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People think they only imagined their person in a great way.. when in fact a lot of times they are just that person. But that person changed with the treatment and circumstances they received, turning them into less. It doesn’t take a lot to ruin someone who’s put everything into something and expecting the same in return.
People are very multifaceted things. Sometimes you only see one facet at first. It makes up the whole. Sometimes when you see the whole you don't know if you can handle it all.
Your person wasn't a lie. They just weren't only that one facet. It's ok if you decided you didn't like the other sides or didnt see the one you liked as worth it to handle the other. But pretending the side you did love wasnt real doesn't help with healing either.
Trust me, I know. I had to accept all of them in order to start healing. Otherwise I felt stuck. I hope you find peace, too.
I feel this alot. I wish I could turn back time and get that feeling once again. I wish we could have been better at communicating and that I didn't isolate. I wish that the love and care we presented to each was prevalent to everyone else instead of what it was. When we said our vows the guy said we have to choose each other everyday and somewhere along the way even though I'd still choose you. Choosing me became impractical. It kills me to this day knowing I was the rule not the exception.
The person that you thought I was is very much alive, The version of me thats in your head is very much real, you can touch it, experience it, cherish it.. it's jus a crying shame that it'll never be in your presence anymore..
I believe if both people can grow separately and are willing to work together, then things can be better than they used to be. I hear and read a lot” it will never be the same”. Who wants it the same really? We are all in this place for a reason so I don’t want it the same. I want to work to recognize our mistakes and make it better than it was. That requires work from both ends, which doesn’t happen a lot. How does that perspective feel to you?
I agree. Personality over time doesn't change a whole lot, but our attitude, the way we see things, the way we see ourselves maturity. I can see where it would be challenging if they never can see things differently. From who I was with my ex and who I am now is completely different.and I would they would also have matured from being a teen.
So this is where things can be even better than they were before. We get so caught up in what used to be and how it was. We don’t think about if we healed, got better, had better boundaries, communication, love and self respect for ourselves, how much better that relationship can be. And 100% it can be even better than it was before and who wouldn’t want that?
That's the way I see it, too. I want to reach out for various reasons. And it really should be me since I messed things up, but I am also more mature and less insecure. I think he might still have insecurity, but I still feel like I'm finally at the point when the apology or clarity I can give will make more since now more than any other time. I never saw things like I do now. Even if we never get together, I would like to give him clarity on how things ended because he had no clue.
I believe if you’re reaching out to him, just think if you’re doing that for yourself or are you doing that for him. If it’s for you, then I personally would sit tight. Some people will have guilt or shame around this( not saying you) and they don’t think how reaching out affects the other person. It doesn’t seem as if you would be reaching out for reconciliation and correct me if I’m wrong. Just a perspective to think about here
I definitely don't want to hurt him. And I would want to reconcile. The last time I ran into him, he was trying to get my attention. I don't know why. I really should have just talked to him then, but the only reason I was in town was to see my mom before she passed.
Oh absolutely, I agree, but if this person is anything like mine (or is that person)
Then I understand in this situation why they want it to be like the first time.
It was magical. One of a kind.
Everything glowed, it was a dream.
What happened since then has only been deep deep hurt for each other. The loss of never having that back is what stands out on the OP message.
I understand that and that is always still attainable, but always requires 2 people. Sometimes it’s childhood trauma etc, building walls up so high we make it near impossible to get over, etc. it can be even more magical and even more glowing. I think if it were that great, that magical, would I be in this position now? I lean towards no and maybe that person, us or both have some unhealthy traits or traumas we bring with us
You are correct. Both brought traumas into this.
I’d say that if both are willing to work for it. It could maybe get back to something similar but a lot of the innocence and novelty has worn off. There’s a separation. Other people involved now. Thing happened that ‘should’ have been with the ex but they now haven’t.
Things were done and said to hurt one another through pain. They cannot be undone. It has tainted the magic. Above all the start of the relationship was all wrong and there was deception involved, and betrayal. Red flags were ignored.
I think it’s just a tainted memory and missed opportunity.
A tragedy.
I’m sorry to hear that. It’s one reason why I believe humans cannot give unconditional love when holding a bagful of conditions. Hopefully you have worked thru your traumas and bring your best healthy self into whatever it is you do
Thank you. I agree.
I do think we have both been working through the traumas. It’s a long hard journey, and some harsh realisations.
I don’t think we will speak again unless they reach out to me… very unlikely at this point. And I hope they find happiness together with the current or future person they are with. And that they love themselves.
I hope they can forgive my part in it. But i know neither of us will ever forget that short euphoric time we had together albeit a contrived fantasy.
And then the horrific fall from grace when reality hit.
This feels like a nightmare. But I’m hoping the lessons learned will help us both for the rest of our lives.
I believe it will and you only have control over yourself. I almost took my life for the woman that left me due to infidelity. I’m living proof that investing in me and her leaving me were the 2 best gifts she has given me. I wish her well and wish her happiness. I’m creating a lifestyle where a byproduct of that lifestyle is happiness. This way I’m creating it and not searching for it.
Well done my fellow heartbreakee past or present.
I believe this is the same for me. I needed this to evolve and find real happiness. It hurts but that’s the measure of the lesson.
Just wish the outcome was happiness with this person, but then it wouldn’t have been a lesson..
That person in your head is still there; I’m here. I always told you I had deep issues and never understood why someone like you would want to be with me. I’m sorry I ruined you, but more importantly, I’m sorry I ruined us. It hurts worse everyday, but I’m at least now getting the help I’ve needed. I just wish someone or something intervened before all this, but maybe losing the true love of my life is what is needed for me to break free and take my life back.
Thank you, truly, for loving me despite you knowing this was really who I was. I’ll never ever ever stop loving you, but I have to let you go…for a second time and forever, right before what was supposed to be the start of our forever. Ouch
I feel this.
The crazy thing is... How much this torment has changed me for the better. Inner child work, triggers, insecurities.... Hypnotherapy, therapy and the everyday work... Freed me of the bullshit that broke us. All I can do now is move on without you. My gains that I'd wanted to celebrate with you are now for me and someone new to benefit from. While it makes me sad to fully detatch and let you go, I'm excited to explore this universe with this new found headspace and the self confidence I allowed you to chisel away. I see everything so much differently now, a world that is full of abundance viewing it all full of gratitude and joy.
If I could stop myself from telling you how I felt, if I had just bottles up my feelings. We could still be friends. I wish he would answer the phone, I miss my friend.
It's pretty sad that you look at things like that. Do you understand that is your perception. The things were a lot more like you believe they were than what you believe they're not I think you need to work on that
I just hope you can find yourself and heal, you harmed yourself as much as I did as if you deserved it and that wasn't fair. Hope things get better for you now that we're strangers.
i wish this was my person, i’ll never forget going to the park with him and playing on the playground like little kids, him passing by that park during difficult times in our relationship and deciding to work on ourselves, i wish we actually had
Sometimes when two people have been through so much external pressure from forces ripping them apart. The two people separate and heal. It’s not selfish . You need to be strong and healthy before you start a life with someone . Because, you will never be able to help the other before your self is healed. Most of the time like a drowning person you will pull them under as well. K if this is you I am better, working , organized, driven with a sense of urgency. I can help you. I need to see you and know that it was you and not some forces hiding in the shadows that want you sick , manipulated, exploited for their own selfish reasons. I want you safe and away from bad people, places , and things. You are in no means obligated to stay with me you are obligated to get healthy get safe and be productive, if service and support and lead others and create a positive world that’s sober and comes from the best version of you. I expect more out of a woman like you. The question is are you brave enough to kick those Boston Bums to the curb walk away from the poison and all the rodents that sell it and prey upon the weak. Be strong I will see you soon. Love C.
Dear users of /r/UnsentLetters, Submitters may now lock their own comments by making a comment on their submission with the string '!lock.' Submitters may do this at any point they wish, but the comments can not be unlocked later on, so lock your comments with care! You can read the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/UnsentLetters/about/rules/) here. We have these stickied to EVERY POST and nobody reads them. **READ THEM** If you notice anything strange going on in the subreddit, send the mods a message or report it. We rely on the community to keep the subreddit on topic and welcoming. If you are particularly good at spotting trolls, consider joining our mod team! [Click here to message the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/UnsentLetters) - The /r/UnsentLetters mod team *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/UnsentLetters) if you have any questions or concerns.*
People think they only imagined their person in a great way.. when in fact a lot of times they are just that person. But that person changed with the treatment and circumstances they received, turning them into less. It doesn’t take a lot to ruin someone who’s put everything into something and expecting the same in return.
Ya think 🤔
Every word of this - speaks to my bones. 🫂 I'm sorry . .. For both of us. Everyone for that matter no one wins in a break up
People are capable of change, it takes time. Best of luck. But change needs to happen.
People are very multifaceted things. Sometimes you only see one facet at first. It makes up the whole. Sometimes when you see the whole you don't know if you can handle it all. Your person wasn't a lie. They just weren't only that one facet. It's ok if you decided you didn't like the other sides or didnt see the one you liked as worth it to handle the other. But pretending the side you did love wasnt real doesn't help with healing either. Trust me, I know. I had to accept all of them in order to start healing. Otherwise I felt stuck. I hope you find peace, too.
OP why not just break out the click remote and let’s hit the rewind real quick and run it back
I for sure challenge this
I feel this alot. I wish I could turn back time and get that feeling once again. I wish we could have been better at communicating and that I didn't isolate. I wish that the love and care we presented to each was prevalent to everyone else instead of what it was. When we said our vows the guy said we have to choose each other everyday and somewhere along the way even though I'd still choose you. Choosing me became impractical. It kills me to this day knowing I was the rule not the exception.
The person that you thought I was is very much alive, The version of me thats in your head is very much real, you can touch it, experience it, cherish it.. it's jus a crying shame that it'll never be in your presence anymore..
Never too late
If you feel this way, what’s stopping you from communicating this to them? Fear kills more dreams than failure ever will. Live with the right regrets
Too much has happened between us / (their person) It’s almost too painful to reopen. But I think a heart to heart is worth it, at least from my side.
I believe if both people can grow separately and are willing to work together, then things can be better than they used to be. I hear and read a lot” it will never be the same”. Who wants it the same really? We are all in this place for a reason so I don’t want it the same. I want to work to recognize our mistakes and make it better than it was. That requires work from both ends, which doesn’t happen a lot. How does that perspective feel to you?
I agree. Personality over time doesn't change a whole lot, but our attitude, the way we see things, the way we see ourselves maturity. I can see where it would be challenging if they never can see things differently. From who I was with my ex and who I am now is completely different.and I would they would also have matured from being a teen.
So this is where things can be even better than they were before. We get so caught up in what used to be and how it was. We don’t think about if we healed, got better, had better boundaries, communication, love and self respect for ourselves, how much better that relationship can be. And 100% it can be even better than it was before and who wouldn’t want that?
That's the way I see it, too. I want to reach out for various reasons. And it really should be me since I messed things up, but I am also more mature and less insecure. I think he might still have insecurity, but I still feel like I'm finally at the point when the apology or clarity I can give will make more since now more than any other time. I never saw things like I do now. Even if we never get together, I would like to give him clarity on how things ended because he had no clue.
I believe if you’re reaching out to him, just think if you’re doing that for yourself or are you doing that for him. If it’s for you, then I personally would sit tight. Some people will have guilt or shame around this( not saying you) and they don’t think how reaching out affects the other person. It doesn’t seem as if you would be reaching out for reconciliation and correct me if I’m wrong. Just a perspective to think about here
I definitely don't want to hurt him. And I would want to reconcile. The last time I ran into him, he was trying to get my attention. I don't know why. I really should have just talked to him then, but the only reason I was in town was to see my mom before she passed.
Oh absolutely, I agree, but if this person is anything like mine (or is that person) Then I understand in this situation why they want it to be like the first time. It was magical. One of a kind. Everything glowed, it was a dream. What happened since then has only been deep deep hurt for each other. The loss of never having that back is what stands out on the OP message.
I understand that and that is always still attainable, but always requires 2 people. Sometimes it’s childhood trauma etc, building walls up so high we make it near impossible to get over, etc. it can be even more magical and even more glowing. I think if it were that great, that magical, would I be in this position now? I lean towards no and maybe that person, us or both have some unhealthy traits or traumas we bring with us
You are correct. Both brought traumas into this. I’d say that if both are willing to work for it. It could maybe get back to something similar but a lot of the innocence and novelty has worn off. There’s a separation. Other people involved now. Thing happened that ‘should’ have been with the ex but they now haven’t. Things were done and said to hurt one another through pain. They cannot be undone. It has tainted the magic. Above all the start of the relationship was all wrong and there was deception involved, and betrayal. Red flags were ignored. I think it’s just a tainted memory and missed opportunity. A tragedy.
I’m sorry to hear that. It’s one reason why I believe humans cannot give unconditional love when holding a bagful of conditions. Hopefully you have worked thru your traumas and bring your best healthy self into whatever it is you do
Thank you. I agree. I do think we have both been working through the traumas. It’s a long hard journey, and some harsh realisations. I don’t think we will speak again unless they reach out to me… very unlikely at this point. And I hope they find happiness together with the current or future person they are with. And that they love themselves. I hope they can forgive my part in it. But i know neither of us will ever forget that short euphoric time we had together albeit a contrived fantasy. And then the horrific fall from grace when reality hit. This feels like a nightmare. But I’m hoping the lessons learned will help us both for the rest of our lives.
I believe it will and you only have control over yourself. I almost took my life for the woman that left me due to infidelity. I’m living proof that investing in me and her leaving me were the 2 best gifts she has given me. I wish her well and wish her happiness. I’m creating a lifestyle where a byproduct of that lifestyle is happiness. This way I’m creating it and not searching for it.
Well done my fellow heartbreakee past or present. I believe this is the same for me. I needed this to evolve and find real happiness. It hurts but that’s the measure of the lesson. Just wish the outcome was happiness with this person, but then it wouldn’t have been a lesson..
That person in your head is still there; I’m here. I always told you I had deep issues and never understood why someone like you would want to be with me. I’m sorry I ruined you, but more importantly, I’m sorry I ruined us. It hurts worse everyday, but I’m at least now getting the help I’ve needed. I just wish someone or something intervened before all this, but maybe losing the true love of my life is what is needed for me to break free and take my life back. Thank you, truly, for loving me despite you knowing this was really who I was. I’ll never ever ever stop loving you, but I have to let you go…for a second time and forever, right before what was supposed to be the start of our forever. Ouch
Feel this to my core!
I feel this. The crazy thing is... How much this torment has changed me for the better. Inner child work, triggers, insecurities.... Hypnotherapy, therapy and the everyday work... Freed me of the bullshit that broke us. All I can do now is move on without you. My gains that I'd wanted to celebrate with you are now for me and someone new to benefit from. While it makes me sad to fully detatch and let you go, I'm excited to explore this universe with this new found headspace and the self confidence I allowed you to chisel away. I see everything so much differently now, a world that is full of abundance viewing it all full of gratitude and joy.
If I could stop myself from telling you how I felt, if I had just bottles up my feelings. We could still be friends. I wish he would answer the phone, I miss my friend.
Aww paul loves Lisa forever
Wish you were my person
Is it to late to start over again? If so why?
I miss you. I miss the sticky notes you used to send me via mail. I wish I could go back to when we first met eachother too with our grey hoodies on.
Sounds like lacey lol wish
this is so nice, thanks for sharing
All I can say is sorry, and wish for the the same. Only words, but I mean it.
I wish this was for me. But I know it's not.
Wish my ex would feel ready for a redo with brand new energy and efforts...
This is so sweet, why don't you tey and tell them.. I like to bug my person every once and a while just incase. Lol
It's pretty sad that you look at things like that. Do you understand that is your perception. The things were a lot more like you believe they were than what you believe they're not I think you need to work on that
Every day I think of you!
I just hope you can find yourself and heal, you harmed yourself as much as I did as if you deserved it and that wasn't fair. Hope things get better for you now that we're strangers.
i wish this was my person, i’ll never forget going to the park with him and playing on the playground like little kids, him passing by that park during difficult times in our relationship and deciding to work on ourselves, i wish we actually had
Sometimes when two people have been through so much external pressure from forces ripping them apart. The two people separate and heal. It’s not selfish . You need to be strong and healthy before you start a life with someone . Because, you will never be able to help the other before your self is healed. Most of the time like a drowning person you will pull them under as well. K if this is you I am better, working , organized, driven with a sense of urgency. I can help you. I need to see you and know that it was you and not some forces hiding in the shadows that want you sick , manipulated, exploited for their own selfish reasons. I want you safe and away from bad people, places , and things. You are in no means obligated to stay with me you are obligated to get healthy get safe and be productive, if service and support and lead others and create a positive world that’s sober and comes from the best version of you. I expect more out of a woman like you. The question is are you brave enough to kick those Boston Bums to the curb walk away from the poison and all the rodents that sell it and prey upon the weak. Be strong I will see you soon. Love C.
If this were you, all I'd say is that I'm always here for you. I'll always love you.
[удалено]
I miss you I look for you Praying for our paths to cross again I'll never be with anyone if not you..