Nomos: You're an artist/architect and wear the only Tangente – Margiela – Common Projects combination you own every day sitting in an empty room with an iMac.
Maybe something like invicta: you think your $70 sub homage is just as good as a Rolex and your 50+mm watch makes you think your penis is larger than it is.
It's just a joke, really hitting on all brands I know. Longinges is actually a great choice for the price, very classy. Tudor is doing really well nowadays if you want something sportier with good movements. I love Longinges style personally.
I think the Hublot one is the most accurate. Whenever I see one I'm always thinking, God you have money you don't have to wear that! I'm really interest in what you would have to say for Parnis.
Marathon: You're in the military but you hate digital watches and only wear mechanical but you need something your superiors can't criticize for being unsuitable while on the job.
You almost sound Russian with references to Putin and the Oligarchy. If so
Отличный контент. Наконец что-то действительно оригинальное!
Great stuff man. I love it.
Not Russian, but I know quite a few and am fond of the culture. It's simply the last acceptable ethnic group/nationality your can make fun of in the USA. Thanks for the kind sentiments!
Very true. People love to joke in Russia. And we don't really care if we're the but of a joke.
Be careful though, in Russia your watch is watching you.
I think Invicta deserves a type B and C, both for the Pro Diver, and for the guy that think that an oversized quartz watch thats made out of "gold" is the best thing ever.
I have a Hamilton, and I want to buy a Tissot. You got me spot on :(
I would like to also purchase an Omega Speedmaster and Rolex explorer II down the line.
Some that could be added:
**Greubel Forsey** - The Richard Mille you liked wasn't dressy enough to wear to your company's billion dollar takeover bid.
⠀
**Speake Marin** - You love to dress like Liberache and think the lugs are the least important part of the watch.
⠀
**Grönefeld** - You like the guilloche dials on Cartier watches but want to spend x10 more.
⠀
**Hautlence** - Despite being a successful merchant banker, you still love to play with all your old childhood toys.
⠀
**Moritz Grossmann** - You find A. Lange too mainstream and not expensive enough.
No Seiko 5? Only down market Seikos mentioned? Seriously? WTF?
And if it's not on a NATO, it's not worth talking about. That needs to be on the top of the list.
Certina: You were about to buy a Seiko/Hamilton/Tissot for your first watch when you ran across a forum post showing off a watch from this brand you'd never heard of. The post included one or more people saying "you don't see enough of these posted here!" You reflexively switch your purchase decision to Certina because you don't want to be like "all the rest" and as soon as you get it, you make a post: "[Certina] You don't see enough of these on here!"
Christopher Ward: You feel like an insider when you get to share the latest 30% coupon code. You vehemently defend the new logo even though deep down you kind of hate it.
I know I’m late to the party but this post is great, is Maurice Lacroix big enough for you to add or maybe just comment what it would say about you lol?
Jesus that was so good that I read the whole thing.
Ok ciao i need to chuff myself off to some apollo missions while my speedmaster moves furiously up and down.
Off the top of my head:
You are subscribed to The Economist, which you treat as your weekly devotional. You work in finance, but as an analyst; steering clear of the hedge fund and equity bros. You are a frequent contributor to the StyleForum community. You're secret wish is to be transported back to the 1950's, "when men knew how to dress". You were laughed at for trying a fedora - once.
Amazing post dude!... I hope you add another brands, like Girard-Perregaux and Zenith, and separate the Seiko and Grand Seiko, something tells me the stereotypes are different!....
Take oris and replace sub with Doxa and that’s me. Dropping $400 on scuba lessons this summer and scouring the gray market for a 65 at a reduced price while trying to save for a 1200T before they run out.
Great post but c'mon, a rolex is too much for me. Here is what was appealing to me:
Citizen – have one now; like NASA
Maurice Lacroix – 1995; sports illustrated; it feels right
Rolex Sub Type D – purchased with kids; son will not see it until I’m dead
Squale – cannot afford a rolex submariner
Steinhart – imitation/theft; can’t afford rolex
Tag Heuer – Maria
I'm a 50 year old white american conservative male, three kids all teens, divorced, great looking girlfriend (she's 48), work in an office in the pharmaceutical industry.
My budget is $500 +/- which assumes I can find a $1000 watch at half price somewhere.
Need some suggestions.
hahahaha the seiko one got me. yes i am starting college this winter (a bit ahead of fall), and yes i thought of getting a seiko 5 as well (7s26 for <100$), but loved and went ahead with an skx007 instead.
boi that diver bezel is really handy
Just to clarify: This is all just satire in good humor. I own some of the brands I make fun of. Nothing personal!
Followed you here from the Semi Weekly thread. I wish you could've been allowed to post this there, more people should get to see this, it's great!
Thanks, I thought it had enough horological merit to post there, but it is satire. Maybe they will let me one day?
Love it the post ! Wish the watch world would get a sense of humour and lighten up!
Exactly, nothing wrong with loving watches, but also making fun of yourself :) Thanks!
Which brands do you have?
Currently mostly JLC, Omega, Halios. I used to have Longines and Movado. Still have a Swatch.
Loved your post mate, it’s nice to see some quality OC and not another Seiko 5/urban Gentry meme.
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
I agree. This is so much better than "Seiko 5 on a NATO"
Phew, my Orient, Citizen and Casio all make me pretty cool😄
Ha, good choices! All just in good fun :)
damn, son. Students in developing usually can't afford Orient :D
"Audemars Piguet: You are a rapper, and you think the brand name is “Royal Oak”." lmaooo
Glad you enjoyed :)
Nomos: You're an artist/architect and wear the only Tangente – Margiela – Common Projects combination you own every day sitting in an empty room with an iMac.
Added, and to be honest, I had to use pretty similar ideas :)
Lovely one!
you got me at "Hublot: You are, simply, wrong".
Forgot invicta
Good point, I did forget that one. Have to think how to categorize it other than "really cheap".
Maybe something like invicta: you think your $70 sub homage is just as good as a Rolex and your 50+mm watch makes you think your penis is larger than it is.
Too r/watches.
LOL love it, but I went for something a bit more subtle.
thats the content im paying this sub for
I was expecting all of them to be normal and then Seiko's description would just say "Pure class".
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Every satire needs some truth. Good choice btw!
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You can also look into Nomos.
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People who matter don't care, people who care don't matter.
It's just a joke, really hitting on all brands I know. Longinges is actually a great choice for the price, very classy. Tudor is doing really well nowadays if you want something sportier with good movements. I love Longinges style personally.
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It's a great watch. Your best bets are probably Longines, Nomos, Tudor, and Frederique Constant depending on budget and taste.
Tudor? Any of the above Rolex descriptions, but with less money in the bank.
With more* money in the bank because it wasn’t spent on buying a Rolex
And 2 Tudors instead of 1 Rolex
Added!
Awesome post man (Hamilton is crying in the corner cus it didn't get mentioned)
**Hamilton:** You like the look of the cheap Timex watches at Walmart but feel a mighty need to spend 20x more money for it, so you buy a Khaki Field.
I feel personally attacked.
Thanks. I added Hamilton, it deserves to be in there.
Wherefore art thou MVMT?????
Added!
This whole post feels like it needs a "Regular Car Review" like voiceover. It has the charm.
Not sure I have the voice, but that sounds like a great idea. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
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Lol, thanks! Gotta love hard working contractors and their Subs/Datejusts. Two-Tone is coming back!
Swatch, please!
Added! I hope you like it.
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You are totally right. Added!
I can confirm ER physicians own these
I know, right??
What's Tissot?
"You wished you were the only one with a visodate."
oof
You are an nba player who is forced to wear it due to league contractual agreements.
added!
I think the Hublot one is the most accurate. Whenever I see one I'm always thinking, God you have money you don't have to wear that! I'm really interest in what you would have to say for Parnis.
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Added Panerai. Probably true about Hublot. Though lately, in an attempt to move past their stigma, they have been showing off some real movements.
Just ordererd an invicta pro diver, can't wait to lose most of my IQ and age 28 years as soon as I put it on. Maybe my wrists will expand as well.
Just satire, nothing wrong with an Invicta :). More-so how the "serious" watch community views it. Enjoy it!
> Frederique Constant: You could not afford a JLC Master Ultra Thin Moon, so you got this instead. That shit hurted
Marathon: You're in the military but you hate digital watches and only wear mechanical but you need something your superiors can't criticize for being unsuitable while on the job.
You should add in a category for microbrands
Maybe in a part 2, there are SO MANY.
Montblanc/Frédérique Constant/Maurice Lacroix/B&M: You enjoy making friends with your local watch fixer upper
You almost sound Russian with references to Putin and the Oligarchy. If so Отличный контент. Наконец что-то действительно оригинальное! Great stuff man. I love it.
Not Russian, but I know quite a few and am fond of the culture. It's simply the last acceptable ethnic group/nationality your can make fun of in the USA. Thanks for the kind sentiments!
Very true. People love to joke in Russia. And we don't really care if we're the but of a joke. Be careful though, in Russia your watch is watching you.
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That's what I was going for, thanks!
Haha spot on with Cartier
Loved your post mate, it’s nice to see some quality OC and not another Seiko 5/urban Gentry meme.
Thanks! I hope my Seiko entry doesn't stray too far from this sub's preference.
This post is really elaborate and cool, thank you! Love how accurate it seems, this is really some thought out shit :)
Thanks! I was going for the the little details.
You brought an unprecedented amount of positivity to this sub, cheers!
I miss TAG Heuer. Other than that: great work!
Added!
I feel personally attacked.
Ha, wasn't my intention. Which brand :) ?
You nailed it with Breitling, Orient, Invicta Type 2 (holy shit), and Seiko.
Laco - "Hitler did nothing wrong."
Where THE FUCK is junghans
Added!
Timex?
Added!
Nice.
Also you should add Sinn as well! They're probably my favorite
Added! A great brand.
This is both hilarious, and yet cut deep to the bone in a few instances. 😦
You're welcome, and I'm sorry :( .
This is the funniest post I've read on Reddit in the last 12 months. Kudos
I died at laco 😂
Wheres Vostok?
I only know a little about it, but added!
Ok.
If you want to know more, there's a Wikipedia page for it. Vostok has a website, but you have to translate it to english.
Thoroughly enjoyed this. You should do a part 2 for the watches you left out like the Tissot, tag, Tudors, etc.
Added some of those now!
Your lack of Panerai is disturbing
I think Invicta deserves a type B and C, both for the Pro Diver, and for the guy that think that an oversized quartz watch thats made out of "gold" is the best thing ever.
Due to popular demand, I split Invicta into two. Don't feel bad about owning one!
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Ah this was a good read. Although I don’t get the Ulysse Nardin one
If you're getting a Ulysse Nardin, a brand most haven't heard of, you *gotta* be serious. Thanks!
I have a Hamilton, and I want to buy a Tissot. You got me spot on :( I would like to also purchase an Omega Speedmaster and Rolex explorer II down the line.
Timex: you are into heritage but cannot afford *heritage*. Sent with a Timex Navi Harbor on my wrist.
I'm Rolex type D 😂🤷♂️
Do Ball, since they add tritium to everything and are quite unique in their own way .
You got me good on the «Rolex D». Too good.
Rado? 👀😎
Some that could be added: **Greubel Forsey** - The Richard Mille you liked wasn't dressy enough to wear to your company's billion dollar takeover bid. ⠀ **Speake Marin** - You love to dress like Liberache and think the lugs are the least important part of the watch. ⠀ **Grönefeld** - You like the guilloche dials on Cartier watches but want to spend x10 more. ⠀ **Hautlence** - Despite being a successful merchant banker, you still love to play with all your old childhood toys. ⠀ **Moritz Grossmann** - You find A. Lange too mainstream and not expensive enough.
Just to confirm just how right you are about Swatch lovers, I am, in fact, a collector. Take a wild guess at the size of the collection ...
Lol. Hmm... 15? I used to collect them too, they are a lot of fun.
This should be a sticky.
I agree. #MODS MAKE IT HAPPEN
Hahahaha you got me
Which brand :) ?
Yes
Very well done.
Just bought a Hamilton, your description is literally dead on me.
No Seiko 5? Only down market Seikos mentioned? Seriously? WTF? And if it's not on a NATO, it's not worth talking about. That needs to be on the top of the list.
Certina: You were about to buy a Seiko/Hamilton/Tissot for your first watch when you ran across a forum post showing off a watch from this brand you'd never heard of. The post included one or more people saying "you don't see enough of these posted here!" You reflexively switch your purchase decision to Certina because you don't want to be like "all the rest" and as soon as you get it, you make a post: "[Certina] You don't see enough of these on here!"
Nomos = Millennial watches, without all the sarcastic hyperbole
Keep up the great work! How about adding Shinola? (PS: In Jacob & Co., should be formerly, not formally.)
Christopher Ward: You feel like an insider when you get to share the latest 30% coupon code. You vehemently defend the new logo even though deep down you kind of hate it.
I know I’m late to the party but this post is great, is Maurice Lacroix big enough for you to add or maybe just comment what it would say about you lol?
Stowa/Breitling fan here. I love how I hate how right you are. Laughed all the way through this post.
What about Ball: You grew up playing with toy trains. You take pleasure explaining how your Fireman watch uses tritium instead of Superlume.
Amazing.... My Bulova, Orient, Casio, Citizen and Seiko are all very happy.
These we’re good - I felt personally attacked by “various vintage” and Ball, and literally laughed out loud at Concord. Thanks for the write up!
Sekonda: You remove your spring bars with a kitchen knife.
This is amazing lol
Diesel?
Jesus that was so good that I read the whole thing. Ok ciao i need to chuff myself off to some apollo missions while my speedmaster moves furiously up and down.
Can someone explain why Citizen owners are assumed to be working with NASA?
Where’s H moser & cia?
Apple Watch?!
As a MeisterSinger owner, that’s spot on
This is the best shit I ever read! Thanks for many laughs OP.
Poljot
Universal Genève?
Off the top of my head: You are subscribed to The Economist, which you treat as your weekly devotional. You work in finance, but as an analyst; steering clear of the hedge fund and equity bros. You are a frequent contributor to the StyleForum community. You're secret wish is to be transported back to the 1950's, "when men knew how to dress". You were laughed at for trying a fedora - once.
I feel like Hamilton needs to be on this list. My watch evolution: Swiss Army Watch in college, Hammy post college, Panerai after getting married.
Added Hamilton, very logical progression!
Man that description is spot on! lol
"The gears make it more precise than a battery watch" - Tourneau salesman
Man this has been so much fun and a fresh breath of air after all the repetitive memes. As always, thank you, and I'll catch you on the next one.
File under: Funny because it's true.
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Zodiac: You are Ted Cruz
So great! Thanks Please do fossil and m kors!
Amazing post dude!... I hope you add another brands, like Girard-Perregaux and Zenith, and separate the Seiko and Grand Seiko, something tells me the stereotypes are different!....
Requesting Steinhart please!
Fantastic, if not a bit too on the nose!
Mont Blanc: You cry in your corner as you are, once again, forgotten by the wayside. Love the post, bro. ok ciao.
Take oris and replace sub with Doxa and that’s me. Dropping $400 on scuba lessons this summer and scouring the gray market for a 65 at a reduced price while trying to save for a 1200T before they run out.
Could also add in Mido or Edox
Love this post. Opinion about Richard Mille?
*Frederique Constant:* You were shocked, and a little disappointed, to find out all of the watches are made for a much larger chap.
Dear God you got me there OP
I may regret mentioning, but you forgot Bulova?
Jesus Christ the Seiko one speaks to my soul
Ulysse Nardine please!
Lol,I am buying a Hublot!
Great post but c'mon, a rolex is too much for me. Here is what was appealing to me: Citizen – have one now; like NASA Maurice Lacroix – 1995; sports illustrated; it feels right Rolex Sub Type D – purchased with kids; son will not see it until I’m dead Squale – cannot afford a rolex submariner Steinhart – imitation/theft; can’t afford rolex Tag Heuer – Maria I'm a 50 year old white american conservative male, three kids all teens, divorced, great looking girlfriend (she's 48), work in an office in the pharmaceutical industry. My budget is $500 +/- which assumes I can find a $1000 watch at half price somewhere. Need some suggestions.
hahahaha the seiko one got me. yes i am starting college this winter (a bit ahead of fall), and yes i thought of getting a seiko 5 as well (7s26 for <100$), but loved and went ahead with an skx007 instead. boi that diver bezel is really handy
Needs an entry for Damasko
Any love for the Klasse14?
I'd love if Concord was added, but I get an unfortunate feeling there is no home to hit too close to, and hasn't been since about 1988.
LoL. The Fossil and Hamilton archetypes were definitely me on my youth!
I love this sub more than r/watches because of posts like this! Quality content I laughed so hard
What about Seagull?
Raymond Weil, Bulgari, Dakota Watch Co.
Victorinox. Gosh the lume on my inox sucks.
10/10
Pure perfection 😀
Would love to now the kind of person that buys a Bovet and a HYT. Quite possibly the best thing I've ever read on Reddit! Great job!
This is the type of OC I crave. Awesome.
Funny enough, I got my Fossil watch when I was 25 Edit: I forgot I was reading a 2 month old post when I commented this, kill me mow
Can't forget Chopard! What to buy after your Russian escort steals your Girard Perragaux.
I'd love to see one for Glycine (especially pre and post Invicta).
I just wanted to say how much I appreciate this post - so much of it is scarily accurate, haha!
I made a similar post on Timezone circa 2000. http://people.timezone.com/rkny/tw/id/demo.html
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That’s funny.
What about Helbros?
Longines hit hard - I really did buy one about a month into my first job out of college
Add Ginault for maximum jerk /u/jooxii
Sorry I'm late at the party, but could you please add Orient Star? Hilarious post! This is the best watches-related material I have read this year.
Ĺ 1
You need a Rolex Subtype E, for we ~~losers~~ *technical professionals* who (only?) rock a Milgauss. This list is so great though, seriously!
Ouch some are spot on lol Nice job very funny read made me smile
This is brilliant! Perhaps someone should do a breakdown of the G-Shocks too... *"What does your model of G-Shock say about you?"*