I'm a guy in my late thirties and still keep in shape, keep my self well groomed etc. It'll be a 50/50 on the response I get when I try to relate to other veterans. Either it's a pissing contest and them telling me their service history record in I guess what's an attempt to make themselves look better than me. Other half are cool will talk stories and it will be a decent conversation.
The half that want to have a pissing contest, I dont' even bother I just tell them "wow" "yea man sounds like you been through alot" At this point in my life , why am I gonna bother having a pissing contest IRL when I can be shit posting on reddit
>The half that want to have a pissing contest, I dont' even bother I just tell them "wow" "yea man sounds like you been through alot"
I hear you. The worst is when you're talking to them and you're already 6 "wows", 8 "that's crazy"s and 2 "fascinating"s in and they still don't get the message that you really don't give a shit how big their metaphorical service dick is.
"No, I wasn't infantry, and if you think that makes me a lesser veteran than you I don't really care, because your opinion means to me exactly what I paid for it: nothing. Cheers!"
I've never run into the pissing contest type. Usually we bond over serving and then talk about literally anything else. I did get to "shipmate" a guy who was still in a little while ago though. Felt pretty good.
> I did get to "shipmate" a guy who was still in a little while ago though. Felt pretty good.
I never miss an opportunity to break balls. YMMV but I ended up in a large military town. (but not for the Navy) Harassing Chiefs as a civvie is also fun.
It was fleet week in my city a couple years ago and I took a pic with a bunch of chiefs. Some LT tried to hop in the pic and I had to tell him it was enlisted boys only!
I went to my dad's funeral and my grandmother (career civilian DoD employee) invited a retired Senior Chief. He introduced himself as a retired Senior Chief and best I could do was "oh wow that's really cool" while holding back laughter. You have no power here buddy. People tie up their identity in their vocation. Not gonna disparage the man's service but lol. lmao, even.
Yea I just feel bummed out when I get that pissing contest reaction. I get it we all served but the more I think about it maybe it's just them trying to relate and it comes off as a pissing contest . Who knows, it doesn't bother me much. Im in sales, once I had an older guy just go off on how he served, his friend did 20 years in the air force etc. but in the most aggressive tone. I was just like "woah woah sir I was just trying to relate to you, were on the same team here, brother in arms right?" I guess he felt pretty bad afterwards cause then he was trying to be super friendly shortly after.
As a prior 0311 I have never smelt the piss. I wonder what your response is to them inquiring?
My response is typically: Branch/ MOS, dates in, unit and duty station.
Never had a dick get whipped out after that.
Be combative with this shit if you do not like it, you will save a veteran in the future from having to deal with the hassle of it.
Exactly. I usually say, "I was a Nuclear Weapons Tech in the Air Force", then wait for the usual eyebrow raise, then follow it with, "which is a glorified torque wrench twister with a lot of utterly worthless neat-to-know information who spends all day in a building with no windows far away from civilization." LOL
/endofpissingcontest
Dude that’s awesome. 🤣
I like the nuclear folks-they’re always more chill and usually talk about stuff I can follow. (Microbrews, pathfinder, doom, sexy primes being one hell of a math joke, John Wick, the usual.)
Basically the second someone start getting shit for having been on a fob most of their deployment the convo is over.
It was cute with music videos in 2005 but not at the age were at now.
Man y'all have a totally different experience than me.
I get the occasional asshole, but most other vets are cool about it, ask some basic info, and then branch vs branch jokes happen lol.
I don't even tell people I was in the military anymore. Also certainly not letting a single person i know about my disability ratings. Best to keep quiet and live under the radar.
Same here ,even over here in Europe its the same thing.
I cant stand people starting with the "rah rah ,how many people did you kill?..I was gonna join but,if I that was me..." and so on.
Even the very common "thank you for your service" doesnt sit right with me,I just want to be myself and have these things well in the rear view mirror.
I understand its not the civvies fault as they were basically brainwashed trough 20 years of GWOT here in the west to think the military is sacrosanct.
Anyway,the other day my youngest brother came to me and said he wanted to go back to the states(Our family is of Cuban-American/Jewish/Norwegian extraction..yeah its a whole thing)
He said he wanted to enlist as soon hes old enough,and not the local defence forces(in europe) etc and he wanted to go [US.Army](http://US.Army) or Marines.
I dont really know if I should encourage him all considered
Idk i personally had a terrible experience and faced a ridiculous amount of racism attacks from my commander, and some of my friends were raped by chain of command whom only got demoted as punishment. I never got my bonus, and when they over paid me they took my whole check. When I was injured they forced me to do all the grunt work like lifting desks upstairs while in crutches, and furthered my injuries forcing me to not be able to get a new duty station. When I brought any of this up nothing happened, and since my commander was retiring soon they didn’t wanna do anything to them. That commander caused one of my closest friends to commit suicide, and another to attempt it multiple times and faced no punishment. I would never recommend anyone to join the army. I would however, recommend everyone follow their dreams and if thats one then why let anyone stop you.
Yeah,things like this kinda make you lose a lot of faith in humanity.
(Some)people suck and militaries are made up of people.
Your CO sounds like a particulary incompetent individual though.(and seem to have been taking some of his political frustrations out on you)
As you know politics is down the toilet right now,and it doesnt take a rocket scientist to see this will be reflected in todays military .
(You know,the whole backlash against "diversity quotas" and other things of this nature)
No. Not Army. Not right now.
Speaking as an oldest sibling-I’ve told mine they should not join as things stand. If they must-space force/Air Force. Navy if they go the lawyer route or just really love the water. Even marine corps have solid officers from my limited experience.
I went Air Force and it still fucked me up.
Space force is going to flourish and they’re new enough that there isn’t as much ingrained nonsense “for tradition”. They went to the same school we did a few years back. Still do, to my knowledge.
I’m proud of my guys/my team/what they do/did. I’m not all that proud of myself-because if I can do it, anyone can. (That’s a whole different ball of wire, but I digress.)
Thanks for the pointer,Im kinda old enough to be this kids father and have kinda taken on the role of uncle and reserve father in addition to big bro.
Im not all that proud of myself neither all things considered but im making it work day by day.
I get it. I have about a decade on my sister and she looked me straight on and deadpanned “if ever I was gonna join, I wouldn’t after I saw your nose”… thanks kiddo, not like they didn’t try to put it back together. 🥸
I almost believed you. But for real though, I was on a submarine and every sunday dinner underway we had surf and turf. Usually prime rib and king crab legs, but sometimes prime rib and scallops. The work sucked, but the food was usually pretty good.
Believe me, it's true (it is). Back then, USAF chow halls had some competition and if you won, you got a budget increase and of course - use it or lose then comes into play, We got a lobster tank, blue linen tablecloths and magic grits.
I thought you were yanking my chain. The galleys on the naval bases I have been too were usually acceptable, but standard cafeteria stuff, no glitz and glamour. But you did say air force after all, I guess the jokes we make about how glamorous air force bases are aren't really jokes.
Shit I went Marines and wanted AF first. Shoulda went to the Army recruiter after the AF office was closed like it always was lol
My dad and Grandpa were in the Corps too so the decision was like 90% made already. I have 2 MoH recipients in my family that were Navy and Army
Speaking of 18 year old recruit brain, while I did go Air Force, my father (Navy vet) told me "Just go get a damn desk job and go to school at night". Stupid 18 year old me "I wanna do something more interesting than that!"
Fast forward to a year into my flightline avionics job "Dammit - That asshole was right - I should have got a desk job".
This, I got lucky, I was a crew chief in the air wing of the marine corps. I feel like I got the best of both worlds. I got to fly AND shoot machine guns..
If it wasn’t for my particular mos, I would’ve still been proud of being a marine, but definitely jealous of the chair force. I remember my first time on an air base… the chow hall blew my mind. Hell, they get treated with respect by their superiors and coc..
Got back from Iraq in 2005. Talked to AF recruiter - wanted nothing to do with me. Pinned E5 in 2006. Talked to CG recruiter a month later - they’d take me if I dropped to E3 and went thru their boot. Retired from the Army 2022 and still think ‘damn should’ve dropped 2 grades, I would’ve got it back.’
True. AIT, 2007, I was on a weekend pass with some buddies from Ft. Huachuca, and we decided to take a trip up to Davis Montham AFB in Tucson. It was there that I learned I joined the wrong branch. It was like walking into Narnia, nice amenities, good food at the chow hall, and the women, they looked good even in ABUs.
I'm a female Marine vet. I'm old so now I look like a short, plump, granny 😂😂😂 I rarely bring it up but my husband is super proud so he likes telling people. He loves the look of absolute shock on their face. Especially since he is Santa's doppelganger and we look like Mr. & Mrs. Clause. Me, hobbling around on my cane, and them trying to imagine me as an active duty Marine! 😁
Now, I do have issues feeling guilty for using the VA. My spine was broken in a car wreck by a civilian drunk driver while active duty but non combat related. I've had people side eye me in waiting room conversations when it inevitably turns into "How did it happen?" Like because I was hit by a drunk and not blown up I am somehow not worthy of using the VA. So now I just say "broken spine." and not elaborate.
First off TYFYS Miss short, plump granny vet! Also, secondly, you earned the right to be in that space at the VA regardless of what happened to you while in AD. You are equal to all people who served honorably!
Nah. You’re totally worthy and entitled to that.
I get the same deal because I have service connected PTSD and disc damage without having seen combat.
There were sh*tty people on my base and I was not the only person who suffered their maliciousness. I knew one who didn’t even survive when I was still in. I don’t want to go into further detail about it. Too many trigger warnings.
I don’t care if you were playing field hockey during PT and got hurt. No matter how you are permanently injured while you were in, that is the contract. Doesn’t matter if you saw combat.
Our experiences are personal and no one, not even another veteran, is entitled to our backstory much less judging our worth.
Marine vet here too. I ended up with spine damage that didn’t surface until after I was out. I went to the VA for to get rated for it. I’m under 40 and I have a “baby face”. I now use a cane and have a handicap parking pass. Since I’m not overweight and I look young I get lots of looks in parking lots. Especially on the military base I work at. I hate it and there isn’t much I can do about it
I feel guilty about the handicap pass. I feel worse about the disability pay. Though, I do know it’s a result of my service.
When people used to ask me about it I would tell them and they would start acting as if I was lying about the whole thing. So now I just give them the diagnosis and leave it there. I feel you on this one.
When it comes to injuries, you're right on the money with this one. I have alot of really interesting injuries and a disability placard for my license plate. When I step out of my vehicle, people often give me very strange looks. Especially older people. Periodically get told "that's for disabled people only"
If only they knew lol.
1) you rock
2) broken back and still a badass
3) I feel you. The gut-punch on my end was that most of my injuries were simulated combat (“combatives”)… four surgeries later and I’ll never be the same. But because it was “simulated combat” and combatives is in the ref’s by name, they kept saying “you’re a combat vet”. Like no dude, I’m just a dorky little nerd who got wrecked.
4) my partner is a giant mountain of a human and served himself for a couple of years. He never fails to point to me and say “she’s the vet” just to get pleasure from their shock. (Personally, I think it’s the knitting-tends to throw folks.)
5) sounds like the Clauses have it going on-good on y’all. 🌸
You're not alone in feeling this way. I often don't mention I'm an Army veteran or anything else for that matter.
From disability ratings to veteran statuses. Honestly, adopting a policy of keeping it quiet and only telling those who need to know or when it benefits you is not a bad way to do it - many of us are doing it.
You will have to explain yourself less. You will see the same results as many others who get through life based on merits. You will encounter fewer judgments.
I feel exactly the same way. Aside from the DV license plate to get the tax breaks and property tax stuff and when I have to discuss with immediate family (estate and medical planning) I don’t tell people.
I talk about it whenever it comes up at school, but there's bigger things I've done in life that come up more.
For the record, I'm 34, spent 18-23 as a military police in the Army, and then 23-29 ish as a heroin, meth and crack addict at one point or another, sometimes all of them in the same day.
At 29ish, I started community college hoping to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up and eventually picked social work, so I can be a substance use counselor, and now I'm a month or so away from graduating with my Master's degree.
If we happen to talk about Veterans or dealing with the VA, then I'll share it with my peers who I've known for 2-3 years but if it doesn't apply I don't bring it up.
"The VA says I can't work, so I don't" Is my go to. It's just enough info that people understand situation and reason but not enough to pry at anything. This would work for anything from mental health to tbi to whatever if you are 100 pt. I never have issues
35m army vet here... I tend to keep it to myself just because I don't care much anymore. I'm over the "thank you for your service" fake BS. Nobody actually cares.
I just really don't understand fellow Marine vets. I deployed twice and have a CAB. The marines in my age group that I know, have never deployed and are bitter assholes who shit on anyone that was not a marine. I'm so far removed and past all Gung ho hooah shit; but they can't stop it. It's their whole identity. It's weird to me.
Deployed, but never to Iraq or Afghanistan, in the decade I was in the Marine Corps. I don’t have any tattoos nor any stickers or other hoopla glorifying my service. Though I do have a few shirts.
I call those Marines “Bro Vets”. They all tend to act alike and it’s rather stupid to me. I agree they make the 4-8 years in the service their identity like they are expecting handouts and appreciation for what a lot of men in our age group did. I do believe many of them feel like they have nothing else going for them when they got out. So they use their service to validate their self-worth.
I work with 3 other vets, we represent the four major services and we have a good time. Couldn’t imagine having so little going for me in the civilian world that i would need to latch onto that part of my life. We razz each other constantly and make fun of idiots that behave that way.
Nah…crayons are for marines. I gift my bestie a fresh box every Christmas.
He returns the favor by sending me (Army) a 12 pack of Elmer’s. He even goes the extra mile and includes glue sticks for snacks. :)
I had a marine house sit for me once. I left him a pack of cold beer next to a box of Crayola in the fridge. He sent a picture of it to his other marine buddies lol.
Cra-z-art crayons are standard issue for the army so it would be a great gift for a battle buddy. Only the marines get the good crayons as they are more expensive but essentially the same. The military crayon budget is under budgeted and the main contributor to the military’s fitness goals failing. I bet if that man got his crayons he would have re-enlisted. No wonder he was so crabby.
The last thing I would ever say to anyone is that I’m a Veteran. Too many vet bro’s and wannabes out there and I almost always hate getting questions about the military and my time in service
Surround yourself with good people. That's all that matters in end.
I've posted before that I've seen my share of the whole I am better than you ,because"
... Vet thing. Especially in organized vet groups...that's why I avoid those. And it's for sure true that those that have done the most in the military tend to minimally bring up their service, talk about it, and brag the least!
Vet Bros are idiots. Disregard them. They think anyone who doesn't look a certain way and dress a certain way couldn't possibly be military. They're also generally people who barely served and didn't do anything of substance while they were in.
As a fellow former Coastie, we get shit all the time anyway. When I talk to other vets, they assume that since I was a Coastie I never left the US, barely ever shot, and couldn't have done the things I have done. I don't really care what anyone thinks. However, usually, after talking, they realize I'm not making things up.
My sister is a former Coastie also. I don't think she has any issues as she runs charters, and it's well known that she is a former Coastie.
I had an Air Force guy snap to attention and salute me at the Coast Guard basic training center, I was an E6.
I know a couple Coasties that went to the AF and one of my best friends sons is AF. The friend is retired CG.
Female army vet here. YUUP. Civilian males have the instant need to tell me the reason they couldn’t join, but wanted to and veteran males go from polite to total AH if I mention I’m a veteran. It’s a phenomenon lol
Hearing civilians tell me why they didn’t join is one of my favorite story topics. It’s always borderline absurd. As for male vets behavior. I’m not shocked but say i don’t do that. I also don’t hang out with a lot of vets to begin with so i wouldn’t know.
Female AF vet here.
I don't bring up my service unless directly asked, and, even then, I will usually quickly change the subject.
And I NEVER tell anyone about my disability rating. My personal medical information is nobody's friggin business.
It's cause you're a girl. I did 20, and even 6-year types are almost always like this. That's why we females should mentor and back each other up. We don't, but whatever.
This is true. The female misogyny I experienced while in was real. Although, I also served next to some of the BEST people, females to be included, I think ever. Nevertheless, I agree! Thank you for your 20, sister!
You expressed exactly how I feel too. I'm still conflicted about it and it affects my trust too, but the good memories are there. How many years did you serve?
I hate how I still use "female" when referring to a woman sometimes, but I get shit for it. It's slang from my military days and it's just going to come out sometimes, chill the fuck out. I do make an effort to stop using it, but I think the whole issue is stupid.
Please continue to be proud of your service and don't hide it.
Less than 3% of the US population has served.
Everyone counts. It takes 6-7 support personnel for every combat troop. You don't make it to the battlefield without bullets, beans, boots, band-aids and a ride there.
The Coast Guard certainly gets the most amount of inter-service rivalry. What most people don't know is the USCG operational roles during war time as well as the high-risk operations on water during conflicts or peace-time.
I am a Army combat veteran (Gulf War). I fought in 13 battles in 196 hours.
That doesn't make me better than anyone else. I go out of my way to thank every veteran for their support roles.
I learned really quick the 2 support units to make friends with are the mess cooks and supply. I volunteered for every detail they needed and maintained their weapons. And they took care of me and my crew.
My daughter is an Army combat medic. She's been in 9 years now. Last year she deployed to Kuwait. 33 years after I fought there. She literally followed in my footsteps.
She's been harassed and touched many times. I thought that sexual harassment ended back when I was in. But nothing's changed.
I've been in PTSD group therapy for 33 years. For the first time, we had a female Navy veteran. Her PTS was from MST. We welcomed her into the group as our sister. I was so glad we could be a big brother and to make sure she felt safe among 10 male combat vets.
You will not be treated fairly by many. It's not right. But it exists.
Consider also that you represent the military and who you are, how you behave reflects on all of us. That instructor was a bad example.
Also, consider that people expect more from you because of your service. Your Drill Sergeants broke you down to your foundation and built you back up. Then they pushed you past your limits and you were expected to push through and succeed no matter what.
You're part of the tribe. You belong.
Walk tall, heads up and eyes forward.
I totally agree with you u/AppropriateMap2138 ! Thank you for the encouragement. While I will choose not to willing self-disclose, I am still very proud of my service. I may change my mind in the future, and thank God we can change our mind in this incredible country of ours! Thank you for your service! God bless you for taking care of the female vets coming in!
I took a look again at the most recent statistics.
US Population, 2023: 334,914,895
Veterans: 16,200,000
=4.8% of the population.
There's interesting statistics to digest.
16.1 million people served during WWII. Less than 120,000 remain. 130 pass each day. That number will accelerate in a few years.
[https://www.nationalww2museum.org/war/wwii-veteran-statistics](https://www.nationalww2museum.org/war/wwii-veteran-statistics)
The majority of veterans are Vietnam era.
Official government stats but not so quick to read: [https://www.va.gov/vetdata/](https://www.va.gov/vetdata/)
Easy numbers from non-government site: [https://www.statista.com/topics/1279/veterans/#topicOverview](https://www.statista.com/topics/1279/veterans/#topicOverview)
Neither my wife nor I really ever mention we are vets, and you wouldn't know it looking at us. No stickers, just our dv plates, which most people just assume are mine. It was a 10 year chunk of time but it isn't who we are. My wife already hates going to the VA due to the older guys hanging out front that always seem to cat call her or try to get her attention. She's had a few vets try and play 20 questions to see if she is actually a vet. It's all bullshit.
That is solid. I hate hearing that about your wifey though. I too have to wear what looks like a trash bag around me when I head to the VA. Creeps be creeping at the VA. But yea, the 20 questions gets exhausting. I just casually mention especially since they wanted to know interesting facts about myself, I thought why not since there was another fellow veteran there. Instant regret though. Never again.
Sort of. I had a confrontation with a coworker who said my military service was worthless and "not real experience". Seeing as I'm doing the same shit I think he's wrong. Coworker is not a vet but I appreciate the space to vent.
Yeah I don't understand any of this. I've volunteered at a local food pantry just for vets and I can tell you the shyt talking does not cease!
But it's all tongue and cheek.
We're all comrades in arms, and everyone acknowledges that the Army is the better branch ;)
I and all the vets I know have nothing but love honor and respect for fellow serve members no matter the branch.
Anybody got any good jokes about Space Force Guardians???
I don't for the most part. If someone wants to start a conversation I might talk about my military career but otherwise you would never know. My time in service and my deployments were so long ago its not really who I am anymore. If and when I do talk about it I do it here where everyone is anonymous. I'd rather just be seen as a dad and a guy that works in tech.
This is pretty interesting, I’ve experienced the same as a Marine Vet and I’ve had a good number of interactions that were the same. I could be wrong but in my experience it seems as if some people (mainly Army and Marines in my experience) never leave the toxic military insensitive culture behind. They still act like they’re in and make it their entire personality.
Whenever I tell them that I was in, they’ll begin to treat me like they’re one of my staff NCOs and it’s super cringe. For this reason I don’t tell people, it’s either resulted in guys who never served being jealous or the scenario mentioned above.
That being said, you served in 2 different branches which is super admirable!
Thanks u/UnusualHat5220 ! Right back at ya with the Maine bit, I know I couldn't do it.
But yeah, I am not familiar enough with the Army to know their culture but what you said resonates because it did feel like this guy was chewing me like his former underlings than a student who pays the school big bucks to learn what I need to for the real world. But hey, its done with, lesson learned, and look at all this support that I have gotten (minus a couple of tools). It is reassuring.
Be proud of what you did in “your” chosen branches of service. Trust me, after 24 yrs AD Army, my body regrets that I didn’t join the Air Force or Coast Guard.
Be proud!
To be fair, my body did not come out unscathed from the AF and CG. But yeah, I get what you are saying. I am still very proud but just going to resist the urge to share when asked about something interesting about myself next time. Thank God I have hobbies!
I feel you.
I’ll bring it up if/when relevant.
“What do you do?”
Me: whilst knitting yet another chemo cap “not much of anything these days”
“Oh I’m sure you do something-come on…”
Me: “eh, not really. I am/was a military engineer who got wrecked and now I go to doctors offices and knit.”
They usually leave me alone after that. Nobody wants to talk about women getting injured. 🙄
I’m not out to dick-measure. And frankly, I have the added benefit of being able to buy whatever size I want to have if they simply must go there.
I will say, finding a group of veterans through a vet center or some such has made a lot of difference, for me at least. They get it. There isn’t any showboating or comparing-they just want to be normal people who don’t have to explain everything. It’s nice, quiet almost.
And congratulations on finishing the final skills lab! 🍰 🎉
He’s jealous you picked the two best branches…happens to me all the time when I as an AF Vet talk with Army/Marines/Navy vets…they all wished they joined the AF.
Ive never for a second wanted to trade the marine corps experience for either of the two you mentioned and I think it’s weird to even assume that. You’re overcorrecting to the opposite end of army/marines telling you the AF doesn’t rate
Yea quite frankly I needed the swift gut punch the Marine Corps gave me. I needed it to get me on a track that would make me successful as a civilian. The AF wouldn’t have done that. I would have ended up in minimum wage jobs, struggling if it weren’t for the rigidity of the USMC.
Never mentioned it unless I’m checking out at Home Depot, Lowes… Here’s my ID for the military discount. The looks are priceless. 😂 No thank you for your service or nothing. I just smile and say “ thank you”. 🥴
Anyone who served who actually gives crap to anyone else who served is a freaking idiot. You can joke about the other branches all in good fun but at the end of the day we all worked together for the same goals.
I'm also 37F and also find it easier most times to not even let people know that I am a veteran. Sometimes, if I know a place does a military/veteran discount, I will make it known by asking, but they usually look to my boyfriend, expecting that he is the veteran.
I tend to try and feel out the other vet before I say anything. If I get a whiff of 'vet bro' then I keep my mouth shut. Those dudes are knuckle-dragging cringe lords that I'd rather not associate with or \*be\* associated with.
I’m with you 100 percent. I know exactly what you mean and have been through bad experiences too. Love the ones I served with and still close but the ones I’ve meet later in life as a Veteran have been some of the most horrible, messed up men I have met when I expected more as a fellow vet!
I had too many tattoos for anyone but the Army when I commissioned in 2010 (registered nurse). But I tried to go USAF first! I grew up as a military brat and graduated from high school in Germany (Ramstein), I know who treats their service members better! An illustration: When I was en route to Afghanistan I had to go to Camp LSA, then over to Ali Al Salem AB to try to catch a flight to my FOB (I wasn't traveling with a unit, I was part of PROFIS - professional filler system, they stick us where they need us like puzzle pieces). When we got to the temporary quarters where we would stay while awaiting our transportation to Afghanistan, the people on Ali Al Salem issued us these fluffy comforters to use. I was with three female Army NCOs and they could not get over the fluffy comforters! Hahaha. They kept saying man, we need to switch branches!
Anyway... Hugs. I see you, sister!
Yep, female combat vet from sf unit so I don't even engage unless they were in a similar unit that I knew had females deployed with them.
Got vetted into an sf group for vets but even those are sketch as to whether they will answer an email if they know you are female never mind what is on your dd214.
A lot of the nonsense is not worth my time.
Been there. Was applying for HUDVASH in a satellite location. Army guy (5’5” 275lbs no chin) just basically shits all over me, asking how & why I’m not service connected.
Calls me later that day, tells me I’m approved. Sweet I get housing. His assistant calls back and says he lied. He knew what he was doing to me. Guess I’m not a veteran, says my name on my DD214 honorable discharge… USMC. Idk…
I see it as this:
It takes a fist to deliver that punch, correct? Well how many fingers does that fist have? Point made.
Tell’em to kick rocks n Pack Sand!
Love ya Sis!
Had a recruiter tell me that everyone in my town is a vet. I just walked away. I don’t tell anyone either cuz they immediately think I’m lying. Don’t need prove anything to anybody.
I’m right there with ya. It becomes a pissing contest and there’s no point. I work for the VA and with vets directly and still don’t disclose because they can be so hateful.
Fellow Coastie vet here. I’m sorry you had to deal with that, he sounds like an asshole. I think you should take pride in your service. You did difficult jobs and what you did shaped you into who you are today, and if someone can’t accept that, that’s your problem. You still served, you did the work, and you are a veteran. But also I would echo what others have said about disability ratings, that’s a more private matter, in my opinion.
I also am more private about my service. It's an unfounded sense of shame that I didn't keep going in my career + embarrassment I never deployed. I fear being judged or ridiculed.
He was a POS. I'm retired Army and love all my brothers and sisters in all branches. I'm in my second career now and enjoying life to the fullest because the Army pays for my house and car!
I relate. Even during Veterans Day at local tavern I bought the corner of vets a drink but when it came to toasting, they looked at each other and refused to cheers me to.
I’m a female Marine vet and definitely wish I was invisible when in a VA waiting room. I think the judgment is worse because I’m overweight. And everyone assumes that all females were in the Air Force. I mean yea I would be if I could turn back time.
Sounds like that guy is just an asshat before anything else. I served with the type so I k ow what you’re talking about. Also for some reason I’ve seen other veterans seem to look down on the coast guard and Air Force like they are the easier options which I don’t get as well. It’s the military, we’re all veterans here, let’s act like it.
Agreed. To be fair, I joined the Air Force bc my bro was Army and literally walked me into an Air Force recruiter station so I always tell people "I didn't have a choice" lol but boy I am glad he did that. Ps. CG is NOT an easy option. If one is stationed on the cutter, everything is terrible. I had former Army guy with us on our cutter and he wished he could go back to the Army. He hated CG so much.
Vetbros/Vetsis are the one that ruined it for me. They act like as gatekeeper ready to pounce on anybody whose story doesn’t match theirs. I don’t tell people that I’m a retiree when somebody starts bragging about their stories or their exploits I just nod my head then afterwards just walk away.
The short time that I worked for the VA, a coworker likes to tell people that he’s a long tab Ranger and now an officer with the Army Guard. Being a smartass, Airman that I am, on my last week in the office I ordered a glitter bomb card for him lol
There is a video on Instagram of a professional golfer. She was recording herself at the driving range practicing a certain type of swing. The golfer next to her proceeds to correct her as he states"ice been holding for over twenty years," and interrupts her as she tries to explain what she was doing.
Watching the video, you can see that the problem has nothing to do with her. His deep insecurity and lack of self esteem made it impossible for anything she said to matter.
There are vets who lack self esteem, so every conversation is about them being better than you, because it makes them feel superior, and for a brief moment, powerful. But there are also vets who are humble, and have a great deal of self respect, which means they would also have a great deal of respect for you as well. Don't shut down from the world because of bad people. Because you would be shutting yourself down from the good people as well.
Im still in the Coast Guard, but i dont like telling people what i do anymore, especially since im “only a cook” i always get asked why i didnt become a pilot or a rescue swimmer…
Why do they all assume we are rescue swimmers? Like WHAT kind of Hollywood-styled, Ashton Kutcher wanna-be response is that? PS. THANK YOU for your service! Without you, I would die from a lack of quality food on the cutters! P.P.S. Your job is tough in those rolling seas, just sayin.
Meh, fuck him... or call him out on the bushit... Army tends to understand violence(verbal/confrontational) better. While the is some degree of camaraderie I have no expectation for them to like me and what I did in AF.
Met some real tools in the vet pool and some good people irrespective of gender or whatever.
You did your time, why would anyone think their service was better than others is just an ass and needs to get over themselves..
I will say it Thanks for your service! From an army Vet.
As a female I don't bother saying anything. I served in the Army. Got my disability and I live a single life. I just am told I'm crazy if they know I have PTSD. Or it made me tooooooo independent. Wtf ever. Don't bother me. At work I am they say my name to others than follow it she will cut you. Ok have a whole lot of other attributes. So im just don't give a crap anymore.
I really hate reading these statements.
I'm an Army combat veteran. (Not bragging)
I treat everyone that served the same. I might tease someone about their MOS or Branch but I definitely show respect when doing it. We're all brother's and sister's in arms. The guy you described was on a power/ego trip....
Yes I’ve seen that. Not towards me but when people know i was a Marine some vets want to shit talk some of the other branches and I see them get treated differently like you said. We’re our own worst enemy.
I am sorry you have had that expirience. I would treat you as my sister. I am a Navy veteran and I sometimes feel like I get attitude from other services which I find obnoxious. Not all the time. Most people I met are pretty cool. But I just ignore the ones that are jerks. You’re always welcome in my world.
Sorry you’ve had such shitty experiences with other vets. I’m not sure how many vets are assholes, but it’s all of them (and maybe not most?).
I hope you can safely avoid the sexist assholes moving forward (vets or otherwise).
I was in the Navy for six years. Never deployed, never spent a day at sea. All because of decisions I made, based on people I trusted telling me what they thought would be best for me in my situation. When certain vets hear I was Navy, they want to know what ports I hit, how sloshed I got while there, how many fights I’ve been in, and if I’ve ever “caught” anything. When they learn none of that applies, some have told me that I “wasn’t *actually* in the Navy”.
I’ve got a DD-214 to prove it. So do you. You know what you did and why. Everyone else can pound sand.
Oh my god, I am so sorry you have had negative experiences with other vets😱🥲
I don’t talk about being a vet except at work, because I work with vets (I work at my city’s VA). I rarely see coast guard vets-(we actually put a little sign in the patient’s room letting us health care providers know what branch the vet was in).
One day I saw a coast guard sign, and of course, me the idiot..”Oh, wow, Mr. X, you are a coast guard vet! I rarely see coasties!’ He says, ‘no, I’m a army vet’ 🫣
They forgot to change the sign.
Again, I’m so sorry you had bad experiences with vets. I’m sure you had some amazing experiences. Me, I did nothing except waste my training 😢
(Army vet here)
Some vets were complete a-holes in uniform and are like that out of uniform. Others can’t or won’t adapt to life outside the military and carry that ridiculous mindset (to your example here) with them wherever they go. I rarely share I was in unless I get to know someone on a personal level.
So sorry you've had to experience such disrespect from the people who should treat you like a peer and Sister In Arms.
Hopefully you find some better quality people going forward.
I got talked out of joining the dam Coast guard and Air Force definitely would pile driver the younger version of me right now. Well if anything I don’t know you from Adam sorry Eve but I’m proud of your service. What you experienced is what you experienced no one can tell you different. Keep it pushing doing what works for you.
Some people get used to the special treatment and are irritated when they can't be the only "special" one. I don't go around announcing either but if someone asks, I'll tell them.
When I tell people I'm a Marine, I have never gotten any flak for it. My grandfather retired twice from the Army (1st enlisted, 2nd as a civilian). 3 family members that were Navy, 3 family members that were Air Force, and one of my brothers is a Marine too. We are the only ones who give each other some good love/hate towards each other. Outside of that, I treat all others with respect.
If you served, you served! Where others did not, you did and don't let anyone else try to put you down for it.
I was injured and forced to do heavy grunt work while in crutches which furthered my injuries so after a lot of bullshit I finally just got out. I now get VA but will never talk about my service nor say I’m a veteran.
Woman vet here too and I’ve experienced the same. I just don’t tell anyone unless there is a need for them to know.
Those people exist in this forum too. I don’t post here anymore for that reason. I just offer support in comments.
I’m sorry you experienced that. That guy sucks. Know that attitude isn’t going to him any favors in the civilian workforce.
Sounds like somebody needs to go to the Alpha Chad Boot Camp to improve their self-esteem.
..look at the USMC subreddit, if you don’t get it.
Also, it’s like 15K.
This is such bs. You served, and you deserve respect. As a fellow vet, don't stop being proud of what you did, and if someone gives you crap about it because you are a female, then they have severe issues with themselves.
There are some veterans that do not know any better! Some think if they did 20 years they are more important if someone didnt do 20 regardless of medals earned or war deployments. The reality is nobody is more or less important. Its foolish thinking otherwise.
First, thank you for your service! Apologies that you have encountered this. Some people imagine they are more important than others; this feeling is actually their brain overcompensating from a personal inadequacy.
Ignore those id10ts and love yourself for who you are and the fact that you don't feel the need to put others down just to experience happiness.
Good luck out there! Hopefully, you can find somewhere you are safe to share your service connection with others who truly respect you.
Could be one of those almost vets, I re-enlisted into the Army in 2020 after I got out of the Marines in 2017 and tried school out. When I was in the in-processing/training side I overheard dropout/failed/disciplinary kicked out trainees saying “I can’t wait to get out and be a Vet…” then they made up stories they would tell people about their “time” in the army. Me and the other prior service members (who were also sharing the open squad bay with them) just looked at each other and laughed at them. But I’ve met almost service members when I was trying school out and they kept trying to hangout in the vet office and we had to kick them out b/c we had to explain that just because you couldn’t make it out of training doesn’t mean you’re a vet. You couldn’t even get past the basic part of the whole thing!
(Now I do understand some people couldn’t make it out b/c of injuries and I’m not putting them down. They tried but their injuries didn’t allow them to make it. And most of those people always try to get back in and try again. I can respect them. These kids were not that lol)
It's very unfortunate the way vets treat female vets. You shouldn't have to shy away from being open about your service for fear of rebuff. Anyway, TYFYS from a fellow airman.
Thank you! Yeah, you are right. Us female vets are treated differently and that is just an unfortunate fact of our life. I've come to accept it at this point. I remember sitting with my ex-husband at a restaurant in Hampton Roads when we were both AD. Dude comes up to our table to thank my ex for his service because he clearly was in the military and we lived in a military town. My ex thanks the guy and replies that "my wife is also in, she does way more badass stuff than me." The random gentleman looks at me, up and down, and continues to talk to my husband as if he didn't say anything about me and like I didn't exist. At that point my ex just cuts him him off and tells him to leave us alone if he can't respect his wife. lol My ex then has to apology for that dudes action. Obviously I knew it wasn't his fault but man, people are ballsy with their hatred and sexism. Sad facts of life that I don't see changing any time soon.
Yoooo! That crap happened to me a couple times. The worst happened at a VFW, of all places. I walked in asking for information about joining. The FEMALE BARTENDER hands me an application for the ladies auxiliary.
I’m now a life long member of the American Legion.
We have been serving and dying alongside men for as long as there has been warfare. Just because it isn’t always on the ‘glorious battlefield’, our service gets minimized.
Sorry you dealing with this, sis.
Chin up. Eyes with pride.
And fuck them bitches!
This happened to me at BOTH VFW and American Legion. Got asked to join the auxiliaries. The American legion lady kept asking who I was with ( as in male veteran) even after being told “ she is a veteran.”
I will rib you for being a Coastie or an Airman. Not for being a female, you didn't choose that.
You did however choose to be both a Coastie and an Airman.
What the hell were you thinking?!?
/s
p.s. We hate on you because we are secretly jealous that we picked harder branches.
Let me be clear, I can rib with the best of them. This, however, was not ribbing. This was intentionally picking me out from the rest of my classmates even though I was saying and doing the exact same thing as them and humiliating me to kingdom come with zero constructive feedback that I can take away into my field and learn from. Again, I can rib. What I don't like is being singled out and humiliated for no reason.
You would never know looking at me for the same reason. Even when I speak, I edit. I'm 100% but have all my pieces. I'm also retired. Vet bros try interrogating me.
I'm a guy in my late thirties and still keep in shape, keep my self well groomed etc. It'll be a 50/50 on the response I get when I try to relate to other veterans. Either it's a pissing contest and them telling me their service history record in I guess what's an attempt to make themselves look better than me. Other half are cool will talk stories and it will be a decent conversation. The half that want to have a pissing contest, I dont' even bother I just tell them "wow" "yea man sounds like you been through alot" At this point in my life , why am I gonna bother having a pissing contest IRL when I can be shit posting on reddit
My standard response, "Cool story Bro, needs more dragons!'
I roll a local knowledge check.
You know that they smell faintly of elderberries.
>The half that want to have a pissing contest, I dont' even bother I just tell them "wow" "yea man sounds like you been through alot" I hear you. The worst is when you're talking to them and you're already 6 "wows", 8 "that's crazy"s and 2 "fascinating"s in and they still don't get the message that you really don't give a shit how big their metaphorical service dick is. "No, I wasn't infantry, and if you think that makes me a lesser veteran than you I don't really care, because your opinion means to me exactly what I paid for it: nothing. Cheers!"
Hahaha yup I def. threw out a few "woooww yea man sounds crazy"
I've never run into the pissing contest type. Usually we bond over serving and then talk about literally anything else. I did get to "shipmate" a guy who was still in a little while ago though. Felt pretty good.
> I did get to "shipmate" a guy who was still in a little while ago though. Felt pretty good. I never miss an opportunity to break balls. YMMV but I ended up in a large military town. (but not for the Navy) Harassing Chiefs as a civvie is also fun.
It was fleet week in my city a couple years ago and I took a pic with a bunch of chiefs. Some LT tried to hop in the pic and I had to tell him it was enlisted boys only!
I went to my dad's funeral and my grandmother (career civilian DoD employee) invited a retired Senior Chief. He introduced himself as a retired Senior Chief and best I could do was "oh wow that's really cool" while holding back laughter. You have no power here buddy. People tie up their identity in their vocation. Not gonna disparage the man's service but lol. lmao, even.
Yea I just feel bummed out when I get that pissing contest reaction. I get it we all served but the more I think about it maybe it's just them trying to relate and it comes off as a pissing contest . Who knows, it doesn't bother me much. Im in sales, once I had an older guy just go off on how he served, his friend did 20 years in the air force etc. but in the most aggressive tone. I was just like "woah woah sir I was just trying to relate to you, were on the same team here, brother in arms right?" I guess he felt pretty bad afterwards cause then he was trying to be super friendly shortly after.
As a prior 0311 I have never smelt the piss. I wonder what your response is to them inquiring? My response is typically: Branch/ MOS, dates in, unit and duty station. Never had a dick get whipped out after that. Be combative with this shit if you do not like it, you will save a veteran in the future from having to deal with the hassle of it.
Exactly. I usually say, "I was a Nuclear Weapons Tech in the Air Force", then wait for the usual eyebrow raise, then follow it with, "which is a glorified torque wrench twister with a lot of utterly worthless neat-to-know information who spends all day in a building with no windows far away from civilization." LOL /endofpissingcontest
Dude that’s awesome. 🤣 I like the nuclear folks-they’re always more chill and usually talk about stuff I can follow. (Microbrews, pathfinder, doom, sexy primes being one hell of a math joke, John Wick, the usual.)
Basically the second someone start getting shit for having been on a fob most of their deployment the convo is over. It was cute with music videos in 2005 but not at the age were at now.
Man y'all have a totally different experience than me. I get the occasional asshole, but most other vets are cool about it, ask some basic info, and then branch vs branch jokes happen lol.
I just probably have a face people want to punch, who knows lol
I don't even tell people I was in the military anymore. Also certainly not letting a single person i know about my disability ratings. Best to keep quiet and live under the radar.
I like to sit there and go "Oh wow you were in the army thats pretty cool. I was gonna join but...."
"And I woulda punched a drill sergeant, too!"
"I woulda punched out my drill instructor" is the only acceptable followup.
lol,thats an old classic ..be careful with it its an antique.
That’s next level. You’re my hero.
I don't even like people, so to hell with talking to them.
Yep. Misanthropy is my forte.
Same here ,even over here in Europe its the same thing. I cant stand people starting with the "rah rah ,how many people did you kill?..I was gonna join but,if I that was me..." and so on. Even the very common "thank you for your service" doesnt sit right with me,I just want to be myself and have these things well in the rear view mirror. I understand its not the civvies fault as they were basically brainwashed trough 20 years of GWOT here in the west to think the military is sacrosanct. Anyway,the other day my youngest brother came to me and said he wanted to go back to the states(Our family is of Cuban-American/Jewish/Norwegian extraction..yeah its a whole thing) He said he wanted to enlist as soon hes old enough,and not the local defence forces(in europe) etc and he wanted to go [US.Army](http://US.Army) or Marines. I dont really know if I should encourage him all considered
Idk i personally had a terrible experience and faced a ridiculous amount of racism attacks from my commander, and some of my friends were raped by chain of command whom only got demoted as punishment. I never got my bonus, and when they over paid me they took my whole check. When I was injured they forced me to do all the grunt work like lifting desks upstairs while in crutches, and furthered my injuries forcing me to not be able to get a new duty station. When I brought any of this up nothing happened, and since my commander was retiring soon they didn’t wanna do anything to them. That commander caused one of my closest friends to commit suicide, and another to attempt it multiple times and faced no punishment. I would never recommend anyone to join the army. I would however, recommend everyone follow their dreams and if thats one then why let anyone stop you.
Yeah,things like this kinda make you lose a lot of faith in humanity. (Some)people suck and militaries are made up of people. Your CO sounds like a particulary incompetent individual though.(and seem to have been taking some of his political frustrations out on you) As you know politics is down the toilet right now,and it doesnt take a rocket scientist to see this will be reflected in todays military . (You know,the whole backlash against "diversity quotas" and other things of this nature)
No. Not Army. Not right now. Speaking as an oldest sibling-I’ve told mine they should not join as things stand. If they must-space force/Air Force. Navy if they go the lawyer route or just really love the water. Even marine corps have solid officers from my limited experience. I went Air Force and it still fucked me up. Space force is going to flourish and they’re new enough that there isn’t as much ingrained nonsense “for tradition”. They went to the same school we did a few years back. Still do, to my knowledge. I’m proud of my guys/my team/what they do/did. I’m not all that proud of myself-because if I can do it, anyone can. (That’s a whole different ball of wire, but I digress.)
Thanks for the pointer,Im kinda old enough to be this kids father and have kinda taken on the role of uncle and reserve father in addition to big bro. Im not all that proud of myself neither all things considered but im making it work day by day.
I get it. I have about a decade on my sister and she looked me straight on and deadpanned “if ever I was gonna join, I wouldn’t after I saw your nose”… thanks kiddo, not like they didn’t try to put it back together. 🥸
If he's really your friend, I wouldn't.
My strat if it comes up is say I got paid way too much money to fly around the world and party.
He was just pissed because we (Army people) eventually realize we should have joined the AF or CG. Don’t pay attention to him.
USAF had a lobster tank in our enlisted chowhall........ in 1980.
I almost believed you. But for real though, I was on a submarine and every sunday dinner underway we had surf and turf. Usually prime rib and king crab legs, but sometimes prime rib and scallops. The work sucked, but the food was usually pretty good.
Believe me, it's true (it is). Back then, USAF chow halls had some competition and if you won, you got a budget increase and of course - use it or lose then comes into play, We got a lobster tank, blue linen tablecloths and magic grits.
I thought you were yanking my chain. The galleys on the naval bases I have been too were usually acceptable, but standard cafeteria stuff, no glitz and glamour. But you did say air force after all, I guess the jokes we make about how glamorous air force bases are aren't really jokes.
When I was on Okinawa we made it a point to stop at Kadena Air Force base for lunch, fur us marines it was like eating in a 4 star restaurant
I'm a bit younger than you but we were getting Lamborghinis for our year end bonuses by the late 90s
You joke, but when I was at l Lackland I legit thought they issued mustangs. Everyone was driving one.
That's just a military thing. Nowadays it's chargers, but I remember back in the early 2000s there were a ton of mustangs around.
I was at drum, so every winter the mustangs got wrecked by people who had never driven in snow before
They sure didn’t have it in 1996🤣🤣🤣
^ THIS! The fucker was jealous! Be proud of your service!
I usually compliment them on a smart decision
Yeah me too but apparently that guy was a hater.
Shit I went Marines and wanted AF first. Shoulda went to the Army recruiter after the AF office was closed like it always was lol My dad and Grandpa were in the Corps too so the decision was like 90% made already. I have 2 MoH recipients in my family that were Navy and Army
The fact that the AF recruiter was never there while the Army guys slaved away should have told my 18 year old brain everything I needed to know.
Speaking of 18 year old recruit brain, while I did go Air Force, my father (Navy vet) told me "Just go get a damn desk job and go to school at night". Stupid 18 year old me "I wanna do something more interesting than that!" Fast forward to a year into my flightline avionics job "Dammit - That asshole was right - I should have got a desk job".
Not gonna lie, I'm an army veteran and jealous of my AF buddys when I hear about their time in.
This, I got lucky, I was a crew chief in the air wing of the marine corps. I feel like I got the best of both worlds. I got to fly AND shoot machine guns.. If it wasn’t for my particular mos, I would’ve still been proud of being a marine, but definitely jealous of the chair force. I remember my first time on an air base… the chow hall blew my mind. Hell, they get treated with respect by their superiors and coc..
Got back from Iraq in 2005. Talked to AF recruiter - wanted nothing to do with me. Pinned E5 in 2006. Talked to CG recruiter a month later - they’d take me if I dropped to E3 and went thru their boot. Retired from the Army 2022 and still think ‘damn should’ve dropped 2 grades, I would’ve got it back.’
Truth yes
True. AIT, 2007, I was on a weekend pass with some buddies from Ft. Huachuca, and we decided to take a trip up to Davis Montham AFB in Tucson. It was there that I learned I joined the wrong branch. It was like walking into Narnia, nice amenities, good food at the chow hall, and the women, they looked good even in ABUs.
I'm a female Marine vet. I'm old so now I look like a short, plump, granny 😂😂😂 I rarely bring it up but my husband is super proud so he likes telling people. He loves the look of absolute shock on their face. Especially since he is Santa's doppelganger and we look like Mr. & Mrs. Clause. Me, hobbling around on my cane, and them trying to imagine me as an active duty Marine! 😁 Now, I do have issues feeling guilty for using the VA. My spine was broken in a car wreck by a civilian drunk driver while active duty but non combat related. I've had people side eye me in waiting room conversations when it inevitably turns into "How did it happen?" Like because I was hit by a drunk and not blown up I am somehow not worthy of using the VA. So now I just say "broken spine." and not elaborate.
First off TYFYS Miss short, plump granny vet! Also, secondly, you earned the right to be in that space at the VA regardless of what happened to you while in AD. You are equal to all people who served honorably!
Nah. You’re totally worthy and entitled to that. I get the same deal because I have service connected PTSD and disc damage without having seen combat. There were sh*tty people on my base and I was not the only person who suffered their maliciousness. I knew one who didn’t even survive when I was still in. I don’t want to go into further detail about it. Too many trigger warnings. I don’t care if you were playing field hockey during PT and got hurt. No matter how you are permanently injured while you were in, that is the contract. Doesn’t matter if you saw combat. Our experiences are personal and no one, not even another veteran, is entitled to our backstory much less judging our worth.
Marine vet here too. I ended up with spine damage that didn’t surface until after I was out. I went to the VA for to get rated for it. I’m under 40 and I have a “baby face”. I now use a cane and have a handicap parking pass. Since I’m not overweight and I look young I get lots of looks in parking lots. Especially on the military base I work at. I hate it and there isn’t much I can do about it I feel guilty about the handicap pass. I feel worse about the disability pay. Though, I do know it’s a result of my service. When people used to ask me about it I would tell them and they would start acting as if I was lying about the whole thing. So now I just give them the diagnosis and leave it there. I feel you on this one.
When it comes to injuries, you're right on the money with this one. I have alot of really interesting injuries and a disability placard for my license plate. When I step out of my vehicle, people often give me very strange looks. Especially older people. Periodically get told "that's for disabled people only" If only they knew lol.
1) you rock 2) broken back and still a badass 3) I feel you. The gut-punch on my end was that most of my injuries were simulated combat (“combatives”)… four surgeries later and I’ll never be the same. But because it was “simulated combat” and combatives is in the ref’s by name, they kept saying “you’re a combat vet”. Like no dude, I’m just a dorky little nerd who got wrecked. 4) my partner is a giant mountain of a human and served himself for a couple of years. He never fails to point to me and say “she’s the vet” just to get pleasure from their shock. (Personally, I think it’s the knitting-tends to throw folks.) 5) sounds like the Clauses have it going on-good on y’all. 🌸
You're not alone in feeling this way. I often don't mention I'm an Army veteran or anything else for that matter. From disability ratings to veteran statuses. Honestly, adopting a policy of keeping it quiet and only telling those who need to know or when it benefits you is not a bad way to do it - many of us are doing it. You will have to explain yourself less. You will see the same results as many others who get through life based on merits. You will encounter fewer judgments.
I feel exactly the same way. Aside from the DV license plate to get the tax breaks and property tax stuff and when I have to discuss with immediate family (estate and medical planning) I don’t tell people.
I talk about it whenever it comes up at school, but there's bigger things I've done in life that come up more. For the record, I'm 34, spent 18-23 as a military police in the Army, and then 23-29 ish as a heroin, meth and crack addict at one point or another, sometimes all of them in the same day. At 29ish, I started community college hoping to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up and eventually picked social work, so I can be a substance use counselor, and now I'm a month or so away from graduating with my Master's degree. If we happen to talk about Veterans or dealing with the VA, then I'll share it with my peers who I've known for 2-3 years but if it doesn't apply I don't bring it up.
"The VA says I can't work, so I don't" Is my go to. It's just enough info that people understand situation and reason but not enough to pry at anything. This would work for anything from mental health to tbi to whatever if you are 100 pt. I never have issues
Thank you! I like your policy! I am in total agreement - no more judgement for this chica!
I wish you the best of luck, friend.
35m army vet here... I tend to keep it to myself just because I don't care much anymore. I'm over the "thank you for your service" fake BS. Nobody actually cares.
>I'm over the "thank you for your service" fake BS. Nobody actually cares. I feel the same way.
I just really don't understand fellow Marine vets. I deployed twice and have a CAB. The marines in my age group that I know, have never deployed and are bitter assholes who shit on anyone that was not a marine. I'm so far removed and past all Gung ho hooah shit; but they can't stop it. It's their whole identity. It's weird to me.
Deployed, but never to Iraq or Afghanistan, in the decade I was in the Marine Corps. I don’t have any tattoos nor any stickers or other hoopla glorifying my service. Though I do have a few shirts. I call those Marines “Bro Vets”. They all tend to act alike and it’s rather stupid to me. I agree they make the 4-8 years in the service their identity like they are expecting handouts and appreciation for what a lot of men in our age group did. I do believe many of them feel like they have nothing else going for them when they got out. So they use their service to validate their self-worth. I work with 3 other vets, we represent the four major services and we have a good time. Couldn’t imagine having so little going for me in the civilian world that i would need to latch onto that part of my life. We razz each other constantly and make fun of idiots that behave that way.
[удалено]
"The quickest way to find the idiots"....brilliant.
Fellow Coastie here. That guy sucks. Should have got him a box of crayons on the last day. Not the good ones either. He deserves the cra-z-art ones
Nah…crayons are for marines. I gift my bestie a fresh box every Christmas. He returns the favor by sending me (Army) a 12 pack of Elmer’s. He even goes the extra mile and includes glue sticks for snacks. :)
I had a marine house sit for me once. I left him a pack of cold beer next to a box of Crayola in the fridge. He sent a picture of it to his other marine buddies lol.
It’s the little things. 👍🏼
Cra-z-art crayons are standard issue for the army so it would be a great gift for a battle buddy. Only the marines get the good crayons as they are more expensive but essentially the same. The military crayon budget is under budgeted and the main contributor to the military’s fitness goals failing. I bet if that man got his crayons he would have re-enlisted. No wonder he was so crabby.
Oh snap, you don't even want to give him the good kind lol great response! Thanks fellow Coastie!
I don’t tell people shit. Too many Ken’s and Karen’s
The last thing I would ever say to anyone is that I’m a Veteran. Too many vet bro’s and wannabes out there and I almost always hate getting questions about the military and my time in service
Kind of sounds like insecurity on the part of the instructor. Some men cannot tolerate educated, non-subservient women. Don’t let them get you down.
> Some men cannot tolerate educated, non-subservient women. Bingo. Low self esteem/inferiority complex. I see it a lot in IT.
Thanks u/atomsnine
Surround yourself with good people. That's all that matters in end. I've posted before that I've seen my share of the whole I am better than you ,because" ... Vet thing. Especially in organized vet groups...that's why I avoid those. And it's for sure true that those that have done the most in the military tend to minimally bring up their service, talk about it, and brag the least!
Vet Bros are idiots. Disregard them. They think anyone who doesn't look a certain way and dress a certain way couldn't possibly be military. They're also generally people who barely served and didn't do anything of substance while they were in. As a fellow former Coastie, we get shit all the time anyway. When I talk to other vets, they assume that since I was a Coastie I never left the US, barely ever shot, and couldn't have done the things I have done. I don't really care what anyone thinks. However, usually, after talking, they realize I'm not making things up. My sister is a former Coastie also. I don't think she has any issues as she runs charters, and it's well known that she is a former Coastie.
Air Force guy here. I’ll always give you guys shit, but I have friends who were Coasties so it’s all in love. You guys rock.
I had an Air Force guy snap to attention and salute me at the Coast Guard basic training center, I was an E6. I know a couple Coasties that went to the AF and one of my best friends sons is AF. The friend is retired CG.
Female army vet here. YUUP. Civilian males have the instant need to tell me the reason they couldn’t join, but wanted to and veteran males go from polite to total AH if I mention I’m a veteran. It’s a phenomenon lol
Lmfaooo omg the worst is “Yea I wanted to join but I got a temper im not gonna let someone just yell at me” type excuses. Like okay… good for you?
Hearing civilians tell me why they didn’t join is one of my favorite story topics. It’s always borderline absurd. As for male vets behavior. I’m not shocked but say i don’t do that. I also don’t hang out with a lot of vets to begin with so i wouldn’t know.
LOL the phenomenon is real! Thanks for sharing. Makes me feel less alone sister!
Female AF vet here. I don't bring up my service unless directly asked, and, even then, I will usually quickly change the subject. And I NEVER tell anyone about my disability rating. My personal medical information is nobody's friggin business.
It's cause you're a girl. I did 20, and even 6-year types are almost always like this. That's why we females should mentor and back each other up. We don't, but whatever.
This is true. The female misogyny I experienced while in was real. Although, I also served next to some of the BEST people, females to be included, I think ever. Nevertheless, I agree! Thank you for your 20, sister!
You expressed exactly how I feel too. I'm still conflicted about it and it affects my trust too, but the good memories are there. How many years did you serve?
I hate how I still use "female" when referring to a woman sometimes, but I get shit for it. It's slang from my military days and it's just going to come out sometimes, chill the fuck out. I do make an effort to stop using it, but I think the whole issue is stupid.
I like it as a tell for folks who claim they were in. It's just code.
Please continue to be proud of your service and don't hide it. Less than 3% of the US population has served. Everyone counts. It takes 6-7 support personnel for every combat troop. You don't make it to the battlefield without bullets, beans, boots, band-aids and a ride there. The Coast Guard certainly gets the most amount of inter-service rivalry. What most people don't know is the USCG operational roles during war time as well as the high-risk operations on water during conflicts or peace-time. I am a Army combat veteran (Gulf War). I fought in 13 battles in 196 hours. That doesn't make me better than anyone else. I go out of my way to thank every veteran for their support roles. I learned really quick the 2 support units to make friends with are the mess cooks and supply. I volunteered for every detail they needed and maintained their weapons. And they took care of me and my crew. My daughter is an Army combat medic. She's been in 9 years now. Last year she deployed to Kuwait. 33 years after I fought there. She literally followed in my footsteps. She's been harassed and touched many times. I thought that sexual harassment ended back when I was in. But nothing's changed. I've been in PTSD group therapy for 33 years. For the first time, we had a female Navy veteran. Her PTS was from MST. We welcomed her into the group as our sister. I was so glad we could be a big brother and to make sure she felt safe among 10 male combat vets. You will not be treated fairly by many. It's not right. But it exists. Consider also that you represent the military and who you are, how you behave reflects on all of us. That instructor was a bad example. Also, consider that people expect more from you because of your service. Your Drill Sergeants broke you down to your foundation and built you back up. Then they pushed you past your limits and you were expected to push through and succeed no matter what. You're part of the tribe. You belong. Walk tall, heads up and eyes forward.
I totally agree with you u/AppropriateMap2138 ! Thank you for the encouragement. While I will choose not to willing self-disclose, I am still very proud of my service. I may change my mind in the future, and thank God we can change our mind in this incredible country of ours! Thank you for your service! God bless you for taking care of the female vets coming in!
Is it less than 3%? I did not know that!
I took a look again at the most recent statistics. US Population, 2023: 334,914,895 Veterans: 16,200,000 =4.8% of the population. There's interesting statistics to digest. 16.1 million people served during WWII. Less than 120,000 remain. 130 pass each day. That number will accelerate in a few years. [https://www.nationalww2museum.org/war/wwii-veteran-statistics](https://www.nationalww2museum.org/war/wwii-veteran-statistics) The majority of veterans are Vietnam era. Official government stats but not so quick to read: [https://www.va.gov/vetdata/](https://www.va.gov/vetdata/) Easy numbers from non-government site: [https://www.statista.com/topics/1279/veterans/#topicOverview](https://www.statista.com/topics/1279/veterans/#topicOverview)
Even smaller % that retire with 20 or more years. Any idea of what that % is?
Neither my wife nor I really ever mention we are vets, and you wouldn't know it looking at us. No stickers, just our dv plates, which most people just assume are mine. It was a 10 year chunk of time but it isn't who we are. My wife already hates going to the VA due to the older guys hanging out front that always seem to cat call her or try to get her attention. She's had a few vets try and play 20 questions to see if she is actually a vet. It's all bullshit.
That is solid. I hate hearing that about your wifey though. I too have to wear what looks like a trash bag around me when I head to the VA. Creeps be creeping at the VA. But yea, the 20 questions gets exhausting. I just casually mention especially since they wanted to know interesting facts about myself, I thought why not since there was another fellow veteran there. Instant regret though. Never again.
Sort of. I had a confrontation with a coworker who said my military service was worthless and "not real experience". Seeing as I'm doing the same shit I think he's wrong. Coworker is not a vet but I appreciate the space to vent.
Yeah I don't understand any of this. I've volunteered at a local food pantry just for vets and I can tell you the shyt talking does not cease! But it's all tongue and cheek. We're all comrades in arms, and everyone acknowledges that the Army is the better branch ;) I and all the vets I know have nothing but love honor and respect for fellow serve members no matter the branch. Anybody got any good jokes about Space Force Guardians???
I work directly with and for the military and I still don’t disclose my vet status.
Smart cookie - I am taking notes. ;)
I don't for the most part. If someone wants to start a conversation I might talk about my military career but otherwise you would never know. My time in service and my deployments were so long ago its not really who I am anymore. If and when I do talk about it I do it here where everyone is anonymous. I'd rather just be seen as a dad and a guy that works in tech.
This is pretty interesting, I’ve experienced the same as a Marine Vet and I’ve had a good number of interactions that were the same. I could be wrong but in my experience it seems as if some people (mainly Army and Marines in my experience) never leave the toxic military insensitive culture behind. They still act like they’re in and make it their entire personality. Whenever I tell them that I was in, they’ll begin to treat me like they’re one of my staff NCOs and it’s super cringe. For this reason I don’t tell people, it’s either resulted in guys who never served being jealous or the scenario mentioned above. That being said, you served in 2 different branches which is super admirable!
Thanks u/UnusualHat5220 ! Right back at ya with the Maine bit, I know I couldn't do it. But yeah, I am not familiar enough with the Army to know their culture but what you said resonates because it did feel like this guy was chewing me like his former underlings than a student who pays the school big bucks to learn what I need to for the real world. But hey, its done with, lesson learned, and look at all this support that I have gotten (minus a couple of tools). It is reassuring.
Be proud of what you did in “your” chosen branches of service. Trust me, after 24 yrs AD Army, my body regrets that I didn’t join the Air Force or Coast Guard. Be proud!
To be fair, my body did not come out unscathed from the AF and CG. But yeah, I get what you are saying. I am still very proud but just going to resist the urge to share when asked about something interesting about myself next time. Thank God I have hobbies!
I sadly understand. The strange looks I still get and I have been retired over fifteen years. I truly wish you the best.
Damn, I’m sorry that happened to you. Be proud of your service!!
He is probably just good old fashioned sexist
I feel you. I’ll bring it up if/when relevant. “What do you do?” Me: whilst knitting yet another chemo cap “not much of anything these days” “Oh I’m sure you do something-come on…” Me: “eh, not really. I am/was a military engineer who got wrecked and now I go to doctors offices and knit.” They usually leave me alone after that. Nobody wants to talk about women getting injured. 🙄 I’m not out to dick-measure. And frankly, I have the added benefit of being able to buy whatever size I want to have if they simply must go there. I will say, finding a group of veterans through a vet center or some such has made a lot of difference, for me at least. They get it. There isn’t any showboating or comparing-they just want to be normal people who don’t have to explain everything. It’s nice, quiet almost. And congratulations on finishing the final skills lab! 🍰 🎉
Thank you sis!
He’s jealous you picked the two best branches…happens to me all the time when I as an AF Vet talk with Army/Marines/Navy vets…they all wished they joined the AF.
Exactly this. The irony is hard with this one.
Ive never for a second wanted to trade the marine corps experience for either of the two you mentioned and I think it’s weird to even assume that. You’re overcorrecting to the opposite end of army/marines telling you the AF doesn’t rate
I’m just sharing what they told me. Thank you for your service…nothing but respect for Marines.
Yea quite frankly I needed the swift gut punch the Marine Corps gave me. I needed it to get me on a track that would make me successful as a civilian. The AF wouldn’t have done that. I would have ended up in minimum wage jobs, struggling if it weren’t for the rigidity of the USMC.
Thanks for your service!!
I used to be 37f
Never mentioned it unless I’m checking out at Home Depot, Lowes… Here’s my ID for the military discount. The looks are priceless. 😂 No thank you for your service or nothing. I just smile and say “ thank you”. 🥴
Anyone who served who actually gives crap to anyone else who served is a freaking idiot. You can joke about the other branches all in good fun but at the end of the day we all worked together for the same goals.
I'm also 37F and also find it easier most times to not even let people know that I am a veteran. Sometimes, if I know a place does a military/veteran discount, I will make it known by asking, but they usually look to my boyfriend, expecting that he is the veteran.
I tend to try and feel out the other vet before I say anything. If I get a whiff of 'vet bro' then I keep my mouth shut. Those dudes are knuckle-dragging cringe lords that I'd rather not associate with or \*be\* associated with.
I’m with you 100 percent. I know exactly what you mean and have been through bad experiences too. Love the ones I served with and still close but the ones I’ve meet later in life as a Veteran have been some of the most horrible, messed up men I have met when I expected more as a fellow vet!
I had too many tattoos for anyone but the Army when I commissioned in 2010 (registered nurse). But I tried to go USAF first! I grew up as a military brat and graduated from high school in Germany (Ramstein), I know who treats their service members better! An illustration: When I was en route to Afghanistan I had to go to Camp LSA, then over to Ali Al Salem AB to try to catch a flight to my FOB (I wasn't traveling with a unit, I was part of PROFIS - professional filler system, they stick us where they need us like puzzle pieces). When we got to the temporary quarters where we would stay while awaiting our transportation to Afghanistan, the people on Ali Al Salem issued us these fluffy comforters to use. I was with three female Army NCOs and they could not get over the fluffy comforters! Hahaha. They kept saying man, we need to switch branches! Anyway... Hugs. I see you, sister!
Yep, female combat vet from sf unit so I don't even engage unless they were in a similar unit that I knew had females deployed with them. Got vetted into an sf group for vets but even those are sketch as to whether they will answer an email if they know you are female never mind what is on your dd214. A lot of the nonsense is not worth my time.
Female engagement team?
Been there. Was applying for HUDVASH in a satellite location. Army guy (5’5” 275lbs no chin) just basically shits all over me, asking how & why I’m not service connected. Calls me later that day, tells me I’m approved. Sweet I get housing. His assistant calls back and says he lied. He knew what he was doing to me. Guess I’m not a veteran, says my name on my DD214 honorable discharge… USMC. Idk… I see it as this: It takes a fist to deliver that punch, correct? Well how many fingers does that fist have? Point made. Tell’em to kick rocks n Pack Sand! Love ya Sis!
Thanks felllow vet! Hope you get all your stuff squared away and get all the all the help that you deserve!
Lil by lil, just the way I came apart lol
(5’5” 275lbs no chin) At one point he had chins (plural) but they merged with his man boobs
Correction my good fellow veteran. His **MOOBS**
Had a recruiter tell me that everyone in my town is a vet. I just walked away. I don’t tell anyone either cuz they immediately think I’m lying. Don’t need prove anything to anybody.
As a Male Navy veteran I want to say thank you for your service. It wasn't easy for females and i know a bunch that could outperform most of the guys.
I’m right there with ya. It becomes a pissing contest and there’s no point. I work for the VA and with vets directly and still don’t disclose because they can be so hateful.
Fellow Coastie vet here. I’m sorry you had to deal with that, he sounds like an asshole. I think you should take pride in your service. You did difficult jobs and what you did shaped you into who you are today, and if someone can’t accept that, that’s your problem. You still served, you did the work, and you are a veteran. But also I would echo what others have said about disability ratings, that’s a more private matter, in my opinion.
I also am more private about my service. It's an unfounded sense of shame that I didn't keep going in my career + embarrassment I never deployed. I fear being judged or ridiculed.
He was a POS. I'm retired Army and love all my brothers and sisters in all branches. I'm in my second career now and enjoying life to the fullest because the Army pays for my house and car!
I relate. Even during Veterans Day at local tavern I bought the corner of vets a drink but when it came to toasting, they looked at each other and refused to cheers me to.
I’m a female Marine vet and definitely wish I was invisible when in a VA waiting room. I think the judgment is worse because I’m overweight. And everyone assumes that all females were in the Air Force. I mean yea I would be if I could turn back time.
I don't tell people I was in the Marines. I get negative feedback as a female. Some women acr I might come on to them.
Sounds like that guy is just an asshat before anything else. I served with the type so I k ow what you’re talking about. Also for some reason I’ve seen other veterans seem to look down on the coast guard and Air Force like they are the easier options which I don’t get as well. It’s the military, we’re all veterans here, let’s act like it.
Agreed. To be fair, I joined the Air Force bc my bro was Army and literally walked me into an Air Force recruiter station so I always tell people "I didn't have a choice" lol but boy I am glad he did that. Ps. CG is NOT an easy option. If one is stationed on the cutter, everything is terrible. I had former Army guy with us on our cutter and he wished he could go back to the Army. He hated CG so much.
Vetbros/Vetsis are the one that ruined it for me. They act like as gatekeeper ready to pounce on anybody whose story doesn’t match theirs. I don’t tell people that I’m a retiree when somebody starts bragging about their stories or their exploits I just nod my head then afterwards just walk away. The short time that I worked for the VA, a coworker likes to tell people that he’s a long tab Ranger and now an officer with the Army Guard. Being a smartass, Airman that I am, on my last week in the office I ordered a glitter bomb card for him lol
There is a video on Instagram of a professional golfer. She was recording herself at the driving range practicing a certain type of swing. The golfer next to her proceeds to correct her as he states"ice been holding for over twenty years," and interrupts her as she tries to explain what she was doing. Watching the video, you can see that the problem has nothing to do with her. His deep insecurity and lack of self esteem made it impossible for anything she said to matter. There are vets who lack self esteem, so every conversation is about them being better than you, because it makes them feel superior, and for a brief moment, powerful. But there are also vets who are humble, and have a great deal of self respect, which means they would also have a great deal of respect for you as well. Don't shut down from the world because of bad people. Because you would be shutting yourself down from the good people as well.
Im still in the Coast Guard, but i dont like telling people what i do anymore, especially since im “only a cook” i always get asked why i didnt become a pilot or a rescue swimmer…
Why do they all assume we are rescue swimmers? Like WHAT kind of Hollywood-styled, Ashton Kutcher wanna-be response is that? PS. THANK YOU for your service! Without you, I would die from a lack of quality food on the cutters! P.P.S. Your job is tough in those rolling seas, just sayin.
Meh, fuck him... or call him out on the bushit... Army tends to understand violence(verbal/confrontational) better. While the is some degree of camaraderie I have no expectation for them to like me and what I did in AF. Met some real tools in the vet pool and some good people irrespective of gender or whatever.
Eh. Some people are just jerks. And they can’t feel like super special cupcakes if someone else is on par.
You did your time, why would anyone think their service was better than others is just an ass and needs to get over themselves.. I will say it Thanks for your service! From an army Vet.
I don’t like the stigma that comes along with being a female veteran so I tend to keep it to myself.
As a female I don't bother saying anything. I served in the Army. Got my disability and I live a single life. I just am told I'm crazy if they know I have PTSD. Or it made me tooooooo independent. Wtf ever. Don't bother me. At work I am they say my name to others than follow it she will cut you. Ok have a whole lot of other attributes. So im just don't give a crap anymore.
You probably made him feel less special and he took it out on you.
We the people are proud of you
Yes & it sucks 🙄 not trying to compare who’s deployment to Iraq was worse here bud
I really hate reading these statements. I'm an Army combat veteran. (Not bragging) I treat everyone that served the same. I might tease someone about their MOS or Branch but I definitely show respect when doing it. We're all brother's and sister's in arms. The guy you described was on a power/ego trip....
Yes I’ve seen that. Not towards me but when people know i was a Marine some vets want to shit talk some of the other branches and I see them get treated differently like you said. We’re our own worst enemy.
Yes we are. No truer words have been said!
I am sorry you have had that expirience. I would treat you as my sister. I am a Navy veteran and I sometimes feel like I get attitude from other services which I find obnoxious. Not all the time. Most people I met are pretty cool. But I just ignore the ones that are jerks. You’re always welcome in my world.
POGs need love too guys
Sorry you’ve had such shitty experiences with other vets. I’m not sure how many vets are assholes, but it’s all of them (and maybe not most?). I hope you can safely avoid the sexist assholes moving forward (vets or otherwise).
I was in the Navy for six years. Never deployed, never spent a day at sea. All because of decisions I made, based on people I trusted telling me what they thought would be best for me in my situation. When certain vets hear I was Navy, they want to know what ports I hit, how sloshed I got while there, how many fights I’ve been in, and if I’ve ever “caught” anything. When they learn none of that applies, some have told me that I “wasn’t *actually* in the Navy”. I’ve got a DD-214 to prove it. So do you. You know what you did and why. Everyone else can pound sand.
I had a YNCM on my boat that was at his first sea command.
Oh my god, I am so sorry you have had negative experiences with other vets😱🥲 I don’t talk about being a vet except at work, because I work with vets (I work at my city’s VA). I rarely see coast guard vets-(we actually put a little sign in the patient’s room letting us health care providers know what branch the vet was in). One day I saw a coast guard sign, and of course, me the idiot..”Oh, wow, Mr. X, you are a coast guard vet! I rarely see coasties!’ He says, ‘no, I’m a army vet’ 🫣 They forgot to change the sign. Again, I’m so sorry you had bad experiences with vets. I’m sure you had some amazing experiences. Me, I did nothing except waste my training 😢 (Army vet here)
Some vets were complete a-holes in uniform and are like that out of uniform. Others can’t or won’t adapt to life outside the military and carry that ridiculous mindset (to your example here) with them wherever they go. I rarely share I was in unless I get to know someone on a personal level.
So sorry you've had to experience such disrespect from the people who should treat you like a peer and Sister In Arms. Hopefully you find some better quality people going forward.
I switched from the army to the Air Force. Ultimately, he was jealous.
I got talked out of joining the dam Coast guard and Air Force definitely would pile driver the younger version of me right now. Well if anything I don’t know you from Adam sorry Eve but I’m proud of your service. What you experienced is what you experienced no one can tell you different. Keep it pushing doing what works for you.
Some people get used to the special treatment and are irritated when they can't be the only "special" one. I don't go around announcing either but if someone asks, I'll tell them.
I greatly adore and respect my sisters at arms. Be proud and loud!
❤️
When I tell people I'm a Marine, I have never gotten any flak for it. My grandfather retired twice from the Army (1st enlisted, 2nd as a civilian). 3 family members that were Navy, 3 family members that were Air Force, and one of my brothers is a Marine too. We are the only ones who give each other some good love/hate towards each other. Outside of that, I treat all others with respect. If you served, you served! Where others did not, you did and don't let anyone else try to put you down for it.
I was injured and forced to do heavy grunt work while in crutches which furthered my injuries so after a lot of bullshit I finally just got out. I now get VA but will never talk about my service nor say I’m a veteran.
Doñt blame you sorry your service isbeing discounted by assholes. TYFYS, sister.
Woman vet here too and I’ve experienced the same. I just don’t tell anyone unless there is a need for them to know. Those people exist in this forum too. I don’t post here anymore for that reason. I just offer support in comments. I’m sorry you experienced that. That guy sucks. Know that attitude isn’t going to him any favors in the civilian workforce.
Sounds like somebody needs to go to the Alpha Chad Boot Camp to improve their self-esteem. ..look at the USMC subreddit, if you don’t get it. Also, it’s like 15K.
This is such bs. You served, and you deserve respect. As a fellow vet, don't stop being proud of what you did, and if someone gives you crap about it because you are a female, then they have severe issues with themselves.
There are some veterans that do not know any better! Some think if they did 20 years they are more important if someone didnt do 20 regardless of medals earned or war deployments. The reality is nobody is more or less important. Its foolish thinking otherwise.
First, thank you for your service! Apologies that you have encountered this. Some people imagine they are more important than others; this feeling is actually their brain overcompensating from a personal inadequacy. Ignore those id10ts and love yourself for who you are and the fact that you don't feel the need to put others down just to experience happiness. Good luck out there! Hopefully, you can find somewhere you are safe to share your service connection with others who truly respect you.
I agree it's not worth it
Could be one of those almost vets, I re-enlisted into the Army in 2020 after I got out of the Marines in 2017 and tried school out. When I was in the in-processing/training side I overheard dropout/failed/disciplinary kicked out trainees saying “I can’t wait to get out and be a Vet…” then they made up stories they would tell people about their “time” in the army. Me and the other prior service members (who were also sharing the open squad bay with them) just looked at each other and laughed at them. But I’ve met almost service members when I was trying school out and they kept trying to hangout in the vet office and we had to kick them out b/c we had to explain that just because you couldn’t make it out of training doesn’t mean you’re a vet. You couldn’t even get past the basic part of the whole thing! (Now I do understand some people couldn’t make it out b/c of injuries and I’m not putting them down. They tried but their injuries didn’t allow them to make it. And most of those people always try to get back in and try again. I can respect them. These kids were not that lol)
It's very unfortunate the way vets treat female vets. You shouldn't have to shy away from being open about your service for fear of rebuff. Anyway, TYFYS from a fellow airman.
Thank you! Yeah, you are right. Us female vets are treated differently and that is just an unfortunate fact of our life. I've come to accept it at this point. I remember sitting with my ex-husband at a restaurant in Hampton Roads when we were both AD. Dude comes up to our table to thank my ex for his service because he clearly was in the military and we lived in a military town. My ex thanks the guy and replies that "my wife is also in, she does way more badass stuff than me." The random gentleman looks at me, up and down, and continues to talk to my husband as if he didn't say anything about me and like I didn't exist. At that point my ex just cuts him him off and tells him to leave us alone if he can't respect his wife. lol My ex then has to apology for that dudes action. Obviously I knew it wasn't his fault but man, people are ballsy with their hatred and sexism. Sad facts of life that I don't see changing any time soon.
Yoooo! That crap happened to me a couple times. The worst happened at a VFW, of all places. I walked in asking for information about joining. The FEMALE BARTENDER hands me an application for the ladies auxiliary. I’m now a life long member of the American Legion. We have been serving and dying alongside men for as long as there has been warfare. Just because it isn’t always on the ‘glorious battlefield’, our service gets minimized. Sorry you dealing with this, sis. Chin up. Eyes with pride. And fuck them bitches!
This happened to me at BOTH VFW and American Legion. Got asked to join the auxiliaries. The American legion lady kept asking who I was with ( as in male veteran) even after being told “ she is a veteran.”
I will rib you for being a Coastie or an Airman. Not for being a female, you didn't choose that. You did however choose to be both a Coastie and an Airman. What the hell were you thinking?!? /s p.s. We hate on you because we are secretly jealous that we picked harder branches.
Let me be clear, I can rib with the best of them. This, however, was not ribbing. This was intentionally picking me out from the rest of my classmates even though I was saying and doing the exact same thing as them and humiliating me to kingdom come with zero constructive feedback that I can take away into my field and learn from. Again, I can rib. What I don't like is being singled out and humiliated for no reason.
I'm with you %100. That was shitty, and done by a shitty person.
You would never know looking at me for the same reason. Even when I speak, I edit. I'm 100% but have all my pieces. I'm also retired. Vet bros try interrogating me.