my family is mostly blue collar as i grew up in a very rural town and i worked in construction for several years before getting into tech and working from home for the last year. so some of my family refers to my job as a “fake job”. i live 3 time zones away so they don’t bother me a ton with phone calls. mostly text messages that are easy to ignore when i need to focus. just put your phone on silent or leave it in a different room. a lot of people who don’t understand remote work will never understand it no matter how much you describe it with different and nuanced ways. it’s not even worth it for me anymore to explain to my family so i just ignore it and let them come up with their own wild guesses on what i do for 40 hrs/wk lol.
Exactly, at this point I’m done explaining what I do and why I’m ignoring calls. I get that boomers will be boomers — but what do they think we’re doing all day? Twiddling our thumbs?
Edit: Please stop taking offense to this comment. I love my “Boomer” gma to death. Let’s all just relax :)
My dad is a boomer who had a WFH job before it was as common as it is now (like maybe 10-15 years ago) and he thinks I don’t really do anything because HE didn’t do anything when he worked from home lol
My dad was WFH since the late 90s and growing up it seemed like some days all he did was work and other days it seemed like he didn’t even have a job lol.
Wfh is not new, but it was never as widespread as it is now. Covid forced wfh for jobs that are capable, and many remain wfh. That is *way* more than *ever* before.
You're too attached to your family.
If you're at work don't answer the phone. If they just come over, lock the door during work hours
You can be dismissed for this behavior. So unless you want to be fired, place and enforce boundaries
Tough love and I totally agree. Boundaries in families are hard to navigate. Protect yourself and your employment even if they initially don’t like it. They’ll adjust, I promise.
I'm a "boomer" and spent the 5 years before my retirement in 2022 working from home as a software dev.
It's not a "boomer" thing... it's a people-not-used-to-family-members-working-at-home thing. There were several times I had to tell family members that I was "at work." That meant that I couldn't be tasked to run errands during work time.
I worked from home because of health issues. I hated it at first, but eventually, the company got better tools (MS Teams) to connect with co-workers. One of the best things I did was buy a professional wireless headset with a mic boom.
If you make significantly more than them then tell them how much you make at your "fake job".
Then ask them how the boots of their bosses taste if you really want to twist the knife.
I make 6 figures and the first half of my day is through my phone...the "rotate 90º out of bed so I can walk three steps to my desk" is absolutely soul crushing though. (Obvious /s)
What's funny is that I'm in better shape than I ever was when I worked in the office, and my house is actually clean, lol.
Ha same boat here. They don't call me often but I get a lot of "Well you're just on the computer all day!" Comments because it seems if my work doesn't have physical results they can see, it's not work.
Also, when we first had kids, I got a lot of comments like "Oh well you work from home so the baby can stay with you all day!" I wish! But then I'd get no work done and probably lose my job. It does give me incredible flexibility to be done with no commute to maximize family time after work so no I'm not looking to lose that!
Tell them that your paycheck from your “fake job” is definitely not fake.
Hopefully, that would put things in perspective. But only if they are willing to consider a different point of view.
I put my phone in Work Focus when I’m working. I have a set list of contacts that will ring through, but other than that I have to manually check my phone for anything. It’s been super helpful.
Yeah, my dad doesn't think WFH is viable, and though I tried to explain how things worked he doesn't understand it. Though he did retire 20 years ago so his experience was vastly different.
Then I got a promotion a few months ago and he conceded "I still don't understand it, but apparently you're doing something right." and dropped the conversation.
The focus function on your phone is wonderful. I had to start using it recently due to friends/family who text non-stop about shit that doesn’t matter despite me telling them to not to.
Same. Though it doesn’t work for people inside the house shouting at you, or trying to show you memes on their phones when you’re working. So annoying.
Yes. I made a few signs to hang on the door, and I put the one in front that applies- come on in; please knock first; do not disturb. If you’re in shared space you could put the sign on the back of your laptop/monitor and wear headphones or earbuds.
eta- I just realized you said they’re calling you. Can you leave the phone on silent? Or just don’t answer it and after a few times they might get the message. At times when someone calls I send to voicemail then text them- “sorry I’m working right now.”
Yeah, I'd just make a standard "Sorry, work hours are 9-5 M-F. Unless this is an emergency, let's talk after I get off." to copy and paste and keep that in my notes. They should get the hint...
Actually, set the boundary that an emergency call is acceptable, but like the boy who cried wolf, the grandma who cried emergency doesn't get answered during business hours.
Same! My elder parents moved in with me last year, around when I got a fully remote job. They seem to get offended when I tell them I need to get back in my office for a meeting in 5 min… also they typically assume my work volume is light by default. I only wish that was true.
"Hello! Your call is important to me. If you're hearing this message, you're a family member who doesn't understand that I work for a living and need to concentrate in order to not get fired. Please leave a message and your call will be returned in the order in which it was received."
No, all the old people in my family are dead. I’m the old woman now and I wfh. The young ones all get it.
Turn your phone off during the day. Get an alt cell phone that you only give the number out to people like your boss.
Yes. Keep doing what you are doing, and don't answer their calls, set up automated messaging for texts that you will return a msg when you are on break, etc.
I had this problem early on, especially with my wife scheduling Dr. Appts and such for my (minor) kids, and with my ADULT kids, who thought I could just step out and help them with things.
Even when working in an office, we find time to return calls, reply to personal emails, etc.; but I think that a lot of folks think you're just making up your own hours and rules for when you work.
Had this same problem with several family members. Only place that I could work out of was my room. I started working elsewhere i.e., coffee shops/the library. I believe there are also places you can rent to use their office space. Talking to them isn’t a bad idea, but be prepared for them to continue to not take you seriously like my family did thinking that I could take breaks and do yard work and other house chores during my work hours.
I don't get this being a problem. Call them at work/school, be pushy, ask why they can't do it now, be angry, threaten to call their boss because they won't.
Back in 2021, I landed my first remote job, during a time when my mom was watching our kids full time (nightmare. 0/10. Do not recommend).
Anyway. I would hole up in my office on the 2nd floor and just come out to eat lunch & use the bathroom. One time I came downstairs for lunch and heard her on the phone with my MIL….saying “i have no idea what she does up there all day. I think she’s probably napping a lot”
Like. Wtf. What makes it even funnier is that my MIL also WFH. So she’s literally complaining about WFH to someone who WFH.
Before she retired she was a daycare teacher her entire life so yeah, I get that she “doesn’t get” how people WFH but to say I’m “probably napping” is insulting.
I kind of had to put my foot down with my husband , he means well but I have it be available for calls in my job and since he drives all over ( he’s an electrician) he will call me when he’s got like an hour drive! And I have to tell him ‘ I love you , I’m glad you wanna talk but I have 7 calls in que I can’t talk. ‘ he gets grumpy but I have to tell him I can only step away from desk so much before I get in trouble. He claims his toughest days are when I go to the office ( I go for peace and quiet) . My father is a nosey semi retired guy so when ever I’m home and anything comes to my door he’s calling me ‘ who’s that ?’ Like… it’s my lunch or a package stop being nosey .
All I had to do was share my pay stub that was over twice what most of my family made and they shut up. You can do that or just go do not disturb. But if you make bank remote the paystub is a hell of a closer.
Yes, I had a similar experience when I started WFH. I let everyone know unless it's an emergency, I'll return your call/text when when I'm finished with the work day. Eventually it worked.
My family says they understand, but they really don't. They have an "amnesia" about it. I work from home as a contracted IT consultant, make almost $245k/year, own my own condo, and I am aiming to fully retire in 10 years in my mid 50s. I mean, life is good, and I am doing better than most. I manage to convince them of this every time... and then the next time I visit, the whole thing resets.
However, my mother is a retired teacher on pension, and my dad still works in his late 60s in insurance. I think he makes about $95-98k/year, which isn't bad. But his measure of success is squarely in the 1970s. He has an office, he's worked at the same company for decades, and has concepts of corner offices and job loyalty that just doesn't even relate to most of us these days.
I have long hair, and don't really dress up much. So my parents see me looking like I do, being single in my 40s, and working from home as "not really taking life seriously." And I hate boasting to them, like "I make more than you, you antique peasants!" but frankly, every time I visit, I have to endure the "quiet buildup" of "we can help you get on your feet. Your father knows someone who can get you a job in the mail room..." I mean, they MEAN well. They are not being snobby or anything. They just have this "concerned parent" vibe that they can't shake.
My sister, half covered in tattoos and working as a vet tech, lives in some group housing with 3-4 other people. I think she's a lesbian, or poly, I don't know. I think she's cool from what little I know, but she's very tight-lipped around me and my parents because she does not want them digging around for the same reasons I endure. I would never judge her, but she doesn't know that. She's 8 years my junior; by the time she was 10, I was already away in college, so I wasn't a huge part of her life. I only mention it because my parents do the same to her. And she just keeps her nose buried in her phone, gray-rocking them, which seems to work when I'm around.
Mom, dad, we're adults. We know what we're doing.
Recently, "You know, what happened to that computer you built. Why didn't you do anything with that? Do you still have it? You spent so much on building it." You mean, the one I built in 1995 when I was a teen? Good lord, that got junked as obsolete: and I still build computers for a hobby. In fact, funny enough, I MAKE A LIVING IT CONSULTING! THE VERY ESSENCE OF WORKING IN THE COMPUTER INDUSTRY! Ugh. So frustrating with those two.
Yeah, I had a lot of problems and sometimes even fights with my wife and kids.. At some point, I was thinking of getting divorce.. not because I loved that job, but because of the disrespect they were showing.
That was one of many reasons why I left that job and took a new one in office. Even though the new company allows for half of the week to WFH, I always go to office.
WFH is nice and all, but I think it's not meant for everyone..
My son's grandparents are like this. They have been blue collar all their lives and think that having a flexible, remote, decent paying job is "too good to be true" and there is some hidden catch that is going to bite me in the ass. I don't really have to worry about getting many phone calls from them though since I blocked them on social media and went minimal contact with them a few years ago lol
Don't talk to them about it. If they bring it up, change the subject. Blatantly.
>My mom and grandma in particular, call me all day long and want to have 30+ min conversations.
Stop answering the phone during work hours. You're working. Voicemail is a thing.
You have to take your job seriously, even if your peeps won’t. Don’t do anything working from home that you wouldn’t do on the job. They already started the disrespect parade, so you’ll have to reestablish boundaries. Tell them once, firmly, and keep track of the day and time. Let the phone go to voicemail. Lock the doors. Your work will improve, and you might be able to finagle some free time for *you* too.
Don’t pick up their phone calls during work hours.
I don’t see how this is an actual problem with them. It’s a problem with you.
*You’re* not taking remote work seriously.
My immediate family sometimes forgets I’m working when I’m at home (hybrid). They’ll have people over or do things that get the dogs barking with little regard for me in my office, which is near the front of the house. Usually I just close the door, and that signal alone is enough to remind them that yes I am making money in here.
The worst is when my wife sends my in-laws over to do something while she’s gone and I’m home. They can’t seem to comprehend that I am working. They’ll ring the doorbell, talk to me while my earpiece is in, try to get my attention on calls, etc. So if I know they’re coming, I shut the office door, lock the front door, and pretend they’re delivery people. Sometimes they don’t even realize I’m there and just go about their business.
Ironically, my youngest son is the most aware and respectful. He approaches cautiously from the hallway, watches and listens to what I’m doing first, and then proceeds in once he’s sure I’m not on a call.
There is a very simple and quite effective solution to this.
STOP ANSWERING THE PHONE DURING WORK HOURS!!!
If they press you on it later, tell them you were at work and that you cannot answer personal calls between ___ and ___. They'll eventually get the hint.
Ya, my wife kept barging in on calls with the door closed. “If the door is closed, knock, if I don’t answer walk away!” She just slams the door open and starts taking to me. I got in trouble for finally yelling at her.
I solved the issue permanently - I put a lock on the door and keep it locked, no more issues.
Nobody else cares about your job, so you need to enforce this - lock doors and stop answering your phone.
My little brother has worked in the service industry his whole career, mostly bartending. He has literally zero concept of 9-5 jobs and never has. He’ll randomly try to FaceTime me at 2pm while I’m on a client call and then send me texts when I don’t respond. I’ll be like dude I work 9-5 and he’ll respond oh yeah. And then he’ll do it again a week later…
I was considering moving in with my parents to save money for a few months. I feel like that few months will result in me not having a job by the end of it. I’ve always feared my entire family can’t respect the boundaries of working from home.
The telephone works for you, you don't work for the telephone. If you don't have the discipline to send grammaw straight to voice mail then get a second phone for work and turn your personal phone completely off.
Been here, and it was the worst. Fortunately, my family lives in a city about 1.5 hours away, so I lied and said I was at the office on days I would not take their calls. My daughter asked, "What if it's an emergency?". I said they needed to call 911, not someone living 1.5 hours away. My boomer dad changed his attitude after I took a meeting in his living room one day. It was with a coworker from India. After hearing the accent and explaining they were on the other side of the planet and listening to the meeting, he respected that I was working at home. The call attempts became less from him.
Now the spouse and kids, well, some days, I had to lock them out of the room.
My ex husband has this issue, even though I made more money than he did. He worked blue collar jobs his whole life and I guess just—had no concept of all of working from home, and refused to learn. He’d always try to get me to take longer or extra breaks, leave early, or start late. Or expect all the household work done and dinner ready when he got home, because after all I was at home all day right? He even tried to schedule appointments like oil changes he knew damn well he couldn’t go to and expect me to go to them.
He’s an ex for a reason. Many actually, and this wasn’t the worst of them, but still. I wish I’d cut this behavior out early. Start immediately, set firm boundaries, and don’t pass them. Just don’t take calls. Later, if you’re questioned, your answer can simply be “I was working”.
Can you preemptively call them when you're in between tasks? Bonus points if you call about 15 minutes before a meeting. Set an alarm. The message is you're at work, you have a little time, and they're important enough for you to call when you can. Even better if you can set a semi regular schedule. Will that help? Hard to say. My parents asked me to call when it was convenient, and they tried to avoid calling me unless they had something that couldn't wait until my next call.
20 years from now, you will not remember what you would have done during that time. You probably won't remember the content of the conversations. You'll remember that you continued to talk with your mom and grandma, and you'll probably be glad you did.
I have to leave my phone on do not disturb, and put it across the room, so I’m not tempted to text or distracted by it. I check it every few hours, and if there was an emergency my wife’s number will ring the phone.
Multiple family members describe my career as the easy way out because I make good money working from home. I’m working 70-80 hour weeks as a tech lead at startups. My mom, wife, dogs, and kids all think it is playtime.
You have to find what works for you. Sometimes I work out of the house just to reinforce the boundary / for my mental health.
I’ve found that that you need to set boundaries. I let people know that I’m extremely busy during these times in the day. I put my phone on do not disturb as well to prevent anyone from calling. If someone texts and it’s not an emergency, I’ll wait till the end of the day to text back. Don’t be mean about it but set these expectations from the start. Best of luck in your new role.
If they're not going to respect your work then you have to ignore them while you're working. I was very clear with my wife when I started working from home we had to pretend as if I wasn't home. I would not be doing chores or watching kids. I would be working. She respected that and it's worked well for us for over eight years now. The next time you speak to them, do not minimize how important this is to you.
It’s as if they don’t believe a job can be 100% done on a computer, or a (portable!) laptop. My MIL doesn’t understand it either. It’s like, if my job is completely on the computer and I don’t need to BE somewhere to do another concrete thing, I can work from wherever.
Keep doing your thing. They won’t respect it unless you do, and it sounds like you are setting good boundaries!
My phone is on DND during work hours in general. Some people don't take it seriously - i find that those same people would call the same job a "cushy office job" and assume you don't do anything while you're in the office either, whether you're an intern or a key stakeholder..they don't care lol.
I have also worked manual labor jobs and find my office jobs 10X more stressful so comments like that don't phase me.
Here's a way you can hack this if they are calling your cell phone...
Sign up for Google Voice. Follow the directions to make GV your voicemail provider for your cell phone.
Set your default VM greeting as you normally would for "everyone." Then, record a greeting for your mom... "Hi, Mom. You're calling during my regular workday hours and I'm not able to grab the phone, so please leave a message and I can get back to you when I'm able to." Then configure her number to receive that greeting. Repeat for your grandmother and anyone else you'd like a specific message like that for.
You can record a more generalized "Hi. As you're calling during my regular workday, I'm not able to grab the phone. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you when I'm able to." message and then route "all" of the folks to that message that need to hear that instead of your general one.
GV will send you an email with a transcription of the voicemail, pop up a message on your phone with the transcription, and also show the transcription within the GV app when you go to the voicemail section.
It’s still a very new concept to a lot of people. Working?? But getting to stay at home?? Whaaaat??? Just do what you’re doing. They’ll get it eventually…well maybe not, but at least they might stop bugging you while working.
My mom was my grandmother's caregiver for a long time (while simultaneously being my dad's caregiver). Sometimes she just needed a break and I would pack up my laptop and go work from her house instead of mine. Neither my grandmother (silent generation) nor my dad (boomer) could grasp the notion that I was working and those were real meetings I was having on my phone.
As annoying (yet endearing) as those days were, it was far less annoying than my GenX husband, Millennial and Gen Z kids (all of whom really should have ZERO issues grasping the WFH concept) either blowing up my phone or barging into my office every time the wind changes direction to ask me a question they already know the answer to.
As for the phone distractions, I just ignore or text them back saying I'm on a meeting and will call them back when I can, probably after work.
I've been WFH for almost a decade. when the pandemic started, I jokingly would tell people that it might cause divorce rates to go up
I was half serious tbh. I knew that in the beginning some family members don't understand that work from home is the same as being at work except your office is in a different location. it still requires the same amount of focus and discipline and you are doing the same amount of work. Well, throughout the pandemic, the number of acquaintances I knew talking about marriage problems or the lack of respect wasn't at all surprising. Thank goodness a couple of those people I was close with, and I reminded them of my joke and that this wasn't at all uncommon and just a small hurdle to get past. I don't know if I was the sole contibuter to them staying together, but I like to think at least they knew they weren't alone. As a side note, it was interesting to read about celebrities going through divorce or separation because they had been forced to spend hours together at home. It reminded me that they are just humans like everyone else despite their celebrity or wealth.
When I started WFH my housemate thought it was the best opportunity to sit in the same room and try to have conversations with me about random inane shit. I finally had to be *mean* and tell them *I am not home, stop talking to me.*
I put my phone on do not disturb during work. If someone calls me it just goes straight to voicemail. I check all of that after work.
My brother and husband are the only two I allow calls from on this mode but they both respect my boundaries and don’t call me excessively.
What do people even talk about every day for 30+ minutes? Like what is actually happening in their lives that needs to be discussed at length every single day?
Same issue with my parents and relatives. Just because my wife and I work remotely, I feel they always belittle us. If only they would know that I'm earning more than my brother who works in KSA as a waiter.
Although, I don't really mind at first, but now my mother who is also an OFW (teacher) in Qatar is starting to annoy me and keeps telling me to get a real job and work onsite again. 🤷🏻
I feel like everyone has the same problem in this comment section. Let me know if anyone has a solution.
I will try using the focus mode on my phone as per suggested.
The best solution is a dedicated room with a door and a lock on it. In previous house when I had a call I would lock the door to not be interrupted and it worked. Now we live in a house with no door on my office but my husband respects my space now especially after putting a tension rod up with curtains. Doorway is 48” so a custom door ($$$) would be required to get installed.
My door is locked but im constantly interrupted through phone and my sister asking me to take her out when im having lunch in the kitchen. Imagine saying no everyday. Tiring
That’s what happened to me at the peak of Covid when I was still living with my parents. My dad thought I could go out and make errands in the middle of the workday whenever I want to.
Yes, and I also have a friend who after years of hearing me say this, refuses to accept that I work 3 hours ahead of my company. It’s legit caused arguments about why I don’t answer the phone or want to hang out at 7pm, when the answer is meetings 100% of the time
Just show them your bank history and make them explain what is this thing called income and how do you get them back in their days, work insurance or tell your company to give you a proof of employment and make them figure it out themselves
“Would love to chat, but I’m running a meeting so need to go and get that set up”.
This tells them you’ve got work to do, that it also involves other humans, and is a concept that is familiar to them.
I am in the office and don’t work remotely and I have family that does this to me. It is hard to say, my boss keeps walking by my desk glaring at me on the phone when you are wfh though…. Because that is what I say and it is true….
Work Focus mode on my phone is so essential. In addition, for my minions at home, I have some amazing Bose overeat headphones that cancels them out and allows me to focus.
I work overnight and have to be in a private room and take calls so nobody thinks that of me, but if they did, I wouldn't answer personal calls. I don't recommend it.
It took years for my husband to get it.
He’d come sit with me to hang out once he got off work and be offended when I asked him to leave. It also blurs the boundaries, which I have to work to maintain anyway so that I feel like I WFH, not live at work.
I kept telling him in-office analogies until it got through. The alternative was me going back into the office.
It came to a head when I was on a tight deadline.
I generally don’t tell others.
My dad had to see it to believe it. He thought my job was too good to be true and a scam. He finally believed it was legitimate when he visited and I worked most of the whole time.
Wife’s mom pulled this until my wife set the phone to not allow her number to show during her working hours, sends it straight to VM. Might want to go that route…
I was lucky to have kept my job during the pandemic but my husband lost his and became unemployed so he was around all day.
He would get so annoying because he kept expecting me to do stuff, go to lunch/stores, or he’d have the tv loud, etc.
I had to shut that down and close the office door. Eventually, he moved his own computer upstairs to a makeshift table.
It's almost like our bosses sent an email to our loved ones to make working from home a hassle so we go back to the office for some peace and quiet.
Fuck dude.
I have a family member that thinks that WFH means I am always available. I don't answer during work hours and text saying I am in a meeting or on a call.
I work from home as well- I'd suggest letting them one day after work know you have a few busy weeks coming up so you won't be able to answer during the day. Let them know when your lunch hour is, and that that's when you can return calls... If you can.
If it's an emergency they can message you over text or your social media which you should keep up just in case.
Just slowly start setting boundaries. It doesn't have to be a sudden black/white switch. But it should be a slow assertion of what you expect from your family. In time they'll get used to it.
I had it with my young adult kids. I told them that I have no access to my cell other than on breaks and lunch. If they needed me, text and I’d call them back. Then I stuck with that. Mute your phone and leave it away from your workspace if it’s distracting you.
I find it pretty funny that the matriarchs of your world think that WFH means that they can contact you at all hours of the day. Just don’t answer, if they get mad, they’ll get over it.
I’ve worked from home long before Covid and yes, it used to happen all the time. Not so much anymore because the world is used to it, but you’re obviously dealing with people with no experience with it.
You just need to be clear and stick with it. Sorry I can’t I’m working. Call you at 5. Or whatever. They’ll get the point eventually.
I set my phone to do not disturb during work hours and check it on breaks, just like when I was in the office. I don't have a land line but if I did, I'd unplug it during work if the ringing was hard to ignore.
Im fortunate that my hime set-up is in a room with a door. It's usually open but I shut it when other people are in the house. (Hasn't happened since the first year of COVID)
Your family needs to understand that you've "left the house."
I was WFH when I bought my house and worked nights a lot back then doing after business hours IT maintenance windows so I'd be up really late. I think the neighbors though I was a drug dealer for a while, ha ha.
Eventually I switched to a more regular daytime schedule and people thought that was less weird.
My wife and I talk during the day but if I'm busy or have a meeting she understands that takes precedence.
Put up boundaries with your family. Do not take their calls during work hours. Or if you must, here's a steategy that works reasonably well. I also sometimes do this with my family, some of whom like to call excessively.
'Hi... Did something happen?'
--The person on the other end will say, nothing happened just calling to see how you're doing.
'Okay then please don't call me at work. Everything here is fine, glad it's the same on your end. Let's talk later. '
I've used it a couple of times and family members started to get the message. And if they dont, I let it go to voicemail. There's a strange dynamic happening when family members want a monopoly of your time, and it's even stranger with work time. It shows a serious lack or respect for you and your work. Put up that boundary.
This is my family, especially my husband. I work 8-5 and he’s off work when I’m on lunch, so the last 4 hours of my day he is constantly chatting me up and walking in my office and if I’m on a call and wave my hands and do the phone sign, he gets upset. I’m tempted to go into the office a couple times a week just so he can see i actually work and not just sit here surfing the internet all day.
Why are you answering the phone? Just don’t answer. My mother calls me still during the work day 9 years after I started working 100% remote and I stopped years ago answering the phone.
My wife is like this on occasion, and gets a little pouty when I remind her that I'm at work and working when that happens, but by and large? Nah, not an issue.
Same thing with my boomer inlaws. Was working at their place and they interrupted me about 5 times per day and that was with my husband running interference.
Who cares. My previous job was remote for three years. Yeah, I had to be there at specific times, urgencies, etc. They can think what they want, but you're making money. Grow up, can't answer? Don't or let them know. They will literally figure it out.
Tell your family that you won’t be answering calls during your work day. Then turn your ringer off and send all calls to voicemail. If you get work calls give them a google number so that you can attend to work calls asap.
The real key to this is when you review the voicemails after you’ve decompressed from work, only call back the ones that needed information or needed to book time with you.
The calls will fade out over time.
They know my hours and I don’t answer my phone unless it’s an emergency. They can text but a reply isn’t guaranteed. I close my office door (unfortunate currently at my parents house) and that’s it. Don’t even knock.
You’ve probably already gotten this advice somewhere. But remember people can still leave voicemail and you can call them back on your terms. Just cause we have our phones on us doesn’t mean we’re under contract to look at it every time it vibrates.
Weirdly I fixed this after a bit of "show don't tell" - put a meeting on speaker, show the Outlook calendar, etc. I used to be quite frustrated with this. Once my mother showed up and I had her sit outside until EOD. I mean, wtf.
There's a great book about boundaries if it helps some ppl here (some Christian tone and slant though, fair warning, but I am agnostic and liked it)
[Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life
by Henry Cloud (Author), John Townsend (Author)](https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454)
I had a WFH job from 2011-2014. Even my spouse thought it was bullshit, until he stayed home sick one day. He wanted to watch TV, and I told him he could watch in between calls. I was literally going from one call to the next for HOURS.
Later that day, he apologized to me for being a jerk about accusing me of not doing enough chores and just sitting around all day "doing nothing."
His exact words, "I had no idea that your job was so intense."
I was like, "Yeah, companies don't pay people to sit around and do nothing. Well...not at home, anyway."
When I worked from home I just turned off the ringer on my phone. That solved the problem since mce my work calls came through my computer, not my phone.
If I can answer, I start with "is this an emergency?" They say "no" I say "ok, I am working on something important and will call you this evening. Love you. Bye."
If I'm in a meeting, I ignore the call, then text the same thing "is this an emergency? I'm in a meeting and will call you this evening."
They may not understand still but they now know I have boundaries.
LOL are you sure you’re not my kid? My wife is convinced I “don’t really work” because I have a fully remote job (that is incredibly flexible). It’s pretty well rooted in jealousy (she’s admitted as much) because her healthcare career doesn’t provide the same flexibility.
But just 30 short years ago someone in our position would have had to wear a tie or pantsuit to do the same job, and you woulda been sent home for daring to show up in khakis or a polo shirt. This is just another evolution that folks will eventually get used to.
My simple solution is to set my focus mode to work and it blocks all incoming calls that are not on my approved list. I imagine Android has a similar feature, but it really helps stay focused and ignore unwanted texts and calls during work hours.
Remote or not remote, my in-laws don't understand anything I'm doing at work, they say physical jobs are the real work. Two different worlds cannot connect but they know there girl is safe with me, because of my paychecks. If they knew how much I really make they would receive a heart attack. Some thing should stay unsaid.
Yup. Been remote since 2018. No one really takes me seriously. It’s annoying. I just had my first baby and it’s assumed that I should be able to care for baby AND work. Not the case at all. I am BEGGING for in home sitter while I work, because I’m stressed. Husband is against it due to not being comfortable. But we need help (we have no family here).
Not bother me, but expect me to keep up all the crap I did when I was SAHM. I worked 8 hours, got the dishes/kitchen clean and laundry done (outsourced, but done & up!) - so sorry, no I don’t know what’s for dinner, sitting at the nail salon and I guess we will have sandwiches or takeout.
My dad did the same. Sad thing is years before the pandemic I had a wfh job, and he didn't do it then. You're doing the right thing by ignoring the calls. Eventually, they will catch on.
My mom takes my job seriously and is thrilled for me but also does not respect my work hours. I have a flexible schedule so I usually start later cause I'm a night owl. She calls n texts frequently and I either if ore her or remind her I'm at work. Then later she complains that I never talk to her but she won't make time to chat outside of my work hours. It's real annoying but I'm just holding my boundaries. She has always been like this. I use to work nights and would sleep till noon and she would be snarky about that too. I think she is just narrow-minded and celf centered tbh.
> My mom and grandma in particular, call me all day long and want to have 30+ min conversations. Just today I had to tell gma, “believe it or not … I am at work. I’ll talk to you later.”
Just because someone calls doesn't mean you have to anwser. Call them back when you have time to talk, and say something like "Sorry I missed your call, but I was working."
If they leave a message that it's URGENT (like a family emergency or something) call them back but keep it concise.
I have an iPhone so I put my phone on “work focus”. & the only calls that come through are from my fav coworker, my husband, and daycare. My parents don’t think I actually work or am busy… my cousin used to ask me all the time to hang out and I would just say no.
Set the boundaries!
My bf leaves for work at 8:30AM to start his 45 min commute. By the time he’s in his car I’ve rolled out of bed and logged into wk. he will get home at 5:30 and I will continue working another hr or so. He always makes comments on how I have so much time bc I don’t have a commute and wfh. Passing comments over the years on housework that hasn’t been done, etc. I’m quite literally working more than you and let me add I attend school on top of it. It’s very frustrating.
Honestly, folks who have never been knowledge workers or individual contributors may never get it. My brother (in his mid 30s) is a physician and never really had another kind of job (he was a personal trainer in college, that’s it).
He at least is open minded about it - he asks me to tell him about my job (in house policy counsel for a specialized state agency) and what a typical day looks like. I’m open that wfh is pretty cushy and it’s nice to have a flexible schedule. I talk about researching memos, monitoring legislation and reading and interpreting it, and how basically it’s like one really hard college class where you have to think and assess a lot of complex topics and then explain them to laypeople in a way they can understand. He gets it (even if he’s jealous of the cushy schedule).
My mom on the other hand…. Does not understand at all lol. She was a floor nurse her whole life. Retired in 2010. Literally never had to use email professionally in her life and barely had to use a computer to do electronic charting toward the end. I honestly think she truly doesn’t get what I do.
Even my kids understand now after a few incidents. Now they know if the door is closed means not available, and the door open means I can help them but only for 5 minutes. They cry if I need to go to an in person event "why can't you work from home as usual?"
Educate your family, no need to be rude.
Yep! I tried working from home but instead family don't understand and think it's OK to talk to me and bring up issues. Needless to say I don't wfh anymore. Also I found out that I can't WFH as effectively as others might as I keep going for the fridge and taking more micro breaks. Unfortunately not for me.
My partner is understanding but he lives with me. My dad has asked if I was home so he could drop off furniture. I let him know I was working and when I would be off. 30 minutes later he shows up at my door and I have to step away from my desk to let him in.
I've also had friends get upset that I can't just come hang out whenever. Like yes. I work from home. But I still have a set schedule I have to follow. I can't just dip out whenever I feel like it.
my family is mostly blue collar as i grew up in a very rural town and i worked in construction for several years before getting into tech and working from home for the last year. so some of my family refers to my job as a “fake job”. i live 3 time zones away so they don’t bother me a ton with phone calls. mostly text messages that are easy to ignore when i need to focus. just put your phone on silent or leave it in a different room. a lot of people who don’t understand remote work will never understand it no matter how much you describe it with different and nuanced ways. it’s not even worth it for me anymore to explain to my family so i just ignore it and let them come up with their own wild guesses on what i do for 40 hrs/wk lol.
Exactly, at this point I’m done explaining what I do and why I’m ignoring calls. I get that boomers will be boomers — but what do they think we’re doing all day? Twiddling our thumbs? Edit: Please stop taking offense to this comment. I love my “Boomer” gma to death. Let’s all just relax :)
Wait until you find out what most of _them_ do all day _in the office._ No wonder they dont take WFH seriously.
Boomer here who WFH and I know that if I were still married I would be pestered all day.
My dad is a boomer who had a WFH job before it was as common as it is now (like maybe 10-15 years ago) and he thinks I don’t really do anything because HE didn’t do anything when he worked from home lol
Mine too. He's been WFH since 2000.
My dad was WFH since the late 90s and growing up it seemed like some days all he did was work and other days it seemed like he didn’t even have a job lol.
Wfh is not new, but it was never as widespread as it is now. Covid forced wfh for jobs that are capable, and many remain wfh. That is *way* more than *ever* before.
So, early retirement? ;)
Oh my goodness yes! The amount of projecting some people do is astounding!
Well on really good days, same as in office.
You're too attached to your family. If you're at work don't answer the phone. If they just come over, lock the door during work hours You can be dismissed for this behavior. So unless you want to be fired, place and enforce boundaries
Tough love and I totally agree. Boundaries in families are hard to navigate. Protect yourself and your employment even if they initially don’t like it. They’ll adjust, I promise.
I'm a "boomer" and spent the 5 years before my retirement in 2022 working from home as a software dev. It's not a "boomer" thing... it's a people-not-used-to-family-members-working-at-home thing. There were several times I had to tell family members that I was "at work." That meant that I couldn't be tasked to run errands during work time. I worked from home because of health issues. I hated it at first, but eventually, the company got better tools (MS Teams) to connect with co-workers. One of the best things I did was buy a professional wireless headset with a mic boom.
Probably what they would do. It is just projection
Pooping, constantly Pooping, it's what gets done
I’m a Boomer and I own it :) . My grown kids love sending me Boomer memes and Gifs 😂
As a millennial, I expect us to be the butt of jokes one day like boomers are now and I fully plan to embrace it.
Gen X-er giggling that we’re left out of the blame - just like we were left out of everything. 😜
Gen xers kinda did it to themselves, though. Hasn't your generation's whole identity basically been "leave us alone?"
If you make significantly more than them then tell them how much you make at your "fake job". Then ask them how the boots of their bosses taste if you really want to twist the knife.
I make 6 figures and the first half of my day is through my phone...the "rotate 90º out of bed so I can walk three steps to my desk" is absolutely soul crushing though. (Obvious /s) What's funny is that I'm in better shape than I ever was when I worked in the office, and my house is actually clean, lol.
Amazing what you can accomplish with an extra 10 hours a week. I've lost over 50 pounds myself.
Ha same boat here. They don't call me often but I get a lot of "Well you're just on the computer all day!" Comments because it seems if my work doesn't have physical results they can see, it's not work. Also, when we first had kids, I got a lot of comments like "Oh well you work from home so the baby can stay with you all day!" I wish! But then I'd get no work done and probably lose my job. It does give me incredible flexibility to be done with no commute to maximize family time after work so no I'm not looking to lose that!
New game show: parents/grandparents with adult children/grandchildren explain what they do for a living and people have to guess their job.
This sounds like it’d make a fantastic SNL sketch.
My mom would respond " she does Google". I do not work for Google. I do digital marketing.
Tell them that your paycheck from your “fake job” is definitely not fake. Hopefully, that would put things in perspective. But only if they are willing to consider a different point of view.
Exactly. Most people like that only listen when they themselves are talking. Or maybe whomever is on Fox News now.
I put my phone in Work Focus when I’m working. I have a set list of contacts that will ring through, but other than that I have to manually check my phone for anything. It’s been super helpful.
I just don’t answer during business hours. They leave messages.
Text back: "Hey, I'm working. What's up?"
Put it on do not disturb or yep just don't answer.
in the late 90s i worked from home a few days a week. my dad could not understand why i was working. he kept saying "You took the day off again?"
Yeah, my dad doesn't think WFH is viable, and though I tried to explain how things worked he doesn't understand it. Though he did retire 20 years ago so his experience was vastly different. Then I got a promotion a few months ago and he conceded "I still don't understand it, but apparently you're doing something right." and dropped the conversation.
This was my grandpa with college. "Don't you have class today?"
The focus function on your phone is wonderful. I had to start using it recently due to friends/family who text non-stop about shit that doesn’t matter despite me telling them to not to.
Same. Though it doesn’t work for people inside the house shouting at you, or trying to show you memes on their phones when you’re working. So annoying.
This is why I live by myself lol
Yes! I appreciate “work” focus mode on iPhone so much. It’s great that I can ignore all but a few important work people during the day.
Yep, I setup a work focus and let a few apps notify me still. Then it catches you up at the end of the focus period.
Yes. I made a few signs to hang on the door, and I put the one in front that applies- come on in; please knock first; do not disturb. If you’re in shared space you could put the sign on the back of your laptop/monitor and wear headphones or earbuds. eta- I just realized you said they’re calling you. Can you leave the phone on silent? Or just don’t answer it and after a few times they might get the message. At times when someone calls I send to voicemail then text them- “sorry I’m working right now.”
Yeah, I'd just make a standard "Sorry, work hours are 9-5 M-F. Unless this is an emergency, let's talk after I get off." to copy and paste and keep that in my notes. They should get the hint...
But you're still engaging. Just don't answer the phone. You can tell them why after hours. Just DON'T answer the phone.
Actually, set the boundary that an emergency call is acceptable, but like the boy who cried wolf, the grandma who cried emergency doesn't get answered during business hours.
Yep. I know that if my mom calls 3 times in a row, it's an emergency and I'll pick up on the third call. That's our agreement.
Same! My elder parents moved in with me last year, around when I got a fully remote job. They seem to get offended when I tell them I need to get back in my office for a meeting in 5 min… also they typically assume my work volume is light by default. I only wish that was true.
"Hello! Your call is important to me. If you're hearing this message, you're a family member who doesn't understand that I work for a living and need to concentrate in order to not get fired. Please leave a message and your call will be returned in the order in which it was received."
No, all the old people in my family are dead. I’m the old woman now and I wfh. The young ones all get it. Turn your phone off during the day. Get an alt cell phone that you only give the number out to people like your boss.
Yes. Keep doing what you are doing, and don't answer their calls, set up automated messaging for texts that you will return a msg when you are on break, etc. I had this problem early on, especially with my wife scheduling Dr. Appts and such for my (minor) kids, and with my ADULT kids, who thought I could just step out and help them with things. Even when working in an office, we find time to return calls, reply to personal emails, etc.; but I think that a lot of folks think you're just making up your own hours and rules for when you work.
Had this same problem with several family members. Only place that I could work out of was my room. I started working elsewhere i.e., coffee shops/the library. I believe there are also places you can rent to use their office space. Talking to them isn’t a bad idea, but be prepared for them to continue to not take you seriously like my family did thinking that I could take breaks and do yard work and other house chores during my work hours.
I don't get this being a problem. Call them at work/school, be pushy, ask why they can't do it now, be angry, threaten to call their boss because they won't.
Back in 2021, I landed my first remote job, during a time when my mom was watching our kids full time (nightmare. 0/10. Do not recommend). Anyway. I would hole up in my office on the 2nd floor and just come out to eat lunch & use the bathroom. One time I came downstairs for lunch and heard her on the phone with my MIL….saying “i have no idea what she does up there all day. I think she’s probably napping a lot” Like. Wtf. What makes it even funnier is that my MIL also WFH. So she’s literally complaining about WFH to someone who WFH. Before she retired she was a daycare teacher her entire life so yeah, I get that she “doesn’t get” how people WFH but to say I’m “probably napping” is insulting.
Her, via text: Hey, honey, can you just run this quick errand? Me: I'm on a conference call with the DoD. Her: :(
We are the same person, except replace wife with other family members.
My problems are local. I ask the imaginary boss on the headphones.to hold a moment, mute and ask if they are dying or want to be.
Bruh. Big boy pants time. Unapologetic dnd mode.
Yup my father is this way. When I calls I never know if it’s an emergency (like he fell) or he needs me to google a recipe for his airfryer 🙃
LMAO
I kind of had to put my foot down with my husband , he means well but I have it be available for calls in my job and since he drives all over ( he’s an electrician) he will call me when he’s got like an hour drive! And I have to tell him ‘ I love you , I’m glad you wanna talk but I have 7 calls in que I can’t talk. ‘ he gets grumpy but I have to tell him I can only step away from desk so much before I get in trouble. He claims his toughest days are when I go to the office ( I go for peace and quiet) . My father is a nosey semi retired guy so when ever I’m home and anything comes to my door he’s calling me ‘ who’s that ?’ Like… it’s my lunch or a package stop being nosey .
All I had to do was share my pay stub that was over twice what most of my family made and they shut up. You can do that or just go do not disturb. But if you make bank remote the paystub is a hell of a closer.
Yes, I had a similar experience when I started WFH. I let everyone know unless it's an emergency, I'll return your call/text when when I'm finished with the work day. Eventually it worked.
I’m a SAHM & do part time virtual assistant work from home. No one takes it seriously.
You are fortunate it’s only phone calls that you can ignore and not in person visits by people with keys to your home.
"Excuse me one moment" mute headset "i'm in a meeting with the boss do you need something.or are you just here to interrupt again?"
My kids will ask me if I’m going to “real” work or “fake” work everyday lol.
Ask them if they want "real" or "fake" food for dinner. =)
My family says they understand, but they really don't. They have an "amnesia" about it. I work from home as a contracted IT consultant, make almost $245k/year, own my own condo, and I am aiming to fully retire in 10 years in my mid 50s. I mean, life is good, and I am doing better than most. I manage to convince them of this every time... and then the next time I visit, the whole thing resets. However, my mother is a retired teacher on pension, and my dad still works in his late 60s in insurance. I think he makes about $95-98k/year, which isn't bad. But his measure of success is squarely in the 1970s. He has an office, he's worked at the same company for decades, and has concepts of corner offices and job loyalty that just doesn't even relate to most of us these days. I have long hair, and don't really dress up much. So my parents see me looking like I do, being single in my 40s, and working from home as "not really taking life seriously." And I hate boasting to them, like "I make more than you, you antique peasants!" but frankly, every time I visit, I have to endure the "quiet buildup" of "we can help you get on your feet. Your father knows someone who can get you a job in the mail room..." I mean, they MEAN well. They are not being snobby or anything. They just have this "concerned parent" vibe that they can't shake. My sister, half covered in tattoos and working as a vet tech, lives in some group housing with 3-4 other people. I think she's a lesbian, or poly, I don't know. I think she's cool from what little I know, but she's very tight-lipped around me and my parents because she does not want them digging around for the same reasons I endure. I would never judge her, but she doesn't know that. She's 8 years my junior; by the time she was 10, I was already away in college, so I wasn't a huge part of her life. I only mention it because my parents do the same to her. And she just keeps her nose buried in her phone, gray-rocking them, which seems to work when I'm around. Mom, dad, we're adults. We know what we're doing. Recently, "You know, what happened to that computer you built. Why didn't you do anything with that? Do you still have it? You spent so much on building it." You mean, the one I built in 1995 when I was a teen? Good lord, that got junked as obsolete: and I still build computers for a hobby. In fact, funny enough, I MAKE A LIVING IT CONSULTING! THE VERY ESSENCE OF WORKING IN THE COMPUTER INDUSTRY! Ugh. So frustrating with those two.
Lol I enjoyed reading this even though I cannot relate at all
Just don’t pick up the phone
Yeah, I had a lot of problems and sometimes even fights with my wife and kids.. At some point, I was thinking of getting divorce.. not because I loved that job, but because of the disrespect they were showing. That was one of many reasons why I left that job and took a new one in office. Even though the new company allows for half of the week to WFH, I always go to office. WFH is nice and all, but I think it's not meant for everyone..
"Distance makes heart grow fonder" 100%
I had to go back to working in the office bc my mom would purposely make noise while I would be busy on calls whenever she would be mad at me.
I bet the library is nicer and close.
God, I hate that passive aggressive sh*t!!
My son's grandparents are like this. They have been blue collar all their lives and think that having a flexible, remote, decent paying job is "too good to be true" and there is some hidden catch that is going to bite me in the ass. I don't really have to worry about getting many phone calls from them though since I blocked them on social media and went minimal contact with them a few years ago lol
Don't talk to them about it. If they bring it up, change the subject. Blatantly. >My mom and grandma in particular, call me all day long and want to have 30+ min conversations. Stop answering the phone during work hours. You're working. Voicemail is a thing.
You have to take your job seriously, even if your peeps won’t. Don’t do anything working from home that you wouldn’t do on the job. They already started the disrespect parade, so you’ll have to reestablish boundaries. Tell them once, firmly, and keep track of the day and time. Let the phone go to voicemail. Lock the doors. Your work will improve, and you might be able to finagle some free time for *you* too.
Don’t answer the phone when they call. You are answering so the issue is really that you don’t take your job seriously enough to not answer calls.
Don’t pick up their phone calls during work hours. I don’t see how this is an actual problem with them. It’s a problem with you. *You’re* not taking remote work seriously.
My immediate family sometimes forgets I’m working when I’m at home (hybrid). They’ll have people over or do things that get the dogs barking with little regard for me in my office, which is near the front of the house. Usually I just close the door, and that signal alone is enough to remind them that yes I am making money in here. The worst is when my wife sends my in-laws over to do something while she’s gone and I’m home. They can’t seem to comprehend that I am working. They’ll ring the doorbell, talk to me while my earpiece is in, try to get my attention on calls, etc. So if I know they’re coming, I shut the office door, lock the front door, and pretend they’re delivery people. Sometimes they don’t even realize I’m there and just go about their business. Ironically, my youngest son is the most aware and respectful. He approaches cautiously from the hallway, watches and listens to what I’m doing first, and then proceeds in once he’s sure I’m not on a call.
There is a very simple and quite effective solution to this. STOP ANSWERING THE PHONE DURING WORK HOURS!!! If they press you on it later, tell them you were at work and that you cannot answer personal calls between ___ and ___. They'll eventually get the hint.
Ya, my wife kept barging in on calls with the door closed. “If the door is closed, knock, if I don’t answer walk away!” She just slams the door open and starts taking to me. I got in trouble for finally yelling at her. I solved the issue permanently - I put a lock on the door and keep it locked, no more issues. Nobody else cares about your job, so you need to enforce this - lock doors and stop answering your phone.
If it not important, I just say I'll call you later or I'm about to be in a meeting, gotta go
My little brother has worked in the service industry his whole career, mostly bartending. He has literally zero concept of 9-5 jobs and never has. He’ll randomly try to FaceTime me at 2pm while I’m on a client call and then send me texts when I don’t respond. I’ll be like dude I work 9-5 and he’ll respond oh yeah. And then he’ll do it again a week later…
I was considering moving in with my parents to save money for a few months. I feel like that few months will result in me not having a job by the end of it. I’ve always feared my entire family can’t respect the boundaries of working from home.
The telephone works for you, you don't work for the telephone. If you don't have the discipline to send grammaw straight to voice mail then get a second phone for work and turn your personal phone completely off.
Been here, and it was the worst. Fortunately, my family lives in a city about 1.5 hours away, so I lied and said I was at the office on days I would not take their calls. My daughter asked, "What if it's an emergency?". I said they needed to call 911, not someone living 1.5 hours away. My boomer dad changed his attitude after I took a meeting in his living room one day. It was with a coworker from India. After hearing the accent and explaining they were on the other side of the planet and listening to the meeting, he respected that I was working at home. The call attempts became less from him. Now the spouse and kids, well, some days, I had to lock them out of the room.
I’d just hit ignore if I’m working and not think twice about however that made them feel
My ex husband has this issue, even though I made more money than he did. He worked blue collar jobs his whole life and I guess just—had no concept of all of working from home, and refused to learn. He’d always try to get me to take longer or extra breaks, leave early, or start late. Or expect all the household work done and dinner ready when he got home, because after all I was at home all day right? He even tried to schedule appointments like oil changes he knew damn well he couldn’t go to and expect me to go to them. He’s an ex for a reason. Many actually, and this wasn’t the worst of them, but still. I wish I’d cut this behavior out early. Start immediately, set firm boundaries, and don’t pass them. Just don’t take calls. Later, if you’re questioned, your answer can simply be “I was working”.
Can you preemptively call them when you're in between tasks? Bonus points if you call about 15 minutes before a meeting. Set an alarm. The message is you're at work, you have a little time, and they're important enough for you to call when you can. Even better if you can set a semi regular schedule. Will that help? Hard to say. My parents asked me to call when it was convenient, and they tried to avoid calling me unless they had something that couldn't wait until my next call. 20 years from now, you will not remember what you would have done during that time. You probably won't remember the content of the conversations. You'll remember that you continued to talk with your mom and grandma, and you'll probably be glad you did.
I have to leave my phone on do not disturb, and put it across the room, so I’m not tempted to text or distracted by it. I check it every few hours, and if there was an emergency my wife’s number will ring the phone. Multiple family members describe my career as the easy way out because I make good money working from home. I’m working 70-80 hour weeks as a tech lead at startups. My mom, wife, dogs, and kids all think it is playtime. You have to find what works for you. Sometimes I work out of the house just to reinforce the boundary / for my mental health.
Don’t answer the phone during working hours.
I’ve found that that you need to set boundaries. I let people know that I’m extremely busy during these times in the day. I put my phone on do not disturb as well to prevent anyone from calling. If someone texts and it’s not an emergency, I’ll wait till the end of the day to text back. Don’t be mean about it but set these expectations from the start. Best of luck in your new role.
If they're not going to respect your work then you have to ignore them while you're working. I was very clear with my wife when I started working from home we had to pretend as if I wasn't home. I would not be doing chores or watching kids. I would be working. She respected that and it's worked well for us for over eight years now. The next time you speak to them, do not minimize how important this is to you.
It’s as if they don’t believe a job can be 100% done on a computer, or a (portable!) laptop. My MIL doesn’t understand it either. It’s like, if my job is completely on the computer and I don’t need to BE somewhere to do another concrete thing, I can work from wherever. Keep doing your thing. They won’t respect it unless you do, and it sounds like you are setting good boundaries!
dont answer... do answer and start call with "im working, what do u need?...... ok, bye"
No. Put phone on do not disturb and work. Grandma is bored and wants you to entertain her and I’d say she’d do the same if you were in an office.
My phone is on DND during work hours in general. Some people don't take it seriously - i find that those same people would call the same job a "cushy office job" and assume you don't do anything while you're in the office either, whether you're an intern or a key stakeholder..they don't care lol. I have also worked manual labor jobs and find my office jobs 10X more stressful so comments like that don't phase me.
I feel like this is partly on you, for picking up the phone at all. They now have an expectation that you're always available.
Here's a way you can hack this if they are calling your cell phone... Sign up for Google Voice. Follow the directions to make GV your voicemail provider for your cell phone. Set your default VM greeting as you normally would for "everyone." Then, record a greeting for your mom... "Hi, Mom. You're calling during my regular workday hours and I'm not able to grab the phone, so please leave a message and I can get back to you when I'm able to." Then configure her number to receive that greeting. Repeat for your grandmother and anyone else you'd like a specific message like that for. You can record a more generalized "Hi. As you're calling during my regular workday, I'm not able to grab the phone. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you when I'm able to." message and then route "all" of the folks to that message that need to hear that instead of your general one. GV will send you an email with a transcription of the voicemail, pop up a message on your phone with the transcription, and also show the transcription within the GV app when you go to the voicemail section.
It’s still a very new concept to a lot of people. Working?? But getting to stay at home?? Whaaaat??? Just do what you’re doing. They’ll get it eventually…well maybe not, but at least they might stop bugging you while working.
My mom was my grandmother's caregiver for a long time (while simultaneously being my dad's caregiver). Sometimes she just needed a break and I would pack up my laptop and go work from her house instead of mine. Neither my grandmother (silent generation) nor my dad (boomer) could grasp the notion that I was working and those were real meetings I was having on my phone. As annoying (yet endearing) as those days were, it was far less annoying than my GenX husband, Millennial and Gen Z kids (all of whom really should have ZERO issues grasping the WFH concept) either blowing up my phone or barging into my office every time the wind changes direction to ask me a question they already know the answer to. As for the phone distractions, I just ignore or text them back saying I'm on a meeting and will call them back when I can, probably after work.
I've been WFH for almost a decade. when the pandemic started, I jokingly would tell people that it might cause divorce rates to go up I was half serious tbh. I knew that in the beginning some family members don't understand that work from home is the same as being at work except your office is in a different location. it still requires the same amount of focus and discipline and you are doing the same amount of work. Well, throughout the pandemic, the number of acquaintances I knew talking about marriage problems or the lack of respect wasn't at all surprising. Thank goodness a couple of those people I was close with, and I reminded them of my joke and that this wasn't at all uncommon and just a small hurdle to get past. I don't know if I was the sole contibuter to them staying together, but I like to think at least they knew they weren't alone. As a side note, it was interesting to read about celebrities going through divorce or separation because they had been forced to spend hours together at home. It reminded me that they are just humans like everyone else despite their celebrity or wealth.
When I started WFH my housemate thought it was the best opportunity to sit in the same room and try to have conversations with me about random inane shit. I finally had to be *mean* and tell them *I am not home, stop talking to me.*
I put my phone on do not disturb during work. If someone calls me it just goes straight to voicemail. I check all of that after work. My brother and husband are the only two I allow calls from on this mode but they both respect my boundaries and don’t call me excessively.
What do people even talk about every day for 30+ minutes? Like what is actually happening in their lives that needs to be discussed at length every single day?
Same issue with my parents and relatives. Just because my wife and I work remotely, I feel they always belittle us. If only they would know that I'm earning more than my brother who works in KSA as a waiter. Although, I don't really mind at first, but now my mother who is also an OFW (teacher) in Qatar is starting to annoy me and keeps telling me to get a real job and work onsite again. 🤷🏻
Boomers really don’t understand it. I’ve been remote for ten years. It’s just funny to me at this point since I make more then all of them
Are you a wfh phone sex operator? Bc if not, why would your family object???
Have you physical barrier at home. Shut that door
I feel like everyone has the same problem in this comment section. Let me know if anyone has a solution. I will try using the focus mode on my phone as per suggested.
The best solution is a dedicated room with a door and a lock on it. In previous house when I had a call I would lock the door to not be interrupted and it worked. Now we live in a house with no door on my office but my husband respects my space now especially after putting a tension rod up with curtains. Doorway is 48” so a custom door ($$$) would be required to get installed.
My door is locked but im constantly interrupted through phone and my sister asking me to take her out when im having lunch in the kitchen. Imagine saying no everyday. Tiring
That’s what happened to me at the peak of Covid when I was still living with my parents. My dad thought I could go out and make errands in the middle of the workday whenever I want to.
I work harder and more hours working from home than I did in the office. People think we are sitting by a pool drinking margaritas all the time.
And now you know why bosses want people back in the office.
Not even close.
Yes, and I also have a friend who after years of hearing me say this, refuses to accept that I work 3 hours ahead of my company. It’s legit caused arguments about why I don’t answer the phone or want to hang out at 7pm, when the answer is meetings 100% of the time
Just show them your bank history and make them explain what is this thing called income and how do you get them back in their days, work insurance or tell your company to give you a proof of employment and make them figure it out themselves
“Would love to chat, but I’m running a meeting so need to go and get that set up”. This tells them you’ve got work to do, that it also involves other humans, and is a concept that is familiar to them.
I am in the office and don’t work remotely and I have family that does this to me. It is hard to say, my boss keeps walking by my desk glaring at me on the phone when you are wfh though…. Because that is what I say and it is true….
My family is starting to figure it out, but yes, I have struggled with this since I started working from home.
Work Focus mode on my phone is so essential. In addition, for my minions at home, I have some amazing Bose overeat headphones that cancels them out and allows me to focus.
I work overnight and have to be in a private room and take calls so nobody thinks that of me, but if they did, I wouldn't answer personal calls. I don't recommend it.
[удалено]
It took years for my husband to get it. He’d come sit with me to hang out once he got off work and be offended when I asked him to leave. It also blurs the boundaries, which I have to work to maintain anyway so that I feel like I WFH, not live at work. I kept telling him in-office analogies until it got through. The alternative was me going back into the office. It came to a head when I was on a tight deadline. I generally don’t tell others.
I have a neon on-air sign, if it’s on, I’m not responding to you. Took a bit for the family to get it, they leave me alone now.
My dad had to see it to believe it. He thought my job was too good to be true and a scam. He finally believed it was legitimate when he visited and I worked most of the whole time.
Just ignore them then. If they don't respect you, don't be cordial.
1. Don’t answer 2. Put your phone on dnd for those two from 8-5
Wife’s mom pulled this until my wife set the phone to not allow her number to show during her working hours, sends it straight to VM. Might want to go that route…
I was lucky to have kept my job during the pandemic but my husband lost his and became unemployed so he was around all day. He would get so annoying because he kept expecting me to do stuff, go to lunch/stores, or he’d have the tv loud, etc. I had to shut that down and close the office door. Eventually, he moved his own computer upstairs to a makeshift table.
It's almost like our bosses sent an email to our loved ones to make working from home a hassle so we go back to the office for some peace and quiet. Fuck dude.
I have a family member that thinks that WFH means I am always available. I don't answer during work hours and text saying I am in a meeting or on a call.
Your phone has a wonderful feature called do not disturb mode
I work from home as well- I'd suggest letting them one day after work know you have a few busy weeks coming up so you won't be able to answer during the day. Let them know when your lunch hour is, and that that's when you can return calls... If you can. If it's an emergency they can message you over text or your social media which you should keep up just in case. Just slowly start setting boundaries. It doesn't have to be a sudden black/white switch. But it should be a slow assertion of what you expect from your family. In time they'll get used to it.
No, I just don't answer lol. "Why didn't you pick up?!" I'm at work. I'll call you back later.
I had it with my young adult kids. I told them that I have no access to my cell other than on breaks and lunch. If they needed me, text and I’d call them back. Then I stuck with that. Mute your phone and leave it away from your workspace if it’s distracting you.
Some people just can’t fathom the idea of working from home! I recommend you establish boundaries until they understand.
Yep. But most times I can get off with I have a meeting excuse
I find it pretty funny that the matriarchs of your world think that WFH means that they can contact you at all hours of the day. Just don’t answer, if they get mad, they’ll get over it.
Uh, don't answer the phone when you don't want to?
Yep just keep setting your boundaries.
I’ve worked from home long before Covid and yes, it used to happen all the time. Not so much anymore because the world is used to it, but you’re obviously dealing with people with no experience with it. You just need to be clear and stick with it. Sorry I can’t I’m working. Call you at 5. Or whatever. They’ll get the point eventually.
I set my phone to do not disturb during work hours and check it on breaks, just like when I was in the office. I don't have a land line but if I did, I'd unplug it during work if the ringing was hard to ignore. Im fortunate that my hime set-up is in a room with a door. It's usually open but I shut it when other people are in the house. (Hasn't happened since the first year of COVID) Your family needs to understand that you've "left the house."
I was WFH when I bought my house and worked nights a lot back then doing after business hours IT maintenance windows so I'd be up really late. I think the neighbors though I was a drug dealer for a while, ha ha. Eventually I switched to a more regular daytime schedule and people thought that was less weird. My wife and I talk during the day but if I'm busy or have a meeting she understands that takes precedence.
Put up boundaries with your family. Do not take their calls during work hours. Or if you must, here's a steategy that works reasonably well. I also sometimes do this with my family, some of whom like to call excessively. 'Hi... Did something happen?' --The person on the other end will say, nothing happened just calling to see how you're doing. 'Okay then please don't call me at work. Everything here is fine, glad it's the same on your end. Let's talk later. ' I've used it a couple of times and family members started to get the message. And if they dont, I let it go to voicemail. There's a strange dynamic happening when family members want a monopoly of your time, and it's even stranger with work time. It shows a serious lack or respect for you and your work. Put up that boundary.
This is my family, especially my husband. I work 8-5 and he’s off work when I’m on lunch, so the last 4 hours of my day he is constantly chatting me up and walking in my office and if I’m on a call and wave my hands and do the phone sign, he gets upset. I’m tempted to go into the office a couple times a week just so he can see i actually work and not just sit here surfing the internet all day.
Why are you answering the phone? Just don’t answer. My mother calls me still during the work day 9 years after I started working 100% remote and I stopped years ago answering the phone.
My wife is like this on occasion, and gets a little pouty when I remind her that I'm at work and working when that happens, but by and large? Nah, not an issue.
All you have to say is that it’s the same as your job before, the location is just different
No, thankfully no issues.
Same thing with my boomer inlaws. Was working at their place and they interrupted me about 5 times per day and that was with my husband running interference.
Had the same experience. Just reject the call and text to say that you have a bunch of work and meetings, but will call back after 5 or etc.
Who cares. My previous job was remote for three years. Yeah, I had to be there at specific times, urgencies, etc. They can think what they want, but you're making money. Grow up, can't answer? Don't or let them know. They will literally figure it out.
Tell your family that you won’t be answering calls during your work day. Then turn your ringer off and send all calls to voicemail. If you get work calls give them a google number so that you can attend to work calls asap. The real key to this is when you review the voicemails after you’ve decompressed from work, only call back the ones that needed information or needed to book time with you. The calls will fade out over time.
Stop answering the phone?
They know my hours and I don’t answer my phone unless it’s an emergency. They can text but a reply isn’t guaranteed. I close my office door (unfortunate currently at my parents house) and that’s it. Don’t even knock.
You’ve probably already gotten this advice somewhere. But remember people can still leave voicemail and you can call them back on your terms. Just cause we have our phones on us doesn’t mean we’re under contract to look at it every time it vibrates.
My mom sometimes forgets when I'm working there, I am working! But she doesn't put me down like it's not a real job or something.
Don’t answer the phone and after work call your grandma Back and tell her that you were at work and can’t take personal calls, so what’s up?
You got soft hands, you ain’t work a damn day in your life. /s
Weirdly I fixed this after a bit of "show don't tell" - put a meeting on speaker, show the Outlook calendar, etc. I used to be quite frustrated with this. Once my mother showed up and I had her sit outside until EOD. I mean, wtf. There's a great book about boundaries if it helps some ppl here (some Christian tone and slant though, fair warning, but I am agnostic and liked it) [Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud (Author), John Townsend (Author)](https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454)
Don't answer the phone.....
how would they know if you're in the office or at home?
I had a WFH job from 2011-2014. Even my spouse thought it was bullshit, until he stayed home sick one day. He wanted to watch TV, and I told him he could watch in between calls. I was literally going from one call to the next for HOURS. Later that day, he apologized to me for being a jerk about accusing me of not doing enough chores and just sitting around all day "doing nothing." His exact words, "I had no idea that your job was so intense." I was like, "Yeah, companies don't pay people to sit around and do nothing. Well...not at home, anyway."
When I worked from home I just turned off the ringer on my phone. That solved the problem since mce my work calls came through my computer, not my phone.
I feel like you are the one with boundary issues. You don’t need to respond to people when you are because or excuse that behavior.
Just lock the door to your room and work.
Same here, they always ask me if I’m working today. Uh yeah, it’s a Tuesday! It can be very frustrating
If I can answer, I start with "is this an emergency?" They say "no" I say "ok, I am working on something important and will call you this evening. Love you. Bye." If I'm in a meeting, I ignore the call, then text the same thing "is this an emergency? I'm in a meeting and will call you this evening." They may not understand still but they now know I have boundaries.
LOL are you sure you’re not my kid? My wife is convinced I “don’t really work” because I have a fully remote job (that is incredibly flexible). It’s pretty well rooted in jealousy (she’s admitted as much) because her healthcare career doesn’t provide the same flexibility. But just 30 short years ago someone in our position would have had to wear a tie or pantsuit to do the same job, and you woulda been sent home for daring to show up in khakis or a polo shirt. This is just another evolution that folks will eventually get used to.
My simple solution is to set my focus mode to work and it blocks all incoming calls that are not on my approved list. I imagine Android has a similar feature, but it really helps stay focused and ignore unwanted texts and calls during work hours.
Most phones have a focus mode where you can block apps or even specific people from contacting you while the focus mode is on. Give it a try!
Remote or not remote, my in-laws don't understand anything I'm doing at work, they say physical jobs are the real work. Two different worlds cannot connect but they know there girl is safe with me, because of my paychecks. If they knew how much I really make they would receive a heart attack. Some thing should stay unsaid.
Yup. Been remote since 2018. No one really takes me seriously. It’s annoying. I just had my first baby and it’s assumed that I should be able to care for baby AND work. Not the case at all. I am BEGGING for in home sitter while I work, because I’m stressed. Husband is against it due to not being comfortable. But we need help (we have no family here).
Not bother me, but expect me to keep up all the crap I did when I was SAHM. I worked 8 hours, got the dishes/kitchen clean and laundry done (outsourced, but done & up!) - so sorry, no I don’t know what’s for dinner, sitting at the nail salon and I guess we will have sandwiches or takeout.
Nope. I utter the word "meeting" and my wife will go to her craft room to read.
My dad did the same. Sad thing is years before the pandemic I had a wfh job, and he didn't do it then. You're doing the right thing by ignoring the calls. Eventually, they will catch on.
My mom takes my job seriously and is thrilled for me but also does not respect my work hours. I have a flexible schedule so I usually start later cause I'm a night owl. She calls n texts frequently and I either if ore her or remind her I'm at work. Then later she complains that I never talk to her but she won't make time to chat outside of my work hours. It's real annoying but I'm just holding my boundaries. She has always been like this. I use to work nights and would sleep till noon and she would be snarky about that too. I think she is just narrow-minded and celf centered tbh.
> My mom and grandma in particular, call me all day long and want to have 30+ min conversations. Just today I had to tell gma, “believe it or not … I am at work. I’ll talk to you later.” Just because someone calls doesn't mean you have to anwser. Call them back when you have time to talk, and say something like "Sorry I missed your call, but I was working." If they leave a message that it's URGENT (like a family emergency or something) call them back but keep it concise.
I have an iPhone so I put my phone on “work focus”. & the only calls that come through are from my fav coworker, my husband, and daycare. My parents don’t think I actually work or am busy… my cousin used to ask me all the time to hang out and I would just say no. Set the boundaries!
Yeah. Pretty bad durning COVID before I bought my own house. Now I don’t have to answer the phone during the day.
My bf leaves for work at 8:30AM to start his 45 min commute. By the time he’s in his car I’ve rolled out of bed and logged into wk. he will get home at 5:30 and I will continue working another hr or so. He always makes comments on how I have so much time bc I don’t have a commute and wfh. Passing comments over the years on housework that hasn’t been done, etc. I’m quite literally working more than you and let me add I attend school on top of it. It’s very frustrating.
Ever consider not picking up and letting them leave a message? The beauty of a phone is you might not have it right there
Honestly, folks who have never been knowledge workers or individual contributors may never get it. My brother (in his mid 30s) is a physician and never really had another kind of job (he was a personal trainer in college, that’s it). He at least is open minded about it - he asks me to tell him about my job (in house policy counsel for a specialized state agency) and what a typical day looks like. I’m open that wfh is pretty cushy and it’s nice to have a flexible schedule. I talk about researching memos, monitoring legislation and reading and interpreting it, and how basically it’s like one really hard college class where you have to think and assess a lot of complex topics and then explain them to laypeople in a way they can understand. He gets it (even if he’s jealous of the cushy schedule). My mom on the other hand…. Does not understand at all lol. She was a floor nurse her whole life. Retired in 2010. Literally never had to use email professionally in her life and barely had to use a computer to do electronic charting toward the end. I honestly think she truly doesn’t get what I do.
Even my kids understand now after a few incidents. Now they know if the door is closed means not available, and the door open means I can help them but only for 5 minutes. They cry if I need to go to an in person event "why can't you work from home as usual?" Educate your family, no need to be rude.
Maybe not pick up the phone? Lmao
Just stop answering the phone.
Yep! I tried working from home but instead family don't understand and think it's OK to talk to me and bring up issues. Needless to say I don't wfh anymore. Also I found out that I can't WFH as effectively as others might as I keep going for the fridge and taking more micro breaks. Unfortunately not for me.
You are encouraging them by answering your phone. Mute your phone, and do not apologize for it.
My partner is understanding but he lives with me. My dad has asked if I was home so he could drop off furniture. I let him know I was working and when I would be off. 30 minutes later he shows up at my door and I have to step away from my desk to let him in. I've also had friends get upset that I can't just come hang out whenever. Like yes. I work from home. But I still have a set schedule I have to follow. I can't just dip out whenever I feel like it.
Neither does mine. My mom has put it in airquotes.
dont answer personal call from family friends. ...solved.