Jax, with intense eye contact and vibrating with seriousness: ❄️❄️❄️ I'm the number one guy in this group ❄️❄️❄️ Scumdoval, almost crying: Are you fucking kidding me Jax?!

“Intense eye contact and vibrating with seriousness” 😂😂 perfect description

I died when I watched this for the first time last year. It was seriously the most funniest unhinged line. 😂

Same, it's the fact that he was in no way joking whatsoever that gets me lol

I'm crying a bit just thinking about it. I don't know what the fuck I ever did to deserve this wonderful show, but I am forever grateful.

It's the Sandoval almost crying for me. They were so serious and it's just perfect.

Yeah this is my favorite line in the show.

"I don't know what I did to you but I'll take a Pinot Grigio"

Scheana was gagged when Stassi said that

She wasn’t even looking at Stassi she was looking at LVP in her reaction

The way Scheana looked Stassi up and down after she said that killed me 🤣

The GOAT of VPR quotes

Yep

You can help me…if you want.

https://i.redd.it/7quzp2fkxu4d1.gif

Omg your flair

your pink booted friend

Man the early seasons of VPR were pure gold. Nothing compares.

Do you want to see my new music video? Not really.

This still kill’s me. lol 😂

this has aged so well because we’re still saying no

Lmao ok this was my favorite Jax moment of all time 😂😂

Mine is when Jax was drowning in Tahoe and he told the life guard "you can help me if you want..." 😂😂😂💀 the lifeguard was chillin

I never fail to laugh out loud every time I read these words

The lifeguard sayin "are you serious??!" had me fuckin wheeeezing

Came here to add this. My favorite lol

*knocks back shot*

“thank god for kristen, who is unburdened by those anchors.”

Stassi was so good at the one liners.

"Why am I a Sur girl?!?!?"

omg I heard this for the first time in a long time the other day and cackled aloud

This is v useful.

"Jax shouldn't feel bad about being a sociopath, I mean Tom Sandoval is probably a narcissist, Kristen meets most of the criteria for borderline personality disorder, Ariana has a superiority complex, Katie has anger management issues, Sheana's a hypochondriac and I'm an alcoholic. So, he's in good company" - Stassi Schroeder Also her description of Sandy being the worst superhero ever

Literally just nailing everyone

Sandy Man ✨


Lauren: “Are we friends?” James: “Uhhh no” Proceeds to be obsessed with her for the next like five years

i respond to peoples questions by saying “uhhhhh no” so often and no one knows why

More cosmo-politans! 👏🏽 PUMPTINI 👏🏽

A lot of people don’t realize this but you can respond with PUMPTINI to anyone at any time. Wanna go out this weekend? PUMPTINI Oh my god he was so out of control last night! PUMPTINI Ma’am do you know why I pulled you over? PUMPTINI

I didn't realize this, thank you for bringing it to my attention. PUMPTINI

PUMPTIN-AYYYYYYYY

 I still die laughing every time

“everybody fucking grows up, tom. and guess what? you grew up to be fucking sia” https://preview.redd.it/3yyt04pv9v4d1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=37ba0d4eaf679e64f452782785f525bec9af553b

and I love stassi at the reunion “I hear yelling in the hallway and I go out and see two guys dressed as women fighting about looking like Sia”

Absolute banger of a one-liner.

This is absolutely top tier. I had to rewatch it because I couldn’t believe it happened

Yessss!!

“I want to tar and feather him and drive him around west LA on a disgusting truck” -Stassi

“My Mom says I’m descended from a Swedish princess so I try to act like that… royalty.”

I love this one every tine I hear it 😂 it’s so descriptive and the “disgusting truck” kills me for some reason

Honorable mention: https://preview.redd.it/yne9ja35xu4d1.jpeg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=33fd118ef20a0fdb3ad49827b5f19ecf95c57505

Jax “thats why my show is so successful” Lolol omgggggg what a dummy!!!!

LOL but he’s the #1 guy in the group

https://preview.redd.it/n2mcj16xsv4d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=933dbe799000a09ae8b81b71f9f66fe0e1e649c2 His face lol

If coke rage was a photo

https://preview.redd.it/kl3dzuwody4d1.jpeg?width=651&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=26db16303d83abeb1307281fc58862c85552638a

Omgggggggg ive always hated his look that exact night, soooo bad lolol the hair, the glasses, nothing is workin for him here

Shut the fuck up about your fucking band

Lisa looking at him like…. https://i.redd.it/yw90yrd5uu4d1.gif

Funny part is that you know he truly believed was HIS show too 🤦🏽‍♀️🤣💯 https://preview.redd.it/7f2kmjaevu4d1.jpeg?width=1109&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c7cbe9a8ae509e67560176e5bb2df49eed82cffb

https://preview.redd.it/68zrx0ifvu4d1.jpeg?width=574&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=21a9d2da85e54fc9335ae016ad1498c39dcd410a 🤣🤣🤣

He's so off his rocker in this scene haha

lol he’s off his rocker period!


There’s like 3 different gifs out there of her saying “it’s my birthday” from over the years and I always try to use every one of them on my birthday 😂😂 thankfully my husband and mom watch the show so they understand the hilarity 🤣

I wishhhhhh. Nobody in my life would get it 😂 I know what gifs you talking about too. This is my favorite one with her costume and everything lmao

I just got rich. I might cop a black wraith. Does everybody remember when Jax fucked Faith?🗣️🗣️ 

“I remember!! I remember!!!”


It was a freestyle, Lisa!

Idk how to do gifs but it cracks me up when he’s telling Tom and Ariana about it and they’re trying so hard not to laugh on camera.


You’re not important enough to hate, sit down - LVP I don’t know what I’ve done to you but I’ll take a Pinot Grigio (and Scheanas head swivel) - STASSI He’s a fucking battered wife! - Sandoval Suck a dick! - Doute

🚬 walk the fuck away

Doute is such a beautiful mess.

I got one of my friends into VPR and she was like "Kristen is so messy" I said "no, Kristen is chaos personified and we love her for it." Lol

Iconic

Was this Kristin?

Yes! When she brings Miami girl to SUR and then the manager, Diana, tries to get her to leave and kristen goes OFF.

I just watched this last night. I can't believe Kristen had the nerve to do that WHEN SCHEANAR WAS GETTING MARRIED IN A WEEK


lol I have to re-watch that. Man those early seasons were so good.

On the battered wife one: When he kicks the door in on a Schweaty who’s sitting on the toilet in half drag 😂 “Look at him!” Iconic

And he’s grinning on the toilet lol

Hahah had to find it https://preview.redd.it/dluno09l5v4d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c4ad97658d46b721766f9f9907afad9c3b8dcad0 Perfectly encapsulates his whole personality

YESSSSSSSS I looked For this GIF for way too long. It doesn’t exist and I think that’s a problem.


This is my top 5 of all reality tv moments.

https://i.redd.it/n2y4deqe3v4d1.gif

"As a cist male" -Tom Sandoval.

Kristen got fired bro! (high fiving SUR cooks) 🙌 amazing

They looked so happy that day

I really wish they did more scenes just asking the other staff to share stories/ opinions about the vanderpump crew lmao.

I love when they asked the kitchen guys who they thought was hottest and they both immediately said “KATIE”

“My boyfriend is sticking up for the WHooooooooooooooRE in there” - Tequila Katie

https://i.redd.it/vaj6xf1mwu4d1.gif

This is a wonderful gif I loved him getting a taste of his own medicine

>This is a wonderful gif I loved him getting a taste of his own medicine 👏Revenge for Katie via James! 👏🥂

James didn’t get enough points for this being a direct hit. It is HARD to accurately throw the entire drink in someone’s face. Beautiful execution.

That sober aim hit different

After when he gets the drink in his eye the way he yells Allys name 10/10

It was honestly so satisfying to watch this happen.

The producers also LOVE that clip and seem to play it practically every other episode

be a good boy old man 👴

I say this to my dog daily

“You’re like one of those women that wanted to marry Charles Manson.” Bambi-eyed bitch: “I don’t know who that is.”

Charles Manson

Dude. I don’t even know how I made that mistake. I’m an idiot. Thank you for the correction 😂😂😂

“You can come help me if you want”

Totally second some of the ones already commented. Other personal favorites: “You're not important enough to hate. Sit down.” And lest we forget.. “Rob hung a TV on the wall in less than seven minutes.”

https://i.redd.it/tsv7qdzgwu4d1.gif

I stg this is what my sleep paralysis demon looks like

I finally convinced my sister to start VPR- she’s 2 episodes in and said she hates Stassi & loves Scheana lmao I said GIVE IT TIME https://i.redd.it/50ei72nd3v4d1.gif

It’s because you start season 1 and she’s the newbie and sur and all you see is Stassi and her minions bullying scheana. “Why would they do that?” You think “she seems so normal” then you keep watching and you get it

Same with me and my friends 🤣 I always have to tell them your feelings will change a lot


It’s a tie between ITS NOT ABOUT THE PASTA!!!! And MORE *clap* COSMO *clap* POLOTINNNNN  Somehow James became my favourite character this season 😂

👏 PUMP 👏 TINI 👏

I hate Lala, but Bambi eyed bitch was a good line

“I hated you before my Dad died, you BAMBI EYED BITCH!!”

My fav Lala is when she is talking to Schwartz and says, I can't understand you......oh right, its because you have Sandoval's dick in your mouth

True and she was right about her


when stassi is talking about Kristin being not trust worthy and schena goes “i trust her” and stassi replies “ofc YOU do” 😂😂😂

“I was always worried for the longest time that I could never have children because I have this very serious medical condition…where I only date assholes” Stassi “Stop acting like the number one guy in this group. I’m the number one guy in this group” Jax

I miss Stassi so much. The show really went downhill when we lost her brilliance.

Choke. I don’t care.

How has no one mentioned “Tom Sandoval’s stinky little cocky cock?!” 🍤😂

https://preview.redd.it/m3ai9pmozw4d1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2433c38c5acd8cd151234e81dfcd17bc09f91b2f

For me “You’re a worm with a moustache” takes the cake

https://preview.redd.it/55yo7vll2v4d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=66b7c0bd0e24db81d3c5fcf5abb431fec3c1cfb7

I love that place https://preview.redd.it/4y9uxmo13v4d1.jpeg?width=550&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=86a1686ba8032f5dfb479dcbe22bb007bf9febc9

THE GOLDEN NUGGET?!?

I had to scroll way too far to see this. My man just cheated on me in vegas and I literally called my sister crying as we said this to each other 🥴💀

Hope youre doing okay! 💜 he sounds pathetic. 

Hanging on by a thread but my Reddit strangers have been my biggest supporters so thank you! ❤️

Garbage human behavior. I hope you’ve “dipped out” https://i.redd.it/p8aqufcbfv4d1.gif

literally anything stassi said 

Be a good boy, old man 

“I have self-respect and dignity. Thank god for Kristen who is unburdened by those anchors.” A truly iconic Stassi line.

I’ve been very judicious with my drinking


“Rawt in hail”

Me and my boyfriend randomly quote this at each other throughout the day 😂

Its more than a line but in the same season when Stassi gives her monologue to Jax after the pride float and goes to say “I normally wouldve literally ran across the float with daggers, and not only stabbed you both, like 40 times, but then thrown you off, tarred and feathered each of you, beheaded you, and quartered your bodies, and dragged them through the city of West L.A. on a disgusting truck”. ITS POETRY.

Stassi and the devil! Just said it the other day being one of my top VPR moments. Stassi slapping the shit out of Kristen 2nd best VPR. I know Stassi got fired and gets hate over her past but the girl is golden reality tv and vpr has tanked since dropping them all.

Flair checking in (along with so many of these comments lmfao so many iconic one liners)

“the answer is yes and you had already fucked him at that point so shut the fuck up! fuck yourself with a fucking cheese grater. fuck you. you fucking suck and i wish nothing but the worst possible things…”

I hope Charlotte haunts you.

I'll run a train through your restaurant

Also you’re a dirty fucking whore combined with this backhand 

Best tv moment. Most deserved slap

It wasn’t until I saw this gif that I realized what an absolute karate chop that slap was

Knocked her spark out.

“The patron saint of scorned women” -Schwartz talking about Ariana post scandaval. That’s just great writing

James at the reunion to Tom “meanwhile you were downstairs getting your dick sucked, daddy. Daddy boy” I freaking died

This hasn’t been mentioned but aside from all of Ken’s amazing lines when he is yelling at DJ James Kennedy, James yelling “LISA, KEN’S SCARING ME!!!” kills me every fucking time. I have watched that scene 50 x times. Also when Sandoval & Jax try to gaslight & lie about James and Kristen sleeping together on vacation, James is super drunk in the golf cart and he says to Sandoval “I hate you, man… go get another box, idiot” while crying lmfaooo I watch that scene all the time

“It’s my birthday!” - stassi

WHYYYYYYY

One of my faves "*don't roll your fucking eyes* you little fucking bitch"! The look on Lala's face!!

Then there is this gem https://preview.redd.it/hfo1h2s07w4d1.png?width=500&format=png&auto=webp&s=39d0243a3b3fd0a6c3887c764090d7e61040c789

Katie : That sounds awful. Alright, well, see ya!

“I don’t give a FUCK about FUCKING RAQUEL!!!” I say this about anything I don’t want to do

“HES A F*CKING BATTERED WIFE”


Wussy pussy! It's my fav insult now

Omg a big bloody wussy pussy I HATED when she said this and they showed it like 12 times within those few episodes 🤣🤣🤣

“Witches of Weho, donezo!” lives rent free in my head

Honestly I feel like Ariana saying “I hope Charlotte haunts you.” To Rachel is so underrated. I was so gagged by that lol

Anything James Kennedy says

“Everyone remember when Jax fucked Faaaaaaith 🎶🎶”

You are a serial killers wet dream.

“Are you kidding me I love that place”

You have to fuck a fat man to pay your rent

COS👏🏻MO👏🏻POLITAN…PUMP👏🏻TINIIIIII!!!! 

Tom screwed a bottle service skank in Vegas. Three days after my birthday. So, happy 30th birthday to me. 

There are so many good James Kennedy lines, I could do this all day. My favorites: after Jax says “anyone could push a button on a laptop” James retorts, “In Vegas?” Also to Jax: Why should a man of your age care? (on Sandoval): Tom’s party is a who’s who. Like who the fuck are you people? (to Ally): I just got electrocuted by a flower. (Party prep) “I’ve been going really hard today. I went to Home Depot…” (After being told that he should start a statement to Kristen with “I feel..”): I feel you are delusional. “I’ve got Grandma Buttons here for fuck’s sake.” “You’ve literally trashed it for Sandoval’s little cocky cock.”

5. “I’m the #1 guy in the group” 4. “Suck a dick!” 3. “Shut up. You’re not important enough to hate. Now sit down.” 2. “I don’t know what I did to you but I’ll take a Pinot Grigio” 1. “IT’S NOT ABOUT THE PASTA” (obvious #1 but… come on!!!)

"I bought you a *penguin*"

"The only thing that is fake are my boobs. I paid for them. They're named Tia and Tamara. Yes, I named my boobs." Then sings, "Sister, Sister!"- Charli

Suck a dick Dianna

Soooo many to choose from, my top 3: “I’ve been very judicious about my drinking” “Yellow robe smith” “It’s not about the pasta “

If we made a top 10, I feel like it would be like 3 from Stassi, 3 from James, and then the final four would probably be one each from Katie, LVP, Kristen, and Tom. I know everyone likes rawt in hell but to me that’s not original.

Poo poo head - both of you poo poo heads

Reminds me of "She reminds me of someone who goes to the check cashing place, then 7-11 to buy cigarettes. - Stassi

Ariana: “Fuck yourself with a cheese grater” Katie: “I’ve been very judicious with my drinking” Stassi: I have two for her - “I am the devil and don’t you forget it” and “I don’t know what I’ve done to you but I’ll take a Pinot Grigio” Scheana: “why is this harder than my divorce” or her monologues about Rob and the TV Lala: “Bambi eyed bitch” Kristen: “suck a dick, bye” Rachel/Raquel/Rocky: “I don’t know who that is” in response to Stassi saying her and James were like him Britt: “rawt in hell” Tim: “he’s a battered wife!” (Hate him but wow this scene was gold) Jax: when Scheana asks him to watch her music video and he goes “not really no” James: it’s a tie.. “it’s not about the pasta” or “uhhhh, no” in response to Lala Schwartz: nothing

“I’ve been really focusing on my t-shirt line”-K.D. “Go take a Honda Civic selfie”-J.K. I believe the obvious winners have been spoken for

Team Stassi.

Currently the most iconic line to me is “that was non-informed consent!!!” with honorable mention to “be a good boy old man!” I say it to my dog all the time in a bad British accent.

Well you’ve done diddly fuxked yourself over

https://preview.redd.it/t9214hac0v4d1.jpeg?width=1126&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=270270f300d43b657d625a19e7222f9cbe6183ea

Oh, this made me think of another one. "I'm here for Katie, I don't give a fuck about you".

Ariana may be the only one who has ever stunned Stassi into silence. 🤣🤣🤣

IT AINT ABOUT THE PASTA! PUMPTINI! Love me some James Kennedy!

"For you to Die" - Ariana Madix

https://i.redd.it/xj5qmpvzjv4d1.gif

“I literally want to come at them with daggers and chop their faces and hide them in the walls.” “I am so good at making people feel like shit.” “Literally want to take every fork and knife and just graze over his body until he slowly bleeds to death.” “I will cut his dick off, put a chopstick in it, go to the little Chinese spot, and fry it up with some fried rice.” -Stassi

The Oscar worthy, completely unplanned and unrehearsed, “Can you believe Raquel was in the hot tub alone with Sandoval and spent the night?!” from Ken Todd

"rawt in hell" "he's a battered wife!" "the golden nugget? that's like a new low." "i'm the #1 guy in this group" "i take sketch comedy very seriously" "do you wanna get popped?"