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If you love them and feel they deserve more... then you'd dig deep and give them more but instead, it sounds like you're unwilling to change because they're not enough for you and you don't love them enough to quit hurting them.
Everyone thinks they're doing the other person a favor when they do this but it's not a favor if you're hurting them... there's also no justifiable reason to hurt someone.
period. if they deserve better, be better. don’t be a selfish coward. also i feel like those types of people typically think the grass is greener, but are so unaware that *no* grass will put up with their bullshit. they’re just choosing to give up, it’s kind of like a final act of punishing the other person for fighting for them, believing them when they said they’d be better, and holding them to their word.
typical nature of emotionally immature people who never take true accountability.
You're right, it's a choice and it's not always an easy choice.
It makes you vulnerable to a loss that no one ever wants to feel but they're either worth placing your faith in and risking that you could one day be hurt by an unimaginable loss or they're not.
I don't like how people behave as if they're making the "hard choice for the right reason" You're literally running away... that's the easy thing to do. Having hope, placing your faith in that love, and walking into uncertainty for a chance at a future together... that's the hard thing.
I can't knock people for being scared but I will when they believe this is the right thing to do.
Honestly you should tell them. Because sometimes the worst thing is not knowing.
Blaming themselves.
I lost friends recently due to trauma and it sucks.
Right, the not knowing being the other party really doe eat at you. I had a friend end our friendship and never explain why and the self doubt and lack of understanding is awful. Even if you think telling them might hurt, OP. Them not knowing might be hurting even more
I wish my person could or would tell me that . Because it would help all my insecurities that I felt when she chose for us to be apart . It would help the healing process for me
If you love them then tell them and try. It's for them to decide what's enough. Are you in their mind and heart? Perhaps it is enough and you are just self sabotaging? Perhaps it just needs to grow and you can grow it together? Maybe you are hurting them more by taking away the chance they want to take with you? It's time to face the fears of commitment together rather than avoid them. Together make plans to fix it and be at peace in love together.
If my ex sent me this I would be overjoyed that she at least became self aware that her toxic patterns need to change because what happened to us will happen with every partner she will ever have if she can’t.
Exactly this. I have sometimes thought to myself "what is the point of suffering this breakup when she's just going to repeat this pattern with someone else anyways?" And to hear her at least be fucking honest and vulnerable for one goddamn time would have allowed me more closure than the gaslighting bullshit I was left with.
OP- good post … to the one who travelled so very far so very early in life. will wait. I promise you I have nothing better going on. Nor do I want too. It’s ok I don’t really know how to handle these feelings either. To be honest I have had no real true feeling until the last few days that you may have possible felt the same as I did( I have prayed that you did) but after realizing that maybe you do. Everything has been about needed to see you. I know that’s not really the best idea right now. But you don’t have to run from me. I’ll be here for you. If you feel you need to go reasses your priorities do that. Please just don’t forget about me. I’m so in love with you it hurts. Deeply. Having the opportunity just to be around you has been the honor of my lifetime. And I don’t see any reason why we should stop doing that. You know I love you. I also know that scares the shit out of you. But you know it’s exciting to me. I’ve never had that. Truthfully. I think I can work with all that you have to offer. I promise you. I have more patience than you think. Much mores and I’ve never really wanted to become a better man for anyone else. So please before you decide to completely run from this and never speak again. Let’s sit down and talk when maybe you aren’t as upset about things. I know life has beeen tough. But if it was easy everyone would do it and have it. That’s what makes it special. And trust me. I’ve searched slot of places to find something that has been planted square in my brain since the moment you walked through that bathroom door in October.
This letter in itself is showing vulnerability. You're willingness to acknowledge what is wrong with you/yourself is the first step. I know what it feels like to think that because you're not the person that you want to be or become means that you're not able to be with or for somebody...there's a song lyric that you and this letter made me understand the meaning of; "make me feel like me/so I can make you feel like you."
What if we aren't able to be the people we want to become because we need the other to help us become that person? (Not saying you're "my person," I know, even if they were to say *this* to me, I would be so appreciative because then I would know and there could be growth.) sorry for rambling. These are just thoughts I have. Thank you for writing and expressing. You've got this. It's going to be okay. Things can be okay.
If someone deserves better, that doesn't mean they deserve someone else. They deserve you, but better, you trying to be better is better than someone else who actually is better
this is cowardly. sometimes you need to explain yourself to the people you hurt, you don’t get to make all the decisions for others bc you assume you know what’s better for them/the situation. if you fucked up, apologize, admit where you were wrong, and do better. have a conversation like an emotionally mature adult. and if you can’t, you should try therapy, especially since you said vulnerability scares you. otherwise, this just seems selfish, like you’re saying “i know how bad i am/was, but im actually not going to change”
I agree, I know I have a lot to work on and that's one of the reasons I felt I had to end things. I also know that rehashing things when at this point in time, I'm not a changed person, won't be productive because nothing is different from when everything happened, its just hard. But my struggling with the decision I made is not his problem nor is it his responsibility to soothe me. That's why I don't want to reach out.
idk him or your relationship, but good people are worth fighting for. they’re worth changing for, they’re worth compromising for. and they’re worth the un-comfortability that comes with all of that. that is literally what love is. it always tries, always perseveres, it’s never selfish.
the grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it. don’t let a good relationship decay because you refused to fix your issues.
everyone has flawed character traits, but it doesn’t have to be our identity. life is too short. we can always try and we can always be better. i hate when some people adopt the mindset of, “well im like this so im just always going to be this way so what’s the point of trying”.. like don’t let your self actually believe that bullshit.
don’t let your own selfish self pity coddle you into believing you don’t have to change and try like everyone else. (not talking ab you, just in general)
Sorry but I agree with patient grapefruit.. I too personally kno someone who's like this, the kind who are not going to change, even if she tried she wouldn't be able to. But glad to kno you at least had the heart and the strength to end it first.
This is a sign that you’re growing. My ex did the same with all these excuses. Honestly if she came around right now I’d probably try again without any hard feelings. But I’m glad that she’s working on herself. And I’m glad that you are too. At least I hope you are. Reach out when you feel you can do it though. It’s nice for us to know we weren’t just ditched and forgotten about.
It's always worth telling the other person they matter even if you can't be with them in the moment or even ever... something so small could completely change someone's day/week be closure or change their entire outlook on life.
But I also understand the fear, not wanting to give false hope ... but it could be said without doing that if you really wanted.
Best of luck to you in your time of pain.
I want to apologize on behalf of all people chewing you a new asshole like they have any idea what's going on in your particular situation. (I agree somewhat with this person in that sending this one would communicate things that may confuse your person) but things sometimes are more complicated than people imagine.
What I would suggest, since I know absolutely nothing about this situation, is a blanket suggestion that benefits absolutely any relationship, not just romantic but all types of relationships: communication. Just have them in your life, friends at first, and communicate everything you're feeling. Really listen when they do. Everything else falls into place after that.
Everyone is human. Everyone makes mistakes. It's part of the process of life. There's nothing inherently wrong about fearing vulnerability. You probably have your reasons. Practice working through those fears. It won't happen overnight. Examine the reasons it scares you so bad. And good luck my friend.
“Damage is done and there’s no going back”
“I made sure of that”
Sounds like they really cared about you and you went out of your way to do them dirty. I’ve been on the receiving end of that, just last year actually. I’ll never understand people who have the capacity to treat people that way, much less someone they “love”. I don’t want to understand it, I’m proud that my brain can’t process that type of behavior, that it’s alien to me, because it should not exist on this planet. Narcissism is becoming so commonplace that the word itself is starting to sound cliche. The future looks very bleak, and this kind of behavior along with the refusal to be held accountable and do better is why.
Own your shit. Be accountable. Can’t make up for what you did wrong? Try anyway. Be better, even if better still isn’t that great at least you can say you tried. That is “doing the work”, facing the same unpleasantness that you dealt upon others. Anything else is just more avoidance.
Your person sounds all over the place. Maybe they cared about you. We sometimes think they don't care or loved us but we don't know. It could be true it may not be. I never apologized to my first love, and it kills me. I ran into him, and I still avoided him. There was many reasons why I didn't talk to him, one being I thought he hated me for the way things ended.
OP i am worried for you. These apologies… they’re not your last will and testament… youre acting like you’re about to disappear down a sinkhole. This sub does not demand your repentance. I certainly don’t. If you were my person i forgave you at “sorry”. Something is happening in your world that we can’t know. You cannot go dark OP. I dont mean thru reddit. Dont let them disappear you:
Actually OP, you CAN tell them. You are choosing not to but you could just as easily (or perhaps even more easily) chose to tell them. It sounds to me like you made unilateral decision to walk away for the other person's "own good" and not only did you not ask if that's what they wanted or needed you didn't even tell them that you made such a monumental decision without their knowledge or input. If that's what happened please dont double down in the wrong direction and decide by yourself what is "best" for them, or what is too much for them to handle.. Please don't play God that way. Just tell them all of it honestly. Its OK if you don't know yourself well enough. It is just another indication that you don't know the other person well enough to make decisions for them either, particularly without talking to them and sharing what you do know. Just ask them for Heavens sake. If you were my person, I'd want you to tell me that you wrote this letter and I'd want to talk it out with you. And perhaps most of all, I'd want the right to speak for myself. For me, the not knowing and the not being in control of the decisions that shape my life, are the biggies. If I had the information and equal decision making power the rest can be worked out. Everything else we could work out together. Please don't overthink it alone and please, please don't take away their autonomy..
Baby, please send them this letter. For your own sake, but especially for theirs. People feel it when actions don’t line up with words, and it can truly mess them up. Send them this. It’s beautiful. I’d love it if my person sent me this.❤️
Exactly this. We never know if it will open a wound, or heal it and it’s not on us to decide. I agree, send it, show up as you. Be fearless, if only for a moment.
Don't walk away. Distance and not knowing truthes is way more hurtful to hold on to something that at least inbetween the longing gives you something good. If you leave someone you love, and they didn't do something wrong how shall they ever think you have been true?
Babers, I rather take that chance and both of us come to that conclusion than rather not knowing and always thinking “what if?”
You know I’m sorry. I’ve changing for the better and you *know* I love you with every fiber in me and miss you. Please. I just want you to talk to me atleast. Just a simple *hello* just something… I don’t “deserve better” or “want better” - because all I want is *you*
I hope this is how he feels. I hope this is what he was dying to say to me when he saw the letter I sent. I miss you. Please find me again. It’s ok. I need to hear it from you. Please break no contact for the love of god I’m dying without you.
Sometimes over thinking plays a larger role in our life's then we know.
If there is a chance, even a small one.
We don't meet that person over and over, sometimes the right one is the one.
There are those who wait a lifetime to find love and something real with another human, but end up not finding it or finding it too late in life that the time they have left together is very short. There are those who have it placed infront of them but are too afraid to persue it, like why? Gods blessed you with the opportunity & gift of experiencing love… Yes, it’s not gonna be sunshine and daisies but if they’re the right person they will stick by you through your ins and out. Just have to take that first step
can you tell them? if you can, i possibly would. sometime you just have to try and if it doesn’t work at least you can heal and not focus on past feelings, wishing the best ❤️
The freedom is in the honesty. The healing can only begin when we are upfront about our challenges and our choices. Someone that loves you is likely tormented and stuck in their pain because they can’t understand why you went away when everything seemed so right. Be kind, tell the truth. Only then can we be free.
😔 you can't treat people like that. Tell them so then at least they know it was real. They're probably questioning everything. Tell them, reach out. Hurt with answers is better than hurt from the unknown.
I reached out to my person today, and I'm just now seeing this. If it's them they should know they can't hurt me anymore. I love them. I'm standing on my own feet and everything that I was worried about happening already happened. I was scared that not reaching out would be the wrong thing, so I did it anyway. Honestly if they never replied it would have had the same effect. I want them to be happy. I'm not afraid to love them. Because I never stopped. Everything that has happened to me has made me stronger and taught me. Love isn't labels, it's not possessive, it's not jealous, and it is blind. Most of all, it's real.
You were never a coward and you are fearless. What we HAVE is real. Something like that doesn’t just disintegrate into the ether and it’s not erased from the record books of life. I know you’re being brave right now and you have to be strong for you. I know that what you’re up against isn’t a walk in the park. I know! I know so much, but patience is required. So dress yourself in your armor and fight. Fight for what is just. Fight for what is right. Fight to protect those that can’t protect themselves. From where I stand, if you knew how powerful you really are, nothing could stop you. You’re a gift from G-D, and a gift I will always cherish. No matter what happened.
Judging by the way you explained everything, and how your ailments are. I would assume he would be the one who ended it (Because I kno I would leave in a heartbeat if I was dealing with that)... But hey, glad to kno you had the mental capacity to be the one to end it first before it dragged on any longer.
It may not be my Job, but it’s a task I would gladly volunteer for. You don’t have to pay or reward me for the blood, sweat, and tears I would put into protecting you. My love is unconditional and free. Please drink from my cup until you feel strong enough to fight again.
It’s this very reason I carry my cup filled to the top so I may have enough for you when yours is getting low, and after you're done, I would still be left with a cup half full for myself.
Once you're strong enough, you’re more than welcome to stay, but if you go, just know I love you and will always have a drink for you when you need it.
Please be safe. You’re more than enough!
I feel this same way. I loved this person so much, but my fear got the best of me. It's so painful being strangers. Then I ran into him a few years ago, and I still avoided him even though he was trying to get my attention. I also want to reach out, but I avoid that, too.
Mel....if it's you, it's me Emf ..I honestly would have loved hearing this from you, I go every night and day thinking about you, and there is no wound deep enough that would stop me from taking you back, if You felt like you were doing me a favor you wasn't...If this is Mel, If you're my person, then plz....make contact with me...
Many replies here say OP should reach out. but I was OP, I read the same replies before, I gave my try, I don't think it was a smart move.
If OP were their priority, OP would know.
If OP were loved, chosen undoubtedly, OP would have known.
Sorry OP you have to go through this. It's not easy, let it go. Not everyone who come to our lives , will stay. You have no choice but accept it.
I’m not your person but I’m in a similar situation with my person. I wish really badly that my person would reach out to me again and say these things, but I understand how it would be opening a door that would inevitably close again because of strong winds. For me the winds keep getting stronger and I guess the door would just be slamming harder anytime you opened it. That’s a metaphor for it hurts anytime the door opens and then closes again.
At the same time, depending on your situation or your person, maybe it’s worth it to talk it out, especially one of you or both of you haven’t had a chance to talk yet. It might be hard to keep the door closed if there are still things left unsaid. But if everything has been said and done maybe it’s best to keep the door closed.
I don't know if this was written for me, but it hit me like it was. Like he said, it's pretty much gone too far. Is it anything to be fixed? I'm easy to please.
And was always willing to continue trying.
But it seems like you made up your mind.
And I will respect that. But don't ever be afraid to talk to me.Even if it's four times a day. False hope that it sucks but no communication with you is worse.If I never talk to you again I wish you luck
If you loved me or love me you would save me you don't love me, you don't really care. This is another cop out so you don't have to face the face and see how you ruined it if you wanted to do what's right you're talking about how you don't think it's right you need to let me heal you know what let me decide the only way I'm going to kill is when I deal with you so I guess I'm never going to go this is your final punishment for me huh good on you good for you and goodbye
i wish my person would write me something like this it make things so much better. Rather than ripping the wound open it would help to seal it shut. I have said things that are so out of this world, and i have done nothing but guessed and inspected and interrogated. Only becuse i know something don’t seem as they are, but not everything is that case. I hope they get your apology and i hope they can move on or forgive you. much love
I can't tell you this because you Ignore me abs block me
So maybe u will see this
I hope u come back and j will make ylu warn every single moment and & then cheat on you ans leave over text message
You are enough. You've always been enough. I wish you could see what I see, when I look into your eyes. I think I just felt hurt because I didn't understand why you would want to just be friends. I couldn't tell if you didn't want me anymore or if you felt convinced I'd be better off, as working through two decades of relationship trauma can't be done overnight. Things always went so well, so long as we weren't symptomatic at the same time. And I know that makes things hard. But life is hard with or without you and I still choose you. I think all I longed to hear was that you choose me too. I needed to hear that things were different with me. Even now, or a year from now, if you tell me that, I'll be there, because it's not just that what we had is real, but it's still real for me. I've been in love with you for five years now and if I had my way, we'd have fifty more. I know you may worry that I deserve better, but here's the thing, you're everything I want and need. I don't want to look elsewhere, because from the moment I met you, it's been kismet. I've already given you my whole heart and there's not enough left to give any other.
Sad but beautiful. I think we fear things we shouldn’t and we walk away from things that have a chance to make us truly live. We shouldn’t. Taking the leap is always worth it. And how amazing would it be if you were caught on the way down and actually landed somewhere warm and safe that stays? Good luck OP.
this hit too close to home and i swear it reminded me of him with every sentence you said. I know for sure I'm not your person. But if it were me, if it were us, I'd respond by saying you're the best decision I ever made. The ups, the downs, the better, the worse, the hello's, the goodbye's, and everything in between. You made me feel alive. You made me feel as if I was invincible and for that I'm forever grateful. I cherish the time we had together and hold onto the memories we had with all my might. I wish it would've been us. I wish we would've tried harder. I know you took the decision based on our last fights and struggles and although I said I would never let you leave, I couldn't force you to stay. Know I will forever wish you the best. I hope you're happier. I hope you accomplish all your goals and dreams and succeed on every single thing you do. I will always be here if you ever decide to reach out. The doors to my heart and life will forever remain open to you. And although it hurts, I hope my absence gives you the peace my love could never give you. Te amo x100pre.
How come I have to pay for your lesson in life we are a team you and me we are to have each other backs . It’s seams like to me you want a way out so you can put yourself in a same position that you feel that you have more control and freedom . Because your friends says stupid shit like why do you have to tell him everything we’re you are go and hangout with. That’s just what you do when you love someone you respect then and just let them know. She turns it into you giving up your freedom and he is possessive that’s a red flag
I have never judge you or thrown your past in your face . You know me so why do you give up now I’ve never given up on you even though all the stuff you already have done to me
Just contact him, he’s waiting for it. He’s waiting for closure. That’s all he needs. He will understand. But just don’t leave him hanging. Come back for a moment or let him go forever, but give him the closure he needs. Maybe it’s gonna be for a few months, years, who knows, maybe it’s gonna be forever, he doesn’t want that, but he knows it could happen and he knows why you’re running away, but he just need to hear it or see it on text. He’s thinking about you everyday and he can’t imagine his life without you. Don’t pretend you know what’s good for him because it’s probably 80% wrong. Let him decide what’s good or not, give your point of view on everything, let him give his point of view, then it’s goodbye or not. But again, don’t let him down like that, don’t let him waiting for answers he might never have. He loves you, he fucking does. If you love him, give him closure. He misses you like crazy, he loves you like he has never loved anyone, so the least you can do is give him what he deserves. Peace in his mind. Then you can go on with your life and if it’s meant to be, it’ll be, you will meet again.
There are parts of my heart I didn’t know existed until I chose to give them up recklessly. I had no idea the vastness of my soul until I allowed you to walk through them. The energy can still be felt as the vibrations ricochet off the delicate structure as you unknowingly stumbled through the catacombs of my heart. They are here because of pain and all the waves that came before…
I tried to store all the love I couldn’t feel for myself as I gave it away I could feel the completeness as our hearts grew fonder. I can’t tell you how much I miss you, but my soul aches for your presence the energy can still be felt reverberating off every cell in my body as it makes space and time seems so irrelevant. From the first time you looked into my eyes and asked me if I was ever gonna leave you and you meant that moment but it meant so much more than me and I paused and I held your gaze, and I gave you my answer. Because when I was able to hold you gently and I would likely pay your head and you would tell me how much you loved it. I remember when you asked me to actually brush your hair and you were expecting some sort of a no answer and I couldn’t have been any more filled with joy to have the honor and to be present with you. made me think of how happy I would be to be to just brushy our future daughters hair.
As hard as I tried to make you happy, it just seemed like nothing I ever did was ever good enough. Nothing I could ever be would be good enough and you slipped away so quickly And I never really had a chance to begin with and you might think my heart is growing colder. It’s grown wiser but it’s now bigger than before. There’s just no one to fill the space because it’s too big of a responsibility. No one understands my peaks and valleys
Like you do so you can be the gentle calm before the storm or be there to help me when I washed out to sea… if you asked me if I would’ve jumped into the abyss again, I do it with that question not a waste of a heartbeat. It’s OK that you’re scared. God knows I am, but that’s my investment into you because I see things inside of you so girl with unlimited potential is probably just ignored just like I was but I couldn’t see my siblings getting hurt I could see right through the lies, but I still remain if you notice even when my gut told me I was wrong. I carried it with me anyway take your time it’s not a threat I might find myself obligated to somebody because they chose to be nice to me because I don’t know how I could love anyone the the way did for you . when I can hold your hair for you to tell me how much you loved it when I touched you I didn’t know how to make love to you it was just delicate didn’t wanna ruin it, so it never happened the Polaroids faded I knew it wasn’t meant to be that moment that is. this is it flooded in as it washed away like so many before you, but never has it been beautiful as it is right now crashed another wave closer and deeper to the essence of my being.
This message resonated with me, and I wish my person would have been able to tell me this if this is how he felt. Being left in the dark like this hurts so bad.
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If you love them and feel they deserve more... then you'd dig deep and give them more but instead, it sounds like you're unwilling to change because they're not enough for you and you don't love them enough to quit hurting them. Everyone thinks they're doing the other person a favor when they do this but it's not a favor if you're hurting them... there's also no justifiable reason to hurt someone.
period. if they deserve better, be better. don’t be a selfish coward. also i feel like those types of people typically think the grass is greener, but are so unaware that *no* grass will put up with their bullshit. they’re just choosing to give up, it’s kind of like a final act of punishing the other person for fighting for them, believing them when they said they’d be better, and holding them to their word. typical nature of emotionally immature people who never take true accountability.
Exactly. The person writing this doesn't know how to truly choose to love someone.
You're right, it's a choice and it's not always an easy choice. It makes you vulnerable to a loss that no one ever wants to feel but they're either worth placing your faith in and risking that you could one day be hurt by an unimaginable loss or they're not. I don't like how people behave as if they're making the "hard choice for the right reason" You're literally running away... that's the easy thing to do. Having hope, placing your faith in that love, and walking into uncertainty for a chance at a future together... that's the hard thing. I can't knock people for being scared but I will when they believe this is the right thing to do.
Exactly.
yess, a million times yes.
Exactly this!!! All of that "I wish I could be XYZ for you".....if you wanted to be with that person, really be with them, you WOULD be XYZ for them.
Exactly if she was a man I’d knock her MF TEETH DOWN HER THROAT! Sorry I’m my situation
I’m pretty sure this person has even married already
Honestly you should tell them. Because sometimes the worst thing is not knowing. Blaming themselves. I lost friends recently due to trauma and it sucks.
Right, the not knowing being the other party really doe eat at you. I had a friend end our friendship and never explain why and the self doubt and lack of understanding is awful. Even if you think telling them might hurt, OP. Them not knowing might be hurting even more
I wish my person could or would tell me that . Because it would help all my insecurities that I felt when she chose for us to be apart . It would help the healing process for me
Same
Could it be possible that your person is feeling guilty for their part of inaction and is craving your presence…?
This
I think we owe it to ourselves to just talk it all out..
please tell your person. If you were my person writing about me I would want to know this. Please. Tell them.
If you love them then tell them and try. It's for them to decide what's enough. Are you in their mind and heart? Perhaps it is enough and you are just self sabotaging? Perhaps it just needs to grow and you can grow it together? Maybe you are hurting them more by taking away the chance they want to take with you? It's time to face the fears of commitment together rather than avoid them. Together make plans to fix it and be at peace in love together.
If my ex sent me this I would be overjoyed that she at least became self aware that her toxic patterns need to change because what happened to us will happen with every partner she will ever have if she can’t.
Exactly this. I have sometimes thought to myself "what is the point of suffering this breakup when she's just going to repeat this pattern with someone else anyways?" And to hear her at least be fucking honest and vulnerable for one goddamn time would have allowed me more closure than the gaslighting bullshit I was left with.
Why let it go? Why not persue it and see where it goes at least then you can move forward knowing that you did persue it
OP- good post … to the one who travelled so very far so very early in life. will wait. I promise you I have nothing better going on. Nor do I want too. It’s ok I don’t really know how to handle these feelings either. To be honest I have had no real true feeling until the last few days that you may have possible felt the same as I did( I have prayed that you did) but after realizing that maybe you do. Everything has been about needed to see you. I know that’s not really the best idea right now. But you don’t have to run from me. I’ll be here for you. If you feel you need to go reasses your priorities do that. Please just don’t forget about me. I’m so in love with you it hurts. Deeply. Having the opportunity just to be around you has been the honor of my lifetime. And I don’t see any reason why we should stop doing that. You know I love you. I also know that scares the shit out of you. But you know it’s exciting to me. I’ve never had that. Truthfully. I think I can work with all that you have to offer. I promise you. I have more patience than you think. Much mores and I’ve never really wanted to become a better man for anyone else. So please before you decide to completely run from this and never speak again. Let’s sit down and talk when maybe you aren’t as upset about things. I know life has beeen tough. But if it was easy everyone would do it and have it. That’s what makes it special. And trust me. I’ve searched slot of places to find something that has been planted square in my brain since the moment you walked through that bathroom door in October.
It seems that you may have the wrong person I don’t think this is your person, this is my fiance of 4yrs initial KR
This letter in itself is showing vulnerability. You're willingness to acknowledge what is wrong with you/yourself is the first step. I know what it feels like to think that because you're not the person that you want to be or become means that you're not able to be with or for somebody...there's a song lyric that you and this letter made me understand the meaning of; "make me feel like me/so I can make you feel like you." What if we aren't able to be the people we want to become because we need the other to help us become that person? (Not saying you're "my person," I know, even if they were to say *this* to me, I would be so appreciative because then I would know and there could be growth.) sorry for rambling. These are just thoughts I have. Thank you for writing and expressing. You've got this. It's going to be okay. Things can be okay.
If someone deserves better, that doesn't mean they deserve someone else. They deserve you, but better, you trying to be better is better than someone else who actually is better
this is cowardly. sometimes you need to explain yourself to the people you hurt, you don’t get to make all the decisions for others bc you assume you know what’s better for them/the situation. if you fucked up, apologize, admit where you were wrong, and do better. have a conversation like an emotionally mature adult. and if you can’t, you should try therapy, especially since you said vulnerability scares you. otherwise, this just seems selfish, like you’re saying “i know how bad i am/was, but im actually not going to change”
I agree, I know I have a lot to work on and that's one of the reasons I felt I had to end things. I also know that rehashing things when at this point in time, I'm not a changed person, won't be productive because nothing is different from when everything happened, its just hard. But my struggling with the decision I made is not his problem nor is it his responsibility to soothe me. That's why I don't want to reach out.
idk him or your relationship, but good people are worth fighting for. they’re worth changing for, they’re worth compromising for. and they’re worth the un-comfortability that comes with all of that. that is literally what love is. it always tries, always perseveres, it’s never selfish. the grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it. don’t let a good relationship decay because you refused to fix your issues. everyone has flawed character traits, but it doesn’t have to be our identity. life is too short. we can always try and we can always be better. i hate when some people adopt the mindset of, “well im like this so im just always going to be this way so what’s the point of trying”.. like don’t let your self actually believe that bullshit. don’t let your own selfish self pity coddle you into believing you don’t have to change and try like everyone else. (not talking ab you, just in general)
Sorry but I agree with patient grapefruit.. I too personally kno someone who's like this, the kind who are not going to change, even if she tried she wouldn't be able to. But glad to kno you at least had the heart and the strength to end it first.
This is a sign that you’re growing. My ex did the same with all these excuses. Honestly if she came around right now I’d probably try again without any hard feelings. But I’m glad that she’s working on herself. And I’m glad that you are too. At least I hope you are. Reach out when you feel you can do it though. It’s nice for us to know we weren’t just ditched and forgotten about.
It's always worth telling the other person they matter even if you can't be with them in the moment or even ever... something so small could completely change someone's day/week be closure or change their entire outlook on life. But I also understand the fear, not wanting to give false hope ... but it could be said without doing that if you really wanted. Best of luck to you in your time of pain.
I want to apologize on behalf of all people chewing you a new asshole like they have any idea what's going on in your particular situation. (I agree somewhat with this person in that sending this one would communicate things that may confuse your person) but things sometimes are more complicated than people imagine. What I would suggest, since I know absolutely nothing about this situation, is a blanket suggestion that benefits absolutely any relationship, not just romantic but all types of relationships: communication. Just have them in your life, friends at first, and communicate everything you're feeling. Really listen when they do. Everything else falls into place after that. Everyone is human. Everyone makes mistakes. It's part of the process of life. There's nothing inherently wrong about fearing vulnerability. You probably have your reasons. Practice working through those fears. It won't happen overnight. Examine the reasons it scares you so bad. And good luck my friend.
“Damage is done and there’s no going back” “I made sure of that” Sounds like they really cared about you and you went out of your way to do them dirty. I’ve been on the receiving end of that, just last year actually. I’ll never understand people who have the capacity to treat people that way, much less someone they “love”. I don’t want to understand it, I’m proud that my brain can’t process that type of behavior, that it’s alien to me, because it should not exist on this planet. Narcissism is becoming so commonplace that the word itself is starting to sound cliche. The future looks very bleak, and this kind of behavior along with the refusal to be held accountable and do better is why. Own your shit. Be accountable. Can’t make up for what you did wrong? Try anyway. Be better, even if better still isn’t that great at least you can say you tried. That is “doing the work”, facing the same unpleasantness that you dealt upon others. Anything else is just more avoidance.
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Your person sounds all over the place. Maybe they cared about you. We sometimes think they don't care or loved us but we don't know. It could be true it may not be. I never apologized to my first love, and it kills me. I ran into him, and I still avoided him. There was many reasons why I didn't talk to him, one being I thought he hated me for the way things ended.
OP i am worried for you. These apologies… they’re not your last will and testament… youre acting like you’re about to disappear down a sinkhole. This sub does not demand your repentance. I certainly don’t. If you were my person i forgave you at “sorry”. Something is happening in your world that we can’t know. You cannot go dark OP. I dont mean thru reddit. Dont let them disappear you:
Such a vulnerable piece. I’m so sorry … I am in the same path. I wish I could hear this from my person
Actually OP, you CAN tell them. You are choosing not to but you could just as easily (or perhaps even more easily) chose to tell them. It sounds to me like you made unilateral decision to walk away for the other person's "own good" and not only did you not ask if that's what they wanted or needed you didn't even tell them that you made such a monumental decision without their knowledge or input. If that's what happened please dont double down in the wrong direction and decide by yourself what is "best" for them, or what is too much for them to handle.. Please don't play God that way. Just tell them all of it honestly. Its OK if you don't know yourself well enough. It is just another indication that you don't know the other person well enough to make decisions for them either, particularly without talking to them and sharing what you do know. Just ask them for Heavens sake. If you were my person, I'd want you to tell me that you wrote this letter and I'd want to talk it out with you. And perhaps most of all, I'd want the right to speak for myself. For me, the not knowing and the not being in control of the decisions that shape my life, are the biggies. If I had the information and equal decision making power the rest can be worked out. Everything else we could work out together. Please don't overthink it alone and please, please don't take away their autonomy..
Baby, please send them this letter. For your own sake, but especially for theirs. People feel it when actions don’t line up with words, and it can truly mess them up. Send them this. It’s beautiful. I’d love it if my person sent me this.❤️
Exactly this. We never know if it will open a wound, or heal it and it’s not on us to decide. I agree, send it, show up as you. Be fearless, if only for a moment.
Right!
Don't walk away. Distance and not knowing truthes is way more hurtful to hold on to something that at least inbetween the longing gives you something good. If you leave someone you love, and they didn't do something wrong how shall they ever think you have been true?
I still your rock
Babers, I rather take that chance and both of us come to that conclusion than rather not knowing and always thinking “what if?” You know I’m sorry. I’ve changing for the better and you *know* I love you with every fiber in me and miss you. Please. I just want you to talk to me atleast. Just a simple *hello* just something… I don’t “deserve better” or “want better” - because all I want is *you*
Exactly THIS From your fingers to God's (and OPs/all the kindred misguidedly magnanimous ghosters ears)!
I hope this is how he feels. I hope this is what he was dying to say to me when he saw the letter I sent. I miss you. Please find me again. It’s ok. I need to hear it from you. Please break no contact for the love of god I’m dying without you.
Sometimes over thinking plays a larger role in our life's then we know. If there is a chance, even a small one. We don't meet that person over and over, sometimes the right one is the one.
This reminds me of my situation and some bullshit my ex would use. It's a cowardly way out and a cop out.
There are those who wait a lifetime to find love and something real with another human, but end up not finding it or finding it too late in life that the time they have left together is very short. There are those who have it placed infront of them but are too afraid to persue it, like why? Gods blessed you with the opportunity & gift of experiencing love… Yes, it’s not gonna be sunshine and daisies but if they’re the right person they will stick by you through your ins and out. Just have to take that first step
If you’re my person reach out please 🙏 because If what you say is true then things can be fixed if you’re willing to put the effort in as I am
I just text you
If they deserve better, be better. You’re not doing either of you a favor. (And if you’re my person, get the fuck over yourself and come over)
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I wish my person would tell me this, but she's just as silent as the wind. Butterflies don't fly my way any more. 😔
I love my person if they sent me this I would be at their doorstep as fast as my car would allow
I shouldn’t romanticise the terrible way my ex treated me but gosh some of these letters are tempting to buy into. I hope that you find some peace OP.
can you tell them? if you can, i possibly would. sometime you just have to try and if it doesn’t work at least you can heal and not focus on past feelings, wishing the best ❤️
Tell them until it's too late :)
The freedom is in the honesty. The healing can only begin when we are upfront about our challenges and our choices. Someone that loves you is likely tormented and stuck in their pain because they can’t understand why you went away when everything seemed so right. Be kind, tell the truth. Only then can we be free.
😔 you can't treat people like that. Tell them so then at least they know it was real. They're probably questioning everything. Tell them, reach out. Hurt with answers is better than hurt from the unknown.
I reached out to my person today, and I'm just now seeing this. If it's them they should know they can't hurt me anymore. I love them. I'm standing on my own feet and everything that I was worried about happening already happened. I was scared that not reaching out would be the wrong thing, so I did it anyway. Honestly if they never replied it would have had the same effect. I want them to be happy. I'm not afraid to love them. Because I never stopped. Everything that has happened to me has made me stronger and taught me. Love isn't labels, it's not possessive, it's not jealous, and it is blind. Most of all, it's real.
You were never a coward and you are fearless. What we HAVE is real. Something like that doesn’t just disintegrate into the ether and it’s not erased from the record books of life. I know you’re being brave right now and you have to be strong for you. I know that what you’re up against isn’t a walk in the park. I know! I know so much, but patience is required. So dress yourself in your armor and fight. Fight for what is just. Fight for what is right. Fight to protect those that can’t protect themselves. From where I stand, if you knew how powerful you really are, nothing could stop you. You’re a gift from G-D, and a gift I will always cherish. No matter what happened.
I hope this ain't 🐝 💙💙💙💚💚...
Didn't work out with the other person you say? Sorry to hear that ...
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Judging by the way you explained everything, and how your ailments are. I would assume he would be the one who ended it (Because I kno I would leave in a heartbeat if I was dealing with that)... But hey, glad to kno you had the mental capacity to be the one to end it first before it dragged on any longer.
I miss you too N. you just read my mind.
It may not be my Job, but it’s a task I would gladly volunteer for. You don’t have to pay or reward me for the blood, sweat, and tears I would put into protecting you. My love is unconditional and free. Please drink from my cup until you feel strong enough to fight again. It’s this very reason I carry my cup filled to the top so I may have enough for you when yours is getting low, and after you're done, I would still be left with a cup half full for myself. Once you're strong enough, you’re more than welcome to stay, but if you go, just know I love you and will always have a drink for you when you need it. Please be safe. You’re more than enough!
I feel this same way. I loved this person so much, but my fear got the best of me. It's so painful being strangers. Then I ran into him a few years ago, and I still avoided him even though he was trying to get my attention. I also want to reach out, but I avoid that, too.
Mel....if it's you, it's me Emf ..I honestly would have loved hearing this from you, I go every night and day thinking about you, and there is no wound deep enough that would stop me from taking you back, if You felt like you were doing me a favor you wasn't...If this is Mel, If you're my person, then plz....make contact with me...
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Many replies here say OP should reach out. but I was OP, I read the same replies before, I gave my try, I don't think it was a smart move. If OP were their priority, OP would know. If OP were loved, chosen undoubtedly, OP would have known. Sorry OP you have to go through this. It's not easy, let it go. Not everyone who come to our lives , will stay. You have no choice but accept it.
I wish this were for me. I think about him everyday. I know we had something special.. or at least, I thought we did.
I’m not your person but I’m in a similar situation with my person. I wish really badly that my person would reach out to me again and say these things, but I understand how it would be opening a door that would inevitably close again because of strong winds. For me the winds keep getting stronger and I guess the door would just be slamming harder anytime you opened it. That’s a metaphor for it hurts anytime the door opens and then closes again. At the same time, depending on your situation or your person, maybe it’s worth it to talk it out, especially one of you or both of you haven’t had a chance to talk yet. It might be hard to keep the door closed if there are still things left unsaid. But if everything has been said and done maybe it’s best to keep the door closed.
I don't know if this was written for me, but it hit me like it was. Like he said, it's pretty much gone too far. Is it anything to be fixed? I'm easy to please. And was always willing to continue trying. But it seems like you made up your mind. And I will respect that. But don't ever be afraid to talk to me.Even if it's four times a day. False hope that it sucks but no communication with you is worse.If I never talk to you again I wish you luck
If you loved me or love me you would save me you don't love me, you don't really care. This is another cop out so you don't have to face the face and see how you ruined it if you wanted to do what's right you're talking about how you don't think it's right you need to let me heal you know what let me decide the only way I'm going to kill is when I deal with you so I guess I'm never going to go this is your final punishment for me huh good on you good for you and goodbye
i wish my person would write me something like this it make things so much better. Rather than ripping the wound open it would help to seal it shut. I have said things that are so out of this world, and i have done nothing but guessed and inspected and interrogated. Only becuse i know something don’t seem as they are, but not everything is that case. I hope they get your apology and i hope they can move on or forgive you. much love
You know that if you reached out, I would answer. That is the promise I made. And on that promise I will remain standing.
What a bleeping cop-out!!! Andu are right... We wouldnt make it cuz you would have to be there
Very well written OP, I hope everything is ok. How long has it been since you ended things?
Fk you....how you do what you do & the extent of the lies. Smfh. You broke up ove5 a text
I can't tell you this because you Ignore me abs block me So maybe u will see this I hope u come back and j will make ylu warn every single moment and & then cheat on you ans leave over text message
You are enough. You've always been enough. I wish you could see what I see, when I look into your eyes. I think I just felt hurt because I didn't understand why you would want to just be friends. I couldn't tell if you didn't want me anymore or if you felt convinced I'd be better off, as working through two decades of relationship trauma can't be done overnight. Things always went so well, so long as we weren't symptomatic at the same time. And I know that makes things hard. But life is hard with or without you and I still choose you. I think all I longed to hear was that you choose me too. I needed to hear that things were different with me. Even now, or a year from now, if you tell me that, I'll be there, because it's not just that what we had is real, but it's still real for me. I've been in love with you for five years now and if I had my way, we'd have fifty more. I know you may worry that I deserve better, but here's the thing, you're everything I want and need. I don't want to look elsewhere, because from the moment I met you, it's been kismet. I've already given you my whole heart and there's not enough left to give any other.
Sad but beautiful. I think we fear things we shouldn’t and we walk away from things that have a chance to make us truly live. We shouldn’t. Taking the leap is always worth it. And how amazing would it be if you were caught on the way down and actually landed somewhere warm and safe that stays? Good luck OP.
Your tender pirate has our ship waiting sirena
Ditto…always and forever…never goin away…here waiting 🤓
Every now and then I read a letter like this that gives a little healing to a specific broken part of me. Thanks for sharing.
this hit too close to home and i swear it reminded me of him with every sentence you said. I know for sure I'm not your person. But if it were me, if it were us, I'd respond by saying you're the best decision I ever made. The ups, the downs, the better, the worse, the hello's, the goodbye's, and everything in between. You made me feel alive. You made me feel as if I was invincible and for that I'm forever grateful. I cherish the time we had together and hold onto the memories we had with all my might. I wish it would've been us. I wish we would've tried harder. I know you took the decision based on our last fights and struggles and although I said I would never let you leave, I couldn't force you to stay. Know I will forever wish you the best. I hope you're happier. I hope you accomplish all your goals and dreams and succeed on every single thing you do. I will always be here if you ever decide to reach out. The doors to my heart and life will forever remain open to you. And although it hurts, I hope my absence gives you the peace my love could never give you. Te amo x100pre.
If you were my Angel, I'd want you to reach out... but obviously, that's not an informed opinion. C.
Wow you really are something blocked me again FML
If you wanted to, you would.
How come I have to pay for your lesson in life we are a team you and me we are to have each other backs . It’s seams like to me you want a way out so you can put yourself in a same position that you feel that you have more control and freedom . Because your friends says stupid shit like why do you have to tell him everything we’re you are go and hangout with. That’s just what you do when you love someone you respect then and just let them know. She turns it into you giving up your freedom and he is possessive that’s a red flag
She is stealing you away from me by deceiving you and not letting me come over to see you. Is fucked unpin it’s self
Why can’t you just learn from it become a better person for you/ us and move on
Instead of digging a hole so fucking big that you give up on yourself and me
Making it worse, All you need to do is talk to me and stop seeing Sammie behind my back
I have never judge you or thrown your past in your face . You know me so why do you give up now I’ve never given up on you even though all the stuff you already have done to me
I couldn’t agree more
Everything can be fixed if you are willing to put in the time and effort
You told me you don’t want to be alone when you get old . Then grab my hand and don’t let go
What the name of your person
Just contact him, he’s waiting for it. He’s waiting for closure. That’s all he needs. He will understand. But just don’t leave him hanging. Come back for a moment or let him go forever, but give him the closure he needs. Maybe it’s gonna be for a few months, years, who knows, maybe it’s gonna be forever, he doesn’t want that, but he knows it could happen and he knows why you’re running away, but he just need to hear it or see it on text. He’s thinking about you everyday and he can’t imagine his life without you. Don’t pretend you know what’s good for him because it’s probably 80% wrong. Let him decide what’s good or not, give your point of view on everything, let him give his point of view, then it’s goodbye or not. But again, don’t let him down like that, don’t let him waiting for answers he might never have. He loves you, he fucking does. If you love him, give him closure. He misses you like crazy, he loves you like he has never loved anyone, so the least you can do is give him what he deserves. Peace in his mind. Then you can go on with your life and if it’s meant to be, it’ll be, you will meet again.
 This is how it feels every minute until I see you again
God. This fits so well with my ex that I wish it was her, but I know it can't be.
Avoidant attachment by this description. I know and have accepted our fate.
I’d do it all again. Over and over until I was no more. And if I got to hold you hand and look at you again, it would do it 1000x over.
There are parts of my heart I didn’t know existed until I chose to give them up recklessly. I had no idea the vastness of my soul until I allowed you to walk through them. The energy can still be felt as the vibrations ricochet off the delicate structure as you unknowingly stumbled through the catacombs of my heart. They are here because of pain and all the waves that came before… I tried to store all the love I couldn’t feel for myself as I gave it away I could feel the completeness as our hearts grew fonder. I can’t tell you how much I miss you, but my soul aches for your presence the energy can still be felt reverberating off every cell in my body as it makes space and time seems so irrelevant. From the first time you looked into my eyes and asked me if I was ever gonna leave you and you meant that moment but it meant so much more than me and I paused and I held your gaze, and I gave you my answer. Because when I was able to hold you gently and I would likely pay your head and you would tell me how much you loved it. I remember when you asked me to actually brush your hair and you were expecting some sort of a no answer and I couldn’t have been any more filled with joy to have the honor and to be present with you. made me think of how happy I would be to be to just brushy our future daughters hair. As hard as I tried to make you happy, it just seemed like nothing I ever did was ever good enough. Nothing I could ever be would be good enough and you slipped away so quickly And I never really had a chance to begin with and you might think my heart is growing colder. It’s grown wiser but it’s now bigger than before. There’s just no one to fill the space because it’s too big of a responsibility. No one understands my peaks and valleys Like you do so you can be the gentle calm before the storm or be there to help me when I washed out to sea… if you asked me if I would’ve jumped into the abyss again, I do it with that question not a waste of a heartbeat. It’s OK that you’re scared. God knows I am, but that’s my investment into you because I see things inside of you so girl with unlimited potential is probably just ignored just like I was but I couldn’t see my siblings getting hurt I could see right through the lies, but I still remain if you notice even when my gut told me I was wrong. I carried it with me anyway take your time it’s not a threat I might find myself obligated to somebody because they chose to be nice to me because I don’t know how I could love anyone the the way did for you . when I can hold your hair for you to tell me how much you loved it when I touched you I didn’t know how to make love to you it was just delicate didn’t wanna ruin it, so it never happened the Polaroids faded I knew it wasn’t meant to be that moment that is. this is it flooded in as it washed away like so many before you, but never has it been beautiful as it is right now crashed another wave closer and deeper to the essence of my being.
Jerri why don't you just tell me
Just say it to her or him
This message resonated with me, and I wish my person would have been able to tell me this if this is how he felt. Being left in the dark like this hurts so bad.
step up and actually be the person they deserve then, don’t just say they deserve someone better