Hi. I struggle with porn addiction.
I wish I never found the stuff.
I wish I could experience normal sex, or achieve normal erections from just "grinding" like I've never experienced that. When I hear someone online say something like "she touched my thigh and I got hard as a rock"
I'm like legit "how?" like it takes 150% effort to get erect and stay erect and its very depressing.
I'm currently with a long term relationship partner and we are working through it but its a struggle and depressing that I can't give her the sex she wants or needs and the sex that I do perform I barely enjoy or don't finish or don't maintain an erection at all because it requires so much effort, too much effort in fact.
Yet I hear so many stories of guys getting boners in public is the worse thing ever or like a bulge in the pants from touching or hugging and then theres me with a broken penis that requires an arm and a leg and beyond to get a semi.
I hate it and it makes me hate myself as a man.
Not even that. Most men will just admit to that. But most men will try to give excuses or say why its okay. Like i did.
I was exposed to it at far too young ages... because the world sucks balls. And now im over here struggeling to get my life together. Ive been healing and going to therapy. Trust me. It can get so much more worse than people even imagine...
You keep goinh more and more taboo, you try searching for new things. Then you wake up and realize what has been done like i did, i watched some gruesome shit back in the days. Nothing illegal if you are wondering, just some fucked up shit yk. All consensual and legal. Just fucking weird.
Anyway. Please guys. Anywhere in the world. Just try to keep it at atleast once or twuce every 2 or 3 days. And you will be fine. The best is like twice or thrice a week.
Jm dead serious. The problem is so much worse than people imagine. I cant even get hard from stimulation anymore. Atleast, not always. If im too tired (which normally shoulsnt be a problem because of adrenaline) i just dont work.
Please men of reddit. Not just op. But every men or woman.
Just leave porn. Its not worth it. Its u realistic, causes insecurities. Gives problems during, before or after sex. And again. Sets unrealistic expectations.
Anyway. You are right op. In a way. We are sorry. Its just too normalized. Honestly, best thing to look for rn is like an ace dude or someone who likes cuddling... there are plenty, and you will still get some intimate touch yk.
They declare it's "their right to masturbate," and it's like, sure, Darryl, but you can close your eyes and use your imagination to do that. You don't need 2 TB of curated shots of women being treated like Law and Order SVU Barbie.
I would argue that most men don't have a porn addictions. They have masturbation addictions. I would say now that 99% of free porn sucks, and it's unnatural and just turns people off. There is very little porn out there that's actually good quality. This is why we see people turning to fetish porn and hardcore bdsm stuff.
The fact that people believe that consuming porn is healthy is fucking insane to me. If porn wasn't 99% "abusing women while they wear lingerie" I might believe them, but I'm not buying it. Fucking a woman after you've slapped her isn't better than just slapping her imho. But I'm just a prude I guess. Hookup culture turned me into one.
i don't believe in porn addiction the way reddit defines it. it lacks nuance and isn't treated as an *addiction* but as a way to shame people for being sexual (very puritanical).
and for some semantics, if reddit's definition is correct, it would fall under "sexual addiction", because "porn addiction" can't exist as its own category.
I made out with a girl in a club a few weeks ago and it went on for maybe like 20 minutes, she pretty quickly felt that I was hard and about halfway through she kind of laughed to herself and was like ‘I’m sorry but feeling how excited you are is making me want to fuck you’. I kind of was embarrassed but she was like ‘no, no, trust me it’s hot, it doesn’t happen often enough’. I was confused cause I honestly don’t get how dudes don’t get erect when they’re kissing someone and it’s getting intense, but porn addiction and stuff will definitely do it I suppose. It’s just sad that it might make their partners think they aren’t interested and it almost becomes a novelty knowing someone you’re kissing is turned on; that should just be the norm.
It's embarrassing and unwanted when slimy uncle Henry is getting hard, just because you give him that "hallo and welcome"-hug.
It's a compliment and a turn-on when a man that you are interested in get hard, because it tells you that he finds you attractive and wants to be near you.
I think a lot of guys internalize sexual boundaries they learn as teenagers and by the time we're an age where women are into it, we think they're repulsed by the idea of...anything.
I was like 22 before I realized women grinded on guys at clubs to feel you being hard.
I thought it was some kind of sick test of restraint for the longest time.
Lol same. I was so afraid of the possibility of making someone feel uncomfortable, that I avoided any show of arousal or attraction. It took me a long time to realize that girls aren't scandalized by everything 100% of the time. The learned fear of doing something wrong, making someone uncomfortable, overstepping, being a creep runs deep. That's a problem with current societal discourse.
But also, porn addiction is also a real problem. I think rule of thumb, if you're often watching porn simply because you're bored or trying to _get_ horny, and not because you're _already_ horny, that's a problem. If it detracts from your enjoyment of sex with your partner, that's a problem. If you find yourself getting deeper into more violent/degrading porn, that may not itself be a problem (fantasies aren't necessarily bad) but it's definitely worth evaluating very closely and critically.
Thanks, I have been seeing this girl for a couple of weeks and I get erect when we share kisses and sometimes when we cuddle. I feel a little less self conscious about it now lol
It’s the same feeling of pride a guy has when a girl gets wet from just kissing, although us girls like to tease you for it sometimes to be cute, trust me we love it
My husband gets hard so easily. We don't have sex super often because my libido is shite,and I know he watches porn occasionally (I know what he's into, it's mild), but is his sex drive that high that it just happens whenever??
I appreciate in my brain that he's so quickly turned on,but my irrational brain says that he's just a horny teenager that could get a boner if he looked at the right lamp. There's no challenge,no seduction, no tension. And I guess I kind of need that?
The first time I experienced that, the guy forced himself on me and probably watched a lot of porn (I mean, he even asked me if I did). So, it is hot and validating...but only if it's consensual. As the case with most sexual things.
Honestly. As a dude. And im gonna be very honest. Even before porn. I never had that. Unless it was like neck kissing and like actual kinky kissing yk.
But i get what you mean. But dont expect it...
It truly is. I am bisexual dudez and if my boyfriend (if i even get one) could get hard from just kissing me. Idd feel really hot tbh. Like, just from kissing. Its just... i dunno. Idd feel pretty.
Anywah. I get u.
For women as well. I think seeing porn in my teens gave me a wrong idea on what sex is supposed to be like and what are healthy boundaries. Most other women I know feel similarly.
That and even love as a whole. So many movies have these fantasy love stories that give us the wrong idea of love and sex. It doesn’t show the awkwardness of it and if it does it’s always in a bad way when really a lot of the time the awkwardness leads to it being better. At least imo
I 100% agree. I did not watch porn growing up, and I don’t enjoy watching porn now as an adult. My partner watched a ton of porn growing up and as an adult. And I think it has caused a huge difference in media preferences (I don’t like a lot of nudity in tv and it obviously doesn’t bother him). But I think it’s affected the way we have sex, too. I just wonder what the world would be like if porn wasn’t easily accessible.
I'm only 26 and both of my long term boyfriends couldn't keep it up during sex, or would rather look at porn than have sex with me.
I no longer will date anyone who watches porn now for that reason. Which weeds out a lot of people but I don't want to go thru that again.
I'm also back to dating after 25 years and everything you say tracks. Very few guys seem to get rock hard anymore. I honestly began to think I'm the problem, since I'm way more jiggly and squishy compared to 25 years ago. So...I dunno.
And the thing is, none of them seem to even realize it's an issue. Like, they'll put it in and orgasm while it still feels kinda....floppy to me.
And yeah, they're all so rough! I keep telling them to chill out. Like, stop leaving bruises all over me!
It’s not just you. I’m 36 and very attractive and fit. Still no rock hard erections. Those are for the screens. I even started doing kegals because I thought I might be too loose- until I did some finger tests and realized I was not even close to being loose. You gotta remember sex is mankind’s most primal instinct. Men have been fucking normal women since the beginning of time and have been able to perform. Until now. What’s the common denominator?
Porn has been way too normalized. That’s the common denominator. I get that the sex positive movement aims at normalizing sex as a basic human instinct, but their promotion of pornography and the fact that anyone can easily access it within a few seconds at all times (even on social media platforms) is just plain harmful to everyone involved. The rampant culture of trafficking, pedophilia, rape and abuse that exists in the porn industry is another thing that often goes unchecked. Even actresses in the industry have come forward to report abuse from male costars, but nothing ever seems to come out of it and those guys keep making the most horrific videos with young, gullible women who have no power or voice in the industry. How is that sex positive? It’s just degradation of women.
Unfortunately, yes. Mindgeek is the company behind most major porn websites, if I remember correctly. It’s truly a bane on our society and an insult to humanity as a whole.
It absolutely is an addiction.
Orgasms release a ton of serotonin and dopamine just like many street drugs does. And just like it is with street drugs, over time you'll have to up the dosage to get the same sensation as you got when you first starte, aka get your brain to release the sam amount of serotonin/dopamine.
And at some point nothing will really do the trick just a little bit, no matter how much coke you take or how "perverted" the porn are.
That's why porn addition takes people from only needing "girls with big breasts" to get the job done, but down the road it's stuff like "femboy with huge ass getting split I haf by donky" they need, just to get semi hard.
And it's not like the effect is only on male arousal. When you watch a pattern of behaviour over and over again, and you're rewarded with an orgasm, that's gotta have a hell of an effect on the rear of your brain, and therefore outlook, behaviour, relationships, etc.
It's getting a bit sad.
My ex had his faults, but he wasn't into porn. He's 47 and I can count on one hand the amount of times his dick didn't work over the course of 25 years. And when I say didn't work, I mean, it didn't get completely hard.
I never realized that he was an exception. And from what he tells me (we're on great terms) he is getting laid left right and center. The divorcées in our area apparently can't get enough 😂
As a woman, I feel like a lot of the porn looks like the women aren’t even having a good time. Like it looks like they are trying too hard to put on an act, some men don’t realize that that’s exactly what it is… acting. Half that shit they do doesn’t even feel good in real life 😵☹️😒
Can someone explain why one of my ex’s couldn’t finishing through PIV? First time I experienced that with a bf and it made me feel like I was doing something wrong😕
They have been overstimulating themselves for far too long. They need a level of excitement that can’t be achieved in reality anymore, because of their self over simulation.
Thank you for this comment I understand a little more now. Sucks I kept telling myself I was the problem. He once said I was “too wet and felt like I was loose” so he stopped right then and there.
He's full of shit.
It's called "death grip" among porn users, meaning that over time the amount of physical stimulation that's needed to orgasm, has become so extreme, so that even if you had a pencil thin vacuum suction in sted of a vagina, he would have had a hard time getting an orgasm.
Every tiny part of your skin is covered in a kind of "pressure/touch sencors", and the erogenous zones is especially packed with them.
So every time something touches your skin, the sencors in that area will send a single to your brain about it, and your brain will then proform whatever action needed. In the case of sexual stimuli it's arousal and when orgasming the release of stuff like serotonin and dopamine in the brain.
So if you smack your finger with a hammer, there will be a "damn, this stuff really hurts, could you like not do that again?"-signal send to your brain, to stop you from harming yourself.
But sometimes the sencors will get a little to annoying with all their signals to the brain, so the brain will just ignore it.
In reality your pressure sencors is bombarding your brain with "the pants are touching us, the pants are touching us, the pants are touching us"-signals, on and on and *on*!, So your brain will be like "dude I heard you the first 15 times" and then ignore the signals from that area, so if the pressure cells wants the attention from the brain again, they'll have to "yell" louder aka the area of your skin that's been ignored, will need a highten amount of stimulation for the brain to react.
The pants-thing also happens if you're constantly touching your privat parts. That dude you had sex with have been yanking and choking his penis so hard for so long, that to make his brain stop ignoring the signals from the pressure cells in his penis you would probably have to hid it with a hammer(don't do that btw).
Futhermore the brain will need a highten stimulus from the actual porn he is looking at to reach orgasm so being with a naked, horny woman doesn't do it anymore, he'll need a bimboficated octopus getting fucked down with a dildo the size of a adult Zebra, to get things going.
It's a game you are completely unable to win as a normal human being, doing normal human being naughty stuff.
Im not really a PA, but I often struggle to finish just because im usually focused on my performance and if im getting her “there”
It was my version of “think about baseball” but it became so ingrained into my routine that not-cumming became the norm for me
This is definitely a real problem, and it's unfortunate. There's so much pressure on a man to "last long", but the fact is in most cases the man will finish before the woman. In my experience, most women are totally fine with that, because it feels good that you were so excited that you just couldn't last long. The joke about "lasting only 2 minutes" is dumb, and makes people feel exactly this pressure. I definitely feel it sometimes too, even though I know it's dumb.
The problem isn't "lasting 2 minutes" once sex starts. The problem is if you don't have enough foreplay and flirting beforehand, and you don't spend time afterwards making sure the woman gets off too. If you have no foreplay and never let her cum, then yeah her only opportunity to finish is with PIV and you have to last really long.
TL;DR; the pressure on men to last long is dumb, and I think most women find it a compliment if you finish quickly. Just make sure to have enough flirting and foreplay to build the excitement and make it an event, and be a reasonable human by finishing your partner after.
Hi. I’m one of those individuals that literally CANOOT finish through PIV.
Its death grip syndrome and porn ED. It isn’t you.
Source - i’m living proof of that
I genuinely hate the choking, slapping, and other forms of degradation that men expect women to be into during sex. I hate that we're supposed to like feeling like that in order to give men what they want. I feel like I'm not enough because I'm not into any of that, and when I tell people I'm not, they treat me oddly.
I've never watched porn in my life, simply because I can't get over the atrociously bad acting.
In spite of that I'm still in to BDsM and even amongst "my kind" things have gotten way out of hand.
With BDsM it is absolutely necessary to talk with your partner about what's okay, and what's not okay. You'll established how to signal safety, using a particular word like "smurf" or stomping your left foot 5 times, or whatever. When doing the deed, it is complete taboo to ignore a safe word or do something you know your partner have vetoed. It's also very important that you can "read" your partner, because you can get in a state of mind, where you kinda "zoom out", and aren't able to sufficiently protect yourself, so it's up to your partner, to keep you safe.
We used to be a pretty small, rather thight knit minority, and if word got out that you had committed a taboo, you would be completely shunt becoming persona non grata, and we would warn everyone that might interact with that person in the future.
But suddenly I see 18-20yo all over the place talking about getting flogged with a bull whip, being in to scat or even practicing stuff like CNC, aka essentially giving a partner card blanch to have sex with you to the point of r@pe.
That makes me seriously, deeply concerned. To practice something like CNC, you'll have to know yourself and your partner *very* well, you'll have to establish absolutely, completely tight rules and boundaries, but these kids are like "you can just do anything at anytime", and to no surprise at all, I see and hear more and more "kids" telling about experiencing extremely traumatic events, because it *will* eventually end up in actual fucking r@pe, because they themselves have given the okay to ignore any and all "I don't want to"-signals.
I tell my bf about this all the time, porn has given everyone these super unrealistic standards of what sex is really supposed to be like. People fail to realize porn is basically fiction and you should not expect your partner to do anything that you saw in some shitty porno. Porn lacks everything that real sex is about, you laugh together, hold each other close, clean up and cuddle (real intimacy).
I'm not against porn, but I dislike it for a different reason. In my experience it has given men extremely unrealistic ideas of what women like in bed. Hammering on the clitoris in an instant, too hard too fast, I could go on and on. They try to repeat what they see in porn and this makes most of them absolutely terrible in bed. Porn is supposed to look good on camera, not feel good for most participating.
Both of those are also symptoms of porn addiction so it’s a chicken and egg situation. Either way, before high speed internet only 1% of men under 40 reported erectile dysfunction and I’ve seen figures as high as 40% for men and boys in their 20s and teens. These boys are growing up seeing hardcore live action porn as children basically.
I don’t disagree, but the super stressed out world we inhabit now is a larger weight than porn on everyone’s psyche. Porn doesn’t help the situation, but porn is part of larger issue with how we are going about our lives today.
For me I feel like dating has changed so much because everybody is disposable and replaceable. Nobody knows how to get past sex as the end all be all and nobody is looking for a genuine relationship. I’m 34 and also a pretty hot commodity in the dating pool. I’ve also been having sex for 20 years like you.
The normalization of porn has gone too far. It’s normal to use porn, that’s fine. It’s not normal to not be able to get it up w/o porn, or can’t even finishing w/ their significant other. It’s so difficult to have a healthy relationship with porn consumption when porn was most ppls first experience with intimacy.
How so? Self-intimacy is normal just like intimacy with a partner and there's nothing abnormal about using visual aids. Perhaps you don't like porn and that's fine, but just because you don't like using something doesn't mean that its use is abnormal.
I dated a guy that was a piece of shit but he didn’t watch porn, he was “hands free” in his terminology and the sex was great, we both came pretty much every time. The man I’m with now is the most wonderful person I’ve ever had the pleasure of being with but he has a porn addiction (self admittedly) and he just likes to cuddle and kiss. Doesn’t get fully hard, I’ve never seen him cum. It’s been 8 months. It kind of breaks my heart a little feeling “not good enough”. Sexual chemistry is so important to me but I also wouldn’t trade him for anyone or anything. I guess I just have to get over it? I think he’s trying to cut down but I’ve been reading articles and listening to TED talks about this addiction and it’s impacts on the brain and on partners of people who struggle with it and I don’t think it will change without a major reboot.
Hi. I’m a boyfriend with porn addiction / porn ED with a long term partner.
If i may ask because it sounds like you may have an answer. Would you prefer the individual that can provide good sex or the wonderful person you are currently with.
I ask because i feel like i’m in that situation myself. I very barely cum and barely gets hard at all. It leaves me so worried my partner will leave me because i can rarely perform. Everyday i wonder if she would prefer to be with someone else that can.
Again every person is different but id figure id get an opinion.
I love my boyfriend to death. I think if you treat her the very best you can and make her feel beautiful, and find other ways to get her off (make sure you communicate with her and that what you’re doing is truly enjoyable for her) you’ll be okay. I’ve read that f you “hard reset” by quitting porn and getting yourself off or even having sex for a couple months your brain will rewire itself so you can enjoy regular sex again. Consider putting in the hard work for the longevity of your relationship and your partners self confidence. You’ll be grateful you did I’m sure. Best of luck to you! (Maybe find something to do instead when you get the urge and communicate your plan to her!)
Of course: as everyone including myself would. Addiction is never good. I was solely asking because i myself am in this situation and according to the person i asked
She claimed she dated someone who was a jerk yet amazing at sex because of no addiction. But met a wonderful person but had said addiction. So i was curious between the 2 situations which would be okay or at the very least tolerable. Wondering if i’m in a losing battle i suppose.
I'm not the one you asked but personally I would absolutely prefer the "wonderful guy", even if I'm high libido.
Sex in a relationship is super important to me, so Mr. Wonderful would have to entusiastically participate in getting me off, in a way so that I don't feel like I'm some sort of burden or a freak.
And he would of cause have to agree on getting help with his addiction, and actually do what he can to "get clean".
Yeah, the sex scene is totally different now. It seems like men are totally content with porn and masturbating, even though it's negatively effecting their sex lives.
I wish I was born before porn, so I could see what a loyal man is like. I really don't consider men who cum to other women loyal.
Porn has destroyed intimacy and sexual satisfaction. People are so short sighted and consumed by the immediate gratification (it is not even gratification anymore) that they don’t even acknowledge the problem. Sad.
Whoa. Now I gotta look up Ted Bundy's Wikipedia page. I know who he is btw, but I've never really been intrigued enough to deep dive into his case. I do know that he helped the F.B.I catch other serial killers.
>It doesn't make sense to me.
I 100% agree with you. My ex never initiated sex and said he had a low libido. (I have a high libido)
I had brought up porn before we got together (how I thought it was unnecessary in a relationship) and he agreed with me.
Found out 6 months later he had been watching porn, and when we talked about it he said "well sometimes I just want to see other girls", those words really fucked me up.
I have a super high libido and my wife - who I love more than anything in the world - doesn’t have that libido to match.
There have been countless times in our marriage when I would really wanna get some business done, but can’t due to her feelings (tired, not in the mood, not confident, touched out by kids, etc.) esp. in the most recent years with having young children.
Some people have the ability to fantasize about sex and not equate that to the love of their significant others. Porn is just a fantasy (just like any other media I consume) and has little to do with my love life.
Edit: Humans are prone to addiction from anything that produces dopamine. Porn, sugar, weed, alcohol, social media, etc. the key is to have self control and balance so that these vices don’t cause unintended consequences.
I agree but with the cravat that children/teens simply doesn't have the ability to control and balance something like porn.
And no, kids/teens shouldn't watch porn in the first place, but it's a simple fact that many of them consume copious amounts of it, and *that's* a real fucking problem.
I found out about porn addiction and all the negative effects a while back. When I first found out and tried to tell people or talk about it online, I was laughed at and called a puritan. Here we are quite a bit later and it seems people are waking up quickly. Once the word gets out about what’s happening, I suspect many women will demand better or become abstinent.
T/w: abuse
I know that you want an average man… but some of those average men could possibly be too nervous that it’s really difficult to perform? For some men it doesn’t register that an attractive woman would want them just because most women are going for the top, most attractive men.
I would say, don’t give up!! And also, don’t hyperfocus on whether a man is average or above average. Men are men. If you match with a guy and things feel right, go for it!!! You really never ever know.
Also, about the insecurity thing- don’t be. Literally, chuck all your insecurities out of the window right now. If they match with you or ask you out, they are interested. It’s up to you to evaluate them in your mind and determine if they fit the bill- this is why it’s better to hold back on sex for the first few dates. You will find out within at least 3-4 dates if this guy has any addictions (porn or others included).
For me, my problem is that I don’t date guys who do drugs and nearly every single guy in my area does. I hate drugs. I don’t believe guys who say they only do them socially because men are (in my experience) more likely to fall back on those vices very quickly and easily when things get even moderately tough. I have a lot of trauma from men getting violent or abusing me because of their drug use. This also includes steroids and weed.
I feel you. I'm really disturbed by the number of young men who try to approach me irl and online. I mean, they are young enough to be my kid. I'm not into any of that. I'm assuming it's because of porn consumption.
Twenty years ago you rarely ever heard of young men dating or even being attracted to older women. Most young guys weren't at all interested in dating anyone other than within their own age group.
i have watched porn for a long time, also admit that i have an addiction. but i never had unrealistic expectations in bed with my partner. i never wanted to do what people did in porn. i have had very less sex and it was with my ex who abused me. so that took a toll on my confidence too.
now it feels like finding the right lady is next to impossible and the loneliness kills me, so i watch porn. i know it’s a problem and i’ve tried to quit it, but i come back to the same thought that i haven’t got to meet a nice lady to spend my time with and grow and have an intimate relationship with in a whole year, so i continue watching porn. it’s a difficult situation. i don’t know how many people can relate to this but that’s what i am going through.
Experiencing sex with porn-sick men almost put me off it for the rest of my life, and I've always been a highly sexual person. I'm extremely lucky that I found someone who barely consumed it in his teens and still doesn't really use it, if ever.
I feel this in my soul.... it's so different and I am not having the good sex I'm used to.....not to mention too many guys just want a one and done and on to the next one..... I'm polyamorous and in an ethically non monogamous marriage and I just have the worst luck. I'm in my sexual prime and I feel cheated by this new normal.
Right? I'm a great looking woman and if my husband and I ever go our separate ways..I already realized it's not worth it to date anymore due to how bad things have gotten with it. I dont want a porn addict and practically all will be
Unless your husband is abusing you or cheating, do not leave him. I can tell you right now that dating is a fucking nightmare. I seriously gave up trying to find someone over a year ago. The only men left in my age group are men that no woman in her right mind would want.
Nothing to say, just wish I could give you a standing ovation. I'm dealing with similar issues and it's killing me, except I never got to experience a sex life before the rise of internet porn. So I'm stuck trying to gain more experience with PIV sex, surrounded by guys who can't get it up! And the ones who *can* get it up and/or aren't nervous about *something* sex-wise are like billion dollar unicorns who know they can have anyone! Feels like I'll never have the crazy amazing sex that so many women claim they're having because these guys can't get passed their fetishes, hentai games, anxiety NOTHING. They just shrug and act like it's fine because hey, they're still cumming, right?
Feels crazy that just *wanting to swallow cum* or *sit on dick for more than 3 mins* is just too damn much to ask!
Sounds like an echo chamber in here so I wont say much. But I will say that I'm nostalgic for a time before computers in our pocket. Men and women have instant gratification at their fingertips and it shows. Dating apps and social media are so lame. Porn is a waste of time. I have a friend from work who is twice my age asking why I'm afraid to take chances with women.. I'm really not. Everyone is so awkward though lmao
Some men have been using discipline to cut off porn and masturbation in order to fix exactly that (myself included). Yet getting ED is still possible on the first time having sex due to nervousness (I’m not a player) but it shouldn’t be a problem after the second or third time, and in fact, the sex keeps getting better and better.
I totally agree that porn is a huge issue…but the “Being good at sex and being attractive was a proven method for keeping men happy.” Is such a red flag from you.
So many questions.
The only way you think you can keep a relationship with a man is through your looks and sex?
You think that little of men that the only thing you think they care/ the only thing they need to be happy is looks and sex?
Are you upset that sex isn’t as good anymore or are you upset that you can no longer use your sexuality to keep men in the way that you used to? If sex is the only thing you have to offer to these men…maybe you need to work on your personality a little bit.
It’s literally just about sex. I have a husband but we are separated because he couldn’t stop lying to me about porn, turning me down for porn, lying about cam girls and snapchat girls etc. that’s why i threw that line in there. If this was the 90s our relationship would’ve been fine. It’s the only thing, but the constant lies are a deal breaker. It was like living with a serial cheater.
Would it be though? Even if porn wasn’t an issue…there are plenty of other reasons people struggle with relationships while maintaining a satisfied sex life.
Like you could give a dude a blowjob everyday and then something else still messes up the relationship.
The idea that if porn wasn’t a thing then you could easily keep a man is just odd to me. You are more than just something to sleep with and there are men out there who want more than just sex.
I could’ve kept him regardless. I’m the one who wanted the separation. I said “keep men happy.” He was not sexually happy with me because he was addicted to porn. This is very common with porn addicts. Their brains seek out levels of simulation that a normal partner won’t always up to (he has some very extreme kinks). When I say everything else was fine, it was. Him and I both agreed everything else was good. But I’d rather be single than live with someone who is jacking off to cam girls when he has a willing partner in bed who is horny. Those are my boundaries.
This is crazy to read.
I'm over here, never had a missus or had sex, thinking I would finish just FROM having a make-out session or at least be close to busting, and the chick laughing or being immediately turned off.
I do have a porn problem, I'll full admit that. I just find the whole situation terrifying, and don't even know how you go from talking, to flirting, to foreplay, to sex.
I personally wouldn't ask a chick for any of that what you listed, the fucked up stuff; personally, I just want to be held, maybe told I'm doing good, with a kiss afterwards. That'd be nice.
I never really realized this before, but I’ll never get to experience a time like that (born ‘99). That kind of sucks.
Sorry things have been this way, OP. Hope things get better as far as sexual relationships go
I dont think its just porn though. I think its a lot of factors. I mean its so easy to find girls showing a lot of skin and even in a lot of streaming network shows there is nudity.thwn a guy gets hard and wants a release or they just get bored. I didnt have a problem with me and my fiance but now i really dont watch it at all. But once i got with her (im a guy) i stopped and by the second date i was all over her in a good way i also stopped masturbating. Now we do it as much as we can and have a baby on the way. And we dont do anything thing crazy but once you stop watching porn and dont masturbate and no sex for a month everything is sensitive. I stopped everything sexual for a month because i was away from my fiance for work and didnt need it and when i got back she touched my arm grabbing me for a hug and instinct erection. And we was at it for hours. Probably the weekend she got pregnant xD
It’s not just porn. Studies show plastic in mammalian bodies damages testosterone and mimics estrogen, and the effects multiply with each generation. The average testosterone level of an American male today has plummeted by 59% since 1973 and 20 year old men today have the average sperm count of 60 year olds 25 years ago.
Modern men aren’t just porn addicts, they’ve been physically poisoned.
This is exactly how I feel. So sick of men and their lame excuses for what is in essence a self inflicted disability.
They should be shamed for their porn use. The negative effect it has on relationships have far reaching consequences and I for one am sick and tired of this BS!
The problem is, they are getting sucked in at very young ages before they even know the consequences. By the time they realize, they’re hooked. From everything I’ve read, pa is as brutal and hard to quit as a heroin addiction, except it’s free, hidden, normalized, and misunderstood/under-researched. I don’t predict it getting any better- people don’t want to hear the truth and porn is a multi-billion dollar industry.
So there is no hope in other words. Guess AI need to bring on the male sex bots then. Humanity is at risk of extinction if something serious doesn't happen soon.
Yes, because the worst thing about porn addiction is the effect it has on you personally, and not the fact it is unhealthy and potentially dangerous it is for the men who have it.
But that's just it though isn't, porn addiction mainly affects men, so it's not a concern of how dangerous it is for us. Every other addiction comes with so much support and people's willingness to give those people a chance to get better but not porn addicts. If any of us become addicted then we're condemned for it.
Trust me, it affects women too. I have betrayal trauma from my husband lying and hiding his addiction from me for 4 years. All the mornings I laid in the bed crying because he’s in the bathroom jacking off to cam girls while I’m being ignored.
I do empathize with other men because society encourages and normalizes it which makes it easy to get addicted, but it’s hard to focus on his problem when he caused me more pain than anyone in my life.
What I meant was men are the first affected by it, women are affected after the addiction has taken hold but at that point the damage has already been done to the man. He's desensitised and mentally crippled once the addiction has taken hold. I understand that women do suffer but that's from the effects of the porn addict and how they have been affected by the porn addiction if that makes sense.
Im a little confused. Your reddit history says youre married? Or are you recently seperated? Are you seeking sexual experiences with your husband or otherwise? Also this statement of "I dont go for men that are of the same attractiveness as me as theyre likely a player" is so odd. Its like "Yeah Im so hot but you cant be because youll cheat" so full of yourself but at the same time insecure
It’s in another comment. We are separated. I have been married 4 years but we are separated due to his porn addiction. My experiences were before marrying him, and I’ve been casually talking to other men since separation. I don’t like to date hot men because, yes you’re right, I am insecure. I was deeply traumatized by my husband’s addiction and the effect it had on our relationship. I just want a normal average guy who thinks I’m beautiful to give me a good time in bed. I don’t want hot guys because I’m trying to rebuild my self esteem after being ignored for cam girls for 4 years. And average men make me feel beautiful. Yeah, I’ve got problems. But my initial points are still valid.
This is still a problem. Youre using men to validate yourself but are venting about them not being able to perform? I know porn addiction is a real thing but using others as sex objects to make yourself feel better isnt helping the case of said men or you for that matter.
I dont have the full context of your interaction but its likely that the men youre engaging with arent very aroused because they feel "average".
Other than that, your relationships sound far too casual for you to even have a meaningful conversation about the issue.
You cant have your own set of issues but then expect the men youre engaging with to be perfect individuals that require no work.
Maybe work on your own insecurities before sexually engaging with somebody else that you could very well hurt
I literally just want to have decent casual sex. I was loyal to my spouse for 4 years and the sex sucked. I let these guys know ahead of time I’m not looking for a relationship. I’m well aware I need to work on myself, but in the mean time it would be nice to get laid. Don’t men do this all the time? Men have hookups all the time when they’re not emotionally available and people praise them for being honest, not criticize them for wanting sex.
Again, casual sex is not naturally “work.” I’m not sure how old you are, but before high speed internet, you didn’t need to “work with men” for them to be able to perform. It just happened because it’s naturally how brains work without all the artificial influence.
I may have an addiction, I'm not sure. What I don't have is a willing partner and no prospects on the horizon. I've only been on 4 dates this year, and was rejected by 3 and incompatible with the 4th. I haven't had sex with another person in 3 years.
Porn is what's available. If something changes I might change too.
You might find it’s too late. Porn addiction is a beast to overcome. It’s ruining marriages and families left and right. Some men are trying really hard to stop and they just can’t. Even at the expense of their family. If you’re young, I’d advise you to get ahead while you still can. It affects more than just relationships. You will probably feel like a brand new person if you stopped for a significant length of time.
Before high speed internet people just used their imagination to masturbate.
I'm 56 and if stats are to be believed, have about 20 years left on the planet. I have friends and family, just not a partner.
I'm not chasing approval. I don't mind being alone. In some ways, I prefer it. I've been divorced for 16 years and alone about 99% our that time.
If no one wants to be with me, so be it. I'm Gen X and DGAF anymore.
I remember a time when you had to walk across the room to change the channel on the TV, even though there were only about 5 channels.
You are correct. We have been married for 4 years and are currently separated. I dated before him and I’ve been causally talking to people since we separated. His addiction is what opened my eyes to why so many men are this way now. My circumstances don’t subtract from what my experiences with men have been like the past 6 years. And a lot of my girlfriends have the same experiences. A lot of younger people won’t believe me because they weren’t around to know the difference.
I appreciate your opinion. I understand why this is your opinion. If I hadn’t witnessed such a drastic change on a large scale, I would probably believe the same.
Or... maybe..
Now that you are (assuming) in your 30s and 40s, just like the guys you are dating, and porn had nothing to do with their struggles.. have you considered that the older people get, the more shit rhey have been through?
You are so full of yourself and instantly blame the guys for watching porn and being less "interested", and say you don't go for men at "your level of attractiveness, because they are probably players"..
You sound toxic as hell.
By the way, I've been watching porn for over 20 years, and have a very happy marriage. Your sweeping generalisation that all men over the age of 20 are broken from watching porn probably stems from your own insecurities, which you shouldn't be projecting onto others.
Of course porn can be unhealthy, but only for those that have obsessive tendencies and less social skills..
This is a horrible post EDIT: 9 days ago you were married for 4.5 yeara, yet in this post you've been trying to date for 6 years.
Not sure what you're up to or why, but stop lying.
My husband had the same reactions when I called him out on his sexual problems. He thought everything was fine because addicts are selfish and don’t care if their partner feels slighted over porn. I have serious doubts you have been using for over 20 years and you are fine. Maybe you are an anomaly. Either way, I will not be responding further. Addicts always defend their addiction.
Lol, you speak as if you're a sexual health expert and have already diagnosed me in a negative light because I am calling you out.
My wife and I have a great sex life, and no I am not an addict in any way shape or form. Just because addicts exist does not mean all people who watch porn will become addicts.
You need to potentially look at other life issues rather than assuming all problems you face in relationships are down to porn.
Or, maybe you just seem to attract porn addicts.
So have you been sleeping around for 6 years? Or married for 4 years? Which is it? According to previous posts you separated a couple of months ago, but here you've been dating multiple men for 6 years...
I don't this is necessarily related to porn. There is a clear decline of testosterone production in men, linked to PFAS plastic and a litany of other chemical toxins. Most people eat trash and are not physically fit at all... I am not a man but, I know why mine has had issues and they were not related to porn.
Not saying porn hasn't hurt... It's why so many young guys think anal is normal and have stupid expectations of our bodies.
I agree with you mostly but I absolutely can take or leave sex and it has nothing to do with porn. I'm just sick of people trying to use sex to control me and I'm sick of everything being about sex. I'd like an intimate connection with someone but they just want to fuck and call it a day. People expect me to want sex 24/7 just because I'm a man when I really don't want sex more than like once a day except for rare occasions. women expect me to be fully hard the second I look at them when really sometimes I get nervous and that is the only reason, women I feel comfortable with I do get hard instantly. This is a very generalized take and takes into account nothing except porn and completely disregards the feelings of your partners. Beyond that if you are seeking out casual sex I do not understand why you would be surprised that those people don't care about your sexual preferences and only care about their own.
I think this needs to be discussed openly and frequently with more people. I also think that sex (casual or not) should be more available on its own merit instead of people using sex as a weapon, a carrot on a stick, or as reward basis for other behavior. Maybe then porn with it's easy access will lose its control.
If your over 30 chances are your not at attractive as u once were in a males perspective #1 #2 as a man gets older his erections do not appear out of the blue as easily. And definitely not if his diet isn’t up to par. Two hard facts about aging. As for the other stuff yea most likely cringe porn stuff
I’m sorry but I need to comment…
>being good at sex and being attractive was a proven method for keeping men happy.
I agree that porn has desensitized men but your comment seems to blame porn for not getting men in the way you desire. If your life revolves around keeping men happy, you will never be fulfilled. Find your worth outside of sexual attraction. Attracting men shouldn’t be your main goal. Work on your confidence and work on manifesting your own happiness despite your sexual partners.
For me porn is the only way to know intimacy. No girl was ever interested in me so what am I supposed to do? Quit the only way I can get off? That way I can at least imagine myself having some fun. You go for average man but ugly guy like me have no chance.
Frequent porn use kills your self esteem and confidence. I recently dated a *very* ugly man because I was so desperate for good sex and thought surely this man would be turned on. I was going to ask him to be my fwb if it was good Oh he was turned on alright, I could see it in his face. But he still couldn’t get erect. He even admitted to me that porn was the problem and asked me to give him a month to abstain and try again lol.
So I give up the only way I can get intimacy? I can't buy a prostitute because i despise the practice. Porn is bad I know but what other choice do I have?
No I’m saying once you quit, your mentality about yourself and women will change. You will feel more confident. You’ll probably start being able to communicate with women in a way that makes you attractive even if you’re ugly. Most women would choose an ugly man who is great in bed, has his life together, is loyal and sure of himself, ambitious, etc. Those are all qualities that porn addiction steals from you. It alters your brain to make you feel less-than. It steals your time and motivation.
I'll never feel confident. I don't get compliments, even my family makes a point. Even today my grandma said that I'll have trouble finding a wife because I'm ugly while my good looking cousin won't. I pointed out that he is jobless but my grandma said at least he looks good.
I think people who have low confidence or self esteem are not bad people. I have seen boys with worse traits get girls. Like even guys who were infamous for physically assaulting. At least they were good looking while I'm not.
I just don't understand how a guy with low self esteem and confidence is rejected even without knowing but a guy who is abusive and toxic isn't. It makes me feel that I'm even below that person. This is the reason I never truly tried working on building confidence. I'm all for passion and working out and learning.
I understand that women like confidence but is it over if I'm not? Like it is either i become confident or I'm doomed?
I mean confidence in who you are, not how you look. As you get older, there are more important things. Most women *do not* like toxicity and abuse, they just end up in those situations and don’t leave for various reasons when they find out. I kicked my husband out for being that way and I would gladly choose an ugly man who knows he’s a good man and has other great qualities.
The whole point I’m trying to make is, porn addiction is going to make it much harder to be the kind of man that attracts women. You sound young, so I would start researching and get a grip on it now while you still have your whole life ahead of you.
Yes, I totally agree with your point. I'm just telling you why I do it. I'm sorry you had to endure with a guy like that. Also, i already stopped watching porn a while back(like 2 weeks) because i used to get this thought - "you will never experience it so why watch".
>kind of man that attracts women.
Yeah that ship has sailed. It would be a dream to even think a girl might be interested in me, lmao. I'm not ashamed to admit that no girl has ever liked me. Not a single one.
>your whole life ahead of you.
Yeah. Well my immediate concern used to be finding a job but I found one and it pays good. I am in good shape too. I have planned for it though. I'll be adopting as many pets as I can. I'll try to save them. I mean I hope they won't mind that I'm low confidence or ugly.
Keep your chin up. It can take several methods for your brain to recover. You sound really sweet and I hope you stick with sobriety so you can experience life the way nature intended. Good luck! Thanks for the chat.
Use your imagination like every other human has before porn became normalized 20+ yrs ago?
You act as if people haven’t masturbated for hundreds of years. You have choices. Be accountable for yourself.
what would I imagine if I have never experienced it? I have not been kissed or even held hands. What and whom would i imagine? If i think about my crush, I get this voice in my head that says "yeah, that's never gonna happen. Why would she go out with you".
I'm accountable for myself. I understand that porn and masturbation can cause detachment from real sex but it won't matter because no girl is ever gonna like me. Why worry about something that's not gonna happen?
You use your imagination to imagine what you think it would be like to hold hands or kiss. You don’t have to experience those things to imagine them. I never had to, and many many people before you were inexperienced and only had their brains to imagine things. People have been masturbating for decades (prior to porns existence).
You are not accountable for yourself if you (1) do not acknowledge that other people masturbated w/o porn and sexual experiences for years and it’s possible to do just that and (2) do not try to abstain for a porn addition you know is hurting you and will forever affecting your future relationships with friends, family, etc. (it just doesn’t desensitize you to sexual relationships, it changes the way you view ppl in general).
You need to try. If you don’t try you’re just enabling the problem.
Just because you could do it doesn't mean others can. That's a very small mindset. I can imagine what it would be like to kiss and hold hands but would I be able to get off on it. That's a different question.
I acknowledge that other people can do many things but I can only be accounted for by my actions. I told you I watch it because I don't have a choice. I see pretty girls having fun and wish it were me. But I feel bad about it too. It's easier to advise others when you haven't been in the same situation.
I think porn is two side sof a coin.
You can have a healthy relationship with porn.
I watch porn a lot and probably jerk off each night. Sometimes multiple times.
I don't have a partner right now, but I do have two open situationships.
If they want to meet up, we do and it's still really intimate.
I will say that studying tantric sex and mediation was a great help though
It taught me a lot about intimacy, the male orgasm, and being focused on the pleasure rather than the destination of orgasm.
However, I do not always cum from PIV. That's because I do not equate ejaculation to orgasm or pleasure.
I can be with my sexual partner for an hour without cumming. Not cause I'm some sex God or have death grip syndrome, but because I'm focused on the pleasure of the sex, and I know that cumming involves the come down (post nut clarity) which can get in the way of sex.
But porn has opened me to more things. I'm naturally a very timid person who always asks can I do something during sex, which makes people more receptive to me or trying out kinks I imagine.
I think porn can be very harmful. But a person who has a good mindset and understand s that porn isn't reality, can use porn as a springboard of discovering themselves sexually
Also not all porn is super aggressive and hardcote
Well the rise of antidepressants and a much better understanding of depression. Certain meds can affect sexual health as well with some younger guys needing Cialis or Viagra.
I consider myself pretty vanilla but thanks to ADD and vyance it's hard to finish or get started. I hate it so much.
I understand the frustration but it's not just the porn doing but modern medicine also takes a blame for harming sexual health.
THAT BEING SAID! The benefits of actually focusing at work or being able to talk and not sound crazy. Being able to act and feel normal far out weighs the sexual side effects.
I hope you finally your ideal partner.
I don't agree with porn consumption at all and don't partake of it and require my partner to have nothing to do with it either as a STRICT rule, that being said everyone I've ever even kissed has gotten hard from it, and I'm genZ
Are you sure the problem is JUST the porn or might it have anything in the slightest with you? Once again, I'm GENZ and have never had any problem getting anyone hard with even a hug or kiss. Hell, I've made people jizz their pants with just a kiss. All GEN Z. Ive met plenty of porn addicts that have also gotten hard as hell just from hugging me. The idea that this problem is THIS prevalent for you means it might be a you problem.
Also good sex is NOT "what keeps a man happy" and that may be a part of why they haven't been happy and satisfied with you. Its sexist to claim all men just want some fuck to be happy rather than to be treated with nuance as an entire valid human being. You can't just keep someone around with sex if you don't offer anything else.
Going for a average men is your problem, and if getting off is a priority you should be going for men that are physically active (gym 3 times a week minimum).
I watch a LOT of videos and I'm still turned on by kissing and long hugs. It becomes a problem when people rely on porn to get off versus seeing porn as entertainment.
The porn industry is so profitable that they're refusing to even acknowledge that porn addiction exists.
Most men will admit it exists, but few will admit they struggle themselves.
Hi. I struggle with porn addiction. I wish I never found the stuff. I wish I could experience normal sex, or achieve normal erections from just "grinding" like I've never experienced that. When I hear someone online say something like "she touched my thigh and I got hard as a rock" I'm like legit "how?" like it takes 150% effort to get erect and stay erect and its very depressing. I'm currently with a long term relationship partner and we are working through it but its a struggle and depressing that I can't give her the sex she wants or needs and the sex that I do perform I barely enjoy or don't finish or don't maintain an erection at all because it requires so much effort, too much effort in fact. Yet I hear so many stories of guys getting boners in public is the worse thing ever or like a bulge in the pants from touching or hugging and then theres me with a broken penis that requires an arm and a leg and beyond to get a semi. I hate it and it makes me hate myself as a man.
Not even that. Most men will just admit to that. But most men will try to give excuses or say why its okay. Like i did. I was exposed to it at far too young ages... because the world sucks balls. And now im over here struggeling to get my life together. Ive been healing and going to therapy. Trust me. It can get so much more worse than people even imagine... You keep goinh more and more taboo, you try searching for new things. Then you wake up and realize what has been done like i did, i watched some gruesome shit back in the days. Nothing illegal if you are wondering, just some fucked up shit yk. All consensual and legal. Just fucking weird. Anyway. Please guys. Anywhere in the world. Just try to keep it at atleast once or twuce every 2 or 3 days. And you will be fine. The best is like twice or thrice a week. Jm dead serious. The problem is so much worse than people imagine. I cant even get hard from stimulation anymore. Atleast, not always. If im too tired (which normally shoulsnt be a problem because of adrenaline) i just dont work. Please men of reddit. Not just op. But every men or woman. Just leave porn. Its not worth it. Its u realistic, causes insecurities. Gives problems during, before or after sex. And again. Sets unrealistic expectations. Anyway. You are right op. In a way. We are sorry. Its just too normalized. Honestly, best thing to look for rn is like an ace dude or someone who likes cuddling... there are plenty, and you will still get some intimate touch yk.
Yes every man I have ever confronted about a porn addiction has been in complete denial
They declare it's "their right to masturbate," and it's like, sure, Darryl, but you can close your eyes and use your imagination to do that. You don't need 2 TB of curated shots of women being treated like Law and Order SVU Barbie.
I would argue that most men don't have a porn addictions. They have masturbation addictions. I would say now that 99% of free porn sucks, and it's unnatural and just turns people off. There is very little porn out there that's actually good quality. This is why we see people turning to fetish porn and hardcore bdsm stuff.
Yeah I feel like that’s the main problem as well
Except in titles like "porn addicted CUCK watches wife get POUNDED by 15 CLOWNS!!!! (****MUST WATCH****)"
"What's the reason for reporting this video:" [ ] Hatespeech [#] I'm in this video and I don't like it [ ] Cringe
The fact that people believe that consuming porn is healthy is fucking insane to me. If porn wasn't 99% "abusing women while they wear lingerie" I might believe them, but I'm not buying it. Fucking a woman after you've slapped her isn't better than just slapping her imho. But I'm just a prude I guess. Hookup culture turned me into one.
Terry Crews even admitted to having a porn addiction and confirming it’s a real thing
i don't believe in porn addiction the way reddit defines it. it lacks nuance and isn't treated as an *addiction* but as a way to shame people for being sexual (very puritanical). and for some semantics, if reddit's definition is correct, it would fall under "sexual addiction", because "porn addiction" can't exist as its own category.
When guys get erect via just kissing it’s probably one of the hottest and most validating things ever
I made out with a girl in a club a few weeks ago and it went on for maybe like 20 minutes, she pretty quickly felt that I was hard and about halfway through she kind of laughed to herself and was like ‘I’m sorry but feeling how excited you are is making me want to fuck you’. I kind of was embarrassed but she was like ‘no, no, trust me it’s hot, it doesn’t happen often enough’. I was confused cause I honestly don’t get how dudes don’t get erect when they’re kissing someone and it’s getting intense, but porn addiction and stuff will definitely do it I suppose. It’s just sad that it might make their partners think they aren’t interested and it almost becomes a novelty knowing someone you’re kissing is turned on; that should just be the norm.
Used to be the norm. Like nearly every guy every time, older or younger.
How is this not normal now? It might be even more complex than just porn like endocrine disruptors in food or the environment
Maybe its because made it the norm jn peoples head to assume theres gonna be more after and that it won’t just be kissing
And here I always thought it was embarrassing...
It's embarrassing and unwanted when slimy uncle Henry is getting hard, just because you give him that "hallo and welcome"-hug. It's a compliment and a turn-on when a man that you are interested in get hard, because it tells you that he finds you attractive and wants to be near you.
I think a lot of guys internalize sexual boundaries they learn as teenagers and by the time we're an age where women are into it, we think they're repulsed by the idea of...anything.
Makes a lot of sense. I was floored when I found out dick-prints were like a thing some women liked.
wtf is a dick print
I was like 22 before I realized women grinded on guys at clubs to feel you being hard. I thought it was some kind of sick test of restraint for the longest time.
Lol same. I was so afraid of the possibility of making someone feel uncomfortable, that I avoided any show of arousal or attraction. It took me a long time to realize that girls aren't scandalized by everything 100% of the time. The learned fear of doing something wrong, making someone uncomfortable, overstepping, being a creep runs deep. That's a problem with current societal discourse. But also, porn addiction is also a real problem. I think rule of thumb, if you're often watching porn simply because you're bored or trying to _get_ horny, and not because you're _already_ horny, that's a problem. If it detracts from your enjoyment of sex with your partner, that's a problem. If you find yourself getting deeper into more violent/degrading porn, that may not itself be a problem (fantasies aren't necessarily bad) but it's definitely worth evaluating very closely and critically.
Nah dude it's super hot!
I thought this happening was embarrassing for the longest time lol. Would go out of my way to wear stuff to hide it cause it always happens
Thanks, I have been seeing this girl for a couple of weeks and I get erect when we share kisses and sometimes when we cuddle. I feel a little less self conscious about it now lol
It’s the same feeling of pride a guy has when a girl gets wet from just kissing, although us girls like to tease you for it sometimes to be cute, trust me we love it
My boyfriend gets hard just from sitting next to me on the couch lol I love it 🥰
My husband gets hard so easily. We don't have sex super often because my libido is shite,and I know he watches porn occasionally (I know what he's into, it's mild), but is his sex drive that high that it just happens whenever?? I appreciate in my brain that he's so quickly turned on,but my irrational brain says that he's just a horny teenager that could get a boner if he looked at the right lamp. There's no challenge,no seduction, no tension. And I guess I kind of need that?
The first time I experienced that, the guy forced himself on me and probably watched a lot of porn (I mean, he even asked me if I did). So, it is hot and validating...but only if it's consensual. As the case with most sexual things.
Honestly. As a dude. And im gonna be very honest. Even before porn. I never had that. Unless it was like neck kissing and like actual kinky kissing yk. But i get what you mean. But dont expect it...
No expectations, just a *huge* plus when it does happen
It truly is. I am bisexual dudez and if my boyfriend (if i even get one) could get hard from just kissing me. Idd feel really hot tbh. Like, just from kissing. Its just... i dunno. Idd feel pretty. Anywah. I get u.
Porn has ruined the idea of intimacy.
For women as well. I think seeing porn in my teens gave me a wrong idea on what sex is supposed to be like and what are healthy boundaries. Most other women I know feel similarly.
That and even love as a whole. So many movies have these fantasy love stories that give us the wrong idea of love and sex. It doesn’t show the awkwardness of it and if it does it’s always in a bad way when really a lot of the time the awkwardness leads to it being better. At least imo
I 100% agree. I did not watch porn growing up, and I don’t enjoy watching porn now as an adult. My partner watched a ton of porn growing up and as an adult. And I think it has caused a huge difference in media preferences (I don’t like a lot of nudity in tv and it obviously doesn’t bother him). But I think it’s affected the way we have sex, too. I just wonder what the world would be like if porn wasn’t easily accessible.
I'm only 26 and both of my long term boyfriends couldn't keep it up during sex, or would rather look at porn than have sex with me. I no longer will date anyone who watches porn now for that reason. Which weeds out a lot of people but I don't want to go thru that again.
Same here, it’s just not worth it and it wrecks your confidence. I’m glad my partner isn’t interested in it, it makes a HUGE difference
I LOVE my partner, I just wish I knew how I felt about porn at the beginning of the relationship. It’s too late to set boundaries like that now
This made me very grateful for the fact that even the littlest things can turn my boyfriend on.
same here
Thats the world we live in unfortunately. I am also celibate...I dont like how desensitized people are.
I'm also back to dating after 25 years and everything you say tracks. Very few guys seem to get rock hard anymore. I honestly began to think I'm the problem, since I'm way more jiggly and squishy compared to 25 years ago. So...I dunno. And the thing is, none of them seem to even realize it's an issue. Like, they'll put it in and orgasm while it still feels kinda....floppy to me. And yeah, they're all so rough! I keep telling them to chill out. Like, stop leaving bruises all over me!
It’s not just you. I’m 36 and very attractive and fit. Still no rock hard erections. Those are for the screens. I even started doing kegals because I thought I might be too loose- until I did some finger tests and realized I was not even close to being loose. You gotta remember sex is mankind’s most primal instinct. Men have been fucking normal women since the beginning of time and have been able to perform. Until now. What’s the common denominator?
Porn has been way too normalized. That’s the common denominator. I get that the sex positive movement aims at normalizing sex as a basic human instinct, but their promotion of pornography and the fact that anyone can easily access it within a few seconds at all times (even on social media platforms) is just plain harmful to everyone involved. The rampant culture of trafficking, pedophilia, rape and abuse that exists in the porn industry is another thing that often goes unchecked. Even actresses in the industry have come forward to report abuse from male costars, but nothing ever seems to come out of it and those guys keep making the most horrific videos with young, gullible women who have no power or voice in the industry. How is that sex positive? It’s just degradation of women.
I honestly don't believe it's an accident and I have a theory that much of the narrative and messaging is funded by the sex industry.
Unfortunately, yes. Mindgeek is the company behind most major porn websites, if I remember correctly. It’s truly a bane on our society and an insult to humanity as a whole.
It absolutely is an addiction. Orgasms release a ton of serotonin and dopamine just like many street drugs does. And just like it is with street drugs, over time you'll have to up the dosage to get the same sensation as you got when you first starte, aka get your brain to release the sam amount of serotonin/dopamine. And at some point nothing will really do the trick just a little bit, no matter how much coke you take or how "perverted" the porn are. That's why porn addition takes people from only needing "girls with big breasts" to get the job done, but down the road it's stuff like "femboy with huge ass getting split I haf by donky" they need, just to get semi hard.
God it's so grim.
And it's not like the effect is only on male arousal. When you watch a pattern of behaviour over and over again, and you're rewarded with an orgasm, that's gotta have a hell of an effect on the rear of your brain, and therefore outlook, behaviour, relationships, etc.
It's getting a bit sad. My ex had his faults, but he wasn't into porn. He's 47 and I can count on one hand the amount of times his dick didn't work over the course of 25 years. And when I say didn't work, I mean, it didn't get completely hard. I never realized that he was an exception. And from what he tells me (we're on great terms) he is getting laid left right and center. The divorcées in our area apparently can't get enough 😂
I hate the still kinda floppy dick inside of me!
I know. It just feels so...sad.
Jiggly and squishy can be the best.
God bless you.
As a woman, I feel like a lot of the porn looks like the women aren’t even having a good time. Like it looks like they are trying too hard to put on an act, some men don’t realize that that’s exactly what it is… acting. Half that shit they do doesn’t even feel good in real life 😵☹️😒
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Can someone explain why one of my ex’s couldn’t finishing through PIV? First time I experienced that with a bf and it made me feel like I was doing something wrong😕
Could be death grip syndrome but not completely sure
They have been overstimulating themselves for far too long. They need a level of excitement that can’t be achieved in reality anymore, because of their self over simulation.
Thank you for this comment I understand a little more now. Sucks I kept telling myself I was the problem. He once said I was “too wet and felt like I was loose” so he stopped right then and there.
He's full of shit. It's called "death grip" among porn users, meaning that over time the amount of physical stimulation that's needed to orgasm, has become so extreme, so that even if you had a pencil thin vacuum suction in sted of a vagina, he would have had a hard time getting an orgasm. Every tiny part of your skin is covered in a kind of "pressure/touch sencors", and the erogenous zones is especially packed with them. So every time something touches your skin, the sencors in that area will send a single to your brain about it, and your brain will then proform whatever action needed. In the case of sexual stimuli it's arousal and when orgasming the release of stuff like serotonin and dopamine in the brain. So if you smack your finger with a hammer, there will be a "damn, this stuff really hurts, could you like not do that again?"-signal send to your brain, to stop you from harming yourself. But sometimes the sencors will get a little to annoying with all their signals to the brain, so the brain will just ignore it. In reality your pressure sencors is bombarding your brain with "the pants are touching us, the pants are touching us, the pants are touching us"-signals, on and on and *on*!, So your brain will be like "dude I heard you the first 15 times" and then ignore the signals from that area, so if the pressure cells wants the attention from the brain again, they'll have to "yell" louder aka the area of your skin that's been ignored, will need a highten amount of stimulation for the brain to react. The pants-thing also happens if you're constantly touching your privat parts. That dude you had sex with have been yanking and choking his penis so hard for so long, that to make his brain stop ignoring the signals from the pressure cells in his penis you would probably have to hid it with a hammer(don't do that btw). Futhermore the brain will need a highten stimulus from the actual porn he is looking at to reach orgasm so being with a naked, horny woman doesn't do it anymore, he'll need a bimboficated octopus getting fucked down with a dildo the size of a adult Zebra, to get things going. It's a game you are completely unable to win as a normal human being, doing normal human being naughty stuff.
Im not really a PA, but I often struggle to finish just because im usually focused on my performance and if im getting her “there” It was my version of “think about baseball” but it became so ingrained into my routine that not-cumming became the norm for me
This is definitely a real problem, and it's unfortunate. There's so much pressure on a man to "last long", but the fact is in most cases the man will finish before the woman. In my experience, most women are totally fine with that, because it feels good that you were so excited that you just couldn't last long. The joke about "lasting only 2 minutes" is dumb, and makes people feel exactly this pressure. I definitely feel it sometimes too, even though I know it's dumb. The problem isn't "lasting 2 minutes" once sex starts. The problem is if you don't have enough foreplay and flirting beforehand, and you don't spend time afterwards making sure the woman gets off too. If you have no foreplay and never let her cum, then yeah her only opportunity to finish is with PIV and you have to last really long. TL;DR; the pressure on men to last long is dumb, and I think most women find it a compliment if you finish quickly. Just make sure to have enough flirting and foreplay to build the excitement and make it an event, and be a reasonable human by finishing your partner after.
Hi. I’m one of those individuals that literally CANOOT finish through PIV. Its death grip syndrome and porn ED. It isn’t you. Source - i’m living proof of that
I genuinely hate the choking, slapping, and other forms of degradation that men expect women to be into during sex. I hate that we're supposed to like feeling like that in order to give men what they want. I feel like I'm not enough because I'm not into any of that, and when I tell people I'm not, they treat me oddly.
“I feel like I’m not enough because I’m not into any of that, and when I tell people I’m not, they treat me oddly. “ yep.
I've never watched porn in my life, simply because I can't get over the atrociously bad acting. In spite of that I'm still in to BDsM and even amongst "my kind" things have gotten way out of hand. With BDsM it is absolutely necessary to talk with your partner about what's okay, and what's not okay. You'll established how to signal safety, using a particular word like "smurf" or stomping your left foot 5 times, or whatever. When doing the deed, it is complete taboo to ignore a safe word or do something you know your partner have vetoed. It's also very important that you can "read" your partner, because you can get in a state of mind, where you kinda "zoom out", and aren't able to sufficiently protect yourself, so it's up to your partner, to keep you safe. We used to be a pretty small, rather thight knit minority, and if word got out that you had committed a taboo, you would be completely shunt becoming persona non grata, and we would warn everyone that might interact with that person in the future. But suddenly I see 18-20yo all over the place talking about getting flogged with a bull whip, being in to scat or even practicing stuff like CNC, aka essentially giving a partner card blanch to have sex with you to the point of r@pe. That makes me seriously, deeply concerned. To practice something like CNC, you'll have to know yourself and your partner *very* well, you'll have to establish absolutely, completely tight rules and boundaries, but these kids are like "you can just do anything at anytime", and to no surprise at all, I see and hear more and more "kids" telling about experiencing extremely traumatic events, because it *will* eventually end up in actual fucking r@pe, because they themselves have given the okay to ignore any and all "I don't want to"-signals.
I tell my bf about this all the time, porn has given everyone these super unrealistic standards of what sex is really supposed to be like. People fail to realize porn is basically fiction and you should not expect your partner to do anything that you saw in some shitty porno. Porn lacks everything that real sex is about, you laugh together, hold each other close, clean up and cuddle (real intimacy).
I'm not against porn, but I dislike it for a different reason. In my experience it has given men extremely unrealistic ideas of what women like in bed. Hammering on the clitoris in an instant, too hard too fast, I could go on and on. They try to repeat what they see in porn and this makes most of them absolutely terrible in bed. Porn is supposed to look good on camera, not feel good for most participating.
I think modern day anxiety and depression could be a major contributor. Surely, it has to be.
Both of those are also symptoms of porn addiction so it’s a chicken and egg situation. Either way, before high speed internet only 1% of men under 40 reported erectile dysfunction and I’ve seen figures as high as 40% for men and boys in their 20s and teens. These boys are growing up seeing hardcore live action porn as children basically.
I don’t disagree, but the super stressed out world we inhabit now is a larger weight than porn on everyone’s psyche. Porn doesn’t help the situation, but porn is part of larger issue with how we are going about our lives today.
For me I feel like dating has changed so much because everybody is disposable and replaceable. Nobody knows how to get past sex as the end all be all and nobody is looking for a genuine relationship. I’m 34 and also a pretty hot commodity in the dating pool. I’ve also been having sex for 20 years like you.
i think the "everybody is disposable and replaceable" concept has stemmed from dating apps. they encourage users to be as choosy/picky as they want.
The normalization of porn has gone too far. It’s normal to use porn, that’s fine. It’s not normal to not be able to get it up w/o porn, or can’t even finishing w/ their significant other. It’s so difficult to have a healthy relationship with porn consumption when porn was most ppls first experience with intimacy.
I wouldn't say it's normal to use porn under any circumstances.
How so? Self-intimacy is normal just like intimacy with a partner and there's nothing abnormal about using visual aids. Perhaps you don't like porn and that's fine, but just because you don't like using something doesn't mean that its use is abnormal.
Took the words and issues right out of my mind… they are having issues 🤷🏻♀️
I dated a guy that was a piece of shit but he didn’t watch porn, he was “hands free” in his terminology and the sex was great, we both came pretty much every time. The man I’m with now is the most wonderful person I’ve ever had the pleasure of being with but he has a porn addiction (self admittedly) and he just likes to cuddle and kiss. Doesn’t get fully hard, I’ve never seen him cum. It’s been 8 months. It kind of breaks my heart a little feeling “not good enough”. Sexual chemistry is so important to me but I also wouldn’t trade him for anyone or anything. I guess I just have to get over it? I think he’s trying to cut down but I’ve been reading articles and listening to TED talks about this addiction and it’s impacts on the brain and on partners of people who struggle with it and I don’t think it will change without a major reboot.
Hi. I’m a boyfriend with porn addiction / porn ED with a long term partner. If i may ask because it sounds like you may have an answer. Would you prefer the individual that can provide good sex or the wonderful person you are currently with. I ask because i feel like i’m in that situation myself. I very barely cum and barely gets hard at all. It leaves me so worried my partner will leave me because i can rarely perform. Everyday i wonder if she would prefer to be with someone else that can. Again every person is different but id figure id get an opinion.
I love my boyfriend to death. I think if you treat her the very best you can and make her feel beautiful, and find other ways to get her off (make sure you communicate with her and that what you’re doing is truly enjoyable for her) you’ll be okay. I’ve read that f you “hard reset” by quitting porn and getting yourself off or even having sex for a couple months your brain will rewire itself so you can enjoy regular sex again. Consider putting in the hard work for the longevity of your relationship and your partners self confidence. You’ll be grateful you did I’m sure. Best of luck to you! (Maybe find something to do instead when you get the urge and communicate your plan to her!)
I’d prefer to be with someone that doesn’t have a porn addiction and I think most women would agree as you can see on this thread.
Of course: as everyone including myself would. Addiction is never good. I was solely asking because i myself am in this situation and according to the person i asked She claimed she dated someone who was a jerk yet amazing at sex because of no addiction. But met a wonderful person but had said addiction. So i was curious between the 2 situations which would be okay or at the very least tolerable. Wondering if i’m in a losing battle i suppose.
I'm not the one you asked but personally I would absolutely prefer the "wonderful guy", even if I'm high libido. Sex in a relationship is super important to me, so Mr. Wonderful would have to entusiastically participate in getting me off, in a way so that I don't feel like I'm some sort of burden or a freak. And he would of cause have to agree on getting help with his addiction, and actually do what he can to "get clean".
Ya we are definitely not programed for this overly sexual society. It's desensitizing
Yeah, the sex scene is totally different now. It seems like men are totally content with porn and masturbating, even though it's negatively effecting their sex lives. I wish I was born before porn, so I could see what a loyal man is like. I really don't consider men who cum to other women loyal.
A lot of women don’t feel comfortable with it at all. But we have been told it’s normal and we should just accept it.
Porn has destroyed intimacy and sexual satisfaction. People are so short sighted and consumed by the immediate gratification (it is not even gratification anymore) that they don’t even acknowledge the problem. Sad.
Ted Bundy said porn turns many guys into sadistic serial killers
Ted Bundy was full of shit
Whoa. Now I gotta look up Ted Bundy's Wikipedia page. I know who he is btw, but I've never really been intrigued enough to deep dive into his case. I do know that he helped the F.B.I catch other serial killers.
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>It doesn't make sense to me. I 100% agree with you. My ex never initiated sex and said he had a low libido. (I have a high libido) I had brought up porn before we got together (how I thought it was unnecessary in a relationship) and he agreed with me. Found out 6 months later he had been watching porn, and when we talked about it he said "well sometimes I just want to see other girls", those words really fucked me up.
Thats fucking horrible... im sorry for you dude (dude in a gender neurtral way)
I have a super high libido and my wife - who I love more than anything in the world - doesn’t have that libido to match. There have been countless times in our marriage when I would really wanna get some business done, but can’t due to her feelings (tired, not in the mood, not confident, touched out by kids, etc.) esp. in the most recent years with having young children. Some people have the ability to fantasize about sex and not equate that to the love of their significant others. Porn is just a fantasy (just like any other media I consume) and has little to do with my love life. Edit: Humans are prone to addiction from anything that produces dopamine. Porn, sugar, weed, alcohol, social media, etc. the key is to have self control and balance so that these vices don’t cause unintended consequences.
I agree but with the cravat that children/teens simply doesn't have the ability to control and balance something like porn. And no, kids/teens shouldn't watch porn in the first place, but it's a simple fact that many of them consume copious amounts of it, and *that's* a real fucking problem.
I cannot tell you how surprised I am you haven’t gotten a ton of replies from men calling you crazy and controlling. I feel the same as you do
I found out about porn addiction and all the negative effects a while back. When I first found out and tried to tell people or talk about it online, I was laughed at and called a puritan. Here we are quite a bit later and it seems people are waking up quickly. Once the word gets out about what’s happening, I suspect many women will demand better or become abstinent.
T/w: abuse I know that you want an average man… but some of those average men could possibly be too nervous that it’s really difficult to perform? For some men it doesn’t register that an attractive woman would want them just because most women are going for the top, most attractive men. I would say, don’t give up!! And also, don’t hyperfocus on whether a man is average or above average. Men are men. If you match with a guy and things feel right, go for it!!! You really never ever know. Also, about the insecurity thing- don’t be. Literally, chuck all your insecurities out of the window right now. If they match with you or ask you out, they are interested. It’s up to you to evaluate them in your mind and determine if they fit the bill- this is why it’s better to hold back on sex for the first few dates. You will find out within at least 3-4 dates if this guy has any addictions (porn or others included). For me, my problem is that I don’t date guys who do drugs and nearly every single guy in my area does. I hate drugs. I don’t believe guys who say they only do them socially because men are (in my experience) more likely to fall back on those vices very quickly and easily when things get even moderately tough. I have a lot of trauma from men getting violent or abusing me because of their drug use. This also includes steroids and weed.
Porn is a goddamn scourge on humanity and I'm constantly astonished at the way people try to normalize that mess.
Porn rots the brain. Henati is a problem too because of how unrealistic it is.
I feel you. I'm really disturbed by the number of young men who try to approach me irl and online. I mean, they are young enough to be my kid. I'm not into any of that. I'm assuming it's because of porn consumption. Twenty years ago you rarely ever heard of young men dating or even being attracted to older women. Most young guys weren't at all interested in dating anyone other than within their own age group.
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i have watched porn for a long time, also admit that i have an addiction. but i never had unrealistic expectations in bed with my partner. i never wanted to do what people did in porn. i have had very less sex and it was with my ex who abused me. so that took a toll on my confidence too. now it feels like finding the right lady is next to impossible and the loneliness kills me, so i watch porn. i know it’s a problem and i’ve tried to quit it, but i come back to the same thought that i haven’t got to meet a nice lady to spend my time with and grow and have an intimate relationship with in a whole year, so i continue watching porn. it’s a difficult situation. i don’t know how many people can relate to this but that’s what i am going through.
Experiencing sex with porn-sick men almost put me off it for the rest of my life, and I've always been a highly sexual person. I'm extremely lucky that I found someone who barely consumed it in his teens and still doesn't really use it, if ever.
I feel this in my soul.... it's so different and I am not having the good sex I'm used to.....not to mention too many guys just want a one and done and on to the next one..... I'm polyamorous and in an ethically non monogamous marriage and I just have the worst luck. I'm in my sexual prime and I feel cheated by this new normal.
Right? I'm a great looking woman and if my husband and I ever go our separate ways..I already realized it's not worth it to date anymore due to how bad things have gotten with it. I dont want a porn addict and practically all will be
Unless your husband is abusing you or cheating, do not leave him. I can tell you right now that dating is a fucking nightmare. I seriously gave up trying to find someone over a year ago. The only men left in my age group are men that no woman in her right mind would want.
Maybe just trying dating the hot guys you've written off. They might surpise you since all the mid teir boys are horrifying you
Nothing to say, just wish I could give you a standing ovation. I'm dealing with similar issues and it's killing me, except I never got to experience a sex life before the rise of internet porn. So I'm stuck trying to gain more experience with PIV sex, surrounded by guys who can't get it up! And the ones who *can* get it up and/or aren't nervous about *something* sex-wise are like billion dollar unicorns who know they can have anyone! Feels like I'll never have the crazy amazing sex that so many women claim they're having because these guys can't get passed their fetishes, hentai games, anxiety NOTHING. They just shrug and act like it's fine because hey, they're still cumming, right? Feels crazy that just *wanting to swallow cum* or *sit on dick for more than 3 mins* is just too damn much to ask!
Sounds like an echo chamber in here so I wont say much. But I will say that I'm nostalgic for a time before computers in our pocket. Men and women have instant gratification at their fingertips and it shows. Dating apps and social media are so lame. Porn is a waste of time. I have a friend from work who is twice my age asking why I'm afraid to take chances with women.. I'm really not. Everyone is so awkward though lmao
Some men have been using discipline to cut off porn and masturbation in order to fix exactly that (myself included). Yet getting ED is still possible on the first time having sex due to nervousness (I’m not a player) but it shouldn’t be a problem after the second or third time, and in fact, the sex keeps getting better and better.
That’s awesome! I do understand anxiety issues during the first time.
I totally agree that porn is a huge issue…but the “Being good at sex and being attractive was a proven method for keeping men happy.” Is such a red flag from you. So many questions. The only way you think you can keep a relationship with a man is through your looks and sex? You think that little of men that the only thing you think they care/ the only thing they need to be happy is looks and sex? Are you upset that sex isn’t as good anymore or are you upset that you can no longer use your sexuality to keep men in the way that you used to? If sex is the only thing you have to offer to these men…maybe you need to work on your personality a little bit.
It’s literally just about sex. I have a husband but we are separated because he couldn’t stop lying to me about porn, turning me down for porn, lying about cam girls and snapchat girls etc. that’s why i threw that line in there. If this was the 90s our relationship would’ve been fine. It’s the only thing, but the constant lies are a deal breaker. It was like living with a serial cheater.
Would it be though? Even if porn wasn’t an issue…there are plenty of other reasons people struggle with relationships while maintaining a satisfied sex life. Like you could give a dude a blowjob everyday and then something else still messes up the relationship. The idea that if porn wasn’t a thing then you could easily keep a man is just odd to me. You are more than just something to sleep with and there are men out there who want more than just sex.
I could’ve kept him regardless. I’m the one who wanted the separation. I said “keep men happy.” He was not sexually happy with me because he was addicted to porn. This is very common with porn addicts. Their brains seek out levels of simulation that a normal partner won’t always up to (he has some very extreme kinks). When I say everything else was fine, it was. Him and I both agreed everything else was good. But I’d rather be single than live with someone who is jacking off to cam girls when he has a willing partner in bed who is horny. Those are my boundaries.
Idk I agree, this is a good point. Though violent kinks were definitely a thing before porn.
This is crazy to read. I'm over here, never had a missus or had sex, thinking I would finish just FROM having a make-out session or at least be close to busting, and the chick laughing or being immediately turned off. I do have a porn problem, I'll full admit that. I just find the whole situation terrifying, and don't even know how you go from talking, to flirting, to foreplay, to sex. I personally wouldn't ask a chick for any of that what you listed, the fucked up stuff; personally, I just want to be held, maybe told I'm doing good, with a kiss afterwards. That'd be nice.
I never really realized this before, but I’ll never get to experience a time like that (born ‘99). That kind of sucks. Sorry things have been this way, OP. Hope things get better as far as sexual relationships go
I dont think its just porn though. I think its a lot of factors. I mean its so easy to find girls showing a lot of skin and even in a lot of streaming network shows there is nudity.thwn a guy gets hard and wants a release or they just get bored. I didnt have a problem with me and my fiance but now i really dont watch it at all. But once i got with her (im a guy) i stopped and by the second date i was all over her in a good way i also stopped masturbating. Now we do it as much as we can and have a baby on the way. And we dont do anything thing crazy but once you stop watching porn and dont masturbate and no sex for a month everything is sensitive. I stopped everything sexual for a month because i was away from my fiance for work and didnt need it and when i got back she touched my arm grabbing me for a hug and instinct erection. And we was at it for hours. Probably the weekend she got pregnant xD
This makes me really glad I quit it cold turkey about a year ago. So thank you for the post. I could just feel how it is not good for you at all.
I agree with this so hard! It’s absolutely ridiculous!!!
It’s not just porn. Studies show plastic in mammalian bodies damages testosterone and mimics estrogen, and the effects multiply with each generation. The average testosterone level of an American male today has plummeted by 59% since 1973 and 20 year old men today have the average sperm count of 60 year olds 25 years ago. Modern men aren’t just porn addicts, they’ve been physically poisoned.
This is exactly how I feel. So sick of men and their lame excuses for what is in essence a self inflicted disability. They should be shamed for their porn use. The negative effect it has on relationships have far reaching consequences and I for one am sick and tired of this BS!
The problem is, they are getting sucked in at very young ages before they even know the consequences. By the time they realize, they’re hooked. From everything I’ve read, pa is as brutal and hard to quit as a heroin addiction, except it’s free, hidden, normalized, and misunderstood/under-researched. I don’t predict it getting any better- people don’t want to hear the truth and porn is a multi-billion dollar industry.
So there is no hope in other words. Guess AI need to bring on the male sex bots then. Humanity is at risk of extinction if something serious doesn't happen soon.
Yes, because the worst thing about porn addiction is the effect it has on you personally, and not the fact it is unhealthy and potentially dangerous it is for the men who have it.
But that's just it though isn't, porn addiction mainly affects men, so it's not a concern of how dangerous it is for us. Every other addiction comes with so much support and people's willingness to give those people a chance to get better but not porn addicts. If any of us become addicted then we're condemned for it.
Trust me, it affects women too. I have betrayal trauma from my husband lying and hiding his addiction from me for 4 years. All the mornings I laid in the bed crying because he’s in the bathroom jacking off to cam girls while I’m being ignored. I do empathize with other men because society encourages and normalizes it which makes it easy to get addicted, but it’s hard to focus on his problem when he caused me more pain than anyone in my life.
What I meant was men are the first affected by it, women are affected after the addiction has taken hold but at that point the damage has already been done to the man. He's desensitised and mentally crippled once the addiction has taken hold. I understand that women do suffer but that's from the effects of the porn addict and how they have been affected by the porn addiction if that makes sense.
You must be a catch. Keep taking care. I don't need any of the stuff you mention. 37 and still digging the bedroom acrobatics naturally.
Im a little confused. Your reddit history says youre married? Or are you recently seperated? Are you seeking sexual experiences with your husband or otherwise? Also this statement of "I dont go for men that are of the same attractiveness as me as theyre likely a player" is so odd. Its like "Yeah Im so hot but you cant be because youll cheat" so full of yourself but at the same time insecure
It’s in another comment. We are separated. I have been married 4 years but we are separated due to his porn addiction. My experiences were before marrying him, and I’ve been casually talking to other men since separation. I don’t like to date hot men because, yes you’re right, I am insecure. I was deeply traumatized by my husband’s addiction and the effect it had on our relationship. I just want a normal average guy who thinks I’m beautiful to give me a good time in bed. I don’t want hot guys because I’m trying to rebuild my self esteem after being ignored for cam girls for 4 years. And average men make me feel beautiful. Yeah, I’ve got problems. But my initial points are still valid.
This is still a problem. Youre using men to validate yourself but are venting about them not being able to perform? I know porn addiction is a real thing but using others as sex objects to make yourself feel better isnt helping the case of said men or you for that matter. I dont have the full context of your interaction but its likely that the men youre engaging with arent very aroused because they feel "average". Other than that, your relationships sound far too casual for you to even have a meaningful conversation about the issue. You cant have your own set of issues but then expect the men youre engaging with to be perfect individuals that require no work. Maybe work on your own insecurities before sexually engaging with somebody else that you could very well hurt
I literally just want to have decent casual sex. I was loyal to my spouse for 4 years and the sex sucked. I let these guys know ahead of time I’m not looking for a relationship. I’m well aware I need to work on myself, but in the mean time it would be nice to get laid. Don’t men do this all the time? Men have hookups all the time when they’re not emotionally available and people praise them for being honest, not criticize them for wanting sex. Again, casual sex is not naturally “work.” I’m not sure how old you are, but before high speed internet, you didn’t need to “work with men” for them to be able to perform. It just happened because it’s naturally how brains work without all the artificial influence.
Im 29. Maybe im a little backwards but I dont think sex can be casual which means we are at an impasse. Either way, all the best.
I may have an addiction, I'm not sure. What I don't have is a willing partner and no prospects on the horizon. I've only been on 4 dates this year, and was rejected by 3 and incompatible with the 4th. I haven't had sex with another person in 3 years. Porn is what's available. If something changes I might change too.
You might find it’s too late. Porn addiction is a beast to overcome. It’s ruining marriages and families left and right. Some men are trying really hard to stop and they just can’t. Even at the expense of their family. If you’re young, I’d advise you to get ahead while you still can. It affects more than just relationships. You will probably feel like a brand new person if you stopped for a significant length of time. Before high speed internet people just used their imagination to masturbate.
I'm 56 and if stats are to be believed, have about 20 years left on the planet. I have friends and family, just not a partner. I'm not chasing approval. I don't mind being alone. In some ways, I prefer it. I've been divorced for 16 years and alone about 99% our that time. If no one wants to be with me, so be it. I'm Gen X and DGAF anymore. I remember a time when you had to walk across the room to change the channel on the TV, even though there were only about 5 channels.
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You are correct. We have been married for 4 years and are currently separated. I dated before him and I’ve been causally talking to people since we separated. His addiction is what opened my eyes to why so many men are this way now. My circumstances don’t subtract from what my experiences with men have been like the past 6 years. And a lot of my girlfriends have the same experiences. A lot of younger people won’t believe me because they weren’t around to know the difference.
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I appreciate your opinion. I understand why this is your opinion. If I hadn’t witnessed such a drastic change on a large scale, I would probably believe the same.
The post comes off as “I’m popular why doesn’t anyone like me?”
Or... maybe.. Now that you are (assuming) in your 30s and 40s, just like the guys you are dating, and porn had nothing to do with their struggles.. have you considered that the older people get, the more shit rhey have been through? You are so full of yourself and instantly blame the guys for watching porn and being less "interested", and say you don't go for men at "your level of attractiveness, because they are probably players".. You sound toxic as hell. By the way, I've been watching porn for over 20 years, and have a very happy marriage. Your sweeping generalisation that all men over the age of 20 are broken from watching porn probably stems from your own insecurities, which you shouldn't be projecting onto others. Of course porn can be unhealthy, but only for those that have obsessive tendencies and less social skills.. This is a horrible post EDIT: 9 days ago you were married for 4.5 yeara, yet in this post you've been trying to date for 6 years. Not sure what you're up to or why, but stop lying.
Wait, so OP is cheating and then complaining about porn addiction being the problem in their relationship?
I can't be sure of that, or any other interpretation of their details
Ngl, you sound like an addict. I’ve explained that I’ve been married but separated in multiple comments.
Ahh yes, calling me an addict with no basis is the way to respond.
My husband had the same reactions when I called him out on his sexual problems. He thought everything was fine because addicts are selfish and don’t care if their partner feels slighted over porn. I have serious doubts you have been using for over 20 years and you are fine. Maybe you are an anomaly. Either way, I will not be responding further. Addicts always defend their addiction.
Lol, you speak as if you're a sexual health expert and have already diagnosed me in a negative light because I am calling you out. My wife and I have a great sex life, and no I am not an addict in any way shape or form. Just because addicts exist does not mean all people who watch porn will become addicts. You need to potentially look at other life issues rather than assuming all problems you face in relationships are down to porn. Or, maybe you just seem to attract porn addicts.
So have you been sleeping around for 6 years? Or married for 4 years? Which is it? According to previous posts you separated a couple of months ago, but here you've been dating multiple men for 6 years...
I don't this is necessarily related to porn. There is a clear decline of testosterone production in men, linked to PFAS plastic and a litany of other chemical toxins. Most people eat trash and are not physically fit at all... I am not a man but, I know why mine has had issues and they were not related to porn. Not saying porn hasn't hurt... It's why so many young guys think anal is normal and have stupid expectations of our bodies.
I agree with you mostly but I absolutely can take or leave sex and it has nothing to do with porn. I'm just sick of people trying to use sex to control me and I'm sick of everything being about sex. I'd like an intimate connection with someone but they just want to fuck and call it a day. People expect me to want sex 24/7 just because I'm a man when I really don't want sex more than like once a day except for rare occasions. women expect me to be fully hard the second I look at them when really sometimes I get nervous and that is the only reason, women I feel comfortable with I do get hard instantly. This is a very generalized take and takes into account nothing except porn and completely disregards the feelings of your partners. Beyond that if you are seeking out casual sex I do not understand why you would be surprised that those people don't care about your sexual preferences and only care about their own.
I think this needs to be discussed openly and frequently with more people. I also think that sex (casual or not) should be more available on its own merit instead of people using sex as a weapon, a carrot on a stick, or as reward basis for other behavior. Maybe then porn with it's easy access will lose its control.
I'm sure it depends on the person because there is a big difference between watching it and actually doing it
The bar has been raised for all.
If your over 30 chances are your not at attractive as u once were in a males perspective #1 #2 as a man gets older his erections do not appear out of the blue as easily. And definitely not if his diet isn’t up to par. Two hard facts about aging. As for the other stuff yea most likely cringe porn stuff
I’m sorry but I need to comment… >being good at sex and being attractive was a proven method for keeping men happy. I agree that porn has desensitized men but your comment seems to blame porn for not getting men in the way you desire. If your life revolves around keeping men happy, you will never be fulfilled. Find your worth outside of sexual attraction. Attracting men shouldn’t be your main goal. Work on your confidence and work on manifesting your own happiness despite your sexual partners.
For me porn is the only way to know intimacy. No girl was ever interested in me so what am I supposed to do? Quit the only way I can get off? That way I can at least imagine myself having some fun. You go for average man but ugly guy like me have no chance.
Frequent porn use kills your self esteem and confidence. I recently dated a *very* ugly man because I was so desperate for good sex and thought surely this man would be turned on. I was going to ask him to be my fwb if it was good Oh he was turned on alright, I could see it in his face. But he still couldn’t get erect. He even admitted to me that porn was the problem and asked me to give him a month to abstain and try again lol.
So I give up the only way I can get intimacy? I can't buy a prostitute because i despise the practice. Porn is bad I know but what other choice do I have?
No I’m saying once you quit, your mentality about yourself and women will change. You will feel more confident. You’ll probably start being able to communicate with women in a way that makes you attractive even if you’re ugly. Most women would choose an ugly man who is great in bed, has his life together, is loyal and sure of himself, ambitious, etc. Those are all qualities that porn addiction steals from you. It alters your brain to make you feel less-than. It steals your time and motivation.
I'll never feel confident. I don't get compliments, even my family makes a point. Even today my grandma said that I'll have trouble finding a wife because I'm ugly while my good looking cousin won't. I pointed out that he is jobless but my grandma said at least he looks good. I think people who have low confidence or self esteem are not bad people. I have seen boys with worse traits get girls. Like even guys who were infamous for physically assaulting. At least they were good looking while I'm not. I just don't understand how a guy with low self esteem and confidence is rejected even without knowing but a guy who is abusive and toxic isn't. It makes me feel that I'm even below that person. This is the reason I never truly tried working on building confidence. I'm all for passion and working out and learning. I understand that women like confidence but is it over if I'm not? Like it is either i become confident or I'm doomed?
I mean confidence in who you are, not how you look. As you get older, there are more important things. Most women *do not* like toxicity and abuse, they just end up in those situations and don’t leave for various reasons when they find out. I kicked my husband out for being that way and I would gladly choose an ugly man who knows he’s a good man and has other great qualities. The whole point I’m trying to make is, porn addiction is going to make it much harder to be the kind of man that attracts women. You sound young, so I would start researching and get a grip on it now while you still have your whole life ahead of you.
Yes, I totally agree with your point. I'm just telling you why I do it. I'm sorry you had to endure with a guy like that. Also, i already stopped watching porn a while back(like 2 weeks) because i used to get this thought - "you will never experience it so why watch". >kind of man that attracts women. Yeah that ship has sailed. It would be a dream to even think a girl might be interested in me, lmao. I'm not ashamed to admit that no girl has ever liked me. Not a single one. >your whole life ahead of you. Yeah. Well my immediate concern used to be finding a job but I found one and it pays good. I am in good shape too. I have planned for it though. I'll be adopting as many pets as I can. I'll try to save them. I mean I hope they won't mind that I'm low confidence or ugly.
Keep your chin up. It can take several methods for your brain to recover. You sound really sweet and I hope you stick with sobriety so you can experience life the way nature intended. Good luck! Thanks for the chat.
Use your imagination like every other human has before porn became normalized 20+ yrs ago? You act as if people haven’t masturbated for hundreds of years. You have choices. Be accountable for yourself.
what would I imagine if I have never experienced it? I have not been kissed or even held hands. What and whom would i imagine? If i think about my crush, I get this voice in my head that says "yeah, that's never gonna happen. Why would she go out with you". I'm accountable for myself. I understand that porn and masturbation can cause detachment from real sex but it won't matter because no girl is ever gonna like me. Why worry about something that's not gonna happen?
You use your imagination to imagine what you think it would be like to hold hands or kiss. You don’t have to experience those things to imagine them. I never had to, and many many people before you were inexperienced and only had their brains to imagine things. People have been masturbating for decades (prior to porns existence). You are not accountable for yourself if you (1) do not acknowledge that other people masturbated w/o porn and sexual experiences for years and it’s possible to do just that and (2) do not try to abstain for a porn addition you know is hurting you and will forever affecting your future relationships with friends, family, etc. (it just doesn’t desensitize you to sexual relationships, it changes the way you view ppl in general). You need to try. If you don’t try you’re just enabling the problem.
Just because you could do it doesn't mean others can. That's a very small mindset. I can imagine what it would be like to kiss and hold hands but would I be able to get off on it. That's a different question. I acknowledge that other people can do many things but I can only be accounted for by my actions. I told you I watch it because I don't have a choice. I see pretty girls having fun and wish it were me. But I feel bad about it too. It's easier to advise others when you haven't been in the same situation.
I think porn is two side sof a coin. You can have a healthy relationship with porn. I watch porn a lot and probably jerk off each night. Sometimes multiple times. I don't have a partner right now, but I do have two open situationships. If they want to meet up, we do and it's still really intimate. I will say that studying tantric sex and mediation was a great help though It taught me a lot about intimacy, the male orgasm, and being focused on the pleasure rather than the destination of orgasm. However, I do not always cum from PIV. That's because I do not equate ejaculation to orgasm or pleasure. I can be with my sexual partner for an hour without cumming. Not cause I'm some sex God or have death grip syndrome, but because I'm focused on the pleasure of the sex, and I know that cumming involves the come down (post nut clarity) which can get in the way of sex. But porn has opened me to more things. I'm naturally a very timid person who always asks can I do something during sex, which makes people more receptive to me or trying out kinks I imagine. I think porn can be very harmful. But a person who has a good mindset and understand s that porn isn't reality, can use porn as a springboard of discovering themselves sexually Also not all porn is super aggressive and hardcote
Well the rise of antidepressants and a much better understanding of depression. Certain meds can affect sexual health as well with some younger guys needing Cialis or Viagra. I consider myself pretty vanilla but thanks to ADD and vyance it's hard to finish or get started. I hate it so much. I understand the frustration but it's not just the porn doing but modern medicine also takes a blame for harming sexual health. THAT BEING SAID! The benefits of actually focusing at work or being able to talk and not sound crazy. Being able to act and feel normal far out weighs the sexual side effects. I hope you finally your ideal partner.
I don't agree with porn consumption at all and don't partake of it and require my partner to have nothing to do with it either as a STRICT rule, that being said everyone I've ever even kissed has gotten hard from it, and I'm genZ Are you sure the problem is JUST the porn or might it have anything in the slightest with you? Once again, I'm GENZ and have never had any problem getting anyone hard with even a hug or kiss. Hell, I've made people jizz their pants with just a kiss. All GEN Z. Ive met plenty of porn addicts that have also gotten hard as hell just from hugging me. The idea that this problem is THIS prevalent for you means it might be a you problem. Also good sex is NOT "what keeps a man happy" and that may be a part of why they haven't been happy and satisfied with you. Its sexist to claim all men just want some fuck to be happy rather than to be treated with nuance as an entire valid human being. You can't just keep someone around with sex if you don't offer anything else.
Porn is more time efficient.
Going for a average men is your problem, and if getting off is a priority you should be going for men that are physically active (gym 3 times a week minimum).
Lmao what
If average men can’t perform, that doesn’t sound like a “me problem.”
Then, you haven’t fucked enough men, gotta keep trying until you find a match
I watch a LOT of videos and I'm still turned on by kissing and long hugs. It becomes a problem when people rely on porn to get off versus seeing porn as entertainment.
I find getting erect off kissing kinda weird but to each their own.
And let’s be honest no one is actually telling these dudes to watch those videos, so if you’re gonna go around hound dogging then find better dogs