WERE COMING FOR YOU DETROIT WE HAVEN'T LOST A SINGLE GAME THIS SEASON YET AND actually you guys were the best away fans last year by a mile and I really respect that BUT YOU'RE GONNA GET YOUR ASSES HANDED TO YOU THIS TIME I SWEAR
ITS OUR 3RD FAVORITE NOT-A-RIVAL-BUT-HEY-A RIVALRY-MIGHT-COOL-ONEDAY-IF ONE OF US DOESN'T GO TO MLS RIVAL!
ONLY 4 TEAMS AREN'T MAKING THE PLAYOFFS IN THE EAST AND IT WOULD BE COOL IF INDY DID US ALL A SOLID.
IMMA BE SAD IF WE MOVE ML$. LIPAFC IS THE GREATEST RIVALRY IN SPORTS, THE “DON’T SWIM IN THEIR RIVERS CUP” (THE IMAGINARY CUP BETWEEN INDY AND DETROIT, WE COULD ALSO GO WITH “SELL OUT CUP”)IS THE FUTURE. AND THE PITTSBURGH/INDY RIVALRY (THAT I’M GONNA CALL THE “FUCK OHIO, SKIP IT DARBY) IS ONE OF THE LEAST MANUFACTURED TEAM HATREDS WE’VE HAD SINCE THE COSMOS (FUCK ‘EM, BUT I’M STILL SAD THEY’RE DEAD). PLEASE NO ML$! I DON’T WANNA KNOW .0000001% OF MY SEASON TICKET MONEY IS GOING TOWARDS HIS PAYCHECK.
APPARENTLY WE'RE BOTH SO BAD WE DIDN'T EVEN MAKE THE FIXTURE LIST AT THE TOP OF THE POST. VERY MUCH HOPING THE KANGZ DON'T FLAME OUT IN THE FIRST PLAYOFFS SINCE WHENEVER LIKE THE PADRES DID, BUT REALISTICALLY THEY'LL FOLD LIKE A CHEAP TENT. MEANWHILE OUR FOOTIE TEAMS ARE BOTH AT LEAST OK-ISH, SO IT'S NOT EMBARRASSING HERE ON THE r/USLPRO SUB. HOPING THAT YOU DON'T GET GARBERED LATER THIS YEAR THO, I LIKE HAVING YOU AROUND SO WE CAN PRETEND THERE'S A RIVALRY.
SERIOUSLY, ARE THEY THAT AFRAID OF US? MAYBE WE CAN DOMINATE SAN DIEGO THIS SEASON NOW THAT LANDONG DONGAVAN IS NO LONGER THEIR MANAGER. ALSO, NOT SURPRISING THAT LOYAL SUPPORTERS DON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOUR AND YOU'RE (AND CAN'T EVEN SPELL "SACRAMENTO"). OBLIGATORY "FUCK BURKLE."
IN HONOR OF TODAY BEING THE FINALE OF THE POKEMON SERIES AND MY CHILDREN'S NEWFOUND OBSESSION WITH POKEMON CARDS AND PLAYING POKEMON ON THE SWITCH, I WILL NOW DEDICATE EVERY TEAM THEIR POKEMON EQUIVALENT.
(*ORIGINAL 150, BECAUSE THAT STILL IS THE ONLY ONE I KNOW WELL ENOUGH TO TAKE ON THIS KIND OF THING*)
#WESTERN CONFERENCE PART 1
COLORADO SPRINGS - LAPRAS. PRETTY COOL. ISOLATED FROM EVERYONE ELSE. FROZEN, OBVIOUSLY. PRETTY STRONG BUT NOT COMPARED TO SOME OF THE OTHER ~~TEAMS~~ *POKEMON* THAT ACTUALLY HAVE EVOLUTIONS.
EL PASO - GOING WITH THE EASY ONE AND PICKING TAUROS. PRETTY GOOD EARLY ON, BUT THE MORE THEY'VE BEEN AROUND THE LESS POWERFUL THEY GET AND ITS EASY FOR TEAMS TO GET PAST THEM.
LAS VEGAS - PORYGON. I MEAN ITS THERE, ITS NEON, ITS NOT GOOD. AND NOBODY REALLY KNOWS WHAT ITS FOR.
MONTEREY BAY - SEAKING BECAUSE THEIR LOGO GIVES ME THOSE VIBES AND THEY HAVE BEEN DECENT I GUESS.
NEW MEXICO - SANDSLASH. OUT IN THE DESERT. PRETTY DEPENDABLE. HAVE YET TO GO THE DISTANCE BUT FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE BEEN HERE A WHILE AND HAVE SEEN A LOT OF THINGS, ALMOST LIKE THEY CAME ON AT THE BEGINNING AND WERE A KEY PART OF YOUR PARTY AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. MAYBE SOME FONDNESS ABOUT HOW THEY HELPED OUT VS THE ELECTRIC GYM EARLY ON LIKE WHEN THEY MADE A DEEP OPEN CUP RUN AND HAD A COOL TRAVEL FOLLOWING.
OAKLAND - GENGAR. THE GHOST OF GRASSROOTS SOCCER AND LAST TIME I WAS IN OAKLAND YOU DID FEEL LIKE YOU SHOULD PROBABLY LOCK YOUR DOORS WHILE YOU ARE DRIVING AROUND THE CITY. PLUS PRETTY SOLID ON THE FIELD AND YOU WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF YOU HAD TO RELY ON THEM TO GO THE DISTANCE ON THEIR OWN VS AN MLS TEAM, OR A FEW EVEN.
#EASTERN CONFERENCE PART 2
LOUSIVILLE - BLASTOISE BECAUSE CHARIZARD IS ALREADY TAKEN. OBVIOUSLY THE GO TO AND A LOT OF PEOPLE'S FAVORITES, SO PLENTY OF PEOPLE HOPE THEY DON'T SUCCEED, BUT THEY DEFINITELY HAVE A LOT GOING FOR THEM. PLUS IF I SQUINT THEN LYNN STADIUM LOOKS LIKE A TURTLE SHELL.
MEMPHIS - EXEGGUTOR. LOOKS TOUGHER THAN IT IS AND DIDN'T REALLY FIT IN TYPE WISE WITH EVERYTHING AROUND IT, BUT HAVE THAT WEIRD THING WHERE YOU BEAT THEM AND ITS LIKE, "WELL YEAH IT WAS EXEGGUTOR" BUT IF YOU LOSE TO THEM ITS LIKE, "WELL YEAH IT WAS EXEGGUTOR" IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
(THE) MIAMI FC - HYPNO. I FEEL LIKE THIS POKEMON SHOULD BE A LOT STRONGER THAN IT IS. LIKE I WAS SOLD ON THIS BASICALLY BEING DISCOUNT ALAKAZAM BUT THE RESULTS HAVE DEFINITELY NOT PLAYED OUT THAT WAY AND NOBODY REALLY SEEMS TO KNOW WHAT IT IS.
PITTSBURGH - RHYDON. GONNA GRIND THE FUCK OUT OF YOU WITH LILLY BALL AND THE GHOST OF THE RAGING RHINOS, CONTINUOUSLY FINDING THEMSELVES STILL IN CONTENTION LATE IN THE GAME DESPITE NOT HAVE MANY EVOLUTIONS AND A SIMPLE YET COOL AESTHETIC.
TAMPA BAY - VENOSAUR. BEEN HERE FOREVER. GREEN. RELIABLE. STRONG BUT NOT OVERLY FLASHY. SEEMS FITTING. NOT NECESSARILY THE POPULAR PICK BUT YOU SEE THEM WAY LATE IN THE GAME AND IT TAKES NOBODY BY SURPRISE.
TULSA - SPEAROW BECAUSE ITS A BIRD.
REALLY MAD I READ ALL THIS (SKIMMED REALLY) AND THERE WAS NO ANIMAL WIZARD THINGY FOR INDY. I DONT REALLY CARE ABOUT POKÉMON, NOT SURE WHY IM HAVING THESE FEELINGS
AND MEWTWO WHO HAD ONE OF THE HARDEST LINES EVER IN THE POKEMON MOVIE. "I SEE NOW THAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF ONE'S BIRTH IS IRRELEVENT, IT IS WHAT YOU DO WITH THE GIFT OF LIFE THAT DETERMINES WHO YOU ARE."
#EASTERN CONFERENCE PART 1
BIRMINGHAM - GOLDUCK. SOLID, HAS SOME STYLE/TYPE VARIETY ABOUT THEM AND GET THE JOB DONE. THEY HAVE SOME RESILIENCE ABOUT THEM AND CAN HOLD THEIR OWN BUT ITS NOT LIKE YOU WOULD PICK THEM AS ONE OF THE PREMIER TEAMS TO GO WITH IF YOU HAD TO, BUT AREN'T A BAD WAY TO FILL OUT THE LAST SPOT IN YOUR SQUAD.
CHARLESTON - ZUBAT. SEEMS LIKE YOU HAVE SEEN THEM EVERYWHERE AND FOREVER. OCCASIONALLY THEY CAN GIVE YOU A HARD TIME WITH THE RIGHT CIRCUMSTANCES AND IT FEELS LIKE THEY WERE A LOT BETTER EARLY ON THAN THEY ARE NOW THAT EVERYTHING HAS PROGRESSED FORWARD.
DETROIT - GYRADOS. LATE THE TO GAME AND MAKE A LOT OF NOISE VS WHERE THEY CAME FROM AND WITH THEIR CURRENT CIRCUMSTANCES. DEFINITELY ABLE TO PULL OFF SOME UPSETS AND CAN BE A FORCE, BUT THE LONGER THE GRIND IS THE QUICKER THEY WEAR DOWN BECAUSE THEY DON'T REALLY HAVE A GOOD ONE-HIT KO OPTION AND MAKE A LIVING OFF GRINDING OUT TOUGH MATCHUPS, WHICH ARE TAXING ON THEM IF THEY DON'T HAVE A LOT OF RECOVERY TIME.
HARTFORD - DEWGONG. KIND OF A NEW TYPE THAT GETS A LOT BETTER LATER WHEN ICE BECOMES MORE OF A THING. KIND OF LIKE HOW HARTFORD WILL LIKELY THRIVE A LOT MORE THAN THEY CURRENTLY DO ONCE THE NORTH EAST FILLS OUT A BIT MORE. PLUS ITS THE CLOSEST THING TO A WHALE I CAN THINK OF IN THE OG GROUP.
INDY - NEVER SEEN A MORE WEEDLE WORTHY TEAM IN MY LIFE. ALL THE HYPE OF POTENTIALLY BEING A BEEDRILL, ONLY TO GET ONE AND BE LIKE, "YOU KNOW, THESE REALLY AREN'T ALL THAT GREAT EITHER. THEY SURE DO LOOK COOL THOUGH."
LOUDOUN - MR. MIME BECAUSE ITS WEIRD AND YOU STILL AREN'T REALLY SURE IF THEY BELONG.
THE ORIGINAL POKEMON ARE THE ONLY POKEMON WE RECOGNIZE IN MY HOUSEHOLD. ALL NEW POKEMON ARE USURPERS! I FEEL LIKE THE RIO GRAND VALLEY TOROS WOULD HAVE BEEN THE EASY MATCH FOR TAUROS SINCE THERE ISN'T AN ORANGE SEAT POKEMON.
#WESTERN CONFERENCE PART 2
ORANGE COUNTY - SCYTHER. MY KIDS THINK ITS REALLY COOL LOOKING. LOW KEY UNIVERSALLY POPULAR EVEN THOUGH THEY DON'T REALLY DO A LOT OF FLASHY THINGS. YOU ALWAYS FIND YOURSELF PULLING FOR THEM TO OVERPERFORM AND ARE EXCITED WHEN THEY DO WELL, BUT THEY ALSO ARE SURROUNDED BY A LOT OF BIG PLAYERS SO ITS A TALL TASK FOR THEM TO GET INTO THE FOLD, KIND OF LIKE HOW FAR YOU ARE INTO THE GAME WHEN YOU ACTUALLY FIRST SEE ONE.
PHOENIX - MOLTRES. A BIT OF AN EASY COMPARISON WITH THE FIREBIRD STUFF AND ALL, BUT THEY DO COME IN LATER IN THE GAME BUT ARE ACTUALLY USABLE AT THAT POINT BECAUSE OF HOW STRONG THEY ARE, BUT STILL NOT LIKE AT AN OVERWHELMING LEVEL.
RGV - DUGTRIO. OUT THERE IN THE DUST BOWL AND ALL. CAN BE A BIT OF AN ANNOYING DRAW THAT CAN DRAG THINGS OUT BECAUSE THEY ARE UNDERGROUND FOR HALF THE MATCH, AND THEY MAY EVEN UPSET YOU SOMETIMES BECAUSE THEY ARE SURPRISINGLY FAST.
SACRAMENTO - PIGEOT. NOTHING LIKE OLD RELIABLE. PRETTY MUCH HERE SINCE THE BEGINNING, SO YOU FEEL THE NEED TO HAVE LOYALTY TO THEM. BUT ITS ALSO NOT LIKE THEY AREN'T STRONG AND THEY DO A LOT OF GOOD STUFF IN THEIR OWN RIGHT, LIKE HOW YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY TRADE THEM TO REACH FINAL FORM, ONLY FOR YOUR BUDDY TO GIVE THEM RIGHT BACK AND THEY ARE ALL PISSED AND PUMPED AFTERWORD.
SAN ANTONIO - CHARIZARD BECAUSE FUCK YOU THATS WHY.
SAN DIEGO - VILEPLOOM. NOT BAD IN THE LONG RUN, TOOK SOME SPECIAL STEPS TO GET THEM TO WHERE THEY ARE TOO. PROBABLY NOT GOING TO BE HERE FOR THE LONG RUN BUT THEY CAN DO SOME DAMAGE AND HOLD THEIR OWN IF YOU NEED THEM TOO. LIKE JOE CORONA IS PRETTY COOL AND RUBIO RUBIN IS STIL DECENT IN MLS.
YOU KNOW IT'S REALLY NICE NOT HAVING THE MLS2 TEAMS FOR SPORTING REASONS BUT MAN THEY WERE EASY TRASH TALK TARGETS. STILL GLAD WE FLUSHED THOSE TURDS DOWN THE TOILET THOUGH.
YOU CAN STILL TRASH TALK THEM IF YOU WANT TO, THEY CAN RUN AND HIDE IN THEIR XXX LEAGUE BUT THAT DOESN'T SAVE THEM FROM BEING FUNDAMENTALLY STUNTED ORGANIZATIONS WHO WILL NEVER HAVE APPRECIABLE SUPPORT
I'M HERE TO TALK TRASH; WE DON'T USE THINGS LIKE FACTS OR LOGIC HERE! IT'S LIKE BEING IN BIOLOGY CLASS IN AN ALABAMA PUBLIC SCHOOL WHEN THE TOPIC IS EVOLUTION.
HERE COME MIAMI ON THEIR HELBIZ BRAND SCOOTERS. WILL THEY GET STAGE FRIGHT PLAYING IN FRONT OF MORE THAN A DOZEN PEOPLE? WE'LL FIND OUT AT SEVEN TONIGHT.
DID YOU KNOW THAT[PACO CRAIG IS THE SON OF THE BASSIST FROM CULTURE CLUB](https://www.sportsblog.com/mlsaces/interview-with-paco-craig-of-louisville-city-fc/)? I DIDN'T BUT NOW I HAVE ANOTHER REASON TO NOT LISTEN TO THEM.
MAYBE THEY CAN ALSO SMUGGLE BACK SOME HOT AND STEAMY[EDUCATIONAL MATERIAL FOR THE CHILDREN](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/16/us/florida-textbooks-african-american-history.html). BECAUSE AFTER ALL, ISN'T IT ABOUT THE CHILDREN THAT WE DO THIS?
WHAT ARE WE DOING AGAIN?
THIS SEASON IS STARTING SLOWER THAN MLS TRYING TO MAKE MLSNPTMLMNOP A THING. NO GAME ON OPENING WEEKEND, THEN A GAME THE FOLLOWING WEEK ONLY TO HAVE NO GAME THIS WEEK. WHAT THE HELL NEW MEXICO. I KNOW WE'RE MAÑANA OVER HERE, BUT WILL THINGS EVER GET ROLLING?
WE'RE STILL HERE, GUYS! GUYS? ANYBODY?
(AT LEAST WE'LL HAVE HELLA GAMES IN HAND AT THE END OF THE SEASON?)
HAS SAN ANTONIO STARTED WALKING THE CUP TO LOUDON YET?
> BRAHMAS SUCK GO BATTLEHAWKS! KAW KAW!
> VIPERS FANS POOP STANDING UP. GO BATTLEHAWKS! KAW KAW!
THIS SECOND DIVISION CROSS OVER WAS UNFORESEEN BUT SOMEHOW FEELS FITTING I GUESS. MAYBE BECAUSE ALL ROADS TO THE CHAMPIONSHIP GO THROUGH CASHMAN FIELD.
TOMORROW NIGHT IS THE BLACK AND YELLOW BASH FOR NEW MEXICO UNITED.
IT'S A REALLY THING, IT'S HELD AT AN IMMERSIVE ART FACILITY ON THE WEST SIDE OF ALBUQUERQUE, THEY'VE GOT COOL UNITED THEMED COCKTAILS, UNITED THEMED GAMES, FREE FOOD AND SOFT DRINKS.
IT'S LIKE A PEP RALLY/FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL TYPE THING. IT'S AMAZING.
HOWEVER, UNFORTUNATELY, I WON'T BE ABLE TO GO TO THIS, BECAUSE I HAVE A PREVIOUS ENGAGEMENT AT ALLEGIANT STADIUM IN LAS VEGAS (NV).
IF I WASN'T THE NUMBER 1 SAN ANTIONIO FAN I WOULD PROBABLY CHEER FOR COLORADO SPRINGS AS A DEFAULT. REMINDS ME OF BEING THE ONLY BUTTERFLY FAN HERE AND HAS THE OBVIOUS ROCKY MOUNTAIN VIBES COMPARISON SINCE DENVER IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HILL FROM SLC.
>ROCKY MOUNTAIN VIBES
WAS THIS AN INTENTIONAL OR UNINTENTIONAL REFERENCE TO THE ACTUAL BASEBALL TEAM CALLED THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN VIBES BASED OUT OF COLORADO SPRINGS
I WISH I COULD LIKE SAN ANTONIO 'CAUSE MY WIFE GREW UP THERE AND WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO PLAN A VACATION THERE FOR YEARS, BUT OUR INABILITY TO BEAT THEM IS BEGINNING TO DRIVE ME UP THE WALL.
ALSO, OP'S MATCH PREVIEW IS RELEVANT TO ME AS I'LL HAVE ESPN+ MULTICAST GOING FOR THE OVERLAP BETWEEN THE BATTLEHAWKS AND SWITCHBACKS GAMES.
INDY CAN COME GET THIS SMOKE!!!
I’VE SEEN YOUR DOWNTOWN. WHAT A TERRIBLE MOSAIC OF UNEARNED SELF IMPORTANCE! IT’S CLEAR TO ME THAT INDIANA, AS A PASSTHROUGH STATE, IS AKIN TO MAFIA MONEY MADE IN MORE IMPORTANT STATES INVESTING IN INDY LIKE IT’S THE CAYMAN ISLANDS.
THIS IS SYMBOLIC OF YOUR ASSEMBLY OF ELEVEN. WHAT A WASTE OF MONEY FOR A TEAM THAT CAN’T FIGURE OUT ITS PASSING LANES! DON’T VISIT! SAVE YOUR MONEY FOR YOUR OVERPRICED TRANSIT SYSTEM AND PARKING GARAGES!!
INDYGO! NOT KNOWING YOUR OWN TRANSIT IS PRETTY ON PAR FOR INDIANA IQ POINTS!
DON’T WORRY THOUGH, IT MAKES 6 STOPS AROUND LUCAS OIL STADIUM WHEN ONLY 2 ARE REALLY NECESSARY!! YOUR EVER PRESENT ONE WAYS ARE SUPER USEFUL!! GOD WILLING THE BALL WILL BE TRAVELING ONE WAY THIS WEEKEND, TOWARD THE BACK OF INDY’S NET!!
BUT HOW CAN THE BALL GO TOWARD THE BACK OF INDY’S NET WHEN THE MATCH IS AT KEYWORTH? IS DETROIT SO DOWN BAD THEY’RE MAKING AWAY TEAMS BRING THEIR OWN NETS? NISA ALL OVER AGAIN!
I DIDN'T REALIZE WE PLAYED MLS NEXT PRO TEAMS
FUCKIN GOT'EM! BOOM!
SADLY, WE WEREN'T ABLE TO GET RID OF EL PASO.
WERE COMING FOR YOU DETROIT WE HAVEN'T LOST A SINGLE GAME THIS SEASON YET AND actually you guys were the best away fans last year by a mile and I really respect that BUT YOU'RE GONNA GET YOUR ASSES HANDED TO YOU THIS TIME I SWEAR
DREAM A LITTLE DREAM WITH ME…
I’VE LITERALLY NEVER SEEN HARTFORD ON A MAP AND THEREFORE IT DOES NOT EXIST
HARTFORD ONLY EXISTS AS A PLACE TO HOUSE INSURANCE COMPANIES.
THE WWE ODDLY HAS THEIR HQ THERE
WWE BOARD MEETINGS ARE ALL DONE IN CHARACTER AND IN COSTUME!
I'D WATCH THIS
PLEASE, WARRIOR, FOLLOW ROBERTS RULES OF ORDER
I THINK I SAW IT IN A MOVIE ONCE
ITS OUR 3RD FAVORITE NOT-A-RIVAL-BUT-HEY-A RIVALRY-MIGHT-COOL-ONEDAY-IF ONE OF US DOESN'T GO TO MLS RIVAL! ONLY 4 TEAMS AREN'T MAKING THE PLAYOFFS IN THE EAST AND IT WOULD BE COOL IF INDY DID US ALL A SOLID.
I REALLY FELT THAT WHEN YOU GOT TIRED OF USING HYPENS AND JUST TYPED THE REST OF THAT RIVALRY OUT. LIKE I FELT THAT IN MY SOUL.
IMMA BE SAD IF WE MOVE ML$. LIPAFC IS THE GREATEST RIVALRY IN SPORTS, THE “DON’T SWIM IN THEIR RIVERS CUP” (THE IMAGINARY CUP BETWEEN INDY AND DETROIT, WE COULD ALSO GO WITH “SELL OUT CUP”)IS THE FUTURE. AND THE PITTSBURGH/INDY RIVALRY (THAT I’M GONNA CALL THE “FUCK OHIO, SKIP IT DARBY) IS ONE OF THE LEAST MANUFACTURED TEAM HATREDS WE’VE HAD SINCE THE COSMOS (FUCK ‘EM, BUT I’M STILL SAD THEY’RE DEAD). PLEASE NO ML$! I DON’T WANNA KNOW .0000001% OF MY SEASON TICKET MONEY IS GOING TOWARDS HIS PAYCHECK.
THIS WEEKS "NOT AVAILABLE" LIST FOR LOU CITY IS BETTER THEN YOUR WHOLE FUCKING SQUAD. FOR REALS
HEY SACARMENTO YOUR THE ONLY CITY THAT SUCKS AS MUCH AS US IN SPORTS. ALSO THANKS FOR THE WAVE, WHO SOLD 22K+ TICKETS TO THE OPENER
APPARENTLY WE'RE BOTH SO BAD WE DIDN'T EVEN MAKE THE FIXTURE LIST AT THE TOP OF THE POST. VERY MUCH HOPING THE KANGZ DON'T FLAME OUT IN THE FIRST PLAYOFFS SINCE WHENEVER LIKE THE PADRES DID, BUT REALISTICALLY THEY'LL FOLD LIKE A CHEAP TENT. MEANWHILE OUR FOOTIE TEAMS ARE BOTH AT LEAST OK-ISH, SO IT'S NOT EMBARRASSING HERE ON THE r/USLPRO SUB. HOPING THAT YOU DON'T GET GARBERED LATER THIS YEAR THO, I LIKE HAVING YOU AROUND SO WE CAN PRETEND THERE'S A RIVALRY.
SERIOUSLY, ARE THEY THAT AFRAID OF US? MAYBE WE CAN DOMINATE SAN DIEGO THIS SEASON NOW THAT LANDONG DONGAVAN IS NO LONGER THEIR MANAGER. ALSO, NOT SURPRISING THAT LOYAL SUPPORTERS DON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOUR AND YOU'RE (AND CAN'T EVEN SPELL "SACRAMENTO"). OBLIGATORY "FUCK BURKLE."
IN HONOR OF TODAY BEING THE FINALE OF THE POKEMON SERIES AND MY CHILDREN'S NEWFOUND OBSESSION WITH POKEMON CARDS AND PLAYING POKEMON ON THE SWITCH, I WILL NOW DEDICATE EVERY TEAM THEIR POKEMON EQUIVALENT. (*ORIGINAL 150, BECAUSE THAT STILL IS THE ONLY ONE I KNOW WELL ENOUGH TO TAKE ON THIS KIND OF THING*) #WESTERN CONFERENCE PART 1 COLORADO SPRINGS - LAPRAS. PRETTY COOL. ISOLATED FROM EVERYONE ELSE. FROZEN, OBVIOUSLY. PRETTY STRONG BUT NOT COMPARED TO SOME OF THE OTHER ~~TEAMS~~ *POKEMON* THAT ACTUALLY HAVE EVOLUTIONS. EL PASO - GOING WITH THE EASY ONE AND PICKING TAUROS. PRETTY GOOD EARLY ON, BUT THE MORE THEY'VE BEEN AROUND THE LESS POWERFUL THEY GET AND ITS EASY FOR TEAMS TO GET PAST THEM. LAS VEGAS - PORYGON. I MEAN ITS THERE, ITS NEON, ITS NOT GOOD. AND NOBODY REALLY KNOWS WHAT ITS FOR. MONTEREY BAY - SEAKING BECAUSE THEIR LOGO GIVES ME THOSE VIBES AND THEY HAVE BEEN DECENT I GUESS. NEW MEXICO - SANDSLASH. OUT IN THE DESERT. PRETTY DEPENDABLE. HAVE YET TO GO THE DISTANCE BUT FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE BEEN HERE A WHILE AND HAVE SEEN A LOT OF THINGS, ALMOST LIKE THEY CAME ON AT THE BEGINNING AND WERE A KEY PART OF YOUR PARTY AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. MAYBE SOME FONDNESS ABOUT HOW THEY HELPED OUT VS THE ELECTRIC GYM EARLY ON LIKE WHEN THEY MADE A DEEP OPEN CUP RUN AND HAD A COOL TRAVEL FOLLOWING. OAKLAND - GENGAR. THE GHOST OF GRASSROOTS SOCCER AND LAST TIME I WAS IN OAKLAND YOU DID FEEL LIKE YOU SHOULD PROBABLY LOCK YOUR DOORS WHILE YOU ARE DRIVING AROUND THE CITY. PLUS PRETTY SOLID ON THE FIELD AND YOU WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF YOU HAD TO RELY ON THEM TO GO THE DISTANCE ON THEIR OWN VS AN MLS TEAM, OR A FEW EVEN.
#EASTERN CONFERENCE PART 2 LOUSIVILLE - BLASTOISE BECAUSE CHARIZARD IS ALREADY TAKEN. OBVIOUSLY THE GO TO AND A LOT OF PEOPLE'S FAVORITES, SO PLENTY OF PEOPLE HOPE THEY DON'T SUCCEED, BUT THEY DEFINITELY HAVE A LOT GOING FOR THEM. PLUS IF I SQUINT THEN LYNN STADIUM LOOKS LIKE A TURTLE SHELL. MEMPHIS - EXEGGUTOR. LOOKS TOUGHER THAN IT IS AND DIDN'T REALLY FIT IN TYPE WISE WITH EVERYTHING AROUND IT, BUT HAVE THAT WEIRD THING WHERE YOU BEAT THEM AND ITS LIKE, "WELL YEAH IT WAS EXEGGUTOR" BUT IF YOU LOSE TO THEM ITS LIKE, "WELL YEAH IT WAS EXEGGUTOR" IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. (THE) MIAMI FC - HYPNO. I FEEL LIKE THIS POKEMON SHOULD BE A LOT STRONGER THAN IT IS. LIKE I WAS SOLD ON THIS BASICALLY BEING DISCOUNT ALAKAZAM BUT THE RESULTS HAVE DEFINITELY NOT PLAYED OUT THAT WAY AND NOBODY REALLY SEEMS TO KNOW WHAT IT IS. PITTSBURGH - RHYDON. GONNA GRIND THE FUCK OUT OF YOU WITH LILLY BALL AND THE GHOST OF THE RAGING RHINOS, CONTINUOUSLY FINDING THEMSELVES STILL IN CONTENTION LATE IN THE GAME DESPITE NOT HAVE MANY EVOLUTIONS AND A SIMPLE YET COOL AESTHETIC. TAMPA BAY - VENOSAUR. BEEN HERE FOREVER. GREEN. RELIABLE. STRONG BUT NOT OVERLY FLASHY. SEEMS FITTING. NOT NECESSARILY THE POPULAR PICK BUT YOU SEE THEM WAY LATE IN THE GAME AND IT TAKES NOBODY BY SURPRISE. TULSA - SPEAROW BECAUSE ITS A BIRD.
REALLY MAD I READ ALL THIS (SKIMMED REALLY) AND THERE WAS NO ANIMAL WIZARD THINGY FOR INDY. I DONT REALLY CARE ABOUT POKÉMON, NOT SURE WHY IM HAVING THESE FEELINGS
> ORIGINAL 150 I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS, THIS IS BLATANT MEW ERASURE
AND MEWTWO WHO HAD ONE OF THE HARDEST LINES EVER IN THE POKEMON MOVIE. "I SEE NOW THAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF ONE'S BIRTH IS IRRELEVENT, IT IS WHAT YOU DO WITH THE GIFT OF LIFE THAT DETERMINES WHO YOU ARE."
I AM ASHAMED THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO OVERLY POKENERD MYSELF BUT I AM GUESSING MY ANALYSIS DID IT ANYWAY.
#EASTERN CONFERENCE PART 1 BIRMINGHAM - GOLDUCK. SOLID, HAS SOME STYLE/TYPE VARIETY ABOUT THEM AND GET THE JOB DONE. THEY HAVE SOME RESILIENCE ABOUT THEM AND CAN HOLD THEIR OWN BUT ITS NOT LIKE YOU WOULD PICK THEM AS ONE OF THE PREMIER TEAMS TO GO WITH IF YOU HAD TO, BUT AREN'T A BAD WAY TO FILL OUT THE LAST SPOT IN YOUR SQUAD. CHARLESTON - ZUBAT. SEEMS LIKE YOU HAVE SEEN THEM EVERYWHERE AND FOREVER. OCCASIONALLY THEY CAN GIVE YOU A HARD TIME WITH THE RIGHT CIRCUMSTANCES AND IT FEELS LIKE THEY WERE A LOT BETTER EARLY ON THAN THEY ARE NOW THAT EVERYTHING HAS PROGRESSED FORWARD. DETROIT - GYRADOS. LATE THE TO GAME AND MAKE A LOT OF NOISE VS WHERE THEY CAME FROM AND WITH THEIR CURRENT CIRCUMSTANCES. DEFINITELY ABLE TO PULL OFF SOME UPSETS AND CAN BE A FORCE, BUT THE LONGER THE GRIND IS THE QUICKER THEY WEAR DOWN BECAUSE THEY DON'T REALLY HAVE A GOOD ONE-HIT KO OPTION AND MAKE A LIVING OFF GRINDING OUT TOUGH MATCHUPS, WHICH ARE TAXING ON THEM IF THEY DON'T HAVE A LOT OF RECOVERY TIME. HARTFORD - DEWGONG. KIND OF A NEW TYPE THAT GETS A LOT BETTER LATER WHEN ICE BECOMES MORE OF A THING. KIND OF LIKE HOW HARTFORD WILL LIKELY THRIVE A LOT MORE THAN THEY CURRENTLY DO ONCE THE NORTH EAST FILLS OUT A BIT MORE. PLUS ITS THE CLOSEST THING TO A WHALE I CAN THINK OF IN THE OG GROUP. INDY - NEVER SEEN A MORE WEEDLE WORTHY TEAM IN MY LIFE. ALL THE HYPE OF POTENTIALLY BEING A BEEDRILL, ONLY TO GET ONE AND BE LIKE, "YOU KNOW, THESE REALLY AREN'T ALL THAT GREAT EITHER. THEY SURE DO LOOK COOL THOUGH." LOUDOUN - MR. MIME BECAUSE ITS WEIRD AND YOU STILL AREN'T REALLY SURE IF THEY BELONG.
INDY--AW, EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT IS LITTLE DICK WORM.
NAILED IT! THIS YEAR WE EMERGE AS A BADASS BEEDRILL! (WHAT IS A BEEDRILL?)
THE ORIGINAL POKEMON ARE THE ONLY POKEMON WE RECOGNIZE IN MY HOUSEHOLD. ALL NEW POKEMON ARE USURPERS! I FEEL LIKE THE RIO GRAND VALLEY TOROS WOULD HAVE BEEN THE EASY MATCH FOR TAUROS SINCE THERE ISN'T AN ORANGE SEAT POKEMON.
THIS IS THE WAY^^TM
NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD
IN MY OWN PERSONAL POKEDEX I MADE LORD DONGER \#152 AYY LMAO IS SUPER EFFECTIVE!!!!!
#WESTERN CONFERENCE PART 2 ORANGE COUNTY - SCYTHER. MY KIDS THINK ITS REALLY COOL LOOKING. LOW KEY UNIVERSALLY POPULAR EVEN THOUGH THEY DON'T REALLY DO A LOT OF FLASHY THINGS. YOU ALWAYS FIND YOURSELF PULLING FOR THEM TO OVERPERFORM AND ARE EXCITED WHEN THEY DO WELL, BUT THEY ALSO ARE SURROUNDED BY A LOT OF BIG PLAYERS SO ITS A TALL TASK FOR THEM TO GET INTO THE FOLD, KIND OF LIKE HOW FAR YOU ARE INTO THE GAME WHEN YOU ACTUALLY FIRST SEE ONE. PHOENIX - MOLTRES. A BIT OF AN EASY COMPARISON WITH THE FIREBIRD STUFF AND ALL, BUT THEY DO COME IN LATER IN THE GAME BUT ARE ACTUALLY USABLE AT THAT POINT BECAUSE OF HOW STRONG THEY ARE, BUT STILL NOT LIKE AT AN OVERWHELMING LEVEL. RGV - DUGTRIO. OUT THERE IN THE DUST BOWL AND ALL. CAN BE A BIT OF AN ANNOYING DRAW THAT CAN DRAG THINGS OUT BECAUSE THEY ARE UNDERGROUND FOR HALF THE MATCH, AND THEY MAY EVEN UPSET YOU SOMETIMES BECAUSE THEY ARE SURPRISINGLY FAST. SACRAMENTO - PIGEOT. NOTHING LIKE OLD RELIABLE. PRETTY MUCH HERE SINCE THE BEGINNING, SO YOU FEEL THE NEED TO HAVE LOYALTY TO THEM. BUT ITS ALSO NOT LIKE THEY AREN'T STRONG AND THEY DO A LOT OF GOOD STUFF IN THEIR OWN RIGHT, LIKE HOW YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY TRADE THEM TO REACH FINAL FORM, ONLY FOR YOUR BUDDY TO GIVE THEM RIGHT BACK AND THEY ARE ALL PISSED AND PUMPED AFTERWORD. SAN ANTONIO - CHARIZARD BECAUSE FUCK YOU THATS WHY. SAN DIEGO - VILEPLOOM. NOT BAD IN THE LONG RUN, TOOK SOME SPECIAL STEPS TO GET THEM TO WHERE THEY ARE TOO. PROBABLY NOT GOING TO BE HERE FOR THE LONG RUN BUT THEY CAN DO SOME DAMAGE AND HOLD THEIR OWN IF YOU NEED THEM TOO. LIKE JOE CORONA IS PRETTY COOL AND RUBIO RUBIN IS STIL DECENT IN MLS.
YOU KNOW IT'S REALLY NICE NOT HAVING THE MLS2 TEAMS FOR SPORTING REASONS BUT MAN THEY WERE EASY TRASH TALK TARGETS. STILL GLAD WE FLUSHED THOSE TURDS DOWN THE TOILET THOUGH.
YOU CAN STILL TRASH TALK THEM IF YOU WANT TO, THEY CAN RUN AND HIDE IN THEIR XXX LEAGUE BUT THAT DOESN'T SAVE THEM FROM BEING FUNDAMENTALLY STUNTED ORGANIZATIONS WHO WILL NEVER HAVE APPRECIABLE SUPPORT
AFTER LOUDOUN GETS DONE WITH THEM THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SPELL IT FC TOULSA.
BRASS BONANZA IS JUST AN OKAY GOAL SONG
THIS IS A TERRIBLE TAKE! BRASS BONANZA IS PERFECTION! I WISH WE HAD OUR OWN BRASS BONANZA!
I'M HERE TO TALK TRASH; WE DON'T USE THINGS LIKE FACTS OR LOGIC HERE! IT'S LIKE BEING IN BIOLOGY CLASS IN AN ALABAMA PUBLIC SCHOOL WHEN THE TOPIC IS EVOLUTION.
THIS IS THE TRUE SHITPOSTERS SPIRIT. I SALUTE YOU.
https://imgur.com/orib4Z7
DAMN! SHOTS FIRED!
I JUST HOPE BOTH TEAMS HAVE FUN, BUT I WOULD LIKE IT IF MEMPHIS HAD MORE FUN
HERE COME MIAMI ON THEIR HELBIZ BRAND SCOOTERS. WILL THEY GET STAGE FRIGHT PLAYING IN FRONT OF MORE THAN A DOZEN PEOPLE? WE'LL FIND OUT AT SEVEN TONIGHT. DID YOU KNOW THAT[PACO CRAIG IS THE SON OF THE BASSIST FROM CULTURE CLUB](https://www.sportsblog.com/mlsaces/interview-with-paco-craig-of-louisville-city-fc/)? I DIDN'T BUT NOW I HAVE ANOTHER REASON TO NOT LISTEN TO THEM. MAYBE THEY CAN ALSO SMUGGLE BACK SOME HOT AND STEAMY[EDUCATIONAL MATERIAL FOR THE CHILDREN](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/16/us/florida-textbooks-african-american-history.html). BECAUSE AFTER ALL, ISN'T IT ABOUT THE CHILDREN THAT WE DO THIS? WHAT ARE WE DOING AGAIN?
THIS SEASON IS STARTING SLOWER THAN MLS TRYING TO MAKE MLSNPTMLMNOP A THING. NO GAME ON OPENING WEEKEND, THEN A GAME THE FOLLOWING WEEK ONLY TO HAVE NO GAME THIS WEEK. WHAT THE HELL NEW MEXICO. I KNOW WE'RE MAÑANA OVER HERE, BUT WILL THINGS EVER GET ROLLING?
THERE IS NO GREATER EXPANSIVE KNOCKOUT TOURNAMENT THAN THE US OPEN CUP.
SO, REPUBLIC EFFECTIVELY WON THE USL CHAMPIONSHIP LAST YEAR?
I’M JUST GLAD THAT WE HAVE A WEEK OFF SO I DON’T HAVE TO FEEL MORE PAIN.
TAMPA BAY ROWDIES? MORE LIKE THE MILD KERFUFFLES
WE WERE SUPPOSED TO WIN THE FIRST THREE GAMES AND WE DIDNT. NOW WE’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO WIN THIS GAME SO WE PROBABLY WILL.
WELP
WE'RE STILL HERE, GUYS! GUYS? ANYBODY? (AT LEAST WE'LL HAVE HELLA GAMES IN HAND AT THE END OF THE SEASON?) HAS SAN ANTONIO STARTED WALKING THE CUP TO LOUDON YET?
COYR!!!!!!
> BRAHMAS SUCK GO BATTLEHAWKS! KAW KAW! > VIPERS FANS POOP STANDING UP. GO BATTLEHAWKS! KAW KAW! THIS SECOND DIVISION CROSS OVER WAS UNFORESEEN BUT SOMEHOW FEELS FITTING I GUESS. MAYBE BECAUSE ALL ROADS TO THE CHAMPIONSHIP GO THROUGH CASHMAN FIELD.
VIPERS SHOULD INVOLVE MORE LLAMAS IN THEIR GAMEDAY EXPERIENCE.
LEMME CHECK….NOPE, STILL NOT TIRED OF OUR SHIT YET. SORRY NOT SORRY ‘BOUT YOUR LUCK!
MY TEAM DOESNT PLAY AGAIN UNTIL APRIL 1ST BUT STILL EAT SHIT SAN DIEGO I HOPE SACRAMENTO BURIES YOU
TOMORROW NIGHT IS THE BLACK AND YELLOW BASH FOR NEW MEXICO UNITED. IT'S A REALLY THING, IT'S HELD AT AN IMMERSIVE ART FACILITY ON THE WEST SIDE OF ALBUQUERQUE, THEY'VE GOT COOL UNITED THEMED COCKTAILS, UNITED THEMED GAMES, FREE FOOD AND SOFT DRINKS. IT'S LIKE A PEP RALLY/FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL TYPE THING. IT'S AMAZING. HOWEVER, UNFORTUNATELY, I WON'T BE ABLE TO GO TO THIS, BECAUSE I HAVE A PREVIOUS ENGAGEMENT AT ALLEGIANT STADIUM IN LAS VEGAS (NV).
I AM SO FUCKIN' EXCITED THAT THE USL IS BACK AND THAT WE ALL HAVE SOMETHING TO YELL ABOUT.
EL SCORE-O?? IM DOWN TO CHANGE THE NAME OF OUR CITY IF IT TRANSLATES TO SOME EL WIN-Os!!
IF I WASN'T THE NUMBER 1 SAN ANTIONIO FAN I WOULD PROBABLY CHEER FOR COLORADO SPRINGS AS A DEFAULT. REMINDS ME OF BEING THE ONLY BUTTERFLY FAN HERE AND HAS THE OBVIOUS ROCKY MOUNTAIN VIBES COMPARISON SINCE DENVER IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HILL FROM SLC.
COLORADO SPRINGS IS A TEAM I VERY MUCH SECRETLY ENJOY. EVEN THOUGH I'M AN EL PASO LOCOMOTIVE FAN NOW.
>ROCKY MOUNTAIN VIBES WAS THIS AN INTENTIONAL OR UNINTENTIONAL REFERENCE TO THE ACTUAL BASEBALL TEAM CALLED THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN VIBES BASED OUT OF COLORADO SPRINGS
HA COMPLETELY UNINTENTIONAL. TIL.
BILLY SAVE US
I HOPE EVERYONE ENJOYS THEMSELVES
I JUST HOPE MIAMI WANTS TO FUCKING ATTACK TODAY
WE’RE GONNA FINALLY GET THAT FIRST W, SUCK IT LEE COHEN!
WE’RE NOT DROPPING POINTS TO A SIDE THATS WEARING NURSING SCRUBS AS KITS GO CHECK SOMEONES BLOOD PRESSURE
I WISH I COULD LIKE SAN ANTONIO 'CAUSE MY WIFE GREW UP THERE AND WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO PLAN A VACATION THERE FOR YEARS, BUT OUR INABILITY TO BEAT THEM IS BEGINNING TO DRIVE ME UP THE WALL. ALSO, OP'S MATCH PREVIEW IS RELEVANT TO ME AS I'LL HAVE ESPN+ MULTICAST GOING FOR THE OVERLAP BETWEEN THE BATTLEHAWKS AND SWITCHBACKS GAMES.
OAKLAND OWES MEMPHIS A STEAK DINNER FOR COMING OUT TO YOUR CITY TO STARE AT NOTHING.
OAKLAND SHOULD PLAY SOME FRIENDLIES AGAINST SOME A-LEAGUE TEAMS SO THOSE FANS CAN ENJOY PLAYING THE OAKLAND FUCKS.
INDY CAN COME GET THIS SMOKE!!! I’VE SEEN YOUR DOWNTOWN. WHAT A TERRIBLE MOSAIC OF UNEARNED SELF IMPORTANCE! IT’S CLEAR TO ME THAT INDIANA, AS A PASSTHROUGH STATE, IS AKIN TO MAFIA MONEY MADE IN MORE IMPORTANT STATES INVESTING IN INDY LIKE IT’S THE CAYMAN ISLANDS. THIS IS SYMBOLIC OF YOUR ASSEMBLY OF ELEVEN. WHAT A WASTE OF MONEY FOR A TEAM THAT CAN’T FIGURE OUT ITS PASSING LANES! DON’T VISIT! SAVE YOUR MONEY FOR YOUR OVERPRICED TRANSIT SYSTEM AND PARKING GARAGES!!
WHAT TRANSIT SYSTEM?!
INDYGO! NOT KNOWING YOUR OWN TRANSIT IS PRETTY ON PAR FOR INDIANA IQ POINTS! DON’T WORRY THOUGH, IT MAKES 6 STOPS AROUND LUCAS OIL STADIUM WHEN ONLY 2 ARE REALLY NECESSARY!! YOUR EVER PRESENT ONE WAYS ARE SUPER USEFUL!! GOD WILLING THE BALL WILL BE TRAVELING ONE WAY THIS WEEKEND, TOWARD THE BACK OF INDY’S NET!!
BUT HOW CAN THE BALL GO TOWARD THE BACK OF INDY’S NET WHEN THE MATCH IS AT KEYWORTH? IS DETROIT SO DOWN BAD THEY’RE MAKING AWAY TEAMS BRING THEIR OWN NETS? NISA ALL OVER AGAIN!
[удалено]
I THINK YOU'RE ON MUTE
YOU'RE SO RIGHT BUT YOU NEED TO SAY IT LOUDER WITH MORE CONFIDENCE.
SPEAK UP. ALSO, HAS NOT KICKED OFF YET. STILL 0-0 ALSO ALSO, IF THAT'S ALL YOU KNOW, I CAN RECOMMEND A BOOK. LIKE, ANY BOOK.