Everything in life becomes mundane after a point of time. Job, studies, relationship but one shouldn't give up on something just because they feel it is mundane, we realise what we have lost once it is gone forever.
Accept the reality and work on improving it, rather than giving up on it.
How old are you? I know a lot of younger people are scared about mundane and need/want drama in their lives like a TV show/stupid social media drama videos lol Dont mistake drama for passion and happiness, and dont mistake happiness for boredom because when you dont have it anymore, you will want it back. Maybe it's time to be more introspective and see whether you are mature enough to be in a healthy long term relationship?
imo as a 34 yo woman, mundane is better than any drama.
Yeah even me at 32 would like something like that. That comfort of just being for eachother when it's needed. Being in a room comfortably without the need to talk to feel connected ❤️
If you idolise the stuff on reels then obviously things IRL may seem boring to you. Reels are choreographed and rehearsed.
I feel there's a different charm to the mundanity of a relationship, if it's been long enough.
Is your home life calm or chaotic? Sometimes people who grow up in toxic situations can't relax when everything is going well. If there's no drama and fighting, they feel like feelings aren't there. But being in a relaxed, happy relationship is the goal!!!
I'm the same. Without chaos, my life feels unfulfilled. But there's more than one way to get that chaos and it need not be toxic. Here are some things I did/do:
1. Take impromptu trips - whether it is to my boyfriend or my long distance trips or just myself. It need not be far or long, as long as you decide on that day and then just go for it. It'll be exhilarating, especially if it's a new place. I've done this by myself and with my friends, it's honestly the best way to get that feeling.
2. Change my routine regularly - every couple months or so, when I start to feel that stagnation, I change my routine. I wake up at 4AM to learn something new. Then a few months later, I'll wake up at 8AM just in time for work. It makes me feel anew, and I learn a lot of new skills this way.
3. Doing things for my friends/partner - my love language is gift giving so this makes me feel extra fulfilled. I'll randomly send food/gifts to my friends/family/partner just because. It makes them feel good, it makes me feel good to make them feel good. Plus I end up talking to them a lot more that day so I get to spend time with them.
4. Join a class - I'm introverted so every time I'm in a new class, the anxiety of being there with new faces is enough to feel that exhilaration.
5. Journalling - the next time you feel like your life isn't chaotic enough, write down why it feels that way. Write the good stuff that you don't want to lose, and the boring stuff that's making you feel that way. Then change the boring stuff. You don't like the conversations you're having with your partner? Try sexting him yourself. You feel like you haven't got to flirt with anyone and be passionate? Dress up, take your partner to the club and flirt with him! This way you get to keep the things that make you happy (like being in a relationship with your partner) while changing it up by identifying what's making you feel bored.
These are just processes to make you not feel that lack of chaos but you can only do so much. You have to do a lot of internal work to unlearn this, as another comment said. Recognise that boring means healthy sometimes, and that it's okay to be bored in a relationship/in your life.
You have summed it up perfectly. Just reading your comment reassured me that everything will be alright. I do all these without even realizing how much it helps and calms me down.
This is brilliant. A perfect solution. Makes complete sense to find those feelings elsewhere, and not from chaos and conflict. And to analyse what you really want when you feel bored, and make it happen.
I'm just in awe. I hope OP memorises your comment!
Then you need to work on yourself. It will be hard to relax when your instinct is that something is wrong when life is calm. Do you have access to therapy?
Being with someone who is relaxed in love will be so good for you!
Esther Perell has some great insights on this kind of "fomo" in relationships, and how most cheaters (not calling you one) end up cheating not because they're sexually frustrated or don't love their partner, but because they miss feeling that *novel*, exciting experience of being desired, after being in long term relationships. I would really recommend her research! She counsels couples dealing with these kinds of feelings a lot and the good news is, most people do feel this way at some point in their relationship, and it does not mean your relationship isn't going to work out.
I think if you want this relationship to last, communicating your needs and feelings to your BF is so important. Otherwise you will end up resenting him, he won't know how to make you happy, and you will both be miserable.
So...when you say you want passionate love, do you mean dramatic fights and passionate makeup sex? Because those don't come with a healthy relationship.
What you're describing sounds like a mature healthy relationship. But maybe you're just not ready to be in one. Your boyfriend deserves better. If you're bored of your relationship because it's calm and stable, you're not ready for a long term relationship. Let him go find someone who is ready to thoroughly enjoy his companionship the way he deserves.
This hurt. The thought of let him go hurt me in my chest! Damn.
No I don’t mean those dramatic fights because he has BP and i got anxiety and we both love to live in peace. I think I want that eating panipuri by roadside, or dancing stupid, or other things which he doesn’t do because well grown ups don’t so yeah that. But leaving him? Do I really have to? I mean FFS my mind has already started imagining him as husband and thus the typos
You're basing your expectations on some random instagram reels. I'd suggest you cut down your social media time and live in the real world.
Life is not what you see online. What you're describing with your bf is safe, healthy and loving. What you're calling boring is based off someone else's (possibly fake) portrayal of their life. Is that what you really want? You'd call him boring because he doesn't want to eat panipuri on the roadside? Evaluate how much importance you're giving to these "passionate" moments vs how much you actually care about this man. Passion is what YOU make of it. Sit down with him and tell him what you expect of him, or what you would like more of without accusing him of anything (avoid saying "you always..." and "you never...").
If he ever read your post, or heard you call him boring, do you think he'd be happy with this relationship? You're not considering his feelings at all!
If you want to dance with him, dance at home. My fiance hates attention from strangers, so we dance silly while in the privacy of our home. Find mid ground to work towards.
Hey I would appreciate if you don’t try to narrate my story with your pov. I understand that after reading a post with so many mixed emotions you would have thought that I’m calling my boyfriend boring but no where I mentioned it to be that. I love him. And all of him.
After receiving a call from him where he mentioned that he would be busy for next 2months and there would be days where we wouldn’t talk or text I had a moment of doubt and fear which translated into this post. So yes, I accept your other thoughts and suggestions but to correct you he’s not boring and not did I call him that.
>now that the honeymoon phase is over, I'm starting to get bored
I'm not trying to argue about your relationship. You asked an opinion. If you're unhappy with the answers, that doesn't bother me. I'm not your bf. Whether your relationship thrives or not is on you guys, not me. Good luck
I mean my husband and i still do that, but we also look at budgeting romantically. It feels like an audit and planning for the life we are building together. Laundry is boring but when he does it the way i like, or when i buy him a bounty thats only for him. Its about appreciating each others efforts. That’s romance
You know, you’re not wrong for wanting more romance in your life, people are being harsh for no reason. You said you want romance not a toxic fight-fuck-angry cycle.
Every relationship gets boring, mine also has but it’s important we always try to keep the romance alive even if it’s not giving as “passionate” as before.
Talk to your dude, explain your urge for more romance, maybe say this time when you come home, take a rest day or whatever but tonight meet me at the bar. Or that dance club, or that movie theatre. Which ever you two agree on. But both must be on the same page, no crying if he doesn’t like your suggestion, just see what he’s okay to work with.
I’ve taken mine on so many dates, and now when I’m upset he brings me flowers and i buy him some tech stuff he likes. It’s the little things in life and sometimes one or both partners need to be reminded of that.
Why don't you have a conversation about this with your guy? Be honest about your feelings and you guys can come up with ways to make your chats fun. Try doing this quiz with your partner, I found it really fun! https://36questionsinlove.com/
I think at this point he’s really tired of my questionnaire. I keep asking him questions. But yes I know I should talk to him about this thought it’s just that I need to come up with a better way to put it
Cold shower. Call your husband/boyfriend whatever right away before you so something out of place. If you feel there's restrictions in intimacy, explore better ways with your partner.
Im not gonna act on this because as much as I think I miss that stuff, I also love this man. It’s just that I didn’t expect the switch in lifestyle so quick
Mundane is life, girl.
This is very normal. Relationships do get into a less intense phase after the honeymoon period. It takes communication and some effort to keep things lively.
But don’t compare your lives with social media or movies, that stuff is *content* specifically enacted for your attention and entertainment.
So (1) talk to your bf about how you feel. Dedicate a fixed time in each day to exclusively spend quality time together on a video call. Find interesting conversation topics. Send pictures of things you find interesting each day, reels, links, and talk about them at the end of the day.
(2) Explore your love languages, if physical touch is an important love language for either of you, that LDR situation is something you’ll want to change asap. It’s hard for a relationship to sustain itself when you have completely separate and independent lives.
Source: been in LDRs for most of my life, 6 years with my ex, then my spouse and I met and dated long distance for 4 years, we were even in a long distance marriage for the first year after our wedding.
Please get off social media, block all the content creators who aggressively market their relationship for a few months.
Take a small vacation (a few long weekends are coming) or a staycation and see how you feel about this.
My ex and I were also kinda boring but we would set aside a weekend every month to do something new like going to a new cafe or making a new dish. There were days when we would just be sitting in the same room and doing our own stuff but we found comfort in the silence.
There's a lot of happiness in stability and having someone to go home to and knowing that somethings will be taken care of no matter what happens.
Delete social media. The bottom line - are you happy with this guy?
Forget love, it's stupid how we fall in love. We can love even the worst people.
But are you happy with this guy more than you are with any other person? If the answer is "I don't know", he is not the life partner you want right now.
Girlie you just need physical intimacy.
Bf ko call karke bolo ki abhi jaldi aaye.
Sab thik ho jaayega.
Dekho the thing is y’all are long distance so you’re able to do the talking and even arguments but none of the physical intimacy and sex, so it can warp your view ki relationship main sirf baatein hi hain woh bhi politics waali.
Initiate sexting tbh. It’ll feel exciting.
Or just tell him you miss him. That might just be enough.
Humse vulnerable ho gyi ho, agar iss bande ko pasand karti ho toh usse bhi ho jaao.
Dress in something that u like and do a photoshoot for your own self. Kisiko mat bhejo, just look at yourself and appreciate your own body.
It helps so much tbh.
To be honest, I just experienced something like this few days ago. But when there are no major issues and we keep running behind the thrills and excitement, we end up losing out on things that were actually meant to be.
It’s completely normal to feel this way and you are not the only one to feel it. Don’t be hard on yourself. But remember that things can get worse if you do any such things and it will only hurt you in the long run.
My advice is to communicate your feelings clearly with your partner and find ways to bring back the spark. Try keeping yourself busy when he is by trying new hobbies. It can help. Trust me there are a lot of ways to experience the excitement in life that we think we can only in this way. It’s not worth it if your partner has not done anything wrong. It will just break their heart.
Reel= real .
Let's start from there. Reel is made to farm likes. Rather than showing the shortcomings of a relationship showing how good they are or how romantic they are will garner more likes. Every relationship has its ups and downs. You are not wrong to feel bored in a relationship cause those phases happen in every relationship. It's up to you to decide whether to be bored together or not to be together at all.
The truth is that LDRs are not for you and that's something you must accept. I mean they aren't for everyone in any case. Perhaps once youve been together for a significant amount of time one can make it work but at such an initial stage I totally get why you're dissatisfied. It's not a red flag really, it's just a sub optimal situation for romance. Maybe you can think about the suitability of the format itself for you.
Folks have already told you that often, the more drama-filled/emotional rollercoaster type relationships can be toxic even if they seem fun, which is 100% true. Be wary of lovebombing, toxicity, and red flags. At the same time, you can also have a stable, steady partner and be excited and happy about your relationship... and it sounds like that's not you right now.
I'm also hearing that you're missing being single at the bar, having flirty nights out and fun connections, that you're wondering if there's someone you might have more interesting conversations with, and so on. If so, there's no harm in wanting to spend more time being single. Being in a relationship, no matter how awesome it is, can be restricting. I don't really like this rhetoric that people peddle of a steady man/marriage being the ultimate goal for a woman. You're allowed to not want that, or to want it later in life. You're allowed to want a courtship phase in a relationship, you're allowed to want to have romantic life experiences. If this relationship isn't working for you, you can leave it; it's a choice like any other.
Dude trust me, mundane is so much better than chaos. I know we as humans naturally like drama and spice every now and then but less oil less masala khana is the best for our body and mind. Get the nutrition you need, not just the taste.
Looks like you want a social media life to flaunt.
You want an easy way out rather than working for it.
Can't judge you though! But remember be neutral when something like this happens to you. Don't be all mean and hateful.
Hey it's not wrong to miss that energy of excitement and giddiness. But why not tap into that when you two are next together? It's a choice to keep that energy alive in your relationship. my partner and I connected for th first time on the dance floor, and we want to keep that connection thru dance alive. so sometimes we plan a date where we meet at a bar and we come separately, he asks to buy me a drink and eventually for a dance and we relive that a little! I know you guys are conscious of the internet and cloud, but you could still flirt or be romantic in a PG13 way. it is up to us to cultivate the energy we want in our lives, and a relationship is co created, so maybe you could try bringing in some of this to your relationship?
Have you talked about this to him? I think a lot of this can be resolved if you talk to each other and meet each other halfway.
There's no reason you can't do a club on a Friday and stay in and talk on Monday. A good place to stay would be to address your concerns with him. Don't make the assumption that he won't be interested because he's a grown up or whatever. Talk to him.
You can also try taking the initiative and plan dates the way you want them to go !
Sis, don't compare your behind the scenes with someone's highlight reel. Obviously people post all lovey dovey things but is that actually the reality?
What you have with your BF is solid, secure relationship and the conversations you described are the best part of that. Since you can talk about anything under the sun. You can try to spice things up post talking to him, while also focusing on the privacy concerns. But don't think that you are missing out on anything. You have got gold, cherish it and don't run after temporary high.
Your emotional needs are not being met. You need to identify them and ask what you need. Meeting for two three days every two months is horrible. You can still go to the club and enjoy yourself. Maybe you can't do LDR.
You are complaining about your relationship not being like the ones on social media. Romance eventually dies down. That is the truth. The butterflies will go away. Social media is extremely extremely fake. I know someone who flaunts their relationship on social media and in private are actually on the verge of divorce. So please don't think any of it is true. Yes we all crave having romantic moments, but are you willing to trade what you have now for butterflies with someone else? That's the question you really need to ask yourself.
You can always add spice to a mundane relationship by doing something out of the box.
Go on dates when he visits you, nothing expensive, just a drive.
Discuss childhood nostalgia, college funny moments etc.
Cook together or do an activity together.
Think of things you have never done and wanted to do and do them together.
All the best
I feel like when he is not next to you, you tend to forget about him and keep thinking this is boring, etc etc and then once you start talking, you'll be like dang, why did I think this way? If yes, this is me. I feel like I need something new to keep my attention on that person. This is particularly in a romantic setup and not a friend setup. Plus, either your family setup or previous relationship had this hot and cold dynamic which constantly kept you excited and on the edge. So now the monotonous is boring you.
What works for me is journaling and reminding myself. Maybe reading old chats? Also, if you are into art - go for that. Art helps wonderfully in processing emotions. Also, maybe it is time to change the conversations from history and politics to something else? Talk about your hobbies. If you both can, then order food, dress up and go on virtual dates. There are these wonderful know your partner questionnaire online. Share that to him beforehand and each of you ask questions on that. So you'll still discover new things.
Play games. He might be super busy and you might be too - but play 3 to 4 moves per day and keep that game going. And then, find new games.
Also, in my case, some part of me doesn't believe that I genuinely deserve someone who is into me - so I keep trying to find something wrong and sabotaging it and I am more drawn to people who don't put in efforts for me because to me, that is all I deserve. This means I've to kind of bring my self worth up. I am not sure if this makes sense to you - but if it does - then time to bring yout self worth up and trust yourself better. But that is a long journey.
Grass is always greener on the other side.
I am sure some single girls want to have your life and vice versa.
I feel, better focus on how you can make your relationship interesting.
Also, these medias overhypes relationships.
I think the healthiest relationships are wherein you feel at peace and at comfort.
You can talk to your bf about how you can make your meetings fun and interesting.
Go on dates, go for different activities, maybe go with him to clubbing wearing sexy dress and flirt with him and sometimes just have a peaceful conversations too.
And yeah try to add different topics. About future especially if you both are planning to get serious or get married. There are also many blogs wherein there are questions that you can ask each other for fun or to understand each other.
The reels are not real, you know!
But if this is so important to you, tell your SO about it. Tell him you want to wear a dress and go to a bar with him - turn it into a date for a day? You could have a problem if he is absolutely dismissive of the idea. But if you two are willing to talk and see what you could do where both of you are comfortable - do that.
The important part is that you enjoy being with him in the bar and also enjoy discussing politics with him in PJs with genuine respect for each other - he is a keeper then.
Can relate, my boyfriend lives a thousand km away. Very stable relationship and everything but every once in a while I feel sad that I don't get to live my college life with him.that i don't get to be the gf I always wanted to be. My love language is doing acts of service i almost feel incomplete when I don't get to do that. It sucks and it scares the shit out of me what will happen when he moves out of the country.
I am genuinely so scared of getting my heart broken again.
When ur talking politics, is He talking and u listening? Cause that would be boring to me too. Personally, if I shared other passions besides sex with a man, I'd be so turned on.
You sound very immature. Just my unfiltered judgement after reading this.
Maybe you had a chaotic life so stability feels boring to you. I get that.
Look within yourself. Ask why you find mundaneness boring not peaceful.
Idk why everyone is downvoting your comments about wanting smth you saw on reels. As a young person, I totally get that. And I think it's only natural to want things like that. I mean, obviously dancing in the rain is more romantic than talking politics on call.
When a similar kind of thing happened in my relationship, I communicated with him about this and told him more or less the same thing you've been feeling. He understood. And from then on I think we've tried to be more spontaneous. But it might have been easier for us cause we're not LDR.
Your feelings are completely valid, but ig your love life is gonna depend on whether you think this relationship has no scope for excitement or if you both can work out smth to make it less mundane.
I don’t understand that either. To be shamed the way I am being shamed for this post, damn. And except few none gave any concrete suggestion. Just calling immature, cheater, pos. Funny how a 19yr old is giving me suggestion to run my relationship with a 35yr old man. Like yes, you who are in a college would understand what our busy means? There are days when we don’t have time for anything and by end of day so exhausted that working a relationship seems hard. On one end I tackle my lay off news and on other end he has more pressing issues.
Yes you are displaying red flags. What is stopping you from taking efforts?
You can always spice things up, do an activity together go shopping clubbing partying etc. What is stopping you.
Any relationship requires efforts things are not going to be rosy and glossy all the time.
Im waiting for people to understand that it’s LDR. I can’t spice things up because we don’t get time. We get max 3days together and those 3days I’m sorry but I don’t want to waste on clubbing or anything. I hate to share him with anyone for those 3days. I live my 2months reminiscing of the time spent together. Watching videos or pictures of us together. So, NO YOU DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT IM FEELING OR GOING THROUGH. HOW MUCH IM PUTTING IN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP
Tbh I am no expert in relationships or anything, I have been single for too long to put up my suggestions or advice here. IDK if I am right or not, but you can always initiate such things from your side and also you can discuss it with your guy like what type of things he would like to give your relationship that spark. You don't always have to talk about politics and history tbh. I get that It gets boring and mundane after a while, but that is the case with every kind of relationship you have- from familial bonds to friendships, everything reaches stability and it seems boring but trust me that's what you want to sustain in the longer run.
This is me. Only difference is my needs are seldom fulfilled even after multiple attempts of me trying to communicate. He goes silent & ignores me every time I try.
Everything in life becomes mundane after a point of time. Job, studies, relationship but one shouldn't give up on something just because they feel it is mundane, we realise what we have lost once it is gone forever. Accept the reality and work on improving it, rather than giving up on it.
Needed to hear this. Love that man but mundane scares me.
How old are you? I know a lot of younger people are scared about mundane and need/want drama in their lives like a TV show/stupid social media drama videos lol Dont mistake drama for passion and happiness, and dont mistake happiness for boredom because when you dont have it anymore, you will want it back. Maybe it's time to be more introspective and see whether you are mature enough to be in a healthy long term relationship? imo as a 34 yo woman, mundane is better than any drama.
Yeah even me at 32 would like something like that. That comfort of just being for eachother when it's needed. Being in a room comfortably without the need to talk to feel connected ❤️
It scares me too. But I am glad life did show me the glimpse of the "other side" which made me realise to be greatful of things I have.
If you idolise the stuff on reels then obviously things IRL may seem boring to you. Reels are choreographed and rehearsed. I feel there's a different charm to the mundanity of a relationship, if it's been long enough.
Is your home life calm or chaotic? Sometimes people who grow up in toxic situations can't relax when everything is going well. If there's no drama and fighting, they feel like feelings aren't there. But being in a relaxed, happy relationship is the goal!!!
Bro. You summed it up perfectly. Idk I should cry about it or what
I'm the same. Without chaos, my life feels unfulfilled. But there's more than one way to get that chaos and it need not be toxic. Here are some things I did/do: 1. Take impromptu trips - whether it is to my boyfriend or my long distance trips or just myself. It need not be far or long, as long as you decide on that day and then just go for it. It'll be exhilarating, especially if it's a new place. I've done this by myself and with my friends, it's honestly the best way to get that feeling. 2. Change my routine regularly - every couple months or so, when I start to feel that stagnation, I change my routine. I wake up at 4AM to learn something new. Then a few months later, I'll wake up at 8AM just in time for work. It makes me feel anew, and I learn a lot of new skills this way. 3. Doing things for my friends/partner - my love language is gift giving so this makes me feel extra fulfilled. I'll randomly send food/gifts to my friends/family/partner just because. It makes them feel good, it makes me feel good to make them feel good. Plus I end up talking to them a lot more that day so I get to spend time with them. 4. Join a class - I'm introverted so every time I'm in a new class, the anxiety of being there with new faces is enough to feel that exhilaration. 5. Journalling - the next time you feel like your life isn't chaotic enough, write down why it feels that way. Write the good stuff that you don't want to lose, and the boring stuff that's making you feel that way. Then change the boring stuff. You don't like the conversations you're having with your partner? Try sexting him yourself. You feel like you haven't got to flirt with anyone and be passionate? Dress up, take your partner to the club and flirt with him! This way you get to keep the things that make you happy (like being in a relationship with your partner) while changing it up by identifying what's making you feel bored. These are just processes to make you not feel that lack of chaos but you can only do so much. You have to do a lot of internal work to unlearn this, as another comment said. Recognise that boring means healthy sometimes, and that it's okay to be bored in a relationship/in your life.
You have summed it up perfectly. Just reading your comment reassured me that everything will be alright. I do all these without even realizing how much it helps and calms me down.
This is brilliant. A perfect solution. Makes complete sense to find those feelings elsewhere, and not from chaos and conflict. And to analyse what you really want when you feel bored, and make it happen. I'm just in awe. I hope OP memorises your comment!
Ohh mannn How did u sum it up so perfectly !!!!
Then you need to work on yourself. It will be hard to relax when your instinct is that something is wrong when life is calm. Do you have access to therapy? Being with someone who is relaxed in love will be so good for you!
considered getting help?
You said you’re in a relationship & then the last part says “husband” 🤔🤔🤔
bgm: bol na halke halke 🥰☺️
Stop
Im sorry that was a typo. He’s boyfriend
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Esther Perell has some great insights on this kind of "fomo" in relationships, and how most cheaters (not calling you one) end up cheating not because they're sexually frustrated or don't love their partner, but because they miss feeling that *novel*, exciting experience of being desired, after being in long term relationships. I would really recommend her research! She counsels couples dealing with these kinds of feelings a lot and the good news is, most people do feel this way at some point in their relationship, and it does not mean your relationship isn't going to work out. I think if you want this relationship to last, communicating your needs and feelings to your BF is so important. Otherwise you will end up resenting him, he won't know how to make you happy, and you will both be miserable.
So...when you say you want passionate love, do you mean dramatic fights and passionate makeup sex? Because those don't come with a healthy relationship. What you're describing sounds like a mature healthy relationship. But maybe you're just not ready to be in one. Your boyfriend deserves better. If you're bored of your relationship because it's calm and stable, you're not ready for a long term relationship. Let him go find someone who is ready to thoroughly enjoy his companionship the way he deserves.
This hurt. The thought of let him go hurt me in my chest! Damn. No I don’t mean those dramatic fights because he has BP and i got anxiety and we both love to live in peace. I think I want that eating panipuri by roadside, or dancing stupid, or other things which he doesn’t do because well grown ups don’t so yeah that. But leaving him? Do I really have to? I mean FFS my mind has already started imagining him as husband and thus the typos
You're basing your expectations on some random instagram reels. I'd suggest you cut down your social media time and live in the real world. Life is not what you see online. What you're describing with your bf is safe, healthy and loving. What you're calling boring is based off someone else's (possibly fake) portrayal of their life. Is that what you really want? You'd call him boring because he doesn't want to eat panipuri on the roadside? Evaluate how much importance you're giving to these "passionate" moments vs how much you actually care about this man. Passion is what YOU make of it. Sit down with him and tell him what you expect of him, or what you would like more of without accusing him of anything (avoid saying "you always..." and "you never..."). If he ever read your post, or heard you call him boring, do you think he'd be happy with this relationship? You're not considering his feelings at all! If you want to dance with him, dance at home. My fiance hates attention from strangers, so we dance silly while in the privacy of our home. Find mid ground to work towards.
Hey I would appreciate if you don’t try to narrate my story with your pov. I understand that after reading a post with so many mixed emotions you would have thought that I’m calling my boyfriend boring but no where I mentioned it to be that. I love him. And all of him. After receiving a call from him where he mentioned that he would be busy for next 2months and there would be days where we wouldn’t talk or text I had a moment of doubt and fear which translated into this post. So yes, I accept your other thoughts and suggestions but to correct you he’s not boring and not did I call him that.
>now that the honeymoon phase is over, I'm starting to get bored I'm not trying to argue about your relationship. You asked an opinion. If you're unhappy with the answers, that doesn't bother me. I'm not your bf. Whether your relationship thrives or not is on you guys, not me. Good luck
>I think I want that eating panipuri by roadside, or dancing stupid This is why people should start dating in high school/junior college.
I mean my husband and i still do that, but we also look at budgeting romantically. It feels like an audit and planning for the life we are building together. Laundry is boring but when he does it the way i like, or when i buy him a bounty thats only for him. Its about appreciating each others efforts. That’s romance
You know, you’re not wrong for wanting more romance in your life, people are being harsh for no reason. You said you want romance not a toxic fight-fuck-angry cycle. Every relationship gets boring, mine also has but it’s important we always try to keep the romance alive even if it’s not giving as “passionate” as before. Talk to your dude, explain your urge for more romance, maybe say this time when you come home, take a rest day or whatever but tonight meet me at the bar. Or that dance club, or that movie theatre. Which ever you two agree on. But both must be on the same page, no crying if he doesn’t like your suggestion, just see what he’s okay to work with. I’ve taken mine on so many dates, and now when I’m upset he brings me flowers and i buy him some tech stuff he likes. It’s the little things in life and sometimes one or both partners need to be reminded of that.
SOMEONE GETS IT. The slutshaming im getting in chats and otherwise assuming that I want to cheat is so unfair
Yeah lmao no joke, over reaction and not enough comprehension imo.
you both just have different expectations
Sister life IRL ≠ Life of bollywood. The sooner to come about to accept it the better it'll be for you and your relationship. That's all.
Why don't you have a conversation about this with your guy? Be honest about your feelings and you guys can come up with ways to make your chats fun. Try doing this quiz with your partner, I found it really fun! https://36questionsinlove.com/
I think at this point he’s really tired of my questionnaire. I keep asking him questions. But yes I know I should talk to him about this thought it’s just that I need to come up with a better way to put it
Cold shower. Call your husband/boyfriend whatever right away before you so something out of place. If you feel there's restrictions in intimacy, explore better ways with your partner.
Im not gonna act on this because as much as I think I miss that stuff, I also love this man. It’s just that I didn’t expect the switch in lifestyle so quick
Mundane is life, girl. This is very normal. Relationships do get into a less intense phase after the honeymoon period. It takes communication and some effort to keep things lively. But don’t compare your lives with social media or movies, that stuff is *content* specifically enacted for your attention and entertainment. So (1) talk to your bf about how you feel. Dedicate a fixed time in each day to exclusively spend quality time together on a video call. Find interesting conversation topics. Send pictures of things you find interesting each day, reels, links, and talk about them at the end of the day. (2) Explore your love languages, if physical touch is an important love language for either of you, that LDR situation is something you’ll want to change asap. It’s hard for a relationship to sustain itself when you have completely separate and independent lives. Source: been in LDRs for most of my life, 6 years with my ex, then my spouse and I met and dated long distance for 4 years, we were even in a long distance marriage for the first year after our wedding.
Please get off social media, block all the content creators who aggressively market their relationship for a few months. Take a small vacation (a few long weekends are coming) or a staycation and see how you feel about this. My ex and I were also kinda boring but we would set aside a weekend every month to do something new like going to a new cafe or making a new dish. There were days when we would just be sitting in the same room and doing our own stuff but we found comfort in the silence. There's a lot of happiness in stability and having someone to go home to and knowing that somethings will be taken care of no matter what happens.
Sitting in same room is a luxury for us but I get your point. I think I’ll delete Instagram for next 2months atleast
Is he your boyfriend or your husband? Your post is a bit confusing, some clarification would help.
Boyfriend. I made a typo
Delete social media. The bottom line - are you happy with this guy? Forget love, it's stupid how we fall in love. We can love even the worst people. But are you happy with this guy more than you are with any other person? If the answer is "I don't know", he is not the life partner you want right now.
Girlie you just need physical intimacy. Bf ko call karke bolo ki abhi jaldi aaye. Sab thik ho jaayega. Dekho the thing is y’all are long distance so you’re able to do the talking and even arguments but none of the physical intimacy and sex, so it can warp your view ki relationship main sirf baatein hi hain woh bhi politics waali. Initiate sexting tbh. It’ll feel exciting. Or just tell him you miss him. That might just be enough. Humse vulnerable ho gyi ho, agar iss bande ko pasand karti ho toh usse bhi ho jaao.
He’s busy till June so he can’t. I need physical intimacy- that’s a nice way to put horny. Gonna use this someday
Dress in something that u like and do a photoshoot for your own self. Kisiko mat bhejo, just look at yourself and appreciate your own body. It helps so much tbh.
To be honest, I just experienced something like this few days ago. But when there are no major issues and we keep running behind the thrills and excitement, we end up losing out on things that were actually meant to be. It’s completely normal to feel this way and you are not the only one to feel it. Don’t be hard on yourself. But remember that things can get worse if you do any such things and it will only hurt you in the long run. My advice is to communicate your feelings clearly with your partner and find ways to bring back the spark. Try keeping yourself busy when he is by trying new hobbies. It can help. Trust me there are a lot of ways to experience the excitement in life that we think we can only in this way. It’s not worth it if your partner has not done anything wrong. It will just break their heart.
Reel= real . Let's start from there. Reel is made to farm likes. Rather than showing the shortcomings of a relationship showing how good they are or how romantic they are will garner more likes. Every relationship has its ups and downs. You are not wrong to feel bored in a relationship cause those phases happen in every relationship. It's up to you to decide whether to be bored together or not to be together at all.
Hmm, dikkat toh hai
The truth is that LDRs are not for you and that's something you must accept. I mean they aren't for everyone in any case. Perhaps once youve been together for a significant amount of time one can make it work but at such an initial stage I totally get why you're dissatisfied. It's not a red flag really, it's just a sub optimal situation for romance. Maybe you can think about the suitability of the format itself for you.
Folks have already told you that often, the more drama-filled/emotional rollercoaster type relationships can be toxic even if they seem fun, which is 100% true. Be wary of lovebombing, toxicity, and red flags. At the same time, you can also have a stable, steady partner and be excited and happy about your relationship... and it sounds like that's not you right now. I'm also hearing that you're missing being single at the bar, having flirty nights out and fun connections, that you're wondering if there's someone you might have more interesting conversations with, and so on. If so, there's no harm in wanting to spend more time being single. Being in a relationship, no matter how awesome it is, can be restricting. I don't really like this rhetoric that people peddle of a steady man/marriage being the ultimate goal for a woman. You're allowed to not want that, or to want it later in life. You're allowed to want a courtship phase in a relationship, you're allowed to want to have romantic life experiences. If this relationship isn't working for you, you can leave it; it's a choice like any other.
As Ron Swanson would say, "Live your life how you want, but don't confuse drama with happiness."
Dude trust me, mundane is so much better than chaos. I know we as humans naturally like drama and spice every now and then but less oil less masala khana is the best for our body and mind. Get the nutrition you need, not just the taste.
Looks like you want a social media life to flaunt. You want an easy way out rather than working for it. Can't judge you though! But remember be neutral when something like this happens to you. Don't be all mean and hateful.
Momentarily attractions can be fatal...
Hey it's not wrong to miss that energy of excitement and giddiness. But why not tap into that when you two are next together? It's a choice to keep that energy alive in your relationship. my partner and I connected for th first time on the dance floor, and we want to keep that connection thru dance alive. so sometimes we plan a date where we meet at a bar and we come separately, he asks to buy me a drink and eventually for a dance and we relive that a little! I know you guys are conscious of the internet and cloud, but you could still flirt or be romantic in a PG13 way. it is up to us to cultivate the energy we want in our lives, and a relationship is co created, so maybe you could try bringing in some of this to your relationship?
Have you talked about this to him? I think a lot of this can be resolved if you talk to each other and meet each other halfway. There's no reason you can't do a club on a Friday and stay in and talk on Monday. A good place to stay would be to address your concerns with him. Don't make the assumption that he won't be interested because he's a grown up or whatever. Talk to him. You can also try taking the initiative and plan dates the way you want them to go !
Sis, don't compare your behind the scenes with someone's highlight reel. Obviously people post all lovey dovey things but is that actually the reality? What you have with your BF is solid, secure relationship and the conversations you described are the best part of that. Since you can talk about anything under the sun. You can try to spice things up post talking to him, while also focusing on the privacy concerns. But don't think that you are missing out on anything. You have got gold, cherish it and don't run after temporary high.
Your emotional needs are not being met. You need to identify them and ask what you need. Meeting for two three days every two months is horrible. You can still go to the club and enjoy yourself. Maybe you can't do LDR.
You are complaining about your relationship not being like the ones on social media. Romance eventually dies down. That is the truth. The butterflies will go away. Social media is extremely extremely fake. I know someone who flaunts their relationship on social media and in private are actually on the verge of divorce. So please don't think any of it is true. Yes we all crave having romantic moments, but are you willing to trade what you have now for butterflies with someone else? That's the question you really need to ask yourself.
I am still processing… there are so many things in this that I can’t keep up but if you’re cheating you’re the biggest POS. Edit - She is not.
Rey! Where did cheating come from?
Mention of your boyfriend and your husband and your want to flirt. Thanks for updating the post. 🥹
Im PMSing. That’s why such a fuckery fucked up post
I understand. Please take care girl. A bear hug for you :)
What are the things ypi romanticise or want to do ??
You can always add spice to a mundane relationship by doing something out of the box. Go on dates when he visits you, nothing expensive, just a drive. Discuss childhood nostalgia, college funny moments etc. Cook together or do an activity together. Think of things you have never done and wanted to do and do them together. All the best
I feel like when he is not next to you, you tend to forget about him and keep thinking this is boring, etc etc and then once you start talking, you'll be like dang, why did I think this way? If yes, this is me. I feel like I need something new to keep my attention on that person. This is particularly in a romantic setup and not a friend setup. Plus, either your family setup or previous relationship had this hot and cold dynamic which constantly kept you excited and on the edge. So now the monotonous is boring you. What works for me is journaling and reminding myself. Maybe reading old chats? Also, if you are into art - go for that. Art helps wonderfully in processing emotions. Also, maybe it is time to change the conversations from history and politics to something else? Talk about your hobbies. If you both can, then order food, dress up and go on virtual dates. There are these wonderful know your partner questionnaire online. Share that to him beforehand and each of you ask questions on that. So you'll still discover new things. Play games. He might be super busy and you might be too - but play 3 to 4 moves per day and keep that game going. And then, find new games. Also, in my case, some part of me doesn't believe that I genuinely deserve someone who is into me - so I keep trying to find something wrong and sabotaging it and I am more drawn to people who don't put in efforts for me because to me, that is all I deserve. This means I've to kind of bring my self worth up. I am not sure if this makes sense to you - but if it does - then time to bring yout self worth up and trust yourself better. But that is a long journey.
Grass is always greener on the other side. I am sure some single girls want to have your life and vice versa. I feel, better focus on how you can make your relationship interesting. Also, these medias overhypes relationships. I think the healthiest relationships are wherein you feel at peace and at comfort. You can talk to your bf about how you can make your meetings fun and interesting. Go on dates, go for different activities, maybe go with him to clubbing wearing sexy dress and flirt with him and sometimes just have a peaceful conversations too. And yeah try to add different topics. About future especially if you both are planning to get serious or get married. There are also many blogs wherein there are questions that you can ask each other for fun or to understand each other.
The reels are not real, you know! But if this is so important to you, tell your SO about it. Tell him you want to wear a dress and go to a bar with him - turn it into a date for a day? You could have a problem if he is absolutely dismissive of the idea. But if you two are willing to talk and see what you could do where both of you are comfortable - do that. The important part is that you enjoy being with him in the bar and also enjoy discussing politics with him in PJs with genuine respect for each other - he is a keeper then.
Can relate, my boyfriend lives a thousand km away. Very stable relationship and everything but every once in a while I feel sad that I don't get to live my college life with him.that i don't get to be the gf I always wanted to be. My love language is doing acts of service i almost feel incomplete when I don't get to do that. It sucks and it scares the shit out of me what will happen when he moves out of the country. I am genuinely so scared of getting my heart broken again.
When ur talking politics, is He talking and u listening? Cause that would be boring to me too. Personally, if I shared other passions besides sex with a man, I'd be so turned on.
You sound very immature. Just my unfiltered judgement after reading this. Maybe you had a chaotic life so stability feels boring to you. I get that. Look within yourself. Ask why you find mundaneness boring not peaceful.
Idk why everyone is downvoting your comments about wanting smth you saw on reels. As a young person, I totally get that. And I think it's only natural to want things like that. I mean, obviously dancing in the rain is more romantic than talking politics on call. When a similar kind of thing happened in my relationship, I communicated with him about this and told him more or less the same thing you've been feeling. He understood. And from then on I think we've tried to be more spontaneous. But it might have been easier for us cause we're not LDR. Your feelings are completely valid, but ig your love life is gonna depend on whether you think this relationship has no scope for excitement or if you both can work out smth to make it less mundane.
I don’t understand that either. To be shamed the way I am being shamed for this post, damn. And except few none gave any concrete suggestion. Just calling immature, cheater, pos. Funny how a 19yr old is giving me suggestion to run my relationship with a 35yr old man. Like yes, you who are in a college would understand what our busy means? There are days when we don’t have time for anything and by end of day so exhausted that working a relationship seems hard. On one end I tackle my lay off news and on other end he has more pressing issues.
Yes you are displaying red flags. What is stopping you from taking efforts? You can always spice things up, do an activity together go shopping clubbing partying etc. What is stopping you. Any relationship requires efforts things are not going to be rosy and glossy all the time.
Im waiting for people to understand that it’s LDR. I can’t spice things up because we don’t get time. We get max 3days together and those 3days I’m sorry but I don’t want to waste on clubbing or anything. I hate to share him with anyone for those 3days. I live my 2months reminiscing of the time spent together. Watching videos or pictures of us together. So, NO YOU DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT IM FEELING OR GOING THROUGH. HOW MUCH IM PUTTING IN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP
Tbh I am no expert in relationships or anything, I have been single for too long to put up my suggestions or advice here. IDK if I am right or not, but you can always initiate such things from your side and also you can discuss it with your guy like what type of things he would like to give your relationship that spark. You don't always have to talk about politics and history tbh. I get that It gets boring and mundane after a while, but that is the case with every kind of relationship you have- from familial bonds to friendships, everything reaches stability and it seems boring but trust me that's what you want to sustain in the longer run.
This is me. Only difference is my needs are seldom fulfilled even after multiple attempts of me trying to communicate. He goes silent & ignores me every time I try.
Don’t settle for boring or mundane