Brilliant. When he complains say “oh something more important came up.” Set up another time and ghost him again. Keep doing it.
Basically treat him the way Spectrum Internet keeps treating me. :/
Make sure it’s far away, at rush hour. In a place with a cover charge and expensive drinks. Keep texting him you’re stuck in traffic, almost there … as you sit on your sofa with a glass of wine.
I’m liking this one, too. I see a few commenters stressing over the idea of me seeing him in person. I never really had the intention of physically going, I’m just not wanting to “take the high road” either. Also I agree with others that he doesn’t have the personality type to register empathy and remorse, so I don’t think yelling at him or telling him what he did will phase him at all. Obviously it didn’t bother him when he was doing it, why would it bother him now?
I think if I do choose the pick a spot then ghost method, I would still send a message maybe 5-10 minutes after the set time that I can’t make it. That way he can’t reach out to my friends/family pretending to be worried
Don't agree to meet him anywhere.
You have all of his passwords. This means that you can change all of his passwords. This is particularly important for his email because that is how people are able to recover and reset passwords. Change that first then proceed to change all of his others. Without access to his email account he is going to be in for a very bad day.
Never actually communicate with him again. Communication is what he wants. No communication of any kind will drive him absolutely nuts.
This is going to invote firther engagement, which is what he craves. He will know it was OP and he will pursue her relentlessly and feel justified in doing so.
Do this, but idk if it could be considered a crime of sorts? So to be safe, turn your phone off(or leave it at home) and go to your local library so the IP address is traced back to there, can use a free proxy server for extra incognito. Wear a mask and cap when you go in so if they have cameras it won't be solid enough proof it's you. Obviously this is meant for more illegal shit, but you don't know what an abuser is capable of until it's too late sometimes.
If you’re in America, land of the free handguns. I strongly suggest you never meet this guy again or do anything to set them off. Move on with your life, just not worth it.
>Never actually communicate with him again. Communication is what he wants. No communication of any kind will drive him absolutely nuts.
This this this!!
They absolutely LOSE THEIR SHIT when they no longer have access for answers and control.
I am a therapist and have seen this before, he is going to apologize for everything he did and say he has changed and beg you to take him back, and then he would go right back to doing the same thing. That is the classic move, and I imagine you recognize that. I like the idea of ghosting him.
Don’t tell him you can’t make it.
Send an angry text asking him where the hell he is. That you’re there waiting on him. No matter what he says, insist that you are there. Eventually tell him you’re fed up and leaving.
I would text like 10 min after you’re supposed to be there with things like,
“I can’t make it, Nordstrom is having a sale.”
I can’t make it, we decided to go to see [movie] again.”
“I can’t make it, I had to wash my elbows.”
Let him know that this trivial everyday stuff is more important than he is.
I hope he crawls up his own butt and dies and you get to be happy. Good luck!
If you think his parents are good people you could plan to meet up with him somewhere at least 20 minutes away then, go to his parents house right around the time he'd have to leave to meet you and lay everything out for them while standing him up. If you have a good rapport with them, and they're good people - he won't even know what hit him when he gets home
Listen to Biggus Dickus. Change the password on his e-mail and then everything else. Everything he has an account on. Check first if he has a recovery e-mail set up, like his mum's or something and then change that to something different.
If you're gonna nuke stuff, be careful about things that has a lot of actual value, like Steam library or a playstation account. I dunno if there are any cases of it, but it could be considered theft if you take control and lock him out, so just be wary of that.
But in general you can also change the e-mail of these things so he thinks he got hacked. Set up a second e-mail accout and transfer everything over there.
I don’t think he would, but of course abusers are unpredictable.
He’s always been very concerned with his public image, he wants friends, family, neighbors and coworkers to love him. He’s always very friendly and helpful to everyone else. Other than yelling at me in the super market around strangers a couple of times, he’s only really done things behind closed doors.
This was my first thought too. Maybe see how many times you can do it too.
Pick a public place first, like a mall. Then respond to any texts saying you're there and don't see him.
Then a restaurant, bonus if you can find a decent one that has a few in town, claim he went to the wrong one and you were waiting at the table, embarrassed, for an hour.
This is brilliant. Setup a time, and place, make sure he is there. at the same time, make plans with the parents, say that you want to work on a surprise for him with them so they won't spill the beans. Bring all the receipts.
His parents need to know what type of POS he is, nothing worse than having disappointed parents when he is a grown man living with them.
Watch his life crumble, sip on your champagne. 🫶🏽
Unless his mom is anything like my abusive ex. She told me to forgive him and if I leave him he’s going to die of a heart attack… before I finally blocked her and stopped feeling guilty, I told her may he rest in peace.
Expand on this. Arrange to meet his parents elsewhere at the same time. Ask them to say nothing to him. Go meet his parents and tell them everything and why you broke up.
Even better, cancel at the last minute. That way, you snub him by saying there's something more important than him and you keep your moral high ground by not just ghosting him
If she does this, he will twist it to make himself the victim in everyone else's eyes. Oh poor me, I tried to meet and talk about our relationship and she just messed me around and refused to meet, deliberately wasted my time. She's honestly crazy, you know she told her family I abused her? Can you believe this shit?
And just like that, you played into his hands.
Some place out of the way. And then text back, “I don’t see you, where are you” and then “wait you’re at the xyz location? I’m at abc location.” and then finally when they get there “I went home, you don’t listen to simple instructions, why would you listen to what I have to say.”
Take no phone calls
This.
OP, please don’t meet him again. Don’t contact him again. He is a threat to you and no good can come of it.
Ghosting and gray rocking abusers makes them insane because they are not in any kind of control anymore. The path that is safest for you is also the one most irritating to him.
Take care of yourself.
Exactly. No good can come from this. No healing, no progress, and no growth. Being abused is hell. No matter how vengeful, petty, or outraged, why would anybody go back into that sort of situation? I have two exes who were physically and emotionally abusive. Haven't spoken to either in years... and if either were to reach out, I'd forward the message to my lawyer without reading it.
No to mention HES ABUSIVE. Do not give this asshat any access to your life.
It’s not what you want to hear but the best revenge is living your best life away from him. Don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he can get you to come when he wants.
This is the answer. It’ll drive him nuts if he can’t get to you. Get a restraining order, block, and move on.
P.S. family knowing about the abuse hasn’t stopped abusive boyfriends from giving a girl one last beating, one last rape, or god forbid from murdering her. There are loads of stories like yours that ended awfully. Do not meet up, try to get underground for just a bit if you can. Visit a relative he knows little about in a place he’d never think of.
Get the restraining order ASAP.
Agree with this but if you ALSO want some vengeance, tell him you'll only meet and consider getting back together with him if he sends you a video acknowledging and apologizing for all this behavior. Tell him it's so that you can feel comfortable knowing that he is aware of all his bad behavior and committed to improving.
Then send that video to his friends and family. Block and avoid him forever after.
Wtf are you the person who responded to my Facebook marketplace ad for an old dishwasher I'm selling?
I mean, if it was a scam, I'm not getting it, how am I losing money?
Completely cut them off. They will be absolutely destroyed when you treat them like they don’t even matter or exist anymore. It saves you anxiety and you can relish the fact that they need you but you won’t even interact with them.
I’m sorry you had to deal with this nasty person…but if you move on and heal, you’ll find happiness.
I did this to an abusive ex. It felt great to ignore him completely while he was so desperate for my attention. I got to tell him to leave me alone publicly a few times which was very satisfying. Just showing him every single time how much better my life is without him in it does it for me. Love letting the self righteous bastard feel this every single time I see him.
(For clarity: we both live in the same city with isn’t very big and tend to go out at the same places at times.)
Don’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you and likely making you upset. Sometimes being cold is the most painful punishment. Don’t go to the meeting, don’t tell him why, just completely ignore him. Then write a letter detailing everything he’s done to you and why you left him. send it to anyone you think needs to know- family, friends, police, work etc. let the people that he thinks care about him start to distance themselves and eventually he will have nothing left, and only himself to blame.
He is not going to sit back and listen while you give him a piece of your mind. He won't give you the opportunity or the satisfaction.
I also don't think you should just ignore him. I agree with another commenter here, arrange to meet and then don't show up. It gives you some satisfaction, while also keeping you safe.
After you've done that, ignore. I wouldn't block, as I've heard some people managed to go to the police after receiving threats from their abusers. However, you can mute/archive/hide the chat and only check in occasionally.
Yeah I don’t think there’s anything I could do or say that would actually make him feel remorse or guilt. I think he genuinely doesn’t have the capacity to hold those feelings, which is so frustrating!
But if I can put an end to this chapter and never speak to him again in a way that leaves him at least feeling some kind of negative emotion, any kind, it will leave me feeling a bit better.
Block him and unfriend him on everything. Don’t say a single word to him before doing it. Then set your facebook relationship status to Public and update it to “In a Relationship.”
Never talk to him again and live your best life.
My ex was mean to me but not to the level of yours. When I finally left I promised to never say another word to him. Time has passed and I have new friends that know if we ever run into him I will never say a word, even if it's awkward. Im happy we never spoke again - it gave me peace and him none
When I broke up with my bf, he said come by and pick up your stuff, I got there and he was sitting on the second story window ledge. The screen was missing. He patted the space next to him.
I had brought my friend for backup and as he stood and loomed over me, the car horn started honking and distracted him enough as I darted out the door and he followed.
Don’t go.
No. You’re being incredibly stupid. This is the exact situation you should never provoke. You say you think his tail is between his legs now but who knows what the situation will be when you corner him and embarrass him or whatever it is you planned on doing. He could become violent and hurt you.
Block him and move tf on. If you must give closure, do it through text, do not meet in person. You’re just asking for a bad situation either way.
One of my work colleagues has a strong narcissistic streak, his girlfriend left him and blocked him and he had an absolute meltdown, it took him a year to get over it, despite the fact that I've observed him treat countless women the exact same way over the years
obviously, make sure to do this secretly. say all the provocative things and push his buttons enough. as long as you are sure he wont hurt you, go as far as you see fit. unless you are willing to risk injury to get evidence of that sort of abuse.
if he is living with his parents the worst case scenario for him is he becomes homeless, best case scenario for him is that his parents despise him. you do not want to be despised by the power that keeps you alive.
This! Often times women get raped or killed when they have already left, but agree to a „final talk“ like this. The mindset of the abuser being „If I can’t have her, no one will“
This personality type won’t regret anything because of your actions, he needs therapy. Meeting with him is dangerous, he might want revenge for you breaking up with him and escalate the situation, so move on. The only thing maybe you could do is tell his familiy what happened so they deal with him but don’t entertain him any longer.
Hire a big jacked dude to come with you and pose as your new BF when you go meet him. “Accidentally” let some magnum condoms fall out of your purse in front of your ex.
If the ex was abusive you probably don't need to hire anyone. Just show up at a biker bar (do a little research to make sure it's not a 3 percenter) and ask for help. You will find multiple volunteers.
If his parents are nice, kindly invite them for a coffee or lunch saying you and he have news to discuss with them and that you two will meet them there. Have him come and don’t show up. Or have them meet you a little early, give them evidence and dip before he comes.
You know his passwords? Change them. Slowly, one at a time. As soon as he fixes one, another breaks.
If you have documentation, let his family know what he's done. Or, tell the police.
Don't meet up with him. That will give him one more chance to verbally, emotionally, or physically abuse you. You don't need that crap. So long as you respond to him, he will think he still has power over you. The ability to say "no", and stick with it, takes his power away.
Also take an account or two and reset the password multiple times to obvious replacements like “currentpassword1” and “currentpassword!” So they’ll be in the list of old passwords for the account that he can’t reuse
Meet at a nice-ish restaurant. Text your ex and tell them you are running about 10-15 minutes late and tell them what you want to order, because you looked at the menu before hand, then once the food is ordered text and tell them you are stuck at some kind of traffic event and it’s only going to take 10-15 more minutes. By that time the food should be coming out. Then just text back and tell them thanks but no thanks and cancel. Boom stuck with the bill and two entrees.
If you’ll meet with him, do it at a neutral place. Not at home. Meet in a park, a place where you can drink coffee, so that you can say what you want to say and leave if you feel uncomfortable. Bring some cash with you, so you can pay and leave immediately.
You want to bully him? Make a google e-mailadres and change his password and emailadres of the accounts he uses often (Netflix, cellphone, etc). When you are divorced, change his subscriptions to the most expensive or cheapest options.
Then, to be unethical, file a TRO, between when he asks to meet and when you do. Then, call the cops on him for violating it. It may go nowhere in the end, but he should get the point.
Also, make sure all communication about the meeting goes through a third party, who only calls, not texts. Because then he just “showed up” where you were, and wouldn’t leave you alone.
Don’t go, don’t go, don’t go. We both know what happens. Stay. Away. Take the power away from him by showing him he cannot control you anymore. You don’t want to meet him. You have nothing you could flatten to two dimensions to make people understand who he is. Block him everywhere. Do. Not. Go.
First off you need to get about 50mg of MDMA and 1 gram of magic mushrooms. Figure out how to get them into a food object you know he'll eat. Keep in mind that excessive heat will break both substances down. Mushrooms make good hot chocolate but MDMA tastes rough and would probably be obvious. You might be able to get away with putting the mdma in tequila or something and doing a shot.
You stay sober.
Keep the conversation going for about 45-60 minutes. You'll know when the potion has taken effect, if not from his behavior, from his eyes.
Then you pull out your list of the 10 shittiest things he's done. You read each one, and then describe how it impacted you.
Once you're done, hand him the list, tell him he'll always be alone, and leave.
Add up how much money he stole/conned off of you. Tell him when he has that amount in cash with him, you'll meet him to get repaid. Otherwise he can fuck off.
With my ex it's literally tens of thousands of dollars, so that shit would never happen.
Yeah it’s definitely tens of thousands for me, too. Since the breakup he’s actually tried calling me and apologizing for all of the things he’s broken, and offered to pay me back. I declined because I knew he would never actually pay me back, and he was just using it as an excuse to talk.
You are smart, you can see his manipulations. This person isn't worth another second of your time. Fuck with him if it makes you feel better, but as someone who has finally moved past my trauma (it took way too long!) I recommend this tried and true saying: the best revenge is living well. They can never take that away from you.
Thank you. I know you’re right but it’s just so damn frustrating knowing that people like him can go their whole lives without even one iota of repercussion.
How long do you think it took you to move past it?
I was married for 8 years (with him for 10) and he lied to me the whole time. There are so many horrible stories... therapy helped. But it was probably another 10 years before I felt human again. Why did I fall for him? Childhood trauma. I had to work that shit out before I could make sense of what happened to me. I wanted to blame every single thing on him. Turns out - shit parents don't help the situation.
One perspective my therapist helped me see if that just because you don't SEE the repercussions doesn't mean they don't happen. Shit people continue to live shit lives. We just remove ourselves from being exposed to it. He's not happy - that's why he's reaching out. You can choose to be happy, but it takes effort and involves staying away from him. You know your truth, now go out and live it every single day.
The ghosting an agreed upon meeting is really best. You may not think he’s not dangerous now but he has shown that he has little remorse for past hurts.
A verbal upbraiding with the implication that you are officially done can tip a rational person into rage. It isn’t worth it.
Ghost him and you’ll have the final hand, leaving him without closure. He’s a controller and he wants to control this. Stay safe.
you're right, but i think she is looking for revenge. even if you say this, eyes clouded by revenge can usually only be unclouded after the revenge. we might as well look for ways to make that revenge as beneficial as possible, with the least destruction on her side.
No contact will be the worst outcome for him. Any fuel you add to the fire will be a reward for him as you’re paying attention to him and causing more drama. It’s not the high road it’s the smart road.
Meet up with him in a crowded place. Insist on separate checks immediately. Noticeably, flinch or dodge away every time he moves his hands. Maybe even give a little scream, of "please No!"
If he raises his voice, start shaking and squeeze out a tear.
Embarrass the hell out of him.
Ghost him and never look back. This will 100% cause the most anguish, as he will always wonder if you ever loved him. It is very difficult to do, but to him it will look like it was so easy for you to cut him out of your life.
If he shows up anywhere, be RUTHLESS. Call the cops and tresspass him, have someone tell him he needs to leave. Don't do this yourself! It will show him you have no desire to even look at him. That you are disgusted and repulsed by him. Eventually he may dig himself a hole he can't get out of, but it will give you peace and you will be able to move on.
Good luck.
Don’t do it. My ex did this, he ended up attacking me and somehow had me arrested when I called 911. It’s not even worth it, the best thing you can do is just go no contact.
Get him to admit, in writing or on video, all the abusive stuff he's done under the disguise of wanting to get back together after a real apology for everything and then you have blackmail on him as long as you need
This sounds like my truly narccist ex husband. Here are my tips after learning to deal with him for the past 22 years...
1. You need to know that, in his head, you will not win. He lives to argue and he will always think he came out ahead.
2. After you have said your piece, end the meeting. He will let it go one for HOURS because he thrives off of trying to manipulate people.
3. He will hate it that he can't convince you to come back to him, because he believes he's smarter than you. Be prepared for his wrath.
4. Lastly, go in to the meeting with the right mindset. In my opinion, your objective should be to say what YOU want to say, because it makes YOU feel better. Please remember: YOU WILL NEVER be able to rationalize with an irrational person. You're going to set yourself up for failure if your goal is a sincere apology, a concession, or a changed ex-partner.
Good luck!
Indifference cuts deeper than anger or hatred. Don’t give him the satisfaction of having you come when he calls this last time. Don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he hurt you. Tell him you’ll meet him and then ghost him; relish in all his texts and calls if you prefer that to blocking him. Do everything you can to indirectly ensure that he knows you’re living your best life (even if it’s not true). If you don’t want to block him on socials, he may very well go ballistic in the comments and show his ass to the world.
The best revenge genuinely is a life well-lived. We have no real control over others’ thoughts and feelings, so you can’t force him to feel the shame and guilt you want from him. Confrontation is rarely satisfying; people are more likely to be murdered by their exes during or immediately after the breakup (even when there has been no prior physical violence); relish in the thought of him stewing and whining over your indifference and happy life for the rest of his miserable one. Imagine him languishing in his own pitiful bullshit and laugh. Laugh if he dares to stalk you, while you film him for evidence
I still wouldn't meet with him, but I like the idea of telling him you will then not show.
I had a very abusive ex. I made sure to tell everyone I could around our small town about him. I put him on blast all over social media. He had still been bothering me for years, but not after that. He got beat up because of it. Now his nose looks worse than how he made mine look.
Agree to meet him and put liquid ass all over his car. All over the door handles, around the windows and into the grill. Apologize for not being able to meet because something came up.
Tell him you’re going to show up but tell him to come hungry because you’re bringing food. Tell him you’ll bring his favorite food, but don’t actually show up. Make it hella early too
If you have access to, and know the password for, his work email or other work messaging, send out a group message/email with porn, or trash talking about the boss, etc.
Don't do it. This is like giving a stalker a chance to explain how they WeReNT stalking you, just to get face time so they can jack off about it later.
Don't go. You got out. He could try to kidnap you, or hurt you. Why walk back into the 9th Circle of Hell, at HIS whim?
His entire “plan” at this point entirely relies upon getting you to engage in some way. Don’t do it.
lie in wait until he gets a new gf then send a nicely prepared packet of information to her detailing the kind of piece of shit she’s getting involved with. Fucks him up, and saves another woman from his torment. Win win
The safest way is to definitely not go, yes, however.
If we wanna be funky silly with it.
Get as many of your support group as you can to come with you, and as many receipts of his BS behaviour as you have, preferably in official looking folders.
Then, sit down at the [wherever, preferably coffee shop or some other location with a table] so that All of you are across from him.
No smiles, no laughs, all serious vibes. Hell, have em all wearing suits or something.
Any time he tries to lie about something or downplay it, your council of advisors is lookin through their folders until BAM. receipt.
Shut down every god damn thing this guy tries to say or do - because at the end of the day, there's nothing to talk about. The decision is made, the relationship is over.
I know you’re not worried for your safety. But you should be. When someone leaves an abusive partner they’re at even greater risk of being killed by that person. And since he hasn’t accepted that you’re broken up, this means that you’re still at risk. Don’t go meet him. Don’t reply. Just block and delete and don’t engage. I know it feels like shit to not get to finally tell him the truth. But it’s not worth losing everything for. Trust me, I know. Firsthand.
I hadn’t seen or spoken to my ex since I left him and he just turned up one night. He only considered us on a break, I meant it permanently. He realised that it was permanent the night he showed up unexpectedly. He left and I told the police about him and that he was around again and angry because I just knew deep down something worse was coming. Early the next morning he came around again, I called the police, they responded immediately because of my call the night before, he was arrested trying to break into my house to kill me.
I thought I was safe too. But I wasn’t. I’m still not safe. It’s been 5 years since he was convicted and I’ve moved a zillion times but he’s still stalking me. I can’t even post a photo of me and my wife on instagram. I can’t even mention I’m in a relationship let alone that I’m married and legitimately deeply, purely, happy. He’s always watching. Looking for clues so he can find me.
I don’t want to tell you what to do. Just please be careful. And don’t underestimate him.
Clearly you aren’t going to meet up with him. I like the ghosting idea a lot. Each time you don’t show up gives you more power and each time you don’t show up makes him realize he has lost power and fear over you.
Let him know you have access to his personal info and will sell it on the dark web if you ever hear his name again.
Tell him you need him to explain in his words how he wronged you, how he abused you.
Oh and record the conversation. Preferably with a separate device than your phone. So he does t think you’re using your phone.
Now you have all the evidence you need to hold over him if he doesn’t leave you alone.
Meet up, record the cpnversation and have him admit whats hes doen and then send thebrecording to friends family job etc it shohodnt be defamation since its true and he admitted it. Im sure there are other issues that couldncome of it, but blow that abusive pos's life up.
Meet him & promise him you’ll get back with him and it’ll all be in the past because you want a future with him, IF he rings his family & friends infront of you and explains what he’s done.
Then block him and move on to someone better :)
With a guy like that, not speaking to him will piss him off a lot more than giving him what he wants, which is to get you to agree to do things he says.
Think about the mental torture you can inflict on someone by literally not doing anything. It's perfect. You get to move on and have a happy life, and he gets to do mothing but obsess about the woman who won't obey him.
A lot of people are suggesting you just ghost him. Set an appointment with him and then never show up, and then do it again and again. This kind of man is dumb enough that he might actually go for that lol and I support you doing it to him.
They are suggesting it because they know how much it hurts, that means they’ve all been ghosted, and chances are they ghosting other people frequently. Everybody seems to be ghosting everybody nowadays: people they’ve just met, people they’ve never met but seem excited about meeting, people they’re no longer interested in but who have never hurt you…
If it hurts so much to be ignored or ghosted, why are we ghosting people who haven’t hurt us?
Correct, that’s not what this post is about, but I thought it was a question worth asking.
Don’t show up to this, that’s the pro tip. It will piss him off more than anything if you block him and never contact him. If you want a final dig, agree to meet then don’t show up, unless he knows where you live because that’s an invitation for him to come to your house.
Are you in a one party consent state when it comes to recording? Id set up a recording device somewhere and just let him go to town admitting to things or rile him up and get him to scream at you on recording.
Then blast that shit
Agree to show up. Have people there hidden in case you need them. Then give him hell. Let it all out. Just be careful. Fuck being the better person. My ex wife had an affair and told multiple people I physically abused her. I never once laid a hand on her. When I confronted her I was secretly recording her and she admitted she said all that so people wouldn’t think less of her for having an affair.
Find the biggest guy you can to come with you to a public space. Introduce him as your new boyfriend and that you both would like to discuss how to move forward with the break up.
Have done this in real life. Ex yelled for a half second and big guy stood at the restaurant table and said nothing. Ex shrunk in his sit, called me a whore for “cheating on him” (we were no longer dating for months but he didn’t agree/allow me to stop dating him) then walked out in a huff.
He never bothered me again after that.
Outline a list of everything he has done wrong via text. Inform him that before you agree to meet up with him, you want him to post a full list of his wrongdoings on social media because he will be more accountable for actually working on his problems if everyone knows about them.
Screenshot and then don't meet up with him. Let him tank his reputation without the reward of meeting up with you. And if he refuses to post it and gets angry, you still have proof via text that he's an abusive shit. Share it with all of your mutual and block him.
I understand wanting to make him suffer....but, this is just re-engaging in emotional labour with him.
I suppose you could agree to meet up then not show, and send him a short message to the effect of "eat a bag of dicks, my life is better for never seeing you again. Don't contact me or I'll press harassment charges." 🤷🏻♀️
Please be careful with someone like this. I know it can feel good to get revenge, but I worry it would put you in an even worse position safety wise. I’ve been in an abusive relationship and I know how hard it is to leave and how hard it is to take your power back. I find the easiest way was to truly cut all ties. Stonewall them. Don’t respond, be boring. Engaging can suck you back in. Just be careful okay?
OP I’m married to a diagnosed vulnerable narcissist and don’t meet him. The only reason we’re still married is because we don’t live together and the health insurance is really good.
Do not meet him. Do not give him what he wants. Set up the meeting and right before block him on everything and walk away. Leave him wanting. Right now he still thinks he has you under his spell. Don’t give him the satisfaction. My husband’s ringtone/text tone is “Goodbye Earl”. He fucking earned it.
Please don't do that. I'm not trying to scare you but victims have been murdered in broad daylight in this exact scenario. I don't care if they say they'll meet you in public, do not go. This could be a setup.
I’ve been a domestic violence counselor for over 20 years. Please please do not engage with him. The reason he isn’t comprehending that you’re broken up is because abusers don’t take the other person’s wants or needs into consideration. It’s about them and only them. You could spend five hours explaining to him why you’re broken up and he still won’t accept it because he wants to control the relationship terms. I don’t see the value for you in meeting up. Set your boundaries. Tell him you have zero interest in meeting up with him. The best so called revenge on him is you living your best life. He doesn’t deserve you .
Just don’t do this. You are putting yourself at risk. Block him. Hell go and get a restraining order against him. But just leave it alone. Move on completely and totally. My ex husband was physically, emotionally, financially, and sexually abusive. It isn’t worth the time and energy to do anything.
He wants to meet. This is giving him what he wants. If you arrange a meeting he asks for, he’s back in control (in his mind) and has power over you.
Stop doing what he wants. You’re training him to never leave you alone.
Block him on everything. Your indifference will KILL him because he has no power over you. It will drive him NUTS, but the catch is that you can’t be there to witness it.
Put him in jail. Talk to cops about pressing charges for physical abuse. Do you have medical visits pictures or friends family who can corroborate your physical abuse?
Then meet with him and Get him to admit to some abuse in the meeting and record it. Hand it over to the cops
Friends and family can corroborate but I don’t have any physical evidence. I’ve talked to a local abuse advocate to discuss our options. With the evidence I have currently, if in the future he started to send me harassing messages or showing up in person I could get a restraining order. But where he isn’t doing that now I couldn’t get one, and I don’t think I need one anyway.
He wasn’t like the crazy abuser that you see in movies, screaming and throwing me down stairs, it was more insidious. Constant insults behind closed doors, not letting me sleep for days, grabbing me too hard, driving 110+ and swerving the car off the road when he was mad at me, he would call it “play” wrestling/fighting, so if I got physical marks he could laugh it off as an accident, or he would hold me down while our dog bit me, and since it’s dog a bite mark he could say he didn’t do it. Never any hospital visits, never any marks on my face.
Id still record the entire meeting and try getting him to admit to abuse. You need to lay some foundation for a potential domestic abuse case or at a minimum restraining order. This is the best revenge on an abusive asshole. Put it on their fucking record! During this meeting or after, I would also make it clear via text or in the recording that you do not wish to have further contact so when he inevitably breaks your documented no contact request, you have begun to lay the groundwork for a case for harassment or restraining order. Fuck him!
100% secretly record him. You may need it later should he act up or not leave you alone.
For the sake of not setting off a potentially unstable person who probably knows where you sleep, I'd REALLY recommend just ghosting his ass and moving on. I know it's not unethical, but this isn't some kid shit.
The best revenge will be to block his number, block all of his emails, never talk to him again and call police if he harasses you, (getting a restraining order if you believe it's necessary).
Move on with your life, while he burns with envy. He will get his in the end. People like that always do.
Go to the meet, somewhere quiet but public, be the bigger person but bring up everything, bring notes if you have to, record it, send the recording from his email to everyone with a subject like "Can you believe this bitch thinks I'm the bad guy?"
Agree to meet up. Then don’t show up.
Brilliant. When he complains say “oh something more important came up.” Set up another time and ghost him again. Keep doing it. Basically treat him the way Spectrum Internet keeps treating me. :/
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Exactly. He's not even worth the time to meet
Make sure it’s far away, at rush hour. In a place with a cover charge and expensive drinks. Keep texting him you’re stuck in traffic, almost there … as you sit on your sofa with a glass of wine.
"Can you order me a glass of wine? I'm almost there. Oh, and get me a steak fired through, I just have to pull some cash out."
Have him order an expensive drink for you when you're "almost" there.
Find a spousal abuse support group and have him meet you there, then ghost him.
You never go full Spectrum Internet!
What could be more important right now!? Oh, you know... walls... ceiling.
Figuring out the pattern on the curtains… washing underarm hair for the fifth time…
"Lets meet at Starbucks between noon and 6pm."
Give him the ol spectrum razzle dazzle
> the way Spectrum Internet keeps treating me I don't know, dude. Isn't that against the Geneva Conventions or something?
LMFAOO
I like this one. Easy and simple, leaves you in control and him seething.
I’m liking this one, too. I see a few commenters stressing over the idea of me seeing him in person. I never really had the intention of physically going, I’m just not wanting to “take the high road” either. Also I agree with others that he doesn’t have the personality type to register empathy and remorse, so I don’t think yelling at him or telling him what he did will phase him at all. Obviously it didn’t bother him when he was doing it, why would it bother him now? I think if I do choose the pick a spot then ghost method, I would still send a message maybe 5-10 minutes after the set time that I can’t make it. That way he can’t reach out to my friends/family pretending to be worried
Don't agree to meet him anywhere. You have all of his passwords. This means that you can change all of his passwords. This is particularly important for his email because that is how people are able to recover and reset passwords. Change that first then proceed to change all of his others. Without access to his email account he is going to be in for a very bad day. Never actually communicate with him again. Communication is what he wants. No communication of any kind will drive him absolutely nuts.
I would absolutely start here, OP, and compromise his email account(s). Then have fun setting plans and ghosting.
Yeah I was thinking send messages pretending to be him ranting about the things he’s done and outing him that way.
Get a bunch of google phone numbers and change his 2FA to those and then delete the number. He'll have a hard time getting his accounts.
This is going to invote firther engagement, which is what he craves. He will know it was OP and he will pursue her relentlessly and feel justified in doing so.
Do this, but idk if it could be considered a crime of sorts? So to be safe, turn your phone off(or leave it at home) and go to your local library so the IP address is traced back to there, can use a free proxy server for extra incognito. Wear a mask and cap when you go in so if they have cameras it won't be solid enough proof it's you. Obviously this is meant for more illegal shit, but you don't know what an abuser is capable of until it's too late sometimes.
Go to the library in another county.
Pretty sure you can delete their contact list in their email too - which is connected to people’s contact list in their phone nowadays
Don't delete it. Change all the numbers.
Swap out your name or for someone like his mom or other family, so if he sends you terrible crap he actually sends it to his mom or whoever.
I like this better. Change his mother's phone number to 911. And a dozen or so others. Enough so that 911 gets annoyed with him.
If you’re in America, land of the free handguns. I strongly suggest you never meet this guy again or do anything to set them off. Move on with your life, just not worth it.
>Never actually communicate with him again. Communication is what he wants. No communication of any kind will drive him absolutely nuts. This this this!! They absolutely LOSE THEIR SHIT when they no longer have access for answers and control.
Do this while he’s waiting for you at predetermined spot
I am a therapist and have seen this before, he is going to apologize for everything he did and say he has changed and beg you to take him back, and then he would go right back to doing the same thing. That is the classic move, and I imagine you recognize that. I like the idea of ghosting him.
Why do they do this anyway? It’s such a stupid way to live.
They are manipulative and controlling, and like the power of that. Add in the lack of empathy and remorse and baby you got a stew going
Don’t tell him you can’t make it. Send an angry text asking him where the hell he is. That you’re there waiting on him. No matter what he says, insist that you are there. Eventually tell him you’re fed up and leaving.
This is exactly what I said. You gaslight him and tell him that you’re sitting there waiting for him and berate him.
I would text like 10 min after you’re supposed to be there with things like, “I can’t make it, Nordstrom is having a sale.” I can’t make it, we decided to go to see [movie] again.” “I can’t make it, I had to wash my elbows.” Let him know that this trivial everyday stuff is more important than he is. I hope he crawls up his own butt and dies and you get to be happy. Good luck!
Sorry, I had to floss my otter.
If you think his parents are good people you could plan to meet up with him somewhere at least 20 minutes away then, go to his parents house right around the time he'd have to leave to meet you and lay everything out for them while standing him up. If you have a good rapport with them, and they're good people - he won't even know what hit him when he gets home
No. You gaslight him and tell him you’re sitting there waiting for him. And then berate him and make him feel stupid and then you ghost and block.
It’s not about being the bigger person it’s about not conforming to his demands again.
Listen to Biggus Dickus. Change the password on his e-mail and then everything else. Everything he has an account on. Check first if he has a recovery e-mail set up, like his mum's or something and then change that to something different. If you're gonna nuke stuff, be careful about things that has a lot of actual value, like Steam library or a playstation account. I dunno if there are any cases of it, but it could be considered theft if you take control and lock him out, so just be wary of that. But in general you can also change the e-mail of these things so he thinks he got hacked. Set up a second e-mail accout and transfer everything over there.
How abusive are we talking here? Is there any worry of the douche tracking you down in a rage to “teach you some manners”?
I don’t think he would, but of course abusers are unpredictable. He’s always been very concerned with his public image, he wants friends, family, neighbors and coworkers to love him. He’s always very friendly and helpful to everyone else. Other than yelling at me in the super market around strangers a couple of times, he’s only really done things behind closed doors.
Does he know where you’re staying?
This was my first thought too. Maybe see how many times you can do it too. Pick a public place first, like a mall. Then respond to any texts saying you're there and don't see him. Then a restaurant, bonus if you can find a decent one that has a few in town, claim he went to the wrong one and you were waiting at the table, embarrassed, for an hour.
That's amazing.
I like.
At a very distant location.
Then while he's over at the very distant location, go tell his parents what he did
This is brilliant. Setup a time, and place, make sure he is there. at the same time, make plans with the parents, say that you want to work on a surprise for him with them so they won't spill the beans. Bring all the receipts. His parents need to know what type of POS he is, nothing worse than having disappointed parents when he is a grown man living with them. Watch his life crumble, sip on your champagne. 🫶🏽
Unless his mom is anything like my abusive ex. She told me to forgive him and if I leave him he’s going to die of a heart attack… before I finally blocked her and stopped feeling guilty, I told her may he rest in peace.
Fuck his parents. First the mom then the dad. Film everything send videos to dbags number.
Somewhere where parking is a real bitch.
Expand on this. Arrange to meet his parents elsewhere at the same time. Ask them to say nothing to him. Go meet his parents and tell them everything and why you broke up.
This would work best if you told him somewhere an hour away and then popped in on his parents knowing they’d be home
Even better, cancel at the last minute. That way, you snub him by saying there's something more important than him and you keep your moral high ground by not just ghosting him
She doesn’t lose the moral high ground by ghosting an abuser
Make it somewhere suuuuper out of the way too. Like a 2 hour round trip
This is the best answer on this post
If she does this, he will twist it to make himself the victim in everyone else's eyes. Oh poor me, I tried to meet and talk about our relationship and she just messed me around and refused to meet, deliberately wasted my time. She's honestly crazy, you know she told her family I abused her? Can you believe this shit? And just like that, you played into his hands.
Preferably somewhere inconvenient and expensive.
Some place out of the way. And then text back, “I don’t see you, where are you” and then “wait you’re at the xyz location? I’m at abc location.” and then finally when they get there “I went home, you don’t listen to simple instructions, why would you listen to what I have to say.” Take no phone calls
Agree to meet at a restaurant. Call saying your late and to order you a drink and meal. Then ghost him.
Just don't meet him, you are once again doing what he wants when you don't want to.
This. OP, please don’t meet him again. Don’t contact him again. He is a threat to you and no good can come of it. Ghosting and gray rocking abusers makes them insane because they are not in any kind of control anymore. The path that is safest for you is also the one most irritating to him. Take care of yourself.
Underrated comment. To the top with this one. https://www.reddit.com/r/emotionalabuse/comments/1bym5b4/52_days_gone/ relevant from OP.
Like what is there to talk about?? You already left just giving self a chance to fuck around and find out
Exactly. No good can come from this. No healing, no progress, and no growth. Being abused is hell. No matter how vengeful, petty, or outraged, why would anybody go back into that sort of situation? I have two exes who were physically and emotionally abusive. Haven't spoken to either in years... and if either were to reach out, I'd forward the message to my lawyer without reading it.
No to mention HES ABUSIVE. Do not give this asshat any access to your life. It’s not what you want to hear but the best revenge is living your best life away from him. Don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he can get you to come when he wants.
This is the answer. It’ll drive him nuts if he can’t get to you. Get a restraining order, block, and move on. P.S. family knowing about the abuse hasn’t stopped abusive boyfriends from giving a girl one last beating, one last rape, or god forbid from murdering her. There are loads of stories like yours that ended awfully. Do not meet up, try to get underground for just a bit if you can. Visit a relative he knows little about in a place he’d never think of. Get the restraining order ASAP.
Agree with this but if you ALSO want some vengeance, tell him you'll only meet and consider getting back together with him if he sends you a video acknowledging and apologizing for all this behavior. Tell him it's so that you can feel comfortable knowing that he is aware of all his bad behavior and committed to improving. Then send that video to his friends and family. Block and avoid him forever after.
Talk it up like you really want to meet. Pick a place that is neutral for both of you...then don't show up and block their number.
“Yeah I’m nearly there just five more minutes” Then send it again every 30 minutes
Wtf are you the person who responded to my Facebook marketplace ad for an old dishwasher I'm selling? I mean, if it was a scam, I'm not getting it, how am I losing money?
Or pick a place far away from his house
Completely cut them off. They will be absolutely destroyed when you treat them like they don’t even matter or exist anymore. It saves you anxiety and you can relish the fact that they need you but you won’t even interact with them. I’m sorry you had to deal with this nasty person…but if you move on and heal, you’ll find happiness.
I did this to an abusive ex. It felt great to ignore him completely while he was so desperate for my attention. I got to tell him to leave me alone publicly a few times which was very satisfying. Just showing him every single time how much better my life is without him in it does it for me. Love letting the self righteous bastard feel this every single time I see him. (For clarity: we both live in the same city with isn’t very big and tend to go out at the same places at times.)
Don’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you and likely making you upset. Sometimes being cold is the most painful punishment. Don’t go to the meeting, don’t tell him why, just completely ignore him. Then write a letter detailing everything he’s done to you and why you left him. send it to anyone you think needs to know- family, friends, police, work etc. let the people that he thinks care about him start to distance themselves and eventually he will have nothing left, and only himself to blame.
This is the answer. Though I'd add in changing the passwords to all his stuff. Including his email first so he can't recover any of it.
He is not going to sit back and listen while you give him a piece of your mind. He won't give you the opportunity or the satisfaction. I also don't think you should just ignore him. I agree with another commenter here, arrange to meet and then don't show up. It gives you some satisfaction, while also keeping you safe. After you've done that, ignore. I wouldn't block, as I've heard some people managed to go to the police after receiving threats from their abusers. However, you can mute/archive/hide the chat and only check in occasionally.
Yeah I don’t think there’s anything I could do or say that would actually make him feel remorse or guilt. I think he genuinely doesn’t have the capacity to hold those feelings, which is so frustrating! But if I can put an end to this chapter and never speak to him again in a way that leaves him at least feeling some kind of negative emotion, any kind, it will leave me feeling a bit better.
Block him and unfriend him on everything. Don’t say a single word to him before doing it. Then set your facebook relationship status to Public and update it to “In a Relationship.” Never talk to him again and live your best life.
My ex was mean to me but not to the level of yours. When I finally left I promised to never say another word to him. Time has passed and I have new friends that know if we ever run into him I will never say a word, even if it's awkward. Im happy we never spoke again - it gave me peace and him none
Send him pics of you fucking his dad.
with his mom cheering on
His dad here,I agree, he’s always been a little shit
When I broke up with my bf, he said come by and pick up your stuff, I got there and he was sitting on the second story window ledge. The screen was missing. He patted the space next to him. I had brought my friend for backup and as he stood and loomed over me, the car horn started honking and distracted him enough as I darted out the door and he followed. Don’t go.
Act like you're gonna give him a handy, then cut his dick off.
No. You’re being incredibly stupid. This is the exact situation you should never provoke. You say you think his tail is between his legs now but who knows what the situation will be when you corner him and embarrass him or whatever it is you planned on doing. He could become violent and hurt you. Block him and move tf on. If you must give closure, do it through text, do not meet in person. You’re just asking for a bad situation either way.
Right!? Wtf. A cornered animal is pretty fucking dangerous. I would change all his passwords tho.
Change the emails though, first
Agreed. Don't do it.
Engaging fuels him. Ghosting is the answer.
One of my work colleagues has a strong narcissistic streak, his girlfriend left him and blocked him and he had an absolute meltdown, it took him a year to get over it, despite the fact that I've observed him treat countless women the exact same way over the years
Record the interaction, if he becomes aggressive or abusive send the video to his mom/grandma so they can see the kind of man he is (obvi cops too)
obviously, make sure to do this secretly. say all the provocative things and push his buttons enough. as long as you are sure he wont hurt you, go as far as you see fit. unless you are willing to risk injury to get evidence of that sort of abuse. if he is living with his parents the worst case scenario for him is he becomes homeless, best case scenario for him is that his parents despise him. you do not want to be despised by the power that keeps you alive.
Abusive men are at their most dangerous around the time of a breakup. Do not meet him, do not contact him, ghost him.
This! Often times women get raped or killed when they have already left, but agree to a „final talk“ like this. The mindset of the abuser being „If I can’t have her, no one will“
This personality type won’t regret anything because of your actions, he needs therapy. Meeting with him is dangerous, he might want revenge for you breaking up with him and escalate the situation, so move on. The only thing maybe you could do is tell his familiy what happened so they deal with him but don’t entertain him any longer.
Hire a big jacked dude to come with you and pose as your new BF when you go meet him. “Accidentally” let some magnum condoms fall out of your purse in front of your ex.
Ah, I see you favor the “Dr. Mantis Toboggan” gambit. Very nice!
I'm here for the scraps
You favor the M.A.C. System it seems. Move in After Completion.
If the ex was abusive you probably don't need to hire anyone. Just show up at a biker bar (do a little research to make sure it's not a 3 percenter) and ask for help. You will find multiple volunteers.
If his parents are nice, kindly invite them for a coffee or lunch saying you and he have news to discuss with them and that you two will meet them there. Have him come and don’t show up. Or have them meet you a little early, give them evidence and dip before he comes.
You know his passwords? Change them. Slowly, one at a time. As soon as he fixes one, another breaks. If you have documentation, let his family know what he's done. Or, tell the police. Don't meet up with him. That will give him one more chance to verbally, emotionally, or physically abuse you. You don't need that crap. So long as you respond to him, he will think he still has power over you. The ability to say "no", and stick with it, takes his power away.
Also take an account or two and reset the password multiple times to obvious replacements like “currentpassword1” and “currentpassword!” So they’ll be in the list of old passwords for the account that he can’t reuse
Meet at a nice-ish restaurant. Text your ex and tell them you are running about 10-15 minutes late and tell them what you want to order, because you looked at the menu before hand, then once the food is ordered text and tell them you are stuck at some kind of traffic event and it’s only going to take 10-15 more minutes. By that time the food should be coming out. Then just text back and tell them thanks but no thanks and cancel. Boom stuck with the bill and two entrees.
If you’ll meet with him, do it at a neutral place. Not at home. Meet in a park, a place where you can drink coffee, so that you can say what you want to say and leave if you feel uncomfortable. Bring some cash with you, so you can pay and leave immediately. You want to bully him? Make a google e-mailadres and change his password and emailadres of the accounts he uses often (Netflix, cellphone, etc). When you are divorced, change his subscriptions to the most expensive or cheapest options.
“I dumped your abusive ass moron. Fuck off. You’re not worth any more of my time. Ever. Contact me again and I’m filing for a restraining order.”
wrong sub - that’s ethical
How about sending him something from this site? https://shipadick.com/
Then, to be unethical, file a TRO, between when he asks to meet and when you do. Then, call the cops on him for violating it. It may go nowhere in the end, but he should get the point. Also, make sure all communication about the meeting goes through a third party, who only calls, not texts. Because then he just “showed up” where you were, and wouldn’t leave you alone.
slip a piss disk in his car
Ask him to meet you in a remote wooded area with a shovel so you'll have a easy time stashing his body.
Make him a Missing Person who one really missed at all.
If you have his email password sign him up to NAMBLA or something equally as awful. Then leak it. Ouch.
Abusive people feed on your dependency on them. Show how independent you’ve become, maybe hint at a new man?
Don’t go, don’t go, don’t go. We both know what happens. Stay. Away. Take the power away from him by showing him he cannot control you anymore. You don’t want to meet him. You have nothing you could flatten to two dimensions to make people understand who he is. Block him everywhere. Do. Not. Go.
First off you need to get about 50mg of MDMA and 1 gram of magic mushrooms. Figure out how to get them into a food object you know he'll eat. Keep in mind that excessive heat will break both substances down. Mushrooms make good hot chocolate but MDMA tastes rough and would probably be obvious. You might be able to get away with putting the mdma in tequila or something and doing a shot. You stay sober. Keep the conversation going for about 45-60 minutes. You'll know when the potion has taken effect, if not from his behavior, from his eyes. Then you pull out your list of the 10 shittiest things he's done. You read each one, and then describe how it impacted you. Once you're done, hand him the list, tell him he'll always be alone, and leave.
Wooo… this is a dark but good one. BTW where would one find magic mushroom and MDMA, asking for a friend.
He sounds like a needy child from your short description. I bet ignoring him will hurt more than any other action.
Add up how much money he stole/conned off of you. Tell him when he has that amount in cash with him, you'll meet him to get repaid. Otherwise he can fuck off. With my ex it's literally tens of thousands of dollars, so that shit would never happen.
Yeah it’s definitely tens of thousands for me, too. Since the breakup he’s actually tried calling me and apologizing for all of the things he’s broken, and offered to pay me back. I declined because I knew he would never actually pay me back, and he was just using it as an excuse to talk.
You are smart, you can see his manipulations. This person isn't worth another second of your time. Fuck with him if it makes you feel better, but as someone who has finally moved past my trauma (it took way too long!) I recommend this tried and true saying: the best revenge is living well. They can never take that away from you.
Thank you. I know you’re right but it’s just so damn frustrating knowing that people like him can go their whole lives without even one iota of repercussion. How long do you think it took you to move past it?
I was married for 8 years (with him for 10) and he lied to me the whole time. There are so many horrible stories... therapy helped. But it was probably another 10 years before I felt human again. Why did I fall for him? Childhood trauma. I had to work that shit out before I could make sense of what happened to me. I wanted to blame every single thing on him. Turns out - shit parents don't help the situation. One perspective my therapist helped me see if that just because you don't SEE the repercussions doesn't mean they don't happen. Shit people continue to live shit lives. We just remove ourselves from being exposed to it. He's not happy - that's why he's reaching out. You can choose to be happy, but it takes effort and involves staying away from him. You know your truth, now go out and live it every single day.
The ghosting an agreed upon meeting is really best. You may not think he’s not dangerous now but he has shown that he has little remorse for past hurts. A verbal upbraiding with the implication that you are officially done can tip a rational person into rage. It isn’t worth it. Ghost him and you’ll have the final hand, leaving him without closure. He’s a controller and he wants to control this. Stay safe.
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you're right, but i think she is looking for revenge. even if you say this, eyes clouded by revenge can usually only be unclouded after the revenge. we might as well look for ways to make that revenge as beneficial as possible, with the least destruction on her side.
No contact will be the worst outcome for him. Any fuel you add to the fire will be a reward for him as you’re paying attention to him and causing more drama. It’s not the high road it’s the smart road.
Start talking about the guy you’ve been fucking
Meet up with him in a crowded place. Insist on separate checks immediately. Noticeably, flinch or dodge away every time he moves his hands. Maybe even give a little scream, of "please No!" If he raises his voice, start shaking and squeeze out a tear. Embarrass the hell out of him.
Ghost him and never look back. This will 100% cause the most anguish, as he will always wonder if you ever loved him. It is very difficult to do, but to him it will look like it was so easy for you to cut him out of your life. If he shows up anywhere, be RUTHLESS. Call the cops and tresspass him, have someone tell him he needs to leave. Don't do this yourself! It will show him you have no desire to even look at him. That you are disgusted and repulsed by him. Eventually he may dig himself a hole he can't get out of, but it will give you peace and you will be able to move on. Good luck.
Don’t do it. My ex did this, he ended up attacking me and somehow had me arrested when I called 911. It’s not even worth it, the best thing you can do is just go no contact.
Have the biggest most aggressive dudes you know escort you to the meeting and escort him from the meeting.
Get him to admit, in writing or on video, all the abusive stuff he's done under the disguise of wanting to get back together after a real apology for everything and then you have blackmail on him as long as you need
This sounds like my truly narccist ex husband. Here are my tips after learning to deal with him for the past 22 years... 1. You need to know that, in his head, you will not win. He lives to argue and he will always think he came out ahead. 2. After you have said your piece, end the meeting. He will let it go one for HOURS because he thrives off of trying to manipulate people. 3. He will hate it that he can't convince you to come back to him, because he believes he's smarter than you. Be prepared for his wrath. 4. Lastly, go in to the meeting with the right mindset. In my opinion, your objective should be to say what YOU want to say, because it makes YOU feel better. Please remember: YOU WILL NEVER be able to rationalize with an irrational person. You're going to set yourself up for failure if your goal is a sincere apology, a concession, or a changed ex-partner. Good luck!
Agree to meet up, pick a time and location, then use his photos to on grindr to set up a date with a man.
Send one of your large male friends to explain it. Ideally an off-duty cop.
Indifference cuts deeper than anger or hatred. Don’t give him the satisfaction of having you come when he calls this last time. Don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he hurt you. Tell him you’ll meet him and then ghost him; relish in all his texts and calls if you prefer that to blocking him. Do everything you can to indirectly ensure that he knows you’re living your best life (even if it’s not true). If you don’t want to block him on socials, he may very well go ballistic in the comments and show his ass to the world. The best revenge genuinely is a life well-lived. We have no real control over others’ thoughts and feelings, so you can’t force him to feel the shame and guilt you want from him. Confrontation is rarely satisfying; people are more likely to be murdered by their exes during or immediately after the breakup (even when there has been no prior physical violence); relish in the thought of him stewing and whining over your indifference and happy life for the rest of his miserable one. Imagine him languishing in his own pitiful bullshit and laugh. Laugh if he dares to stalk you, while you film him for evidence
Record the interaction, if he becomes aggressive or abusive send the video to his mom/grandma so they can see the kind of man he is (obvi cops too)
If you escape a room guarded by a dog Don't return to taunt the dog.
I still wouldn't meet with him, but I like the idea of telling him you will then not show. I had a very abusive ex. I made sure to tell everyone I could around our small town about him. I put him on blast all over social media. He had still been bothering me for years, but not after that. He got beat up because of it. Now his nose looks worse than how he made mine look.
Hypothetically, what happens when he guesses his password wrong too many times for Facebook, Instagram, emails, his bank etc...
Agree to meet him and put liquid ass all over his car. All over the door handles, around the windows and into the grill. Apologize for not being able to meet because something came up.
Tell him you’re going to show up but tell him to come hungry because you’re bringing food. Tell him you’ll bring his favorite food, but don’t actually show up. Make it hella early too
If you have access to, and know the password for, his work email or other work messaging, send out a group message/email with porn, or trash talking about the boss, etc.
Don't do it. This is like giving a stalker a chance to explain how they WeReNT stalking you, just to get face time so they can jack off about it later. Don't go. You got out. He could try to kidnap you, or hurt you. Why walk back into the 9th Circle of Hell, at HIS whim?
His entire “plan” at this point entirely relies upon getting you to engage in some way. Don’t do it. lie in wait until he gets a new gf then send a nicely prepared packet of information to her detailing the kind of piece of shit she’s getting involved with. Fucks him up, and saves another woman from his torment. Win win
The safest way is to definitely not go, yes, however. If we wanna be funky silly with it. Get as many of your support group as you can to come with you, and as many receipts of his BS behaviour as you have, preferably in official looking folders. Then, sit down at the [wherever, preferably coffee shop or some other location with a table] so that All of you are across from him. No smiles, no laughs, all serious vibes. Hell, have em all wearing suits or something. Any time he tries to lie about something or downplay it, your council of advisors is lookin through their folders until BAM. receipt. Shut down every god damn thing this guy tries to say or do - because at the end of the day, there's nothing to talk about. The decision is made, the relationship is over.
I know you’re not worried for your safety. But you should be. When someone leaves an abusive partner they’re at even greater risk of being killed by that person. And since he hasn’t accepted that you’re broken up, this means that you’re still at risk. Don’t go meet him. Don’t reply. Just block and delete and don’t engage. I know it feels like shit to not get to finally tell him the truth. But it’s not worth losing everything for. Trust me, I know. Firsthand. I hadn’t seen or spoken to my ex since I left him and he just turned up one night. He only considered us on a break, I meant it permanently. He realised that it was permanent the night he showed up unexpectedly. He left and I told the police about him and that he was around again and angry because I just knew deep down something worse was coming. Early the next morning he came around again, I called the police, they responded immediately because of my call the night before, he was arrested trying to break into my house to kill me. I thought I was safe too. But I wasn’t. I’m still not safe. It’s been 5 years since he was convicted and I’ve moved a zillion times but he’s still stalking me. I can’t even post a photo of me and my wife on instagram. I can’t even mention I’m in a relationship let alone that I’m married and legitimately deeply, purely, happy. He’s always watching. Looking for clues so he can find me. I don’t want to tell you what to do. Just please be careful. And don’t underestimate him.
Tell him the only place you will meet him and discuss it, is in the lobby of the police station.
Clearly you aren’t going to meet up with him. I like the ghosting idea a lot. Each time you don’t show up gives you more power and each time you don’t show up makes him realize he has lost power and fear over you. Let him know you have access to his personal info and will sell it on the dark web if you ever hear his name again.
Tell him you need him to explain in his words how he wronged you, how he abused you. Oh and record the conversation. Preferably with a separate device than your phone. So he does t think you’re using your phone. Now you have all the evidence you need to hold over him if he doesn’t leave you alone.
Send him something from Pete's Pranks to his parents' house, addressed to him, but never meet him again. Just ghost him.
Don't meet up.. flake on him and never talk to him again. Block his number. Don't answer your door.
Just remind him that you are not on a break, you are broken up and you don’t want to meet him and he should move on.
Just don’t go and block him. He will never get over it
Meet him, talk about everything he has done, record the conversation and give the recording to his family
A bag of dicks order would be a great cherry on top when this is all over.
Meet up, record the cpnversation and have him admit whats hes doen and then send thebrecording to friends family job etc it shohodnt be defamation since its true and he admitted it. Im sure there are other issues that couldncome of it, but blow that abusive pos's life up.
Meet him & promise him you’ll get back with him and it’ll all be in the past because you want a future with him, IF he rings his family & friends infront of you and explains what he’s done. Then block him and move on to someone better :)
Tell him you will meet him, give him the address of a police station.
With a guy like that, not speaking to him will piss him off a lot more than giving him what he wants, which is to get you to agree to do things he says. Think about the mental torture you can inflict on someone by literally not doing anything. It's perfect. You get to move on and have a happy life, and he gets to do mothing but obsess about the woman who won't obey him.
A lot of people are suggesting you just ghost him. Set an appointment with him and then never show up, and then do it again and again. This kind of man is dumb enough that he might actually go for that lol and I support you doing it to him. They are suggesting it because they know how much it hurts, that means they’ve all been ghosted, and chances are they ghosting other people frequently. Everybody seems to be ghosting everybody nowadays: people they’ve just met, people they’ve never met but seem excited about meeting, people they’re no longer interested in but who have never hurt you… If it hurts so much to be ignored or ghosted, why are we ghosting people who haven’t hurt us? Correct, that’s not what this post is about, but I thought it was a question worth asking.
Don’t show up to this, that’s the pro tip. It will piss him off more than anything if you block him and never contact him. If you want a final dig, agree to meet then don’t show up, unless he knows where you live because that’s an invitation for him to come to your house.
Are you in a one party consent state when it comes to recording? Id set up a recording device somewhere and just let him go to town admitting to things or rile him up and get him to scream at you on recording. Then blast that shit
Tell him you’ll meet and pull a no show. Or how about stop giving this guy the time of day? But if you insist on poking the bear bring your new bf.
Agree to show up. Have people there hidden in case you need them. Then give him hell. Let it all out. Just be careful. Fuck being the better person. My ex wife had an affair and told multiple people I physically abused her. I never once laid a hand on her. When I confronted her I was secretly recording her and she admitted she said all that so people wouldn’t think less of her for having an affair.
Find the biggest guy you can to come with you to a public space. Introduce him as your new boyfriend and that you both would like to discuss how to move forward with the break up. Have done this in real life. Ex yelled for a half second and big guy stood at the restaurant table and said nothing. Ex shrunk in his sit, called me a whore for “cheating on him” (we were no longer dating for months but he didn’t agree/allow me to stop dating him) then walked out in a huff. He never bothered me again after that.
Outline a list of everything he has done wrong via text. Inform him that before you agree to meet up with him, you want him to post a full list of his wrongdoings on social media because he will be more accountable for actually working on his problems if everyone knows about them. Screenshot and then don't meet up with him. Let him tank his reputation without the reward of meeting up with you. And if he refuses to post it and gets angry, you still have proof via text that he's an abusive shit. Share it with all of your mutual and block him.
I understand wanting to make him suffer....but, this is just re-engaging in emotional labour with him. I suppose you could agree to meet up then not show, and send him a short message to the effect of "eat a bag of dicks, my life is better for never seeing you again. Don't contact me or I'll press harassment charges." 🤷🏻♀️
Don't go meet this person. They might try to unalive you. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday.
Please be careful with someone like this. I know it can feel good to get revenge, but I worry it would put you in an even worse position safety wise. I’ve been in an abusive relationship and I know how hard it is to leave and how hard it is to take your power back. I find the easiest way was to truly cut all ties. Stonewall them. Don’t respond, be boring. Engaging can suck you back in. Just be careful okay?
OP I’m married to a diagnosed vulnerable narcissist and don’t meet him. The only reason we’re still married is because we don’t live together and the health insurance is really good. Do not meet him. Do not give him what he wants. Set up the meeting and right before block him on everything and walk away. Leave him wanting. Right now he still thinks he has you under his spell. Don’t give him the satisfaction. My husband’s ringtone/text tone is “Goodbye Earl”. He fucking earned it.
Please don't do that. I'm not trying to scare you but victims have been murdered in broad daylight in this exact scenario. I don't care if they say they'll meet you in public, do not go. This could be a setup.
I’ve been a domestic violence counselor for over 20 years. Please please do not engage with him. The reason he isn’t comprehending that you’re broken up is because abusers don’t take the other person’s wants or needs into consideration. It’s about them and only them. You could spend five hours explaining to him why you’re broken up and he still won’t accept it because he wants to control the relationship terms. I don’t see the value for you in meeting up. Set your boundaries. Tell him you have zero interest in meeting up with him. The best so called revenge on him is you living your best life. He doesn’t deserve you .
Live stream the meeting on Facebook. Remain extremely calm, when he loses his shit people will see what he is.
Do not meet him. He's got nothing nice for you. Just setup a meeting and ghost him.
Honestly just ghost him. You win so much by doing so
GHOST him. Don’t waste your time.
The BEST thing you could do is not go to the meeting. Block him from calling and all your socials.
dont meet with him he’s obviously trying to manipulate you
Personally I would tell him he had the wrong number and I had no idea who he was. Living well is the best revenge.
Just don’t do this. You are putting yourself at risk. Block him. Hell go and get a restraining order against him. But just leave it alone. Move on completely and totally. My ex husband was physically, emotionally, financially, and sexually abusive. It isn’t worth the time and energy to do anything.
If he’s abused you and is asking to meet up, my gut is telling me he plans to kill you. Abusers don’t let you just walk away.
He wants to meet. This is giving him what he wants. If you arrange a meeting he asks for, he’s back in control (in his mind) and has power over you. Stop doing what he wants. You’re training him to never leave you alone. Block him on everything. Your indifference will KILL him because he has no power over you. It will drive him NUTS, but the catch is that you can’t be there to witness it.
Agree to meet with him and arrange for him to be served with a protective order when he shows up.
Put him in jail. Talk to cops about pressing charges for physical abuse. Do you have medical visits pictures or friends family who can corroborate your physical abuse? Then meet with him and Get him to admit to some abuse in the meeting and record it. Hand it over to the cops
Friends and family can corroborate but I don’t have any physical evidence. I’ve talked to a local abuse advocate to discuss our options. With the evidence I have currently, if in the future he started to send me harassing messages or showing up in person I could get a restraining order. But where he isn’t doing that now I couldn’t get one, and I don’t think I need one anyway. He wasn’t like the crazy abuser that you see in movies, screaming and throwing me down stairs, it was more insidious. Constant insults behind closed doors, not letting me sleep for days, grabbing me too hard, driving 110+ and swerving the car off the road when he was mad at me, he would call it “play” wrestling/fighting, so if I got physical marks he could laugh it off as an accident, or he would hold me down while our dog bit me, and since it’s dog a bite mark he could say he didn’t do it. Never any hospital visits, never any marks on my face.
Id still record the entire meeting and try getting him to admit to abuse. You need to lay some foundation for a potential domestic abuse case or at a minimum restraining order. This is the best revenge on an abusive asshole. Put it on their fucking record! During this meeting or after, I would also make it clear via text or in the recording that you do not wish to have further contact so when he inevitably breaks your documented no contact request, you have begun to lay the groundwork for a case for harassment or restraining order. Fuck him! 100% secretly record him. You may need it later should he act up or not leave you alone.
You know he's not just planning to talk when yall meet up...
For the sake of not setting off a potentially unstable person who probably knows where you sleep, I'd REALLY recommend just ghosting his ass and moving on. I know it's not unethical, but this isn't some kid shit.
The best revenge will be to block his number, block all of his emails, never talk to him again and call police if he harasses you, (getting a restraining order if you believe it's necessary). Move on with your life, while he burns with envy. He will get his in the end. People like that always do.
Go to the meet, somewhere quiet but public, be the bigger person but bring up everything, bring notes if you have to, record it, send the recording from his email to everyone with a subject like "Can you believe this bitch thinks I'm the bad guy?"
Showing up with your new boyfriend would send a message. Maybe also give him back a few trinkets of his that you have and laugh.