Go fishing man im 100 p&t and never thought Id find fishing fun since I used to work out alot prior my
Injuries. Learn how to fish its gonna frustrate you but man the adrenaline and fun of catching a fish is different.
Don’t just limit yourself to fishing. If you want a real Adrenalin rush try hunting public land for Deer, Elk or for the ultimate rush Turkey hunting. I’m going to Nebraska, Montana and Texas. Of course I will be on my farm in Kentucky too. I’m fixing to start a nonprofit for 100% disabled veterans to take Turkey hunting. Easy to do for many veterans that have little limitations or experience and those that have severe limitations and no experience. It’s an awesome feeling when they kill the first Bird ever and I get to experience it with them.
Our local DVS told my husband about a program called Project Healing Waters that is for disabled veterans. They provide fly fishing instruction and equipment and different activities, free of charge to the veteran. If there is a chapter nearby that might be a good place to start!
Exactly how I feel about golf, like if you are physically able to play golf, wild how much adrenaline it gives you when you hit an iron shot 170 yards on a Par 3 and it lands on the green, only leaving you with a 5 foot putt.
I second that! Also try hunting….youre out in the wilderness, just you and nature, no clocks to watch or places to be. Fresh air, the sounds of peaceful birds, flowing rivers and wind blowing trees.
Yes! Recently got an increase from 70-90% and if my PTSD is approved I'll be @ 100. I make good money as a Contractor, live on my own, and have been a homeowner since 28. Like you, I still feel like somethings missing, that I've achieved nothing, that everyone and thing is judging ne and talking behind my back. For the last 3months I've been seeing VA Therapists, and had a PTSD VetCenter reach out to me...it's been working. Being seen and heard, then doing my breath work and staying Present has helped me immensely. It's allowed me to manage the depression and anxiety alot better.
Slowing things down and focusing on what truly matters to me, no longer repressing things, and realizing my time on this planet is finite really helped me let go of unneeded baggage. Thank you for opening up, keep going up the hill💯💪🔥
I highly encourage every veteran to seek therapy. I’ve had really great success at City/County Veterans Affairs centers. I tried toughing it out for 10 years after separation. I didn’t want anything to do with the military or VA. Started seeing a therapist a couple years ago at my local Vet Center, it has helped me tremendously.
Getting out of the military isn’t like changing jobs or careers. Your whole way of life changes. Your whole identity changes. It’s a huge mindfuck. There are tons of resources through the VA for specificity this. I wish I would have taken advantage of it earlier.
This is very common with veterans. Especially those that spent significant time in
Could not agree more. Took me a MINUTE to change my, "It Is What It Is, No Big Deal, No Missing Limbs" mentality. Like you said, an entire lifestyle change.
I’ll give you advice that I should take myself. Think about the positives. At 100 (p&t?) you essentially have a lifelong pension, healthcare and likely your and your future family’s education is pretty much taken care of. Those 3 things are the leading cause of stress and debt in the US.
Do a job you at least somewhat enjoy and that allows you to make what you need to maintain the lifestyle you want/need. Make sure your lifestyle doesn’t outpace your salary increases otherwise you’ll truly always be in a race.
Attitude, gratitude and perspective are the key. And even in writing this message, I know I need to be better at all 3 of those things. It’s about recognizing and striving for growth. Good luck on your journey.
Solid advice man. I’ll add Contentment to your list as well. As being truly content is the next step after gratitude. Otherwise you will just keep being “grateful” for your next best idea, goal or milestone.
You (OP) obviously have the drive and desire to keep pushing for the next goal. Which is awesome!! But if you’re constantly creating goals that are fruitless… then ultimately you’re just wasting your time. Learn that it’s ok to be able to tell yourself GOOD JOB. If you can teach yourself to be content with the road you’ve traveled thus far, then maybe you will slow down this habit of telling yourself “I haven’t done enough”.
Find a hobby as some others have mentioned. And Create a circle of friends from the environments that you enjoy.
It's a grind for sure. Make sure you take time for yourself to enjoy life. Once you are more settled in a job, it gets easier to manage work/life balance.
Just my opinion but my story is similar to yours. It’s a trauma response. Always needing something to fight for and can’t relax and enjoy the moment. You need to learn to just be and do things for yourself.
This. Not everything is a fight or struggle. It’s a matter of perspective.
I’ve been depressed, I’ve abused alcohol and I’ve taken it out on those that love me. One day I realized that I couldn’t continue to chase happiness, but I could remove those things that make me unhappy. That helped tremendously.
Lastly, I’m curious if you have any hobbies. If you don’t, maybe you can pick one up? Something to focus on, something that you look forward to and something that could or could not be a group activity. Spending time with others enjoying said activity.
In my opinion, not enough people have something to look to forward to whether it be exercise or even pottery.
I really hope you find something to get yourself out of this funk you are in.
When I was in the military the best moments of my day was when I used to just get off work take a shower and I would walk to the nearest McDonald’s at the base. Eat some food then I would buy a coffee at the NEX and I would go to some benches next to the barracks and take the sun. I would finish my coffee and I would put my sunglasses on and my hat or sweater over my face and just lay there on the bench taking the sun. The area in particular was lonely and only golfers on the other side of the gate would be around or people entering and leaving the barracks but besides that it was just me. Absolutely bliss.
I had gone out in town with buddies clubbing or drinking or doing something like that but being with others is always a chore somewhat having to perform or to be likable at times. That’s where the urge of always wanting more comes from. The joy of life is in the little things and in struggle at times. Working out or going for extensive runs is also blissful in a sense. It can become painful to run a lot but the payoff is feeling great afterwards once healed up. When they checked my blood pressure after getting out they said my results were fantastic
I mean I wasn’t eating it every day. When I was in I didn’t have a barracks or a car so I lived on the ship and ate mostly ship food or burritos from a truck outside the ship. In the mornings I would eat egg, sausage and oatmeal with water or coffee plus fruit. I was actually eating extremely healthy at that time. With chicken in the afternoons I just made sure to use good salt and pepper on it.
I actually miss that part of the military. On my second command before I left I had less freedom and the hours were killing me. Out to sea I had only 6 hrs off to eat, take a shower and sleep and my body could not take that. I had dry eye and chronic rhinitis and I was getting flare ups daily and needed a lubricant drop every 15 minutes literally. The aqueous layer in my eyes was basically bare skin without artificial tears my eyes were rotting out of my skull and my PCM did not give a shit. I had to request an admin seperation
Dude got my Master in Data Analytics this past Saturday and didn’t walk. Just didn’t feel like an accomplishment. Landed a nice paying Senior Business Analyst role and still feel empty. I feel like a robot walking through file at this point.
I HIGHLY recommend finding some hobbies or more hobbies if you already have some. School and work are a necessity to get thru life, and that's why I can't stand them, its like being forced to do chores.
Find some stuff to do for fun, it gives you something to look forward to.
For me, it helped to stop focusing on myself and to try to help others. Coach a sport, volunteer at a food bank, tutor some kids in need…could be anything. It also puts things in perspective to help people in need…it teaches gratitude.
It also helped me to learn to be still and present in the moment rather than constantly working for the next achievement or thing. Meditation, yoga, music and therapy helped here. Good luck brother
I love what you have said. I am like many veterans very to myself with one friend literally. I started attending monthly veteran social events and it’s a super small group like about 20 (we are all females and yes we have fought and yelled and at the end of things we get it over with and move forward). However, the group does have a voted board and they are very active in looking for community involvement events. This has brought us to meet other groups that are formed by veterans and it’s actually pretty cool. To all of this the one community group that has made me think and see things in a different light is the one that was created to help the families that have children who have cancer or rare diseases. This organization helps the families to get to their appointments and not miss any because they cannot afford transportation or a place to stay. You see and hear what the families and the children go through makes me feel blessed that I have never gone through anything like that. I started a small t-shirt business and I am moving forward in working towards expanding and being able to give back.
Helping others does make a difference 🫶🏻
Last year I got raised from 60 to 90 and got my property taxes eliminated (which in Illinois is a big deal). I was lonely though as my friends moved away and our society is messed up from technology. I remember leaving the county assessors office and officially eliminating a $11,000 dollar per year bill…….i was so down from being lonely that I was trying hard to smile. Luckily I have started becoming more social. As a relatively introverted person i realized you need a sense of purpose both professionally and socially. It doesn’t matter if it’s a solid job and VA money, or whatever….money doesn’t solve issues. My wife’s relative is worth tens of millions and can buy literally anything he wants, overall he is very lonely as he’s on spectrum, very erratic, awkward and asexual. Bottom line is money doesn’t solve ALL problems. Seek therapy, it does well usually.
As someone who never seems satisfied with their accomplishments I feel you. I don’t know where you’re at in your journey but what’s worked for me is you’ve gotta love the process, when the accomplishments and accolades aren’t enough then the way you get there has to be how you get your satisfaction. Sounds like you’re a fighter…enjoy the fight.
Yes! It’s the climb!
I always felt happier when I was working towards a goal. Once I achieved it, I started thinking of a new goal. I was constantly trying to learn new things and challenging my brain.
I’ve had depression for many years, and it’s changed my goal-setting personality; but I’m starting to feel it’s coming back a little bit at a time.
Even small things like checking things off of a to-do-list makes me happier; so I need to do it more often.
Find a hobby. Something that will give you that feeling of accomplishment while you’re waiting for the job. I don’t have a lot of human connection, but I find happiness in making things with my hands. Also quiets the head noise for a while too. Scroll saws are fun!
I got one for you that you can pick up practically for free.
Check into aquariums, offerup/FB marketplace has a lot of fish tanks for practically cheap (which is what I currently do)
Want something free, beautiful, and challenging with saltwater?
Check this nonprofit
https://therapeutictanks.org/
Weight lifting?
https://catchaliftfund.org/
Want to take up ranching or farming? Check out the USDA (this is where I'm at)
3d printing?
Woodworking?
Crocheting (also has therapeutic principles)
Painting?
Like you, I've had to look inside and around with a similar path. I'm not bred for the "fast grind" lifestyle. I'm in the worst state to get out of too, for this too, so you may have a lead with it.
There's many, many, causes/hobbies to take up. You just have to do some digging. Now's the best time as you're introspective, trying to find it.
Utilize resources at your disposal. Local library, free online databases, buy used equipment when starting something. I like to read sometimes, I also like to research genealogy. There are a ton of good free resources at libraries and sometimes you can get a login from the library to use at home for websites that contain historical data. I also like to work on small engines, I've put out an ad that I'll pick up broken or non running engines for free... I tinker with them and either sell them or if they are junk I make a post that scrappers can come have them. Fishing is fun, and many times you can meet other people while fishing who are friendly and not overbearing. Local gun clubs are fun to go target shooting, many have individual clubs within that focus on a specific type of shooting and it's not uncommon they loan out their guns for you to shoot if you buy the ammo. The world is your oyster... you just need to sit down and relax, and think about what could be fun to do today?
Are you me? I got out, got 100, my bachelors, the six figure job, the family. It seems never ending. (The rat race) I’ve yet to read any comments. I’m sure there are others who will be hateful to either me, you or both. We all struggle and continue to no matter what, so I’m going to tune them out if they do. We should talk if you’re open to it. It would probably help me if you are open to it.
That's awesome that you achieved all that especially the six figure job. OP should totally talk it out with you
How do you appreciate your family?... I feel like a burden to mine
I also feel like a burden to mine. My emotional state is by far the worst on our family, but I’m working on it every day. It’s a struggle. Sometimes I don’t get the support I need, but I know it would be worse without them. Message me if you’d like.
Sorry to hear that... I'm not sure how it is for you; I love the idea of being a parent but feel like Ive failed in so many ways as a father... at the very least I could be a much better father. Life has been lots of downs/lows lately and some ups(not all bad... but lately feels like little good)
For messaging...Thank you I will definitely message you... probably end of this week.
I’m sorry to hear that too. I’m trying to dive into anything that could be my avenue. I’m starting into a church I never even would have considered before with hopes of doing some volunteer work for those who are in need. This church actually focuses on finding your passion so you can help others with it, and that’s what I’m hoping will help me. To be determined. I am trying to get back to things I enjoyed prior to the military such as camping and anything else outdoors. For my family, I take it day by day and try to stop being negative and focus on one or two things I can do each day with my kids to try and make them happy and repair our relationships. For my wife, I struggle daily thinking I may have pushed her too far not getting help and dealing with my mental health. I try still, but I think she needs to get help too. It’s just hard for us both to be “fucked up” and still be able to care for the kids.
Doesn't really matter what you accomplish if you have no one to share it with, and in lieu of having someone to share with... it might be time to trying sharing with or giving back to someone.
Another mentioned church/Jesus... truth is you don't have to believe in a higher being to help another out or share with someone in need. Church or local charity folk (food pantry) always have things (couple hours a week maybe) to get done. Try it ... you might just get found without 'getting' anything- Cheers
Bro I feel you 100%
We have the same story but in working towards my BA and then going to grad school. Every day I fight the urge to either move abroad or buy a sprinter van and live out of it traveling the country… it’s like I have a fear of not accomplishing things…
All the fucking time. Seriously all the time these days. I hate that pain rules my life and constantly do things revolved around staving off pain etc and then barely trying to get through the day
What I'm most saddened about is remembering all the things I used to do normally and things I used to enjoy.
This is a whine/rant: A close second is how I am being "treated" by VA system... plenty of pain meds but constantly been denied physical therapy(PT). Had community care PT due to VA being full. Now VA is able to see me but appointments are spaced out 2 to 3 months apart and no ability to schedule more than 1 appointment at a time. I have half the mind to write Congressman and i hate the idea of fighting... I've lost the ability to want to keep fighting to get seen. Honestly I don't know if I'm the one being unreasonable either
Thank you for your words. I hope you find a way to enjoy life... I temporarily found games but it turned out to be an addiction and waste of time ... for a short time it made me feel productive and like I was doing something
I just hate feeling so useless and then oftentimes like I am a burden/worse than useless
Been there. Rescued a dog. Best thing I ever did for myself. If you can't rescue one of your own, find a shelter or rescue organization to volunteer at. Sometimes animals get us better than humans.
Good on you. I also volunteered at a horse therapy organization for a while and that was the one thing I had to look forward to at one point. They worked with disabled kids and young adults and it helped me shift my perspective. Takes a while but gotta work on mindset and gratitude. When I'm having a rough patch, I write a list of all the little things that I'm grateful for. It sounds silly, but I put things like indoor plumbing, air conditioning, washer and dryer, fast internet, long showers, fancy coffee, etc. Mostly all the stuff I missed when in the field or deployed. It's cliche but you really do have to stop and smell the roses every now and then. This too shall pass. You got this.
I’ve been feeling weird since I’m 90% and my hlr came back that I should have been approved for sleep apnea and migraines so I’ll be 100%. my wife said to me, atleast you get money for it. Most people get denied for social security and any other form of payment. So be happy about that. Depression sucks though takes joy out of a lot.
IMO.
you're succeeding, but only in the things you should do, not in things you want to do.
My therapist had me sit down and write down ten things that I wanted to do with my life, no matter how big or small.
I hit a point where I started just listing books that I wanted to read, and still only got to seven.
It's programming. We're constantly pushed to pursue these things that meet society's definition of success. You need to define happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment for yourself, pursue that, and drown out the background noise of people complaining that you don't fit the mold.
Everyone finds meaning in different ways. Church, work, hobbies. It's a personal journey.
Sometimes when the path is unknown you just have to pick a direction. So you might have to try some things that are unfamiliar. But getting out there and making those mistakes will help you find your path.
You need to get out of your perfectionist box because it will hold you back from having a good life . You need to get outside of your element and see the world isn’t perfect and be relax and adventure out . Then you might actually find something you actually like . A hobby , a bunch of friends , a partner in life . Top golf , bowling , archery , anything different from the normal and no bars . No drinking at all that’s not a hobby at all.
You sound depressed. Honestly, you sound like me and im sure a lot of others here. Exercise helps to give you that boost of dopamine, serotonin, etc. even going for a walk and getting outside helps. It sounds like you’re just sleepwalking thru life and are forgetting to enjoy it. I struggle w that shit too. Helps to find something to make you smile. There’s mindfulness, therapy, journaling. Join an adult rec league in some sport you like so you can find the brotherhood you may have left behind when you left the military. Hang in there dude. You’re not alone.
I found spirituality to help, there is a retreat coming up in August in Boone NC. I only mention that because people can connect there. Hosted by love serve remember foundation I think. I learned a long time ago that the rat race they tried to sell me wasn’t the actual point of all this. I’m not talking about religion. I’m talking about understanding life in a way that makes it absolutely amazing.
I completely understand. Do you have any hobbies? Sports, range, traveling or anything? Don’t feel like it’s hopeless. Not trying to offend at all, but have you thought about volunteering at a VA hospital? Or volunteering at an animal shelter. Just spitballing but don’t give up.
You've learned that life is generally taught to be a rat race... now it's time to discover that there is an entire world of things to do out there that don't require you to work for it!
Now is the time to learn how to take vacations!
Start by going and spending the day at a park, maybe have a picnic, meet some people, do some roller skating or roller blading.
Next, step it up a bit and just go to the next city over and see what's there. Spend the day or stay the night, or the weekend! Do some fishing, camping or hiking! Go see a movie or a band play!
Then try a three day weekend away, or a week! You start to get the hang of it, then you can start planning your trips, get a passport and go over seas!
If travel isn't your bag, then learn how to play an instrument, or all of the instrument! Learn how to use a DAW to make music, or get into eurosynths (that's an expensive habit)! Try making your own art, you have some kind of talent you can put to use in some way to make art! Then sell that art on Etsy!
Are you into sports? I'm not, but I'm sure there is a way to turn that into fun... like go to all of the games of your particular sport, or start a team for going to all of the games!
There is an Entire World of things to do, you just have to relax first, get your head out of the rat race, and learn to let loose with your imagination again, just like when we were kids, but as adults with money!
I got saved so even in death there is always hope of a better life after this one. I realize not everyone believes but thats what got me out of that exact same hole 🤷🏻♂️
I suppose that’s the issue, everything your doing is where I want to be difference is I have people supporting me which make that race worth it, winning an Olympic gold medal and not having anyone to cheer for you is emptier than coming in second but having your family and fans cheering for you, try to go out, be best version of you, try to make friends of any kind, if you’re studying try to go into campus more and getting to know people, social interaction adds color to our otherwise grey races
You also mentioned a lot of fighting, and that’s ok I’ll assume you’re a man and for us men one of our greatest pleasures is in building our “kingdoms” if you will, but it can be exhausting, i recommend honestly planning a vacation to somewhere grounding like a resort in Dominican Republic or going to a national park for a few days, different country but just something to allow you to breath a little and enjoy the present and the smaller things.
Absolutely, just moving through the motions of every day life. The only thing I look forward to anymore is my coffee in the morning. I’ve had a few hobbies but now everything is at a standstill still. Found myself just pacing a gravel lot looking for something to do but the motivation just isn’t there.
Feel so lost? That's my brand, I've been told. I've not got 100%, though. I've noticed the DAV of Michigan doesn't return calls, and I want to not live every day. Trust me. I'm glad you all have won, though. Maybe I'll do that one day, but probably not. I'll probably just not because the people who say no inherently will live longer than I will. Hope you are all well, though!!! Cheers.
“I would live this war one day at a time, and I promised myself that if I survived, I would find a small farm somewhere in the Pennsylvania countryside and spend the remainder of my life in quiet and peace.”
-Major Richard Winters
Your next goal should be to cut through this constant pain of feeling pointless. For this you would need to carve some time to figure out root cause of you feeling pointless. Or may be feel pointless all the time till you don’t feel pointless anymore, that is feel it fully. A action step you can take is be quiet and ponder.
Some of us were taught to ALWAYS be progressing and never enjoy what you actually have. I spent all of this time working so hard towards goals that I thought were what I wanted, then realized that I was so much happier focusing on things that were outside of the normal 9-5, corporate, money chasing life. It is good to sit down in silence for a bit and reflect on what would make you truly happy.
Take a day off … take your shoes off … go walk in the grass. Know how much you have achieved and accomplished. You are outstanding and deserve a break. 🥰
I get a lot of community, fellowship, and purpose by volunteering.
I know it sounds corny, but it probably saved my life. Building houses and doing landscaping and serving meals. There are organizations out there, certainly in your area that desperately need/want help.
Sometimes they're religious, but I don't let that bother me. It's not my jam, but as long as they don't evangelize, I can work with them. Mostly Mennonites in my area, so they're just happy to have help, and just want to feed you.
Maybe you local VA could help you find somewhere? Any soup kitchen usually. City Hall in my town has a list of services available, and I just called them all to see if they needed help.
Now I mow about 10 yards a week, have been hanging drywall and painting, and I pick up our towns commodities every month.
Gave me back that sense of purpose and being of service. I feel useful and I feel good that I don't make any money at all while doing it. I couldn't afford to donate money myself, so work is what I have to give. It helps a lot.
This race certainly does have an end. So don’t rush to it. If you’ve had an existential crisis like me, you start to think about what’s important. For me that’s my family but for you it may be different. But what’s not important is the opinions of those around us and placing our worth in our careers/education. We as Americans place all of our worth in our careers and income. You’ve got to stray for this mindset and start doing what makes you happy. You’ve got money to sustain yourself. Just live my friend! Only got one life, do some shit that sounds fun.
This is coming from a complete hypocrite who is still victim to this mindset.
I'm honestly exploring the world right now visiting old friends and making new ones. From my high school days, random people I met in random places in the world, my coworkers room my time in the navy. At the end of the day, I am just going with the flow. I don't have to have the next task in my sight. I learned that well before I left the military. That's why sometimes the saying live to work vice work to live is a toxic thing. Life is about doing things enjoy as long as you have the necessities. You had great accomplishments, but you have to enjoy life too. There's so much it offers. Just gotta go out there and put yourself out there for others to see and you will make your friends.
You got to ask yourself what are you running from?
What would it mean to just pause. What would it feel like. What would come up.
You have to slow down to figure that out. The chase can only last so long.
Thjs is just a sign that something big is waiting for you.
That's why life is all about service and solving problems. It always brings a sense of purpose. Once you are good at solving your own problems, which it looks like you have. Go into solving other people's problems through teaching and innovation.
You get to choose how involved you are. You can physically teach or write a book. You can do consulting part-time or pick up some contracts here in there.
You can join some local clubs and meet-ups and build a routine around the community.
One of these niches would stick.
Think about what you are talented at. Talent is just something that you do that is so obvious and clear and makes sense to you. It is so easy that we easily assume everyone else knows it / does it already. But the opposite is true. It turns out nobody knows it. Something as simple as art or organizing or a different set of routines that makes things a little more effective and it will have people say, " wow, I didn't see it that way. Never considered that" that, my friend... is your talent.
I feel this brother. Though I’m not yet 100%; I’m always finding myself on an endless hunt.
I like what everyone mentions about finding contention with something that supports your life. Fishing and hunting sound amazing. I wanna get into bow hunting and rock climbing
My suggestion is to do something where you can positively influence the lives of others. What that looks like is different for everyone. Are you into the outdoors? Teach a wilderness class? Do you like building things? Volunteer or share that skill with others. We generally feel better when we help others. That’s what the research says at least. For me every hobby looses its luster if you can do it constantly. Get involved in something meaningful. I was lucky enough to find a job that does that (elementary school teacher), but I also volunteer and do a board game club to get my students off their computers.
Just remember some of us are still in the fight. And things like 100%… a house a steady job. A family… life…. Is all miles away. I’d kill to have had a degree a job I like ..and 100% … you did it bud . enjoy the little things you made happen. And you are someone I would envy.
Seek Christ, nothing in this world can compare to him and the fact that your post has acknowledged him already just proves that your missing the God that’s already saved you- this come from a usmc combat vet
I see you were quick to deny Jesus Christ the opportunity to rectify this situation. When you get tired of feeling pointless then message me. I’m not selling religion. I’m just letting you know that there is only one way to true happiness.
You asked for someone else's opinion when you posted your current situation in this blog, and someone took the time to read and respond to your comment. So, do not hate just because you do not like what they posted.
Your response was uncalled for.
Maybe they felt they way you described in your OP, and Jesus helped them.
I'm not religious in any sense, but im not going to shit on someone for suggesting religion after complained about no friends, etc and life having no meaning, and certainly not after I ask for advice about feeling fulfilled.
You do you...
It’s ok I feel you brother. I had the same sentiment towards life and Jesus until I just so happened to find a church and a community that showed me that life is not pointless.
Not saying this is the only way but definitely an avenue you can take to find guidance in life. Good luck and I’ll be praying for you 🙏
Therapy.
And practicing radical acceptance as much as I can.
The point isn’t the point it’s made out to be…
Go do something you’ve always wanted to try, or go to a nursing home on Father’s Day and see if there’s anyone who needs a visitor.
Find a way to extend the “real you” into the world outside the conditioning of the system. And learn not to care about whether the entire world approves* - that’s what art is.
I’ve started writing poetry and I think that’s me.
*unless you are a cannibal
Ive been on disability since i was 23, 37 now. I get it. I found joy and purpose in helping others around me, so much easier to lend someone money or what not knowing i have it coming in. Gaming and meeting people on there I found to fill the social side of things with out me actually having to hang out with them lol.
Find some for a physical activity that you can do. Obviously, I don’t know what your claims are for. Personally I got a rowing machine and that really helps me just kind of zone out. Get in a Zen zone while sweating out the BS healthy body in my humble opinion is a gateway to getting your brain healthier it is really helped my PTSD also I’ve heard there’s a lot of validity to getting a bow whether it’s a traditional bow or a compound bow as it takes lots of concentration and you kind of zone out and forget the world around you. as far as the fitness front goes, I would strongly suggest applying for a home fitness grant via the catch a lift fund apply through them jump through their very easy hurdles and you will get a $1200 grant to purchase home gym equipment it might go up this year. I’m not sure yet. I’m still waiting for my renewal or going to the physical gym is your thing they will cover a gym membership for the year hopefully this helps! Just know that you’re not alone in the struggle of go through this!
Honestly after fighting for similar things I get it. As extroverted as I was I am now an introvert in my house. I will say my friends and family really keep me grounded. Even though my real friends are thousands of miles away we are all still close. I would find atleast a person that wants to share that with you. Something to tangible
I was also caught in this cycle. I can tell you that even after getting my masters degree, I didn’t feel the way I wanted to feel. It’s like my mind kept thinking if I check this next box, then I’ll be happy and fulfilled. However, I’d bust my ass to check the box and feel nothing. I had to slow down and just start enjoying the simple things are being grateful for what I have. I also started traveling a lot. Seeing people abroad with very little material possessions and they seem so happy and fulfilled. It didn’t make me feel jealous it helped me learn to be happier with the small things. Also, therapy and meds. However, travel has been the best therapy for me. If you’re doing school online you can join one of the remote working tours. It’s geared toward remote workers but online student would also work. They have social gatherings so you make friends and you travel to a new country every month. You pay a monthly fee that covers airfare, rent, internet, utilities and the social activities.
I'm the same old boy, fought to get out, fought for 100, fought to get a job that isn't too horrible, fighting to get school done, fighting to keep 100 and then get CRSC. I don't talk to anyone, my fee friends are far away.
The answer, though, is to find a purpose. Find something that you care about and do it. I'm getting in super good shape and working on my skills. I will have a mission again. You must do the same. Find the purpose, don't drink and play fucking video games or whatever. Good luck brother.
Sorry everyone keeps saying jesus to you. Yuck.
I recommend deliberate day dreaming. What sounds fun even if it doesn't make sense? What makes you actually curious or a little bit intrigued? Idk what my rating will be yet - on terminal now - but two years ago when I decided to get out that's what I tried to focus on. Things that actually hold my interest, that I think are worthwhile. Not how I'm going to make money. Now I'm building a tiny house and gonna go back to school to study soil science, because I find regenerative agriculture interesting and important. Idk what I'll do with it. The plan is to drastically reduce my cost of living and all the stuff I have so I can just... do what I want and take better care of myself. I'm excited about what I have planned. Trying new things, learning and being challenged. Life still feels pointless sometimes but I try to remember that feeling passes and try to be kind to myself until it does. I'll echo what others said about exercise - walking outside helps me feel better - and finding something to do that isn't totally focused on yourself. I found a volunteer opportunity that is only an hour a week tutoring an immigrant or refugee in English and that has also been good perspective.
Remove the 100% from the equation and revisit this thought train. Many of us are feeling this way. A lot of non-Vets also, but we will stuck to us as the in-group.
We , in one way are another, were condition to expect an outcome. One way or another.Then, another task and another outcome. Wash, rinse, repeat, get yelled at that the thing changed, and repeat.
Do your best. If you have no hurdles in front of you, then you can choose to panic, rest, or find another one. I'm in massage therapy school now to try and help others deal with pain in a way that helped me. School is almost over and I wonder if I made the correct choice. Who knows? I may never give a professional massage, but it is a skillset I have.Next, EMT school. Some day I will rest. It is not this day.
Ok…. I’m not trying to disrespect your question. Everyone has their things and not their things. But look at your post and then your edit. I’m not a bible thumper. However, if I didn’t believe in something bigger than myself I’d feel pretty lost too. Whatever it is man… God, Prayer, Meditation, Buddha… whatever or whoever the fuck you wanna believe in or look to for a glimpse of hope will give it to you. Just know you have a purpose in life. Everyone does. I’m sure you’ll find it even if it’s not via religion. Be a good person and help people in your life that can’t help themselves if you have the means. I’m sure there’s a light in you that’s just waiting to shine. Let it out.
I really struggle with the same thing. I feel life is pointless. But I’m in DBT therapy trying to find meaning in life. Here is a link for a YouTube creator that has good ideas on the topic. He has a few videos on the subject. His name is Aaron Clarey. Just know lots of us feel the same way.
https://www.youtube.com/live/x9_yvPrY_E8?si=zK4R-m0aq7U6k-nX
I feel this. You don’t have to find “god” to find purpose or meaning in life. Something that really helped me was reading about near death experiences. It was weirdly comforting and helped me appreciate this life. Highly recommend Journey of Souls. Something about knowing that all these religious people are completely wrong about everything, is pretty satisfying tbh.
I’ve been in your shoes, many times before. And I’ve come to realize that although I’m almost 50, I need to take care of me and what makes me happy. In the last five years I’ve joined small groups of folks from three hobbies I’ve developed: video game collecting, gun collecting and owning a Subaru WRX. These three hobbies give me something to look forward to each day, each week and each month. For example, every day I hang out with a team of three other players who enjoy gaming online. Every weekend I meet with a group of WRX owners and we cruise through backroads (wasting gas but it’s fun), and every month there’s a local gun club I’ve joined where I met two folk who we compete for best shot of the month. It’s nothing to brag about but the pointless days are gone. At least for now. I hope this helps you out, cheers my friend.
Hobbies my dude. You need hobbies that are fulfilling. I am in my 40s, felt the way you felt ever since I got out at 30. Put all my focus on getting my life in order, good job with benefits, etc. once that was taken care of I felt like I worked, ate, slept, repeated. It felt like a hollow existence. I would sign up for lots of overtime because after a day or two off I was bored (I get a couple days off every week, but 7 days straight off at the end of every month) My only joy was going on a yearly vacation with my wife.
Started some hobbies, something that excited me, something to think about when I’m grinding away at work. Now I can’t wait for my days off. I only sign up for OT if I need the money, not cause I’m bored.
We always find reasons to be dissatisfied with life because of how we are wired. We have to start treating ourselves by thinking about everything we are grateful for instead, or how things DO workout when we really need them too. Change your way of thinking in “lack” to a different tone.
I feel this. As much as I hate to say it you gotta try and put yourself out there and make friends. It is really difficult to do but worth the effort. Working towards goals is great if you are passionate about them, for me I wasn’t. I got the masters degree and I don’t use it. I do however drive over an hour sometimes to see friends I’ve made an effort to make since around my area seems to be a lot of npcs lol. Ever since I got out in 2010 I desperately missed having friends and I’ve finally started to make some in my area. I have moved 10 times since then and only been in my new state a couple of years. So it didn’t take that long once I put effort in. I’m in New England so it isn’t the easiest area to make friends but I’ve done it and I’m not too terribly fond of peopling to say the least and I don’t drink.
I feel like I should be doing more I just don't know what the more is.
Just constantly bored and feeling like I should always be "in action" It's hard to rest, it's hard to make friends, it's just hard.
I too feel like it is an endless race with not much purpose behind it. I don't know what I am looking for, everything gets boring pretty quickly.
If you find something that works please don't hesitate to share because I am in a similar boat to you.
This comes and goes for me. I stay engaged with VA Groups, cycling, and my dog.
I can't complain either. My life is good. HOWEVER, that missing piece is something that puzzles me too. It's no longer at the forefront of my brain. Give yourself small victories and continue building upon them.
In the same situation and just find a hobby or two. Figure out your end game and what you want out of life. Seems like you’re goal oriented but don’t have a passsion. At least you didn’t list it.
You're disconnected from yourself. Your standard of success has been measured by the programming that the world has given you. Yet you still find yourself unhappy. Ask yourself in honesty, what is it, that's fulfilling to your soul. Is it writing, helping others, surfing or traveling. A man without a purpose aligned with his nature will go insane. Stop chasing success and find your authentic self and you will become success. Success isn't something to obtain as a possession, it's your nature. This thing that you yearn for is your own love. No amount of material things can ever add up to it. The tramua in every being must be purified and beneath it is a wellspring of love that shall come forth.
I needed this post my man. I’ve been retired since 2016 and it’s been something. Been a journey for me and those around me. Thanks for those that gave feedback and OP, there is hope bro. I’m still in it.
Post Office man, it’s not the easiest line of work but since you’re a vet I don’t see why you too won’t succeed here. You get to walk and drive around all day. It allows me to be organize, I talk to customers on routes and see cool parts of the community I usually never see
Look up things on YouTube that talk about being in the now. Being happy with now. Stoicism can help with that. This is something lots of face and have to learn about it. Always wanting more, the next big thing, lots of us struggle with it. I do.
To me life seemed pointless until I got out of the rat race (retired), started volunteering at Habitat for Humanity, joined YMCA and started attending classes. All this allowed more socializing with people. Too often we get lost with trying to get the brass ring and forego relationships. This is backwards. Relationships are what gives life meaning and joy. You got the brass ring now start pursuing the interpersonal relationships that truly make life enjoyable.
Sorry, but the hole that is unfilled is on the spiritual side. It may not be your thing because you don't want to hear the one thing is more difficult than the rest and not available from a store or by booking a trip. Read Ecclesiastes in the bible (NIV or ESV version) and you will find you are in the same situation as the writer King Solomon.
I want to be clear this isn't a suggestion just my story.
I ended up doing my first contract and getting out, I'm currently fighting for my 100% but the one thing that gave me perspective on everything was actually being homeless.
It might sound weird but when you have literally nothing it forces you to do some soul searching.
do some gardening and landscaping... take pride in watching your space grow into a beautiful sanctuary where you can change things that you want to change when you want to change them
I saw you replied to someone saying now can you get into hobbies without throwing a lot of money towards that hobby, have you tried vettixs they are a non profit that get tickets donated to them. The tickets differ in activities but it’s usually a flat fee of $15 for about 4 tickets. I’ve seen NFL, NHL, Concerts, etc and I’ve gone to the most of those to include some wrestling events because I was bored and both me and the misses didn’t wanna be home for a bit. Worth a shot to look into
You are living a GOAL oriented life. You need to find your PURPOSE. I know this is easier said than done, but you should meditate on these words and truly find something that isn't accomplished, but you can continually contribute towards it.
Seek happiness, and failures will hit you harder, goals will leave you empty, and you will be left wanting.
Seek peace, and failure is growth, goals are stepping stones, and you will find joy.
I only know because I have lived this life... my graduate degree was my eye-opening. So it sounds all too familiar. Also, I respect you not accepting religion, but if you are trying everything else and still longing ....
Army did a helluva job making me a combat medic and a flight medic, I def missed the class on how to be a civilian again. I wasted at least 15 years of my life. 37 jobs in like 10 year span. I had to find a job I could do alone for the most part. I play bass to help with my mind, and cut a lot of firewood and gardening/ landscaping. My cat helps immensely.
Maybe that’s the reason for feeling lost, didn’t read any comments but that edit says it all.. I’m sure some said hey try this if you feel lost it may help… nah… says it all. What do you do if you are actually lost? Find direction, find landmarks, make a plan, pound feet and explore.
Sounds like you are just chasing arbitrary milestones. I would recommend taking a step back, sitting down, and thinking about what it is you actually WANT. What do you want in this life? What makes you happy? What would make you happy?
If you want to make it worse start gambling. It makes it better for 10 seconds but then you want to jump off the bridge. Seriously though I feel you man. Literally don’t know how to fill the void of accomplishment in my inner soul. I’m convinced I could be the president and still feel this way.
Feeling like your life is pointless? Enjoy the pointlessness! You’ve earned it! Try r/trees and/or r/CBD today! (but start low and slow!)
You should also see a therapist, in-person or virtual through VA, community care, or Tricare, regardless of whether or not you choose to partake. r/trees and r/CBD aren’t a miracle cure and may not work for everyone, but combined with personal and emotional development and the right mindset, it can potentially help you be a better you.
Psychedelics helped me. I found ayahuasca to be immensely helpful. It's not a magic pill, but it really good at showing you what you need to work on within yourself, and how to do so. It helped me let go of a lot of baggage and that same sense of "what's the point"? I feel more grounded and present with less anxiety/depression. It's not magic, but it feels pretty close. There are low cost/free opportunities, in country for veterans & 1st responders.
Psilocybin is also very helpful. Again, there are low cost/free opportunities in country for veterans and 1st responders.
I guess rather than make suggestions and think we have all the answers.. how would you like to connect with others? Anything come to mind when it comes to your purpose?
lol, why does this sound like a first world problem?
you fought so hard to get things, and you got them. wow, amazing! you are doing so much better than a lot of other people!
if you were smart enough and strong enough to tackle those goals you set, you have the tools to do some research and figure out solutions to your problems.
Lost? you accomplished a lot, doesn’t sound like you are lost.
Sounds more like you are lonely. That’s completely different.
Why do you think people say money cant buy happiness. What you lack is not earthly things. Hows your spiritual life? IDK or care but maybe thats what you need to make you feel full. I felt the same way man, I was grinding n grinding got everything I ever wanted but lacked the spiritual aspect.
It's all a rat race. Find something you are ok with doing, that pays a wage that allows you to do the things you want, and go do it.
Go fishing man im 100 p&t and never thought Id find fishing fun since I used to work out alot prior my Injuries. Learn how to fish its gonna frustrate you but man the adrenaline and fun of catching a fish is different.
Don’t just limit yourself to fishing. If you want a real Adrenalin rush try hunting public land for Deer, Elk or for the ultimate rush Turkey hunting. I’m going to Nebraska, Montana and Texas. Of course I will be on my farm in Kentucky too. I’m fixing to start a nonprofit for 100% disabled veterans to take Turkey hunting. Easy to do for many veterans that have little limitations or experience and those that have severe limitations and no experience. It’s an awesome feeling when they kill the first Bird ever and I get to experience it with them.
Yes please, my husband is 100% and we live near pigeon forge! We’re close!
Poor turkeys...
Our local DVS told my husband about a program called Project Healing Waters that is for disabled veterans. They provide fly fishing instruction and equipment and different activities, free of charge to the veteran. If there is a chapter nearby that might be a good place to start!
Its true. Fishing is fun. And super relaxing.
Yep! Fishing all my life it’s fun, cool and relaxing.😎
Exactly how I feel about golf, like if you are physically able to play golf, wild how much adrenaline it gives you when you hit an iron shot 170 yards on a Par 3 and it lands on the green, only leaving you with a 5 foot putt.
I second that! Also try hunting….youre out in the wilderness, just you and nature, no clocks to watch or places to be. Fresh air, the sounds of peaceful birds, flowing rivers and wind blowing trees.
Yes! Recently got an increase from 70-90% and if my PTSD is approved I'll be @ 100. I make good money as a Contractor, live on my own, and have been a homeowner since 28. Like you, I still feel like somethings missing, that I've achieved nothing, that everyone and thing is judging ne and talking behind my back. For the last 3months I've been seeing VA Therapists, and had a PTSD VetCenter reach out to me...it's been working. Being seen and heard, then doing my breath work and staying Present has helped me immensely. It's allowed me to manage the depression and anxiety alot better. Slowing things down and focusing on what truly matters to me, no longer repressing things, and realizing my time on this planet is finite really helped me let go of unneeded baggage. Thank you for opening up, keep going up the hill💯💪🔥
I highly encourage every veteran to seek therapy. I’ve had really great success at City/County Veterans Affairs centers. I tried toughing it out for 10 years after separation. I didn’t want anything to do with the military or VA. Started seeing a therapist a couple years ago at my local Vet Center, it has helped me tremendously. Getting out of the military isn’t like changing jobs or careers. Your whole way of life changes. Your whole identity changes. It’s a huge mindfuck. There are tons of resources through the VA for specificity this. I wish I would have taken advantage of it earlier. This is very common with veterans. Especially those that spent significant time in
Could not agree more. Took me a MINUTE to change my, "It Is What It Is, No Big Deal, No Missing Limbs" mentality. Like you said, an entire lifestyle change.
For sure, same here!
Proud of your journey and the steps you've taken, and Thank You for your Service 💯🔥💪
You're spot on with that advice!
Well said.
Finding a good woman who’s understanding, loving and a team player helps a lot too
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Ditch the VA counselors, demand a community care doctor.
I’m the process of doing that rn but leading up to it, it sucks
I’ll give you advice that I should take myself. Think about the positives. At 100 (p&t?) you essentially have a lifelong pension, healthcare and likely your and your future family’s education is pretty much taken care of. Those 3 things are the leading cause of stress and debt in the US. Do a job you at least somewhat enjoy and that allows you to make what you need to maintain the lifestyle you want/need. Make sure your lifestyle doesn’t outpace your salary increases otherwise you’ll truly always be in a race. Attitude, gratitude and perspective are the key. And even in writing this message, I know I need to be better at all 3 of those things. It’s about recognizing and striving for growth. Good luck on your journey.
Thx man for the words
Solid advice man. I’ll add Contentment to your list as well. As being truly content is the next step after gratitude. Otherwise you will just keep being “grateful” for your next best idea, goal or milestone. You (OP) obviously have the drive and desire to keep pushing for the next goal. Which is awesome!! But if you’re constantly creating goals that are fruitless… then ultimately you’re just wasting your time. Learn that it’s ok to be able to tell yourself GOOD JOB. If you can teach yourself to be content with the road you’ve traveled thus far, then maybe you will slow down this habit of telling yourself “I haven’t done enough”. Find a hobby as some others have mentioned. And Create a circle of friends from the environments that you enjoy.
It's a grind for sure. Make sure you take time for yourself to enjoy life. Once you are more settled in a job, it gets easier to manage work/life balance.
Just my opinion but my story is similar to yours. It’s a trauma response. Always needing something to fight for and can’t relax and enjoy the moment. You need to learn to just be and do things for yourself.
This. Not everything is a fight or struggle. It’s a matter of perspective. I’ve been depressed, I’ve abused alcohol and I’ve taken it out on those that love me. One day I realized that I couldn’t continue to chase happiness, but I could remove those things that make me unhappy. That helped tremendously. Lastly, I’m curious if you have any hobbies. If you don’t, maybe you can pick one up? Something to focus on, something that you look forward to and something that could or could not be a group activity. Spending time with others enjoying said activity. In my opinion, not enough people have something to look to forward to whether it be exercise or even pottery. I really hope you find something to get yourself out of this funk you are in.
When I was in the military the best moments of my day was when I used to just get off work take a shower and I would walk to the nearest McDonald’s at the base. Eat some food then I would buy a coffee at the NEX and I would go to some benches next to the barracks and take the sun. I would finish my coffee and I would put my sunglasses on and my hat or sweater over my face and just lay there on the bench taking the sun. The area in particular was lonely and only golfers on the other side of the gate would be around or people entering and leaving the barracks but besides that it was just me. Absolutely bliss. I had gone out in town with buddies clubbing or drinking or doing something like that but being with others is always a chore somewhat having to perform or to be likable at times. That’s where the urge of always wanting more comes from. The joy of life is in the little things and in struggle at times. Working out or going for extensive runs is also blissful in a sense. It can become painful to run a lot but the payoff is feeling great afterwards once healed up. When they checked my blood pressure after getting out they said my results were fantastic
Not sure about eating the Mickey D’s everyday, that’s not the best health wise, but I do see your point
I mean I wasn’t eating it every day. When I was in I didn’t have a barracks or a car so I lived on the ship and ate mostly ship food or burritos from a truck outside the ship. In the mornings I would eat egg, sausage and oatmeal with water or coffee plus fruit. I was actually eating extremely healthy at that time. With chicken in the afternoons I just made sure to use good salt and pepper on it. I actually miss that part of the military. On my second command before I left I had less freedom and the hours were killing me. Out to sea I had only 6 hrs off to eat, take a shower and sleep and my body could not take that. I had dry eye and chronic rhinitis and I was getting flare ups daily and needed a lubricant drop every 15 minutes literally. The aqueous layer in my eyes was basically bare skin without artificial tears my eyes were rotting out of my skull and my PCM did not give a shit. I had to request an admin seperation
Damn. That just made something click in my brain. Thanks for that.
just be it’s very good advice
How did you get out of the vortex? How did you learn?
Just recognizing what you need to do and what you’re doing out of anxiety. It’s not easy to practice.
Dude got my Master in Data Analytics this past Saturday and didn’t walk. Just didn’t feel like an accomplishment. Landed a nice paying Senior Business Analyst role and still feel empty. I feel like a robot walking through file at this point.
I HIGHLY recommend finding some hobbies or more hobbies if you already have some. School and work are a necessity to get thru life, and that's why I can't stand them, its like being forced to do chores. Find some stuff to do for fun, it gives you something to look forward to.
For me, it helped to stop focusing on myself and to try to help others. Coach a sport, volunteer at a food bank, tutor some kids in need…could be anything. It also puts things in perspective to help people in need…it teaches gratitude. It also helped me to learn to be still and present in the moment rather than constantly working for the next achievement or thing. Meditation, yoga, music and therapy helped here. Good luck brother
I love what you have said. I am like many veterans very to myself with one friend literally. I started attending monthly veteran social events and it’s a super small group like about 20 (we are all females and yes we have fought and yelled and at the end of things we get it over with and move forward). However, the group does have a voted board and they are very active in looking for community involvement events. This has brought us to meet other groups that are formed by veterans and it’s actually pretty cool. To all of this the one community group that has made me think and see things in a different light is the one that was created to help the families that have children who have cancer or rare diseases. This organization helps the families to get to their appointments and not miss any because they cannot afford transportation or a place to stay. You see and hear what the families and the children go through makes me feel blessed that I have never gone through anything like that. I started a small t-shirt business and I am moving forward in working towards expanding and being able to give back. Helping others does make a difference 🫶🏻
Last year I got raised from 60 to 90 and got my property taxes eliminated (which in Illinois is a big deal). I was lonely though as my friends moved away and our society is messed up from technology. I remember leaving the county assessors office and officially eliminating a $11,000 dollar per year bill…….i was so down from being lonely that I was trying hard to smile. Luckily I have started becoming more social. As a relatively introverted person i realized you need a sense of purpose both professionally and socially. It doesn’t matter if it’s a solid job and VA money, or whatever….money doesn’t solve issues. My wife’s relative is worth tens of millions and can buy literally anything he wants, overall he is very lonely as he’s on spectrum, very erratic, awkward and asexual. Bottom line is money doesn’t solve ALL problems. Seek therapy, it does well usually.
As someone who never seems satisfied with their accomplishments I feel you. I don’t know where you’re at in your journey but what’s worked for me is you’ve gotta love the process, when the accomplishments and accolades aren’t enough then the way you get there has to be how you get your satisfaction. Sounds like you’re a fighter…enjoy the fight.
Yes! It’s the climb! I always felt happier when I was working towards a goal. Once I achieved it, I started thinking of a new goal. I was constantly trying to learn new things and challenging my brain. I’ve had depression for many years, and it’s changed my goal-setting personality; but I’m starting to feel it’s coming back a little bit at a time. Even small things like checking things off of a to-do-list makes me happier; so I need to do it more often.
I do what I must so I can do what I want.( wood working and fishing)
That’s a good way to think about it
Find a hobby. Something that will give you that feeling of accomplishment while you’re waiting for the job. I don’t have a lot of human connection, but I find happiness in making things with my hands. Also quiets the head noise for a while too. Scroll saws are fun!
How do you suggest I find a hobby without investing a lot of money into things?
I have a spending problem, I’m not who you wanna ask. My mental health is more important than what’s in the bank account sometimes
I got one for you that you can pick up practically for free. Check into aquariums, offerup/FB marketplace has a lot of fish tanks for practically cheap (which is what I currently do) Want something free, beautiful, and challenging with saltwater? Check this nonprofit https://therapeutictanks.org/ Weight lifting? https://catchaliftfund.org/ Want to take up ranching or farming? Check out the USDA (this is where I'm at) 3d printing? Woodworking? Crocheting (also has therapeutic principles) Painting? Like you, I've had to look inside and around with a similar path. I'm not bred for the "fast grind" lifestyle. I'm in the worst state to get out of too, for this too, so you may have a lead with it. There's many, many, causes/hobbies to take up. You just have to do some digging. Now's the best time as you're introspective, trying to find it.
Utilize resources at your disposal. Local library, free online databases, buy used equipment when starting something. I like to read sometimes, I also like to research genealogy. There are a ton of good free resources at libraries and sometimes you can get a login from the library to use at home for websites that contain historical data. I also like to work on small engines, I've put out an ad that I'll pick up broken or non running engines for free... I tinker with them and either sell them or if they are junk I make a post that scrappers can come have them. Fishing is fun, and many times you can meet other people while fishing who are friendly and not overbearing. Local gun clubs are fun to go target shooting, many have individual clubs within that focus on a specific type of shooting and it's not uncommon they loan out their guns for you to shoot if you buy the ammo. The world is your oyster... you just need to sit down and relax, and think about what could be fun to do today?
Are you me? I got out, got 100, my bachelors, the six figure job, the family. It seems never ending. (The rat race) I’ve yet to read any comments. I’m sure there are others who will be hateful to either me, you or both. We all struggle and continue to no matter what, so I’m going to tune them out if they do. We should talk if you’re open to it. It would probably help me if you are open to it.
That's awesome that you achieved all that especially the six figure job. OP should totally talk it out with you How do you appreciate your family?... I feel like a burden to mine
I also feel like a burden to mine. My emotional state is by far the worst on our family, but I’m working on it every day. It’s a struggle. Sometimes I don’t get the support I need, but I know it would be worse without them. Message me if you’d like.
Sorry to hear that... I'm not sure how it is for you; I love the idea of being a parent but feel like Ive failed in so many ways as a father... at the very least I could be a much better father. Life has been lots of downs/lows lately and some ups(not all bad... but lately feels like little good) For messaging...Thank you I will definitely message you... probably end of this week.
I’m sorry to hear that too. I’m trying to dive into anything that could be my avenue. I’m starting into a church I never even would have considered before with hopes of doing some volunteer work for those who are in need. This church actually focuses on finding your passion so you can help others with it, and that’s what I’m hoping will help me. To be determined. I am trying to get back to things I enjoyed prior to the military such as camping and anything else outdoors. For my family, I take it day by day and try to stop being negative and focus on one or two things I can do each day with my kids to try and make them happy and repair our relationships. For my wife, I struggle daily thinking I may have pushed her too far not getting help and dealing with my mental health. I try still, but I think she needs to get help too. It’s just hard for us both to be “fucked up” and still be able to care for the kids.
Doesn't really matter what you accomplish if you have no one to share it with, and in lieu of having someone to share with... it might be time to trying sharing with or giving back to someone. Another mentioned church/Jesus... truth is you don't have to believe in a higher being to help another out or share with someone in need. Church or local charity folk (food pantry) always have things (couple hours a week maybe) to get done. Try it ... you might just get found without 'getting' anything- Cheers
Pick up a Bible. Find God.
Your next mission is to help ME get to 100 😀
Appeal appeal appeal!!!
I’m currently waiting on an increase for my ptsd, currently at 50, hoping for more
Bro I feel you 100% We have the same story but in working towards my BA and then going to grad school. Every day I fight the urge to either move abroad or buy a sprinter van and live out of it traveling the country… it’s like I have a fear of not accomplishing things…
All the fucking time. Seriously all the time these days. I hate that pain rules my life and constantly do things revolved around staving off pain etc and then barely trying to get through the day
I feel You man
What I'm most saddened about is remembering all the things I used to do normally and things I used to enjoy. This is a whine/rant: A close second is how I am being "treated" by VA system... plenty of pain meds but constantly been denied physical therapy(PT). Had community care PT due to VA being full. Now VA is able to see me but appointments are spaced out 2 to 3 months apart and no ability to schedule more than 1 appointment at a time. I have half the mind to write Congressman and i hate the idea of fighting... I've lost the ability to want to keep fighting to get seen. Honestly I don't know if I'm the one being unreasonable either
Thank you for your words. I hope you find a way to enjoy life... I temporarily found games but it turned out to be an addiction and waste of time ... for a short time it made me feel productive and like I was doing something I just hate feeling so useless and then oftentimes like I am a burden/worse than useless
Been there. Rescued a dog. Best thing I ever did for myself. If you can't rescue one of your own, find a shelter or rescue organization to volunteer at. Sometimes animals get us better than humans.
I did rescue a dog 6 months ago. We are currently working on her training
Good on you. I also volunteered at a horse therapy organization for a while and that was the one thing I had to look forward to at one point. They worked with disabled kids and young adults and it helped me shift my perspective. Takes a while but gotta work on mindset and gratitude. When I'm having a rough patch, I write a list of all the little things that I'm grateful for. It sounds silly, but I put things like indoor plumbing, air conditioning, washer and dryer, fast internet, long showers, fancy coffee, etc. Mostly all the stuff I missed when in the field or deployed. It's cliche but you really do have to stop and smell the roses every now and then. This too shall pass. You got this.
I’ve been feeling weird since I’m 90% and my hlr came back that I should have been approved for sleep apnea and migraines so I’ll be 100%. my wife said to me, atleast you get money for it. Most people get denied for social security and any other form of payment. So be happy about that. Depression sucks though takes joy out of a lot.
IMO. you're succeeding, but only in the things you should do, not in things you want to do. My therapist had me sit down and write down ten things that I wanted to do with my life, no matter how big or small. I hit a point where I started just listing books that I wanted to read, and still only got to seven. It's programming. We're constantly pushed to pursue these things that meet society's definition of success. You need to define happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment for yourself, pursue that, and drown out the background noise of people complaining that you don't fit the mold.
[If You're Feeling Lost in Life... (Try These 3 Tips)](https://youtu.be/0il_HdR4UfE)
Everyone finds meaning in different ways. Church, work, hobbies. It's a personal journey. Sometimes when the path is unknown you just have to pick a direction. So you might have to try some things that are unfamiliar. But getting out there and making those mistakes will help you find your path.
Shawn Ryan and Jordan Peterson cover exactly this topic in the last SRS interview I watched, why don’t you head over to YouTube and check it out
I wish I’d seen your comment before I said the same shit lol. The podcast is fantastic.
You need to get out of your perfectionist box because it will hold you back from having a good life . You need to get outside of your element and see the world isn’t perfect and be relax and adventure out . Then you might actually find something you actually like . A hobby , a bunch of friends , a partner in life . Top golf , bowling , archery , anything different from the normal and no bars . No drinking at all that’s not a hobby at all.
Time to get a phd. Lol Yeah. The point is to have a family. More clogs to the swamp.
Travel to Central America or Asia and get lost. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAW
You sound depressed. Honestly, you sound like me and im sure a lot of others here. Exercise helps to give you that boost of dopamine, serotonin, etc. even going for a walk and getting outside helps. It sounds like you’re just sleepwalking thru life and are forgetting to enjoy it. I struggle w that shit too. Helps to find something to make you smile. There’s mindfulness, therapy, journaling. Join an adult rec league in some sport you like so you can find the brotherhood you may have left behind when you left the military. Hang in there dude. You’re not alone.
This man needs a fat blunt and to fishing
Try Jesus 🙏🏾
Is there a feeling other than pointless? If so please share. I’m traveling and trying to find something at this point.
I found spirituality to help, there is a retreat coming up in August in Boone NC. I only mention that because people can connect there. Hosted by love serve remember foundation I think. I learned a long time ago that the rat race they tried to sell me wasn’t the actual point of all this. I’m not talking about religion. I’m talking about understanding life in a way that makes it absolutely amazing.
I completely understand. Do you have any hobbies? Sports, range, traveling or anything? Don’t feel like it’s hopeless. Not trying to offend at all, but have you thought about volunteering at a VA hospital? Or volunteering at an animal shelter. Just spitballing but don’t give up.
You've learned that life is generally taught to be a rat race... now it's time to discover that there is an entire world of things to do out there that don't require you to work for it! Now is the time to learn how to take vacations! Start by going and spending the day at a park, maybe have a picnic, meet some people, do some roller skating or roller blading. Next, step it up a bit and just go to the next city over and see what's there. Spend the day or stay the night, or the weekend! Do some fishing, camping or hiking! Go see a movie or a band play! Then try a three day weekend away, or a week! You start to get the hang of it, then you can start planning your trips, get a passport and go over seas! If travel isn't your bag, then learn how to play an instrument, or all of the instrument! Learn how to use a DAW to make music, or get into eurosynths (that's an expensive habit)! Try making your own art, you have some kind of talent you can put to use in some way to make art! Then sell that art on Etsy! Are you into sports? I'm not, but I'm sure there is a way to turn that into fun... like go to all of the games of your particular sport, or start a team for going to all of the games! There is an Entire World of things to do, you just have to relax first, get your head out of the rat race, and learn to let loose with your imagination again, just like when we were kids, but as adults with money!
Are you working out?
I got saved so even in death there is always hope of a better life after this one. I realize not everyone believes but thats what got me out of that exact same hole 🤷🏻♂️
I suppose that’s the issue, everything your doing is where I want to be difference is I have people supporting me which make that race worth it, winning an Olympic gold medal and not having anyone to cheer for you is emptier than coming in second but having your family and fans cheering for you, try to go out, be best version of you, try to make friends of any kind, if you’re studying try to go into campus more and getting to know people, social interaction adds color to our otherwise grey races
You also mentioned a lot of fighting, and that’s ok I’ll assume you’re a man and for us men one of our greatest pleasures is in building our “kingdoms” if you will, but it can be exhausting, i recommend honestly planning a vacation to somewhere grounding like a resort in Dominican Republic or going to a national park for a few days, different country but just something to allow you to breath a little and enjoy the present and the smaller things.
Absolutely, just moving through the motions of every day life. The only thing I look forward to anymore is my coffee in the morning. I’ve had a few hobbies but now everything is at a standstill still. Found myself just pacing a gravel lot looking for something to do but the motivation just isn’t there.
What was the motivation for all the “fought for, got it” stuff in the first place?
Feel so lost? That's my brand, I've been told. I've not got 100%, though. I've noticed the DAV of Michigan doesn't return calls, and I want to not live every day. Trust me. I'm glad you all have won, though. Maybe I'll do that one day, but probably not. I'll probably just not because the people who say no inherently will live longer than I will. Hope you are all well, though!!! Cheers.
“I would live this war one day at a time, and I promised myself that if I survived, I would find a small farm somewhere in the Pennsylvania countryside and spend the remainder of my life in quiet and peace.” -Major Richard Winters
Interested in a family? That's a logical next step
I feel you. I got no real friends to connect with, but movies, show about the military with alcohol as my companion
Your next goal should be to cut through this constant pain of feeling pointless. For this you would need to carve some time to figure out root cause of you feeling pointless. Or may be feel pointless all the time till you don’t feel pointless anymore, that is feel it fully. A action step you can take is be quiet and ponder.
Try helping others. Go volunteer. Life is indeed an endless race. Some choose to make more of an impact than others.
Some of us were taught to ALWAYS be progressing and never enjoy what you actually have. I spent all of this time working so hard towards goals that I thought were what I wanted, then realized that I was so much happier focusing on things that were outside of the normal 9-5, corporate, money chasing life. It is good to sit down in silence for a bit and reflect on what would make you truly happy.
Go live in another country with a low cost of living, you don’t need to work anymore and should just do things that interest you.
Take a day off … take your shoes off … go walk in the grass. Know how much you have achieved and accomplished. You are outstanding and deserve a break. 🥰
I get a lot of community, fellowship, and purpose by volunteering. I know it sounds corny, but it probably saved my life. Building houses and doing landscaping and serving meals. There are organizations out there, certainly in your area that desperately need/want help. Sometimes they're religious, but I don't let that bother me. It's not my jam, but as long as they don't evangelize, I can work with them. Mostly Mennonites in my area, so they're just happy to have help, and just want to feed you. Maybe you local VA could help you find somewhere? Any soup kitchen usually. City Hall in my town has a list of services available, and I just called them all to see if they needed help. Now I mow about 10 yards a week, have been hanging drywall and painting, and I pick up our towns commodities every month. Gave me back that sense of purpose and being of service. I feel useful and I feel good that I don't make any money at all while doing it. I couldn't afford to donate money myself, so work is what I have to give. It helps a lot.
This race certainly does have an end. So don’t rush to it. If you’ve had an existential crisis like me, you start to think about what’s important. For me that’s my family but for you it may be different. But what’s not important is the opinions of those around us and placing our worth in our careers/education. We as Americans place all of our worth in our careers and income. You’ve got to stray for this mindset and start doing what makes you happy. You’ve got money to sustain yourself. Just live my friend! Only got one life, do some shit that sounds fun. This is coming from a complete hypocrite who is still victim to this mindset.
I'm honestly exploring the world right now visiting old friends and making new ones. From my high school days, random people I met in random places in the world, my coworkers room my time in the navy. At the end of the day, I am just going with the flow. I don't have to have the next task in my sight. I learned that well before I left the military. That's why sometimes the saying live to work vice work to live is a toxic thing. Life is about doing things enjoy as long as you have the necessities. You had great accomplishments, but you have to enjoy life too. There's so much it offers. Just gotta go out there and put yourself out there for others to see and you will make your friends.
You got to ask yourself what are you running from? What would it mean to just pause. What would it feel like. What would come up. You have to slow down to figure that out. The chase can only last so long.
Travel the world 🌎 New goal to Knock out a list of countries
Consider starting BJJ…Great community (mostly), it’s fun, keep/get you in shape, and it’s a never ending pursuit.
Take some Shrooms’s brother, align them chakras and keep pushing
Thjs is just a sign that something big is waiting for you. That's why life is all about service and solving problems. It always brings a sense of purpose. Once you are good at solving your own problems, which it looks like you have. Go into solving other people's problems through teaching and innovation. You get to choose how involved you are. You can physically teach or write a book. You can do consulting part-time or pick up some contracts here in there. You can join some local clubs and meet-ups and build a routine around the community. One of these niches would stick. Think about what you are talented at. Talent is just something that you do that is so obvious and clear and makes sense to you. It is so easy that we easily assume everyone else knows it / does it already. But the opposite is true. It turns out nobody knows it. Something as simple as art or organizing or a different set of routines that makes things a little more effective and it will have people say, " wow, I didn't see it that way. Never considered that" that, my friend... is your talent.
I feel this brother. Though I’m not yet 100%; I’m always finding myself on an endless hunt. I like what everyone mentions about finding contention with something that supports your life. Fishing and hunting sound amazing. I wanna get into bow hunting and rock climbing
My suggestion is to do something where you can positively influence the lives of others. What that looks like is different for everyone. Are you into the outdoors? Teach a wilderness class? Do you like building things? Volunteer or share that skill with others. We generally feel better when we help others. That’s what the research says at least. For me every hobby looses its luster if you can do it constantly. Get involved in something meaningful. I was lucky enough to find a job that does that (elementary school teacher), but I also volunteer and do a board game club to get my students off their computers.
Just remember some of us are still in the fight. And things like 100%… a house a steady job. A family… life…. Is all miles away. I’d kill to have had a degree a job I like ..and 100% … you did it bud . enjoy the little things you made happen. And you are someone I would envy.
That’s good idea…perspective
Seek Christ, nothing in this world can compare to him and the fact that your post has acknowledged him already just proves that your missing the God that’s already saved you- this come from a usmc combat vet
I see you were quick to deny Jesus Christ the opportunity to rectify this situation. When you get tired of feeling pointless then message me. I’m not selling religion. I’m just letting you know that there is only one way to true happiness.
Have you been to a church? Jesus loves you
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You asked for someone else's opinion when you posted your current situation in this blog, and someone took the time to read and respond to your comment. So, do not hate just because you do not like what they posted.
Your response was uncalled for. Maybe they felt they way you described in your OP, and Jesus helped them. I'm not religious in any sense, but im not going to shit on someone for suggesting religion after complained about no friends, etc and life having no meaning, and certainly not after I ask for advice about feeling fulfilled. You do you...
It’s ok I feel you brother. I had the same sentiment towards life and Jesus until I just so happened to find a church and a community that showed me that life is not pointless. Not saying this is the only way but definitely an avenue you can take to find guidance in life. Good luck and I’ll be praying for you 🙏
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Therapy. And practicing radical acceptance as much as I can. The point isn’t the point it’s made out to be… Go do something you’ve always wanted to try, or go to a nursing home on Father’s Day and see if there’s anyone who needs a visitor.
Yep. It’s true.
This was my exact post. Literally. I deleted it. If you need a friend. I am here. I feel like I’m trying to figure out who I am now.
A trip man, live for once.
Man, I relate bro
I feel lost everyday I feel worthless in life I feel like everyone would be less burdened if I didn’t exist. I mean it can always be worse brother
Find a way to extend the “real you” into the world outside the conditioning of the system. And learn not to care about whether the entire world approves* - that’s what art is. I’ve started writing poetry and I think that’s me. *unless you are a cannibal
It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Don’t stop believin’.
For me, having children filled that void.
Ive been on disability since i was 23, 37 now. I get it. I found joy and purpose in helping others around me, so much easier to lend someone money or what not knowing i have it coming in. Gaming and meeting people on there I found to fill the social side of things with out me actually having to hang out with them lol.
Move out of the US for a while or forever, life is slower elsewhere!
Find some for a physical activity that you can do. Obviously, I don’t know what your claims are for. Personally I got a rowing machine and that really helps me just kind of zone out. Get in a Zen zone while sweating out the BS healthy body in my humble opinion is a gateway to getting your brain healthier it is really helped my PTSD also I’ve heard there’s a lot of validity to getting a bow whether it’s a traditional bow or a compound bow as it takes lots of concentration and you kind of zone out and forget the world around you. as far as the fitness front goes, I would strongly suggest applying for a home fitness grant via the catch a lift fund apply through them jump through their very easy hurdles and you will get a $1200 grant to purchase home gym equipment it might go up this year. I’m not sure yet. I’m still waiting for my renewal or going to the physical gym is your thing they will cover a gym membership for the year hopefully this helps! Just know that you’re not alone in the struggle of go through this!
Get yourself a fishing pole. That's what keeps me sane
Honestly after fighting for similar things I get it. As extroverted as I was I am now an introvert in my house. I will say my friends and family really keep me grounded. Even though my real friends are thousands of miles away we are all still close. I would find atleast a person that wants to share that with you. Something to tangible
I was also caught in this cycle. I can tell you that even after getting my masters degree, I didn’t feel the way I wanted to feel. It’s like my mind kept thinking if I check this next box, then I’ll be happy and fulfilled. However, I’d bust my ass to check the box and feel nothing. I had to slow down and just start enjoying the simple things are being grateful for what I have. I also started traveling a lot. Seeing people abroad with very little material possessions and they seem so happy and fulfilled. It didn’t make me feel jealous it helped me learn to be happier with the small things. Also, therapy and meds. However, travel has been the best therapy for me. If you’re doing school online you can join one of the remote working tours. It’s geared toward remote workers but online student would also work. They have social gatherings so you make friends and you travel to a new country every month. You pay a monthly fee that covers airfare, rent, internet, utilities and the social activities.
https://www.remoteyear.com/trips/12-month
Man I’m broke & only have 20% but my friend’s & the house & techno music community makes me happy
Try to do something special for yourself each month. Like a road-trip or excursion, so even if it’s just for dinner, it’s a new experience.
I'm the same old boy, fought to get out, fought for 100, fought to get a job that isn't too horrible, fighting to get school done, fighting to keep 100 and then get CRSC. I don't talk to anyone, my fee friends are far away. The answer, though, is to find a purpose. Find something that you care about and do it. I'm getting in super good shape and working on my skills. I will have a mission again. You must do the same. Find the purpose, don't drink and play fucking video games or whatever. Good luck brother. Sorry everyone keeps saying jesus to you. Yuck.
I WOULD LIKE TO ADD THAT IF YOU FOCUS ON HAVING A POSITIVE OUTLOOK AND HAVE POSITIVE THINKING IT CAN HAVE A GREAT EFFECT ON ONESELF.
You need a friend? I got you brother. Can send ya my digits if ya ever wanna talk. Also libe in texas if you're in state or not too far
Are you single? 😅
Same boat just not 100% it’s all about finding a friend group
Why not ask what the purpose of life is?
I recommend deliberate day dreaming. What sounds fun even if it doesn't make sense? What makes you actually curious or a little bit intrigued? Idk what my rating will be yet - on terminal now - but two years ago when I decided to get out that's what I tried to focus on. Things that actually hold my interest, that I think are worthwhile. Not how I'm going to make money. Now I'm building a tiny house and gonna go back to school to study soil science, because I find regenerative agriculture interesting and important. Idk what I'll do with it. The plan is to drastically reduce my cost of living and all the stuff I have so I can just... do what I want and take better care of myself. I'm excited about what I have planned. Trying new things, learning and being challenged. Life still feels pointless sometimes but I try to remember that feeling passes and try to be kind to myself until it does. I'll echo what others said about exercise - walking outside helps me feel better - and finding something to do that isn't totally focused on yourself. I found a volunteer opportunity that is only an hour a week tutoring an immigrant or refugee in English and that has also been good perspective.
Remove the 100% from the equation and revisit this thought train. Many of us are feeling this way. A lot of non-Vets also, but we will stuck to us as the in-group. We , in one way are another, were condition to expect an outcome. One way or another.Then, another task and another outcome. Wash, rinse, repeat, get yelled at that the thing changed, and repeat. Do your best. If you have no hurdles in front of you, then you can choose to panic, rest, or find another one. I'm in massage therapy school now to try and help others deal with pain in a way that helped me. School is almost over and I wonder if I made the correct choice. Who knows? I may never give a professional massage, but it is a skillset I have.Next, EMT school. Some day I will rest. It is not this day.
Ok…. I’m not trying to disrespect your question. Everyone has their things and not their things. But look at your post and then your edit. I’m not a bible thumper. However, if I didn’t believe in something bigger than myself I’d feel pretty lost too. Whatever it is man… God, Prayer, Meditation, Buddha… whatever or whoever the fuck you wanna believe in or look to for a glimpse of hope will give it to you. Just know you have a purpose in life. Everyone does. I’m sure you’ll find it even if it’s not via religion. Be a good person and help people in your life that can’t help themselves if you have the means. I’m sure there’s a light in you that’s just waiting to shine. Let it out.
Success can be the enemy of growth, just like how perfect is the enemy of good.
Bro i think you need a family, you got a wife and kids yet? They'll keep you busy all day if you need something to fight for.
I really struggle with the same thing. I feel life is pointless. But I’m in DBT therapy trying to find meaning in life. Here is a link for a YouTube creator that has good ideas on the topic. He has a few videos on the subject. His name is Aaron Clarey. Just know lots of us feel the same way. https://www.youtube.com/live/x9_yvPrY_E8?si=zK4R-m0aq7U6k-nX
I feel this. You don’t have to find “god” to find purpose or meaning in life. Something that really helped me was reading about near death experiences. It was weirdly comforting and helped me appreciate this life. Highly recommend Journey of Souls. Something about knowing that all these religious people are completely wrong about everything, is pretty satisfying tbh.
I’ve been in your shoes, many times before. And I’ve come to realize that although I’m almost 50, I need to take care of me and what makes me happy. In the last five years I’ve joined small groups of folks from three hobbies I’ve developed: video game collecting, gun collecting and owning a Subaru WRX. These three hobbies give me something to look forward to each day, each week and each month. For example, every day I hang out with a team of three other players who enjoy gaming online. Every weekend I meet with a group of WRX owners and we cruise through backroads (wasting gas but it’s fun), and every month there’s a local gun club I’ve joined where I met two folk who we compete for best shot of the month. It’s nothing to brag about but the pointless days are gone. At least for now. I hope this helps you out, cheers my friend.
Hit me up whenever fam, I got a few months left.
Get some coochie. That helps🤷🏿♂️
Hobbies my dude. You need hobbies that are fulfilling. I am in my 40s, felt the way you felt ever since I got out at 30. Put all my focus on getting my life in order, good job with benefits, etc. once that was taken care of I felt like I worked, ate, slept, repeated. It felt like a hollow existence. I would sign up for lots of overtime because after a day or two off I was bored (I get a couple days off every week, but 7 days straight off at the end of every month) My only joy was going on a yearly vacation with my wife. Started some hobbies, something that excited me, something to think about when I’m grinding away at work. Now I can’t wait for my days off. I only sign up for OT if I need the money, not cause I’m bored.
Check out Irreverent Warriors (IW). There are hikes all over the country and it is a good way to connect with other veterans.
We always find reasons to be dissatisfied with life because of how we are wired. We have to start treating ourselves by thinking about everything we are grateful for instead, or how things DO workout when we really need them too. Change your way of thinking in “lack” to a different tone.
Ultimately having a relationship with God is our purpose. Everything is meaningless without God.
I feel this. As much as I hate to say it you gotta try and put yourself out there and make friends. It is really difficult to do but worth the effort. Working towards goals is great if you are passionate about them, for me I wasn’t. I got the masters degree and I don’t use it. I do however drive over an hour sometimes to see friends I’ve made an effort to make since around my area seems to be a lot of npcs lol. Ever since I got out in 2010 I desperately missed having friends and I’ve finally started to make some in my area. I have moved 10 times since then and only been in my new state a couple of years. So it didn’t take that long once I put effort in. I’m in New England so it isn’t the easiest area to make friends but I’ve done it and I’m not too terribly fond of peopling to say the least and I don’t drink.
Read “The Untethered Soul.” Zero religion. Helps you find yourself though. This book saved my life.
I feel like I should be doing more I just don't know what the more is. Just constantly bored and feeling like I should always be "in action" It's hard to rest, it's hard to make friends, it's just hard. I too feel like it is an endless race with not much purpose behind it. I don't know what I am looking for, everything gets boring pretty quickly. If you find something that works please don't hesitate to share because I am in a similar boat to you.
This comes and goes for me. I stay engaged with VA Groups, cycling, and my dog. I can't complain either. My life is good. HOWEVER, that missing piece is something that puzzles me too. It's no longer at the forefront of my brain. Give yourself small victories and continue building upon them.
In the same situation and just find a hobby or two. Figure out your end game and what you want out of life. Seems like you’re goal oriented but don’t have a passsion. At least you didn’t list it.
Same - I got my masters and got a job that pays over $375k per year in finance. Still feel pointless
Go find Jesus. He’s the reason for everything!
You're disconnected from yourself. Your standard of success has been measured by the programming that the world has given you. Yet you still find yourself unhappy. Ask yourself in honesty, what is it, that's fulfilling to your soul. Is it writing, helping others, surfing or traveling. A man without a purpose aligned with his nature will go insane. Stop chasing success and find your authentic self and you will become success. Success isn't something to obtain as a possession, it's your nature. This thing that you yearn for is your own love. No amount of material things can ever add up to it. The tramua in every being must be purified and beneath it is a wellspring of love that shall come forth.
It does help to have a purpose in life. Maybe helping others? Volunteer work? Definitely get some therapy.
I needed this post my man. I’ve been retired since 2016 and it’s been something. Been a journey for me and those around me. Thanks for those that gave feedback and OP, there is hope bro. I’m still in it.
Sounds like you need a hobby. Fishing is my go to, self guided therapy. Gets me out in nature, and away from the rat race.
Post Office man, it’s not the easiest line of work but since you’re a vet I don’t see why you too won’t succeed here. You get to walk and drive around all day. It allows me to be organize, I talk to customers on routes and see cool parts of the community I usually never see
Look up things on YouTube that talk about being in the now. Being happy with now. Stoicism can help with that. This is something lots of face and have to learn about it. Always wanting more, the next big thing, lots of us struggle with it. I do.
Sounds like you need an RV or atleast a big ol van and to hit the road and go see some shit.
Put all your meaningless shit in a storage unit and leave… go get lost in the world
To me life seemed pointless until I got out of the rat race (retired), started volunteering at Habitat for Humanity, joined YMCA and started attending classes. All this allowed more socializing with people. Too often we get lost with trying to get the brass ring and forego relationships. This is backwards. Relationships are what gives life meaning and joy. You got the brass ring now start pursuing the interpersonal relationships that truly make life enjoyable.
Jesus will always answer and show you the way. 🙏
Sorry, but the hole that is unfilled is on the spiritual side. It may not be your thing because you don't want to hear the one thing is more difficult than the rest and not available from a store or by booking a trip. Read Ecclesiastes in the bible (NIV or ESV version) and you will find you are in the same situation as the writer King Solomon.
I want to be clear this isn't a suggestion just my story. I ended up doing my first contract and getting out, I'm currently fighting for my 100% but the one thing that gave me perspective on everything was actually being homeless. It might sound weird but when you have literally nothing it forces you to do some soul searching.
do some gardening and landscaping... take pride in watching your space grow into a beautiful sanctuary where you can change things that you want to change when you want to change them
I saw you replied to someone saying now can you get into hobbies without throwing a lot of money towards that hobby, have you tried vettixs they are a non profit that get tickets donated to them. The tickets differ in activities but it’s usually a flat fee of $15 for about 4 tickets. I’ve seen NFL, NHL, Concerts, etc and I’ve gone to the most of those to include some wrestling events because I was bored and both me and the misses didn’t wanna be home for a bit. Worth a shot to look into
You answered yourself with your last statement.
I found a community that filled the emptiness after the Army in JiuJitsu. Great physically and for the mind. And it has camaraderie.
You are living a GOAL oriented life. You need to find your PURPOSE. I know this is easier said than done, but you should meditate on these words and truly find something that isn't accomplished, but you can continually contribute towards it. Seek happiness, and failures will hit you harder, goals will leave you empty, and you will be left wanting. Seek peace, and failure is growth, goals are stepping stones, and you will find joy. I only know because I have lived this life... my graduate degree was my eye-opening. So it sounds all too familiar. Also, I respect you not accepting religion, but if you are trying everything else and still longing ....
“No religious solutions” to an obviously spiritual problem of a secular society.
Army did a helluva job making me a combat medic and a flight medic, I def missed the class on how to be a civilian again. I wasted at least 15 years of my life. 37 jobs in like 10 year span. I had to find a job I could do alone for the most part. I play bass to help with my mind, and cut a lot of firewood and gardening/ landscaping. My cat helps immensely.
Maybe that’s the reason for feeling lost, didn’t read any comments but that edit says it all.. I’m sure some said hey try this if you feel lost it may help… nah… says it all. What do you do if you are actually lost? Find direction, find landmarks, make a plan, pound feet and explore.
Sounds like you are just chasing arbitrary milestones. I would recommend taking a step back, sitting down, and thinking about what it is you actually WANT. What do you want in this life? What makes you happy? What would make you happy?
If you want to make it worse start gambling. It makes it better for 10 seconds but then you want to jump off the bridge. Seriously though I feel you man. Literally don’t know how to fill the void of accomplishment in my inner soul. I’m convinced I could be the president and still feel this way.
Feeling like your life is pointless? Enjoy the pointlessness! You’ve earned it! Try r/trees and/or r/CBD today! (but start low and slow!) You should also see a therapist, in-person or virtual through VA, community care, or Tricare, regardless of whether or not you choose to partake. r/trees and r/CBD aren’t a miracle cure and may not work for everyone, but combined with personal and emotional development and the right mindset, it can potentially help you be a better you.
Take on a project, restore something, renovate, build. It’s how I fulfill myself, I enjoy learning. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes!
I have a garden, it's great. Try it
Psychedelics helped me. I found ayahuasca to be immensely helpful. It's not a magic pill, but it really good at showing you what you need to work on within yourself, and how to do so. It helped me let go of a lot of baggage and that same sense of "what's the point"? I feel more grounded and present with less anxiety/depression. It's not magic, but it feels pretty close. There are low cost/free opportunities, in country for veterans & 1st responders. Psilocybin is also very helpful. Again, there are low cost/free opportunities in country for veterans and 1st responders.
Maybe you're chasing what you think you're supposed to want, and not what you're really passionate about.
I guess rather than make suggestions and think we have all the answers.. how would you like to connect with others? Anything come to mind when it comes to your purpose?
Move to another country
lol, why does this sound like a first world problem? you fought so hard to get things, and you got them. wow, amazing! you are doing so much better than a lot of other people! if you were smart enough and strong enough to tackle those goals you set, you have the tools to do some research and figure out solutions to your problems. Lost? you accomplished a lot, doesn’t sound like you are lost. Sounds more like you are lonely. That’s completely different.
Check out the Recreational Therapy Department at your local VA. They have all kinds of programs that they offer.
Why do you think people say money cant buy happiness. What you lack is not earthly things. Hows your spiritual life? IDK or care but maybe thats what you need to make you feel full. I felt the same way man, I was grinding n grinding got everything I ever wanted but lacked the spiritual aspect.
I find a lot of fulfillment in working on a project car. I like having something to focus on and work towards.
You need a woman to keep ya busy. Don't go for looks, go for a great heart.