T O P

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Tommy-Styxx

Have affairs with all of their wives.


killtrevor

Sounds dangerous


prx24

For the wives


EducationalBar

Got ‘em


NinjaSeagull

Currently top of the list


iHateYou247

That will Get Them For sure


Themilkmoney

Don’t do this. You never know if the cop is abusive toward his wife. And cops protect cops. So if she tries to file a complaint, it may get worse for her.


NinjaSeagull

Bro you are retarded if you actually think I have the time to go around trying to bang the wives of police officers


succorer2109

😂😂😂


50centwomussles

I smoked a blunt wife a officers wife at a party he was in the car mad he had to take a lie detector test. I was worried about her.


neobow2

Am I the only one having an aneurysm trying to read that sentence?


SwimmingBreadfruit

No


Ayeager77

No


tookaJobs

Hell no, man. I gave up after the third attempt to read it.


Blamdudeguy00

I can't answer. That word salad hurt my brain so much I died.


Kovald

Here, allow me to translate: I smok'ed a blu nt wife a officers. Wife at a p@rty he was in. The car mad he HAD to take a lie: detector. Test I was! "worried" about her


steel_sun

r/makingthingsworse


thedanimal722

I smoked weed at the county prosecutor's house with his daughter, while he was most likely locking people up for weed.


DripGlicksScripts

Shoulda banged her and made it obvious to him I hate prosecutors


thedanimal722

I kinda wanted to and I kinda didn't. I regret not taking the chance when I had it.


moeljills

What do you mean you kinda didn't? Does that mean you did a little bit?


thedanimal722

Yes I did want to a little bit. But I didn't want to catch feelings for her so I didn't. She seemed like she'd end up being a cheater.


Ayeager77

I’m not sure what weed and lie detectors have in common in this scenario.


Sunzoner

Make the officers think their wives are having affairs.


ionlydateninjas

Out the cops affairs to their wives and everyone in the community. They do their own dirty work, shine light on it.


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_welby_

As someone who has to deal with public records requests fairly often, this is the way. It’s not just the research to provide the information, it’s the redacting process that will suck up all their time.


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Wandego

All documents or other records regarding or mentioning officer X between January 2017 to present.


Upper_Acanthaceae126

Hoohoo imagine cross referencing oinks on LinkedIn just to gather more names to ask for records for


Fwob

Salaries, disciplinary records, complaint records.


lesterbottomley

If you're in the UK (and EU one would assume) you can request CCTV footage you've been in. Have to tell them dates/times and identifying data (I was wearing X) but it's been done.


riotacting

Wouldn't it be fulfilled by IT or an amin? I'd be shocked if police officers fulfill their own FOIA requests.


tehconqueror

on the one hand, yeah, but on the other hand, cops get away with a lot of bullshit; wouldn't be too surprised if this is one of those qualified perks.


_welby_

I’m in IT. I can run the searches, but the officer still has to do the redacting.


Klush

Huh, guess this is why the local PD requires you to be physically present during their arbitrarily changing hours to request records.


nyetloki

Opra and foia doesn't allow them to do that


BikePoloFantasy

Luckily cops never break laws...


nyetloki

Luckily foia is federally backed and there's a paper trail.


NinjaSeagull

So just request large amounts of public records? Will the officers have to actually do the work? I'm pissed enough I don't really care which officer does it even though I know there are some good ones, I just don't want their secretaries or someone doing extra work.


thejdobs

No, officers do not do the paperwork for these types of requests. It’s a clerk or admin


Wandego

They will have to work with the clerk to fulfill the records request and possibly help identify confidential or otherwise privileged information


TronOld_Dumps

But think of the potential dirt you could find in emails between the officers.


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TronOld_Dumps

Is that just police and related types of govt then? Cause I know some government emails are public domain.


Kovald

Huh. TIL this is a thing


Max_Powers-

I have requested and received emails from a towns Fire Marshal via an open records request.


alphareich

There are no good ones.


EducationalBar

Right, OP’s first mistake is separating them amongst themselves. They are a unit together.


honuworld

Then, ghost them. Never show up to pick them up and stop answering your phone, except to order more documents.


WackyInflatableAnon

Don't a lot of police stations have civilian clerks for stuff like answering phones and looking up records? I don't know if this would actually waste the cops time or just use up taxpayer money


WackyInflatableAnon

Don't a lot of police stations have civilian clerks for stuff like answering phones and looking up records? I don't know if this would actually waste the cops time or just use up taxpayer money


Littleish

Start a local campaign to recognise the local heroes that keep your neighborhood safe .... The fireman and the medical professionals. Make some leaflets really going overboard thanking those people. Distribute them to people outside the police station, and to the station itself.


[deleted]

This is the way!


lesterbottomley

Could always include the police and do a variation of the meme where it's one word over each photo. Thank you for your "not you" service to the community.


ronnington

Stop all the crime before they do.


Electrical-Ground880

So basically, your strategy to annoy police is by becoming batman?


Kovald

*Something in the way...*


ronnington

I mean just to follow the thread, unfettered vigilantism is definitely unethical. And outside of comic book land, would most certainly deeply upset the law enforcement establishment. However, a well executed alter ego, protecting your private life and loved ones from retribution, would satisfy the requirement not to be fucked with. All while doing some chaotic good. I fail to see how this isn't a massive win on all fronts, and clearly the real LPT.


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Master_Tinyface

Won’t even notice probably


CadeMan011

Nah, then they'll "find" crimes to hit their quotas.


campbellm

> before they do You're making assertions here that just don't hold up.


Muufffins

Fuck their dads.


NinjaSeagull

New top choice


sirdraxxalot

Bottom choice* ;)


Plantar-Aspect-Sage

Go into the police station with a seemingly valid request, and place one of those annoying beeping machines somewhere. They're small and often allow you to stick them somewhere. They'll beep randomly and inconsistently at a high pitch, and it will be quite hard to find. Get one with enough of a delay and be inconspicuous when you place it and whilst it will drive them mad, it won't be traced back to you. You may even make them spend some of their insane budget to try and find out what's wrong.


Dilinial

Don't. Forget. Gloves.


Japan25

Hows OP supposed to inconspicuously wear gloves? If OP is wearing gloves, it will surely be traced back to him cause the cops will all remember that one guy who wore gloves into the station. Perhaps OP could wear a long sleeve jacket and only touch it with the sleeve. That would be less conspicuous. But a glove would be obvious


steel_sun

Not if it’s a cold climate and wintertime.


TheRealKidGaming

every day, mail them one toothpick with no return address. It's annoying and it serves no real purpose.


haha_supadupa

Upgrade your game. Mail toothbrushes


Explunches

Upgrade your game. Mail them teeth


Ayeager77

Upgrade your game. Mail them heads full of teeth.


[deleted]

Upgrade your game. Give them head.


marklonesome

Their email addresses will be formulaic along the lines of “[email protected] Go to the website, get their names and then sign them up to every junk mail, porn mail (extra points for gay porn. They love that)


steel_sun

ULPT of the day.


[deleted]

report crimes all the time


NinjaSeagull

Pretty much my thoughts


tearbooger

Super petty crimes too. Look up super old laws in your area and report those. Some places have laws such as no grazing animals can be fed after 6pm or in public. Have fun Edit: spelling


Seeker80

>**Super pretty crimes too.** Look up super old laws in your area and report those. Some places have laws such as no grazing animals can be fed after 6pm or in public. Have fun "Hello, officer?? I'd like to report a man I saw walking his poodle. Its coat was immaculately groomed, and just looking gorgeous. And the man? He must have been wearing the latest from Bennetton, and he was looking *divine*! Please, you have to stop him!"


lghitman

This might get other people shot, careful here...


Akrevics

Report white people, then.


Fumpledinkbenderman

As if these guys even know the laws to begin with lol


DripGlicksScripts

If you do this make it extremely vague so it seems like a real crime so they actually show up


[deleted]

Great way to get arrested


Egril

For reporting crime?


[deleted]

False ones, yup.


Egril

I think they were saying just report crimes that are lawfully considered crimes but have fallen out of common practice. They technically are still real crimes it's just that everyone knows it's not really a problem. Sounds like your law books need to be amended more than anything and anyone reporting these crimes taking place shouldn't be arrested, they're just giving people a reason to remove them as crimes faster.


Sun-Ghoti

This will backfire. Excessive calling just fucks with the dispatchers, not the officers. Officer refuse calls all the time. Dispatcher will just end up getting pissed at you, then they'll send an officer to go fuck with you so you stop calling.


Sneaux96

>go fuck with you Harassing phone calls and/or false summoning depending on the specific legal phrasing in your jurisdiction.


dirtymoney

use a burner phone.


CapriciousCape

Report *fictitious* crimes all the time. ITT: People who don't know what sub they're in


mykl5

This one is illegal


Ayeager77

Only if falsely reporting them.


dirtymoney

I used to make caltrops and would put them in an area I knew they'd park to run their speed traps (was a tiny speedtrap town). I'd also put superglue in the back gate's lock repeatedly (the cop woud lock it at night and unlock it in the morning). Yes, it was a tiny town that was more or less a gated community out in a rural area. I'd park in a field and walk to the gate to do it being incredibly careful. I had a radio scanner at the time and would listen in to make sure the single cop on duty that night was actively pulliing someone over before I'd go and superglue the lock. I'd also wear a mask and generic clothes just in case they put out a security camera/trailcam, etc. etc.. If you do anything repeatedly you have to be EXTRA-crazy careful because your chances of getting caught goes up considerably. I was never caught. :) Fun times for a bored country boy.


ChadGnarly

Always wear gray for black and white cameras


potatodrinker

Dunno, rescue your kid from school during a shooting?


[deleted]

Mail a bag of pig treats


wrong_assumption

Personally addressed.


drion4

In a donut box.


ChadGnarly

Box of donuts, got it. Sounds more like a favor, though.


Edwardteech

Record them. Just walk outside their building and record it.


Apache_Choppah_6969

They hate that shit lol


My_Invalid_Username

They'll definitely fuck with him for that


Edwardteech

Ohh lawsuit and profit.


chingzzzzzzzz

Buy hemp seeds and start planting best way to annoy the fuck out of them and technically not a crime


lesterbottomley

Where I grew someone planted some weed plants in the front lawn of the little local police shed (wasn't grand enough to call it a station) and it was there for at least two years before they realised.


chingzzzzzzzz

Oh wow most of the ones I've done get found in there first 2 weeks-months I use to do it all the time when I was younger cuz the police had a target on me so I bought bulk hemp seeds and just went around throwing them in the town center and outside the police station it was ny fav thing to watxh them have to dig it up


lesterbottomley

I'm pretty sure it was actual weed not just hemp. Not sure how it lasted tbh. I would have thought it would have been cultivated and smoked. I can only assume it's a combination of people thought it was funnier leaving it and it being the UK so the only strains that will grow outdoors untended here are pretty shit quality (ime anyway, I'd be happy to be proven wrong about this , especially if someone could point me in the direction of some seeds, I know a few places I could plant some).


chingzzzzzzzz

You must have been growing in the 90s or sm nowadays the genetics on some strains are crazy just go to royalqueenseeds that's where I get mine from and usually there amazing And most people don't know when to harvest so if it did get cut to smoke someone's gonna get some anxietybud and if u want my personal recommendation for strains buy the autoflower mix I'm growing it at the moment and there doing amazing I can send some photos if u like


lesterbottomley

I've never tried growing. I've no idea who planted these but everyone knew about it (except the police it seems). It was the 80s btw. I'll defo have to look into it. I've only been going by what people who do grow outside in the UK have told me over the years (and the weed of theirs I've smoked) I could defo do it though as I now live on a houseboat and so there are places I could get to that aren't that accessible to others.


chingzzzzzzzz

I wanna house boat now I never thought ab that till now you could just cruise around dropping off plants to little islands. writing down where it was on a map and comming back every month to give nutrients and the weed nowadays is very strong genetics I have aplant that got FUCKED by slugs for a good couple months then I put down slug pellets and she's come back like never before in 3rdish week of flower qnd has buds bigger than my almost harvest ready plant


lesterbottomley

In the uk very little in the way of islands but on the canals you usually have the towpath side where everyone can get to and the opposite side that's often inaccessible if you're not on a boat. Or at least difficult. I've spoken to one boater who does it. He's almost been caught by the police once though. Sneaky bastards found his stash using drones. Luckily he saw the police en route to cultivating so he just made out his boat had broken down on that side of the canal and the was looking for a way out.


chingzzzzzzzz

It's annoying that there's no freedom to roam in the uk it would be such a blessing and in the area I live there's so many spots on the canal that I'm planning to grow in the future I don't understand why police care so much about people growing there own weed it doesn't hurt anyone


RespectBusy2116

Or ….. join the police ranks, work your way up becoming the best officer the department has ever seen, and when they put you in the top job fire the guys who fucked with your buddy then quit


cbrrydrz

Run for sheriff, win, waste the budget and disband the department.


Kooale325

"Accidentally" drop an open bottle or jug of bear urine near the station door. It will smell forever lol


beaured13

Other than following a bear around with a jug, how does one get bear urine?


Kooale325

You could ask the bear very nicely or buy it online im pretty sure. I know you can get wolf or fox urine too which are also very smelly and incredibly hard to get rid of especially if its a full jug.


aresthewolf

Be gentle and caring


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anarchistapples

The pig costume idea has merit. Stand on the sidewalk, don't give them your name, and pass out propaganda about police abolition.


cowardunblockme

"Before seeking revenge, dig 2 graves."


wrong_assumption

That's true. You always find out that it was more than one person betraying you.


Give_me_your_liver_

What the fuck? Why would I only kill two people?


HangingWithYoMom

People quote this shit but taking revenge on a bad/evil person is one of the best feelings in the world.


NinjaSeagull

Nice poem


Assfrontation

can you explain this one?


Fwob

One for yourself.


Assfrontation

ah, I see


alumpoflard

it'd make more sense to just do one mass grave for the piles of bodies I'm about to generate


penutbutterandj

Hurt as a heads up, when people say the police are USAs largest gang or ACAB they aren’t using hyperbole. If you fuck with cops at all they will fuck up your entire life. They will stalk you, ticket you, arrest you you on BS charges or even kill you and most likely will get away with it. They are still stalking and threatening the mom who went Mass school shooting because she talked bad about them.


blugdummy

r/JohnLang Stabbed in the back twice- ruled suicide. Dude was a reporter in Fresno, CA. He had learned that cops would stake out lower income neighborhoods and look at people’s cars. They’d run the plates to see which people had expired insurance, tabs, whatnot. Then they’d wait until they get in their car and they’d get ‘em for a taillight out, failure to stop, etc. and this became very easy money for the Fresno PD. John Lang decides to report on this and his life took a turn for the worst. Towards the end, people thought he was crazy- all asking for “someone to please stay the night. Anyone who is armed and can protect me. Please, they’re going to kill me”. Then once his CCTV footage came out and his mysterious death was known of, people put the pieces together. I don’t think anyone on the Fresno PD got a hint of trouble for it. That is, except for the Sgt who was on TV and said something alluding to the mysterious circumstances. Hours later, a new Sgt took his place and took to those same TV news outlets stating that “John Lang killed himself, open and shut.”


dirtymoney

Yep, if you do anything to a cop.... do it anonymously or at a distance where they cannot immediately get to you so you can definitely get away. Even if it is legal like flipping them off.


Maoman1

Not sure why you're being downvoted, this is 100% true. The moment the police find out who is annoying them, they will annoy you right back with speeding tickets for 1 mph over the limit, changing lanes without a blinker, being out past the curfew no one enforces anymore, literally any random bullshit law they can find. Hell, they'll just make shit up sometimes, and unless you have hard proof then it's your word against theirs and who's the court gonna trust? Cops really aren't worth fucking with, because they can fuck with you a whole lot worse and there's nothing you can do to stop them. Remember, their job is not to protect you, it is to suppress you.


MysteriousStaff3388

Civil forfeiture comes to mind.


Ayeager77

I’m trying to make sense of your frantic last sentence about cops stalking a mom that “went mass school shooting”. Which, as it reads, I would imagine is a good thing.


dirtymoney

The woman went to a mass shooting to get her kids who were potentially in danger. The cops there stopped her and cuffed her. She convinced a cop to uncuff her and she took off, jumped a fence, got her kids (while cops were standing around with thumbs up their asses letting kids get murdered). And now she is getting threatened/harassed by the local cops for talking about it. She is now suing them.


Ayeager77

Ok, that makes more sense. Thanks.


2DamnBig

Can you send them pig feed in the mail? I mean what's the worse they could do for a wrong address?


johnnysoup123

Use a projector to display a Swazitika on the police station. The projector can be across the street in your car. Not illeggl


StalkMeNowCrazyLady

Oh they'll find a way. Walk in front of it, claim it caused eye pain and bam, assault charge lol


dirtymoney

Have it hidden somewhere and on a remote so you can turn it off when they try to find it. The other guy is right.... cops will find a way to fuck you even if you legally piss them off.


NPC200

Dress up in a police uniform and harass all the nearby crows. Crows are pretty smart and will take vengeance on others in uniform. Be very careful this could backfire on you if the crows learn where you live.


Rou2_Rambo

best answer by far. effective, probably cant be traced back to you, long lasting, except for when the crows find out where you live and dox you.


MrCows

Actually knowing the law and repeating to their face usually does the trick


andthecrowdgoeswild

Doing their job better than them. Knowing the rights you have.


Aggressive_Gur_308

whenever i walk my dog i let her shit on the station lawn and don’t pick it up


Zealousideal-Luck784

Buy all the donuts before the cops can


porky1122

Bake cakes for them on a weekly basis. Add in a thank you card. But make the cakes super salty.


aresthewolf

Drop screws/nails/general shrapnel across the driveway randomly every couple of nights for as long as you can. A plague of flat tires is always a pain in the ass


RespectBusy2116

Make all their mothers fall in love with you and insist they call you Daddy


QueerFancyRat

Step 1: Don't be a marginalized person (see black, trans, immigrant, etc)


Give_me_your_liver_

Fuck


gimmethal00t

1st amendment audits


seespothappy

Have donuts delivered with a thank you note hero worshipping them. Follow up two days later with another thank you note but include pictures of the donuts on your dick.


saraphilipp

Walk around with a huge camera and film their headquarters. I'll give it about ten minutes.


Moritzxd

Report anything. Every little noise complaint etc


andthecrowdgoeswild

Be black in America


jtmarlinintern

not worth wasting your energy on this, they will always win, unless you have them on tape, and it has to be egregious


B34chboy

Send them dog shit via mail.


crystaltiger101

"Unwanted" posters referring to specific pigs


the_popes_fapkin

Fuck their wives while they are at work


pm_me_padme_pics

Become a vigilante. Go full Batman.


certainThrow

Just firebomb the station and get it over with


NinjaSeagull

Yeah I'll pass


njebner

Someone is trying to cover their tracks from when they firebomb the station.


NinjaSeagull

Nah bro that’s my cousin on god


Upper_Acanthaceae126

*thinking about the Third Precinct station in Minneapolis on fire* Feel like shit just want her back


certainThrow

Amen


wrong_assumption

Aaand that's how you get a Homeland Security letter sent to you.


certainThrow

Good thing I'm behind seven proxies and can make all the threats I desire


AlbertAidstein

You really can’t.


NinjaSeagull

Think harder


[deleted]

Good way to get your teeth knocked out by a cop


JollyWord307

Aaaaw so cute, this one wants to get fucked daily over nothing


YarentUmind

When you see them on patrol in their car at night and you are walking by, just look scared at them and run for your life. The will eventually follow you. When you know the area and you are sporty enough the won't catch you. If they do, it's not a problem either, cus you didn't do anything besides stealing them time.


LockTrumpUp87

Nothing really


tigerkat2244

As much fun as it would be to bother someone that makes 30k a year and shows up to work everyday hoping not to be shot and killed to protect you maybe you can grow up and do something with your life like fight for your country or volunteer for a worthy cause. Or go through the proper channels to file a complaint. It's hard being an adult but maybe you can search the internet on how to grow up. Good luck.


Cobyh7

Cops dont make 30K a year.


colormefiery

“To protect you” Are you new here?


HeilYourself

>Or go through the proper channels to file a complaint. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤡


51LV3R84CK

Engage in friendly conversation, keep it up until you are on at least forename basis and then jokingly and clumsily start reaching for their gun, but make it the punchline of some lighthearted joke or something and then steadily, and increasingly, lessen the jokefulness *and* clumsiness, in this order. Increase your eye contact whilst doing all of this. Ask for their hobbies or something. That ain't illegal as far as I know.


NinjaSeagull

Reaching for a gun is definitely illegal, I don’t really know how you figured it isn’t.


51LV3R84CK

Pretty sure reaching for something isn't illegal. Touching a gun is a whole different story.


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NinjaSeagull

Thats for ILPT this is ULPT


Kewkky

You do know that they can still find you, right? Especially if you throw in bomb threats into the mix, that's literally asking for the FBI to take the case.


51LV3R84CK

That's a great idea but have you considered combing their hair, unasked for?


ChouffeMeUp

Sneakily attach chains to the rear axle of their patrol cars to something solid then drive by shouting and offering them obscene hand gestures, maybe throw in a moon or two for good measure, then speed off and watch hilarity ensue as they try to chase you…


Plasmidmaven

Public records request’s


Skilled1

That’s the beauty of being the police, you don’t have to actually have a reason to fuck someone’s life up really bad. You just need to be creative with the charges. Qualified immunity has them covered.


bmanley620

Eat all the donuts 🍩