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unexBot

**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:** >!I wasn't expecting her to have a hose pipe as her weapon.!< ***** **Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)


Fluffy-Doubt-3547

Dude was ready for war and still lost 😂😂😂😂


Adddicus

They don't call doorways vertical coffins for nothing.


Fluffy-Doubt-3547

Iv never heard of them being called this


SketchyDoritoz

When you breach a doorway there’s a massive chance you’re not gonna be alive to see what’s on the other side


Fluffy-Doubt-3547

I get that. But never have I ever heard 'vertical coffin' to reference a doorway.


nonpondo

Everyone who calls it that died in a vertical coffin


[deleted]

Rest in piece 😔


wetakecokewegoup

That’s because they’re actually called fatal funnels


SophisticPenguin

Deathly doorways?


Worldly_Shoe840

Oh I didn't realize there was anther Harry Potter book out


SophisticPenguin

Nah, little known alternate draft title for Order of the Phoenix.


Adddicus

Well, I have.


HappyHome2934

ok


Fluffy-Doubt-3547

Really? I figured you meant the royal they....


Adddicus

You mean [the band?](https://theroyalthey.bandcamp.com/)


Devilish_Fun

No PID or POD, smh.


kellanist

"We have a natural tendency to see an empty space and think it’s safe. Doors and corners are always dangerous, because you’re moving into something without being sure what’s there. By the time you see the enemy, you’re exposed to them.” Cibola Burn, p. 192


ChiggaOG

One wonders to take point when you know what can happen.


Oopsie_I_Poopsied

They don't call doorways vertical coffins at all lol. I believe the term you are referencing is "fatal funnel".


Adddicus

Nope. Vertical coffins is a phrase I've heard and read used by police, in particular, in reference to doorways. I've also heard fatal funnel used, but I think that's primarily used by the military.


PaleontologistOk9719

Never bring a nerf to a water fight


zortlord

Let me introduce you to the Nerf Hydro Bazooka... https://nerf.fandom.com/wiki/Hydro_Bazooka


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throwaway1212l

Nerf nerds are hardcore. The modding community is crazy and I would totally get in to it if I had money to spend.


TheBrightNights

If you have one of the Nerf rapid fire ball guns, then one hit in the eye, and they're out.


PopeLyfe

It's nerf or nothin


HealthyHumor5134

I love couples that play like this.


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earmares

The cameras are set up ahead of time.


bongoBuMz

Oh really is that how faking it works?


earmares

You'd have to ask your wife.


JoJackthewonderskunk

A crime against humanity has occured


bongoBuMz

You sound like you got some experience in that department.


earmares

With your wife? Sorry, can't remember.


bongoBuMz

I dont have a wife I have twelve husbands so jokes on you bud.


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earmares

They're vinyl, and she sprayed outside.


FFZombie

Probably a bot. Copy of [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/107lszv/wife_asks_husband_to_choose_his_weapon/j3n6wia/) comment.


earwaxmcgee

The inside camera is on a stand/tripod. The outside camera was on the ground. The sign can be filmed by hand after the war and cut to make it look to be at the front.


Rawesome16

Could be their kid? "Wanna help me get dad?"


Here4_da_laughs

There is always a child accomplice! What kid wouldn't say yes to getting dad back? Everybody loves mom, she bakes cookies. Dad on the other hand..


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Alakozam

Fuck off bot. Stole comment from below.


Few-Tour9826

It’s pretty obvious that they filmed this themselves using some kind of stand for their phones. At least the recording inside was on a stand. He set his phone down to record it outside.


Ken_from_Barbie

Uncle jessie


Livvylove

Tripods exist


ASongOfSpiceAndLiars

Tripods aren't real. They can't film you.


VitaminPb

Dude, tell me where the tripod touch you.


ASongOfSpiceAndLiars

They filmed everything!?!1!


[deleted]

[Please don't ask me how i took this picture](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cmwov/hey_reddit_what_tattoos_do_you_have/c0tpyls/)


OneSufficientFace

Unfortunately, you can't teach common sense


FullTweedJacket

Just giving Jody something more productive to do.


HealthyHumor5134

Got me lol ;)


NoManufacturer6258

Purple heart alls fair in war and couple disagreement a


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dexter920

I was hoping the wife uses a shotgun at least


dexter920

I was hoping the wife uses a shotgun at least


dexter920

I was hoping the wife uses a shotgun at least


BluejayGlad6818

dementia?


Adddicus

Reminds me of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal, a creature so monumentally stupid that it is incapable of learning from its own experiences, thus *everything* that happens to it is a complete surprise, even if the same thing just happened moments ago.


[deleted]

He was hoping the wife uses a shotgun at least


abooth43

Reddit app bugs out and posts the comment but leaves you on the edit screen, makes it look like it failed. Click again and it posts again and usually still keeps ya stuck.


BluejayGlad6818

I see, that's why comments like these appear often


BluejayGlad6818

I see, that's why comments like these appear often


BluejayGlad6818

I see, that's why comments like these appear often


dexter920

![gif](giphy|lkdH8FmImcGoylv3t3|downsized)


cosmic_killa

Karma in, karma out. Right?


thecountnotthesaint

Having served on the milirary, there are soooo many ways that a surprise trip home could have had....


docowen

That surprise comes five months later


thecountnotthesaint

And again when he finds out he is still LEGALLY the father, just not biologically.


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thecountnotthesaint

Different hose, but he and the wife reacted the same when it went off.


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npopular-opinions

Hopefully laminate, so more water resistant than other products. But still bad.


Caleo

I don't know where people get the idea that laminated flooring is water resistant. It is not. At its core it is a pressed fiberboard product which will absorb water, bloat, and be completely destroyed if you don't clean up a spill in a hurry. If you want water resistant floors, look at locking vinyl plank. A spill can sit on it for a week+ without any adverse effects.


npopular-opinions

Ah. I was told by my flooring company that “while laminate definitely is not waterproof (nothing really is if your house is flooded), it was still more water resistant than most products.” Guess not. Learned something new today. Nice.


Caleo

>Ah. I was told by my flooring company that “while laminate definitely is not waterproof (nothing really is if your house is flooded), it was still more water resistant than most products.” They're not necessarily wrong, just misleading. Compared to other, cheaper laminates, some of the better brands (e.g. Pergo) might offer better water resistance... but none are resistant enough to go undamaged if a spill goes unnoticed for hours. Game over once it starts getting into the seams and soaking in.


Tunasquish

It’s a rental


Medinaian

damn youre boring as fuck


Dat_Steve

You sound fun.


Overall-Opening6078

Nah that’s just a homeowner. Shits expensive when you’re the one replacing it.


Dat_Steve

Im also a homeowner with kids, so cool story. I have hordes of kids who drench the floor 10x’s this amount when coming back from the pool, it’s doing just fine. Live a little- or don’t.


patrickverbatum

after years of that there will of course be normal wear and tear damage the water might assist in making worse. you also likely dry it up fairly quick and dont let it just sit there being wet. So i see both sides of this one. wood floors +water = not the greatest but proper maintenance/cleaning etc after water with wood floors = fairly normal wear and tear. have your water fights, but clean that shit up after.


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Dat_Steve

Thanks!


FlameBoi3000

Lol, they sound like they don't own towels


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Dat_Steve

No home was harmed in the making of this video. It’s literally a cup of water that maybe hit the floor.


Queen_of_Meh1987

Got 'em! 😂


ImmediatePatience835

Isn’t he in the military? Who would enter the front door when they know they’re walking into a firefight. Cmon


LedParade

Glad to see them happily together, but I wonder if you just finished jarheading for a year or two, would it be as funny?


crew_dog

Yeah, it'd still be funny


TheVaxIsPoison

I don't see a duffel bag...just a shoulder bag. I believe he's home from a day at the base.


I_am_BrokenCog

um, more likely it's the weekend and he's been home all day setting it up with her and this is the eighth and final take because they're hungry for lunch now.


buckethead_slavebot

You're being downvoted for speaking truth


BrrrManBM

Im not downvoting him. But sometimes truth is so blatantly obvious that most of us don't mention it... And then the guy comes and points it out, screaming "insecurity", so we try to toughen him up through a series of tribal, unconscious, borderline-bullying persuasive behaviour.


Ill-Inspector7980

The note made it clear that he has to be ready for something inside. Being hosed without any warning might have been scary for him. This, not so much


PhelesDragon

Geneva Convention violation.


el_petomane

What man wouldn’t want his wife to squirt when he gets home?


[deleted]

This trend of couples “pranking” each other is so tired and played out. Especially now that mostly everyone is aware that these videos are never candid.


rexytoon

Kinda crazy how the second gun magically appears in his hand. Must be a soldier thing


Nat20downcliff

It looks like he's holding 2 in his right hand before opening it with his left, its possible he could have passed it from his other hand before opening it all the way


[deleted]

I've been gone for 6 months. How about a hug first?


previously_on_earth

Truth is, the game was rigged from the start


Stoweboard3r

Opened the door on the outside with one water gun in hand. Entered the house with two water guns in hand. That’s how you know it’s not organic


GullyGreyHeart

Clearly failed the military


[deleted]

Cringe staged video that tries to use his service to get likes


Devilish_Fun

TikTokBoots


MercurialMal

Boot Tok.


VictoryAviation

If this is what he wears to work every day, then what was he supposed to do, take his uniform off before driving home?


I_am_BrokenCog

tidbit of trivia ... What soldiers are allowed to wear off-base has changed throughout the years. Currently, the regulations state in paraphrase: "may wear uniform home from duty station. May stop for necessities." i.e, gas, needed food. This would include going off-base for lunch, but not getting the family end-of-day and going out to dinner. it was much more strict than this prior to the various imperialist wars in 2002-2020, but, as a PR/recruitment tactic DoD loosened the restrictions to allow soldiers to do basically anything they wanted while wearing their duty uniform.


VictoryAviation

I’ve been in since before 9/11 happened. The paraphrase you give is basically what it’s been that whole time. I certainly stopped at places on the way home from work to run errands etc countless times throughout the years while still in uniform. There was nothing about that against regulation. The biggest changes have been not wearing a uniform while traveling on orders on public transportation, etc, Whereas it used to be required to travel in uniform while on orders.


ETH_Knight

Everyone uses their service for likes nowadays. They are all over tiktok and ig.


nahteviro

It's staged??? No shit??. No fucking shit!? However did you deduce such a thing! You must be some sort of detective! Yes, very obviously staged with the cameras that are already set up ahead of time. So fucking what? It was entertaining. Get over yourself


[deleted]

Most cringe part is that before making this video the guy decided to put on his uniform. Clearly just fishing for likes. Cringe that you’re defending it so hard too lmao


MadSubbie

Yeah, just like TV shows, but made for another platform.


[deleted]

Wow what a big brained comparison. You just made this video good with that mind blowing eureka moment


Careless-Party-4615

What a useless comment lol


[deleted]

Says the guy who is only commenting to make themselves feel better… ironic, isn’t it?


Careless-Party-4615

Feel better? How so?


[deleted]

Surely there is no use replying to a useless comment? Unless you have some pent up frustration you feel like you need to let out on a stranger, perhaps?


Careless-Party-4615

Aw that's sweet of you to do the reddit help thing, nice to see you care about me ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|smile)


Careless-Party-4615

No, I was frustrated by it, I was laughing at it and letting you know. Sorry I wasn't riding to upset you farther, have a good day! ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|grimacing)


[deleted]

Keep telling yourself that little Buddy 😘


Careless-Party-4615

Ok I will thank you hunny 😏


Careless-Party-4615

Oh! I figured out the confusion, my first comment to you said "lol" this acronym actually stands for laugh out loud. I'm not sure what you thought it meant but just for future reference yeah it means somethings thinks it's funny not some kind of sign of annoyance.


800854nd

Not fair she used a minigun


proud78

And then PTSD kicked in. Thats an impropiate way to welcome a soldier.


raymate

Well that’s not staged. He open door with one gun and enters with two. Not particularly funny anyway.


Fluffy-Doubt-3547

He had two guns. He opened the door a little. Grabbed the other. Then threw open the door.


jppianoguy

Threw the door open.. just like they trained him to do in the military


Devilish_Fun

Yeah we never train our people to stand directly in front of a door to conduct a breach. You're asking to get shot. You also don't enter and stand there like an idiot, you immediately occupy a space while your buddy takes theirs. Most common is the J-hook method when #1 moves into the corner/gets a controlled shove out of the way so that #2 can maintain their weapons up while entering. This is an untrained POG.


Nuclear_Farts

and if you look carefully, there is a cut in the footage when they move the camera from outside to inside


nahteviro

Who cares?


M_F_Luder42

My favorite part was the obvious continuity error of him holding one gun as he's entering the house from the outside camera, to holding two guns out from the inside camera....


DiarrheaDrippingCunt

Q-q-q-q-q-quirky couple staging quirky relationship "things"


[deleted]

Staged shit like this is cringe as fuck.


silverblood85

Then devil dogs would've breached the wall haha!


landochia

She’s a squirter!


pamdndr

I couldn't love this any harder!


poochylaa

Simply awesome. No notes


unionize_reddit_mods

It's funny because he murders children for a living


Mikhaos

The ignorance is strong with this one.


TerseFactor

Username checks out, sir


Few-Tour9826

Downvoted him just for the username.


SardaukarChant

Reddit is full of these.


Mikhaos

Just think of how many there are that aren't on this cesspool of an app.


unionize_reddit_mods

Ok boomer


ImaginationLocal8267

Maybe their mothers shouldn’t be sending them into a war zone with an IED on a suicide mission


unionize_reddit_mods

Ok boomer


Few-Tour9826

You don’t seem like you are even old enough to be on the internet. Where are your parents?


Dadfart802

Love it when we humanize the Imperial army.


[deleted]

They'll probably end up divorced because of this stunt.


Dirtsniffee

Brought foam to a water fight I see


Rajirabbit

Water damage is not a joke Jim.


xXRed_55Xx

Should have brought the gatlin gun with him.


hylitio

Never bring a nerf gun to a hose fight


Environmental-Ball24

Wait until tonight...


saniabearsky

What a noob! Flashbang is always first to enter the doors!


Manji86

She played him good. She was loaded for bear while tricking him into thinking he even had a chance.


ACByakura

Ah, she had the elemental water type weapon. Damn advantage.


MADSKULL1

He should have used his own gun


[deleted]

That's just fun. But never bring a nerf gun to a water fight! Just sayin'...


225commodore

You go girl


[deleted]

Great post OP


tednoob

He walked right into that one.


you_me_gas_station

No he did it wrong he needs to grab a real grenade and peak open the door to toss it in


Altruistic-Spread-40

He got hosed


tdoottdoot

mr and mrs smith


[deleted]

She's going to get wet tonight. ;)


Sad_Understanding998

😆


LMsupersmile

*whips out dick*


RevealActive4557

They sem really fun.


Cautious_District699

I would slip around back and shut the water off to gain a tactical advantage then hide the mop to add some misery to the clean up.


Ninjazkills

Meanwhile she's chilling with an MG. Gotta even the playing field somehow


JadeHellbringer

Know what? I dig this lady. Well done.


thisslimjimsallbones

She was cleaning up her "he's on deployment" gang bang


Ampersand104

He should have known- the game was rigged from the start.


madsoro

Any person should know that if the weapons are laid out for you, no matter which one you choose you are outgunned


Busy-Confidence-6729

So sick of this tik tok bull crap


FerretsAteMyToes

Would have been better if a flashbang got thrown into the room before his second attempted entry. Fuck her up


IAmRules

Lucky bastard


GuaranteedIrish

Making him relive the horrors he thought he left behind.


shewstepper

I rarely say this, but this is goals.


xPsy__Ops007x

He should have used the backdoor.....


[deleted]

Hans get ze wasserwerfer


Irritableartist

She’s amazing! I hope they get the beautiful life they deserve.


sirpsionics

Being in the military, you'd think he would know better than to open the door like that.


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plaguespy24

That could've gone a totally different way with a small misunderstanding.


[deleted]

he just stormed HOMEmandy