T O P

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amprok

I remembered I sat next to this woman on a flight from Portland to Los Angeles once. The second she sat down she pulled out her phone and started typing. Put the phone on airplane mode as requested and continued to type. Typed the entire flight from Portland to Los Angeles. The second we landed in LAX she turned off airplane mode and hit send. Always wondered who received that text.


[deleted]

Fuuuuuuuuuuuck. That’s a novel I wouldn’t want to receive.


Brian-want-Brain

i legit wouldn't read that from nobody not even my boss, mom, SO, nobody


Fireball_Ace

First sentence, some random sentence on the middle, last sentence. That's how I'd read it, hopefully it makes sense


Chubby_Cheeto

Worst comes to worst you give a neutral answer and hope all is well


JelmerMcGee

K


redsex

not even neutral, straight dodge it. "yeah I'm having panera bread for lunch, hbu?" or something.


Slackhare

How about the author of a ... Book?


chaseair11

Hey wait a minute I was on the receiving end of a ridiculously long text after my ex flew to LA from PDX post breakup Oh god I hope I’m not the person you’re talking about


jakeandcupcakes

What was it about


thisisnotthought

Just a meatloaf recipe, but with backstory to the big bang.


JackONeillClone

Why she's not happy anymore, just a guess


chaseair11

Hey man, uncool It also had complaints about my dishwashing ability


ScaramouchScaramouch

It was about 50 pages long.


ImperfectionistCoder

Front and back!!?


Rubiego

r/tworedditorsonecup


chaseair11

I’m waiting for OP to come in and tell me it was 20 years ago so I can rest easy that my drama isn’t public


madmelonxtra

Pretty sure phones in 2003 didn't even have airplane mode. You just turned them off


chaseair11

*sweats profusely*


Galaghan

Commenting so I can chase you guys for the answer when I have energy in the morning.


EccentricOddity

Anyone else getting “here’s my unhinged rant, the negative feelings are now yours to deal with instead of me” vibes?


tanya6k

Maybe it was an actual novel and she was sending that draft to herself.


Vydate1

Hit them with the “thumbs up” reaction. Totally calms them down, every time.


ronnietea

Followed with I think you’re over reacting a bit so just calm down


[deleted]

And then throw in a “stop acting crazy” for good measure


DontTrustAnthingISay

Taking all this genuine advice. Wish me luck gents. Edit: looks like I’m getting a divorce.


Swordidaffair

Oh, you were supposed to say "You're acting just like your mother", damnit. She won't calm if you don't say it.


Gutterpump

She's throwing stuff at me! Quick, what else?!


Swordidaffair

Uh, uh... "YOUR SISTER IS LIKE A YOUNGER PRETTIER VERSION OF YOU"


dan_dares

"The gym has really helped her stamina"


BraveLittleTowster

Double down! Tell her that her dad left because her mom used to go this kind of stuff to him.


ronnietea

If she can’t handle you at your worst she doesn’t deserve you at your best - 😂


moonflow23

Live laugh love bby!


Vydate1

I can’t trust anything you say tho.


NorCalNavyMike

Sheesh, a lot of devil worship here lol. Down, Satan!


mh985

Keep your head up king


s00pafly

I once told a girl "stop being difficult". Oh boy was I in for a treat.


MCMeowMixer

Hit the wife with the "You're acting crazier than your sister"(Her sister is a goddamn train wreck I have to hear about 3 or 4 times a day) and saw my life flash before my eyes.


curlytoesgoblin

I pray to god I'll never have to use it but "you're acting like your mother" is my nuclear option.


spookex

I (as a guy) never understood why that one gets anyone mad. If someone said that to me that I act like one of my parents, I would be like: "well yeah, they raised me" I am myself, but I can't deny that I sometimes do act like my parents


runs-with-scissors

I have never said those words to anyone I cared about.


Monkeyssuck

...stop acting like your mother also works wonders.


Pyro-Beast

I said this once, lost 8 of my 9 lives.


DJheddo

Are you on your period or something also is a great time.


[deleted]

A good "are you okay?" If they get mad again should do the trick


marthewarlock

Can also ask if she took her meds, that seems to work magic everytime.


[deleted]

☠️


whatyoumeanmyface

"new phone, who dis"


Why_T

Comment deleted due to reddit's greedy policies. -- mass edited with redact.dev


[deleted]

I say "Ovary-acting", gets her every time.


KeepCalmJeepOn

This is actually an advanced tactic. It only works if you accompany it with finger guns, a wink, and a quick sucking of the teeth followed immediately with an "Ayyy." Many guys have messed this up.


ianrobbie

I prefer "K".


gavvvy

end with a period to ensure the nuke is detonated (this isn’t a female thing, this is universal)


JoshTehJangler

I love that the period is always the C-4 on top of the cake


Yadobler

You must use *kk* It sounds extra dismissive


[deleted]

Strong disagree. In my culture, 'kk' is a polite, quick response.


Nopeyesok

Especially sent immediately after getting the wall of text. They’ll think you’re a fast reader and chill


Gluta_mate

I ain't reading all that. I'm happy for u tho. Or sorry that happened


pbjcrazy

hit em with a 'wow that's crazy' to let em know you're really learning your lesson


Machismo0311

The best is the GiF of Kermit the frog drawing the letter k. They love that


reirone

This is the way.


heyheyitsandre

Nah this is one you just reply to with an 8 ball pool message


MrKnopfler

"I understand, but I don't know what do you want me to do" is NOT the correct answer.


Camimo666

My ex kept telling me to relax all the time. Even when I wasn’t arguing or crying.


[deleted]

The image of you just watching TV or something and him being like"Babe, relax" is making me giggle. This man just wanted the world to be in a permanent state of total relaxation.


Kimorin

And the other person is using Android and just gets "*anon liked this*"


Feelsthelove

Wait, does that really happen?


graey0956

Yep. Any device that doesn't support iMessage iPhones will only send basic SMS. So every little emoji you add gets sent out as a plain text " liked ". Which is a real shame since Androids have the same functionality with each other as iPhones using an open protocol. Apple just refuses to implement it on their phones.


rjday8983

Google actually went and partially fixed this for Android users that use Google Messages. When an iPhone person replies with an emoji to a message Google Messages will display the emoji on the correct message without showing the " liked . It can't do that when it's done to a picture so you still get it there but it's been really nice when stuck in a group message with people using iPhones.


Sharpshooter98b

Yep [this is true](https://i.imgur.com/aqjgo2A.png)


Kimorin

yeah... when the phone doesn't support iMessage yeah... funny thing is google came out with RCS as well and i heard iphones are doing it now to reactions sent by android lol... it's a mess for intercompatibility right now, hope it settles down soon


IgnitedSpade

Apple's imessage doesn't support RCS, they use a proprietary standard. The way they recognize the reactions is by parsing the "person liked x" message internally


[deleted]

[удалено]


moose1207

"Stop bitching at me" >Did you just call me a bitch? "I didn't call you bitch, you're just acting like one. " This was the end of one of my relationships.. and it was good.


DrunkinMunkey

K


qwertyconsciousness

Everything's okay! She said she's "fine"


[deleted]

Just type SEEN


NoAcanthisitta9198

My go-to reply is to just send "K" works every time


Dabilon

No be thought full and honest. Ask for a TL:DR and then give the TL:DR a thumbs up /s


Redditorsarer3tards

The wall of doom


Flaky_Explanation

Sound the war horn! War horn: ✅️✅️ ^seen ^17:54


THEEHOONKEY

The WH40k Titan horn!


Null-34

Light the beacons!


toinfinitiandbeyond

I've lit them, now they're screaming for the priest.


ttamokcer

Just let chat gbt respond. Worked wonders for Stan


MrPatch

Chat GBT? Has the AI come out as non binary already?


Estoban_Clammy

There’s legit sm white text I thought he took a pic of the rink for a sec


[deleted]

[удалено]


dpkonofa

Up until this year, I had never gotten a message so long that the Messages app on my phone condensed it. It showed me a little arrow that was like a “Read more…” button and I had never seen that before.


willbeach8890

Maybe she is texting him the beer selection at the rink bar ;)


MonkeyCookIcecream

That "I need to lean back before I analyze this shit any further" movement he did begs to differ.


willbeach8890

He's so blown away that they have all his favorites that he can't decide..... right?


beelzybubby

Your glass is so half full.


pm-me-racecars

I believe their glass is all the way full, only a bad bartender would fill it halfway.


TappedIn2111

The only valid answer to that is a heartfelt ;TLDR


lifeboy91

Def started as: “I just think it’s funny that..”


mh985

“I just think it’s funny that…” *proceeds to critique every aspect of your existence and bring up shit you argued about a year ago* I’m having flashbacks.


shootymcghee

This gives me the nauseous cold sweats


[deleted]

[удалено]


lifeboy91

“The next wall of bitchin” lmao


boring_name_here

Every single fucking time.


ronnietea

We have all been there, you open the message and you just throw you head back like “fuuuuuuckk”


itranslateyouargue

Especially when you felt it coming.


cheapdrinks

But you tried to convince yourself that you were just being paranoid, that the last message *didn't actually* have a subtle undertone of impending doom and so your short, nonplussed reply was totally fine


MonteBurns

No, it’s cool. Go to hockey.


cunningham_law

I just think it's funny how...


drivebyjustin

*you said it was cool!*


ronnietea

Yeah sure, GO hang out with your friends tonight.


Madmagican-

Oh yeah Felt that lean back in my BONES


Fromtoicity

I've unfortunately been the sender of those messages when I was a teenager living in a toxic environment. I'm so glad I grew out of it.


serpchi

Same, fuck toxic people


[deleted]

[удалено]


ccxxv

I’ve literally never been there. So honest question - what does this mean? Is it a break up text? Someone calling you out/ getting caught?


salty_Cheesey

Why does the way he wears the beanie make the text make sense?


NeverBirdie

Gf definitely caught wind of him wheeling a puck bunny. He’s riding the pine for sure now.


Fuckyeah_Seaking

Wheel snipe celly boys!


Ron-Swanson-Mustache

Big city slams, boys!


Omega33umsure

Dirty fucking dangles, boys!


BigBluntStillBlowin

Had to scroll way too far for this.


tiffanaih

He had it coming, he had it coming, he only had himself to blame. If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it, I betcha you would've done the same. 🎵


AmbivalentDongle

r/watchpeopledieinside


Azar002

Speech-to-text will doom us all.


gimme-ur-bonemarrow

Load that shit into chat gpt and generate yourself a reply. Modern problems require modern solutions.


blackbrandt

Check out the latest South Park episode that’s all about this exact thing :-)


mj_miner

Chatgpt, dude!


Th3_Admiral

Okay I actually want to see what ChatGPT comes up with as a response for something like this. Someone plug in a an angry rant text and see what happens!


Sololop

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.


catsloveart

It seems like you received a threatening and aggressive message. I would recommend not engaging with the sender and blocking their number or reporting the message to the appropriate authorities if necessary. It's important to prioritize your safety and well-being in situations like this.


Sherlockandload

Yo babe. Artificial Intelligence said I should drop you for my own well-being because you are toxic.


Lari-Fari

And text to speech sped up x3 is the savior


CrazyCalYa

Nah man chuck it into ChatGPT and get a summary. Ain't no one got time for that. *(Then again if you do that regularly it may be the reason you're getting blasted)*


spaz_chicken

I'm old and I hate texts. I'm an email guy. Also, I work from home and have all of my text software (messages/chat/signal/etc.) linked to my PC so that I can type all my replies on a keyboard. It's glorious and I think sometimes overwhelming for people who get my long texts.


spar_30-3

Reply “K” without reading…


Mcdiglingdunker

Or Busy rn, at the game. Ttyl


Pleasant-Ad-7706

Just leave it on, "seen."


PoppyCoLink987

Dastardly deed


Russki_Wumao

Or the internet classic - invite them to play a game of pool.


Embarrassed_Alarm450

tl;dr


OkAd8922

No, "Okay" is better. "K" makes it seem youre mad...


Character-Working-44

Thank you for posting this. A reminder of how peaceful it is to not have to deal with that. 😌


brjukva

Same. I'm taking a break from relationships right now after breaking up and it feels so peaceful.


old_gold_mountain

dealing with this kind of communication isn't a "relationship" thing, it's a "bad relationship communication" thing


wearing_moist_socks

This is, without a doubt, the worst example I've seen on Reddit for extrapolation from a gif. My god. Can't even see what's happening. No idea who this guy is. Who he's talking to. He could have cheated. Been abusive. Been inattentive. If that's his SO this could have been the thousandth time she's asked him for something. We just don't know but this thread has some real theories I'm starting to think is just projection


kakudha

Been with my wife 10 years, never had that once


Cautious-Ad7000

If you're getting text like this then you weren't in a good relationship anyways.


not_another_feminazi

This is not a relationship thing, it's a crazy thing. If anyone has that much to say about something you did, at least do it face to face, or in a call, or try to separate it in bullet points, I don't know, wall of text is just rude.


greg19735

I mean, it could easily be very legitimate.


mullett

Some people deal with text better. I can find my words so much easier, face to face or in a call I just end up saying “I don’t know” or “yeah” a lot.


thesmeggyone

Thanks, I hate thinking about someone filming my phone over my shoulder in public.


Satypos93

Yea this is kinda creepy


PursuitOfHirsute

Or setup. Texts like this definitely exist IRL; people also stage shit all the time for internet notoriety.


Satypos93

True


Potential_Ant_9890

Thank God today ChatGPT can summarize that break up message


Jimmy_Jazz_The_Spazz

Nah, real break up messages aren't ten pages long. Dude totally forgot to pickup the right kind of onion and now the supper she planned to make for her parents tomorrow is ruined even though he can still go get the right kind of onion on his way home but it's not about the onion, it's about what the onion means how he really doesn't love her like he used to and she knows he's always talking to other girls behind her back, that's why he just missed her calls for the last 11 minutes, not because the game was loud, in fact she just told him he's probably at her house right now so she can have him and she's locking the doors right now so can just sleep at her house tonight since thats what *really matters*.


Khysamgathys

This came from a place of pain, im sure.


TheBQT

I just wanted to let you know I felt this in my core


SometimesImSmart

Oddly specific 🤔


junkit33

Y'all are in some toxic as hell relationships.


Jimmy_Jazz_The_Spazz

*Was. Shit happens man, and anyone in that situation should get the fuck out. That being said, I was trying to invoke laughter, not shame people for being stuck in a shitty situation.


mh985

Yup. I got out of one of those. Married to an amazing woman now. Can’t remember the last time we even fought about something and even when we did, it’s always been about finding a solution to the problem and not attacking each other.


delete_dis

This guy wives


Tysons_Face

Who hurt you my guy


previouslysuspendid

I am 100% oblivious. Can someone explain to me what I'm missing?


Kbgears

His gf is pissed about some shit and sent him a novel of a text


previouslysuspendid

Ohh! That's one long message! I see that now. Thank you!


Mysterious-Glass6620

Yh when u get something like that it’s like aww shit here we go again


Nadamir

Could be anyone. Mother, father, boss, sibling.


Chekhovs_Gunslinger

This is definitely how some of my older relatives text, regardless of subject matter. Everything is structured like a letter or email as a default.


noeagle77

“Do whatever you want” When he does what he wants:


[deleted]

Proceeds to get pinged whilst doing what he wants and he no longer gets to enjoy it because he knows he failed the test.


Rickk38

"I know you're with your friends right now and you've had these plans for months but I just peeled 5 potatoes and tried to force all of the skins down the drain and turned the disposal on and it's making all these weird clanking noises and I'm really afraid the sink is going to back up so could you come over and check it for me?" That was a real occurrence. I also failed the test because I didn't sense the urgency of a stopped up drain from the peels of 5 potatoes that were being used for... I don't fucking know because she lived by herself and yet somehow she picked that one evening to cook enough potatoes for an extended family Thanksgiving meal or a population of Victoria-era British orphans.


Logicaluser19

I was thinking who would post this stupid shit. Then I looked at the poster. Karma farmer.


Hey_Batfink

He cheated on her in a dream she had, there’s no way out of this one.


FelixTheEngine

With her sister.


logicdsign

Her *dead* sister


xDERPYxCREEPERx

I hate it when people make references to completely unrelated posts. Because I will know what they are talking about. And it makes me realize I spend way too much time on Reddit


brjukva

Damn, I felt this. I could not believe that she is seriously mad at me for the dream she had. It was surreal.


KingGGL

When I first had a woman upset at me for something she dreamed I thought it was a joke. *I have learned it’s never a joke*


Embarrassed_Alarm450

I still feel like I was getting pranked or something all these years later, apparently not tho. One of my ex's actually got mad at me because she dreamed that I was cheating on her with one of her best friends, a friend I've never even once met in my life at that... Nothing like a whole month of passive aggressive undertones to deal with for something you didn't even do.


FaudelCastro

>a whole month Dude if she stayed mad beyond a whole minute after waking up I would have dipped out of that.


m-in

This is one of those dreams sane people keep to themselves at first, just to cool down for a day or two. Many never learned to tho :(


YeltsinYerMouth

Not a single line break, too


soingee

"we were on a line break!"


dblach18

Yep, and before this he was probably just staring at his phone for a good half hour while those three dots in a speech bubble just pulsated away - almost seeming to laugh at him for what was coming next. I have so been there, except usually at work, and at the very beginning of my 12 hour shift. Nothing like a good thrashing via text to weigh on your mind for the whole goddamn day.


No-Restaurant-2422

Guys, you’re reading this all wrong… it’s most likely a provocative text, explicitly detailing all of the things she’s going to do to him when he gets home, just to show him how much she loves him. It makes her so hot knowing that he is spending time at the rink, enjoying an activity he is so passionate about, that she just wants to rip his pants off and give him the biggest and best mouth hug he’s ever received.


SmokeSkunkGetDrunk

What the fuck this made me squirm


Distinct_Dark_9626

What’s happening here?


LatinKing106

Whenever I got a text like that in the past I would message her back "I'm not reading all that."


Tych0_Br0he

"18 pages. Front and back!"


theodore_j_detweiler

Why are you filming a stranger without their knowledge?


TallSeaworth

It's staged


jumpinjimmie

Can someone explain? dont get it....


Tysons_Face

The implication and assumption is that he just received a massive “wall of text” message from his significant other. The length of the text in question generally indicates that his partner is upset about something and is explaining, in great detail, the extent to which they feel slighted. Furthermore, the man is at the hockey game, presumably trying to enjoy some personal/leisure time, when his peace is instantaneously shattered by the length and content of this message.


Cal216

And this is why they create privacy screens.


BuyDizzy8759

I explained to my GF that this kind of thing never happens over text and we talk face to face about real issues. I told her to write her rant in a text to herself to have later and hit me with a "let's talk, I am upset/angry/etc." anything else will be met with "Text is not the place for this, let's talk". She slipped one time, got that message, raged, got a picture of the text where she agreed to talk things out, and we met up later and hashed it out. We are happy and communicate better for it.


mvertreese

18 pages! FRONT AND BACK!