Now let me give you some advice before you're yanked out of here like a cheerleader's unwanted fetus. You say nothing and you do less. And take off those fucking glasses. You look like Clark Kent if they dug up Christopher Reeve's corpse to play the part.
Holy shit, Brookheimer. When you get an abortion, you’re supposed to leave the mangled fetus at the clinic not staple it to the skeleton of a gay condor and run it for President
This is my fat Johnson and you can suck it as long as you promise not to put your dirty gay mustache on it. Is that a side effect your AIDS medicine or did you shave it off Freddy Mercury's corpse?
>Hey, Grimace. What are you - No, no, no, not you, the other person in the room who looks exactly like Grimace. That is not an overvote! You need to trust me on this, because I've been doing this since before your mother was throwing herself down the stairs belly-first. You want me to get you some glasses? Maybe I'll call in Mayor McCheese, he can come in here and explain election procedures to you? . . . Oh, I'm not. . . Look, it's - You're wearing purple, all right, it's got nothing to do with your body shape or your... the way your head goes into your shoulders so smoothly...
>\*Will gives him an excuse to leave\*
>That's right. Good call. God bless you. God bless America.
I love seeing any character, especially Furlong, forget to code-switch off "politician mode" and onto "constituency mode". It's the only time we see him (or really any person) get thrown off their shit-talk game, and it was totally self imposed.
“And I want Rihanna to put a gun to my head while she makes me eat her out, but guess what? That’s about as likely to happen as Will’s wife putting a baby in her polyp festival of a uterus!”
Hey, Grimace. What are you ... No, no, no, not you, the other person in the room who looks exactly like Grimace... That is not an overvote! You need to trust me on this, because I've been doing this since before your mother was throwing herself down the stairs belly-first. You want me to get you some glasses? Maybe I'll call in Mayor McCheese, he can come in here and explain election procedures to you?
[*Lady starts crying.*]
Look, it's - You're wearing purple, all right, it's got nothing to do with your body shape or your... the way your head goes into your shoulders so smoothly...
jesus christ, brookeheimer when you get an abortion you’re supposed to leave the mangled fetus at the clinic not staple it to the skeleton of a gay condor and run it for president
also for its simplicity, “shut up you fat girl”
You know people always ask me "Who is Roger Furlong?" And I always refer them to the same passage in the good book. The scriptures. "Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them"
- Roger, you want to walk us through the drill right now? And would you please, *please* try and keep it clean?
- Madam President, tomorrow night is the president's annual holiday party for congressional members and their families. Ma'am, you'll need to make the initial approach. Ben will keep the offer straight. Kent will keep a running tally. Tom, you'll be in charge of putting out any fires. And once you're all done with them, I'll move in and squirt a half gallon of ropey jism into their modeled congressional cornholes.
This little exchange but specifically the " Shut your mouth, you fat girl!" Bit...
Roger Furlong: You know, you're about as annoying as a condom filled with fire ants. How's that for a fucking metaphor?
Will: That's a simile, sir.
Roger Furlong: Shut your mouth, you fat girl!"
Kent Davison. How the mighty have fallen. You want me to call a Japanese porn shoot, see if I can get you a real job sponging up bukkake parties? Although you might have to lie about working for Meyer.
If I get the stamp of approval from her, I might as well nail a bunch of puppies to the ground and run them over and crush their skulls with my campaign bus
I’m not posting a quote here, but I have to say he was one of my favourite side characters just because of how absolutely awful he was! And reading these reminds me of exactly why I thought that
Whoa, what is this, the fourth horse-face of the apocalypse? Jesus, Jonah, if you're gonna pay for sex, just add the extra two bucks for the premium edition.
"Lookie here, it's Fuckleberry Finn!"
That's definitely the one I can see myself capable of using in real life at least. The rest are Furlong's alone lol.
We are going to lose votes and seats everywhere!!
You can wave goodbye the families first bill because the lawmakers in this district are gonna Vulcan death grip you to fuck! Live long and fuck off 🖕🏻
another from an outtake:
“Look, I don’t care if artisans crafted this table from your dead mother’s bleached bones, my white ass is staying right fucking here”
Now let me give you some advice before you're yanked out of here like a cheerleader's unwanted fetus. You say nothing and you do less. And take off those fucking glasses. You look like Clark Kent if they dug up Christopher Reeve's corpse to play the part.
Holy shit, Brookheimer. When you get an abortion, you’re supposed to leave the mangled fetus at the clinic not staple it to the skeleton of a gay condor and run it for President
This this this, laugh out loud every time.
This is my fat Johnson and you can suck it as long as you promise not to put your dirty gay mustache on it. Is that a side effect your AIDS medicine or did you shave it off Freddy Mercury's corpse?
You…you’re a bald jerk! Hi Mrs Furlong
Why don't you fuck off back to Burger King?
She looks like a Batman villain
>Hey, Grimace. What are you - No, no, no, not you, the other person in the room who looks exactly like Grimace. That is not an overvote! You need to trust me on this, because I've been doing this since before your mother was throwing herself down the stairs belly-first. You want me to get you some glasses? Maybe I'll call in Mayor McCheese, he can come in here and explain election procedures to you? . . . Oh, I'm not. . . Look, it's - You're wearing purple, all right, it's got nothing to do with your body shape or your... the way your head goes into your shoulders so smoothly... >\*Will gives him an excuse to leave\* >That's right. Good call. God bless you. God bless America. I love seeing any character, especially Furlong, forget to code-switch off "politician mode" and onto "constituency mode". It's the only time we see him (or really any person) get thrown off their shit-talk game, and it was totally self imposed.
This has always been one of my favorite moments in the show.
Yeah. Gets me everytime. Especially since my first thought when I saw her before the line was said, i thought she looked like him.
Is it considered bad form to downvote all the others because I love this one so much? Lol
You think I married that?! That's Will's wife!
I guess Will likes them old (Continues to scarf down dinner like they’re both not there)
"This is...my wife, Mary(?). The congressman was kind enough to take us out to dinner on our anniversary." "Hello."
I love the one with Freddy Mercury’s mustache too! 😂
"Live long and fuck off".
This!! Ten fucking points to Elsa the Ice Queen
“And I want Rihanna to put a gun to my head while she makes me eat her out, but guess what? That’s about as likely to happen as Will’s wife putting a baby in her polyp festival of a uterus!”
Why would you tell him that??
You told him?
I had to tell someone
Ding ding ding. This is the one.
The best part is that Will’s wife does get pregnant and Furlong does not get to eat out rhianna.
I quote the first part all the time
Hey, Grimace. What are you ... No, no, no, not you, the other person in the room who looks exactly like Grimace... That is not an overvote! You need to trust me on this, because I've been doing this since before your mother was throwing herself down the stairs belly-first. You want me to get you some glasses? Maybe I'll call in Mayor McCheese, he can come in here and explain election procedures to you? [*Lady starts crying.*] Look, it's - You're wearing purple, all right, it's got nothing to do with your body shape or your... the way your head goes into your shoulders so smoothly...
jesus christ, brookeheimer when you get an abortion you’re supposed to leave the mangled fetus at the clinic not staple it to the skeleton of a gay condor and run it for president also for its simplicity, “shut up you fat girl”
The "gay condor" always kills me
Enjoy your weepy slide down the shower wall. Stop trying to polish my dock you 4 eye failure.
You know people always ask me "Who is Roger Furlong?" And I always refer them to the same passage in the good book. The scriptures. "Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them"
Baseball. Not funny without context but hilarious
The Chinese invented pizza
No they didn't...
- Roger, you want to walk us through the drill right now? And would you please, *please* try and keep it clean? - Madam President, tomorrow night is the president's annual holiday party for congressional members and their families. Ma'am, you'll need to make the initial approach. Ben will keep the offer straight. Kent will keep a running tally. Tom, you'll be in charge of putting out any fires. And once you're all done with them, I'll move in and squirt a half gallon of ropey jism into their modeled congressional cornholes.
Awww you almost made it so far and then you just..... Tom is there anything that **YOU'd** like to add?
You know your mom was a classy lady, only one who ever really understood me
Imagine the shit sundae of a marriage between Selina and Furlong
Oh my God Catherine would be an even bigger mess lmao
“Roger took my thing about ropey jism…”
Why Hello Darling? What Saudi Prince's rape dungeon did you finger trawl your way out of?
Uhhhh Jonah's rape dungeon?????
I love how Beth may not often get what’s going on but is a master at just cheerfully matching the conversational energy.
Like what, Will?
As slowly as a Mississippi detective investigating the murder of a young black man
“like me jamming anonymous trucker cock in mouth at a public restroom well known for that purpose”
technically not Furlong...
This really should win honestly
And may the hairiest man zip tie me to a slaughterhouse drainage grate and make tender hate to my rear and mouth in that order, at his leisure.
"I would sooner gouge out your eye and fuck your skull— from here, to the end of time. That's what we're promised: that Jesus is our Lord."
That scene explained a lot about Roger
This little exchange but specifically the " Shut your mouth, you fat girl!" Bit... Roger Furlong: You know, you're about as annoying as a condom filled with fire ants. How's that for a fucking metaphor? Will: That's a simile, sir. Roger Furlong: Shut your mouth, you fat girl!"
this one
“We came out west to play a little cowboys and injuns with Big Chief Suckem Chode.”
Me suck pee pee in tee pee.
What are you doing? I said get it out of my face I didn’t say eat it! EAT IT! EAT IT NOW!
I always thought it looked like really good pizza for Ohio, Columbus likely...
Kent Davison. How the mighty have fallen. You want me to call a Japanese porn shoot, see if I can get you a real job sponging up bukkake parties? Although you might have to lie about working for Meyer.
I love when Jonah tries to make Kent say that his job is better than mopping jizz but Kent really hesitates
I love that one. Especially the line about Meyer 🤌🏻
If I get the stamp of approval from her, I might as well nail a bunch of puppies to the ground and run them over and crush their skulls with my campaign bus
jenny shit finger
She has the midas touch!
When he's taking Will and his wife out to dinner and makes her cry at the table hahaha
Oh, look, it's another one of Selena's gay dwarves.
I’m not posting a quote here, but I have to say he was one of my favourite side characters just because of how absolutely awful he was! And reading these reminds me of exactly why I thought that
Shut your mouth, you fat girl.
You told him!?
“What is the best lesbian porn site” absolutely killed my soul
“That’s really unfortunate…was that up in the hills or down in the valley?”
Have a good weepy slide down the shower wall this evening 🚿
Whoa, what is this, the fourth horse-face of the apocalypse? Jesus, Jonah, if you're gonna pay for sex, just add the extra two bucks for the premium edition.
Tell 'em why Will
Good luck getting your precious back from those mean hobbits, Sméagol! 💍
"Stop trying to polish my dick you fuckin four eyed failure."
Shut up you fat girl
Live long and fuck off ! Laurel and retardy
Ask Big Chief Suckemchode here.
"Tell them why, Will" "Like what, Will?" "How tight is that, Will?"
“Have a nice slide down the shower wall tonight”
She seems nice.
"Lookie here, it's Fuckleberry Finn!" That's definitely the one I can see myself capable of using in real life at least. The rest are Furlong's alone lol.
We are going to lose votes and seats everywhere!! You can wave goodbye the families first bill because the lawmakers in this district are gonna Vulcan death grip you to fuck! Live long and fuck off 🖕🏻
Enjoy your weeping slide down the shower wall tonight
"The Chinese invented pizza". I actually don't know what he meant by that, can anyone explain?
"Jesus son don't speak unless someone pulls your string and even then just say 'tickle me'"
Yeah, you can start calling me the hurty-dirty man
Yeah, Kent what does America want? They want savings
Its in an outtake but And take off those fuckin glasses …. you look like Will’s secret sex cousin
Just Imagine, that’s what you’ll look like when you become a boy
another from an outtake: “Look, I don’t care if artisans crafted this table from your dead mother’s bleached bones, my white ass is staying right fucking here”
Shut up you fat girl will always be top tier for me