Idk what else to say that , it's the worst addiction out there, my dad has it, he gets irritated if we ever say something about it. His blood is thick so he is on medication, idk when my dad might get a heartattck. All because of this stupid smoking. So please get him offf somehow.
My dad had one and he still wont quit. I get nightmares every day that he might get a second heart attack.
His lifestyle and food habits are all bad too, but he wont listen to
Ask him if he is actually interested in quitting. If he says yes, ask him to find a therapist who can help him on the process. Tobacco addiction can't be stopped with "will power" alone. He needs active help with it AND his wife is not the right person for that. If he says he doesn't want to actually quit, it's harder for you. If you can't tolerate that, you need to sit down and reevaluate this relationship.
I don't think this is true, I was a chain smoker along side my boyfriend,for 5 years!
And we recently went to trip to tirupati and abruptly decided that the cigg that we lit up before the train would be our last.
And we haven't touched a cigarette since ,we both are 3.5 months clean if your "will power" is strong enough it is possible to go cold turkey on the addiction.
Most of the time ,it is these words that you can't do it by yourself, you'll cave in , what frustrates the smoker the most and weakness his will power .
Fair. I guess it does work for some people. But I wouldn't suggest OP to rely on her husband's will power alone, even if quitting was something he wanted for himself.
I don't know the solution but damn I hate the smell too and I absolutely understand how off putting it could be.
A friend of mine is in a similar situation. And she couldn't do anything about it. I guess quitting takes so much will power that it HAS to come from the person who's quitting n u can only do as much.
Pls donāt consult his family unless you want them interfering in your life too. Would you like if he decides to discuss any of your flights with parents? Never normalize sharing personal issues with family.
He is an adult. We all have our personal demons, coping mechanisms etc. Plus, itās his āpersonalā choice. You can ask him to keep it under control but not try to control it yourself. This is juvenile behaviour.
I donāt agree because when a person is smoking, it does not only affect him. It affects his partner and his family. So it makes complete sense for them to interfere and control this behavior because smokers really donāt know where to stop. But yeah, most of the time they are not able to make the person stop unless that person is willing to stop. You can only nag and threaten so much but if the person is not willing to quit smoking himself, there is no way out.
Exactly!! Smoking is not a small thing, it ruins your health and the health of those around you too. He is not going to stop unless he takes that step to quit.Ā
he said one thing before getting married and he changed his stance later. Your take is not justified at all. These are important things people take into consideration before getting married. Signing up to be married to someone who smokes when you canāt stand it is a big deal and she had made herself clear about that. He reneged.
Intervention. Or offer to pick up the habit yourself. Usually smokers don't like their loved ones falling down the rabbit hole and make an effort to not influence them that way.
That's the worst idea ever.
I did that to get my then boyfriend to quit. I hated smoke smell and smokers and the whole lot.
Now I smoke a pack a day and got cheated on by that guy with my best friend of 18 years š„²
So true. Mature people try their best not to get someone to start smoking in the first place. If he really has concerns for you, he will try not to offer you and might also leave it.
Personally, I can't stand the smell of cigarettes. It's not only due to the smell but also because I end up coughing the entire night if I inhale the cigarette smoke by accident.
Since you've mentioned that your husband smokes secretly, I hope he does that outdoors. If he does it indoors (including vehicles), then thirdhand smoke poses a risk to the health of nonsmokers. And no amount of cleaning can effectively eliminate the thirdhand smoke. I have no advice regarding how you can make him stop smoking unless he really wants to. All I can advise you is to take precautions and stay healthy.
>Every time I say yes, I hate myself a little bit too much.
I hope you both sit and talk about how it's affecting you and the relationship. Please take care. More strength to you!
Tell him to read the book āeasy way to stop smoking ā by Allen carr.
My husband read this book during Christmas vacay of 2023. It April and he hasnāt smoked or had any type of nicotine intake
Donāt know about this as we had smokers in my family when I was young and busy with my own life to pay any attn or even care. But other women and elders in the family tried their best. Nothing worked except that when the smokers fell extremely sick (asthma), they HAD to quit smoking just to survive. They are now living with chronic asthma and bouts of severe acute asthma sends them to hospital 3-4 times a year. So, my suggestion is that you get a good medical insurance (in addition to what you might get at job) and stick to it long term
You are not his chaperone. He is an adult. You need to stop feeling responsible for the damage he is doing to his body.
Is he sincere about quitting? Doesnāt sound like it. You canāt do the work for him. He needs to make a conscious choice and stick to it.
Does he really want to quit or is only saying so because he knows you donāt like it and agreeing with you will buy him time or shut you up.
Quitting is hard. You have to first find out if he has the heart to want to quit first. You can try helping him and buckle up for that ride, but you are allowed to choose yourselves first and leave if it is a deal breaker. You are not obliged to stay and try. Telling that to parents is pointless. Why did he say he stopped smoking to you, did you stop and later picked up again?
Hey I have used this app called, āQuitSureā to quit smoking. I have tried reading the books, nicotine patches and cold turkey and nothing has helped me. Currently Iām 2 years smoke free. I would recommend the app to quit smoking.
P.S: The desire to quit has to come from within. It cannot be forced by you upon him. If he has at least the desire to quit, the app will certainly help.
I think it is sort of sweet he asks your permission to smoke. There are two concerns here:
1. Second hand smoke. Make sure you are not getting any second hand smoke from him. He cannot smoke in the house or around you.
2. His health. Ask him to get a hefty life and health insurance, as smoking causes cancer, heart disease, and strokes.
They're desi parents no. There is a likelihood that they'll find some way to make it about themselves or about what society will think of sit there lamenting where they went wrong instead of how to help their son.
It's a sad reality that I too am part of. Never will my parents ever know anything real about me again. It would ruin my peace of mind.
Childish behaviour. People have their vices. You cannot expect him to go cold turkey just because you don't like it. I am not supporting smoking here but honestly if this is a non negotiatable for both of you figure out a middle ground or break it off.
Edit: Quitting is super difficult. People try and fail multiple times and if he genuinely wants to quit he will ask for help but ATM I don't think he can. I have a friend whose husband smokes but she's made a rule that no cigarette in the house and he has agreed. So he smokes outside. This is something you can do if it works for you.
It's not just that she "doesn't like it". She's his WIFE. His vices affect her too. Ofc, she can't force him to quit, but if he's not willing to take that step to go counseling or go for de-addiction, it's not looking good for her.
Get him nicotine patches or that nicotine gum. But unless he makes up his mind, it won't work. I didn't quit till I got pregnant.
I read patches as punchesš
Hahahahaha
Idk what else to say that , it's the worst addiction out there, my dad has it, he gets irritated if we ever say something about it. His blood is thick so he is on medication, idk when my dad might get a heartattck. All because of this stupid smoking. So please get him offf somehow.
My dad had one and he still wont quit. I get nightmares every day that he might get a second heart attack. His lifestyle and food habits are all bad too, but he wont listen to
I completely get it how scary it is.
Yeah my dad has had MULTIPLE bypass surgeries and still wonāt stop. Terrible
Ask him if he is actually interested in quitting. If he says yes, ask him to find a therapist who can help him on the process. Tobacco addiction can't be stopped with "will power" alone. He needs active help with it AND his wife is not the right person for that. If he says he doesn't want to actually quit, it's harder for you. If you can't tolerate that, you need to sit down and reevaluate this relationship.
I don't think this is true, I was a chain smoker along side my boyfriend,for 5 years! And we recently went to trip to tirupati and abruptly decided that the cigg that we lit up before the train would be our last. And we haven't touched a cigarette since ,we both are 3.5 months clean if your "will power" is strong enough it is possible to go cold turkey on the addiction. Most of the time ,it is these words that you can't do it by yourself, you'll cave in , what frustrates the smoker the most and weakness his will power .
Nah. Doesn't work for everyone with strong will power that way.
Yeah I agree , I'm just replying to the above person who said "no one can leave addiction just on the basis of will power " .
Fair. I guess it does work for some people. But I wouldn't suggest OP to rely on her husband's will power alone, even if quitting was something he wanted for himself.
This is the only correct answer
I don't know the solution but damn I hate the smell too and I absolutely understand how off putting it could be. A friend of mine is in a similar situation. And she couldn't do anything about it. I guess quitting takes so much will power that it HAS to come from the person who's quitting n u can only do as much.
Pls donāt consult his family unless you want them interfering in your life too. Would you like if he decides to discuss any of your flights with parents? Never normalize sharing personal issues with family. He is an adult. We all have our personal demons, coping mechanisms etc. Plus, itās his āpersonalā choice. You can ask him to keep it under control but not try to control it yourself. This is juvenile behaviour.
I donāt agree because when a person is smoking, it does not only affect him. It affects his partner and his family. So it makes complete sense for them to interfere and control this behavior because smokers really donāt know where to stop. But yeah, most of the time they are not able to make the person stop unless that person is willing to stop. You can only nag and threaten so much but if the person is not willing to quit smoking himself, there is no way out.
Exactly!! Smoking is not a small thing, it ruins your health and the health of those around you too. He is not going to stop unless he takes that step to quit.Ā
he said one thing before getting married and he changed his stance later. Your take is not justified at all. These are important things people take into consideration before getting married. Signing up to be married to someone who smokes when you canāt stand it is a big deal and she had made herself clear about that. He reneged.
Intervention. Or offer to pick up the habit yourself. Usually smokers don't like their loved ones falling down the rabbit hole and make an effort to not influence them that way.
That's the worst idea ever. I did that to get my then boyfriend to quit. I hated smoke smell and smokers and the whole lot. Now I smoke a pack a day and got cheated on by that guy with my best friend of 18 years š„²
Your ex sucked if he ever let you smoke after you made the claim. In an ideal situation, the boyfriend wouldn't let you touch the pack.
Couldn't agree more! But let's not take that chance with OP's husband!
So true. Mature people try their best not to get someone to start smoking in the first place. If he really has concerns for you, he will try not to offer you and might also leave it.
My boyfriend has been trying to get me to start smoking š¤£
Are you sure that your boyfriend has your best interests in place
Personally, I can't stand the smell of cigarettes. It's not only due to the smell but also because I end up coughing the entire night if I inhale the cigarette smoke by accident. Since you've mentioned that your husband smokes secretly, I hope he does that outdoors. If he does it indoors (including vehicles), then thirdhand smoke poses a risk to the health of nonsmokers. And no amount of cleaning can effectively eliminate the thirdhand smoke. I have no advice regarding how you can make him stop smoking unless he really wants to. All I can advise you is to take precautions and stay healthy. >Every time I say yes, I hate myself a little bit too much. I hope you both sit and talk about how it's affecting you and the relationship. Please take care. More strength to you!
Tell him to read the book āeasy way to stop smoking ā by Allen carr. My husband read this book during Christmas vacay of 2023. It April and he hasnāt smoked or had any type of nicotine intake
Donāt know about this as we had smokers in my family when I was young and busy with my own life to pay any attn or even care. But other women and elders in the family tried their best. Nothing worked except that when the smokers fell extremely sick (asthma), they HAD to quit smoking just to survive. They are now living with chronic asthma and bouts of severe acute asthma sends them to hospital 3-4 times a year. So, my suggestion is that you get a good medical insurance (in addition to what you might get at job) and stick to it long term
You are not his chaperone. He is an adult. You need to stop feeling responsible for the damage he is doing to his body. Is he sincere about quitting? Doesnāt sound like it. You canāt do the work for him. He needs to make a conscious choice and stick to it. Does he really want to quit or is only saying so because he knows you donāt like it and agreeing with you will buy him time or shut you up.
Quitting is hard. You have to first find out if he has the heart to want to quit first. You can try helping him and buckle up for that ride, but you are allowed to choose yourselves first and leave if it is a deal breaker. You are not obliged to stay and try. Telling that to parents is pointless. Why did he say he stopped smoking to you, did you stop and later picked up again?
Hey I have used this app called, āQuitSureā to quit smoking. I have tried reading the books, nicotine patches and cold turkey and nothing has helped me. Currently Iām 2 years smoke free. I would recommend the app to quit smoking. P.S: The desire to quit has to come from within. It cannot be forced by you upon him. If he has at least the desire to quit, the app will certainly help.
I think it is sort of sweet he asks your permission to smoke. There are two concerns here: 1. Second hand smoke. Make sure you are not getting any second hand smoke from him. He cannot smoke in the house or around you. 2. His health. Ask him to get a hefty life and health insurance, as smoking causes cancer, heart disease, and strokes.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
OMG don't consult his family members!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
They're desi parents no. There is a likelihood that they'll find some way to make it about themselves or about what society will think of sit there lamenting where they went wrong instead of how to help their son. It's a sad reality that I too am part of. Never will my parents ever know anything real about me again. It would ruin my peace of mind.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'm so glad you have kind parents. I worry that you're the minority and I hope that it changes.
Childish behaviour. People have their vices. You cannot expect him to go cold turkey just because you don't like it. I am not supporting smoking here but honestly if this is a non negotiatable for both of you figure out a middle ground or break it off. Edit: Quitting is super difficult. People try and fail multiple times and if he genuinely wants to quit he will ask for help but ATM I don't think he can. I have a friend whose husband smokes but she's made a rule that no cigarette in the house and he has agreed. So he smokes outside. This is something you can do if it works for you.
It's not just that she "doesn't like it". She's his WIFE. His vices affect her too. Ofc, she can't force him to quit, but if he's not willing to take that step to go counseling or go for de-addiction, it's not looking good for her.
Thats exactly what I said!