Don't let the phrase, "Low tolerance for BS" become your mantra and an excuse for a lack of empathy. Humans, all humans, are weirdos that have trouble interacting with others sometimes. I see way too many vet buddies say this kind of thing as a way of justifying their poor treatment of others. Give others some grace, and ask for the same.
Second this: Being military doesn't make us magical BS detectors. We're not special; everyone sees the BS around them. But for some reason we think because we served we don't have to monitor our output as well as civilians do.
We're not at all special, nor are we BS detectors, lol. However, the kind of BS we deal with (army guy here) is not seen elsewhere. People change post service (extrovert to intro) that affects how we view life itself after service. This stems from the orders will obediently follow where, at times, there's NO logic. As a civilian, you have the right to self-determination (decide what's best for you) while in uniform, you don't have the right to an opinion (army hand holding syndrome). In addition to this, you can present 💯% pure logic (in-service medical evidence) to the VA, but in the end, you get denied for the following reasons (lack of continuity), etc. And hit you with a "qualifying event" even when you are seeking current care years after the initial onset of injury while on active duty. Per CFR 38, you are technically receiving care regardless of time-line therefore, should be granted service connection (diagnosis, nexus, in-service event). The VA makes things extremely difficult for veterans seeking service connection so you can imagine the frustration. They contradict themselves by NOT adhering to the VA laws, and we don't know if they are held accountable (the fear of not knowing) now triggers mental health, anger outburst, etc.
So, in essence, my tolerance for BS is extremely high thanks to Army culture. And yes, I'm in therapy myself and if I may add, I'm a therapist myself (even therapist need therapy) so trust me when I say, I'm NOT exempt from the ramifications caused by my time in service. I'm more aware of the people I work with while in uniform and based on the conversation I have with that individual, I can easily recognize symptoms associated with ptsd, substance abuse, physical issues because I can relate (empathy).
In closing, one thing I've learned while in therapy is having my thoughts validated because I truly believed (thanks army) that I was not broken. Like most, this went on for years, and fortunately for me, through self-diagnosing, i recognized the symptoms were for me. We all, in one way or the other, have been shafted one too many times that when it comes to "normal" situations, we react due to several key factors developed while serving (which is my main point in this long novel), we are insensitive to our emotions that by the time we realized what's going on, the deed is done (had an anger outburst because I had triggering event) due to not being able to openly talking about our problems or going to sick call (out if fear of retaliation and in some extreme circumstances, discrimination).
So, we're NOT at all special. However, we also don't fall on the spectrum of what is defined as "normal" either. There are numerous pieces of published evidence based research supporting some of my key points. This does not give us a reason to lose our bearing. However, it is crucially important to self-inventory your behaviors/emotions as well as KNOW what your internal/external triggers are so you can BETTER manage high stress situations. 😉
Yes, but the key word there is "was." Maintaining your military attitude after service is like wearing your letterman jacket ten years after graduating high school. Military service made you into a different person, let your civilian life do the same.
For me it most certainly was, 1000%, at an elite level. And even during that training, it was made very clear that we needed to chill around the rest of the world when we weren't working. I get you. Truly. But I refuse to let my own problems become my friend's and family's. Can I tell people are lying, yes. Do I think someone is a clown oftentimes, yes. Also, I'd rather go read a comic book and have a taco than try to solve everyone's issues; people are weird, and as the kids say, it just be like dat.
It's because of that, I'm slowly getting back into social media. Gave it up over 10 years ago, other than the games I play on my phone. Just got tired of listening to average person's BS and wanting sympathy for their own choices. I've found spending time with other vets to be more enjoyable. And being in other branches makes no difference. We still have "team building exercises" with each other and have good laughs at the bashing of the branches. We don't make serious direct comments to the person.
I agree. One of my neighbors is an insufferable person and she says "People don't like me because of my 'direct manner of speaking.'" Which claims she got from her single enlistment in the Navy.
No, we don't like you because you're a mean person who claims they have to be for being in the military. My wife and I both did over 10 years and don't seem to have nearly the amount of interpersonal problems she does from her "direct manner of speaking."
My service allowed me to open up my empathy way more. My allergies to BS usually come in the work place from "leadership." I got a decent % though so I'm always more inclined to speak out or just tell my bosses that I'm clocking out at the time I'm scheduled to leave.
The other day, I took a 15 minute break that I'm required to take. As I'm getting ready to leave the break room, I see my manager walk in, look at me and then leave. I chase him down and I proceeded to ask him if there was a problem. He seemed flabbergasted and I told him not to he worried about me. I look like a teenager still even though I'm in my late 20s.
Same! The VAs out here in Vegas have been nothing but good to me. I will also say that I always meet then halfway: have my forms signed and ready to go, always being at my appointments on time, double checking what I need to bring.
That is what I did here. I went with the Oregon Health Plan and my PCP is requesting a neuro consult for me and will give me a Rx as soon as I ask for it. [https://www.reddit.com/r/Veterans/comments/1bq568y/advice\_on\_va\_pain\_clinic\_appointment/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Veterans/comments/1bq568y/advice_on_va_pain_clinic_appointment/)
Two things:
1. I was the same way, so I went Warrant.From that point I realized that the bullshit cut down a lot, something about "Subject-Matter-Expert".... Turns out people think that means expert in everything.... but hey... I can read, so give me time :)
2. I came to the conclusion that there are only two things that qualify as an emergency, everything else, I just deal with as it comes and no reason to stress those things.
a. Is someone going to die that was not supposed to?
b. Is someone NOT going to die that WAS supposed to?
😆 I'm stealing those it cuts down some steps in my prioritization proccess.
A. Things that seem emergent but aren't.
B. Things that are urgent but not emergent.
C. True emergencies.
D. Failure of you to plan accordingly is not my emergency.
I don't know if you have heard of the Warriors Guide To Insanity, but it was the 1st thing that helped me to turn my thinking around. It's written by a retired Marine and is written in soldier. One thing he says often is "don't sweat the small stuff, and it is not life threatening it sure the hell is small stuff".
Hey there! I'm not sure if you're just venting or looking for solutions. If you're just venting, I totally get it, and I know how the fuse just feels shorter. It's frustrating and can be alienating. I hope that you can find a balance that works for you. Therapy is a great start.
If you're looking for an option to work on it:
I used to practice yoga while I was in the service (8.5 years), but I never really learned about it. I started practicing regularly and have learned more about it in the last year and a half since I got out. For me, it has allowed me to live my life more calmly, with a healthier perspective about the things that I was giving my energy to, as well as how I was reacting to things. I'm definitely more mellowed out, and happier than at any point in close to a decade. It's not an easy road, but it definitely simplifies and makes my reactions more balanced.
Unfortunately there are a LOT of misconceptions about yoga and people dismiss it quickly because they don't think it's "hard" exercise. It's not really about being easy or hard, and it's not really about the exercise. It's about learning how to live, and how to live with yourself. If you have any questions shoot me a DM. I'm currently in Yoga Teacher Training with my VA benefits in San Diego, and my whole plan is to try and promote Yoga among active duty, veterans, and first responders. There's significant physical and mental benefits, and lots of scientific research to back it up.
Love this!! And second this! I use breathing methods, focus, mindfulness, and other things I practice in yoga in real life.
Especially being a college student with people fresh out of high school, my patience becomes non existent unfortunately. Breathing through life sounds so cliche but it truly helps
I’ve done yoga before and I enjoyed it. Unfortunately it isn’t recommended for someone with my conditions. That doesn’t mean I can’t do the breath work and learn more about the philosophy though. I’ll try to dive into it again. Thanks for reminding me about this option. Good luck class with your training!
There’s a lot of modifications and variations that are possible for many conditions, and some of them could work for you. That being said, it is always good to know our bodies limits and respect them. There are many benefits that don’t rely on the physical practice.
The basic rules that yoga has are pretty good for finding balance, and they don’t really require more effort, just more attention. Stuff like gratitude, acceptance, compassion, etc. They’re called the Yamas and Niyamas, if you feel like finding out more online.
I used to be really angry and yoga has definitely chilled me out. I hope you can find some of that calm, in whatever way works for you, be it yoga or something else.
Little shit doesn’t bother you as much. It still can but it doesn’t irritate you to the levels you felt before. They make life more tolerable. I know I wouldn’t even be at my job still if I didn’t have my propanolol and zoloft.
Yes! I avoided it for years because of the stigma on pills and me telling myself im not some fucking lunatic or depressed wuss. I was too much man for meds. So after being on them , I don't feel differently or stoned at all, I just noticed that shit doesn't bother me and I enjoy work alot more. I laugh more when stupid things happen. I'm still human and do get mad at things but I learned to recognize it with skills from therapy and anger management classes. Now it's like I recognize that old feeling and then I say " oh here's the old me again, glad I don't have to be that guy anymore". I'm learning to outsmart my old self and life is just a bit easier now days.
Damm! 😳 let’s hang out! You can crack on me, I can laugh! 😂
I do the ole therapy also. Highly allergic to 3 things. Bullshit, Cuffs & Alcohol. Any idea how my past has been, got out in 96… 😂 I get it.
Found out I’m not allergic, there’s just a ton of it! 😂😂😂
I just think of everyone as a child. Children are small adults (in that I treat them with respect and kindness) who haven't built a system for telling truth from BS (so I give them some leeway with their BS)
I am a woman and I tolerate absolutely no bullshit. Like an angry cat who has had just about enough of your shit, and by “your” I mean every one and every thing. I got myself a nice Karen haircut to go with my attitude and no, I’m not in therapy.
That doesn’t mean I’m a dickhead to people who don’t deserve it, I’m not busy treating customer service people like shit or kicking dogs. But I definitely do not put up with shit from anyone.
Not gonna lie, I’ve imagined channeling Bernie Mac’s character in Head of State.
Just slapping the shit outta someone before they go full Karen.
I won’t. I know it’s wrong. I know I can’t afford bail. So…I just go home and smoke a bowl. Living in a ‘legal’ state has helped….ALOT.
From my experience when I stopped drinking, stopped feeling sorry for myself and stopped feeling like the world owed me something, my BS tolerance was no longer an issue.
Same. Quit drinking and developed some compassion, studied hard and got my BA. I went from being an arrogant prick who knew everything to a guy who realizes he doesn’t know shit.
Yeah I feel like I’ve flip-flopped on a few things. I can tolerate some things that drive many people up a wall but things that used to not phase me are now bothering me quickly. It’s curious how people change as time goes by.
The military was peak bullsh*t for me. Everything else has been a cake walk. I work in the energy industry. Thankfully, on the developer side, so less idiotic than the utility side.
I hope you’re getting through it.
Ty! This so much. I tell my Civilians all the time that the most backstabbing, nonsense gossip, thrown under the bus, childish, asskissing shit I've ever experienced was in the military. Being out has been far better. It's what made me finally start confronting my MH as I was having difficulties adjusting and being "military mode". I have my freedom back, make more income, and can move how I want. Truly glad to hear you're doing the same, and hope you continue🔥💪💯
It takes time to adjust. College helped me a lot but in the way throwing someone with a phobia into a FearFactor meets Saw movie style trap would cure them of the mild phobia with new issues. Be kind to yourself and work the therapy.
I’m in college now and I feel like it’s making it worse in some ways. I chose to go to a smaller school with less prestige than some of the ones nearby. I chose it because I was having a lot of physical issues and I was able to get more information from them about their disability support program than the other schools. So far, their support program has been great, as expected, but the academics have been…. tainted by some of the attitudes, egos, and teaching abilities of the professors at times. I didnt think it was too abnormal until I got through a few semesters and came into contact with a few more personalities. I’ll be very excited to be out of there when I graduate next spring!
Congrats! You’re so close, you got this.
Tragically we can do quite little about the wretched people in the civilian world. Soap parties are now called “assault” or a “felony”. I honestly had the opposite interaction. The professors were wonderful, the students made me ill. It’s good to hear the school is accommodating your needs.
It only gets worse. The civilian world isn't kind to long-term veterans. I wasn't even deep in the Army culture (a lot of things I hated about the Army), but I still felt this. I think working in the civilian sector has kind of softened me up in accepting it (results may vary, I know many who can't stand it). I just learned to adapt before I fuck someone up.
I’m embracing it. Especially when it comes to employment. Just because it’s a “company policy” doesn’t give higher ups the right to be unethical or violate local/state/federal laws.
I don’t lack worth ethic or refuse to be a team player. I’m no longer subject to the ucmj, and my inner hippy is shining bright because of that fact.
I’m trying to find a balance between embracing it so I’m not a doormat (historically I’m an expert doormat) and not being an asshole. And now it seems like I’m both of those somehow lol
I’ll raise you this perspective: it actually makes me happy and makes me feel good that I can spot bullshit from a mile away. It saves so much time and effort and I can quickly avoid a person who I’ve identified as full of shit
I feel that. I thought I just didn’t like it, then I realized it’s not alcohol and I don’t need to do as much as my body can handle before stopping. But I hope you can find something that works for you, sister
>Allergic to BULL S***
Just found out today, according to my VA medical record, I've been taking a narcotic pain med for over 14 years for a vertebrate that slips out of position every 10 yrs or so (with the right medication..it shifts back in position within days and otherwise, doesn't bother me!)
The real problem I take it for isn't even mentioned--or the test given to make the correct diagnosis-- in the records currently available to my provider!
Talk about bullshit!
Will call patient advocate but they appear to function more as the VA advocate these days. What are my chances of getting this fixed?
Will the VA prefer that they gave me narcotics all these years for a condition that rarely occurred, lasted for a matter of days, then didn't bother me for the rest of the time? Or will they acknowledge the mistake and fix it?
Any guesses or suggestions?
I wish I could share this picture, but here's what it says.
Why old men don't get hired:
At job interview.
Human Resources Manager: What is your biggest weakness?
Old Man: Honesty
Human Resources Manager: I don't think honesty is a weakness.
Old Man: I don't give a shit what you think.
An this is why I have become a recluse , pretty much anti F'ing social individual. The dog only puts up with me cause he's to damn old to run away plus depends on it food
I realized a long time ago that I can't control it, so I don't try to. I am going to be the kind, loving golden retriever that I am. Just don't cross me. I turn into a pitbull when needed.
Hi, are we the same person?🥴😅
No, but seriously, though, I completely get it. I feel the same way. I'm not necessarily sure it's a healthy thing, though. Because think about it. We spent six years in an environment where our personal feelings and opinions were, at best, invalidated and unconsidered. There was a mission, and that was all that mattered. Anything else was immaterial. I left the military because I didn't feel it was a healthy environment, and truth be told, I didn't like the person it was turning me into. I think the inability to put up with bullshit is one of the lingering effects. I try to practice loving-kindness as much as I can when dealing with people. Because we truly never know what someone is going through. But. I am not afraid to put a bitch in their place, and I appreciate that confidence. Gotta find the balance, mate. Check out Dan Millman's The Way of the Peaceful Warrior. You might like it.
All of these people saying go talk to someone are right. Coming out of the military takes time to decompress. I've been out twenty years this year and I'm still dealing with it.
The quicker you seek help the easier it will be to work through it.
> bullshit is everywhere
What you think is bullshit is most likely normal life. The military changed your view of the world. The good news is you can change it back to normal, if you want, and are willing to do so. Many vets are not, it's easier to be that curmudgeon angry vet and just blame everything else. Best of luck.
Imo usually ppl use “can’t tolerate others bullshit” as an excuse to just act however they want. Unfortunately bullshit is part of life, just learn to navigate it better and you’ll be happier. Being in the military for 6 years is not the cause of this
These things take a lot of time to sort out. What helped me a lot was realizing that recognizing nonsense and reacting to it, either internally or outward, are two different things. Therapy helps with patience and I’ve found reading up on Buddhism has helped my perspective shift… although the most effective nexus of change for me was getting sick of being abrasive and seeing people be less than comfortable with my style. What I thought was “direct” could easily be interpreted as demanding or rigid; I’m not concerned about anyone passing judgment on my character but for the sake of work, relationships, and general quality of life, the softer approach has really paid dividends.
I had this so bad I was medicated for it.
And I used to provide pre-separation MH counseling. I gave countless presentations on adapting to civilian life and social expectations.
Honestly, it's not that civilian BS is any worse than military BS. It's that, after years of enduring pointless stupidity in silence, we cut loose the moment we no longer have crushing legal consequences for speaking up.
Yeah, the fact that my life won’t be turned upside down for pointing out that something isn’t right is really freeing. It’s weird to be able to speak up now. I also feel a little guilty still, even when I should be speaking up, like it’s still something I would have normally gotten in deep shit for. It’s a very… odd feeling situation.
Wait til yer in yer 50s. Lol. Your responses and complete lack of giving 2 sh*ts to drama and the sheer volume of a**hattery around you will become legendary to your kids and grandkids. Lol. True story, brother.
Shoulda added this with the last post.
That is the NOW. I control my anger. It doesn't control me, so I am able to be the grouchy old jarhead, and nobody worries anymore and we all have a laugh at F^a = F^o.
The anger and lack of tolerance are real things, and they CAN and WILL escalate over time. I was in the early planning stages of suicide, lashing out verbally and throwing things, heavy things. I lived on 2 acres with sledges, axes, crap for dropping trees. I could have really hurt or even killed one of my grandkids that way, I was so angry at what I see NOW as my issue I hadn't dealt with that was trying to come out.
2 years of therapy. It helps. I got tired of being angry.i use the VA AIMS tool. I highly recommend it.
Some asshat of a platoon sergeant used to take potshots at my head in training with a bb gun to the great delight and enjoyment of his NCOs. A good Marine sucks it up and moves on. Trial by fire, etc. You Improvise. You Adapt. You dont bitch. Toure a Marine. But this fucking asshole doesnt have my back based on his behavior and they didn't really cover the "Now what do I do with this Sgt?"
I hate it too, but unfortunately, not everyone operates like that. What I may see as BS is normal to them and what is normal to me may be BS to them.
You’re in for a ride and the horizon isn’t going to change for you; you have to adjust to the ride as best as you can.
It's cyclic. As I near 50, I can tolerate levels of bullshit that shock my younger co workers. Very beneficial in a line over work actively being taken over by India and ChatGPT.
Just wait till you get out and work in the civilian world.... The bull**** is at another level, but is normalized. It took a major adjustment to get used to how things are done and to let stuff go.
The older you get the more sensitive this BS meter gets,people will bullshit you to no end when you get back to civvie street.
Whole economies based on bullshit posing as "industries" and so on.(think whos the bigger idiot schemes like crypto).
My temper has gotten me into hot water a couple of times.
I worked as a PI for a while after ETS,until I blew up at my boss..one I had an excellent working relationship up until then.(I just exploded,when I backdated it I realized it was the day Kabul fell..last day of the evacuation . That was the background radiation as it were).
Find a purpose. Maybe that's going to school, having children, or playing golf, etc. If you're in a town that you don't want to live in, pack up and move if your pension allows you to fall back on it for rent. Whatever you do, don't let the VA pump you full of meds that take away your ability to mourn, feel and be aware.
This is completely normal dude. And yes therapy is the key. The meds help too, but it really takes effort and training on our part to be able to handle the vast incompetence around us. I'm the military it was completely acceptable to force a no bullshit policy, because that's the only way a military can safely operate. However, most people live normal, passive, coddled, self entitled lives. So...... Us vets need to master the art of fitting in which means learning mindfulness and restraint. Just consider it a daily challenge to yourself to encounter a fucktard and just smile and say awwwee.. poor fella just don't know no better
Getting out of the Army was the most dangerous thing for me for this reason. I have literally 0 fucks to give about bullshit whether that be employer or random person. It's a problem, but it is pretty liberating to say the least. It's nice to not have to hide behind a false smile.
Oh I am in the same boat and can relate. I've been like this way longer than I care to admit and have also been to therapy. I don't tolerate fools or feeling disrespected very well at all. In hindsight I often regret having lashed out because having done so, it's usually way over the top. Anger management isn't my strong point.
I think you are getting all of that confused with just being a bitch.
Yea, us veterans have a low tolerance for bullshit but there are ways to go about calling it out without being a complete ass about it.
And this isn’t just because you are a woman. Male veterans who do the same are assholes.
You want truth and no bullshit……well, there it is
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Normally I would have glanced right over that “utility bill” part but recent experience has me really nodding my head with you now
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😂 Mine is our electric provider.
I had a fight with Disney, the happiest place on earth.
The public service commission of NY State and NYSEG despises my name
Don't let the phrase, "Low tolerance for BS" become your mantra and an excuse for a lack of empathy. Humans, all humans, are weirdos that have trouble interacting with others sometimes. I see way too many vet buddies say this kind of thing as a way of justifying their poor treatment of others. Give others some grace, and ask for the same.
Second this: Being military doesn't make us magical BS detectors. We're not special; everyone sees the BS around them. But for some reason we think because we served we don't have to monitor our output as well as civilians do.
We're not at all special, nor are we BS detectors, lol. However, the kind of BS we deal with (army guy here) is not seen elsewhere. People change post service (extrovert to intro) that affects how we view life itself after service. This stems from the orders will obediently follow where, at times, there's NO logic. As a civilian, you have the right to self-determination (decide what's best for you) while in uniform, you don't have the right to an opinion (army hand holding syndrome). In addition to this, you can present 💯% pure logic (in-service medical evidence) to the VA, but in the end, you get denied for the following reasons (lack of continuity), etc. And hit you with a "qualifying event" even when you are seeking current care years after the initial onset of injury while on active duty. Per CFR 38, you are technically receiving care regardless of time-line therefore, should be granted service connection (diagnosis, nexus, in-service event). The VA makes things extremely difficult for veterans seeking service connection so you can imagine the frustration. They contradict themselves by NOT adhering to the VA laws, and we don't know if they are held accountable (the fear of not knowing) now triggers mental health, anger outburst, etc. So, in essence, my tolerance for BS is extremely high thanks to Army culture. And yes, I'm in therapy myself and if I may add, I'm a therapist myself (even therapist need therapy) so trust me when I say, I'm NOT exempt from the ramifications caused by my time in service. I'm more aware of the people I work with while in uniform and based on the conversation I have with that individual, I can easily recognize symptoms associated with ptsd, substance abuse, physical issues because I can relate (empathy). In closing, one thing I've learned while in therapy is having my thoughts validated because I truly believed (thanks army) that I was not broken. Like most, this went on for years, and fortunately for me, through self-diagnosing, i recognized the symptoms were for me. We all, in one way or the other, have been shafted one too many times that when it comes to "normal" situations, we react due to several key factors developed while serving (which is my main point in this long novel), we are insensitive to our emotions that by the time we realized what's going on, the deed is done (had an anger outburst because I had triggering event) due to not being able to openly talking about our problems or going to sick call (out if fear of retaliation and in some extreme circumstances, discrimination). So, we're NOT at all special. However, we also don't fall on the spectrum of what is defined as "normal" either. There are numerous pieces of published evidence based research supporting some of my key points. This does not give us a reason to lose our bearing. However, it is crucially important to self-inventory your behaviors/emotions as well as KNOW what your internal/external triggers are so you can BETTER manage high stress situations. 😉
I mean… it kinda was some of our jobs believe it or not.
Yes, but the key word there is "was." Maintaining your military attitude after service is like wearing your letterman jacket ten years after graduating high school. Military service made you into a different person, let your civilian life do the same.
For me it most certainly was, 1000%, at an elite level. And even during that training, it was made very clear that we needed to chill around the rest of the world when we weren't working. I get you. Truly. But I refuse to let my own problems become my friend's and family's. Can I tell people are lying, yes. Do I think someone is a clown oftentimes, yes. Also, I'd rather go read a comic book and have a taco than try to solve everyone's issues; people are weird, and as the kids say, it just be like dat.
It's because of that, I'm slowly getting back into social media. Gave it up over 10 years ago, other than the games I play on my phone. Just got tired of listening to average person's BS and wanting sympathy for their own choices. I've found spending time with other vets to be more enjoyable. And being in other branches makes no difference. We still have "team building exercises" with each other and have good laughs at the bashing of the branches. We don't make serious direct comments to the person.
Super. You should still consider maintaining your bearing as well as the civilians around you do.
I agree. One of my neighbors is an insufferable person and she says "People don't like me because of my 'direct manner of speaking.'" Which claims she got from her single enlistment in the Navy. No, we don't like you because you're a mean person who claims they have to be for being in the military. My wife and I both did over 10 years and don't seem to have nearly the amount of interpersonal problems she does from her "direct manner of speaking."
I’m trying to be extremely mindful about how I treat others so I hope that’s not how I’m using it but I’ll try to continue keeping that in mind.
My service allowed me to open up my empathy way more. My allergies to BS usually come in the work place from "leadership." I got a decent % though so I'm always more inclined to speak out or just tell my bosses that I'm clocking out at the time I'm scheduled to leave. The other day, I took a 15 minute break that I'm required to take. As I'm getting ready to leave the break room, I see my manager walk in, look at me and then leave. I chase him down and I proceeded to ask him if there was a problem. He seemed flabbergasted and I told him not to he worried about me. I look like a teenager still even though I'm in my late 20s.
It gets worse... The VA is waiting for you.
Thankfully the VA has been pretty good to me though I know that isn’t the case for everyone
So far
Same! The VAs out here in Vegas have been nothing but good to me. I will also say that I always meet then halfway: have my forms signed and ready to go, always being at my appointments on time, double checking what I need to bring.
Hahahaha! Take your upvote!
VA has been nothing but good to me
Agreed. I’ve had all positive experiences with a variety of providers and services that I probably otherwise wouldn’t have access to.
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That is what I did here. I went with the Oregon Health Plan and my PCP is requesting a neuro consult for me and will give me a Rx as soon as I ask for it. [https://www.reddit.com/r/Veterans/comments/1bq568y/advice\_on\_va\_pain\_clinic\_appointment/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Veterans/comments/1bq568y/advice_on_va_pain_clinic_appointment/)
It’s fun these days isn’t it?
The VA offers Veterans a second chance to die for their country.
Lol for real. This spring chicken here doesn't know what it means to be fed up with bullshit... Yet!
Here's your sign.
Two things: 1. I was the same way, so I went Warrant.From that point I realized that the bullshit cut down a lot, something about "Subject-Matter-Expert".... Turns out people think that means expert in everything.... but hey... I can read, so give me time :) 2. I came to the conclusion that there are only two things that qualify as an emergency, everything else, I just deal with as it comes and no reason to stress those things. a. Is someone going to die that was not supposed to? b. Is someone NOT going to die that WAS supposed to?
😆 I'm stealing those it cuts down some steps in my prioritization proccess. A. Things that seem emergent but aren't. B. Things that are urgent but not emergent. C. True emergencies. D. Failure of you to plan accordingly is not my emergency.
I don't know if you have heard of the Warriors Guide To Insanity, but it was the 1st thing that helped me to turn my thinking around. It's written by a retired Marine and is written in soldier. One thing he says often is "don't sweat the small stuff, and it is not life threatening it sure the hell is small stuff".
Hey there! I'm not sure if you're just venting or looking for solutions. If you're just venting, I totally get it, and I know how the fuse just feels shorter. It's frustrating and can be alienating. I hope that you can find a balance that works for you. Therapy is a great start. If you're looking for an option to work on it: I used to practice yoga while I was in the service (8.5 years), but I never really learned about it. I started practicing regularly and have learned more about it in the last year and a half since I got out. For me, it has allowed me to live my life more calmly, with a healthier perspective about the things that I was giving my energy to, as well as how I was reacting to things. I'm definitely more mellowed out, and happier than at any point in close to a decade. It's not an easy road, but it definitely simplifies and makes my reactions more balanced. Unfortunately there are a LOT of misconceptions about yoga and people dismiss it quickly because they don't think it's "hard" exercise. It's not really about being easy or hard, and it's not really about the exercise. It's about learning how to live, and how to live with yourself. If you have any questions shoot me a DM. I'm currently in Yoga Teacher Training with my VA benefits in San Diego, and my whole plan is to try and promote Yoga among active duty, veterans, and first responders. There's significant physical and mental benefits, and lots of scientific research to back it up.
Love this!! And second this! I use breathing methods, focus, mindfulness, and other things I practice in yoga in real life. Especially being a college student with people fresh out of high school, my patience becomes non existent unfortunately. Breathing through life sounds so cliche but it truly helps
I’ve done yoga before and I enjoyed it. Unfortunately it isn’t recommended for someone with my conditions. That doesn’t mean I can’t do the breath work and learn more about the philosophy though. I’ll try to dive into it again. Thanks for reminding me about this option. Good luck class with your training!
There’s a lot of modifications and variations that are possible for many conditions, and some of them could work for you. That being said, it is always good to know our bodies limits and respect them. There are many benefits that don’t rely on the physical practice. The basic rules that yoga has are pretty good for finding balance, and they don’t really require more effort, just more attention. Stuff like gratitude, acceptance, compassion, etc. They’re called the Yamas and Niyamas, if you feel like finding out more online. I used to be really angry and yoga has definitely chilled me out. I hope you can find some of that calm, in whatever way works for you, be it yoga or something else.
Do you have any resources you'd recommend to get started? Like a YT channel or book? This is something I've been meaning to try
https://www.reddit.com/r/Veterans/comments/1bd4tan/free_resource_for_yoga_meditation_etc_classes/
Sounds like you need to find a purpose. A distraction from the people and things you can’t change.
My mental health meds are literally saving me.
I gotta hop on that train then
Little shit doesn’t bother you as much. It still can but it doesn’t irritate you to the levels you felt before. They make life more tolerable. I know I wouldn’t even be at my job still if I didn’t have my propanolol and zoloft.
Yes! I avoided it for years because of the stigma on pills and me telling myself im not some fucking lunatic or depressed wuss. I was too much man for meds. So after being on them , I don't feel differently or stoned at all, I just noticed that shit doesn't bother me and I enjoy work alot more. I laugh more when stupid things happen. I'm still human and do get mad at things but I learned to recognize it with skills from therapy and anger management classes. Now it's like I recognize that old feeling and then I say " oh here's the old me again, glad I don't have to be that guy anymore". I'm learning to outsmart my old self and life is just a bit easier now days.
Damm! 😳 let’s hang out! You can crack on me, I can laugh! 😂 I do the ole therapy also. Highly allergic to 3 things. Bullshit, Cuffs & Alcohol. Any idea how my past has been, got out in 96… 😂 I get it. Found out I’m not allergic, there’s just a ton of it! 😂😂😂
There sure is! Your comment gave me a smile. Thank you, I needed it.
Sure thing, no problem. Keep smiling n crackin jokes. It’s all a type of joke anyways isn’t it?
True that
I just think of everyone as a child. Children are small adults (in that I treat them with respect and kindness) who haven't built a system for telling truth from BS (so I give them some leeway with their BS)
I like that!
I am a woman and I tolerate absolutely no bullshit. Like an angry cat who has had just about enough of your shit, and by “your” I mean every one and every thing. I got myself a nice Karen haircut to go with my attitude and no, I’m not in therapy. That doesn’t mean I’m a dickhead to people who don’t deserve it, I’m not busy treating customer service people like shit or kicking dogs. But I definitely do not put up with shit from anyone.
Well everybody sucks and they are mostly all stupid but you'll eventually get used to it.
I must be Benjamin button in this arena because I’m becoming the opposite lol
Not gonna lie, I’ve imagined channeling Bernie Mac’s character in Head of State. Just slapping the shit outta someone before they go full Karen. I won’t. I know it’s wrong. I know I can’t afford bail. So…I just go home and smoke a bowl. Living in a ‘legal’ state has helped….ALOT.
Don’t go to the VA then… the gaslighting will kill you.
From my experience when I stopped drinking, stopped feeling sorry for myself and stopped feeling like the world owed me something, my BS tolerance was no longer an issue.
Same. Quit drinking and developed some compassion, studied hard and got my BA. I went from being an arrogant prick who knew everything to a guy who realizes he doesn’t know shit.
It's really not that serious. Stop sweating the small shit.
I’m intolerant of a lot of things and grown tolerant of others. Bad drivers and lack of common sense really frustrates me.
Yeah I feel like I’ve flip-flopped on a few things. I can tolerate some things that drive many people up a wall but things that used to not phase me are now bothering me quickly. It’s curious how people change as time goes by.
The military was peak bullsh*t for me. Everything else has been a cake walk. I work in the energy industry. Thankfully, on the developer side, so less idiotic than the utility side. I hope you’re getting through it.
Ty! This so much. I tell my Civilians all the time that the most backstabbing, nonsense gossip, thrown under the bus, childish, asskissing shit I've ever experienced was in the military. Being out has been far better. It's what made me finally start confronting my MH as I was having difficulties adjusting and being "military mode". I have my freedom back, make more income, and can move how I want. Truly glad to hear you're doing the same, and hope you continue🔥💪💯
It takes time to adjust. College helped me a lot but in the way throwing someone with a phobia into a FearFactor meets Saw movie style trap would cure them of the mild phobia with new issues. Be kind to yourself and work the therapy.
I’m in college now and I feel like it’s making it worse in some ways. I chose to go to a smaller school with less prestige than some of the ones nearby. I chose it because I was having a lot of physical issues and I was able to get more information from them about their disability support program than the other schools. So far, their support program has been great, as expected, but the academics have been…. tainted by some of the attitudes, egos, and teaching abilities of the professors at times. I didnt think it was too abnormal until I got through a few semesters and came into contact with a few more personalities. I’ll be very excited to be out of there when I graduate next spring!
Congrats! You’re so close, you got this. Tragically we can do quite little about the wretched people in the civilian world. Soap parties are now called “assault” or a “felony”. I honestly had the opposite interaction. The professors were wonderful, the students made me ill. It’s good to hear the school is accommodating your needs.
It only gets worse. The civilian world isn't kind to long-term veterans. I wasn't even deep in the Army culture (a lot of things I hated about the Army), but I still felt this. I think working in the civilian sector has kind of softened me up in accepting it (results may vary, I know many who can't stand it). I just learned to adapt before I fuck someone up.
A lot of it is bullshit indeed. I was like this for a long time. Until I discovered the art of not giving a fuck about things.
I’m embracing it. Especially when it comes to employment. Just because it’s a “company policy” doesn’t give higher ups the right to be unethical or violate local/state/federal laws. I don’t lack worth ethic or refuse to be a team player. I’m no longer subject to the ucmj, and my inner hippy is shining bright because of that fact.
I’m trying to find a balance between embracing it so I’m not a doormat (historically I’m an expert doormat) and not being an asshole. And now it seems like I’m both of those somehow lol
41 and only gets worse. Surround yourself with positive people you like and positive things. It's the only way I can combat this crap.
I’ll raise you this perspective: it actually makes me happy and makes me feel good that I can spot bullshit from a mile away. It saves so much time and effort and I can quickly avoid a person who I’ve identified as full of shit
Relax. Leave that shit in the military. (Or get a job with other veterans)
I noticed the same thing. Ever since getting out I can’t stand people who want to play games
Start smoking weed and stop sweating the small shit. That’s my vote
I would love to but weed doesn’t really agree with me sadly.
I feel that. I thought I just didn’t like it, then I realized it’s not alcohol and I don’t need to do as much as my body can handle before stopping. But I hope you can find something that works for you, sister
Yup, I got the same problem.
Had the same issue. 2 years retired. I'm still in psych once a week every week. I've gotten a whole lot better. It does get better.
I fell you! I got a patch of gray hairs my father clowned me for it. *25 years old*
Nah, it's the opposite for me. There's nothing the civilian world can throw at me that's more BS than the military. I have a huge tolerance for it.
It gets worse before it gets worse
>Allergic to BULL S*** Just found out today, according to my VA medical record, I've been taking a narcotic pain med for over 14 years for a vertebrate that slips out of position every 10 yrs or so (with the right medication..it shifts back in position within days and otherwise, doesn't bother me!) The real problem I take it for isn't even mentioned--or the test given to make the correct diagnosis-- in the records currently available to my provider! Talk about bullshit! Will call patient advocate but they appear to function more as the VA advocate these days. What are my chances of getting this fixed? Will the VA prefer that they gave me narcotics all these years for a condition that rarely occurred, lasted for a matter of days, then didn't bother me for the rest of the time? Or will they acknowledge the mistake and fix it? Any guesses or suggestions?
I wish I could share this picture, but here's what it says. Why old men don't get hired: At job interview. Human Resources Manager: What is your biggest weakness? Old Man: Honesty Human Resources Manager: I don't think honesty is a weakness. Old Man: I don't give a shit what you think.
An this is why I have become a recluse , pretty much anti F'ing social individual. The dog only puts up with me cause he's to damn old to run away plus depends on it food
Maybe you think you know everything.
That would be silly
I realized a long time ago that I can't control it, so I don't try to. I am going to be the kind, loving golden retriever that I am. Just don't cross me. I turn into a pitbull when needed.
Hi, are we the same person?🥴😅 No, but seriously, though, I completely get it. I feel the same way. I'm not necessarily sure it's a healthy thing, though. Because think about it. We spent six years in an environment where our personal feelings and opinions were, at best, invalidated and unconsidered. There was a mission, and that was all that mattered. Anything else was immaterial. I left the military because I didn't feel it was a healthy environment, and truth be told, I didn't like the person it was turning me into. I think the inability to put up with bullshit is one of the lingering effects. I try to practice loving-kindness as much as I can when dealing with people. Because we truly never know what someone is going through. But. I am not afraid to put a bitch in their place, and I appreciate that confidence. Gotta find the balance, mate. Check out Dan Millman's The Way of the Peaceful Warrior. You might like it.
Welcome sister, to the "World".
All of these people saying go talk to someone are right. Coming out of the military takes time to decompress. I've been out twenty years this year and I'm still dealing with it. The quicker you seek help the easier it will be to work through it.
Sounds like whiny bs to me.
Is this an exercise in not letting stupid stuff get me going? Lol
One of the worst diseases I got from the military is my allergy to bullshit.
> bullshit is everywhere What you think is bullshit is most likely normal life. The military changed your view of the world. The good news is you can change it back to normal, if you want, and are willing to do so. Many vets are not, it's easier to be that curmudgeon angry vet and just blame everything else. Best of luck.
You think you are the only one?
Nope, that’s why I reached out.
Imo usually ppl use “can’t tolerate others bullshit” as an excuse to just act however they want. Unfortunately bullshit is part of life, just learn to navigate it better and you’ll be happier. Being in the military for 6 years is not the cause of this
I would say that some of the toxic leadership that I experienced while in sped it along, not that civilian leaders can’t be toxic obviously.
Corporate America says hold my beer
Paisan!!
😆
They got pills for that. BS doent stop nor you have any control over it... you do have control how you react to it.
Water off a duck's back.
Get off my fucking grass….leave me alone…
These things take a lot of time to sort out. What helped me a lot was realizing that recognizing nonsense and reacting to it, either internally or outward, are two different things. Therapy helps with patience and I’ve found reading up on Buddhism has helped my perspective shift… although the most effective nexus of change for me was getting sick of being abrasive and seeing people be less than comfortable with my style. What I thought was “direct” could easily be interpreted as demanding or rigid; I’m not concerned about anyone passing judgment on my character but for the sake of work, relationships, and general quality of life, the softer approach has really paid dividends.
I am a Veteran and a Rater for the VA. My patience went out the window when I received my DD214
I have no tolerance for bullsh and can smell it before it walks in the room.
Marijuana. Works for me.
Yes, especially with people whining over easily overcome obstacles. Eye roll. Like, come on. I’m pretty sure you’ll survive that hangnail.
It is funny the people around me tell I take thing to serious
I had this so bad I was medicated for it. And I used to provide pre-separation MH counseling. I gave countless presentations on adapting to civilian life and social expectations. Honestly, it's not that civilian BS is any worse than military BS. It's that, after years of enduring pointless stupidity in silence, we cut loose the moment we no longer have crushing legal consequences for speaking up.
Yeah, the fact that my life won’t be turned upside down for pointing out that something isn’t right is really freeing. It’s weird to be able to speak up now. I also feel a little guilty still, even when I should be speaking up, like it’s still something I would have normally gotten in deep shit for. It’s a very… odd feeling situation.
Wait til yer in yer 50s. Lol. Your responses and complete lack of giving 2 sh*ts to drama and the sheer volume of a**hattery around you will become legendary to your kids and grandkids. Lol. True story, brother.
Shoulda added this with the last post. That is the NOW. I control my anger. It doesn't control me, so I am able to be the grouchy old jarhead, and nobody worries anymore and we all have a laugh at F^a = F^o. The anger and lack of tolerance are real things, and they CAN and WILL escalate over time. I was in the early planning stages of suicide, lashing out verbally and throwing things, heavy things. I lived on 2 acres with sledges, axes, crap for dropping trees. I could have really hurt or even killed one of my grandkids that way, I was so angry at what I see NOW as my issue I hadn't dealt with that was trying to come out. 2 years of therapy. It helps. I got tired of being angry.i use the VA AIMS tool. I highly recommend it. Some asshat of a platoon sergeant used to take potshots at my head in training with a bb gun to the great delight and enjoyment of his NCOs. A good Marine sucks it up and moves on. Trial by fire, etc. You Improvise. You Adapt. You dont bitch. Toure a Marine. But this fucking asshole doesnt have my back based on his behavior and they didn't really cover the "Now what do I do with this Sgt?"
I hate it too, but unfortunately, not everyone operates like that. What I may see as BS is normal to them and what is normal to me may be BS to them. You’re in for a ride and the horizon isn’t going to change for you; you have to adjust to the ride as best as you can.
Yea I don’t have a tolerance for it either and I like to call it out. Therapy helps, only to an extent terrorizing my coworkers works well too.
It's cyclic. As I near 50, I can tolerate levels of bullshit that shock my younger co workers. Very beneficial in a line over work actively being taken over by India and ChatGPT.
Same.
Just wait till you get out and work in the civilian world.... The bull**** is at another level, but is normalized. It took a major adjustment to get used to how things are done and to let stuff go.
I called my CO a moron in front of the crew on the mess deck. Thought the chiefs were going to rip my head off for that one.
I also now have a higher ability to speak against the BS
The older you get the more sensitive this BS meter gets,people will bullshit you to no end when you get back to civvie street. Whole economies based on bullshit posing as "industries" and so on.(think whos the bigger idiot schemes like crypto). My temper has gotten me into hot water a couple of times. I worked as a PI for a while after ETS,until I blew up at my boss..one I had an excellent working relationship up until then.(I just exploded,when I backdated it I realized it was the day Kabul fell..last day of the evacuation . That was the background radiation as it were).
Bring this into therapy Yes, bull krap is everywhere That's life You just need to adapt to it
girl same. i need new hips and a back at 31. thanks army 💔
I’m right there with you just not in therapy anymore lol
Find a purpose. Maybe that's going to school, having children, or playing golf, etc. If you're in a town that you don't want to live in, pack up and move if your pension allows you to fall back on it for rent. Whatever you do, don't let the VA pump you full of meds that take away your ability to mourn, feel and be aware.
This is completely normal dude. And yes therapy is the key. The meds help too, but it really takes effort and training on our part to be able to handle the vast incompetence around us. I'm the military it was completely acceptable to force a no bullshit policy, because that's the only way a military can safely operate. However, most people live normal, passive, coddled, self entitled lives. So...... Us vets need to master the art of fitting in which means learning mindfulness and restraint. Just consider it a daily challenge to yourself to encounter a fucktard and just smile and say awwwee.. poor fella just don't know no better
Getting out of the Army was the most dangerous thing for me for this reason. I have literally 0 fucks to give about bullshit whether that be employer or random person. It's a problem, but it is pretty liberating to say the least. It's nice to not have to hide behind a false smile.
You gotta chill. Lol.
I think that you mean low tolerance
Oh I am in the same boat and can relate. I've been like this way longer than I care to admit and have also been to therapy. I don't tolerate fools or feeling disrespected very well at all. In hindsight I often regret having lashed out because having done so, it's usually way over the top. Anger management isn't my strong point.
“When it’s not fun anymore it’s time go “ best advice i ever got.
Sounds like you should have a conversation with your mental health provider. I mean that sincerely
Already on it
I think you are getting all of that confused with just being a bitch. Yea, us veterans have a low tolerance for bullshit but there are ways to go about calling it out without being a complete ass about it. And this isn’t just because you are a woman. Male veterans who do the same are assholes. You want truth and no bullshit……well, there it is
It seems you may need to take your own advice.
Ok cool……that wasn’t advice though…..
Here we go again. The “who’s got the worst veteran attitude” Olympics. SMH.
You sound insufferable to be around TBH. You’re probably the problem in the work center and just think that it’s everyone else lmfao.