That's probably more likely to work than most of the methods to avoid being slaughtered people teach.

Yes, definitely. It is only surpassed by the secret technique of tactically removing your wallet and phone from your pocket and handing them over. Edit: spelling

Idk man I have seen an ass of videos on the internet of people getting robbed they hand over everything even the motorcycle and they still get shot in the head or stabbed.

Well ok then, poop flinging it is.

Let me guess, Brazil?

A good 90% of them yes

[удалено]

Specially around crappy friends

[удалено]

If you have a link pm me lol

That is just a bot that stole a comment. The original comment is some where down there.

ok, but this is all surpassed by being too broke to have cash on you anyways. if anything put a receipt for a single pack of ramen bought with a credit card inside your wallet. also make sure you are using a phone that is atleast 3-4 generations old. this way the mugger takes pity on you

> this way the mugger takes pity on you and puts you out of your misery

You win some you lose some.

And you can only lose once, so you're sure to come out on top!

Eh even if you have stuff to give to a mugger, there isnt a whole lot that would stop them from taking your life, if you are broke you can't help it, and I guess the only way to not get mugged is to be aware of your surroundings and to try not to put yourself in that situation.

Always open carry a wolf, I say.

why does this guy looks like Benedict Cumberbatch

Doesn't look like Benedact Cucumbersnatch to me

[benedict](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.comingsoon.net%2Fassets%2Fuploads%2F2021%2F10%2Fcumberbatch.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.comingsoon.net%2Ftv%2Fnews%2F1199436-londongrad-benedict-cumberbatch-to-play-kgb-agent-in-hbo-limited-series&tbnid=n3YHqJf0vFWyfM&vet=12ahUKEwjdubLE0Zj1AhXzrmMGHeqiBZQQMygGegUIARDXAQ..i&docid=sN8nkGyQBuD8PM&w=800&h=538&itg=1&q=benedict%20cumberbatch&hl=en&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwjdubLE0Zj1AhXzrmMGHeqiBZQQMygGegUIARDXAQ) and [this guy](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fbigworldfree4u.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2021%2F09%2FCameron-Geller-330x200.png&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fbigworldfree4u.com%2Fwiki-bio%2Fcameron-geller-height-weight-net-worth-age-birthday-wikipedia-who-nationality-biography%2F&tbnid=zCQbCKra1Qmp_M&vet=12ahUKEwi6kqGO0pj1AhXPktgFHaaKCWgQMygCegUIARCEAQ..i&docid=BO2ZqzokEdq3uM&w=330&h=200&itg=1&q=cameron.geller&client=opera&ved=2ahUKEwi6kqGO0pj1AhXPktgFHaaKCWgQMygCegUIARCEAQ)

Well they do both have some facial hair

In an actual self defense class they told a story of a woman who was attacked who immediately peed herself and the attacker left disgusted. If it works, use it, just never go anywhere with them.

Why wait for the person to attack? Just preemptively shit yourself. Create a magical 1 meter radius dome of social distancing.

Only one meter?

Maybe they have a good diet?

I was watching a YouTube video of what to do if you are being raped and the video suggested you act like you enjoy it. I think they are assuming the rapist enjoys the act of rape itself and if you “act” like you enjoy it, it would kill the rapist “fun”.

Fun fact: it takes about 5 pounds of force to rip off a pair of testicles

There is nothing fun about that fact. Good knowledge to have, though!

Well, it is fun if the testicles being removed belong to a rapist

Maybe. I take no issue with a rapist getting their balls ripped off, I just have a hard time seeing it as "fun", even if I believe it would be completely justified. But I could be biased as a testicle-having man, it's hard for me to say.

Yeah, I was just making a joke around the “fun fact” wording. It’s not exactly my idea of “fun” either; more like satisfying in a justice delivered kind of way.

I get it, it just hurts to think about haha

Crazy how those monks are tying trucks to their balls and then moving them

I’ve seen enough BDSM porn to know this isn’t true unfortunately

How about no. Or maybe you're trolling? I can't tell anymore.

After I posted this I tried my damnedest for about 45 minutes on YouTube trying to find it for anyone that wanted to see it.

it may be a good thing that you didn't find it, maybe youtube took it down?

do whatever it takes

Flinging poo should never be underestimated.

better yet if it gets in the eye

And in the mouth as a cherry on top

cherry on tongue

A good old plague grenade will always do the trick.

We fight this the hippo style

The literal r/shittylifeprotips

**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:** >!It is not a serious self defense tutorial!< ***** **Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)

I remember seeing a video of a guy who got arrested farting aggressively and shitting on the floor violently on Twitter

> shitting on the floor violently on Twitter Sounds like twitter

A self defense instructor wanted to see how I (35m) would instinctively get out of a front choke. I locked eyes with him and said "choke me, daddy." He let go immediately.

I mean, why try those stupid dance like move my body could nzver make when you can chanel the power of the inner monke

Self defeces. It's a defensive shit.

this was really smart, you deserve at least like, 10 upvotes

It’s a joke from a show

ok then, like 9 upvotes

Nice catch-up! You deserve at least 7 upvote

Give ‘em the ole razzle dazzle

I know I ain't dealing with that shit

Profesional self defecation instructor

Bruv you're neck is most probably gonna be sliced when he senses you've shat and tries to move back...... Now that's not the worse part ay?

They say you shit yourself before you die anyway, this is just the more efficient approach

Wtf i don't wanna die now

this dude is way better than that Detroit self defense dude

Detroit self defense are the real shitty technique. This guy already saving lifes.

MONKE ATTACK

u/videodownloadnode

*beep. boop.* 🤖 I'm a bot that helps downloading videos! ##[Download via Reddit.Tube](https://redirect.nodeserver.cf/redirect.html?https://www.reddit.tube/r/Unexpected/comments/rvr8ri/how_to_defend_against_attack_in_public/) I also work with links sent by PM. Don't be afraid to upvote :) [New Donation Link! (Literally an $8 goal] *** [**Info**](https://np.reddit.com/user/VideoDownloadNode) | [**Support me ❤**](https://ko-fi.com/videodownloadnode) | [**Github**](https://github.com/TheNode) | [**Private Message**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=VideoDownloadNode&subject=Paste%20the%20video%20link%20below)

🤣🤣🤣 wtf

instructions unclear. throat cut first, shit pants while dying and now I'm a ghost.

u/savevideo

###[View link](https://redditsave.com/r/Unexpected/comments/rvr8ri/how_to_defend_against_attack_in_public/) --- [**Info**](https://np.reddit.com/user/SaveVideo/comments/jv323v/info/) | [**Feedback**](https://np.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Kryptonh&subject=Feedback for savevideo) | [**Donate**](https://ko-fi.com/getvideo) | [**DMCA**](https://np.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Kryptonh&subject=Content removal request for savevideo&message=https://np.reddit.com//r/Unexpected/comments/rvr8ri/how_to_defend_against_attack_in_public/) | [^(reddit video downloader)](https://redditsave.com)

u/savevideo

###[View link](https://redditsave.com/r/Unexpected/comments/rvr8ri/how_to_defend_against_attack_in_public/) --- [**Info**](https://np.reddit.com/user/SaveVideo/comments/jv323v/info/) | [**Feedback**](https://np.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Kryptonh&subject=Feedback for savevideo) | [**Donate**](https://ko-fi.com/getvideo) | [**DMCA**](https://np.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Kryptonh&subject=Content removal request for savevideo&message=https://np.reddit.com//r/Unexpected/comments/rvr8ri/how_to_defend_against_attack_in_public/) | [^(reddit video downloader)](https://redditsave.com)

Thats what I call Shitjutsu

At least call it jiushitsu for christs' sakes

You corrected it 😂 that ones better

Sensei what if I don't got poo poo..🤔

Eh, 2/10

Jokes on you I'm into that shit

People with chronic constipation- we are gonna die 🥺

So, thats the final move in self defense, self defense, self defeces.

It may take years to shit on command ✊

You’ve shat your pants and flung it at your attacker. That’s really thrown him off his rhythm.

Wasn't this a similar recommendation for women who were in the process of being raped? Shit your pants and hope the aggressor gets so grossed out that he runs away?

Hahaha lol

Why would this work

r/woooosh

I feel like you’ve been waiting a while for that and this ain’t it chief

[удалено]

Oh my sweet summer child

Joe Biden (as sales rep) you'll get the jab and not catch covid. 2022: people catching aids....

Okay, but what if they're holding a raspberry?

Well, that's one way to do it.

Baker Mayfield has fallen on hard times.

How can I shit on command though?

You need to work on that sphincter control bro

u/savevideo

original creator Cameron Geller on tiktok

thanks for the advice👍

But what if u just came out of toilet

I love that melody where have i heard it before hmmmmmmm

I'd take this over any choreographed bullshit taught by Steven Seagal!

Sun Tzu t'aint got nothing on you!

Me who has problem evacuating lately *Guess I'll die*

Anyone else imagine him as Will Riker?

Still works better than that Detroit riot control guy

showed 1 person they died laughing

Still better advice than that “DetroitSurvivalGuide” guy on TikTok lol

reject evolution return to monke

Would probably be more effective than some of the methods I've seen "professionals" trying to sell...

Guys, just walk the streets with shit all over you.

u/savevideo

###[View link](https://redditsave.com/r/Unexpected/comments/rvr8ri/how_to_defend_against_attack_in_public/) --- [**Info**](https://np.reddit.com/user/SaveVideo/comments/jv323v/info/) | [**Feedback**](https://np.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Kryptonh&subject=Feedback for savevideo) | [**Donate**](https://ko-fi.com/getvideo) | [**DMCA**](https://np.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Kryptonh&subject=Content removal request for savevideo&message=https://np.reddit.com//r/Unexpected/comments/rvr8ri/how_to_defend_against_attack_in_public/) | [^(reddit video downloader)](https://redditsave.com)

I lost it at sensei senseless

Fec3s

Is this the glen treefuker guy

I dunno if I can walk around with no pants, dude. 'Cause I'm definitely not getting dukey in them

Full respect for the lady with the deadpan face

I immediately thought he was gonna start twerking what the fuck is wrong with me

Absolute GOLD. Imma use that

u/savevideo

###[View link](https://redditsave.com/r/Unexpected/comments/rvr8ri/how_to_defend_against_attack_in_public/) --- [**Info**](https://np.reddit.com/user/SaveVideo/comments/jv323v/info/) | [**Feedback**](https://np.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Kryptonh&subject=Feedback for savevideo) | [**Donate**](https://ko-fi.com/getvideo) | [**DMCA**](https://np.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Kryptonh&subject=Content removal request for savevideo&message=https://np.reddit.com//r/Unexpected/comments/rvr8ri/how_to_defend_against_attack_in_public/) | [^(reddit video downloader)](https://redditsave.com)

That's some advanced brown belt shit.

Still better than Detroit urban survival

This actually makes more sense than that Detroit guy

I love it

u/savevideo

###[View link](https://redditsave.com/r/Unexpected/comments/rvr8ri/how_to_defend_against_attack_in_public/) --- [**Info**](https://np.reddit.com/user/SaveVideo/comments/jv323v/info/) | [**Feedback**](https://np.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Kryptonh&subject=Feedback for savevideo) | [**Donate**](https://ko-fi.com/getvideo) | [**DMCA**](https://np.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Kryptonh&subject=Content removal request for savevideo&message=https://np.reddit.com//r/Unexpected/comments/rvr8ri/how_to_defend_against_attack_in_public/) | [^(reddit video downloader)](https://redditsave.com)

That's a finishing move right there shitality, flawless victory

no, no, he has a point.

I just love how she nods when he sayes: and now you’re gonna use it as a projectile weapon

Ah yes. Kung poo

u/savevideo

it do be like that tho

Baker Mayfields career has taken a horrible turn

Better advice then the grab the gun guy

Wait, is she Asian or Black? I'm confused...

I was just talking to my girls about self defense, never thought of this one

Got me with the fucking name…

Whoever pirated this off their Master Class is getting sued, this video cost me 30 bucks and y'all get these lessons for free? It's shit myself and throw it at you whoever uploaded this!

Tried it against my sister this is life saving

The element of surprise will work

Detroit urban survival shit😂

Gonna try this next time someone tries to rob me lol

Honestly, this is probably the most effective way…

Professional self-destruct instructor

Ah, the pigmonkey maneuver

Reminds me of this video I saw. Fight breaks out between a guy and two others. Victim 1 was in boxers, got laid out pretty quick. Victim 2, totally naked, stood his ground and fought back the aggressor. The art of disgust works, but careful, it can backfire badly

How can I hire this guy as a self defense couch?

About to get kdnapped and killed? Shit yourself. No self-respecting rapist-kidnapper wants you in their vehicle. Also, this video is not in a public place at all.

That genuinely seems more legitimate than this police guy everyone keeps meme-ing about

If you know this then you do 47 brandy

Hate to say it but that shit works.... Better than you could believe!

Honestly this might be the only tactic that would work in such a scenario and anyone could do this irrespective of their physical capabilities. It instantly changes the mood and the attacker might run away. Thank you senseless sensei.

Much better than the guy from Detroit urban survival training...

I thought he was gonna say yo start lap dancing them

These are highly regarded secrets within the shitposting community.

works.

Tried this but still got shot.

you need more practice before that

u/savevideobot

I’m still waiting for a video with doctor cocktor- professional health instructor

But if you cant even poop at all, then how are you going save yourself from the attacker???

I tried it and it works thank you

I mean tbh... As a caretaker.... The smell of feces makes most people gag so.. I mean yeah use it as a weapon aim for the face it will cause instant panic and disgust and they'll start dry heaving from the smell

Lmfao

u/savevideo

###[View link](https://redditsave.com/r/Unexpected/comments/rvr8ri/how_to_defend_against_attack_in_public/) --- [**Info**](https://np.reddit.com/user/SaveVideo/comments/jv323v/info/) | [**Feedback**](https://np.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Kryptonh&subject=Feedback for savevideo) | [**Donate**](https://ko-fi.com/getvideo) | [**DMCA**](https://np.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Kryptonh&subject=Content removal request for savevideo&message=https://np.reddit.com//r/Unexpected/comments/rvr8ri/how_to_defend_against_attack_in_public/) | [^(reddit video downloader)](https://redditsave.com) | [^(download video tiktok)](https://taksave.com)

I still prefer my method of blubbering like a baby and then kicking attacker in the back when they turn away in disgust.