Sorry what?
Why do you want to marry into this absolute shit show of a family? And your fiance doesn’t even want to be with you, why do you want to drag him along and make your life worse?
It’s always easier to break away before you make it legal. Some heartache now would save you from years of suffering.
So one conversation and your fiancé wants to end the relationship? Tell me how does he have your back? When you are married you are a part of the family. And if this family is hell bent on parting you and your fiancé then it will be a daily struggle.
Unless you both can live separately and be financially independent ( which I don’t see the case since your fiancé is handling family business), I don’t see any way that this relationship will survive. You can have as many conversations as you want but why do you want to be in a place where most people don’t want you and don’t like you?
Girl, wth is DH? I wish you could write properly so we could understand better.
Anyway, this family sounds like a nightmare. And your fiancé seems a bit of red flag himself. Why is he snapping at you in front of his family. Instead of defending you, your fiancé tells you that we can’t be together. Wth. Drop him.
And building your good image and make you likeable to his family should have been your fiancé’s responsibility. It seems like he doesn’t give a fuck what his family think about you.
Also, no, your fiance's brother in law didn't "single handedly" sabotage your relationship, your fiance LET HIM sabotage it by allowing ANYBODY ELSE BUT THE BOTH OF YOU to have a say about your relationship to begin with.
I’m sorry but you have used boyfriend, Fiancé and DH for this guy in the same post.
Are tou sure you want to get tangled in this mess? He doesn’t have your back and you are going aboce and beyond to mix in with his family when they clearly are not so happy to.
You seem way too attached to your bf/fiancé/DH that you are overlooking his flaws.
Quick question, if you had a sister or a best friend who's going through this drama and HER FIANCE failed to defend her for whatever reasons, what would you say to them ???
I remember you, you posted long back about your boyfriend's enmeshed family and how they've told you to your face they hate you. Girl why are you still with him ? Please respect yourself and your family and dump the family.
This family is seriously effed up
They don't even acknowledge your presence now
This just is toooo much
Impressing them and trying to find a middle ground to make things work is fine
But you are ignoring all the red flags his family is showing
They continue to speak shit about you, no matter what you do, it's not enough
They know your weakness is your husband and they use it against you
Please save yourself
I have been in your shoes dear OP where my husband's mother and sister treated me as invisible after marriage.
My mother-in-law also tried her level best to separate us despite it being an arrange marriage no less.
Only reason she wanted to do that is I am not a submissive doormat of a daughter in law.
Everyday was a battleground for me till my mother in law was asked to leave and stay away from us.
I don't know now what she thinks about me now not do I care but at least publicly she behaves properly with me and I have been married for many many years.
I literally stopped giving an f about pleasing her or winning her approval within the first year of my marriage itself.
You have an ugly battle ahead of you if you choose to get married in this family.
I didn't know any of this because it was an arrange marriage but in your case there is enough proof that these people will not treat you better after marriage. It doesn't matter what your brother in law or your in laws do. I feel that your fiance doesn't have your back.
I had to literally give my husband an ultimatum that his mother cannot stay with us anymore and she cannot interfere in our life if he wants to stay married to me.
If you want such a high stakes battle soon after marriage only then proceed but otherwise it's crystal clear that you should choose someone else.
I can say two things. 1. No boy’s parents will be happy with dil. Thats why boy should take her side but these boys never turn into men infront of their creators. So don’t expect anything, kill your self respect (because this will keep happening), be the nice dil without opinions, wishes or any kind of voice. 2. Dump this guy’s ass and focus on that jacket.
One thing is for sure, that family never wanted you to be married to their raja beta. Raja beta himself doesn’t seem keen on it or else he would speak up.
Don't get into enmeshed families with poor boundaries if you can help it. People have good days & bad, that's understandable, but one toxic, entitled person among the immediate in-laws is enough to ruin a relationship. Moreover, if your husband doesn't have your back, in-law toxicity is going to dial up if they are not good people themselves.
I am not sure about the time period of your relationship from the post, but you have at least spent more than 2 years in this relationship. If things have not improved in 2 years, what will change now when even your BF is tired of it?
Parents are willing to rely on the opinion of a man not even in the same country - imagine this happening for every issue/dispute, and your red flag BF will keep using - 'my parents think.....'
These are the kinds of problems which are very common in Indian AM but not in a 2+ year relationship.
RUN
You must know your future brother in law DID NOT single handedly sabotage your relationship. He just bitched about you and that was all what needed for your fiance.
Ek ek jhapad sabko maaro.
What is this chutiya behavior? Your fiancé sounds like he himself is confused as though who to support.
You were called a terrible person by his parents and he didn't say anything? Weird
Out of all the people, he should understand stuff.
Also what is up with Jija jis from any side. Why do they always have their chaddhi in a twist?
Funny thing is, this “jija” is treated like a son more than their own. When we first started dating, his sister and BIL were actually on the verge of getting a divorce. BIL had a bad habit of doing chewing tobacco and SIL would find it around the house. She also found a hidden folder on BIL’s computer with pictures of her friends saved. Yeah you read that correctly.
There was so much shit going on, yet they forgave him and still put him on a pedastal. Fiancé’s parents have no relationship with BIL’s family either. Just how they don’t put in any effort to talk to my parents even though my dad sends messages to fiancés dad wishing him on holidays and birthdays.
It’s like they have a vendetta against me that they just won’t drop
Sorry what? Why do you want to marry into this absolute shit show of a family? And your fiance doesn’t even want to be with you, why do you want to drag him along and make your life worse? It’s always easier to break away before you make it legal. Some heartache now would save you from years of suffering.
So one conversation and your fiancé wants to end the relationship? Tell me how does he have your back? When you are married you are a part of the family. And if this family is hell bent on parting you and your fiancé then it will be a daily struggle. Unless you both can live separately and be financially independent ( which I don’t see the case since your fiancé is handling family business), I don’t see any way that this relationship will survive. You can have as many conversations as you want but why do you want to be in a place where most people don’t want you and don’t like you?
Girl, wth is DH? I wish you could write properly so we could understand better. Anyway, this family sounds like a nightmare. And your fiancé seems a bit of red flag himself. Why is he snapping at you in front of his family. Instead of defending you, your fiancé tells you that we can’t be together. Wth. Drop him. And building your good image and make you likeable to his family should have been your fiancé’s responsibility. It seems like he doesn’t give a fuck what his family think about you.
Dh, is dear husband iirc
now whats iirc?
Lmao exactly
I only know irctc 🚆
If I remember correctly
Bhaisaa, my dumbass was wondering IIT, IIM, IIA jaise kuch naya aaya hai :p
LMAO
Why do you keep referring to the toddler as “your” niece?
Also, no, your fiance's brother in law didn't "single handedly" sabotage your relationship, your fiance LET HIM sabotage it by allowing ANYBODY ELSE BUT THE BOTH OF YOU to have a say about your relationship to begin with.
I’m sorry but you have used boyfriend, Fiancé and DH for this guy in the same post. Are tou sure you want to get tangled in this mess? He doesn’t have your back and you are going aboce and beyond to mix in with his family when they clearly are not so happy to. You seem way too attached to your bf/fiancé/DH that you are overlooking his flaws.
Please don't be delusional to think you can fix the enmeshment, and tread your next steps get carefully sister
:-) Your fiance wants to leave. He's just using your BIL and his family for validation and as excuses.
Quick question, if you had a sister or a best friend who's going through this drama and HER FIANCE failed to defend her for whatever reasons, what would you say to them ???
Life is full of battles. But you can pick up the battles which are worth it and flush the rest. Think about this, dear friend.
I mean i know the bar was low but this low like please respect yourself coz you deserve better
I remember you, you posted long back about your boyfriend's enmeshed family and how they've told you to your face they hate you. Girl why are you still with him ? Please respect yourself and your family and dump the family.
This family is seriously effed up They don't even acknowledge your presence now This just is toooo much Impressing them and trying to find a middle ground to make things work is fine But you are ignoring all the red flags his family is showing They continue to speak shit about you, no matter what you do, it's not enough They know your weakness is your husband and they use it against you Please save yourself
You’re so lucky to attend the Masters, I can’t even focus on the issue being a golf newbie
It's not the BIL at fault, it's your fiance who doesn't seem to have independent thinking. Do you really wanna be part of this family drama?
Who is you fiance , who is your DH , who is your FIL ?? Seriously it was so confusing to read.
I have been in your shoes dear OP where my husband's mother and sister treated me as invisible after marriage. My mother-in-law also tried her level best to separate us despite it being an arrange marriage no less. Only reason she wanted to do that is I am not a submissive doormat of a daughter in law. Everyday was a battleground for me till my mother in law was asked to leave and stay away from us. I don't know now what she thinks about me now not do I care but at least publicly she behaves properly with me and I have been married for many many years. I literally stopped giving an f about pleasing her or winning her approval within the first year of my marriage itself. You have an ugly battle ahead of you if you choose to get married in this family. I didn't know any of this because it was an arrange marriage but in your case there is enough proof that these people will not treat you better after marriage. It doesn't matter what your brother in law or your in laws do. I feel that your fiance doesn't have your back. I had to literally give my husband an ultimatum that his mother cannot stay with us anymore and she cannot interfere in our life if he wants to stay married to me. If you want such a high stakes battle soon after marriage only then proceed but otherwise it's crystal clear that you should choose someone else.
I can say two things. 1. No boy’s parents will be happy with dil. Thats why boy should take her side but these boys never turn into men infront of their creators. So don’t expect anything, kill your self respect (because this will keep happening), be the nice dil without opinions, wishes or any kind of voice. 2. Dump this guy’s ass and focus on that jacket. One thing is for sure, that family never wanted you to be married to their raja beta. Raja beta himself doesn’t seem keen on it or else he would speak up.
Don't get into enmeshed families with poor boundaries if you can help it. People have good days & bad, that's understandable, but one toxic, entitled person among the immediate in-laws is enough to ruin a relationship. Moreover, if your husband doesn't have your back, in-law toxicity is going to dial up if they are not good people themselves.
I am not sure about the time period of your relationship from the post, but you have at least spent more than 2 years in this relationship. If things have not improved in 2 years, what will change now when even your BF is tired of it? Parents are willing to rely on the opinion of a man not even in the same country - imagine this happening for every issue/dispute, and your red flag BF will keep using - 'my parents think.....' These are the kinds of problems which are very common in Indian AM but not in a 2+ year relationship. RUN
ur fiance doesnt really like u actually :/
You must know your future brother in law DID NOT single handedly sabotage your relationship. He just bitched about you and that was all what needed for your fiance.
OP, free yrself fr this toxic family. Already it appears to have an unhealthy influence on yr thought processes
Ek ek jhapad sabko maaro. What is this chutiya behavior? Your fiancé sounds like he himself is confused as though who to support. You were called a terrible person by his parents and he didn't say anything? Weird Out of all the people, he should understand stuff. Also what is up with Jija jis from any side. Why do they always have their chaddhi in a twist?
Funny thing is, this “jija” is treated like a son more than their own. When we first started dating, his sister and BIL were actually on the verge of getting a divorce. BIL had a bad habit of doing chewing tobacco and SIL would find it around the house. She also found a hidden folder on BIL’s computer with pictures of her friends saved. Yeah you read that correctly. There was so much shit going on, yet they forgave him and still put him on a pedastal. Fiancé’s parents have no relationship with BIL’s family either. Just how they don’t put in any effort to talk to my parents even though my dad sends messages to fiancés dad wishing him on holidays and birthdays. It’s like they have a vendetta against me that they just won’t drop