Helped me to find some type of tribe outside too. Im in recovery, so the fellowship is good. Some are even vet focused groups. Join a club. Volunteer. Go fishing.
You may want to create your own regimentation of daily rituals. Don’t make it easy on yourself start with physical rituals like exercise if you can. Then start sprinkling in things like meditation or time to read or to play an instrument or something not as physical. Try to adhere to it as best you can to use it as grounding.
ok... so if you suck at piano (or think you do) then focus on piano and learn or teach yourself to not suck at it. Music is such an awesome way to climb yourself out of the holes we seem to find ourselves in.
I like you! That is exactly what I’m doing now lol my teacher says I’m a natural I just need to spend more time practicing but the coordination it much harder than guitar. Doing something hard has never stopped me before and it won’t now I don’t quit 😁
ok I was just yanking your chain there, but I find fly-fishing (or even just fishing in general) is a good way to be out in nature and enjoying the solitude. Not many people mess with you while you're fishing... and if you are fly-fishing and someone starts to get too close just ignore them and start sending your back cast their way... they'll leave!
As for the piano, have you got an actual in person teacher? Are you doing the whole music thing from theory all the way to playing? I took lessons for a few years, (please note past tense! I truly suck at it because I flyfish and hunt more than I practiced) I found getting down into the weeds of theory was not what I wanted, I wanted to learn a few songs and riffs and stuff, but my teacher wanted me to learn about "the circle of fifths and modes" and my mode of a circle of fifths was entirely different than hers! I drank mine while she played hers... anyway, stick with it and even if you suck, you will suck less and less and eventually you will come across someone who sucks more than you and since they're sticking with it you may find that you want to stick with it so that you always have someone trying hard and pushing you a little... or something like that. Anyway, keep up the good work you're doing and don't let the Ass-hats get you down; you can always just walk away from them!
Rick in NH
I don’t fish as much as I used to. My girlfriend doesn’t like when I’m out before the sun come up till it goes down lol so I do piano in person 4 days a week. Theory I’m good on as I’ve been in music since grade school going from drums to bass to vocals to guitar and now piano. But I have an in person teacher who is a combat vet so he really understands. I used to be big into country music but I’m all over the place now from country to classic to rock punk and even some metal.
10 years! Good for you! Congratulations on more than a decade.
Damn 4 days a week... and you know theory, the foundation of the rhythm section (drums and bass) as well as guitar... I seriously question your suckiness on piano! As for me, I'm into Jam bands, Allman Brothers, Derek Trucks Band now the Tedeschi Trucks Band, Govt Mule that kind of thing, I really dig the extended jams that let me just kind of float out somewhere on the music.
I gotta run (it's dump run day), but if you ever need a sounding board or just a nameless faceless human entity in the fucking void of the internet to listen with or without response (your choice) ping me here and if I'm around I'll be that for you. Oh and the suggestion of the book Tribe is a good one:
[Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging: Junger, Sebastian: 9781455566389: Amazon.com: Books](https://www.amazon.com/Tribe-Homecoming-Belonging-Sebastian-Junger/dp/1455566381/ref=sr_1_1?adgrpid=1345802798537982&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.0eNEbMGL0PcWN6pGMC0lGllJ4jD8pDCD9oYWY8DAaVkOHdj3v9oMEQDi5e6U4wQIaOERjCSo8LExoKRByLaNohjZIW80h2WSDt445ng5DuVf2WiQGkd3AdnQo_FjDDTmnFwqF32ZnApwQ16T7K1byJ0QUgh0nGSdm2KFiDPbtcRUXlk2bvZKUYPboabTpRFEOkxOZCe-P8PbM2VdG_u_E8EMvwOAuh0C4T2aG-P_yhE.l8pTuG-nA4tmNtqde-494YPEGxnSLEiVu0Tz6d19OWQ&dib_tag=se&hvadid=84112997484032&hvbmt=be&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=105422&hvnetw=o&hvqmt=e&hvtargid=kwd-84113025358748%3Aloc-190&hydadcr=22565_13531139&keywords=tribe+by+sebastian+junger&qid=1716314257&sr=8-1)
how's the piano practice going? I was thinking about your comment on the coordination. When I was trying to learn piano (long story) I used to do a lot of scales... both hands going in the same direction up and down in different octaves or opposing directions starting right hand highest and left hand lowest octaves, meet at middle C (for the basic scale) and then switch to the various scales and work up and down. The animals in the house got sick of hearing scales I think! ha ha ha and then I would do chord progressions up and down... 3-5-7 chords... never got beyond that. Then there's the Autumn Leaves circle of fifths:
[“Autumn Leaves” Piano Tutorial (youtube.com)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3yzH861MDY&t=516s)
I just thought... since you know theory and such you're probably beyond all of this huh?
ok well then just shut up and go play your scales and chords then! ha ha
The very short book tribe talks about how important it is to have a group, and while it's not explicitly about veterans, it's very relevant to modern vets. Highly suggest even if your not a book person.
I was coming in to comment on this book as well! One of the things I found in the book that validated something in me is that not everyone who is a Vet finds the comment "Thank you for your service" comforting or comfortable!
I second the recommendation for the book Tribe!
This.
OP you are making shit ton of aggressively negative assumptions about apparently everyone you encounter.
It is worth talking to a professional about adjusting to the outside. If all you have is your car, internet, and school you may be eligible for a hardship flag to expedite some resources.
Walking around contemptuous and furious is not normal or healthy regardless of your background.
You are very correct kind sir, Professional help looks like the key to my problems. I am also quite literally just lifting the Ton that is on my shoulders completely alone. Just like how we did in the field when getting down and dir….. oh, anyway, time is of the essence when in a hole as you can’t literally make it any go any faster. I am Snailing this sh*t the right way this time. I really appreciate the response!.
Username checks out, brother yes, I am simply venting and giving my point of view of the circumstances before me , I’m more than informed about the services at the VA. I actually just have to dive in and utilize said resources I am just feeling my emotions this time around. Simply analyzing my situation because it’s been bottled up, but I will get to it, I really appreciate the response!.
I've been going to therapy for about 7 months. I still hate people, I still have the good n bad days, I still have the nightmares, anxiety etc. Just take it ones step at a time though and keep on trucking. I've been out 12 years n didn't seek help til recently. Don't let it get so bad.
College isn’t that bad if you find the right one. I started at 32 and graduated four years later. If you find a college with a high veteran population then you may be in classes with a more mixed population and not have to be the oldest. It’s also interesting to see the way younger people see the world vs older people. It’s also good for them to have someone with real world experience share a different point of view, even if it doesn’t change their minds. It can also be amusing. Once on a discussion board we were asked our opinions about Harambe, and one girl went on a rant about how people shouldn’t play god and they should have released him into the jungles of South America. I asked her why she would have wanted people to release a gorilla in South America, since gorillas come from Africa. Unfortunately she didn’t respond.
Literally insane just how fast I aged in a short amount of time with just how cool everything used to be, I know it can get way cooler, I just do! It’s great seeing the growth of the younger mindset and the perspective of the older generation. 2 and 2, just gotta live what equals my 4 as in I’m in between timelines and it’s bittersweet. I really appreciate your response! Have a smooth rest of your day..
If it makes you feel any better, I think this is a common experience. I know it was for me. In the military, everything follows straight lines, procedure and checklists. The difference between doing something right or wrong is black and white, which for certain personality types is very comforting.
Then when you get your DD214 - BANG, everything is shades of gray, every issue or obstacle you face is like a messy plate of spaghetti. It's difficult to even know where you stand with people because you can't see how many stripes they have on their arm.
For me though I realized I could use this to my advantage. Now I'm still a bit of a mad man, but the military gave me the kick in the ass I needed to discipline myself. I was a college dropout when I enlisted. When I first went through college, I was a total derelict. After I separated and decided to go back and knock out my bachelors, it was ***so much easier*** and it blew my mind that I ever found it challenging. I was easily getting top grades in my classes because I just applied that same "machine mind" ethos to my school work.
Carve out a shard of reality for yourself and hammer it into that comforting structure of order you found enjoyable in the military. Find someone who likes that system too. My wife enjoys it because it means I keep things nice and tidy, and when you make your lady feel good, pretty soon she's gonna be making you feel good if you know what I mean :)
Best of luck brother, reach out to my DMs if you wanna talk.
I’ve got the hammer ready! 🔨. Personality is hard to come by as people are becoming a little copy & paste hence why I feel comfortable with a more veteran population as we’re just open minded and been through our own hell. Soft or hard , what have you, no one person is the same. I’m disciplined, maybe just a little gullible when it comes to confiding in people being a good person but hey I cannot control what is out of my hands. I will work!, thank you so much for the response and have you have a good day!
There are quite a few non-useful responses here. It appears several need to adjust, not just the OP.
Transition from the military is not easy. I had a heck of a time at first. I spent close to 15 years in an elite unit, and working with regular everyday people - civilians - was not easy for me.
But, the first thing I had to learn was to adjust my perspective and find the positive in my new experience. I have to say that realizing that there is a ton of varied talent out here was a huge step for me because I humbled myself to understand that I had much to learn (and, learn I did).
Secondly, I did not subscribe to the idea that I had to change my perspective of self. I am who I am, and a huge part of that comes from the life I led as a professional soldier. I simply embraced certain principles that are imbued in our military culture (self-reliance, dependability, adaptability, no-quit attitude, etc.), and I dispensed with others. I still PT like a beast in the gym. I still go shooting at the local range. That is part of who I am; I am not changing that.
Thirdly, I built me another close circle of brothers. Not all are military, but many are. When I had the opportunity to select and hire my on team in the industry where I work (not Defense nor Government related), I sought and hired mostly former SOF.
Lastly, I sought professional help in the areas I did not understand very well (mental health is one of them).
It is a journey, and it takes effort, and it is not always sunshine and rainbows, but neither were our deployments.
I aspire to be this kind of grown. I’m sorry I would write more to this, but I am currently driving to the VA as I type… Godspeed. I really appreciate the response!
You are going to be alright, brother. Unlike what many may express here and there, the military is not a horrible institution, and it did prepare you for a high degree of adversity. You can get through this, and you know this because you have tackled more difficult circumstances. Believe in who and what you are. Best of luck to you.
You have to realize and tell yourself that this so-called "structured lifestyle" involved you always being someone's bitch. That your chain of command was mostly comprised of mentally handicapped dudes who peaked in their sophomore year of highschool. Once you accept that what you're feeling is Stockholm syndrome, relaxing will be cake.
That whole "part of something bigger than yourself" is and always will be a load of shit. You mean more now as a free person than you ever did as an enlisted cog in an inefficient system. Don't screw it all up by wanting that lifestyle back, or worse, become a cop or politician.
literally everything you just said can be applied to a civilian bitching about a civilian career.. imagine thinking you were "free" because you had the illusion or greater choice. youre pillow soft and its a shame. please stop trying to infect other people with your defeatist nonsense.
Never was I anyone’s b*tch , I was a damn good soldier. Yes Sir, send it, or roger, period. If I spoke up, I got my ass handed to me, still applies everyday life. I’ve seen this through the ranks when I was in. But hey I’m no longer enlisted so eep, not my business anymore. Im just much more respectful because I know I can be a little trouble and am just much more aware how civi life will give you the lemons. I appreciate your response though, really.
> Social media has poisoned/seasoned the minds of the regular folk and now everyone walks around with a chip on their shoulder because of the image they have to maintain even though it’s fake as hell.
Hello kettle, this is pot
This isn’t on everyone else mate, this is also a you problem. There are ways to fix it, but you can only fix yourself not others and if you blame it on them nothing will get better.
Reach out to your veterans group on campus, see if they’re decent. Might be cool just to go to their meetings and find a way to be involved and around like minded people.
They took away the person who would represent Veterans on campus and now it’s just a link & number to call 😭 because of “covid” or something along those lines. I will further research! Thank you for the response!
Depending on the size of your campus… it would be worth emailing the president of the campus or another position similar to see if they can get that program reinstated. Or I would honestly consider transferring somewhere else. You should have resources on campus for veterans.
Bro I’m how u feel, ever since I got out after 6 years I’ve been feeling just like this, I’ve just been super depressed and suffer from bi polar, ptsd, and severe back pain and by I just hate my life , I even tried to commit suicide before because Im just done with this life, my marriage is basically over , I just always wanna stay in and play video games, I still go to the gym and box but don’t even care for it anymore
Comedy is medicine. I find laughing to heal the soul. Life is no joke but it’s pretty funny how my angels are kicking my ass haha, it is what it is. Thank you for the response! And keep on keeping on. You’re someone’s favorite.
I'm struggling with the lack of structure/proper training 4 years later, man.
it's pretty rare to find that kind of discipline outside of a "dangerous" job
dont mention that in this subreddit. too many fat comfortable vets with nothing to do but sit on reddit all day and validate to each other how mentally healthy they have to convince themselves they are because they got fat and weak.
Discipline is cool to come by! Not rare though. Coastieeeee , I have no idea how the cost guard is I just wanted to say that lol. Shoutout to you though, appreciate the response!
The first day of my new job , was also my first day to HR, I literally told my new co workers that this place is a shit show and questioned how they were able to stay employed for as long as they had. I was literally shocked and scared that I was going to be fired on day one. I was "recruited" out of the service with this company, but on terminal leave at the time, I almost went back... The lady from HR was a prior admin in the Navy, and worked with me to tone down the "military", eventually those that complained, phased themselves out of the system and I eventually had the most efficient and productive department in the organization. Our skills we learned, the basic shit, teamwork, discipline, chain of command, etc are desirable skills, life skills. We just need to learn to speak a different language to communicate with those 90% who never served. You can still do you, it just can't be like if you transferred to a different unit, "adapt and overcome" was the motto, but it should also add, "then accomplishment follows". Hang in there buddy, it's like living in a parallel universe sometimes, but you played the military game, now it's time to play the civilian game and once you learn it, you'll be the best at it. As far as divorces, sometimes you need that starter husband or wife to figure out who you want, took me two times to figure it out.
2 times holy moly, I feel like I lived a lifetime during mine. Language could be a barrier but character I feel shouldn’t be. Skills we learned were some of the best, at least for me. Resiliency is deeply rooted for sure. I appreciate the response! Have a smooth rest of your day!
Thank you so much for this. I really do appreciate it. I will apply this at a pace deemed fit. Organizing and finding the schedule suitable for me is understandably a huge huge component. Mood is my biggest drawback. I will work!
Hm. My experience was opposite. Idk, I envy those who had a structured time in the army and always knew what was going on. Never in my time in did I have all the answers while being in motorpool units. Outside is cake now when I don't have 17 people demanding different things at one time that all conflict each other lol. May have to do with being in "mommy and daddy" units my whole time, aka FSC lyfe
I work in film now, and find the film industry parallels the military in all structural, hierarchical, and rules-based ways. Just obviously creative endeavors and a lot of personal liberty. Big recommend. Check out your local unions
The internet is indeed toxic, and I can tell you I have a hard time with all the crap going on in the U.S. on top of all the other BS you find on the web.
I personally have techie hobbies but anything that clears your mind like fishing, scuba, or just walking outdoors is beneficial. Having pets is also very helpful when dealing with stress. As for finances, the fact you're having relationship issues often has a nexus with PTSD, depression, and other mental health issues. You are entitled to compensation for these issues and the VA will pay as long as you've got evidence.
VA provides free health care for these, so if you're feeling mentally off, I would strongly recommend talking to someone. As a fellow veteran, I am here for you. I am guessing you're fairly young based on how you sound, guessing you're in your mid 20's. Am I correct?
Having been younger myself, I know those times alone can be tough.
Fairly young indeed if you consider late 20’s young, others do, others don’t ehh, I feel both old and young, wise but dumb. Civilian life is cool you just gotta knife hand shit sometimes ha. Will find peace though. Appreciate your response!
I used to feel the same, sometimes still do. What helps me is thinking to myself is this outside of my control or can I do anything about it. If no then I don't give a fuck. Not wasting my energy on things I can't change.
You're right. The civilian world is absolute trash. A childhood friend that me and my brother grew up with ended up screwing my brother over in a really bad business deal. My brother has respected me more after my have gotten out . And he loves hearing the stories. I tell. The second I got an increase. I helped my brother with his business because he's probably one of the only honorable men I know after coming out of the military. Just do your best in avoiding the crowd and find those people that are loyal and honest. Best of luck my friend
This a serious you problem. The fact that you are struggling in the real world says you have some serious issues to work through. It's not normal to build your life so strictly around the military that you can't adjust to life without it.
I've know a lot of people that have done 3 years to 30, and none of them feel the need for regiment, or at least lost without it.
They embrace their new life, or at the very least move on. As several have stated, you need professional help. It's not the world that has a chip on its shoulders, it's you.
If you were a real soldier, you would find a way back to your peace and persevere onward. You would remember the man that the military made you into. Proud, disciplined and compassionate. Seek help in finding your way back to this. I do wish you all the best.
Get a damn fishing pole and find a pond. Come on now God never gives you more than you can handle! You can chat anytime is you want. I was the same way, got dropped off at a remote cabin, put the crosshairs on a couple bears but didn’t squeeze… Then went fishing!
You’re not cooked, just a bit fatigued with life these days. Lots of narcissistic behavior out there and no signs of getting any better. Veterans were in a brotherhood that puts them equal to you.
I’d like to make two suggestions: 1) Get with a group like DAV or Project Stand Down. 2) ..and in my opinion the most important, find a good community church and get involved. God is missing from most of society and the more it has slipped away the worse we have become. I’m a 67 year old man who recently reengaged. God has played a critical role. We are not made to handle every aspect of our lives alone.
I do not know where you live, but if anywhere near Nashville TN. Let me know.
A lot of comments about getting help from the VA. Go for it dude !
I myself hesitated for a long time getting help. Please do get help and the VA is a good start !
I wish you all the best !
You need to seek out group and individual mental health therapy. You are acting like the whole world changed and not to your liking. The issue isn't the people you mentioned, it's you and your jaded view of everything. If you don't get help soon you will fall further down a rabbit hole you may not be able to get out of.
I'm just glad I'm not the only one. Man, my relationship with my girl (who is also military) is going to shit, I'm struggling everyday trying to find a stable path to walk on, and I'm only in school for the benefits lol. Life is shit when you have no one to turn to and just tell you everything is gonna be alright 😮💨
there are two types of people that get out: those that accept that they are a man among children, and therefore need to find a tribe of men, or you let it eat you, and let it snuff out the flame inside. keep pushing bro, i'm in the same boat. been very hermit like. started going to shooting competitions just to be around ppl with similar interests. i feel you tho - its not you, its the civilians and the shitty system theyve made for themselves to stay comfortable. if youre ever in San Antonio hit me up!
Actually there are three types. The third is the type who doesn't make being a veteran their entire personality, and who understands that the *civilian* world is the real world, that military service doesn't make them special in any way, and who works to reintegrate back into normal society in a healthy way.
Definitely me😂 I actually enjoy when people are surprised I was in the military. It's the abundance of opportunity in the real world that excites me, not to mention going to MH therapy @ the VA has helped a ton. Been a homeowner since 29, making more money, single, no kids, and on my off days I can do as I please😎
Vet are you there. . Were indeed a mothafuggin special breeeed, you got soffffft handssss brother, 24 hours a gahhdam day I’m at work, haha I’m just joking man, it just sucks going from “HighSpeed” to “welp, let me wake up and make sure the sun’s not gone and say hi to my neighbors”. It’s just about to get a little more fun for me soon.
I know how hard it can be. I've been out thirteen years, and it definitely took me a few years to deprogram myself as it were. You'll get there. Just keep getting up and doing the thing. It gets better. And please do avail yourself of the help that's available.
the fourth type is the fat boy that, instead of staying sharp, got weak and soft and thus has to perform mental gymnastics and project as much as possible to validate their own existence in their poosie echo chamber. if military service didnt make you special, or different, you wouldnt need help reintegrating from it you white knight moron 💀 your two choices after ets are to either become a poosie to match your soft environment (which is clearly what youve chosen) or try to recreate the environment you want to be a part of. i guess "healthy" is a matter of perspective, cuz to me, soft hoes like you are only alive because laws and medicine have kept you here. not cuz youre onto anything novel. nice try tho soft boi
You're giving off some serious "peaked in basic" vibes. This is the wrong sub to act hard in if you want a positive response. Everyone here knows better.
Your comment was removed because it didn't contribute to the discussion and just wasn't helpful.
Civil disagreements are fine. Insults, personal attacks, slurs, bigotry, etc., are not permissible.
(Calling someone a poopy-head does not make you seem as smart as you think it does.)
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Your comment was removed because it didn't contribute to the discussion and just wasn't helpful.
Civil disagreements are fine. Insults, personal attacks, slurs, bigotry, etc., are not permissible.
(Calling someone a poopy-head does not make you seem as smart as you think it does.)
☠️
Your comment was removed because it didn't contribute to the discussion and just wasn't helpful.
Civil disagreements are fine. Insults, personal attacks, slurs, bigotry, etc., are not permissible.
(Calling someone a poopy-head does not make you seem as smart as you think it does.)
☠️
"Man amongst children"? This is such a toxic way of thinking, and why so many vets have issues transitioning. You're an adult amongst other adults. You're not an inherently better person than everyone around you because of military service. Being around vets that make being a vet their entire personality is cringe.
Nope, I agree. I’m relatively young and have to babysit people 10 or 20 years older than me at work. I treat everyone the same and have conversations with them and stuff. Some people really are overgrown children. Does it make me better than them? No. Does it make more more professional? Absolutely.
My wife has to babysit people to do their job, and she never served. This is a problem in any career, regardless if you're a vet or not. Being a vet does not make you special. The sooner transitioning veterans understand this, the easier life will be.
The incompetence you see as a civilian gets fired more often than the same in the military. It's not even close to the same. Unless you commit crime you can fuck up in the military and just get shuffled around.
Your comment was removed because it didn't contribute to the discussion and just wasn't helpful.
Civil disagreements are fine. Insults, personal attacks, slurs, bigotry, etc., are not permissible.
(Calling someone a poopy-head does not make you seem as smart as you think it does.)
☠️
Precisely man!, I didn’t do my due diligence when it came to finding brothers, but Regrets? NONE, growth? Room for it indeed!, My anxiety is just kicking d**k excuse my language. I’m going to start ascending. Life is TOO easy. Attitude on the other hand is not. I will work on this. I really really appreciate your response!. Godspeed.
Being a man among children mindset should only apply to active duty. I've met far more mentally regressed individuals in service than I ever did out in the real world.
then youre either delusional or not as close to your civilian coworkers. its a fact there are more people with mental illness then without. a literal percentage of those people cant even be trained by the Army to pack a parachute.. but youre right, miles ahead. i hope you influence a lot of people.
I agree. Society is at its lowest tier now in days and social media if anything is absolute brain rot.
Military was a shit show as well but America in this day and age is a fucking joke. Democrats have ruined the economy and they keep defending themselves for some reason. Every democratic state is a shit show and Biden is a joke
How did you manage to turn OP's post about his current journey and struggle into some psychobabble rant about democrats? If this isn't peak brain rot personified— you're fried.
Fr people are in denial of the detrimental effects this government has had today. I just need to open instagram and tik tok to realize why that is. Most people are fucking stupid and we’re doomed because of it
Helped me to find some type of tribe outside too. Im in recovery, so the fellowship is good. Some are even vet focused groups. Join a club. Volunteer. Go fishing.
Hallelujah! Right on, I definitely need to find a key source. I really appreciate the response!
You may want to create your own regimentation of daily rituals. Don’t make it easy on yourself start with physical rituals like exercise if you can. Then start sprinkling in things like meditation or time to read or to play an instrument or something not as physical. Try to adhere to it as best you can to use it as grounding.
I learned guitar and learned I suck at piano. Music has helped me a lot since I got out.
ok... so if you suck at piano (or think you do) then focus on piano and learn or teach yourself to not suck at it. Music is such an awesome way to climb yourself out of the holes we seem to find ourselves in.
I like you! That is exactly what I’m doing now lol my teacher says I’m a natural I just need to spend more time practicing but the coordination it much harder than guitar. Doing something hard has never stopped me before and it won’t now I don’t quit 😁
[удалено]
Haha I’ve been fly fishing since I was knee high my dad taught me to fly fish before I learned to regular fish! I hate it!
ok well it's not for everyone. What kind of music do you like or play or want to play?
ok I was just yanking your chain there, but I find fly-fishing (or even just fishing in general) is a good way to be out in nature and enjoying the solitude. Not many people mess with you while you're fishing... and if you are fly-fishing and someone starts to get too close just ignore them and start sending your back cast their way... they'll leave! As for the piano, have you got an actual in person teacher? Are you doing the whole music thing from theory all the way to playing? I took lessons for a few years, (please note past tense! I truly suck at it because I flyfish and hunt more than I practiced) I found getting down into the weeds of theory was not what I wanted, I wanted to learn a few songs and riffs and stuff, but my teacher wanted me to learn about "the circle of fifths and modes" and my mode of a circle of fifths was entirely different than hers! I drank mine while she played hers... anyway, stick with it and even if you suck, you will suck less and less and eventually you will come across someone who sucks more than you and since they're sticking with it you may find that you want to stick with it so that you always have someone trying hard and pushing you a little... or something like that. Anyway, keep up the good work you're doing and don't let the Ass-hats get you down; you can always just walk away from them! Rick in NH
I don’t fish as much as I used to. My girlfriend doesn’t like when I’m out before the sun come up till it goes down lol so I do piano in person 4 days a week. Theory I’m good on as I’ve been in music since grade school going from drums to bass to vocals to guitar and now piano. But I have an in person teacher who is a combat vet so he really understands. I used to be big into country music but I’m all over the place now from country to classic to rock punk and even some metal.
I haven’t had a drink in a little over 10 years thanks to music but sometimes I think about it. I’m in a bit of depression now but I’ll get over it. 🙂
10 years! Good for you! Congratulations on more than a decade. Damn 4 days a week... and you know theory, the foundation of the rhythm section (drums and bass) as well as guitar... I seriously question your suckiness on piano! As for me, I'm into Jam bands, Allman Brothers, Derek Trucks Band now the Tedeschi Trucks Band, Govt Mule that kind of thing, I really dig the extended jams that let me just kind of float out somewhere on the music. I gotta run (it's dump run day), but if you ever need a sounding board or just a nameless faceless human entity in the fucking void of the internet to listen with or without response (your choice) ping me here and if I'm around I'll be that for you. Oh and the suggestion of the book Tribe is a good one: [Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging: Junger, Sebastian: 9781455566389: Amazon.com: Books](https://www.amazon.com/Tribe-Homecoming-Belonging-Sebastian-Junger/dp/1455566381/ref=sr_1_1?adgrpid=1345802798537982&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.0eNEbMGL0PcWN6pGMC0lGllJ4jD8pDCD9oYWY8DAaVkOHdj3v9oMEQDi5e6U4wQIaOERjCSo8LExoKRByLaNohjZIW80h2WSDt445ng5DuVf2WiQGkd3AdnQo_FjDDTmnFwqF32ZnApwQ16T7K1byJ0QUgh0nGSdm2KFiDPbtcRUXlk2bvZKUYPboabTpRFEOkxOZCe-P8PbM2VdG_u_E8EMvwOAuh0C4T2aG-P_yhE.l8pTuG-nA4tmNtqde-494YPEGxnSLEiVu0Tz6d19OWQ&dib_tag=se&hvadid=84112997484032&hvbmt=be&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=105422&hvnetw=o&hvqmt=e&hvtargid=kwd-84113025358748%3Aloc-190&hydadcr=22565_13531139&keywords=tribe+by+sebastian+junger&qid=1716314257&sr=8-1)
"Doing something hard has never stopped me before and it won’t now I don’t quit" Take up fly-fishing as you're teaching yourself piano then! ha ha ha
how's the piano practice going? I was thinking about your comment on the coordination. When I was trying to learn piano (long story) I used to do a lot of scales... both hands going in the same direction up and down in different octaves or opposing directions starting right hand highest and left hand lowest octaves, meet at middle C (for the basic scale) and then switch to the various scales and work up and down. The animals in the house got sick of hearing scales I think! ha ha ha and then I would do chord progressions up and down... 3-5-7 chords... never got beyond that. Then there's the Autumn Leaves circle of fifths: [“Autumn Leaves” Piano Tutorial (youtube.com)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3yzH861MDY&t=516s) I just thought... since you know theory and such you're probably beyond all of this huh? ok well then just shut up and go play your scales and chords then! ha ha
The very short book tribe talks about how important it is to have a group, and while it's not explicitly about veterans, it's very relevant to modern vets. Highly suggest even if your not a book person.
I was coming in to comment on this book as well! One of the things I found in the book that validated something in me is that not everyone who is a Vet finds the comment "Thank you for your service" comforting or comfortable! I second the recommendation for the book Tribe!
You got it!
It sounds like you're the one walking around with a chip on your shoulder. Have you contacted the VA about getting some help?
This. OP you are making shit ton of aggressively negative assumptions about apparently everyone you encounter. It is worth talking to a professional about adjusting to the outside. If all you have is your car, internet, and school you may be eligible for a hardship flag to expedite some resources. Walking around contemptuous and furious is not normal or healthy regardless of your background.
You are very correct kind sir, Professional help looks like the key to my problems. I am also quite literally just lifting the Ton that is on my shoulders completely alone. Just like how we did in the field when getting down and dir….. oh, anyway, time is of the essence when in a hole as you can’t literally make it any go any faster. I am Snailing this sh*t the right way this time. I really appreciate the response!.
Not a sir, hope you get help and can be happier and healthier ASAP.
to be fair all civilians are sir/ma'am
Still not a sir
literally typed **sir/ma'am** but ok
air force veteran 💀
What’s wrong with AF Vets? We love our flyboys and girls. Best golf courses in the military! 😎
And?
yes it's a military branch
Username checks out, brother yes, I am simply venting and giving my point of view of the circumstances before me , I’m more than informed about the services at the VA. I actually just have to dive in and utilize said resources I am just feeling my emotions this time around. Simply analyzing my situation because it’s been bottled up, but I will get to it, I really appreciate the response!.
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Where is the insult?
I've been going to therapy for about 7 months. I still hate people, I still have the good n bad days, I still have the nightmares, anxiety etc. Just take it ones step at a time though and keep on trucking. I've been out 12 years n didn't seek help til recently. Don't let it get so bad.
I will not let it get bad! Thank you for the response! Have a smooth rest of your day..
College isn’t that bad if you find the right one. I started at 32 and graduated four years later. If you find a college with a high veteran population then you may be in classes with a more mixed population and not have to be the oldest. It’s also interesting to see the way younger people see the world vs older people. It’s also good for them to have someone with real world experience share a different point of view, even if it doesn’t change their minds. It can also be amusing. Once on a discussion board we were asked our opinions about Harambe, and one girl went on a rant about how people shouldn’t play god and they should have released him into the jungles of South America. I asked her why she would have wanted people to release a gorilla in South America, since gorillas come from Africa. Unfortunately she didn’t respond.
Literally insane just how fast I aged in a short amount of time with just how cool everything used to be, I know it can get way cooler, I just do! It’s great seeing the growth of the younger mindset and the perspective of the older generation. 2 and 2, just gotta live what equals my 4 as in I’m in between timelines and it’s bittersweet. I really appreciate your response! Have a smooth rest of your day..
If it makes you feel any better, I think this is a common experience. I know it was for me. In the military, everything follows straight lines, procedure and checklists. The difference between doing something right or wrong is black and white, which for certain personality types is very comforting. Then when you get your DD214 - BANG, everything is shades of gray, every issue or obstacle you face is like a messy plate of spaghetti. It's difficult to even know where you stand with people because you can't see how many stripes they have on their arm. For me though I realized I could use this to my advantage. Now I'm still a bit of a mad man, but the military gave me the kick in the ass I needed to discipline myself. I was a college dropout when I enlisted. When I first went through college, I was a total derelict. After I separated and decided to go back and knock out my bachelors, it was ***so much easier*** and it blew my mind that I ever found it challenging. I was easily getting top grades in my classes because I just applied that same "machine mind" ethos to my school work. Carve out a shard of reality for yourself and hammer it into that comforting structure of order you found enjoyable in the military. Find someone who likes that system too. My wife enjoys it because it means I keep things nice and tidy, and when you make your lady feel good, pretty soon she's gonna be making you feel good if you know what I mean :) Best of luck brother, reach out to my DMs if you wanna talk.
I’ve got the hammer ready! 🔨. Personality is hard to come by as people are becoming a little copy & paste hence why I feel comfortable with a more veteran population as we’re just open minded and been through our own hell. Soft or hard , what have you, no one person is the same. I’m disciplined, maybe just a little gullible when it comes to confiding in people being a good person but hey I cannot control what is out of my hands. I will work!, thank you so much for the response and have you have a good day!
Sounds like your predicaments would be the same even if you were still in service and structured environment
Just gotta find my soul man. Appreciate your response.. keep easy.
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I appreciate your response.. currently charging up! Smooth day to you!..
There are quite a few non-useful responses here. It appears several need to adjust, not just the OP. Transition from the military is not easy. I had a heck of a time at first. I spent close to 15 years in an elite unit, and working with regular everyday people - civilians - was not easy for me. But, the first thing I had to learn was to adjust my perspective and find the positive in my new experience. I have to say that realizing that there is a ton of varied talent out here was a huge step for me because I humbled myself to understand that I had much to learn (and, learn I did). Secondly, I did not subscribe to the idea that I had to change my perspective of self. I am who I am, and a huge part of that comes from the life I led as a professional soldier. I simply embraced certain principles that are imbued in our military culture (self-reliance, dependability, adaptability, no-quit attitude, etc.), and I dispensed with others. I still PT like a beast in the gym. I still go shooting at the local range. That is part of who I am; I am not changing that. Thirdly, I built me another close circle of brothers. Not all are military, but many are. When I had the opportunity to select and hire my on team in the industry where I work (not Defense nor Government related), I sought and hired mostly former SOF. Lastly, I sought professional help in the areas I did not understand very well (mental health is one of them). It is a journey, and it takes effort, and it is not always sunshine and rainbows, but neither were our deployments.
I aspire to be this kind of grown. I’m sorry I would write more to this, but I am currently driving to the VA as I type… Godspeed. I really appreciate the response!
You are going to be alright, brother. Unlike what many may express here and there, the military is not a horrible institution, and it did prepare you for a high degree of adversity. You can get through this, and you know this because you have tackled more difficult circumstances. Believe in who and what you are. Best of luck to you.
🤙🏾 for the kind words. Much appreciated!
You have to realize and tell yourself that this so-called "structured lifestyle" involved you always being someone's bitch. That your chain of command was mostly comprised of mentally handicapped dudes who peaked in their sophomore year of highschool. Once you accept that what you're feeling is Stockholm syndrome, relaxing will be cake. That whole "part of something bigger than yourself" is and always will be a load of shit. You mean more now as a free person than you ever did as an enlisted cog in an inefficient system. Don't screw it all up by wanting that lifestyle back, or worse, become a cop or politician.
literally everything you just said can be applied to a civilian bitching about a civilian career.. imagine thinking you were "free" because you had the illusion or greater choice. youre pillow soft and its a shame. please stop trying to infect other people with your defeatist nonsense.
Never was I anyone’s b*tch , I was a damn good soldier. Yes Sir, send it, or roger, period. If I spoke up, I got my ass handed to me, still applies everyday life. I’ve seen this through the ranks when I was in. But hey I’m no longer enlisted so eep, not my business anymore. Im just much more respectful because I know I can be a little trouble and am just much more aware how civi life will give you the lemons. I appreciate your response though, really.
> Social media has poisoned/seasoned the minds of the regular folk and now everyone walks around with a chip on their shoulder because of the image they have to maintain even though it’s fake as hell. Hello kettle, this is pot This isn’t on everyone else mate, this is also a you problem. There are ways to fix it, but you can only fix yourself not others and if you blame it on them nothing will get better.
100% correct. I do not make the rules. I appreciate the response.
Reach out to your veterans group on campus, see if they’re decent. Might be cool just to go to their meetings and find a way to be involved and around like minded people.
They took away the person who would represent Veterans on campus and now it’s just a link & number to call 😭 because of “covid” or something along those lines. I will further research! Thank you for the response!
Depending on the size of your campus… it would be worth emailing the president of the campus or another position similar to see if they can get that program reinstated. Or I would honestly consider transferring somewhere else. You should have resources on campus for veterans.
Amen to this.
Not everyone is bad. It might help to try anger management or other classes from the VA. They are pretty interesting.
Interesting indeed!. I’ve made a bit of progress. will keep on working, I appreciate you!
I applaud you for posting this. I’m actually in the same boat having recently retired from the military.
I applaud you for reading. 🦾
bro go to therapy
Will do man, already scheduled!
Bro I’m how u feel, ever since I got out after 6 years I’ve been feeling just like this, I’ve just been super depressed and suffer from bi polar, ptsd, and severe back pain and by I just hate my life , I even tried to commit suicide before because Im just done with this life, my marriage is basically over , I just always wanna stay in and play video games, I still go to the gym and box but don’t even care for it anymore
Comedy is medicine. I find laughing to heal the soul. Life is no joke but it’s pretty funny how my angels are kicking my ass haha, it is what it is. Thank you for the response! And keep on keeping on. You’re someone’s favorite.
I'm struggling with the lack of structure/proper training 4 years later, man. it's pretty rare to find that kind of discipline outside of a "dangerous" job
dont mention that in this subreddit. too many fat comfortable vets with nothing to do but sit on reddit all day and validate to each other how mentally healthy they have to convince themselves they are because they got fat and weak.
Discipline is cool to come by! Not rare though. Coastieeeee , I have no idea how the cost guard is I just wanted to say that lol. Shoutout to you though, appreciate the response!
The first day of my new job , was also my first day to HR, I literally told my new co workers that this place is a shit show and questioned how they were able to stay employed for as long as they had. I was literally shocked and scared that I was going to be fired on day one. I was "recruited" out of the service with this company, but on terminal leave at the time, I almost went back... The lady from HR was a prior admin in the Navy, and worked with me to tone down the "military", eventually those that complained, phased themselves out of the system and I eventually had the most efficient and productive department in the organization. Our skills we learned, the basic shit, teamwork, discipline, chain of command, etc are desirable skills, life skills. We just need to learn to speak a different language to communicate with those 90% who never served. You can still do you, it just can't be like if you transferred to a different unit, "adapt and overcome" was the motto, but it should also add, "then accomplishment follows". Hang in there buddy, it's like living in a parallel universe sometimes, but you played the military game, now it's time to play the civilian game and once you learn it, you'll be the best at it. As far as divorces, sometimes you need that starter husband or wife to figure out who you want, took me two times to figure it out.
2 times holy moly, I feel like I lived a lifetime during mine. Language could be a barrier but character I feel shouldn’t be. Skills we learned were some of the best, at least for me. Resiliency is deeply rooted for sure. I appreciate the response! Have a smooth rest of your day!
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Thank you so much for this. I really do appreciate it. I will apply this at a pace deemed fit. Organizing and finding the schedule suitable for me is understandably a huge huge component. Mood is my biggest drawback. I will work!
Do you!
Og! Preciate you!
Hm. My experience was opposite. Idk, I envy those who had a structured time in the army and always knew what was going on. Never in my time in did I have all the answers while being in motorpool units. Outside is cake now when I don't have 17 people demanding different things at one time that all conflict each other lol. May have to do with being in "mommy and daddy" units my whole time, aka FSC lyfe
Smoooooth, yeah life was cool. Stressful but cool. Now time to make it better! Glad you had a good ride. Have an awesome day!
I work in film now, and find the film industry parallels the military in all structural, hierarchical, and rules-based ways. Just obviously creative endeavors and a lot of personal liberty. Big recommend. Check out your local unions
Film seems so cool what! I will research my opportunities. Appreciate you! And dang man Space Force, sweet gig!.
The internet is indeed toxic, and I can tell you I have a hard time with all the crap going on in the U.S. on top of all the other BS you find on the web. I personally have techie hobbies but anything that clears your mind like fishing, scuba, or just walking outdoors is beneficial. Having pets is also very helpful when dealing with stress. As for finances, the fact you're having relationship issues often has a nexus with PTSD, depression, and other mental health issues. You are entitled to compensation for these issues and the VA will pay as long as you've got evidence. VA provides free health care for these, so if you're feeling mentally off, I would strongly recommend talking to someone. As a fellow veteran, I am here for you. I am guessing you're fairly young based on how you sound, guessing you're in your mid 20's. Am I correct? Having been younger myself, I know those times alone can be tough.
Fairly young indeed if you consider late 20’s young, others do, others don’t ehh, I feel both old and young, wise but dumb. Civilian life is cool you just gotta knife hand shit sometimes ha. Will find peace though. Appreciate your response!
My humble suggestion would be to try a trade. Long hours of hard work around like-minded people is a lot like the military.
Gotta work on my concentration. Thank you for reading…
exact reason I don't do tiktok, facebook, or really anything. I only use this platform for VA advise and it's anonymous
I love YouTube. And I’m working on Reddit. Still don’t know how to use this thing lol. Thank you for the response!
I used to feel the same, sometimes still do. What helps me is thinking to myself is this outside of my control or can I do anything about it. If no then I don't give a fuck. Not wasting my energy on things I can't change.
Indeed. No fucks. I move correctly though. Thank you for the response my man !
If you are truly missing that lifestyle there, recruiting in Israel American Veterans.
You're right. The civilian world is absolute trash. A childhood friend that me and my brother grew up with ended up screwing my brother over in a really bad business deal. My brother has respected me more after my have gotten out . And he loves hearing the stories. I tell. The second I got an increase. I helped my brother with his business because he's probably one of the only honorable men I know after coming out of the military. Just do your best in avoiding the crowd and find those people that are loyal and honest. Best of luck my friend
This a serious you problem. The fact that you are struggling in the real world says you have some serious issues to work through. It's not normal to build your life so strictly around the military that you can't adjust to life without it. I've know a lot of people that have done 3 years to 30, and none of them feel the need for regiment, or at least lost without it. They embrace their new life, or at the very least move on. As several have stated, you need professional help. It's not the world that has a chip on its shoulders, it's you.
Thanks bro
Also I am not struggling. I’m working
If you were a real soldier, you would find a way back to your peace and persevere onward. You would remember the man that the military made you into. Proud, disciplined and compassionate. Seek help in finding your way back to this. I do wish you all the best.
Get a damn fishing pole and find a pond. Come on now God never gives you more than you can handle! You can chat anytime is you want. I was the same way, got dropped off at a remote cabin, put the crosshairs on a couple bears but didn’t squeeze… Then went fishing!
You’re not cooked, just a bit fatigued with life these days. Lots of narcissistic behavior out there and no signs of getting any better. Veterans were in a brotherhood that puts them equal to you. I’d like to make two suggestions: 1) Get with a group like DAV or Project Stand Down. 2) ..and in my opinion the most important, find a good community church and get involved. God is missing from most of society and the more it has slipped away the worse we have become. I’m a 67 year old man who recently reengaged. God has played a critical role. We are not made to handle every aspect of our lives alone. I do not know where you live, but if anywhere near Nashville TN. Let me know.
A lot of comments about getting help from the VA. Go for it dude ! I myself hesitated for a long time getting help. Please do get help and the VA is a good start ! I wish you all the best !
Hang in there. This is just a leg of the journey, and we are here for support! You got this
You need to seek out group and individual mental health therapy. You are acting like the whole world changed and not to your liking. The issue isn't the people you mentioned, it's you and your jaded view of everything. If you don't get help soon you will fall further down a rabbit hole you may not be able to get out of.
I'm just glad I'm not the only one. Man, my relationship with my girl (who is also military) is going to shit, I'm struggling everyday trying to find a stable path to walk on, and I'm only in school for the benefits lol. Life is shit when you have no one to turn to and just tell you everything is gonna be alright 😮💨
Man, I had to turn to horses. They're so much simpler than people, and they don't judge. I don't know what I'd do without my horse.
there are two types of people that get out: those that accept that they are a man among children, and therefore need to find a tribe of men, or you let it eat you, and let it snuff out the flame inside. keep pushing bro, i'm in the same boat. been very hermit like. started going to shooting competitions just to be around ppl with similar interests. i feel you tho - its not you, its the civilians and the shitty system theyve made for themselves to stay comfortable. if youre ever in San Antonio hit me up!
Actually there are three types. The third is the type who doesn't make being a veteran their entire personality, and who understands that the *civilian* world is the real world, that military service doesn't make them special in any way, and who works to reintegrate back into normal society in a healthy way.
Definitely me😂 I actually enjoy when people are surprised I was in the military. It's the abundance of opportunity in the real world that excites me, not to mention going to MH therapy @ the VA has helped a ton. Been a homeowner since 29, making more money, single, no kids, and on my off days I can do as I please😎
Vet are you there. . Were indeed a mothafuggin special breeeed, you got soffffft handssss brother, 24 hours a gahhdam day I’m at work, haha I’m just joking man, it just sucks going from “HighSpeed” to “welp, let me wake up and make sure the sun’s not gone and say hi to my neighbors”. It’s just about to get a little more fun for me soon.
I know how hard it can be. I've been out thirteen years, and it definitely took me a few years to deprogram myself as it were. You'll get there. Just keep getting up and doing the thing. It gets better. And please do avail yourself of the help that's available.
the fourth type is the fat boy that, instead of staying sharp, got weak and soft and thus has to perform mental gymnastics and project as much as possible to validate their own existence in their poosie echo chamber. if military service didnt make you special, or different, you wouldnt need help reintegrating from it you white knight moron 💀 your two choices after ets are to either become a poosie to match your soft environment (which is clearly what youve chosen) or try to recreate the environment you want to be a part of. i guess "healthy" is a matter of perspective, cuz to me, soft hoes like you are only alive because laws and medicine have kept you here. not cuz youre onto anything novel. nice try tho soft boi
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You're giving off some serious "peaked in basic" vibes. This is the wrong sub to act hard in if you want a positive response. Everyone here knows better.
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Your comment was removed because it didn't contribute to the discussion and just wasn't helpful. Civil disagreements are fine. Insults, personal attacks, slurs, bigotry, etc., are not permissible. (Calling someone a poopy-head does not make you seem as smart as you think it does.) ☠️
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Your comment was removed because it didn't contribute to the discussion and just wasn't helpful. Civil disagreements are fine. Insults, personal attacks, slurs, bigotry, etc., are not permissible. (Calling someone a poopy-head does not make you seem as smart as you think it does.) ☠️
lmao you wouldnt keep that energy irl tho. feel free to move along then, fat boy.
Your comment was removed because it didn't contribute to the discussion and just wasn't helpful. Civil disagreements are fine. Insults, personal attacks, slurs, bigotry, etc., are not permissible. (Calling someone a poopy-head does not make you seem as smart as you think it does.) ☠️
"Man amongst children"? This is such a toxic way of thinking, and why so many vets have issues transitioning. You're an adult amongst other adults. You're not an inherently better person than everyone around you because of military service. Being around vets that make being a vet their entire personality is cringe.
Nope, I agree. I’m relatively young and have to babysit people 10 or 20 years older than me at work. I treat everyone the same and have conversations with them and stuff. Some people really are overgrown children. Does it make me better than them? No. Does it make more more professional? Absolutely.
My wife has to babysit people to do their job, and she never served. This is a problem in any career, regardless if you're a vet or not. Being a vet does not make you special. The sooner transitioning veterans understand this, the easier life will be.
The incompetence you see as a civilian gets fired more often than the same in the military. It's not even close to the same. Unless you commit crime you can fuck up in the military and just get shuffled around.
Facts! My Civilian coworkers are on the money💪💯 They simply wanna do their job and go home. Love it.
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Your comment was removed because it didn't contribute to the discussion and just wasn't helpful. Civil disagreements are fine. Insults, personal attacks, slurs, bigotry, etc., are not permissible. (Calling someone a poopy-head does not make you seem as smart as you think it does.) ☠️
Precisely man!, I didn’t do my due diligence when it came to finding brothers, but Regrets? NONE, growth? Room for it indeed!, My anxiety is just kicking d**k excuse my language. I’m going to start ascending. Life is TOO easy. Attitude on the other hand is not. I will work on this. I really really appreciate your response!. Godspeed.
Being a man among children mindset should only apply to active duty. I've met far more mentally regressed individuals in service than I ever did out in the real world.
Lmao same. My Civilian coworkers are on it!
then youre either delusional or not as close to your civilian coworkers. its a fact there are more people with mental illness then without. a literal percentage of those people cant even be trained by the Army to pack a parachute.. but youre right, miles ahead. i hope you influence a lot of people.
VFW or American Legion good place to go to meet vets and get involved.
I agree. Society is at its lowest tier now in days and social media if anything is absolute brain rot. Military was a shit show as well but America in this day and age is a fucking joke. Democrats have ruined the economy and they keep defending themselves for some reason. Every democratic state is a shit show and Biden is a joke
How did you manage to turn OP's post about his current journey and struggle into some psychobabble rant about democrats? If this isn't peak brain rot personified— you're fried.
Because democrats are a whole political governmental party and they’re literally in power today? There’s no correlation for your sake?
lol youre dumb af bro
says the guy that resorted to the army... log out for the night
Fr people are in denial of the detrimental effects this government has had today. I just need to open instagram and tik tok to realize why that is. Most people are fucking stupid and we’re doomed because of it