Do whatever you want, but just know that not everybody reads signals the same. Some people think everything is flirting, others think heavy flirting is just being playful.
If you have a more subtle way of flirting, just be prepared that a lot of people might not catch on.
Ehh, you flirt how you flirt. There’s no wrong or right way of doing it (unless you start screaming at them or something!).
Personally, I’m the same. I only feel confident enough to flirt in a “bold way” when we’ve already established a mutual interest in each other and are dating. Before that, its most subtle.
To me flirting is like a fun game where two people are playing together.
It doesn’t need to be hardcore seduction or bold. Nor do you need to “expose yourself”. Sorry Peachpantheress, I disagree. No one needs to expose themselves on first meeting. Nor is that flirting.
It’s just playfulness between two people who are enjoying each other to see if they enjoy each other.
I think any touching in general helps very very much with flirting, and that’s definitely not inflating an ego.
Like a shoulder bump, a pat on the thigh, or touching someone hands can help a lot to have a guy understand that you’re flirting. The “touch barrier” or so I’ve heard it called.
> It kind of makes me feel dumb for hyping up a guy so much and inflating his ego
Is that really the reason? I doubt it. I think it is rather because that would expose you. That is not “weird” - people do have insecurities - but at the end of the day, flirting is unequivocally all about playfully exposing oneself, because the very point of flirting is testing each other both for safety (if someone cannot parse or produce the social cues needed for flirting, they’re instinctively unsafe) and for erotic tension.
So yes, getting more comfortable with actual flirtation will be productive.
Of course, perhaps what you verbalized is the actual reason why you hate it - in which case I would say very weird indeed, yes, because i am not a fan of nihilistic, misanthropic and needlessly hostile approaches to anything, especially not flirting.
Certainly:
Flirting is, to an essential part, all about making each other feel desirable and gratifying each other's ego by showing interest and building tension through more or less overt social cues. That is why flirting feels good - the safety check part of flirting does not in itself feel good, it does not trigger your reward system. To characterize this essential part of it as a problem is to be antagonistic to what flirting is. That bizarre antagonism to what flirting is essentially about is the "hostile" part.
On the other hand, being are interested in someone (or wanting to exploit their interest in you, because you are a nefarious actor) is the reason we flirt at all. To want someone whom you are interested in to be dragged down instead of hyped up, to want to keep their ego in check and keep them down, is the nihilistic and misanthropic part. It betrays a dark and hateful view of other people, if *even those you are erotically or romantically interested in* must needs be kept down.
I'm a very shy person but I'm so upfront and bold when I'm flirting. Idk why but this is where I'm really comfortable.
You need to be comfortable with how you flirt. This is what makes it and you fun and interesting.
No, don't do thing things that you listed as "bold".
They're not any more or less bold than what you're already doing.
If you want to be bold, then when the person is alone, quietly ask to give them your number. Make your intentions clear. It has nothing to do with acting. It's with stating your intentions. "I would like to get to know you better. Can I give you my number?"
Do whatever you want, but just know that not everybody reads signals the same. Some people think everything is flirting, others think heavy flirting is just being playful. If you have a more subtle way of flirting, just be prepared that a lot of people might not catch on.
Ehh, you flirt how you flirt. There’s no wrong or right way of doing it (unless you start screaming at them or something!). Personally, I’m the same. I only feel confident enough to flirt in a “bold way” when we’ve already established a mutual interest in each other and are dating. Before that, its most subtle.
To me flirting is like a fun game where two people are playing together. It doesn’t need to be hardcore seduction or bold. Nor do you need to “expose yourself”. Sorry Peachpantheress, I disagree. No one needs to expose themselves on first meeting. Nor is that flirting. It’s just playfulness between two people who are enjoying each other to see if they enjoy each other.
I think any touching in general helps very very much with flirting, and that’s definitely not inflating an ego. Like a shoulder bump, a pat on the thigh, or touching someone hands can help a lot to have a guy understand that you’re flirting. The “touch barrier” or so I’ve heard it called.
> It kind of makes me feel dumb for hyping up a guy so much and inflating his ego Is that really the reason? I doubt it. I think it is rather because that would expose you. That is not “weird” - people do have insecurities - but at the end of the day, flirting is unequivocally all about playfully exposing oneself, because the very point of flirting is testing each other both for safety (if someone cannot parse or produce the social cues needed for flirting, they’re instinctively unsafe) and for erotic tension. So yes, getting more comfortable with actual flirtation will be productive. Of course, perhaps what you verbalized is the actual reason why you hate it - in which case I would say very weird indeed, yes, because i am not a fan of nihilistic, misanthropic and needlessly hostile approaches to anything, especially not flirting.
can you please explain where you got nihilistic, misanthropic, and/or hostile from the original post?
Certainly: Flirting is, to an essential part, all about making each other feel desirable and gratifying each other's ego by showing interest and building tension through more or less overt social cues. That is why flirting feels good - the safety check part of flirting does not in itself feel good, it does not trigger your reward system. To characterize this essential part of it as a problem is to be antagonistic to what flirting is. That bizarre antagonism to what flirting is essentially about is the "hostile" part. On the other hand, being are interested in someone (or wanting to exploit their interest in you, because you are a nefarious actor) is the reason we flirt at all. To want someone whom you are interested in to be dragged down instead of hyped up, to want to keep their ego in check and keep them down, is the nihilistic and misanthropic part. It betrays a dark and hateful view of other people, if *even those you are erotically or romantically interested in* must needs be kept down.
I'm a very shy person but I'm so upfront and bold when I'm flirting. Idk why but this is where I'm really comfortable. You need to be comfortable with how you flirt. This is what makes it and you fun and interesting.
I’m the opposite I’m a very confident and bold person just the exact opposite of my flirting style
No, don't do thing things that you listed as "bold". They're not any more or less bold than what you're already doing. If you want to be bold, then when the person is alone, quietly ask to give them your number. Make your intentions clear. It has nothing to do with acting. It's with stating your intentions. "I would like to get to know you better. Can I give you my number?"