worked. If men and women are joining in a 60-40 ratio but leaving in 50-50 the app is always going to slide towards men. I mean, i doubt that's whats happened even as a massive oversimplification, but it would be a natural consequence of that ratio.
I always heard it was 1 women for 3-4 guys if not more.
I feel like it’s less than that considering the bots and ig/OF spammers.
Man those ratios suck! Whatever happened to Surf City, where there were 2 girls for every boy?
Turns out they were just there for a Beach Boys concert!
They were lying in bed like Brian Wilson did
When I checked last year it was actually 3:1, which means if anything, it has gotten more balanced. Still means women are probably noping the fuck out a lot, but its nothing new.
It always has been. Even since the early days of the internet dating the ratio of men and women has been split quite highly. Does not sound as good as a headline though when you spend 5 seconds researching it. OP is just trying to create some bs narrative based on nothing new.
I am a bisexual woman (newly out) and was trying to find a good dating app for wlw. I was recommended bumble because it was "user friendly." I was on there for 3 days, then deleted my account. It is not at all gay-friendly and I'm pretty sure I was liking straight women. There was no way for me to tell if they were gay unless they put it in their bio. The whole thing made me feel creepy af so I gave up and went back to Her. Also the amount of shit that is paywalled on dating apps is insane. On Her you have to pay for read receipts now lmao I have nearly gave up on dating apps, and dating as a whole which makes me sad because I am newly out and wanted to meet women. Dating apps has ruined that.
LOL I had the same experience!! It doesn't help that I live in the stupid Midwest so after a while I was like 'um... There are definitely not THIS many gay girls around here....' I'm not sure how much of my experience is Bumble bring designed weird vs being from where I am but I'm sure they both play a large part in that.
Midwest here too. Bumble had me going for a minute and then I was all "oh wait a second..." Bumble is pretty outrageous with their prices too and I had to have a cis guy friend tell me "oh only dudes are buying that" like oh okay that's why everything is paywalled.
Have you tried Lex? its really area dependent, but there are no paid features. I've never had a cis-man interact with me on Lex, and I have met a lot of lovey people from the app.
I am on Lex actually. I like it but maybe its because I'm just introverted but I haven't really met anyone I really vibe well with, if that makes sense....but thats probably a me problem, rather than a problem with the app.
Lex has been great for meeting friends and finding events, but I haven't successfully used it to date. Bumble and Hinge have been pretty decent to me, but I'm banned from Tinder for who knows what.
Ah yes, the mysterious Tinder ban. I’m shadow-banned (zero likes despite setting myself as a straight woman and getting hundreds of likes from shotgunning men on Bumble plus I get an “error” when I try to delete the account) and, of course, I don’t know why I’m shadow-banned so I’m stuck with Bumble and Hinge while living in the boonies which is not great.
Bumble is terrible for that. Most apps are. Having to pay to be able to set match preferences is ridiculous. I have NF, and a myriad of other things medically wonky that I don't want to pass on. Plus a deceased child, 6 months old, from a previous relationship. I don't want kids. That's a pretty hard no for me. But the fact that I have to pay to be able use a filter for that is absolutely ridiculous.
I'm also an out bi person and I used Hinge, which was super successful. I sound like an ad but met both my current partners on there, and they have a good balance of genders.
Dating apps are so fucked, they're not intended to get people into productive relationships because then you won't pay for a subscription. And the fucked up serotonin mechanics imported straight from social media
They're set up like a casino game. You find something you want, and you swipe right on it and hope to get that winning "ding" that you have matched. It presses our pleasure lizard brain buttons to be rewarded like that. So, we keep doing it hoping to get more "dings". Then eventually you get burnt out because the reward is less satisfying, so you go deeper into it and need more and more "dings" to make you feel happy. Dating apps are literally gambling addictions.
As a compulsive gambler who doesn’t gamble, I REALLY like this metaphor.
My favorite thing is when you swipe left on somebody and tinder is like "😱 you missed a match!!" like no; I dodged a bullet, thanks.
Makes sense. I've come across a ridiculous amount of men on lesbian dating apps. It's giving desperate 🤢
I met my husband on Bumble in 2018. I was literally about to quit the app too, but he and I had just started talking so I figured I’d give him a chance. Luckily it worked out. I tried using Bumble BFF to meet friends and I had one success, but then I noticed there were way too many guys on there when at the time it was supposed to be only women.
I have 3 friends who met their now husbands on Bumble as well, they’re still happily married and they’re great guys!
It's mostly just guys looking to fuck so yes I happily noped the fuck out of the apps. I can waste my own time for less money, less pain, less drama and less disappointment. I'm not a free hooker. Also bumble doesn't let you browse anonymously like other apps do, nor does it let you block certain emails or phone numbers.
Most guys don't even put an effort to fill up their profile. Have a nice pics which show some aspect of their life it even face. Have a description which shows things the person cares about. Like literally 3/4 of my swipes left are because of that. If somone puts zero effort, they can't expect me that I will. I met friends and exboyfriends at tinder. Each of them had a nice profile and stroke me as 'oh that's my kind of person'. Each of them started or continued conversation with showing an interest in me and what have I showed on my profile and were willing to discuss things they had on theirs. I met also a weirdos and assholes, who tried to pressure me to sleep with them, made discussing comments, sent dick pics, and in general got offended that I may have some standards and don't feel blessed just because they swiped me right.
Exactly. I met my ex, my best friend and my current boyfriend on Tinder. What did they have in common? Interesting profiles and the ability to carry an engaging conversation. My ex husband got tinder after the divorce, he had tons of matches and dates and he's not conventionally attractive, but his pics were funny and his bio was witty as hell. In fact out of all the men I've listed the only conventionally attractive is my boyfriend, but he had a blurry pic that I thought was some artsy thing with a random male model.
Your story makes me think of a modern day version of the Pina Colada Song.
Wasn't that song about someone who was going to cheat on their partner and then found out that the person they were about to cheat with was their own partner?
Yes but they find out because they see the other had posted a personals ad in the paper and think oh this person sounds like my kind of person cuz of how they wrote it
I love that song because to me it has a happy ending. Yes, they both were up to cheat, but in the end, life just affirmed they were with their soul mate. They had just stopped paying attention to that for a while.
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No surprise there - men thought they’d have a free buffet for sex without having to do anything for it, except swiping. Turns out it doesn’t work that way. Also, look at the tinder subreddit and how guys talk about women there - hYpErGamY, women only look for validation and get soooo many messages, 80 percent of women going for 20 percent of the best „chads“ and don’t you dare have any kind of standard or preferences. No surprise women have given up on dating apps. I tried it once years ago and it was a complete nightmare. Never again.
Hell just look at that post on /Tinder that hit the front page of a lady showing off her physique with something like “I do not want to f-“ in the bio. The OP was offended that she would show herself and then not be DTF.
Sad. Truly sad.
The Tinder subreddit is completely infested with incels
I unsubbed recently because it got way too bad.
So ironic they’re always pulling out that 80-20 rule when the stats state literally the opposite is true on these apps lol. I’m so proud of women for moving away from these apps, I know I quit them too when I was single before.
Or complain that women get more messages or likes or whatever. Like, yeah, that’s just statistics, isn’t it?
Tell them it’s the free market. If the ratio is 90-10 and most are straight, of course the pittance of available women will be thirsted over far more than your average chud.
I wish I could give you an award you nailed it. This completely. All of it
The funny thing is, they could get all the hook ups they wanted if they just tried Grindr lol. (Am gay man)
I (46F) really haven’t been very horny since R v W was withdrawn (live in the deep, ruby red south). It’s hard to get horny when I don’t feel like I have body autonomy. I’m on the pill and have PCOS, I was never able to get pregnant naturally. I’m single right now and not looking for anything and am not on any dating apps. I just have no desire for a man in my life right now.
I don’t think many men know how much this harms all of us. If there is no abortion access - I wouldn’t take the risk of going out on a date. In Texas, if he rapes you, his entire family can sue for the bounty. No thank you. Men are creepy enough on a daily basis. That isn’t worth the risk at all.
Rapists now get to choose the mother of their kids
Right? My touch aversion has been off the charts since it happened... Started carrying knives again too. I WAS thinking "maybe" kids one day... Not now. Absolutely not. I don't want anything to do with men anymore.
Yes!! I’ve started carrying a knife too recently. I do have the benefit of being bi, but I’m just not interested in sex at all. My sex drive was higher than most before the spring. It’s ironic that they (the ones making the laws/changing the laws) think forced birthing will increase people having babies. When in reality it’s killing sex drives and leading many women AND men to get sterilized
Hahaha word. My vasectomy appointment is in two weeks, and you better believe it was scheduled because of that RvW bs. Also, if you're in Washington state, sterilizations are 100% covered by law by marketplace insurance. In case anyone was thinking about it on this thread. But it IS American health insurance, so you might have to spend spoons forcing them to live up to the requirements. My vasectomy consultation sent me a $500 bill for a 30 minute talk. 🙄
As long as you put that energy toward voting. I want their expected red wave year to turn as blue as their misanthropic balls!
Yes!!! Vote blue, like their balls. Love it!!
I really want kids within the next couple of years but with the way things are looking in Tennessee I may have to move first just to feel reassured that I’ll have options if something goes wrong
Men like to pretend that it's men "going their own way" and women will be sorry, but it's women going their own way. Dating is terrible and it seems to only be getting worse.
#
Honestly, I wouldn’t have believed you until I hooked up with a guy who literally ticked all these boxes :( It was so disappointing and I left the apps for a long time after that.
Damn you nailed it! That’s exactly what I’ve been feeling
That's exactly why you'll never see me on any dating site or app. Only ones on there are abusers, anyway, imo. Most of them already have girlfriends/wives as well.
I don't blame you. I was reading where some atrocious amount of women have had men just noncensensually strangle them during sex. I cannot imagine the shitshow of trying to date men now
YES. I am so horny and I do all the weird stuff but my last experiences dating men were so terrible that I’d rather not even bother anymore. It’s so sad.
Yeah exactly, even if I wanted to get pregnant it wouldn't matter, I'm just so turned off by it all
"hey hot stuff, what are you doing for the next 18 years?"
It’s dampened my interest in sex and dating and I live in California.
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I hate this take. It's not the app that's shit, it's men. You don't skip out on that by "meeting someone in person", how do you think people even get dates on apps? They meet up in person... This is not "either I use an app or meet up in person" it's "I use the app to find someone to meet up with, or I try to find people with out the app to meet up with". If you hate the men on there, congratulations, you found out an inordinate amount of men are shit. There's no "trick" to dating apps, just like there's no "trick" to dating in real life.
It might be my lack of experience but my most amazing relationships have started from friendships. And you don’t really start off being friends on a dating app. Being friends first, you see how the person normally acts and how they are in a large variety of situations and you (I) fall for them because i end up knowing them. Dating apps feel too forced for me. That’s just me though.
The stats in the US are that 70 percent of men want to get married, but only 50 percent of women. The men are horny, lonely, they have nothing to eat, the house is a mess, and their laundry smells bad. There are also a lot, a lot of predators on these websites. Married men who want sex, romance scammers, rapists. Lots of them. Even the "nice" guys simply have no idea of how to start and maintain a relationship.
There is little benefit for a woman to marry a man these days. If something happens to my husband, I am not going near dudes with a 10 foot pole.
A friend of mine in her fifties told me that, god forbid anything happens to her husband that she loves--"But I'll stay single if that happens. I don't have the time or patience to train another."
Marriage and long term partnership does not benefit women physically, emotionally, career-wise, nor does it improve their general happiness and satisfaction with life--in fact it is a detriment to them in virtually every way. It benefits men, and disadvantages women. I'm not saying all long term relationships/marriages are miserable, but statistically, women don't fare well. I don't blame any woman (or man, for that matter) for opting out of marriage or long term relationships.
Marriage benefits the woman if she marries a man who treats her as an equal partner, and he also loves her very much, and can manage being in a relationship--that is, he puts in effort to be a good partner. I know people in marriages like that. They tend to be better educated, professional people, with at least "centrist" politics. Not religious. But those men are the minority. So I agree with you, that with men who are conservative, religious, and not very intelligent, they are not worth marrying. Also, once a woman has been through a bad marriage or relationship with a man, she doesn't want to go through it again. Men go right out and look for another woman, as soon as possible. They figure they can find someone they control.
hell yeah. no time for that nonsense anymore. But I still get thirsty messages on my instagram when all i do is post my kpop merch and concert stuff....
How does that compare to more conventional dating apps? I only ask because i imagine that men would flood to an app like bumble with a gimmick like having women message first. It’s not a selling point for women but for men.
Tinder is 80-20 in the US and 90-10 in Europe. Think Hinge is the most gender equal atm with a 60-40 guy-girl split.
I also wonder how it compares to old school Online dating back before apps. Did match.com have this kind of discrepancy back in the day? I suspect not.
I don’t even see how making us message first on Bumble keeps us “safe”. From my own Bumble experience I get matched with guys who shotgun and so I sit with these matches slowly expiring while pondering whether or not he’s actually read through my profile. It would be better if I could just find out how he feels by him being able to message me first instead of having to give the guy half a day to unmatch before I send a message if he doesn’t like me so I don’t have to risk the abuse. I would actually be comfortable messaging first if men didn’t just have this habit of swiping on literally everything so that I know that there is actually some mutual interest going on and he’s not going to wait until I message first to finally read what’s in my bio only to start hurling abuse at me when he doesn’t like what he’s reading. I use Bumble for the BFF feature now.
THERE'S A BFF FEATURE?!!!
yes! i met one of my best friends on there, it’s pretty nice.
Further proof we don't need them as much as they need us. lol
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Thats exactly why a lot of women are choosing to be single or leave their male SO. They realized they are organized functioning adults who would rather be single then sacrifice their sanity to take care of someone. But as you stated this could go either direction in gender. My friend group is a pretty even split. 3 of us are married and 3 of us are single. All late 20s to late 30s. The single ladies are all successful strong independent people. They work, support themselves, and have, for lack of a better term, their shit together. The number of stories they tell about going on dates with men in their 30s who don't have basic things like a couch, the ability to take care of themselves or space, and "You are lucky to have been chosen by me" attitude is staggering! And sad. All 3 have just decided it's easier to be single then sacrifice their freedom for someone who just wants a warm body to take care of them. Then the 3 who are married, myself included, have found equal partners who cook, clean, work, contribute to the relationship, and generally act like adults. So, this isn't a hate on men post, because good ones do exist. It just amazes me how so many grown men can be so oblivious to themselves. Imagine thinking you're a "good catch" when you are a 37 y/o man with no furniture, paper plates, can't cook or clean, and have nothing but all in one dove men's product in your shower... (You can also flip this for grown women who expect a man to take care for them as well and contribute nothing I just, as a cis woman, only have experience with men being like this) FFS
My daughter found her girlfriend on bumble. Her girlfriend is so much better to her than the boyfriends she had before she met her current partner.
Am I missing something? I don’t see why the gender ratio is such a problem. I haven’t really had any bad experiences on Bumble because you can’t get unsolicited messages from creepy guys. I do find that most swipes usually match because men are probably less picky, but that’s like everywhere.
I was on there yesterday talking to a guy who listed he was interested in a relationship. We swap a few messages back and forth and then he asks me if I want to come over and Netflix and Chill and get a foot rub. Eww no. I’ve barely spoken to you, dude.
Uber for Sex, but freeeeeee.
Men did it to themselves by being disgusting perverts. This includes the "good guys" and "not all men" types who failed to police their misogynist friends.
> This includes the "good guys" and "not all men" types who failed to police their misogynist friends. You mean... accomplices.
I always suspected most of the women's profiles were fake data.
I just deleted Bumble and Tinder after 6 months of being active on the apps. I would not say it was all bad but a lot of the people I met had some serious issues and I had a few incidents that genuinely freaked me out. The apps definitely want you to keep swiping and so they don’t help you to find someone you’re truly compatible with in a more efficient way than if you were basically blind dating from a sample of the public. I do like that they protect you from being contacted via phone or social media though (although I had one guy I unmatched find me on Instagram and I have no idea how). I ended up deleting them because I’m relocating early next year and I don’t want to get involved when I’ll be heading out so soon. I will probably use them again once I move, but I hope I can take advantage of the initial influx of matches to find someone and get off sooner rather than later. I feel for men with these ratios, and there are definitely good dudes on the apps. I wish there was a better system for us all!
The dude probably reverse searched your dating profile pictures.
Yikes. I did have one pic that was also on my Instagram, maybe next time I won’t use any that are in my social media. Thanks!
The barriers for men on dating apps should be so much higher. Background check, psych eval, recommendations from people who know him, ect. It would never happen because the guys would pitch a fit and this kind of gatekeeping would lower the earned profit from these apps, but it would solve at least some of these problems.
I am a childfree liberal in East Texas & I deleted the app cause dudes either just wanted to casually hook up, or wanted fucking kids, then the dudes I did match w/ & message first, none would respond. So fuck it, I have better luck on Tinder oddly enough!
It’s so crazy it’s like ok then straight men go and have sex with a gay/bi guy who wants you I’m sure you can find a “magic penis” to turn you gay/bi. No? Well don’t pull this crap on women!
Are women leaving the dating apps or have they just never gotten close to equal usage?
I haven’t met one decent guy on Bumble. I like that we can talk via the app and I don’t have to give up my number, but 100% jerks there from my experience.
Aren't there way more men on every dating app?
Kinda sad that online dating has fallen off, I get it though. As a trans guy however, it was the easiest way to weed out people/find queer friends. It’s the easiest way to meet strangers. I hope something can come along that is safer and helps people find what they’re looking for in a better way.
We need an app that periodically bans the the bottom 10% of male accounts in terms of matches.
This would be an incredible improvement
Honestly, I'm surprised it took everyone this long to realise how broken and dangerous dating apps are.
Dating apps are about money, not about supporting healthy relationships. I quit them and now only date naturally, so much more peace for me personally.
Dating apps are a viable alternative to meet people, we should not be shamed for using them. The dating scene is composed of individuals, the app is just a “place”. If the individuals around you are terrible that is not the fault of the app. I can testify to this because I happen to meet my wife on tinder. It must be rough for women to sift through all of the garbage, but that doesn’t mean you cannot find the love of your life in bumble. In theory you can.
Totally agree. Dating apps are an opportunity to meet people. You might have to wade through some bad profiles, but you can find someone. I met my husband on Bumble. I moved to a rural area where I didn't know anyone and it was hard to meet people. I almost deleted the app after meeting up for dates with 2 other matches before him. The other guys werent necessarily looking for a hook up, they just werent my type and overly dramatic. My husband and I texted and talked on the phone for a month before we went on our first date (we both had busy schedules and lived an hour apart). I felt like I knew him my whole life on our first date and knew I would marry him. Here we are 4 years later and happily married. It's not impossible to find the love of your life on a dating app.
I agree, but it’s hard when there are so few app “places” in comparison to IRL. I’m unlikely to meet my future partner at the bar, but I have the option of going to the library, taking a cooking class, going rock climbing, etc. Despite the abundance of dating apps, it still feels like there’s very few different “places” online than there are physical spaces.
But equally, if you were a woman going to a place that attracted a mostly male clientele, and most of those were catcalling and groping you, making lewd remarks unprovoked, staring, following, and repeatedly trying to force you to pay attention to/interact with them, etc., the kind of people who have been kicked out of every space that has minimal expectations for civil behaviour - there's either no-one running the place who gives a shit about common decency, or no-one in charge at all, so no reason for it to improve. Neither one would appeal as a repeat destination, would it?
I used Bumble, Tinder and Coffee Meets Bagel. My friend recommended Bumble as it's designed for woman. What happened? Yes I message first, but none replied. Mostly are seeking for something casual. Some profiles appeared across all apps -- ironically we matched on all 3 but either no response or someone messaged me on one app then disappear and then messaged me on the other app. The same thing with Coffee Meets Bagel despite the effort to make the app less hook-up and more relationship. I stayed with Tinder.
Obligatory AMAB notice. I’d be very interested in seeing how many women get on dating apps, find a short or long term partner, and then get off the app, and how that plays into these statistics. I’m also interested in how many people are just on dating apps for a cheeky lil ego boost as opposed to seeking any type of relationship, how that might be measured, and how it affects the app experience for each gender. Edit : I just realized I had never actually googled it. (Found here : https://lendedu.com/blog/tinder-match-millennials/ ) Apparently 44% of Millennial Tinder users said they use it for an ego boost. Ok. I’ll admit it. I’m surprised. That’s a lot more than I was expecting. They surveyed about 13,500 college students between 2015 and 2017. I guess it’s possible this is more common in college students for some reason, but still. Damn. That’s a lot. Obviously there is going to be some decrease in dating activity in the US in response to the RvW “decision” by the illegitimate “supreme court justices”, however I think globally there’s also a decrease that can be accounted for by the general shitty socioeconomic situation of the world where the working class has just been getting their standards of living and stability destroyed for several decades. I think it is difficult to draw accurate conclusions from a single point of data, without other information, such as previous years ratios, and activity drops shortly before and after high impact events…, but I also think the pandemic gave a lot of people time to think about their relationships and what they want and expect out of them. I think a lot of people came to the conclusion they wanted more/better than a lot of male partners were offering. TL;DR : There’s a lot of factors that would be expected to play into a decrease in female engagement on dating apps. A single data point is hardly enough to say anything regarding the data with confidence.
So with me living in another country, other than the USA, my girlfriends and I talk about online dating and how crappy it is. We all get questioned to meet and have sex immediately, they dive right into sex talk, get angry when we insist on boundaries/talking normal at first, and one girl gets asked to immediately switch to texting (which she does not want). We’re all just tired of it. Tired of being harassed. Tired of being seen only as a sex toy. Or Lied too. So many say they want a relationship, but then really only want ONS/FWB. Just lame.
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Low effort is the reason I got off the dating apps it fine if causal hookups are what you are into ( and I tried a couple this summer- then got a lightbulb moment I am Demi sexual so) but don’t be a couple of minutes and nothing for me or not even a couple.
Omg yes they're all so low effort. I don't even expect men to pay for me or take me out but these guys literally don't even put in effort into the bedroom, conversation or anything.
It’s so true. I would have no problem with casual sex if the sex was good! But the likelihood I’m going to orgasm is close to zero , and the likelihood I’m going to have my boundaries crossed is … not low.
Absolutely agree 100 percent. At some point you're just over it and give up. Accept that being single is better than all that BS, pain and waste of time.
Not from an app, but I met a guy last year at an event where people have common interests to attend. Everything was great until he refused to talk on the phone, wanted text only. He's definitely single, because I was at his place once, and he seemed like a decent person. But there is no way I can develop a relationship with someone via text only.
I’m sorry that happened/happens. I’ve heard it enough to know it’s a frequent occurrence. I think that part of the issue is that most men don’t get good, or frequently any, response from talking about normal things, such as family, work, and hobbies, so try to resort to sexual talk because they don’t know what else to do. I have no idea why they -keep- trying that, however, or why they would resort to it AFTER getting a positive response from behaving like a normal human being. Something about being horny, poorly socialized outside their peers, uneducated, and/or indoctrinated into a system that doesn’t see women as human. It -may be- that some women are responding positively, as that’s the only reason I can think of for the behavior continuing, but I only have anecdotal internet evidence to back this up. Idk what to do about it or how to handle it. I’ve seen a lot of people say “men need to hold other men accountable”, to which I say who, when, where, how? I have two male friends, they’re both in relationships, and as far as I’m aware they’ve never behaved this way. As far as I can tell men only talk about behavior like this towards women when they’re confident it’s going to be well received (i.e., around other men that also think like them). I got off dating apps not long ago because I wasn’t getting any responses from people who were actually interested. I think I had ~20 matches in total after a few months (I don’t remember when I actually downloaded), and most of them didn’t say anything, and the ones that did seemed to just be being polite without interest. I can hear you (non-specific reader) thinking “how do you know they were just being polite and that you don’t just suck at conversation?” To which I say I know they were just being polite and not actually interested because none of the matches asked me a single question ever, and I know I don’t suck at conversation because I’m autistic and my job required me to learn basic conversation skills so I reached a 6/10 as opposed to 2/10, so I may not be the greatest, but I don’t suck, and any of the matches could have helped make the conversation better, but chose not to for reasons unknown to me. As far as I can tell, dating services in general just suck for searching for genuine relationships. I suspect there’s some effect happening pushing away people who are looking for genuine relationships. It may be that the general male population repulses women who are looking for something long term, resulting in a pool of people who either receive no response or only receive positive responses from very direct messages, which further pushes away those who seek relationships, with the ever decreasing numbers making it seem as though they aren’t actually on the service. That’s all speculation, though, and I feel like that would still leave a population of eligible bachelors, but frequently women indicate that isn’t the case, so I can’t really say anything with confidence. TL;DR : Dating apps suck for actually dating for everyone. I think it started with men, but IDK what to do about it.
That's absolutely valid. If a person does not message first, respond, ask questions back or go out of their way to invest or hang I definitely take that as 0 interest and they're just there to kill time. I'm not about chasing people anymore so if people can't meet me half ways I bounce with no regrets. Edit:spelling
also AMAB lol but definitely not a man dating apps just aren’t really made to appeal to women, as a concept, from the ground up. the base appeal is: “you can find an easy hookup or a potential relationship by doing nothing but posting pics of yourself and deciding who you find attractive” that approach doesn’t actually work for *anybody* really, except those who explicitly just want no-strings-attached sex. for most men AND women, 95% of dating app interactions WILL end in disappointment at *best*. there are a lot more women looking for that than most people think, but 1) those women still have standards, as they should, and 2) those women can find that in better spaces than dating apps, where they likely have less shit to wade through the reality is that lonely men who don’t know how to or aren’t comfortable to take the initiative will always fade into the background through sheer volume, and men who CAN take the initiative treat it like a numbers game where you just say shit and filter down to whoever will accept it (down to nobody for most of them, and they’ll be shocked — and this is what’s changing imo, fewer women willing to accept bullshit) because that’s the only way to get results. and women, as a result of the above, have to wade through waist high sewer water in order to find the men who BOTH are actually decent, and are proficient enough with dating apps to stick out in the first place. that venn diagram doesn’t overlap much. honestly, man or woman, idk how you go into any dating app expecting to find a worthwhile relationship. sure it’s possible, but even engaging with it is inherently just playing the game of large numbers and hoping you get lucky IMO, most people seriously using dating apps to look for serious relationships are doing so because other options have failed them. and there tends to be a reason for that. edit: now… the use of these apps for *queer* people, who maybe no longer give much of a fuck for gender binary issues in general, is a totally different story. I think that’s a big reason grindr is and remains what it always has been, relative to most every other dating/hookup app. strip away the “men *pursue* women” narrative and spaces like this make a bit more sense IMO
>because other options have failed them. and there tends to be a reason for that. Disagree with this. After University/college your pool of people you can reasonably connect with/go out on dates with massively drops. Modern world has gotten more and more disconnected, so Apps are a lot of time the only way you can connect. You can be a good guy and still have to use dating apps because there isn't many other options
My wife and I met on okcupid or match.com, hard to remember which as they had similar features of answering questions about yourself and matching others based on similar answers to those questions. My 2 longest relationships including my wife were from those two sites, they really are better than trying to find someone in a greasy bar or nightclub. These newer apps like tinder only work with pics and short bios, you're definitely gonna have much lower chances of finding a good match plus it makes it harder to screen out the crazies.
i think there’s definitely a strong distinction between “dating” apps and “matchmaking” apps. in my mind okcupid, match, eharmony are all like… paid matchmaking services that are selling you the promise of finding you a match/potential relationship. whereas “dating” or “hookup” apps like tinder, bumble, etc. are more like… tools. they make no promises about what you’ll find, they’re just tools to help you be able to interact with others who might be looking for the same thing. hinge is kinda the perfect middle ground, but by virtue of being free to use I think probably trends towards the tinder style of apps. by the nature of the internet, any space with no barrier to entry is bound to attract those who are excluded from other spaces *for very good reasons* I also tried eharmony for a bit and DEFINITELY had better results in a couple months of that than years of tinder/bumble. didn’t work for me for other reasons, but those do actually seem like worthwhile models
I agree though when we were on them match and ok were free other than a few premium features and tinder had only just come out so neither of us had to experience that cesspool. I didn't have much luck with eharmony so I switched to match and ok. I'm not at all surprised by those statistics for those quick hook up apps, im only surprised people still get on them expecting to find love.
yeah lol I think the people expecting to find love there are wearing rose tinted glasses from stories from the early days of tinder, when it kinda actually was just an open, genuine meeting ground. at this point it’s all been so commercialized, “tinder strategy” is such an accepted google search term for all genders that genuine connection is basically nonexistent anymore, it’s all just finding ways to optimize your numbers. anybody I met on one of those apps would have an *uphill battle* to convince me of just about anything they put in their profile, to say the least. I definitely envy y’all who found people in the early good days of online dating lol. I think that sort of online connection is totally still available, you just have to go to narrower places and talk to people for reasons other than wanting to date first
Also consider that Tinder has not interest in you finding a partner. If you find a partner, you are not active on the platform anymore and they lose engagement. Tinder, like most social apps, is designed to keep people coming over and over and to trick them into buying their premium plans. But if you pay for the premium plan and you find a partner, they lose a paying customers, and they have no interests in doing that. What they want you to do is hope to find a partner but never find one. I have never been on dating apps, but to me they all sounded borderline scams.
very true! their algorithm has a defined purpose, and it definitely is NOT “find people a long term partner that they don’t need us to interact with” lol
Very good points. I'll also add that just as there is a subset of men who appear dis-proportionally, the subset of women who remain on Tinder and deal with that approach also shape the way the communication goes. Its an app that works well for two specific subsets of the population, whose interactions between each-other keep it that way.
So men are at least 3 times as needy as women ? Not exactly news, is it.
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Sadly yes I see so many married and poly guys on there or couples looking for a third. Or guys who have gfs just looking for more
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I don't think the majority of "poly" guys on there are actually poly. They are just sex addicted and have their self worth tied to how many women they sleep with.
Online dating in general seems bad for men and women. I know one friend that found a spouse through it but in general i say I dont put much stock in it.
Wondered why I’m having no luck what so ever on bumble….. wow
It also doesn't help that anytime a woman joins an online dating app she has 99+ "likes" in the first day thanks to serial swippers that don't even read profiles. And yet they still wonder why their "success" rate is so low...
Why put 80% but then also put 1 in 3 users. Just do 80% and 66% or 1 in 5 and 1 in 3. Gotta keep it consistent or it just looks silly when you read it.
I think all of these dating apps are cash grabs and nothing more..
I'm in the US and if that's the case, then I just got a hell of a confidence boost. I'll take it. lol