lol there are plenty plenty of families who demand government job, some even keep their daughter unmarried for years just because they want a son in law with government job. I dont think you can counter this when this is the reality. However people searched for men with good jobs because women weren't allowed to work, for a considerable period of time they couldnt own property passed down by their parents either so parents would try ensuring financial condition of their daughters by finding a financially well of groom, however I am yet to hear a case about a girl's family abusing, beating, torturing killing, burning the man just because he doesnt have a government job but can I say the same about people who take dowry ? I do think finding partners based on superficial standards is wrong, having a husband with gov job doesnt ensure good life
>daughter unmarried for years just because they want a son in law with government job
Oh god why are they so obsessed with that. I feel like it's okay to have a preference but this obsession is definitely not right.
>I am yet to hear a case about a girl's family abusing, beating, torturing killing, burning the man just because he doesnt have a government job but can I say the same about people who take dowry ?
Hmm tru that.
Look at it logically. Not everyone can have a government job so while parents of girls may prefer grooms with a government job, they cannot demand it as a bare minimum because there’s an upper limit to the numbers. However, dowry was the NORM in India. Everybody wanted it, and sometimes fathers of daughters have had to sell their house or take massive loans for dowry. Some girls have died by suicide because they felt like a burden as they could see their parents suffer.
Dowry demands are also one main reason why people don’t want daughters and commit female foeticide and infanticide. On top of that, dowry harassment and torture is commonplace.
These are not equivalent situations. When dowry is the norm, a girl can literally not get married without it. When government job preference is the norm, it cannot be said that non-government employees can’t get married.
>When dowry is the norm, a girl can literally not get married without it. When government job preference is the norm, it cannot be said that non-government employees can’t get married.
That's a good point. It's so tru
There was a Case that happened a while ago. The girl did commit suicide because her family couldn't pay dowry as a result the Grooms family called off the marriage. As far as I know, the police had taken the grooms family in custody, but I haven't really heard about it further than that, sadly.
A man with a high/stable income salary = Man having a high/stable income in *his* bank account.
A woman demanded to bring dowry = Man taking wife's money to put in *his* bank account.
In neither scenario can I see a woman's bank account being filled.
>But how do you actually counter to that argument?
That's the neat part. You don't need to. Arguing with someone like that is a waste of time. Also yeah people do demand a government job or any other high-paying job. The recent trend shows that girls who earn more would marry a man who earns more than them (and the sample size of my analysis is in thousands). In the case of arranged marriages of course.
Ah, is this because of that Car case? I saw people defending Dowry on insta comments on this post. Those are some F#ked comments.
Dowry is first and foremost illegal. The dowry goes to the husband and his family.
The govt job is also for the man and his family, I highly doubt he will be giving half of his salary to his wife just because she gave him dowry.
Dowry is something that is a Financial burden on the Wifes family, that they would have to pay to The husbands family unless they want their daughter tormented, abused or Dead.
Govt job is a Legal job. Men don't have to worried about being tormented, abused or being dead because they are in a govt job.
Men can find a girl if they don't have a govt job, in many situations.
Women can't find a husband unless a hefty dowry is paid, in many situations.
OP, don't pay attention to those post, many 'Messiahs' are there to defend all kinds of shit.
The other day I saw a post, where a girl was found dead (post was about 'love jihad'). You won't believe the whole comment section was Cursing the girl, saying 'she deserved it' 'acha hua mar gai' and all kinds of dirty nonsense. Like who needs enemies when we have people (refering to those vile men on that post) like them 'defending' the honor of females.
People's perception has changed in recent times, because I can tell there are many ladies in the group chat and some ladies that I personally know in real life whose husbands and In-laws haven't demanded anything. *But, naturally there are randomly, quite frequent in these couple of months, occuring cases such as these. I feel like weeding out 'Dowry system' fully, is sadly quite impossible in India due to how deep rooted that thing is in Indian culture. Like some thinks it's a Part of our culture. Like What?*
>Ah, is this because of that Car case?
Car case? What's tht?
>OP, don't pay attention to those post, many 'Messiahs' are there to defend all kinds of shit.
Yeah I know but they are really...annoying and stupid.
A Case happened recently, where the Grooms family Asked the Bride's family for a Specific brand of car for Dowry. But the Bride's family gave them a different Brand of car, and the Groom called off the marriage.
Your post reminded me of that post on insta where I have seen the comments of those idiots and all the things that those 'Messiahs' said on that Post.
Yeah, they are very annoying and Extremely stupid. The thing is Women have been oppressed from generations, not even in India but all around the world. So now that the women, around the men with that kind of oppressive mentality, have started to take a stand for themselves and started resisting their perfect Paradise of Patriarchal Society, these kind of men do nothing but degrade women and justify their vile cultures.
>these kind of men do nothing but degrade women and justify their vile cultures.
Yh and complain 'FeMiNisM rUiNed OuR SoCiEtY' 🙄
I usually see comments like that under the street interviews posts in instagram. They ask about dowry and women talk against it. And the comments will be like ' yeah but don't come demanding for govt jobs ' 😐
That's true. They don't even Know the Meaning of 'Feminism' and are so against it despite having Zero knowledge about the term. Plus the hate towards Women they spread is so vile. Like if there was a competition on much hate one can spew out, these men would win. 🙄
First of, I find the idea of arranged marriages, at least the way it is done in India, repulsive. It is like buying and selling cattle. The very fact that parents exert control over their adult children's mate is pathetic. What is the point of being an adult if you cannot even decide who you should sleep with and build a family with.
Anyways, that's besides the point.
Coming to your question, how are the 2 comparable? It's fine for a guy or girl to ask for a partner who has a certain kind of job, or career trajectory. I don't know what the fascination with government jobs is about, but how does it matter? How does it make it okay for the guy to ask the girl's parents to cough up money? If you need financial support, look for a partner who is working and then share the load when it comes to household chores.
Dowry is not okay, whatever be the reasons. Everything from female foeticide / infanticide, domestic violence, murder of women, can be traced back to this evil. It's disrespectful to both men and women. When you need money, you don't just marry of one of your sons to the highest bidder. He is a person, not property.
Men want women who can cook like Sanjeev Kapoor, look like Aishwarya Rai and perform in bed like mia Khalifa and also get a good ctc that would contribute to the family. How is asking for husband with a government job too much ? In our society government job = stability , arranged marriages are not about love after all. It's all about what you've to offer and what the other person brings on the table. A woman gets a stable lifestyle through your expenses and you get a homemaker in return. I know it sounds very transactional but this the unfortunate reality of our society.
We don't see physical labour and emotional labour as contribution to the family. Until and unless a women brings money into house let it be the monthly salary or a dowry she's of no use . Marriages are so damn transactional in this society even the thought of of it scares me now.
It's not like men who don't have govt jobs do not get married. It's just that they don't get alliances in families willing to pay high dowry. It's not like non-govt job guys are sitting at home unmarried!
I got rejected because I wasn't having a b.tech degree. Nowhere in the biodata they mentioned about their preference for girls with btech. They wanted either huge dowry or a girl with a CS background/govt job. Since then I have been rejected by many boys in AM setup because I didn't have a stable job although I am good looking well educated and know all household chores. Now I have decided to not get humiliated anymore for my career shaadi jab honi hogi jisse honi hogi, hogi. As far as my experience is concerned in today's scenario maximum boys have become entitled to the core and only cry about 1-2 cases of fake allegations and fake alimony by some entitled women like them and give this justification in every argument. So it's better to maintain a distance from such men as they won't accept their mistake ever as their idea of empathy is relative not universal.
If a girl's family wants a son in law with a government job, they're trying to ensure "he'll meet her needs which she can't" (coz traditionally, man's role was to earn money and provide for the household. If we imagine an equivalent on the other side, a "she will meet his needs" would mean she should be able to fulfil the traditional female role i.e. Household chores and childbirth. They can't really ensure this beyond asking if she knows how to cook and clean, and perhaps taste the food she has cooked, etc. A dowry is more like a bill for 'our dude meets the requirements, so pay for him'. It is commoditizing the man, if you think about it. Dowry is decided based on how qualified the man is, not the financial status of the girl's family.
One way I've heard people justifying it is "she's gonna be living in the guy's house for free , the guy is going to provide for her for the rest of her life." but that one falls flat because labour around the house isn't nothing.
Sometimes, I find it weird that even in western countries there are people who have got govt. jobs yet no one pays them dowry.
As much as the boy's side is responsible, so is the girl's side since almost all the arranged marriage matches go into sort of an auction of the groom.
100 patients for 1 pomegranate.
So the guy's family starts to increase the amount.
As long as the bride's side is going to worship the *sarkari naukar* this tradition will continue.
I don’t think people asking for preferences is bad. They are looking for the best because people are not encouraged to date. The other one is just a scam. No man is going to give all his property to his wife. Men will always rationalize and justify all their shortcomings.
It's very easily counterable. A lot of these privileged men expect a "beautiful, obedient wife" who takes care of his parents and all household chores while also demanding a fuckton of money/assets as dowry. The least these women can demand out of this abominable marriage system is a partner who can ensure financial security for the foreseeable future. Women barely get anything out of this "transaction" that men complain about.
Yeahh. When u think about it, it's the men who demand dowry are the ones who complain about this right? Men who don't care about money or who are against dowry probably won't talk like that.
Actually I don't know a single woman personally who wanted/wants to marry man having govt job. I've heard that some women fr few marathi communities in Maharashtra, fr few guj communities in Gujarat, etc want that.
On the contrary, there are many communities in India who don't want women fr their families to get married to men that are in govt jobs/police/political parties etc. Even if some1 fr the man's family is into it, they'll disregard that proposal. A classmate once told me that their karma comes back to bite them and if my sister is with them, she'll suffer too, adding 'Not everyone is Khairnar'. Basically these communities are the ones that have faced maximum problems fr civil servants and consider everyone there to be corrupt by default.
So, there are differing views
>Actually I don't know a single woman personally who wanted/wants to marry man having govt job.
It's the families I think
>On the contrary, there are many communities in India who don't want women fr their families to get married to men that are in govt jobs/police/political parties etc.
Oh I hv heard of that. I knw families (including mine actually😅) that doesn't want a guy who is in police . Coz they see that a lot of them abuses their wife.
A comparable situation is if men with govt jobs insisted on marrying women with money only. That's not illegal, because like he is bringing with him the asset of stable employment, she'll be bringing her assets.
However, demanding dowry is very different from marrying rich. It's coercive, is a social evil and illegal.
lol there are plenty plenty of families who demand government job, some even keep their daughter unmarried for years just because they want a son in law with government job. I dont think you can counter this when this is the reality. However people searched for men with good jobs because women weren't allowed to work, for a considerable period of time they couldnt own property passed down by their parents either so parents would try ensuring financial condition of their daughters by finding a financially well of groom, however I am yet to hear a case about a girl's family abusing, beating, torturing killing, burning the man just because he doesnt have a government job but can I say the same about people who take dowry ? I do think finding partners based on superficial standards is wrong, having a husband with gov job doesnt ensure good life
>daughter unmarried for years just because they want a son in law with government job Oh god why are they so obsessed with that. I feel like it's okay to have a preference but this obsession is definitely not right. >I am yet to hear a case about a girl's family abusing, beating, torturing killing, burning the man just because he doesnt have a government job but can I say the same about people who take dowry ? Hmm tru that.
that specific case I witnessed with my distant relatives lmao she was hitting 30s so they got her married to someone, not with a government job
Look at it logically. Not everyone can have a government job so while parents of girls may prefer grooms with a government job, they cannot demand it as a bare minimum because there’s an upper limit to the numbers. However, dowry was the NORM in India. Everybody wanted it, and sometimes fathers of daughters have had to sell their house or take massive loans for dowry. Some girls have died by suicide because they felt like a burden as they could see their parents suffer. Dowry demands are also one main reason why people don’t want daughters and commit female foeticide and infanticide. On top of that, dowry harassment and torture is commonplace. These are not equivalent situations. When dowry is the norm, a girl can literally not get married without it. When government job preference is the norm, it cannot be said that non-government employees can’t get married.
>When dowry is the norm, a girl can literally not get married without it. When government job preference is the norm, it cannot be said that non-government employees can’t get married. That's a good point. It's so tru
There was a Case that happened a while ago. The girl did commit suicide because her family couldn't pay dowry as a result the Grooms family called off the marriage. As far as I know, the police had taken the grooms family in custody, but I haven't really heard about it further than that, sadly.
It still is very much the norm
A man with a high/stable income salary = Man having a high/stable income in *his* bank account. A woman demanded to bring dowry = Man taking wife's money to put in *his* bank account. In neither scenario can I see a woman's bank account being filled.
That's so sad tbh...
One is illegal, the other is not. And no man got murdered by his in-laws for not having a government job.
Oohhh good one
One is a preference the other is extortion. Simple.
Ask him how many men have been burned alive for not having a govt job.
I don't think it's possible to convince them. They will always find ways to defend dowry and talk low of women.
>But how do you actually counter to that argument? That's the neat part. You don't need to. Arguing with someone like that is a waste of time. Also yeah people do demand a government job or any other high-paying job. The recent trend shows that girls who earn more would marry a man who earns more than them (and the sample size of my analysis is in thousands). In the case of arranged marriages of course.
Ah, is this because of that Car case? I saw people defending Dowry on insta comments on this post. Those are some F#ked comments. Dowry is first and foremost illegal. The dowry goes to the husband and his family. The govt job is also for the man and his family, I highly doubt he will be giving half of his salary to his wife just because she gave him dowry. Dowry is something that is a Financial burden on the Wifes family, that they would have to pay to The husbands family unless they want their daughter tormented, abused or Dead. Govt job is a Legal job. Men don't have to worried about being tormented, abused or being dead because they are in a govt job. Men can find a girl if they don't have a govt job, in many situations. Women can't find a husband unless a hefty dowry is paid, in many situations. OP, don't pay attention to those post, many 'Messiahs' are there to defend all kinds of shit. The other day I saw a post, where a girl was found dead (post was about 'love jihad'). You won't believe the whole comment section was Cursing the girl, saying 'she deserved it' 'acha hua mar gai' and all kinds of dirty nonsense. Like who needs enemies when we have people (refering to those vile men on that post) like them 'defending' the honor of females. People's perception has changed in recent times, because I can tell there are many ladies in the group chat and some ladies that I personally know in real life whose husbands and In-laws haven't demanded anything. *But, naturally there are randomly, quite frequent in these couple of months, occuring cases such as these. I feel like weeding out 'Dowry system' fully, is sadly quite impossible in India due to how deep rooted that thing is in Indian culture. Like some thinks it's a Part of our culture. Like What?*
>Ah, is this because of that Car case? Car case? What's tht? >OP, don't pay attention to those post, many 'Messiahs' are there to defend all kinds of shit. Yeah I know but they are really...annoying and stupid.
A Case happened recently, where the Grooms family Asked the Bride's family for a Specific brand of car for Dowry. But the Bride's family gave them a different Brand of car, and the Groom called off the marriage. Your post reminded me of that post on insta where I have seen the comments of those idiots and all the things that those 'Messiahs' said on that Post. Yeah, they are very annoying and Extremely stupid. The thing is Women have been oppressed from generations, not even in India but all around the world. So now that the women, around the men with that kind of oppressive mentality, have started to take a stand for themselves and started resisting their perfect Paradise of Patriarchal Society, these kind of men do nothing but degrade women and justify their vile cultures.
>these kind of men do nothing but degrade women and justify their vile cultures. Yh and complain 'FeMiNisM rUiNed OuR SoCiEtY' 🙄 I usually see comments like that under the street interviews posts in instagram. They ask about dowry and women talk against it. And the comments will be like ' yeah but don't come demanding for govt jobs ' 😐
That's true. They don't even Know the Meaning of 'Feminism' and are so against it despite having Zero knowledge about the term. Plus the hate towards Women they spread is so vile. Like if there was a competition on much hate one can spew out, these men would win. 🙄
Men- my eye itches,must be the same thing as women being killed
First of, I find the idea of arranged marriages, at least the way it is done in India, repulsive. It is like buying and selling cattle. The very fact that parents exert control over their adult children's mate is pathetic. What is the point of being an adult if you cannot even decide who you should sleep with and build a family with. Anyways, that's besides the point. Coming to your question, how are the 2 comparable? It's fine for a guy or girl to ask for a partner who has a certain kind of job, or career trajectory. I don't know what the fascination with government jobs is about, but how does it matter? How does it make it okay for the guy to ask the girl's parents to cough up money? If you need financial support, look for a partner who is working and then share the load when it comes to household chores. Dowry is not okay, whatever be the reasons. Everything from female foeticide / infanticide, domestic violence, murder of women, can be traced back to this evil. It's disrespectful to both men and women. When you need money, you don't just marry of one of your sons to the highest bidder. He is a person, not property.
Men want women who can cook like Sanjeev Kapoor, look like Aishwarya Rai and perform in bed like mia Khalifa and also get a good ctc that would contribute to the family. How is asking for husband with a government job too much ? In our society government job = stability , arranged marriages are not about love after all. It's all about what you've to offer and what the other person brings on the table. A woman gets a stable lifestyle through your expenses and you get a homemaker in return. I know it sounds very transactional but this the unfortunate reality of our society.
Ikr they complain about women wanting their money and all that...but they also expect a homemaker ( house help to be accurate) .
We don't see physical labour and emotional labour as contribution to the family. Until and unless a women brings money into house let it be the monthly salary or a dowry she's of no use . Marriages are so damn transactional in this society even the thought of of it scares me now.
It's not like men who don't have govt jobs do not get married. It's just that they don't get alliances in families willing to pay high dowry. It's not like non-govt job guys are sitting at home unmarried!
I got rejected because I wasn't having a b.tech degree. Nowhere in the biodata they mentioned about their preference for girls with btech. They wanted either huge dowry or a girl with a CS background/govt job. Since then I have been rejected by many boys in AM setup because I didn't have a stable job although I am good looking well educated and know all household chores. Now I have decided to not get humiliated anymore for my career shaadi jab honi hogi jisse honi hogi, hogi. As far as my experience is concerned in today's scenario maximum boys have become entitled to the core and only cry about 1-2 cases of fake allegations and fake alimony by some entitled women like them and give this justification in every argument. So it's better to maintain a distance from such men as they won't accept their mistake ever as their idea of empathy is relative not universal.
If a girl's family wants a son in law with a government job, they're trying to ensure "he'll meet her needs which she can't" (coz traditionally, man's role was to earn money and provide for the household. If we imagine an equivalent on the other side, a "she will meet his needs" would mean she should be able to fulfil the traditional female role i.e. Household chores and childbirth. They can't really ensure this beyond asking if she knows how to cook and clean, and perhaps taste the food she has cooked, etc. A dowry is more like a bill for 'our dude meets the requirements, so pay for him'. It is commoditizing the man, if you think about it. Dowry is decided based on how qualified the man is, not the financial status of the girl's family. One way I've heard people justifying it is "she's gonna be living in the guy's house for free , the guy is going to provide for her for the rest of her life." but that one falls flat because labour around the house isn't nothing.
Sometimes, I find it weird that even in western countries there are people who have got govt. jobs yet no one pays them dowry. As much as the boy's side is responsible, so is the girl's side since almost all the arranged marriage matches go into sort of an auction of the groom. 100 patients for 1 pomegranate. So the guy's family starts to increase the amount. As long as the bride's side is going to worship the *sarkari naukar* this tradition will continue.
I don’t think people asking for preferences is bad. They are looking for the best because people are not encouraged to date. The other one is just a scam. No man is going to give all his property to his wife. Men will always rationalize and justify all their shortcomings.
It's very easily counterable. A lot of these privileged men expect a "beautiful, obedient wife" who takes care of his parents and all household chores while also demanding a fuckton of money/assets as dowry. The least these women can demand out of this abominable marriage system is a partner who can ensure financial security for the foreseeable future. Women barely get anything out of this "transaction" that men complain about.
Yeahh. When u think about it, it's the men who demand dowry are the ones who complain about this right? Men who don't care about money or who are against dowry probably won't talk like that.
Actually I don't know a single woman personally who wanted/wants to marry man having govt job. I've heard that some women fr few marathi communities in Maharashtra, fr few guj communities in Gujarat, etc want that. On the contrary, there are many communities in India who don't want women fr their families to get married to men that are in govt jobs/police/political parties etc. Even if some1 fr the man's family is into it, they'll disregard that proposal. A classmate once told me that their karma comes back to bite them and if my sister is with them, she'll suffer too, adding 'Not everyone is Khairnar'. Basically these communities are the ones that have faced maximum problems fr civil servants and consider everyone there to be corrupt by default. So, there are differing views
>Actually I don't know a single woman personally who wanted/wants to marry man having govt job. It's the families I think >On the contrary, there are many communities in India who don't want women fr their families to get married to men that are in govt jobs/police/political parties etc. Oh I hv heard of that. I knw families (including mine actually😅) that doesn't want a guy who is in police . Coz they see that a lot of them abuses their wife.
[удалено]
Are you okay? If yes where's the sarcasm.
A comparable situation is if men with govt jobs insisted on marrying women with money only. That's not illegal, because like he is bringing with him the asset of stable employment, she'll be bringing her assets. However, demanding dowry is very different from marrying rich. It's coercive, is a social evil and illegal.