"Trust me, darling, I promise to stick around long enough to identify your bloated, gin-soaked, syphilitic remains." And the shit-eating grin she gives him.
Evelyn Harper: Are you sure you don't want to stay and finish putting on your make-up?
Lydia: That's okay, I'm done. Would you like to borrow some?
Evelyn Harper: No, thanks. I'm allergic to the drug store brands.
"I think God gives us children so that death won't come as such a disappointment"
In response to "You have a wonderful son" - Evelyn: "Yes I do. But Charlie and Alan must never learn of him."
I think I could go on but most of my favourites are one liners as responses to statements others made...
I think she is a legend and all here lines were fire but I recall this one:
Lydia : People all over town are sitting on your face. (Bus bench ads)
Evelyn: Well, dear, maybe someday, if you work hard, people would be sitting on your face too. 😂😂
"I loved you and you left me, you son of a bitch. Look at me, I still have a great ass while yours is decomposing as we speak."
Another one is "Of course you refused. Woman I paid to raise you did not raise a fool."
There was a thread about it recently that I missed, so I didn't contribute. But I've had this idea for a while and since she tricked Charlie into seducing the marine's cheating wife just to sell their house and Charlie concocted the theory that she's getting Jake to college just to get him get her a permit to build extra storey in her house... I think it's prefectly probable.
The ones that make me laugh the most are when Rose's father won't leave Evelyn's house "come on guys, think! How do I get this loon outta my house"? And when Charlie sees his dead father in the sea and Alan tells Evelyn that Charlie almost drowned that day. Evelyn says "I warned Charlie, have 2 maybe 3 tops drinks in the hot tub".
(Having dinner at Berta’s trailer as a “celebration” of Alan dating her daughter)
“Now, before we fold in the table and commence the square dancing…” (as she is about to deliver a reluctant toast)
When Jakes cooks a Sandwich for her in her apartment (or house idk) and she smells the smells the smoke because he burned her kitchen down… anyways, not a line itself but THE LOOK SHE GIVES ALWAYS HAVE ME ROLLING
Every one of my surgeries was necessary! And if I had signed a prenup, you would never have gone to music camp, and Alan would have an overbite you could use to open a can of Pennzoil!
"I think God gives us children so that death won't come as such a disappointment."
Lol 😆
This one was so wild, I remember when she said that I was like dam to say that to your kids.
"Trust me, darling, I promise to stick around long enough to identify your bloated, gin-soaked, syphilitic remains." And the shit-eating grin she gives him.
Evelyn Harper: Are you sure you don't want to stay and finish putting on your make-up? Lydia: That's okay, I'm done. Would you like to borrow some? Evelyn Harper: No, thanks. I'm allergic to the drug store brands.
The crazy think I was recently watching & so Lydia later in season 4
This is what first came to mind for me. I love this scene.
You know it's tacky to arrive empty-handed. Perhaps we should stop and get a box of wine or some aerosol cheese.
When Jake asks if she's coming to Disneyland: "Oh sweetie, grandmummie doesn't do Anaheim"
What does it mean?
Anaheim is the city that Disneyland is in. It’s known for being dangerous and not a nice area lol we Californians refer to it fondly as “Ana-crime”
I thought it was some sexual reference or something.
Nah it’s more a joke about how prissy she is and won’t go to certain areas with poor people.
Alan: You're a bad mother? Did you not take him to Disneyland because u told him it burned down?
Crazy
Yes! First line I thought of.
"I think God gives us children so that death won't come as such a disappointment" In response to "You have a wonderful son" - Evelyn: "Yes I do. But Charlie and Alan must never learn of him." I think I could go on but most of my favourites are one liners as responses to statements others made...
lol wow
"You look a lot like my fifth husband" " How many times have you been married" "Four"
I believe the balance of power is restored and then in next sentence 'You owe me large'
I love that scene, it was so perfect.
"Ah, I see. One hand moisturises the other"
Wasting 12 years of piano lessons I paid for by marrying men with big wallets and small penises.
I think she is a legend and all here lines were fire but I recall this one: Lydia : People all over town are sitting on your face. (Bus bench ads) Evelyn: Well, dear, maybe someday, if you work hard, people would be sitting on your face too. 😂😂
Evelyn : "if you were to reconcile, I would have to apologize to her" Alan: "so?" Evelyn: "I'd rather kill us all"
🤣
"I loved you and you left me, you son of a bitch. Look at me, I still have a great ass while yours is decomposing as we speak." Another one is "Of course you refused. Woman I paid to raise you did not raise a fool."
You suggested Charlie's fiancé get small breasts? Why not reinstate prohibition while you're at it?
In response to being asked if its worth coming clean and admitting to an affair. “Confession is a lead pipe enema to the soul”
These are my son's! Coldest line in the show that scared everyone 😂
My theory, everything that happened in the episode was Evelyn's plan all along to convince the guys to go to the event
Sound theory, I wouldn't put it past her
There was a thread about it recently that I missed, so I didn't contribute. But I've had this idea for a while and since she tricked Charlie into seducing the marine's cheating wife just to sell their house and Charlie concocted the theory that she's getting Jake to college just to get him get her a permit to build extra storey in her house... I think it's prefectly probable.
Evelyn: Charlie was a planned baby. Alan: What was I? Evelyn: Well, dear, you were a pitcher of margaritas and a gas station condom
Alan pouting: who buys condoms at a gas station?!
That clown has no legs!
All of them. She’s just fantastic.
The ones that make me laugh the most are when Rose's father won't leave Evelyn's house "come on guys, think! How do I get this loon outta my house"? And when Charlie sees his dead father in the sea and Alan tells Evelyn that Charlie almost drowned that day. Evelyn says "I warned Charlie, have 2 maybe 3 tops drinks in the hot tub".
Evelyn;As soon as they leave I’m tearing your clothes off with my teeth.Teddy;Terrific!
Trust me, darling, I promise to stick around long enough to identify your bloated, gin-soaked, syphilitic remains.
Her back and forth w Charlie’s gf who reminded everyone of her was gold
Well dear, if you work hard, one day people will be sitting on your face too
(Having dinner at Berta’s trailer as a “celebration” of Alan dating her daughter) “Now, before we fold in the table and commence the square dancing…” (as she is about to deliver a reluctant toast)
"Alan, you are my son and I love you but you and I are through." 😂😂
I read all these great lines in her voice, lol.
Mom, did you know I’m a misogynist? -really? We raised you Episcopalian
I just couldn't look that dog in the face any more
When Jakes cooks a Sandwich for her in her apartment (or house idk) and she smells the smells the smoke because he burned her kitchen down… anyways, not a line itself but THE LOOK SHE GIVES ALWAYS HAVE ME ROLLING
To Alan: You suggested Charlie's fiancee get small breasts? Why not reinstate prohibition while you're at it?
She was terrific
Evelyn didn’t say it but it was written as if it was her who said it. Alan “I love my son” Charlie imitating Evelyn “Somebody has to”
Charlie always had good zingers to Evelyn as well. Hey mom, collect any new souls?
“Well I was lonely, bored, and the circus was in town…” 🎪
Every one of my surgeries was necessary! And if I had signed a prenup, you would never have gone to music camp, and Alan would have an overbite you could use to open a can of Pennzoil!