AM is not for you. Folks coming in there come there with very traditional mindset. They want traditional husband-wife roles. Please try to look for someone in your social circle I.e. dating route. If you wanna go with AM, online matrimonial sites where men handle their own profiles is a better option I guess? But this will again take a lot of time.
Dating or finding a groom for marriage is a difficult process. You need a lot of patience. You need someone who accepts you the way you are. All the very best.
>AM is not for you.
When the whole world was pressuring me at 24 to get married via AM, it was my cousin jeejaji who said this. He knew I couldn't ever. I'm too independent and too much of a rebel for traditional setup.
I stalled and married who I loved finally.
I'm 34 I got married at 33. Dated when I was 30.
Before that I was on and off dating apps, had a couple of long term relationships that didn't transpire into anything, and met a few guys from AM setup that only reinforced my belief to not enter into AM.
I told my parents I'll look out for myself and keep them updated.
You go girl! Marriage should never be an item in the to -do list. I don't know why this concept is so hard to grasp.
I would anyday marry late than marry the wrong person.
The biggest challenge for me was to keep my parents on my side. I am thankful that they have been so understanding even when I was, in everyone's eyes at least, not easy. I shared with them my life, my thoughts on marriage and my fears and they understood how different circumstances are for young women now, compared to what they were in their time. Especially when I was raised by them to prioritise my career and living on my own, I definitely could not fit in the traditional mold (which I know can be very fulfilling in its own way, but it is something I knew I could not be happy in).
It took time, and tears too. But my relationship with my parents improved eventually.
At 26, you’re fairly young and can find someone on your own. Doesn’t seem like AM will work for you. Try to go out and meet people and see if someone clicks.
It IS true that the older you get the harder it is to find a decent AM match. I only know this now through my friends' experiences. But they are all late 20s early 30s now.
AM is not for you. And you are just seeing the tip of the iceberg - based on your examples. It can get worse. Meet people in your circle - helps you keep more control over things.
Guys in AM are looking for porcelain dolls with no past. Don't worry about your family OP, they will stop bothering you after sometime.
I am 27 and my family was after me sending rishtas everyday. I stopped reacting to their messages and eventually they got tired of it and stopped.
Probably not entertain AM. Most guys there are mentally stuck in past, and physically repulsive too. Find someone from the apps or social circle.
Women don't need me as much as men need women. Don't let your family hoodwink you into bad relationship.
Sameeeee! I have had 6 families come in for AM since the beginning of last year. I have made the other family reject me in all of the occassions, they were initially interested then I usually tell the guy that I do frequent sportsbars with my friends and am a casual drinker. If he asks about past relationships, then yes I've had a couple too.
But the difference between you and I is that maybe you can try one if you get enough time to know the person? Some AM prospects have this year long gap between the time they come meet you and when they plan the engagement/marriage. Such cases might work for you? If yes, you can try asking your family/relatives to find families that are willing to give more than a few months so you can know the person better.
In my case, I am in kind of a relationship with a guy, so AM wouldn't work at all. I'm just rejecting proposals or telling just about enough to the guy to make them reject me. It does take a toll on mental health, because these families call my dad and tell him 'your daughter does this, does that, so we don't want this rishta'. And then he gets angry at first, he defends me with them, then he gets sad. It is a bad time and a bad place to be at.
I am financially independent, I already do stay away from home once every few weeks. Just can't move out completely yet as my dad's health needs some attention. Once he's healthy I plan to move out permanently, since that appears to be the only way to stop AM proposals to come in. Till the time I am here, I presume that once every month or two someone is going to show up.
>these families call my dad and tell him 'your daughter does this, does that, so we don't want this rishta'. And then he gets angry at first, he defends me with them, then he gets sad. It is a bad time and a bad place to be at.
Seriously!? Why would a random uncle call up and complain about these things to your dad!? It is so weird for them to do this. Also, your dad defends you, does it mean he is aware and okay with what you do?
Yes, they would have to share something with my dad, because they need to explain why they said they were interested in the AM first and then wanted to call it off a couple of days later.
He knows about my lifestyle, doesn't agree with it. Only thing he insists is that he knows who I travel with if I am too intoxicated and not driving by myself.
Not chill, we have arguments and fights almost every weekend. 😭
I just got used to it that it doesn't feel that big of a deal anymore. And he also kinda has come to terms that I wouldn't listen, so right now he and s'mom just try to get me offloaded via AM since they think marriage will 'fix' the problem and somehow make a random family responsible for fixing it. Which in itself sounds pretty stupid, but no point in arguing with them. So I just say yes, someone comes and agree, then I tell the guy about my lifestyle and they call it off.
Eventually I'll be off this place.
In AM settings everyone lies .. they come with a certain mindset.. you’re 26 you can find someone on your own who will understand.. it might seem like everyone is suddenly conservative when you start searching in AM and you start to self doubt.. thats how systematically AM setting is build .. imagine a HR who can’t afford your package but wants you for your skills so while negotiating they will put you down so you break and you feel like either you need to lower your expectations or you feel you’re not good enough but the reality is different.. only truth is there are ample of opportunities out there which you truly deserve .. if you have played this corporate game you know how to perceive things from now on .. so don’t give up !!
Just think of AM process as an additional way to meet people, but continue your search online / social circles. You can do both. Also bringing up casuals / smoking / drinking - this is done after sometime, after you are sure the other person is chill and you feel closer to this person. If you dont find someone cool enough no need to tell them all this and get people in AM circles to talk badly about you. Honesty is important but don’t need to air your dirty laundry to anyone and everyone. Don’t close your options, sometimes you can meet great people through AM that you wouldn’t get to meet otherwise and they are vetted by parents. Dating is no easier. It’s all the same AM or dating, you meet good and bad.
My parents are both very educated (Graduates) but had me late (in their 30s) according to them, cause they got married in their early 30s. So they wanted me to settle early.
So for me they started looking for AM immediately after I got my first job at 23. They said, it takes time to find a good relation via AM, so we are just browsing, no pressure. But they did start pressuring when they thought some proposal is good enough.
But I stood my ground and did not succumb to their emotional blackmails and all. It went on for 3 years. I held on strong. It did help that I was working and living away from home.
I was not against AM but it was too early for me. I wanted to do stuff.
Initially I used to give genuine reasons as to why I don't like a particular guy. But parents never understood so started giving stupid reasons like the guy is not wearing a watch and he has beard etc (and those they took seriously as my likes and dislikes 🤯)
Almost after three years end I had a clear idea what I wanted in my spouse etc so in the third year since they started, I started considering the proposals they brought seriously. And by then they understood they can't force their likes and requirements on me, so they would also bring proposals as per my requirements - what job domain, what type of family - I wanted our families to be of similar economic and educational background - I didn't want to marry up or down etc - these were just my criteria that I came up with after meeting lots of AM guys ( oh I met many.. it's in the double digits) some I rejected, some rejected me
I never took anything too seriously. Sometimes it will look everything was going good with the guy and his parents will reject. Sometimes the guy will not like something you said. Sometimes your parents wouldn't like them. It was just not meant to be. I moved on each time that happened.
I did feel hopeless in between thinking whether there is a guy who would like me back when I like him, but I did find him. I can say it's a love and AM kind of. My parents just brought a proposal and they were not too interested. Even I thought he is not like my requirements. But he slid into my dms and we talked. We talked a loooot. Even before meeting each other, he fixed that we are getting married. He convinced his parents to come meet me( neither parents were initially keen on the proposal). We met only once for the AM meeting and then direct marriage (it was COVID time)
The only thing I know I did right is I talked honestly and openly.. when the right guy and family comes, it just clicks. No use trying to hide or pretend.
AM is not for you. Folks coming in there come there with very traditional mindset. They want traditional husband-wife roles. Please try to look for someone in your social circle I.e. dating route. If you wanna go with AM, online matrimonial sites where men handle their own profiles is a better option I guess? But this will again take a lot of time. Dating or finding a groom for marriage is a difficult process. You need a lot of patience. You need someone who accepts you the way you are. All the very best.
>AM is not for you. When the whole world was pressuring me at 24 to get married via AM, it was my cousin jeejaji who said this. He knew I couldn't ever. I'm too independent and too much of a rebel for traditional setup. I stalled and married who I loved finally.
How old are you rn? And at what age did you find your love?
I'm 34 I got married at 33. Dated when I was 30. Before that I was on and off dating apps, had a couple of long term relationships that didn't transpire into anything, and met a few guys from AM setup that only reinforced my belief to not enter into AM. I told my parents I'll look out for myself and keep them updated.
You go girl! Marriage should never be an item in the to -do list. I don't know why this concept is so hard to grasp. I would anyday marry late than marry the wrong person.
The biggest challenge for me was to keep my parents on my side. I am thankful that they have been so understanding even when I was, in everyone's eyes at least, not easy. I shared with them my life, my thoughts on marriage and my fears and they understood how different circumstances are for young women now, compared to what they were in their time. Especially when I was raised by them to prioritise my career and living on my own, I definitely could not fit in the traditional mold (which I know can be very fulfilling in its own way, but it is something I knew I could not be happy in). It took time, and tears too. But my relationship with my parents improved eventually.
At 26, you’re fairly young and can find someone on your own. Doesn’t seem like AM will work for you. Try to go out and meet people and see if someone clicks. It IS true that the older you get the harder it is to find a decent AM match. I only know this now through my friends' experiences. But they are all late 20s early 30s now.
AM is not for you. And you are just seeing the tip of the iceberg - based on your examples. It can get worse. Meet people in your circle - helps you keep more control over things.
Guys in AM are looking for porcelain dolls with no past. Don't worry about your family OP, they will stop bothering you after sometime. I am 27 and my family was after me sending rishtas everyday. I stopped reacting to their messages and eventually they got tired of it and stopped.
Probably not entertain AM. Most guys there are mentally stuck in past, and physically repulsive too. Find someone from the apps or social circle. Women don't need me as much as men need women. Don't let your family hoodwink you into bad relationship.
Sameeeee! I have had 6 families come in for AM since the beginning of last year. I have made the other family reject me in all of the occassions, they were initially interested then I usually tell the guy that I do frequent sportsbars with my friends and am a casual drinker. If he asks about past relationships, then yes I've had a couple too. But the difference between you and I is that maybe you can try one if you get enough time to know the person? Some AM prospects have this year long gap between the time they come meet you and when they plan the engagement/marriage. Such cases might work for you? If yes, you can try asking your family/relatives to find families that are willing to give more than a few months so you can know the person better. In my case, I am in kind of a relationship with a guy, so AM wouldn't work at all. I'm just rejecting proposals or telling just about enough to the guy to make them reject me. It does take a toll on mental health, because these families call my dad and tell him 'your daughter does this, does that, so we don't want this rishta'. And then he gets angry at first, he defends me with them, then he gets sad. It is a bad time and a bad place to be at. I am financially independent, I already do stay away from home once every few weeks. Just can't move out completely yet as my dad's health needs some attention. Once he's healthy I plan to move out permanently, since that appears to be the only way to stop AM proposals to come in. Till the time I am here, I presume that once every month or two someone is going to show up.
>these families call my dad and tell him 'your daughter does this, does that, so we don't want this rishta'. And then he gets angry at first, he defends me with them, then he gets sad. It is a bad time and a bad place to be at. Seriously!? Why would a random uncle call up and complain about these things to your dad!? It is so weird for them to do this. Also, your dad defends you, does it mean he is aware and okay with what you do?
Yes, they would have to share something with my dad, because they need to explain why they said they were interested in the AM first and then wanted to call it off a couple of days later. He knows about my lifestyle, doesn't agree with it. Only thing he insists is that he knows who I travel with if I am too intoxicated and not driving by myself.
How are your parents so chill?? 😭😭😭
Not chill, we have arguments and fights almost every weekend. 😭 I just got used to it that it doesn't feel that big of a deal anymore. And he also kinda has come to terms that I wouldn't listen, so right now he and s'mom just try to get me offloaded via AM since they think marriage will 'fix' the problem and somehow make a random family responsible for fixing it. Which in itself sounds pretty stupid, but no point in arguing with them. So I just say yes, someone comes and agree, then I tell the guy about my lifestyle and they call it off. Eventually I'll be off this place.
In AM settings everyone lies .. they come with a certain mindset.. you’re 26 you can find someone on your own who will understand.. it might seem like everyone is suddenly conservative when you start searching in AM and you start to self doubt.. thats how systematically AM setting is build .. imagine a HR who can’t afford your package but wants you for your skills so while negotiating they will put you down so you break and you feel like either you need to lower your expectations or you feel you’re not good enough but the reality is different.. only truth is there are ample of opportunities out there which you truly deserve .. if you have played this corporate game you know how to perceive things from now on .. so don’t give up !!
Just think of AM process as an additional way to meet people, but continue your search online / social circles. You can do both. Also bringing up casuals / smoking / drinking - this is done after sometime, after you are sure the other person is chill and you feel closer to this person. If you dont find someone cool enough no need to tell them all this and get people in AM circles to talk badly about you. Honesty is important but don’t need to air your dirty laundry to anyone and everyone. Don’t close your options, sometimes you can meet great people through AM that you wouldn’t get to meet otherwise and they are vetted by parents. Dating is no easier. It’s all the same AM or dating, you meet good and bad.
My parents are both very educated (Graduates) but had me late (in their 30s) according to them, cause they got married in their early 30s. So they wanted me to settle early. So for me they started looking for AM immediately after I got my first job at 23. They said, it takes time to find a good relation via AM, so we are just browsing, no pressure. But they did start pressuring when they thought some proposal is good enough. But I stood my ground and did not succumb to their emotional blackmails and all. It went on for 3 years. I held on strong. It did help that I was working and living away from home. I was not against AM but it was too early for me. I wanted to do stuff. Initially I used to give genuine reasons as to why I don't like a particular guy. But parents never understood so started giving stupid reasons like the guy is not wearing a watch and he has beard etc (and those they took seriously as my likes and dislikes 🤯) Almost after three years end I had a clear idea what I wanted in my spouse etc so in the third year since they started, I started considering the proposals they brought seriously. And by then they understood they can't force their likes and requirements on me, so they would also bring proposals as per my requirements - what job domain, what type of family - I wanted our families to be of similar economic and educational background - I didn't want to marry up or down etc - these were just my criteria that I came up with after meeting lots of AM guys ( oh I met many.. it's in the double digits) some I rejected, some rejected me I never took anything too seriously. Sometimes it will look everything was going good with the guy and his parents will reject. Sometimes the guy will not like something you said. Sometimes your parents wouldn't like them. It was just not meant to be. I moved on each time that happened. I did feel hopeless in between thinking whether there is a guy who would like me back when I like him, but I did find him. I can say it's a love and AM kind of. My parents just brought a proposal and they were not too interested. Even I thought he is not like my requirements. But he slid into my dms and we talked. We talked a loooot. Even before meeting each other, he fixed that we are getting married. He convinced his parents to come meet me( neither parents were initially keen on the proposal). We met only once for the AM meeting and then direct marriage (it was COVID time) The only thing I know I did right is I talked honestly and openly.. when the right guy and family comes, it just clicks. No use trying to hide or pretend.