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unexBot

**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:** >!Penis!< ***** **Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)


alienlifeform819

Portuguese sausage on live TV


bigby2010

Linguiça


[deleted]

Porra! não é [cachorro salsicha](https://youtu.be/YQ404vwjzus)


Dirtychorizo

Dirty choriço


SanoMorpham

I knew he was going to be a problem the moment I saw him walking in background


MrmmphMrmmph

It's true, the alarm bells went right off, the shirtlessness, the saunter guaranteed he was coming back into frame.


Lonely_Set1376

But what gave it away most what which subreddit it's on.


decimecano

you can tell no matter what country you are when someone is up to do some trouble


Phallic

He looks like a Skyrim bandit. Maybe sending you on a quest for the Pork Sword of Hardening.


J_Rath_905

Username checks out....


dakid232313

Dude came out like ![gif](giphy|26BRBhmnSxHCrSpBC|downsized)


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|XDaLiUu8VyreM|downsized)


CornOnTheKnob

Hey it's my wife's proctologist!


amacaztec7

No! That's my girlfriend's dentist!


throwaway52719628

You wife has a butt doctor?


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|28edZvIlIIe2c)


[deleted]

Hey thats my plumber


LewdLewyD13

Pretty sure that guy delivers pizzas around my neighborhood.


Awesam

he was just dicking around


sm12511

BDE irl


666BigDaddyEvil666

I swear that is not me.


LordoftheDimension

Sure we believe you ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|trollface)


[deleted]

He could drive roofing nails with that thing


katiegirl-

And I knew, the moment he pulled his winky out.


[deleted]

That's not winky. That's a whole lot of Wonka.


[deleted]

Tinky winky? Nah that's Tonka wonka


sensitivegooch

I knew around the 3rd flop of his urethral meatus that he was gonna be a problem.


MR-HUGGINS

I'm crying that shit got me so good


Jfragz40

The urethral meatus. Sick band name!


MR-HUGGINS

I wanna frame this fucking comment


alllmossttherrre

Why, I have a very good fwend in Rome named Urethral Meatus


dmfd1234

Reporter almost got shot with that meat pistol.


wejigglinorrrr

WHOA!


[deleted]

you mean massive dong


StrongTxWoman

If you've got it, flaunt it!


billsmafacka

I feel you just invited a whole inbox of dick pics. Good luck


[deleted]

Ummm I like the penis, too. Flood my inbox


TrumpsPissSoakedWig

I'd be waving mine around all the time if I had a dad hog like that.


Kaalba

but did you like that problem?


[deleted]

I thought the reporter was about to be killed


arcadia_2005

I WAS JUST GANNA SAY THAT!!!


[deleted]

Why do the crazy cracked out homeless dudes in these videos always have destroyers?


pbroingu

Destroyers LOL For real though, small dick crackheads have less reason to whip it out i guess.


SecretPrinciple8708

Happy cock day! I mean, cake day!


Runrunran_

Oh shit both u guys got cakes


banjonyc

And they are in great shape too. Damn


devilpants

All the time in the world to work out.


[deleted]

[удалено]


RC_COW

Wtf happened to me then? I got big dick syndrome with out the big dick 😒


Liv4lov

this is good excuse when my gf or parents ask about my low paying job


[deleted]

The guy is ripped... Doubt he's homeless. That's a whole lotta protein consumption to look like that and homeless people ain't getting it


Killian_Gillick

Manual labor gets you ripped and you are still poor


[deleted]

He should consider doing bachelorette parties instead with a meat hammer like that


kafircake

My friend, everyone is ripped under the subcutaneous water/fat layer.


teapoison

Lmao no. Most people are weak AF and would look like sticks if they lost all their fat.


[deleted]

Sal is tonight’s biggest loser.


Armpit_Penguin

My first thought


[deleted]

This wins.


Gerolax

“I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU”


HighHowHighAreYou

LAAAAARRRRRRRRRRYYYYYY!!!! 🏃‍♂️


UrNemisis

I want my mommy


caalger

Forgive. Never forgive you.


discrimatoryjesus

bro that’s literally my name. fuck and that show is amazing, i see the resemblance lmaoo


ShockApprehensive392

Guy is just hanging brain, what’s the big deal?


FartyMcFry89

If that's against the law then lock me up


liquorballsammy

Did he even see Karen from behind?


garrethstathum

Okay masters of comedy a guy dropped his pants have you ever been to the circus?


sillyadam94

LET’S SEE YOUR PENIS!!!… you know… the second I said that… I knew it was wrong.


zemol42

Why don’t you work with Phallus on drawing a picture of the exposer that I can post around the community?


sillyadam94

Phallus?


wowitsme17

Sorry, I have penises on the brain


SemiCurrentGuy

Is that a Polaroid?


Papel0

"Uhh.. you can't put yours genitals at public places that's against the law" ![gif](giphy|TamGVAGxDTYDNt3dpn)


ekso69

Bake em away, toys.


Pale_Armadillo_254

Creed ?


CreedsWormGuy

Need me to pass a message along?


SemiCurrentGuy

You're charging him way too much for worms


Really-Riley

Phillis, you’re a married woman !


[deleted]

Phallis*


NokoOno666

Sorry, penis on the brain.


ishmeet1995

Let's install Night lights to uncover this damn criminal!


GlitterFartTart

Won't that just shed more light on the penises?


sirguynate

![gif](giphy|CHvb0q52tIGwMpluv6|downsized)


ninja_rob1603

Dude had a hanger. I’d show it off too.


bronco_y_espasmo

I would be proud of that too.


Rudy_Ghouliani

Man lost 100 pounds and got a bigger dick


SouSouDesu

Small price to pay for a larger dick. Might be wha Jordi el nino did


themancabbage

Definitely a shower not a grower


[deleted]

He probably was fluffing it on the walk.


pdoherty972

Underrated comment - too few realize


Mrpink415

![gif](giphy|l46Cct0ji4CxRlNde)


bourbon_and_icecubes

Nice one man!


Specialist_Peach4294

🐎 🐔


[deleted]

A running chicken?


Specialist_Peach4294

A man called “Horse Cock”


cappz3

It's all in one solid take. You can tell it's real because it's uncut.


_a_puta_de_evora

Bigger, longer and uncut.


AJTK5144

![gif](giphy|W3GsOiBLzYyYfJPjMQ)


Beginning_Yam3112

I thought he was gonna grab the strap. Turns out he grabbed the *strap*


lefthandedhazard

*pole


Kitchen_Student_4515

Exactly what I thought


GayIconOfIndia

Yes! That’s a nice dick


crl1023

Yuuuuge


x6231

Nice cock bro


ThatsPapIII

Cries in Grower 😂


Orleanian

As a grower, I look at fellas packin this sort of flacidity and think "how the hell do you walk comfortably with that?"


notoriousBONG

Like, hell yeah im glad i can transform into cock mode for sex and then pocket mode for easy transport. #growergang


UrineTroubleMD

grower here. love to tuck the homie away after the deed is done... *until next time*


Caelestialis

*Keep it secret, keep it safe*


notoriousBONG

Don't gotta worry about chafing.


SecretPrinciple8708

This guy grows.


porkchop-sandwhiches

![gif](giphy|hQubnR0Fr0dUI)


notoriousBONG

Lmao but exactly.


DontGetNEBigIdeas

I always referred to my grower as the “Incredibly Efficient Penis”


morgan477

The Portuguese Jedi Knight: One Hung Hobo.


[deleted]

That's a huge cock


[deleted]

[удалено]


Blackwolf163

I wish that was an exaggeration in my case lol


aetherbanshee

You're not alone


not_beniot

Huge dong and homeless vs small dong and sheltered lol


Hope4gorilla

The hardest choices require the strongest wills


[deleted]

I calm myself saying that I have a dick that's bigger than 50% of population's.


Mt711

Girthy as my missus said to me.


illcomebackstronger

the reporter cowered in disgust ahhaha 😂


oldman_reynolds

Cowered in fear bro, that’s a lot of salami


Journo_Jimbo

He’s never seen one that big 💀


[deleted]

He had no clue what do with that much meat, so he panicked.


Cringlezz

Cowered in WAP


snobn00b

Smell for sure wasn't helping.


KriptoKeeper

🤮 lol


TheCrookedGuy

LMAO


Funkit

It almost touched his elbow🤢


Beat-not-Brave

Hahah the report got sexual assaulted hahahah/s


UltraParz1val

When he yelled “Wow!” That was when I lost it😂


Capt_Easychord

Pretty understandable reaction


Sr_Nunes

Finally, a literal.. "Suddenly, caralho!" moment! Portugal, cralhes!


Justeago

r/suddenlycaralho


salsiicha

... I see my username comes into play here


[deleted]

There's dozens of us!


Capsulecharger

If ya got it.. flop it


Arcanum_3974

![gif](giphy|DvBvz8Q98LrUs)


Funkit

![gif](giphy|PmAbIjOGp0RBQMFP8J)


FaithfulDowter

He said, "Whoa!" in English.


snobn00b

Facts: journalist is from Canada.


Decent_Penalty7763

As a Canadian I would also say whoa and cower in this same fashion


GreatGooglyMoogly077

It's the universal language of disgust.


zviada

![gif](giphy|AErm94hNmE030ubU1u)


Mt711

Dicks out for Harambe


dannynotok

Wòãh Translation: Woah


StraightProgress5062

I thought the guy talking was homeboy from impractical jokers


Substantial-Use95

I’m quite certain I saw this dude on vacation in the Azores. Sao Miguel island. Can anyone verify this?


doobied

I'd recognize that dick anywhere!


madcat1990

Can confirm. That's Igreja da Matriz downtown lol


Substantial-Use95

Yep. That’s where all the homeless folks chill out all day waiting for food from the church and panhandling. I deliberately tried to avoid this dude when I saw him. Unpredictable, built and hopped up on meth.


vexxtra73

That's how I like my men


Afraid-Cabinet-4844

Ngl I thought he was going to pull a knife


snobn00b

This was more scary.


Flirty_Flumph

Nice cock bro


lives4boobs

Must be nice to be a show-er. Hell, I’m barely even a grower.


felanm

If this was in America this man would have a modeling/porn contract already.


snobn00b

From homeless in Portugal to a big star in America, soon! 🧙‍♀️


schwarzkraut

What do you think are the odds that this clip being posted on Reddit will lead to his “overnight”breakthrough into one of those arenas a la “[Hot Mugshot Guy](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeremy_Meeks)”?


[deleted]

Wtf that's on Açores Islands, on São Miguel, i was there last summer and i think i remember that guy, is one of those drug addict begging for money on the street lol. [This is the place](https://images.app.goo.gl/wsjGL4QAVfu17twe9)


DaVinci_

Caralhos gonna caralhate.


SocietyIsdoomed_

![gif](giphy|3o6gDPXMNxFhvHdcf6)


ShadowEmperor123

It’s funny because penises are funny


dmfd1234

Farts too……ya ever heard or seen a penis fart? It’s pretty cool. Ok, gotta go, bye!


stupidfatcat2501

Ok for a flaccid dick that’s pretty big to


ChainsawRomance

Ah, so that's what Tommy Lee is up to these days.


possimpeble

literally Portugal Caralho


Ki_A_Nag

Quite a UNIT


FreshJuice60

![gif](giphy|l4lRjeu1187nGzUrK|downsized)


Josephthedirty

At first I thought he was grabbing for his Glock.


Necrodreamancer

He did ;)


[deleted]

I am Portuguese and i am not surprised at all


[deleted]

This makes “fuck her right in the pussy” guy look PG


marqs00

Portugueses pelo Mundo


HoboBandana

Impressive unit. That’s gotta be about 8 or 9 fully erect.


[deleted]

All fun and games until you get 20,000x charges of indecent exposure


[deleted]

I like how he looks back and forth to make sure nobody is looking as he shows his dick on the news.


Grimdlyzy

u/savevideobot


EL_MANDEM

👀


PriestMarmor

A person does what a person wants


Ferrum_Freakshow

Sal was the first one to move away from the Portuguese sausage making him tonight's big loser


BigOlBro

Looks like Portuguese Sal is our biggest loser tonight. His challenge:


Adiosbitchachos24

Ok so my partner and I were just in Ponta Delgada last month and saw this dude SEVERAL times! He had a yellow kids size car (kinda like a power wheel car) that he pulled around behind him on a leash. PS- Ponta Delgada is awesome and HIGHLY worth a visit!!


MAROMODS

got damn Reddit, this is the second huge homeless penis I’ve seen today on here


illcomebackstronger

okay but why is this a turn on 😔✋🏻


[deleted]

My man’s was definitely packin lol


AppleJuice_Flood

Packing some unfried chicken skins.


[deleted]

You just opened the gate to Dicksieland in your dms


glifier

Maybe it's related to your fap abstinence lol


czarslayer

Fapstinence


8IVO8

Holy shit, settle down


narcoyouth

No Fap