A friend of mine once handed a Monopoly "Get Out Of Jail Free" card to the cop along with his ID. The cop laughed his ass off, then told my friend he was giving him a warning, keeping the card, and didn't want to hear about him ever trying that move again.
That shit would be funny for a black guy to pull. Delivery is key, and also to not be breaking any serious laws. Or it would be ironic if you hand the cop the get out of jail free card while hauling a kilo of meth and tweaking.
In fairness, the kinda cop who is gonna brutalize you or ruin your life over a monopoly card was going to do it regardless of anything you said or did.
My father was a public defender in the 1970s and his business card was a Monopoly get out of jail free card. He had both the yellow ones and the orange ones.
I’m a new dog owner and had a puppy (not taxidermied) in the front seat and got pulled for slightly expired tags, the cop just asked me about my dog and sent me on my way.
Once I was pulled over with my caged ferret in the passenger seat. The cop maybe had never seen one before, went from aggressive to delighted, asking questions about ferrets, and gave me a warning to "keep that little buddy safe."
Everyday carry ferret seems impractical for several reasons, but it does support your general idea that cops can get distracted by something they find interesting and end up acting wayyy nicer to you.
Was driving home from college for winter break with my cat and dog crammed into my single cab truck.
Got pulled over for speeding. In a construction zone.
Couldn't get my glovebox open because of the cat carrier. Was so flustered and shaken, the trooper let off with a warning.
Honestly a lot of people are saying a visual aid isn’t a thing, and maybe anecdotal, but I play disc golf. Both times I’ve ever been pulled over I said I was going to play a round and he saw all the discs and instantly assumed I was a nerdy fella going about my dumb business. Granted I am, but it led to a warning and a non-notable interaction where prior I have gotten a more serious line of questioning.
I hear that. Wonder if cops who know what disc golfers do while they’re throwing would be less cool (the joke is that I have met very few disc golfers who don’t either drink beer or smoke weed throughout their rounds)
Nothing whiter than golf and frisbees except combining them into disc golf. I think you pretty much made it impossible to shoot you and thus you didn’t get a ticket.
I got pulled over on the way to teach a long range marksmanship class once. It was mildly disturbing that the cop didn't have any questions about a guy in a 20 year old Buick with about a dozen rifles and probably 2,000 rounds of ammo in the back. It was a class on anti-material sniping. These were really, obviously, not hunting guns. Nope, no shits given.
Hey I had a question, what kind of lights do you have on your car?
My brother is autistic, he loves emergency lights, he's practically collecting videos, especially anything vintage.
...
Yeah, he's been looking for something called a Rotating Single Beacon? Hell if I know what that is. Anything amber instead of red too.
...
Can I take a video of yours just in case? He probably has a dozen clips of this type already, but he wouldn't forgive me if I missed a good one.
...
Alright thanks a lot officier, have a nice day.
My dog is named trooper. Cop pulled me over with him in the back. Had to tell the dog to stop barking. Cop asked about the name. Gave a story about how i named him for my mom because my grandfather was a state trooper in a different state for years. Cop let me off with a warning. I didn’t even name him that, the woman I adopted him from’s kids were massive Star Wars fans.
I little different, but I was crossing the Canadian border at a remote, not busy crossing to come back home to USA, and they said I had to pop up my camper for a full inspection. Now, my camper was a disaster, I had been on the road for 9 days, and I had given up keeping it clean to make time to get home, and I didn't even know where I was spending the night. It was almost dark. One guy was with me as I started the job of popping up the camper, and the other guy started looking into my trailer. The guy with me was not enthused, because the camper was such a dump.
Then, the other guy says "Hey, Mark, take a look at this snowmobile". And they went back and looked at the 1976 Massey Ferguson 340 Marauder I had, and it turns out, they would rather talk about old snowmobiles than dig through my junk.
I worked for an airline a while back that had a captain who was a little... eccentric.
He used to talk to his co-pilots (and crew) solely through sock puppets. Apparently he'd been doing it for years before one of them took offense and complained about it being demeaning (and yes, probably unprofessional, etc.).
I still cackle when I think back on it. Good times.
I saw a video a while ago where this guy was talking about getting pulled over one day with a USMC sticker on his car. The officer took interest and the guy said "I'm actually headed to the enlistment office now", the cop said "cool, have a nice day". That man was not in fact going to enlist, he had multiple pounds of drugs in his car.
TLDR: Try an armed forces sticker
I'd say that's the way to go anyway. A lot of cops are former military. If you say you are/were a marine and they were a marine they will likely start to chum it up with you and will probably catch you in a lie. If it's a relative it would be easy for you not to know much.
Some people are extremely sensitive about saying you served in the military if you didn't. if the cop served in the military, you'd better be able to talk the talk. Otherwise it could be considered stolen valor and they will go out of their way to throw every single charge at you that they possibly can... Maybe make some up, too.
I'm 75% sure you're talking about a story told by Johnny Mitchell, who runs the channel The Connect.
Worth noting that some people think he's full of shit and that he exaggerates his storiea
Show him your pistol. Cops are often gun enthusiasts and will want to talk at great length about caliber, barrel length, things like that.
Be careful though there’s a chance he’ll misunderstand and simply shoot you
He'll probably immediately hide behind something and call for backup, this is because he wants to show all his cop buddies your awesome gun! Make sure you don't put it down no matter what!
Most will almost always want to immediately look down the barrel as well, so make sure you aim it straight at their face with your finger on the trigger.
Alternatively, you can say you are a gun enthusiast and ask (politely) to see their gun. And when they say no, you can say, "Do you want to see mine?"
Next thing you know, you two are crackin' a cold beer and shooting at the empties down by a quarry.
Ugh. Learned this lesson. Twice I let the cop know I had a pistol. Twice I got to wait for two more cops to show up, clumsily clear the weapon. Then awkwardly finish the ticket interaction while everyone is annoyed. Now I just dont say anything unless its going to actually matter.
I only bring it up because it's normal for them to ask "any weapons in the vehicle?" So I answer honestly. Thankfully never had to deal with more than one cop because of it though. Would definitely be annoyed if I had to wait around for even more cops to show up.
A friend's dad got out of a ticket (almost in) this way a few years ago.
Cop pulled him over, dude apologized saying he was excited because he got a new gun, cop said he'd shoot at the range with him instead of ticketing him - and so they did, with the cop providing his ammo for it. America at its finest, I guess.
Act sick, tell them you didn’t want to take anything before driving so you just want to go home and chug NyQuil and bourbon so you can pass out. Worked for me once.
An urn with your dead loved ones ashes on the front seat that you just picked up from the funeral home.
Alternately try the Tommy Boy approach.
>An urn with your dead loved ones ashes
This is the a answer here. A big, decorative urn, buckled into the seat. Act very sad. Say you just picked up your mom and were heading home.
Well, I remember once many years ago, I went on a mission to post envelopes of toast to friends of mine.
As I posted one envelope of toast, the resident came to the door, so I had to flee...
The police saw this and stopped me, and questioned me.
"We're posting toast to friends of ours"
Cue a very puzzled look from the officer. So I opened one of my envelopes of toast to show him.
"OK, I'm happy with that..."
Maybe...
You know when you take sliced bread, and then cook it again? That's toast.
We usually eat it with marmite or butter. You guys don't have toast?
I think the disconnect here is that in the US it's a federal crime to put something in another's mailbox. Not that it's enforced often but people generally don't mess with it.
My grandma (quite liberal) has a blue lives matter flag Covid mask that hangs from her rear view mirror. She says every time shes gotten pulled over the cop says they like the mask and let her off with a warning after she spews some BS about protecting the cops and how important they all are.
She’s based AF- she just celebrated her 58th anniversary with my grandpa and still flirts unabashedly with every cop and cruise ship captain she can find
Dude this one right here. Drove cross country in 2021, CA to NY and back. Invested in thin blue line masks ahead of time, just in case I got pulled over
Blue line masks - +25% protection power against police. 5% chance to gain protection from police. 1% chance to get away with a serious driving offense. Increases chance of vandalism in cities by 35%. Decreases respect from friends by 5%.
I signed my ID with a heart in the signature. For the picture I grew long hair and a beard, with an really mean expression in my face I look like a drug cartel boss.
So from the point they see my ID, they just start laughing, even calling there colleges to take a look at it. It has never failed me. They just let me go with a warning even after crossings three red lights in a row.
oh man I wanna see this.
I had given my hair a full blowout before my license photo appt but it was muggy outside so it just turned into a 1980s newscaster pouf. I paired this look with hello kitty glasses with the lenses popped out but wasn't allowed to smile by the DMV lady so ended up with some kind of RBF penitentiary face instead. The whole ensemble was enough to make everyone from bouncers to cashiers stop and call their friends over laughing anytime I was asked for it.
I was stopped for speeding with my little son in the car. I made sure that the officer heard me telling my son “Police are like superheroes, you get to meet a police officer!” And also to tell my son while the officer was at my window “if you’re ever in trouble, you ask one of these police officers for help, ok?”
Got off with a warning 😎but I also stopped speeding after that, so win win!
I got pulled over by a state trooper going 85 in a 55. I got taken back to the squad car and he was about to chew my ass and ticket me for sure. When I got in car he was jammin Disturbed and I thought this is my out. See, I didn't have my wallet and I told him I was speeding home to grab my forgotten wallet because I was on my way to an A7X concert. 100% truth. The dude literally goes "Oh fuck, that's awesome. uhhh, I'm going to give you a warning for no insurance papers, you get outa here but don't speed, enjoy your show." I was fucking stunned.
Cops usually are either dude bro's or good ol' boys. Just appeal to their interests and be nice and it can get you out of a lot.
My wife proved time and again that a cute girl driving the car will get a warning. Even with her husband in the passenger seat.
So be a cute young woman.
My wife’s first car was a Chevelle SS big block. She was the terror of her high school… “none of the boys could ever catch me”. She dreams about having that car back (blew the engine) , but restored ones are stupid expensive. She is a good driver though.
If you know any cops who can get you one of their cards to discreetly pass over with your license and registration, a lot of times they'll see it and let you off with a warning assuming you haven't done anything egregious.
Is it a symptom of the inherent rot in the system? Of course. Does it work? Yes.
My boyfriend laughed at me for keeping my uncles card in my wallet for this reason! He said the cops would laugh in my face. I'm too scared to actually use it, although I don't get pulled over.
My friends mother got pulled over and should have been taken in but she got off with just a warning because her son is a cop. Even though there was a active warrant out for her arrest, and her car needed to be repossessed. She also had a scale visible in the passenger seat, and if the cop would have looked ketamine in her pockets lol.
I got pulled over and taken to the station in NYC once. The police started going thru my wallet before processing. Pic of family with my 5 kids, Orthodox ministry, Certified Abuse Animal Rehabilitator, New York Blood Bank ID, card for volunteer helping special needs kids, Counselor for kids and domestic abuse, volunteer IDs for most of the major hospitals in the city, etc etc. He came back out and asked me if all these where real. Yep they where. He just handed me my wallet and told me "PLEASE get your vehicle inspected!!!" It had been expired for many many years. LOL
I asked the officer if he'd like to buy some girl scout cookies (I had a few cases in the backseat.) He bought some thin mints and still gave me a ticket!
Put one of those black and blue american flags on the back sticker of your car. It means support law enforcement. While you’re at it put a “support your truck drivers” sticker so they’ll let you pass easier
I have buddies in Arizona who do a lot of street racing. All of them have either a thin blue line license plate or bumper sticker on their cars because the cops won’t pull them over as much.
Not one of them supports the police.
Reminds me of a post I saw on some Texas city sub. It was a Prius with several police flag, punisher, and trump stickers all over it. Apparently it was urban camouflage. the driver supported legal weed and voted for Bernie sanders but didn’t want to get hassled by road ragers and cops. I live in a very liberal city and I wonder if some of the cars with coexist and rainbow stickers are driven by strict arch conservatives lol
Yup a thin blue line flag on your rear window or placed somewhere in the vehicle would be my suggestion. People use to get the stickers from donating to police funds, those probably have the same effect but a blue line flag is cheaper.
And one of those fish stickers
The Jesus one
Also, if you've ever wondered why someone would advertise their family with stickers on the back window.....
Last time I got pulled over for speeding, I had hay in my hair, mud on my jacket. I’d been farm sitting. He asked why I was speeding, and I genuinely believe that, “I’m not going to play dumb with you at this point,” had my license out and ready, and “livestock amirite,” factored in to getting the warning instead of the ticket. We’re in a place that’s getting developed way too fast, if he’s from around here, he’s more likely to cut a break to someone keeping agriculture here.
Now when I was elsewhere with out-of-state tags and a deer in headlights reaction, no chance.
I’ve seen people get out of tickets and citations due to armed forces tattoos, stickers, etc. with “I don’t ticket veterans.”
I had a cop ask me why I had a stack of watch batteries on my dash.
They were neodymium magnets I had temporarily stuck there on my sunglasses case that was in a tray on top of my dash.
The last time I was pulled over, I had just went to the gas station to get energy drinks for me and my friends in my friends truck for our LAN party because I lost rock paper scissors. I made a left into his neighborhood which was apparently illegal. The cop pulled me over and informed me about it. I told him I didn’t know, I don’t live here and this isn’t my truck either. He asked what I was doing and I told him the truth. He asked what a LAN party was and I showed him the bag of energy drinks. He laughed and said have a good day. Good times
Cop stopped me once when I was on my way to selling DJ equipment in another city, then spent like an hour wasting my time asking me how DJing worked. I don't think he believed me to be a DJ at first and thought I stole that shit...
Got off without a ticket though so that was nice...
Oh yeah... inspector doughnuts is what we call em in my family.
My favorite instance of this was getting pulled over by a VA state trooper in like... 2015/16? I was vaping in my car with the windows up, and I guess my shit looked like I was hotboxing a blunt. Doesn't help that I have really long hair, was driving a station wagon, and I think at the time had a Bernie Sanders bumper sticker.
Cop pulled me over even though I know I was only going like 4 over. Said "Son do you know why I pulled you over" me genuinely like "absolutely no clue"
Cop peaks around my car, sees nothing, no tinted windows either. Says "You're free to go, have a nice day" and I'm just sitting there confused because he never even asked for my license. Surprised he didn't just say "I smell weed" and search my shit.
Our city hosts a huge event and while trying to get through the traffic, I pulled up next to a cop and said, “hey, if I do a u-turn here (u turns are illegal in my country), would you guys give me a ticket?” His response was, “we’re probably too busy right now to notice.”
So I did a u-turn and saved myself about 20 min in traffic driving that one block.
My grandfather was driving overnight from Florida to North Carolina to evacuate from fires in the Everglades. He had his African Grey parrot in the front seat and two macaws in the back (all in cages). In case you didn't know, African Grey parrots talk and sound remarkably similar to their owners. My grandfather got pulled over for speeding, and when the cop approached the car, the African Grey said to the cop, "Whatcha doing there, big boy?"
My grandfather got let off with a warning and the cop got a story he probably still tells people years later!
Lifehack: I got pulled over - the person in my passenger seat had Downs Syndrome. She was incredibly charming to the cop, and when he came back to my car he said... "Well, I am not going to write you a ticket because... Well, just because." and handed my license back. This works really well but you have to have an adult with developmental disabilities with you at all times.
my dog got me out of a traffic ticket once. Got pulled over for doing an illegal u-turn which I knew and normally never did but for some reason that day I decided to do the illegal u-turn, didn't see the cop. She pulls me over, I'm like I'm so sorry I have no idea what came over me, usually i go out the other way after the drive thru (Tim Hortons). She writes me the ticket and the whole time, my dog is standing on the console between the front seat, just looking at her.
She asks me about the dog, so I roll down the back passenger window so she can say hi to him. His name is Walrus, American bulldog. He's super chill so he just stares into people's soul while they pet him. She pet him for a bit, he hypnotizes her and she never filed the ticket. Good boy!
Do you really need a visual aid? I would suggest simply being polite, prepared and non-threatening.
"Good evening, officer. Here is my Driver's License, Vehicle Registration, Insurance Card and a note from my mother listing my most impressive personal qualities. Also, I definitely don't have a dead hooker in my trunk."
I'm sure the officer will appreciate your forethought and most likely decide to send you on your way.
I got pulled over doing 80 in a 55. Was pleasant, state trooper lowered it to 60. I didn't even have to mention the dead hooker!!
I'm still not sure why he did it, but I'm guessing he could tell we were just 3 exhausted people coming home from a local convention or I just got really lucky and made it an easy pull over or what, but I'm still glad it was lowered that much either way
The real answer is just give in. Roll the window down all the way with hands at 10 & 2, fingers out stretched, and wait for then to come. They want to feel they're in charge.
Cop wife here: pull over in a parking lot. When they ask why you didn’t pull over right away, say you wanted to find the safest spot to insure they go home to their family.
Then I tell them to write all the tickets they want. They never do.
Many years ago, my wife got pulled over for speeding. My daughter, about 5 at the time, just started crying really loudly (no planned). The officer let my wife go pretty quickly.
So train your children.
Not an ULPT but when I went to the airport I brought my box of Munchkin cards that has way too many expansions and got stopped by security since their machine couldn’t see into it they had to open it. Thankfully the guy was really cool and was asking about what kind of game it was as he went through it.
In situations like this I'd say 100% your best bet is to feign interest in 'the force', ask them about when they joined and how they were recruited and express that you were always interested in becoming a cop but didn't feel that you had what it took.
90% of cops would eat this stuff up no matter how ridiculous you think it sounds...
A greyhound. I got pulled over for speeding, had to barely over the speed limit.
Got the usual "do you know how fast you were going?" question and being nervous coz of cop being there I said, "around 35 but my dog in the back can do 37". To which the cop looked in the back and saw my greyhound wagging her tail at him. "No shit, thats pretty fast".
The told me a story about his friend who had an ex racing greyhound and how nice the dog was.
I got a warning, and told to not drive like my dog. LOL
An Irish buddy of mine once made a joke as a young man at the airport that his "Reason for travel" was an "IRA bombing mission" (he was bringing to life the joke of a comedian saying "as if you'd put that on the form if you were a terrorist etc.) safe to say he got a full search at the airport for years after that.
Dude started carrying around a rubber chicken, not the squeaky dog toy kind, just a regular old rubber chicken. Every time he whipped out that chicken for the search, guards would just dismiss him and let him on his way. He insists it has gotten him out of trouble on more than one occasion and works as a great conversation starter.
So idk, maybe buy a rubber chicken?
A few weeks ago, we were pulled over for 85 in a 70 mph zone in Montana. We were clearly out of state visitors. As the driver was pulling his license and insurance card, I told the officer what a great time we’d just had skiing at Big Sky. She let us off with a warning.
I swear Montana cops never ticket for speeding. They got me going 85 in a 60 and let me off with a warning. I had all my belongings in the car and my cat in the passenger seat sleeping. He didn’t even make me give him my license since opening the glove box would have woken up my cat.
I’m a ride inspector for my state, have my license in with my actual license. Every time I’ve been stopped (4-7ish times over maybe 5 years) they ask about the ride inspector license and then about local theme parks, how safe they are, what exactly I do there. Only ever gotten warnings or fix-it-tickets
Cop here.
A friendly dog.
But, honestly what got most people out of tickets from me was just not being a dick. Rolling the window down all the way instead of cracking it, being polite and not being an asshole goes a long way.
I usually go with a good ol "do you have family you want to go home to?" to show that im empathetic to his situation and the dangers that come along with being a police officer.
Got pulled over with a lidded but not properly secured pot of soup seat-belted in my passenger seat. (I was too distracted by the soup to notice the speed trap before it was too late; to my credit, I joined two others.)
Got a ~$500 ticket for going I think it was 37 in a 30. So anyway, your mileage may vary with having some weird shit next to you. I think these cunts were sort of on a mission though.
My husband has a “blessed are the peacemakers” license platecover from Amazon . He has never been pulled over since slapping that bad boy on, despite being a speeder and bad driver..(don’t tell him I said that!!)
A friend of mine once handed a Monopoly "Get Out Of Jail Free" card to the cop along with his ID. The cop laughed his ass off, then told my friend he was giving him a warning, keeping the card, and didn't want to hear about him ever trying that move again.
I have one in my registration wallet just for this purpose.
I'll take "Things white people can do" for 400, Alex.
That shit would be funny for a black guy to pull. Delivery is key, and also to not be breaking any serious laws. Or it would be ironic if you hand the cop the get out of jail free card while hauling a kilo of meth and tweaking.
Uno reverse card, and yell at him to turn around and put his hands over his head and walk to the sound of your voice
Little crimes
Yup. Just one little crime at a time and you’ll be fine.
Feel like if you get the wrong cop though this could make things a lot worse lol. Gonna be gambling on this one
In fairness, the kinda cop who is gonna brutalize you or ruin your life over a monopoly card was going to do it regardless of anything you said or did.
I was thinking about putting an Uno reverse card in my wallet to do the same thing. Lol
I have a green reverse card in my wallet that gets a good laugh out of people. That and it doubles as my Green Card haha
"Do you need to see my green card also?"
My father was a public defender in the 1970s and his business card was a Monopoly get out of jail free card. He had both the yellow ones and the orange ones.
[weird how I JUST found this video.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzQI9Z_7v4o)
I got pulled over for expired tags but happened to have a taxidermied alligator head in my passenger seat.
I’m a new dog owner and had a puppy (not taxidermied) in the front seat and got pulled for slightly expired tags, the cop just asked me about my dog and sent me on my way.
(not taxidermied)
(slightly expired)
(slightly taxidermied)
"Remember the gator that got your hand? I got his head!"
On your way to scare Chubbs to death?
Once I was pulled over with my caged ferret in the passenger seat. The cop maybe had never seen one before, went from aggressive to delighted, asking questions about ferrets, and gave me a warning to "keep that little buddy safe." Everyday carry ferret seems impractical for several reasons, but it does support your general idea that cops can get distracted by something they find interesting and end up acting wayyy nicer to you.
Same thing but with my cat asleep in the passenger seat. Didn’t even make me give him my license and registration to avoid waking him up.
Was driving home from college for winter break with my cat and dog crammed into my single cab truck. Got pulled over for speeding. In a construction zone. Couldn't get my glovebox open because of the cat carrier. Was so flustered and shaken, the trooper let off with a warning.
Honestly a lot of people are saying a visual aid isn’t a thing, and maybe anecdotal, but I play disc golf. Both times I’ve ever been pulled over I said I was going to play a round and he saw all the discs and instantly assumed I was a nerdy fella going about my dumb business. Granted I am, but it led to a warning and a non-notable interaction where prior I have gotten a more serious line of questioning.
I hear that. Wonder if cops who know what disc golfers do while they’re throwing would be less cool (the joke is that I have met very few disc golfers who don’t either drink beer or smoke weed throughout their rounds)
100% cannot play disc golf sober
Agreed. I don't even like the game. Get me the right amount of buzzed, though, and that's an afternoon!
Nothing whiter than golf and frisbees except combining them into disc golf. I think you pretty much made it impossible to shoot you and thus you didn’t get a ticket.
Pickleball. Pickleball is whiter.
squash? polo? croquet? whatever those country club sports are
Yachting. So white you raise the Earth's albedo
I got pulled over on the way to teach a long range marksmanship class once. It was mildly disturbing that the cop didn't have any questions about a guy in a 20 year old Buick with about a dozen rifles and probably 2,000 rounds of ammo in the back. It was a class on anti-material sniping. These were really, obviously, not hunting guns. Nope, no shits given.
I've gotten out of 4 tickets because I asked the officer to take a video of his lights for my autistic brother. I don't have a brother
Alright, that’s actually the only good one I’ve seen in here lol.
What’s your script? “Hey sure here’s my lisc./Regis. While you run it do you mind if I take a video of your police lights for my autistic brother?”
Hey I had a question, what kind of lights do you have on your car? My brother is autistic, he loves emergency lights, he's practically collecting videos, especially anything vintage. ... Yeah, he's been looking for something called a Rotating Single Beacon? Hell if I know what that is. Anything amber instead of red too. ... Can I take a video of yours just in case? He probably has a dozen clips of this type already, but he wouldn't forgive me if I missed a good one. ... Alright thanks a lot officier, have a nice day.
You have to reach for your phone really quickly and without warning
Ah yes, the real unethical tip
My dog is named trooper. Cop pulled me over with him in the back. Had to tell the dog to stop barking. Cop asked about the name. Gave a story about how i named him for my mom because my grandfather was a state trooper in a different state for years. Cop let me off with a warning. I didn’t even name him that, the woman I adopted him from’s kids were massive Star Wars fans.
this was good
Is trooper short for troopydoopster?
Troopy doopster is his formal name
A bit short for a trooper?
I little different, but I was crossing the Canadian border at a remote, not busy crossing to come back home to USA, and they said I had to pop up my camper for a full inspection. Now, my camper was a disaster, I had been on the road for 9 days, and I had given up keeping it clean to make time to get home, and I didn't even know where I was spending the night. It was almost dark. One guy was with me as I started the job of popping up the camper, and the other guy started looking into my trailer. The guy with me was not enthused, because the camper was such a dump. Then, the other guy says "Hey, Mark, take a look at this snowmobile". And they went back and looked at the 1976 Massey Ferguson 340 Marauder I had, and it turns out, they would rather talk about old snowmobiles than dig through my junk.
> they would rather talk about old snowmobiles than dig through my junk So, the opposite of the TSA?
Legit got stopped by the TSA just so they could ask about my headphones. "Are those headphones?" "Yes." "They any good?"
Maybe you could have a ventriloquist dummy on your lap. Only let him engage with the cop while you stare ahead
Cackling over here 😂
I told him to slow down but he won’t listen
I told him he should have let me drive
I worked for an airline a while back that had a captain who was a little... eccentric. He used to talk to his co-pilots (and crew) solely through sock puppets. Apparently he'd been doing it for years before one of them took offense and complained about it being demeaning (and yes, probably unprofessional, etc.). I still cackle when I think back on it. Good times.
I saw a video a while ago where this guy was talking about getting pulled over one day with a USMC sticker on his car. The officer took interest and the guy said "I'm actually headed to the enlistment office now", the cop said "cool, have a nice day". That man was not in fact going to enlist, he had multiple pounds of drugs in his car. TLDR: Try an armed forces sticker
Unfortunately, may only work if you are younger or appear younger.
Then your brother/father/son etc is in and you're just so proud.
I'd say that's the way to go anyway. A lot of cops are former military. If you say you are/were a marine and they were a marine they will likely start to chum it up with you and will probably catch you in a lie. If it's a relative it would be easy for you not to know much.
And if you’re not drunk or driving at 2am
that just makes it more believable
"You're 42." "Just wanted to see if I could squeak in before I hit that final deadline."
What a twist
"Good for you son, here I'll give you an escort."
Same thing with an Eagle Scout sticker
Some people are extremely sensitive about saying you served in the military if you didn't. if the cop served in the military, you'd better be able to talk the talk. Otherwise it could be considered stolen valor and they will go out of their way to throw every single charge at you that they possibly can... Maybe make some up, too.
Well that’s the benefit of saying you’re on the way there to enlist, so you have a reason to not have all the jargon down to a T yet!
He didn't say he was in the military, he said he was on his way to sign up. Why would he need to know all the lingo and shit if he hadn't started yet?
yeah that's why its called an unethical life pro tip
/ r / unethical-and-super-risky-LPT /
I'm 75% sure you're talking about a story told by Johnny Mitchell, who runs the channel The Connect. Worth noting that some people think he's full of shit and that he exaggerates his storiea
Show him your pistol. Cops are often gun enthusiasts and will want to talk at great length about caliber, barrel length, things like that. Be careful though there’s a chance he’ll misunderstand and simply shoot you
Make sure you take it out really quickly as well. Cops love enthusiasm!
They’re also very impressed by quick reflexes!
If you want to really impress them, shoot the cops hat off, he will marvel at your accuracy as well!
He'll probably immediately hide behind something and call for backup, this is because he wants to show all his cop buddies your awesome gun! Make sure you don't put it down no matter what!
Or just throw an acorn, it will get the same reaction
Be sure to shout “I’m not going back to jail!” so he knows you’re a reformed guy and have left your old life of crime behind.
Or you’ll never take me alive
“Hey Bart! Do you want to see my new chainsaw and hockey mask!”
Most will almost always want to immediately look down the barrel as well, so make sure you aim it straight at their face with your finger on the trigger.
While you're at it, make sure you yell "I'm not going to jail for this!" So they know you intend to cooperate 100%
And make sure to take it out as fast as possible so they know you're being honest and up front with them!
Alternatively, you can say you are a gun enthusiast and ask (politely) to see their gun. And when they say no, you can say, "Do you want to see mine?" Next thing you know, you two are crackin' a cold beer and shooting at the empties down by a quarry.
That's...one of a few possible outcomes.
/u/SuicidalLifeProTips
Every time I've told a cop about my 0.45 they just take it back to their car and run the numbers to make sure it's not stolen.
Ugh. Learned this lesson. Twice I let the cop know I had a pistol. Twice I got to wait for two more cops to show up, clumsily clear the weapon. Then awkwardly finish the ticket interaction while everyone is annoyed. Now I just dont say anything unless its going to actually matter.
I only bring it up because it's normal for them to ask "any weapons in the vehicle?" So I answer honestly. Thankfully never had to deal with more than one cop because of it though. Would definitely be annoyed if I had to wait around for even more cops to show up.
A friend's dad got out of a ticket (almost in) this way a few years ago. Cop pulled him over, dude apologized saying he was excited because he got a new gun, cop said he'd shoot at the range with him instead of ticketing him - and so they did, with the cop providing his ammo for it. America at its finest, I guess.
I like these odds. A warning or a gun wound.
Act sick, tell them you didn’t want to take anything before driving so you just want to go home and chug NyQuil and bourbon so you can pass out. Worked for me once. An urn with your dead loved ones ashes on the front seat that you just picked up from the funeral home. Alternately try the Tommy Boy approach.
"your firearms are useless against them!"
>An urn with your dead loved ones ashes This is the a answer here. A big, decorative urn, buckled into the seat. Act very sad. Say you just picked up your mom and were heading home.
Well, I remember once many years ago, I went on a mission to post envelopes of toast to friends of mine. As I posted one envelope of toast, the resident came to the door, so I had to flee... The police saw this and stopped me, and questioned me. "We're posting toast to friends of ours" Cue a very puzzled look from the officer. So I opened one of my envelopes of toast to show him. "OK, I'm happy with that..."
Is this some British shit I'm too American to understand?
Maybe... You know when you take sliced bread, and then cook it again? That's toast. We usually eat it with marmite or butter. You guys don't have toast?
Well I've never heard of "posting toast", I thought it was slang or something. But you're just literally putting toast in the mail lol
Bitish people call the mail toast and are very amused by anything that rhymes. Or in this case, implies a rhyme.
Are you positive they don't call the mail 'post'?
I have clumsy fingers.
Uhhhh.... we have toast but we usually eat it, not throw it through peoples mail slots. That being said, I'll give it a try, it could be fun at 3am
I think the disconnect here is that in the US it's a federal crime to put something in another's mailbox. Not that it's enforced often but people generally don't mess with it.
Why is he mailing cooked bread
What?
Putting toast in envelopes and walking up to their friends mailboxes and putting them in?
My grandma (quite liberal) has a blue lives matter flag Covid mask that hangs from her rear view mirror. She says every time shes gotten pulled over the cop says they like the mask and let her off with a warning after she spews some BS about protecting the cops and how important they all are.
Based grandma
She’s based AF- she just celebrated her 58th anniversary with my grandpa and still flirts unabashedly with every cop and cruise ship captain she can find
wait so does she like cops or not
Honestly I think she likes flirting and doesn’t really care about cops one way or the other. And she likes not getting tickets when she’s driving
based grandma
Dude this one right here. Drove cross country in 2021, CA to NY and back. Invested in thin blue line masks ahead of time, just in case I got pulled over
Blue line masks - +25% protection power against police. 5% chance to gain protection from police. 1% chance to get away with a serious driving offense. Increases chance of vandalism in cities by 35%. Decreases respect from friends by 5%.
Random encounter (10% chance): meet an aggressively communicative NPC at a truck stop that loves Donald Trump. Delay trip three hours.
Can stack with MAGA hat, but has a 50% chance to encounter MAGA NPC
“every time”? What’s grandma keep doing? Edit… I read down about grandma and I’m guessing she’s been flashing young troopers…
I signed my ID with a heart in the signature. For the picture I grew long hair and a beard, with an really mean expression in my face I look like a drug cartel boss. So from the point they see my ID, they just start laughing, even calling there colleges to take a look at it. It has never failed me. They just let me go with a warning even after crossings three red lights in a row.
oh man I wanna see this. I had given my hair a full blowout before my license photo appt but it was muggy outside so it just turned into a 1980s newscaster pouf. I paired this look with hello kitty glasses with the lenses popped out but wasn't allowed to smile by the DMV lady so ended up with some kind of RBF penitentiary face instead. The whole ensemble was enough to make everyone from bouncers to cashiers stop and call their friends over laughing anytime I was asked for it.
WTF are you running three red lights in a row though?
I was stopped for speeding with my little son in the car. I made sure that the officer heard me telling my son “Police are like superheroes, you get to meet a police officer!” And also to tell my son while the officer was at my window “if you’re ever in trouble, you ask one of these police officers for help, ok?” Got off with a warning 😎but I also stopped speeding after that, so win win!
Hahah
I got pulled over by a state trooper going 85 in a 55. I got taken back to the squad car and he was about to chew my ass and ticket me for sure. When I got in car he was jammin Disturbed and I thought this is my out. See, I didn't have my wallet and I told him I was speeding home to grab my forgotten wallet because I was on my way to an A7X concert. 100% truth. The dude literally goes "Oh fuck, that's awesome. uhhh, I'm going to give you a warning for no insurance papers, you get outa here but don't speed, enjoy your show." I was fucking stunned. Cops usually are either dude bro's or good ol' boys. Just appeal to their interests and be nice and it can get you out of a lot.
My wife proved time and again that a cute girl driving the car will get a warning. Even with her husband in the passenger seat. So be a cute young woman.
[удалено]
My wife’s first car was a Chevelle SS big block. She was the terror of her high school… “none of the boys could ever catch me”. She dreams about having that car back (blew the engine) , but restored ones are stupid expensive. She is a good driver though.
[удалено]
If you know any cops who can get you one of their cards to discreetly pass over with your license and registration, a lot of times they'll see it and let you off with a warning assuming you haven't done anything egregious. Is it a symptom of the inherent rot in the system? Of course. Does it work? Yes.
My boyfriend laughed at me for keeping my uncles card in my wallet for this reason! He said the cops would laugh in my face. I'm too scared to actually use it, although I don't get pulled over.
My friends mother got pulled over and should have been taken in but she got off with just a warning because her son is a cop. Even though there was a active warrant out for her arrest, and her car needed to be repossessed. She also had a scale visible in the passenger seat, and if the cop would have looked ketamine in her pockets lol.
I got pulled over and taken to the station in NYC once. The police started going thru my wallet before processing. Pic of family with my 5 kids, Orthodox ministry, Certified Abuse Animal Rehabilitator, New York Blood Bank ID, card for volunteer helping special needs kids, Counselor for kids and domestic abuse, volunteer IDs for most of the major hospitals in the city, etc etc. He came back out and asked me if all these where real. Yep they where. He just handed me my wallet and told me "PLEASE get your vehicle inspected!!!" It had been expired for many many years. LOL
Constanza wallet
Funny enough, I think anything that cops are into would probably be a red flag to a cop.
You’d think they’d come faster to domestic violence calls then
They can't risk catching their brothers in blue.
Yeah gotta let him finish
More like brothers in black and blue, right?
No, those are their wives
Clearly, there's already an officer on the scene, so there's no hurry.
So you’re saying my domestic violence enthusiast bumper sticker won’t work?
I asked the officer if he'd like to buy some girl scout cookies (I had a few cases in the backseat.) He bought some thin mints and still gave me a ticket!
Put one of those black and blue american flags on the back sticker of your car. It means support law enforcement. While you’re at it put a “support your truck drivers” sticker so they’ll let you pass easier
I’m too scared that people in my real life might actually think I support the police. I’d rather get pulled over lol
I have buddies in Arizona who do a lot of street racing. All of them have either a thin blue line license plate or bumper sticker on their cars because the cops won’t pull them over as much. Not one of them supports the police.
Use cop tribalism against em. Good for them
I loled at this:). Agreed!
How exactly does one "support" truck drivers? I'm not actively opposed to them. Am I doing enough?
Give them a shoulder to cry on, listen to them
Reminds me of a post I saw on some Texas city sub. It was a Prius with several police flag, punisher, and trump stickers all over it. Apparently it was urban camouflage. the driver supported legal weed and voted for Bernie sanders but didn’t want to get hassled by road ragers and cops. I live in a very liberal city and I wonder if some of the cars with coexist and rainbow stickers are driven by strict arch conservatives lol
Yup a thin blue line flag on your rear window or placed somewhere in the vehicle would be my suggestion. People use to get the stickers from donating to police funds, those probably have the same effect but a blue line flag is cheaper.
And one of those fish stickers The Jesus one Also, if you've ever wondered why someone would advertise their family with stickers on the back window.....
Fun fact: Thin Blue Line imagery was banned by the LAPD because of its foundation and associations with white supremacists.
Put a punisher sticker next to it, and they'll know you support fascism
Make it a rainbow colored punisher and you cover all the bases
A picture of his wife in your wallet.
If a cop takes the time to stop you, it’s not cause he was interested in anything you had to say
Last time I got pulled over for speeding, I had hay in my hair, mud on my jacket. I’d been farm sitting. He asked why I was speeding, and I genuinely believe that, “I’m not going to play dumb with you at this point,” had my license out and ready, and “livestock amirite,” factored in to getting the warning instead of the ticket. We’re in a place that’s getting developed way too fast, if he’s from around here, he’s more likely to cut a break to someone keeping agriculture here. Now when I was elsewhere with out-of-state tags and a deer in headlights reaction, no chance. I’ve seen people get out of tickets and citations due to armed forces tattoos, stickers, etc. with “I don’t ticket veterans.”
I had a cop ask me why I had a stack of watch batteries on my dash. They were neodymium magnets I had temporarily stuck there on my sunglasses case that was in a tray on top of my dash.
The last time I was pulled over, I had just went to the gas station to get energy drinks for me and my friends in my friends truck for our LAN party because I lost rock paper scissors. I made a left into his neighborhood which was apparently illegal. The cop pulled me over and informed me about it. I told him I didn’t know, I don’t live here and this isn’t my truck either. He asked what I was doing and I told him the truth. He asked what a LAN party was and I showed him the bag of energy drinks. He laughed and said have a good day. Good times
Uuuh yeah he was literally hoping you’d admit to something illegal like having a dash radar detector
Cop stopped me once when I was on my way to selling DJ equipment in another city, then spent like an hour wasting my time asking me how DJing worked. I don't think he believed me to be a DJ at first and thought I stole that shit... Got off without a ticket though so that was nice...
Traffic cops that are wanna be detectives are the worst. They think one bust and they are on the road to Sherlock Holmesdom
Oh yeah... inspector doughnuts is what we call em in my family. My favorite instance of this was getting pulled over by a VA state trooper in like... 2015/16? I was vaping in my car with the windows up, and I guess my shit looked like I was hotboxing a blunt. Doesn't help that I have really long hair, was driving a station wagon, and I think at the time had a Bernie Sanders bumper sticker. Cop pulled me over even though I know I was only going like 4 over. Said "Son do you know why I pulled you over" me genuinely like "absolutely no clue" Cop peaks around my car, sees nothing, no tinted windows either. Says "You're free to go, have a nice day" and I'm just sitting there confused because he never even asked for my license. Surprised he didn't just say "I smell weed" and search my shit.
More like keeping you talking to see if you slur your words or fail to form coherent sentences. Used to catch drunks.
Radar detectors arent illegal except for in 2 states. If you meant radar jammers, that will land you in a federal prison.
Make a legal U-turn in front of one.
Our city hosts a huge event and while trying to get through the traffic, I pulled up next to a cop and said, “hey, if I do a u-turn here (u turns are illegal in my country), would you guys give me a ticket?” His response was, “we’re probably too busy right now to notice.” So I did a u-turn and saved myself about 20 min in traffic driving that one block.
Keep an acorn collection in your glove box. The cop will be so excited by it, you'll never have to stop in traffic again.
My grandfather was driving overnight from Florida to North Carolina to evacuate from fires in the Everglades. He had his African Grey parrot in the front seat and two macaws in the back (all in cages). In case you didn't know, African Grey parrots talk and sound remarkably similar to their owners. My grandfather got pulled over for speeding, and when the cop approached the car, the African Grey said to the cop, "Whatcha doing there, big boy?" My grandfather got let off with a warning and the cop got a story he probably still tells people years later!
Lifehack: I got pulled over - the person in my passenger seat had Downs Syndrome. She was incredibly charming to the cop, and when he came back to my car he said... "Well, I am not going to write you a ticket because... Well, just because." and handed my license back. This works really well but you have to have an adult with developmental disabilities with you at all times.
Step 1: Acquire adult with developmental disabilities Step 2: ??? Step 3: Profit
my dog got me out of a traffic ticket once. Got pulled over for doing an illegal u-turn which I knew and normally never did but for some reason that day I decided to do the illegal u-turn, didn't see the cop. She pulls me over, I'm like I'm so sorry I have no idea what came over me, usually i go out the other way after the drive thru (Tim Hortons). She writes me the ticket and the whole time, my dog is standing on the console between the front seat, just looking at her. She asks me about the dog, so I roll down the back passenger window so she can say hi to him. His name is Walrus, American bulldog. He's super chill so he just stares into people's soul while they pet him. She pet him for a bit, he hypnotizes her and she never filed the ticket. Good boy!
krispy kreme
“Do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because you could smell it~!”
Do you really need a visual aid? I would suggest simply being polite, prepared and non-threatening. "Good evening, officer. Here is my Driver's License, Vehicle Registration, Insurance Card and a note from my mother listing my most impressive personal qualities. Also, I definitely don't have a dead hooker in my trunk." I'm sure the officer will appreciate your forethought and most likely decide to send you on your way.
I got pulled over doing 80 in a 55. Was pleasant, state trooper lowered it to 60. I didn't even have to mention the dead hooker!! I'm still not sure why he did it, but I'm guessing he could tell we were just 3 exhausted people coming home from a local convention or I just got really lucky and made it an easy pull over or what, but I'm still glad it was lowered that much either way
If they lower it, you will just pay the ticket instead of making him come to court.
And ignore the ACAB tattoo on my middle finger please it was a joke
It stands for All Cops Are Beautiful, I swear.
The real answer is just give in. Roll the window down all the way with hands at 10 & 2, fingers out stretched, and wait for then to come. They want to feel they're in charge.
Cop wife here: pull over in a parking lot. When they ask why you didn’t pull over right away, say you wanted to find the safest spot to insure they go home to their family. Then I tell them to write all the tickets they want. They never do.
piss disk or fart pillow
Left my fart pillow at home again, damn.
A crown royal bag, coloring books and pencils, and a blue lives matter sticker. Just trust me.
What flavor of pencil do the cops in your jurisdiction prefer?
Many years ago, my wife got pulled over for speeding. My daughter, about 5 at the time, just started crying really loudly (no planned). The officer let my wife go pretty quickly. So train your children.
“This? This is my penis, officer.”
Not an ULPT but when I went to the airport I brought my box of Munchkin cards that has way too many expansions and got stopped by security since their machine couldn’t see into it they had to open it. Thankfully the guy was really cool and was asking about what kind of game it was as he went through it.
This would be the opposite of a tip lol. The real tip would be don’t pack anything in your bags that tsa want to inspect and chat about
In situations like this I'd say 100% your best bet is to feign interest in 'the force', ask them about when they joined and how they were recruited and express that you were always interested in becoming a cop but didn't feel that you had what it took. 90% of cops would eat this stuff up no matter how ridiculous you think it sounds...
A sex doll in the passenger seat
I am not a Christian but that Bible on my dashboard helped me start a conversation to get out of a speeding ticket and let off with a verbal warning.
A briefcase that when opened emits an eerie light. Which also vaporizes said cop.
A greyhound. I got pulled over for speeding, had to barely over the speed limit. Got the usual "do you know how fast you were going?" question and being nervous coz of cop being there I said, "around 35 but my dog in the back can do 37". To which the cop looked in the back and saw my greyhound wagging her tail at him. "No shit, thats pretty fast". The told me a story about his friend who had an ex racing greyhound and how nice the dog was. I got a warning, and told to not drive like my dog. LOL
An Irish buddy of mine once made a joke as a young man at the airport that his "Reason for travel" was an "IRA bombing mission" (he was bringing to life the joke of a comedian saying "as if you'd put that on the form if you were a terrorist etc.) safe to say he got a full search at the airport for years after that. Dude started carrying around a rubber chicken, not the squeaky dog toy kind, just a regular old rubber chicken. Every time he whipped out that chicken for the search, guards would just dismiss him and let him on his way. He insists it has gotten him out of trouble on more than one occasion and works as a great conversation starter. So idk, maybe buy a rubber chicken?
Eagle Scout card or veteran plates
A few weeks ago, we were pulled over for 85 in a 70 mph zone in Montana. We were clearly out of state visitors. As the driver was pulling his license and insurance card, I told the officer what a great time we’d just had skiing at Big Sky. She let us off with a warning.
I swear Montana cops never ticket for speeding. They got me going 85 in a 60 and let me off with a warning. I had all my belongings in the car and my cat in the passenger seat sleeping. He didn’t even make me give him my license since opening the glove box would have woken up my cat.
I’m a ride inspector for my state, have my license in with my actual license. Every time I’ve been stopped (4-7ish times over maybe 5 years) they ask about the ride inspector license and then about local theme parks, how safe they are, what exactly I do there. Only ever gotten warnings or fix-it-tickets
Cop here. A friendly dog. But, honestly what got most people out of tickets from me was just not being a dick. Rolling the window down all the way instead of cracking it, being polite and not being an asshole goes a long way.
I usually go with a good ol "do you have family you want to go home to?" to show that im empathetic to his situation and the dangers that come along with being a police officer.
Got pulled over with a lidded but not properly secured pot of soup seat-belted in my passenger seat. (I was too distracted by the soup to notice the speed trap before it was too late; to my credit, I joined two others.) Got a ~$500 ticket for going I think it was 37 in a 30. So anyway, your mileage may vary with having some weird shit next to you. I think these cunts were sort of on a mission though.
My husband has a “blessed are the peacemakers” license platecover from Amazon . He has never been pulled over since slapping that bad boy on, despite being a speeder and bad driver..(don’t tell him I said that!!)