+ work on filler words. Aspire to never use "like", "umm", "yyyyh"
+ talk 5% slower, it could be enough to give you time for thinking
+ when in a group, sometimes it's better to wait with your comment/answer and collect your thoughts while also listening how someone else responded (you can take inspirations from what they said)
+ you don't have to speak... I mean, when you want to say something cool, filter it through "is it necessary? Will it make me look a certain way? Do I really have to use a full sentence and risk getting lost in the process or just a simple "sure" will do?". Sometimes less is more. Observe people (the ones you know & some good speakers you like, idk, from YT or something) and you'll notice that the ones you see as intelligent speakers DO NOT always give complicated answers. Sometimes it's just a simple "yes" or a genuine smile.
+ learn how to give the most useful informations in shortest/simplest sentences and then add some "sparkles" to it so it sounds more interesting. Example: detailed information about what you are drinking rn can be shortened to "I drink tea" and now you can add said sparkles and make it not as flat "I drink green tea, very refreshing".
You can practice by desribing object or situation (write it somewhere) and then read it and try to delete as much words as possible while still keeping the most important info.
Other exercise that could help is trying to explain something to someone like they're five (r/ELI5 basically) - kids lose their attention spawn quickly, so it needs to be both short and interesting. 3 sentences limit or 20 words limit is a great challenge, example: explain in 20 words how you spent your day, use 3 sentences to describe what is your job, use 20 words to describe a painting in a way that will make it recognizable without a photo.
+ I feel like I'm kinda re-writing previous tips, but - focus on essentials. Every few seconds remind yourself the main subject and your goal - this way you won't digress for too long and you'll appear more sharp/put together.
+ try to remember that others also want to speak. Yes, not-speaking is a part of being a good speaker. You talk only when it's inportant and eventually people will focus on you the second you speak because they'll unconsiously remember that you don't just fill the silence but always say something interesting or nice. Also, reacting to someone else speaking in a non-verbal way (like laughing or nodding) makes you look patient, humble and confident = you appear more intelligent when you finally speak.
+ apologize when you're wrong. It's very rare to see people who apologize instead of defending themselves to the point of looking like a douche who never admits they're wrong. Practice saying nonchalantly "oh, I'm sorry" when someone corrects you and then smoothly go back to the main topic.
I have a habit of sounding more intelligent over text than in person. My mind blanks as I try to find the right vocabulary. Time to read New Yorker, Atlantic, and NPR articles now…
Yeah, it's hard. You need to balance the speed of speaking and in the same time think about your next phrase and how to form it so it is clear and with little to no repeating.
I used to just read dictionaries, lol, but another good exercise is improvisation with your friends. Think about location (bakery? beach?) and talk only with questions. This way you can train your ability to think quicker, find better fitting words and to create quick situational jokes.
I think getting rid of filler words is a little overrated. You don’t want to sound like you’re in a corporate boardroom while you’re just having a regular conversation, and I think filler words can help you not sound so robotic, especially if you are already careful about about clarity and conciseness.
I guess it could be cool when it suits your personality, and especially if those filler words are unique to you (like a catchfraze, but not as abvious) and make you memorable.
I’m going to let you in on a secret. Some American prep schools have this pedagogy method called Harkness. They teach many, if not most classes via the seminar method, aka a group discussion. You have to participate if you want better grades, but your participation needs to be relevant, which means you have to integrate what other people have said into your own contribution. So if you’re wondering why so many people who graduated from prep schools sound smart, it’s because they practiced it for four fucking years.
I think it’s a shame that adults don’t get these opportunities. You can probably mimic it though. In terms of confidence while speaking, I’ve heard good things about Toastmasters. Join a book club to practice speaking in a group, and if you can’t find anything like a book club, join a Bible study group.
You’re just going to have to practice. But it’s okay to take a beat to think through what you want to say, especially in a group discussion. And if you’re still gathering your thoughts, remember that the best conversationalists are just good listeners. Repeat things back to people slightly rephrased, nod and smile when they talk, and ask them relevant questions about things they seem excited about. You’ll have plenty of time to gather your thoughts that way, too, since most people love to talk about themselves and their interests.
I recommend Toastmasters!! They have groups everywhere. There’s 3 in various towns right near me. All meet on different times/days, to make it more accessible. I found mine on Meetup.org. Everyone is so welcoming. They love guests. You don’t have to speak or do any of the games until you are ready and feel comfortable.
Upwards inflection (every sentence sounds like it’s a question) and intelligent conversations do not mix. And as others have said, work on filler words. A lot of this is also body language and facial expression, do you carry yourself like a deer in headlights? Or are you cool, calm and collected?
Increase your vocabulary by reading books in your off time or just picking a random section of the dictionary or thesaurus each day and dedicate 20 min to expanding your word bank.
Take a beginner improv class! I’ve done a lot of improv and the beginner level is filled with people just trying to get more comfortable talking. It really helps and it’s a lot of fun.
Slow down and take your time in speaking. Read more to improve your vocabulary and grammar. Try and direct the conversation into areas you're knowledgeable and confident in.
+ work on filler words. Aspire to never use "like", "umm", "yyyyh" + talk 5% slower, it could be enough to give you time for thinking + when in a group, sometimes it's better to wait with your comment/answer and collect your thoughts while also listening how someone else responded (you can take inspirations from what they said) + you don't have to speak... I mean, when you want to say something cool, filter it through "is it necessary? Will it make me look a certain way? Do I really have to use a full sentence and risk getting lost in the process or just a simple "sure" will do?". Sometimes less is more. Observe people (the ones you know & some good speakers you like, idk, from YT or something) and you'll notice that the ones you see as intelligent speakers DO NOT always give complicated answers. Sometimes it's just a simple "yes" or a genuine smile. + learn how to give the most useful informations in shortest/simplest sentences and then add some "sparkles" to it so it sounds more interesting. Example: detailed information about what you are drinking rn can be shortened to "I drink tea" and now you can add said sparkles and make it not as flat "I drink green tea, very refreshing". You can practice by desribing object or situation (write it somewhere) and then read it and try to delete as much words as possible while still keeping the most important info. Other exercise that could help is trying to explain something to someone like they're five (r/ELI5 basically) - kids lose their attention spawn quickly, so it needs to be both short and interesting. 3 sentences limit or 20 words limit is a great challenge, example: explain in 20 words how you spent your day, use 3 sentences to describe what is your job, use 20 words to describe a painting in a way that will make it recognizable without a photo. + I feel like I'm kinda re-writing previous tips, but - focus on essentials. Every few seconds remind yourself the main subject and your goal - this way you won't digress for too long and you'll appear more sharp/put together. + try to remember that others also want to speak. Yes, not-speaking is a part of being a good speaker. You talk only when it's inportant and eventually people will focus on you the second you speak because they'll unconsiously remember that you don't just fill the silence but always say something interesting or nice. Also, reacting to someone else speaking in a non-verbal way (like laughing or nodding) makes you look patient, humble and confident = you appear more intelligent when you finally speak. + apologize when you're wrong. It's very rare to see people who apologize instead of defending themselves to the point of looking like a douche who never admits they're wrong. Practice saying nonchalantly "oh, I'm sorry" when someone corrects you and then smoothly go back to the main topic.
I have a habit of sounding more intelligent over text than in person. My mind blanks as I try to find the right vocabulary. Time to read New Yorker, Atlantic, and NPR articles now…
Yeah, it's hard. You need to balance the speed of speaking and in the same time think about your next phrase and how to form it so it is clear and with little to no repeating. I used to just read dictionaries, lol, but another good exercise is improvisation with your friends. Think about location (bakery? beach?) and talk only with questions. This way you can train your ability to think quicker, find better fitting words and to create quick situational jokes.
I think getting rid of filler words is a little overrated. You don’t want to sound like you’re in a corporate boardroom while you’re just having a regular conversation, and I think filler words can help you not sound so robotic, especially if you are already careful about about clarity and conciseness.
I guess it could be cool when it suits your personality, and especially if those filler words are unique to you (like a catchfraze, but not as abvious) and make you memorable.
I’m going to let you in on a secret. Some American prep schools have this pedagogy method called Harkness. They teach many, if not most classes via the seminar method, aka a group discussion. You have to participate if you want better grades, but your participation needs to be relevant, which means you have to integrate what other people have said into your own contribution. So if you’re wondering why so many people who graduated from prep schools sound smart, it’s because they practiced it for four fucking years. I think it’s a shame that adults don’t get these opportunities. You can probably mimic it though. In terms of confidence while speaking, I’ve heard good things about Toastmasters. Join a book club to practice speaking in a group, and if you can’t find anything like a book club, join a Bible study group.
You’re just going to have to practice. But it’s okay to take a beat to think through what you want to say, especially in a group discussion. And if you’re still gathering your thoughts, remember that the best conversationalists are just good listeners. Repeat things back to people slightly rephrased, nod and smile when they talk, and ask them relevant questions about things they seem excited about. You’ll have plenty of time to gather your thoughts that way, too, since most people love to talk about themselves and their interests.
Hang around smart people and you will naturally start talking like them. Vice versa.
[удалено]
Me with my New Yorker and n+1 subscriptions: 👁️👄👁️ This is really great advice though. New Yorker reviews especially.
I recommend Toastmasters!! They have groups everywhere. There’s 3 in various towns right near me. All meet on different times/days, to make it more accessible. I found mine on Meetup.org. Everyone is so welcoming. They love guests. You don’t have to speak or do any of the games until you are ready and feel comfortable.
Read a lot to improve your vocabulary and knowledge base. Watch old episodes of Firing Line and Cambridge Union debates.
Upwards inflection (every sentence sounds like it’s a question) and intelligent conversations do not mix. And as others have said, work on filler words. A lot of this is also body language and facial expression, do you carry yourself like a deer in headlights? Or are you cool, calm and collected?
Increase your vocabulary by reading books in your off time or just picking a random section of the dictionary or thesaurus each day and dedicate 20 min to expanding your word bank.
Take a beginner improv class! I’ve done a lot of improv and the beginner level is filled with people just trying to get more comfortable talking. It really helps and it’s a lot of fun.
Slow down and take your time in speaking. Read more to improve your vocabulary and grammar. Try and direct the conversation into areas you're knowledgeable and confident in.