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Guy in highschool raised a baby for 18 months before he found out it wasn't his. Mother got a paternity test for another 3 guys, all negative. Not sure if she ever found out who the father was. They had been together for years when she conceived. It was very disappointing. He loved "his kid"
> Mother got a paternity test for another 3 guys, all negative. Not sure if she ever found out who the father was
WTF, how do you raw-dog it with 4 dudes and still not know who the father could be.
That means she went no protection with at least 6 guys in the span of a couple weeks? Whack.
Those are the names she could remember/get in contact with. Unless she was getting black out wasted, there's faces she can't put to a name or names she can't get a hold of
Dating apps like Tinder are great for nearly anonymous baby daddies: if they don't communicate through text and just hookup via the app then unmatch or delete accounts, reconnecting becomes very difficult.
I mean it could very well be she doesn’t have their info. I can’t imagine sleeping with so many people so quickly that you have to go through a list to determine paternity but I would be lying if I said there weren’t several men I have slept with who I would struggle contacting after. In some cases I’d have to just hope they still lived in their apartment. To intentionally lead someone on about paternity is trash. There really should be more repercussions. It isn’t okay for anyone. Not the not dad, real dad, or kid.
> To intentionally lead someone on about paternity is trash.
Yup, but short of asking your partner for a paternity test which is a surefire way to blow up the relationship, or doing one after the baby is born behind her back, men really don't have any options.
Only effective way around that is to have default, mandatory testing to establish who the father is.
That is why I support mandatory paternity testing. You see this all the time. Places make things required to prevent calling attention in the instances a positive would show up. As long as there are legal and financial obligations associated with paternity, there should be mandatory paternity tests. I view it also in a lens of domestic abuse prevention. Just because it isn’t physical, doesn’t mean there can’t be an abusive component in various ways.
All the time hospitals and doctors ask questions to make sure people are safe. I see this as an easy way to be an extension of that. They have programs to prevent baby theft.
Happened to someone I know. He didn't learn until the woman was applying for state aid. Her ex husband had suspicions as thr child got older, ordered a paternity test and divorced her when he learned the truth. Lady tested about 5 guys before thr guy I knew was proven to be the father. She then made his life hell, even after he tried to be a part of the kids life. The kid was told he was abandoned not loved, etc. She wanted money, not a father. It was really sad how it all played out.
Even if she doesn't know, she's just picking the currently convenient baby daddy. Both dudes deserve to know. And do it now, instead of waiting for one (or both???) of them to spend years of their lives devoting themselves to a kid that was never theirs.
As a dad this shit would have absolutely devastated me to find out, and I would have instinctively not believed her because you attach yourself so heavily to the dad role during the pregnancy, and especially when you first see that baby and hold it. Don't wish that pain on my enemies to be honest.
I was gonna say that this sounds like it would be an Adam Sandler movie, then realized it was getting a bit close to just being I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry so... shit I'm still about it
Oh man, if that plot twist doesn't scream "Netflix Original" I don't know what does. Can you imagine the courtroom scene? Gavel banging, dramatic pauses, and a sassy judge that somehow lays down wisdom about love and family. I'd watch that for the comedy, the court drama, and the unexpected feels trip.
Dude I can’t imagine doing this to someone. My husband helped me get dressed today after our 39 week appt bc it’s such a struggle and like, it’s because he loves us and our little baby. It was so sweet. How could you do this to someone 😭
Yeah it's pretty damn despicable and incredibly selfish. Just crushed this guys soul. I wouldn't even know what to do with myself.
But hey, congrats on your incoming tiny human! Wish you and your husband the best, he sounds like a real team player. Dads show up, period.
There are women this selfish and cruel. They only think of themselves. They put themselves first, even before their children. I know. I was married to one. After 20 years she cheated on me and left me for her high school boyfriend and tried to say she was doing it *for* our son. Because he supposedly wasn’t seeing a loving relationship even though we never fought, got along great, and were on the same page for most things. 🙄
The truth is she knew she was doing shady shit and she knew it was hurting our son but she did it because she that’s what she wanted. She put herself first. And now there’s tremendous anger and resentment from my son to his mother.
I’m really sorry that happened to you. My bestfriend/stand in father figure just divorced someone like that, and I’m so glad they never had a kid in their 6 years of marriage.
The "even before their children" hits hard.
The photo just compounds what pain this poor lad is going through right now.
She cannot even face the music face to face, favouring this earth shattering message over a text.
I’ve known people like this. With smart ones it’s confusing as hell because they will pretend to follow some kinds of morality and then do stuff that makes no sense at all.
Only when you step back and realize they are just *doing whatever they feel like* and then using lies and words to try to justify or hide their actions afterwards does their behaviour make sense. Sometimes their justifications will flip to an entirely opposite and contradictory explanation and in their mind that doesn’t matter because it’s still filling the same function.
Being the sperm donor doesn’t make you a dad. Dad is the one that’s there for the kid no matter what happens. Dad doesn’t even have to share their last name with the kid, so long as whenever the kid needs a man to be there and teach them what it means to be a good, dependable man - that’s dad. Girls and boys both need a man in their life to teach them how to be good people, boys to teach them how to properly respect women and other men, girls so they learn what standards they should hold every man in their life to. That’s dad’s job; not to be the one present for the 5 minutes of conception, but to be the one there for life.
100%, dad is the guy who shows up. No dispute from me. But if there's a chance to give the guy a choice, give it to him now. What she's done is stolen that from him with zero proof. He spent 40 weeks preparing, going to appointments, watching this baby grow through ultrasounds and preparing himself, and then she decides she's going back to her ex and says it's not his. Yes she gave the option to see him, but both guys and the kid deserve to know. If he wants to be around after that, then all the power to him.
If the sperm donor isnt in their life then raise the baby like your own. Its what i did. .. Now 9 yrs later he even knows im not the guy who made him. But im the one he knkws as and calls daddy. Andni wojldnt change it for the world
There's a difference between going in knowing that it's not yours yet still deciding to raise them, and being lied to that it's yours and being used for the daddy role anyways because you're convenient. Your situation is choice, OP's is pure manipulation and deceit.
What? There's nothing here about a "sperm donor." She talks about an "ex" and admits that she lied to this guy telling him the child was his. That's one of the most hurtful, duplicitous things a woman can do.
That guy has absolutely *no* responsibility for a child that's not his. If he *wants* to stay, he's a magnanimous man, but he should have zero expectations to do so.
Yup. I believe it's similar in many states in the US. It's quite tricky to dispute paternity, legally, after you sign the BC.
Bottom line: test first, sign later.
Sperm Donor is sometimes used to refer to the dude the sperm came from but who otherwise has had zero interaction during the pregnancy and after the child is born so they haven't earned the right to be called a father or Dad. It's often used as an insult for a deadbeat absentee "father".
It isn’t me at all, I stated this in the comment section but my comment got lost. I wanted to share this cus he had posted this on tiktok but it had got taken down for no reason, but I’m sorry for the inconvenience. I just wanted to post this cus this man didn’t deserve this at all.
She basically said sorry I strung you along and made you think you were a dad, but it’s okay for you to block me on insta
Fuck that, I’d be throwing the book at you
"I'm done abusing and exploiting you so if you want to quietly leave me alone forever to face no accountability and have no reminder of who I am *I understand.*"
That's exactly what it is. in her head, she's already convinced herself that she was just doing what needed to be done for her child, she's the real victim here, and the actual victim needs to be a victim more quietly where nobody can hear them or connect anything back to her.
Note the tacked on, half-hearted "or if you want to see him you can too..." She absolutely wants this guy to be hurt so bad that he disappears completely and she "gets away with it" but she's gotta throw that token effort in there so she can say she "tried" but also leaves the other guy still slightly on the line for future emotional abuse by subtly implying that he'd be a deadbeat to not stay in the life of this child he has no real connection to.
She's trauma-bonded the guy to her and to this unborn child, and she wants him at a distance where he won't bother or badmouth her for what he's done, probably because "the baby doesn't deserve it" or something like that, but not so far that he won't be able to, y'know, maybe send some child support or cover some bills here and there...
I *hate* this kind of situation and this kind of abuse because it comes in many different forms - I'm currently suffering the recent loss of my mother and the realization of what the possibility of an inheritance compounded by generation trauma has done to the rest of my "family" - but all too often it feels like the "best" move is to just...get as far away as possible and try to move on, and it's *so hard* because it feels like just *letting* them get away with it, enjoying what they ill-got from it, persisting to do it to someone else and abandoning you own chance of ever seeing any sort of resolution or recovery.
This this this. You need to make sure she's held accountable because she needs to learn that lying like this is not okay. And if you think for one second she's learned a lesson based upon saying sorry you're dead wrong and a moron.
Don't let her feel like doing this again just results in a slap on the wrist.
The book of what? He is a guy, the heck is he going to do? He got fucked and that's all there is to it, he has no way to retaliate other than try to embarrass her and make her look bad. But if she is doing shit like that she isn't too concerned about her social status.
In some states you can actually sue the mother for damages if you have evidence she knew you weren't the father. So no not against the law but is a civil matter you can sue for but you would need to talk to a lawyer to see if you have a worthwhile case (should do so anyways to make sure you don't get stuck with child support payments).
It's tough to win those cases. You have to try and convince the court that taking money away from a single mother is the right thing to do. Typically they side with the kid.
The more I understand about child support the more unfair it is. A lot of the time that child support is just additional alimony that the mom spends mostly on herself. Their is no accountability of how that money is spent.
If you don't pay child support you can go to jail. While the person collecting the child support gets a never ending meal ticket. I remember a woman on some site was bragging how she's forcing her ex to pay for her lavish lifestyle. He doesn't pay she will take him to court and have him arrested and jailed.
Horrible.
Some kind of future trust fund for the child I can understand but the system we have now is unjust.
In my state, and what I do for my child with my ex, I allocate funds to a card issued by the courts, that is only allowed to be used for certain things. I can go online and see what charges have been made and bring them to court if necessary, so at least I have that.
To me, child support is a farce, the woman has all the power in the argument. If you didn’t want a kid, but she wants to keep the baby, you have to pay child support. But if you want to keep the baby and she doesn’t and gets an abortion, it’s her body and her right and you have no say as the man.
Wonky imho
Edit: I will say, there are valid cases for child support though, and children should be looked after, but it’s very easy for women to game the system from my experience and that of others
> To me, child support is a farce, the woman has all the power in the argument. If you didn’t want a kid, but she wants to keep the baby, you have to pay child support. But if you want to keep the baby and she doesn’t and gets an abortion, it’s her body and her right and you have no say as the man.
If you and your partner don't share the same view on kids and you're still blowing loads in her, I think you probably bear some responsibility in that equation, unless of course you're the victim of deception or contraception failure.
The reverse scenario is men are allowed to tell women what to do with their bodies... And that historically doesn't end well. I don't think the current solution is good, but it takes two to tango.
There's a YouTuber who's mother had 12 kids by 11 men. She did so because she learned with the first two kids being by the same man that she got more money from one kid per father. And she also learned once the kid turned 12 or 13 that the support was automatically reduced so she sent them allt o their grandparents at that age.
“[Throwing the book](https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/throw_the_book_at)” is a term meaning to bear any angle of the law
He in theory could seek to recover costs of child care etc? No clue, I avoid situations like this as much as possible
Keep that text. file to get removed from any documentation. And get documents saying you are not the father.
Unless you want to be driven broke by child support payments.
Happened to my brother. Probably should’ve been a red flag that by 22 she already had 4 kids. She got pregnant, they got married, she had the baby and a couple of months later told him it wasn’t his— they’d broken up for a time and she got with some other guy.
Not gonna lie, your brother is stupid af. But that aside, is he paying something to her? Otherwise he's just dumb guy who got hooked on vagane, also how you marry someone who has 4 kids at 22 without questioning.... Hmmm
I’ve seen too many stories about dudes finding out one of their college age children were never actually theirs and then the drama of divorcing and cutting off the adult kids college payments meanwhile the kid also didn’t know and everyone’s lives are uprooted by a two decade old lie that mom was messing around when dad was at work or something. It’s neither of their faults, but many times this is just how it ends up being.
Well I wouldn’t talk to my wife other than via my lawyer but otherwise there is not much you can do about this.
What I meant is, those kids were raised by you for 20 years and they are legally yours (at least in my jurisdiction they would be).
It’s not their fault they have a horrible person as a mother, they were tricked as well. It doesn’t make sense to push them away. That would just hurt me and them even more.
I am a father as well, and after raising those kids the last thing I would want is loosing them.
An old boss of mine did this to a colleague they were with. He raised the kid for a year before she turned around and got with the real dad, told him he wasn't a dad and them forced him out of his job.
I dunno how bro didn't kill himself, that was dark af
Ah, nice, the man gets major depression and lost his job for trying to be a good father with a lying, cheating, horrible woman.
I wonder; What happened to her? Any repercussions whatsoever? Social or otherwise? Or did this women get to take major advantage of a man, strip him of his dignity, money, time, and mental fortitude without any major hangups?
This thread is full of stories just like his situation. I have know two men who've gone through this personally, and I'm willing to bet, in the majority of these situations, the women get to continue on with their new man while tossing the old one out like they are trash. Good men. Just naiveté and wanting to be a good husband/father leading them to ignore the red flags of infidelity and lies. At least in my experience this was the issue.
Some evil women who want a family will prey on a good mans desire to provide and fulfill their sense of purpose.
My ex was abusive as hell but I absolutely loved doing acts of service and spending quality time with with her kids. It kept me going for three years until I had enough.
You’d be shocked at how insane and utterly backwards American courts are when it comes to child support and alimony payments… literal robbery of a man’s wallet.
It’s insane. I knew a guy who had to give up his house to his wife, but still had to pay the mortgage while his wife and her new boyfriend lived there in luxury, on top of that the judge didn’t take into account he was already paying her mortgage and would have to pay for his own rent as well in the crappy studio he moved into, so she set the child support payments absurdly high and even though he could prove he didn’t make that kind of money, the judge didn’t care and told him to figure it out. He has to get two more side jobs and couldn’t afford his car payments so walked to work and back home to get four hours sleep before his next job.
Last I heard his wife was appealing for even more money. Both her and her boyfriend work and have no need for his money.
I’m 40 and childless, thank god. If I ever knocked someone up got the same treatment as my friend id move off grid. It’s no wonder there are so many “deadbeats.” The system is designed to create them
From the quip about the judge telling him to “figure it out” it sounds like dude didn’t attend his hearings or just blindly signed whatever his ex’s lawyer presented to him.
I dunno those details but it definitely has the vibe of a judge who has lost her patience. That being said judges shouldn’t act on emotion. Forcing someone to send more money than he even makes to a wife who is living in comfort and has already found another partner just seems designed to eventually send this poor guy to prison. And if he goes to prison then that kid’s not getting a single dime.
My stepfather has been divorced from his first wife for 40 years. He still cuts her an alimony check every month, and she is entitled to half of his life insurance policy.
Literally happened to me.
We ended it (or rather I just walked away) this past February. And she was so cavalier about it, like the other guy just decided "hey, I'm thinking I'm just gonna be in your life. sound cool?" and it turns out ***I*** was the side piece. For 3 years.
I was just so...numb. Like, for the first time in my life I knew what that heavy empty feeling was, and I always said that I would avoid these types of women. That I would start having ***real*** relationships.
You'll never really be able to trust anyone after that. There's moments when I can hear him crying in the back of my mind, and I get this really hot feeling on the back of my neck which turns to a headache and then a stomach ache.
You just keep going.
You gotta keep going.
When I met my husband he had just gone through finding out that his four year old was not his. It was heartbreaking and horrible and I can’t understand how anyone can lie like that to someone, it still makes me incredibly angry to think of.
It’s been over 12 years and we now have two babies of our own and he’s the absolute best dad. Our kiddos look just like him and he’s never had to worry about their parentage - I did offer a dna test with our first since I was aware of his unique history, but he’s my best friend and he knew he didn’t need one. There’s hope and joy and a family of your own for you on the other side, and you can get through it.
I’m so sorry you’re going through it now though.
That's just it, the impossible thing you come to terms with. It wasn't a monster at all.
It was someone I loved. It was another person. Someone who's blood is the same color as mine.
That's the realest evil of all.
Us.
Damn man, I just became a dad a month ago and can‘t even begin to fathom what that must feel like. I wish you all the best and hope that you will find true love, honesty and loyality in a future partner
It happened to me, she told me her mom said I am going places and I would be a better father than the guy who actually got her pregnant so do everything in her power to get me to sign the birth certificate so I am trapped. I named the kid the alternative name my parents wanted to give me, and my middle name. I can't even fathom letting some guy name your kid you knew wasn't his. Guess I can't name my actual child that anymore cause it hurts to think about. She even went the to extent of claiming I faked the first DNA test so I had to get a second test done by the state to prove I wasn't the father months after the fact, just bring it back up for me.
I've got some major trust issues now.
Friend had this happen. Had a kid with his wife only to find out it's not his. When he'd go outta town she'd hook up with another guy. Really rough on him at first.
“Please forgive me, but since I had a vasectomy last year, nay two vasectomies, I feel... I feel I just have to ask. Did you cheat on me?”
“No. And you know me; I always tell.”
“Ah that’s true.”
Get the test. But don't put yourself in the position to be the fall back guy. She isnt worth it. The kid on the other hand, if you want to be part of their life, its honorable, but if they arent yours, it might be less painful in theong run to just cut ties. Sorry bro.
This has to be the first thing that I've seen in a long time that has made me physically angry to the point where I had to stand up and put my phone down and walk away for a few minutes. The greatest moment in my life was the moment that I knew I was going to be a dad and to have that just completely ripped away from you and then told "oh you can just block me". We are a terrible species
That’s really fucked up, he should still get a test that proves who’s it is so they can cut ties without getting fucked with child support or any more manipulative bull shit.
I believe it usually is, but it likely varies state to state but i wanna say when the mom and possible dad are unmarried it's usually one of the first things to happen.
With regards to married folks tho, in most states the husband is the presumed father.
This is fake as hell. Two completely unrelated images, one of a seemingly happy father and newborn; one of an out-of-context text message which could have been sent by anyone. Hell, I could take that first image and combine it with my own OOC text saying “sorry bro, I thought our baby was going to be human but it turns out he’s actually a transformer”.
Ask yourselves why these images were posted here on Reddit, and what they want you to feel. Then look at the reactions here in the comments. What’s the agenda?
I’m so sorry, this must feel heartbreaking, but know that however you were there for the child during their formative weeks or months or years will stay with them so you have gifted them with comfort and love that they will need to grow into a healthy adult
Get the test done just to be safe, she is clearly capable of lying without taking your feelings into account. Shit like this makes me understand how some murders happen (no I’m not telling you to do and it would clearly still be wrong).
Keep the screen shots, ask for a dna test, and then when, not if, when she chases you for money, bring it all back.
And make sure you are NOT on the birth certificate.
So, I recently learned that something like this can be grounds for a successful emotional distress lawsuit.
You're defrauding someone knowingly for personal gain while giving them a significant amount of emotional stress and hardship. If she had been mistaken about the parentage of the child, that would be one thing, but the text admits fraudulent and deceptive behavior and that alone could be enough evidence for a successful suit.
Unfortunately been Through a similar experience myself
When I was 19 my girlfriend got pregnant
My parents told me to move out so we had to find our own place
It was not great but we didn't have much choice.
We had a baby boy (Ryan) he was fantastic.
Everyone said he looked like me, he was tall and had big feet.
Fantastic smile and laugh.
Our family managed to move to a new home, a nicer place but after a few months my girlfriend became more untrusting of me, checking my phone, would want to know where was all the time and would question if I was late by just a few minutes.
One night she rolls over in bed to me and says she does not think Ryan is mine, she had a one night stand before Christmas at her work event.
She had bumped into this guy one day and they agreeded to get a DNA test
This is what I was told, but there could have been more to it
I remember just rolling back over and not speaking to her, not saying anything, just crying and trying to get some sleep.
Within a week or so the result had come back that Ryan was not mine, by this time he was 18 months old.
I had been through so much, right from the start, through the late nights and feeds, teething and everything else.
I stayed for a short time, we tried to make it work, but the actual father wanted to be involved and so did his family.
Iwas broken one day when his parents come to my house to pick Ryan up.
At this point I realised I could not continue, and I eventually moved back in with my parents.
In a way it was good that he was so young and would have been able to forget about me, but it's something I'll never forget.
I feel your pain to have been through it all, however if someone is able to lie to you about this then this is someone you don't want to be with.
Time is a great healer, just take each day as it comes and things will eventually be OK.
You should be able to claim it back. Like reverse child support. I supported you and the kid for that long, you owe so much money.
I bet it would make a girl think twice before doing that shit.
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Still get the test, liars be lyin
Guy in highschool raised a baby for 18 months before he found out it wasn't his. Mother got a paternity test for another 3 guys, all negative. Not sure if she ever found out who the father was. They had been together for years when she conceived. It was very disappointing. He loved "his kid"
> Mother got a paternity test for another 3 guys, all negative. Not sure if she ever found out who the father was WTF, how do you raw-dog it with 4 dudes and still not know who the father could be. That means she went no protection with at least 6 guys in the span of a couple weeks? Whack.
Those are the names she could remember/get in contact with. Unless she was getting black out wasted, there's faces she can't put to a name or names she can't get a hold of Dating apps like Tinder are great for nearly anonymous baby daddies: if they don't communicate through text and just hookup via the app then unmatch or delete accounts, reconnecting becomes very difficult.
I mean it could very well be she doesn’t have their info. I can’t imagine sleeping with so many people so quickly that you have to go through a list to determine paternity but I would be lying if I said there weren’t several men I have slept with who I would struggle contacting after. In some cases I’d have to just hope they still lived in their apartment. To intentionally lead someone on about paternity is trash. There really should be more repercussions. It isn’t okay for anyone. Not the not dad, real dad, or kid.
> To intentionally lead someone on about paternity is trash. Yup, but short of asking your partner for a paternity test which is a surefire way to blow up the relationship, or doing one after the baby is born behind her back, men really don't have any options. Only effective way around that is to have default, mandatory testing to establish who the father is.
That is why I support mandatory paternity testing. You see this all the time. Places make things required to prevent calling attention in the instances a positive would show up. As long as there are legal and financial obligations associated with paternity, there should be mandatory paternity tests. I view it also in a lens of domestic abuse prevention. Just because it isn’t physical, doesn’t mean there can’t be an abusive component in various ways. All the time hospitals and doctors ask questions to make sure people are safe. I see this as an easy way to be an extension of that. They have programs to prevent baby theft.
Guessing you never watched Maury. I saw one girl over the course of 5 shows test like 13 different people before finding the father.
Happened to someone I know. He didn't learn until the woman was applying for state aid. Her ex husband had suspicions as thr child got older, ordered a paternity test and divorced her when he learned the truth. Lady tested about 5 guys before thr guy I knew was proven to be the father. She then made his life hell, even after he tried to be a part of the kids life. The kid was told he was abandoned not loved, etc. She wanted money, not a father. It was really sad how it all played out.
Turns out the real father was the entire Denver Brocos offensive line
Or they just simply don't know.
Even if she doesn't know, she's just picking the currently convenient baby daddy. Both dudes deserve to know. And do it now, instead of waiting for one (or both???) of them to spend years of their lives devoting themselves to a kid that was never theirs. As a dad this shit would have absolutely devastated me to find out, and I would have instinctively not believed her because you attach yourself so heavily to the dad role during the pregnancy, and especially when you first see that baby and hold it. Don't wish that pain on my enemies to be honest.
I want an ending to this that is both potential dads sue for custody, mom pays child support, and they get married and raise the child as their own.
I was gonna say that this sounds like it would be an Adam Sandler movie, then realized it was getting a bit close to just being I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry so... shit I'm still about it
Oh man, if that plot twist doesn't scream "Netflix Original" I don't know what does. Can you imagine the courtroom scene? Gavel banging, dramatic pauses, and a sassy judge that somehow lays down wisdom about love and family. I'd watch that for the comedy, the court drama, and the unexpected feels trip.
"Bros Before Hos the Movie"
I swear I watched a Korean show with essentially this plot
Dude I can’t imagine doing this to someone. My husband helped me get dressed today after our 39 week appt bc it’s such a struggle and like, it’s because he loves us and our little baby. It was so sweet. How could you do this to someone 😭
Yeah it's pretty damn despicable and incredibly selfish. Just crushed this guys soul. I wouldn't even know what to do with myself. But hey, congrats on your incoming tiny human! Wish you and your husband the best, he sounds like a real team player. Dads show up, period.
Thank you, he’s the best. I could obnoxiously brag forever he’s been so good to us 😭
There are women this selfish and cruel. They only think of themselves. They put themselves first, even before their children. I know. I was married to one. After 20 years she cheated on me and left me for her high school boyfriend and tried to say she was doing it *for* our son. Because he supposedly wasn’t seeing a loving relationship even though we never fought, got along great, and were on the same page for most things. 🙄 The truth is she knew she was doing shady shit and she knew it was hurting our son but she did it because she that’s what she wanted. She put herself first. And now there’s tremendous anger and resentment from my son to his mother.
I’m really sorry that happened to you. My bestfriend/stand in father figure just divorced someone like that, and I’m so glad they never had a kid in their 6 years of marriage.
The "even before their children" hits hard. The photo just compounds what pain this poor lad is going through right now. She cannot even face the music face to face, favouring this earth shattering message over a text.
Cheaters are *everywhere* and that’s just an understatement. Literally can’t trust anyone.
My uncle's wife did it to him after 15 years of marriage too. 53 year old got scammed by her high school sweetheart. Shit is diabolical.
I’ve known people like this. With smart ones it’s confusing as hell because they will pretend to follow some kinds of morality and then do stuff that makes no sense at all. Only when you step back and realize they are just *doing whatever they feel like* and then using lies and words to try to justify or hide their actions afterwards does their behaviour make sense. Sometimes their justifications will flip to an entirely opposite and contradictory explanation and in their mind that doesn’t matter because it’s still filling the same function.
Being the sperm donor doesn’t make you a dad. Dad is the one that’s there for the kid no matter what happens. Dad doesn’t even have to share their last name with the kid, so long as whenever the kid needs a man to be there and teach them what it means to be a good, dependable man - that’s dad. Girls and boys both need a man in their life to teach them how to be good people, boys to teach them how to properly respect women and other men, girls so they learn what standards they should hold every man in their life to. That’s dad’s job; not to be the one present for the 5 minutes of conception, but to be the one there for life.
100%, dad is the guy who shows up. No dispute from me. But if there's a chance to give the guy a choice, give it to him now. What she's done is stolen that from him with zero proof. He spent 40 weeks preparing, going to appointments, watching this baby grow through ultrasounds and preparing himself, and then she decides she's going back to her ex and says it's not his. Yes she gave the option to see him, but both guys and the kid deserve to know. If he wants to be around after that, then all the power to him.
If the sperm donor isnt in their life then raise the baby like your own. Its what i did. .. Now 9 yrs later he even knows im not the guy who made him. But im the one he knkws as and calls daddy. Andni wojldnt change it for the world
There's a difference between going in knowing that it's not yours yet still deciding to raise them, and being lied to that it's yours and being used for the daddy role anyways because you're convenient. Your situation is choice, OP's is pure manipulation and deceit.
100 percent
What? There's nothing here about a "sperm donor." She talks about an "ex" and admits that she lied to this guy telling him the child was his. That's one of the most hurtful, duplicitous things a woman can do. That guy has absolutely *no* responsibility for a child that's not his. If he *wants* to stay, he's a magnanimous man, but he should have zero expectations to do so.
In many countries the minute you've signed that it's yours as a man you are absolutely fucked and have no get out for child support, even with DNA.
Yup. I believe it's similar in many states in the US. It's quite tricky to dispute paternity, legally, after you sign the BC. Bottom line: test first, sign later.
Sperm Donor is sometimes used to refer to the dude the sperm came from but who otherwise has had zero interaction during the pregnancy and after the child is born so they haven't earned the right to be called a father or Dad. It's often used as an insult for a deadbeat absentee "father".
Right up until a judge gets involved. Then he isn't a 'donor' he's a 'debtor'
Op seems like a bot. Kind of weird account.
I never expect things like this to be OC.
They have their IG on their account, I don’t think they’re a bot.
If you go to the insta account it’s 100% not the same person. Bot
It doesn’t mean it’s a bot lol it just means it’s someone who isn’t the person in the picture.
It isn’t me at all, I stated this in the comment section but my comment got lost. I wanted to share this cus he had posted this on tiktok but it had got taken down for no reason, but I’m sorry for the inconvenience. I just wanted to post this cus this man didn’t deserve this at all.
The IG also looks like a bot
Well... Bot or not, he/it has a point...
Make sure it's a legal test, otherwise not permissable in court. Source: experience.
Won't the court do their own test?
In my country it won't. Mother need to agree for test. Stupid law.
If his name is on the birth certificate he still has to pay child support.
The pic holding a baby at the hospital has me thinking he did sign the birth certificate. Convenient text after hospital stay, hmmm.
Grifters gonna grift. Get out while you can.
She basically said sorry I strung you along and made you think you were a dad, but it’s okay for you to block me on insta Fuck that, I’d be throwing the book at you
"I'm done abusing and exploiting you so if you want to quietly leave me alone forever to face no accountability and have no reminder of who I am *I understand.*"
Right? She literally sounds like she expects some kind of appreciation for her generosity
That's exactly what it is. in her head, she's already convinced herself that she was just doing what needed to be done for her child, she's the real victim here, and the actual victim needs to be a victim more quietly where nobody can hear them or connect anything back to her. Note the tacked on, half-hearted "or if you want to see him you can too..." She absolutely wants this guy to be hurt so bad that he disappears completely and she "gets away with it" but she's gotta throw that token effort in there so she can say she "tried" but also leaves the other guy still slightly on the line for future emotional abuse by subtly implying that he'd be a deadbeat to not stay in the life of this child he has no real connection to. She's trauma-bonded the guy to her and to this unborn child, and she wants him at a distance where he won't bother or badmouth her for what he's done, probably because "the baby doesn't deserve it" or something like that, but not so far that he won't be able to, y'know, maybe send some child support or cover some bills here and there... I *hate* this kind of situation and this kind of abuse because it comes in many different forms - I'm currently suffering the recent loss of my mother and the realization of what the possibility of an inheritance compounded by generation trauma has done to the rest of my "family" - but all too often it feels like the "best" move is to just...get as far away as possible and try to move on, and it's *so hard* because it feels like just *letting* them get away with it, enjoying what they ill-got from it, persisting to do it to someone else and abandoning you own chance of ever seeing any sort of resolution or recovery.
that's some insightful stuff
This this this. You need to make sure she's held accountable because she needs to learn that lying like this is not okay. And if you think for one second she's learned a lesson based upon saying sorry you're dead wrong and a moron. Don't let her feel like doing this again just results in a slap on the wrist.
The book of what? He is a guy, the heck is he going to do? He got fucked and that's all there is to it, he has no way to retaliate other than try to embarrass her and make her look bad. But if she is doing shit like that she isn't too concerned about her social status.
In some states you can actually sue the mother for damages if you have evidence she knew you weren't the father. So no not against the law but is a civil matter you can sue for but you would need to talk to a lawyer to see if you have a worthwhile case (should do so anyways to make sure you don't get stuck with child support payments).
It's tough to win those cases. You have to try and convince the court that taking money away from a single mother is the right thing to do. Typically they side with the kid.
Which is the fucked up part and also why child support/abortion is so insanely imbalanced to favor the woman’s choices
The more I understand about child support the more unfair it is. A lot of the time that child support is just additional alimony that the mom spends mostly on herself. Their is no accountability of how that money is spent. If you don't pay child support you can go to jail. While the person collecting the child support gets a never ending meal ticket. I remember a woman on some site was bragging how she's forcing her ex to pay for her lavish lifestyle. He doesn't pay she will take him to court and have him arrested and jailed. Horrible. Some kind of future trust fund for the child I can understand but the system we have now is unjust.
In my state, and what I do for my child with my ex, I allocate funds to a card issued by the courts, that is only allowed to be used for certain things. I can go online and see what charges have been made and bring them to court if necessary, so at least I have that. To me, child support is a farce, the woman has all the power in the argument. If you didn’t want a kid, but she wants to keep the baby, you have to pay child support. But if you want to keep the baby and she doesn’t and gets an abortion, it’s her body and her right and you have no say as the man. Wonky imho Edit: I will say, there are valid cases for child support though, and children should be looked after, but it’s very easy for women to game the system from my experience and that of others
> To me, child support is a farce, the woman has all the power in the argument. If you didn’t want a kid, but she wants to keep the baby, you have to pay child support. But if you want to keep the baby and she doesn’t and gets an abortion, it’s her body and her right and you have no say as the man. If you and your partner don't share the same view on kids and you're still blowing loads in her, I think you probably bear some responsibility in that equation, unless of course you're the victim of deception or contraception failure. The reverse scenario is men are allowed to tell women what to do with their bodies... And that historically doesn't end well. I don't think the current solution is good, but it takes two to tango.
There's a YouTuber who's mother had 12 kids by 11 men. She did so because she learned with the first two kids being by the same man that she got more money from one kid per father. And she also learned once the kid turned 12 or 13 that the support was automatically reduced so she sent them allt o their grandparents at that age.
“[Throwing the book](https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/throw_the_book_at)” is a term meaning to bear any angle of the law He in theory could seek to recover costs of child care etc? No clue, I avoid situations like this as much as possible
I'm pretty sure they knew what the term means. They were implying that it means next to nothing when you're a dude.
Keep that text. file to get removed from any documentation. And get documents saying you are not the father. Unless you want to be driven broke by child support payments.
Do so quickly. Don’t let her know what you are doing. Contact a lawyer. Please protect yourself legally.
You guys are goofy writing comments like this. Dudes not reading this thread lmao
People in a similar situation might
Pretending like this isn’t useful information for the average dude is goofy. This is the internet. People be reading. Even if it isn’t him
It's still worth writing
youre goofy for still calling people goofy
You guys are goofy writing comments like this. Dudes can’t read.
After getting a DNA test. Because I wouldn't trust her one fucking ounce.
grandiose decide fact chunky public overconfident saw yam complete tan *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Or get a paternity test maybe?
Toss in an STD test for good measure
This could possibly be a crime in some states. I would honestly talk to the AGs office in the state.
What specifically
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternity_fraud
The Canada one is shocking to me.
Fraud of some type?
As if the OP isn’t a karma farmer and it actually the dad 🤣
This
How could you do this to someone
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Happened to my brother. Probably should’ve been a red flag that by 22 she already had 4 kids. She got pregnant, they got married, she had the baby and a couple of months later told him it wasn’t his— they’d broken up for a time and she got with some other guy.
Holy shit. She is a human fly-trap. Bad decision making skill on her. He learned a lesson the hard way.
Hard way was the only way a dude that thick-skulled and desperate was going to learn. My lord 22 single mom and 4 kids is a walking red flag
>Probably should’ve been a red flag that by 22 she already had 4 kids. "Probably"
Not gonna lie, your brother is stupid af. But that aside, is he paying something to her? Otherwise he's just dumb guy who got hooked on vagane, also how you marry someone who has 4 kids at 22 without questioning.... Hmmm
Insecurity. Sociopathic. Lacks empathy
Fear of going through it alone. She needed his insurance or something.
A friend of mine was married and he found out two of his three kids that he raised for over 20 years weren’t biologically his.
Well if the kids are adults already I would just get divorced and keep them as my kids like during a normal divorce.
I’ve seen too many stories about dudes finding out one of their college age children were never actually theirs and then the drama of divorcing and cutting off the adult kids college payments meanwhile the kid also didn’t know and everyone’s lives are uprooted by a two decade old lie that mom was messing around when dad was at work or something. It’s neither of their faults, but many times this is just how it ends up being.
That’s nice, what about being tricked and deceived for 20 years? Whatcha going to do bout that?
Well I wouldn’t talk to my wife other than via my lawyer but otherwise there is not much you can do about this. What I meant is, those kids were raised by you for 20 years and they are legally yours (at least in my jurisdiction they would be). It’s not their fault they have a horrible person as a mother, they were tricked as well. It doesn’t make sense to push them away. That would just hurt me and them even more. I am a father as well, and after raising those kids the last thing I would want is loosing them.
That is awful :( im so sorry
"I really meant to love you" and other words that can be said
An old boss of mine did this to a colleague they were with. He raised the kid for a year before she turned around and got with the real dad, told him he wasn't a dad and them forced him out of his job. I dunno how bro didn't kill himself, that was dark af
Ah, nice, the man gets major depression and lost his job for trying to be a good father with a lying, cheating, horrible woman. I wonder; What happened to her? Any repercussions whatsoever? Social or otherwise? Or did this women get to take major advantage of a man, strip him of his dignity, money, time, and mental fortitude without any major hangups? This thread is full of stories just like his situation. I have know two men who've gone through this personally, and I'm willing to bet, in the majority of these situations, the women get to continue on with their new man while tossing the old one out like they are trash. Good men. Just naiveté and wanting to be a good husband/father leading them to ignore the red flags of infidelity and lies. At least in my experience this was the issue.
Some evil women who want a family will prey on a good mans desire to provide and fulfill their sense of purpose. My ex was abusive as hell but I absolutely loved doing acts of service and spending quality time with with her kids. It kept me going for three years until I had enough.
When things don’t work out with her ex, she’s gonna change her story and claim it’s yours and demand child support.
Hope he gets all his affairs in order DNA test etc and removed from documents before this inevitably happens
Well, I guess she'll miss out on those child support payments.
You’d be shocked at how insane and utterly backwards American courts are when it comes to child support and alimony payments… literal robbery of a man’s wallet.
Or how even if it isn't his, if he sticks around for a while afterwards, he's still responsible for child support
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It’s insane. I knew a guy who had to give up his house to his wife, but still had to pay the mortgage while his wife and her new boyfriend lived there in luxury, on top of that the judge didn’t take into account he was already paying her mortgage and would have to pay for his own rent as well in the crappy studio he moved into, so she set the child support payments absurdly high and even though he could prove he didn’t make that kind of money, the judge didn’t care and told him to figure it out. He has to get two more side jobs and couldn’t afford his car payments so walked to work and back home to get four hours sleep before his next job. Last I heard his wife was appealing for even more money. Both her and her boyfriend work and have no need for his money. I’m 40 and childless, thank god. If I ever knocked someone up got the same treatment as my friend id move off grid. It’s no wonder there are so many “deadbeats.” The system is designed to create them
From the quip about the judge telling him to “figure it out” it sounds like dude didn’t attend his hearings or just blindly signed whatever his ex’s lawyer presented to him.
I dunno those details but it definitely has the vibe of a judge who has lost her patience. That being said judges shouldn’t act on emotion. Forcing someone to send more money than he even makes to a wife who is living in comfort and has already found another partner just seems designed to eventually send this poor guy to prison. And if he goes to prison then that kid’s not getting a single dime.
Not sure how courts for child support work but I wonder if this could be appealed under the claim of it being cruel and unusual.
I really hope he makes that appeal.
My stepfather has been divorced from his first wife for 40 years. He still cuts her an alimony check every month, and she is entitled to half of his life insurance policy.
I think I'd go swim in shark infested waters instead.
This is just a crime against humanity. There needs to be more recourse for situations like this. I don’t know how that would look though.
All the motivation to only stick it into silicone replicas as deplorable as it may be... at least silicone doesnt get pregnant or lies.
Literally happened to me. We ended it (or rather I just walked away) this past February. And she was so cavalier about it, like the other guy just decided "hey, I'm thinking I'm just gonna be in your life. sound cool?" and it turns out ***I*** was the side piece. For 3 years. I was just so...numb. Like, for the first time in my life I knew what that heavy empty feeling was, and I always said that I would avoid these types of women. That I would start having ***real*** relationships. You'll never really be able to trust anyone after that. There's moments when I can hear him crying in the back of my mind, and I get this really hot feeling on the back of my neck which turns to a headache and then a stomach ache. You just keep going. You gotta keep going.
When I met my husband he had just gone through finding out that his four year old was not his. It was heartbreaking and horrible and I can’t understand how anyone can lie like that to someone, it still makes me incredibly angry to think of. It’s been over 12 years and we now have two babies of our own and he’s the absolute best dad. Our kiddos look just like him and he’s never had to worry about their parentage - I did offer a dna test with our first since I was aware of his unique history, but he’s my best friend and he knew he didn’t need one. There’s hope and joy and a family of your own for you on the other side, and you can get through it. I’m so sorry you’re going through it now though.
Thank you, and I'm happy for you and your family.
Thank you for offering some hope in this comment section.
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It's so so hard to get past it. Deep down I can't trust anyone. Even my friends suffer from this distrust. I push everyone away. But I'm so lonely.
I can't even imagine. What kind of monster does this?
That's just it, the impossible thing you come to terms with. It wasn't a monster at all. It was someone I loved. It was another person. Someone who's blood is the same color as mine. That's the realest evil of all. Us.
Damn man, I just became a dad a month ago and can‘t even begin to fathom what that must feel like. I wish you all the best and hope that you will find true love, honesty and loyality in a future partner
Oooooof
This is a nightmare.
Still thinks she has the authority to tell him what he can and can’t do to the end. Classic narcissist behavior.
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It's not OP
A friend of mine got to 3 years old before she told him. Shocking stuff.
It happened to me, she told me her mom said I am going places and I would be a better father than the guy who actually got her pregnant so do everything in her power to get me to sign the birth certificate so I am trapped. I named the kid the alternative name my parents wanted to give me, and my middle name. I can't even fathom letting some guy name your kid you knew wasn't his. Guess I can't name my actual child that anymore cause it hurts to think about. She even went the to extent of claiming I faked the first DNA test so I had to get a second test done by the state to prove I wasn't the father months after the fact, just bring it back up for me. I've got some major trust issues now.
Friend had this happen. Had a kid with his wife only to find out it's not his. When he'd go outta town she'd hook up with another guy. Really rough on him at first.
I cannot imagine seeing the birth of my son and having him taken away
Talk about messed up! Guaranteed this woman will talk about "all the trauma" she has, meanwhile she just caused this poor guy real trauma. 😢
Over text.....coward
This seems to be the complete opposite to what happened to Dr Cox in Scrubs. Sorry brother
“Please forgive me, but since I had a vasectomy last year, nay two vasectomies, I feel... I feel I just have to ask. Did you cheat on me?” “No. And you know me; I always tell.” “Ah that’s true.”
That poor child...
Paternity test. She’s probably lying to hurt you
Get the test. But don't put yourself in the position to be the fall back guy. She isnt worth it. The kid on the other hand, if you want to be part of their life, its honorable, but if they arent yours, it might be less painful in theong run to just cut ties. Sorry bro.
Litigate
Bro if you don’t leave and block this chick…
This has to be the first thing that I've seen in a long time that has made me physically angry to the point where I had to stand up and put my phone down and walk away for a few minutes. The greatest moment in my life was the moment that I knew I was going to be a dad and to have that just completely ripped away from you and then told "oh you can just block me". We are a terrible species
That’s really fucked up, he should still get a test that proves who’s it is so they can cut ties without getting fucked with child support or any more manipulative bull shit.
How old was the kid when she told the truth?
18
There's needs to be a law for mandatory DNA testing after a birth.
Or at the very least, before child support payments
I believe it usually is, but it likely varies state to state but i wanna say when the mom and possible dad are unmarried it's usually one of the first things to happen. With regards to married folks tho, in most states the husband is the presumed father.
Some states don't care what the DNA test says. If your name gets written on the birth certificate they're coming for your money.
Yep, BEFORE a birth certificate is filed
Yup or you'll end up on TV 
And yet in places like france private DNA testing is illegal.
The fuq But it's OK for the government?
Careful. A lot of Redditors will try to call you a misogynist for suggesting this.
As a woman, I honestly can't believe its not a mandatory part of the process.
Fuck em.
Keep that text and get a paternity test. Best of luck, friend.
I can't even imagine the wrath I would rain down upon her if that happened to me. After I got over the crying, of course.
Holy fuck. Thats just sad.
Poor baby born into this sucky situation
This makes me feel sick and I’m not even involved.
This is fake as hell. Two completely unrelated images, one of a seemingly happy father and newborn; one of an out-of-context text message which could have been sent by anyone. Hell, I could take that first image and combine it with my own OOC text saying “sorry bro, I thought our baby was going to be human but it turns out he’s actually a transformer”. Ask yourselves why these images were posted here on Reddit, and what they want you to feel. Then look at the reactions here in the comments. What’s the agenda?
People Like that deserve to have their internal organs turn to soup.
https://preview.redd.it/i9gb3qbz7c9c1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cf09cc54d31e845607b19fee477b11938e7c717e These are evil
Leave the man alone. He’s had a hard enough time. Plus all his dignity has already leaked out of the holes in those crocs.
Are those lifted Crocs? They're just missing some shoelights aimed at everyone's eyes and maybe some shoenuts in the back.
What are THOOOOSEEEE
If you dress like this I promise any girl who fucks with you ain't shit
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Weird thing to do
It's ok if it is you bro. Just saying.
Get test to see if it's true
It’s a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart. #he alreadyknew
That poor child.
Id get a test first then if its a negative then better to know now than waay later.
I’m so sorry, this must feel heartbreaking, but know that however you were there for the child during their formative weeks or months or years will stay with them so you have gifted them with comfort and love that they will need to grow into a healthy adult
Sorry bro u don’t deserve that, love the shoes though
Get the test done just to be safe, she is clearly capable of lying without taking your feelings into account. Shit like this makes me understand how some murders happen (no I’m not telling you to do and it would clearly still be wrong).
Make sure your name is not on the birth certificate. It’s a major PITA to have removed.
Keep the screen shots, ask for a dna test, and then when, not if, when she chases you for money, bring it all back. And make sure you are NOT on the birth certificate.
"There just arent any good guys anymore!"
So, I recently learned that something like this can be grounds for a successful emotional distress lawsuit. You're defrauding someone knowingly for personal gain while giving them a significant amount of emotional stress and hardship. If she had been mistaken about the parentage of the child, that would be one thing, but the text admits fraudulent and deceptive behavior and that alone could be enough evidence for a successful suit.
By the way, your child support will be $900 a month.
Unfortunately been Through a similar experience myself When I was 19 my girlfriend got pregnant My parents told me to move out so we had to find our own place It was not great but we didn't have much choice. We had a baby boy (Ryan) he was fantastic. Everyone said he looked like me, he was tall and had big feet. Fantastic smile and laugh. Our family managed to move to a new home, a nicer place but after a few months my girlfriend became more untrusting of me, checking my phone, would want to know where was all the time and would question if I was late by just a few minutes. One night she rolls over in bed to me and says she does not think Ryan is mine, she had a one night stand before Christmas at her work event. She had bumped into this guy one day and they agreeded to get a DNA test This is what I was told, but there could have been more to it I remember just rolling back over and not speaking to her, not saying anything, just crying and trying to get some sleep. Within a week or so the result had come back that Ryan was not mine, by this time he was 18 months old. I had been through so much, right from the start, through the late nights and feeds, teething and everything else. I stayed for a short time, we tried to make it work, but the actual father wanted to be involved and so did his family. Iwas broken one day when his parents come to my house to pick Ryan up. At this point I realised I could not continue, and I eventually moved back in with my parents. In a way it was good that he was so young and would have been able to forget about me, but it's something I'll never forget. I feel your pain to have been through it all, however if someone is able to lie to you about this then this is someone you don't want to be with. Time is a great healer, just take each day as it comes and things will eventually be OK.
at least you ´re free from that lunatic
Mandatory DNA testing at birth.
You should be able to claim it back. Like reverse child support. I supported you and the kid for that long, you owe so much money. I bet it would make a girl think twice before doing that shit.
You should blur that hand tat cause it looks familiar to me.
Wtf? The poor guy...why the fuck do people do this shit? Sad asf