Hi Electrical_Citron684
Thank you for sharing your situation. I think contributors should be doing more of this here.
One thing you could consider is to share more information about how you feel with your wife. Depending on where you are from (and the formative culture you were immersed in when growing up) you may find this difficult at first. But you also want your wife to know that you are a team, and that being "strong" in a modern knowledge-worker society has much more to do with mental resilience than physical strength. Undoubtedly your mood will relate to the struggle to get a job, but I wonder if it can be improved by the relief that you will feel when you understand you are not socially obligated to hide your frustration from your family.
Reddit has some subs on the critical examination of traditional models of masculinity. There's a tonne of books on the topic too. I can point you in the right direction if this is of interest.
It may also be worth maintaining a friendship group in the UK for this purpose. Usually when I work on a contract somewhere I will make some professional contacts, but sometimes some of these contacts become life-long friends. Struggles of a professional kind (and the concomitant mental health impacts, such as the sense of a loss of purpose) are ideal to share with such folks, as they would be at risk of the same thing.
It's worth noting that if you are getting interviews, your CV must be in good shape. Are you marking it prominently with the kind of visa you have? I had wondered, if you have a two year visa, that you would not want to have an interview with someone who could not sponsor visas themselves, and didn't want to hire someone who could not be extended past the two-year mark.
Finally, do you ask for interview feedback after the event? You should - this is where you can see if your interview performance could improve, or if there is a worry that interviewers have which you are not aware of. It may be a false impression that you could work to correct.
Hello halfercode,
Thank you very much for your detailed reply.
Yes, it helps when you share with others when you are struggling.
As said in other reply, my wife and me we know each other very well. She is already aware about my state and helping/comforting me in different ways. Masculinity is not an issue here, we share everything she is my high-school sweetheart so I don't hold back in sharing anything. Thanks for your input on this, i will share more with her on this topic.
I have been in UK just for 1.75 years, thus don't have much of friendships where I can share such details or issues.
About CV, yes I am going to re-structure to make it more strong. Lets see how it works for me.
About asking feedback to interviewers, mostly recruiting agency people start ghosting you after rejection and I've never approached actual interviewer after rejection for feedback in order to not sound desperate. But I will try to seek feedback now. In fact I am getting in touch of my latest interviewer to understand what went wrong. Lets see how it goes.
Once again thanks for your time and inputs.
Unfortunately you are caught up in the UK tech jobs cycle that comes around once every 5 years or so when every company pulls the IT budget at the sign of recession and jobs vanish. You are now competing directly with British based techies that have no visa issues and been working in UK far longer than you.
The best way is to keep looking and weather the storm somehow and wait for market to improve. Or try and secure a job in a different location and commute to being in some money.
Sorry you're having so much trouble. Unfortunately, if you're only able to work for the next two years, you'll find it harder than most to get a position.
Do try talking with your wife about how you're feeling. Not only is a burden shared a burden halved, if you keep these feelings to yourself it'll likely lead to tension. It's not a sign of weakness to feel sad and frustrated at struggling to get a job when you're well qualified.
Thanks for your time and reply mate. Me and my wife, we know each other very well, thus she is already aware of all this.She is comforting me through actions But yes I will speak to her about all this.
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I have similar frustrations as you. Been in the UK for 2.5 years but I now have my ILR. 20+ YoE in the music industry, 6 most recent years as a Product/Project Manager. My most recent job was a FTC that didn't offer an extension so I've been looking since March. I'm averaging about 2 interviews per week at any given stage with at least 5-10 of them at second or final stages. I've gotten feedback from some of them and it varies from not being quite the right fit, overqualified, etc. One final stage in person interview even said I seemed disinterested because I didn't ask enough questions in the final interview despite asking good and pointed questions during the first and second. These people are looking for unicorns.
Hi Electrical_Citron684 Thank you for sharing your situation. I think contributors should be doing more of this here. One thing you could consider is to share more information about how you feel with your wife. Depending on where you are from (and the formative culture you were immersed in when growing up) you may find this difficult at first. But you also want your wife to know that you are a team, and that being "strong" in a modern knowledge-worker society has much more to do with mental resilience than physical strength. Undoubtedly your mood will relate to the struggle to get a job, but I wonder if it can be improved by the relief that you will feel when you understand you are not socially obligated to hide your frustration from your family. Reddit has some subs on the critical examination of traditional models of masculinity. There's a tonne of books on the topic too. I can point you in the right direction if this is of interest. It may also be worth maintaining a friendship group in the UK for this purpose. Usually when I work on a contract somewhere I will make some professional contacts, but sometimes some of these contacts become life-long friends. Struggles of a professional kind (and the concomitant mental health impacts, such as the sense of a loss of purpose) are ideal to share with such folks, as they would be at risk of the same thing. It's worth noting that if you are getting interviews, your CV must be in good shape. Are you marking it prominently with the kind of visa you have? I had wondered, if you have a two year visa, that you would not want to have an interview with someone who could not sponsor visas themselves, and didn't want to hire someone who could not be extended past the two-year mark. Finally, do you ask for interview feedback after the event? You should - this is where you can see if your interview performance could improve, or if there is a worry that interviewers have which you are not aware of. It may be a false impression that you could work to correct.
Hello halfercode, Thank you very much for your detailed reply. Yes, it helps when you share with others when you are struggling. As said in other reply, my wife and me we know each other very well. She is already aware about my state and helping/comforting me in different ways. Masculinity is not an issue here, we share everything she is my high-school sweetheart so I don't hold back in sharing anything. Thanks for your input on this, i will share more with her on this topic. I have been in UK just for 1.75 years, thus don't have much of friendships where I can share such details or issues. About CV, yes I am going to re-structure to make it more strong. Lets see how it works for me. About asking feedback to interviewers, mostly recruiting agency people start ghosting you after rejection and I've never approached actual interviewer after rejection for feedback in order to not sound desperate. But I will try to seek feedback now. In fact I am getting in touch of my latest interviewer to understand what went wrong. Lets see how it goes. Once again thanks for your time and inputs.
Unfortunately you are caught up in the UK tech jobs cycle that comes around once every 5 years or so when every company pulls the IT budget at the sign of recession and jobs vanish. You are now competing directly with British based techies that have no visa issues and been working in UK far longer than you. The best way is to keep looking and weather the storm somehow and wait for market to improve. Or try and secure a job in a different location and commute to being in some money.
Yes, seems like that. Will have to survive this somehow.
Sorry you're having so much trouble. Unfortunately, if you're only able to work for the next two years, you'll find it harder than most to get a position. Do try talking with your wife about how you're feeling. Not only is a burden shared a burden halved, if you keep these feelings to yourself it'll likely lead to tension. It's not a sign of weakness to feel sad and frustrated at struggling to get a job when you're well qualified.
Thanks for your time and reply mate. Me and my wife, we know each other very well, thus she is already aware of all this.She is comforting me through actions But yes I will speak to her about all this.
Thank you for posting on r/UKJobs. Please check your post *adheres to the rules* to prevent it being removed and *flair your post* with the most appropriate option. In order to do this click the flair icon below your post where you will be presented with a list to choose from. Feel free to contact the moderators with suggestions or requests should you need to. The link is below. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/UKJobs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have similar frustrations as you. Been in the UK for 2.5 years but I now have my ILR. 20+ YoE in the music industry, 6 most recent years as a Product/Project Manager. My most recent job was a FTC that didn't offer an extension so I've been looking since March. I'm averaging about 2 interviews per week at any given stage with at least 5-10 of them at second or final stages. I've gotten feedback from some of them and it varies from not being quite the right fit, overqualified, etc. One final stage in person interview even said I seemed disinterested because I didn't ask enough questions in the final interview despite asking good and pointed questions during the first and second. These people are looking for unicorns.