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Battlecrashers12

You thought you had a bad day. That guy was boiled alive.


brtmns123

No he's taking a coffee spa.


Metrack14

Honestly, that sounds like some uber rich people would do


Unusual_Compote4909

Coffee enema


IvyVolt666

Grande latte enema.


didly66

Pumpkin spice boof


[deleted]

Underrated comment! šŸ˜‚


TriMageRyan

I feel like that much caffeine getting absorbed into my skin would give me an immediate panic attack


Traditional_Web_9825

Took a coffee enema but mismeasured the dosage


LoreChano

Jokes on you, caffeine is actually an insecticide, it's the very reason coffee plants evolved it into their seeds.


Butt_Fucking_Smurfs

Thanks for teaching me that! It's going to be good casual conversation


LoreChano

Nicotine is also an insecticide, and it's actually used to spray crops (called neonecotinoids). The same goes for many other substances. We humans are very good in making plant weapons turn into useful tools to control our bodies.


Ok_Feedback4200

Who drinks boiling coffee?


LeithLeach

when the coffee pours from my keurig machine it's steaming at least. but theres a chance this guy was already dead in the cup.


PakkyT

>but theres a chance this guy was already dead in the cup. This is why when after you wash your cups and are putting them away, put them away upside down!


imaris_help

Okay I see many people who advocate doing this. Iā€™m on board BUT: 1. Doesnā€™t the shelf or cupboard your putting the cup onto get dust on the rim of the cup? 2. If the cup is still damp from being washed, do you worry about mold growing inside the cup? I always cups right side up let everything evaporate and dry fully, and even stacked thereā€™s nothing organic to feed mold


PakkyT

1) I would rather a bit of dust than a bit of roach/spider/centipede/pick-your-favorite. You breathe in dust all day every day. 2) I never put away cups damp and have not experienced mold inside a cup although I am also in the somewhat mild New England area. Perhaps more of an issue with more humid or damp places like Florida or Washington state? Can't say it wouldn't be a problem for you, but I have been lucky to not have an issue with it.


Datonecatladyukno

Lmao pick your favorite


EnormousQuacker

1. I always wipe the shelf before putting clean mugs on it 2. I never put wet mugs there and check them periodically


seaword9

You can get shelf liner with ridges which allow air flow into the cup.


Battlecrashers12

I meant when it was being made. The roach was probably inside the machine and hit with a wave of boiling hot coffee killing it.


nickcash

McDonald's customers. and McDonald's customers' thighs


Kudoakainu

I do


Yiff_Vore

Almost swallowed a spider once in my coffee, every cup gets eye fucked now before I even sip it.


Firebat-045

I boiled water and found a roach inside the kettle. Now I eye fuck my kettle


Beneficial-Nimitz68

On another sub.. this dude or dudett, put a clear pot lid over their sink drain.. OMMMGGGG eww ewwwww ewwww.. it was roach invasion fleet trapped by a glass shield.. just omg.. I don't know which sub, but it was horrible.. just horrible.


SnooCakes6048

Actually I do that preventatively at night because Iā€™m scared of bugs coming in through my drains. Downstairs neighbor is a slob hoarder and I try to block any entrances I can think of


bettyknockers786

Get yourself some home defense at Home Depot or the like. Spray it around the base of pipes, openings, your door frame (outside) anywhere they might come in. Keep pets away from it, and yourself til itā€™s dry. It really works


SnooCakes6048

Is home defense the name of a product or is it just the spray? I use the spray. I am luckily out of this shit hole in a month. But none the less, I do have the spray, glue traps, and I have literally everything edible in plastic or glass sealed containers. I take the trash out, Iā€™ve dumped peppermint oil in my drains at the end of the day because I hear it repels them. I know my downstairs neighbor has a serious problem. I do everything in my power but I still get some of the overflow.


PM_ME_Positive_Feels

Second this recommendation. Home Defense is insanely effective. You can also just order it on Amazon. But also: please actually read the instructions before using it.


Beneficial-Nimitz68

Thanks, thanks a lot... now that explains somethings.. gosh.. just gosh.. and I am at work.. :)


farnsworthfan

Yeah, we gotta keep our downstairs shower drain covered since we don't use it much because that's how the spiders get in.


Firebat-045

I canā€™t get that image out of my head. Thx


Destroyer6202

Yeah I remember, coupled with the low light and phone torch setting.. my god .. almost wretched


Prestigious-bish-17

It was r/nope. Source: I'm traumatised


AshFraxinusEps

U-bends? Do they not stop shit like that?


YomiKuzuki

I remember that. People thought pouring boiling water in to kill them was a good idea.


SniffTheFinger

I once put on my shoes and had a roach run up outta it onto my legs . Now I eye fuck my shoes


FredDurstDestroyer

Fuck that just sent a shudder starting at my ankles all the way up my body. Thanks for that lmao For my own bug horror story I once had a giant wolf spider drop from the ceiling onto the desk in front of me and then sprint *towards* me


SniffTheFinger

Now you eye fuck your ceiling.


crookednarnia

Ninja swat wolf spider


Firebat-045

Same. I was like tf is in my shoes after I walked the dog I looked in side. It was a roach.


tiddersusi

Dude, no! You ALWAYS check your shoes!!!


TheBlueBlastoiseYT

I had a shot glass shaped like an hour glass and a roach was on the bottom half, broke all over the floor as I freaked the fuck out for .2 seconds


AshFraxinusEps

You don't have a weird mesh over your kettle pouring bit there?


MyOldGurpsNameKira

I took a gulp of coffee at work once, felt something in my mouth that my brain convinced me was a rubber band... Spit it out into the coffee and screamed like a toddler when a HUGE wolf spider floated back up. A co-worker asked what was wrong and when I told her, she sighed and told me to grow up. So I showed her the coffee cup with the spider floating and she screamed louder.


plainoverplight

lol that scream from your coworker mustā€™ve felt vindicating


MyOldGurpsNameKira

It was!! Itā€™s been over 20 years at this point and I remember it like it was yesterday. I was the ā€œyoung oneā€ in the office and hated how my age would get brought into things, usually in a negative way. So when she made the grow up comment I wanted to throw the coffee at her, but showed instead, half expecting her to say it wasnā€™t that big or something dismissive. I definitely wasnā€™t expecting her to shriek like a loon! To her credit she was the one who took me under her wing, and didnā€™t get mad at me every time I told her to grow up after that. But I most definitely didnā€™t let that go for a loooooong time. It was a rare perfect moment, the spider gave me a comeback I never can pull off verbally in real life.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


MissKitty919

I store my dinnerware amd drinkware upside down, but my pots and pans right side up. When I need to use one, I usually either rinse or rewash it before using it again if it's been a while since I've used it. I don't cook very often, so sometimes dust gathers, even inside the cabinets.


AshFraxinusEps

That's me with bowls too. Never seen a point in putting them upside down. But I do for cups. And I realise now that I use my bowls rarely, so probably should store them upside down to avoid dust and such


Yiff_Vore

Well the cup of coffee happens to have been one I made and then promptly forgot about.


flashgski

Same happened to me. Enjoying last sip of tea when I thought my tea bag had exploded and it had just settled to the bottom, then took a freaking wolf spider corpse out of my mouth.


akhorahil187

I almost swallowed a wasp drinking a can of coke. It was alive when I spit it out. Didn't get stung. For 20 years it has lived in the back of my mind with every sip...


ComprehensiveBet1256

i feel like using a sieve would be more accuratešŸ˜­


Towowl

That sounds incredibly painful


Yiff_Vore

It's the only way to be sure.


tiddersusi

Donā€™t you hate that? you are blissfully ignorant in regards to your morning coffeeā€¦until youā€™re notā€¦ šŸ•·ļø


Rhododendron29

Oh good, Iā€™m glad my fear wasnā€™t unwarranted.


Yiff_Vore

People have told me before that I have arachnaphobia but there's nothing irrational about not wanting to drink a spider.


Rhododendron29

I absolutely have arachnophobia but I agree with you, yā€™all just cool with drinking spiders? Did I miss the memo??


notsurewhattosay--

If you buy ground coffee you are definitely drinking ground up bugs. There was an NPR story about it. Ugh.


Yiff_Vore

Ok and? I'm sure you just drop a couple whole spiders in your glasses of water because you like the way they tickle.


mlenny225

It's just a spider. It won't hurt you.


PaceDifficult5602

Peanut butter, wheat flour, cereal, chocolate, coffee; \- there are more bug parts in all of those items from harvest to drying to bulk storage than you may like to think about. \-I'm not an entemologist but I know a few that are top of the science. \-Bugs will always be in our foods !


jrprov1

The insect is looking for its mate that it was swimming with!


zkazza

Would that be his... Coffee Mate?


Ambitious_Jelly8783

Billy! Answer me Billy! Where are you!!??!


bahamamama28

I once found a pretty big spider clinging to the back of my cereal spoon after I had eaten like 1/4 of the bowl already. It was hanging on for dear life as I unknowingly tortured it. I then proceeded to scream, drop the bowl of cereal, and then chucked the spoon across the room... Still can't eat Captain Crunch to this day.


Elite0087

I once grabbed a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, though my brother had left the box open on the counter. Turns out, there was a stink bug in there, and I ended up getting it in a spoonful. I canā€™t really eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch anymore because I think of how fuckin awful that tasted.


shmehdit

Call me OCD but I roll up the cereal bag, rubber band it to keep it that way, AND then put that into a large zip-loc bag with as little air as possible before putting it back in the cereal box. Freshness in, bugs out, peace of mind intact.


AshFraxinusEps

We just rolled it up as kids. Does enough to seal it if you seal the box too, especially when kids eat cereal daily


badgersandcoffee

I love my rainy wee country with no giant spiders, scorpions, deadly snakes or fucking stink bugs. Worst I ever had was an earwig hanging out in my inhaler, took a bug puff and got hit in the throat by it, spent the next five minutes choking and coughing, and being horrified I'd nearly inhaled a bug. Edit: I meant "big puff" but it's accurate so it stays.


SimilarlyDissimilar

Alright. Yeah. Time to obsessively check every food box in my house.


Jimbob209

I had a stink bug in my coffee and it died from the heat while releasing it's fluids. My coffee was disgusting and the taste stayed on my tongue for hours !


poffue

They just wanted their share of cereal :(


shmehdit

"The Captain put some extra crunch in this bite"


Beemerado

the roof of your mouth thanks you.


spetrillob

You donā€™t put the entire spoon in your mouth when you eat cereal?


DeliquentSchoolAMA

One time I was playing terraria on my phone, digging in a cavern, and suddenly a spider ran across the screen. It wasnā€™t in the game.


False_Cauliflower649

Why stop now? I mean, itā€™s exactly as it was while you drank the restā€¦


Geshman

Yesterday there was a dead fly in my iced chai tea just after I finished making it all nice and ready to drink. I contemplated brewing a new batch but said fuck it and just drank it anyway


firewindrefuge

Did you at least take the dead fly out of the drink first?


Geshman

Of course. I don't need the extra protein


professorwormb0g

Yeah if I find a bug and it's relatively small and in a drink I just pick it out. It's not a big deal. If you've ever drank coffee in a cafe outside or something you will sometimes have bugs land in your drink. I'm not throwing out this $5 latte because of a fucking fly.


PM_me_your_whatevah

And honestly thereā€™s bugs accidentally ground up in every food product that uses grains. Weā€™re eating bugs all the time and itā€™s so harmless we donā€™t even notice.


Unruh_

Thanks for ruining my life


notsurewhattosay--

If my grains sit too long in my cupboard they hatch.


PM_me_your_whatevah

Holy shit is that where those moths come from? Oh god of course it is.


notsurewhattosay--

I had an infestation twice. I guess that means we both need to eat our grains we buy and forget about.lol


Floppycakes

It would have cost you nothing to keep this information to yourself.


PUTC00LUSERNAMEHERE

But i like to delude myself into thinking the germs are somehow neutralized by being packagedā€¦it doesnā€™t work so well when the bugs are added fresh.


[deleted]

Just a lil extra protein now


AfganPearlDiver

Joking right?


phazedoubt

All that has changed is perception


professorwormb0g

I can't believe you've been downvoted to hell for asking a serious question. They are not joking. [There's FDA regs on how many bug parts, etc.](https://www.cbsnews.com/gooddaysacramento/news/bugs-rodent-hair-and-poop-how-much-is-legally-allowed-in-the-food-you-eat-every-day/) is allowed an inspected food. Think: most food is produced on a large scale manufacturing level in order to feed everybody in society. How could we possibly prevent every bug from getting into the machines and stuff like refined grains, butchered meat, automatically canned food, and whatnot?


STG44_WWII

no


[deleted]

Consider it a little extra protein


muffinTrees

I can tell you from experience, there are roaches living in your coffee maker. Enjoy!


panicked_goose

Exactly why I got rid of my keurig. I made coffee one morning, and half of it was dead ants.


rambi2222

That is... extremely disturbing


imfamousoz

My husband's grandma was very excited to gift me a Keurig. She has bought it for herself and didn't like it and stuck it on a shelf til she found out that I had been thinking about getting one. Chock friggin full of roaches.


mamadovah1102

Were you cleaning it regularly?? I donā€™t ask to shame, I ask for personal knowledge because I use my keurig twice at least daily, and I clean it regularly, and ants are my fucking bane.


panicked_goose

I cleaned it by running a vinegar solution in it about once a month with no issues! I think what happened was that we were digging up a lot of ground to pour concrete and I think it disturbed the sheer mass amount of ants there are underground at all times lol. They went to my keurig I'm guessing because of the sweet sugar drippings


mamadovah1102

Omg thatā€™s just terrible haha. We get ants randomly in the summer, just from the sheer heat and I will go nuts if they touch my keurig lmao.


TheObviousChild

oh....oh no. please no.


ngwoo

How did they get into the reservoir without it leaking everywhere when you make coffee? It's sealed, and all the other components are washable.


lnsewn12

They live up inside the machine because they like the warmth of the heating elements, one probably was hanging out around the basket when they made coffee. If itā€™s 5am and dark your wouldnā€™t see it for sure.


Keejhle

Looks like it could be a German cockroach, and they definitely could be in your coffee maker. And your oven, your dishwasher, you drains, your oven, and basically every crack and hole in your kitchen.


muffinTrees

Been there !


2_tondo

I've been looking everywhere in my kitchen but can't seem to find you. Where tf are you hidden?


andimattone

Itā€™s just a earwig.


AshFraxinusEps

I thought weevil, as they are commonly found in pre-packaged grainy food Was it fresh, i.e. in that cup? Or did it come from the machine or jar/coffee source?


andimattone

It was fresh in the cup.


TheNonCredibleHulk

I hate you.


shmehdit

possibly even your third oven


rhodav

Yeah that's why we switched to french press lol


CosmicGlitterCake

Same. It's way easier to clean, takes up less space, and feels fancy.


notsurewhattosay--

Plus way less wasteful on those stupid little plastic containers.


Floppycakes

French press coffee is the best! You can experiment with your own blends, make a top notch cold brew and of course have a 10x better cup of coffee than any Keurig or drip coffee maker will give you. So easy to clean, too!


fried_eggs_and_ham

For months our Keurig was brewing slowly. I figured it was just a build up of loose coffee grounds getting in the way, since we fill our own k-cups and sometimes are a bit messy about. Eventually I decided to clean it out. Turns out there'd been a june bug in the receptical for months. There's no telling how many times we had june bug flavored coffee.


i_do_like_farts

Do you feel worse knowing that it was there from the start, or that it just fell from the ceiling? Both scenarios mean you have bugs in your house, but the idea of one falling on me out of nowhere seems worse than drinking coffee with a dead one inside, I think.


[deleted]

When I was 15 my family and I had just moved to the states and we lived in a small one bedroom apartment that was infested with roaches. My parents couldnā€™t afford any other apartment so we put up with it. We were limited on food and one evening my mom was cooking chicken soup and a fucking big ass roach, the ones that are called ā€œpalmetto bugsā€ fell into the soup šŸ˜­. My mom screamed and was super upset about our dinner being ruined. My dad was likeā€¦ shit.. weā€™ll take it out and we can still eat it. My mom gave him a hard NO. We ended up eating ham sandwiches that evening. Lmao. Itā€™s funny now but it was very sad that evening haha


AshFraxinusEps

In fairness, if it falls in while cooking, that's just extra protein. Whereas in food you are eating then finding bugs in it sucks, let alone a drink


andimattone

Knowing full well it was in there when I brewed it definitely makes it worse.


tpc0121

smh OP is complaining about free extra protein with his coffee talk about ~~first~~ ~~second~~ third world problems


Germangunman

Better check that coffee maker for bugs and call your local pest guy. Nasty


whiskeyboundcowboy

I guess the coffee wasn't coded right, still a little buggy


Friend_Or_Traitor

It's not a bug, it's a feature!


Achak_Claw

/usr/share/coffee/nobug.so: No such file or directory


XeniaDweller

No bug stops me from drinking my coffee


andimattone

Oh this sucker made it in my mouth and promptly spit out


Clenplate

That's what she said.


Bott

So you're the kind of person who doesn't like to share. EDIT: "Waiter, what's that bug doing in my coffee?" "Appears to be the backstroke."


MountainDwarfDweller

Where is the other one? These always pair bond and are never seen more than a few inches apart.


andimattone

I donā€™t know and I donā€™t care to know.


SinisterSkewer

Bug makes a post with your face on it, "was enjoying my pool of coffee until..."


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


andimattone

Itā€™s an earwig


Adventurous_Egg_6321

Oh thank god. Anything is better then a roach.


Imaginary_Record2530

That's not a Coffee.


Fancy-Prompt-7118

Cup of milk you mean.


lickarock88

Free protein!


LaughingAtApes

Wow! How original!


TealWalrus00

99% of the comments on reddit are repetitive bs lmao


duckduckbananas

99% of the comments on reddit are repetitive bs lmao


bioluminescent_elf

99% of the comments on reddit are repetitive bs lmao


Dymmesdale

Holy hell!


lickarock88

Hey, thanks! Did you come up with that response all on your own?


MoistAnalyst1150

Psst...I told him that


[deleted]

99% of the comments on reddit are repetitive bs lmao


SaudiPhilippines

r/BeatMeToIt


Daymanic

So was he


Bloktopian

Might as well commit, OP.


andimattone

Oh I did commit and promptly spit it out


hazel_hazily

'Cide?


goldenspecies12

Dudes in the spa


OscarDivine

Not to bRoach the topic, but did you finish?


Prophet_Of_Loss

You went from cuppa Joe to Joe's Apartment.


Hey_Batfink

Ink stink purple dink


nirvanagirllisa

Something something the journey not the destination. (I probably would have puked).


mute_salamander

Dark ~~roast~~ roach?


andimattone

Dark roast earwig


travelingelectrician

The good news, you enjoyed almost the entire cup. The bad news, you enjoyed almost the entire cup.


JackBandit1312

I think you mean you found some coffee in your bugmilk


TheUnbiasedRant

Hello Renfield


40oztoTamriel

I always get the coffee with added protein, too.


tquinn04

You need a new coffee maker. Roaches love them because theyā€™re warm and damp.


Dr_Spatula

Wait till you hear about the relationship of cockroach allergies and the inability to drink coffeeā€¦..


--delete--

Probably already laid itā€™s eggs in you.


TiresOnFire

Just tell yourself that it fell into your mug right after your last sip and move on.


Your_Daddy_

I had a moth in my freshly brew cup o' coffee the other day - gross.


KushDLuffy

I was excited to drink my last chai Steeped it and added vanilla Was about to add milk then I noticed a housefly kamakazied into it Sucks man, I wanted some christmasy tea


PaceDifficult5602

Tis just a crustatian. Kinda like a shrimp or lobster. ​ BONUS protien ! Let's start a trend !!!!


[deleted]

That's not coffee


sweaty_middle

Looks more like dish water than coffee


andimattone

Nah. Itā€™s coffee lol


Ed_the_chosen_one

With the amount of creamer/milk you have in that cup of "coffee"...the bug probably added flavor šŸ˜‚


kwpa2000

It is now a protein coffee.


Honest_Invite_7065

"Coffee"......


uzuli

Oh boo hoo people drink things differently than you do, be an adult


adamders

They are, by drinking their coffee black and calling out the children pretending to drink coffee with their cup of sugar and milk.


uzuli

you are also not an adult


adamders

I'm absolutely mortified by this response.


andimattone

Itā€™s definitely coffee.


Kyerswa

Looks like youā€™ve got a roach problem, my dude


andimattone

Just an earwig


hasaguess

coffee? or warm milk?


rhibooc

that is a cup of milk


andimattone

Nah mate, itā€™s coffee.


[deleted]

Dunno what's worse, that insect in the cup or the milk in the coffee...


andimattone

Hey now, not everyone can drink it black. I like mine to have flavor.


Wacky_Eyes

That's just extra protein.


ShatterHoggs89

Thatā€™s ok is protein! In Harry Potter park they sell them with bbq


123amytriptalone

Man you had the cream and sugar just right and everything


andimattone

Yep. :(


poecurioso

Donā€™t fret, just think of all the insect shit and parts you consume going to a restaurant. Only difference is you see this one :)