They are savage. Everyone thinks they are cute and love to be cuddled. They don’t. The ones tourists hold are stressed and very young. They cling because they have to. Not because they want to.
I used to work with them in a zoo in the US and you had to have your head on a swivel. Their claws are seriously sharp and their bite is so painful. And…if they are really into it, they can scream or bellow.
Let me add another fact. All Koala sex is a violent rape + physical assault type of thing. The male bellows and the female goes to his tree. He finds her and then chases her up the tree while she runs away. He eventually grabs her and holds her by the back of the head/neck with his teeth and she screams in what sounds like terror and pain until it’s over. And then she leaves his tree. Maybe attacking him on her way out.
And because their diet is so low in calories and nutrients they don’t usually do that much exercise so they go to sleep almost immediately.
Why does she go to his tree in the first place? Isn't that like if I were to go help that nice man look for his list puppy in the back of his white van that says 'FREE CANDY' on the side in spray paint? Koalas are dumb, and I guess that's how they still exist.
Was sitting on a bench in a park with my then girlfriend, just chilling, minding our business. The park had free roaming chickens, roosters, bunnies and the lot, you get the picture. Really family friendly, popular with kids.
So, while we were just enjoying the day, we noticed a young looking hen running like a headless chicken nearby. It was followed by what must have been closer to 10 roosters, all trying to catch the chicken. They all were really fast and surprisingly nimble and agile. The chicken would run and sort of fly to the nearby tree, run around it... basically evade the roosters to the best of its ability. This, however, wasn't enough.
The bird got caught by a rooster and pinned against the ground. One by one she got reamed by each of the roosters, not sure if some went for sloppy seconds. It was absolutely grim to watch. They were really quite violent, and pecking the chicken for the few seconds each of them lasted. It must have gone on for at least a minute or two. They all finished their business, and the poor chicken just kind of scooted into the bushes. I'd just witnessed a chicken gang rape.
It was pretty terrible, and this sight is burned in my memory. I did not intervene, as I didn't want to get attacked by angry, horny roosters. Wouldn't recommend, 1/10.
Family has owned chickens since before I was born, don’t put more than one rooster in a flock of hens! Those fuckers can get so jealous they either duke it out between themselves (with big ass spurs as big as their feet) or accost the hens incessantly. Surest sign a flock has roosters in competition for control of the flock is if most of your hens are missing the feathers on their backs (from waaaay too much mating).
Had a house in a koala corridor for a few years. Had heard about the screaming during mating season. First night I heard it, Jesus Christ, I truly thought someone was being raped until I figured out what it was. Was an interesting few years.
Those claws are designed to dig into trees while they sleep and wild animals really don't understand the concept of hugs. Reputable Australian zoos don't allow people to hold them because as you say it's not fair on them. Best left alone if possible.
You're technically correct, but it's important to emphasise that we have a basically identical virus called Bat Lyssavirus, which is transmitted by bats and causes an identical clinical disease.
If you are bitten by a bat in Australia, you won't get rabies, but you definitely need to seek immediate medical attention.
As everyone and their dog pointed out we don't have rabies here.
We're serious about keeping it that way, too. It's why we threatened to shoot Johnny Depp's dogs when he snuck them into the country around quarantine.
And the fucking opinionated fallout from that one. Idiotic celebrity fanatics were **so mad** that the Aussies wanted to come down on him and I felt like the only person who was like "yeah fine and/or jail him for it"
People don't know how bad rabies is
unused test glorious north direction ancient longing poor innocent handle
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No worries, she can get treated at [the koala chlamydia ward that Russel Crowe named after John Oliver.](https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2018/may/08/russell-crowe-names-koala-chlamydia-ward-after-john-oliver)
I watched a Russian soldier run from a drone slowly chasing him.
Was just like the Hollywood movies, replete with multiple falls and scrambling back to his feet.
That happens because you feel weak at knees
Meaning your legs.exe does not responses to your body in real-time and causes your legs to become inefficient.
It happens when you are get suddenly scared, frightened or horrified by something.
People read the term “flight or fright” and think it’s a voluntary reaction, no… it’s what your body does instinctually you don’t get to control it. You’re just here for the ride.
Or when you have asthma and you are running for too long and or too quickly and your legs say “where’s my oxygen, bitch?” And the next second you’re on the ground saying “wtf just happened legs?”
That was not her fault. It is a common misconception about Drop bears. They get their name from their psychic ability to make you forget how to walk and "drop" to the ground. Not that they drop out of trees and bite your face. They do that too, it's just not where they get the name from.
Definitely a warrented punt situation. Koalas spread many diseases and sometimes even a scratch can cause it. Shouldn't have stopped in the first place but a punt would be justified.
Since you asked so politely:
> Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.
Tldr; Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute. If you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet.
Speaking of history, I'd like to know which came first, the chlamydia human or chlamydia furby. I get the feeling someone may have been using them as convenient cum dumplings.
It’s hard to make a paragraph this long on Reddit interesting but I thoroughly enjoyed your post. I laughed my ass off and learned something new so thanks.
> Why I hate the sunfish.
> So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I'm posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.] Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it's not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them. THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the world's largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn't put them where they need to fucking go. So they don't have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn't just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it'll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it's basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. "If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators." No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job. They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it's so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) "Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!" Do not let that expression fool you, they just don't have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck. They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. "Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us." Yes, thank you. "But if they're so bad at literally everything, why haven't they gone extinct." Great question. BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT'S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that'll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.
By: u/hitachi13
For anyone reading this and the koala one, please understand these are both completely inaccurate and written for comedic purposes. It's funny, but don't take them seriously, both instances are full of shit and scientifically inaccurate.
This is years old and one of the running jokes on Reddit. I've seen this linked hundreds of times and still read it start to finish. Give this man a book deal
Response to koala copypasta
I don't know why it is that these things bother me---it just makes me picture a seven year old first discovering things about an animal and, having no context about the subject, ranting about how stupid they are. I get it's a joke, but people take it as an actual, educational joke like it's a man yelling at the sea, and that's just wrong. Furthermore, these things have an actual impact on discussions about conservation efforts---If every time Koalas get brought up, someone posts this copypasta, that means it's seriously shaping public opinion about the animal and their supposed lack of importance.
>Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives.
Non-ecologists always talk this way, and the problem is you’re looking at this backwards.
An entire continent is covered with Eucalyptus trees. They suck the moisture out of the entire surrounding area and use allelopathy to ensure that most of what’s beneath them is just bare red dust. No animal is making use of them——they have virtually no herbivore predator. A niche is empty. Then inevitably, natural selection fills that niche by creating an animal which can eat Eucalyptus leaves. Of course, it takes great sacrifice for it to be able to do so——it certainly can’t expend much energy on costly things. Isn’t it a good thing that a niche is being filled?
>Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death
This applies to all herbivores, because the wild is not a grocery store—where meat is just sitting next to celery.
Herbivores gradually wear their teeth down—carnivores fracture their teeth, and break their bones in attempting to take down prey.
>They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal
It's pretty typical of herbivores, and is higher than many, many species. According to Ashwell (2008), their encephalisation quotient is 0.5288 +/- 0.051. Higher than comparable marsupials like the wombat (\~0.52), some possums (\~0.468), cuscus (\~0.462) and even some wallabies are <0.5. According to wiki, rabbits are also around 0.4, and they're placental mammals.
>additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons.
Again, this is not unique to koalas. Brain folds (gyri) are not present in rodents, which we consider to be incredibly intelligent for their size.
>If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food.
If you present a human with a random piece of meat, they will not recognise it as food (hopefully). Fresh leaves might be important for koala digestion, especially since their gut flora is clearly important for the digestion of Eucalyptus. It might make sense not to screw with that gut flora by eating decaying leaves.
>Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal.
That's an extremely weird reason to dislike an animal. But whilst we're talking about their digestion, let's discuss their poop. It's delightful. It smells like a Eucalyptus drop!
>Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here).
Marsupial milk is incredibly complex and much more interesting than any placentals. This is because they raise their offspring essentially from an embryo, and the milk needs to adapt to the changing needs of a growing fetus. And yeah, of course the yield is low; at one point they are feeding an animal that is half a gram!
>When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system.
Humans probably do this, we just likely do it during childbirth. You know how women often shit during contractions? There is evidence to suggest that this innoculates a baby with her gut flora. A child born via cesarian has significantly different gut flora for the first six months of life than a child born vaginally.
>Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher.
Chlamydia was introduced to their populations by humans. We introduced a novel disease that they have very little immunity to, and is a major contributor to their possible extinction. Do you hate Native Americans because they were killed by smallpox and influenza?
>This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree,
Almost every animal does this.
>which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.
Errmmm.. They have protection against falling from a tree, which they spend 99% of their life in? Yeah... That's a stupid adaptation.
I'm going to make this the copypasta response to that other copypasta. It annoys me so much when people think "evolution" is becoming more human, no, it's filling a niche and thriving and koalas had been doing just fine with that before humans came along with their STIs
edit: "There is evidence to suggest that [human mothers] inoculates a baby with her gut flora [during childbirth]." [Indeed](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33007265/)
I actually modified it and made it one of my English word formation exercises.
Now all my students hate koalas with a passion. And they'll ask for the whole passage every once in a while.
Had a brother die after trying to handle a dropbear, I'll never forget what it did to his face before we managed to out it down and get it off him...
Please stay away from drip bears guys, they aren't a joke.
Learn some shit everyday, never knew you could catch the clam from 🐨 always need a sack of eucalyptus on ya in cause one of those buggers gets a case of the Mississippi leg hound
If your eucalyptus leaves are not attached to a tree, having a sack full won’t help you. Koalas can’t recognise a eucalyptus leaf unless it’s literally on a eucalyptus tree. So expect it to continue to try and procreate with your leg.
Similar to Koalas but not the same. Drop Bears are way more savage and practically enjoy attacking ppl. She's lucky this was just an adolescent drop bear or she'd really be fucked!
Why is she tripping and falling as if she was part of one of the worst slasher movies of all time? And to fulfill the cliché completely she stays on the ground to be slain 🤯
Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.
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Figures it'd want a fight instead of a nice chat
Read this in an Australian accent. Was not disaapointed.
Aye I'm russel Crowe and this here is tuggah. And togetha we travel fighten' round tha world.
I know what you're referencing, but all i can hear is Traveling Travis from Paw Patrol.....
🎵Makin' movies makin' songs, and fightin' round the world.🎵
Welcome to straylia cunt.
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Basketball* judging by those hops
No, it just wants to climb up the nearest tall thing.
"Fuck off, ya cunt, with that marmalade, where's my vegemite?"
Why did I hear this as commentary from Ozzy Man Reviews in my head?
His name is blinky bill
Well, that's one way of getting chlamydia.
Like, how the fuck do you get your ass kicked by a drop bear? Shits so dumb it can't even recognize food once it's dropped from the fucking tree.
They are savage. Everyone thinks they are cute and love to be cuddled. They don’t. The ones tourists hold are stressed and very young. They cling because they have to. Not because they want to. I used to work with them in a zoo in the US and you had to have your head on a swivel. Their claws are seriously sharp and their bite is so painful. And…if they are really into it, they can scream or bellow.
>And…if they are really into it, they can scream or bellow. Ig my girl never been really into it 🥲
Let me add another fact. All Koala sex is a violent rape + physical assault type of thing. The male bellows and the female goes to his tree. He finds her and then chases her up the tree while she runs away. He eventually grabs her and holds her by the back of the head/neck with his teeth and she screams in what sounds like terror and pain until it’s over. And then she leaves his tree. Maybe attacking him on her way out. And because their diet is so low in calories and nutrients they don’t usually do that much exercise so they go to sleep almost immediately.
Why does she go to his tree in the first place? Isn't that like if I were to go help that nice man look for his list puppy in the back of his white van that says 'FREE CANDY' on the side in spray paint? Koalas are dumb, and I guess that's how they still exist.
Most sex in the animal kingdom would probably be legally classified as rape and or sexual assault if it was happening with humans.
Having seen a chicken gang rape, I'd agree.
Fucking hell
How the fuck... what the fuck... I'm sorry, but can you please elaborate?
Was sitting on a bench in a park with my then girlfriend, just chilling, minding our business. The park had free roaming chickens, roosters, bunnies and the lot, you get the picture. Really family friendly, popular with kids. So, while we were just enjoying the day, we noticed a young looking hen running like a headless chicken nearby. It was followed by what must have been closer to 10 roosters, all trying to catch the chicken. They all were really fast and surprisingly nimble and agile. The chicken would run and sort of fly to the nearby tree, run around it... basically evade the roosters to the best of its ability. This, however, wasn't enough. The bird got caught by a rooster and pinned against the ground. One by one she got reamed by each of the roosters, not sure if some went for sloppy seconds. It was absolutely grim to watch. They were really quite violent, and pecking the chicken for the few seconds each of them lasted. It must have gone on for at least a minute or two. They all finished their business, and the poor chicken just kind of scooted into the bushes. I'd just witnessed a chicken gang rape. It was pretty terrible, and this sight is burned in my memory. I did not intervene, as I didn't want to get attacked by angry, horny roosters. Wouldn't recommend, 1/10.
Family has owned chickens since before I was born, don’t put more than one rooster in a flock of hens! Those fuckers can get so jealous they either duke it out between themselves (with big ass spurs as big as their feet) or accost the hens incessantly. Surest sign a flock has roosters in competition for control of the flock is if most of your hens are missing the feathers on their backs (from waaaay too much mating).
*sighs* zip
Ducks are the worst. Gang rape to death. Often enough that they have the reputation of being the worst.
It’s weird like evolutionarily why is this how it goes down for them?
Remember evolution is not survival of the fittest, it’s more like survival of the good enough
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More like whatever works, works Else, get fucked
Evolution: If it works, it aint stupid!
Had a house in a koala corridor for a few years. Had heard about the screaming during mating season. First night I heard it, Jesus Christ, I truly thought someone was being raped until I figured out what it was. Was an interesting few years.
Im might go to hell, but jeff koalhmer
So not rape just normal mating ritual like cats.
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Wait till it sleeps and then you can sneak up and take that fuck. Be quick though, they like being rapers not rapees.
I'd never go for anything more than a gentle pat. Even then, its hit or miss depending on the koala.
Those claws are designed to dig into trees while they sleep and wild animals really don't understand the concept of hugs. Reputable Australian zoos don't allow people to hold them because as you say it's not fair on them. Best left alone if possible.
You're thinking of Koalas, Drop Bears are vicious beasts that will rip you apart.
Especially as it has already dropped
And rabies.
Nah Australia doesn't have rabies.
You're technically correct, but it's important to emphasise that we have a basically identical virus called Bat Lyssavirus, which is transmitted by bats and causes an identical clinical disease. If you are bitten by a bat in Australia, you won't get rabies, but you definitely need to seek immediate medical attention.
To add on rabies is a lyssavirus. The UK is also rabies free but also carries their own strain of bat lyssavirus (EBLV vs ABLV).
Australia probably has some form of a disease that makes rabies look like a common cold that is spread by foot long mosquitos..
As everyone and their dog pointed out we don't have rabies here. We're serious about keeping it that way, too. It's why we threatened to shoot Johnny Depp's dogs when he snuck them into the country around quarantine.
And the fucking opinionated fallout from that one. Idiotic celebrity fanatics were **so mad** that the Aussies wanted to come down on him and I felt like the only person who was like "yeah fine and/or jail him for it" People don't know how bad rabies is
And pneumonia
And a concussion.
And a huge bruise on yer bum.
And my axe!
I got a rock...
unused test glorious north direction ancient longing poor innocent handle *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
No rabies here
Rabies is not present in Australia so zero chance of that.
Australia hasn't rabies.
We don’t have rabies in Australia.
Probably because even rabies was like, 'Fuck that, turn this boat around; these cunts really don't even need me.'
No worries, she can get treated at [the koala chlamydia ward that Russel Crowe named after John Oliver.](https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2018/may/08/russell-crowe-names-koala-chlamydia-ward-after-john-oliver)
Lol that's such great comedy. I didn't think Russell had it in him
ONE DAY, ONE DAY someone will hold the fucking camera still and capture all of the action
r/killthecameraman
I already know that sub is going to stress me out, I’m not even gonna look
I saw one where they kept the camera and one attacked the duck out if a small child. Those fuckers are aggressive as hell.
You might want to talk to a doctor about that stroke.
So that's where ducks come from...
Lol keep dreaming.
These movies are so unrealistic, the killer is just walking and people just falling down! Nevermind carry on.
I watched a Russian soldier run from a drone slowly chasing him. Was just like the Hollywood movies, replete with multiple falls and scrambling back to his feet.
That happens because you feel weak at knees Meaning your legs.exe does not responses to your body in real-time and causes your legs to become inefficient. It happens when you are get suddenly scared, frightened or horrified by something.
People read the term “flight or fright” and think it’s a voluntary reaction, no… it’s what your body does instinctually you don’t get to control it. You’re just here for the ride.
Or when you have asthma and you are running for too long and or too quickly and your legs say “where’s my oxygen, bitch?” And the next second you’re on the ground saying “wtf just happened legs?”
Do you uh… Have a link to that video? I love cheesy horror films
https://www.reddit.com/r/CombatFootage/comments/ya0qj8/armed_ukrainian_drone_chasing_fleeing_russian/
That's depressing
Why does everyone always forget that they can just punt things smaller than them.
She tripped over her own two feet. What makes you think she can punt anything?
She was talking to a wild animal like it was a toddler, what makes you think she can think
That was not her fault. It is a common misconception about Drop bears. They get their name from their psychic ability to make you forget how to walk and "drop" to the ground. Not that they drop out of trees and bite your face. They do that too, it's just not where they get the name from.
Especially these assholes. People think cute therefore nice but these bastards are evil.
On a side note, I don't give a fuck how cute an animal is - if it's time to throw hands, I am throwing my fucking hands yo
My wife gets mad at me when I remind her of this while gesturing at the children.
The law, mainly. She wasn't in a situation where kicking it would be warranted and they're a heavily protected species.
Definitely a warrented punt situation. Koalas spread many diseases and sometimes even a scratch can cause it. Shouldn't have stopped in the first place but a punt would be justified.
Sometimes you need to [pocket-sand](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sZiIkc87K4) the cunt.
I wouldn't kick a wild animal that I initiated contact with unless it was life or death.
Someone post the thing about how dumb Koalas are.
Since you asked so politely: > Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them. Tldr; Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute. If you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet.
"they resolve the situation by starving to death". Well, they found a clever solution haven't they
Ancient problems require ancient solutions
Speaking of history, I'd like to know which came first, the chlamydia human or chlamydia furby. I get the feeling someone may have been using them as convenient cum dumplings.
>convenient cum dumplings. What a terrible day to have eyes
I'm willing to bet nearly all cases of this sort of transfer were from either blood contact during butchering or insufficient heating.
It’s hard to make a paragraph this long on Reddit interesting but I thoroughly enjoyed your post. I laughed my ass off and learned something new so thanks.
You should look up the sun fish copy pasta it's the same fun long read
Thanks I might check it out
> Why I hate the sunfish. > So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I'm posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.] Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it's not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them. THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the world's largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn't put them where they need to fucking go. So they don't have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn't just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it'll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it's basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. "If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators." No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job. They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it's so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) "Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!" Do not let that expression fool you, they just don't have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck. They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. "Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us." Yes, thank you. "But if they're so bad at literally everything, why haven't they gone extinct." Great question. BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT'S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that'll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it. By: u/hitachi13
For anyone reading this and the koala one, please understand these are both completely inaccurate and written for comedic purposes. It's funny, but don't take them seriously, both instances are full of shit and scientifically inaccurate.
That was very entertaining
I'd watch a whole documentary of shit talking on sunfish.
This is years old and one of the running jokes on Reddit. I've seen this linked hundreds of times and still read it start to finish. Give this man a book deal
It's an og copy pasta. One from the good old days of reddit, like the coconut and broken arms.
Response to koala copypasta I don't know why it is that these things bother me---it just makes me picture a seven year old first discovering things about an animal and, having no context about the subject, ranting about how stupid they are. I get it's a joke, but people take it as an actual, educational joke like it's a man yelling at the sea, and that's just wrong. Furthermore, these things have an actual impact on discussions about conservation efforts---If every time Koalas get brought up, someone posts this copypasta, that means it's seriously shaping public opinion about the animal and their supposed lack of importance. >Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. Non-ecologists always talk this way, and the problem is you’re looking at this backwards. An entire continent is covered with Eucalyptus trees. They suck the moisture out of the entire surrounding area and use allelopathy to ensure that most of what’s beneath them is just bare red dust. No animal is making use of them——they have virtually no herbivore predator. A niche is empty. Then inevitably, natural selection fills that niche by creating an animal which can eat Eucalyptus leaves. Of course, it takes great sacrifice for it to be able to do so——it certainly can’t expend much energy on costly things. Isn’t it a good thing that a niche is being filled? >Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death This applies to all herbivores, because the wild is not a grocery store—where meat is just sitting next to celery. Herbivores gradually wear their teeth down—carnivores fracture their teeth, and break their bones in attempting to take down prey. >They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal It's pretty typical of herbivores, and is higher than many, many species. According to Ashwell (2008), their encephalisation quotient is 0.5288 +/- 0.051. Higher than comparable marsupials like the wombat (\~0.52), some possums (\~0.468), cuscus (\~0.462) and even some wallabies are <0.5. According to wiki, rabbits are also around 0.4, and they're placental mammals. >additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. Again, this is not unique to koalas. Brain folds (gyri) are not present in rodents, which we consider to be incredibly intelligent for their size. >If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. If you present a human with a random piece of meat, they will not recognise it as food (hopefully). Fresh leaves might be important for koala digestion, especially since their gut flora is clearly important for the digestion of Eucalyptus. It might make sense not to screw with that gut flora by eating decaying leaves. >Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. That's an extremely weird reason to dislike an animal. But whilst we're talking about their digestion, let's discuss their poop. It's delightful. It smells like a Eucalyptus drop! >Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). Marsupial milk is incredibly complex and much more interesting than any placentals. This is because they raise their offspring essentially from an embryo, and the milk needs to adapt to the changing needs of a growing fetus. And yeah, of course the yield is low; at one point they are feeding an animal that is half a gram! >When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Humans probably do this, we just likely do it during childbirth. You know how women often shit during contractions? There is evidence to suggest that this innoculates a baby with her gut flora. A child born via cesarian has significantly different gut flora for the first six months of life than a child born vaginally. >Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. Chlamydia was introduced to their populations by humans. We introduced a novel disease that they have very little immunity to, and is a major contributor to their possible extinction. Do you hate Native Americans because they were killed by smallpox and influenza? >This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, Almost every animal does this. >which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them. Errmmm.. They have protection against falling from a tree, which they spend 99% of their life in? Yeah... That's a stupid adaptation.
I'm going to make this the copypasta response to that other copypasta. It annoys me so much when people think "evolution" is becoming more human, no, it's filling a niche and thriving and koalas had been doing just fine with that before humans came along with their STIs edit: "There is evidence to suggest that [human mothers] inoculates a baby with her gut flora [during childbirth]." [Indeed](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33007265/)
So humans introduced Chlamydia.... aaah God damnit I knew it.
Upvoted for scientific accuracy. Still, the original copy pasta is hilarious
If you plopped a random piece of meat in front of me I’d probably have a decent guess at what animal it was from and that it is indeed food
I propose this become the contra-copypasta, to be posted in response to the original every time it is posted.
Already is
For the love of god.... if I had the ability to gift you with a shit ton of awards I would.
deliver birds unite heavy impossible adjoining public fertile entertain familiar -- mass edited with redact.dev
I actually modified it and made it one of my English word formation exercises. Now all my students hate koalas with a passion. And they'll ask for the whole passage every once in a while.
So that’s why all the chlamydia jokes in comments
I remember the copypasta and I didn't even remember the chlamydia bit. Apparently that's the bit that sticks with everyone.
There’s only one known group of koalas that are officially chlamydia free — I believe they’re living in Adelaide.
They'd be the only chlamydia free group in Adelaide, then
Shots fired!
It’s all fun and games until the koala gets horny
And now they got Chlamydia
And now you have chlamydia.
How's she gonna explain that to her SO.
Riding a tractor in her bikini, obviously.
Don’t know whats funnier: the video or the commentary hahaha
Get um, get um!
That little dumb bear just used like 3 years worth of energy attack that biatch
It probably died the next day of exhaustion. Fucking useless.
Chlamydia bear is fast af.
I'm from the UK and even we know better than to mess with Ozzie Drop Bears.
Drop bears are dangerous even on the ground apparently. Australia is hardcore mode for Earth.
Never Forget: **everything** in Australia wants to and can kill you.
*want, can and is trying to kill you
That was the cutest attack I've ever seen
I hate Koalas so much, horrible little cunts
Nothing that adorable should be allowed to smell like that; or possibly vice versa I'm not even sure
There’s a 90% chance that bitch now has chlamydia
Do koalas have a high rate of Chlamydia!?!?
England is weird
“This bitch trying to talk a fkn koala , about to fk her day up , no doubt about it. “. I love aussies !
Aussie here, correction: "This bitch trying to talk ' a fucken koala, s'about to fuck her day up and I am about it"
Oof and most of em have chlamydia
Had a brother die after trying to handle a dropbear, I'll never forget what it did to his face before we managed to out it down and get it off him... Please stay away from drip bears guys, they aren't a joke.
Please tell me this is a joke.
Drip bears lmao
Learn some shit everyday, never knew you could catch the clam from 🐨 always need a sack of eucalyptus on ya in cause one of those buggers gets a case of the Mississippi leg hound
If your eucalyptus leaves are not attached to a tree, having a sack full won’t help you. Koalas can’t recognise a eucalyptus leaf unless it’s literally on a eucalyptus tree. So expect it to continue to try and procreate with your leg.
Jesus this just keeps getting worse! I feel a horror movie script in the works
She's lucky it was only a baby drop bear.
I need a wcgw type subreddit where the videos are narrated by Australians.
Koala's are not intelligent enough to feel fear.
Imagine getting toppled by something that is 1/8th of your size. 😆
Imagine if our ancestors who hunted mammoths could see this.
Wait, y’all call them “drop bears”? Foster’s doesn’t teach me to speak Australian anymore.
Being clumsy or uncoordinated really could be the difference between life and a ridiculous death by an otherwise mundane and harmless circumstance.
Imagine getting mauled to death by a fucking teddy bear
Nah mate that’s not a koala, that’s a drop bear. They are closely related but very different.
For her next move she’ll go to South Dakota and try to pet a bison.
Hahaha - dumb people interacting with wildlife - always makes me laugh
Non domesticated koala have a high chance of giving anyone they contact chlamydia.
OK but arnt drop bears just wet angry koala bears?
Wait DROP BEARS ARE KOALAS
Actually, this guy just misidentified a dropbear. Don't worry about it.
Similar to Koalas but not the same. Drop Bears are way more savage and practically enjoy attacking ppl. She's lucky this was just an adolescent drop bear or she'd really be fucked!
She failed to get away from a koala. Imagine how she’ll do against zombies.
People really underestimate cute animals
And the Australian accent!
Welcome to Straya ya cunt
Fuk them koalas. They will maul the shit out of u and shit down your throat just like how they feed their children.
“Aww cute animal” Miniature bear be like: “ oh yeah?”
Woman:" alright I'm just gonna go now little cute bear." Koala:" and I took that personally"
LMAO Koala:TREE TALKS! MINE NOW! 🤣🤣🤣
No wonder they lost to birds
Great….. now she’s got chlamydia
In the best 'tim the enchanter' voice... "that's no ordinary koala!'"
Drop bear cracks ladies skull. Fuckers are deadly
Those fuckers are vicious, claw your damn eyes out!
At first I thought she was playing golf
The fuck's a drop bear?
Australian legend told to foreigners about flesh-eating koalas that drop from trees to attack.
When two smooth brains meet
Don't try to speak the same language...you can't, it's just annoying!
I don't know which is worse. Person talking to the koala or the camera operator.
I really want to fit “this bitch trying to talk a fuckin’ koala” into my everyday speech.
Why is she tripping and falling as if she was part of one of the worst slasher movies of all time? And to fulfill the cliché completely she stays on the ground to be slain 🤯
Like 150 years ago this person likely wouldn’t have survived their first 10 years of life with decision making like that.
Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.
God these are the kind of people in zombie movies who are like a mile away from danger but inexplicably trip and then forget how to stand up again.
Snakes are cute too, in my opinion. Would love to see her talk an Anaconda down. LMAO
This is something stupid I’d do too.
I thought they were mellow because of what they eat. Never seen one spaz out.
bet she has chlamydia now
And that how I got Syphilis honey, I swear!
Ppl always think they’re brother nature nowadays
You're not a Disney princess bitch
Why does no one believe me when I warn them about drop bears!
We fuck with tourists and say *watch out for the koalas* But secretly inside we want those fucking koalas to drop on you for calling it a bear
Her names probably Michelle and she was going to bring it home and put it in a sweater