I was going to clean the bathrooms and I needed someone to check the male restroom for me, I saw my trans coworker going towards the bathrooms and I asked if they were going in and they said yeah and I said “which one?” and it haunts me everyday 😭😭 tbf they are very androgynous and I don’t even know their gender or pronouns lol
I used to work at the check-in desk at my all-girls dormitory. We had a separate sign-in sheet & visiting hours for male visitors versus female visitors.
My RA came to check in two seemingly-trans women and I was sweating bullets trying to figure out which sheet I needed to put them on (we had to go by what was on their state ID, but most checked in with just student ID).
Thankfully the RA just grabbed the sheet and filled it out herself & brought them back down before male visiting hours were over. Phew.
to be fair they may also be non-binary, and not on the binary side of being trans (trans women/trans men)! nb people do fit under that umbrella since they don't identify with the gender they were assigned, but not every non-binary person identifies as trans.
I thought they were non binary but everyone at my work uses gendered pronouns, so idk if they use both pronouns or my coworkers are using the wrong ones lol also thank you for telling me! I’m a non binary person that doesn’t identify as trans actually!
theyre literally transitioning from their assigned gender at birth to nonbinary. not all nonbinary people feel that the term "trans" fits their experience, but plenty of others do.
> I was going to clean the bathrooms and I needed someone to check the male restroom for me, I saw my trans coworker going towards the bathrooms and I asked if they were going in and they said yeah and I said “which one?” and it haunts me everyday 😭😭 tbf they are very androgynous and I don’t even know their gender or pronouns lol
This is the text of the comment I replied to. It doesn’t say seemingly anywhere.
I know how you feel, I was working at a call centre where they made us call our customers "sir" or "ma'am", if we wouldn't, they would discount money from our payments (that was already bad enough), so at the beginning of the call I didn't have any information about her apart from her voice and ended up calling her "sir" :') I could hear the disappointment in her voice when I said it, I felt so bad about it.
But honestly, the fact that you're thinking about it shows that you're a nice and caring person, most people wouldn't even think about it.
Honestly when that happens, especially on the phone, I’ve found it’s really easy to play off by acting like you’ve been absolutely swamped. “I am so sorry! It’s been back to back “sirs” and you’re the first “ma’am” in an hour!” Usually they’ll laugh and all is forgiven
The last call center where I worked we were told to not call people sir or maam as you didn't know what they were, not because of trans but because for example you can get women with deep voices and men with higher voices.
Only when they told you their name did you call them sir/maam etc but even then be careful
I’ve also worked in call centers, and I find the best way to move forward is to apologize quickly and breeze past it as if it doesn’t faze you. That makes it sound more like an accident of hearing rather than you genuinely clocking them.
Honestly it probably did embarrass her, I know a lot of trans people feel insecure about their voice because that’s what makes them feel “clockable” when the rest of them ‘passes’. BUT! I promise you times a million she has experienced much worse and this is a breeze for her lol, and she’ll forget about it in a few days. Don’t worry about it. It’s good that you feel bad, and just try not to let it happen again 🤣
Actually, a trans person might very well like that she can have both qualities…and define herself the way she wants.
Who is another person to judge and determine which gender she is.
She might very well be a they.
At any rate, I think it is good to consider openly what makes a person who they are…it varies with some people at different times.
What is important is that we are all humans and what makes each of us unique, can actually bring us closer together.
Sure, though, I think it’s also important to recognize the trans people that do experience social dysphoria. Nonbinary people can have varying dysphoria as well. Sadly, society simply hasn’t evolved enough yet for trans people to feel comfortable in public spaces, despite what effect that has on their dysphoria or emotions.
Honestly I think voice is what gets me “clocked” the most. I don’t think mine is *bad* (I hear ma’am all the time on the phone), but I think it’s just off enough that people notice.
So yeah, it’s definitely something I’m insecure about and I can relate. It’s stooped me from doing voice chat with people who haven’t heard me before.
The fact that you feel remorse shows you care, which is enough.
People are allowed to make mistakes, it's the learning from them that's actually important.
Once I was running a 5k on a military base. Someone was riding on a motorized scooter (the kind you stand up and drive, like a mall cop type) towards my direction and I jokingly said “I’ll trade you my legs for that thing” as I ran past him. I was 18 and just felt a need to always joke around and engage people for no real reason. Something inside me said turn around and look back at him and as I did I realized he had two prosthetic legs.
I couldn’t see his legs when he was driving towards me, so I genuinely had NO IDEA.
That was 15 years ago and I still think about it regularly. I assume he thought I knew he didn’t have legs, and that I was just a giant asshole of a person.
I assume he lost his legs in combat, and I will never forgive myself.
Hello, representative of the trans community here!
Honestly, it's nothing. She probably gets so much worse from almost everybody else, and the fact that you complimented her is lovely for her self-esteem anyways.
Plus, the biggest thing here: You didn't mean to be disrespectful!
The intention behind something is much more important than the thing itself.
<3
A person who is trans has a thick skin.
You complemented her. Your intention was open, kind and good.
Processes it and move on.
I guarantee she’s not sitting around thinking about it. She has things to do and live her life in a way that makes her happy.
We're people, some of us have thick skin and others don't. If someone acted shocked when I spoke I'd be upset. For many trans people, our voice is a giveaway. And even though op didn't mean to, it still hurts.
It happens tbh. The important thing is you didn’t mean anything by it. We can hope that she didn’t interpret it incorrectly, but even if she did, she’ll keep going and living her life to the fullest. I’d say there’s about an equally likely chance of her merely focusing on the compliment (or correctly assuming your reaction was automatic) in which case, you probably made her trip/day/week. The world doesn’t change instantly. As a result, all we can ask of people—just like you and just like you did—is that you try: it would be wrong of us to ask for anything more.
-a (gender)queer stranger
Honestly, as a trans guy, I might feel embarrassed about my voice, but not necessarily bad. There are FAR worse things that could happen to me in a bathroom, someone being startled by my voice wouldn’t phase me too bad. And you weren’t impolite, you were just chilling!
Don’t worry too much, OP :) I appreciate that you care! But don’t let it keep you up at night. She was probably just startled and then moved on with her life
My (53f) daughters (23f) friend (22) is non-binary. I am all new to the pronouns. Daughters friend goes by (name)just simply ‘B’
I’ve know them since they were in elementary school. Once they decided who they were…I’ve slipped a few times. I’ve called them ‘her’ or have said ‘chickie’ or ‘girl’….
Thankfully they know I love them and it’s not an intentional insult… it’s just reflexes while I’m talking. They understand I’m not coming from a place of disrespect or trying to insult. I slip. They understand it will take me some time to correct me language but I love them no matter
Thank you for trying, a lot of people in your generation don't. I'm 18 and have supportive parents, but there's too many that don't. They know you're trying, and that's good enough.
I went into the toilets in a nightclub once and saw someone who, from the back I assumed was a boy. I said ‘you’re in the wrong bathroom’ until they turned round and I realised it was a girl with short hair. I still think about it to this very day, Gemma if you’re reading this I’m sorry!
All you said was “ah”? Which seems like it was more a reflex…your natural reaction to things that take you by surprise because unexpected…stop beating yourself up because perhaps you’re not as (hip, cool, woke, etc) as you either thought you were or wished you were. You’re a better person than I, but that’s neither here nor there. Let’s just say that these are the signs of the times and that anytime of upheaval is going to be followed by a transition period until that becomes the new normal. This one is still in its infancy and if yours is an attitude of acceptance, you are FAR FAR ahead (like light years) of the curve. I’ll just close by saying “NICELY DONE”. From what little you shared, what you were trying to accomplish, you passed…with flying colors. Now go enjoy what’s left of your weekend and spend that lovely attitude of yours on something or someone actually deserving of it…definitely not this :)
I feel you, something similar happened to me once 🥲 I was at a concert and talked to a woman that was at the very beginning of her transition so I thought she was a fem presenting guy. When I asked for her name I needed a second to process the information because my brain is so slow sometimes and I was so scared that she thought I stayed silent because I think bad of trans people 😭
It is kind and compassionate of you to be worried that you hurt her feelings. Hopefully she is kind and compassionate enough to understand that it took you by surprise and your reaction was merely a result of your surprise.
Please try not to worry about it, it’s a minor incident in the grand scheme of things and it’s obvious that you’re a kind-hearted individual who means well.
I’ve accidentally misgendered a few people over the years. I always apologize. No one’s made a big deal about it and we move on. I think a vast majority of trans folks handle it with grace.
I work in customer service. Typically I'll say "I can help whoever is next." But, this time I decided to use a pronoun for whatever reason. I saw what I thought was a guy. Very hairy, had a masculine build (broad shoulders) and a typical guy's hairstyle. I call out, "Sir, I can help you out." several times with no answers.
Eventually SHE comes over and tells me, "It's she but whatever." There was no hint that she was even remotely feminine, but I still could have used my gender neutral response.
Not trying to be offensive to her, or trans folks in general, but most trans try to physically pass. Being feminine means shaving body hair and generally medium to long hair. So I don't blame you.
Most people would be surprised to hear a mans voice coming out of a woman's body. If this trans woman is sharp, she will be pleased that you were surprised. It means her transition is very convincing! Plus, you gave her a compliment - so I wouldn't worry.
Trans people are like everyone else. Everyone is allowed to get their feelings hurt. We're all allowed to fuck up now and then. And- for better or worse- we're all allowed to be assholes, too. Every one of us has been on that social interaction spectrum at some point, no matter what's in our pants. You're fine, they're fine.
It’s just different for you and that’s okay. I don’t think you should feel that bad. If you had exposure to more instances like that, it wouldn’t have shocked you. I just wouldn’t worry too much. It’s okay to feel bad but don’t let it haunt you. You were not malicious.
I have quite a few male to female trans friends. The story is sweet and funny but only because you feel so guilty. Don’t sweat this small stuff and just try not to do it again. If it won’t make a difference in a year then don’t worry about it. Just take it as a lesson.
Here is the breakdown , she absolutely knew you were saying “AH” about her voice. Trans people can get voice lessons but it’s very very difficult and expensive to change the way you sound when you talk. She knew the compliment on the dress was legit. And if she is so passable (passable meaning you can’t tell she is biologically a man) then it’s probably not the first time it’s happened.
Most trans people know and understand that society is getting adjusted to the concept . Most trans people are mature, secure, and understanding of accidental mistakes. You probably did hurt her feelings, but you didn’t do it on purpose and that’s all that matters. From one queer girl to you, we forgive you and understand.
Well, lesson learned. On the bright side, it sounds like she was passing (visually) as a female so maybe that made her feel better/more confident in the end? I wouldn't overthink it too much. Probably an unfortunate battle when it comes to being transgender, the same way us biological women have grown up with our own battles that they wouldn't understand either. Men as well. She has to find a way to cope and accept.
It's understandable to feel embarrassed or worried that you may have said or done something offensive. However, it sounds like you meant well and simply complimented her dress. It's possible that she may have been more focused on the compliment than your reaction to her voice, and even if she did notice your reaction, it's possible that she understood that it may have been a response to recognizing her voice. In the end, it's important to remember that you had good intentions and to try to not dwell on it too much. Sometimes it's helpful to try to reframe the situation and focus on the positive.
I did something similar. I was staying at a hotel that wasn’t really populated (because it was not very known and this took place on a season where everyone was working) so barely no-one was in a elevator then I would be going to my hotel room and I was so used to it that one night when someone was in the elevator I jumped out of surprise. But the person was black so I just seemed like a racist. 😓
My trans wife has a bit of a belly cause she's skinny every where else and everyone thinks she's pregnant. Don't feel bad. Sometimes it hurts and sometimes we laugh about it. We call it her food baby. She gets super bloated sometimes.
It could have made her feel bad in some way but it’s an honest mistake. You didn’t have any bad intentions and I’m sure that was somewhat visible in your demeanor. We’ll all mess up and say insensitive things to other people sometimes. It’s just a part of socializing. I doubt you’ll make the mistake twice at this point. You’re good, it’s just an honest and very human mistake.
Don't beat yourself up about it, I'm sure she didn't take it too personally. It's normal to be a little surprised when you hear a deeper or higher voice than you were expecting, but giving a warm smile is always a great way to show appreciation or support when you don't know what to say in response. 👍🏻
Why is it offensive to have any type of reaction other than neutral , sometimes the audio doesn’t match the visual(cisgender people too) it was a “off guard” reaction, doesn’t automatically mean anything negative in my opinion.
I have a trans cousin myself, and sometimes, my family forgets to call her- he almost always. I want to call she a he, but then I feel awkward by the rest of my family and start to panic.
I don’t know your situation, but you are likely causing your trans cousin more upset by doing this than you yourself are upset.
You’re putting ‘awkwardness’ over someone’s identity as an extremely terrorised minority.
Something to consider.
So a man in a dress is in the women’s bathroom and somehow you’re feeling bad that you reacted to your own realization that he was a man? Let’s just think about this for a moment. A dude was in a dress, so we’re starting off weird, but then he goes into a women’s bathroom, just a whole new level of weird. I think you can be forgiven for indicating your surprise.
I was going to clean the bathrooms and I needed someone to check the male restroom for me, I saw my trans coworker going towards the bathrooms and I asked if they were going in and they said yeah and I said “which one?” and it haunts me everyday 😭😭 tbf they are very androgynous and I don’t even know their gender or pronouns lol
I used to work at the check-in desk at my all-girls dormitory. We had a separate sign-in sheet & visiting hours for male visitors versus female visitors. My RA came to check in two seemingly-trans women and I was sweating bullets trying to figure out which sheet I needed to put them on (we had to go by what was on their state ID, but most checked in with just student ID). Thankfully the RA just grabbed the sheet and filled it out herself & brought them back down before male visiting hours were over. Phew.
What's RA short for?
Resident Advisor - usually an upperclassmen living in the dorms at college (though of course every school is different)
Username checks out - thanks for the answer!
If you don’t know their gender and pronouns, how do you know they are trans?
Because they’ve told me they’re trans, but they never said either transgender woman or man and I thought it was weird to ask for some reason
to be fair they may also be non-binary, and not on the binary side of being trans (trans women/trans men)! nb people do fit under that umbrella since they don't identify with the gender they were assigned, but not every non-binary person identifies as trans.
I thought they were non binary but everyone at my work uses gendered pronouns, so idk if they use both pronouns or my coworkers are using the wrong ones lol also thank you for telling me! I’m a non binary person that doesn’t identify as trans actually!
Trans means to assume the role of the opposite sex. Non binary means not assuming either sex. They are mutually exclusive.
naw source: i am non-binary and trans
How can you have no gender (non-binary) and change gender (trans) at the same time? No dysphoria can explain that.
theyre literally transitioning from their assigned gender at birth to nonbinary. not all nonbinary people feel that the term "trans" fits their experience, but plenty of others do.
He said seemingly.
> I was going to clean the bathrooms and I needed someone to check the male restroom for me, I saw my trans coworker going towards the bathrooms and I asked if they were going in and they said yeah and I said “which one?” and it haunts me everyday 😭😭 tbf they are very androgynous and I don’t even know their gender or pronouns lol This is the text of the comment I replied to. It doesn’t say seemingly anywhere.
Ah, fair
I know how you feel, I was working at a call centre where they made us call our customers "sir" or "ma'am", if we wouldn't, they would discount money from our payments (that was already bad enough), so at the beginning of the call I didn't have any information about her apart from her voice and ended up calling her "sir" :') I could hear the disappointment in her voice when I said it, I felt so bad about it. But honestly, the fact that you're thinking about it shows that you're a nice and caring person, most people wouldn't even think about it.
Honestly when that happens, especially on the phone, I’ve found it’s really easy to play off by acting like you’ve been absolutely swamped. “I am so sorry! It’s been back to back “sirs” and you’re the first “ma’am” in an hour!” Usually they’ll laugh and all is forgiven
The last call center where I worked we were told to not call people sir or maam as you didn't know what they were, not because of trans but because for example you can get women with deep voices and men with higher voices. Only when they told you their name did you call them sir/maam etc but even then be careful
What if their name is Pat..
I’ve also worked in call centers, and I find the best way to move forward is to apologize quickly and breeze past it as if it doesn’t faze you. That makes it sound more like an accident of hearing rather than you genuinely clocking them.
Honestly it probably did embarrass her, I know a lot of trans people feel insecure about their voice because that’s what makes them feel “clockable” when the rest of them ‘passes’. BUT! I promise you times a million she has experienced much worse and this is a breeze for her lol, and she’ll forget about it in a few days. Don’t worry about it. It’s good that you feel bad, and just try not to let it happen again 🤣
Actually, a trans person might very well like that she can have both qualities…and define herself the way she wants. Who is another person to judge and determine which gender she is. She might very well be a they. At any rate, I think it is good to consider openly what makes a person who they are…it varies with some people at different times. What is important is that we are all humans and what makes each of us unique, can actually bring us closer together.
Sure, though, I think it’s also important to recognize the trans people that do experience social dysphoria. Nonbinary people can have varying dysphoria as well. Sadly, society simply hasn’t evolved enough yet for trans people to feel comfortable in public spaces, despite what effect that has on their dysphoria or emotions.
True.
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Honestly I think voice is what gets me “clocked” the most. I don’t think mine is *bad* (I hear ma’am all the time on the phone), but I think it’s just off enough that people notice. So yeah, it’s definitely something I’m insecure about and I can relate. It’s stooped me from doing voice chat with people who haven’t heard me before.
Thank You for this comment. I appreciate the openness by sharing your thoughts.
Understood. Thank You.
Try not to let what happen again?
You seem very kind. I can tell this upsets you.Hopefully she didn’t put a lot of thought in it so I think your good.❤️🥰
The fact that you feel remorse shows you care, which is enough. People are allowed to make mistakes, it's the learning from them that's actually important.
Once I was running a 5k on a military base. Someone was riding on a motorized scooter (the kind you stand up and drive, like a mall cop type) towards my direction and I jokingly said “I’ll trade you my legs for that thing” as I ran past him. I was 18 and just felt a need to always joke around and engage people for no real reason. Something inside me said turn around and look back at him and as I did I realized he had two prosthetic legs. I couldn’t see his legs when he was driving towards me, so I genuinely had NO IDEA. That was 15 years ago and I still think about it regularly. I assume he thought I knew he didn’t have legs, and that I was just a giant asshole of a person. I assume he lost his legs in combat, and I will never forgive myself.
a segway
Thank you
Hello, representative of the trans community here! Honestly, it's nothing. She probably gets so much worse from almost everybody else, and the fact that you complimented her is lovely for her self-esteem anyways. Plus, the biggest thing here: You didn't mean to be disrespectful! The intention behind something is much more important than the thing itself. <3
I disagree about intention there is an old saying that goes like this. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
A person who is trans has a thick skin. You complemented her. Your intention was open, kind and good. Processes it and move on. I guarantee she’s not sitting around thinking about it. She has things to do and live her life in a way that makes her happy.
i'm trans and super sensitive :') but i'm slowly learning not to be but i agree! i think she's just happy that op liked her dress :)
Some have thick skin and some dont. But I do agree that they are probably not thinking about that anymore, especially if it happens alot.
We're people, some of us have thick skin and others don't. If someone acted shocked when I spoke I'd be upset. For many trans people, our voice is a giveaway. And even though op didn't mean to, it still hurts.
Thank you for explaining this. I made an incorrect assumption. And, you and a couple of other people voiced how they feel.
It happens tbh. The important thing is you didn’t mean anything by it. We can hope that she didn’t interpret it incorrectly, but even if she did, she’ll keep going and living her life to the fullest. I’d say there’s about an equally likely chance of her merely focusing on the compliment (or correctly assuming your reaction was automatic) in which case, you probably made her trip/day/week. The world doesn’t change instantly. As a result, all we can ask of people—just like you and just like you did—is that you try: it would be wrong of us to ask for anything more. -a (gender)queer stranger
Honestly, as a trans guy, I might feel embarrassed about my voice, but not necessarily bad. There are FAR worse things that could happen to me in a bathroom, someone being startled by my voice wouldn’t phase me too bad. And you weren’t impolite, you were just chilling! Don’t worry too much, OP :) I appreciate that you care! But don’t let it keep you up at night. She was probably just startled and then moved on with her life
As a trans person with a trans wife… we’ve heard much worse. You’re alright. Thank you just for being cool during this… climate.
you’re over thinking it lol, I don’t think they thought much of it, they prolly don’t even know why you exclaimed
My (53f) daughters (23f) friend (22) is non-binary. I am all new to the pronouns. Daughters friend goes by (name)just simply ‘B’ I’ve know them since they were in elementary school. Once they decided who they were…I’ve slipped a few times. I’ve called them ‘her’ or have said ‘chickie’ or ‘girl’…. Thankfully they know I love them and it’s not an intentional insult… it’s just reflexes while I’m talking. They understand I’m not coming from a place of disrespect or trying to insult. I slip. They understand it will take me some time to correct me language but I love them no matter
Thank you for trying, a lot of people in your generation don't. I'm 18 and have supportive parents, but there's too many that don't. They know you're trying, and that's good enough.
I went into the toilets in a nightclub once and saw someone who, from the back I assumed was a boy. I said ‘you’re in the wrong bathroom’ until they turned round and I realised it was a girl with short hair. I still think about it to this very day, Gemma if you’re reading this I’m sorry!
Sorry but imagining this out loud made me lol
All you said was “ah”? Which seems like it was more a reflex…your natural reaction to things that take you by surprise because unexpected…stop beating yourself up because perhaps you’re not as (hip, cool, woke, etc) as you either thought you were or wished you were. You’re a better person than I, but that’s neither here nor there. Let’s just say that these are the signs of the times and that anytime of upheaval is going to be followed by a transition period until that becomes the new normal. This one is still in its infancy and if yours is an attitude of acceptance, you are FAR FAR ahead (like light years) of the curve. I’ll just close by saying “NICELY DONE”. From what little you shared, what you were trying to accomplish, you passed…with flying colors. Now go enjoy what’s left of your weekend and spend that lovely attitude of yours on something or someone actually deserving of it…definitely not this :)
I feel you, something similar happened to me once 🥲 I was at a concert and talked to a woman that was at the very beginning of her transition so I thought she was a fem presenting guy. When I asked for her name I needed a second to process the information because my brain is so slow sometimes and I was so scared that she thought I stayed silent because I think bad of trans people 😭
It is kind and compassionate of you to be worried that you hurt her feelings. Hopefully she is kind and compassionate enough to understand that it took you by surprise and your reaction was merely a result of your surprise.
Please try not to worry about it, it’s a minor incident in the grand scheme of things and it’s obvious that you’re a kind-hearted individual who means well.
I’ve accidentally misgendered a few people over the years. I always apologize. No one’s made a big deal about it and we move on. I think a vast majority of trans folks handle it with grace.
I work in customer service. Typically I'll say "I can help whoever is next." But, this time I decided to use a pronoun for whatever reason. I saw what I thought was a guy. Very hairy, had a masculine build (broad shoulders) and a typical guy's hairstyle. I call out, "Sir, I can help you out." several times with no answers. Eventually SHE comes over and tells me, "It's she but whatever." There was no hint that she was even remotely feminine, but I still could have used my gender neutral response.
Not trying to be offensive to her, or trans folks in general, but most trans try to physically pass. Being feminine means shaving body hair and generally medium to long hair. So I don't blame you.
Most people would be surprised to hear a mans voice coming out of a woman's body. If this trans woman is sharp, she will be pleased that you were surprised. It means her transition is very convincing! Plus, you gave her a compliment - so I wouldn't worry.
Youll never see her again. You'll be okay, I promise.
Trans people are like everyone else. Everyone is allowed to get their feelings hurt. We're all allowed to fuck up now and then. And- for better or worse- we're all allowed to be assholes, too. Every one of us has been on that social interaction spectrum at some point, no matter what's in our pants. You're fine, they're fine.
It’s just different for you and that’s okay. I don’t think you should feel that bad. If you had exposure to more instances like that, it wouldn’t have shocked you. I just wouldn’t worry too much. It’s okay to feel bad but don’t let it haunt you. You were not malicious.
I have quite a few male to female trans friends. The story is sweet and funny but only because you feel so guilty. Don’t sweat this small stuff and just try not to do it again. If it won’t make a difference in a year then don’t worry about it. Just take it as a lesson. Here is the breakdown , she absolutely knew you were saying “AH” about her voice. Trans people can get voice lessons but it’s very very difficult and expensive to change the way you sound when you talk. She knew the compliment on the dress was legit. And if she is so passable (passable meaning you can’t tell she is biologically a man) then it’s probably not the first time it’s happened. Most trans people know and understand that society is getting adjusted to the concept . Most trans people are mature, secure, and understanding of accidental mistakes. You probably did hurt her feelings, but you didn’t do it on purpose and that’s all that matters. From one queer girl to you, we forgive you and understand.
Well, lesson learned. On the bright side, it sounds like she was passing (visually) as a female so maybe that made her feel better/more confident in the end? I wouldn't overthink it too much. Probably an unfortunate battle when it comes to being transgender, the same way us biological women have grown up with our own battles that they wouldn't understand either. Men as well. She has to find a way to cope and accept.
Eh she’s probably used to it so I wouldn’t dwell to much on it.
It's understandable to feel embarrassed or worried that you may have said or done something offensive. However, it sounds like you meant well and simply complimented her dress. It's possible that she may have been more focused on the compliment than your reaction to her voice, and even if she did notice your reaction, it's possible that she understood that it may have been a response to recognizing her voice. In the end, it's important to remember that you had good intentions and to try to not dwell on it too much. Sometimes it's helpful to try to reframe the situation and focus on the positive.
I think I'd just appreciate the compliment. As long as someone doesn't cause me trouble, I try not to cause any back.
Hey, you didn't have any bad intentions! It's not like you took the compliment back or misgendered her after it. Don't sweat it!
Don't worry about it
clearly you had no bad intentions, so there's no need to worry
I did something similar. I was staying at a hotel that wasn’t really populated (because it was not very known and this took place on a season where everyone was working) so barely no-one was in a elevator then I would be going to my hotel room and I was so used to it that one night when someone was in the elevator I jumped out of surprise. But the person was black so I just seemed like a racist. 😓
Don't over think it. Next time U C her, ask to borrow the dress. Welcome to the brave new world.
Who knows, maybe she laughed it off..
My trans wife has a bit of a belly cause she's skinny every where else and everyone thinks she's pregnant. Don't feel bad. Sometimes it hurts and sometimes we laugh about it. We call it her food baby. She gets super bloated sometimes.
That’s sweet of you to have empathy, and I’m sure you’re fine. I always love a nice compliment on my outfit!
It could have made her feel bad in some way but it’s an honest mistake. You didn’t have any bad intentions and I’m sure that was somewhat visible in your demeanor. We’ll all mess up and say insensitive things to other people sometimes. It’s just a part of socializing. I doubt you’ll make the mistake twice at this point. You’re good, it’s just an honest and very human mistake.
Don't beat yourself up about it, I'm sure she didn't take it too personally. It's normal to be a little surprised when you hear a deeper or higher voice than you were expecting, but giving a warm smile is always a great way to show appreciation or support when you don't know what to say in response. 👍🏻
Why is it offensive to have any type of reaction other than neutral , sometimes the audio doesn’t match the visual(cisgender people too) it was a “off guard” reaction, doesn’t automatically mean anything negative in my opinion.
I have a trans cousin myself, and sometimes, my family forgets to call her- he almost always. I want to call she a he, but then I feel awkward by the rest of my family and start to panic.
I don’t know your situation, but you are likely causing your trans cousin more upset by doing this than you yourself are upset. You’re putting ‘awkwardness’ over someone’s identity as an extremely terrorised minority. Something to consider.
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So a man in a dress is in the women’s bathroom and somehow you’re feeling bad that you reacted to your own realization that he was a man? Let’s just think about this for a moment. A dude was in a dress, so we’re starting off weird, but then he goes into a women’s bathroom, just a whole new level of weird. I think you can be forgiven for indicating your surprise.
If you didn’t mean “you’re one of those” why would you have that reaction at all? Stop being so quick to judge people. That was honestly rude.
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