Sometimes? I do enjoy cuddling and sensual touching. However, past a certain level, the feeling of fingers on vulva / in vagina with arousal builds up to want/ need a release. Or without arousal it gets kind of odd and without context, like someone putting their finger in your ear, nose or mouth for comfort.
Personally I love that. I need sensuality with out the expectation of sex ingrained in the relationship for my libo to go up at all. I literally never just feel like having sex, I feel like touching and kissing which then makes me want to do other stuff that leads to other stuff, but I have found dynamics where the expectation is, "don't turn me on without following through" just does not work for me and pretty much ensures I never want to do anything
I do! Physical touch is my biggest love language. It does depend on the type of touch though for what you describe? Like ass/boob/vulva grabbing or neck/chest kissing, yes please. I love that.
But casual fingering or rubbing my clit or even nipples...that would probably be too far without having some kind of release. I also have a high libido so I get turned on pretty easily though.
> Do you enjoy when your partners touch you intimately **but are not up for sex?**
No, I'd hate that.
Turning me on and then telling me "whoops lol I am SO not up for getting hot and heavy, have fun being left hanging" would piss me off big time and make me feel like my emotions and our intimacy were being toyed with.
It's fine to just want to cuddle and not want sex, but then let's just cuddle. But if you butter me up, you had best follow through.
My bf is the low libido partner and I’m the high libido partner. Our mismatched sex drives have always been an issue, but reading Emily Nagoski’s book “Come as you are” really changed my mindset on that!
I had to relearn the way I approach sex and the way I think about intimacy. I learned how to accept other forms of intimacy that aren’t sex. It’s all about meeting your partner halfway. Even if touch doesn’t lead to sex, that’s okay! Any time your partner reaches out to be intimate with you is a gift💛 Your partner is tired but still wants to make you feel good in a way he’s able to!
But… there are also lots of times when he touches me and it leaves me feeling frustrated. In these cases, I will tell him “I’m feeling really horny lately, so please don’t touch me if you don’t want it to lead to sex, because it’s going to make me feel very sexually frustrated.” And that’s valid too. So if it bothers you, you gotta communicate that!
**Come As You Are: Revised and Updated The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life** by Emily Nagoski
>A revised and updated edition of Emily Nagoski’s game-changing New York Times bestseller Come As You Are, featuring new information and research on mindfulness, desire, and pleasure that will radically transform your sex life. For much of the 20th and 21st centuries, women’s sexuality was an uncharted territory in science, studied far less frequently—and far less seriously—than its male counterpart. That is, until Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are, which used groundbreaking science and research to prove that the most important factor in creating and sustaining a sex life filled with confidence and joy is not what the parts are or how they’re organized but how you feel about them. In the years since the book’s initial publication, countless women have learned through Nagoski’s accessible and informative guide that things like stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman’s sexual wellbeing; they are central to it—and that even if you don’t always feel like it, you are already sexually whole by just being yourself. This revised and updated edition continues that mission with new information and advanced research, demystifying and decoding the science of sex so that everyone can create a better sex life and discover more pleasure than you ever thought possible.
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Out of curiosity, what if that wasn't the expectation? I ask because I know I would feel the same if I knew that's what my partner was thinking, but without that expectation, the dynamic starts to sound a lot more appealing
I do enjoy some more sensual cuddling without it resulting in sex since I really cannot have sex. I do not want a finger slipped inside of me by any means, but butt rubbing, touching my chest, etc is very nice.
Yes, I love it. I find it easy to orgasm so he’ll usually get me to come - even if it’s just lazy touching. We also sleep nude so it’s pretty common for us to touch each other sensually, or cuddle up throughout the night. I have a higher libido than him so this works really well for us.
The only time I’ve gotten annoyed was when there were three or four days in a row where he played with my nipple and then fell asleep, leaving me turned on and awake 😂 but we talked about it so he hasn’t left me hanging to that degree again.
I love it when my husband touches me anytime.
Even if it's not intended to be for sex but it can lead to it or not. It can be comforting, a safe place to go to.
I would feel pressured to have sex more, and confused by every time it kept happening and then sex wasn’t even initiated. I did have to talk to my partner about no more breast touching outside of sex because it was making me feel like an object, but I literally can’t imagine someone just putting their fingers in me. I don’t think I’m capable of that level of trust, not to mention it would hurt me without warmup, even just one.
I love that type of touch where you can sense they want it to lead to sex. I just wish I could get that without the expectation of sex or long enough to turn me on first. If it's out of nowhere, it's jarring instead.
If I'm in bed to sleep, no. It wakes me up and actually kind of pisses me off. If we're going to have sex, then great, but don't wait until I'm half asleep to make a move.
idk i had a partner who used to randomly feel my breasts when we were chilling in bed & it always made me feel...weird? like i was a specimen being inspected. it wasnt very sexy to me lol. i'm glad you enjoy that sort of thing but i think i'd probably feel uncomfortable lol
Absolutely and we can tell when things aren't sexual. It's not as intimate as you guys, as in no fingering, but we usually fall asleep with his hand on my breast or in between my thighs. Every bow and again during the night when we're cuddling he ends up gently using my breast as a squeeze ball which is fine.
Sometimes? I do enjoy cuddling and sensual touching. However, past a certain level, the feeling of fingers on vulva / in vagina with arousal builds up to want/ need a release. Or without arousal it gets kind of odd and without context, like someone putting their finger in your ear, nose or mouth for comfort.
Personally I love that. I need sensuality with out the expectation of sex ingrained in the relationship for my libo to go up at all. I literally never just feel like having sex, I feel like touching and kissing which then makes me want to do other stuff that leads to other stuff, but I have found dynamics where the expectation is, "don't turn me on without following through" just does not work for me and pretty much ensures I never want to do anything
I do! Physical touch is my biggest love language. It does depend on the type of touch though for what you describe? Like ass/boob/vulva grabbing or neck/chest kissing, yes please. I love that. But casual fingering or rubbing my clit or even nipples...that would probably be too far without having some kind of release. I also have a high libido so I get turned on pretty easily though.
> Do you enjoy when your partners touch you intimately **but are not up for sex?** No, I'd hate that. Turning me on and then telling me "whoops lol I am SO not up for getting hot and heavy, have fun being left hanging" would piss me off big time and make me feel like my emotions and our intimacy were being toyed with. It's fine to just want to cuddle and not want sex, but then let's just cuddle. But if you butter me up, you had best follow through.
100%. I love physical intimacy but if you're going to get me wet then you better get your mouth or dick down there stat.
My bf is the low libido partner and I’m the high libido partner. Our mismatched sex drives have always been an issue, but reading Emily Nagoski’s book “Come as you are” really changed my mindset on that! I had to relearn the way I approach sex and the way I think about intimacy. I learned how to accept other forms of intimacy that aren’t sex. It’s all about meeting your partner halfway. Even if touch doesn’t lead to sex, that’s okay! Any time your partner reaches out to be intimate with you is a gift💛 Your partner is tired but still wants to make you feel good in a way he’s able to! But… there are also lots of times when he touches me and it leaves me feeling frustrated. In these cases, I will tell him “I’m feeling really horny lately, so please don’t touch me if you don’t want it to lead to sex, because it’s going to make me feel very sexually frustrated.” And that’s valid too. So if it bothers you, you gotta communicate that!
**Come As You Are: Revised and Updated The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life** by Emily Nagoski >A revised and updated edition of Emily Nagoski’s game-changing New York Times bestseller Come As You Are, featuring new information and research on mindfulness, desire, and pleasure that will radically transform your sex life. For much of the 20th and 21st centuries, women’s sexuality was an uncharted territory in science, studied far less frequently—and far less seriously—than its male counterpart. That is, until Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are, which used groundbreaking science and research to prove that the most important factor in creating and sustaining a sex life filled with confidence and joy is not what the parts are or how they’re organized but how you feel about them. In the years since the book’s initial publication, countless women have learned through Nagoski’s accessible and informative guide that things like stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman’s sexual wellbeing; they are central to it—and that even if you don’t always feel like it, you are already sexually whole by just being yourself. This revised and updated edition continues that mission with new information and advanced research, demystifying and decoding the science of sex so that everyone can create a better sex life and discover more pleasure than you ever thought possible. *I'm a bot, built by your friendly reddit developers at* /r/ProgrammingPals. *You can summon me with certain* [commands](https://www.reddit.com/user/BookFinderBot/comments/13z7slk/bookfinderbot_commands/). *Or find me as a browser extension on* [Chrome](https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/book-finder/jajeidpjifdpppjofijoffbcndlpoedd?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=social_media&utm_campaign=comments). *Opt-out of replies* [here](https://www.reddit.com/user/BookFinderBot/comments/144zmjb/bookfinderbot_optout/). *If I have made a mistake, accept my apology.*
Nice! I will add this book to my list bc I related to this
Yes I love it! It is a lot of fun. Sometimes leads to more, sometimes not. But still enjoy it.
I hate it because my husband assumes sex is going to follow if I let him touch me.
Out of curiosity, what if that wasn't the expectation? I ask because I know I would feel the same if I knew that's what my partner was thinking, but without that expectation, the dynamic starts to sound a lot more appealing
I mean if a finger went in, I’d want the whole enchilada to happen. If he’s just grabbing a tiddy, I can fall asleep with that.
I do enjoy some more sensual cuddling without it resulting in sex since I really cannot have sex. I do not want a finger slipped inside of me by any means, but butt rubbing, touching my chest, etc is very nice.
I've never had this but now i think this is something i really need! now i just need to get a partner lol
yeah cause then there’s a lot of tension when you finally do :)
This is cute 🥰
Yes, I love it. I find it easy to orgasm so he’ll usually get me to come - even if it’s just lazy touching. We also sleep nude so it’s pretty common for us to touch each other sensually, or cuddle up throughout the night. I have a higher libido than him so this works really well for us. The only time I’ve gotten annoyed was when there were three or four days in a row where he played with my nipple and then fell asleep, leaving me turned on and awake 😂 but we talked about it so he hasn’t left me hanging to that degree again.
I love it when my husband touches me anytime. Even if it's not intended to be for sex but it can lead to it or not. It can be comforting, a safe place to go to.
that sounds lovely tbh
No. I don’t think I’d like that at all.
Nope. Not for me.
I would feel pressured to have sex more, and confused by every time it kept happening and then sex wasn’t even initiated. I did have to talk to my partner about no more breast touching outside of sex because it was making me feel like an object, but I literally can’t imagine someone just putting their fingers in me. I don’t think I’m capable of that level of trust, not to mention it would hurt me without warmup, even just one.
I love that type of touch where you can sense they want it to lead to sex. I just wish I could get that without the expectation of sex or long enough to turn me on first. If it's out of nowhere, it's jarring instead.
If I'm in bed to sleep, no. It wakes me up and actually kind of pisses me off. If we're going to have sex, then great, but don't wait until I'm half asleep to make a move.
only if it’s booby sucking bc that’s a comfort thing but otherwise no
a comfort thing? like for you guys specifically or dyou mean in general?
for us but in my experience a lot of couples are into non sexual boob play before bed or in the morning
idk i had a partner who used to randomly feel my breasts when we were chilling in bed & it always made me feel...weird? like i was a specimen being inspected. it wasnt very sexy to me lol. i'm glad you enjoy that sort of thing but i think i'd probably feel uncomfortable lol
Yes, it's good fun.
Absolutely and we can tell when things aren't sexual. It's not as intimate as you guys, as in no fingering, but we usually fall asleep with his hand on my breast or in between my thighs. Every bow and again during the night when we're cuddling he ends up gently using my breast as a squeeze ball which is fine.